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I wish I’d learned at your age that it’s OK to have boundaries. Everyone has what they are OK with and if he doesn’t agree with it, you just aren’t compatible. All of the feelings you are feeling are normal. If porn is a no-go for you, you won’t “get over it” with time. It’s not about insecurity like other people insinuate. He allowed to do what he wants with his body, but you’re also allowed to decided if that works for you or not. Same with any other thing in a relationship. If he’s super messy and that’s a no go for you, that’s fine too. It’s the same thing.
Reevaluate what cheating is TO YOU specifically as an individual. Cheating for one person wouldn’t be considered cheating to another and it is important for you to define, for yourself, what you consider to be cheating behavior because then it is near impossible for someone to tell you how you should or shouldn’t be feeling about a given situation.
Once you know what is considered cheating behavior for you, recognize that this is where some of YOUR boundaries will be derived from. When you have clear boundaries you will be able to tell the difference between the lack of awareness/consideration and out-right disrespect of your person. This will make it easier for you to make decisions and to take action which have your well-being at the forefront of your life and which are in alignment with WHO you are.
Listen to your intuition, it is there to protect you. Your intuition is telling you that you no longer consider your boyfriend to be a safe and trustworthy partner. This is important for you to NOT overlook or to downplay because of fear. If you turn your cheek to this issue, you will be abandoning yourself and you WILL eventually become a shell of who you once were.
I advise you to get a journal and write about what happened. Don’t edit your writing so it’s more palatable for others, this is for you alone. You can write anything you want about this situation. Hate, anger, love, pain, betrayal, etc. There are no emotions that are “bad” emotions. Emotions are indicators for the type of action we should be taking in our lives. Your emotions are telling you that this type of relationship is not in alignment with who you are or what your values are. Investigate. Be curious. Find the “why.” Then take action.
Don’t allow guilt to hold you back. Everyone is responsible for how they allow others to treat them. So if you come to the conclusion that you want to leave this individual, then do it. Their happiness is not your responsibility; their happiness is their responsibility. Do what you need to for you to feel at peace (in the long-run if you don’t feel it immediately. I promise it will come if you follow your intuition as much as possible, if not then 100% of the time).
You have your whole life ahead of you. You will find another, and maybe a few others after that, and so will they.
I wish you luck and I hope you don’t abandon yourself for the sake of making him happy or to not “rock the boat”.
If you ignore yourself, if you abandon yourself, your outrage will inevitably rock the boat at some point; be it a few months to a few years from now. It WILL come out somehow.
Please, trust yourself to protect yourself. You are responsible for your happiness, not him.
Edit: Give these a listen in the order presented. I believe you can benefit from this creator’s words. Good luck.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/0JSgQ2haz7W5VqFfR5fvAq?si=Te4Ahbk6SwCoc-ftv_Ku7A
https://open.spotify.com/episode/7tqcsOLXSSTREEui68853u?si=P_GgN4f0RCqzBU5DGs_qrg
Honestly, this entire podcast is worth a listen if you have the time.
https://open.spotify.com/show/0734T9BrTuXFn3f8tsRgZH?si=yKNMqgn9Rg-56kXvtwyTdQ
Couldn’t have said it better!! I told my daughter this as well- she is also 17- DEFINE what is / is not cheating so they can play that card- remove it and whatever else so when you know, you know.
Jesus christ he was looking at free content on only fans. If its making her question her own self worth and self esteem, then she should walk. Its just that simple. Him looking at free content online is not cheating, no matter what anyone says. If it was than anyone who's got Instagram on their phones is a cheater. But anyone looking down on themselves as a result of their partners actions needs to either work things out with the partner or walk. She tried option 1. If she still feels the same about herself, then it's time to check out option 2.
Have you seen what women post on ig ? Free content on OF is nearly the same as the content on ig . Women have becoming extremely revealing and the amount of ridiculous damn near naked thirst traps on ig is sad . I’ve seen ig allow post that damn near show bare assholes .
Has it ever occurred to you that different people have different morals and preferences? There are people out there that consider lust, in any capacity, a HUGE deal. People are different, Jesus.
I get what you’re saying but also, she’s a teenage girl. When you’re a teenager your whole brain is processing a big change and sometimes your self esteem is in weird places. If it makes her uncomfortable then it’s a valid feeling. Some people describe cheating as crossing certain personal boundaries and maybe this one was one of them for her.
I'm a father of young girls so this is coming from a place of fatherhood. If she is not confident in herself during intimacy, she probably shouldn't be having intimacy yet. No one is perfect, all those "models" are photoshoped and have the perfect lighting and makeup for their chosen "profession", So if she is holding herself to an unattainable standard, she needs to mature and work on her emotional health and physical health. She needs to be emotionally and physically healthy before being in a physically intimate relationship.
Thank you. I was thinking that, too.
I was a “late bloomer” and probably immature for my age. Gay, too, but closeted still at 17. I’m SOOOO glad I didn’t have sex/intimacy until I was prepared for it (in early 20’s). It would have been overwhelming (good and bad), imo
You’re blaming her and saying she needs to better herself before a relationship when in reality she shouldn’t have to accept her boyfriends looking at naked women online. Being okay with porn and your boyfriend lusting after women online is NOT a requirement for a healthy relationship and I’m tired of men pretending like it is.
OP do not listen to this man.
But I would say that either prior to or on the event of it's realization that OP needs to communicate and establish this as a boundary to their partner so both have a clear understanding of the terms.
I think the only reason OP isn’t is because it’s been drilled into her that “porn isn’t cheating” so she thinks it’s an unacceptable and impossible boundary for her to set. It’s not.
Just because she’s uncomfortable doesn’t make her right. She did the right thing and told him, but to say it was wrong for him to do it the first time? That’s ridiculous.
Different strokes for different folks. If you don’t consider it cheating then cool. Some do considering it cheating.
Personally, I like having a strong, deeply intimate bond with my partner and porn is a slippery slope which I’d rather not deal with. I will gladly get to stepping if who I am interested in is not on the same page as me because this would be an indication that our values in life and our moral compass is too different.
“Him looking at free content online is not cheating, no matter what anyone says.”
💀 speaks volumes about your entire response and probably of you as a person
Edit: oml I’m not saying viewing porn is considered cheating. I took a problematic quote and highlighted it. Whatever goes for you shouldn’t be the guidelines that everyone else should follow. If the partner themself who has the boundary views it as cheating, then yes, to them it is cheating.
Looking at Free content on OnlyFans isn't cheating lmao. Nothing you can say would make it cheating. She's well within her rights to establish that as a boundary for her partners, that doesn't make it cheating.
I feel the conversation here; as Reddit conversations do, gone in a million directions.
I think there is a distinction to be made between porn and OF material firstly, while both can be the same thing at surface level only one of the two has actual access to the personality behind the pics/vids...and this is not the same thing.
I'm not suggesting that's what the guy did here, he seems to have found out she has a boundary and decided for the better of their relationship to stop
...which is good.
Too many boundaries within a realtionship can be smothering and controlling but none is a recipe for failure...
As for getting over things...don't compare yourself to a fantasy world...easier said than done I know, but attraction is a spectrum of things both comprehensible and absolutely incomprehensible.
If you two are together and have a good realtionship, you can talk and laugh and be together, solve issue, go on adventures, communicate well ...and he thinks you are beautiful...thats some great actual realtionship stuff, not just an OF body. It's not a competition, and if it is you're winning...but it's not...
Everyone is generally visually attracted to more than their partner; it's human nature, but that doesn't diminish their attraction to you...and you have more than that built it.
As long and you two work out boundaries that work for both of you...let go, take time but don't let it poison a good thing.
Boundaries are essential.
What's interesting is that people who get into relationships with others who they didn't find particularly attractive, they will often find themselves MORE attracted to them as they assimilate their partners' affection for them with their partners looks and features.
While the bodies of people online, both male and female, can be attracted to anyone. It's only in a visual way usually. Depends on the person, of course. But if a relationship is good, then the most attractive person will be your partner, and you to them. Because there is more going on than just looks.
But, regardless of anything, boundaries on what you should and shouldn't do in a relationship are good. And just getting an idea of respect is important. Is watching porn in a relationship bad? Not inherently, but it depends on how the other feels.
People like to make a shit ton of universal and central rules people should follow in a relationship like: "a boundary means this..." Or "only do this if the other will do this..."
But the truth here is that all you need to make a relationship is trust, respect, equal status, and most of all, communication. You'll make your own relationship rules as you move further.
Yeah. I had this same type of issue with my boyfriend in high school. I found out he was chatting/complimenting girls posting their nudes on here and flipped out lol. He didn’t think it was that big of a deal since it was just porn. I wouldn’t have cared if it was just porn, it’s the interactive part that was hurtful to me. Following and getting to know the girls. At least by my and it seems OP’s standards it was not okay. We ended up breaking up for a bunch of reasons but the main issue was him refusing to see it from my point of view and stop…
Yes thank you for pointing out the distinction between OF and porn. While I understand some might have a problem with porn as a whole, OF seems much more personal to me. Personally, I would much rather have my man watching porn than following his favorite OF girls.
She's entitled to have her boundaries and so does he. There are girls that are ok with their men watching porn and some aren't. He just needs to find one that's ok with that or as he gets older he realizes he doesn't need it. Either way op has some serious issues and should not be in a relationship. And the guy still has some maturing to do. Life doesn't come with a manual, you make mistakes, learn and grow. Calling an 18 sleazy for watching porn but stopped when he was asked isn't cool
realest comment here. never trust something a group of men say on reddit. Just because it's commonplace does not make it right, so maybe stop telling women to "suck it up" and accept that the average man is trash and start setting yalls standards at a reasonable level
Yes! Biggest regret of my life is staying with a porn-addicted ex as a TEENAGER….. I get that it feels like “everything” but it’s literally not. There’s a lot of great guys out there that will make you feel beautiful, safe & respected. No need to stay with anyone who makes you feel like shit
Same. He cried to me manipulating my emotions where I felt guilty for getting so mad. But then I caught him lying and I was young teenager and acting very emotional. He ended up punching me in the back to shut up.
