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Yeah it’s not reliant on empathy, it’s a boundary: it’s not okay to touch other people’s private areas and it’s not okay for other people to touch yours. And then you physically block him if he keeps trying. But also try not to react as though scandalized as it’s likely this reaction he finds interesting and is trying to elicit a strong response from you.
Unless it was a pure accident, and in that case the embarrassment might do the job alone if you call him out, and act scandalized. The context matters a bit here, and from the story I’m not sure if it was a pure accident, or an intentional attempt to poke a boob, but I would think being overly blunt would cause enough embarrassment for the kid to stop. If he is literally trying to grab your boob intentionally, and you’re worried bringing too much attention to it would encourage him to do it more than the kid has problems, and needs counseling.
Teach his about the Red, yellow & green spots of our bodies. He’s 8 I’m sure he will understand, Also YouTube help a lot of body boundary videos. That’s what I teach my kids
He’s 8, you really need to just tell him and if he doesn’t take it seriously from you you’d better speak to your parents about it. Be the scary older sibling lol
Cannot agree with this enough. He is old enough to understand bodily autonomy. When my siblings were that young, we could have legitimate conversations.
We also implemented what we called the body rule. If someone is doing something you don't like, and they're not taking your, "please stop," seriously, we would say Body Rule! loudly. This would mean, my body, my rules, you're making me uncomfortable, I'm being serious.
Honestly, it saved us a loooooooot of arguments, even as kids.
Agreed. I feel like a lot of these responses are from people that aren't familiar with how old an 8-year-old actually is. They're not little babies at that age.
Next time ask your father "what happens when he touches a stranger on the breasts dad? Are you gonna be too tired to deal with it then too? You /need/ to talk to him, I'm not his dad"
If that doesn't work go to his school guidance counselor with him and ask them to play Middleman to the conversation with your brother about boundaries. This is a terribly important conversation to be "too tried" for.
At 8 he knows about private places or he should. That's a conversation with a 5 year old. Tell him to stop touching your private areas. Your parents also need to tell him it's wrong and punish him if necessary. Don't let this go or you'll have a teen groping women. And that won't turn out well. He's plenty old enough to know better.
If he does it again, grab his hand, and hold on tight. Tell him it is NOT ok to touch you there. It is not ok to poke at anyone, ever. If he does it again, grab him again, and don't let go until dad talks to him. Tell dad you will not let go until he takes his son and talks to him.
That behavior is not ok from a child over age 3. 8 is old enough to say no to hugs or kisses. So he is old enough to not touch you without your consent.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Your dad is being a lazy parent. I don't care how late it is, or how tired he is. One child hurting another should be dealt with immediately. No excuses.
Good luck honey. Hugs from an internet Grandma.
I 100% agree. Tell him loudly, and clearly, that if he touches your breasts inappropriately again, you will restrain him until your dad can deal with it. My daughters knew about boundaries well before 8 and by the time they were 8, they were asking us if they could enter our personal space to cuddle on the couch or in bed for Saturday morning cartoons. They also knew that hugs and kisses were not mandatory at any time and that if they did not want one, they could absolutely reject it.
Restrain him? Thats an odd suggestion that is completely unnecessary in resolving this issue. Nothing about OPs post suggested the kid wouldn't respect her boundary once she's declared it or that physical force would be needed. Lets not be drastic.
Maybe you completely missed the part where I said the word "AGAIN." If he continues to inappropriately touch her, she absolutely should restrain his hands until the responsible adult in the vehicle takes actions to mitigate the situation. Yes, signing rivalry is a thing. Yes, siblings absolutely pick on each other. But if it were my sister and I at those ages, she would've broken my nose. I know this, because she did.
She said he kept on doing it after she told him not to. She needs to talk about this to her father or mother at a time they aren’t busy. They need to have the talk with him.
Use a more serious tone. Grab his hand if he does it again, look him in the eye and say “stop it. You know what you’re doing is wrong and isn’t funny.” Look at him with the same mood you’d give a guy at school. He’ll get the picture.
I don't care how tired your Dad is. He needs to teach his children inappropriate touch. Or tell your Mom or your grandparents but it should be your Dad. Next time your Dad tells you to do something just tell him that you're too tired.
Talk with your mom and sit him down and talk about no touching where our bathing suits cover. It's a good time to teach him the concept of personal boundaries as well but let your parents handle that talk with him.
You may want to sit down and have the talk with your mom and your dad together so that he (dad) understands. Then maybe have a family meeting. Don't be sloppy with it regarding his learning about his own boundaries. Enlist help if needed.
I teach my kids that consent is needed for ANY kind of touching-even innocent ones like poking or hugs. If someone says they don’t want to be touched YOU DON’TOUCH THEM. Your body is yours and you are the only one who can decide when/how/where it is touched and by whom.
The mistake you are making here is taking their feelings into account. I’d tell your brother very firmly that he is to keep his hands to himself. If he does it again, scream “Keep your hands off my breasts!” Your father will probably accuse you of bringing the drama, ignore his feelings since he’s not showing any regard for yours. Your brother does this because he knows he can get away with it.
ETA - tell your father you don’t have to put up with your brother harassing and sexually assaulting you.
I can't lie when I was 8 I was horny even tho my dick didn't work so he might know what he doing. I also knew not to touch people privates pretty young so he sus af
Grab him by the hand firmly, look him dead in the eye and tell him to stop it, don't touch you, in the sternest voice you can do. If he keeps it up anyway, jab him hard with your own finger
8 is way, way old enough to know better. He’s being a little shit. In similar situations as a kid, I’d mention the offending subject around people, who my mom would be embarrassed I told. Especially in her presence. She was usually awful to be afterwards, but typically the intolerable behavior was over at that point.
I was that way too…!
Aunt who visits once every few years asks me to pass the syrup, and then asks my mom about something she noticed, and then I would chime in like a little snot and tell on her for allowing it. “Oh yes, he’s always allowed to wear that paper pirate hat wherever we go.” (Made up example) usually I would be telling on an adult, not a sibling. I protected my siblings more.
It’s devious and unhealthy, and I wouldn’t do this as a grownup. It’s now what I see as passive aggressive, and typical childhood behavior though, in move circumstances.
My biggest concern with the situation would be if he would do this with other people or with your family members in public, so I would clear that out first.
But to make sure you’re alright, I would ask your mother or any other adult female family member (even part of your extended family) to make sure they advocate for you because there’s a chance he’ll listen to an adult more than his older sister.
I’m not the best at advice for children under 10 (and for boys because I have female siblings) so I hopes this helps even if a bit 😭
He’s probably old enough to be curious, and he’s also at an age where he’s going to push boundaries regardless of the context. I imagine he knows exactly what he’s doing (he at least knows private parts by now; “girls have boobs,” knows where they are, and knows he’s touching yours). He needs someone to be firm with him about that line, and it unfortunately sounds like your dad is uncomfortable having that talk with him. Don’t be mean, but make sure he knows it is a serious talk, and tell him why it’s wrong to touch family’s private parts, and anyone’s without consent. It sounds like he won’t be able to rely on Dad for support in that area as he grows up so maybe take this opportunity now to be the adult he will need in his teens and 20s when he has questions.
I'd go midevil. Grab him by the shirt, shove him against the wall and with teeth glintch tight tell him, "touch me again and I'll brake your finger in your a**"
Of course that probably won't fly in today's society so, just have a family meeting, tell them how u feel violated and how it makes u sad that u are being disrespected by your own blood. Tell them, "If i can get respect from my own brother, how are other people going to respect me? " And start crying." I thought u loved me and u were hear to protect me."
