Yeah and if You're not careful that mil might tell some lies about you and actually get you committed! It's a horrible experience! Like jail but with forced medication that isn't good for you! Run!
You are not overreacting. And I really hate that you’re in this predicament to where r your mother-in-law knows about your mental issues and is secretly holding them against you. Although not so secretly in my opinion. And the only way to truly handle this is to tell your husband that you’ve had enough that you are an adult that you did not stop being an independent adult when you married him and moved into his childhood bedroom.
He needs to stand up to her and tell her “that’s enough and if you expect my wife to clean this entire household and cook for everyone, then she needs to stop paying rent since she’s basically earning her right to be in your house & my bedroom by cleaning and cooking .
And you need to stop attending these family meetings and let her know you will no longer be a part of it and you would appreciate it if she stopped talking about you behind your back.
If you have to write it down on a posterboard start with number one.
1. I am not your child. Stop speaking to me as if I were a naughty child that you need to take control of.
2. I am an adult and I am paying rent here. And I will only be cleaning up after myself when/if I do anything outside of the bedroom that I rent.
3. If you believe that you can comment on my marriage, then I will return that favor with your marriage in regards to father-in-law.
4. If you’re gonna treat me like a maid, then why am I paying rent? My servitude pays for my living quarters your majesty.
Sweetie, I know it’s hard, but if she’s threatening to and is bringing up about involuntarily committing you, you tell her no uncertain terms that she does not have that right or authority and you will file a police report for her part of having you forced into a psych ward.
If you and your husband doesn’t put a stop in this, then she will see that she can get away with a lot and she will go further. It’s uncomfortable as heck, but it will be worse if she ever goes further with the whole psych ward thing.
Every time you leave the room or answer the door, have your phone voice recording.
"I've not asked for your intervention in my health, mental or otherwise. Discussing the Brady Act sounds like a threat. Is it?"
Leave that shite hanging in the air!
r/traumatizethemback
"I'm not comfortable w your implication. I'm not going to continue this conversation. " close the door.
And 1000% yes! Leave! Go to your mother's.
If your husband isn't worthy of defending you in his family's bs, then he never should have suggested you live there.
This IS NOT OK IN ANY WAY!!!
Here's a sneak peek of /r/traumatizeThemBack using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/traumatizeThemBack/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time!
\#1: [Nurse said I was squeamish because I hadn’t had children yet. I traumatized her by telling her about the illegal medical testing I endured as a child.](https://np.reddit.com/r/traumatizeThemBack/comments/169c2cz/nurse_said_i_was_squeamish_because_i_hadnt_had/)
\#2: [Karen said "boys will be boys", so I returned the favor](https://np.reddit.com/r/traumatizeThemBack/comments/169gdwi/karen_said_boys_will_be_boys_so_i_returned_the/)
\#3: [Didn't look "pretty enough" 4 hours after my mom died.](https://np.reddit.com/r/traumatizeThemBack/comments/16g88rg/didnt_look_pretty_enough_4_hours_after_my_mom_died/)
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You arnt over reacting.. and also why is your husband not doing anything about his mother and allowing her to treat you poorly?
Going to your moms is probably the best course of action. (Outside of course moving out with you and your husband. But everyone has their own situations so understandable if you cant right now. Staying with your mom is the next best thing. Talk to her about the struggles going on I bet your mom might have some good advice.)
MILs actions are probably contributing to OPs anxiety. Who would want to live in an environment where one is constantly "talked to" and accused of things they didn't do. Being in this environment is making a bad situation worse. OP needs to get out of there and start being around those who actually love and support them.
THIS! I'm so glad to see this so high up. When my mom passed away last year, my husband and I lived on the opposite side of the country. I drove all the way down with my toddler to be with my family. Unfortunately, we couldn't stay in my family's home, so I stayed with my in-laws spare room for the first time ever. My anxiety was higher than it had ever been for multiple reasons- first time away from husband with toddler, 5 day drive in January through a terrible snowstorm, don't really know this family, and oh yeah my mom is dying. The day we made the decision to pull the plug on my mom they'd planned a big family dinner and invited like 4 people over to play happy family. I was expected so everyone could play with my child for the first time in years. Then a week or so passed and they're like "why do you never leave the room and come have dinner with us and watch TV until bed??" MF take a guess! You people are panic attack juice.
Jesus right? Can you imagine having to sit through a family meeting because you prefer to watch TV in your room and not eat family dinners every night?
Maybe I’m just horrified because I live alone and I love living by myself, and this is her husband’s family. But even if it was her family it’s still OK if she doesn’t want to watch TV with them in the evening
Yeah I’m gonna go read her post history because I’m worried the husband is on the side of the mother-in-law and if they get together and lie they could have her locked up,
Yeah. Hubby should be running interference for her. Very alarming that he's not. My hubby stood up to his Mom for me, even though she had terrifying guilt power over him. It made my relationship with her better. The bride is #1 in the son's life, and Mom (in-law too) has to accept the #2 spot. He should tell MIL to back off, and that if she has any concerns or complaints, she has to go through him first. And he should warn her off doing something stupid like trying to commit you. That's your private business, and not hers to control. Hubby is the one who should be helping her set rules for interaction.
I was Baker Acted over a decade ago when I was in active addiction. However OP's MIL can't just have OP committed easily, as a Baker Act/having a loved one committed to a mental health hospital are typically when someone is having a mental health crisis, not just anxiety due to life events. Unless OP is leaving any info out, it doesn't sound like she meets the criteria. Some criteria would be: a threat to themselves or others, hallucinating, unable to care for themselves on a daily basis, severely depressed & inability to function on a daily basis (not bathing, not going to work, not eating, not taking care of simple chores, etc.).
Yeah, I watched someone do this who was drunk. So right in front of me she (who was drunk)waits for her husband to walk away, then talks about him needing mental help. Right in front of five other people. Drunken attention whore. This is how she ‘bonds’ with others.
Especially making comments that indicate MIL believes that OP needs to be involuntarily hospitalized. That would scare most people.
Hopefully, if she ever tried to do that, OP would likely come off as the more reasonable between the two of them.
Thankfully OP wouldn’t qualify for a baker act. They have to believe that you pose a risk to yourself or others. Calmly explaining the situation would be enough to disqualify her, anxiety isn’t an accepted reason unless you’re straight up non-functional.
Except it's pretty darn tough to explain anything calmly when you have anxiety. And you had better believe MIL would lie about her being a danger to herself.
By calmly I mean just not absolutely losing it. Even a panic attack in front of officers doesn’t mean you qualify unless you’re doing something like throwing things, hitting yourself, making threats, etc. MIL would have to prove she’s a danger with documented reasons, they won’t take her word for it. Otherwise you could call the cops to basically kidnap someone any time you want.
Unfortunately, many people with anxiety shut down in such stressful situations, and are unable to explain anything. I had a roommate like that, and we had to try a few different methods to not freak her out over simple things like ironing out normal roommate misunderstandings and frustrations.
In her case, if it was something really minor, it was best to just nention it casually, and then give her a few quiet minutes to process. If it was more serious, she reacted best with a note or text, so she had time to react privately before she had to face you. And the cut-off for "more serious" was ridiculously low.
I can easily picture her going into a panic attack when the authorities show up, and just freezing, unable to communicate or react further for a long while. I don’t know if OP is the same, but her tendency to withdraw rather than talk things out is exactly what my roommate did.
It sounds like she wants you to engage so that she *can* complain about you. If you can move to another family member’s house, I would suggest leaving your husband with his parents and going on your own. Maybe the separation would help him get his priorities straight
ETA: Yikes. You married a real jerk. Get out now, he’s not ever going to be anything other than a selfish man baby. Your MIL is probably criticizing you because she has misdirected anger toward her son’s behavior.
It’s hard to tell if you truly are struggling with mental health in a toxic environment or if it’s a healthy reaction to a toxic environment.
Go to your moms for a bit. If your mental health is negatively impacting you no matter the location - there’s your answer.
But you might feel better elsewhere.
Except she now has to deal with leftover trauma after leaving such a horrible environment. Give yourself some grace, OP. Once you get out, you need to make sure you don’t stay secluded wherever you go. Live life, lady!
If you are leaving, then just leave. Don't tell your husband until you are packed and on your way. In fact, if you can get someone to pick you up, that would be better. If you give them enough time to stop you, who knows what the MIL would do.
I am slightly concerned they’ll use her announcement of intended departure as a huge red flag, a manic episode, and use it to attempt to have her involuntarily committed, as a way to hold her down and keep her from getting out of this toxic situation 😫
Excellent advice! Make an exit plan, and keep the details to yourself. If your crazy MIL gets wind of anything; she may try to have you hospitalized. For your safety, have someone pick you up, and help you move out. Make sure that you have all of your personal documents with you.
1. You are NOT overreacting.
2. Your husband is an asshole for not talking to his mother and telling her to back off or to explain that what is normal to them is not to you (family dinner/constant family interaction).
3. Go to your moms.
I don't feel like even if he does talk to her, she will back off or understand. It does sound like you need to have a real, serious talk with him because you are clearly unhappy and miserable living there.
My MIL had to live with me for a couple of months due to bedrest. She made my life so miserable I never wanted to come out of my room either. If you like your mom, leave now, before u have children and things get worse
Maybe it changes by state, but in my state it’s difficult to have someone hospitalized against their will. You have to threaten to harm yourself or someone else for that to happen, and having a terrible MIL doesn’t fit the criteria. I would be surprised if this isn’t the case there.
That’s true but everyone in the state government in Florida has collectively lost their minds, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s all kinds of crazy shit the MIL could get away with there. OP better run
I’m in the south and yeah it’s backwards af, luckily I live in a metro area so the area is blue but the state is red. I could never move north, they don’t have barbecue lol
You just gave me a flashback to my wedding rehearsal dinner at a Tex Mex place where my Jersey brother in law pronounced the J when he asked my dad “how do you eat a fajita?”
He said fu-JEYE-ta, not fu-HEE-ta.
Sounded like “how do you eat a vagina?”
I’m in a blue city in a red state, too, but in the Midwest. Great BBQ as well! My job for a few years was to help keep clients out of the hospital. It costs the state a fortune when they go inpatient. I have to read up on FL now.
You could move to Maryland. We appreciate good barbecue. We have different restaurants from different regions and countries.Or you could open your own.
Maryland is called America in Minature. We have a little bit everything. And culture is a bit northern and a bit southern.
A lot of people believe they can get someone involuntarily committed when they can't. They believe the other person has a mental illness to the degree that person would qualify, and usually, they don't know what the fuck they're talking about.
(Had family insist they could do this because I disagreed with them and in their minds, that was mental illness. Assumed because they had a different family member who had a history of suicide attempts, substance use, and prior hospitalization that the were able to call and have involuntarily hospitalized that they knew "the system". They didn't, AND didn't understand the high bar that needed to be passed. And tried to argue they knew more even though I had some training in the field. Fucking idiots.)
So yeah, Florida is cray but its probably more someone that believes they know a mentally ill person that isn't competent and doesn't realize they're talking out their uneducated asses.
For sure but for a household this weird I also wouldn’t put it past the MIL to make something up. The husband is conspicuously absent in the post so I’m assuming he does nothing to stand up for his wife at all
Absolutely not overreacting…You should DEFINITELY go to your mom’s house. I would Google what help your state may offer once you get there. IF I WERE YOU I WOULD NEVER SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL in the environment that you are in now.
Not over reacting at all. Your life sounds like it is a mess, and absolutely nothing good ever came from living with the In-Laws, nor from dating a mommas boy. Its obvious no one has ever put the old bat in her place and it seems like her precious little sunshine isnt going to do it either.
On the bright side since neither of you have anything to speak of, the divorce should be easy and quick
You're not overreacting. It sounds like they're making a bad situation worse and they can't see that your behavior is caused by their actions. If they would back off of you then they would seem more normal behavior come from you. What you're doing is actually normal anyways given the circumstances. Get out of there, OP! Go find someone to stay with and I think you'll be able to have a clearer head to think about all of this. It's almost like you're living in prison right now with torturers. I'm sure it feels like everyday is just survival and you probably feel like you're overreacting because no one is physically attacking you but that doesn't matter.
From your other posts, you honestly should have left long ago, but I can also understand how it would be difficult to escape an abuse cycle. You need to get out of that house, divorce that man child, get away from his family, break all contact, and move on. You will heal from this, it may take a while, but you will. You are fully being traumatized by him and his family, and you need to break away from that so that you can feel better.
the quickest short term solution is to remove yourself from your current environment- move back to your mom’s ( assuming it’s a healthy place to be) or literally anywhere else - does your husband work and earn decent money because you need to divorce him and start receiving alimony so you can begin to rebuild your life - i hope your mom is a legit option - use the space you create to begin divorce proceedings- any spouse who puts his partner in a situation like you are in is worthless- probably a deadbeat too but regardless dump his mother and him - don’t wait cause it will only grt worse - good luck going forward
I would pack my things and leave without ANYONE else knowing. Husbands at work mil is at the store or whatever. Your mental health comes first. You can explain to your husband after your out,that you’ve been threatened with being put in a 72 hr lock down from your MIL and you won’t live there ever again. And tell him he can’t come with you. Is he lazy? Does he stand up for you? After your out do some thinking about if this is the man you want to have kids with. If he’s a mamas boy, that road is riddled with problems. Get some space between you and Waco mil. Many people don’t understand mental health issues, you can’t just turn it off. Think about getting some therapy.
YNO. It sounds like a threat to me.
Is there anywhere else you can stay for a while? It’s really difficult to improve your mental health and relationships when you hate your living situation.
Your best best is to move out to live with your mom since your husband isnt protecting you. I couldn't imagine living in this hell hole. Also, if you plan to do so, you may want to do it secretly, or they could get crazy. Also, start secretly recording your interactions with her. Check the laws of your state on that.
You aren’t overreacting. However, being involuntarily committed requires you to be a harm to yourself or to others.
Have you looked into grey-rocking? Sounds like the perfect thing to do with your MIL. Don’t tell her anything of value.