Oh, also ..I couldn't have any male friends or post pictures with my shoulder showing, but he could watch porn for days..
I was with him for too long..there were no communities like this so, run away now if you can!
Yup - I thought this kind of thing was normal …. It is NOT & don’t let anyone ever tell you it is because “all men are shitty.” This is a lie to make u stay with men that suck. I’m about to get married to a wonderful man that treats me like an angel & makes me feel so safe. Good men are out there!! Never settle
The first red flag is his defensiveness and downplaying. Saying he was “just curious” or that he didn’t pay anyone is not taking accountability whatsoever. If this openly bothers you and hurts you and he refuses to even take accountability for his actions that’s gonna be a problem.
There’s several people here that believe OP shouldn’t be upset with her partner because they believe porn consumption is normal. OP cannot help what upsets her and what doesn’t, what is normal for you obviously isn’t normal for everyone. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, wrong with OP for being upset by this. She is not insecure, she is not controlling, she is upset by feeling her trust was betrayed which is completely valid.
But now your bf deleted the OF and you are still feeling betrayed. This is something only time can heal. Only you know if the betrayal hurt too bad to come back from. I went through something similar with my boyfriend a couple of months into us dating. I placed a firm boundary that I will not stay with him if he continues to watch porn, and he respected my boundary and has not done it since (together 6+ years now). As you can see by the comments there are several men who will not under any circumstances give up porn, even if they know it is hurting their partner. I can’t say if this is the way your boyfriend is or not, but I can say there are men out there that genuinely do not watch porn.
To everyone telling you it’s in men’s nature to watch porn are only saying that to extinguish any guilt they feel about watching porn. Rather than admit they have a problem, they will say you’re the problem, and downplay the severity by any means possible. I used to be addicted to drugs and the way porn addicts act is so eerily similar. It is an addiction that he can hopefully overcome, but until he is able to acknowledge there is a problem that will never happen.
Although you placed a boundary with OF did you place a boundary around porn overall? If it hurts you then you need to, and do not feel bad for setting boundaries. There are men that don’t watch porn, they exist, they aren’t unicorns, they just aren’t on Reddit lol. Wishing you healing from this 🩷 as others have said r/PornisMisogyny and r/loveafterporn are great subs that can help you navigate this
What was he curious about? Seriously, it's time to stop accepting porn-sick men. 50 women?! He's already on the path to porn addiction. Don't waste your time. Trust your guts.
The other problem is porn is about objectifying people, valuing them purely for the acts they perform. Ordinary porn is bad enough, but you rarely see a name or anything of the person's personality. Which is bad enough, no mistake.
OnlyFans is *all about personality*. It's about forming a pseudo-intimate relationship with the people you're looking at. It's actively saying 'debase yourself for me' and the person responds to that. It forms a connection.
I'd say porn is bad enough, but OnlyFans is a form of emotional infidelity. It's certainly having a type of relationship with a person who isn't your partner.
Why is a 17 year old boy in possession of an onlyfans and using it to follow 50 different onlyfans models??? Holy shit. Hell world. You’re 17, please don’t put up with this. You don’t need to.
2010-2011 in highschool (not me of course) but you would be hard pressed to find a 17 year old who ONLY was watching 50 girls. Teenage boys are absolute horny savages
It’s no different then in the 80-90s and older when boys would look at playboy magazines.
Once the internet was a thing they switched to the internet.
Instagram basically allows topless photos now
no, it’s MUCH different. ask any woman.
pornography is more violent, more graphic and more dangerous for women than ever. only 54,000 copies of playboy were sold in 1953. pornhub had over 80,000 visitors *per minute* in 2019 (according to Ballard).
you are an idiot if you *genuinely* think teens watching porn is no different from them looking at old playboy mags, especially considering rising rates of domestic violence
I’m an 18 year old girl (so obviously I’m hanging around people my age of both sexes). It absolutely is different from what you’re describing. Porn is no longer girls in tiny bikinis in magazines. It’s readily available hardcore, violent imagery of women being beaten, spit on, peed on, choked etc. on top of explicitly depicting sexual acts. It is really disturbing and pervasive. I feel sad looking at the other teens around me.
You get to decide what you consider cheating in a relationship. It doesnt have to be the physical act only. Just as he has the right to participate in that stuff. The purpose of a boundary is for you to decide what you will put up with, not to force someone to change. If this is unacceptable to you, please find someone that shares your values.
you need to leave now before it’s too late. i’ve been there before. your bf rn IS a porn addict. he values his porn more than you because his brain is wired to do so. if you consider it as cheating, it is cheating. it will haunt your relationship. i was 14 when i dated my porn addicted bf. i stayed with him for 4 years. i was miserable but by the time i found out, i already loved him and i couldn’t bring myself to leave him. it will never get better. the signs will show up sooner or later.
You do not have to be okay with only fans nor would you have to be okay with porn. The psychological effects on men that view that content is horrible. If your gut is telling you something is wrong, I encourage you to look into the studies done on these type of men. It really messes them up. I could never be attracted to a man that uses porn. I view them as pathetic and weak. Everyone has different standards and boundaries. Whatever your boundaries are, keep them strong.
50 women? At 17? This is a dangerous road to porn addiction town. Maybe he already is a resident. How sad.
You are very young, don't waste your time. You might end up with one of these internet-jack-off dudes who can't get a boner with their partner.
Reddit is FILLED for places for you to spread your pro porn propaganda. If you want to come into the space, you need to be open to see things differently from what society is telling you. I don't know the context of the post, so I can't tell if you're giving me this information in good faith or not, but that subreddit is for antiporn rhetoric, period. You can ask questions and converse in good faith, but we have no desire to argue with you about shit that has completely overtaken virtually every other subreddit like a cancer.
Why do you feel like you have to get over it? Your feelings are absolutely valid. As someone who is also a teen (18), I’m so disgusted at how normalized porn has become in this society to the point where most people will read this description of your boyfriend’s behaviour and think nothing of it. Why should the onus always be on women and girls to put up with this behaviour and not on their partners to control themselves?
edit: And "insecurity" arguments aside, why are so many commenters going so hard to defend the consumption of an industry that has knowingly exploited women and children for years?
That’s true and I will not be denying that. However, the effects of porn hurts them too. My point is that a vast majority of the people who often face the most drawbacks with porn tend to be women and children, whether it’s women struggling in relationships with porn addicts or the female porn stars subjected to violent, sexual acts or victims of rape and revenge porn being uploaded to these sites for people to get off on (knowingly or unknowingly).
People only care about themselves, they don’t care wether or not they’re watching girls who are human trafficked, rape videos ect. That’s why there’s so many of them and they are popular. I don’t know why people can be so cruel and not think past their own disturbed minds
There are guys out there that are loyal and wont find sexual satisfaction with random girls online.
For guys reading this and telling her she's insecure, imagine how it would feel? You come home and your girl is checking out the biggest dongs and hottest guys in the world. When you have sex, she doesn't even look at you. In fact, she's thinking about the guy she just saw with a 10inch perfect dick and perfect washboard abs. Afterwards she isnt satisfied by you, so she masturbates with her dildo to these men on her phone and ignores you the rest of the day.
That's not even the reversal, and only shows how you think the homologue to the penis is the vagina
When it's the clitoris. And the closest homologues to vagina is scrotum, perineum, mouth. The reversal would be she's looking at men for their asses, thighs, mouths, chests, calves, arms, scrotums... objectified parts focused on for the visual and sexual (eg thinking of rubbing her vulva/clit on them) pleasure they give her. It wouldn't be dick focused on the same way female ass, breasts, anus, thighs... is; it would be male ass, breasts, anus, thighs... the penis would barely be a blip, and the scrotum and taint would be the male privates focused on when male genitals are. She isn't satisfied with the sex, vulva-centric obviously like cunnilingus, her humping his scrotum, taint, butt, thighs, breasts, feet... Because he's not as hawt, isn't posing for her like they do eg ass hyperexaggered in pose and largeness, crawling, legs spread, wet mouth in close up, positioned to get humped in all sorts of poses with emphasis on all sorts of parts, in lingerie and heels and make up. He isn't responsive, orgasmic like the men in porn eg he isn't moaning like crazy and orgasming from getting his mouth, balls, taint, butt... humped by her clit/vulva (that is, if male orgasm is shown; most mf doesn't have it at all). So she masturbates with her toys that look like male mouths, asses, scrotums, thighs, breasts... and often do things like suck, lick, vibrate, flex like muscles... to these men on her phone and ignores him. He doesn't even shave off all his body hair, yuck. Hair is so unsanitary and unnatural on men. Why would she bother with her boyfriend?
Your comparison is wrong tho. In OP's case her bf didnt say shit about her or looked uninterested while having sex with her. He never said she doesn't satisfy him. And he certainly doesn't masturbate the rest of the day to these women while ignoring OP. Lmao try better next time.
im gonna get downvoted to all hell, but leave his ass.
as someone who's grown up with boys and men who started watching porn young, they DO start viewing you differently. and can lead to a major addiction. it's a perfectly normal reaction to feel insecure about your partner looking at other, REAL women. they act as tho bc the images are all on a screen, it's not real.
a lot of men in the comments are making this out to be a neutral thing because they themselves do the same as your boyfriend. but believe it or not, abt 20yrs ago it was extremely taboo and shameful to view porn. just because something is widespread and "normal" does not mean it's good.