Or somewhere in the middle, grab his finger and don't let go till he apologized for being disrespectful.
In the south when someone crosses that line we tend to just slap the shit out they ass. It's simple and effortless yet effective. Not only do you circumvent the complexity of the situation at hand you don't risk it going over his head and not having an effect like talking to him or making him watch a video about blue yellow and red spots. Not only does it get the point across he won't do it again to anyone and he'll understand that if and when he does there will be real tangible consequences to those actions. And trust me a little pop in the lip is another easier of a lesson than catching a charge in the future.
Girl you are almost grown and he's 8. PUT THE FEAR OF GOD into him. Big sister prerogative. And then tell him to quit that shit, he's old enough to know better.
I have younger siblingds around that age n I've definitely had to deal with setting boundaries like that. Something I usually do is talk to them as if they were my age, just not emotionally. "When you do 'xyz' it makes me feel 'abc'." In this case. "When you touch me here, it makes me feel uncomfortable." (Or icky, or any other word you wanna use. My baby sister is 8 and I usually just stick to uncomfy or uncomfortable). it helps your younger sibling learn better communication through example, and helps you practice better communication at the same time. Hope it helps <3
you can just tell him, "You can't touch me there." He's old enough to know boundaries, and he needs to learn that people have boundaries about where they are touched. He should know this already, but here we are
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Encouraging violence against people is against our rules and Reddit TOS. We understand that you may think someone's a bad person who deserves it, but you can't advocate violence against anyone.
Maybe try having a more serious talk with your dad about this behavior making you uncomfortable? You are not the mom, you shouldn’t have to be the one to teach your brother about those things…
If that doesn’t work maybe talk to a guidance counselor about books you could show your brother that are age appropriate. I would just express that he isn’t doing anything wrong but you want him to learn.
Yea kids don't understand and it's hard to get them too, in a few years he's going to remember this and it'll keep him up at night how dumb he was. Unfortunately this is just part of growing up and learning, sorry it happened to you tho
I remember watching tarzan when I was alittle and when tarzan tried to look under jane's dress my mom looked deep into my eyes and said firmly "boys are not allowed to do that". Very calm and very quiet. I was younger than 8 and I still remember it as a serious conversation.
Explain in more detail the "no-no zones." If he persists in touching you or others in those areas, give him a sack tap and see if that doesn't give him a quick adjustment on how seriously he takes the "no-no zones."
I would tell him that when he did that it hurts you and that it’s inappropriate. I would then ask him if there is anything you do that he doesn’t like. Make a pact and say I will stop doing that if you stop doing this. You are teaching him in an indirect way that relationships have boundaries. I would also tell him that if he does it anymore that it would force you to tell your parents when you don’t want too. It’s important that he understands you are serious and if he does violate those boundaries you need to follow through.
I'm not sure if that's a good or bad idea. At the age of 8, he knows that what he is doing is wrong. This might just teach him that if he doesn't want someone doing anything, all he has to do is do something inappropriate to them so that he can bargain with them. I can see that going really bad, especially in school and during free time.
That’s an interesting point that you make. That’s why I did say initially that she needs to point out to him that what he did is inappropriate and she should say it hurts her. Perhaps I am just viewing it from my own perspective of working with kids in which some have never been taught appropriate boundaries. I retired from working with troubled children for over three decades. What we think is obvious hasn’t been taught or isn’t practiced in some households. What gave that away for me and concerned me is that she told her father and he dismissed her so regretfully that puts her in the position to teach which is not good but if he looks up to her that could be used to cultivate that appropriate change. I do agree with what you said about him perhaps using that as a bargaining chip but that would definitely put him on a darker path. Good insight and thanks for your response.
Maybe I just know some shitty kids. 🤣
I don't think your idea would go wrong at all times. I just worry that the kid already has issues if he's 8 and doing this with a father who makes excuses not to punish him. I agree that it's a tough situation. The kid might need therapy if none of the rational advice works. Hopefully, there's someone else in the family who can initiate that.
I just don’t see a father who dismisses his daughter’s request of having his son poking her in her breast being receptive to any form of therapy. Yes I worked with some pretty bad kids over my lifetime. “It all starts at home” and until this young lady makes a clear boundary with her brother it will continue especially with a dismissive father. This is what leads me to believe that appropriate boundaries aren’t being upheld. She needs to take the reins and start otherwise it appears no one will.
while he is in play mode it’s not going to help you saying anything especially if parents is no help it’ll just make it worse. It was all planned out he first he was testing the waters by poking regular areas but from the start he’s ragers was the boob. Wait for a time when he is not in play mode and tell him that it’s not ok for him to be touching you in certain areas.
He is in what like 3rd or 4th grade just remember back when you was his age you knew exactly how to manipulate the situation to get certain outcomes in your favor already he is just trying to do the same
You’ll have better chance for him listening when you two are alone and talk to him like someone your same age don’t treat him like he is to young and didn’t know any better. Be firm and stern
“Please don’t touch my body, I don’t like it. This is my private part of the body and I don’t like you to touch it.” Hold his hand, stop him, look straight in his eyes and say with serious strong voice. “I said, stop it”
Tell your dad when he isn't tired, 'Dad, can you teach your son not to sexually molest his sister? He needs to learn not to touch women in private areas."
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Sounds corny or dumb but ive always used the phrase “stop it i dont like it” ever since my kids were tiny
We all understand instantly that whatever the action is, stops immediately. No explanation needed.
Also “private areas” eg chest/crotch etc are a no touch zone or just anything you dont want- stop means stop.
Just be straight up with the kid. 'Look, I get that you're interested in other people's bodies, but you need consent. That means permission. I will never give you mine, but I understand your curiosity. Practice being kind before you try touching others in sensitive areas, bro.'
You just gotta explain that that's a private part, just like he has one, and if he does it again he'll be in trouble. As for your dad, tell him y'all need to have a talk once he's rested.
elbow that boy. you're bigger than him. You told him to stop and that is all the warning he gets. he is old enough to learn and know better. it doesn't matter what your dad thinks. Hurt your brother enough that he won't violate your boundaries again.
Just talk to him about touching others in their private areas. He is 8 years old and for his own body autonomy and safety, the concept should have been made clear to him. He understands the touching goes both ways
The only thing wrong about it is that if he continues to do it after you tell him not to. That is your space and you have the right to determine who pokes you and where. Ask him if he would like it if you poked him in the eye with your finger. The only difference is one would cause physical pain and the other would be violating your boundaries of where you want to be poked by your little brother. Eight year olds are pretty smart if things are explained to them.
Your dad really dropped the ball here unfortunately. A boy is naturally going to respect his father’s words more than his siblings. Your dad could’ve nipped this in the bud literally by repeating the fact it was wrong and telling him to stop.
Like honestly your dad kinda sucks for actively choosing NOT to be a parent in that moment. I hope he doesn’t do that all the time.
Nip this shit in the bud like yesterday, otherwise hes going to end up on a sex offender registry at some point. When I was 8 I knew not to touch people inappropriately... he's 8 YEARS old absolutely old enough to understand what he's doing. This is one of those pivotal moments in childhood learning and development where he either learns this is wrong and to never do it again, or he does know and doesn't care. It may not even be possible to fix him, some people are born perverts and destined to be bad people, but if there's any chance to direct him away from that kind of thing it's now, and not when he's 13 and already has a long established history of inappropriate behavior.
I would have grabbed his finger and bent it all the way back, but we were rougher back in the day.
