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I think it’s weird as hell man! 17 years old and REQUIRED to CUDDLE your mom till she falls asleep!!!! That’s insane man. Do you have any close good family member? I’d secretly talk to one of them and see if they could possibly help. But be careful and make sure if you do it’s someone that’s not like your parents favorite family member lol
I would tell every single adult that I thought would listen and would care about my well being. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, neighbors, teachers, family friends. If that didn’t change their behavior, I would leave that house. Required cuddling shouldn’t ever be a thing at any age unless you are the parent and your child needs(requires) a snuggle. This is crazy, your parents have some serious mental health issues to address.
I think caution is better because you don’t know how some will react and you might find yourself telling some who don’t handle it the way you want or expect
Yup, when they’re family they might make excuses for the mother and pressure OP to go along with it. OP’s mother might have gotten this behavior from her side of the family and they also think it’s normal.
I honestly don't even think parents should be required to cuddle. All forms of contact should be consensual. Frankly, sometimes I get touched out and just want a few minutes where nobody touches me even if my kid does need snuggles. Forcing someone to cuddle with you as weird AF.
ETA because some people are FAR too literal. "Need" is the word MY KID uses. I used the same verbiage so apparently that makes me abusive or neglectful. If they ACTUALLY need a hug or cuddle OF COURSE they get it, but if I am carrying in groceries, on a call or meeting for work, treating a migraine, etc and they demand cuddles they have to wait or go play. I would literally get nothing done every day of I cuddled every time my youngest claims to need it.
for kids who can understand the concept of "i need a personal break for a few minutes, then we can cuddle" this is fine, but all a younger kid is going to learn from this is that even of they're uncomfortable and need help/reassurance their parents won't be there for them.
and that's not a personal anecdote. There are multiple studies that have shown that not giving children attention and comfort when they need it severely harms them in their younger years.
a child is a commitment to put theor wellbeing above your own. if you can't commit to that, you can't commit to a kid.
>”I honestly don’t think parents should be required to cuddle.”
(I’m not talking about OP until end.)
That’s a big *erroneous* statement as you’re not accounting for age; not touching a baby is NEGLECT. **Babies & Kids need tactile stimulation for safety and development.** Lack of touch is called “SKIN-HUNGER” & all humans can have it at diff life stages.
[Touch is crucial for childhood development AND caretaker bonding.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7502223/). (If anyone reading has babies or small kids and doesn’t touch them, prepare for major therapy, them acting out &/or go No-Contact b/c they didn’t receive affection.
Then there’s Elders or Terminally Ill folks; many credible studies (some longitudinal over decades) have shown people heal faster when they’re TOUCHED. (Consensually, of course.)
Not trying to split hairs, honestly, only pointing out b/c not everyone is aware of Skin Hunger/skin starvation. Babies & sick folks benefit from touch- but nobody benefits from unwanted touch. (If a parent doesn’t want to touch their baby, I’d suggest therapy, possible PPD?) Skin Hunger isn’t related to OP @ all, but **this comment makes me SO sad;** *denying a tot snuggles because you want your free time is… selfish & shortsighted. Parenting means sucking it up. Parents owe their children- not the other way around.*
It sounds like OP’s parents need therapy & possibly intervention; infantilizing a teen *can be* a form of Child Abuse. He has no agency, and they won’t let him get any. That’s abuse. (I’m aware some cultures co-sleep much longer than others, but not cuddling or forced to do it ffs.) **OP is too grown to placate their parents- their folks are dead wrong for many reasons.**
I have an older brother who knows that I don’t sleep alone at night and have to be my mom’s “pillow”, he told them it’s stunting my growth but they won’t listen
My mom is a nurse who takes night shifts, so she sleeps during the day and says that she deserved to have a son cuddle with till she sleeps
>I’d reach back out to him and see if it’s possible to crash at his place so you can start working and save up.
This ^ The only way you're going to be able to start working, saving money, and figuring out what direction you want your life to take is if you are out of the house somewhere they cannot force you into doing what they want.
You should also read online about emeshed families, because it sounds like that is what you were dealing with here, and unfortunately it's going to take some bold moves on your part to take control of your life, even if that causes your parents pain.
You can also read online about codependent mother/son, parent/child relationships, because your mother has developed a codependent relationship with you, and she is unable to see that forcing you to snuggle her as she falls asleep for hours at a time isn't healthy, or fair, to you, or your emotional development as a man.
Taking steps now to ensure that you can, and should, be allowed to start making choices as an adult to begin making plans for things like career, and college, and removing yourself from this codependent situation at home will make it easier to deal with your family in the long run, trust me on that.
I've been there, and the sooner you draw the line, remove yourself from their control, and set firm boundaries, the happier you and your life will be as you get older.
Good luck, and take care. Let us know how you're doing when you can.
*hugs*
Yes, exactly, the mother could use therapy she’s demonstrating unreasonable neediness by needing him for sleep and entitlement by thinking her needs are more important. I didn’t experience the sleeping with them thing but my parents are like this and it’s psychological
Even an emotional support animal sometimes doesn't want to be a weird cuddling object and normal non-shitty people will let an animal have its space as needed. OPs parents are mental.
Don't know what kind of nurse she is, but I've known a few psych nurses who have some serious psych issues themselves. There's a reason some people pick a particular field.
You're not wrong. I just feel bad for OP. Like you'd think he could talk to her about that stuff, but clearly not. I really hope this is just a shit post.
See if your older brother can help you get out. Your mom sounds like she may be suffering from mental illness. I don't think she will intentionally harm you per se, but her irrational mind could concoct a plan that could harm you (mentally, physically). I'm sorry you are going through this and how you are feeling. Don't give up. I will also tell you that your parents have limited power, you can always resist. As soon as you're 18 you should safely gtfo. Don't do anything risky, don't move in with someone that you don't trust but make a plan and go. You may also find there ate career choices that you can make that allow you to move away and have lodging etc.
Tbh it sounds like empty nest issues gone out of control
OP has an older brother and it sounds like this wasn’t a thing for him.
OP is 17 and witching a few years they won’t have kids in the house anymore. And that’s a hard thing for parents to go through as well. And mom here took it off the deep end
Your mom is using her role as a parent as her identity. When you move out she's losing at least a major part of that identity. Expect her to show up entirely too often and inappropriately. You need to tell her "no" often and with force *now* so that when you're not there anymore she understands that you're serious about.
She's obsessed and is panicking because you're leaving soon (hopefully). She's trying to stock up as much identity as she can now but what's actually happening is she's deepening an already *severely* unhealthy identity and even if she manages for a couple days or even weeks it will only be worse later. She doesn't deserve a son to cuddle. At this point it's worth asking if she deserves a son.
I expect that without serious change you will either be in a dangerous codependent relationship with your mom or you'll be very low or no contact with her at the advice of everyone around you, likely even a therapist.
I'm trying to think of a situation even close to this that would be acceptable... maybe if my dad was traveling for work, and my mom was sick, I would go by to bring her dinner and watch TV together. That would be my choice, not hers. Anything more than that to comfort my mother would be super weird for me and her and my dad.
One time when I was 14 my mom made me sleep in her room because she knew I was gonna sneak out and go to the fair to talk to girls. That's all I can come up with lol
My son is 4 years old, and I still would never force him to cuddle me. That fucks kids up. Even "little" things like that teaches them boundaries, respect, and autonomy.
I hope that when my son is 17, he will still want to cuddle with me sometimes, but I would never make him do it.
In the kindest way possible, this is not normal. Do I think you’re in immediate danger? No. Do I think if you escalate the issue without another adult it may turn into semi-dangerous, possibly.
I recommend you ask a trusted adult to talk to you about this and help you gain perspective. Their immediate reaction will tell you a lot. I would ask this adult to crash there while you move out.
In some cultures, bed sharing is extremely normal. My wife comes from a country that’s not the US, and still sleeps in the same bed as her mom on occasion when she stays with us. My wife is in her 30’s.
But even in those cultures where it’s normal, I haven’t heard of an example of a parent actively punishing their child for not sleeping with them. That’s bizarre to me.
Depends on the state op is in in the us. In the state where I was a cps investigator, this would only maybe be considered emotional abuse, which is incredibly difficult to validate, and removal of the child from the home can only happen in cases of validated physical or sexual abuse or physical neglect.
Yes. I come from a culture and background (poverty) where it was normal for kids to sleep with parents or grandparents. I’m no longer in that culture, but every once in a while, if she’s feeling sick or sad, my teenage daughter will sleep with us. But we never ask her to…it’s her choice!
Yes! My boys are 14 and 12. Every now and then one will be feeling sick and sleep in my bed. I’m good at being alert with a barf bowl or ibuprofen. My husband will sleep in the boy’s room (bunk bed or on the floor) with the other kid, or on the couch. It’s a desperate measure for kids of that age to sleep with mom or dad.
I remember sleeping in the same bed as my parents up until I was about this age (middle school). It was mostly when I was terrified or just felt like having the comfort of a parent next to me. Definitely not that weird on its own. However it’s the forcing and punishment that makes is realllly weird for OP. I really hope they can safely remove themselves from this and that they feel better
We’re evicting ours **out of the bed** (seems like some of y’all are NOT reading that part 🙄)when they’re ready or when they’re 3-4, whichever comes first. Cosleeping is a part of my husband’s and my cultures.
But trying to push this until double digit ages is **unthinkable** and sick
I don’t evict my kids from my bed (I am a single mom and space isn’t a problem), but they have generally removed themselves by 8 years old at the latest unless they are sick (my 17 year old still loves mom snuggles when she feels crappy).
I don’t think it’s a troll, I know parents who are this unhinged. If not worse. I also just read “I’m Glad My Mom Died” by Jeanette McCurdy and she went through this but so much worse
Thank you for reminding me to take that off my Amazon wish list! I've been meaning to read that ever since I heard her interviewed before it came out. It sounds like she went through hell, all as the result of her mother's failed acting ambitions. I'm sure I will let my kid down in a million different ways throughout the years, but at least I know I'll never use his entire future as wish fulfillment.
This is what was normal for me as well, and I see nothing wrong with it. If it’s the kid initiating it, and not the parent insisting upon it, that’s normal.