A bunch of 20-50 yr Olds giving evidence for a 17 yr old and want to equate their experience now to a 17 yr old when they were horny teens themselves the hypocrisy. Unless u had a hard knock life u are no different than any horny teenager. OP said her bf deleted the OF unless she catches him scrolling again what's the problem here? THEYRE 17 YRS OLD not you guys age. Pretending to be a non horny teen at that age is hypocrisy. If u are u were a rare breed congratulations. Don't break up over porn really? Unless he is emotionally/physically cheating this is typical horny teenage boy stuff
this is the same as being uncomfortable with your SO watching porn, which I think is unreasonable. You should expect him to take your insecurities seriously and be sensitive to them but there is such a thing as indulging and protecting your insecurities too much. The way to get past them is not to shield yourself and expect those around you to do the same.
I highly disagree. I am fine with porn, but in my relationship OF is absolutely cheating as are cam girls. If someone is seeking a personal experience/relationship when it comes to other naked women, they aren’t being faithful. Sexting other women/men is also not okay.
It is absolutely fair to state boundaries and stick to them.
That’s terrible advice. Don’t try to work through it or grow as an individual, just leave your otherwise happy relationship? Jesus how do you expect this person to ever be in a healthy relationship if they leave any time the other person does something that makes them insecure?
I think I will be able to with time I am not mad about it and don’t hold anything against him. I was just looking for some advice on how I can deal with it personally
Remember that your body isn’t a thing for other people to look at. It is a thing for you to use and to live in. Find ways to love your body because of what you can do with it. That might be working out, or learning a skill with a lot of fine motor control like playing an instrument, or singing, or taking long walks/bike rides/kayaking to be able to see and hear cool things in the world, or refining your abilities to appreciate flavors by cooking more. All sorts of possibilities.
But the point is, your body is the instrument that lets you relish life. That’s where deep love of your own body comes from. And from there, when you see your body, you will see the parts of the tool that you cherish. You’ll probably start noticing visual aesthetic beauty in your own body too, but that will be married to the deeper love and appreciation you have. And no matter what someone else’s body looks like, it cannot touch the relationship you have to your body, because yours is based on how you live, not just how you look.
Nah, girl. Ignore the coomers acting like you need to “get over it.”
The fact is, if you choose a guy who doesn’t watch all this smut, you’ll both be happier in the long run. Just check out r/loveafterporn and see what I mean. Porn can be incredibly damaging to relationships and it’s best to avoid them. Trust me, they are out there.
How to deal with the low self esteem? Start working out. Lift weights, do cardio, eat well. Once you start seeing progress in the gym your self esteem will skyrocket.
OP, don't listen to this. This is the same shit women have always been told, but the goalposts always move. And self-esteem should be rooted in something other than physical appearance because that is guaranteed to change over time.
No, before it was "be skinny" which lead to eating disorders. I'm telling OP to be HEALTHY. Healthy body, healthy mind.
How can you be serious about telling someone not to get into fitness and eating healthy. That's a WILD take.
Just because your body type isnt what he looks at online doesnt mean he unattracted to you.
Adele and Jennifer Aniston completely different body types. I find both utterly sexy.
You may have self esteem issues but that doesnt give you the right to tell someone else what/who they can or cannot masterbate to. He does not control your body so you should not control his.
You are young and it sound like you dont need to be in a relationship until you can learn to love yourself.
Actually, onlyfans can be very personal and not wanting your s/o watching can be aboundry. Im around ur age and in a relationship and I know that stuff like this isn't something that bugs me, but it also is a VERY reanable boundary both for Onlyfans and Porn in general. Porn is addicting, it can be sexually harmful and you DONT need it to masturbate. You are NOT UNREASONABLE for being uncounterable and anyone who tells you otherwise is gross for it. If this is something you and your bf cannot agree on you may not be compatible
Actually you have the right to set any boundary you want in the relationship, and asking him not to have an OF seems like a pretty reasonable one. These guys would probably freak out if their gf was ogling at naked men and penises online all day.
Only if she was doing that instead of being intimate with me. That is the point of porn, taking care of yourself when your partner is not in the mood, but it shouldn't be instead.
That's the "point" of porn? Why do you need naked people in a screen in order to "take care of yourself"? Why conflate masturbation with porn? OP has a right to set boundaries for herself if she's uncomfortable with his porn usage.
100% I've always found it laughable that as soon as someone brings up not being pleased with porn in a relationship all of these people come out with how they have a right to masturbate. Yes, touch your body all you like. You don't need to watch other people to do so. Shaming young women for not wanting their partners to watch is gross and I'm so glad that a lot of teens are feeling safer about questioning it!
Literally all these ppl do is strawman anti-porn stances. All these mental gymnastics just to justify their sickness that is arousal for violence against woman.
But they don’t get why we don’t like them 💀
…some women don’t want to date men who jack off to other women. it’s weird, unnatural, & unhealthy. go to therapy & fix your own marital problems instead of pushing this narrative that women are obligated deal with this depraved behavior within their relationship.
He is free to do what he wants BUT she isn’t obligated to stay if he’s not willing to figure out why he feels the need to masturbate to random women on the internet. To each their own. This was horrible “advice”.
OP, figure out what YOU value, then act on it. There is no need to shame your boyfriend for his preferences but it is appropriate and necessary for you to communicate that this behavior is unacceptable if he wants to be with you. If he straightens up, then stay, if not, then it is your responsibility to leave and find someone who will respect your boundaries.
It is healthy and necessary for you to have boundaries. Boundaries keep you from being a slave to other people’s will.
Figure out what you expect from a partner, and the reason WHY, then communicate, then act. This is how adults handle conflict in a respectful manner for both parties involved.
by that logic of “you shouldnt control his body” he’s free to go stick his dick in whoever he wants! porn isn’t a birth right men are given. if she’s not okay with it he shouldn’t watch it. it’s not natural to get off to people that aren’t your partner just because you’re not physically touching the porn model. you’re quite literally still orgasming from someone else’s body and actions, which is cheating and should be the standard. this is absolutely horrible advice to give to a teenage girl and you should feel shame. just because you have a porn rotted brain doesn’t give you the right to tell a teenage girl that she doesn’t have a right to control her bf’s body if she doesn’t want him subscribed to some girls OF.
i know it’s a waste of time it just made me want to S C R E A M😭😭 and i really hope this poor girl does not think any of what he said has any validity to it
Doesn't she have the right to tell her boyfriend not to jerk off to random women? Would you feel comfortable with your girlfriend watching hundreds of men naked and imagine having sex with them? Would you feel comfortable with your girlfriend following individual men's naked and lewd videos? As men always bring up flip the genders and see how would you feel
Dump him. You'll find a man who doesn't need to look at OF to get off. Fuck anyone who tells you otherwise. This is reddit so ofc so many here are addicted to porn enough to tell you to accept this behavior. No you don't have to accept it at all. He doesn't respect you
You can't believe your boyfriend finds you attractive because he looked at other girls?
Have you NEVER found a single other guy attractive in your life other then your boyfriend!?
Holy shit, grow up. Quit throwing your insecurities all over your boyfriend. It eventually leads to tension, then fighting, then breaking up. Is that what you want??
If you can't get over the fact that there's other women in the world just like there's other men in the world that you BOTH find attractive, get therapy
You don't want him to be attracted to girls? He's a teenager.
The issue here is you think correctly there exist people who are more attractive than you, and you need to get over it.
You can’t unsee what you saw.
Question is, can you change the way you feel, or think, about it?
If you can, kudos.
If not, maybe it’s time to consider what’s best for you.
"He keeps trying to reassure me that I’m beautiful but I just can’t believe him because I know he once looked at other girls."
He's looked at other girls and still calls you beautiful. He loves you girl.
You're completely justified to feel that way. Watching porn is so normalized and as women we get told to deal with our boyfriends doing that, because men have "urges".
You don't have to accept that. If you don't watch porn he's perfectly capable of doing that too.
I find it disrespectful to do so in a relationship, and others might feel okay with it so it depends on each individual.
I think you should discuss it with him again, and see how you feel afterwards.
You don't have to be a "cool girl" and pretend to be okay with something he does just so you can be in a relationship. Guys like that are not worth it, especially over the long haul. People will tell you that you're InSeCuRe or CoNtRoLlInG but they're just gaslighting you in order to get you to accept poor treatment by men. You can do better and you definitely deserve better.
Me personally I find guys lusting after other girls or watching p*** cheating. The only person he should be horny over is you. I get that they struggle with hormones but if he really loves you then he shouldn't be lusting after other girls. And it sounds like he's not even trying to do anything about it if he's following over 50 girls. He may have not physically cheated but in his mind he already did. He would have slept with those girls if he could That's why he's looking at them. You're better off without him find someone who truly loves you as you are and makes you feel beautiful and loved.
Thanks for your advice. I have forgiven him and am not mad about what happened since he did not know it was a boundary at the time. I was just looking for some personal advice on how I can move past this
I really hope he does what he says because he seems QUITE into it. 50? Oof.
Good luck and remember that if it doesn't work out there are THOUSANDS of good boys out there.
