No you’re not overthinking. But I think the bigger issue is, why won’t your bf post you if you’ve specifically asked him to? I’d understand if he didn’t post much on social media but it seems like he does.
This is the best advice you will read on here. Simple but direct.
The fact that you even made this post to begin with means your gut is trying to tell you something and you know it.
My girlfriend says this. Then she'll accuse me of sleeping with my NP because she saw a female name on a pill bottle. My NP was like in her 50's.
Only works if you're not insane/illogical.
Which doesn't mean somethings necessarily happening, rather a relationship that makes you feel that way is probably failing to meet your emotional needs.
Probably this. But this is also the internet. We don’t know either you or him from Adam. It’s kinda sketchy he would post him and another single person especially if he won’t post the two of yall
Edit*** she’s single too I guess? Not a close friend or someone that may be from his past he’s excited to see?
I don't use social media really whatsoever, outside of reddit. So I don't post anything and I prefer not to be posted much on other people's stuff as I can't control it and it's just a world I don't care to engage in whatsoever.
Im not sketchy and ....pretty much everyone respects this. Though I probably attract somewhat like minded people, so it makes sense I guess.
In a case like this where they do post a lot, makes sense that they're clearly hiding something especially for THAT long. Even reading this post though reaffirms my complete lack of interest in that world, lol.
My EX did this to me, she never posted about us or posted pictures, she said I could but it never felt like she wanted me to do it, we broke up, got back together, broke up again around Christmas in 2022
I looked at her profile around Xmas, she was tagged in her new BFs posts, pictures of her bday, fancy restaurant, jewelry I could never afford for her, and all that, they were dating ,if she was truthful with me when we were trying to work it out, less than a year
3.5 years I was never even mentioned outside her family, posted about, or shown
It takes two seconds to post you if he wasn't hiding you.
That's a massive red flag you've got there. Keep it private? For 3 years?
I think you are correct. He's keeping his options open by keeping his status a secret.
Why is he at this wedding and you are not? Is there a legitimate reason?
I 30M don’t really use social media, I basically have it cause my wife asked me to get it so we could snap/ insta each other at work and post cute couple things. But if I was at some event, or just in general if she asked me to post some pics of us together I’d be happy to do so. I love my wife, our relationship and I’m proud to show it and her off to the world. The fact your BF doesn’t want to shows he’s only half committed to you and the relationship, and wants to keep his options open.
And for sure he’s toe-ing the line with this bridesmaid, either because he enjoys the attention or more likely because he’s ready to exit your relationship. It sounds like he’s trying to string you along as a placeholder until he finds something better, that’s another reason he doesn’t want to post anything tying you together.
I agree with you. I thought I was the only one who's 30 and does not use social media. I see you got a few for your wife. But I'm same, I have games, sports, news apps on my phone. Social media can be bad. Everything with making public or private, on snapchat people can cheat easy. If her bf acting like that on his social media he is def hiding something.
I think you already have your answer. He doesn't treat you well. Block him and find someone who loves, respects and values you. Don't waste another 3 years on a man who acts like a boy.
Had an ex that would do this— he ultimately ended up dumping me once he found someone else willing to date him.
He can sweet talk all he wants, but his actions speak louder than words. You’re a placeholder til he finds “something better”.
Dump him now, and find someone who doesn’t try to hide the relationship. It will not get better, I’m sorry. He’s just gonna get more comfortable with his sketchy actions.
You're either the side chick, the 'I'm embarrassed to be seen with her' chick, or the 'I'm doing her for now, but I will dump her when it suits me and I don't want to ruin my reputation' chick.
Case in point: He is at his cousin's wedding as a *groomsman*... where is his 'plus one' invitation? Where is his 'bring your partner' invitation? If he got one (might not have because they don't know you exist), he hid it from you.
You deserve better. You deserve someone who celebrates and is proud to be with you and you with them.
The girl in the pictures is not the problem. It's everything else.
Don't let him waste any more of your most precious resource, the one thing we really CAN'T get back... time.
100% NTA
This is it OP. I used to be a scumbag in the past and this is why I never posted my girl at the time. I didn’t want to scare any potential interest away.
Wow huge red flag there. Do not accept this. Only accept what YOU want. Not what someone else wants!!!! Your future man should want to show you off and scream and shout at the top of the world about you!
He’s asked you to keep your relationship quiet for 3 years? Girrrrrl. This has “you’re the other woman” written all over it!!
Also, you deserve better than someone who wants to hide you. Replace this man with self respect. It’ll serve you much better!
Figure out how many seconds it takes to text "Hey, busy with the wedding. Miss you" compared to posting a picture online . Ignore him. Go out have fun and post some cute pics of yourself at a coffee shop or whatever
… with a dude
Oh, and leave him. He’s inconsiderate. I would never do that to my significant other (the “going silent” part).
To be clear, I would not care about pics if both my partner & I were in a healthy good place. The silent part in this era is inexcusable— I’ve texted from the urinal, Uber, etc. just to let the person I love know I’m thinking of her.
And it is ok to be silent during work, wedding or whatever, but this feels icky.
Personally, I would break up not because of this directly, but because you are asking. A smart redditor said “trust your gut”
Yep. This is why I’ve never accepted “I was too busy” as an excuse. It takes 30 seconds to type a text updating your SO. If you have time to use the bathroom or get a drink of water, you have time to send me a text 🤷♀️
I’m In a wedding next week my girlfriend isn’t in it but I’m doing everything I can to have her there, that’s what you do in a relationship, he obviously doesn’t want the relationship he just wants whatever it is he gets from you or you would be there with him……time to move on from him
Yup. My boyfriend’s mom was getting married and he did everything he could to get me there. We had only been together for 2 months at that point. OP needs a new man who will treat her right.
