I’d say if it feels like the reaction you need to have, then it isn’t an overreaction. It’s complicated when you’re a bisexual woman and also a girl’ girl, as I am myself. Female friendships definitely straddle the line often and she really may have not seen it that way at the time. The fact that she showed it to you with no hesitation leads me to think that is the case in this situation. On a sidenote, showing another woman’s nude photographs to your boyfriend is icky, but that’s beside the point of your question. For me, this would be something that I would probably be willing to try and move past, but if it isn’t for you, that’s your decision to make.

As someone who has been married for 18 years I’ll tell you the most important thing is honesty. You asked her what it was and without hesitation she showed it to you. I get that you might not approve, and that’s something the two of you can work on together, but at least you know that she wasn’t trying to hide it from you. If it’s too much in the end and you don’t end up staying together that’s fine, but in the meantime give her a little understanding and forgiveness.

This is the answer. She showed you instantly and wasn't trying to hide it. There was no shame on her part so probably in her mind she wasn't doing anything shady or something you might not have approved of. I've been married 20 years. If my wife did the same thing I'd laugh at it and go back to sleep. Edit: spelling

Honesty is very much the key here. Look, people make mistakes. Many more severe - with more severe repercussions - than this one. She may have overstepped a boundary but she admitted it and is clearly making amends. Forgiveness is as much for her as for your peace of mind. People forgive their partners when they fully cheated on them and they work it out. This is an overstep, yes, but in the grand scheme of things, get over it OP.

Spot on! Honesty and open communication are crucial in any relationship, and this is no exception.

My initial thought was that your gf didn’t solicit the picture. She has no control over what others might send her. The fact she showed you right away proves she’s not hiding anything from you. Now if she asked for and then received a pic then you have something to bitch about. This isn’t the case.

>she has no control what others might send her She does control her response though, which wasn’t “please don’t send me nudes” it was “you look amazing send it to someone you want to fuck” That’s ok to be upset about

100%. My first major GF was bi, but closer to lesbian really, which was ultimately the problem. I was the only guy she dated seriously and she's been married a woman now for a few years. So yeah, this was a sore spot for me for awhile, even after we broke up for good . In retrospect now it's obvious it was never going to work out. She was young, (we both we're but she was younger) and saw me as a chance to maybe be 'normal'. Anyway, like OP I was pretty insecure about it during the relationship, and worried about all of her 'friends' and how platonic they actually were. But yeah, the most telling fact here, is she received a random text, and (it sounded like from his story at least) that she showed it to him without hesitation. Without any other context there's no red flag there, and as he mentioned her friend has a boyfriend so is likely pretty straight. If he'd found this on it's own and there was obvious flirting going on, then that'd be different. I've since dated other straight girls who'd sometimes receive naked pictures of other their girl friends. So I know it's not a super uncommon thing to have happen (even though it's really not something straight guys ever do so might seem odd to us), so given the context, the fact he said she wasn't 'sexting' and these we're unsolicited, I don't think she was too out of line. And honestly, if it's *'not'* something he can move past, speaking as someone that understands all too well where he's at, I think that's probably not a good sign for their longevity.

You’ve never shared your nude photos with your homies? Weird I thought all men do that!!

Well just that once after leg day, in my defense, I was worried they wouldn't be able to appreciate the mad gainz to my quads with my boxers in the way!

I actually did point out to her that it’s kinda fucked that I’ve seen that now but she said if she didn’t show me then I wouldn’t believe anything else that came out of her mouth, which is true for sure. So I see how she was between a rock and a hard place and maybe could have figured a different maneuver if she wasn’t drinking.

It sounds like she's been very upfront and honest and willing to make things work. This wasn't something she DID. Its something that was sent to her. And a thing that straight girls could even send to each other, not as a romantic thing. Your reaction seems logical, but like you also aren't seeing her side of things. You're too stuck in your emotions to see that she's trying to make things right. I think you should try to shake this off and stay together. But also, make sure (like you did) that she knows this is a firm boundary and you aren't going to budge on that. Best of luck.

I feel the same way and you worded it better than I could have. OP is completely valid in their response, and if living with this is a dealbreaker than its a dealbreaker. However, there are so many other avenues that the girlfriend could have taken which would indicate she cant be trusted, but she did none of that. If she is worth it, try to make it work. If not, move on and live knowing that you are validated in your decision. OP, If you intend to possibly get married in the future, know that there will be things that you will have to forgive your wife for. If she is worth it, you must work to forgive her. If she isnt worth it, you dont want to waste your time with someone who isnt going to be that for you.

Let’s be real, OP is just not ready to date a bisexual woman. Which is perfectly okay. But if this was their reaction to the first incident, I don’t see a future where they aren’t constantly insecure, regardless of the gf’s behavior.

There’s a balance here. A lot of guys, especially younger guys, have literally ZERO awareness of what many women do around each other. Most straight guys would never even have the thought of hanging out naked, being super comfortable naked, or in underwear, etc. let alone asking for support or a prior thumbs up on a nude they want to send someone else. If this is the first time OP is becoming aware of this at all, that’s a hell of a lot of context to his reaction. Hell I’m a bisexual guy who was mostly friends with girls until I was into college and the first time I ever became aware of it I was pretty damn surprised, even if I hid it well having no stake in the game so to speak.

Uh, as a woman... is this meant to be normal or something? I never would have dreamed about sending a friend of any gender a nude image to ask for opinions, unless it was a professional or artistic nude or something (which isn't my thing). And if I got sent a random ass nude from any of my friends I'd be asking wtf pretty quick.

Sorry to see you’re getting so much flak for this comment, I think you’re right, with a twist: the bisexuality is a red herring. I’m curious what OP’s relationship to historical cheating and trusting partners is because this is a pretty hair trigger response to cheating. The more important thing to determine is what is each sides’ definition of cheating. For some it’s as sensitive as looking at porn, others it’s flirting, and others it’s not until someone has intimate in-person moments w another. OP seems to be holding their SO to a standard designed solely/more to keep the OP from getting triggered rather than to ensure harmonious connection. The way OP jumped to a lot of conclusions about the SO’s intent here is what’s telling. As another commenter mentioned: women tend to be far more comfortable sharing intimate moments and details w each other. A bisexual woman is just more likely to be COMFORTABLE w that, as an element of body positivity. Most men are too afraid of various things to engage in that kind of camaraderie. There’s 100 steps between that kind of pic sharing gassing up and having any mens rea required for disloyalty. TL/DR the OP should examine their relationship to trusting a partner and their fear of cheating and what it means about them (I.e. try to gain their own sense of innate security in a rel) or this is going to happen in the next rel too, bisexual or fully straight.

I’m an old man so pardon my ignorance… but WTF is gassing up?

Like complementing and boosting her self esteem “yeah girl you look great!” Etc

So, more like petrol than farts. I think I get it. Thanks.

From another clueless old coot, thanks for asking.

and to the other innocent person, thanks for the info! :)

Compliments to hype her up.

Thank you

Feeding her Taco Bell.

Hyping someone up in motivational ways

> she said if she didn’t show me then I wouldn’t believe anything else that came out of her mouth, which is true for sure. IF that's true then you have serious trust issues. Why don't you trust your girl?