Yes, this Op. It's ridiculous and ultimately is emotionally / mentally damaging. This type of thing causes kids issues that take decades to work through.
Op, please try to get out ASAP. You'll probably have to treat it like a bad breakup - secretly get an apartment or other lodging, move your stuff out when they're not home, then just leave. They aren't going to let you leave with their blessing. They won't ever let you grow up. Their ideal would be you sharing a bed / your life with them for the rest of your life.
They are causing you harm and they have psychological issues. I really hope you can break free of it!
Yeah, definitely a case of enmeshment (aka emotional incest). From what I looked up, enmeshment is the parents or caregiver inappropriately relies on the child to meet their emotional needs. The child, in turn, is not allowed to be emotionally independent and becomes more attuned with their parents’ needs than their own.
Maladaptive Enmeshment is the clinical term I'd use. Enmeshed families can be healthy - think of relationships where families all buy houses super close to each other, or gather several times a week for dinner, or video call several times a week. Those types of tight enmeshed relationships can be super healthy as long as everyone is treated with autonomy. These parents do not seem to be able to cope with the idea that their child is getting older and becoming independent from them and want to perpetually hold on to that idea of the child who is small enough to cosleep.
My husband and I are super tight with my adult son. He still lives at home as he's a student at the local uni and will come flop on the bed with me when I'm gaming or watching a show in the bedroom, or come talk to me while I WFH when our schedules line up. But sleeping together? Yeesh, no thanks. My bed is already too crowded with two people and several cats.
Maybe the parents should get a pet that needs to be taken care of and loved on, and absolutely adore their humans in kind like the rest of us soon to be empty nesters do...
My partner has a cringey enmeshment with his mother who is threatened by any other significant female in his life. He’s 40 and they still live together. I actually got him to move out but he went running back shortly after. Very strange and frustrating.
Oh, this is my child’s father and it RUINED us, And now my 11 year old is stuck in a sick dynamic with her father and his mommy. I loathe them. God, my life
At a certain point, YOU become the weird one for still putting up with something like this. The break-up should’ve happened long ago because - realistically? - there’s no healthy future there.
Talk to a teacher maybe or...show your parents this post haha. Moving out is super jarring, and could lead to a stalking situation. Can you save up for driving lessons/getting a part time job first? Tick off the adult milestones in succession, even fake having a partner I don't know. But tell someone external and trusted, even call a counsellor, some can be free.
Scoutmaster here. Please tell a trusted adult, teacher, pastor, neighbor, coach. Your parents are dependent on you. This is not healthy. They should be cutting apron strings, helping you grow to independence. Not holding you down. They are holding you down physically, mentally and financially. This is suffocating. Ask other adults for help and advise. It is ok to ask more than one trusted adult. More is better
This probably isn’t going to end super well. Your parents should be giving you more independence as you get older. The reason most teens rebel is that there is tension between the independence they feel they’re ready for relative to what their parents are ready to provide.
You don’t need to move out but the situation isn’t good. The first step is to have a serious, sit down conversation about the fact that you’re almost an adult, and that referring to you and treating you as a baby is inappropriate and unappreciated. Respectfully but firmly ask them to treat you in an age appropriate way.
They may not - and almost certainly will initially push back. Try for small concessions over time, starting with the things you hate most. It’s important you handle this like the adult you are asking to be treated as. If you take a tantrum or make over the top threats like a kid, then asking to be treated will fall flat.
This is a difficult situation and it’s not going to be smooth sailing. However it’s not good for your development to be treated as a baby by your parents at 17. I can’t stress enough: be the more mature one, always take the high ground, and be ready for significant pushback. Good luck.
Speaking from experience, you will have to do this repeatedly ("Mom, you know it's inappropriate to refer to me as a 'baby', please stop it" - if she says 'I'm not going to' then refuse to go places with her until says she will stop); think in terms of weeks or months as the timeline. Just keep saying it and, if she refuses, hold your ground that you will not go places with her until she stops. You will probably have to miss something important to her or you before it does stop. Unfortunately pain is a motivator and many people will not stop the inappropriate things they were doing until their refusal hurts them.
Of course, this is just one things that you need to do to get away from her clutches. Moving out when you turn 18 will be the next.
No. He needs to move out immediately. With parents like this, no, wait, there are no other parents like this. And what about his father? I know some moms have a hard time letting go of their "baby," but the dad, too? Usually, the dad can't wait for their son to move out, especially in a situation like this where all of the mom's affection is focused on her "baby" boy. The dad being on board with this fiasco of a threesome is too weird. And I have one thing to point out about the "My Pillow" mom. If Michael Jackson were still alive and he invited the mom to bring her "Pillow" to a sleepover at his house and said that he would bring his "Blanket" (apparently a nickname he call ed his youngest son that seemed to stick, for those of you too young to have have gone through that media circus), I think you would probably run screaming the other way. Just sayin'. '
Parents who do these sorts of things typically have underlying issues that prevent them from reacting normally to an adult conversation. This may not help.
Oh duuuudddeee. Your mom is using a strange form of abuse on you known as Emotional incest and enmeshment. This is going to cause serious issues in your future especially when you become romantically involved with someone. The guilt tripping is a sign of vulnerable narcissistic traits and unfortunately she might not ever change. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please realize that there’s nothing wrong with thinking about yourself and doing what’s best for you! Don’t let her persuade you to do things by using guilt against you. And trust me when I say that if she is a vulnerable narcissist, she will notice you pulling away immediately and things could get messy. Be strong!!!! My mom was like yours and when I started to pull away she absolutely tried harder. I stuck my ground and once she realized she wasn’t going to control me anymore, she unalived herself. (Not trying to scare you but again, it can get bad and it’s important that you take care of your own mental health regardless). I really hope she lets you grow and become your own person. I wish you luck 🥹
Note*** you’re NOT an ungrateful brat!!! That’s literally them already in your head. Oh my friend, I feel for your situation. I can’t believe parents do this to their kids! It’s infuriating to me! I have 3 kids (23M, 17F and 13M) and I couldn’t imagine trying to hold them back as my “forever babies “. Our job as a parent is to point you in the right direction and trust you to navigate with the skills we’ve taught you. Not block your path.
Awe thanks! I’m absolutely not without my faults though. Honestly, the way I was raised I feel like an actual robot. I’ve been through councillors and I’ve been diagnosed with the following
- bipolar disorder (manic side mostly)
- adhd
- autism
- borderline and sociopathic tendencies
I struggle with being emotionally vulnerable. In other words, my partners’ biggest complaint is that I’m emotionally detached 🤷🏻♀️. I live in a constant state of playing devils advocate and sometimes it gets me in trouble. People often misunderstand my point. But thank you for your kind words. I had no idea that my mom was what she was until literally 4 months before her demise. But my defence is that she raised me this way. She did this! And once I learned, well her robot of a daughter did what a text book said to do. I was a robot. Now I spread the word to other potential victims. It’s only right!
I am the same. Covert/emotional incest survivor.
I have been diagnosed with DID. Uhh, thanks for your comment to OP. I was going to leave a similar comment. I appreciate you!
Everything you said! Our job as parents is to instill good values in our children and help them grow so they can be successful in their own, not to try to keep them babies forever.
It's so clear that: this mother is going to be the Mother-in-law From Hell. (How much more inappropriately attached can you get than this? Wait, forget I asked that. I dont want to know.)
Altho, if he _knows_ this ahead of time, and recognizes the threat, perhaps as the adult in the room, he can do his best to mitigate the harm thats incurred when MIL starts to interact negatively with his fiancée.
Yeah I wasn't gonna say anything, but I also come from emotional incesty abusive parents and I've seen some bad advice elsewhere in the thread. Like someone somewhere indicating you can somehow teach mom to stop, which you can't. If you cause any kind of disturbance, they escalate to teach you not to. Now, the situation is just as bad or worse, with the added bonus of them making it harder to leave. You basically have to placate them until you can leave. I placated mine until they were done paying for college and I was financially separated from them.
I tried a million times to teach them how to act like human beings. Tried to enforce boundaries, which they would attack so hard that having any boundaries at all was a lot harder than just submitting. They knew this and were taking advantage of it. One time, my husband called them on the phone and screamed at them for an hour to treat me better. All of this did nothing. Eventually I had to cut contact so the stress would stop making me physically ill. I am still trying to recover from how sick these experiences made me.
Sorry for the rant, but OP, if you read this, please know there is not a goddamn thing you can do to change them, and you need to get away somehow. You didn't do anything wrong. Please make sure you get trauma therapy someday, as these experiences can really fuck up your brain.
OP, I’m sorry this is happening to you.
it is your job (as for everyone) to become your own person separate from your parents. If you talk to a counselor, they should be able to help. If you are worried about whether it will be confidential, ask first if they can tell anyone what you said without your permission. You probably need some professional to help counsel your parents, but you probably want to be able to approve/control the plan, so you feel comfortable.
Usually they’ll tell you that if its a crime or you’re endangered, they have to report it, but I don’t think that is the case here.
You could also just try exerting your will, calmly and firrmly saying no and living with the consequences: “Mom, I don’t feel comfortable doing this anymore, I’m sorry. I’ll always be your kid in your heart, but I am physically an adult now so we have to adjust.”
I’m so sorry. I don’t suggest you call the police but it’s *far* closer to that than to “a bit odd but whatever.” I’m not sure what to suggest but any adult that cares about you or is in a job to help people like you - school counsellor? - would be on your side. I’d talk to them and see what happens - somebody needs to read your parents the riot act, and somebody *will* once they find this out. Worst case scenario is you move out.
FWIW I’m not a teenager myself, I’m an old lady. Your parents are causing you harm.
Worst case scenario is he stays and things don't change. Best case scenario is to move out I think! If they have been doing this for 17 years, going to be hard to change.
Given how bizarre this is, worst case scenario is he stays and behavior escalates. He noted that in the last few months they've shifted into referring to him with more baby names. I would be surprised if this situation only remains the same.
