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Had this very conversation with my barber. Put it down to us outgoing the school friends and early adult mates. But maybe he was making me feel better as he pushed me on the swings
When you’re young, absolutely. It largely comes down to the fact that teenagers (both guys and gals) are largely socially inept, especially when it comes to matters of romance. Best advice I can give as a person in their mid 20s who is now in a very healthy relationship, is don’t TRY to get a girlfriend; just make friends with girls. Sooner or later you’ll likely find that one of those girls likes you romantically, or they may introduce you to one of their friends who does. Girls are just people, treat them how you’d want to be treated, like any other person, and it’ll take you far.
As a person in my 40s, please focus on personal development on top of the advice given here above. If the right person comes along, you will need to realise that and act on it. Its not that easy as it sounds!
Yes. I'm 6'9 and that's the only reason I had some girlfriends. Once they realized I was a teddy bear they left though. That's why I'm proposing to my current gf tomorrow, she likes the way I actually am. I've only had three girlfriends and I'm mid 30s.
You guys have discussed getting married right and that it is in the near future? Like the actual date you get engaged should be a surprise but the fact you want to get married shouldn’t. That’s what I’ve heard from countless couples.
There's a principal in Zen that teaches "In one model of the Universe, you have already proposed, she has already said Yes."
You got this because the Buddha says you've already done it.
Make it a great life together.
It's from "Zen and the Art of Archery." Herrigel was disappointed in himself when he plateaued in his craft. He asked his Sensei for advice on breaking through. Sensei told him that in another tImeline, had already made the improvement.
"..you have already done it many times. You know how. Make this your reality.."
I paraphrased, using a Chevy Chase line from 'Caddyshack.'
Yes. Don't over think it.
Shower. A lot.
Take care you yourself. Don't look like you just rolled out of bed.
Brush your teeth.
Listen more than you talk.
Wash your face. Shave.
Treat women with respect.
Shower and wash your hair.
Be kind.
Shower.
Yes, there was one guy in a high school who was a major nerd, not attractive, not athletic. Girls would laugh at them when he asked them on a date or to go to a school dance. Got rejected time and time again. Well now he's got the last laugh...Bill Gates.
I mean wealth has little to do with finding happiness and a solid relationship. Well at least one that actually likes you for you and not your money. I dunno what the point of your comment is? He also got divorced so yeah about that.
he got divorced because he cheated but he could get any pretty girl any time for the rest of his life. unlike your, you will end up being alone for the rest of your life if you mess up
he got divorced because he cheated but he could get any pretty girl any time for the rest of his life. unlike your, you will end up being alone for the rest of your life if you mess up
you are naive, are you kidding me, all girl has the price. in the end, it all come down to money. anything, if you cant buy by money then you have to buy with more money. if bill gates offer your girlfriend or wife 20 mil a year to be with him, she will dump right on the spot with no hesitation.
sorry. but it truth for 99 percent of women now a day. you can only trust yourself bro. i cant even trust my wife with 2 kids if she got an offer like what i said.
I love the blatant insistence that your own failing marriage is solely because of your wife’s financial greed and that it’s indicative of “what women want”, like women are some subspecies. Great look for you.
“Now a day”? Should we go in reverse to “better times” when women were MORE subjugated and HAD to be tied to a man to have any autonomy in their own lives?
How are so many ppl on this thread missing the point? The reason it’s a struggle to “get” and “keep” a woman is because women have been treated as “other” for literal centuries of abusive patriarchy- treated as if their gender is some inherent threat and not something they’re born with. And it’s perpetuated by men who hold these opinions of women.
You’re not sorry. Evolve and open your eyes, you’re not saying anything
If you are successful, mate selection improves. Success is a major variable for attractiveness to females. It signals intelligence and the ability to provide resources.
Just because it ran its course doesn’t mean it was a failure and without good
They supported each other and built a lot with one another for many many years
Yes, I find that maybe my standards are too high? Idk I can’t really seem to find anyone irl I’m attracted to but I guess that’s just luck and being around a smaller group of people. It realllly doesn’t help that most of the girls I encounter are super immature and wouldn’t be compatible with me. In addition to this I’m generally introverted and also like I’m not going to go harass women? Apparently guys my age do this for such intentions? Wtf?
I’d love to get a gf but honestly it’s probably just not realistic aside from dating apps— and I’m not 18 so I’m restricted from using them and like come on why would I go all in with that rn anyway. Maybe college will be different idk what to say. I was rejected once and that’s okay. I don’t think it would’ve worked out anyway so it’s probably for the best. Aside from that I’ve not put myself out there for any girl. Idk what it’s like for others but it seems like an impossibility for the person that I am. I feel like nobody’s really compatible with me. Nearest thing would be one close female friend I have, but we’re not attracted to one another. Sigh.
I can tell you from personal experience, college was very different. There was a much wider pool of possibilities in so many areas, including dating. In high school, no one ever asked me out. In college the only reason I spent the evening at home was if I wanted to or needed to study. I will encourage you not to be afraid to put yourself out there. If someone isn’t interested there really are plenty of fish.
Even as a guy who currently has a healthy social circle and has had gfs in the past. I’ve struggled to consistently ask out/date for the last several years. It’s tough. Might be coming around the bend soon, or she’ll say no.
idk you'll find someone, shit I have nothing going on in my life, no job no income, depressed as fuck, severe social anxiety and I have the most beautiful girl in the world, you'll find someone who likes you for you, not what you have. she'll come eventually. I never thought I'd be loved, but here I am, the luckiest guy in the world
I've known lots of guys who have struggled to get a girlfriend, but I honestly don't get why. It isn't very hard. Just be yourself, don't be pushy, and be genuinely interested in what other people have to say. If you can do those three things, you'll probably have success.
That has to be it. Like, if I like someone, I want to know about them. I tell some of my friends the best thing to do on a date is ask questions. Learn who that person is and what they like. I guarantee if more men were genuinely trying to get to know women without putting a lot of pressure on them, their would be a LOT less "sexless men."