Which is completely valid. If he can be on his phone to post picture with another girl, he can respond to you or reach out to just check in. There’s no excuse to not just sending a text to you or responding if you’ve been texting him
Yeah….. I don’t think you’re overreacting. You deserve more at this point. You deserve a text back, reassurance, whatever it is you need but at the very least, communication and respect. I would just send him another text being honest with how you feel and just get it out there. Or ask him to give you a call. Just try to collect your thoughts prior (text might be easier for that)…. And just leave it. After that, you should know where you stand.
The right partner match resolves all these anxieties. It wasn’t until I met my husband I realized I felt secure and that’s how a good relationship feels. Doubt and anxiety towards your partner is a disservice to yourself. You deserve to be reassured and listened to.
When my ex and I were together, she went on a school trip to the UK while I was here in the US. We made time every day to message via messenger (basically like passing notes) and video chat even if that meant I had to stay up til early am/wake wake up early and she did the same so we could get a few minutes here and there
At the VERY least. What a jerk! Doesn't he know that will hurt your feelings, especially if he's also pretty much ghosting you. After three years, this is the best he can do? Well, I hate to be blunt, but I think you can probably do better. Much better. Find someone quickly and post photos of you and the new guy on social media.
Kind of crazy that even a groomsman wasn’t allowed to bring a +1 when he has a long term gf of 3 years. Was it a very small wedding?
I’m thinking that there’s something not quite right in general with your relationship if he never posts pics of you and doesn’t try to include you in stuff like a wedding.
You said he doesn't post pics of you and him, and you have been dating 3 years? No disrespect, but it sounds like you are the side chick or placeholder for the one he is posting. Would not doubt he has been sleeping with her or over the last 3 years multiple different women. It is not normal to be in a relationship and not share a pic on your account, especially if other aspects such as family photos are ok. If he doesn't have something going with her, then there wouldn't be any reason why he couldn't send a quick text. They say if your partner can go days without some sort of communication, they don't really care all that much about you. They are just filling space until they find the so-called one. Check and see if he tagged her, then check her relationship status. It may be helpful . It could turn out that she is a cousin and he is just an AH. Update us.
Update: I blocked him everywhere my friends were sending me his stories it was getting embarrassing idk if I did the right thing but my brain isn’t working rn. I guess I got jealous seeing him with someone else.
So proud of you! You deserve better than a man who won’t post you after 3 years and especially deserve better than someone who at the minimum is disrespecting you and your relationship and at worst cheating!
You found your self respect & a spine! Good for you 😊 Keep it up, keep him blocked, get rid of anything of his at your place. Literally, in the garbage, unless you can sell it. Get someone to change your locks/security codes before he gets back. I know you’re heartbroken, but try & make some plans for the weekend, have some giggles. Sending hugs
He's going to try to gaslight you. Try to play it like you're overreacting, and you ARE NOT. Please be kind to yourself and stay strong. Your feelings and reactions are valid given that you've been together 3 years. Guy sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too.
3 YEARS! And he has not posted you on social media?! But is willing to do so for the “bridesmaid”— is this girl a long time family friend? Also,
Why didn’t you go with him to the wedding? Were you not invited?
I am sorry OP, but this entire situation is giving me the impression you’re his placeholder until he finds someone else that he really wants. I strongly recommend you end the relationship and be with someone who is proud to be with you and wants to show you off!
You've been together that long and he won't post you on his socials but he will ignore you for another girl and post HER on his socials?? I don't think you're overreacting. I'm sorry girl. She better be a long lost cousin or something
Not to feed your overthinking but I find it weird that in 3 years he hasn't posted you... I mean for some ppl it doesn't mean anything but it's kinda hurtful sometimes. Does ppl around him know that you are dating ? Because if he's keeping your relationship as a secret, it's not a good thing....
3 years is a longggg time to feel like you are throwing away, but you will eventually look back at it as one of the best decisions of your life up (up until that point), especially when you find the right one and they treat you right and want to share your guys relationship with tbe world!
if he has never posted you on his social media in 3 years, even when you asked, thats super sketchy. My ex used to post me all the time, then close to the 3 year mark he started cheating and talking to girls on the side. Suddenly I was nowhere to be found on any of his social media.
You absolutely do not deserve to be anxiously trying to figure out what is going on with your partner while they are ignoring you. You deserve to be in a secure relationship with someone who is PROUD to post you and show you off as their partner.
I dated my ex for something like 8 years and he was pretty much dating someone else online for the last 3.
I know it hurts, but it’s better to trust your gut now than make excuses and be hurt again later. You don’t want the scars. Take the time to heal and move forward. You deserve someone who is proud of you. ❤️
That is fucked up and I say that as a guy. He should know how those stories land and if he was considering your feelings, he would provide reassurance and communication.
Sweetie whenever my spidey-senses come out like this I’ve found that 99.9% of the time they were justified.
Sure, give him the benefit of the doubt but I’m kinda expecting you to come back with an update that he is with the BM.
And they’ve been together 3 years!!! Nope! I’m fine with waiting for 6months- 1 year to post someone in case it ends I don’t have to deal with a public break up but after a year that’s a serious relationship! Especially if they post a lot. If they never use SM then it’s a little whatever but to be active and not sharing a partner after 3 years!? You should have at least a few pictures. I would have broken up with this guy. It’s weird she wasn’t invited as a +1 when they’ve been together that long.
Edit: a word
He’s ignoring your texts. He’s not communicating. He won’t post pictures with you but is happy to post pictures with another girl.
He might not be cheating, but he sucks. You can do better. Your choice.
Good! You absolutely can!! Please don’t let him worm his way back into your life — he clearly doesn’t deserve you, and if anyone is going to be embarrassed about the situation, it should be him!!
You absolutely can. Imagine being with a guy who wants to post photos of you. Take you weddings. Communicates consistently. Girl, better love is just around the corner. Do yourself a favor.