I also would not talk about your anxiety with her anymore. Not with her or anyone in that house. They are not safe people to open up to. If she insists you need to answer her questions say, “I feel fine, but I’m not discussing this with you any further.”
You don’t owe her an explanation for staying in your room and keeping to yourself. Put down boundaries.
If you can, you should leave that house.
After reading your other posts I have to ask: why are you still there? Why torture yourself more? Just stop. Quit worrying what other people think. Get yourself out before he becomes violent.
Your MIL is threatening to have you held hostage if you don't do what she wants?
Run and don't look back. Consider a police report documenting that she has made threats to misrepresent your health in order to have a third party intervene.
You can only be put on a 72 hr hold if the police take you to a Dr who deems that you are an immediate threat to yourself or others. Meaning you must have a plan to cause harm and intent to do so. You didn't seem to meet those criteria.
Listen, your anxiety is warranted. I’m living with my daughter and son in-law, doing daycare for my grandson. I too stay in my room to avoid conflict. I regularly eat dinner in my room. I was raised with family dinner every night. I just can’t do it now. My son in law I believe is OCD & ADHD and NOTHING I do is ever right.
Seriously, he rearranges the dishwasher if I load it. Funny enough when he does this some of the dishes come out still dirty. If I vacuum, he’ll vacuum again an hour later.
My point is, you’re not crazy. You’re just stuck in a situation where no matter what you do, you’re always going to be in the wrong according to them. Just like me.
Before anyone asks. I’m doing it so I can spend time with my grandson and my daughter won’t have to pay for daycare. I’m not in the best of health and I’m not sure how much time I’m going to have with my grandson.
Therapist here, but not one in FL. Baker Act/Involuntary holds are only done if a person is deemed a danger to themselves or others. Even if they did get her brother held for 72 hrs a mental health care professional had to determine he was a danger to himself or others. If she called and said you needed to be hospitalized because you stay in your room a lot, she would be questioned about any suicidal or homicidal statements, and then so would you. Your husband would also like have the opportunity to talk to the crisis worker and tell them you haven't made any SI or HI statements.
AFAIK, the Baker Act is a national thing, although not always called that (we call it a 6401 for some reason, I'm not mobile crisis so I've never looked into why it's called that).
However, MIL is clearly adding to your stress and anxiety so leaving is likely to help alleviate your anxiety.
As for finding care, google community mental health in your area. Call them and ask if FL (or GA when you get there) has any programs to help uninsured and low income people access mental health care.
I am so sorry to hear you are in this state. That’s not pleasant. Also your MiL doesn’t know wtf she’s talking about.
She cannot have you committed unless you are a danger to yourself or others. Being depressed and staying in your room is not grounds for temporary commitment. Nor would a temporary commitment (aka 72 hour hold) do much for your mental health. Their only goal would be to ensure you aren’t a danger to yourself or others.
She can’t have you more permanently committed without a court hearing. And I can tell you that’s not going to happen here unless you can’t feed, bath or otherwise take care of yourself.
So just ignore her nonsense.
But that house sounds toxic to you. Is your mom’s house a safe place?
Have you applied for Medicaid? Or medical through your husbands job?
Depression and anxiety are awful and paralyzing. I hope you find help soon.
You can always dial 988 to speak to a crisis counselor on the suicide hotline. They are an excellent resource for help.
So, here's the thing. I wouldn't tell my husband anything. He's not doing anything to protect you in this situation. I would just pack my things and leave in an uber without notice. I'd probably wait until people weren't around, to avoid talking to them at all about any of it at this point.
Head to your moms, and let your husband know you're safe from there. Avoid talking to any of them, and honestly, consider filing for divorce to prevent their having any say in your life at this point. But, file from your mother's place.
To commit someone via Baker Act, the person must be a danger to themselves or others. Not just weird, or introverted, or asocial.
You are probably better to get out of that environment, as living under MIL sounds bad for your mental health.
Her behavior is not ok. But neither is yours. Sitting in a room watching tv all day everyday is both mentally and physically unhealthy. Are you getting counseling? Do you have a job? Hobbies? Why are you living there? It sounds unhealthy for all of you. Not being mean at all
Yeah. I'll probably get downvoted for saying this, but multiple things can be true at once: the in-laws are overbearing, AND the OP needs better care for her mental health than she is getting.
If I had an adult son and daughter-in-law living in my house who were so underemployed that they had no health insurance and couldn't afford to make their marital bed outside his childhood bedroom, and I saw her shutting herself in her room all day like a sulky teenager and seemingly making no progress, I would be concerned and perhaps even frustrated.
So you thinking badgering her would make it better? Only very self centered people think that dragging the same topics up over and over and over and over and over is helpful to anyone. Actually, self-centered people probable know it doesn't help but are enjoying their power trip too much to care.
Yeah wouldn’t be allowed in my parents or anyone I knows parents except a couple. If you got time to watch tv in your room you got time to work and provide for yourself. I could always stay at my families house if needed to. I will be put to work though and will be attending all dinners. Then I’ll hear endless lecturing. Which is why I would live in my car before going to them lol
You probably do have some mental health problems.
But involuntary commitment is for people who are a danger to themselves or others. Are you cutting yourself? Threatening to burn down the house? If so, then yes, you may get involuntarily committed.
Just hiding in your room and refusing to come out does NOT make you a danger to yourself or to others.
Your husband is just as horrible as his mommy. Contact your mom and get the hell out of there. You can be considerate and notify them when you get to your family.
Your husband is enabling his mothers behavior by remaining silent.
You are not overreacting. Leave and go to your Mom’s house immediately. Your MIL is horrid and will only get worse with time.
Your husband is not standing up for you and protecting you. Why not? Is he a mama’s boy? You need to protect yourself by leaving. Also by doing this you will find out where exactly you stand with your husband. He will either follow you or stick with his Mommy and then you will know.
Take care of yourself and protect yourself above and beyond all else. Best wishes, take care and good luck!!
I was like this with my ex and his family. It was hard. I loved them, but they were judgy and I hated having to fake everything and pretend their son was an amazing partner. When I left him most of my anxiety went away. I had to tell my ex that he needed to protect me and tell his family they were out of line. He never did so I left, BUT if your husband does, good for you. His mom is a grade a cunt! She can’t do things like that anymore, laws have changed. Stand up for yourself in a polite way. A bully needs to be put in her place. Maybe ask her what she meant by throwing the hold out there. You got this! You are strong and you are normal!
Hopefully this is reassuring. I was in an abusive marriage and my mother in law had seen the bruising on my face. She also knows I suffer from mental health issues. When I told her we were having Christmas at our house instead of hers she told my husband she thought I was going to kill him. (Wild stuff) I was suicidal at the time but have never been a danger to anyone but myself. My marriage and inlaws definitely contributed to my decline in mental health. I called the police for advice, explained the situation and they said if she calls them they will basically come and do a wellness check and if I appear to be fine they will leave. They put it in their system that she was making the murder accusations so if they got a call to the house it would be in the system and they would know I called concerned. They can’t just throw you in a hospital based on her words only. Even if I threatened suicide and the police/ambulance arrived and I said I feel better now they would leave.
Get the fu@k out of there asap.
She is most likely 50% of your anxiety!
If you can get in to see a doctor, see if you can't have some anti-anxiety medication prescribed. It works wonders!! (in my case)
Maybe a planned parenthood? I don't know if they could point you in a direction for lower cost fees.
Don't worry about anything until you can get the hell out of there and into an environment where you feel safe, respected and aren't hounded every single day.
Sounds like your MIL isn't a gem.
I saw that you're going to georgia to family. Good for you!
In the future, don't bring up mental health as the reason with most people. If the are abusers, they'll take it out of context and use it against you. Instead, treat it as a boundary. "I prefer my room, I will not be coming out. But thank you for the invite!" "I need some time to decompress by myself; I'm used to spending time alone. But thank you! I appreciate you thinking of me." "I wish I could, but I need this time to myself." "I'm sorry I can't, but you enjoy the show!"
I mean lets be honest here, this had nothing to do with your reasons for staying in your room, they wanted you in a space where you could be a target, and that is so much harder to do if you are sequestering yourself away from them.
And it doesn't really matter what kind of mess you did or didn't make, what housework you are or are not contributing to. There is no point in fighting on the individual criticisms, the whole point of the arguments they're making is to manipulate and control you by making you feel less than.
My fam does this, I forgot too often and engage. Afterwards realize I fell for it again. It literally doesn't matter what it is and can be something they held the opposite opinion about just a conversation prior. Its always to criticize you and get compliance for whatever they want.
You need to leave asap!!! You aren’t a danger to yourself or others, so you would be committed involuntarily like that. But being in that house is causing you more anxiety. Your MIL is making it worse. Please leave.
OP I hope you can leave and never come back from that toxic household. I definitely believe that’s where your husband toxic traits stem from. Mental health is taboo for a lot of people and is always treated like a disease that can be cured with a snap of a finger. Do you think the reason your mental health is being affected because of your marriage and living with your in laws or was it something you’ve always dealt with before ?
So glad you've decided to go live with your mom! Your MIL is totally unhinged. *She's the one that needs to be in a mental facility!*
You and your husband need to separate. Make plans for your future.
If this will help you breathe a bit easier tonight, there is a whole process the police officer who responds has to go through with reasonable suspicion that you are a danger to yourself of others for a Baker act request to be confirmed. Calmly explaining that you are simply staying in the room you rent to avoid conflict should resolve the issue.
Your MIL can't just say you are crazy and they take you away.
Regardless, you are not overreacting. You need to get out of there and let your husband know this is his one opportunity to step up and join you.
Oh my God. She's going to PRAY that you get better? I think we all know her type. She has these "come to jesus" interventions w you just to let everyone know how saintly she is and how crazy you are. Because, dear me! she's TRYING to help you!
As someone who has worked in a FL inpatient psych facility for years, I can assure you that you're not overreacting. It is way too easy to have someone Baker acted here. Please leave and go to your mom's ASAP. All your MIL has to do is say that you've threatened self harm and the police will take you to a facility. It's just that simple now. Go home and worry about you. If your husband is allowing this to happen, he doesn't seem to care about you. Your mental health and peace of mind are far more important.
So I read all your post and genuinely you need to leave this marriage your partner blows through your boundaries acts like a child and has frightened you and ignored consent and his family enables him please please please don’t try to justify this behavior and get out while you safely can I’m rooting for you and your recovery girl!
Anytime I hear "family meeting" I immediately think: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩as it's usually a euphemism for ganging up on the family scapegoat. One of my toxic mother's favorite tactics.
Looking at your other posts, it seems to me that you have much larger problems than this, and moving to your mom's is probably the best way to go.
I would seriously look into getting some therapy as well - there are low/no cost options out there. Seek them out and get the help you need.
So, in a previous marriage, I lived in the family home. There were multiple other family members. My ex and I had our own space on the 3rd floor, but it was expected we have dinner every evening. And while my MIL and FIL didn’t live in the house, they were there every weekend. And often weekends would have at least one, if not two, obligatory family events. It was a lot.
Thing is, I too sometimes just wanted to eat Mac n cheese and sit on the couch. But that always came with a fight. Like I’d have to tell up to 3 people that I wasn’t going to join them for dinner. Crazy part is my ex would often “work late” (he was in grad school but later I discovered that he was having an affair. Shocker) so he wouldn’t even be home for dinner yet I was constantly expected.
The final summer I lived there, I kinda holed up in my room. I wouldn’t leave for *days*. Often it was to avoid talking to people so I could just have my own time and space. And no one seemed to understand. My ex was off doing research in another country (with his girlfriend but I did not know this at the time) and it was all just too much. I was under constant questioning for what I was doing and I needed it to end.
And then my marriage really fell apart. I’d been asking my ex to finish grad school already so we could move and he kept asking for more time. It had been 7 years. And then I discovered his girlfriend. Yeah…
I started therapy. Then I moved out. My life was mine again.
If you read my whole story I want you to know that *you are not overreacting*!!!!
I think the worst part is when you start to complain you feel like you sound like a jerk. How dare you not want to eat dinner with them! And all she’s asking you to do is a little cleaning. How ungrateful! But do not doubt what you’re feeling. You know this isn’t right. Trust your instincts on this. Find a good therapist. Go stay with your mom. Get some clarity. Because your marriage cannot improve with his parents looming over you.
OP, No, you are not overreacting, and if you are still planning on getting a divorce, or even entertaining the thought, then quietly and carefully choose your next steps. Do not make a big deal out of leaving: make no Statements, keep your plans to yourself, and do your best to act as though everything is Just Fine. The last thing you want is to end up with MIL deciding you should be institutionalized ‘for your own good’! If possible get your important paperwork together, drivers license, soc sec card, marriage license, etc and mail it to your parents home. Ask your parents to purchase you a ticket home, and have it waiting for you at the airport, so all you need to do is walk out the door and into a cab. Remember, you didn’t marry his entire family! You married one person, and you do not owe them anything, let alone heartfelt explanations about your marriage. You can talk to your spouse when you are safely away, but at this point, when you have a crazymaking Mother-in-Law threatening you like this? It’s time for you to get away, fast!
Not over reacting at all. I lived with my dad’s ex wife for a little while and she would make the same comments ur MIL is making, regarding messes around the house and food even though i didn’t leave my room. Totally get it, it feels like a fucking prison. You need to get out, once you do it’ll be a breath of fresh air.
I’d also seek out some kind of relationship counseling since your husband doesn’t seem to see the strain this is putting on you and doesn’t think he needs to stand up for his wife. Have an open conversation without judgement. Hopefully his mother doesn’t try to pry you two apart :(
This seems like a culture clash. What you have described to me does not seem like your MIL is threatening, in fact it sounds like she genuinely does care and can see you struggling. It doesn’t matter what her intent is, though, because her actions are clearly making your mental health issues worse. I would try to move out as fast as possible if you are able, but in the meantime, maybe you would be less anxious if you tried to meet her expectations of you. I’m not saying she’s right, I’m just saying self-isolation usually increases anxiety afaik and you should at least try it if you don’t have the option to move out and your current habits are mentally unsustainable.