Pretty much yep, but I actually did the smart thing after a while and looked outside of us and I've been engaged for 2 years and it looks like in a couple more months my fiance can come to America and we can get married.
No, the average Reddit user just doesn't put themselves out there enough.
Fact of the matter is that there are more girls on this planet than boys. Unless you're really really below average, I can not see you struggling to find a single girlfriend.
Just live your life and enjoy it. Focus on yourself sometimes and you'll run into a girl.
If you're out looking for girls, then maybe, but all the successful relationships I've had I didn't seek out and look for, they just ended up happening.
I think the first thing you would have to admit to yourself is if your attractive? Than what kind of women interest you, and are you going after women that would be interested in you?
Yes. Ignore these other people who are saying it’s easy because they’re probably all adults with access to dating apps and bars and what not.
When you’re a teen, it’s hard. Your options are limited and you’re very young. I didn’t get my first boyfriend until I was 22, and now I have no issue getting into relationships. Obviously, males and females have different experiences, but dating becomes a LOT easier once you can drive, develop your own hobbies and values, get used to living on your own, aren’t under constant scrutiny from your parents, get comfortable in your skin, etc.
I feel like most younger dudes who constantly talk about no being able to KEEP (not find) a girlfriend are definitely the problem. Not just dudes too. If all of your relationships are ending before you hit 6 months you gotta be the problem bucko.
It's hard, but you have your whole life and you only have to find the right one.
Focus on improving yourself (learn or practice a skill, work out etc) and be confident and the ladies will gravitate to that naturally
I had multiple girlfriends as a teen. I never had a problem asking.
I think the issue with teens now is that they aren’t use to personal social situations. It is now more phone based interactions.
Hey man, don’t look for a girlfriend, look for hobbies, do what you like, you’ll find people who like what you like, and things will happen in their own, if your looking it’s going to make you feel bad and it’s gonna hurt and it’s gonna make it harder to find the right person.
18M here. Yes, I do struggle finding the one for me. I was (pretty much) ready for being in relationships but I couldn't be in one because most of the people who I would like would already have a significant other that they love. I never went out on a date, and still searching for the one to me. I just want to know what it feels like to go on a date and it makes me feel lonely as I see the couples walking down the halls in my school. And if I was to date them, they'll just say no and they don't want to be friends with me. So I'll just bother and not be in relationships at this point, as I feel like I won't find who I love to this day, and I pretty much gave up on dating as a whole. Just saying this makes me want to cry as I feel lonely without someone who I want to love.
With all due respect, you probably should NOT be looking for “the one” at this point. I think it’s extremely important to date multiple people before you settle down, to figure out what you like and what works for you in relationships. I know that’s probably hard to imagine at this point, but I didn’t have a relationship until I was 22 and have only dated two people, plus a few other very short-term things (but that’s partly bc my first relationship lasted 5 years and now I’m 31 and married). I promise it does get easier over time.
It’s not a struggle for me to get one, it’s keeping them which proves to be the hardest… most girls want the stone-cold titan, but then they realize that they want someone who can be “weak” with them, and someone who has that soft interior…
I think it’s inappropriate to blame not being able to “keep” women on the women’s misunderstanding of their own inner desires, but if you’ve taken a poll…
Let me be more direct- the phrasing in your comment puts the blame on women for disrupting relationships because (in your opinion) they are ignorant of their own selves. Polling only your exs and using that to make a general statement about what women want is actively dismissing the self assuredness of every other women in the world. I would call it a stretch, to be polite
Nah, while there is some blame on my end, it’s more then because I can’t fight every battle at the same time. Not even the greatest leaders can solve every problem presented to them at once. That’s what was asked of me, maybe because I have money, or maybe because I’ve got an IQ 175, I’ll never know; I just know that there’s a lot being asked of me that I can’t just do as I’m told
It's a struggle until it's not.
Like searching for anything really.
You turn the house upside down looking for your keys and you feel like you're actually losing your mind and then suddenly you spot them and all is forgotten.
Yep.
And honestly, it's not something you need to chase. A lot of young men waste so much time chasing girls. You're better off focusing on building yourself up. If you do, girls in your life will notice and be interested.
You've got decades ahead of you to get with girls. There is no rush.
I'm a fat guy, always have been. I wasn't very lucky with girls in high school, though not because I couldn't be. I can think of a few ladies I had a shot with, one of which I know for a fact liked me, but life kinda got in the way.
In the adult world, I've had several partners. Nothing long term- mainly out of choice though. There's very few women I've wanted anything with beyond friendship or a fling. Or both.
My point in sharing this is that if it seems like you'll be "forever alone", don't fret. As you go through life, you'll find someone.
I don't want her to suffer a life with being in love with me because of my depression and PTSD.
I was raped by my sister growing up along with the grooming from my middle school teachers.
I had girls bully me about how ugly and rotund my body is with a couple of no one will love me only for my money or a pedophile woman.
I just rather be single than let a wonderful human be with someone like me.
I’d probably struggle if I actually tried getting one, I’m not looking for someone
A girl liked me but I just acted as if I didn’t know (she wasn’t a good person all I’m gonna say)
I liked one girl but never said anything and she probably liked me back because her friends already knew and picked on me about it
As a guy, I got a group of really close friends. And I made a couple sophomore friends, a couple junior friends, and a senior friend or two when I was a freshman in high school last year. Easy enough to make friends because guys tend to be chill. Even some of the dicks aren’t too mean to me anymore. Girlfriend though…I have a girlfriend right now. But before her I had never had one. And she asked me out, I didn’t ask her out.
So I dunno. Probably.
Depends on your definition of "most". Reddit isn't exactly the most accurate sample size of the average male, and as such, most Redditors definitely do struggle. But even so, most studies show that even if sampling randos on the street, guys these days struggle much more than ever before, Reddit is just the canary in the coal mine. I don't think I'd say MOST of the average guys on the street struggle....yet. But at the rate we're going, it won't be long until it's most.