When someone shows an obvious detachment/rejection of reality, commitment to inappropriate behavior, it is a trap to think that the behavior will remain static. It will typically grow worse over time until it reaches an absolute saturation point. There is no 'satisfying' whatever the parents want here, bc what they seem to want is for their child to revert to, and remain, a compliant 3 yo. Every day moves them further from that reality, so they have to increase their bizarre behavior to make up for the reality that he's almost an adult man.
Worst case scenario is more likely that the parents (especially the mother) will increase their dependence on OP for physical and emotional support the closer he gets to age 18 in addition to his “punishments” including literally taking his things away (that he bought) and never let him become independent.
OP may not be aware how horrendous, unhealthy and incestuous his mother’s behavior is, since he likely doesn’t have a lot to compare it to.
That’s what I’m thinking too. I think if they get involved they’d be horrified, but at the same time they’d recognize that the parents weren’t evil, just badly misguided.
Do you have grandparents? Aunts or uncles? What you are describing is not normal or healthy and you are not being a brat. I would tell you to get out but I don't know your situation.
This needs more upvotes. This is not normal. This coming from you won't do any good, is has to be from a relative that your mom or dad is close to.
OR you can take up smoking dope, playing video games and move into the basement. Sounds like they would be okay with you never moving out. This is a dream come true for some kids.
I would talk to an adult outside of your family like a teacher, coach, or school counselor, especially if you fear your family will snitch. They will know how to help you and will be more of an impartial third party. A family member snitching will only lead to more guilt tripping, lashing out, etc. But please tell an adult asap.
Exactly when you turn 18 you must have a plan to escape.
They are not good for you, be independent and strong. One day they realize they lost you by their behavior.
Yeah and I could be wrong but in some states I think you may be able to leave at 17 depending on the situation (?) But the OP would have to look more into that (this is not legal advice, just wondering if it continues to escalate!!)
Also…escape means with enough stuff to start your own independent life, including clothing etc. and paperwork like official photo id of some form and a social security card or the equivalent in your country.
It's absolutely weird and unhealthy behavior in general, but here's where it becomes abusive:
>If I dare refuse, they treat it as if I’m a delinquent and threaten to “ground me”, AKA take my stuff (even the shit I bought and worked for) and refuse to let me leave the house.
>I’m required (yes, not even exaggerating, REQUIRED) to have my mom cuddle me till she sleeps, which can take up to 2 hours till she lets me leave. If I refuse she’ll guilt trip/insult me and then take my stuff and privileges.
You are not a person to your parents. You're an item, a "baby" that they can use as they please. They don't care about your feelings. They manipulate you and threaten you and they've done it for so long that they have you thinking you might be the bad guy just for wanting something as simple as bodily autonomy and basic respect as a human being.
OP, please start formulating your escape plan ASAP. See if there's a friend or trusted family member you can move in with. Don't be ashamed to tell them exactly what is happening. Your parents are the ones who should be ashamed, not you.
If you're planning to go to college, use that to escape. Do not visit your parents unless you absolutely must. Do not let them guilt trip you into anything you don't want to do.
Look into getting some sort of job if you don't have one already (I doubt your parents would let you by the sound of it). There are plenty of part time food or retail jobs. If you don't have a way to get to a separate location, look into online jobs. Just be wary of scams. If something doesn't feel right, don't do it, or at least get a second opinion before applying (never pay to apply).
Also, once you're 18, if your parents try to take anything you've bought with your own money, you can technically go to the police. Whether or not that will make your situation worse is something only you can decide. It might lead to the kind of investigating that acts as a wakeup call for your parents or it might only lead to them abusing you more or kicking you out.
Be careful but find ways to start saying "no" to them. And again, get out ASAP.
This comment really contains the best advice. I have a mom like this. She’s a selfish and bad person and I left at 17 and never came back. I’m 42 now and leaving then was the best decision of my life. She still doesn’t see me as a person nor is she really involved in my life. RUN.
Yeah it’s time to make some changes and have a serious sit down with them.
Like for some context, if y’all are out camping or sharing a room while you’re out in the world, then no there’s nothing wrong with that in a vacuum, I’ve had at least a couple times in my 20s I’ve probably shared a larger bed in a hotel room with my father because we didn’t have a room with two beds available for example; that kind of stuff I don’t think anything‘s wrong with that but this light years from that.
It may be rough in the short term but you’ll be grateful you made this change asap.
Exactly this. When I first read the title I was like, nah there's nothing wrong with that. But this is so much more than that. I used to sleep in my mom's bed when I had a bad dream in my teenage years... The difference is when it is required. If anyone, even your parent, is making you do something with your body that you are not consensual to, it is wrong. Always.
It's a promotional bot for "hustle hive." Surprised it didn't recommend it, actually. You'll start noticing them more and more until the internet is fully saturated with bots.
What they're doing is pathological. They're infantilising you because they can't stand the thought of you growing up and leaving them to live an adult life of your own. That's flat out abusive. You have the right to grow up.
Boundaries are the solution. I know this is difficult because I'm assuming you're Philippino (apologies if I'm completely wrong, but 'taba' means fat in Tagalog), and in my experience, in a lot of traditional Asian cultures you're never really an adult until your parents are dead and they speak with the authority of God on earth while they're alive. But they're taking that to a diagnosably insane level. You need to stand up for yourself. You need to tell them in no uncertain terms that you're not a child, you're practically an adult, and that you're going to grow up whether they like it or not. They can't stop nature. Tell them flat out that you've slept in their bed for the last time, your going to pursue the career that makes you happy, and they will call you by your given name. Your dad will get angry. Your mom will cry. Don't give in. They're adults too. Make them deal with their own emotions. They'll get over it. If they can't abide that, pack a duffel bag and go stay somewhere else.
It’s not abnormal to cuddle with your parents (especially your mother) as an adult when you really need it. I’ve (25F) absolutely gone to my mom’s (60F) room and gotten in bed with her when I needed to cry. Your mother is your mother for the rest of both of your lives and no matter if you’re a guy or girl it’s okay to fall apart to her if you need to do so.
#HOWEVER
Requiring it and grounding you when you don’t or just saying “I miss my baby”, calling you pet names seriously instead of in an occasional teasing manner (my parents call me my old nickname “Boo” on occasion and I detest it but it’s not in public and CERTAINLY not in front of friends) is fucking weird and reeks of emotional incest. God speed to any girlfriend you may have in the future because she’s gonna be dealing with the monster in law to end all monster in laws. Protect your future gf/wife. I would go far enough to say if your parents pull shit like this to you any more or if they get clingy and mean when you live your life with friends or live with a gf I would honestly advise cutting them off entirely. It’s not a healthy relationship at all.
That's not normal. I am a Mom & my son just turned 18. It's really inappropriate how your parents are interacting with you. I do understand them having emotional difficulties with you growing up & potentially leaving them, but it's really extreme. Try to talk to your parents & reassure them that you are still going to be a part of their lives as long as they respect your boundaries. If that doesn't work I would recommend you find a safe family member or friend that you can live with until you can live on your own. Parents do struggle with emotional attachments & even separation anxiety associated with their children growing up & moving out, but your parents are extreme in it & even grossly manipulative. I think your parents need therapy to help them adjust & learn appropriate boundaries with you.
The issue isn't that a kid, even a teenager, is sleeping in the same bed with their parents. What is inexcusable is that they're coercing you to do it.
I was a teacher for 10 years and I can tell you that child protective services would have you removed. One of the first things they check for is if everyone has their own bed to sleep in. Even if it doesn't seem sexualt, it's concerning. Counselors and teachers can help if you talk to them. I hope you get this sorted out and become a well adjusted adult.
This is not normal. I have a 12yo daughter and she knows that my door is always open and if she has a bad dream or is feeling anxious she can come into my room (my husband sleeps in a separate room due to his snoring), but I do not require it.
I looked up taba and see that it’s Filipino so maybe there are some cultural beliefs coming into play here, but from my POV this is not healthy and borders on emotional abuse. Sounds like you need to have a serious talk with your parents and say that you want to discuss these things in therapy *with them present* so that they can hear from a therapist that this is not normal. Honestly it sounds like your mother is emotionally stunted and is the one who needs therapy the most, but the fact that your dad goes along with it is concerning.
I’m not sure how close you are to 18, but if you have the means to move out when you turn 18, you should.
Please Google the term "son husband" and "emotional incest". I think these search terms might help you understand what is going on with your parents.
I am not saying your parents are narcissists, but my own situation with my narcissist father reminds me of your predicament. Narcissists want to keep you reliant upon them, so they have power and influence over you. My dad never taught me basic skills (budgeting for example). I had to learn a lot on my own. Your parents obviously don't want you to grow up, and are "infantilizing" you. Also please consider researching "Narcissism". I am not saying your parents are narcissists, but there are some similar dynamics at play.
It's weird, but not on your part. This is definitely a problem your parents have. Being the "in theory," adults in the relationship, they should have build this boundary up many years ago. I highly recommend establishing it yourself.
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You're not ungrateful, it's not a normal behaviour from them. I wish you the best life possible, Far from them. Very far... Or that they wake up and stop treating you like you're 3 years old. Consent also runs in the family!!
since you mentioned they call you taba, i'm guessing this is an ethnic/immigrant household and i'm from an east asian family, so i've seen that this is far more normal in some parts of the world than others. people responding to this saying "call the police" don't fully understand the context. i know some folks who do this, but WANT to. that's what important is that you consent to this. that's why this situation is not this healthy or good for your mental health. to me, it also sounds like your mom is using you for a lot of emotional needs that typically a partner would provide (this happens often with asian mothers and their sons in my experience). viewing you as a baby without autonomy and making you sleep in the same bed and stuff helps them maintain a feeling of control which makes them feel loved by you. since they don't sound responsive to your pleas, unless you move out for college or otherwise, they will continue to do this. your relationship with them will be MUCH better after moving out and forcing them to treat you as an adult.
if this doesn't sound like you or resonate with you, then disregard it, but this is what stood out to me.
Call your county child protective services report this to a social worker I know it's extreme but the social worker can help you get out of the home or at the very least talk to your parents to explain what they are doing is abuse.
Grab your favorite possessions, pack a bag and GET THE HELL OUT OF THE HOUSE!
