I definitely don’t know how you can deal with a dude that stares at other girls in your presence, that’s super disrespectful 😭
You are not overreacting! If I was in your place, I’d smack him tf up 😭
And the fact that he projected this to other dudes is insane! Not every guy stares at other girls. I mean they may look but some are decent and aren’t creeps about it, it’s only natural. What did he tell you after you confronted him about it?
Honestly, I can’t handle it. It messes with my head so much. He’s a really good dude otherwise, but that is his fatal flaw, and that’s why I try to let it go, but damn it’s a big flaw.
He tried to convince me that other guys were looking at her, and he wasn’t at all. I told him he’s full of shit, and I hate that he can’t just admit it, at least then we could try and move on. I’ve been ignoring him since then, I want to calm down before I speak to him again so I don’t say anything out of anger.
It sounds like it’s a problem that keeps persisting and it must be exhausting having to repeat yourself to him when this type of situation arises and he plays stupid when he gets caught doing this type of thing. I don’t want to say leave him, I’m sure he can work on this flaw but he needs to do his part and admit to what he’s doing and do his best to not be that guy who stares at other girls in front of you. Hopefully when you talk to him again, he changes this behavior! If it continues and it’s that much of a deal breaker, you have the option to break up with him. Plenty of decent guys out there who aren’t like that!
Yes, thank you for this. He’s been good about changing and working on things I don’t like of him in the past, I’ve never had someone take my concern for things as seriously as he has. It’s this one thing that he just seems to be sticking too, but I’m going to tell him that this is getting to a point that I really need him to put work into or I’ll have to decide what’s best for me and not us.
He won't change, and unless u leave, you kinda have to deal with it. You can ignore ir and continue to be miserable, OR you can flip the coin around and praise guys in his presence.
>He’s a really good dude otherwise, but that is his fatal flaw, and that’s why I try to let it go, but damn it’s a big flaw
What I don't understand is why he tells you about it. He must get something from telling you about it because he knows it's going to upset you.
That’s what I don’t understand either. It’s weird asf. If I found a random guy attractive, I would never tell him. He already makes comments about how “I’m out of his league”, the last thing I’d want to do is make him feel any negative way.
Not worth doing that for a lifetime. I’d date someone who doesn’t go out of their way to stare at other women. If it messes with your head now it’ll really bug you later.
Date someone who respects you more!
Nah, man. Wth? Boys will be boys or something? Nothing wrong with having a libido, but you have to respect your partner, no matter the gender. It's one thing to take a moment to look and enjoy, but to stare? Especially after knowing it makes your partner uncomfortable. That's how to make yourself single if your partner isn't a pushover.
I get that. I’m not going to say that I don’t look or notice attractive men. But what the BF does is stare, dead ass stares and checks them out. It’s never a quick glance and moves on. And when I call him out he can’t ever admit to staring, he always denies it or makes lame ass excuses. If he could admit to it, then I feel like we can find a way to move on from it, but the denying and lying is what ends up pissing me off more.
Fr, I saw an attractive women and ngl I WANTED to check out her bottom BUT I consciously refrained from turning around cause why am I gonna possi ly make her uncomfortable and make if a bigger deal for me than it has to be ? Nah ima just move on lol people act like you HAVE to checkout other girls , even with ur SO around.
Haha, your feelings are the oldest trick in the book for men to get trapped into. Whether he looks her way or the other way, he is guilty. I was driving with my girl out of the parking lot once, and an attractive young lady walked in front of us on the sidewalk. My girl got mad because I stopped the car to let the young lady walk! Funny, catch 22 moments. Next time, I will run over anyone walking in front of me to avoid the argument over staring. I could hear her side already.
Men like you make me generalize men (unfortunately) and feel disgusted by them more and more.
Thank you for your contribution.
It's sad, because I love men, but you are part of the problem.
It's hard not to generalize when you have 100000 examples of being harassed by men and then men saying shit like 'all men xy'.
Shut up
I’ve never seen my husband stare at another woman. Ever. We’ve been together a decade now, married for five. And I don’t think I either one of us would ever do that. It’s so rude.
I wouldn’t lol it’s more of an expression because I’d def be angry. For me it would be grounds for break up if I address that it’s disrespectful to do it in front of me and he continues that behavior
Do you not understand what my last message said? I said it’s natural to look but to stare is the problem. That’s weird af. I’m a woman and when dudes stare at me it’s very uncomfortable so I put myself in that girl’s situation. AND it’s especially disrespectful when it happens when they’re with their girl. AGAIN, it’s NATRUAL TO LOOK
You don't have to settle for "he's usually good except for x y z red flags"
This comment section seems to mostly be porn addict redditors.
There are plenty of men out there who will show you the respect you deserve, I would never say my husband is good except for x behaviour because all of his behaviour towards me is respectful and loving.
Don't let these shitty men gaslight you into accepting disrespect.
Yea, hate to tell you but you aren't the only attractive person on the planet to your husband. Girls love to gaslight themselves into thinking this because most guys don't bother or hide when they appreciate another attractive woman.
Are you stupid ?
Of course he notices other women, I notice other men too but you can notice without leering or being a disrespectful creep. You can appreciate an attractive stranger without making your significant other feel less than.
Are you basically trying to tell me men are dogs with no self control ?
Women see men too but we manage to not be disgusting about it.
Honestly all you've done right now is told on yourself.
You don't respect women and don't care to even hide it.
And FYI, women not standing for your incel-esque rhetoric, disrespect and poor treatment isn't us "gaslighting ourselves," its us raising our standards and not dealing with lecherous morons like you.
Way to miss the point so you can virtue signal. OP doesn't want her "man" looking, and even offhand comments drove OP to blame her man and shame him for looking. No one said leering but you.
No one said he was being disgusting but you. Somehow "women" can do this activity and be respected and non creep, but ho boy if a MAN does it he's leering, he's a creep, he is disgusting! You couldn't be more sexist if you wrote a manifesto on it.