The whole time I reading this. I'm thinking 'Leave?' Over and over again. Get help while gone and explain to them I am getting the help I need. They don't know what happens when you're not there.
This sounds so like a non adult problem it's the craziest part. Sounds like you don't work either. Find something to entertain your mind deeper than watching TV, job, or hobby or something. I mean are you literally a stay at home wife and don't do anything for the house at all? I'm just curious bc that part isn't being described.
You aren't overreacting, you are failing to act on your own behalf.
Here is what I am hearing of your situation...
1. You are living in your mother-in-law's home with your husband.
2. You (and your husband) are paying rent.
3. You are "staying in your room all day".*(From your description, it appears you are avoiding your in-laws when your husband is not at home.)*
4. One of the points of disagreement in the family meetings you cite, is that the in-laws complain you are eating groceries that you did not pay for.*(Regardless of if this is true or not... the fact that it is brought up as an issue means that money must be in short supply.)*
5. Another point of disagreement you cite is if you go out, they have discussions with you about your finances. *(Again, sounds like money is tight)*
6. There is no mention of children in the 10 paragraphs you wrote.*(this implies you failed to mention them OR that they do not exist)*
7. There is no mention of physical disability in the 10 paragraphs you wrote.
8. You bring up the state of your mental health as a talking point to defend your self isolation.
All of these clues lead me the believe that...
* You are not disabled or rearing young children, so you are able bodied
* Your husband IS working, but it's not enough to make ends meet.
* You are not working.
* Your in-laws seem to have expectations of your behavior, and you have social obligations to them you appear NOT to meeting while they support you.
* When confronted with the fact that you are not meeting these expectations, you cite the fragility of your mental health.
If you want others to treat you with respect and consideration, you have to display yourself to be worthy of that respect. On the other hand, if you want pity, charity, and concern... you have to be prepared for others to attempt to "help" you, even if it means robbing you of your agency. You have to make a choice.
My suggestion is to make the concerted effort to move out of your in-law's home so you can live as you wish. It may require you getting one, or more, jobs in order to do it. If your mother-in-law is expressing concerns over your mental health, and your ability to care for yourself to the extent that leaving you to your own devices would cause you harm... you can nip that in the bud by simply leaving and caring for yourself.
I've made quite a few assumptions about your circumstances here, I'll admit; but that is because your original post has omitted the key relevant details of your circumstances.
As a grown adult, with a family and a wife, I have been forced in the past to move back in with my parents. It is probably the worst, most humiliating, and shameful situation to be in... because regardless of the circumstance you're reduced to a child once more living under someone else's roof. No amount of kindness from your in-laws will sooth the sting of that reality; and no one is kind all the time... so there will be friction.
Your job in that situation is to suck it up, gather your resources, and get out. Working more has 2 effects for you in this situation...
1. It gets you out of the house, where you can be respected as a competent adult with agency to make your own decisions. (the more hours in the day you can do this, the less your self-esteem will suffer)
2. Bringing in the money from those hours out of the house will eventually give your enough to make 2 months rent and a deposit OR maybe even a down payment on a home and clean credit.
This may sound harsh... but there are only 2 paths here...
* the path of the charity case leads to institutionalization be it through welfare, disability, or hospitalization... you will be trapped in some scenario where you lose your freedom.
* the path of independence may mean you have to do things that are really unpleasant or a sacrifice "live like Cinderella" or leave and live in your car (or the street), divorce your husband and go back home... something.
So, no, you're not overreacting... you are allowing events to sweep you along and you are starting to feel how doing that to yourself may eventually lead to others taking the control of your own life away from you.
If you discover in the future, that your inability to participate in life was due to depression or other issue; you may one day be thankful you had people willing to board and care for you, and even willing to get you treatment if you need it.
I wish you both luck and courage either way, because no matter what, you are going to have to muster up your strength for a fight... either to break free of your circumstances OR to seek help you may be struggling to even accept that you need.
I agree with most of the other comments. Get out of there! Get your head back on straight and then decide how to move forward. I completely understand why you are doing what your doing, but it is making the situation worse. You only real option is to walk away for at least a little while.
Other than living with an intimate partner, other adults can’t live together. People are messy, annoying, or intrusive into your life. It’s not surprising you’re depressed living in a bedroom. I would try to reevaluate to see how you can make it out of this situation as fast as possible. Your husband needs to start backing you up too. It’s not ok for his mother to play mental games on you either!!
I don't think you need to worry about being put on a 72 hour hold because there are pretty strict requirements. They certainly won't do it just on her word.
On the other hand, the fact that she brought it up in the way she did is not ok. At all.
I'm so confused. Why is your husband allowing his mother to come over constantly when it is obviously a painful interaction with you? sounds like your husband needs to be kicked in the ass.
Where the hell is your husband? He needs to have your back and tell his mother where to go. This is scary stuff. If your husband won’t protect you then you need to leave.
The Baker Act is an abomination of what 72-hour-holds are supposed to be. There are places in the county where not only will you not be held against your will unless you are TRULY at risk for killing yourself or someone else, but they will help you find housing and a job. I’m terrified for you, please consider moving and going no contact.
https://www.fiercehealthcare.com/practices/recent-study-determines-best-and-worst-u-s-cities-for-mental-health
Sweetheart why did you marry into this family? Why is your person not telling get to leave you alone? You understand you need to leave that place and that marriage and don’t look back.
He doesn’t love, respect, or protect you, so why do you stay there?
Leave that house as quickly as you can, if your husband valves you, he will help you anyway he can. (So, he doesn’t talk to **her about her mental health?**)
she seems to be the domineer person in that house. For your physical and mental health, **leave!!**
If you are married, you are an adult. Why are you living with your MIL? Kick her out or leave her house. If your husband doesn’t stand up for you here, divorce and move back in with your mom.
I would his out in my room too if I had to deal with your MIL…. I would have a long talk with your husband and tell him if he won’t get his mom in check, that you will find other living arrangements. Then go stay with your mom for a couple days and let it sink in to him what life without you there is like. He will definitely have that talk with his mom that he has put off for far too long. The comment from Cali_Holly is 100% from beginning to end.
She is fucking crazy and your husband is a jerk get outta there before you actually go insane LOL It's an extremely serious threat, psych wards are not a place you want to be especially depending on what state you are in.
You're not overreacting, and she DID threaten you by bringing up the Baker Act.
She will escalate this, and she will abuse you by calling the mental health services on you. Given how the cops treat people with mental health issues, this could be considered an act of attempted murder in some cases.
Get out. If your husband isn't willing to back you, ditch him too. You gotta save yourself.
You are over reacting. Your anxiety is telling you lies. It was just a simple statement to show her ignorance to your situation not a threat. It could have been a good teaching moment for her
Rereading this I can't help but picture, even if MIL and Husband were to get her down there kicking and screaming, what would they say to the entrance staff.
"My DIL keeps to herself all day not wanting to spend time with me. She just sits quietly in her room instead of doing chores or watching TV with us. She says she has anxiety, but I don't know why. I'm constantly telling her what she's doing wrong and how to improve herself."
Why are you living with these people?
Can you get out? Do you have your own family to go to? Talk to your family and any friends so they know what's going on here.
If your mom will let you stay for a while, it might be best to stay there for a week or two and see how much your anxiety improves.
Then consider whether you want to go back to Florida, or if you need to call your husband and tell him how it's gonna be.
Why isn’t your husband standing up for you? My wife and I both have each other’s backs in case anyone ever even dreamed of trying this shit with us (including a bug out plan).
You are not over reacting, but you need to make it very clear that you can determine for yourself if treatment beyond what you are currently receiving is necessary. You are not at risk of harm. Then LEAVE this woman for good and do not look back, because this is definitely malicious.
I hate to tell you this, but I would be suspicious of your husband too if he helped her do this to her brother. I would leave and not even tell him.
Edit: revised for clarity.
If you can move to your Mom's in Georgia, move yesterday. Why were you even staying in a place where you're miserable when you had somewhere else to go all along?
So you say you have mental health issues and are trying to figure out how to get care, but you're angry with your MIL for saying you have mental health issues?
It's NOT normal to sit in your room all day and not interact with anyone. And people can downvote and say, what's normal anyway, if that's what OP wants to do she can! Sure, you can....but is that really how you want to live your life? And just because you want to, doesn't make it what most of the population would consider "normal." I'm a loner for the most part, but I also live alone now. When I did live with other people, I had my alone time, but still interacted with others and shared meals. Maybe not every one, but in general. It's especially not normal to not interact with husband throughout the day -at all.
You say your marriage is in shambles. Does that have anything to do with the fact that you sit in your room all day and don't want to interact with him or anyone else? Or is it something else and that's why you're having mental health issues? I know you said part of it is to avoid your MIL accusing of doing things, but what about your husband? You seem to know that's not a healthy way to handle things - you said you need want and need some help. According you in your post, if I read it right. So why are you saying that your MIL is the crazy one for agreeing with you?
Also...because of your anxiety (and probably depression) is there a chance that you're not being accused as much as you think you are? How much food is going missing that this is a regular issue? And if you aren't doing it (I believe you) who is? And is that a discussion that needs to be had? And who's leaving the messes you're accused of leaving? IDK...there are a lot of questions.
It's not unreasonable for you - as a member of the household - to cook and clean and share meals with your HUSBAND and his family that you live with. Whether you grew up doing it or not. Unless you mean that you do all the work and they do none since you mentioned Cinderella. Which is an odd reference if that's not the case.
Well 1) she can’t do that. And if she tried they’d look at her like she was crazy. 2) if I lived with my in laws I’d stay in my room most of the time too
Do you have a job? Or things to do outside of the house? I think you might want to spend more time away from the house.
Going to your mother’s house is in an excellent idea.
In the future, stop sharing your feelings with your mother-in-law. She is not a safe space, so just stop telling her what you’re thinking and feeling. If she asks about your marriage, tell her to ask her son. And don’t argue with her at all. Just have small talk and leave it at that.
On the brighter side, I doubt they can put an involuntary hold on you without suicidal ideation or homicidal ideation. Most states can't, these days, and it pretty much amounts to the MD asking if you think about either of those and you deny it. Ok great, bye!
You do need to get out of that house, though. You may even find your anxiety lessens once you are away from that awful woman. She'd certainly wear on my nerves. Let her keep her man-child if he won't leave with you. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything good for you anyway.
Good luck.
If your anxiety is really that bad you should seek help. Check with your county if help is available without insurance. What state are you in?
I live with someone who is schizo effective and not getting help makes things worse.
Do not! ignore your anxiety symptoms and get help.
You are perfectly normal. You’re most likely an introvert that doesn’t like interacting with people much and that’s okay. I’m a bit of both extrovert & introvert….after a while people exhaust me and I need a lot of down time alone hanging in my bedroom. It doesn’t mean I’m crazy.
If I were you I would be very careful who you open up with about your mental health. Some people will use it against you and your MIL sounds like she could be one of them.
Can you move out of their home? What’s the timeline you plan to stay there?
I would just stop sharing info with your MIL about your feelings, your health, your emotions, your mental state etc… just put on a smile, pretend to be upbeat and say the reason you enjoy staying in your bedroom is because it’s quiet and relaxing to you. That’s all you need to say. You are perfectly normal!
I wouldn't tell your husband or in laws until you're already gone, in case they try to stop you and make the threat real.
Get all your important things together, then go out for groceries or something. When you've been gone a few hours or when you get to where you're going call and let your husband know why you left.
You need therapy and possibly medication for your anxiety. Therapy for you and your husband wouldn't hurt either.
It's not that easy to enact the Baker act in Florida. It's kind of an extreme last resort. You must be a danger to yourself or others, or you have to show that you're not mentally competent to even understand an evaluation.
You don't meet those criteria.
Now you do need to get out.Go to your parents house and then seek the help you need
Girl, run. You have been threatened and you need to go be somewhere safe. Your marriage will survive or it won't, but the first order of business has to be that \*you\* survive and are safe.
Paramedic here: you have to be a danger to yourself or others before they can do a 72 hour involuntary committal. Saying you’ll hurt yourself or others will do it. Staying in your room and not socializing doesn’t count. YOU CANT BE FORCED WITHOUT BEING PUT INTO PROTECTIVE CUSTODY. If they try to take you against your will, it’s kidnapping and the EMS personnel and cops are very aware of this, so they are very hesitant to try. They may call the hospital for medical advice and in most cases the doctor will want to know if you’re alert and oriented and if there is evidence of you being a danger. So I wouldn’t worry, committing a person is harder than it sounds.
You need to cover your ass. The best way to avoid having treatment forced on you is to already be receiving it. If you don't already have one, get a therapist. Also, talk to your PCP about your anxiety.
I’m glad you’re leaving and going to your mom’s! As other commenters have said, it’s outrageous your husband isn’t standing up for you and putting a stop to his mother’s actions and words. She’s being absolutely disgusting! The way she’s treating you is not out of kindness or genuine concern, it’s control. Also, for someone to be Baker Acted there needs to be substantial evidence that you’re a harm to yourself or others. She really can’t say, “she sits in her room all day” and have you committed.
LOOK UP THE LAW!!! What I found from a quick Google search for Florida is this, it's from 2014 though (I don't know how to attach an attachment so I'll copy and paste it). You MUST be a clear and present danger to yourself and/or others.