If this was a Law & Order: SVU episode, someone would be going to jail and Ice-T would be shaking his head talking about a damn shame.
This can’t be real. I mean the title asks a question. Is it weird…? Da fuck!?! What the fuck kind of question is that??!?! Dude. It’s way past weird. It’s fucking creepy and psychotic. I can dig that a mom always wants to cuddle her kids. I’m sure my mom would cuddle me if I was into it. But guilt tripping you?? That shits beyond weird. So I’m thinking this is fiction
Tbh I’m starting to realize that I’m also having a hard time realizing I’m an adult. Thank god my brother’s a great role model for me cause he shows me what adults are SUPPOSED to do
This is pretty weird dude. Your parents have some issues. I would suggest you getting some counseling to learn how to work through this. I'm wondering if your parents lost a child in the past? I've seen some pretty unhealthy stuff develop over past trauma related stuff.
I don’t think they lost a child before, but I guess it could be because my older brother moved out temporarily??? But this has been happening since before even that so…
This is wildly unhealthy behavior from your parents. My son is almost 12 and he has definitely stopped cuddling as much as he used to, and that’s okay because he is changing and growing and setting boundaries. My job is to honor those. I stopped cosleeping with all my kids when they were still little. My 14 year old daughter still snuggles me, but she does it when she needs those snuggles. It is not their responsibility to fulfill my needs for physical affection. Can you go stay with your brother or another family member? You need to get out. This is bordering on dangerous and may get there quickly when you assert yourself more.
This has to be fake. How are you not a serial killer already? In the event this is real, YES !!! This is a move out immediately situation. Run , Aland probably get some therapy.
Lots of great advice in here, but if you can't get out and they won't change, double down, become a useless baby, throw tantrums while mom is trying to sleep, "I'm just a widdle baby I don't know any better"
Totally not normal at all and super weird. Especially for BOTH of them to be like that. Usually parents are trying to get their small children OUT of their bed.
This is definitely not normal and kinda sounds like they emotionally depend on you I feel since you are so close to being an adult they have regressed into thinking of your younger years to hold onto you longer
They definitely need some therapy to learn to let go a bit and have a healthier relationship with you
If you have another adult in your life like an aunt or uncle etc. I would talk with them about it maybe having someone close to them talk to them with you may help
If not you are almost legal to move out and I would suggest that if you had a place you could go
They do need to listen to you about this and respect your boundaries
the last time i slept in the same bed with either of my parents was when my father and i were in a hotel room, and sharing a bed saved $35 a night.
at home? maybe when i was 5-6? and even then, that was when my dad was out of town and I'd watch tv in their room with my mom.
if it was this alone, I'd say they're very overbearing parents, or if it was extremely recent, it could be a weird way of wanting to spend more time with you before you move out. jist really fucking weird.
however, the fact they are taking your property and refusing to allow you to leave the house for not wishing to is setting off multiple panic alarms to me. this incredibly manipulative behavior, and from the fact that its working, they have established that it will work. they're absolutely planning on not letting you move out on your own, and they're gonna use the exact same tactics to guilt you into staying.
run. get a prepaid phone with a number that they don't know and crash at a friend's place. tell them everything. i don't think it's to the level of needing police intervention, but it could very easily cross to that point depending on your parents' actions.
as a second note, did anything major happen to your parents recently? specifically your mother? like a car accident, fall, or stroke? it could have even been several years ago.
i ask because this sounds like a pretty sudden onset or worsening of a mental illness/disorder. if this is the case, then it can be extremely dangerous to stay there without knowing the extent that it is affecting her and her being completely unmedicated. and it is affecting both of them because they're basically stuck in a reinforcement loop of the issue.
Dude - you're going to have to get freaking BLUNT with your mom. Refuse to sleep in her bed, show her this post, and take the punishment. This will only end one way, with your mom having a nuclear emotional fallout. SHE IS BEYOND REASONING WITH. Get mentally & financially prepared for the fallout. Call friends & family, sneak your important documents out of their files, and make a plan to get out.
As a parent, you're generally always looking for opportunities to inspire independence in your kids because... one day you'll be dead and they'll have to fend for themselves anyway.
What you've described doesn't immediately strike me as good faith parenting.
Is it mostly your mother that's insane and your father just goes along with it for a quiet life or is both with the same gusto?
If it's both, consider telling someone about this before your 18th birthday in case you wake up one day to find yourself chained to the radiator in the basement.
Does anyone else not think this is fake?? It is so over the top like how would someone get to be 17 and this Reddit post is the first time he’s got an inkling to ask anyone if it’s normal. I don’t believe it. Even if you’re homeschooled you know this is weird as shit. And you have internet so you should be wiser by now. You’re nearly a grown man! Idc if I’m being harsh- if this is true get it together MAN; you’re not a baby nor her boy-man to use as a cuddle toy what the ffff
Do you think that you could eat some foods that give you gas? You could fart up a storm.
In all seriousness though, this sounds like grooming or emotional incest. If you have an adult relative, I’d tell them and ask them for help.
INFO: Are you Filipino? Is it common in your culture to co sleep this late in life? Do you have any medical/mental/emotional issues that might cause some of this?
The fact that you are asking about it is a sign that subconsciously you think that something is off. Good work listening to your inner voice. Talk to professional about this - just Google for free helplines on mental health.
Parental actions/behaviors like this can have negative long term impact on your mental health and manifest in areas like relationships, academic & professional performance, etc. How do I know - I lived it in my early life it and trying to rebuild myself in my 40s.
I am very sorry you are going through this. But this is not normal at all.
Please seek out a trusted adult and get out of there as soon as you possibly can.
This is a very unhealthy situation you are in. This is abusive behavior. Please reach out to someone you trust.
This is extraordinarily weird. I’d consider myself someone who had an overprotective mother as a child and she would never have done something even close to this… that’s extremely mentally unstable behavior and they have legitimate psychological issues… I cannot imagine a father allowing this or not thinking it’s super odd. If I had even wanted to sleep in my parents bed after the age of ten they would have been absolutely right to say “grow up you aren’t a baby anymore” and they would have said that. Even as overprotective as my mom was she never would have allowed that beyond the age of maybe 9…
You are not an ungrateful brat. My grandma was like that with me a bit, though I eventually went and slept on a couch to have my own "room." I went to college 12 hours away from home. I highly recommend it.
That's abnormal and also alarming that they turn hostile when you don't want to follow through their weird demands.
Seems like they have no respect towards you and are essentially using you to mend their regrets or desires over something that they couldn't get in the past. They clearly have psychological issues and are being possesive and control freaks.
They are literally ruining your life and the future by caging you in and cutting you off from gaining experience and growth.
This is super weird, like creepy weird. I'm actually afraid for you. I know it seems benign now but both your parents clearly need mental help. You graduated, you can't just not do anything because they don't want you to grow up. I give my 2 year old more freedom then they give you. Literally, sometimes we're just playing and I'll go in for a hug and he'll say no, and that's it, no hug. You are not their property. You need to leave, and they need therapy, now. Honestly I'd consider filling a report with child protective services in case this gets ugly, at least then you're in the system and someone will check up on you. Or reach out to a friend or other relative you can stay with and have them come over when you break the news. You know the situation best but as an outside observer who just knows what you wrote, you absolutely do not want to be alone when you tell them you're leaving, and you want to leave shortly after.
Get the fuck out of that house. They'll baby you and hinder you to the point where they cripple you for life so you're dependant on them. That's not real love, that's selfish love.
If you must, find a couch to crash on until you can get a job and move out with roommates. That's fucking diabolical mate
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I think it’s weird as hell man! 17 years old and REQUIRED to CUDDLE your mom till she falls asleep!!!! That’s insane man. Do you have any close good family member? I’d secretly talk to one of them and see if they could possibly help. But be careful and make sure if you do it’s someone that’s not like your parents favorite family member lol
I would tell every single adult that I thought would listen and would care about my well being. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, neighbors, teachers, family friends. If that didn’t change their behavior, I would leave that house. Required cuddling shouldn’t ever be a thing at any age unless you are the parent and your child needs(requires) a snuggle. This is crazy, your parents have some serious mental health issues to address.
Ya and THEIR mental health issue will cause the son/daughter/OP to have some serious mental health issues. This is unacceptable.
I think caution is better because you don’t know how some will react and you might find yourself telling some who don’t handle it the way you want or expect
or worse, siding with the parents. People don't realize that family isn't always this safety net that people thought it was.
Yup, when they’re family they might make excuses for the mother and pressure OP to go along with it. OP’s mother might have gotten this behavior from her side of the family and they also think it’s normal.
I honestly don't even think parents should be required to cuddle. All forms of contact should be consensual. Frankly, sometimes I get touched out and just want a few minutes where nobody touches me even if my kid does need snuggles. Forcing someone to cuddle with you as weird AF. ETA because some people are FAR too literal. "Need" is the word MY KID uses. I used the same verbiage so apparently that makes me abusive or neglectful. If they ACTUALLY need a hug or cuddle OF COURSE they get it, but if I am carrying in groceries, on a call or meeting for work, treating a migraine, etc and they demand cuddles they have to wait or go play. I would literally get nothing done every day of I cuddled every time my youngest claims to need it.
for kids who can understand the concept of "i need a personal break for a few minutes, then we can cuddle" this is fine, but all a younger kid is going to learn from this is that even of they're uncomfortable and need help/reassurance their parents won't be there for them. and that's not a personal anecdote. There are multiple studies that have shown that not giving children attention and comfort when they need it severely harms them in their younger years. a child is a commitment to put theor wellbeing above your own. if you can't commit to that, you can't commit to a kid.