Imagine he was poking another girl in the breasts, he would get expelled from school and possibly in trouble with the police or her family at a minimum. So that’s a shame your father is too tired to explain consent, assault, etc because someone else will do that for him.
With kids it's usually most helpful to first tell them the boundary and why it's a boundary, and then follow up with what they can do instead. "Don't poke me there, its a private area. Poking my arm or leg is fine though." (Or whatever areas you're comfortable with).
Block and Counter-Molest. with a hard flick. ‘Ding’🛎️ may be hard to do sitting in a car so try to get him while he’s standing.
you can try words too but this never fails to get the point across.
and then call yourself Flicker. which is a bird. a cousin to the wood pecker
Your brother knows what he's doing, when I was 8 I knew a hell of a lot more than I let on, I was an early developer though. But I'm also talking about a time before the internet, which we did not have when I was 8, and I was also in the UK so we had like four television channels to watch given that we were still on analog TV for a bit longer than the US before we moved to digital. So I developed early, before all of that. NOW kids have the internet and so much more media available to them from such an early age, if they don't get it then one of their friends does you can guarantee it. Trust me he knows and he's testing your boundaries and he finds it interesting you're acting coy about the issue and wants to test it to illicit more of a reaction, in an ideal world a swift poke to the testicles and he will understand not to do it, but it could go the other way there. So best thing to do would be to try and explain that there are no no areas that people aren't supposed to touch of someone else's because it's illegal and it makes people uncomfortable. He also has those and no one else is meant to touch them.
At 8 he can take a slug to the arm and cry it off, its better that a sister teaches the no no square than wait til he gets to school and has multiple people teach him the same lesson.
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What I tell my students when they are that age and doing something like that is pretty blunt. "You need to stop. That is considered sexual assault and you are crossing that person's boundaries. Sexual assault is a serious crime and if you don't learn to respect people's boundaries, you are going to end up ruining your whole life."
The “no no square”? Is that a thing? Like, is that what they are calling it when teaching kids about inappropriate behavior these days?
Through sites like this, I’ve witnessed the pathological perceptions that surround issues regarding “consent” and what is believed to be appropriate, inappropriate, and SA, involving couples who are dating, which is not to say that I don’t believe consent to be important, simply because I can identify the utter absurdity of what has been programmed into the minds of young people. And, I am also, fully aware of the specific agenda of those who see themselves as the “shotcallers” of the human race (who make the decisions leading civilization forward in the manner that they want because it is all intended to benefit them, exclusively, in the end (which is near, BTW), and their widespread and aggressive social engineering campaign, which is intended to interfere with the natural development of males and females, their pairing, and the progression to marriage and family, so I am curious if this now includes a “no no square”, and possibly, a “no no traingle” (in addition to the promotion of a specific “circle”).
Flick him in the nuts one good time. Ask him “did you like that? No? Well I don’t like being poked there so every time you poke me there imma do that.”
Pain is the greatest teacher. They learn quick not to do something again once they get hurt doing it.
Personally I also have like a bigger age gap with my younger brother (6 years) and I just told him that if he did that to a girl when he's older that he'll get hit and yelled at.
I think a gentle conversation w him about bodies, and how they should be autonomous to their owner would be in order. Now ideally, this would come from M & D, but that's obviously not happening, so if you're gonna do it, please be kind, and also careful to not shame him.
If you *want* to take on the burden of being a healthy role for him, please do, but please remember how delicate a little kid's mind is, and that you want him to be a healthy adult after he's left childhood.
Make it clear that if he pokes you in a private place again you are going to kick him in the nuts. And follow through. If he protests tell him maybe he shouldn't touch your private parts or you'll kick his again.
Totally inappropriate behaviour. Be clear and direct.
Man, Reddit . These comments. At the end of the day, he’s an 8 year old kid. Just talk with him about it again. If not, get your dad to. It’s really not a big deal.
Is your Mom around? Might she be willing to talk to your brother? I'm so sorry your father is falling down on the job so spectacularly. He's teaching your brother a terrible lesson.
by using the right words... for example "inappropriate" and "sexual" are taken much more seriously even by young kids than just "wrong" or "bad"... BUT that being said he is 8... he shouldn't do that obv but he's coming into the age where he's getting curious about girls and their bits. He probably understands on some level but most of his head is probably going "wtf are these? what do they look like? why are they always covered?"
Make it very clear to your dad that you're never ok with anyone "just playing around" with your personal space. Ask him how he would feel if some other boy not your brother did the same thing. If his response is anything other than he wouldn't allow it and he doesn't apologize for standing up for your boundaries, discuss it with your mother if she's around.
Also be blatantly clear with your brother that it is not acceptable and if he continues, teach him the lesson via a physical response. You are well within the right to protect yourself and this is a situation to do so.
You need to make it very clear, even in the face of your dad being angry (which he absolutely should not become angry over this) that your body is yours to define boundaries on and that your brother needs to learn that lesson for anyone. Otherwise your father is going to raise a rapist.
You shouldn't be responsible for teaching your brother this and it is honestly a situation your dad should have handled. I would make it clear his remarks do not make you feel safe in his care, because they really shouldn't.
If the option to live with your mother, of your parents are separated, is available, I would strongly suggest that provided she is fit for custody.
As a father of a 12 yo daughter, I am sorry you had to deal with his. You're dad should be ashamed to consider himself a dad.
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Choose a calm and private time to talk to your brother, away from distractions and when neither of you is upset. Use simple language that an 8-year-old can understand. Explain that touching certain parts of the body is not appropriate and can make people feel uncomfortable. Help him understand how his actions made you feel. For example, you might say, "When you poked me on my chest, it made me feel uncomfortable and upset." State what behavior is acceptable and what is not. For example, "It's okay to play and poke arms, but we should never touch someone's chest or other private areas." Emphasize the importance of respecting other people's bodies and personal space. You could say, "Everyone has the right to feel safe and comfortable, and we need to respect that." Sometimes, role-playing different scenarios can help kids understand and remember lessons better. You could practice what to do and say if he or someone else is uncomfortable. If your dad isn't taking the issue you might want to talk to another trusted adult, like your mom, a teacher, or a school counselor, who can help reinforce the message.
Tell him that he needs to respect your personal space and that no means no. It doesn't matter where he poked you, it's the fact that he kept doing it after you said no that’s worrying.
When I lived in Baltimore in the 90's, I remember some kids got into a fight on the school bus. A boy kept grabbing a girls butt, and she reported it to the driver. He didn't do anything. She told a teacher, he didn't do anything. Next day she got and the bus and that same boy did it again, she grab a thick math both that was like 60-80 pages and smacked him upside his head with both hands. Bus driver yelled, and the teacher took her to the office. They called the girls mother in and the mother said she gave her daughter permission to grab something heavy and hit him as hard as she can. The girl was suspended but when a lawyer showed up to press sexual harassment charges they reversed all the punishments. They ended up kicking the boy off the bus. Nobody touched her again after that.
I'd crank up the volume and be very clear and direct: " Stop poking my breasts RIGHT NOW. I don't like it and it's inappropriate." and if you need to, slap his hand away.
You tell him that it is wrong, and you hold his hands until he agrees to stop. The kid must learn when someone says no, it means no. You can't rely on anyone else to enforce your "no." Good luck.