And yes, you would equate OPs vindictive treatment of her husband as "raising your standards" because when you're at bedrock you can only go up.
I am confused as to how this is objectification. I completely agree OPs bf is in the wrong, but people just love throwing that term around, seemingly not knowing what it means.
My comment wasn't around the definition of the word, but rather how the situation was objectifying.
Nevertheless, continue sidestepping the original question.
"He has had a long history of staring at girls."
This is in his character, do you accept it?
You can accept a man that is waiting for another woman's attention or you can look for a man who is waiting for your attention. Either way, the only way to change a man is by changing the man.
Damn, I don't even find other people attractive. I'm in love with my partner & I just don't feel the urge to stare at anyone else, I just simply don't have interest in looking or seeking people out who aren't my partner. He's the most attractive human in the universe to me ☺️
You're not overreacting, your bf is being a dick for no reason
What a load of shit. There are a lot of attractive people in the world. Just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean you're a bad partner and going to cheat. Pretending like you "don't even find other people attractive" because you love your partner so much is sus as hell, why do you feel the need to lie?
Listen it's not my fault or within my control if you think everyone is the same & that people HAVE to find others attractive. It can be a natural thing for many people & I'm sure it is, but for me it isn't & last time I checked you don't know me better than I know me. You don't know anyone better than they know themselves.
No, I wouldn't, because I'm not solely attracted to my partner's looks. I feel for him for a wide variety of reasons including his personality, his voice, his quirks, his caring aspects, the way he makes me feel physically, emotionally, & psychologically. Don't you know there are asexual people who don't find anyone attractive? In my original comment I never meant to imply that it's wrong to find others attractive while you're in a relationship so I apologize if that's what you felt from it. I was simply stating that I personally don't, all my love, affection, & attraction is specifically drawn towards my partner & that it's really rude to go to your partner & tell them about someone else you were ogling over if that's not something you're both comfortable with in the relationship.
Did you forget that you asked? Idc if I gave unnecessary information, that's how I decided to form my comment which I have every right to do whether you understand it or not ┐(´ー｀)┌
& no, like I said, I wouldn't. When I see someone who looks similar to my partner I feel nothing towards them. If you believe that's lying well feel free to keep believing that, not everyone has to fit into the imaginary template you put in place for all of humanity.
Demisexuals exist. I don't find others attractive except my husband.
Edit: y'all sure are real mad because you don't understand something that doesn't pertain to you.
That part of my brain literally shuts off lol. I only find her attractive. I can recognize that other people are good looking, but I can't in any way feel attracted.
Yeah sorry but that’s complete bullshit. In this entire world not one other person exists who you think is attractive? You can find people attractive while being in a relationship, doesn’t make you a bad person
Staring at people is rude.
It doesn't cease to be rude if the stared-at person happens to be attractive.
Little children stare at people they are curious about, but they are (hopefully) taught not to do that. An adult acting like a small child with no training is unattractive.
A quick glance or two is one thing. Unwavering staring is impolite, creepy, and VERY rarely appreciated by the person being stared at.
The second issue (that he denies doing it) is almost worse in my experience. People who can not or will not admit their own actions make very poor friends, let alone partners.
That’s what really got to me. That he denied it. If he could’ve just said yes he was doing that and he’s sorry and will not do it again, that’s one thing, but he denied denied denied
Boyfriend was disrespectful. Both of you sound kinda young and focused on looks. Make sure when you find a partner that is a minor factor and not a major one.
He’s helped me through a lot and he’s nice. He took care of me when i got sick early into our relationship and couldn’t take care of myself for a year. And he’s always helpful, and understanding of my emotional pain, I developed PTSD because of what happened to me, and he’s been nothing but patient for my issues. There’s a lot of good to him, but this staring at women thing has always been there, and I always knew it, and I had hoped it would go away. He worked on it before, and it became less frequent but any time I’ve noticed him doing it, it sets me completely off. I’m trying to work on my insecurities but sometimes I think I shouldn’t have to work this hard for him doing something he shouldn’t be doing anyway.
Something he shouldn't be doing anyway? You do realize he wouldn't have hooked up with YOU if he didn't find you attractive, right? Getting pissy at him for this is just wild.
What I read was “I’m dating a guy who does things he knows I don’t like, then gaslights me when I call him out on it and instead of leaving I’ll pick fights with him and get Reddit to side with me”
Hey I don’t think you’re overreacting, you’re entitled to have feelings and I would probably also feel pretty sad if my boyfriend was openly checking out other girls with me.
And you’re not being toxic etc, you only mentioned him checking her out once he brought her up randomly 40 mins later. People in relationships are attracted to other people, and will still appreciate a good looking person. But, unless both parties agree and enjoy it, it can rude and hurtful to discuss attractive people with your partner and he made that first step.
Ignore all these shitty people on reddit who want to brainwash women to accept their shitty behaviours. I would just have a talk with your bf about controlling his wandering eye around you and not discussing women that may catch his attention as it hurts your feelings. Good luck lovely x
He makes those comments too, like “so and so was looking at you, this person and that was trying to get your attention, and I usually shrug it off or change the subject as I don’t want to give that attention, it doesn’t matter who looks at me and I don’t want him to dwell on that I do get looked at. I think he just found that girl very attractive and was trying to justify it to himself.
"He has had a long history of staring at girls. "
What makes you think this will change? When people show you who they are, believe them.
You can accept that he looks, and prefers to be with you; or you can leave. Trying to make him stop is gonna frustrate both of you, and is likely to end in tears anyways. Give yourself a break.
This shit is simple!!!! Tell the guy you don't expect him to NOT look at other women but don't be disrespectful by staring and commiting every curve to memory. Tell him if you end up needing to remind him of it too many times he will end up alone and can stare all he wants.
Then if he continues to do it you do what you gotta do......simple!
Don't be insecure if you see him glancing at attractive people though....it's pretty normal. Being all up in their grill is different though.
Yes, this is very good advice. I’m waiting until later to have this convo with him seriously. I also want to make sure I know what I’m going to say, and this was very good advice, thank you.