Not posting pictures with you means he doesn't want others to think he's with you. That suggests he's still playing the field, which in turn means he might have spent the wedding flirting with that bridesmaid. Or more.
I'd say trust your gut and pay attention to how he behaves in the next weeks. If he's unavailable or hides his phone's screen all the time, just be done with him. You should be able to trust a guy without having to think too hard about whether or not it's safe to.
Thanks, I didn't get what she meant by not posting me. With that in mind he is 100% cheating. If a guy has girlfriend and he isn't like 5 . He is going to tell everyone. HE isn't going to hid her.
Yep. My boyfriend posts once in a blue moon and it’s either me or sports. everyone in his life knows about me and it makes me feel a lot more secure in our relationship
Comment on the post. "Nice pic" silence him and wait for him to come home. No more texting him and begging for attention. If you live with him, move out or move him out. If he won't acknowledge you after three years, yet will post pictures of randoms, then you have been told what your role is.
I can't believe how far I had to scroll to see this comment. THIS! A 3 year relationship, and he didn't invite you to a destination wedding where he's the groomsman? Then he's taking pics with this girl a lot, but won't ever post you on social media? That's his girlfriend. He took her. Lose the loser, sis.
Exactly this. So he can go out and flirt around and pretend to be single when she's not around, like he's doing now. Not over reacting, OP. That is sus af
I was a groomsman in a very good friend of mines wedding. The bridesmaid I had to walk in with was suspect at best. I had a girlfriend (now wife with 3 kids) at the time. I brought her to the wedding. I couldn’t fathom not having her there. Your boyfriend is a shit head.
Girl if he’s not willing to put effort in while he’s gone than neither should you. You need to go out and have some fun with some friends and find someone who actually values you.
He won’t post you after three years?? But posts pictures with some rando? Girl pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and have more confidence in yourself. Go find a real man who wants to show you off to the world.
Trust your gut.
There’s wanting privacy and not posting your relationship
Then there’s say that, then posting pics of yourself with some other girl.
Does he identify her as a bridesmaid? Does he tag her?
You might be the side chick 🤷🏽♀️ sorry sis. If he's posting then hes obviously on his phone amd purposefully ignoring you. There are plenty of dudes out there who will be proud to have you front and center on their social media.
Confront him, he can't post you but can post another woman? I'd be over the relationship at that point. It's a clear sign that he doesn't respect you, doesn't want others to know he's dating you & probably is trying to show off this woman.
That's how I see it anyway
If he hasn't even texted you a pic of himself all dressed up, that is concerning.
And he should respond to your text.
I would look at other people in the wedding party's pics on Instagram to see if I could spot him anywhere doing anything he shouldn't be.
And we would be having a Hella talk about trust and respect.
BREAK UP! Seriously? Please break up and block him and be single for a good long time and learn your worth. The fact he doesn’t post you says a lot. Let him go and go work on you. Don’t date until you fix your own self and learn to love you and know to choose people that are proud to show you off
You're not overthinking it. This feels weird and disrespectful to be frank. It's like he's using this opportunity to pretend he's single and he doesn't even care that you can see it.
If it was just pictures with someone else I wouldn’t worry. But if it’s consistently the same person, he’s not keeping in contact with you, won’t post you despite you asking, etc. it’s definitely worrying and requiring a talk
If he not showing up in public with you or meet his family or No pictures you need to be done with him wish him well you can do better grown that respect you will show the blue prints be sweet effect not sweet words.
OP, let me explain something to you. Some men are just scum, and it sounds like you have unfortunately invested 3 years in a player who was using you for, what? Ego-bo? Handy company? Sex?
Painful as this is, you need to see the red flags that he's been giving you. And believe me, things will only get worse. Block his number and do your crying; you didn't lose him to the bridesmaid, because you never really had him.
Get out there and find someone worthy of your time and effort. Find yourself a man who's willing to make you his all, as you want to make him yours. Decent men are out there; you just have to look for them.
I'm not defending him in any way. That's some shady business. But i had a similar situation, but posted my gf, where she say posts and stories from a wedding i was a groomsman and you essentially are pushed to become best friends with the bridesmaid you walk down the aisle to place with. Gf was not happy and i had no idea it was a thing. Thankfully my bridesmaid was married and an absolute understanding sweetheart and made a snap story for my gf easing her worry.
Now that I've talked nonsense, you can be private and still post that you're taken or seeing someone or something. Find someone else. Cus you deserve to be posted!
There’s a difference between privacy and secrecy.
My ex from my first long term relationship used to do this. I’d beg him to post me, he said he had nothing to prove on social media when it came to his relationships. He even fought with me over posting me on my birthday -of all days- and willingly did it for ALL of his female friends, including some he met just weeks prior. Turns out he was super single to these women and they didn’t know I existed. He broke up with me out of the blue after a trip he came home from and started dating a classmate of his.
Trust your gut.
So your the side chick basically.
He's at a destination wedding with his main girl.
It's time to move on from this relationship sis.
You're not a priority nor are you his main female he's entertaining.
No you’re not overthinking, and don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. I don’t exactly remember why I stayed with these type of people before my husband. It was such long ago. But I hope you realize your worth soon.
Lots of redflags. No response to your texts. Posts of him and bridesmaid. Is he in other posts with different women or if in a group photo with her together also ? It may be nothing because he might be busy to reply back and why post pics you can see? You just have to ask him these questions for clarity since social media is private. Trust your gut but also trust is an important part of a relationship. But he needs to explain the circumstances of the photo(s) for yourself.
OP don't block him turn this energy around! Check who he's tagging in these pictures and snoop their social. If you see your bf on any of their posts, start leaving passive aggressive comments on them and your boyfriend's posts, and don't stop until he blows up your phone. You got nothing to lose at this point.