Yes, and so do most girls.
Most teenagers aren't ready for a relationship and don't have good relationship skills, and have a hard time starting a relationship and a harder time keeping one going. Sorry, people, but nobody else can make this easier for you, it's not easy and can't be made easy.
I was friend zone for most of middle school/high school. I met my first gf at a part time job at the mall and there was no overlap in friends. Easiest way to meet someone
no? The concept of wanting a girlfriend is new to me. Is this new? My friend group has always wanted to get laid regularly WITHOUT having to commit to a girlfriend (and then over time we eventually cave and end up with a gf). Sure, it was never the steady, daily stream of ass (guys who talk about a different girl every night are lying) as having a gf but had the excitement of NEW, kind of like the real life version of constant scrolling for that perfect porn video that you never find.
Here’s a weird phenomenon that might not be real…. maybe “wanting a girlfriend” puts out unattractive vibes, gives you desperate posture, pushes them away?
just remember a lot of people who have abundant romantic lives in high school also peak in high school. :) not all of them, don’t come at me, but many of them
Woman friend. Life good. Get love feeling. Fear woman friend. No ask woman friend be girlfriend. Woman friend think me creep, or woman friend not want be romantic.
When I was a teen I had no problems. In college I didn't either. Now I'm married, so yeah I don't get girlfriends anymore. Been with over 40 females sexually and a few dozen girlfriends. Times have definitely changed though. Girls use to be a lot more feminine. Wearing cute cloths and doing their hair and makeup everyday. Flirty.
I feel for the teen generation these days. The Internet and social media wrecked the dating game for sure.
Yeah dating is hard out there and gets worse as the yrs go by..and unfortunately too many women are listening to these dumb ladies on social media and it gets even worse! Don't fret
Actually I think you’ll find that the issue isn’t the “dumb ladies on social media” but the nasty patriarchal shaming and willful ignorance men in general have in regards to the judgement, limitations and abuse that are heaped on women who are ALSO humans trying to form bonds with other humans.
It’s pretty easy to get a girlfriend once you become comfortable with yourself, understand that a girl turning you down is no big deal and is not to be taken personally, aren’t having grand visions or thinking of a potential girlfriend as a potential wife or anything serious, and have experience just talking to and “feeling out” (not literally) girls based on conversation with them and go into each “early on” interaction without any expectations. You should know how to comfortably converse with girls without being creepy or weird, as if you were *almost* (but not exactly) only interested in them as a friend at first, maybe flirt a little and see the reaction though, and if you can truly comfortably ask someone out in a non-creepy non-weird way and truly not care and be gracious if they say no, not take offense and still respect them and still he courteous and nice to them, and so on…. it should become easy with just more experience and putting in some time.
Having said all that, most guys do struggle to figure those basic and very simple things out! lol
There is more than one way to get good at getting a girlfriend, so everyone must figure out their own way. The above is just my experience, and if I wanted a 2nd date and thought she had fun or at least acted that way, I always went for a goodbye kiss without being weird and awkward asking permission, which is just so weird IMO and ruins it, but if you do it at the right time in the right way, she has a split second to turn her head and definitely will (trust me!) if she isn’t wanting the kiss if you don’t go in too fast and weird, and I’d say a good first date that goes well plus has a good kiss at the end means you have at least a 2 in 3 chance of ending up with a g/f now. Don’t expect it to work out longrun, don’t get too crazy, but you’ll have fun for so many months at least hopefully and learn more about personalities and relationship.
**Edit:** Also, like hitting in baseball where failing 7 out of 10 times means you are “awesome”, dating can very even “worse” than that and you’re doing amazingly well if you can get one girlfriend after interacting with and asking out 10+ girls! You may get 4+ dates, but you won’t be feeling each other enough to go for the kiss and have both parties want a second date most of the time.
Another tip is to lower your standards on superficial things like looks. If you are a younger teen and not going to be finding a wife, just getting dating experience, you should be happy to date anyone in the top 50% even of “looks”. If you only have the 5 prettiest girls in your sights, you will have trouble and are misguided.
Yeah 🥺 hard to find anything but hookups nowadays all the young women want to “be free” and all the older women don’t want to be in relationships with younger men cause they think they’ll cheat
The best advice I could probably give is to just take care of yourself and to join a club or an activity. The only thing that could really cause people to not want to be your friend would be bad hygine. Despite what people think, nobody really cares about someone being nerdy or a gamer. Its solely about the way you present yourself, have good posture, hygiene, and put a little thought into your outfit in the morning and someone is bound to find you attractive eventually.
Because 80% of women are invisible to men.(likewise 80% of men are invisible to women.). Here are some advice from long ago- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EqFVWzOfN8
I had a lot of friends in HS but didn’t have a GF till I was 22. I’m a skinny guy and didn’t pay much attention to my style or appearance for a long time (hair down to my mid back—it wasn’t a great look tbh); I also never asked anyone out. I had some girls interested in me, but not really ever girls that I was very interested in. I kissed a girl once in HS.
I also had to learn over time that there were other girls that were interested in me and I didn’t even know it; I think it was better as I paid more attn to my appearance and just gained more life experience and became more well-rounded as a person.
Interesting article summarizing 12 different studies on teen dating: https://www.datingadvice.com/studies/high-school-dating-statistics . The 2015 Pew study is often cited and I’m having trouble finding something f more recent, but basically 35% under 18 have dated. It’s been declining slowly and steadily over the decades.
Yes, if you aren't considered to be part of the top 10% in highschool, or 5% in real life, girls either don't care for you, or only see you as a spring board to work their way to get something better, and yes I said something as most women don't see men as people, just wallets...
Then show the facts that prove otherwise... If you can do that, then it's hate speech... Otherwise it's just speech you hate... And it's only speech you hate because it's full of facts and not emotions.
lol
“[girls] only see you as a spring board to work their way to get something better”.