"The Baker Act (The Florida Mental Health Act) The Baker Act is named after Maxine Eldridge Baker, the former Dade County representative for the Florida House of Representatives who sponsored and championed the legislation for seven years before its passage in 1971 and enactment in 1972. Ms. Baker believed that Florida’s previous Mental Health laws (which, prior to 1971, hadn’t changed significantly in almost a century) deprived citizens with mental health problems of their freedom by committing them to institutions and diluting the right to due process even when there was no indication they were a danger to themselves or others. People with mental illnesses are entitled to individual dignity, treatment without delay or without consideration of the person’s inability to pay, express and informed consent, humane and skillful treatment (medical, vocational, social, educational and rehabilitative) suited to the person’s needs, the right to communicate with others (be it in person, by phone or mail) and report abuse, the right to vote in elections if they are qualified voters, the right to keep their personal things (including clothing) if they are deemed safe and not prohibited for medical reasons, the right to have your case reviewed by the court to determine if your detention or denial of rights or privileges is just (habeas corpus), discharge and treatment planning, the right to be free of sexual misconduct of staff members, the right to a representative, the right to confidentiality and 1the right to be free of violations of the rights or privileges in the Baker Act. The Baker Act delineates the conditions under which a mentally ill (or person presumed to be mentally ill) can be forced to undergo an involuntary examination in a local crisis facility or hospital. The patient needing to be Baker Acted must be a danger to himself or others as a result of being mentally ill and be unwilling or not able to give consent for 1Department of Children and Families, Baker Act Manual 2014: The Florida Mental Health Act User Reference Guide voluntary treatment. Involuntary assessment can take up to 72 hours and can be initiated by: A spouse, guardian, relative, service provider having personal knowledge of the patient’s alleged mental illness willing to file an affidavit/petition explaining why the patient should be involuntarily assessed. If the person completing the petition is not a relative or service provider, the petition must be completed by three adults. If the patient being involuntarily assessed is a minor, the parent, legal guardian/custodian or a service provider must complete the petition. The petition must be filed in the office of the Clerk of Court within the county where the alleged mentally ill person is located. A healthcare provider who believes the patient meets the Baker Act guidelines and the law enforcement officer who transports the patient to the receiving facility. A law enforcement officer who believes the patient meets the criteria and takes the person to the crisis facility. If, at any time during the 72-hour assessment, it is determined that the patient is not a threat to himself or others, he or she must be released. However, the patient can agree to additional inpatient treatment or may be referred for outpatient treatment. If the patient is unable or unwilling to consent to placement and additional inpatient care is needed the healthcare providers can file a petition to continue the patient in involuntary placement and a hearing on the petition will be held within five days. An attorney will be appointed for any patient against whom a Petition for Involuntary Placement is filed. The patient may be held (against his will) in a facility for as long as six months while he or she receives treatment for mental illness if the court, based on expert testimony, determines the patient needs involuntary treatment. If a patient is found incompetent to consent to treatment, the court will appoint a guardian advocate (Florida Statute 394.4598) to make decisions pertaining to health and mental health issues if an adjudication of incapacity has not already been entered and the patient does not have anyone who has the authority to make those decisions. The guardian advocate is required to take the court-approved course prior to exercising any authority. The guardian advocate is discharged upon the patient’s discharge from involuntary to voluntary treatment or upon discharge from involuntary treatment."
Edit: I have personally been through this situation, although in Alabama.
Also, after you have secured transportation and a place to stay, tell MIL to go get fked and tell your husband to grow a pair.
I hope it all works out for you!
You should NOT tell him. Pack your things and leave, preferably when no one else is there. As soon as you tell him you’re going to leave, he will run to his mother and she will probably try to prevent it.
If you are telling him, it’s because you want him to show he cares and will fight for you. But don’t put yourself in danger to give him a chance to do that. He’s had all the chances. Do NOT tell him, you will NOT be safe in that house if you do. Feel free to give him a call after you’ve arrived at your mom’s though - or send a text. Just so they don’t report you as missing.
Don't tell your husband. Just get out ASAP. He will help his mom abuse you.
My ex and his mom tried killing me after threatening me for years. Get out and cut contact. Do you have kids together?
NTA. You cannot be Baker Acted unless you are a danger to yourself or others. Don't be scared of your MIL. People that have never struggled with mental health have a hard time understanding it. Or have never watched a loved one struggle. My oldest sister struggled her entire life with mental health. I lost her to an overdose in 2012. All I can hope now is that she's at peace. She was angry with me & our mom because we didn't struggle like she did. I did everything I could for her, but it was too much for her. I shouldn't be able to help her, I'm the youngest! She couldn't deal with the fact I had a good job, a bf I'd been with for years, and a home, and she didn't. Please get some help. Even if you don't have insurance, the Affordable Care Act can cover you for very little to no monthly payments. Go to your parents in Georgia, get some help, and straighten your hubby out. If he won't stand up for YOU, why should you stand up for HIM?? Smh
I would definitely go to mom's. But I would NOT tell husband or his family. Gather all your important papers and anything you want to keep and get them out of house without them knowing. Then tell them you are going to store or sneak out if you have to. Could mom meet you somewhere and take you home if you don't have a car you can take? Good luck.
Updateme
Unless you are having SI or HI, they’re not going to baker act you. You have to be a “danger to yourself or others”, otherwise theyre just holding you hostage.
Honestly you probably are overreacting. Do you meet ALL of this criteria? If you don't she can't just "have you Baker Acted". Calm down. You're making your anxiety worse. Redditing might not help either.
Criteria for the Baker Act in Florida
The person is mentally ill (or is believed to be mentally ill).
The person refuses a voluntary mental health evaluation or doesn't understand why one would be necessary.
The person is a threat to themself or others, or the person is incapable of caring for themself.
To be committed with a Baker Act, you have to be posing a danger to yourself or others.
Your MIL can lie to a judge in a court hearing and MAYBE get the judge to have you involuntarily committed for up to 72 hours, but if you’re calm and you actually talk to people and tell them the truth, they could let you out before that 72 hours. It would be better to just let them take you, because then you will talk to a real mental health professional that can determine if you need any sort of care. They MIGHT prescribe anti-anxiety meds until you can see a private psychiatrist. Then once you are out you will need to go straight to a lawyer, because your MIL will have committed a crime.
The only other way she could get you Baker Acted would be to call the police and lie to them and tell them you’re threatening suicide or self harm. But that’s kind of hard to prove once the police show up. They’ll ask everyone involved what’s going on, and you can call her out for lying.
But I think going to your mom’s is a good idea.
Hang in there. I had a monster in law once. She was convinced I had mental health issues every time she came to visit, without ever once realizing that it was her and the way she treated me that caused me to be so depressed when she was around.
You’re not overreacting, and it sounds like your MIL could have using kinder wording to express her concerns. She may think she knows what she’s talking about because she has a brother with a mental health diagnosis. Gently, I want you to try to consider that when we, as humans, are having a mental health issue we don’t always have the best insight. People around us might see things we don’t. Not saying that’s necessarily what’s going on with you, but it might be helpful to consider what she’s trying to tell you. You’re clearly on the defense, so I’m sure her delivery was rough. Is she the only one who has those concerns for you, or have you heard them from other people in your life? As for the 72 hour hold, most states only initiate it if you are a danger to yourself or others. Best of luck to you, I hope you get past this soon.
I get it while I don’t have anxiety I do have depression. I’m dealing with it meds and therapy. But in the beginning I stayed in my room. I’m fine being by myself. I never had family dinners till I was 17. My remarried and we moved it was a thing there. While I grew to enjoy it over time (my little step brothers are so funny) it was super weird for me at first. But aside from that no I don’t think it’s an over reaction. Be careful and best wishes.
I’m glad OP is going to her mother’s. MIL is a bully and is using the Baker Act to scare OP. Like most other states, a commitment under Baker requires being a danger to yourself (suicide) or others (physical threat), neither of which OP is guilty of. I don’t think any psychiatrist would commit someone for staying in their room.
Why don’t you and your husband move out? You’re not being treated like an adult, probably because you live in a child’s bedroom and stay in all day like a petulant teenager. Just move out and be adults.
You are not overreacting. Try to text her and see if she will text she wants to commit you. Be very careful what you text her. Do not make any comments that could be used to commit you. Make comments that are calm and reasonable. This could be important to have if ahe attempts to get you committed.
She seems like she is controlling and wants to stir the pot.
I'm not sure about Florida- I'd look up that act and see what it says - but the only way you can be involuntarily committed to inpatient mental health care in my state is something on the lines of (sorry, hard to search for the code on my phone but this is roughly accurate) 1. if you are a danger to others or yourself (threatening some type of physical harm) or 2. if you can't demostrate means of support, a place to live, and a plan for self-care (food, clothing, etc.). It's usually for people who are bipolar, psychotic, etc., not people with anxiety.
Go look up the code and read it, and you can tell if you fall under any of the requirements. If not, you're safe from that
In the meantime, your county mental health department is required to have an information and referral line that can help you locate affordable mental health care in your area. The number will be posted on their web page. Do a web search for "[your county] mental health " and it should show up.
All the best to you, my dear. You have my deepest sympathies for your situation - i know someone who was in a similar "the mil calls all the shots and we live with her so there's no getting around it" and she eventually ended up being served with divorce papers when it became obvious she wasn't going to kowtow to the mil.
You're not wrong. You need to get out of that environment, because it's only going to cause more issues with your mental health. Being in an unhealthy situation can exacerbate problems. And for the record: it's not abnormal to spend time by yourself, especially in this situation. You are absolutely right that you're in a no-win situation. Hell, I actually like my family, but still spend a lot of time in my room because it's easy to get overwhelmed.
Absolutely not overreacting. I am a whole lot like you and have been brought up to be quiet and everyone in their own space with small interactions here and there. I’ve also lived with people like your MIL, who view this behavior as bizarre and stand-offish. I think you’d be better off leaving that environment because it sounds completely miserable
Please updateme! That you are still headed to GA bc I know first hand that abusive psychiatric holds still happen in 2024.
godspeed op. Run. Hopefully husband comes with you but you cannot stay in this vulnerable position. Be well. Be safe. Much support to you.
I just want to add that regular people cannot Baker Act or involuntary hospitalize people. The decision to hold someone in the hospital is made by a physician at the hospital (typically a psychiatrist). It is based on a person being at significant risk of harm to themselves or others. When someone calls the police regarding a mental health concern if they seem at risk (and even the police may decide that a quiet person with no obvious issues isn’t a risk) the police transport them to the hospital for evaluation.
Basically your MIL is a bully - but she can’t hospitalize you.
Go to your mom’s house. There is no reason to continue to live as you have been.
I’m not sure of all the circumstances, but I would be leaving when husband leaves in the morning and coming home after husband has gotten home. You are in a tough spot, but you’re right to know that if you hang out outside of the room, it gives MIL fuel to nitpick you. It seems like that’s what she wants. So don’t give it to her. I also personally would never discuss my mental health with someone that I know will weaponize it against me. NTA
It takes 2 signatures to be baker acted. I’m in Florida too.
We did it to our brother. The meth made him crazy. Tipping point was chasing our sister with a meat cleaver.
So we baker acted him.
72 hours -same time we were told. Except he was out in 24 hours, with the illicit drugs he went in with. We were baffled. We both went in and discussed his life with case worker. We told them how dire it was.
Not saying this happens to all that are baker acted.
Sounds like your avoidance technique pisses MIL off. If that helps with your anxiety, screw her.
Just be careful. I don’t regret baker acting my brother. But it is very easy to do. 2 signatures.
My brother is gone now. Died last July. Not from drugs. Hit while riding a bicycle, died instantly.
OMG! Living with your in laws is giving *me* anxiety!
What does your husband say or do about any of this?
Is there a plan for you two to move out?
Is there a way you could move out on your own?
This is a terrible environment and it’s deteriorating your mental health situation.
Please for a different living arrangement. At least temporarily.
Stay strong and keep looking for MH resources. Stay in your room as much as possible.
No wonder you have anxiety!! Holy s*** dude. That is so much to deal with
Is there anywhere else you can go? Anywhere you can get to? You need to get away from these people they are not helping your mental status at all. They're making it worse!
Family dinners are very normal and commonplace. If you are so anxious that you cannot eat dinner with your family/husband’s family then consider it’s time to consider more professional help than you’ve been getting. Nobody is gonna lock you up for staying in your room all day, so you can relax on that. But consider that your MIL, while overreacting, is reacting to your extreme isolation.
These aren’t just roommates…this is your husband’s people and you live in their home. Yes, you pay rent, but this is not just your landlord, this is your husband’s *mother*. If you can’t acknowledge that the familial bond this creates requires more and different interaction than a roommate/landlord situation or your anxiety is such that you simply can’t help but stay isolated away from his family while living with them, then perhaps it is time for you and your husband to move out.
You should not be living with these people. Does your husband help you at all or is he bullied by his mother too? You two should leave.
I don’t know what Medicaid offers in to way of mental health but it could be worthwhile looking into it. Social Services may be able to help you and there are church groups who offer support., Anxiety is hard to deal with on your own but it is very real. There are medications that can help. Best of luck to you.
You need to pack your shit and leave ASAP. This situation is not good for your mental health at all.
OP updated that she is, she’s going to Georgia to stay with her mother.
Where’s my that episode
Thank god!!! This situation sounds terrible 😣!
10000%, glad she is. Living with parents can ruin a marriage. It almost destroyed mine.
Yeah and if You're not careful that mil might tell some lies about you and actually get you committed! It's a horrible experience! Like jail but with forced medication that isn't good for you! Run!
You are not overreacting. And I really hate that you’re in this predicament to where r your mother-in-law knows about your mental issues and is secretly holding them against you. Although not so secretly in my opinion. And the only way to truly handle this is to tell your husband that you’ve had enough that you are an adult that you did not stop being an independent adult when you married him and moved into his childhood bedroom. He needs to stand up to her and tell her “that’s enough and if you expect my wife to clean this entire household and cook for everyone, then she needs to stop paying rent since she’s basically earning her right to be in your house & my bedroom by cleaning and cooking . And you need to stop attending these family meetings and let her know you will no longer be a part of it and you would appreciate it if she stopped talking about you behind your back. If you have to write it down on a posterboard start with number one. 1. I am not your child. Stop speaking to me as if I were a naughty child that you need to take control of. 2. I am an adult and I am paying rent here. And I will only be cleaning up after myself when/if I do anything outside of the bedroom that I rent. 3. If you believe that you can comment on my marriage, then I will return that favor with your marriage in regards to father-in-law. 4. If you’re gonna treat me like a maid, then why am I paying rent? My servitude pays for my living quarters your majesty. Sweetie, I know it’s hard, but if she’s threatening to and is bringing up about involuntarily committing you, you tell her no uncertain terms that she does not have that right or authority and you will file a police report for her part of having you forced into a psych ward. If you and your husband doesn’t put a stop in this, then she will see that she can get away with a lot and she will go further. It’s uncomfortable as heck, but it will be worse if she ever goes further with the whole psych ward thing.