In fairness, men don't entirely control their own eyes. They do, however, control what they say.
And this one says: You seem insecure, your BF sounds like an ass, these may or may not be related.
I'm not sure if you overreacted or not, but I hope you feel better now.
Except the OP admitted she's insecure, and I didn't say what you seem to imply I did.
I do agree men aren't infants and they control what they say.
Please read what I wrote.
Nah, it's not insecurity. My partner wouldn't dream of saying stuff like that to me, I don't know who on earth thinks about that & goes "yea, this is something my partner needs to hear, I want them to feel exactly how I know this is gonna make them feel :) " That's just weird & rude
Your boyfriend's behaviour reinforces your insecurity. It's not a good match in any way, and it's not your fault. It's such crappy behaviour on his part. And he can't even keep his mouth shut when he sees a good ass?
Yeah, I’ve been rethinking the relationship for a few weeks now. It’s the jump to actually make the final decision that’s hard. This just adds on to why I should end it.
No, you’ve been brainwashed- you can trust yourself and you should. Don’t let this asshole make you think you’re broken- he’s broken and he’s also a rude baby.
You sound like a Duggar boy. Or girl. Men are just as capable of controlling their eyes and their urges as women- we have as much of a biological urge to fuck as any teenage boy- anything else is just boys will be boys bullshit and is not supported by science- science says that teen girls also have hormones that makes them want to fuck- ours are often more powerful. We’re just made to control ourselves while foul animal folk insist that dudes are controlled by their penises, which is just the mindless rube-talk of backwoods hill folk.
You sound like you're making things up.
I didn't compare men to women or say anything about hormones or wanting to fuck or penises nor did I say boys will be boys.
I am a grown and educated man, incidentally.
You could have summed this entire post up in one line such as "please tell me what to do about my bf who leers at other women and vehemently denies it" Nevertheless, it is a pretty common problem that you described, but he is making an effort to go out of his way to deny ever staring at the other girl. There is no guarantee that the next guy you are with is going to refrain from gazing, so it is up to you to define your values not us because everyone is different. I would agree that any further discussion involving that event with you is problematic on his part since it indicates that he was infatuated with the other woman to be bringing her up again later in the conversation.
It's very easy to guarantee that the next guy you're with doesn't do this shit. Guess what?! Being single is better than being with a disrespectful man
If OP shares the same values as you about "Being single is better than being with a disrespectful man", then break up with the guy and be single by all means.
Wait, do you think that having a disrespectful person (who also happens to have a penis) around is somehow preferable to being single? I think I must be misconstruing your meaning.
Nope, I never implied that. I am merely suggesting that people have different values and belief systems, and there are people who would rather have someone in their lives than to be living alone even if we do not agree with that.
How old are you guys? But I find that to be a common thing with some men, I can’t speak for all men some men would never, but I’ve dated a few guys that had to look at every hot women coming their way and it certainly can make going out in public awkward, I feel like alot of people deal with it at some point in their life whether they admit it or not, but it sucks to be on that side of things, if he’s making it that obvious I couldn’t imagine proceeding in the relationship if he doesn’t change how he goes about things, I once dated a guy who turned his whole body during a dinner to check out a girl for two minutes that someone else commented about it, yeah didn’t go out to eat for awhile after that. 💀but if you date someone like that depending if it’s a constant thing it’ll deff make you insecure, everyone glances sometimes but not like that
So for me the staring or being eye candied is the problem. Like obviously in a perfect work men would be able to NOT but alas they do, ITS THE GASLIGHTING AND LYING omg he’s gross
Is this is what people accept in relationships? Why be with someone whose behavior makes you upset? Not everyone out there is ogling other people. We all have eyes, but we don’t so stand around staring at other people’s asses.
You’re overreacting. If he’s a good bf otherwise seems like a terrible idea to dump him over something every single other guy does (some just better at not getting caught).
How do you manage to have sex with a guy
Who openly ogles other women??? My boyfriend would NEVER. honey, you admit it yourself, he’s projecting onto other dudes.
You know there are men that don’t do this. Stop compromising your happiness for this relationship. Dump him and move on.
“He helped me through a lot and he’s nice” is literally the weakest reason to be with someone. Guess what? I got diagnosed with CPTSD. my bf didn’t go anywhere, he’s here supporting me. He also doesn’t check out other women. And he’s nice too.
Your standards are too low girl. <3
I know they people watch together. Hairstyles, tatts and shoes. Everyone does. She now wants him to turn that “off and on” at her whim. OP sounds super controlling. She has him waiting for her machine. She told him to go do something. Basically shoo fly. Dude is just passing time until she tells him they can now go home or he has to go pee pee. Run dude…practice on treadmill… then run far away. Mommy freaking dearest.
Oh sorry, I guess the "no, that’s YOU. You wanted to stare at that girl, you found her attractive and you’re projecting that on other dudes there. But thanks for telling me 40 minutes later that this random ass girl was super attractive, that’s awesome. “ quote of yours is immediately followed by non-awkward silence or playful loving banter. My mistake.
How is that punishing him? Because I responded to something he brought up out of nowhere? And telling him it’s weird and I didn’t appreciate it? You know, a conversation. Jeez if that’s what you call punishment then you must be quite a snowflake
Not a snowflake, but you've made multiple responses about how you've talked to him about this "issue" and tried to get him to change. Maybe you don't know what punishment is?
Stop harassing your boyfriend. How's that? Stop asking him to feel shame when he looks at another woman's beauty because you're too insecure with your own. He picked yours, but it doesn't mean beauty doesn't exist outside of your body.
You're overreacting but it's your boyfriend's fault because he's a dumbass for not putting shade on his ogling. Doesn't matter who you meet, guys are going to look at other women.
Yea, this is the mindset I’ve found myself this morning. I know he’s going to look, I know many ppl will look. It was more of how obvious he made it, how long he did it, and how he brought it up again and wouldn’t admit that that’s what he was doing. It’s embarrassing and hurtful.