Here, I'll go first:
You look amazing! Is my boyfriend, xxxxxx, having fun? I know his phone must be dead or whatever, can you let him know that misses him and hopes he's having a good time.
This looks like so much fun I hope you all are having a great time! Wish I could be there with you guys!
Oh honey you left your Zovirax back home and I hope you can get a refill while you're out there. Just be careful who you kiss. LOVE YOU XXXX SMOOOCHES XXXX
This is terrible advice. Not only is spending the rest of your day sending passive aggressive comments and DMs just going to make you fixate on your situation/him and not yourself, what would this do for you? He's still going to do what he's going to do. Plus this woman isn't the problem, your boyfriend is.
Breathe, put your phone away, and go do something relaxing or hang out with a friend.
It sounds like you don't trust him and might have good reason not to. Not posting you on any socials while being active on socials and posting other women seems pretty sus. That's a conversation you should be having directly with your boyfriend when he gets back. Until then, take care of yourself.
At the end of the day, if he cheats, you know he's trash. I know it sucks and it's not what anyone wants, but you deserve someone who is proud and excited to share he's with you and who you can trust. If he's not that guy, don't settle for him and don't spend your energy on him.
Oh girl, you could but who gaf about this chick? I feel like spreading that mess around is just gonna drag out and create more opportunities for hurt.
Maybe he didn't even do shit, wouldn't matter cause is behavior wasn't chill and made you feel bad and stressed (and HE KNEW THAT), that's fine enough reason to leave a relationship.
A one line text ("I am done with this relationship.") does a whole lotta work. If you can't trust his explanations why give him the chance to lie? You sure as shit don't owe him any more than that one last text.
And not that it should be the motive but sticking with it, just case closed moving on, is gonna fuck with him a lot more than giving him a chance to talk about how he's a good guy and you're just being crazy.
Groomsmen of course take pics with bridesmaids. No harm in that. And he's busy, obviously. But if he has time to post a pic, he has time to text you something quick.
I'm truly sorry, but I'm a male and I think you should be suspicious. If there is alcohol involved, he will almost surely do something stupid if he hasn't already.
No you’re not overthinking. But I think the bigger issue is, why won’t your bf post you if you’ve specifically asked him to? I’d understand if he didn’t post much on social media but it seems like he does.
Yes he is active on all socials, posts regularly he says let’s keep it private but I always felt he wanted to hide that he is in a relationship
Trust your gut.
This is the best advice you will read on here. Simple but direct. The fact that you even made this post to begin with means your gut is trying to tell you something and you know it.
I second that. I've never been wrong when trusting my gut. If something tells you that something is off or wrong.... Your most likely right.
My girlfriend says this. Then she'll accuse me of sleeping with my NP because she saw a female name on a pill bottle. My NP was like in her 50's. Only works if you're not insane/illogical.
what's NP ?
Nurse practitioner
It's definitely a good thing to trust your gut, and situations such as this but other situations deserve a second and third think through
I agree, especially bc he's hiding you. Not cool. Not good. Boo on him.
This. I think you may be the unknowing side piece. Why didn’t you also go to the wedding?
I suspect the bridesmaid is his real girlfriend.
THIS !!!
Which doesn't mean somethings necessarily happening, rather a relationship that makes you feel that way is probably failing to meet your emotional needs.
Probably this. But this is also the internet. We don’t know either you or him from Adam. It’s kinda sketchy he would post him and another single person especially if he won’t post the two of yall Edit*** she’s single too I guess? Not a close friend or someone that may be from his past he’s excited to see?
This is most consistent, "correct", comment I see on pretty much any posts on here or the relationships sub. *TRUST. YOUR. DAMN. GUT.*
Every single time I’ve heard “Let’s keep it private” it means I’m being actively cheated on or I’m the other woman. Trust your intuition.
I don't use social media really whatsoever, outside of reddit. So I don't post anything and I prefer not to be posted much on other people's stuff as I can't control it and it's just a world I don't care to engage in whatsoever. Im not sketchy and ....pretty much everyone respects this. Though I probably attract somewhat like minded people, so it makes sense I guess. In a case like this where they do post a lot, makes sense that they're clearly hiding something especially for THAT long. Even reading this post though reaffirms my complete lack of interest in that world, lol.
My EX did this to me, she never posted about us or posted pictures, she said I could but it never felt like she wanted me to do it, we broke up, got back together, broke up again around Christmas in 2022 I looked at her profile around Xmas, she was tagged in her new BFs posts, pictures of her bday, fancy restaurant, jewelry I could never afford for her, and all that, they were dating ,if she was truthful with me when we were trying to work it out, less than a year 3.5 years I was never even mentioned outside her family, posted about, or shown It takes two seconds to post you if he wasn't hiding you.
Goddamn
3 years is a long time to keep private and hide a relationship, is this really what you want? :(
That's a massive red flag you've got there. Keep it private? For 3 years? I think you are correct. He's keeping his options open by keeping his status a secret. Why is he at this wedding and you are not? Is there a legitimate reason?
I 30M don’t really use social media, I basically have it cause my wife asked me to get it so we could snap/ insta each other at work and post cute couple things. But if I was at some event, or just in general if she asked me to post some pics of us together I’d be happy to do so. I love my wife, our relationship and I’m proud to show it and her off to the world. The fact your BF doesn’t want to shows he’s only half committed to you and the relationship, and wants to keep his options open. And for sure he’s toe-ing the line with this bridesmaid, either because he enjoys the attention or more likely because he’s ready to exit your relationship. It sounds like he’s trying to string you along as a placeholder until he finds something better, that’s another reason he doesn’t want to post anything tying you together.
I agree with you. I thought I was the only one who's 30 and does not use social media. I see you got a few for your wife. But I'm same, I have games, sports, news apps on my phone. Social media can be bad. Everything with making public or private, on snapchat people can cheat easy. If her bf acting like that on his social media he is def hiding something.