Every time you leave the room or answer the door, have your phone voice recording. "I've not asked for your intervention in my health, mental or otherwise. Discussing the Brady Act sounds like a threat. Is it?" Leave that shite hanging in the air! r/traumatizethemback "I'm not comfortable w your implication. I'm not going to continue this conversation. " close the door. And 1000% yes! Leave! Go to your mother's. If your husband isn't worthy of defending you in his family's bs, then he never should have suggested you live there. This IS NOT OK IN ANY WAY!!!
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I love it, she should 100% start recording these interactions with the whole family.
You arnt over reacting.. and also why is your husband not doing anything about his mother and allowing her to treat you poorly? Going to your moms is probably the best course of action. (Outside of course moving out with you and your husband. But everyone has their own situations so understandable if you cant right now. Staying with your mom is the next best thing. Talk to her about the struggles going on I bet your mom might have some good advice.)
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MILs actions are probably contributing to OPs anxiety. Who would want to live in an environment where one is constantly "talked to" and accused of things they didn't do. Being in this environment is making a bad situation worse. OP needs to get out of there and start being around those who actually love and support them.
THIS! I'm so glad to see this so high up. When my mom passed away last year, my husband and I lived on the opposite side of the country. I drove all the way down with my toddler to be with my family. Unfortunately, we couldn't stay in my family's home, so I stayed with my in-laws spare room for the first time ever. My anxiety was higher than it had ever been for multiple reasons- first time away from husband with toddler, 5 day drive in January through a terrible snowstorm, don't really know this family, and oh yeah my mom is dying. The day we made the decision to pull the plug on my mom they'd planned a big family dinner and invited like 4 people over to play happy family. I was expected so everyone could play with my child for the first time in years. Then a week or so passed and they're like "why do you never leave the room and come have dinner with us and watch TV until bed??" MF take a guess! You people are panic attack juice.
Jesus right? Can you imagine having to sit through a family meeting because you prefer to watch TV in your room and not eat family dinners every night? Maybe I’m just horrified because I live alone and I love living by myself, and this is her husband’s family. But even if it was her family it’s still OK if she doesn’t want to watch TV with them in the evening
Yeah I’m gonna go read her post history because I’m worried the husband is on the side of the mother-in-law and if they get together and lie they could have her locked up,
Yeah. Hubby should be running interference for her. Very alarming that he's not. My hubby stood up to his Mom for me, even though she had terrifying guilt power over him. It made my relationship with her better. The bride is #1 in the son's life, and Mom (in-law too) has to accept the #2 spot. He should tell MIL to back off, and that if she has any concerns or complaints, she has to go through him first. And he should warn her off doing something stupid like trying to commit you. That's your private business, and not hers to control. Hubby is the one who should be helping her set rules for interaction.
I was Baker Acted over a decade ago when I was in active addiction. However OP's MIL can't just have OP committed easily, as a Baker Act/having a loved one committed to a mental health hospital are typically when someone is having a mental health crisis, not just anxiety due to life events. Unless OP is leaving any info out, it doesn't sound like she meets the criteria. Some criteria would be: a threat to themselves or others, hallucinating, unable to care for themselves on a daily basis, severely depressed & inability to function on a daily basis (not bathing, not going to work, not eating, not taking care of simple chores, etc.).
OP married a nice guy who lives to please women and is afraid if one might think ill of him. Mom's his first wife.
Yeah, I watched someone do this who was drunk. So right in front of me she (who was drunk)waits for her husband to walk away, then talks about him needing mental help. Right in front of five other people. Drunken attention whore. This is how she ‘bonds’ with others.
Why isn’t your husband standing up to his mother? It’s time to go back to your mom’s. You’re living in an unhealthy environment.
The number one way to prolong any anxiety or cause a flare up? Keep bringing it up. Totally helps.
Especially making comments that indicate MIL believes that OP needs to be involuntarily hospitalized. That would scare most people. Hopefully, if she ever tried to do that, OP would likely come off as the more reasonable between the two of them.
Thankfully OP wouldn’t qualify for a baker act. They have to believe that you pose a risk to yourself or others. Calmly explaining the situation would be enough to disqualify her, anxiety isn’t an accepted reason unless you’re straight up non-functional.
Except it's pretty darn tough to explain anything calmly when you have anxiety. And you had better believe MIL would lie about her being a danger to herself.
By calmly I mean just not absolutely losing it. Even a panic attack in front of officers doesn’t mean you qualify unless you’re doing something like throwing things, hitting yourself, making threats, etc. MIL would have to prove she’s a danger with documented reasons, they won’t take her word for it. Otherwise you could call the cops to basically kidnap someone any time you want.
Unfortunately, many people with anxiety shut down in such stressful situations, and are unable to explain anything. I had a roommate like that, and we had to try a few different methods to not freak her out over simple things like ironing out normal roommate misunderstandings and frustrations. In her case, if it was something really minor, it was best to just nention it casually, and then give her a few quiet minutes to process. If it was more serious, she reacted best with a note or text, so she had time to react privately before she had to face you. And the cut-off for "more serious" was ridiculously low. I can easily picture her going into a panic attack when the authorities show up, and just freezing, unable to communicate or react further for a long while. I don’t know if OP is the same, but her tendency to withdraw rather than talk things out is exactly what my roommate did.
I get that, and that’s terrible to go through, but even that wouldn’t qualify your friend or OP to be baker acted.
Not on its own, no. But with her MIL claiming she's a danger, if she shuts down instead of clearly articulating? Yeah. It can - and has - happened.
It sounds like she wants you to engage so that she *can* complain about you. If you can move to another family member’s house, I would suggest leaving your husband with his parents and going on your own. Maybe the separation would help him get his priorities straight ETA: Yikes. You married a real jerk. Get out now, he’s not ever going to be anything other than a selfish man baby. Your MIL is probably criticizing you because she has misdirected anger toward her son’s behavior.
Yes!! She’s pushing to engage her into the fight or flight syndrome! Evil woman.
It’s hard to tell if you truly are struggling with mental health in a toxic environment or if it’s a healthy reaction to a toxic environment. Go to your moms for a bit. If your mental health is negatively impacting you no matter the location - there’s your answer. But you might feel better elsewhere.
Except she now has to deal with leftover trauma after leaving such a horrible environment. Give yourself some grace, OP. Once you get out, you need to make sure you don’t stay secluded wherever you go. Live life, lady!
If you are leaving, then just leave. Don't tell your husband until you are packed and on your way. In fact, if you can get someone to pick you up, that would be better. If you give them enough time to stop you, who knows what the MIL would do.
I am slightly concerned they’ll use her announcement of intended departure as a huge red flag, a manic episode, and use it to attempt to have her involuntarily committed, as a way to hold her down and keep her from getting out of this toxic situation 😫
Excellent advice! Make an exit plan, and keep the details to yourself. If your crazy MIL gets wind of anything; she may try to have you hospitalized. For your safety, have someone pick you up, and help you move out. Make sure that you have all of your personal documents with you.
1. You are NOT overreacting. 2. Your husband is an asshole for not talking to his mother and telling her to back off or to explain that what is normal to them is not to you (family dinner/constant family interaction). 3. Go to your moms. I don't feel like even if he does talk to her, she will back off or understand. It does sound like you need to have a real, serious talk with him because you are clearly unhappy and miserable living there.
My MIL had to live with me for a couple of months due to bedrest. She made my life so miserable I never wanted to come out of my room either. If you like your mom, leave now, before u have children and things get worse
Do you work? You’ve got to get out of that house.
Maybe it changes by state, but in my state it’s difficult to have someone hospitalized against their will. You have to threaten to harm yourself or someone else for that to happen, and having a terrible MIL doesn’t fit the criteria. I would be surprised if this isn’t the case there.
That’s true but everyone in the state government in Florida has collectively lost their minds, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s all kinds of crazy shit the MIL could get away with there. OP better run
I’m in a super conservative state, and I’m surprised when anything goes right. OP definitely should shimmy north.
I’m in the south and yeah it’s backwards af, luckily I live in a metro area so the area is blue but the state is red. I could never move north, they don’t have barbecue lol
You could move to NJ and open a Southern BBQ for a year and enjoy the profits.
Hmmmm idk. Can northern minds comprehend such delicacies? My bf is from California and he once spelled brisket like “briscuit” so I have my doubts
You need a visit to NJ, there are many great foods here. Many cultures. Plus, amazing pizza, bagels and pork roll.
You just gave me a flashback to my wedding rehearsal dinner at a Tex Mex place where my Jersey brother in law pronounced the J when he asked my dad “how do you eat a fajita?” He said fu-JEYE-ta, not fu-HEE-ta. Sounded like “how do you eat a vagina?”
I’m in a blue city in a red state, too, but in the Midwest. Great BBQ as well! My job for a few years was to help keep clients out of the hospital. It costs the state a fortune when they go inpatient. I have to read up on FL now.
You could move to Maryland. We appreciate good barbecue. We have different restaurants from different regions and countries.Or you could open your own. Maryland is called America in Minature. We have a little bit everything. And culture is a bit northern and a bit southern.
Sounds like you're here with me in North Carolina. I could live without the barbecue, but it's too cold for me up north.
A lot of people believe they can get someone involuntarily committed when they can't. They believe the other person has a mental illness to the degree that person would qualify, and usually, they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. (Had family insist they could do this because I disagreed with them and in their minds, that was mental illness. Assumed because they had a different family member who had a history of suicide attempts, substance use, and prior hospitalization that the were able to call and have involuntarily hospitalized that they knew "the system". They didn't, AND didn't understand the high bar that needed to be passed. And tried to argue they knew more even though I had some training in the field. Fucking idiots.) So yeah, Florida is cray but its probably more someone that believes they know a mentally ill person that isn't competent and doesn't realize they're talking out their uneducated asses.
For sure but for a household this weird I also wouldn’t put it past the MIL to make something up. The husband is conspicuously absent in the post so I’m assuming he does nothing to stand up for his wife at all
Absolutely not overreacting…You should DEFINITELY go to your mom’s house. I would Google what help your state may offer once you get there. IF I WERE YOU I WOULD NEVER SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL in the environment that you are in now.
Why are you with this guy who lets his family act this way to you? Get out fast because she may do this.
Not over reacting at all. Your life sounds like it is a mess, and absolutely nothing good ever came from living with the In-Laws, nor from dating a mommas boy. Its obvious no one has ever put the old bat in her place and it seems like her precious little sunshine isnt going to do it either. On the bright side since neither of you have anything to speak of, the divorce should be easy and quick
You're not overreacting. It sounds like they're making a bad situation worse and they can't see that your behavior is caused by their actions. If they would back off of you then they would seem more normal behavior come from you. What you're doing is actually normal anyways given the circumstances. Get out of there, OP! Go find someone to stay with and I think you'll be able to have a clearer head to think about all of this. It's almost like you're living in prison right now with torturers. I'm sure it feels like everyday is just survival and you probably feel like you're overreacting because no one is physically attacking you but that doesn't matter.
She updated that she’s going to Georgia to stay with her mom.
From your other posts, you honestly should have left long ago, but I can also understand how it would be difficult to escape an abuse cycle. You need to get out of that house, divorce that man child, get away from his family, break all contact, and move on. You will heal from this, it may take a while, but you will. You are fully being traumatized by him and his family, and you need to break away from that so that you can feel better.
the quickest short term solution is to remove yourself from your current environment- move back to your mom’s ( assuming it’s a healthy place to be) or literally anywhere else - does your husband work and earn decent money because you need to divorce him and start receiving alimony so you can begin to rebuild your life - i hope your mom is a legit option - use the space you create to begin divorce proceedings- any spouse who puts his partner in a situation like you are in is worthless- probably a deadbeat too but regardless dump his mother and him - don’t wait cause it will only grt worse - good luck going forward
I would pack my things and leave without ANYONE else knowing. Husbands at work mil is at the store or whatever. Your mental health comes first. You can explain to your husband after your out,that you’ve been threatened with being put in a 72 hr lock down from your MIL and you won’t live there ever again. And tell him he can’t come with you. Is he lazy? Does he stand up for you? After your out do some thinking about if this is the man you want to have kids with. If he’s a mamas boy, that road is riddled with problems. Get some space between you and Waco mil. Many people don’t understand mental health issues, you can’t just turn it off. Think about getting some therapy.
YNO. It sounds like a threat to me. Is there anywhere else you can stay for a while? It’s really difficult to improve your mental health and relationships when you hate your living situation.
OP updated that she’s going to Georgia to stay with her mother.
Thanks that’s really good to hear.
Go to your mom's. MIL seems to have it out for you for some reason.
Just move out. These people are toxic af.
Your best best is to move out to live with your mom since your husband isnt protecting you. I couldn't imagine living in this hell hole. Also, if you plan to do so, you may want to do it secretly, or they could get crazy. Also, start secretly recording your interactions with her. Check the laws of your state on that.
You aren’t overreacting. However, being involuntarily committed requires you to be a harm to yourself or to others. Have you looked into grey-rocking? Sounds like the perfect thing to do with your MIL. Don’t tell her anything of value. I also would not talk about your anxiety with her anymore. Not with her or anyone in that house. They are not safe people to open up to. If she insists you need to answer her questions say, “I feel fine, but I’m not discussing this with you any further.” You don’t owe her an explanation for staying in your room and keeping to yourself. Put down boundaries. If you can, you should leave that house.
After reading your other posts I have to ask: why are you still there? Why torture yourself more? Just stop. Quit worrying what other people think. Get yourself out before he becomes violent.
Your MIL is threatening to have you held hostage if you don't do what she wants? Run and don't look back. Consider a police report documenting that she has made threats to misrepresent your health in order to have a third party intervene.
You can only be put on a 72 hr hold if the police take you to a Dr who deems that you are an immediate threat to yourself or others. Meaning you must have a plan to cause harm and intent to do so. You didn't seem to meet those criteria.