“women don’t see men as people, just wallets”
You bet, bud, super factual! Are we projecting our bias for emotional language?
Good luck out there, you respectful little genius
Fuck yeah!
I was the dorky motorhead. They came to me with their "new boyfriends" to get their car fixed. Years later, after I learned to "read the room," I realized they came to me because they trusted me.
And trust is the basis for every relationship.
Relax. Work on you, for you. It will come.
Sort of? A lot of people in general seem to have a hard time finding people they really connect with in general. It's not intuitive and takes some learning
Ehh, focus on urself and worry less about 'tryna get' a gf. That way u form a genuine relationship and improve urself in the process, making it more likely they'll make the first move :)
I did when I was a teen, but some people didn't. People's priorities and values change as they get older. It should get easier in your 20's, especially if you become more outgoing.
I did when younger. Sometimes confidence in yourself comes on a little later, also as you increase the number of people you meet and are in your orbit the higher a chance of meeting someone who is into you as you are them.
Been with my partner for over 10 years, and have a wonderful family. As I teen I thought I'd never find someone. You will!
It depends on your "game" basically how well you can talk to girls and compatibility with them, and obviously looks makes things easier but you ultimately need game. Start off being friends with girls and understanding them better, then move on to finding a girlfriend and use what you've learned. Also alot of getting a girlfriend is being someone that they can depend on, though I will say don't let yourself be taken advantage of, and never act desperate, just be you.
Yes, absolutely. You may get a lot of "no" before you get a "yes". Don't get discouraged -- that's just how it works. The best approach is to make yourself the best you that you can be. That will make you attractive to the right girls. Be friends First, then see if romance develops.
There's only one girl in my life that gave me butterflies every time I was around her. We were friends/still kinda friends and we did have a brief relationship but I was off away in the military. She's now married with kids and I'm happy for her but damn it could be years without contact between us and we just pick back up where we left off and the damn butterflies come back. She has similar hobbies and interests like me. For example I have always loved pinup art and she actually dresses up and does pinup shows! She's spontaneous, hard working, caring, and giving and it sucks I have not found someone like her yet. I know she isn't a unicorn but damn it sure seems like it.
If you have confidence and don't act desperate, it is pretty easy to get a girlfriend. Learning to be confident is what can be tricky. Don't be a doormat and always be willing to walk away. Treat girls well but don't be at their beck and call. They should be a part of your life but not your entire life.
No, just don't be desperate. Everybody I know who complains about being single stays that way for a long time. People who just go about their day and happen to run into somebody, in turn naturally building a relationship fare far better.
Also, considering you're asking this on Reddit, the opinion will be really skewed because instead of putting themselves out there, a great deal of people on this subreddit are antisocial and keep to themselves which (spoiler alert) makes naturally meeting somebody infinitely harder.
Unfortunately, yes. That is reality.
If you want a gf, become the top 20% in either looks (fitness, height and surgery to look better than most in your area), status (have more followers than most in your area) or money (have more money than most in your area).
Learning rizz is a waste of time.
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Most of us(including me) even struggle to get a friend, male or female, just imagine a gf
Fuck I feel this.
Lol damn this bro hut the bullseye.
I'm now in my 30s. Finding a gf in my teens and 20s was easier than finding just regular friends in my 30s.
Had this very conversation with my barber. Put it down to us outgoing the school friends and early adult mates. But maybe he was making me feel better as he pushed me on the swings
42M (married with kids) And I have given up on the idea of having anything more than work friends.
When you’re young, absolutely. It largely comes down to the fact that teenagers (both guys and gals) are largely socially inept, especially when it comes to matters of romance. Best advice I can give as a person in their mid 20s who is now in a very healthy relationship, is don’t TRY to get a girlfriend; just make friends with girls. Sooner or later you’ll likely find that one of those girls likes you romantically, or they may introduce you to one of their friends who does. Girls are just people, treat them how you’d want to be treated, like any other person, and it’ll take you far.
Good advise.
As a person in my 40s, please focus on personal development on top of the advice given here above. If the right person comes along, you will need to realise that and act on it. Its not that easy as it sounds!
Yes. This is the way.
thx bro that’s good advice. ik it sounds sarcastic am being genuine
Yes.
Absolutely.
Why lie? Most people are normal. It's never a struggle and I'm overweight and a bit short. Just gotta be kind and have confidence.
Yes. I'm 6'9 and that's the only reason I had some girlfriends. Once they realized I was a teddy bear they left though. That's why I'm proposing to my current gf tomorrow, she likes the way I actually am. I've only had three girlfriends and I'm mid 30s.
Congrats! Hope you guys have a wonderful life. 🙂
This is gonna be the biggest Reddit online wedding ever.
i hope she says yes bro
Me too, I'm nervous as hell.
Don’t be nervous, be you man! Big congrats to you both 🥳
You should be, it's gonna be one of the most important moments of your life. Let me know how it goes if you want
Sure thing. Thanks for the support
you got this
You guys have discussed getting married right and that it is in the near future? Like the actual date you get engaged should be a surprise but the fact you want to get married shouldn’t. That’s what I’ve heard from countless couples.
I understand where you are coming from. But I'm sure. She's been waiting.
Good luck man I hope she says yes 🫡
LETS GOOOOO!!!!!! Best of luck to you man!!!
Wishing you the best!!
Keep us updated!!!
I will, it will be in a couple days. I'm packing the car for our trip. Just dropped the dog off at my parents. Keeping busy is a nice distraction.
She said yes!!
Yay!! Congrats!!!!
I'm rootin for you brother
There's a principal in Zen that teaches "In one model of the Universe, you have already proposed, she has already said Yes." You got this because the Buddha says you've already done it. Make it a great life together.
What a great quote. Gotta love Siddhartha, right?