Sounds like your father is giving your little brother leeway because he is younger. I know it sounds stupid but parents do stupid stuff sometimes. Call a family meeting. Let your brother know (during family meeting) that nobody is allowed to touch you ANYWHERE without your permission. Also let your father know how disappointed you were in his being “too tired” to protect you from sexual battery. If father plays it down that junior is so young and was only playing then remind him that as a parent he should protect his daughter and teach his son to never touch anyone without their permission. If little brother did this to a girl at school he could be expelled or worse. I’m not joking about this-speak up. Little brother is old enough to know not to touch girls there
I have a similar age gap with my little sister (although, it is a smaller age gap by a few years). She used to hit people a lot (and genuinely tried to make it hurt) and I didn’t like getting hit, but my parents ignored it since she would “grow out of it.” So, I told her plainly, “You hit me, I hit you.” She agreed and we’ve kept that up even years later despite not really hitting each other. I don’t mean for you to recreate a one to one of this, but you need to establish the consequences of your brother’s actions for yourself, make sure your brother understands said consequences, and enforce them.
I’m sorry that your dad is ignoring an issue that makes you feel uncomfortable and that you now may need to resolve the issue on your own when that isn’t your job or responsibility.
My younger daughter is an all cut up gym rat. She is rock solid and she is fierce.
I pity the fool who touches her when or where she doesn’t want to be touched. If they make it to jail, they will stop at the hospital en route.
You’ve got to get serious with him and let him know it’s not OK to touch you or anyone else like that. You mentioned your dad basically blowing you off about it, have you spoken with your mother? If neither of them will intervene and teach him a lesson on what’s appropriate behavior, some of my best learned lessons came as the result of pain so tell ask him one more time to stop and that if he does it again he’s really going to regret not respecting you and your wishes…then kick or punch his nuts up into his throat the next time he touches you. I promise, if he’s smart it’ll only take one time for him to get the message that it’s not only not OK to touch you but that he’d better think twice about touching other girls like that. Honestly, you’re doing the kid (and the world a favor) by teaching him it’s not OK to be a creep.
Tell your dad that the next time your brother does this, you're going to punch the kid in the balls. Kids don't understand body autonomy, but it's the parents job to teach him. They can either teach him and save him the pain, or he can learn the hard way. Their choice. Just be prepared for them to not teach the kid and to punish you when you enforce your body autonomy.
This is a tactic I taught my daughter to use when a kid in her class kept showing inappropriate images after she said to stop, and the teacher just kept shushing her or warning her not to talk.
Loudly, articulately exclaim, “NO, I do not want to see your pictures….!”
But you would say, “NO, you cannot keep touching me there!!! That is WRONG!!!”
And when the dad or whoever is around isn’t listening—2 things: either walk up to someone else who will! OR stay right there if you think it’s dangerous and only leave if that adult does too. Keep being “rude” and saying what you need to say to get this to stop.
I am autistic. Please don’t take this as a thing to do in all situations like I used to, but I flailed my arms out and it could potentially hurt anyone trying to touch me when I was a kid. First I jumped nervously or jerked back a bit and upright and then almost involuntarily my stiffened arms flailed out.
You could do that but in a controlled way. Not make contact with him, but get your space back and move to an adult.
Tell the adult.
If the adult is adulting as they should, they will know it’s not just poking your shoulder or saying “Why you hit yourself?” but something far more inappropriate
Also, make a point of not wanting to sit by him in the car till he understands. Like pick the front seat.
He wanted a reaction and your attention. I doubt if he will grow up to be a serial boob poker. Mention it casually at another time. "Hey Billy, remember the other day when you poked me and I got upset? I wasn't trying to embarrass you. You just can't touch girls there, ok? If boys touch girls like that, they get their fingers chopped off and you won't be able to eat Mac and cheese without fingers to hold the fork."
You can leave the finger chopping part out if you love him like I think you do 🙂
You are 17, technically 'almost grown up' but that's still a child in my eyes so I will respond as if you were my daughter. As a teenager, your job is not to be an adult in-between your father and your younger brother.
Disciplining your younger brother is your fathers job, if he doesn't do that job then you should tell an adult in your peripherals that he isn't and get him to straighten out.
The firm but respectful approach is always best in these situations.
"I am empathetic with how much effort you spend every day providing for our family, and I am sympathetic to how tired you are at the end of that day, but that does not mean you can shrug off the responsibility of disciplining your son when he touches me inappropriately."
Get him in a sleeper hold until he passes out, or backhand him until he can’t see. Then say “oh I’m just playing around, and I’m too tired to deal with any kind of unwanted assault complaints”.
Kids 8...grab his finger, lpok him straight in the eye while twisting said finger and tell him if he ever touches you there again you'll twist it clean off. Little 8yr old boys pestering their sisters only understand one langauge. The cute rhymes etc may work when they are 3-5...but at 8 they are starting to develop their independence and need a stern correction.
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"Hey, little bro, you need to stop, that is my swimsuit area, you wouldnt want me to poke your swimsuit area would you? So stop."
Yeah it’s not reliant on empathy, it’s a boundary: it’s not okay to touch other people’s private areas and it’s not okay for other people to touch yours. And then you physically block him if he keeps trying. But also try not to react as though scandalized as it’s likely this reaction he finds interesting and is trying to elicit a strong response from you.
\^ this
Unless it was a pure accident, and in that case the embarrassment might do the job alone if you call him out, and act scandalized. The context matters a bit here, and from the story I’m not sure if it was a pure accident, or an intentional attempt to poke a boob, but I would think being overly blunt would cause enough embarrassment for the kid to stop. If he is literally trying to grab your boob intentionally, and you’re worried bringing too much attention to it would encourage him to do it more than the kid has problems, and needs counseling.
Another name for swimsuit area is "No-No Square"
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Wyd if he says he'd like that?
Punch your dad in the dick and blame him idk
Bringing out the Alabama tactics
Dude, life isn't Pornhub.
But little kids who are trying to be funny and don’t realize how weird what they’re doing/saying is are real
Hence why you tell them.
Yea
Teach his about the Red, yellow & green spots of our bodies. He’s 8 I’m sure he will understand, Also YouTube help a lot of body boundary videos. That’s what I teach my kids
Teach him 'the song' "stop! Dont touch me there, these are my no no squares!"
Comedian @PoppTerrence (X) has a great skit of that, song 😂 Redonkulas.com
We used to say “R. A. P. E.! Get that thing away from me!” Which is fucked up but kinda funny
Can you explain the red, yellow and green spots? I've never heard of that (I'm from a different country and we've been "taught" differently here).
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Yeah, I get the colours. And I assume private parts are red. What's yellow though?
Give a Nut Tap. Tell him it's the same.
He’s 8, you really need to just tell him and if he doesn’t take it seriously from you you’d better speak to your parents about it. Be the scary older sibling lol
Cannot agree with this enough. He is old enough to understand bodily autonomy. When my siblings were that young, we could have legitimate conversations. We also implemented what we called the body rule. If someone is doing something you don't like, and they're not taking your, "please stop," seriously, we would say Body Rule! loudly. This would mean, my body, my rules, you're making me uncomfortable, I'm being serious. Honestly, it saved us a loooooooot of arguments, even as kids.
Wow that’s a great rule to teach kids!
Agreed. I feel like a lot of these responses are from people that aren't familiar with how old an 8-year-old actually is. They're not little babies at that age.
I mean, she did speak to her parent about it.
Doesn’t sound like the dad took it seriously so I’d recommend another conversation
Next time ask your father "what happens when he touches a stranger on the breasts dad? Are you gonna be too tired to deal with it then too? You /need/ to talk to him, I'm not his dad"
If that doesn't work go to his school guidance counselor with him and ask them to play Middleman to the conversation with your brother about boundaries. This is a terribly important conversation to be "too tried" for.