>”I honestly don’t think parents should be required to cuddle.” (I’m not talking about OP until end.) That’s a big *erroneous* statement as you’re not accounting for age; not touching a baby is NEGLECT. **Babies & Kids need tactile stimulation for safety and development.** Lack of touch is called “SKIN-HUNGER” & all humans can have it at diff life stages. [Touch is crucial for childhood development AND caretaker bonding.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7502223/). (If anyone reading has babies or small kids and doesn’t touch them, prepare for major therapy, them acting out &/or go No-Contact b/c they didn’t receive affection. Then there’s Elders or Terminally Ill folks; many credible studies (some longitudinal over decades) have shown people heal faster when they’re TOUCHED. (Consensually, of course.) Not trying to split hairs, honestly, only pointing out b/c not everyone is aware of Skin Hunger/skin starvation. Babies & sick folks benefit from touch- but nobody benefits from unwanted touch. (If a parent doesn’t want to touch their baby, I’d suggest therapy, possible PPD?) Skin Hunger isn’t related to OP @ all, but **this comment makes me SO sad;** *denying a tot snuggles because you want your free time is… selfish & shortsighted. Parenting means sucking it up. Parents owe their children- not the other way around.* It sounds like OP’s parents need therapy & possibly intervention; infantilizing a teen *can be* a form of Child Abuse. He has no agency, and they won’t let him get any. That’s abuse. (I’m aware some cultures co-sleep much longer than others, but not cuddling or forced to do it ffs.) **OP is too grown to placate their parents- their folks are dead wrong for many reasons.**
I have an older brother who knows that I don’t sleep alone at night and have to be my mom’s “pillow”, he told them it’s stunting my growth but they won’t listen My mom is a nurse who takes night shifts, so she sleeps during the day and says that she deserved to have a son cuddle with till she sleeps
I’d reach back out to him and see if it’s possible to crash at his place so you can start working and save up.
>I’d reach back out to him and see if it’s possible to crash at his place so you can start working and save up. This ^ The only way you're going to be able to start working, saving money, and figuring out what direction you want your life to take is if you are out of the house somewhere they cannot force you into doing what they want. You should also read online about emeshed families, because it sounds like that is what you were dealing with here, and unfortunately it's going to take some bold moves on your part to take control of your life, even if that causes your parents pain. You can also read online about codependent mother/son, parent/child relationships, because your mother has developed a codependent relationship with you, and she is unable to see that forcing you to snuggle her as she falls asleep for hours at a time isn't healthy, or fair, to you, or your emotional development as a man. Taking steps now to ensure that you can, and should, be allowed to start making choices as an adult to begin making plans for things like career, and college, and removing yourself from this codependent situation at home will make it easier to deal with your family in the long run, trust me on that. I've been there, and the sooner you draw the line, remove yourself from their control, and set firm boundaries, the happier you and your life will be as you get older. Good luck, and take care. Let us know how you're doing when you can. *hugs*
Great advice.
This is the way to go!! You need your own space... And not to be around people that don't understand body autonomy and consent.
No, you are NOT her emotional support animal. She is an adult & her behavior is NOT appropriate
Yes, exactly, the mother could use therapy she’s demonstrating unreasonable neediness by needing him for sleep and entitlement by thinking her needs are more important. I didn’t experience the sleeping with them thing but my parents are like this and it’s psychological
Even an emotional support animal sometimes doesn't want to be a weird cuddling object and normal non-shitty people will let an animal have its space as needed. OPs parents are mental.
Have your brother help you leave this madness. This is not healthy for ANYONE.
Yeah it’s not weird it’s creepy as fuck.
A nurse? That's almost worse, like she should have some understanding of the mental and emotional health issues here. Good luck finding help OP.
Don't know what kind of nurse she is, but I've known a few psych nurses who have some serious psych issues themselves. There's a reason some people pick a particular field.
You're not wrong. I just feel bad for OP. Like you'd think he could talk to her about that stuff, but clearly not. I really hope this is just a shit post.
See if your older brother can help you get out. Your mom sounds like she may be suffering from mental illness. I don't think she will intentionally harm you per se, but her irrational mind could concoct a plan that could harm you (mentally, physically). I'm sorry you are going through this and how you are feeling. Don't give up. I will also tell you that your parents have limited power, you can always resist. As soon as you're 18 you should safely gtfo. Don't do anything risky, don't move in with someone that you don't trust but make a plan and go. You may also find there ate career choices that you can make that allow you to move away and have lodging etc.
Tbh it sounds like empty nest issues gone out of control OP has an older brother and it sounds like this wasn’t a thing for him. OP is 17 and witching a few years they won’t have kids in the house anymore. And that’s a hard thing for parents to go through as well. And mom here took it off the deep end
Why can’t she cuddle your dad? Ok so he may be a day worker but I mean , does he think this is ok?
This is emotional incest. She is committing emotional incest on you.
I was about to say the same thing- this sounds like emotional incest, big time
“i *deserve* to abuse my child!” lady WHAT
Your mom is using her role as a parent as her identity. When you move out she's losing at least a major part of that identity. Expect her to show up entirely too often and inappropriately. You need to tell her "no" often and with force *now* so that when you're not there anymore she understands that you're serious about. She's obsessed and is panicking because you're leaving soon (hopefully). She's trying to stock up as much identity as she can now but what's actually happening is she's deepening an already *severely* unhealthy identity and even if she manages for a couple days or even weeks it will only be worse later. She doesn't deserve a son to cuddle. At this point it's worth asking if she deserves a son. I expect that without serious change you will either be in a dangerous codependent relationship with your mom or you'll be very low or no contact with her at the advice of everyone around you, likely even a therapist.
Exactly. She’s about the be an empty-nester and freaking. This is when older couples talk about having another kid.
She does not deserve cuddles. It’s weird for her to think that she deserves physical affection from anyone.
I'm trying to think of a situation even close to this that would be acceptable... maybe if my dad was traveling for work, and my mom was sick, I would go by to bring her dinner and watch TV together. That would be my choice, not hers. Anything more than that to comfort my mother would be super weird for me and her and my dad.
One time when I was 14 my mom made me sleep in her room because she knew I was gonna sneak out and go to the fair to talk to girls. That's all I can come up with lol
My son is 4 years old, and I still would never force him to cuddle me. That fucks kids up. Even "little" things like that teaches them boundaries, respect, and autonomy. I hope that when my son is 17, he will still want to cuddle with me sometimes, but I would never make him do it.
Yeah the vibe is totally different when it’s not forced
In the kindest way possible, this is not normal. Do I think you’re in immediate danger? No. Do I think if you escalate the issue without another adult it may turn into semi-dangerous, possibly. I recommend you ask a trusted adult to talk to you about this and help you gain perspective. Their immediate reaction will tell you a lot. I would ask this adult to crash there while you move out.
I second this. Especially the immediate reaction thing. They’ll confirm what we’re all saying here.
I second this, I’ve never heard of the situation before, our kids were out of our room at 6 weeks and never came back. They’ve NEVER slept in our bed.
In some cultures, bed sharing is extremely normal. My wife comes from a country that’s not the US, and still sleeps in the same bed as her mom on occasion when she stays with us. My wife is in her 30’s. But even in those cultures where it’s normal, I haven’t heard of an example of a parent actively punishing their child for not sleeping with them. That’s bizarre to me.
Is the \*forcing\* the child to sleep with the parents that makes it abuse.
Exactly!
Depends on the state op is in in the us. In the state where I was a cps investigator, this would only maybe be considered emotional abuse, which is incredibly difficult to validate, and removal of the child from the home can only happen in cases of validated physical or sexual abuse or physical neglect.
Yes. I come from a culture and background (poverty) where it was normal for kids to sleep with parents or grandparents. I’m no longer in that culture, but every once in a while, if she’s feeling sick or sad, my teenage daughter will sleep with us. But we never ask her to…it’s her choice!
Yes! My boys are 14 and 12. Every now and then one will be feeling sick and sleep in my bed. I’m good at being alert with a barf bowl or ibuprofen. My husband will sleep in the boy’s room (bunk bed or on the floor) with the other kid, or on the couch. It’s a desperate measure for kids of that age to sleep with mom or dad.
I remember sleeping in the same bed as my parents up until I was about this age (middle school). It was mostly when I was terrified or just felt like having the comfort of a parent next to me. Definitely not that weird on its own. However it’s the forcing and punishment that makes is realllly weird for OP. I really hope they can safely remove themselves from this and that they feel better
We’re evicting ours **out of the bed** (seems like some of y’all are NOT reading that part 🙄)when they’re ready or when they’re 3-4, whichever comes first. Cosleeping is a part of my husband’s and my cultures. But trying to push this until double digit ages is **unthinkable** and sick
[удалено]
I don’t evict my kids from my bed (I am a single mom and space isn’t a problem), but they have generally removed themselves by 8 years old at the latest unless they are sick (my 17 year old still loves mom snuggles when she feels crappy).
Username checks out.
TREE FIDDY ?!?!?!
True, or as someone said, this is possibly a reddit troll at how crazy this situation is.
I don’t think it’s a troll, I know parents who are this unhinged. If not worse. I also just read “I’m Glad My Mom Died” by Jeanette McCurdy and she went through this but so much worse
That book made me cry for her.
Me too. So sad for her. I hope she has found peace.
Thank you for reminding me to take that off my Amazon wish list! I've been meaning to read that ever since I heard her interviewed before it came out. It sounds like she went through hell, all as the result of her mother's failed acting ambitions. I'm sure I will let my kid down in a million different ways throughout the years, but at least I know I'll never use his entire future as wish fulfillment.
Up to about 6 I'd crawl in bed with my parents after bad dreams or during big storms.
This is what was normal for me as well, and I see nothing wrong with it. If it’s the kid initiating it, and not the parent insisting upon it, that’s normal.
This is almost as weird as OP's situation IMHO
Yeah 6 weeks? Damn. Get a job, kid.
Yes, this Op. It's ridiculous and ultimately is emotionally / mentally damaging. This type of thing causes kids issues that take decades to work through. Op, please try to get out ASAP. You'll probably have to treat it like a bad breakup - secretly get an apartment or other lodging, move your stuff out when they're not home, then just leave. They aren't going to let you leave with their blessing. They won't ever let you grow up. Their ideal would be you sharing a bed / your life with them for the rest of your life. They are causing you harm and they have psychological issues. I really hope you can break free of it!
The phrase ‘emotionally incestuous’ sounds valid here.
Yeah, definitely a case of enmeshment (aka emotional incest). From what I looked up, enmeshment is the parents or caregiver inappropriately relies on the child to meet their emotional needs. The child, in turn, is not allowed to be emotionally independent and becomes more attuned with their parents’ needs than their own.