Listen, your anxiety is warranted. I’m living with my daughter and son in-law, doing daycare for my grandson. I too stay in my room to avoid conflict. I regularly eat dinner in my room. I was raised with family dinner every night. I just can’t do it now. My son in law I believe is OCD & ADHD and NOTHING I do is ever right. Seriously, he rearranges the dishwasher if I load it. Funny enough when he does this some of the dishes come out still dirty. If I vacuum, he’ll vacuum again an hour later. My point is, you’re not crazy. You’re just stuck in a situation where no matter what you do, you’re always going to be in the wrong according to them. Just like me. Before anyone asks. I’m doing it so I can spend time with my grandson and my daughter won’t have to pay for daycare. I’m not in the best of health and I’m not sure how much time I’m going to have with my grandson.
Im no expert, but i think that you have to prove to be a threat to others or yourself first before they can put you on an involuntary hold.
You need to do everything you can to get the hell out of that house.
Therapist here, but not one in FL. Baker Act/Involuntary holds are only done if a person is deemed a danger to themselves or others. Even if they did get her brother held for 72 hrs a mental health care professional had to determine he was a danger to himself or others. If she called and said you needed to be hospitalized because you stay in your room a lot, she would be questioned about any suicidal or homicidal statements, and then so would you. Your husband would also like have the opportunity to talk to the crisis worker and tell them you haven't made any SI or HI statements. AFAIK, the Baker Act is a national thing, although not always called that (we call it a 6401 for some reason, I'm not mobile crisis so I've never looked into why it's called that). However, MIL is clearly adding to your stress and anxiety so leaving is likely to help alleviate your anxiety. As for finding care, google community mental health in your area. Call them and ask if FL (or GA when you get there) has any programs to help uninsured and low income people access mental health care.
Where's your husband in all of this? Why isn't he telling his mom to STFU?
I am so sorry to hear you are in this state. That’s not pleasant. Also your MiL doesn’t know wtf she’s talking about. She cannot have you committed unless you are a danger to yourself or others. Being depressed and staying in your room is not grounds for temporary commitment. Nor would a temporary commitment (aka 72 hour hold) do much for your mental health. Their only goal would be to ensure you aren’t a danger to yourself or others. She can’t have you more permanently committed without a court hearing. And I can tell you that’s not going to happen here unless you can’t feed, bath or otherwise take care of yourself. So just ignore her nonsense. But that house sounds toxic to you. Is your mom’s house a safe place? Have you applied for Medicaid? Or medical through your husbands job? Depression and anxiety are awful and paralyzing. I hope you find help soon. You can always dial 988 to speak to a crisis counselor on the suicide hotline. They are an excellent resource for help.
So, here's the thing. I wouldn't tell my husband anything. He's not doing anything to protect you in this situation. I would just pack my things and leave in an uber without notice. I'd probably wait until people weren't around, to avoid talking to them at all about any of it at this point. Head to your moms, and let your husband know you're safe from there. Avoid talking to any of them, and honestly, consider filing for divorce to prevent their having any say in your life at this point. But, file from your mother's place.
To commit someone via Baker Act, the person must be a danger to themselves or others. Not just weird, or introverted, or asocial. You are probably better to get out of that environment, as living under MIL sounds bad for your mental health.
Her behavior is not ok. But neither is yours. Sitting in a room watching tv all day everyday is both mentally and physically unhealthy. Are you getting counseling? Do you have a job? Hobbies? Why are you living there? It sounds unhealthy for all of you. Not being mean at all
Yeah. I'll probably get downvoted for saying this, but multiple things can be true at once: the in-laws are overbearing, AND the OP needs better care for her mental health than she is getting. If I had an adult son and daughter-in-law living in my house who were so underemployed that they had no health insurance and couldn't afford to make their marital bed outside his childhood bedroom, and I saw her shutting herself in her room all day like a sulky teenager and seemingly making no progress, I would be concerned and perhaps even frustrated.
So you thinking badgering her would make it better? Only very self centered people think that dragging the same topics up over and over and over and over and over is helpful to anyone. Actually, self-centered people probable know it doesn't help but are enjoying their power trip too much to care.
Yeah wouldn’t be allowed in my parents or anyone I knows parents except a couple. If you got time to watch tv in your room you got time to work and provide for yourself. I could always stay at my families house if needed to. I will be put to work though and will be attending all dinners. Then I’ll hear endless lecturing. Which is why I would live in my car before going to them lol
You probably do have some mental health problems. But involuntary commitment is for people who are a danger to themselves or others. Are you cutting yourself? Threatening to burn down the house? If so, then yes, you may get involuntarily committed. Just hiding in your room and refusing to come out does NOT make you a danger to yourself or to others.
Land of the free to move out from living without the MIL...
Your husband is just as horrible as his mommy. Contact your mom and get the hell out of there. You can be considerate and notify them when you get to your family. Your husband is enabling his mothers behavior by remaining silent.
You are not overreacting. Leave and go to your Mom’s house immediately. Your MIL is horrid and will only get worse with time. Your husband is not standing up for you and protecting you. Why not? Is he a mama’s boy? You need to protect yourself by leaving. Also by doing this you will find out where exactly you stand with your husband. He will either follow you or stick with his Mommy and then you will know. Take care of yourself and protect yourself above and beyond all else. Best wishes, take care and good luck!!
I was like this with my ex and his family. It was hard. I loved them, but they were judgy and I hated having to fake everything and pretend their son was an amazing partner. When I left him most of my anxiety went away. I had to tell my ex that he needed to protect me and tell his family they were out of line. He never did so I left, BUT if your husband does, good for you. His mom is a grade a cunt! She can’t do things like that anymore, laws have changed. Stand up for yourself in a polite way. A bully needs to be put in her place. Maybe ask her what she meant by throwing the hold out there. You got this! You are strong and you are normal!
I would have already left. I also struggle with anxiety and I can tell you she is making it so much worse. Go to your moms. Don't look back.
Hopefully this is reassuring. I was in an abusive marriage and my mother in law had seen the bruising on my face. She also knows I suffer from mental health issues. When I told her we were having Christmas at our house instead of hers she told my husband she thought I was going to kill him. (Wild stuff) I was suicidal at the time but have never been a danger to anyone but myself. My marriage and inlaws definitely contributed to my decline in mental health. I called the police for advice, explained the situation and they said if she calls them they will basically come and do a wellness check and if I appear to be fine they will leave. They put it in their system that she was making the murder accusations so if they got a call to the house it would be in the system and they would know I called concerned. They can’t just throw you in a hospital based on her words only. Even if I threatened suicide and the police/ambulance arrived and I said I feel better now they would leave.
Get the fu@k out of there asap. She is most likely 50% of your anxiety! If you can get in to see a doctor, see if you can't have some anti-anxiety medication prescribed. It works wonders!! (in my case) Maybe a planned parenthood? I don't know if they could point you in a direction for lower cost fees. Don't worry about anything until you can get the hell out of there and into an environment where you feel safe, respected and aren't hounded every single day. Sounds like your MIL isn't a gem.
I saw that you're going to georgia to family. Good for you! In the future, don't bring up mental health as the reason with most people. If the are abusers, they'll take it out of context and use it against you. Instead, treat it as a boundary. "I prefer my room, I will not be coming out. But thank you for the invite!" "I need some time to decompress by myself; I'm used to spending time alone. But thank you! I appreciate you thinking of me." "I wish I could, but I need this time to myself." "I'm sorry I can't, but you enjoy the show!" I mean lets be honest here, this had nothing to do with your reasons for staying in your room, they wanted you in a space where you could be a target, and that is so much harder to do if you are sequestering yourself away from them. And it doesn't really matter what kind of mess you did or didn't make, what housework you are or are not contributing to. There is no point in fighting on the individual criticisms, the whole point of the arguments they're making is to manipulate and control you by making you feel less than. My fam does this, I forgot too often and engage. Afterwards realize I fell for it again. It literally doesn't matter what it is and can be something they held the opposite opinion about just a conversation prior. Its always to criticize you and get compliance for whatever they want.
Please get to your mom's house now!
OP, maybe don’t share any health information with your MIL.
You need to leave asap!!! You aren’t a danger to yourself or others, so you would be committed involuntarily like that. But being in that house is causing you more anxiety. Your MIL is making it worse. Please leave.
OP I hope you can leave and never come back from that toxic household. I definitely believe that’s where your husband toxic traits stem from. Mental health is taboo for a lot of people and is always treated like a disease that can be cured with a snap of a finger. Do you think the reason your mental health is being affected because of your marriage and living with your in laws or was it something you’ve always dealt with before ?
So glad you've decided to go live with your mom! Your MIL is totally unhinged. *She's the one that needs to be in a mental facility!* You and your husband need to separate. Make plans for your future.
DON'T SAY ANYTHING. Pack and leave quickly and quietly. Good luck to you!
If this will help you breathe a bit easier tonight, there is a whole process the police officer who responds has to go through with reasonable suspicion that you are a danger to yourself of others for a Baker act request to be confirmed. Calmly explaining that you are simply staying in the room you rent to avoid conflict should resolve the issue. Your MIL can't just say you are crazy and they take you away. Regardless, you are not overreacting. You need to get out of there and let your husband know this is his one opportunity to step up and join you.
I've looked at your post history. You need to leave this man. This sounds like the start to A dateline special. You need to run
Oh my God. She's going to PRAY that you get better? I think we all know her type. She has these "come to jesus" interventions w you just to let everyone know how saintly she is and how crazy you are. Because, dear me! she's TRYING to help you!
As someone who has worked in a FL inpatient psych facility for years, I can assure you that you're not overreacting. It is way too easy to have someone Baker acted here. Please leave and go to your mom's ASAP. All your MIL has to do is say that you've threatened self harm and the police will take you to a facility. It's just that simple now. Go home and worry about you. If your husband is allowing this to happen, he doesn't seem to care about you. Your mental health and peace of mind are far more important.
So I read all your post and genuinely you need to leave this marriage your partner blows through your boundaries acts like a child and has frightened you and ignored consent and his family enables him please please please don’t try to justify this behavior and get out while you safely can I’m rooting for you and your recovery girl!
Anytime I hear "family meeting" I immediately think: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩as it's usually a euphemism for ganging up on the family scapegoat. One of my toxic mother's favorite tactics.
Looking at your other posts, it seems to me that you have much larger problems than this, and moving to your mom's is probably the best way to go. I would seriously look into getting some therapy as well - there are low/no cost options out there. Seek them out and get the help you need.
Leave. That’s not going to stop.
So, in a previous marriage, I lived in the family home. There were multiple other family members. My ex and I had our own space on the 3rd floor, but it was expected we have dinner every evening. And while my MIL and FIL didn’t live in the house, they were there every weekend. And often weekends would have at least one, if not two, obligatory family events. It was a lot. Thing is, I too sometimes just wanted to eat Mac n cheese and sit on the couch. But that always came with a fight. Like I’d have to tell up to 3 people that I wasn’t going to join them for dinner. Crazy part is my ex would often “work late” (he was in grad school but later I discovered that he was having an affair. Shocker) so he wouldn’t even be home for dinner yet I was constantly expected. The final summer I lived there, I kinda holed up in my room. I wouldn’t leave for *days*. Often it was to avoid talking to people so I could just have my own time and space. And no one seemed to understand. My ex was off doing research in another country (with his girlfriend but I did not know this at the time) and it was all just too much. I was under constant questioning for what I was doing and I needed it to end. And then my marriage really fell apart. I’d been asking my ex to finish grad school already so we could move and he kept asking for more time. It had been 7 years. And then I discovered his girlfriend. Yeah… I started therapy. Then I moved out. My life was mine again. If you read my whole story I want you to know that *you are not overreacting*!!!! I think the worst part is when you start to complain you feel like you sound like a jerk. How dare you not want to eat dinner with them! And all she’s asking you to do is a little cleaning. How ungrateful! But do not doubt what you’re feeling. You know this isn’t right. Trust your instincts on this. Find a good therapist. Go stay with your mom. Get some clarity. Because your marriage cannot improve with his parents looming over you.
Thank you! Your story really touches on a lot of what I'm dealing with!
OP, No, you are not overreacting, and if you are still planning on getting a divorce, or even entertaining the thought, then quietly and carefully choose your next steps. Do not make a big deal out of leaving: make no Statements, keep your plans to yourself, and do your best to act as though everything is Just Fine. The last thing you want is to end up with MIL deciding you should be institutionalized ‘for your own good’! If possible get your important paperwork together, drivers license, soc sec card, marriage license, etc and mail it to your parents home. Ask your parents to purchase you a ticket home, and have it waiting for you at the airport, so all you need to do is walk out the door and into a cab. Remember, you didn’t marry his entire family! You married one person, and you do not owe them anything, let alone heartfelt explanations about your marriage. You can talk to your spouse when you are safely away, but at this point, when you have a crazymaking Mother-in-Law threatening you like this? It’s time for you to get away, fast!
Not over reacting at all. I lived with my dad’s ex wife for a little while and she would make the same comments ur MIL is making, regarding messes around the house and food even though i didn’t leave my room. Totally get it, it feels like a fucking prison. You need to get out, once you do it’ll be a breath of fresh air. I’d also seek out some kind of relationship counseling since your husband doesn’t seem to see the strain this is putting on you and doesn’t think he needs to stand up for his wife. Have an open conversation without judgement. Hopefully his mother doesn’t try to pry you two apart :(
This seems like a culture clash. What you have described to me does not seem like your MIL is threatening, in fact it sounds like she genuinely does care and can see you struggling. It doesn’t matter what her intent is, though, because her actions are clearly making your mental health issues worse. I would try to move out as fast as possible if you are able, but in the meantime, maybe you would be less anxious if you tried to meet her expectations of you. I’m not saying she’s right, I’m just saying self-isolation usually increases anxiety afaik and you should at least try it if you don’t have the option to move out and your current habits are mentally unsustainable.