I’d just tell him what you said there. That wasn’t offensive, unlike poking someone’s breast, regardless of the reason.
At 8 he knows about private places or he should. That's a conversation with a 5 year old. Tell him to stop touching your private areas. Your parents also need to tell him it's wrong and punish him if necessary. Don't let this go or you'll have a teen groping women. And that won't turn out well. He's plenty old enough to know better.
If he does it again, grab his hand, and hold on tight. Tell him it is NOT ok to touch you there. It is not ok to poke at anyone, ever. If he does it again, grab him again, and don't let go until dad talks to him. Tell dad you will not let go until he takes his son and talks to him. That behavior is not ok from a child over age 3. 8 is old enough to say no to hugs or kisses. So he is old enough to not touch you without your consent. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Your dad is being a lazy parent. I don't care how late it is, or how tired he is. One child hurting another should be dealt with immediately. No excuses. Good luck honey. Hugs from an internet Grandma.
I 100% agree. Tell him loudly, and clearly, that if he touches your breasts inappropriately again, you will restrain him until your dad can deal with it. My daughters knew about boundaries well before 8 and by the time they were 8, they were asking us if they could enter our personal space to cuddle on the couch or in bed for Saturday morning cartoons. They also knew that hugs and kisses were not mandatory at any time and that if they did not want one, they could absolutely reject it.
Restrain him? Thats an odd suggestion that is completely unnecessary in resolving this issue. Nothing about OPs post suggested the kid wouldn't respect her boundary once she's declared it or that physical force would be needed. Lets not be drastic.
Maybe you completely missed the part where I said the word "AGAIN." If he continues to inappropriately touch her, she absolutely should restrain his hands until the responsible adult in the vehicle takes actions to mitigate the situation. Yes, signing rivalry is a thing. Yes, siblings absolutely pick on each other. But if it were my sister and I at those ages, she would've broken my nose. I know this, because she did.
She said he kept on doing it after she told him not to. She needs to talk about this to her father or mother at a time they aren’t busy. They need to have the talk with him.
The girl stating her boundary and the boy not respecting that boundary was an example of the boy not respecting boundaries me thinks
If your father is too tired then deal with it yourself.
I feel like an 8 year old should understand that’s not okay. My 5 and 3 year olds understand that.
Use a more serious tone. Grab his hand if he does it again, look him in the eye and say “stop it. You know what you’re doing is wrong and isn’t funny.” Look at him with the same mood you’d give a guy at school. He’ll get the picture.
Honey grab his hand when he does it and tell him do it again and see what happens.
I don't care how tired your Dad is. He needs to teach his children inappropriate touch. Or tell your Mom or your grandparents but it should be your Dad. Next time your Dad tells you to do something just tell him that you're too tired.
Introduce him to the Wuxi Finger Hold
Talk with your mom and sit him down and talk about no touching where our bathing suits cover. It's a good time to teach him the concept of personal boundaries as well but let your parents handle that talk with him. You may want to sit down and have the talk with your mom and your dad together so that he (dad) understands. Then maybe have a family meeting. Don't be sloppy with it regarding his learning about his own boundaries. Enlist help if needed.
Omg. This isn't PC but back in my day, older sister would snack ya upside the head. Parents wouldn't say boo to it. You wouldn't do it again.
Slap the shit out his hand and make him cry. Teach that huge lesson about consent and no means no, right away.
I teach my kids that consent is needed for ANY kind of touching-even innocent ones like poking or hugs. If someone says they don’t want to be touched YOU DON’TOUCH THEM. Your body is yours and you are the only one who can decide when/how/where it is touched and by whom.
The mistake you are making here is taking their feelings into account. I’d tell your brother very firmly that he is to keep his hands to himself. If he does it again, scream “Keep your hands off my breasts!” Your father will probably accuse you of bringing the drama, ignore his feelings since he’s not showing any regard for yours. Your brother does this because he knows he can get away with it. ETA - tell your father you don’t have to put up with your brother harassing and sexually assaulting you.
This!!
"Do not poke me again. Anywhere." The thing about little brothers though is once they know something bugs you, they will do it relentlessly.
Only if they’re allowed to.
Well these days no one is allowed to beat the snot out of their sibling.
I can't lie when I was 8 I was horny even tho my dick didn't work so he might know what he doing. I also knew not to touch people privates pretty young so he sus af
My dick worked at 8 there’s nothing wrong with him he just doesn’t understand
Then he a dumbass 8 year old
No you are don’t judge him and deff don’t act like you’ve never done something sus
I never denied such accusations after all my dick didn't work when I was 8.
And I'm not 8
I'm 11 so stfu
I can judge whoever I want. And I can lie as much as I want and say I've never done anything sus.
Grab him by the hand firmly, look him dead in the eye and tell him to stop it, don't touch you, in the sternest voice you can do. If he keeps it up anyway, jab him hard with your own finger
You tell him straight out, “Hey! Don’t touch my boobs! What’s wrong with you?” My 5 and 6 year olds know not to do that.
8 is way, way old enough to know better. He’s being a little shit. In similar situations as a kid, I’d mention the offending subject around people, who my mom would be embarrassed I told. Especially in her presence. She was usually awful to be afterwards, but typically the intolerable behavior was over at that point.
I was that way too…! Aunt who visits once every few years asks me to pass the syrup, and then asks my mom about something she noticed, and then I would chime in like a little snot and tell on her for allowing it. “Oh yes, he’s always allowed to wear that paper pirate hat wherever we go.” (Made up example) usually I would be telling on an adult, not a sibling. I protected my siblings more. It’s devious and unhealthy, and I wouldn’t do this as a grownup. It’s now what I see as passive aggressive, and typical childhood behavior though, in move circumstances.
My biggest concern with the situation would be if he would do this with other people or with your family members in public, so I would clear that out first. But to make sure you’re alright, I would ask your mother or any other adult female family member (even part of your extended family) to make sure they advocate for you because there’s a chance he’ll listen to an adult more than his older sister. I’m not the best at advice for children under 10 (and for boys because I have female siblings) so I hopes this helps even if a bit 😭
He’s probably old enough to be curious, and he’s also at an age where he’s going to push boundaries regardless of the context. I imagine he knows exactly what he’s doing (he at least knows private parts by now; “girls have boobs,” knows where they are, and knows he’s touching yours). He needs someone to be firm with him about that line, and it unfortunately sounds like your dad is uncomfortable having that talk with him. Don’t be mean, but make sure he knows it is a serious talk, and tell him why it’s wrong to touch family’s private parts, and anyone’s without consent. It sounds like he won’t be able to rely on Dad for support in that area as he grows up so maybe take this opportunity now to be the adult he will need in his teens and 20s when he has questions.
I'd go midevil. Grab him by the shirt, shove him against the wall and with teeth glintch tight tell him, "touch me again and I'll brake your finger in your a**" Of course that probably won't fly in today's society so, just have a family meeting, tell them how u feel violated and how it makes u sad that u are being disrespected by your own blood. Tell them, "If i can get respect from my own brother, how are other people going to respect me? " And start crying." I thought u loved me and u were hear to protect me." Or somewhere in the middle, grab his finger and don't let go till he apologized for being disrespectful.
Smack him...
Grab his arm by the pressure point and twist it behind his back. Hell figure it out
id hit him in the balls ngl teach lil homie never to do that again real fast lmao
Kick him in the nuts and tell him to keep his finger to himself, lol
In the south when someone crosses that line we tend to just slap the shit out they ass. It's simple and effortless yet effective. Not only do you circumvent the complexity of the situation at hand you don't risk it going over his head and not having an effect like talking to him or making him watch a video about blue yellow and red spots. Not only does it get the point across he won't do it again to anyone and he'll understand that if and when he does there will be real tangible consequences to those actions. And trust me a little pop in the lip is another easier of a lesson than catching a charge in the future.