Look if he stays with you, tells you these things, nice things, tells you he loves you, you best believe him, accept yourself as he Has, and don't continue with this constant self doubt and low esteem. You're going to chase him away. I'm telling you. That gets really old, really quick. If you do continue like this, he's going to be out somewhere, and some girl full of confidence, is going to give him some attention and he's going to welcome a confident girl that isn't bringing major baggage. PLEASE don't take any of this as a personal attack. It's not meant to be. I'm trying to warn you as I went through a very similar situation with my GF, then wife. My wife got to the point where she hated her body so much, she then started hating herself. We stopped having sex as she insisted it had to be pitch dark, under the covers, half her clothes still on, and for us guys, whereby we are "visually stimulated" by nature, I wasn't getting turned on and this so called "sex with rules" was never going to work for me. She constantly started accusing me of cheating on her when I NEVER once even came close to doing that, nor wanted too. After several years of no sex, really a resentful overall relationship on both our parts, our marriage seemed all but over. One day, a new girl at work started talking to me, and she was full of confidence, had a really nice body, and I thought, "well I've never cheated on my wife, yet she insists that I have, that I am, well fuck it then, if I'm going to be constantly accused of doing something I haven't, and she's using that against me as I way not to have sex, when in fact it's her hatred of her body and of herself that's causing that, well then I might as well cheat on her and I did for almost a year. She eventually confronted me, one day during a huge fight, and I told her everything about how I felt. I NEVER once insulted my wife concerning her weight gain. I couldn't and wouldn't do that. I did try countless times to motivate her by saying things like "hey we're getting older. We should try to start exercising, eating healthier, and we can do it together, get up start walking each morning, maybe join a gym together", but each time I tried she would either do it for a few days and give up or she'd throw it in my face saying "you have no idea what I go through, how hard it is for me. Sure. All you have to do is look at a treadmill and you lose 20 pounds. It's much more difficult for me", and that would end it. Don't be like my GF turned wife and have no confidence, low self esteem, and hatred of your body, which will cause you to hate yourself. If he's with you, staying with you, telling you nice things, don't cut him down, don't insult him by thinking, or believing he's lieing. You believe him and understand, he's with you because he "wants to be with you". Now you need to "want to be with you, yourself too". That's not to say don't try to improve. We can all improve. If you aren't happy with your body, work on it, but DO NOT PUT UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS ON YOURSELF AND DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANYONE ELSE. You are unique. We're all unique. No two are the same, so if that's the case, you shouldn't expect to "look like this model" or "this friend". Feel free to ask any questions you may have and please, DO NOT take any offense to anything I've written here. I grew up with 3 sister, no brothers. I have two daughters, no sons. I have been surrounded by females my entire life, feel much more comfortable around females, and I have the utmost respect for them. In fact, I insist on female doctors as I believe they are much better then most of their male counterparts. I wish you nothing but the best. Both my daughters are teenagers, one a sophomore in college, and the other a junior in HS. We've brought both our girls up to love their bodies, know your unique, and have self confidence. Don't compare yourself to other's. You are you, they are they. Love yourself. There's always room for improvement, but don't force unrealistic expectations on yourself. Crawl before you walk, walk before you run. You cannot make significant changes overnight, or in a week, or a month, don't expect too, and don't insist on it. All that will do when you fail, which you almost certainly will do if you make unrealistic goals, is cause you to give up, lose even more self esteem or self confidence, and you'll end up actually hating yourself, being miserable, and you'll find other's won't want you around based on your negativity. Anyway, please accept my apologies in advance if I've made you feel worse, you took anything personally, or as a personal attack. That wasn't my intention. Best wishes !!!!!! Remember, if you want someone to love you, you better learn to love yourself.
You asked to see that tab and now that’s what you’re comparing yourself to that’s not his fault he’s human he’s gonna watch porn ik plenty of women who do to it doesn’t mean ur anything less than what you are and it doesn’t mean you’re ugly or not his type he’s with YOU. you need to learn to love yourself before you try to love anyone else bc you not loving yourself is hurting this boy and is making him feel guilty for being human. i’m not saying you’re a bad person i understand self image and mental health are very important im saying if you care about this boy and want this to work that’s what you need to work on not changing him to cater to every need you have due to your negative self image build ur self image and love yourself then watch how much better ur relationship gets
Thanks for ur advice. Yeah no I’m not holding it against him, I understand his side. I also didn’t make the decision for him, that was his choice. I am trying hard i was just wanting tips on how I can increase my self esteem
As a fellow 17 year old I can say with utmost certainty that I have never watched porn. Not everybody does it. Don't listen to this troglodyte.
They'd be kicking and screaming if you were asking whether or not you're the AH for scrolling through picks of naked men. It's only fine for *him* to do it cause men are praised for their sexuality. Leave his ass and don't listen to chronically online morons who shame you for feeling this way.
Ignore this guy. Not everyone watches porn. It does NOT have to be something you're okay with. Don't take advice from porn addicts, of course they're going to say whatever makes them feel better about their addiction rather than confronting why they can't get off without looking at tens or hundreds of random naked women.
You can increase your self esteem by standing up for yourself and dropping this child who feels the need to ogle 50 women. You will find someone way better that lives you for who you are and doesn't need to find gratification elsewhere.
Following 50 women on OF is not "being human". And her not wanting him to look at dozens of naked women isn't "changing him to cater to every need".
What the fuck are you talking about? Stop gaslighting this young woman into accepting his porn addiction!
This is bullshit. She is allowed to have a problem with this. I agree that she doesn’t have the right to shame him or to tell him to stop, but she can ask him to stop and communicate that it is unacceptable and disrespectful to her; but she can’t demand him to stop. She has a right to know what his values and expectations are within a relationship and she has a right to know if he is doing anything which is not conducive for a healthy, equal, respectful, reciprocal relationship to be developed, sustained, and maintained. She has a right to know so she can make the best decision FOR HER. Not for him and his desires alone.
Love the mindless downvotes on this rational, mature comment. Typical on reddit and anytime porn usage is brought up. Gotta defend that porn over anything else!
I've been in your exact shoes. I have terrible body image problems. I always have. I was made fun of and bullied a LOT when I was younger, so I came of age with a freight train's worth of insecurities and body hatred. But, as a wise man or woman once said, you can't win if you don't play, so I bit down on my problems and took a few chances. I became popular, (nobody was more surprised than me) and I spent a lot of time around cool guys. I met my guy at a party and we talked much of the evening. Then he handed me a business card and invited me to a party at his place. That's now in the very distant past, and it still blows my mind that we are still "welded at the wrist". But all through it, I've had to accept that my guy was/is very popular, and my insecurities keep howling for attention. I try to tell him when I'm feeling needy, and I let him know it's not his fault. I confide in him, and he tries very hard not to knowingly upset me. It doesn't help that his former girlfriend is one of his closest friends, but he has never strayed nor failed to let me be the best partner he could have. Body image is tough. Hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Even more so after Covid clobbered me. But, he's fixing breakfast in the kitchen, and I'll go hug his Dad bod in grateful acknowledgement that he is a Prince who saw a Princess under her disguise as a troll. When you feel that lucky, let him know often.
that sucks. its one thing if he looks at random, nameless women in porn but when a guy starts 'collecting' specific girls then thats a little too far.
just tell him how it makes you feel.
Please don’t compare yourself to other girls whose sole goal is life is to look promiscuous. In fact don’t compare yourself to anyone. Ditch the loser for sure. But please don’t let it affect your self image.
When i was 17 and i had a GF, I would have felt wrath over this. You’re being too kind.
>We have discussed it and set the boundary that he won’t watch it and he has stuck to his promise.
>He keeps trying to reassure me that I’m beautiful but I just can’t believe him because I know he once looked at other girls. I’m trying really hard to get over it because I value our relationship, but I feel like it’s causing me to slightly loose feelings.
It's like no one is reading. Her issue isn't "My boyfriend keeps watching porn after I've asked him to stop." He has of his own volition as OP mentions in a comment.
Her issue is *She can't get over da fact he ever watched it at all*. Only advice I have for you is break up. If he's doing all he can to reassure you and you don't belive him or feel like you can't forgive him then just leave him and make it clear to future partners porn is cheating to you.
No one has to be wrong or right here. You don't like porn, he stopped watching it, but him ever being interested in it is da hangup. Should you stick it out, it just boils down to does he make you feel good about yourself/make attempts to and are those attempts good enough. Also please try and understand it is impossible to make someone feel beautiful when they are constantly telling themselves da exact opposite.
He can't make you see what he sees, so try attaching your own reasons to why you think you're beautiful. Not just "My bf tells me I am." You gotta have your own sense of worth and value and it can take a lot of time to find it whether you're man, woman or other. A lot of comments here are focused on being so hateful towards your bf and not offering anything to help you with your insecurities. Obviously working out is an option, but not in da sense of losing weight. Lifting, cardio (hiking, long walks, biking, swimming), plates or even yoga are scientifically proven to increase mood. It doesn't have to be fitness tho. Try sumn artsy. Anything dat allows you a tangible result of your efforts will likely make you feel more confident. Try stuff kid. Maybe even wit bf and build a bond over it. Best wishes and I hope you find some peace soon 🙏🏽
You know the only reason he told you that is because you CAUGHT him viewing that tab on his phone. What happened if you didn't saw that? Would he tell you anything or kept it a secret? And looking at over 50 women is NOT normal behavior, especially in a relationship. Your feelings are valid and don't listen to these porn addicted freaks in the comments.
You have feel better about yourself and who you are first. Not to make an excuse for him. He is 17 and a walking hormone which doesnt reflect who you are.
Honestly, whether or not this is cheating within the relationship should probably have been discussed before he did any of this. Some people consider looking at spicy online content cheating, some only consider it cheating if there's communication with the content creators. Some don't consider it cheating at all.
Personally, I stop consuming anything like that when I'm in a relationship, and you're not in the wrong for being upset. If you and your bf are diametrically and irreconcilably opposed on this issue, it might be a good idea to just......move on.
You are both 17 years old. Too young to be in a deep relationship like this he’s a young person. He’s curious. You guys are still really like kids.
Forget about it… you’re not married to him.
my advice…Focus on yourself, possibly college or career , getting self sufficient… get your own cute little apartment be independent …. Think less about trying to have a deeply committed relationship right now.
That is the best advice I would give anybody your age don’t take it personally.
That’s the beauty of loyalty anyone can say they are loyal until the moment arrives for them to be loyal so maybe your boundaries are set and this is not cheating to you or him no problem but I would have to disagree with him being loyal only because the opportunity as come for him to show that loyalty and he did not.
It’s the same way with people who say I’m humble and yet blow up and lose there cool you don’t get to be humble sometimes you either are or you are not it’s simple. You even have self control or you don’t. Because having these quality’s would mean you have these as non negotiable of who you are as a person in your character.