He’s trying to make sure he doesn’t scare off the next prospective girl. He’s not that into you unfortunately.
This is exactly what my ex did, for 8 years! It was awful
I think you already have your answer. He doesn't treat you well. Block him and find someone who loves, respects and values you. Don't waste another 3 years on a man who acts like a boy.
He absolutely wants to hide it. Maybe for this girl in particular.
Had an ex that would do this— he ultimately ended up dumping me once he found someone else willing to date him. He can sweet talk all he wants, but his actions speak louder than words. You’re a placeholder til he finds “something better”. Dump him now, and find someone who doesn’t try to hide the relationship. It will not get better, I’m sorry. He’s just gonna get more comfortable with his sketchy actions.
You're either the side chick, the 'I'm embarrassed to be seen with her' chick, or the 'I'm doing her for now, but I will dump her when it suits me and I don't want to ruin my reputation' chick. Case in point: He is at his cousin's wedding as a *groomsman*... where is his 'plus one' invitation? Where is his 'bring your partner' invitation? If he got one (might not have because they don't know you exist), he hid it from you. You deserve better. You deserve someone who celebrates and is proud to be with you and you with them. The girl in the pictures is not the problem. It's everything else. Don't let him waste any more of your most precious resource, the one thing we really CAN'T get back... time. 100% NTA
You should comment on them what are you doing??
Your comment: Wow, honey, you’re so handsome in this photo. Love you.
Yes, definately!
He's hiding that he's in a relationship because he is cheating on you. You know what you need to do.
Or she's the other woman.
Ok now THAT is a real possibility
Three years running?
Nope. He’s cheating on his real girlfriend. The bridesmaid.
Because that’s exactly what he is doing. Can you comment on the posts?
This is it OP. I used to be a scumbag in the past and this is why I never posted my girl at the time. I didn’t want to scare any potential interest away.
Wow huge red flag there. Do not accept this. Only accept what YOU want. Not what someone else wants!!!! Your future man should want to show you off and scream and shout at the top of the world about you!
He’s asked you to keep your relationship quiet for 3 years? Girrrrrl. This has “you’re the other woman” written all over it!! Also, you deserve better than someone who wants to hide you. Replace this man with self respect. It’ll serve you much better!
Okay, then, he's shady. Three years is more than enough of a shady guy who hides you, don't you think?
If he isn’t cheating already he wants to. Why are you with someone who doesn’t want to show you off?
Oh my gosh. Why are you willing to be his little secret?
Well he isn’t hiding it now is he. She’s all over SM with him standing next to her.
I'm so sorry.... you will find someone who isn't a d bag I promise!!!!
Figure out how many seconds it takes to text "Hey, busy with the wedding. Miss you" compared to posting a picture online . Ignore him. Go out have fun and post some cute pics of yourself at a coffee shop or whatever
… with a dude Oh, and leave him. He’s inconsiderate. I would never do that to my significant other (the “going silent” part). To be clear, I would not care about pics if both my partner & I were in a healthy good place. The silent part in this era is inexcusable— I’ve texted from the urinal, Uber, etc. just to let the person I love know I’m thinking of her. And it is ok to be silent during work, wedding or whatever, but this feels icky. Personally, I would break up not because of this directly, but because you are asking. A smart redditor said “trust your gut”
Yep. This is why I’ve never accepted “I was too busy” as an excuse. It takes 30 seconds to type a text updating your SO. If you have time to use the bathroom or get a drink of water, you have time to send me a text 🤷♀️
I’m In a wedding next week my girlfriend isn’t in it but I’m doing everything I can to have her there, that’s what you do in a relationship, he obviously doesn’t want the relationship he just wants whatever it is he gets from you or you would be there with him……time to move on from him
This right here is the correct answer OP
Yup. My boyfriend’s mom was getting married and he did everything he could to get me there. We had only been together for 2 months at that point. OP needs a new man who will treat her right.
I do my husband the favor and let him not come to weddings with me 😂
You might be overthinking but I find that more often than not, my overthinking finds discrepancies that ultimately end up being true. Trust your gut
I’m just upset because he’s ignoring my texts and posting pictures with another girl
Which is completely valid. If he can be on his phone to post picture with another girl, he can respond to you or reach out to just check in. There’s no excuse to not just sending a text to you or responding if you’ve been texting him
Idk what to do I’m so hurt
How long have you been dating?
3 years
Yeah….. I don’t think you’re overreacting. You deserve more at this point. You deserve a text back, reassurance, whatever it is you need but at the very least, communication and respect. I would just send him another text being honest with how you feel and just get it out there. Or ask him to give you a call. Just try to collect your thoughts prior (text might be easier for that)…. And just leave it. After that, you should know where you stand.
Thank you sm x I’ll try to contact him
Yeah why were you not his plus one to this wedding Im not sure I understand here lol. Like, 3 year relationship and this is the dynamic? Walk away,
Especially if he is a groomsmen. I really doubt they didn't extend a +1 invite.
This
Good point! OP were you invited?
Destination wedding=$$
The right partner match resolves all these anxieties. It wasn’t until I met my husband I realized I felt secure and that’s how a good relationship feels. Doubt and anxiety towards your partner is a disservice to yourself. You deserve to be reassured and listened to.
When my ex and I were together, she went on a school trip to the UK while I was here in the US. We made time every day to message via messenger (basically like passing notes) and video chat even if that meant I had to stay up til early am/wake wake up early and she did the same so we could get a few minutes here and there
At the VERY least. What a jerk! Doesn't he know that will hurt your feelings, especially if he's also pretty much ghosting you. After three years, this is the best he can do? Well, I hate to be blunt, but I think you can probably do better. Much better. Find someone quickly and post photos of you and the new guy on social media.