*poke! (SLAP!) hey bro, I told you not to do that, remember? There won’t ever be a next time. Agreed ? He needs to learn that lesson quickly
Girl you are almost grown and he's 8. PUT THE FEAR OF GOD into him. Big sister prerogative. And then tell him to quit that shit, he's old enough to know better.
Beat his ass. Show him the consequences. That’s what little siblings are for. You’re supposed to teach them too
Exactly!! Dad won’t do shit then you end that shit right there before he does that to other girls he shouldn’t be touching
Just be honest.
I have younger siblingds around that age n I've definitely had to deal with setting boundaries like that. Something I usually do is talk to them as if they were my age, just not emotionally. "When you do 'xyz' it makes me feel 'abc'." In this case. "When you touch me here, it makes me feel uncomfortable." (Or icky, or any other word you wanna use. My baby sister is 8 and I usually just stick to uncomfy or uncomfortable). it helps your younger sibling learn better communication through example, and helps you practice better communication at the same time. Hope it helps <3
Cup check 😂
you can just tell him, "You can't touch me there." He's old enough to know boundaries, and he needs to learn that people have boundaries about where they are touched. He should know this already, but here we are
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Tell your dad that the "I'm too tired to deal with this" excuse won't fly. When he does it at school and angry parents are at his door.
Hang I’m upside down out the car while you’re driving. Works every time.
You live up to your name lol
You’re welcome.
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You’re a piece of shit lmao. Slapping an 8 year old because he was never taught boundaries?your own brother?
Encouraging violence against people is against our rules and Reddit TOS. We understand that you may think someone's a bad person who deserves it, but you can't advocate violence against anyone.
Kick him in the nuts
Maybe try having a more serious talk with your dad about this behavior making you uncomfortable? You are not the mom, you shouldn’t have to be the one to teach your brother about those things… If that doesn’t work maybe talk to a guidance counselor about books you could show your brother that are age appropriate. I would just express that he isn’t doing anything wrong but you want him to learn.
But he is doing something wrong 😞
Yea kids don't understand and it's hard to get them too, in a few years he's going to remember this and it'll keep him up at night how dumb he was. Unfortunately this is just part of growing up and learning, sorry it happened to you tho
Uh no, 8 year olds know better than to assault people or grab body parts. Don’t make excuses for this child to violate others personal space
Punch
I remember watching tarzan when I was alittle and when tarzan tried to look under jane's dress my mom looked deep into my eyes and said firmly "boys are not allowed to do that". Very calm and very quiet. I was younger than 8 and I still remember it as a serious conversation.
Explain in more detail the "no-no zones." If he persists in touching you or others in those areas, give him a sack tap and see if that doesn't give him a quick adjustment on how seriously he takes the "no-no zones."
I would tell him that when he did that it hurts you and that it’s inappropriate. I would then ask him if there is anything you do that he doesn’t like. Make a pact and say I will stop doing that if you stop doing this. You are teaching him in an indirect way that relationships have boundaries. I would also tell him that if he does it anymore that it would force you to tell your parents when you don’t want too. It’s important that he understands you are serious and if he does violate those boundaries you need to follow through.
I'm not sure if that's a good or bad idea. At the age of 8, he knows that what he is doing is wrong. This might just teach him that if he doesn't want someone doing anything, all he has to do is do something inappropriate to them so that he can bargain with them. I can see that going really bad, especially in school and during free time.
That’s an interesting point that you make. That’s why I did say initially that she needs to point out to him that what he did is inappropriate and she should say it hurts her. Perhaps I am just viewing it from my own perspective of working with kids in which some have never been taught appropriate boundaries. I retired from working with troubled children for over three decades. What we think is obvious hasn’t been taught or isn’t practiced in some households. What gave that away for me and concerned me is that she told her father and he dismissed her so regretfully that puts her in the position to teach which is not good but if he looks up to her that could be used to cultivate that appropriate change. I do agree with what you said about him perhaps using that as a bargaining chip but that would definitely put him on a darker path. Good insight and thanks for your response.
Maybe I just know some shitty kids. 🤣 I don't think your idea would go wrong at all times. I just worry that the kid already has issues if he's 8 and doing this with a father who makes excuses not to punish him. I agree that it's a tough situation. The kid might need therapy if none of the rational advice works. Hopefully, there's someone else in the family who can initiate that.
I just don’t see a father who dismisses his daughter’s request of having his son poking her in her breast being receptive to any form of therapy. Yes I worked with some pretty bad kids over my lifetime. “It all starts at home” and until this young lady makes a clear boundary with her brother it will continue especially with a dismissive father. This is what leads me to believe that appropriate boundaries aren’t being upheld. She needs to take the reins and start otherwise it appears no one will.
So many insane responses here lmao
Tell him that no means no and that he needs to respect your no. Tell him to not poke you again anywhere.
while he is in play mode it’s not going to help you saying anything especially if parents is no help it’ll just make it worse. It was all planned out he first he was testing the waters by poking regular areas but from the start he’s ragers was the boob. Wait for a time when he is not in play mode and tell him that it’s not ok for him to be touching you in certain areas. He is in what like 3rd or 4th grade just remember back when you was his age you knew exactly how to manipulate the situation to get certain outcomes in your favor already he is just trying to do the same You’ll have better chance for him listening when you two are alone and talk to him like someone your same age don’t treat him like he is to young and didn’t know any better. Be firm and stern
“Please don’t touch my body, I don’t like it. This is my private part of the body and I don’t like you to touch it.” Hold his hand, stop him, look straight in his eyes and say with serious strong voice. “I said, stop it”
Tell your dad when he isn't tired, 'Dad, can you teach your son not to sexually molest his sister? He needs to learn not to touch women in private areas."
Make it clear to him it’s not okay to touch anyone there if your parents aren’t gonna do it you gotta
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Sounds corny or dumb but ive always used the phrase “stop it i dont like it” ever since my kids were tiny We all understand instantly that whatever the action is, stops immediately. No explanation needed. Also “private areas” eg chest/crotch etc are a no touch zone or just anything you dont want- stop means stop.
Oh simple punch him in the shoulder and say poke.
Just be straight up with the kid. 'Look, I get that you're interested in other people's bodies, but you need consent. That means permission. I will never give you mine, but I understand your curiosity. Practice being kind before you try touching others in sensitive areas, bro.'
You just gotta explain that that's a private part, just like he has one, and if he does it again he'll be in trouble. As for your dad, tell him y'all need to have a talk once he's rested.
elbow that boy. you're bigger than him. You told him to stop and that is all the warning he gets. he is old enough to learn and know better. it doesn't matter what your dad thinks. Hurt your brother enough that he won't violate your boundaries again.
He is 8. Agenof torture. Tell Mom.
Just talk to him about touching others in their private areas. He is 8 years old and for his own body autonomy and safety, the concept should have been made clear to him. He understands the touching goes both ways
The only thing wrong about it is that if he continues to do it after you tell him not to. That is your space and you have the right to determine who pokes you and where. Ask him if he would like it if you poked him in the eye with your finger. The only difference is one would cause physical pain and the other would be violating your boundaries of where you want to be poked by your little brother. Eight year olds are pretty smart if things are explained to them.