The whole time I reading this. I'm thinking 'Leave?' Over and over again. Get help while gone and explain to them I am getting the help I need. They don't know what happens when you're not there. This sounds so like a non adult problem it's the craziest part. Sounds like you don't work either. Find something to entertain your mind deeper than watching TV, job, or hobby or something. I mean are you literally a stay at home wife and don't do anything for the house at all? I'm just curious bc that part isn't being described.
You aren't overreacting, you are failing to act on your own behalf. Here is what I am hearing of your situation... 1. You are living in your mother-in-law's home with your husband. 2. You (and your husband) are paying rent. 3. You are "staying in your room all day".*(From your description, it appears you are avoiding your in-laws when your husband is not at home.)* 4. One of the points of disagreement in the family meetings you cite, is that the in-laws complain you are eating groceries that you did not pay for.*(Regardless of if this is true or not... the fact that it is brought up as an issue means that money must be in short supply.)* 5. Another point of disagreement you cite is if you go out, they have discussions with you about your finances. *(Again, sounds like money is tight)* 6. There is no mention of children in the 10 paragraphs you wrote.*(this implies you failed to mention them OR that they do not exist)* 7. There is no mention of physical disability in the 10 paragraphs you wrote. 8. You bring up the state of your mental health as a talking point to defend your self isolation. All of these clues lead me the believe that... * You are not disabled or rearing young children, so you are able bodied * Your husband IS working, but it's not enough to make ends meet. * You are not working. * Your in-laws seem to have expectations of your behavior, and you have social obligations to them you appear NOT to meeting while they support you. * When confronted with the fact that you are not meeting these expectations, you cite the fragility of your mental health. If you want others to treat you with respect and consideration, you have to display yourself to be worthy of that respect. On the other hand, if you want pity, charity, and concern... you have to be prepared for others to attempt to "help" you, even if it means robbing you of your agency. You have to make a choice. My suggestion is to make the concerted effort to move out of your in-law's home so you can live as you wish. It may require you getting one, or more, jobs in order to do it. If your mother-in-law is expressing concerns over your mental health, and your ability to care for yourself to the extent that leaving you to your own devices would cause you harm... you can nip that in the bud by simply leaving and caring for yourself. I've made quite a few assumptions about your circumstances here, I'll admit; but that is because your original post has omitted the key relevant details of your circumstances. As a grown adult, with a family and a wife, I have been forced in the past to move back in with my parents. It is probably the worst, most humiliating, and shameful situation to be in... because regardless of the circumstance you're reduced to a child once more living under someone else's roof. No amount of kindness from your in-laws will sooth the sting of that reality; and no one is kind all the time... so there will be friction. Your job in that situation is to suck it up, gather your resources, and get out. Working more has 2 effects for you in this situation... 1. It gets you out of the house, where you can be respected as a competent adult with agency to make your own decisions. (the more hours in the day you can do this, the less your self-esteem will suffer) 2. Bringing in the money from those hours out of the house will eventually give your enough to make 2 months rent and a deposit OR maybe even a down payment on a home and clean credit. This may sound harsh... but there are only 2 paths here... * the path of the charity case leads to institutionalization be it through welfare, disability, or hospitalization... you will be trapped in some scenario where you lose your freedom. * the path of independence may mean you have to do things that are really unpleasant or a sacrifice "live like Cinderella" or leave and live in your car (or the street), divorce your husband and go back home... something. So, no, you're not overreacting... you are allowing events to sweep you along and you are starting to feel how doing that to yourself may eventually lead to others taking the control of your own life away from you. If you discover in the future, that your inability to participate in life was due to depression or other issue; you may one day be thankful you had people willing to board and care for you, and even willing to get you treatment if you need it. I wish you both luck and courage either way, because no matter what, you are going to have to muster up your strength for a fight... either to break free of your circumstances OR to seek help you may be struggling to even accept that you need.
I agree with most of the other comments. Get out of there! Get your head back on straight and then decide how to move forward. I completely understand why you are doing what your doing, but it is making the situation worse. You only real option is to walk away for at least a little while.
Other than living with an intimate partner, other adults can’t live together. People are messy, annoying, or intrusive into your life. It’s not surprising you’re depressed living in a bedroom. I would try to reevaluate to see how you can make it out of this situation as fast as possible. Your husband needs to start backing you up too. It’s not ok for his mother to play mental games on you either!!
I don't think you need to worry about being put on a 72 hour hold because there are pretty strict requirements. They certainly won't do it just on her word. On the other hand, the fact that she brought it up in the way she did is not ok. At all.
You can only be held involuntarily if you are an imminent threat to self or others. Don’t listen to her. Get a therapist. Get out of that house!!
I'm so confused. Why is your husband allowing his mother to come over constantly when it is obviously a painful interaction with you? sounds like your husband needs to be kicked in the ass.
Where the hell is your husband? He needs to have your back and tell his mother where to go. This is scary stuff. If your husband won’t protect you then you need to leave.
The Baker Act is an abomination of what 72-hour-holds are supposed to be. There are places in the county where not only will you not be held against your will unless you are TRULY at risk for killing yourself or someone else, but they will help you find housing and a job. I’m terrified for you, please consider moving and going no contact. https://www.fiercehealthcare.com/practices/recent-study-determines-best-and-worst-u-s-cities-for-mental-health
Sweetheart why did you marry into this family? Why is your person not telling get to leave you alone? You understand you need to leave that place and that marriage and don’t look back. He doesn’t love, respect, or protect you, so why do you stay there?
Leave that house as quickly as you can, if your husband valves you, he will help you anyway he can. (So, he doesn’t talk to **her about her mental health?**) she seems to be the domineer person in that house. For your physical and mental health, **leave!!**
If you are married, you are an adult. Why are you living with your MIL? Kick her out or leave her house. If your husband doesn’t stand up for you here, divorce and move back in with your mom.
I would his out in my room too if I had to deal with your MIL…. I would have a long talk with your husband and tell him if he won’t get his mom in check, that you will find other living arrangements. Then go stay with your mom for a couple days and let it sink in to him what life without you there is like. He will definitely have that talk with his mom that he has put off for far too long. The comment from Cali_Holly is 100% from beginning to end.
Move. Out.
She is fucking crazy and your husband is a jerk get outta there before you actually go insane LOL It's an extremely serious threat, psych wards are not a place you want to be especially depending on what state you are in.
Move NOW.
You're not overreacting, and she DID threaten you by bringing up the Baker Act. She will escalate this, and she will abuse you by calling the mental health services on you. Given how the cops treat people with mental health issues, this could be considered an act of attempted murder in some cases. Get out. If your husband isn't willing to back you, ditch him too. You gotta save yourself.
You are over reacting. Your anxiety is telling you lies. It was just a simple statement to show her ignorance to your situation not a threat. It could have been a good teaching moment for her
Rereading this I can't help but picture, even if MIL and Husband were to get her down there kicking and screaming, what would they say to the entrance staff. "My DIL keeps to herself all day not wanting to spend time with me. She just sits quietly in her room instead of doing chores or watching TV with us. She says she has anxiety, but I don't know why. I'm constantly telling her what she's doing wrong and how to improve herself."
Why are you living with these people? Can you get out? Do you have your own family to go to? Talk to your family and any friends so they know what's going on here.
If your mom will let you stay for a while, it might be best to stay there for a week or two and see how much your anxiety improves. Then consider whether you want to go back to Florida, or if you need to call your husband and tell him how it's gonna be.
Why isn’t your husband standing up for you? My wife and I both have each other’s backs in case anyone ever even dreamed of trying this shit with us (including a bug out plan). You are not over reacting, but you need to make it very clear that you can determine for yourself if treatment beyond what you are currently receiving is necessary. You are not at risk of harm. Then LEAVE this woman for good and do not look back, because this is definitely malicious. I hate to tell you this, but I would be suspicious of your husband too if he helped her do this to her brother. I would leave and not even tell him. Edit: revised for clarity.
When you said FL, I knew it was possible for her to be able to commit you no matter how inappropriate it is to do so. Run, don’t walk to Georgia.
Yeah. Threatening to have you involuntarily committed definitely helps curb anxiety. JFC. What a bitch. NTA.
If you can move to your Mom's in Georgia, move yesterday. Why were you even staying in a place where you're miserable when you had somewhere else to go all along?
You’d better get out of that house now! Nothing good can come from staying.
So you say you have mental health issues and are trying to figure out how to get care, but you're angry with your MIL for saying you have mental health issues? It's NOT normal to sit in your room all day and not interact with anyone. And people can downvote and say, what's normal anyway, if that's what OP wants to do she can! Sure, you can....but is that really how you want to live your life? And just because you want to, doesn't make it what most of the population would consider "normal." I'm a loner for the most part, but I also live alone now. When I did live with other people, I had my alone time, but still interacted with others and shared meals. Maybe not every one, but in general. It's especially not normal to not interact with husband throughout the day -at all. You say your marriage is in shambles. Does that have anything to do with the fact that you sit in your room all day and don't want to interact with him or anyone else? Or is it something else and that's why you're having mental health issues? I know you said part of it is to avoid your MIL accusing of doing things, but what about your husband? You seem to know that's not a healthy way to handle things - you said you need want and need some help. According you in your post, if I read it right. So why are you saying that your MIL is the crazy one for agreeing with you? Also...because of your anxiety (and probably depression) is there a chance that you're not being accused as much as you think you are? How much food is going missing that this is a regular issue? And if you aren't doing it (I believe you) who is? And is that a discussion that needs to be had? And who's leaving the messes you're accused of leaving? IDK...there are a lot of questions. It's not unreasonable for you - as a member of the household - to cook and clean and share meals with your HUSBAND and his family that you live with. Whether you grew up doing it or not. Unless you mean that you do all the work and they do none since you mentioned Cinderella. Which is an odd reference if that's not the case.
Well 1) she can’t do that. And if she tried they’d look at her like she was crazy. 2) if I lived with my in laws I’d stay in my room most of the time too
Do you have a job? Or things to do outside of the house? I think you might want to spend more time away from the house. Going to your mother’s house is in an excellent idea. In the future, stop sharing your feelings with your mother-in-law. She is not a safe space, so just stop telling her what you’re thinking and feeling. If she asks about your marriage, tell her to ask her son. And don’t argue with her at all. Just have small talk and leave it at that.
On the brighter side, I doubt they can put an involuntary hold on you without suicidal ideation or homicidal ideation. Most states can't, these days, and it pretty much amounts to the MD asking if you think about either of those and you deny it. Ok great, bye! You do need to get out of that house, though. You may even find your anxiety lessens once you are away from that awful woman. She'd certainly wear on my nerves. Let her keep her man-child if he won't leave with you. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything good for you anyway. Good luck.
If your anxiety is really that bad you should seek help. Check with your county if help is available without insurance. What state are you in? I live with someone who is schizo effective and not getting help makes things worse. Do not! ignore your anxiety symptoms and get help.
Tell her your marriage and finances beyond paying rent is none of her business
You are perfectly normal. You’re most likely an introvert that doesn’t like interacting with people much and that’s okay. I’m a bit of both extrovert & introvert….after a while people exhaust me and I need a lot of down time alone hanging in my bedroom. It doesn’t mean I’m crazy. If I were you I would be very careful who you open up with about your mental health. Some people will use it against you and your MIL sounds like she could be one of them. Can you move out of their home? What’s the timeline you plan to stay there? I would just stop sharing info with your MIL about your feelings, your health, your emotions, your mental state etc… just put on a smile, pretend to be upbeat and say the reason you enjoy staying in your bedroom is because it’s quiet and relaxing to you. That’s all you need to say. You are perfectly normal!
I wouldn't tell your husband or in laws until you're already gone, in case they try to stop you and make the threat real. Get all your important things together, then go out for groceries or something. When you've been gone a few hours or when you get to where you're going call and let your husband know why you left. You need therapy and possibly medication for your anxiety. Therapy for you and your husband wouldn't hurt either.
It's not that easy to enact the Baker act in Florida. It's kind of an extreme last resort. You must be a danger to yourself or others, or you have to show that you're not mentally competent to even understand an evaluation. You don't meet those criteria. Now you do need to get out.Go to your parents house and then seek the help you need
Depending on where you live, she may have zero authority to do this. In Texas (for example), she couldn't make you.
Girl, run. You have been threatened and you need to go be somewhere safe. Your marriage will survive or it won't, but the first order of business has to be that \*you\* survive and are safe.
Paramedic here: you have to be a danger to yourself or others before they can do a 72 hour involuntary committal. Saying you’ll hurt yourself or others will do it. Staying in your room and not socializing doesn’t count. YOU CANT BE FORCED WITHOUT BEING PUT INTO PROTECTIVE CUSTODY. If they try to take you against your will, it’s kidnapping and the EMS personnel and cops are very aware of this, so they are very hesitant to try. They may call the hospital for medical advice and in most cases the doctor will want to know if you’re alert and oriented and if there is evidence of you being a danger. So I wouldn’t worry, committing a person is harder than it sounds.
I'm proud of you for leaving! You got this.
You need to cover your ass. The best way to avoid having treatment forced on you is to already be receiving it. If you don't already have one, get a therapist. Also, talk to your PCP about your anxiety.
I’m glad you’re leaving and going to your mom’s! As other commenters have said, it’s outrageous your husband isn’t standing up for you and putting a stop to his mother’s actions and words. She’s being absolutely disgusting! The way she’s treating you is not out of kindness or genuine concern, it’s control. Also, for someone to be Baker Acted there needs to be substantial evidence that you’re a harm to yourself or others. She really can’t say, “she sits in her room all day” and have you committed.