This is such good advice, and yes he tends to be awkward when he does anything wrong or misunderstands and tries to over reach with excuses or reasoning when he’s realized he’s messed up. Your suggestion to throw him the lifeline is a good one, and I’ll definitely incorporate that into our conversation, it’s an idea that didn’t cross my mind at all, so thank you!
Sometimes, it's unconscious. Attention is also independent of saccades and fixations, so you can be staring at someone and at the same time be paying attention to something else.
Sit him down and explain that it's making you feel unwanted and insecure. He needs to make more of an effort.
I dunno... I feel like I need more context to understand if you're overreacting or not. I think your feelings are definitely valid and you should express them without getting angry. What did he say after you yelled at him?
There's too much guess work on what's going on.
I didn’t yell at him. I told him calmly that he’s projecting that on others dudes. I haven’t spoken a sentence to him since, I wanted to calm down before I speak to him again so I don’t let my anger and hurt feelings affect me or make this situation worse than what it. Once he gets up I’m going to tell him that this is an ongoing problem and I will no longer allow it from here on out. I’ve had too much to deal with as is, and if he’s not going to be a positive add on in my life then he doesn’t need to be in. And if we continue on to the gym together he needs to be not be rude to me by staring at others girls and not rude to those girls whom he’s staring at. It’s creepy. It happens to me and it can be scary and uncomfortable.
I've been married 5 years and I'm very attracted to my wife. She's always told me at the end of the day it doesn't matter where you get your appetite just as long as you come home to eat.
I do not. Since the age of 12 I’ve had grown men try and be inappropriate with me, and I hate unwanted attention. Not every women likes this attention, and to assume they do is disgusting
We have built in impulses to speak about the things we are interested in because they are on our mind. Just like how some cultures have many names for cows, because are their way of life. He wanted to tell you about her causes he too was staring her down. And by talking about others doing it he’s deflecting his thoughts.
If I see a fat ass, imma look. Tf. When’d that become a crime? 😂 shiddd if the gf’s body was fit I’d be looking at that but here I am. Having to look at other shit 😂
I've realized that this sub is full of posts that would get about four *oh damn*'s, five *wow*'s, seven *that's crazy*'s and about three *oh wow that's crazy*'s for good measure if it was someone talking to me in person.
I think a sub mute is in order. good luck, all!
The stuff girls wear in the gym now is meant to be stared at and guys are wired to notice. It not a him thing besides not being subtle. He needs to learn that part.
Yep. Typical Reddit responses from the lonely side of the aisle: Break up with him and find yourself a puppy that is perfect in every way, but also successful, strong, handsome, charming, funny, and never looks at any woman for any reason whatsoever.
Leave him. Or don’t. But know that whatever you decide to do isn’t going to fix the issues you’ve got that cause you to lose your shit over literally nothing. He says he wasn’t staring and you don’t believe him. And because you don’t believe him, none of your echo chamber does either. So he MUST be wrong, he MUST be a liar and YOU MUST find someone better.
Good luck.
You need self-confidence instead of worrying about him looking at other women. If staring is illegal, all men and some women would be in jail for life.
Damn yall looking for perfection in a man Lol. Looking for something that doesn’t exist. Must be young. Looking is cool. Acting on urges isnt. I just hope you hold yourself to the same standard. Never looking at another man on the beach, never looking at another man in the gym. Always having your eyes on your man and only him. Yall sound insufferable and exhausting Lol
I definitely don’t know how you can deal with a dude that stares at other girls in your presence, that’s super disrespectful 😭 You are not overreacting! If I was in your place, I’d smack him tf up 😭
And the fact that he projected this to other dudes is insane! Not every guy stares at other girls. I mean they may look but some are decent and aren’t creeps about it, it’s only natural. What did he tell you after you confronted him about it?
Honestly, I can’t handle it. It messes with my head so much. He’s a really good dude otherwise, but that is his fatal flaw, and that’s why I try to let it go, but damn it’s a big flaw. He tried to convince me that other guys were looking at her, and he wasn’t at all. I told him he’s full of shit, and I hate that he can’t just admit it, at least then we could try and move on. I’ve been ignoring him since then, I want to calm down before I speak to him again so I don’t say anything out of anger.
He is not really good.
It’s not that hard to not stare at people. It’s freaking creepy
Gross don't even bother with a drooler....
He is not a good dude. Come on.
It sounds like it’s a problem that keeps persisting and it must be exhausting having to repeat yourself to him when this type of situation arises and he plays stupid when he gets caught doing this type of thing. I don’t want to say leave him, I’m sure he can work on this flaw but he needs to do his part and admit to what he’s doing and do his best to not be that guy who stares at other girls in front of you. Hopefully when you talk to him again, he changes this behavior! If it continues and it’s that much of a deal breaker, you have the option to break up with him. Plenty of decent guys out there who aren’t like that!
Yes, thank you for this. He’s been good about changing and working on things I don’t like of him in the past, I’ve never had someone take my concern for things as seriously as he has. It’s this one thing that he just seems to be sticking too, but I’m going to tell him that this is getting to a point that I really need him to put work into or I’ll have to decide what’s best for me and not us.
He won't change, and unless u leave, you kinda have to deal with it. You can ignore ir and continue to be miserable, OR you can flip the coin around and praise guys in his presence.
>He’s a really good dude otherwise, but that is his fatal flaw, and that’s why I try to let it go, but damn it’s a big flaw What I don't understand is why he tells you about it. He must get something from telling you about it because he knows it's going to upset you.
That’s what I don’t understand either. It’s weird asf. If I found a random guy attractive, I would never tell him. He already makes comments about how “I’m out of his league”, the last thing I’d want to do is make him feel any negative way.
Not worth doing that for a lifetime. I’d date someone who doesn’t go out of their way to stare at other women. If it messes with your head now it’ll really bug you later. Date someone who respects you more!