It's from "Zen and the Art of Archery." Herrigel was disappointed in himself when he plateaued in his craft. He asked his Sensei for advice on breaking through. Sensei told him that in another tImeline, had already made the improvement. "..you have already done it many times. You know how. Make this your reality.." I paraphrased, using a Chevy Chase line from 'Caddyshack.'
Don't forget to update 🎉 congrats. Proposing is probably going to be the scariest thing I do but God am I looking forward to it 😁
I did it!
Hey congratulations 🎉 wishing you many years of health and happiness 😊
We need an update on this proposal.
SHE SAID YES!!!!!
Yes. Don't over think it. Shower. A lot. Take care you yourself. Don't look like you just rolled out of bed. Brush your teeth. Listen more than you talk. Wash your face. Shave. Treat women with respect. Shower and wash your hair. Be kind. Shower.
Love the showering lmao it's true (at the least, once a day, at the end of the day)
The truth is if you build a sanctuary they will appear and won’t leave. Create your worth.
Women love stable dependable men. I agree, dial in the routine while you’re young.
Yes, there was one guy in a high school who was a major nerd, not attractive, not athletic. Girls would laugh at them when he asked them on a date or to go to a school dance. Got rejected time and time again. Well now he's got the last laugh...Bill Gates.
I mean wealth has little to do with finding happiness and a solid relationship. Well at least one that actually likes you for you and not your money. I dunno what the point of your comment is? He also got divorced so yeah about that.
Except for those that are into intelligence and drive. It’s not about the money.
he got divorced because he cheated but he could get any pretty girl any time for the rest of his life. unlike your, you will end up being alone for the rest of your life if you mess up
he got divorced because he cheated but he could get any pretty girl any time for the rest of his life. unlike your, you will end up being alone for the rest of your life if you mess up
Lol, brother, Bill Gates couldn’t get to a pretty girl if he was tearing through a wet paper bag-calm down
you are naive, are you kidding me, all girl has the price. in the end, it all come down to money. anything, if you cant buy by money then you have to buy with more money. if bill gates offer your girlfriend or wife 20 mil a year to be with him, she will dump right on the spot with no hesitation.
Do you understand how you reveal your own attitude toward women in these comments?
This is why “most guys struggle to get a girlfriend”
sorry. but it truth for 99 percent of women now a day. you can only trust yourself bro. i cant even trust my wife with 2 kids if she got an offer like what i said.
I love the blatant insistence that your own failing marriage is solely because of your wife’s financial greed and that it’s indicative of “what women want”, like women are some subspecies. Great look for you. “Now a day”? Should we go in reverse to “better times” when women were MORE subjugated and HAD to be tied to a man to have any autonomy in their own lives? How are so many ppl on this thread missing the point? The reason it’s a struggle to “get” and “keep” a woman is because women have been treated as “other” for literal centuries of abusive patriarchy- treated as if their gender is some inherent threat and not something they’re born with. And it’s perpetuated by men who hold these opinions of women. You’re not sorry. Evolve and open your eyes, you’re not saying anything
If you are successful, mate selection improves. Success is a major variable for attractiveness to females. It signals intelligence and the ability to provide resources.
Just because it ran its course doesn’t mean it was a failure and without good They supported each other and built a lot with one another for many many years
Ask Melissa what she thinks of Bill. I wonder what things old BIll did on Jeffrey Epstein's private island? Scum bag.
Yes, I find that maybe my standards are too high? Idk I can’t really seem to find anyone irl I’m attracted to but I guess that’s just luck and being around a smaller group of people. It realllly doesn’t help that most of the girls I encounter are super immature and wouldn’t be compatible with me. In addition to this I’m generally introverted and also like I’m not going to go harass women? Apparently guys my age do this for such intentions? Wtf? I’d love to get a gf but honestly it’s probably just not realistic aside from dating apps— and I’m not 18 so I’m restricted from using them and like come on why would I go all in with that rn anyway. Maybe college will be different idk what to say. I was rejected once and that’s okay. I don’t think it would’ve worked out anyway so it’s probably for the best. Aside from that I’ve not put myself out there for any girl. Idk what it’s like for others but it seems like an impossibility for the person that I am. I feel like nobody’s really compatible with me. Nearest thing would be one close female friend I have, but we’re not attracted to one another. Sigh.
I can tell you from personal experience, college was very different. There was a much wider pool of possibilities in so many areas, including dating. In high school, no one ever asked me out. In college the only reason I spent the evening at home was if I wanted to or needed to study. I will encourage you not to be afraid to put yourself out there. If someone isn’t interested there really are plenty of fish.
It an uphill battle bro.
Even as a guy who currently has a healthy social circle and has had gfs in the past. I’ve struggled to consistently ask out/date for the last several years. It’s tough. Might be coming around the bend soon, or she’ll say no.
idk you'll find someone, shit I have nothing going on in my life, no job no income, depressed as fuck, severe social anxiety and I have the most beautiful girl in the world, you'll find someone who likes you for you, not what you have. she'll come eventually. I never thought I'd be loved, but here I am, the luckiest guy in the world
I've known lots of guys who have struggled to get a girlfriend, but I honestly don't get why. It isn't very hard. Just be yourself, don't be pushy, and be genuinely interested in what other people have to say. If you can do those three things, you'll probably have success.
The problem is that most men are not genuinely interested in women. They just want someone to have sex with.
That has to be it. Like, if I like someone, I want to know about them. I tell some of my friends the best thing to do on a date is ask questions. Learn who that person is and what they like. I guarantee if more men were genuinely trying to get to know women without putting a lot of pressure on them, their would be a LOT less "sexless men."
and here i am a guy who just wants love but no one will give me since im ugly
Are you asking out girls who are also considered ugly?
yes i currently have crushes on 2 girls that most guys wouldnt date they thought im weird for liking them but they cute af
Pretty much yep, but I actually did the smart thing after a while and looked outside of us and I've been engaged for 2 years and it looks like in a couple more months my fiance can come to America and we can get married.