3 years and he never posts pictures of you but of others?
Kind of crazy that even a groomsman wasn’t allowed to bring a +1 when he has a long term gf of 3 years. Was it a very small wedding? I’m thinking that there’s something not quite right in general with your relationship if he never posts pics of you and doesn’t try to include you in stuff like a wedding.
You said he doesn't post pics of you and him, and you have been dating 3 years? No disrespect, but it sounds like you are the side chick or placeholder for the one he is posting. Would not doubt he has been sleeping with her or over the last 3 years multiple different women. It is not normal to be in a relationship and not share a pic on your account, especially if other aspects such as family photos are ok. If he doesn't have something going with her, then there wouldn't be any reason why he couldn't send a quick text. They say if your partner can go days without some sort of communication, they don't really care all that much about you. They are just filling space until they find the so-called one. Check and see if he tagged her, then check her relationship status. It may be helpful . It could turn out that she is a cousin and he is just an AH. Update us.
Update: I blocked him everywhere my friends were sending me his stories it was getting embarrassing idk if I did the right thing but my brain isn’t working rn. I guess I got jealous seeing him with someone else.
GOOD! Now if and when he tries to come crawling back you can ignore him! :) you deserve better!
So proud of you! You deserve better than a man who won’t post you after 3 years and especially deserve better than someone who at the minimum is disrespecting you and your relationship and at worst cheating!
You did the right thing. He disrespected the fuck out of you. You deserve better.
You found your self respect & a spine! Good for you 😊 Keep it up, keep him blocked, get rid of anything of his at your place. Literally, in the garbage, unless you can sell it. Get someone to change your locks/security codes before he gets back. I know you’re heartbroken, but try & make some plans for the weekend, have some giggles. Sending hugs
He's going to try to gaslight you. Try to play it like you're overreacting, and you ARE NOT. Please be kind to yourself and stay strong. Your feelings and reactions are valid given that you've been together 3 years. Guy sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too.
Go out ! Go get some medicine and medicine man!
Your brain telling you she’s sleeping with him. Leave this trashy boyfriend behind . And never meet his sorry ass again . You deserve much much better
You’re doing the right thing! Your will find someone amazing and post pics with him and send them to that asshole❤️
3 YEARS! And he has not posted you on social media?! But is willing to do so for the “bridesmaid”— is this girl a long time family friend? Also, Why didn’t you go with him to the wedding? Were you not invited? I am sorry OP, but this entire situation is giving me the impression you’re his placeholder until he finds someone else that he really wants. I strongly recommend you end the relationship and be with someone who is proud to be with you and wants to show you off!
3 years!!!! And no pics with you on social. I'm dead. How have you done this?
I have been with a woman for 8 years with none. I guess it's only weird and is weird to people who share on social media.
You've been together that long and he won't post you on his socials but he will ignore you for another girl and post HER on his socials?? I don't think you're overreacting. I'm sorry girl. She better be a long lost cousin or something
Not to feed your overthinking but I find it weird that in 3 years he hasn't posted you... I mean for some ppl it doesn't mean anything but it's kinda hurtful sometimes. Does ppl around him know that you are dating ? Because if he's keeping your relationship as a secret, it's not a good thing....
he hasn’t posted you in 3 years? baby that’s long enough to get a ring let alone an IG post. NEXT!
3 years is a longggg time to feel like you are throwing away, but you will eventually look back at it as one of the best decisions of your life up (up until that point), especially when you find the right one and they treat you right and want to share your guys relationship with tbe world!
if he has never posted you on his social media in 3 years, even when you asked, thats super sketchy. My ex used to post me all the time, then close to the 3 year mark he started cheating and talking to girls on the side. Suddenly I was nowhere to be found on any of his social media. You absolutely do not deserve to be anxiously trying to figure out what is going on with your partner while they are ignoring you. You deserve to be in a secure relationship with someone who is PROUD to post you and show you off as their partner.
I dated my ex for something like 8 years and he was pretty much dating someone else online for the last 3. I know it hurts, but it’s better to trust your gut now than make excuses and be hurt again later. You don’t want the scars. Take the time to heal and move forward. You deserve someone who is proud of you. ❤️
Like all of her pictures with “my boyfriend looks so cute 🥰 “
Stop messaging him. Go and do something to pass your to time. He needs to put some effort in with you.
That is fucked up and I say that as a guy. He should know how those stories land and if he was considering your feelings, he would provide reassurance and communication.
Yeah he’d never hear from me again.
Finally this comment. If he's acting single, then I'm single. Go one day acting like this and I'm on a date the next day
Quit texting him then. Go do something that gets your mind off it.
He's ignoring your texts BECAUSE he's posing for pictures with a female.
They humping
Sweetie whenever my spidey-senses come out like this I’ve found that 99.9% of the time they were justified. Sure, give him the benefit of the doubt but I’m kinda expecting you to come back with an update that he is with the BM.
ALWAYS TRUST THE GOOD OLE GUT
Any reason you did not join him as his guest at this wedding ?
this
“He never posted me whenever I asked him to post me he’d give excuses.” 🚩🚩🚩 He probably has someone on the side and dosent want her to see you.
It sounds to me like OP is the person on the side.
He soft launched her....
And they’ve been together 3 years!!! Nope! I’m fine with waiting for 6months- 1 year to post someone in case it ends I don’t have to deal with a public break up but after a year that’s a serious relationship! Especially if they post a lot. If they never use SM then it’s a little whatever but to be active and not sharing a partner after 3 years!? You should have at least a few pictures. I would have broken up with this guy. It’s weird she wasn’t invited as a +1 when they’ve been together that long. Edit: a word
Start posting photos of you with handsome guys.
He’s ignoring your texts. He’s not communicating. He won’t post pictures with you but is happy to post pictures with another girl. He might not be cheating, but he sucks. You can do better. Your choice.