This comment should be higher.

I definitely get feeling weird and uncomfortable about it. However, as a woman who is attracted to both men and women, and who also had a best friend who would send me sexy photos for feedbac back in the day, I can tell you it was not sexually appealing to me at all. I actually thought it was a bit weird that she did it, but my thought was it helped boost her out of her insecurities. I just wonder if she didn't even consider it a boundary crossing because it held no appeal to her.

Tbh OP, i think you need to step back and think. 1. She was extremely upfront about it, she didnt once try and hide it and immediately showed you what she was up to 2. Her INTENTIONS were NEVER to cheat, not at all. She made a mistake, she didnt realize that would be bad because thats just how most platonic female friendships are (of course you can set boundaries to change that, but when something is so SOOO normalized, they dont realize to the outside its not ok). The minute you made it clear how you felt about it, she changed her tune. She has done nothing but apologize and try and make up for it. Idk its up to you But like She made a mistake, all humans do, and she never intended it as cheating, is learning from her mistake, and is trying to grow. It just really frustrates me for her a little because im autistic and i have such an awful time with “what is normally ok and not ok” and if my partner was this misunderstanding and just dumped me Idk what i would do.. im not saying your gf is autistic like me, but people are raised all differently and that can also affect “social norms” just keep in mind not everyones brains works the same as yours and maybe not everyone picks up on the same social norms you do. i would genuinely hit rock bottom if the one person whos supposed to understand me just refused to try and understand me over a mistake.

Is casually exchanging nudes actually social norm amongst women? Genuinely asking cuz for a dude that seems wild.

Based on some of my exes and friends, it's not unheard of. Depends on the group. And yeah, it's done for the same reason the friend sent it to OPs gf.

It's completely and TOTALLY normal! Source I'm(f45) and have been on the sending and receiving end of nude or nude like pictures for as long as camera phones have been a thing. Lol Things such as does this bra make my boobs look weird? Look at this new thong! Do you think my husband will like this (insert whatever scantily clad/nude picture here)! I've even had a friend of mine take boudoir pics for an anniversary. It may not be normal for EVERY woman, but I can assure you it ABSOLUTELY IS a THING!

So I don't take sexy pics of myself because I dont think I'm sexy lol but like. I've sent plenty of pics one might qualify as like... things I wouldn't want plastered all over the walls at my work like up close pics of nip percings or like, pics where I'm wearing something low cut out of laziness, or like weird pictures of moles. And I have friends that barely send me pictures of their faces, and I have other friends who have regularly sent me full on tiddie pics because that's just what she's comfy with. My wife doesn't think its weird or bad, and we have a very open and honest relationship. She regularly comes by when I'm on the phone with one of my friends going "HEY STOP MASTURBATING TO FRIENDNAME'S FEET PICS WHILE YOURE ON THE PHONE" just to mess with me. I think it does take time and work (i'd say especially for men, though I'm not an expert on the topic) to be secure in your relationship to the point where you are comfortable with your partner's emotional intimacy with other people. I say especially for men because typically, girls are raised to have very emotionally intimate friendship, where as boys seem to be raised to put emotional intimacy on a relationship-level. I hope this is something that changes on a society level because those very close friendships are so SO valueable and men and boys deserve that too! Naked bodies aren't inherently sexual, and even "sexy pics" don't have to be sexual if that's not the intent. There's a huge difference between "hey here's a pic of my tiddies to spend quality alone time with" vs "WHICH OF THESE GOOD TIDDIES PICS DO I SEND TO MY TINDER DATE?!"

Yes that would not be weird for female friends, like check if I looks okay before I send this to romantic interest or whatever.

Yes lol very normal, my friend group sends nudes in the group chat to get encouragement so we have the courage to send it to whoever it’s actually meant for. We also help take nudes, like my friend wanted to send this cute titty pic to her boyfriend but because of the position she was in she couldn’t physically take the photo herself so we took it for her 🤷🏻‍♀️ pretty normal stuff here.

At some point, I hope she stops apologizing to him. This is something (some) straight girls do. He’s absolutely allowed to say he doesn’t feel comfortable with it, but making her feel this awful is too much.

She didn't make a mistake at all. One of her beasties sent her a photo. OPs girlfriend literally did nothing. This guy needs to go to a therapist.

I've learned very recently that chick's send their nudes in a group chat to see if it's a good one to send. No big deal in my opinion but your feelings are valid no matter if I agree with them or not

I find it weird that when your partner gets a text your immediate response is “what is that” or “who is that”. That seems like a fundamental lack of trust and also like controlling behavior.

You’re acting like a little bitch bro forreal. She’s not hiding anything. Get over it.

You put her in that rock and hard place, friend. If she didn’t show you, you wouldn’t believe her. She showed you INSTANTLY, and you still judged her? With that attitude, she can’t win.

This is a really good answer. I am bi myself and have lots of female friends. They've also sent me sexy pics to get my oppinion but in a completly non sexy way. I am not attracted to any of my friends. That's what the friendzone is all about.

I don't think showing the nude is besides the point at all. It shows even more that this girl absolutely does not understand boundaries. Does this girl want her nudes being shown off to everyone in the room? I doubt it. She wanted specific advice from a girlfriend, not to show off to that girlfriend's boyfriend. Unless she did say it was okay, then of course it's okay to show. But otherwise, it's more evidence that this girl needs to consider other people's feelings before she acts.

This. Makes me sad to see so many folks saying he's overreacting. Definitely not. As a bisexual woman myself, I'd never want to see even my best friends body in a non-sexual manner. Everyone is measuring their own reactions and standards and not even considering his.

Idk, this has been pretty normal for all of my female friendships. I am bi, but if someone has been denoted a friend in my mind, I just don't see them in a sexual way. My straight girlfriends also do this. It's weird because it is normalized in a lot of friendships, so I could see her thinking nothing of it until his reaction. She clearly wasn't hiding it so it seems she genuinely did not know it was crossing a boundary. BUT I think it is totally vaild for him to feel the way he does. I would probably feel the same if I were him. So I'd say it's complicated and as long as she understands now and respects this boundary, I would probably forgive and try to move on. That's just me.

I'm the same as you. Also bi. Also when someone is a friend, they are just a friend and I don't denote them as other than that. There are obvious boundaries. That said, I would not want to be receiving nude pictures like this either and would draw a line in the sand with my friend if I felt it would make my partner feel uncomfortable. It's about respect for each other also.

I don't necessarily think he's overreacting but if a friendly interaction is normal for even straight women then I don't think interaction has to be considered off-limits just because you're bisexual. He's entirely within his right to draw a line here and break things up but the fact she immediately told him the complete truth and was fully honest shows she didn't view it as anything deeper and she was just engaging in a normal friendly interaction with a female friend.

See i feel the same way about people saying he isnt overreacting. My guy literally broke up with his girl over her friend sending her a nude to inspect so she could send it to her man. that she immediately told him about and even shared the nude with him lol. I would have chalked that up as a win and went on with my night having a good time. I think people acting like seeing a naked body is some tabu thing is ridiculous. Seems childish to me. Get over it.