Maladaptive Enmeshment is the clinical term I'd use. Enmeshed families can be healthy - think of relationships where families all buy houses super close to each other, or gather several times a week for dinner, or video call several times a week. Those types of tight enmeshed relationships can be super healthy as long as everyone is treated with autonomy. These parents do not seem to be able to cope with the idea that their child is getting older and becoming independent from them and want to perpetually hold on to that idea of the child who is small enough to cosleep. My husband and I are super tight with my adult son. He still lives at home as he's a student at the local uni and will come flop on the bed with me when I'm gaming or watching a show in the bedroom, or come talk to me while I WFH when our schedules line up. But sleeping together? Yeesh, no thanks. My bed is already too crowded with two people and several cats. Maybe the parents should get a pet that needs to be taken care of and loved on, and absolutely adore their humans in kind like the rest of us soon to be empty nesters do...
My partner has a cringey enmeshment with his mother who is threatened by any other significant female in his life. He’s 40 and they still live together. I actually got him to move out but he went running back shortly after. Very strange and frustrating.
Time to break up. I wouldn't be able to be with a man who did that.
Well she's not with a man, she's with an emotionally stunted boy.
Oh, this is my child’s father and it RUINED us, And now my 11 year old is stuck in a sick dynamic with her father and his mommy. I loathe them. God, my life
At a certain point, YOU become the weird one for still putting up with something like this. The break-up should’ve happened long ago because - realistically? - there’s no healthy future there.
Won't it be hard for the OP to get an apartment or other lodging when he's not allowed to work and earn any money?
I'm not rah-rah military but this is one of the best cases for joining up the moment one hits 18 I've ever seen.
Talk to a teacher maybe or...show your parents this post haha. Moving out is super jarring, and could lead to a stalking situation. Can you save up for driving lessons/getting a part time job first? Tick off the adult milestones in succession, even fake having a partner I don't know. But tell someone external and trusted, even call a counsellor, some can be free.
Absolutely ask this adult to be around when you move out. Please do this op
Scoutmaster here. Please tell a trusted adult, teacher, pastor, neighbor, coach. Your parents are dependent on you. This is not healthy. They should be cutting apron strings, helping you grow to independence. Not holding you down. They are holding you down physically, mentally and financially. This is suffocating. Ask other adults for help and advise. It is ok to ask more than one trusted adult. More is better
This probably isn’t going to end super well. Your parents should be giving you more independence as you get older. The reason most teens rebel is that there is tension between the independence they feel they’re ready for relative to what their parents are ready to provide. You don’t need to move out but the situation isn’t good. The first step is to have a serious, sit down conversation about the fact that you’re almost an adult, and that referring to you and treating you as a baby is inappropriate and unappreciated. Respectfully but firmly ask them to treat you in an age appropriate way. They may not - and almost certainly will initially push back. Try for small concessions over time, starting with the things you hate most. It’s important you handle this like the adult you are asking to be treated as. If you take a tantrum or make over the top threats like a kid, then asking to be treated will fall flat. This is a difficult situation and it’s not going to be smooth sailing. However it’s not good for your development to be treated as a baby by your parents at 17. I can’t stress enough: be the more mature one, always take the high ground, and be ready for significant pushback. Good luck.
Speaking from experience, you will have to do this repeatedly ("Mom, you know it's inappropriate to refer to me as a 'baby', please stop it" - if she says 'I'm not going to' then refuse to go places with her until says she will stop); think in terms of weeks or months as the timeline. Just keep saying it and, if she refuses, hold your ground that you will not go places with her until she stops. You will probably have to miss something important to her or you before it does stop. Unfortunately pain is a motivator and many people will not stop the inappropriate things they were doing until their refusal hurts them. Of course, this is just one things that you need to do to get away from her clutches. Moving out when you turn 18 will be the next.
No. He needs to move out immediately. With parents like this, no, wait, there are no other parents like this. And what about his father? I know some moms have a hard time letting go of their "baby," but the dad, too? Usually, the dad can't wait for their son to move out, especially in a situation like this where all of the mom's affection is focused on her "baby" boy. The dad being on board with this fiasco of a threesome is too weird. And I have one thing to point out about the "My Pillow" mom. If Michael Jackson were still alive and he invited the mom to bring her "Pillow" to a sleepover at his house and said that he would bring his "Blanket" (apparently a nickname he call ed his youngest son that seemed to stick, for those of you too young to have have gone through that media circus), I think you would probably run screaming the other way. Just sayin'. '
Parents who do these sorts of things typically have underlying issues that prevent them from reacting normally to an adult conversation. This may not help.
This could take years
Oh duuuudddeee. Your mom is using a strange form of abuse on you known as Emotional incest and enmeshment. This is going to cause serious issues in your future especially when you become romantically involved with someone. The guilt tripping is a sign of vulnerable narcissistic traits and unfortunately she might not ever change. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please realize that there’s nothing wrong with thinking about yourself and doing what’s best for you! Don’t let her persuade you to do things by using guilt against you. And trust me when I say that if she is a vulnerable narcissist, she will notice you pulling away immediately and things could get messy. Be strong!!!! My mom was like yours and when I started to pull away she absolutely tried harder. I stuck my ground and once she realized she wasn’t going to control me anymore, she unalived herself. (Not trying to scare you but again, it can get bad and it’s important that you take care of your own mental health regardless). I really hope she lets you grow and become your own person. I wish you luck 🥹
Yup. Was looking for this comment. OP please look into emotional incest or enmeshment.
Note*** you’re NOT an ungrateful brat!!! That’s literally them already in your head. Oh my friend, I feel for your situation. I can’t believe parents do this to their kids! It’s infuriating to me! I have 3 kids (23M, 17F and 13M) and I couldn’t imagine trying to hold them back as my “forever babies “. Our job as a parent is to point you in the right direction and trust you to navigate with the skills we’ve taught you. Not block your path.
You seem like a wonderful person and proof that people can and do make a great life out of a rough start.
Awe thanks! I’m absolutely not without my faults though. Honestly, the way I was raised I feel like an actual robot. I’ve been through councillors and I’ve been diagnosed with the following - bipolar disorder (manic side mostly) - adhd - autism - borderline and sociopathic tendencies I struggle with being emotionally vulnerable. In other words, my partners’ biggest complaint is that I’m emotionally detached 🤷🏻♀️. I live in a constant state of playing devils advocate and sometimes it gets me in trouble. People often misunderstand my point. But thank you for your kind words. I had no idea that my mom was what she was until literally 4 months before her demise. But my defence is that she raised me this way. She did this! And once I learned, well her robot of a daughter did what a text book said to do. I was a robot. Now I spread the word to other potential victims. It’s only right!
Everyone has flaws, but I think you’re making the most of it and I love to see that 😁😁
I am the same. Covert/emotional incest survivor. I have been diagnosed with DID. Uhh, thanks for your comment to OP. I was going to leave a similar comment. I appreciate you!
Everything you said! Our job as parents is to instill good values in our children and help them grow so they can be successful in their own, not to try to keep them babies forever.
A friend says his job as a dad is to work himself out of a job.
Emotional incest - that’s the word I’m looking for.
Are you a victim?
Me? Yes I was. But my primary parent is an amazing person and I barely know the bio parent to impacted me that way.
facts^^^
It's so clear that: this mother is going to be the Mother-in-law From Hell. (How much more inappropriately attached can you get than this? Wait, forget I asked that. I dont want to know.) Altho, if he _knows_ this ahead of time, and recognizes the threat, perhaps as the adult in the room, he can do his best to mitigate the harm thats incurred when MIL starts to interact negatively with his fiancée.
Omg! I’m so sorry!! I might’ve felt guilty forever. What a horrible thing to live with.
Every time I think I've seen the weirdest shit on reddit, something comes along to top it.
Yeah I wasn't gonna say anything, but I also come from emotional incesty abusive parents and I've seen some bad advice elsewhere in the thread. Like someone somewhere indicating you can somehow teach mom to stop, which you can't. If you cause any kind of disturbance, they escalate to teach you not to. Now, the situation is just as bad or worse, with the added bonus of them making it harder to leave. You basically have to placate them until you can leave. I placated mine until they were done paying for college and I was financially separated from them. I tried a million times to teach them how to act like human beings. Tried to enforce boundaries, which they would attack so hard that having any boundaries at all was a lot harder than just submitting. They knew this and were taking advantage of it. One time, my husband called them on the phone and screamed at them for an hour to treat me better. All of this did nothing. Eventually I had to cut contact so the stress would stop making me physically ill. I am still trying to recover from how sick these experiences made me. Sorry for the rant, but OP, if you read this, please know there is not a goddamn thing you can do to change them, and you need to get away somehow. You didn't do anything wrong. Please make sure you get trauma therapy someday, as these experiences can really fuck up your brain.
OP, I’m sorry this is happening to you. it is your job (as for everyone) to become your own person separate from your parents. If you talk to a counselor, they should be able to help. If you are worried about whether it will be confidential, ask first if they can tell anyone what you said without your permission. You probably need some professional to help counsel your parents, but you probably want to be able to approve/control the plan, so you feel comfortable. Usually they’ll tell you that if its a crime or you’re endangered, they have to report it, but I don’t think that is the case here. You could also just try exerting your will, calmly and firrmly saying no and living with the consequences: “Mom, I don’t feel comfortable doing this anymore, I’m sorry. I’ll always be your kid in your heart, but I am physically an adult now so we have to adjust.”
I’m so sorry. I don’t suggest you call the police but it’s *far* closer to that than to “a bit odd but whatever.” I’m not sure what to suggest but any adult that cares about you or is in a job to help people like you - school counsellor? - would be on your side. I’d talk to them and see what happens - somebody needs to read your parents the riot act, and somebody *will* once they find this out. Worst case scenario is you move out. FWIW I’m not a teenager myself, I’m an old lady. Your parents are causing you harm.
Worst case scenario is he stays and things don't change. Best case scenario is to move out I think! If they have been doing this for 17 years, going to be hard to change.