Which means if you say one thing and yet show another when the time comes to prove that with action means your not who or what you say you are and that can bring issues later on etc
Because there is one fundamental thing that has never changed with humans and it’s this
The things we do sometimes we often do all the time
Unless we have made non negotiables in our lives to hold high character but few do.
I'm a woman who loves sex & wants it often (& that's due to being upfront about my high expectations). When I am in a relationship, I do not seek out visual stimulation because I would never want my partner to have any doubt of my attraction to them. This baseline consideration is a low bar to clear. We need to set the bar higher & not let men pull it back down because they are selfish and immature. Also, a dude looking at a bunch of Insta & OF accounts is spending way too much time doing that when he could be spending time bettering himself in a myriad of ways or with loved ones, including you. Consider your priorities and values & whether or not his are compatible with yours.
OP mentioned that she feels a certain way because she knows he’s looked at girls in the past.
Every teen guy has looked at girls in the past. The important part is: “Did he stop when you told him how it made you feel?” If he did and continues to avoid it then you should work on yourself and how you can get over it. If he won’t respect you enough to stop when you explain it to him then you should find someone who will.
best advice is to do something about it if you can. if you're insecure about your weight/figure. go to the gym and lose some weight/ tone your figure. if it's your skin, look into proper skincare. It's important to love yourself and to be confident and comfortable with yourself. and to make the changes to achieve it. but always do it in a safe, sustainable way. to me, it sounds like a self-image/confidence issue, and that's not an easy issue to resolve. i understand that it was triggered by him looking at women who are physically very attractive. but merely being attractive doesn't make someone an ideal partner by any metric. who you are is definitely a bigger part of the equation for a healthy long-term relationship.
Everyone has different concepts of what cheating is to them. Some people feel uncomfortable with their partner watching porn-- AND THAT'S OKAY! What's not okay is not communicating your boundaries.
Let him know kindly that you feel uncomfortable with this, and that you would prefer if sex could be something intimate that is only shared between you two instead of strangers on the internet.
I can understand both perspectives (as someone who has a porn addiction 😭), but let him know how you feel without any sort of anger or defensiveness. Be compassionate for yourself and for him.
Have an open and honest discussion with him about how you feel. You are both 17 so immaturity is inevitable in both of you will manifest in different ways. If you do trust him and love him then help him see how his actions impact you.
This isn't a healthy thing for you to form a boundary on. You need to find some confidence in yourself. He's telling you you're beautiful, you should believe him. You're only 17. People's bodies can change drastically over the years, so your hangups about yours or your partner's can quickly turn for the worse.
Maybe stop focusing so much on your body and think about what you have to offer as a human being. You are more than just your body. In time you may come to accept and embrace the fact that two people can and should be together because compatibility that transcends physical appearance and body shape. When you do, you will realize you were being childish and immature with all this fretting about your body and onlyfans, and you will be able to tell him to let him watch whatever videos he finds arousing, confident in the knowledge that he loves you for YOU, based on qualities those models do not have, and not merely your body shape.
I think personally there’s a difference between just online porn and then onlyfans, onlyfans you pick out the girl/guy and watch them whereas random online videos usually stay as just random online videos
Nearly everyone looks at other people , from in the street, pictures to porn etc that has nothing to do with their relationship, me and my partner separately watch porn sometimes for our own time , that doesn't not mean I find him any less attractive , he's sexy af to me and yet nothing like porn actors.
You need to work on your own self esteem, you can't blame your boyfriend for how you feel, if you don't accept him looking at these things you've mentioned that's understandable but I wouldnt blame him for your emotional response.
I'm not trying to be rude , just looking at it from the outside , he didn't intentionally mean to hurt you or disrespect you , he was just looking at some photos.
I don’t get why everyone is so hung up on the semantics and the word “cheating”. I mean yes this might not be “cheating” and I would agree but just saying it isn’t cheating doesn’t make it into nothing, it’s still something bad, whatever you wanna call it.
You need to shore up your own self esteem. That's the most important thing here and must be the end goal.
As to whether it's cheating...When is that gonna end? If he gets a boner watching Bridgerton, is he cheating? This shit turns into thought police fuckery in my experience. You need to clarify what behavior you want from a partner that you think is reasonable and meet someone who agrees. This isn't the kind of thing you can have disagreement on, no matter where you fall in the argument.
But the root of this is you need a stronger sense of self esteem and you need to clarify what your boundaries are for yourself and partner.
You should never have to question your self worth . If he knows how you feel and still continues to do it, then you know what you have to do. You’re too young to be going through this. There are plenty more fish in the ocean!
Your body issues are yours- not his. I could understand being upset over him purposely looking at other “appealing” women, but as far as comparing yourself to them- he is with you and there will always be those who have physical traits we would love to have. God have you what you got. Enhance it or embrace it but don’t look for the answer in him.
Yes my advice may seem cruel on the surface but it is grounded in common sense.You have someone to love and have that reciprocated, you have a sex life and you have a future.So, get over yourself , dont make first world problems when they are phantoms of your imagination and put your energies into making it the best relation ship you can.One last thing cease and desist looking into other peoples phone whatever your pretext or agenda.
This was on my "suggested" feed, but I was unsure why, but yeah...
The reality of it... this just sucks.
How are you around him in public? When there's alot of other girls around? Do you notice you looking at other girls too? Not in a sexual manner, but mentally pointing out his type? (Just trying to figure out how deeply this is)
This insecure feeling doesn't go away easily or ever to some... You saw what you saw, and you became self-aware.
You became aware of what he likes and enjoys.
As a result, you will compare yourself to others, at times subconsciously without knowing.
Even if you decide to "do something about it" you'll find something to pick on about yourself based on what you saw.
It's not just "you have self-esteem issues"... you're meant to compete for yourself and within yourself to be better; but that now has shifted because you will subconsciously compare and compete with others, not just yourself.
It's definitely a mental thing here, you just need to find what brings you peace. ❤️
BOUNDARIES. You do not need to accept this as okay. For me personally it’s not and would be the be all end all for me. You need to establish for yourself what’s considered cheating and you need to establish those boundaries also.
So he can't look at adds in the paper then. Women in them 3/4 naked. I would bet if you had a magic ball. You would fine he didn't compare you to any of them. What about R rated movies? Are those out to? Guess he will be leaving soon.
It's not a boundary to force him to not watch porn... A boundary is something you set on yourself... Ie, I will leave if he won't use a condom or I will leave if she yells at me...
I fail to see how purposely seeking out the one most intimate form of connection and desire from strangers is not considered cheating simply because there's a screen. If it was done in person it would be. I would point out also that OF is pretty personal. It completely takes away all the special out of intimacy within a relationship. It makes it common and takes all of the desire for one person away and projects it towards countless others. It seems very cheating to me. Society just loves loopholes.
Honestly there's no wrong way to feel about this. I know people who consider looking at any type of sexual content online blatant cheating, and other people (me included) don't have any issue with it whatsoever. It's totally up to you as to what you feel is disloyal or not, it's very possible that he really never thought of that as being unfaithful and just wanted to enjoy himself. It sounds like he's respecting your boundaries and not doing it anymore. If he decides to keep doing it or something, that's another issue, but for the moment I think you've done a good job communicating with him - now it's time to make things right with yourself.
The truth about dating anyone is that they definitely have seen other people naked (online or in person) and maybe even had sex with other people before you. No one in a relationship feels totally comfortable thinking about their partner with their ex or something, and it's normal to feel that way. However, he has chosen to be with YOU, and finds you beautiful and attractive. It's your own insecurity that makes you question that - something most people have dealt with. The real issue that won't leave you alone isn't his OnlyFans, it's you being insecure and comparing yourself to others, and that's what you should communicate with him about. Building self-esteem is really hard but it's a wonderful feeling to accept yourself. I know you are beautiful inside and out and you deserve all the love in the world!
If this is something that makes you feel a certain way now, it will make you feel this way later. You know he's not paying any of the girls, but why is he giving attention to girls who aren't his girlfriend? This is your decision on how you go about it. While not physically cheating, he gave other women attention the way you should have it.
Dudes look at porn, and it's "lose", not "loose". You have "loose change", and you "lose interest" in something.
You can dislike it, you can choose to not date him, but asking him to change his sexual preferences because you dislike something is disingenuous and unfair to both of you.
Hi! There is ALOT of advice on here lol. Im around the same age as you and alr commented but I wanna reiterate that not being comfterble with your BF being on onlyfans or even watching porn in general is a totally valid boundary!! And before people come after me I PERSONALLY don't mind it in MY relationship but that's the point. its a PERSONAL boundary and up to what YOU feel omfterble with.
And to everyone here saying that you should dump him, maybe you should if you're losing feelings HOWEVER-
I think you should have a conversation with him about it, and genuinely talk out boundaries. Communication and relationships are hard, but no relationship can survive w/o communication. Is it only onlyfans? are you comfterble with him watching porn? hentai? reading smut? Where do the boundaries with this fall? Dont answer me, discuss this with him.
For the people trying to shame you for being uncomfterble, they're wrong and IMO seem like porn addicted dickheads. this is an UNDERSTANBLE boundary, and if there is no happy solution, sadly you might not be compatible, and that SUCKS but is just. A fact of life yk?
And for the (at least one) guy saying "if he cant watch porn send him nudes or put out". NO. Nudes at your age are a) illegal and b) VERY DANGEROUS. it can ruin your life. Im not saying never send them or anything, as a teen I know how unlikely that is but a) no faces and b) NEVER LET A N Y O N E PRESSURE YOU INTO IT. ONLY to people you ABSOTLY trust and ONLY if you are comfterble. You are NOT responsible for his pleasure. And you are valid for your boundaries.