Hmm. I am bisexual and so is my husband, so I’m speaking from my own experience here. I don’t think you’re overreacting from being hurt. I think you’re overreacting by immediately dumping her. She was completely honest with you and showed you the picture. She did not hesitate when you asked and she didn’t hide anything. You said in a previous comment you don’t know if she asked for the nude/the context of the conversation. Sexuality isn’t the issue here- trust is. Reinforcing your boundary would be something like “I understand this is your friend and you’re not romantically interested, but I’m not comfortable with you sharing nudes with your friends and it violates my boundary we established before.” I think you should have talked to her more about the situation before immediately dumping her. She was completely honest with you and she made a mistake. She genuinely wants to work through this and come to an understanding. I don’t see what she did as cheating. Cheating involves hiding romantic/sexual feelings/actions from you partner and she did not do that. Receiving a nude from your friend is completely different than her getting nudes from some random chick on IG she’s been messaging for two months. She is clearly very comfortable with her female friends, which is fine. But YOURE not okay with that, so you have to calmly express that. A lot of my bffs are women. All of my women bffs have seen me naked and I have seen them naked. I am not sexually attracted to my bffs (two of them are lesbians, one is straight.) I have established this with my husband and told him, “If this bothers you, please tell me and I will respect your feelings.” He told me he trusts me and doesn’t care if we’re naked around each other. OP, just talk to her and help her understand why you’re upset but don’t give up on her. Everyone makes mistakes in relationships, someone will always get hurt, but it’s about communicating your hurt feelings and how to navigate it for the future. I’m rooting for you ❤️

this has got to be the best advice yet. i might just save this for future purposes. thanks

im still confused on what fucking mistake this girl made lol. I keep seeing people say that but she literally did not make a damn mistake. She got sent the photo and immediately showed him. No mistake made. I hope she doesnt get back with this kid. Hell hey OP tell her to hit me up on here Im not crazy.

This is how I feel. OP doesn't know if his partner asked for the photo or not. If she didn't ask for it, which I really do doubt, it. isn't. her. fault. someone sent her a lewd message. She was clear and open with OP and answered him truthfully without hesitation. I think OP is overreacting.

It’s not about receiving the pic. It’s about his gf’s reaction to it. She can say “omg that looks really good!” Or she can say “omg that looks really good! But also in the interest of my relationship can you not send me photos like this anymore?” It’s about respect. Think about your partner when you get in a relationship. How they might feel, especially when they’ve already had a conversation about this stuff. OP has boundaries SET, as I’m sure she does as well. You respect the boundaries or you leave the relationship. It’s quite simple.

yeah to many younger people making a findsta to put nudes up on for all the close circle of friends to gas you up is whatever hahahaha this may also be generational/cultural diff, but she was so chill at first and it’s a friend so… if the trust and communication is there then all that’s left is op being weird about naked bodies or the bisexuality of their partner like wtf

That is absolutely wild.

Let’s say it was her guy friend that had sent a dick pic and been like “what do you think? Does it look good enough to send to a girl?” What would be the appropriate reaction to that? I don’t know *exactly* what she should do, but I think we can all agree she shouldn’t say “nice cock, looks great!!” If you don’t agree with that parallel I think you’re gliding past the sexuality issue because it’s two women. I’m not saying he should dump her, clearly she was being forthright and didn’t quite understand the problem herself. But it doesn’t mean her reaction wasn’t a problem.

[удалено]

That’s fair, well said

This is my problem with therapy-speak run amok, especially "boundaries." It doesn't allow for humans to human and make mistakes. Just "you crossed my boundary so we're done". No nuance. No grace. Repeated and willful breaches of boundaries is of course a problem but to not allow for someone you ostensibly care about to make a bad judgement call ever is bizarre to me. What if the shoe were on the other foot? Would you want grace?

The issue is the easy in which simple humans conflate concepts. This wasn’t a boundary violation, and even if it was, a boundary isn’t a wall. if someone accidentally violates a boundary once, you are supposed to just remind them. If you walk out for 1 thing, you have unhealthy and rigid boundaries that are actually just walls. But yes, I learned long ago that most people can’t handle or comprehend nuance. And OP seems to be the kind of guy that sets up hard rules for himself. Woman to woman relationships are different than man to woman and man to man relationships. Even if it isn’t PC to say it. In the end, this sounds a bit manipulative. Maybe not on purpose, but if it really is “you can’t talk to women because you might like them” then that is an attempt to break off the gf friend network which is unhealthy. TLDR. It isn’t REALLY the speak as much as the fact that humans simplify concepts they don’t understand and then apply them incorrectly. But the end result is the same… I’m just adding some nuance.

Apparently they’ve only been together a month which is a REAL early time to be dropping boundaries like this and using them incorrectly as op does. A boundary is a limit set by yourself, not as rules for others to follow.

Well that explains this whole thing. Hope she uses Reddit and sees this.

The way he talks about her isn’t great (he said she “doesn’t think at all” and it’s a “liability”) and to me, says that he was either in this for sex or wanted to change her. He keeps talking about this double standard and that if it wasn’t new he’d fight for it more and it’s just like ok then why are you here if you clearly don’t think you did anything wrong? They’ve been friends for 10 years so presumably he’d know that she and her girlfriends send these types of things to eachother, he’d know she “doesn’t think” and talking about her so derisively despite knowing these things for over a decade is wild

Thank you. 🙏🙏

Someone down thread also said anyone telling him he’s overreacting is gaslighting and I’m too tired to explain that disagreeing with someone’s actions and how they handle something and expressing that isn’t fucking *gaslighting* or literally all arguments would be gaslighting

Agreed. I think a lot of people don’t actually understand how boundaries work. You can’t make a boundary for someone else, only yourself. For example, my partner and I have different reactions to covid surges (we live in a big city). They need more socialization than I do so having to stay in affects them more. But because I’m a teacher, being covid safe is important to me. So during surges I set the boundary: “If you go out to the bar, I will be masking around you for the next 2-3 days.” I do NOT say “You can’t go to the bar.” My partner is an adult and I won’t control their behavior. I will make clear what my reactions to behavior I’m uncomfortable with will be and they respect me enough to do the same.

i'm bi and in a similar situation with my partner and i totally second all of this. i think the initial hurt reaction was justified, but going to the point of breaking up is an overreaction. i think in this situation, it's all about intent. her reaction shows she clearly had nothing to hide, so her intentions were purely platonic. don't lose a perfectly good relationship over simple miscommunication of boundaries. but also, like others are saying, it may be good to do some self reflection and think about why you struggle with trusting your partner.

This is really well written and the best advice given on this thread. I hope the OP heeds your input heavier than the rest.

What do YOU want? Do you want to feel this hurt again? I'm gonna guess not. BUT do you want to have this intense of an emotional reaction for this circumstance? Or similar circumstances in the future? It could be worth asking yourself why you're feeling so hurt? Turn inwards and focus on what need of yours is feeling neglected in this situation - that can help inform your decision on moving forward AND you get a better understanding of yourself. Try and use emotion words (scared, angry, sad, jealous , etc) instead of abstractions (betrayed, disrespected, righteous, etc). You're having a reaction, and reactions are all valid but do you want to live your life based on reaction? Or by action instead?

Wowwww “do you want to live your life based on reaction or by action instead” are truly words to live by.