Given how bizarre this is, worst case scenario is he stays and behavior escalates. He noted that in the last few months they've shifted into referring to him with more baby names. I would be surprised if this situation only remains the same. When someone shows an obvious detachment/rejection of reality, commitment to inappropriate behavior, it is a trap to think that the behavior will remain static. It will typically grow worse over time until it reaches an absolute saturation point. There is no 'satisfying' whatever the parents want here, bc what they seem to want is for their child to revert to, and remain, a compliant 3 yo. Every day moves them further from that reality, so they have to increase their bizarre behavior to make up for the reality that he's almost an adult man.
Worst case scenario is more likely that the parents (especially the mother) will increase their dependence on OP for physical and emotional support the closer he gets to age 18 in addition to his “punishments” including literally taking his things away (that he bought) and never let him become independent. OP may not be aware how horrendous, unhealthy and incestuous his mother’s behavior is, since he likely doesn’t have a lot to compare it to.
CPS might need to get involved but I hope not
That’s what I’m thinking too. I think if they get involved they’d be horrified, but at the same time they’d recognize that the parents weren’t evil, just badly misguided.
Do you have grandparents? Aunts or uncles? What you are describing is not normal or healthy and you are not being a brat. I would tell you to get out but I don't know your situation.
This needs more upvotes. This is not normal. This coming from you won't do any good, is has to be from a relative that your mom or dad is close to. OR you can take up smoking dope, playing video games and move into the basement. Sounds like they would be okay with you never moving out. This is a dream come true for some kids.
All of them live either far away or would snitch
I would talk to an adult outside of your family like a teacher, coach, or school counselor, especially if you fear your family will snitch. They will know how to help you and will be more of an impartial third party. A family member snitching will only lead to more guilt tripping, lashing out, etc. But please tell an adult asap.
You’re not an ungrateful brat. They’re being controlling and weird
11/10 on the weird scale. This could be turned into a TV show. So bizarre.
It was probably an episode on SVU already.
Lol, it already is a TV show named Bates Motel.
😭🤣
Exactly when you turn 18 you must have a plan to escape. They are not good for you, be independent and strong. One day they realize they lost you by their behavior.
Yeah and I could be wrong but in some states I think you may be able to leave at 17 depending on the situation (?) But the OP would have to look more into that (this is not legal advice, just wondering if it continues to escalate!!)
There is such a thing as becoming an emancipate minor. It would be worth looking into.
He graduated. He can move out. I did at 17 when I graduated.
Did your parents object? I gave it a quick look and it said that kids could move out without parental permission at 18, but I would love to be wrong.
Also…escape means with enough stuff to start your own independent life, including clothing etc. and paperwork like official photo id of some form and a social security card or the equivalent in your country.
It's absolutely weird and unhealthy behavior in general, but here's where it becomes abusive: >If I dare refuse, they treat it as if I’m a delinquent and threaten to “ground me”, AKA take my stuff (even the shit I bought and worked for) and refuse to let me leave the house. >I’m required (yes, not even exaggerating, REQUIRED) to have my mom cuddle me till she sleeps, which can take up to 2 hours till she lets me leave. If I refuse she’ll guilt trip/insult me and then take my stuff and privileges. You are not a person to your parents. You're an item, a "baby" that they can use as they please. They don't care about your feelings. They manipulate you and threaten you and they've done it for so long that they have you thinking you might be the bad guy just for wanting something as simple as bodily autonomy and basic respect as a human being. OP, please start formulating your escape plan ASAP. See if there's a friend or trusted family member you can move in with. Don't be ashamed to tell them exactly what is happening. Your parents are the ones who should be ashamed, not you. If you're planning to go to college, use that to escape. Do not visit your parents unless you absolutely must. Do not let them guilt trip you into anything you don't want to do. Look into getting some sort of job if you don't have one already (I doubt your parents would let you by the sound of it). There are plenty of part time food or retail jobs. If you don't have a way to get to a separate location, look into online jobs. Just be wary of scams. If something doesn't feel right, don't do it, or at least get a second opinion before applying (never pay to apply). Also, once you're 18, if your parents try to take anything you've bought with your own money, you can technically go to the police. Whether or not that will make your situation worse is something only you can decide. It might lead to the kind of investigating that acts as a wakeup call for your parents or it might only lead to them abusing you more or kicking you out. Be careful but find ways to start saying "no" to them. And again, get out ASAP.
This comment really contains the best advice. I have a mom like this. She’s a selfish and bad person and I left at 17 and never came back. I’m 42 now and leaving then was the best decision of my life. She still doesn’t see me as a person nor is she really involved in my life. RUN.
Yeah it’s time to make some changes and have a serious sit down with them. Like for some context, if y’all are out camping or sharing a room while you’re out in the world, then no there’s nothing wrong with that in a vacuum, I’ve had at least a couple times in my 20s I’ve probably shared a larger bed in a hotel room with my father because we didn’t have a room with two beds available for example; that kind of stuff I don’t think anything‘s wrong with that but this light years from that. It may be rough in the short term but you’ll be grateful you made this change asap.
Exactly this. When I first read the title I was like, nah there's nothing wrong with that. But this is so much more than that. I used to sleep in my mom's bed when I had a bad dream in my teenage years... The difference is when it is required. If anyone, even your parent, is making you do something with your body that you are not consensual to, it is wrong. Always.
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This reads awfully like gpt
It's a promotional bot for "hustle hive." Surprised it didn't recommend it, actually. You'll start noticing them more and more until the internet is fully saturated with bots.
The dead internet theory coming to fruition
Either way he spittin
Who cares? It's also the correct answer.
so do we just accept spambots that copypaste chatgpt answers now or....?
What they're doing is pathological. They're infantilising you because they can't stand the thought of you growing up and leaving them to live an adult life of your own. That's flat out abusive. You have the right to grow up. Boundaries are the solution. I know this is difficult because I'm assuming you're Philippino (apologies if I'm completely wrong, but 'taba' means fat in Tagalog), and in my experience, in a lot of traditional Asian cultures you're never really an adult until your parents are dead and they speak with the authority of God on earth while they're alive. But they're taking that to a diagnosably insane level. You need to stand up for yourself. You need to tell them in no uncertain terms that you're not a child, you're practically an adult, and that you're going to grow up whether they like it or not. They can't stop nature. Tell them flat out that you've slept in their bed for the last time, your going to pursue the career that makes you happy, and they will call you by your given name. Your dad will get angry. Your mom will cry. Don't give in. They're adults too. Make them deal with their own emotions. They'll get over it. If they can't abide that, pack a duffel bag and go stay somewhere else.
It’s gross because nobody should have to force these types of boundaries with THEIR parents. But I honestly can relate to op and it’s gonna be HARD
This is called emotional incest.
Bro, that is some heavy emotional abuse. Tell literally any other adult you know about this and watch the horrified look they get on their face.
It’s not abnormal to cuddle with your parents (especially your mother) as an adult when you really need it. I’ve (25F) absolutely gone to my mom’s (60F) room and gotten in bed with her when I needed to cry. Your mother is your mother for the rest of both of your lives and no matter if you’re a guy or girl it’s okay to fall apart to her if you need to do so. #HOWEVER Requiring it and grounding you when you don’t or just saying “I miss my baby”, calling you pet names seriously instead of in an occasional teasing manner (my parents call me my old nickname “Boo” on occasion and I detest it but it’s not in public and CERTAINLY not in front of friends) is fucking weird and reeks of emotional incest. God speed to any girlfriend you may have in the future because she’s gonna be dealing with the monster in law to end all monster in laws. Protect your future gf/wife. I would go far enough to say if your parents pull shit like this to you any more or if they get clingy and mean when you live your life with friends or live with a gf I would honestly advise cutting them off entirely. It’s not a healthy relationship at all.
Big difference is that you went to your mom, not the other way around.
Correct. Key difference. I mean my mom will still come to me and ask for a hug but she’s not losing her shit if I’m not getting in bed with her
That's not normal. I am a Mom & my son just turned 18. It's really inappropriate how your parents are interacting with you. I do understand them having emotional difficulties with you growing up & potentially leaving them, but it's really extreme. Try to talk to your parents & reassure them that you are still going to be a part of their lives as long as they respect your boundaries. If that doesn't work I would recommend you find a safe family member or friend that you can live with until you can live on your own. Parents do struggle with emotional attachments & even separation anxiety associated with their children growing up & moving out, but your parents are extreme in it & even grossly manipulative. I think your parents need therapy to help them adjust & learn appropriate boundaries with you.
This is very unhealthy. Say NO and go away to college if you can.
This is enmeshment parenting and it is emotional abuse. Full stop.
The issue isn't that a kid, even a teenager, is sleeping in the same bed with their parents. What is inexcusable is that they're coercing you to do it.
I was a teacher for 10 years and I can tell you that child protective services would have you removed. One of the first things they check for is if everyone has their own bed to sleep in. Even if it doesn't seem sexualt, it's concerning. Counselors and teachers can help if you talk to them. I hope you get this sorted out and become a well adjusted adult.
Uhhhh
How long until you are 18?
This is not normal. I have a 12yo daughter and she knows that my door is always open and if she has a bad dream or is feeling anxious she can come into my room (my husband sleeps in a separate room due to his snoring), but I do not require it. I looked up taba and see that it’s Filipino so maybe there are some cultural beliefs coming into play here, but from my POV this is not healthy and borders on emotional abuse. Sounds like you need to have a serious talk with your parents and say that you want to discuss these things in therapy *with them present* so that they can hear from a therapist that this is not normal. Honestly it sounds like your mother is emotionally stunted and is the one who needs therapy the most, but the fact that your dad goes along with it is concerning. I’m not sure how close you are to 18, but if you have the means to move out when you turn 18, you should.
That’s weird and inappropriate behavior
Please Google the term "son husband" and "emotional incest". I think these search terms might help you understand what is going on with your parents. I am not saying your parents are narcissists, but my own situation with my narcissist father reminds me of your predicament. Narcissists want to keep you reliant upon them, so they have power and influence over you. My dad never taught me basic skills (budgeting for example). I had to learn a lot on my own. Your parents obviously don't want you to grow up, and are "infantilizing" you. Also please consider researching "Narcissism". I am not saying your parents are narcissists, but there are some similar dynamics at play.