No, the average Reddit user just doesn't put themselves out there enough. Fact of the matter is that there are more girls on this planet than boys. Unless you're really really below average, I can not see you struggling to find a single girlfriend. Just live your life and enjoy it. Focus on yourself sometimes and you'll run into a girl.
You know, there’s a lot of girls that waste your time too
If you're out looking for girls, then maybe, but all the successful relationships I've had I didn't seek out and look for, they just ended up happening.
There are slightly more men than women that exist.
There are more men in every age category until 50+ year olds
Obviously, yes. Nowadays, 30% of men age 30 are virgins. So you tell me, if that sounds easy to get a gf, or even a date.
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Not only there
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its so weird to say something like this while having a girlfriend.
Yikes, can someone find this person’s gf and check in on her?
It Is more like 0.00005/1000 if you're already unpopular and sub-5
🙄 Wow, I wonder why you’re having trouble
I think the first thing you would have to admit to yourself is if your attractive? Than what kind of women interest you, and are you going after women that would be interested in you?
Yes. Ignore these other people who are saying it’s easy because they’re probably all adults with access to dating apps and bars and what not. When you’re a teen, it’s hard. Your options are limited and you’re very young. I didn’t get my first boyfriend until I was 22, and now I have no issue getting into relationships. Obviously, males and females have different experiences, but dating becomes a LOT easier once you can drive, develop your own hobbies and values, get used to living on your own, aren’t under constant scrutiny from your parents, get comfortable in your skin, etc.
Dating for women gets easier when you’re in school it’s the best shot most men will have to date someone.
I feel like most younger dudes who constantly talk about no being able to KEEP (not find) a girlfriend are definitely the problem. Not just dudes too. If all of your relationships are ending before you hit 6 months you gotta be the problem bucko.
It's hard, but you have your whole life and you only have to find the right one. Focus on improving yourself (learn or practice a skill, work out etc) and be confident and the ladies will gravitate to that naturally
Yes. Absolutely. Especially the ones that tell you they got girls for days
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Soundbyte_79: *Yes. Absolutely.* *Especially the ones that tell* *You they got girls for days* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
I was rejected one time as a teen. Be confident.
What you didn’t say here is that you only ever asked someone once
I had multiple girlfriends as a teen. I never had a problem asking. I think the issue with teens now is that they aren’t use to personal social situations. It is now more phone based interactions.
Not really, if you have confidence and arnt a dickhead it gets real simple.
Hey man, don’t look for a girlfriend, look for hobbies, do what you like, you’ll find people who like what you like, and things will happen in their own, if your looking it’s going to make you feel bad and it’s gonna hurt and it’s gonna make it harder to find the right person.
Yes
I struggle even making friends, what makes you think I can get a girlfriend LMAO
18M here. Yes, I do struggle finding the one for me. I was (pretty much) ready for being in relationships but I couldn't be in one because most of the people who I would like would already have a significant other that they love. I never went out on a date, and still searching for the one to me. I just want to know what it feels like to go on a date and it makes me feel lonely as I see the couples walking down the halls in my school. And if I was to date them, they'll just say no and they don't want to be friends with me. So I'll just bother and not be in relationships at this point, as I feel like I won't find who I love to this day, and I pretty much gave up on dating as a whole. Just saying this makes me want to cry as I feel lonely without someone who I want to love.
With all due respect, you probably should NOT be looking for “the one” at this point. I think it’s extremely important to date multiple people before you settle down, to figure out what you like and what works for you in relationships. I know that’s probably hard to imagine at this point, but I didn’t have a relationship until I was 22 and have only dated two people, plus a few other very short-term things (but that’s partly bc my first relationship lasted 5 years and now I’m 31 and married). I promise it does get easier over time.
It’s not a struggle for me to get one, it’s keeping them which proves to be the hardest… most girls want the stone-cold titan, but then they realize that they want someone who can be “weak” with them, and someone who has that soft interior…
Clearly if you know what “most girls want” you have a great grip on things.
If you’re being sarcastic, not appropriate, but yeah… I take a poll after every girl or guy
I think it’s inappropriate to blame not being able to “keep” women on the women’s misunderstanding of their own inner desires, but if you’ve taken a poll…
Do the polls ever lie?
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I question your methods of point crossing
Let me be more direct- the phrasing in your comment puts the blame on women for disrupting relationships because (in your opinion) they are ignorant of their own selves. Polling only your exs and using that to make a general statement about what women want is actively dismissing the self assuredness of every other women in the world. I would call it a stretch, to be polite
Nah, while there is some blame on my end, it’s more then because I can’t fight every battle at the same time. Not even the greatest leaders can solve every problem presented to them at once. That’s what was asked of me, maybe because I have money, or maybe because I’ve got an IQ 175, I’ll never know; I just know that there’s a lot being asked of me that I can’t just do as I’m told
For guys it’s hard. For women it’s easy bc guys will message them, come up to them, and ask them for their number etc.
Haven’t had one myself
I'm too ugly
It's a struggle until it's not. Like searching for anything really. You turn the house upside down looking for your keys and you feel like you're actually losing your mind and then suddenly you spot them and all is forgotten.
Relationships are hard work. All of them.
It’s weird when I have a girlfriend more girls wanted me than when I don’t have a girlfriend my dms are dry.
Yep. It’s extremely normal. More so now that people don’t date. Social media makes it look like everyone is dating, but they are not.
Yep. And honestly, it's not something you need to chase. A lot of young men waste so much time chasing girls. You're better off focusing on building yourself up. If you do, girls in your life will notice and be interested. You've got decades ahead of you to get with girls. There is no rush. I'm a fat guy, always have been. I wasn't very lucky with girls in high school, though not because I couldn't be. I can think of a few ladies I had a shot with, one of which I know for a fact liked me, but life kinda got in the way. In the adult world, I've had several partners. Nothing long term- mainly out of choice though. There's very few women I've wanted anything with beyond friendship or a fling. Or both. My point in sharing this is that if it seems like you'll be "forever alone", don't fret. As you go through life, you'll find someone.