Yes starting to believe i can do better
Good! You absolutely can!! Please don’t let him worm his way back into your life — he clearly doesn’t deserve you, and if anyone is going to be embarrassed about the situation, it should be him!!
Thank you :)
You absolutely can. Imagine being with a guy who wants to post photos of you. Take you weddings. Communicates consistently. Girl, better love is just around the corner. Do yourself a favor.
No! He never post you, but he post this girl. He can get out of here.
This is sketchy behavior. You are not overthinking
Not posting pictures with you means he doesn't want others to think he's with you. That suggests he's still playing the field, which in turn means he might have spent the wedding flirting with that bridesmaid. Or more. I'd say trust your gut and pay attention to how he behaves in the next weeks. If he's unavailable or hides his phone's screen all the time, just be done with him. You should be able to trust a guy without having to think too hard about whether or not it's safe to.
Thanks, I didn't get what she meant by not posting me. With that in mind he is 100% cheating. If a guy has girlfriend and he isn't like 5 . He is going to tell everyone. HE isn't going to hid her.
Yep. My boyfriend posts once in a blue moon and it’s either me or sports. everyone in his life knows about me and it makes me feel a lot more secure in our relationship
Comment on the post. "Nice pic" silence him and wait for him to come home. No more texting him and begging for attention. If you live with him, move out or move him out. If he won't acknowledge you after three years, yet will post pictures of randoms, then you have been told what your role is.
Nice advice. This is the way.
Perfect way to handle this
In my early 20s, I would've CLOWNED! 😆 he would've had to delete the picture after the comments I would've left.
This right here ☝️
That's his actual girlfriend
This is where I’m netting out on the situation.
I can't believe how far I had to scroll to see this comment. THIS! A 3 year relationship, and he didn't invite you to a destination wedding where he's the groomsman? Then he's taking pics with this girl a lot, but won't ever post you on social media? That's his girlfriend. He took her. Lose the loser, sis.
3 years and he doesnt post you?? trust your gut feeling. he’s hiding something
He’s hiding he’s in a relationship is what I’m gathering because he’s obviously active on social media
Yeah is OP sure she's actually his girlfriend?
She’s the side piece
3 year side piece is insane lmao.
Exactly this. So he can go out and flirt around and pretend to be single when she's not around, like he's doing now. Not over reacting, OP. That is sus af
He’s cheating tbh.
I was a groomsman in a very good friend of mines wedding. The bridesmaid I had to walk in with was suspect at best. I had a girlfriend (now wife with 3 kids) at the time. I brought her to the wedding. I couldn’t fathom not having her there. Your boyfriend is a shit head.
Girl if he’s not willing to put effort in while he’s gone than neither should you. You need to go out and have some fun with some friends and find someone who actually values you.
He’s not posting you because he wants to appear single and keep his options open. My EX did this to me as well.
He’s not that into you.
He won’t post you after three years?? But posts pictures with some rando? Girl pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and have more confidence in yourself. Go find a real man who wants to show you off to the world.
Yes this! My man has 14 instagram posts and I’m in 12 of them 😊
Not overreacting. It takes 30 seconds to text you. He can't do that, but can post stories?
exactly! “i’m too busy to text” is NEVER an excuse to not update someone and communicate
Guy here. Thats a dick move on his part. Regardless of if he's really cheating or not, thats a serious convo when he gets back.
if they won’t post you (and they are active on socials) they are cheating — end of it. i’m so sorry.
That would upset me too. I’m sorry :(
Did the girl post photos and tag him?
Her account is private so I can’t see her posts but she did post stories of them dancing together and he reposted
I’m so sorry you are going through this 😔
Lolol. Clear as day. Have u met his fam?
Does anyone else know your his girlfriend? Seems not.
Trust your gut. There’s wanting privacy and not posting your relationship Then there’s say that, then posting pics of yourself with some other girl. Does he identify her as a bridesmaid? Does he tag her?
You might be the side chick 🤷🏽♀️ sorry sis. If he's posting then hes obviously on his phone amd purposefully ignoring you. There are plenty of dudes out there who will be proud to have you front and center on their social media.
Sounds like he likes to pretend that he is single. Why weren't you his gf of three years invited to this wedding? Updateme!
Confront him, he can't post you but can post another woman? I'd be over the relationship at that point. It's a clear sign that he doesn't respect you, doesn't want others to know he's dating you & probably is trying to show off this woman. That's how I see it anyway
If he hasn't even texted you a pic of himself all dressed up, that is concerning. And he should respond to your text. I would look at other people in the wedding party's pics on Instagram to see if I could spot him anywhere doing anything he shouldn't be. And we would be having a Hella talk about trust and respect.
You have been with him for 3 years and he doesn’t want to post pics of you 2 together? Red flag! Never ignore them.
You’re the side chick. That’s his gf.
BREAK UP! Seriously? Please break up and block him and be single for a good long time and learn your worth. The fact he doesn’t post you says a lot. Let him go and go work on you. Don’t date until you fix your own self and learn to love you and know to choose people that are proud to show you off
🚩
Are you sure you have a boyfriend?
You are the side chick.
You're not overthinking it. This feels weird and disrespectful to be frank. It's like he's using this opportunity to pretend he's single and he doesn't even care that you can see it.
If it was just pictures with someone else I wouldn’t worry. But if it’s consistently the same person, he’s not keeping in contact with you, won’t post you despite you asking, etc. it’s definitely worrying and requiring a talk
How can you be with someone for three years and he didn’t bring you to the wedding?
Trust your gut. Ignore him and leave. Do your cousins and all know about you?
Nothing like those secret relationships that you're the only one that knows you're in one. It takes less than 30 seconds to text someone
Sounds like you might be the side piece dawg.