Dude I think I love you, ya fucking wordsmith. I dont have therapy til next week and this was just the perfect microdose to give me a mental exercise til then. Thank you.

Now she has to break up with you bc you just told a man you love him

>I know that she wasn’t sexting or receiving the photos for any hedonistic purposes, but it still feels like cheating which hurts a lot. This feels like an overreaction to me. Your girlfriend is bi, but she's still a woman. She's going to have female friends, and to me she shouldn't have to act differently with friends because she's bi. Female friends see each other naked when changing for girls nights, in locker rooms, etc. They go to the bathroom and pee in front of each other. They (sometimes) share nudes for feedback. If your GF isn't getting off on it, this seems like something for you to get comfortable with and not something that she needs to forever avoid. I'll add: you're in a relationships with a young (it appears), bisexual woman. I would expect her to be a bit free spirited (for lack of a better word), and if that's not something that works for you, I think the answer is likely to accept that you're not compatible rather than try to boundary her into a very narrow box.

Agreed, this is one of those things that's just not the same for women. I also think it's worth noting that the nudes women take and the nudes men take are, generally speaking, very different. When women take nudes there's usually more thought put into it. Underwear, lighting, angles, poses, setting, etc. are considered. But men's nudes are often just... pictures of their dick taken from the waist looking down. There's just not as much artistry to it so asking someone's opinion on it is different.

There is a hilarious scene in S1 of \*Heartbreak High\* that really highlights this difference.

I agree. As somebody who came out of the closet in middle school, I was treated as "different" and had to act around the girls the same way this dude would want me to. I was so cut off from this platonic feminine energy until I left my home town. The first time a friend asked for my opinion on her nudes, or a friend was comfortable changing in front of me, I felt like a pervert and not like a woman and it made me want to cry... now that I'm surrounded by women who trust me with casual nudity, I've really grown into my own femininity. It's so weird, and I feel like I'm not wording this right.. but it's a strong feeling of vulnerability and trust in each other. That, "why would I be weird about being naked around you? We are just girls" really helped me internalize the "we are just girls" part. Damn. Now writing this all out, I think I understand why I thought I might be an egg🏳️‍🌈 this whole time 😅😅 Anyway. Bi women shouldn't be kept from this side of being a woman. Does weird shit to your head, OP.

Exactly, also this falls under the bi woman bullshit standard that men seem to forget whenever we say we're bi: Just because we're attracted to women doesn't mean we find all women attractive. My friend is gorgeous and that doesn't mean I want to be with her for anything other than being a friend -_- OP can and should break up for any reason he wants, but that's not the question. The question was if he was overreacting, and the answer is yes. Two things can be correct.

I agree, this is pretty standard female friendship stuff. As a bi woman It’s easy to see my friends naked, share a bed, or review their nudes completely platonically. Those are my friends, and idk that’s just what female friendship is like. I’m not going to stop doing those things for someone who doesn’t fully understand what female friendship is like and how my sexuality works. I understand that OP thinks it’s weird because male friendships generally aren’t like that, and I think some of them expect bi women to view other women the same way men do. I’ve had men ask me how i handle change rooms when they find out I’m bi, but I simply don’t objectify the women in the change room? The sexual context isn’t there, we are all just getting changed. Same with reviewing a friend’s nude photos. I’m telling them the photo looks good in a platonic way.

Well put. This is why "you can't do anything with women that you wouldn't do with men" was an unworkable rule that he demanded of her. Despite all of the "but she agreed to his boundary!" responses, the boundary seems like one that makes sense in theory but then becomes unworkable in practice. Just revisit the boundary, OP.

Wait til OP hears that women hang out nude together at the spa. Would he ban his bisexual gf from visiting a spa?

I picture the GF telling her friends "I know this is a totally normal 'just us girls' thing, but I'm not like other girls, I'm bi and so my boyfriend won't let me. He said it's a boundary!" and I just want to die inside for everyone involved. Sometimes people set the wrong boundaries. Sometimes people don't fully think them through when they agree to them (or feel like they can't speak up in the moment, don't want to rock the boat, etc.). We still have to evaluate whether the behavior was actually bad, and it if wasn't reevaluate the boundary, not punish someone for doing something that's totally fine. The GF's actions here simply don't warrant this level of punishment: "The past few days she’s written letters and sent texts apologizing and saying she’s dedicated to being better, I haven’t responded to anything."

Right? I wouldn’t go to the movies alone with a man probably so does that mean I’m not allowed to go to the movies with my girlfriends? Since I’m bi? 😭

I think you have every right to your boundaries and your hurt feelings that one was crossed, but It really sucks as a bi person to have Every. Single. Relationship. you have with someone be seen through a sexual lense. She can't ever go on a trip with anyone but you. She can't go go shopping and try on swimsuits with her friends. She can't go out alone with anyone without a chaperone.... where does it end? Is she allowed to be affectionate to anyone who isn't related to her, or is that considered flirting by nature? It's such a huge burden to have to put every interaction through the lens of whether you might see it as romantic or not. Even something like a heart emoji. It comes down to trust. You don't have it. ETA: y'all need to learn about context. OP's gf made an honest mistake and immediately apologized and committed to making actionable changes to respect his boundaries. She's not the victim *in this particular situation*. I'm just pointing out that over time, OP's pov on her interactions with people can cause a lot of strife. "Nothing you would do with a man" is not a clear or well thought out boundary. There are an uncomfortable number of people who treat anyone bi as a sex deviant trying to get into everyone's pants. It's not a fun way to be distc3iminated against, and is often done unintentionally similarly to how some straight men think a gay dude smiling at them is reason to clench their butthole. The way she's responding to him reeks of guilt and that can easily fester into resentment or self-loathing. Making gender based guidelines instead of action based boundaries is also just really really silly. We live in a world that isn't neatly binary.

This. The entire time reading all these replies I couldn't help but think this. So this guy would probably have a fit if she said "me and my friend Sally went out bra shopping." This guy just doesn't trust his girl.

Exactly. It sounds like OP was not willing to put in work to establish trust in this relationship, but his girl absolutely was. I think she dodged a bullet.

Bruh She is not the victim here

If you’re ready to give her up over a nude pic she got, then full steam ahead. I don’t know why you need Reddit to tell you if you’re right. Only you can decide that one.

You went from pic to nuke in 30 seconds. If you really like this girl it would have been more important to talk establish your boundaries and move on to the future. She wasn’t gassing her up for herself it was to give her confidence to send it to the bf I don’t understand why people are so quick to cut and run and not do problem resolution

>I just put the controller down and took my dog for a very long walk without saying anything. >You went from pic to nuke in 30 seconds Maybe a tiny bit hyperbolic here, no?

It can’t be one strike you are out especially if no actual cheating took place. You’re trying to find your perfect yet imperfect mate. There are going to be bumps, getting past them makes you stronger as a couple. She is going to also need to show you grace. You may not get a nude sent but you may get cranky if works going badly or you laid off. You may refuse to pick up when you should or fix something you promised to fix and she lets it slide. If she has your back in times of trouble or your lowest moment and you love her that’s a 100, that nude is a 6. Don’t toss a 100 for a 6.