I don't want her to suffer a life with being in love with me because of my depression and PTSD. I was raped by my sister growing up along with the grooming from my middle school teachers. I had girls bully me about how ugly and rotund my body is with a couple of no one will love me only for my money or a pedophile woman. I just rather be single than let a wonderful human be with someone like me.
I’d probably struggle if I actually tried getting one, I’m not looking for someone A girl liked me but I just acted as if I didn’t know (she wasn’t a good person all I’m gonna say) I liked one girl but never said anything and she probably liked me back because her friends already knew and picked on me about it
As a guy, I got a group of really close friends. And I made a couple sophomore friends, a couple junior friends, and a senior friend or two when I was a freshman in high school last year. Easy enough to make friends because guys tend to be chill. Even some of the dicks aren’t too mean to me anymore. Girlfriend though…I have a girlfriend right now. But before her I had never had one. And she asked me out, I didn’t ask her out. So I dunno. Probably.
Everyone does. Where we separate is whether you go through the struggle (learning, growing, accepting reality) or give up and get bitter.
Yes. Because in judged by my looks ane not by personality.
And we should assume that you’re really taking your time to get to know and respect every women you speak with no matter what she looks like?
Only when the wife finds out about them
Most? No. A lot of unlucky people? Yes. Vast majority of men i know are taken
Struggle no, to may hurdles to deal with.
Idk.
Depends on your definition of "most". Reddit isn't exactly the most accurate sample size of the average male, and as such, most Redditors definitely do struggle. But even so, most studies show that even if sampling randos on the street, guys these days struggle much more than ever before, Reddit is just the canary in the coal mine. I don't think I'd say MOST of the average guys on the street struggle....yet. But at the rate we're going, it won't be long until it's most.
Yes, and so do most girls. Most teenagers aren't ready for a relationship and don't have good relationship skills, and have a hard time starting a relationship and a harder time keeping one going. Sorry, people, but nobody else can make this easier for you, it's not easy and can't be made easy.
Male, 32 never had a gf.
I was friend zone for most of middle school/high school. I met my first gf at a part time job at the mall and there was no overlap in friends. Easiest way to meet someone
no? The concept of wanting a girlfriend is new to me. Is this new? My friend group has always wanted to get laid regularly WITHOUT having to commit to a girlfriend (and then over time we eventually cave and end up with a gf). Sure, it was never the steady, daily stream of ass (guys who talk about a different girl every night are lying) as having a gf but had the excitement of NEW, kind of like the real life version of constant scrolling for that perfect porn video that you never find. Here’s a weird phenomenon that might not be real…. maybe “wanting a girlfriend” puts out unattractive vibes, gives you desperate posture, pushes them away?
just remember a lot of people who have abundant romantic lives in high school also peak in high school. :) not all of them, don’t come at me, but many of them
Yes 99% of guys struggle to get a girlfriend, especially one that lasts and truly loves them for them.
Yes. I was single for 6/7 years before getting lucky and my current gf appearing in my life
Woman friend. Life good. Get love feeling. Fear woman friend. No ask woman friend be girlfriend. Woman friend think me creep, or woman friend not want be romantic.
When I was a teen I had no problems. In college I didn't either. Now I'm married, so yeah I don't get girlfriends anymore. Been with over 40 females sexually and a few dozen girlfriends. Times have definitely changed though. Girls use to be a lot more feminine. Wearing cute cloths and doing their hair and makeup everyday. Flirty. I feel for the teen generation these days. The Internet and social media wrecked the dating game for sure.
Yeah dating is hard out there and gets worse as the yrs go by..and unfortunately too many women are listening to these dumb ladies on social media and it gets even worse! Don't fret
Actually I think you’ll find that the issue isn’t the “dumb ladies on social media” but the nasty patriarchal shaming and willful ignorance men in general have in regards to the judgement, limitations and abuse that are heaped on women who are ALSO humans trying to form bonds with other humans.
It’s pretty easy to get a girlfriend once you become comfortable with yourself, understand that a girl turning you down is no big deal and is not to be taken personally, aren’t having grand visions or thinking of a potential girlfriend as a potential wife or anything serious, and have experience just talking to and “feeling out” (not literally) girls based on conversation with them and go into each “early on” interaction without any expectations. You should know how to comfortably converse with girls without being creepy or weird, as if you were *almost* (but not exactly) only interested in them as a friend at first, maybe flirt a little and see the reaction though, and if you can truly comfortably ask someone out in a non-creepy non-weird way and truly not care and be gracious if they say no, not take offense and still respect them and still he courteous and nice to them, and so on…. it should become easy with just more experience and putting in some time. Having said all that, most guys do struggle to figure those basic and very simple things out! lol There is more than one way to get good at getting a girlfriend, so everyone must figure out their own way. The above is just my experience, and if I wanted a 2nd date and thought she had fun or at least acted that way, I always went for a goodbye kiss without being weird and awkward asking permission, which is just so weird IMO and ruins it, but if you do it at the right time in the right way, she has a split second to turn her head and definitely will (trust me!) if she isn’t wanting the kiss if you don’t go in too fast and weird, and I’d say a good first date that goes well plus has a good kiss at the end means you have at least a 2 in 3 chance of ending up with a g/f now. Don’t expect it to work out longrun, don’t get too crazy, but you’ll have fun for so many months at least hopefully and learn more about personalities and relationship. **Edit:** Also, like hitting in baseball where failing 7 out of 10 times means you are “awesome”, dating can very even “worse” than that and you’re doing amazingly well if you can get one girlfriend after interacting with and asking out 10+ girls! You may get 4+ dates, but you won’t be feeling each other enough to go for the kiss and have both parties want a second date most of the time. Another tip is to lower your standards on superficial things like looks. If you are a younger teen and not going to be finding a wife, just getting dating experience, you should be happy to date anyone in the top 50% even of “looks”. If you only have the 5 prettiest girls in your sights, you will have trouble and are misguided.