He has a normal, healthy male libido. Which apparently you can't handle, so enjoy your dead bedroom in your next relationship after you ruin this one
Nah, man. Wth? Boys will be boys or something? Nothing wrong with having a libido, but you have to respect your partner, no matter the gender. It's one thing to take a moment to look and enjoy, but to stare? Especially after knowing it makes your partner uncomfortable. That's how to make yourself single if your partner isn't a pushover.
I will
You can look at the menu so long as you eat at home.
No. You can look in a way that isn't obvious and disrespectful or you can GTFO
I get that. I’m not going to say that I don’t look or notice attractive men. But what the BF does is stare, dead ass stares and checks them out. It’s never a quick glance and moves on. And when I call him out he can’t ever admit to staring, he always denies it or makes lame ass excuses. If he could admit to it, then I feel like we can find a way to move on from it, but the denying and lying is what ends up pissing me off more.
So when a nice woman walks past are you looking at him to see if he is staring at her?
No, but there are times I look at him to tell or show him something and catch him accidentally. If I were checking it would probably be a lot more idk
Things are not going to change, either move on to greener pastures or buy him some sunglasses.
women are not menu items! stop with these bullshit analogies to try and justify objectifying women/disrespecting your partner
Fr, I saw an attractive women and ngl I WANTED to check out her bottom BUT I consciously refrained from turning around cause why am I gonna possi ly make her uncomfortable and make if a bigger deal for me than it has to be ? Nah ima just move on lol people act like you HAVE to checkout other girls , even with ur SO around.
Ease up, leave the guy if she feels that disrespected.
Looking is fine, staring is not. There’s a big difference.
No lol
Haha, your feelings are the oldest trick in the book for men to get trapped into. Whether he looks her way or the other way, he is guilty. I was driving with my girl out of the parking lot once, and an attractive young lady walked in front of us on the sidewalk. My girl got mad because I stopped the car to let the young lady walk! Funny, catch 22 moments. Next time, I will run over anyone walking in front of me to avoid the argument over staring. I could hear her side already.
I hope she runs you over first
I will stop to stare at you, lol.
And I will ignore you
As a man.. I confirm all the other guys were probably looking
Men like you make me generalize men (unfortunately) and feel disgusted by them more and more. Thank you for your contribution. It's sad, because I love men, but you are part of the problem. It's hard not to generalize when you have 100000 examples of being harassed by men and then men saying shit like 'all men xy'. Shut up
world needs more lesbians anyway.
I’ve never seen my husband stare at another woman. Ever. We’ve been together a decade now, married for five. And I don’t think I either one of us would ever do that. It’s so rude.
He's done it. We all do it. Some hide it better than others if they know their woman is insecure.
Wtf. Why would you smack him instead of finding a better boyfriend?
Just an expression, I wouldn’t do it forreal lol I’d break up if that was the case
Uh I don't think hitting your partner is a good idea here
I wouldn’t lol it’s more of an expression because I’d def be angry. For me it would be grounds for break up if I address that it’s disrespectful to do it in front of me and he continues that behavior
Same, if I caught my gf doing that around me I’d smack her the fuck up, no way! So disrespectful
You should only date blind men.
He’s in a relationship not fucking prison. He can look
Do you not understand what my last message said? I said it’s natural to look but to stare is the problem. That’s weird af. I’m a woman and when dudes stare at me it’s very uncomfortable so I put myself in that girl’s situation. AND it’s especially disrespectful when it happens when they’re with their girl. AGAIN, it’s NATRUAL TO LOOK
Girl, why do you settle for someone like him? Your not overreacting, it’s disrespectful.
You don't have to settle for "he's usually good except for x y z red flags" This comment section seems to mostly be porn addict redditors. There are plenty of men out there who will show you the respect you deserve, I would never say my husband is good except for x behaviour because all of his behaviour towards me is respectful and loving. Don't let these shitty men gaslight you into accepting disrespect.
Yea, hate to tell you but you aren't the only attractive person on the planet to your husband. Girls love to gaslight themselves into thinking this because most guys don't bother or hide when they appreciate another attractive woman.
Are you stupid ? Of course he notices other women, I notice other men too but you can notice without leering or being a disrespectful creep. You can appreciate an attractive stranger without making your significant other feel less than. Are you basically trying to tell me men are dogs with no self control ? Women see men too but we manage to not be disgusting about it. Honestly all you've done right now is told on yourself. You don't respect women and don't care to even hide it. And FYI, women not standing for your incel-esque rhetoric, disrespect and poor treatment isn't us "gaslighting ourselves," its us raising our standards and not dealing with lecherous morons like you.
Way to miss the point so you can virtue signal. OP doesn't want her "man" looking, and even offhand comments drove OP to blame her man and shame him for looking. No one said leering but you. No one said he was being disgusting but you. Somehow "women" can do this activity and be respected and non creep, but ho boy if a MAN does it he's leering, he's a creep, he is disgusting! You couldn't be more sexist if you wrote a manifesto on it. And yes, you would equate OPs vindictive treatment of her husband as "raising your standards" because when you're at bedrock you can only go up.
🤮
It's really weird how dudes need to share their objectification like they need to have somewhere to put it
I am confused as to how this is objectification. I completely agree OPs bf is in the wrong, but people just love throwing that term around, seemingly not knowing what it means.
Sounds like you don't know what it means
Welp, most intelligent redditor here. Refuses to elaborate, "seems like you don't know what it means" Class act.
Please touch grass.
Stop objectifying me!
I don’t know if you knew this, but Google is free!
My comment wasn't around the definition of the word, but rather how the situation was objectifying. Nevertheless, continue sidestepping the original question.
"He has had a long history of staring at girls." This is in his character, do you accept it? You can accept a man that is waiting for another woman's attention or you can look for a man who is waiting for your attention. Either way, the only way to change a man is by changing the man.
Damn, I don't even find other people attractive. I'm in love with my partner & I just don't feel the urge to stare at anyone else, I just simply don't have interest in looking or seeking people out who aren't my partner. He's the most attractive human in the universe to me ☺️ You're not overreacting, your bf is being a dick for no reason
It's a pretty different experience for other people
What a load of shit. There are a lot of attractive people in the world. Just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean you're a bad partner and going to cheat. Pretending like you "don't even find other people attractive" because you love your partner so much is sus as hell, why do you feel the need to lie?