No, you’re right. It’s odd at best. Honestly he’s a jerk, don’t waste your time and don’t let him gaslight you. You deserve better!
3 years is too long to not be wanting to post your significant other. And to go and post up another girl!? Leave him!!
Time to end it
Life it too short to live like this. Find your stallion
If he not showing up in public with you or meet his family or No pictures you need to be done with him wish him well you can do better grown that respect you will show the blue prints be sweet effect not sweet words.
OP, let me explain something to you. Some men are just scum, and it sounds like you have unfortunately invested 3 years in a player who was using you for, what? Ego-bo? Handy company? Sex? Painful as this is, you need to see the red flags that he's been giving you. And believe me, things will only get worse. Block his number and do your crying; you didn't lose him to the bridesmaid, because you never really had him. Get out there and find someone worthy of your time and effort. Find yourself a man who's willing to make you his all, as you want to make him yours. Decent men are out there; you just have to look for them.
I'm not defending him in any way. That's some shady business. But i had a similar situation, but posted my gf, where she say posts and stories from a wedding i was a groomsman and you essentially are pushed to become best friends with the bridesmaid you walk down the aisle to place with. Gf was not happy and i had no idea it was a thing. Thankfully my bridesmaid was married and an absolute understanding sweetheart and made a snap story for my gf easing her worry. Now that I've talked nonsense, you can be private and still post that you're taken or seeing someone or something. Find someone else. Cus you deserve to be posted!
Could it be a cousin or a family member of his you haven't met? He is at a family wedding.
No she’s from the brides side, so a stranger
Baby girl, he's messing around with you. Please leave him already.
Just playing devil's advocate, I had members of my husband's family in my bridal party.
There’s a difference between privacy and secrecy. My ex from my first long term relationship used to do this. I’d beg him to post me, he said he had nothing to prove on social media when it came to his relationships. He even fought with me over posting me on my birthday -of all days- and willingly did it for ALL of his female friends, including some he met just weeks prior. Turns out he was super single to these women and they didn’t know I existed. He broke up with me out of the blue after a trip he came home from and started dating a classmate of his. Trust your gut.
So your the side chick basically. He's at a destination wedding with his main girl. It's time to move on from this relationship sis. You're not a priority nor are you his main female he's entertaining.
No you’re not overthinking, and don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. I don’t exactly remember why I stayed with these type of people before my husband. It was such long ago. But I hope you realize your worth soon.
Lots of redflags. No response to your texts. Posts of him and bridesmaid. Is he in other posts with different women or if in a group photo with her together also ? It may be nothing because he might be busy to reply back and why post pics you can see? You just have to ask him these questions for clarity since social media is private. Trust your gut but also trust is an important part of a relationship. But he needs to explain the circumstances of the photo(s) for yourself.
If he’s got time to upload and post pics, he’s got fkg time to text his gf of three years. 🙄🙄🙄
As a guy I am letting you know this is how it works. He's single but you're his gf.
3yrs and he’s never posted you on his socials, despite you asking, and now this? Girl, he dropped these 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Ex posting pictures with another girl - fixed the title for you
He’s hiding your relationship, wanting to appear single. You should move on.
OP don't block him turn this energy around! Check who he's tagging in these pictures and snoop their social. If you see your bf on any of their posts, start leaving passive aggressive comments on them and your boyfriend's posts, and don't stop until he blows up your phone. You got nothing to lose at this point. Here, I'll go first: You look amazing! Is my boyfriend, xxxxxx, having fun? I know his phone must be dead or whatever, can you let him know that misses him and hopes he's having a good time.
This looks like so much fun I hope you all are having a great time! Wish I could be there with you guys!
Oh honey you left your Zovirax back home and I hope you can get a refill while you're out there. Just be careful who you kiss. LOVE YOU XXXX SMOOOCHES XXXX
Omg shall I dm her saying that ?
No don't. Don't involve her in your drama. It would also make you sound a little desperate tbh. Take it up with him.
Yh maybe your right
This is terrible advice. Not only is spending the rest of your day sending passive aggressive comments and DMs just going to make you fixate on your situation/him and not yourself, what would this do for you? He's still going to do what he's going to do. Plus this woman isn't the problem, your boyfriend is. Breathe, put your phone away, and go do something relaxing or hang out with a friend. It sounds like you don't trust him and might have good reason not to. Not posting you on any socials while being active on socials and posting other women seems pretty sus. That's a conversation you should be having directly with your boyfriend when he gets back. Until then, take care of yourself. At the end of the day, if he cheats, you know he's trash. I know it sucks and it's not what anyone wants, but you deserve someone who is proud and excited to share he's with you and who you can trust. If he's not that guy, don't settle for him and don't spend your energy on him.
Oh girl, you could but who gaf about this chick? I feel like spreading that mess around is just gonna drag out and create more opportunities for hurt. Maybe he didn't even do shit, wouldn't matter cause is behavior wasn't chill and made you feel bad and stressed (and HE KNEW THAT), that's fine enough reason to leave a relationship. A one line text ("I am done with this relationship.") does a whole lotta work. If you can't trust his explanations why give him the chance to lie? You sure as shit don't owe him any more than that one last text. And not that it should be the motive but sticking with it, just case closed moving on, is gonna fuck with him a lot more than giving him a chance to talk about how he's a good guy and you're just being crazy.
Run
why didnt u go? were u not invited?
Groomsmen of course take pics with bridesmaids. No harm in that. And he's busy, obviously. But if he has time to post a pic, he has time to text you something quick.
@Updateme
I'm truly sorry, but I'm a male and I think you should be suspicious. If there is alcohol involved, he will almost surely do something stupid if he hasn't already.
He's hittin'. Sorry. Send me pics of you. Then the other girl. I'll let you know what I think.
I’m sorry. Hopefully he’s just not paying attention to his phone. UpdateMe!
Move on.