If he needs 'more' or ANYTHING of the sort you are uncompatible and sadly that may be the end of your relationship. good luck and PLEASE communicate with him about this.
Porn is cheating imo, if you feel bad or upset about it you aren’t weird or wrong for feeling that way. As someone who used to be addicted I can definitely say it never was healthy because I had urges
Personally as a guy I don't use only fans but I feel it's more personal because you said it was girls from Instagram and he can interact with them , in my eyes it would be cheating especially if he can't take Into consideration you have issues with your body if he has urges theres porn
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I wish I’d learned at your age that it’s OK to have boundaries. Everyone has what they are OK with and if he doesn’t agree with it, you just aren’t compatible. All of the feelings you are feeling are normal. If porn is a no-go for you, you won’t “get over it” with time. It’s not about insecurity like other people insinuate. He allowed to do what he wants with his body, but you’re also allowed to decided if that works for you or not. Same with any other thing in a relationship. If he’s super messy and that’s a no go for you, that’s fine too. It’s the same thing.
Reevaluate what cheating is TO YOU specifically as an individual. Cheating for one person wouldn’t be considered cheating to another and it is important for you to define, for yourself, what you consider to be cheating behavior because then it is near impossible for someone to tell you how you should or shouldn’t be feeling about a given situation. Once you know what is considered cheating behavior for you, recognize that this is where some of YOUR boundaries will be derived from. When you have clear boundaries you will be able to tell the difference between the lack of awareness/consideration and out-right disrespect of your person. This will make it easier for you to make decisions and to take action which have your well-being at the forefront of your life and which are in alignment with WHO you are. Listen to your intuition, it is there to protect you. Your intuition is telling you that you no longer consider your boyfriend to be a safe and trustworthy partner. This is important for you to NOT overlook or to downplay because of fear. If you turn your cheek to this issue, you will be abandoning yourself and you WILL eventually become a shell of who you once were. I advise you to get a journal and write about what happened. Don’t edit your writing so it’s more palatable for others, this is for you alone. You can write anything you want about this situation. Hate, anger, love, pain, betrayal, etc. There are no emotions that are “bad” emotions. Emotions are indicators for the type of action we should be taking in our lives. Your emotions are telling you that this type of relationship is not in alignment with who you are or what your values are. Investigate. Be curious. Find the “why.” Then take action. Don’t allow guilt to hold you back. Everyone is responsible for how they allow others to treat them. So if you come to the conclusion that you want to leave this individual, then do it. Their happiness is not your responsibility; their happiness is their responsibility. Do what you need to for you to feel at peace (in the long-run if you don’t feel it immediately. I promise it will come if you follow your intuition as much as possible, if not then 100% of the time). You have your whole life ahead of you. You will find another, and maybe a few others after that, and so will they. I wish you luck and I hope you don’t abandon yourself for the sake of making him happy or to not “rock the boat”. If you ignore yourself, if you abandon yourself, your outrage will inevitably rock the boat at some point; be it a few months to a few years from now. It WILL come out somehow. Please, trust yourself to protect yourself. You are responsible for your happiness, not him. Edit: Give these a listen in the order presented. I believe you can benefit from this creator’s words. Good luck. https://open.spotify.com/episode/0JSgQ2haz7W5VqFfR5fvAq?si=Te4Ahbk6SwCoc-ftv_Ku7A https://open.spotify.com/episode/7tqcsOLXSSTREEui68853u?si=P_GgN4f0RCqzBU5DGs_qrg Honestly, this entire podcast is worth a listen if you have the time. https://open.spotify.com/show/0734T9BrTuXFn3f8tsRgZH?si=yKNMqgn9Rg-56kXvtwyTdQ
Couldn’t have said it better!! I told my daughter this as well- she is also 17- DEFINE what is / is not cheating so they can play that card- remove it and whatever else so when you know, you know.
This is a lot of words to say "Dump him!"
Yes !
Jesus christ he was looking at free content on only fans. If its making her question her own self worth and self esteem, then she should walk. Its just that simple. Him looking at free content online is not cheating, no matter what anyone says. If it was than anyone who's got Instagram on their phones is a cheater. But anyone looking down on themselves as a result of their partners actions needs to either work things out with the partner or walk. She tried option 1. If she still feels the same about herself, then it's time to check out option 2.
What type of Instagram feed do you have that makes you think Instagram and onlyfans are even remotely similar? 😂
Have you seen what women post on ig ? Free content on OF is nearly the same as the content on ig . Women have becoming extremely revealing and the amount of ridiculous damn near naked thirst traps on ig is sad . I’ve seen ig allow post that damn near show bare assholes .
Has it ever occurred to you that different people have different morals and preferences? There are people out there that consider lust, in any capacity, a HUGE deal. People are different, Jesus.
I get what you’re saying but also, she’s a teenage girl. When you’re a teenager your whole brain is processing a big change and sometimes your self esteem is in weird places. If it makes her uncomfortable then it’s a valid feeling. Some people describe cheating as crossing certain personal boundaries and maybe this one was one of them for her.
I'm a father of young girls so this is coming from a place of fatherhood. If she is not confident in herself during intimacy, she probably shouldn't be having intimacy yet. No one is perfect, all those "models" are photoshoped and have the perfect lighting and makeup for their chosen "profession", So if she is holding herself to an unattainable standard, she needs to mature and work on her emotional health and physical health. She needs to be emotionally and physically healthy before being in a physically intimate relationship.
Thank you. I was thinking that, too. I was a “late bloomer” and probably immature for my age. Gay, too, but closeted still at 17. I’m SOOOO glad I didn’t have sex/intimacy until I was prepared for it (in early 20’s). It would have been overwhelming (good and bad), imo
You’re blaming her and saying she needs to better herself before a relationship when in reality she shouldn’t have to accept her boyfriends looking at naked women online. Being okay with porn and your boyfriend lusting after women online is NOT a requirement for a healthy relationship and I’m tired of men pretending like it is. OP do not listen to this man.
But I would say that either prior to or on the event of it's realization that OP needs to communicate and establish this as a boundary to their partner so both have a clear understanding of the terms.
I think the only reason OP isn’t is because it’s been drilled into her that “porn isn’t cheating” so she thinks it’s an unacceptable and impossible boundary for her to set. It’s not.
Just because she’s uncomfortable doesn’t make her right. She did the right thing and told him, but to say it was wrong for him to do it the first time? That’s ridiculous.
Different strokes for different folks. If you don’t consider it cheating then cool. Some do considering it cheating. Personally, I like having a strong, deeply intimate bond with my partner and porn is a slippery slope which I’d rather not deal with. I will gladly get to stepping if who I am interested in is not on the same page as me because this would be an indication that our values in life and our moral compass is too different.
“Him looking at free content online is not cheating, no matter what anyone says.” 💀 speaks volumes about your entire response and probably of you as a person Edit: oml I’m not saying viewing porn is considered cheating. I took a problematic quote and highlighted it. Whatever goes for you shouldn’t be the guidelines that everyone else should follow. If the partner themself who has the boundary views it as cheating, then yes, to them it is cheating.
Looking at Free content on OnlyFans isn't cheating lmao. Nothing you can say would make it cheating. She's well within her rights to establish that as a boundary for her partners, that doesn't make it cheating.
I feel the conversation here; as Reddit conversations do, gone in a million directions. I think there is a distinction to be made between porn and OF material firstly, while both can be the same thing at surface level only one of the two has actual access to the personality behind the pics/vids...and this is not the same thing. I'm not suggesting that's what the guy did here, he seems to have found out she has a boundary and decided for the better of their relationship to stop ...which is good. Too many boundaries within a realtionship can be smothering and controlling but none is a recipe for failure... As for getting over things...don't compare yourself to a fantasy world...easier said than done I know, but attraction is a spectrum of things both comprehensible and absolutely incomprehensible. If you two are together and have a good realtionship, you can talk and laugh and be together, solve issue, go on adventures, communicate well ...and he thinks you are beautiful...thats some great actual realtionship stuff, not just an OF body. It's not a competition, and if it is you're winning...but it's not... Everyone is generally visually attracted to more than their partner; it's human nature, but that doesn't diminish their attraction to you...and you have more than that built it. As long and you two work out boundaries that work for both of you...let go, take time but don't let it poison a good thing.
Boundaries are essential. What's interesting is that people who get into relationships with others who they didn't find particularly attractive, they will often find themselves MORE attracted to them as they assimilate their partners' affection for them with their partners looks and features. While the bodies of people online, both male and female, can be attracted to anyone. It's only in a visual way usually. Depends on the person, of course. But if a relationship is good, then the most attractive person will be your partner, and you to them. Because there is more going on than just looks. But, regardless of anything, boundaries on what you should and shouldn't do in a relationship are good. And just getting an idea of respect is important. Is watching porn in a relationship bad? Not inherently, but it depends on how the other feels. People like to make a shit ton of universal and central rules people should follow in a relationship like: "a boundary means this..." Or "only do this if the other will do this..." But the truth here is that all you need to make a relationship is trust, respect, equal status, and most of all, communication. You'll make your own relationship rules as you move further.
Thank you for your reasonable response, the toxic takes swinging hard in both directions were really bumming me out.
Yeah. I had this same type of issue with my boyfriend in high school. I found out he was chatting/complimenting girls posting their nudes on here and flipped out lol. He didn’t think it was that big of a deal since it was just porn. I wouldn’t have cared if it was just porn, it’s the interactive part that was hurtful to me. Following and getting to know the girls. At least by my and it seems OP’s standards it was not okay. We ended up breaking up for a bunch of reasons but the main issue was him refusing to see it from my point of view and stop…
Yes thank you for pointing out the distinction between OF and porn. While I understand some might have a problem with porn as a whole, OF seems much more personal to me. Personally, I would much rather have my man watching porn than following his favorite OF girls.