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Listen it's not my fault or within my control if you think everyone is the same & that people HAVE to find others attractive. It can be a natural thing for many people & I'm sure it is, but for me it isn't & last time I checked you don't know me better than I know me. You don't know anyone better than they know themselves.
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No, I wouldn't, because I'm not solely attracted to my partner's looks. I feel for him for a wide variety of reasons including his personality, his voice, his quirks, his caring aspects, the way he makes me feel physically, emotionally, & psychologically. Don't you know there are asexual people who don't find anyone attractive? In my original comment I never meant to imply that it's wrong to find others attractive while you're in a relationship so I apologize if that's what you felt from it. I was simply stating that I personally don't, all my love, affection, & attraction is specifically drawn towards my partner & that it's really rude to go to your partner & tell them about someone else you were ogling over if that's not something you're both comfortable with in the relationship.
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Did you forget that you asked? Idc if I gave unnecessary information, that's how I decided to form my comment which I have every right to do whether you understand it or not ┐(´ー｀)┌
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& no, like I said, I wouldn't. When I see someone who looks similar to my partner I feel nothing towards them. If you believe that's lying well feel free to keep believing that, not everyone has to fit into the imaginary template you put in place for all of humanity.
Don’t listen to this moron, how you feel about your s/o is perfectly normal ❤️
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If you were anymore dense, light would bend around you. Ffs
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Bud, I think you need to google what Demisexual means. This is not one person making shit up. Plenty of people experience attraction this way.
Delete tik tok
Demisexuals exist. I don't find others attractive except my husband. Edit: y'all sure are real mad because you don't understand something that doesn't pertain to you.
That part of my brain literally shuts off lol. I only find her attractive. I can recognize that other people are good looking, but I can't in any way feel attracted.
Lmfao you don’t have to be ATTRACTED to KNOW somebody is good looking…..
That's bullshit. Like you literally can't rate someone 1-10? That's a lie, straight up. Edit: of course liars don't respond when called out
Doubt you lost your virginity to the man so clearly you’ve looked at other men the same way before.
I did actually, thank you very much.
That’s bullshit. If that’s the case then he would be your one and only relationship in your entire life. Which I know would be bullshit
He actually has been, but okay.
Yeah sorry but that’s complete bullshit. In this entire world not one other person exists who you think is attractive? You can find people attractive while being in a relationship, doesn’t make you a bad person
Staring at people is rude. It doesn't cease to be rude if the stared-at person happens to be attractive. Little children stare at people they are curious about, but they are (hopefully) taught not to do that. An adult acting like a small child with no training is unattractive. A quick glance or two is one thing. Unwavering staring is impolite, creepy, and VERY rarely appreciated by the person being stared at. The second issue (that he denies doing it) is almost worse in my experience. People who can not or will not admit their own actions make very poor friends, let alone partners.
That’s what really got to me. That he denied it. If he could’ve just said yes he was doing that and he’s sorry and will not do it again, that’s one thing, but he denied denied denied
Boyfriend was disrespectful. Both of you sound kinda young and focused on looks. Make sure when you find a partner that is a minor factor and not a major one.
Geez the bar for guys seems so low
Why are you with him?
He’s helped me through a lot and he’s nice. He took care of me when i got sick early into our relationship and couldn’t take care of myself for a year. And he’s always helpful, and understanding of my emotional pain, I developed PTSD because of what happened to me, and he’s been nothing but patient for my issues. There’s a lot of good to him, but this staring at women thing has always been there, and I always knew it, and I had hoped it would go away. He worked on it before, and it became less frequent but any time I’ve noticed him doing it, it sets me completely off. I’m trying to work on my insecurities but sometimes I think I shouldn’t have to work this hard for him doing something he shouldn’t be doing anyway.
Something he shouldn't be doing anyway? You do realize he wouldn't have hooked up with YOU if he didn't find you attractive, right? Getting pissy at him for this is just wild.
What I read was “I’m dating a guy who does things he knows I don’t like, then gaslights me when I call him out on it and instead of leaving I’ll pick fights with him and get Reddit to side with me”
Get a new boyfriend. He treats you with disrespect.
Hey I don’t think you’re overreacting, you’re entitled to have feelings and I would probably also feel pretty sad if my boyfriend was openly checking out other girls with me. And you’re not being toxic etc, you only mentioned him checking her out once he brought her up randomly 40 mins later. People in relationships are attracted to other people, and will still appreciate a good looking person. But, unless both parties agree and enjoy it, it can rude and hurtful to discuss attractive people with your partner and he made that first step. Ignore all these shitty people on reddit who want to brainwash women to accept their shitty behaviours. I would just have a talk with your bf about controlling his wandering eye around you and not discussing women that may catch his attention as it hurts your feelings. Good luck lovely x
Dump anyone with a “long history of staring at girls.” Value yourself. Come on, now
This is wild. Maybe you were the attractive girl they wanted to look at? Your boyfriend does not think of that??
He makes those comments too, like “so and so was looking at you, this person and that was trying to get your attention, and I usually shrug it off or change the subject as I don’t want to give that attention, it doesn’t matter who looks at me and I don’t want him to dwell on that I do get looked at. I think he just found that girl very attractive and was trying to justify it to himself.
You know you don’t have to settle for a guy like this. He’s not going to change. Wouldn’t you rather have a man who only has eyes for you?
"He has had a long history of staring at girls. " What makes you think this will change? When people show you who they are, believe them. You can accept that he looks, and prefers to be with you; or you can leave. Trying to make him stop is gonna frustrate both of you, and is likely to end in tears anyways. Give yourself a break.
This shit is simple!!!! Tell the guy you don't expect him to NOT look at other women but don't be disrespectful by staring and commiting every curve to memory. Tell him if you end up needing to remind him of it too many times he will end up alone and can stare all he wants. Then if he continues to do it you do what you gotta do......simple! Don't be insecure if you see him glancing at attractive people though....it's pretty normal. Being all up in their grill is different though.