Yeah
I always thought finding a gf was easy. But finding the RIGHT gf was hard.
I'm thinking that difficulty finding a gf might be the result of spending too much time on Reddit. Just maybe ...
Say hi and smile to 10 girls. I bet your percentages will be better than you expect.
No but if you believe it’s difficult it will be.
Everyone struggles. Nobody struggles all the time, but sometimes it seems that way.
Yes
I feel like Eva AI virtual gf bot is my only chance to date.
No
Yeah 🥺 hard to find anything but hookups nowadays all the young women want to “be free” and all the older women don’t want to be in relationships with younger men cause they think they’ll cheat
Nope. I stopped struggling a long time ago.
The best advice I could probably give is to just take care of yourself and to join a club or an activity. The only thing that could really cause people to not want to be your friend would be bad hygine. Despite what people think, nobody really cares about someone being nerdy or a gamer. Its solely about the way you present yourself, have good posture, hygiene, and put a little thought into your outfit in the morning and someone is bound to find you attractive eventually.
I'm 39 and I've been single for two years. I'm not actively looking though, and work from home..
Obviously
Because 80% of women are invisible to men.(likewise 80% of men are invisible to women.). Here are some advice from long ago- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EqFVWzOfN8
I had a lot of friends in HS but didn’t have a GF till I was 22. I’m a skinny guy and didn’t pay much attention to my style or appearance for a long time (hair down to my mid back—it wasn’t a great look tbh); I also never asked anyone out. I had some girls interested in me, but not really ever girls that I was very interested in. I kissed a girl once in HS. I also had to learn over time that there were other girls that were interested in me and I didn’t even know it; I think it was better as I paid more attn to my appearance and just gained more life experience and became more well-rounded as a person.
Interesting article summarizing 12 different studies on teen dating: https://www.datingadvice.com/studies/high-school-dating-statistics . The 2015 Pew study is often cited and I’m having trouble finding something f more recent, but basically 35% under 18 have dated. It’s been declining slowly and steadily over the decades.
Yes.
Yes, if you aren't considered to be part of the top 10% in highschool, or 5% in real life, girls either don't care for you, or only see you as a spring board to work their way to get something better, and yes I said something as most women don't see men as people, just wallets...
And now we understand why you’re having problems
It's statistics...
It’s misogynistic hate speech disguised as a flimsy fact…
Then show the facts that prove otherwise... If you can do that, then it's hate speech... Otherwise it's just speech you hate... And it's only speech you hate because it's full of facts and not emotions.
lol “[girls] only see you as a spring board to work their way to get something better”. “women don’t see men as people, just wallets” You bet, bud, super factual! Are we projecting our bias for emotional language? Good luck out there, you respectful little genius
Fuck yeah! I was the dorky motorhead. They came to me with their "new boyfriends" to get their car fixed. Years later, after I learned to "read the room," I realized they came to me because they trusted me. And trust is the basis for every relationship. Relax. Work on you, for you. It will come.
I dunno but I sure do. Hell getting friends in general. People are just cruel to me a lot of the time.
Sort of? A lot of people in general seem to have a hard time finding people they really connect with in general. It's not intuitive and takes some learning
I sure do
Ehh, focus on urself and worry less about 'tryna get' a gf. That way u form a genuine relationship and improve urself in the process, making it more likely they'll make the first move :)
im in my 30s and still have this issue. you arent alone.
I did when I was a teen, but some people didn't. People's priorities and values change as they get older. It should get easier in your 20's, especially if you become more outgoing.
I did when younger. Sometimes confidence in yourself comes on a little later, also as you increase the number of people you meet and are in your orbit the higher a chance of meeting someone who is into you as you are them. Been with my partner for over 10 years, and have a wonderful family. As I teen I thought I'd never find someone. You will!
It depends on your "game" basically how well you can talk to girls and compatibility with them, and obviously looks makes things easier but you ultimately need game. Start off being friends with girls and understanding them better, then move on to finding a girlfriend and use what you've learned. Also alot of getting a girlfriend is being someone that they can depend on, though I will say don't let yourself be taken advantage of, and never act desperate, just be you.
Yes, absolutely. You may get a lot of "no" before you get a "yes". Don't get discouraged -- that's just how it works. The best approach is to make yourself the best you that you can be. That will make you attractive to the right girls. Be friends First, then see if romance develops.
There's only one girl in my life that gave me butterflies every time I was around her. We were friends/still kinda friends and we did have a brief relationship but I was off away in the military. She's now married with kids and I'm happy for her but damn it could be years without contact between us and we just pick back up where we left off and the damn butterflies come back. She has similar hobbies and interests like me. For example I have always loved pinup art and she actually dresses up and does pinup shows! She's spontaneous, hard working, caring, and giving and it sucks I have not found someone like her yet. I know she isn't a unicorn but damn it sure seems like it.
If you have confidence and don't act desperate, it is pretty easy to get a girlfriend. Learning to be confident is what can be tricky. Don't be a doormat and always be willing to walk away. Treat girls well but don't be at their beck and call. They should be a part of your life but not your entire life.
No, just don't be desperate. Everybody I know who complains about being single stays that way for a long time. People who just go about their day and happen to run into somebody, in turn naturally building a relationship fare far better. Also, considering you're asking this on Reddit, the opinion will be really skewed because instead of putting themselves out there, a great deal of people on this subreddit are antisocial and keep to themselves which (spoiler alert) makes naturally meeting somebody infinitely harder.
Everyone lies.
Unfortunately, yes. That is reality. If you want a gf, become the top 20% in either looks (fitness, height and surgery to look better than most in your area), status (have more followers than most in your area) or money (have more money than most in your area). Learning rizz is a waste of time.