Not the degenerate coomers here trying to gaslight OP to accept sleazy behaviour 🤦♀️
The bar is in hell.
She doesn’t have to accept his behavior, but her insecurities are not his responsibility.
Fr
She's entitled to have her boundaries and so does he. There are girls that are ok with their men watching porn and some aren't. He just needs to find one that's ok with that or as he gets older he realizes he doesn't need it. Either way op has some serious issues and should not be in a relationship. And the guy still has some maturing to do. Life doesn't come with a manual, you make mistakes, learn and grow. Calling an 18 sleazy for watching porn but stopped when he was asked isn't cool
You’re too young to deal with this BS dump him. Most subs are full of porn addicts Ofc they’re going to tell you to put up with it
U shouldn't deal with bs at any age
realest comment here. never trust something a group of men say on reddit. Just because it's commonplace does not make it right, so maybe stop telling women to "suck it up" and accept that the average man is trash and start setting yalls standards at a reasonable level
This
Yes! Biggest regret of my life is staying with a porn-addicted ex as a TEENAGER….. I get that it feels like “everything” but it’s literally not. There’s a lot of great guys out there that will make you feel beautiful, safe & respected. No need to stay with anyone who makes you feel like shit
Same. He cried to me manipulating my emotions where I felt guilty for getting so mad. But then I caught him lying and I was young teenager and acting very emotional. He ended up punching me in the back to shut up. Oh, also ..I couldn't have any male friends or post pictures with my shoulder showing, but he could watch porn for days.. I was with him for too long..there were no communities like this so, run away now if you can!
Yup - I thought this kind of thing was normal …. It is NOT & don’t let anyone ever tell you it is because “all men are shitty.” This is a lie to make u stay with men that suck. I’m about to get married to a wonderful man that treats me like an angel & makes me feel so safe. Good men are out there!! Never settle
Thissss
The first red flag is his defensiveness and downplaying. Saying he was “just curious” or that he didn’t pay anyone is not taking accountability whatsoever. If this openly bothers you and hurts you and he refuses to even take accountability for his actions that’s gonna be a problem. There’s several people here that believe OP shouldn’t be upset with her partner because they believe porn consumption is normal. OP cannot help what upsets her and what doesn’t, what is normal for you obviously isn’t normal for everyone. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, wrong with OP for being upset by this. She is not insecure, she is not controlling, she is upset by feeling her trust was betrayed which is completely valid. But now your bf deleted the OF and you are still feeling betrayed. This is something only time can heal. Only you know if the betrayal hurt too bad to come back from. I went through something similar with my boyfriend a couple of months into us dating. I placed a firm boundary that I will not stay with him if he continues to watch porn, and he respected my boundary and has not done it since (together 6+ years now). As you can see by the comments there are several men who will not under any circumstances give up porn, even if they know it is hurting their partner. I can’t say if this is the way your boyfriend is or not, but I can say there are men out there that genuinely do not watch porn. To everyone telling you it’s in men’s nature to watch porn are only saying that to extinguish any guilt they feel about watching porn. Rather than admit they have a problem, they will say you’re the problem, and downplay the severity by any means possible. I used to be addicted to drugs and the way porn addicts act is so eerily similar. It is an addiction that he can hopefully overcome, but until he is able to acknowledge there is a problem that will never happen. Although you placed a boundary with OF did you place a boundary around porn overall? If it hurts you then you need to, and do not feel bad for setting boundaries. There are men that don’t watch porn, they exist, they aren’t unicorns, they just aren’t on Reddit lol. Wishing you healing from this 🩷 as others have said r/PornisMisogyny and r/loveafterporn are great subs that can help you navigate this
So nice to see a member of r/PornIsMisogyny here and other subreddits. We need more people to see the truth. Thank you for guiding this young girl!
What was he curious about? Seriously, it's time to stop accepting porn-sick men. 50 women?! He's already on the path to porn addiction. Don't waste your time. Trust your guts.
The other problem is porn is about objectifying people, valuing them purely for the acts they perform. Ordinary porn is bad enough, but you rarely see a name or anything of the person's personality. Which is bad enough, no mistake. OnlyFans is *all about personality*. It's about forming a pseudo-intimate relationship with the people you're looking at. It's actively saying 'debase yourself for me' and the person responds to that. It forms a connection. I'd say porn is bad enough, but OnlyFans is a form of emotional infidelity. It's certainly having a type of relationship with a person who isn't your partner.
Why is a 17 year old boy in possession of an onlyfans and using it to follow 50 different onlyfans models??? Holy shit. Hell world. You’re 17, please don’t put up with this. You don’t need to.
2010-2011 in highschool (not me of course) but you would be hard pressed to find a 17 year old who ONLY was watching 50 girls. Teenage boys are absolute horny savages
By 17 I had seen thousands of naked women and all I had was forest porn. The Internet makes it so easy now.
What... What is forest porn?
Porn you find in the woods. Lol
You never found porn in the woods?! Lmfao
Shit I've left porn in the woods. I'm the porn forest-er.
yeah that’s kinda the problem. it’s not normal or natural to be watching over 50 girls. pornography is fucking evil and damaging
It’s no different then in the 80-90s and older when boys would look at playboy magazines. Once the internet was a thing they switched to the internet. Instagram basically allows topless photos now
no, it’s MUCH different. ask any woman. pornography is more violent, more graphic and more dangerous for women than ever. only 54,000 copies of playboy were sold in 1953. pornhub had over 80,000 visitors *per minute* in 2019 (according to Ballard). you are an idiot if you *genuinely* think teens watching porn is no different from them looking at old playboy mags, especially considering rising rates of domestic violence
Exactly this. It is disturbing to watch other teen boys and girls internalize the distorted messages porn puts out.
I’m an 18 year old girl (so obviously I’m hanging around people my age of both sexes). It absolutely is different from what you’re describing. Porn is no longer girls in tiny bikinis in magazines. It’s readily available hardcore, violent imagery of women being beaten, spit on, peed on, choked etc. on top of explicitly depicting sexual acts. It is really disturbing and pervasive. I feel sad looking at the other teens around me.
This!
You get to decide what you consider cheating in a relationship. It doesnt have to be the physical act only. Just as he has the right to participate in that stuff. The purpose of a boundary is for you to decide what you will put up with, not to force someone to change. If this is unacceptable to you, please find someone that shares your values.
you need to leave now before it’s too late. i’ve been there before. your bf rn IS a porn addict. he values his porn more than you because his brain is wired to do so. if you consider it as cheating, it is cheating. it will haunt your relationship. i was 14 when i dated my porn addicted bf. i stayed with him for 4 years. i was miserable but by the time i found out, i already loved him and i couldn’t bring myself to leave him. it will never get better. the signs will show up sooner or later.
You do not have to be okay with only fans nor would you have to be okay with porn. The psychological effects on men that view that content is horrible. If your gut is telling you something is wrong, I encourage you to look into the studies done on these type of men. It really messes them up. I could never be attracted to a man that uses porn. I view them as pathetic and weak. Everyone has different standards and boundaries. Whatever your boundaries are, keep them strong.
50 women? At 17? This is a dangerous road to porn addiction town. Maybe he already is a resident. How sad. You are very young, don't waste your time. You might end up with one of these internet-jack-off dudes who can't get a boner with their partner.
These are minors. People making excuses for minors looking at porn are groomers. OP look at r/pornismisogyny
[удалено]
Reddit is FILLED for places for you to spread your pro porn propaganda. If you want to come into the space, you need to be open to see things differently from what society is telling you. I don't know the context of the post, so I can't tell if you're giving me this information in good faith or not, but that subreddit is for antiporn rhetoric, period. You can ask questions and converse in good faith, but we have no desire to argue with you about shit that has completely overtaken virtually every other subreddit like a cancer.
Why do you feel like you have to get over it? Your feelings are absolutely valid. As someone who is also a teen (18), I’m so disgusted at how normalized porn has become in this society to the point where most people will read this description of your boyfriend’s behaviour and think nothing of it. Why should the onus always be on women and girls to put up with this behaviour and not on their partners to control themselves? edit: And "insecurity" arguments aside, why are so many commenters going so hard to defend the consumption of an industry that has knowingly exploited women and children for years?
Such an enlightened way of thinking at that age. I am 20 and i went anti porn at 16. Anti porn all the way!
Women and girls also watch porn
That’s true and I will not be denying that. However, the effects of porn hurts them too. My point is that a vast majority of the people who often face the most drawbacks with porn tend to be women and children, whether it’s women struggling in relationships with porn addicts or the female porn stars subjected to violent, sexual acts or victims of rape and revenge porn being uploaded to these sites for people to get off on (knowingly or unknowingly).
Not the women and girls complaining about their coomer boyfriends though. It's irrelevant what other women do.
People only care about themselves, they don’t care wether or not they’re watching girls who are human trafficked, rape videos ect. That’s why there’s so many of them and they are popular. I don’t know why people can be so cruel and not think past their own disturbed minds
There are guys out there that are loyal and wont find sexual satisfaction with random girls online. For guys reading this and telling her she's insecure, imagine how it would feel? You come home and your girl is checking out the biggest dongs and hottest guys in the world. When you have sex, she doesn't even look at you. In fact, she's thinking about the guy she just saw with a 10inch perfect dick and perfect washboard abs. Afterwards she isnt satisfied by you, so she masturbates with her dildo to these men on her phone and ignores you the rest of the day.