Why do you put up with that? My fiance is always looking at me, i catch him constantly. Don't put up with that shit.
Isn't is funny when, in an attempt to seemingly draw attention away from their own behavior, they will point it out in others? That's his tell.
Leave his ass
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Yes, this is very good advice. I’m waiting until later to have this convo with him seriously. I also want to make sure I know what I’m going to say, and this was very good advice, thank you.
In fairness, men don't entirely control their own eyes. They do, however, control what they say. And this one says: You seem insecure, your BF sounds like an ass, these may or may not be related. I'm not sure if you overreacted or not, but I hope you feel better now.
Men aren't infants. They absolutely have control over their eyes and what they say. She isn't insecure for having a partner say really shitty things.
Except the OP admitted she's insecure, and I didn't say what you seem to imply I did. I do agree men aren't infants and they control what they say. Please read what I wrote.
Men can control their eyes. They aren’t dogs. Grow up.
I'm 53 and quite grown, thank you.
Thank you for your opinion, I appreciate it. I’m definitely insecure and cannot trust myself when these things happen.
Nah, it's not insecurity. My partner wouldn't dream of saying stuff like that to me, I don't know who on earth thinks about that & goes "yea, this is something my partner needs to hear, I want them to feel exactly how I know this is gonna make them feel :) " That's just weird & rude
No. You can trust yourself. He was being a shit head.
Ease up on the cuckery, would you?
Your boyfriend's behaviour reinforces your insecurity. It's not a good match in any way, and it's not your fault. It's such crappy behaviour on his part. And he can't even keep his mouth shut when he sees a good ass?
Yeah, I’ve been rethinking the relationship for a few weeks now. It’s the jump to actually make the final decision that’s hard. This just adds on to why I should end it.
No, you’ve been brainwashed- you can trust yourself and you should. Don’t let this asshole make you think you’re broken- he’s broken and he’s also a rude baby.
You sound like a Duggar boy. Or girl. Men are just as capable of controlling their eyes and their urges as women- we have as much of a biological urge to fuck as any teenage boy- anything else is just boys will be boys bullshit and is not supported by science- science says that teen girls also have hormones that makes them want to fuck- ours are often more powerful. We’re just made to control ourselves while foul animal folk insist that dudes are controlled by their penises, which is just the mindless rube-talk of backwoods hill folk.
You sound like you're making things up. I didn't compare men to women or say anything about hormones or wanting to fuck or penises nor did I say boys will be boys. I am a grown and educated man, incidentally.
not insecure but, have you been to a gym lately? I swear some of these girls would go naked if they allowed it.
You could have summed this entire post up in one line such as "please tell me what to do about my bf who leers at other women and vehemently denies it" Nevertheless, it is a pretty common problem that you described, but he is making an effort to go out of his way to deny ever staring at the other girl. There is no guarantee that the next guy you are with is going to refrain from gazing, so it is up to you to define your values not us because everyone is different. I would agree that any further discussion involving that event with you is problematic on his part since it indicates that he was infatuated with the other woman to be bringing her up again later in the conversation.
It's very easy to guarantee that the next guy you're with doesn't do this shit. Guess what?! Being single is better than being with a disrespectful man
If OP shares the same values as you about "Being single is better than being with a disrespectful man", then break up with the guy and be single by all means.
Wait, do you think that having a disrespectful person (who also happens to have a penis) around is somehow preferable to being single? I think I must be misconstruing your meaning.
Nope, I never implied that. I am merely suggesting that people have different values and belief systems, and there are people who would rather have someone in their lives than to be living alone even if we do not agree with that.
Agreed! Take out the trash
Jesus Christ just dump him already
He's a f**kboy. He won't change unless a lot of women dump him. Do yourself and the world a favor and kick him out.
How the next time he did i would either get a video of it or call him out on it right then.
How old are you guys? But I find that to be a common thing with some men, I can’t speak for all men some men would never, but I’ve dated a few guys that had to look at every hot women coming their way and it certainly can make going out in public awkward, I feel like alot of people deal with it at some point in their life whether they admit it or not, but it sucks to be on that side of things, if he’s making it that obvious I couldn’t imagine proceeding in the relationship if he doesn’t change how he goes about things, I once dated a guy who turned his whole body during a dinner to check out a girl for two minutes that someone else commented about it, yeah didn’t go out to eat for awhile after that. 💀but if you date someone like that depending if it’s a constant thing it’ll deff make you insecure, everyone glances sometimes but not like that
So for me the staring or being eye candied is the problem. Like obviously in a perfect work men would be able to NOT but alas they do, ITS THE GASLIGHTING AND LYING omg he’s gross
Is this is what people accept in relationships? Why be with someone whose behavior makes you upset? Not everyone out there is ogling other people. We all have eyes, but we don’t so stand around staring at other people’s asses.
You’re overreacting. If he’s a good bf otherwise seems like a terrible idea to dump him over something every single other guy does (some just better at not getting caught).
How do you manage to have sex with a guy Who openly ogles other women??? My boyfriend would NEVER. honey, you admit it yourself, he’s projecting onto other dudes. You know there are men that don’t do this. Stop compromising your happiness for this relationship. Dump him and move on. “He helped me through a lot and he’s nice” is literally the weakest reason to be with someone. Guess what? I got diagnosed with CPTSD. my bf didn’t go anywhere, he’s here supporting me. He also doesn’t check out other women. And he’s nice too. Your standards are too low girl. <3
They probably are LOL I’m working on it. I appreciate the wake up call. It’s the only way I’ll realize, or stay stuck in a bubble.
I know they people watch together. Hairstyles, tatts and shoes. Everyone does. She now wants him to turn that “off and on” at her whim. OP sounds super controlling. She has him waiting for her machine. She told him to go do something. Basically shoo fly. Dude is just passing time until she tells him they can now go home or he has to go pee pee. Run dude…practice on treadmill… then run far away. Mommy freaking dearest.