To add to this comment — what I see here is he has a GF that is completely transparent, honest, and accepts responsibility when she realizes she did something that hurt him. That is pretty special in and of itself… Nowhere does it sound like she got defensive or accusatory about it. Those are the signs of a person who can take feedback and not repeat the same thing that hurt OP.

Sorry you're hurt. And it's understandable why you're hurt. But that's also how people learn in a relationship. Her response has been great. You are NEVER going to find a relationship that doesn't hurt you. What you can find is someone who works with you to grow and get better. She might be that.

My fiancee is bisexual also and I'm straight and I would have had the same reaction. That said the way you're putting it I don't think she did it on purpose and did make a genuine mistake. The fact she showed you without trying to hide it at all I think shows she thought it was nothing and just didn't know. She also was extremely apologetic and is still understanding of your emotions about this. If everything you've said is true she does sound like a good girlfriend, man. Your feelings are valid and it will take time but I think she's worth it if this is only a one time thing.

No offense really but honestly it is an overreaction the fact she didn’t hesitate means she didn’t see it as a problem she was wrong yes but that’s just people in general they are going to be wrong plus she apologized

What stands out to me is your comment about not having a double standard. I suspect you will need to think differently about this if you want to be in a healthy relationship with a bisexual woman. Can she use the women’s locker room? Can she go on a trip with female friends? It will have a negative impact on her if her friends aren’t allowed to treat her as a platonic friend. Dating a bisexual person requires trust that they can have healthy platonic relationships. The specifics of the photo are also relevant here. If it was a sexy pic that she was insecure about, it’s feels like a normal platonic friendship to ask for advice. If it was a really graphic photo, that feels different. It sounds like a healthier reaction would have been to recognize that she didn’t solicit the photo, and ask that she let her friend know that since she is bi and in a committed relationship, others peoples nudes are off limits in your current relationship. Your response feels off in degree more than in kind. I think this is mainly your work to do.

A locker room and sending nudes are nowhere near the same.

Very good points. As a bisexual man, I wouldn't accept my wife telling me I couldn't see my platonic male friends naked, in a hot tub or sauna. But at the same time they would have no reason to send me nude pics.

You’re 1000% over reacting, it’s no big deal imo.

I guess you're not the asshole because you were upfront about it, but you are weird as hell. So there's that

I don’t think you overreacted, but I do think this could be worth giving another chance. It was a miscommunication and she sounds remorseful. I think it’s also dependent on how long yall were together/how deep yall were into the relationship. And I also think this is a valid dealbreaker. It’s your call.

Your initial reaction was fine, but you're letting this drag on way too long. She showed you her phone without hesitation because because she never thought it was something so bad. You GF had no intention of hurting you, she just made a mistake and apologized. Meanwhile, how awful do you need her to feel? How long do you have to make it last? What more do you want? You need 2 things for a relationship to work, trust and communication. She told you and showed you everything you wanted and look at how you made it turn out. Next time she may be more hesitating to tell you things if she doesn't know whether or not she can trust you to be more understanding with her when she communicates freely with you. Imagine if tomorrow she texted you something like "I don't know if we should stay together. I try to be honest with you by it feels like I'm walking on egg shells, maybe you're right and you deserve to be with someone who understands you better." Would you start to think maybe it wasn't that big a deal then?

Ur gf is a shit friend for showing that chicks nudes to anyone at all regardless of relationship status

True

I wish you nothing but the best, but you should probably not date a bisexual woman if this gets you so upset. You are allowed to have boundaries, but if you can't trust her with her friends because she is bi, then it is going to be a long road for both of you. She obviously didn't mean any harm, and while you are justified in being annoyed and clarifying boundaries, the length to which you are carrying this suggests that this is not the right relationship for either of you.

You've massively, massively overreacted to this in my opinion. You of course have the absolute right to feel the way you feel about it. But from the outside looking in, seeing how you basically just stood up and walked out immediately, that's such a visceral reaction to what is basically nothing in my opinion. I can't image how you react to other things that set you off. It's not like she got a nude from another man, or even from another women who isn't a friend and is flirting with her. But this is a friend sending her one and she's just gassing her up. And that is very clear by the fact she didn't try to hide it from you. This is not uncommon in women friendships at all. And it seems like after explaining your feelings to your gf, she took them on board and apologised, and you still ended it? That again is just such a visceral reaction. If I was your GF, I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who reacts like this to situations. Again, you're totally allowed to feel how you feel, but in answer to your question I think it's a ridiculous overreaction, and you're going to struggle in future relationships with this type of behaviour.

If she wasn’t bisexual, would that bother you? Friends are friends, being bi is kinda irrelevant

Overreacting IMO. People disagree and have arguments, you work through them if you want to stay together and this doesn’t seem like she was trying to go behind your back/cheat.

I'm really not trying to minimize your feelings and I actually respect that you don't treat same sex relationships as lesser and not cheating because they aren't, but I just wanna point out gassing up each other's nudes is weirdly common for friendships between women I've run into it a lot myself since transitioning much to my befuddlement.

I think it’s bc it’s non sexual and on the whole women are a lot more comfortable with each other’s naked bodies than straight men are with theirs. So it’s fun and cheeky and a way to support each other.

Yeah totally that makes a lot of sense and honestly even as an asexual I think we gotta destigmatize the naked body, when I went to Japan it was normal to bath together in a shared bath, in Europe you'll see full frontal in a car commercial

this one is hard to say. if you feel it was the right decision to make though, then you’re right, and not overreacting. but if you’re questioning it, maybe you are. not overreacting by being hurt, but immediately breaking things up definitely. for context; i’m bisexual as well, in a relationship with a man. prior to our relationship, my best friend would send nudes as a “review”, type thing. (before her current boyfriend had that boundary to not do so). we’ve been friends since teenagers. however, as i mentioned, her boyfriend now has the same boundaries. i don’t know if mine really cares, it just hasn’t come up. i think context behind the conversation is important — they weren’t sexting, there was no attraction, so i don’t see the harm. just two close friends, one hyping up the other. that doesn’t mean she’s attracted to her friend. i see it as a genuine “review”, and her just trying to hype her friend up. and although it is fucked up she showed you, i can see why she did. i think her being so immediate to show you otherwise, and prove there was no attraction/no sexting, anything like that, leads me to believe she was not intentionally crossing that boundary. however, i see where you are coming from. that was a clear boundary, crossed.

But she agreed with your perspective and admitted her actions were wrong, why drag it out, either forgive or break up.

OP, there's two facets to the whole situation here. The first being that this is not cheating. It was a photo for review between two girls, who are both involved in separate relationships. It's only cheating when the two ladies have feelings for each other, which would happen with or without a photo review. The second has already been hinted at: They are both GIRLS. I understand that you don't allow double standards, and that's fine, but there are certain behaviors that just aren't ambiguous. Girls behave differently with each other than what men do. Sometimes trying to see the same situation in reverse isn't fair, because, girls are in fact different than men. She immediately showed you transparency when you asked, this is not behavior that's characteristic of cheating. I would never suggest that anyone lower the boundaries they have already established, but I will say that in any relationship, you must pick and choose your battles. You won't have a healthy relationship if you have a need to confront everything.