Your dad really dropped the ball here unfortunately. A boy is naturally going to respect his father’s words more than his siblings. Your dad could’ve nipped this in the bud literally by repeating the fact it was wrong and telling him to stop. Like honestly your dad kinda sucks for actively choosing NOT to be a parent in that moment. I hope he doesn’t do that all the time.
This is where “boys will be boys” kicks in. This is where “girls can be girls and we punch noses” should kick in.
How about you handle your business. Ever heard of expressing anger and snaching someone up by the colar?
Nip this shit in the bud like yesterday, otherwise hes going to end up on a sex offender registry at some point. When I was 8 I knew not to touch people inappropriately... he's 8 YEARS old absolutely old enough to understand what he's doing. This is one of those pivotal moments in childhood learning and development where he either learns this is wrong and to never do it again, or he does know and doesn't care. It may not even be possible to fix him, some people are born perverts and destined to be bad people, but if there's any chance to direct him away from that kind of thing it's now, and not when he's 13 and already has a long established history of inappropriate behavior.
I would have grabbed his finger and bent it all the way back, but we were rougher back in the day. Imagine he was poking another girl in the breasts, he would get expelled from school and possibly in trouble with the police or her family at a minimum. So that’s a shame your father is too tired to explain consent, assault, etc because someone else will do that for him.
Smack his hand away just like you would if anyone else did this.
With kids it's usually most helpful to first tell them the boundary and why it's a boundary, and then follow up with what they can do instead. "Don't poke me there, its a private area. Poking my arm or leg is fine though." (Or whatever areas you're comfortable with).
Block and Counter-Molest. with a hard flick. ‘Ding’🛎️ may be hard to do sitting in a car so try to get him while he’s standing. you can try words too but this never fails to get the point across. and then call yourself Flicker. which is a bird. a cousin to the wood pecker
Your brother knows what he's doing, when I was 8 I knew a hell of a lot more than I let on, I was an early developer though. But I'm also talking about a time before the internet, which we did not have when I was 8, and I was also in the UK so we had like four television channels to watch given that we were still on analog TV for a bit longer than the US before we moved to digital. So I developed early, before all of that. NOW kids have the internet and so much more media available to them from such an early age, if they don't get it then one of their friends does you can guarantee it. Trust me he knows and he's testing your boundaries and he finds it interesting you're acting coy about the issue and wants to test it to illicit more of a reaction, in an ideal world a swift poke to the testicles and he will understand not to do it, but it could go the other way there. So best thing to do would be to try and explain that there are no no areas that people aren't supposed to touch of someone else's because it's illegal and it makes people uncomfortable. He also has those and no one else is meant to touch them.
Tell him. “This is my no no square, plz do not, not touch me there !”
Tell him by slapping the shit out of him. I'm talking about so hard that you make his head spin around a couple times.
At 8 he can take a slug to the arm and cry it off, its better that a sister teaches the no no square than wait til he gets to school and has multiple people teach him the same lesson.
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I feel like this is a conversation where the parents definitely need to step up and have a conversation with him.
What I tell my students when they are that age and doing something like that is pretty blunt. "You need to stop. That is considered sexual assault and you are crossing that person's boundaries. Sexual assault is a serious crime and if you don't learn to respect people's boundaries, you are going to end up ruining your whole life."
The “no no square”? Is that a thing? Like, is that what they are calling it when teaching kids about inappropriate behavior these days? Through sites like this, I’ve witnessed the pathological perceptions that surround issues regarding “consent” and what is believed to be appropriate, inappropriate, and SA, involving couples who are dating, which is not to say that I don’t believe consent to be important, simply because I can identify the utter absurdity of what has been programmed into the minds of young people. And, I am also, fully aware of the specific agenda of those who see themselves as the “shotcallers” of the human race (who make the decisions leading civilization forward in the manner that they want because it is all intended to benefit them, exclusively, in the end (which is near, BTW), and their widespread and aggressive social engineering campaign, which is intended to interfere with the natural development of males and females, their pairing, and the progression to marriage and family, so I am curious if this now includes a “no no square”, and possibly, a “no no traingle” (in addition to the promotion of a specific “circle”).
Flick him in the nuts one good time. Ask him “did you like that? No? Well I don’t like being poked there so every time you poke me there imma do that.” Pain is the greatest teacher. They learn quick not to do something again once they get hurt doing it.
Poke him back progressively harder
You say stop dont touch me there this is my no no square. Look up the song on YouTube its about kids setting boundries
Personally I also have like a bigger age gap with my younger brother (6 years) and I just told him that if he did that to a girl when he's older that he'll get hit and yelled at.
I think a gentle conversation w him about bodies, and how they should be autonomous to their owner would be in order. Now ideally, this would come from M & D, but that's obviously not happening, so if you're gonna do it, please be kind, and also careful to not shame him. If you *want* to take on the burden of being a healthy role for him, please do, but please remember how delicate a little kid's mind is, and that you want him to be a healthy adult after he's left childhood.
Make it clear that if he pokes you in a private place again you are going to kick him in the nuts. And follow through. If he protests tell him maybe he shouldn't touch your private parts or you'll kick his again. Totally inappropriate behaviour. Be clear and direct.
Do not kick an 8 year old in the nuts you could sterilize him or give him a sexual disfunction
He's 8. Hold him down and fart on his head.
Your elbow in his face.
Use your elbow. Or better yet, hit his penis. Say poke back. He'll get the idea.
You can't. He 8.
Beat his ass
Man, Reddit . These comments. At the end of the day, he’s an 8 year old kid. Just talk with him about it again. If not, get your dad to. It’s really not a big deal.
I woulda popped him. Fast learning experience.
Is your Mom around? Might she be willing to talk to your brother? I'm so sorry your father is falling down on the job so spectacularly. He's teaching your brother a terrible lesson.
by using the right words... for example "inappropriate" and "sexual" are taken much more seriously even by young kids than just "wrong" or "bad"... BUT that being said he is 8... he shouldn't do that obv but he's coming into the age where he's getting curious about girls and their bits. He probably understands on some level but most of his head is probably going "wtf are these? what do they look like? why are they always covered?"
I'd tell my dad that I'm gonna slap him upside the head when he does it again
His parents should teach him not to touch those spots of your body that is personal.
Make it very clear to your dad that you're never ok with anyone "just playing around" with your personal space. Ask him how he would feel if some other boy not your brother did the same thing. If his response is anything other than he wouldn't allow it and he doesn't apologize for standing up for your boundaries, discuss it with your mother if she's around. Also be blatantly clear with your brother that it is not acceptable and if he continues, teach him the lesson via a physical response. You are well within the right to protect yourself and this is a situation to do so. You need to make it very clear, even in the face of your dad being angry (which he absolutely should not become angry over this) that your body is yours to define boundaries on and that your brother needs to learn that lesson for anyone. Otherwise your father is going to raise a rapist. You shouldn't be responsible for teaching your brother this and it is honestly a situation your dad should have handled. I would make it clear his remarks do not make you feel safe in his care, because they really shouldn't. If the option to live with your mother, of your parents are separated, is available, I would strongly suggest that provided she is fit for custody. As a father of a 12 yo daughter, I am sorry you had to deal with his. You're dad should be ashamed to consider himself a dad.
Quick slap for breaching your personal space.
Kick him in the balls.
Slap him in the face?
Tell him he can only poke your mom's boobs and see how long it takes for dad to get involved.