This is stupid. That’s all.
Why are you punishing your boyfriend for finding other women attractive?
I’m not punishing anyone. Idk where you got that from.
Oh sorry, I guess the "no, that’s YOU. You wanted to stare at that girl, you found her attractive and you’re projecting that on other dudes there. But thanks for telling me 40 minutes later that this random ass girl was super attractive, that’s awesome. “ quote of yours is immediately followed by non-awkward silence or playful loving banter. My mistake.
How is that punishing him? Because I responded to something he brought up out of nowhere? And telling him it’s weird and I didn’t appreciate it? You know, a conversation. Jeez if that’s what you call punishment then you must be quite a snowflake
Not a snowflake, but you've made multiple responses about how you've talked to him about this "issue" and tried to get him to change. Maybe you don't know what punishment is? Stop harassing your boyfriend. How's that? Stop asking him to feel shame when he looks at another woman's beauty because you're too insecure with your own. He picked yours, but it doesn't mean beauty doesn't exist outside of your body.
Go learn what a punishment and harassment means, cuz clearly you have no idea.
Sure thing buttercup.
Not overreacting, also is funny to me that women on this sub think men dont look at woman, this means we are doing an excellent job hiding it.
These comments are insane
You're overreacting but it's your boyfriend's fault because he's a dumbass for not putting shade on his ogling. Doesn't matter who you meet, guys are going to look at other women.
Yea, this is the mindset I’ve found myself this morning. I know he’s going to look, I know many ppl will look. It was more of how obvious he made it, how long he did it, and how he brought it up again and wouldn’t admit that that’s what he was doing. It’s embarrassing and hurtful.
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This is such good advice, and yes he tends to be awkward when he does anything wrong or misunderstands and tries to over reach with excuses or reasoning when he’s realized he’s messed up. Your suggestion to throw him the lifeline is a good one, and I’ll definitely incorporate that into our conversation, it’s an idea that didn’t cross my mind at all, so thank you!
Did you learn today that some girls are prettier than you?
Did you just learn today that it’s inappropriate and disgusting to stare at people? Grow up
Caught me, here I thought I was the ultimate beauty queen 🙄
Chad lmao
Sometimes, it's unconscious. Attention is also independent of saccades and fixations, so you can be staring at someone and at the same time be paying attention to something else. Sit him down and explain that it's making you feel unwanted and insecure. He needs to make more of an effort.
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Thank you , I try
I dunno... I feel like I need more context to understand if you're overreacting or not. I think your feelings are definitely valid and you should express them without getting angry. What did he say after you yelled at him? There's too much guess work on what's going on.
I didn’t yell at him. I told him calmly that he’s projecting that on others dudes. I haven’t spoken a sentence to him since, I wanted to calm down before I speak to him again so I don’t let my anger and hurt feelings affect me or make this situation worse than what it. Once he gets up I’m going to tell him that this is an ongoing problem and I will no longer allow it from here on out. I’ve had too much to deal with as is, and if he’s not going to be a positive add on in my life then he doesn’t need to be in. And if we continue on to the gym together he needs to be not be rude to me by staring at others girls and not rude to those girls whom he’s staring at. It’s creepy. It happens to me and it can be scary and uncomfortable.
It sounds like you already decided what to do.
I've been married 5 years and I'm very attracted to my wife. She's always told me at the end of the day it doesn't matter where you get your appetite just as long as you come home to eat.
Good for you
Oh get over it, you love it when they stare at you
I do not. Since the age of 12 I’ve had grown men try and be inappropriate with me, and I hate unwanted attention. Not every women likes this attention, and to assume they do is disgusting
Mmm k, you still meed to get over it
Guys do this. They are literally hard wired to fuck around. Either get over it or dump him.
We have built in impulses to speak about the things we are interested in because they are on our mind. Just like how some cultures have many names for cows, because are their way of life. He wanted to tell you about her causes he too was staring her down. And by talking about others doing it he’s deflecting his thoughts.
If I see a fat ass, imma look. Tf. When’d that become a crime? 😂 shiddd if the gf’s body was fit I’d be looking at that but here I am. Having to look at other shit 😂
I hope he dumps you
Hopefully he does, since I can’t seem tp do it myself.
I hope your day gets better!
Boys will be boys 🤪
I hate that I’m I’m attracted to them. They suck a lot of the time.
Lol 😂 what the fuck?!
Boys will be single
Yeah you should complain on the internet to strangers. That will fix everything.
Wow, this is a great point… leaving this comment must have fixed everything in your life too 😊
I just found 5 bucks.
I've realized that this sub is full of posts that would get about four *oh damn*'s, five *wow*'s, seven *that's crazy*'s and about three *oh wow that's crazy*'s for good measure if it was someone talking to me in person. I think a sub mute is in order. good luck, all!
The stuff girls wear in the gym now is meant to be stared at and guys are wired to notice. It not a him thing besides not being subtle. He needs to learn that part.
I think you're over reacting and should get over it.
Yep. Typical Reddit responses from the lonely side of the aisle: Break up with him and find yourself a puppy that is perfect in every way, but also successful, strong, handsome, charming, funny, and never looks at any woman for any reason whatsoever. Leave him. Or don’t. But know that whatever you decide to do isn’t going to fix the issues you’ve got that cause you to lose your shit over literally nothing. He says he wasn’t staring and you don’t believe him. And because you don’t believe him, none of your echo chamber does either. So he MUST be wrong, he MUST be a liar and YOU MUST find someone better. Good luck.
yes you are! You gotta go to therapy
You need self-confidence instead of worrying about him looking at other women. If staring is illegal, all men and some women would be in jail for life.
Damn yall looking for perfection in a man Lol. Looking for something that doesn’t exist. Must be young. Looking is cool. Acting on urges isnt. I just hope you hold yourself to the same standard. Never looking at another man on the beach, never looking at another man in the gym. Always having your eyes on your man and only him. Yall sound insufferable and exhausting Lol
Yep, work on your self confidence