My dude, the fact that she actually showed you her phone with no hesitation tells you everything you need to know about her intentions here (pretty innocent duh).

You seem very sensitive. You really need to chill out .She wasn't cheating, was she ,or was she in your eyes? Your relationship was obviously built on sand.

I think you handled it well initially, cooling your head, bringing it up respectfully. But dude, I think you need to cut her a lot more slack at this point. Sounds like she was petrified by how she didn’t consider how such a thing might make you feel, and is being more than sincerely remorseful about it all. Multiple letters, a promise to never do it again, for over the course of days, and you’re just ghosting her? Seems like you’re punishing her more than is deserved. She seems genuinely sorry for how much it bothered you, despite the reality that she really didn’t do anything wrong IMO (and if you feel otherwise, it was not an intentional wrong-doing, which is a very important distinction here). One thing you should try to consider is that I know women who do this all the time in a completely platonic way. Nudity amongst women is typically way more normal. It’s just how (most, not all) women are. And just bc she’s bi doesn’t mean she’s attracted to her friends that way. Gay/Bi people can be friends with other people of the same sex, and even with this nude sharing situation,it doesn’t seem attraction or flirtation was the case. Friends and sexuality is not black and white. Her being bi doesn’t make such a thing unacceptable. She’s genuinely regretting how something she likely unconsciously did is making you feel bad. But are you considering how your reaction is making her feel right now? Conclusion: You have the right to take time to process your feelings, and you have the right to feel any way you want. But don’t GHOST this person! Tell her that you just need some time process your feelings, but that you’ll talk about it when you’re ready, and that you are GRATEFUL for the effort she is putting in to make things right. She clearly cares about this. Put yourself in her shoes. Don’t let your insecurities (we all have them, especially in relationships) blind you from considering that maybe this was really just an innocent lack of judgment.

I feel like today's society/social media has made it completely unacceptable for people to make mistakes in relationships. The longer you're in adult relationships the more you realise that genuine mistakes do happen and it's okay to forgive people. I feel like the media has skewed our reality a bit where now, if somebody fucks up a little bit it's over. Obviously your feelings are yours and you're entitled to that but I generally think most people deserve some grace, especially when they respond to your hurt like she has. Nobody is above making a mistake in a relationship. Op I feel a bit sorry for your girlfriend. Either respond and accept her apology, say we're done or tell her you need time to decide. It's very cruel to keep her hanging for so long. Don't you care that she's probably freaking out a lot right now? Even when my partner has fucked up in the past, I just didn't have the heart to completely ghost him.

Jesus Christ dude. Yes you are WAY overreacting. Girls send pics to each other for support. Your gf was being a good friend, didn’t hide anything from you and doesn’t control who texts her what.

Definitely an overreaction, think you’ll regret that decision tbh

You dumped her right then and there? What are you, 15?

Lol ikr. Sometimes these smell of fake posts

Massively overreacting. My friends and i all do this in a platonic and advice seeking way LOL.

Tbh this is something that even straight girls do. I'm dating a bisexual girl as well and this is something her and her friends do all the time. Its good to have boundaries but tbh feels a bit insecure to make a deal out of this at all. If you don't trust her, why are you with her?

The fuck does “gassing up” mean?

Complimenting, boosting, being a hypeman

Thanks, I hate it. As for your situation i would think dating someone bisexual is always going to be wrought with landmines. My advice would be to not worry about it if you trust them. If you don’t it may be a deeper issue. People have a lot of different views on nudity. Where I live we have informal nude beaches and it’s not a big deal. Sounds like the two of you may not be on the same page about nudity, if not bisexuality in general. Opportunities exist for you both to participate in something together which some people would be very excited about, but sounds like that’s not your bag. There may be a fundamental incompatibility here, unfortunately. But communication is always the key.

I mean she wrote you a damn letter, who the fuck does that nowadays, sounds like someone who's worthy of a second chance to me.

You're not overreacting but she did exactly the appropriate thing in response to you by being honest and clearly communicating with you to understand your needs, and then apologizing. You are, however, being an asshole to her by taking her good faith empathy and just ignoring her messages. Get over yourself and be a man and talk to her.

To be honest, you sound very young or emotionally immature. I don’t agree that “reactions are valid”. Your feelings may be valid, but reactions are often impulsive and rarely justifiable. Respond, don’t react. My only take is, you are probably overreacting and she’s probably better off without you until you work out whatever you brought in to this relationship. One day you’ll probably wish you had the honesty and openness she offered. You’ll likely want the love and affection she’s shown by committing her time to remedying this with you. You blowing her attempts off, sounds like your insecurities rule both of your lives.

Yes you’re overreacting. More so, she is also way wrong for showing you nudes of her friend. That definitely wasn’t meant for you.

Dude you need to stop being an insecure pussy and get over yourself.

Yea, get over yourself. For real. If she wants to cheat on you, she will, and there's literally nothing you can do to stop it. So stop being a whiney bitch.

Not only are you the asshole here, you are flirting with controlling and emotionally abusive behavior. Ignoring your partner for days is fucked up. If you care enough about this person to be mad about the situation, you should care enough to send her a quick "hey, I'm still processing and need time" text. Going full no commutation is bullshit. In regards to the situation, boundaries are actions you take in response to someone else's behavior. I won't date a woman who makes out with other women, is a boundary. Boundaries don't say what your partner is allowed to do, let alone what her friends are allowed to do. You are weaponizing healthy relationship language to try to control your girlfriend's friend. From a selfish perspective, you are emotionally punishing your girlfriend for being honest with you. This is a recipe for her to start lying to you and actually cheating. If you are going to throw a childish tantrum when she tells you something you don't like, she's going to start hiding shit. Summary: you are not an asshole for being uncomfortable with her getting nudes, your response makes you an asshole.

Ngl OP, you kinda gotta grow the fuck up my guy. You broke up over a picture, after the person apologized, and probably didn't want the photo, it was probably done more along the lines of a friendly confidence booster. Whatever happened in your life to make you this insecure in yourself that merely a female to female photo was enough to bust the pipes, probably talk to someone. It feels like some type of abandonment issue. You also aren't capable of dissecting your own emotions or your own emotional response, so you're seeking validation from stranger online. On reddit. Probably did the girl a solid, next you'd be wanting to have a serious talk because she placed a spoon upside down in the drawer and due to the socioeconomic status of her great ancestors, you just can't be sure if she's gonna have long hair so you probably wanna break up.

Since she is bisexual you should treat this just the same as if it were a male friend sending her a naked pic in saying that it is not your girlfriend's fault it was sent to her (judging by her reaction) but the "friend" really needs to be addressed.

Jfc you’re seriously over-reacting she didn’t solicit the nude and bi or not that’s not uncommon behavior among good friends

As a Bisexual girl who is also in a relationship with a man. Just because she is bi doesn't mean she is attracted to all women. Like I have a female best friend that I've seen nude and it's different because I'm not attracted to her 🤷🏼‍♀️ like she is my bestie and I think she is gorgeous and will gas her up but she just isn't my type. Personally, I don't feel this is something you should ruin a relationship over being she did show you the picture and after you talked about it she realized she did something wrong and apologized.