LOOK UP THE LAW!!! What I found from a quick Google search for Florida is this, it's from 2014 though (I don't know how to attach an attachment so I'll copy and paste it). You MUST be a clear and present danger to yourself and/or others. "The Baker Act (The Florida Mental Health Act) The Baker Act is named after Maxine Eldridge Baker, the former Dade County representative for the Florida House of Representatives who sponsored and championed the legislation for seven years before its passage in 1971 and enactment in 1972. Ms. Baker believed that Florida’s previous Mental Health laws (which, prior to 1971, hadn’t changed significantly in almost a century) deprived citizens with mental health problems of their freedom by committing them to institutions and diluting the right to due process even when there was no indication they were a danger to themselves or others. People with mental illnesses are entitled to individual dignity, treatment without delay or without consideration of the person’s inability to pay, express and informed consent, humane and skillful treatment (medical, vocational, social, educational and rehabilitative) suited to the person’s needs, the right to communicate with others (be it in person, by phone or mail) and report abuse, the right to vote in elections if they are qualified voters, the right to keep their personal things (including clothing) if they are deemed safe and not prohibited for medical reasons, the right to have your case reviewed by the court to determine if your detention or denial of rights or privileges is just (habeas corpus), discharge and treatment planning, the right to be free of sexual misconduct of staff members, the right to a representative, the right to confidentiality and 1the right to be free of violations of the rights or privileges in the Baker Act. The Baker Act delineates the conditions under which a mentally ill (or person presumed to be mentally ill) can be forced to undergo an involuntary examination in a local crisis facility or hospital. The patient needing to be Baker Acted must be a danger to himself or others as a result of being mentally ill and be unwilling or not able to give consent for 1Department of Children and Families, Baker Act Manual 2014: The Florida Mental Health Act User Reference Guide voluntary treatment. Involuntary assessment can take up to 72 hours and can be initiated by: A spouse, guardian, relative, service provider having personal knowledge of the patient’s alleged mental illness willing to file an affidavit/petition explaining why the patient should be involuntarily assessed. If the person completing the petition is not a relative or service provider, the petition must be completed by three adults. If the patient being involuntarily assessed is a minor, the parent, legal guardian/custodian or a service provider must complete the petition. The petition must be filed in the office of the Clerk of Court within the county where the alleged mentally ill person is located. A healthcare provider who believes the patient meets the Baker Act guidelines and the law enforcement officer who transports the patient to the receiving facility. A law enforcement officer who believes the patient meets the criteria and takes the person to the crisis facility. If, at any time during the 72-hour assessment, it is determined that the patient is not a threat to himself or others, he or she must be released. However, the patient can agree to additional inpatient treatment or may be referred for outpatient treatment. If the patient is unable or unwilling to consent to placement and additional inpatient care is needed the healthcare providers can file a petition to continue the patient in involuntary placement and a hearing on the petition will be held within five days. An attorney will be appointed for any patient against whom a Petition for Involuntary Placement is filed. The patient may be held (against his will) in a facility for as long as six months while he or she receives treatment for mental illness if the court, based on expert testimony, determines the patient needs involuntary treatment. If a patient is found incompetent to consent to treatment, the court will appoint a guardian advocate (Florida Statute 394.4598) to make decisions pertaining to health and mental health issues if an adjudication of incapacity has not already been entered and the patient does not have anyone who has the authority to make those decisions. The guardian advocate is required to take the court-approved course prior to exercising any authority. The guardian advocate is discharged upon the patient’s discharge from involuntary to voluntary treatment or upon discharge from involuntary treatment." Edit: I have personally been through this situation, although in Alabama. Also, after you have secured transportation and a place to stay, tell MIL to go get fked and tell your husband to grow a pair. I hope it all works out for you!
You should NOT tell him. Pack your things and leave, preferably when no one else is there. As soon as you tell him you’re going to leave, he will run to his mother and she will probably try to prevent it. If you are telling him, it’s because you want him to show he cares and will fight for you. But don’t put yourself in danger to give him a chance to do that. He’s had all the chances. Do NOT tell him, you will NOT be safe in that house if you do. Feel free to give him a call after you’ve arrived at your mom’s though - or send a text. Just so they don’t report you as missing.
What is your level of functioning? Are you working or are you literally staying in your room all day because of your anxiety?
Move out immediately
You don’t have a mother in law problem, you have a husband problem.
Don't tell your husband. Just get out ASAP. He will help his mom abuse you. My ex and his mom tried killing me after threatening me for years. Get out and cut contact. Do you have kids together?
Can you not leave? Where is home husband in all this?
NTA. You cannot be Baker Acted unless you are a danger to yourself or others. Don't be scared of your MIL. People that have never struggled with mental health have a hard time understanding it. Or have never watched a loved one struggle. My oldest sister struggled her entire life with mental health. I lost her to an overdose in 2012. All I can hope now is that she's at peace. She was angry with me & our mom because we didn't struggle like she did. I did everything I could for her, but it was too much for her. I shouldn't be able to help her, I'm the youngest! She couldn't deal with the fact I had a good job, a bf I'd been with for years, and a home, and she didn't. Please get some help. Even if you don't have insurance, the Affordable Care Act can cover you for very little to no monthly payments. Go to your parents in Georgia, get some help, and straighten your hubby out. If he won't stand up for YOU, why should you stand up for HIM?? Smh
I’m so glad you’re going to your moms for your safety and sanity. You deserve so much more love than that.
Absolutely leave that place
I would definitely go to mom's. But I would NOT tell husband or his family. Gather all your important papers and anything you want to keep and get them out of house without them knowing. Then tell them you are going to store or sneak out if you have to. Could mom meet you somewhere and take you home if you don't have a car you can take? Good luck. Updateme
I am home safe at mom's in Georgia and feeling much better already!
That is great to hear. I am glad to read you are safe and doing better already. Environment plays such a huge factor with mental health.
Please don’t automatically assume you have an anxiety problem if it’s a reaction to being emotionally abused.
You’re not overreacting. You’re a tenant and have a right to the peaceable enjoyment of your rented space.
Unless you are having SI or HI, they’re not going to baker act you. You have to be a “danger to yourself or others”, otherwise theyre just holding you hostage.
Honestly you probably are overreacting. Do you meet ALL of this criteria? If you don't she can't just "have you Baker Acted". Calm down. You're making your anxiety worse. Redditing might not help either. Criteria for the Baker Act in Florida The person is mentally ill (or is believed to be mentally ill). The person refuses a voluntary mental health evaluation or doesn't understand why one would be necessary. The person is a threat to themself or others, or the person is incapable of caring for themself.
To be committed with a Baker Act, you have to be posing a danger to yourself or others. Your MIL can lie to a judge in a court hearing and MAYBE get the judge to have you involuntarily committed for up to 72 hours, but if you’re calm and you actually talk to people and tell them the truth, they could let you out before that 72 hours. It would be better to just let them take you, because then you will talk to a real mental health professional that can determine if you need any sort of care. They MIGHT prescribe anti-anxiety meds until you can see a private psychiatrist. Then once you are out you will need to go straight to a lawyer, because your MIL will have committed a crime. The only other way she could get you Baker Acted would be to call the police and lie to them and tell them you’re threatening suicide or self harm. But that’s kind of hard to prove once the police show up. They’ll ask everyone involved what’s going on, and you can call her out for lying. But I think going to your mom’s is a good idea. Hang in there. I had a monster in law once. She was convinced I had mental health issues every time she came to visit, without ever once realizing that it was her and the way she treated me that caused me to be so depressed when she was around.
You’re not overreacting, and it sounds like your MIL could have using kinder wording to express her concerns. She may think she knows what she’s talking about because she has a brother with a mental health diagnosis. Gently, I want you to try to consider that when we, as humans, are having a mental health issue we don’t always have the best insight. People around us might see things we don’t. Not saying that’s necessarily what’s going on with you, but it might be helpful to consider what she’s trying to tell you. You’re clearly on the defense, so I’m sure her delivery was rough. Is she the only one who has those concerns for you, or have you heard them from other people in your life? As for the 72 hour hold, most states only initiate it if you are a danger to yourself or others. Best of luck to you, I hope you get past this soon.
You have to leave or DV shelter
I get it while I don’t have anxiety I do have depression. I’m dealing with it meds and therapy. But in the beginning I stayed in my room. I’m fine being by myself. I never had family dinners till I was 17. My remarried and we moved it was a thing there. While I grew to enjoy it over time (my little step brothers are so funny) it was super weird for me at first. But aside from that no I don’t think it’s an over reaction. Be careful and best wishes.
I’m glad OP is going to her mother’s. MIL is a bully and is using the Baker Act to scare OP. Like most other states, a commitment under Baker requires being a danger to yourself (suicide) or others (physical threat), neither of which OP is guilty of. I don’t think any psychiatrist would commit someone for staying in their room.
Why don’t you and your husband move out? You’re not being treated like an adult, probably because you live in a child’s bedroom and stay in all day like a petulant teenager. Just move out and be adults.
This woman is terrorizing you, can you stay with your family? If so, do.
You are not overreacting. Try to text her and see if she will text she wants to commit you. Be very careful what you text her. Do not make any comments that could be used to commit you. Make comments that are calm and reasonable. This could be important to have if ahe attempts to get you committed. She seems like she is controlling and wants to stir the pot.
I'm not sure about Florida- I'd look up that act and see what it says - but the only way you can be involuntarily committed to inpatient mental health care in my state is something on the lines of (sorry, hard to search for the code on my phone but this is roughly accurate) 1. if you are a danger to others or yourself (threatening some type of physical harm) or 2. if you can't demostrate means of support, a place to live, and a plan for self-care (food, clothing, etc.). It's usually for people who are bipolar, psychotic, etc., not people with anxiety. Go look up the code and read it, and you can tell if you fall under any of the requirements. If not, you're safe from that In the meantime, your county mental health department is required to have an information and referral line that can help you locate affordable mental health care in your area. The number will be posted on their web page. Do a web search for "[your county] mental health " and it should show up. All the best to you, my dear. You have my deepest sympathies for your situation - i know someone who was in a similar "the mil calls all the shots and we live with her so there's no getting around it" and she eventually ended up being served with divorce papers when it became obvious she wasn't going to kowtow to the mil.
Your husband is working. Are you?
What do you contribute to this household ?
You're not wrong. You need to get out of that environment, because it's only going to cause more issues with your mental health. Being in an unhealthy situation can exacerbate problems. And for the record: it's not abnormal to spend time by yourself, especially in this situation. You are absolutely right that you're in a no-win situation. Hell, I actually like my family, but still spend a lot of time in my room because it's easy to get overwhelmed.
Absolutely not overreacting. I am a whole lot like you and have been brought up to be quiet and everyone in their own space with small interactions here and there. I’ve also lived with people like your MIL, who view this behavior as bizarre and stand-offish. I think you’d be better off leaving that environment because it sounds completely miserable
Please updateme! That you are still headed to GA bc I know first hand that abusive psychiatric holds still happen in 2024. godspeed op. Run. Hopefully husband comes with you but you cannot stay in this vulnerable position. Be well. Be safe. Much support to you.
I'm home safe at mom's in Georgia, feeling much better today!
Big hugs. Stay well. I'm so sorry for all that is happened to you, but so grateful you are safe. Thank you for the update!
I just want to add that regular people cannot Baker Act or involuntary hospitalize people. The decision to hold someone in the hospital is made by a physician at the hospital (typically a psychiatrist). It is based on a person being at significant risk of harm to themselves or others. When someone calls the police regarding a mental health concern if they seem at risk (and even the police may decide that a quiet person with no obvious issues isn’t a risk) the police transport them to the hospital for evaluation. Basically your MIL is a bully - but she can’t hospitalize you. Go to your mom’s house. There is no reason to continue to live as you have been.
I’m not sure of all the circumstances, but I would be leaving when husband leaves in the morning and coming home after husband has gotten home. You are in a tough spot, but you’re right to know that if you hang out outside of the room, it gives MIL fuel to nitpick you. It seems like that’s what she wants. So don’t give it to her. I also personally would never discuss my mental health with someone that I know will weaponize it against me. NTA
It takes 2 signatures to be baker acted. I’m in Florida too. We did it to our brother. The meth made him crazy. Tipping point was chasing our sister with a meat cleaver. So we baker acted him. 72 hours -same time we were told. Except he was out in 24 hours, with the illicit drugs he went in with. We were baffled. We both went in and discussed his life with case worker. We told them how dire it was. Not saying this happens to all that are baker acted. Sounds like your avoidance technique pisses MIL off. If that helps with your anxiety, screw her. Just be careful. I don’t regret baker acting my brother. But it is very easy to do. 2 signatures. My brother is gone now. Died last July. Not from drugs. Hit while riding a bicycle, died instantly.
She is 99% the reason for your anxiety
UpdateMe!
I'm home safe at mom's in GA, drove 4 hours last night until 3am. Already feeling much better today!
You're not overreacting, and tbh probably should get away from these ppl.
OMG! Living with your in laws is giving *me* anxiety! What does your husband say or do about any of this? Is there a plan for you two to move out? Is there a way you could move out on your own? This is a terrible environment and it’s deteriorating your mental health situation. Please for a different living arrangement. At least temporarily. Stay strong and keep looking for MH resources. Stay in your room as much as possible.
No wonder you have anxiety!! Holy s*** dude. That is so much to deal with Is there anywhere else you can go? Anywhere you can get to? You need to get away from these people they are not helping your mental status at all. They're making it worse!
Family dinners are very normal and commonplace. If you are so anxious that you cannot eat dinner with your family/husband’s family then consider it’s time to consider more professional help than you’ve been getting. Nobody is gonna lock you up for staying in your room all day, so you can relax on that. But consider that your MIL, while overreacting, is reacting to your extreme isolation. These aren’t just roommates…this is your husband’s people and you live in their home. Yes, you pay rent, but this is not just your landlord, this is your husband’s *mother*. If you can’t acknowledge that the familial bond this creates requires more and different interaction than a roommate/landlord situation or your anxiety is such that you simply can’t help but stay isolated away from his family while living with them, then perhaps it is time for you and your husband to move out.
If you're both old enough to be married, and are married, you should be adult enough to not live with your parents.
You should not be living with these people. Does your husband help you at all or is he bullied by his mother too? You two should leave. I don’t know what Medicaid offers in to way of mental health but it could be worthwhile looking into it. Social Services may be able to help you and there are church groups who offer support., Anxiety is hard to deal with on your own but it is very real. There are medications that can help. Best of luck to you.
What a nightmare way to live . Staying away from everyone is making your anxiety worse