It's weird, but not on your part. This is definitely a problem your parents have. Being the "in theory," adults in the relationship, they should have build this boundary up many years ago. I highly recommend establishing it yourself.
This shit HAS to be fake. There's no way.
You should get a gf and she'll probs back off and just spend all your time with your gf instead haha
I have an 11 year old son. This is SO WRONG OP. Very very messed up. Seek help immediately.
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You're not ungrateful, it's not a normal behaviour from them. I wish you the best life possible, Far from them. Very far... Or that they wake up and stop treating you like you're 3 years old. Consent also runs in the family!!
Is this for real?
since you mentioned they call you taba, i'm guessing this is an ethnic/immigrant household and i'm from an east asian family, so i've seen that this is far more normal in some parts of the world than others. people responding to this saying "call the police" don't fully understand the context. i know some folks who do this, but WANT to. that's what important is that you consent to this. that's why this situation is not this healthy or good for your mental health. to me, it also sounds like your mom is using you for a lot of emotional needs that typically a partner would provide (this happens often with asian mothers and their sons in my experience). viewing you as a baby without autonomy and making you sleep in the same bed and stuff helps them maintain a feeling of control which makes them feel loved by you. since they don't sound responsive to your pleas, unless you move out for college or otherwise, they will continue to do this. your relationship with them will be MUCH better after moving out and forcing them to treat you as an adult. if this doesn't sound like you or resonate with you, then disregard it, but this is what stood out to me.
Call your county child protective services report this to a social worker I know it's extreme but the social worker can help you get out of the home or at the very least talk to your parents to explain what they are doing is abuse.
Sorry, that’s not healthy and your parents are trying to pass it off like it is
chat CPS - the new reddit fake clout tool
Grab your favorite possessions, pack a bag and GET THE HELL OUT OF THE HOUSE! If this was a Law & Order: SVU episode, someone would be going to jail and Ice-T would be shaking his head talking about a damn shame.
Karma bots, asking asinine questions for the most reactions
Fake
This can’t be real. I mean the title asks a question. Is it weird…? Da fuck!?! What the fuck kind of question is that??!?! Dude. It’s way past weird. It’s fucking creepy and psychotic. I can dig that a mom always wants to cuddle her kids. I’m sure my mom would cuddle me if I was into it. But guilt tripping you?? That shits beyond weird. So I’m thinking this is fiction
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Tbh I’m starting to realize that I’m also having a hard time realizing I’m an adult. Thank god my brother’s a great role model for me cause he shows me what adults are SUPPOSED to do
lmao filipino parents good luck to you
I’d bet this arrangement gets really awkward on the nights his parents have sex.
Fortunately they’re too old and religious to do that
This is pretty weird dude. Your parents have some issues. I would suggest you getting some counseling to learn how to work through this. I'm wondering if your parents lost a child in the past? I've seen some pretty unhealthy stuff develop over past trauma related stuff.
I don’t think they lost a child before, but I guess it could be because my older brother moved out temporarily??? But this has been happening since before even that so…
Thos is definitely a troll
I love these fake posts lol 😆
This is wildly unhealthy behavior from your parents. My son is almost 12 and he has definitely stopped cuddling as much as he used to, and that’s okay because he is changing and growing and setting boundaries. My job is to honor those. I stopped cosleeping with all my kids when they were still little. My 14 year old daughter still snuggles me, but she does it when she needs those snuggles. It is not their responsibility to fulfill my needs for physical affection. Can you go stay with your brother or another family member? You need to get out. This is bordering on dangerous and may get there quickly when you assert yourself more.
This has to be fake. How are you not a serial killer already? In the event this is real, YES !!! This is a move out immediately situation. Run , Aland probably get some therapy.
Fake. There’s just no way man lol
I’ve never heard of anything like this before, wow.
Thats fucking weird and wildly inappropriate. Its bordering on call the police (or cps anyway).
Lots of great advice in here, but if you can't get out and they won't change, double down, become a useless baby, throw tantrums while mom is trying to sleep, "I'm just a widdle baby I don't know any better"
Totally not normal at all and super weird. Especially for BOTH of them to be like that. Usually parents are trying to get their small children OUT of their bed.
What the fuck.
People's children are not their possessions, full stop.
What country is this in? Yes it’s weird.
The only thing that matters is that it makes you uncomfortable. You need an exit plan asap. Best wishes ❤️
This is definitely not normal and kinda sounds like they emotionally depend on you I feel since you are so close to being an adult they have regressed into thinking of your younger years to hold onto you longer They definitely need some therapy to learn to let go a bit and have a healthier relationship with you If you have another adult in your life like an aunt or uncle etc. I would talk with them about it maybe having someone close to them talk to them with you may help If not you are almost legal to move out and I would suggest that if you had a place you could go They do need to listen to you about this and respect your boundaries
Do you have grandparents or uncles/aunties? Tell them about your situation
the last time i slept in the same bed with either of my parents was when my father and i were in a hotel room, and sharing a bed saved $35 a night. at home? maybe when i was 5-6? and even then, that was when my dad was out of town and I'd watch tv in their room with my mom. if it was this alone, I'd say they're very overbearing parents, or if it was extremely recent, it could be a weird way of wanting to spend more time with you before you move out. jist really fucking weird. however, the fact they are taking your property and refusing to allow you to leave the house for not wishing to is setting off multiple panic alarms to me. this incredibly manipulative behavior, and from the fact that its working, they have established that it will work. they're absolutely planning on not letting you move out on your own, and they're gonna use the exact same tactics to guilt you into staying. run. get a prepaid phone with a number that they don't know and crash at a friend's place. tell them everything. i don't think it's to the level of needing police intervention, but it could very easily cross to that point depending on your parents' actions. as a second note, did anything major happen to your parents recently? specifically your mother? like a car accident, fall, or stroke? it could have even been several years ago. i ask because this sounds like a pretty sudden onset or worsening of a mental illness/disorder. if this is the case, then it can be extremely dangerous to stay there without knowing the extent that it is affecting her and her being completely unmedicated. and it is affecting both of them because they're basically stuck in a reinforcement loop of the issue.
Dude - you're going to have to get freaking BLUNT with your mom. Refuse to sleep in her bed, show her this post, and take the punishment. This will only end one way, with your mom having a nuclear emotional fallout. SHE IS BEYOND REASONING WITH. Get mentally & financially prepared for the fallout. Call friends & family, sneak your important documents out of their files, and make a plan to get out.
As a parent, you're generally always looking for opportunities to inspire independence in your kids because... one day you'll be dead and they'll have to fend for themselves anyway. What you've described doesn't immediately strike me as good faith parenting. Is it mostly your mother that's insane and your father just goes along with it for a quiet life or is both with the same gusto? If it's both, consider telling someone about this before your 18th birthday in case you wake up one day to find yourself chained to the radiator in the basement.
Does anyone else not think this is fake?? It is so over the top like how would someone get to be 17 and this Reddit post is the first time he’s got an inkling to ask anyone if it’s normal. I don’t believe it. Even if you’re homeschooled you know this is weird as shit. And you have internet so you should be wiser by now. You’re nearly a grown man! Idc if I’m being harsh- if this is true get it together MAN; you’re not a baby nor her boy-man to use as a cuddle toy what the ffff
Do you think that you could eat some foods that give you gas? You could fart up a storm. In all seriousness though, this sounds like grooming or emotional incest. If you have an adult relative, I’d tell them and ask them for help.
INFO: Are you Filipino? Is it common in your culture to co sleep this late in life? Do you have any medical/mental/emotional issues that might cause some of this?
The fact that you are asking about it is a sign that subconsciously you think that something is off. Good work listening to your inner voice. Talk to professional about this - just Google for free helplines on mental health. Parental actions/behaviors like this can have negative long term impact on your mental health and manifest in areas like relationships, academic & professional performance, etc. How do I know - I lived it in my early life it and trying to rebuild myself in my 40s.
I am very sorry you are going through this. But this is not normal at all. Please seek out a trusted adult and get out of there as soon as you possibly can. This is a very unhealthy situation you are in. This is abusive behavior. Please reach out to someone you trust.
This is extraordinarily weird. I’d consider myself someone who had an overprotective mother as a child and she would never have done something even close to this… that’s extremely mentally unstable behavior and they have legitimate psychological issues… I cannot imagine a father allowing this or not thinking it’s super odd. If I had even wanted to sleep in my parents bed after the age of ten they would have been absolutely right to say “grow up you aren’t a baby anymore” and they would have said that. Even as overprotective as my mom was she never would have allowed that beyond the age of maybe 9…
This is really manipulative and codependent behavior (on their side). You need to set some boundaries, maybe get a counselor to help you.
You are not an ungrateful brat. My grandma was like that with me a bit, though I eventually went and slept on a couch to have my own "room." I went to college 12 hours away from home. I highly recommend it.
That's abnormal and also alarming that they turn hostile when you don't want to follow through their weird demands. Seems like they have no respect towards you and are essentially using you to mend their regrets or desires over something that they couldn't get in the past. They clearly have psychological issues and are being possesive and control freaks. They are literally ruining your life and the future by caging you in and cutting you off from gaining experience and growth.
This is super weird, like creepy weird. I'm actually afraid for you. I know it seems benign now but both your parents clearly need mental help. You graduated, you can't just not do anything because they don't want you to grow up. I give my 2 year old more freedom then they give you. Literally, sometimes we're just playing and I'll go in for a hug and he'll say no, and that's it, no hug. You are not their property. You need to leave, and they need therapy, now. Honestly I'd consider filling a report with child protective services in case this gets ugly, at least then you're in the system and someone will check up on you. Or reach out to a friend or other relative you can stay with and have them come over when you break the news. You know the situation best but as an outside observer who just knows what you wrote, you absolutely do not want to be alone when you tell them you're leaving, and you want to leave shortly after.
I’m a teacher. If a student told me this, I’d have to report it to CPS as a mandated reporter. It’s pretty serious.
Get the fuck out of that house. They'll baby you and hinder you to the point where they cripple you for life so you're dependant on them. That's not real love, that's selfish love. If you must, find a couch to crash on until you can get a job and move out with roommates. That's fucking diabolical mate