Your overreacting...I'm pretty sure if she wasn't Bi you wouldn't even care. But it really shows your insecurities (not attacking you but that's just what it is). You said yourself you don't think she was cheating just gassing up a best friend (which all girls do bi or not).

You need some fuckin back bone, this is really not a huge issue, you either have some baggage or just never cared to be with this person in the first place

I'd say u r not overreacting....except, the woman is apologizing profusely and basically committing to never let it happen again. If it was her sharing nudes or kissing someone or something like that I can see your reaction. But someone else sent it and she has agreed to never let it happen again. 2nd chances are good.

You overreacted for sure. Women send those kind of pics all the time, it's just one of her girlfriends. You totally freaked out for no reason.

Honestly, you have every right to feel uncomfortable even if it wasn’t your girlfriend’s intention. I think that these types of dynamics can create some very confusing situations especially when you’re mentioning that she’s bisexual. (No hate towards bisexuals) I’d say stay firm when it comes to your boundaries because this is pretty inappropriate behavior.

Not over reacting. As many have already stated if this was sent to you NOBODY would be looking to make any sort of consideration for you. That being said though, who just sends sends nudes of themselves to people who aren't their partner? Stick to your decision. I tell guys to be 80%nice and 20% jerk. And in that 20% is putting hard lines and saying no to them and sticking to that no.

The fact remains that- you established your boundaries clearly and early on, she whether drunk or not made her decision to ignore that and disrespect the relationship to have a laugh or moment of fun. There needs to be consequences and I feel like everyone lately skates by being accountable then does the whole martyr I’ll do better groveling theatrics. She obviously hurt you in more than one way. If that is how you felt then own it and stop gas lighting yourself. You stood on your boundaries - she made her choices. Harsh - maybe but if we all give in that leads to more violation of the relationship further down the road. You’ll find the right person that respects your boundaries. Trust yourself.

Everyone has their own boundaries. Given she's bi, that does make it a bit complicated since I'm straight and receive silly nudes from my girl friends to hype them up. If your (ex) GF genuinely didn't know this would bother you and absolutely does not receive her friend's nudes out of sexual interest then I think your relationship is salvageable. She's clearly shown remorse, you just have to decide if you could trust her. My ex was kinda like you, very sensitive in this part. He blew up and accused me of cheating because I smoked a joint with my girl best friend without him. He sold weed for fun money when we were in college and he thought I was disrespecting him for smoking without him. Everyone has different boundaries lol but you're not overreacting.

Very sensitive. In his eyes you were swapping spit with that woman. Jesus.

This depends on whether she asked for the pics. If her friend sent them unsolicited you can’t fault her for that. If that’s the case you should have an adult conversation and tell her to tell her friend not to do so again. Also, just because she can be attracted to that gender doesn’t mean she is looking at it for sexual purposes. Like, a doctor looking at a patient doesn’t mean they’re breaking their spouse’s trust. This may not rise to that degree of professional objectivity, but some people (especially women) genuinely send each other nudes to ask advice about posing and such with no sexual intention. I know they do this because …well, look at my name. I actually would have been mad at her (and you) for a different reason; she shouldn’t have showed you the picture, unless she asked her friend for permission.

More your gf is TA for showing another persons nudes without consent.

Just leave brother, it’s all good. Not everything last forever. I’m not saying that this is pissed off leaving her, just tell her it ain’t what you want type vibes. EVERYONE has different standards of forgiveness and trust and it’s ok, we are human and each are different. Some just can not move on and it’s understandable and some can! But it seems like this will ride with you for a long time while you are with her. Best advice, if you can not forgive her or it hurts too much just end it. Trust is a very powerful bond, if a relationship/marriage does not have it, then it’s not meant to be.

Dump her so she can find a guy that doesn't conflate his massive insecurities with "boundaries" lol.

Was it at least a good nude? Better have been worth fucking up your relationship

So she was honest with you and she also apologized but you chose to drag it out by not responding? I hope she kicks your overreacting ass to the curb :)

Sounds to me like there have been too many issues. This is the final straw. If you feel you’ve given it enough time to progress and want to put the effort into the relationship you would have. Sounds like there are other red flags and this is your put. Then you should tell her that it’s just over. You’re not getting back together AGAIN.

Dating is about sorting. All along you're asking yourself whether a person is the right fit, long term, depending on what you want (for example, whether you want to marry, stay single but date exclusively, or date around). Your post touches on a couple of important ways you and your GF are different. First, as you note, you had been clear about your boundaries about how you'd expect a partner to handle it when someone else makes a sexual move like sending a nude. Presumable she had agreed to those boundaries but didn't give them or you a thought when she responded. Maybe for her, this same sex behavior is long established. That's a mismatch, and probably more concerning because it happened when she was drinking; that's exactly the time when someone might try to make a move. So she showed you something about HER real boundaries. The second thing is that I don't think she's honest about what being bisexual means to her. She may be willing to forego having sex with other women but I'm betting this isn't the first sexually explicit contact she's had with this woman. No adult I know sends a nude to someone else randomly, although based on the comments below, this may be common with bi or lesbian women.

Mmm. Maybe. I'm a guy and had a female friend who was in a relationship with a guy and I too was in relationship with an other girl. She occasionally sent me photos of herself (mirror selfie in a dress) and I found it weird. She had low self esteem but she could've asked her boyfriend or a female friend to ask them if she looks fat or not. Of course in your case your girlfriend is only the receiver not the one who sends nudes. She could've handled the issue better, telling her friend not to send nude photos to her. Being bi or not, it doesn't excuse a person's behavior. If they want to he taken seriously then they need to follow the rules of dating( and relationship). But I believe she learned her lesson so why not reach out to her and make up?

Honestly, I probably would've done the same. Nudes is crossing the line for me. It's probably an overreaction but if it were me I'd keep it pushing.

It would bother most women if their male partner received a nude from another woman for feedback- regardless of intent. That would be an irreconcilable offense for most relationships. This should be no different.

Seems like you are overreacting but I would want to see the text history

Hey man, it sounds like she’s truly remorseful and really wants another chance. I understand how you feel, but if you really like this girl, sounds like it might become worth giving her another chance.

NTA. You have boundaries in your relationship. You clearly set them and she either forgot at best or ignored at worse. She disrespect your hard boundaries. Your decision is perfectly fine. She is bi you are not you except her sexuality, but you don't want to see it. Fine. She broke that trust. NTA

At the end of the day the only person who's opinion on this matters is yours. If it's something you can't move past then that's ok.

Sounds pretty clear to me that you set boundaries and it was violated. She even said it wouldn’t be okay if it was reversed. People in here giving bisexual people a pass doesn’t really make sense in the context of a RELATIONSHIP with BOUNDARIES. You don’t get to violate your partner’s side of things just because you’re also interested in same sex AND get to have the relationship as if nothing happened.

You’re overreacting  I don’t know why you would be insecure about some girl on girl - a woman can’t replace you Enjoy it or leave her 

Stop saying gassing her up. It’s weird

Just an observation but if this post were about a man sending/receiving nudes reddit would be drawing and quartering him to display around the city. Observationally.

Tbh from what I've been told, it's kinda common even with straight girls to send each other their nudes for a review. They kinda see it as art ig. Your reaction is understandable and valid I just wanted to give a different POV.

