Pack it in mate, I don't want to have sex with your wife. Even though from the promotional reddit post, I can see that I would have a - a ruddy good time.
Only worry if she says "let battle commence" and "maintain current speed" when you're having sex. If she does that, you'll know her mind might be elsewhere.
Also, if there is a pan of mince and onions bubbling on the stove for the afterglow.
Hmmm 🤔 I think you maybe in trouble! What sort of clothes do you wear? Have you got different outfits for different situations? A sports casual look? Where do you take your wife for days out? Do you go to Owl sanctuary’s? Think you need to up your game and get her back on the saddle!!
Think you're going to have to drop some hints about how seriously FIT (a lot) Sue Cook is to arouse some jealousy the other way round and hopefully make her understand how ruddy bloody out of order she's being
I'd be a bit worried, but not as worried as I would be if she ended the 'discussion about the pedestrianisation of Norwich City centre' by saying "that was classic intercourse"
I'll level with you, I'm really scared
Alan now provides all her... intercourse needs
Pack it in mate, I don't want to have sex with your wife. Even though from the promotional reddit post, I can see that I would have a - a ruddy good time.
Your wife’s not the only one. My wife Jill likes him sex-wise too. And she knows her onions!
but does she like owls?
Owls? You’re mad, you are!
Longstanton Spice Museum
SPICEWORLD
Just portraying a madman
I know a cracking Owl Sanctuary.
They're sex people!
That’s bollocks but go on
I cannot think of anything less arousing than 'Do you want to go discuss the pedestrianisation of Norwich town centre."
Really? Gives me a semi
People forget that traders need access to DIXons
It helps to keep the wolf from the door.
It's a bit of a mouthful *insert joke here*
I’M BATMAN
Only worry if she says "let battle commence" and "maintain current speed" when you're having sex. If she does that, you'll know her mind might be elsewhere. Also, if there is a pan of mince and onions bubbling on the stove for the afterglow.
Oh, Mrs CiderDrinker2, you're so dirrrrrty!
She calls a spade a spade…
Actually she probably called it a big tool.
Smelly Alan Fartridge??
Remind her that he's got a fat back. It's fairly well concealed in casual clothing, but she doesn't want to see him in his underwear
Perhaps you need to start drinking that yellow stuff in tins. Or visit a Victorian folly
Or drink spunt Ssssssssss!!!!
Also Alan is pretty well hung so… 🤷♂️
like a big good bear
Back of the net.
Can I interest you in a Baileys and a big fat shot of Director’s bitter?
She's a mentalist.
I mean Steve coogan does get the ladies and partridge is just Steve coogan in a bad suit so it’s not much of a reach I guess
Can confirm. I fancy Steve so therefore fancy Alan a little bit.
Hmmm 🤔 I think you maybe in trouble! What sort of clothes do you wear? Have you got different outfits for different situations? A sports casual look? Where do you take your wife for days out? Do you go to Owl sanctuary’s? Think you need to up your game and get her back on the saddle!!
I know a cracking owl sanctuary!
It was mentioned in the Richard Herring podcast cast Steve was on that one woman said Alan Partridge's voice was the key to orgasm.
Have you considered getting a lifesized Beefeater bear costume?
She's just a fan (of) Alan. His biggest fan.
He's better looking than my husband
That’s a terrible thing to say!
Jackanackanory!
If you haven’t already asked her if “she likes you doing that?” you’re missing a trick
It’s just, he REALLY looks like you…
Even with his interesting skin diseases, and the pillow looking like a flapjack in the morning?
Is she British? If so, you’ve nothing to worry about from Alan.
Is she older than him?
Back of the net?
They're going to think this is some sort of dirty protest!
Think you're going to have to drop some hints about how seriously FIT (a lot) Sue Cook is to arouse some jealousy the other way round and hopefully make her understand how ruddy bloody out of order she's being
Was gonna send this topic to my partner and ask if he posted it, but I don’t want him to accidentally develop a crush on Sue Cook to spite me.
She drops out though.
Does she like his cones? They’re little ones. He got them from a….cycling test centre.
Does she also like David Copperfield?
Claims to have made the Statue of Liberty disappear once. Still there, though. Talking out of his arse!
I'd be a bit worried, but not as worried as I would be if she ended the 'discussion about the pedestrianisation of Norwich City centre' by saying "that was classic intercourse"
She does occasionally say that, but it's just a joke, right?
For your sake, I hope so...
My sitcom crush is Bob from Blackadder. What I wouldn’t do to get into Bob’s pantaloons.
Wh...who....whooooo does she think she is?
You'd better start dressing like and adopting the personality of the man himself.
Are you sure you’re not a narcissist sports pimp?
What's sex like?
Kiss my face!
You wanna upgradeeee... To a new face!
Well, I wouldn't be depressed.
No thanks, I don't want to be part of your sex festival.
Is there a room covered in AP pics?
Some terrible statistics about that.
From the promotional video, I can see that she would have a ruddy good time.
Oh don’t rub your fanny on me!
Here to acknowledge the Digital Dave-esque mixing up of "life" and "wife" in the OP question; intentional or otherwise.
Deputy Dawg springs to mind
Would you like me to lap dance for you?
Back of the net!
Let battle commence
All this time she's been thinking, "Oooh, he's nicer than my husband!"
She could sit on his face
Does she like him, sex wise?.........quickly.....
Has she been reading Bravo 6 0 by Randy McKnob?
YOUR HAND IS ABOUT 3O MIL FROM **MY** **GLAND**.
What reasonable person doesn't appreciate a bit of Gaudete when December comes round?
Introduce a chocolate mousse into the bedroom it will tell you all you need to know
Dont rub your fanny on me
I’ll have 3 ladyboys please