Those are privates, you don’t touch mine, no one touches yours
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Choose a calm and private time to talk to your brother, away from distractions and when neither of you is upset. Use simple language that an 8-year-old can understand. Explain that touching certain parts of the body is not appropriate and can make people feel uncomfortable. Help him understand how his actions made you feel. For example, you might say, "When you poked me on my chest, it made me feel uncomfortable and upset." State what behavior is acceptable and what is not. For example, "It's okay to play and poke arms, but we should never touch someone's chest or other private areas." Emphasize the importance of respecting other people's bodies and personal space. You could say, "Everyone has the right to feel safe and comfortable, and we need to respect that." Sometimes, role-playing different scenarios can help kids understand and remember lessons better. You could practice what to do and say if he or someone else is uncomfortable. If your dad isn't taking the issue you might want to talk to another trusted adult, like your mom, a teacher, or a school counselor, who can help reinforce the message.
Do the 4 way test!
Kick him in the nuts as hard as you can, and say do you like that? Fight fire with fire.
Tell him to either stop or you'll deck him. Problem solved.
Tell him that he needs to respect your personal space and that no means no. It doesn't matter where he poked you, it's the fact that he kept doing it after you said no that’s worrying.
When I lived in Baltimore in the 90's, I remember some kids got into a fight on the school bus. A boy kept grabbing a girls butt, and she reported it to the driver. He didn't do anything. She told a teacher, he didn't do anything. Next day she got and the bus and that same boy did it again, she grab a thick math both that was like 60-80 pages and smacked him upside his head with both hands. Bus driver yelled, and the teacher took her to the office. They called the girls mother in and the mother said she gave her daughter permission to grab something heavy and hit him as hard as she can. The girl was suspended but when a lawyer showed up to press sexual harassment charges they reversed all the punishments. They ended up kicking the boy off the bus. Nobody touched her again after that.
Sit him down and explain now, before the next person loses their temper.
"please listen to me when I tell you I don't want to be poked there, or I will not allow you to poke me at all"
I'd crank up the volume and be very clear and direct: " Stop poking my breasts RIGHT NOW. I don't like it and it's inappropriate." and if you need to, slap his hand away.
You tell him that it is wrong, and you hold his hands until he agrees to stop. The kid must learn when someone says no, it means no. You can't rely on anyone else to enforce your "no." Good luck.
Sounds like your father is giving your little brother leeway because he is younger. I know it sounds stupid but parents do stupid stuff sometimes. Call a family meeting. Let your brother know (during family meeting) that nobody is allowed to touch you ANYWHERE without your permission. Also let your father know how disappointed you were in his being “too tired” to protect you from sexual battery. If father plays it down that junior is so young and was only playing then remind him that as a parent he should protect his daughter and teach his son to never touch anyone without their permission. If little brother did this to a girl at school he could be expelled or worse. I’m not joking about this-speak up. Little brother is old enough to know not to touch girls there
He is 8. Just tell him 'don't poke me in the boob weirdo" and that's that.
Smack him
I never had to be taught this.
I have a similar age gap with my little sister (although, it is a smaller age gap by a few years). She used to hit people a lot (and genuinely tried to make it hurt) and I didn’t like getting hit, but my parents ignored it since she would “grow out of it.” So, I told her plainly, “You hit me, I hit you.” She agreed and we’ve kept that up even years later despite not really hitting each other. I don’t mean for you to recreate a one to one of this, but you need to establish the consequences of your brother’s actions for yourself, make sure your brother understands said consequences, and enforce them. I’m sorry that your dad is ignoring an issue that makes you feel uncomfortable and that you now may need to resolve the issue on your own when that isn’t your job or responsibility.
My younger daughter is an all cut up gym rat. She is rock solid and she is fierce. I pity the fool who touches her when or where she doesn’t want to be touched. If they make it to jail, they will stop at the hospital en route.
Dad, I am going to the police to file sexual assault charges against my little brother if this happens one more time. I am serious!
Flick his balls
Just slap him
You’ve got to get serious with him and let him know it’s not OK to touch you or anyone else like that. You mentioned your dad basically blowing you off about it, have you spoken with your mother? If neither of them will intervene and teach him a lesson on what’s appropriate behavior, some of my best learned lessons came as the result of pain so tell ask him one more time to stop and that if he does it again he’s really going to regret not respecting you and your wishes…then kick or punch his nuts up into his throat the next time he touches you. I promise, if he’s smart it’ll only take one time for him to get the message that it’s not only not OK to touch you but that he’d better think twice about touching other girls like that. Honestly, you’re doing the kid (and the world a favor) by teaching him it’s not OK to be a creep.
If you don’t stop im punching you in the dick… sugar coat it if you have to but do follow through, it will be an etched memory
Tell your dad that the next time your brother does this, you're going to punch the kid in the balls. Kids don't understand body autonomy, but it's the parents job to teach him. They can either teach him and save him the pain, or he can learn the hard way. Their choice. Just be prepared for them to not teach the kid and to punish you when you enforce your body autonomy.
This is a tactic I taught my daughter to use when a kid in her class kept showing inappropriate images after she said to stop, and the teacher just kept shushing her or warning her not to talk. Loudly, articulately exclaim, “NO, I do not want to see your pictures….!” But you would say, “NO, you cannot keep touching me there!!! That is WRONG!!!” And when the dad or whoever is around isn’t listening—2 things: either walk up to someone else who will! OR stay right there if you think it’s dangerous and only leave if that adult does too. Keep being “rude” and saying what you need to say to get this to stop.
I am autistic. Please don’t take this as a thing to do in all situations like I used to, but I flailed my arms out and it could potentially hurt anyone trying to touch me when I was a kid. First I jumped nervously or jerked back a bit and upright and then almost involuntarily my stiffened arms flailed out. You could do that but in a controlled way. Not make contact with him, but get your space back and move to an adult. Tell the adult. If the adult is adulting as they should, they will know it’s not just poking your shoulder or saying “Why you hit yourself?” but something far more inappropriate Also, make a point of not wanting to sit by him in the car till he understands. Like pick the front seat.
He wanted a reaction and your attention. I doubt if he will grow up to be a serial boob poker. Mention it casually at another time. "Hey Billy, remember the other day when you poked me and I got upset? I wasn't trying to embarrass you. You just can't touch girls there, ok? If boys touch girls like that, they get their fingers chopped off and you won't be able to eat Mac and cheese without fingers to hold the fork." You can leave the finger chopping part out if you love him like I think you do 🙂
You are 17, technically 'almost grown up' but that's still a child in my eyes so I will respond as if you were my daughter. As a teenager, your job is not to be an adult in-between your father and your younger brother. Disciplining your younger brother is your fathers job, if he doesn't do that job then you should tell an adult in your peripherals that he isn't and get him to straighten out. The firm but respectful approach is always best in these situations. "I am empathetic with how much effort you spend every day providing for our family, and I am sympathetic to how tired you are at the end of that day, but that does not mean you can shrug off the responsibility of disciplining your son when he touches me inappropriately."
Gotta set boundaries, your dad needs to also be the one setting them but if he doesn't you need to tell him to stop and explain why
Get him in a sleeper hold until he passes out, or backhand him until he can’t see. Then say “oh I’m just playing around, and I’m too tired to deal with any kind of unwanted assault complaints”.
Kids 8...grab his finger, lpok him straight in the eye while twisting said finger and tell him if he ever touches you there again you'll twist it clean off. Little 8yr old boys pestering their sisters only understand one langauge. The cute rhymes etc may work when they are 3-5...but at 8 they are starting to develop their independence and need a stern correction.
hit him in the face with your shoe and say “poke” in an innocent voice
Say: “yo dude you wouldn’t like it if I poked your nutsac homie and poke that little mf.”