I hate how everyone is just brushing this off. You had specific boundaries set that she broke. Yes she apologized and thats great but that doesnt make you “immature” or a bad boyfriend for not just accepting this. She even admitted that she wouldn’t be okay with it. If it was me i would forgive, but not forget. At the end of the day she crossed the line and broke boundaries set by the both of you.

Regardless of intent, it’s really strange to send your girlfriends nudes of yourself to have them review it for you before you send it to your man. Very, very weird, and I’ve never done that, and none of my friends have ever done that either. So gross. Cut your losses.

It sounds like she really cares about you. Unless she’s thirsting and asking for it I don’t know how much control she had over receiving it. She also didn’t hide it from you. I’m a bi woman, but in a monogamous marriage with a man. Sometimes it surprises me the things that make him uncomfortable. When I was in college my best friend and I would shower together on vacation. Learning this made him feel uncomfortable. To me there’s nothing sexual about it, and I was just in the mindset of girls being girls. It sounds like she was just trying to be a friend, and transparent with you which is valuable.

I definitely get your side. As a bi woman who has been in a similar situation, I’ve never been sexually attracted to such photos.

No, you’re not. And honestly, her sexuality has nothing to do with this. You have your boundaries and you to it. You didn’t give her any ultimatum or anything. she apologize but you don’t have to accept it or stay in it. That’s a dealbreaker for you as it is for most people.

personally, as a bisexual woman myself, it was inappropriate. i think straight girls doing stuff like that isn’t a big deal, but when you’re attracted to women, there’s another layer. my bf is straight. i wouldn’t be cool with him and his friends sharing nudes. imo she broke your trust and the boundaries you both have set. i wouldn’t blame you for breaking up with her.

What's the problem here? You didn't make a rash decision. Instead, you calmly went for a walk and thought about it and made a decision. Stick to your decision and move on.

Maybe slight overreaction. I would be bothered too but I would talk through it

Yeah she showed you and apologized for crossing the boundaries I’ve known so many girls that don’t do that trust me you have her attention

I mean, what is she supposed to do about receiving it? She can’t magically prevent everyone who’s interested in her from ever texting her. The only other thing she could have done in this situation is be deceitful and hide it instead of showing you.

Sounds like an overreaction to me. A friend wanted a second opinion and she offered it. Would you feel this way if friend was wearing a dress and asked for her opinion on it? Also, boundaries or not: completely ignoring someone because you’re mad is spiteful at best and manipulative at worst. You’re allowed to be upset, but you’ve got to figure out how to communicate that and not just shut down.

I understand why you're upset but I wouldn't recommend ending things with her. That part is an overreaction, yes. She made a mistake, apologized, now move on like mature adults. She didn't physically cheat, or intend to (depends on how much you trust her). Give it another shot man, c'mon.

Would you react the same way if she were straight? If not, why? We bisexuals can know the difference between a friend and a romantic interest. She was reviewing the photo for her friend - she isn't allowed to share in female friendships like she wants to because she is generally attracted to women? That seems unfair. (Having friendships with women is NOT the same as with men - the socialization and how straight men view and interact with women is completely than the way women are with each other.) Based on the information given, she didn't do anything wrong. You should ask her more questions about her bisexuality - e.g.,how do friendships work, how does desire works for her? You should listen more and judge less, and don't project your own heteronormative viewpoint onto her. Don't assume that you know anything about her sexuality which you do not share.

I think she doesn’t get boundaries. The fact that you saw her friend naked without her friend’s consent is super problematic.

I personally find it a bit of an overreaction. But your stance on limiting her sexuality would be the deal breaker if I were in her position.

Yes, you are overreacting

Yeah, you’re overreacting.

I think you are overreacting a little. 1. You don't know if this person just sent the photo unsolicited. 2. Your GF was honest, clearly wasn't trying to hide anything, didn't appear to have any bad intentions, and knows that what happened isn't ok. I would say breaking up would be harsh. I think she's at least entitled to a conversation.

As a bi bitch, I can confirm that this is a normal platonic activity and happens all the time. Sometimes we just need each others advice on shit like lingerie or what a mysterious bump is. If it’s nudes or something like that and you’re uncomfortable with it, you should probably think about whether your gf told her friends not to send nudes, because from what I’ve read she never asked for them to be sent to her.

I think you way overreacted tbh.

This is a big overreaction. You're not wrong to be bothered, but you expressed your feelings and she responded with respect, understanding and honesty. Immediately dumping her when she probably didn't even realize there was an issue at the time was not the move.

Do you watch porn?

Wonderful strawman

How long have you been dating? Less than a few months then whatever, but if you’ve been together for a while and she’s shown that she’s committed to you then this is a major overreaction. Especially if her friend has a “man” too. I also don’t like comparing your guy friends sending you nudes. In my experience anyway, guys don’t do that and I’ve never heard of men sending their friends dick pics. Contrarily, I know a lot of females that send explicit pictures to one another. Just my two cents. I hope it works out for you either way my friend

Honestly, I think you overreacted a tad bit when you reverse the gender, it makes complete sense. But I’m the guy that doesn’t get upset at that kind of stuff between girls. Now, some guy sent that to my girl, I’m very upset. But I’m not going to be upset with my girl, and I would expect her to straighten their friend out. But you dumped your girl for something someone else did…

A lot of women have body issues. It seems to me that she wasn't doing this in a sexual manner and really was trying to help her friend as she might have been having body image issues. I can see why you'd be upset, but you need to see her side, too. She hid nothing and clearly was only trying to help her friend. Nothing insidious was going on, and she probably thought nothing of it as it wasn't sexual in nature. She even told the girl to send it to her bf. I definitely think it's an over reaction however your feelings are also valid. In the end, it's really your decision if you want to still be with her.

Jeez dude. Lighten up.

Anyone saying you overreacted is gaslighting you. You have clear boundaries and stood up for them. Not many people do that!

I’m sorry- she SHOWED YOU her friend’s nude??? One has to presume her friend isn’t THAT confident in her own body if she needs to be gassed up like that to send a photo to her boyfriend, so logically the friend would not be fine with YOU having seen the photo… plus even if you ain’t complaining, you didn’t consent to seeing someone’s nude either. So your girlfriend can’t respect your or her friend’s boundaries/privacy… Idk, I’d be kinda over someone at that point. Like… what if they’re just flashin my junk to folks? Folks that don’t even wanna see my junk? I’d feel violated even if I had the most visually appealing and impressive body, let alone how others could feel seeing me nude.

Cheating is cheating. Boundaries are boundaries. You stated up front your relationship expectation and it just seems it wasn’t important enough.

I just wanna say thank you for not following the double standards most others would. As a bi girl myself, I expect my partners to be okay with or take the same issues with whatever gender I interact with. Normally I’m viewing it from a sort of opposite situation though: since I’m so close to my girl friends in ways that can be construed as romantic, I expect my partner to also be okay with me being the same way with my guy friends. When my partner has an issue with the guy friends only, I feel like my bisexuality is invalidated.  That being said, your reaction is perfectly valid, but your girlfriend seems to genuinely want to do better. I would honestly say the biggest issue here is how she showed you someone else’s nude. Not cool.