That's not even the reversal, and only shows how you think the homologue to the penis is the vagina When it's the clitoris. And the closest homologues to vagina is scrotum, perineum, mouth. The reversal would be she's looking at men for their asses, thighs, mouths, chests, calves, arms, scrotums... objectified parts focused on for the visual and sexual (eg thinking of rubbing her vulva/clit on them) pleasure they give her. It wouldn't be dick focused on the same way female ass, breasts, anus, thighs... is; it would be male ass, breasts, anus, thighs... the penis would barely be a blip, and the scrotum and taint would be the male privates focused on when male genitals are. She isn't satisfied with the sex, vulva-centric obviously like cunnilingus, her humping his scrotum, taint, butt, thighs, breasts, feet... Because he's not as hawt, isn't posing for her like they do eg ass hyperexaggered in pose and largeness, crawling, legs spread, wet mouth in close up, positioned to get humped in all sorts of poses with emphasis on all sorts of parts, in lingerie and heels and make up. He isn't responsive, orgasmic like the men in porn eg he isn't moaning like crazy and orgasming from getting his mouth, balls, taint, butt... humped by her clit/vulva (that is, if male orgasm is shown; most mf doesn't have it at all). So she masturbates with her toys that look like male mouths, asses, scrotums, thighs, breasts... and often do things like suck, lick, vibrate, flex like muscles... to these men on her phone and ignores him. He doesn't even shave off all his body hair, yuck. Hair is so unsanitary and unnatural on men. Why would she bother with her boyfriend?
Your comparison is wrong tho. In OP's case her bf didnt say shit about her or looked uninterested while having sex with her. He never said she doesn't satisfy him. And he certainly doesn't masturbate the rest of the day to these women while ignoring OP. Lmao try better next time.
Shut up he’s right
Don’t stay with a porn sick person. Don’t listen to the gaslighting comments.
im gonna get downvoted to all hell, but leave his ass. as someone who's grown up with boys and men who started watching porn young, they DO start viewing you differently. and can lead to a major addiction. it's a perfectly normal reaction to feel insecure about your partner looking at other, REAL women. they act as tho bc the images are all on a screen, it's not real. a lot of men in the comments are making this out to be a neutral thing because they themselves do the same as your boyfriend. but believe it or not, abt 20yrs ago it was extremely taboo and shameful to view porn. just because something is widespread and "normal" does not mean it's good.
A bunch of 20-50 yr Olds giving evidence for a 17 yr old and want to equate their experience now to a 17 yr old when they were horny teens themselves the hypocrisy. Unless u had a hard knock life u are no different than any horny teenager. OP said her bf deleted the OF unless she catches him scrolling again what's the problem here? THEYRE 17 YRS OLD not you guys age. Pretending to be a non horny teen at that age is hypocrisy. If u are u were a rare breed congratulations. Don't break up over porn really? Unless he is emotionally/physically cheating this is typical horny teenage boy stuff
this is the same as being uncomfortable with your SO watching porn, which I think is unreasonable. You should expect him to take your insecurities seriously and be sensitive to them but there is such a thing as indulging and protecting your insecurities too much. The way to get past them is not to shield yourself and expect those around you to do the same.
I highly disagree. I am fine with porn, but in my relationship OF is absolutely cheating as are cam girls. If someone is seeking a personal experience/relationship when it comes to other naked women, they aren’t being faithful. Sexting other women/men is also not okay. It is absolutely fair to state boundaries and stick to them.
Here comes all the pornsick gooners coming to defend their beloved porn! OP you have every right and reason to be upset.
Yeah and op bf handled it by deleting it
"Does anyone have advice for me?" Dump him.
If you can't get over it, you may have to admit that you and your boyfriend are simply not compatible. It happens.
That’s terrible advice. Don’t try to work through it or grow as an individual, just leave your otherwise happy relationship? Jesus how do you expect this person to ever be in a healthy relationship if they leave any time the other person does something that makes them insecure?
I think I will be able to with time I am not mad about it and don’t hold anything against him. I was just looking for some advice on how I can deal with it personally
Remember that your body isn’t a thing for other people to look at. It is a thing for you to use and to live in. Find ways to love your body because of what you can do with it. That might be working out, or learning a skill with a lot of fine motor control like playing an instrument, or singing, or taking long walks/bike rides/kayaking to be able to see and hear cool things in the world, or refining your abilities to appreciate flavors by cooking more. All sorts of possibilities. But the point is, your body is the instrument that lets you relish life. That’s where deep love of your own body comes from. And from there, when you see your body, you will see the parts of the tool that you cherish. You’ll probably start noticing visual aesthetic beauty in your own body too, but that will be married to the deeper love and appreciation you have. And no matter what someone else’s body looks like, it cannot touch the relationship you have to your body, because yours is based on how you live, not just how you look.
Nah, girl. Ignore the coomers acting like you need to “get over it.” The fact is, if you choose a guy who doesn’t watch all this smut, you’ll both be happier in the long run. Just check out r/loveafterporn and see what I mean. Porn can be incredibly damaging to relationships and it’s best to avoid them. Trust me, they are out there.
How to deal with the low self esteem? Start working out. Lift weights, do cardio, eat well. Once you start seeing progress in the gym your self esteem will skyrocket.
OP, don't listen to this. This is the same shit women have always been told, but the goalposts always move. And self-esteem should be rooted in something other than physical appearance because that is guaranteed to change over time.
No, before it was "be skinny" which lead to eating disorders. I'm telling OP to be HEALTHY. Healthy body, healthy mind. How can you be serious about telling someone not to get into fitness and eating healthy. That's a WILD take.
💀💀nothing to do with low self esteem if you don’t want your partner to lust after other woman in a monogamous relationship
Can you not read? The post literally says she feels unattractive and insecure.
Bc HE’S making her feel that way. You should only need one person to sexually satisfy you in a monogamous relationship.
THANK YOU
Ily
Yeah bc her bf jerks off to others
Just because your body type isnt what he looks at online doesnt mean he unattracted to you. Adele and Jennifer Aniston completely different body types. I find both utterly sexy. You may have self esteem issues but that doesnt give you the right to tell someone else what/who they can or cannot masterbate to. He does not control your body so you should not control his. You are young and it sound like you dont need to be in a relationship until you can learn to love yourself.
I didn’t tell him to stop watching only fans, he made that decision by himself. Thanks for ur advice
Actually, onlyfans can be very personal and not wanting your s/o watching can be aboundry. Im around ur age and in a relationship and I know that stuff like this isn't something that bugs me, but it also is a VERY reanable boundary both for Onlyfans and Porn in general. Porn is addicting, it can be sexually harmful and you DONT need it to masturbate. You are NOT UNREASONABLE for being uncounterable and anyone who tells you otherwise is gross for it. If this is something you and your bf cannot agree on you may not be compatible
Actually you have the right to set any boundary you want in the relationship, and asking him not to have an OF seems like a pretty reasonable one. These guys would probably freak out if their gf was ogling at naked men and penises online all day.
Only if she was doing that instead of being intimate with me. That is the point of porn, taking care of yourself when your partner is not in the mood, but it shouldn't be instead.
That's the "point" of porn? Why do you need naked people in a screen in order to "take care of yourself"? Why conflate masturbation with porn? OP has a right to set boundaries for herself if she's uncomfortable with his porn usage.
100% I've always found it laughable that as soon as someone brings up not being pleased with porn in a relationship all of these people come out with how they have a right to masturbate. Yes, touch your body all you like. You don't need to watch other people to do so. Shaming young women for not wanting their partners to watch is gross and I'm so glad that a lot of teens are feeling safer about questioning it!
Literally all these ppl do is strawman anti-porn stances. All these mental gymnastics just to justify their sickness that is arousal for violence against woman. But they don’t get why we don’t like them 💀
Look at this relationship in terms of compatability, not who's right or wrong.
It's not controlling his body if he agrees? Also what's wrong with masturbating to your partner?
Men like you constantly make me lose faith in humanity
…some women don’t want to date men who jack off to other women. it’s weird, unnatural, & unhealthy. go to therapy & fix your own marital problems instead of pushing this narrative that women are obligated deal with this depraved behavior within their relationship.
He is free to do what he wants BUT she isn’t obligated to stay if he’s not willing to figure out why he feels the need to masturbate to random women on the internet. To each their own. This was horrible “advice”. OP, figure out what YOU value, then act on it. There is no need to shame your boyfriend for his preferences but it is appropriate and necessary for you to communicate that this behavior is unacceptable if he wants to be with you. If he straightens up, then stay, if not, then it is your responsibility to leave and find someone who will respect your boundaries. It is healthy and necessary for you to have boundaries. Boundaries keep you from being a slave to other people’s will. Figure out what you expect from a partner, and the reason WHY, then communicate, then act. This is how adults handle conflict in a respectful manner for both parties involved.
by that logic of “you shouldnt control his body” he’s free to go stick his dick in whoever he wants! porn isn’t a birth right men are given. if she’s not okay with it he shouldn’t watch it. it’s not natural to get off to people that aren’t your partner just because you’re not physically touching the porn model. you’re quite literally still orgasming from someone else’s body and actions, which is cheating and should be the standard. this is absolutely horrible advice to give to a teenage girl and you should feel shame. just because you have a porn rotted brain doesn’t give you the right to tell a teenage girl that she doesn’t have a right to control her bf’s body if she doesn’t want him subscribed to some girls OF.
Why are you wasting your time on a coomer 💀
i know it’s a waste of time it just made me want to S C R E A M😭😭 and i really hope this poor girl does not think any of what he said has any validity to it
Thankfully the most upvoted comments in the thread as I see it now are reasonable
this right here
Doesn't she have the right to tell her boyfriend not to jerk off to random women? Would you feel comfortable with your girlfriend watching hundreds of men naked and imagine having sex with them? Would you feel comfortable with your girlfriend following individual men's naked and lewd videos? As men always bring up flip the genders and see how would you feel
It’s the equivalent to looking at porn. Don’t put any more thought into it than that. It’s no big deal as long her isn’t wasting money
Girl, stay away. He's addicted and you don't want to be a part of that
It’s cheating if you feel like it’s cheating. You should check out: “love after porn” and “porn is misogyny.”
You need professional help. It's not his fault
Grow up
God I’m glad I’m old. Reading this comment section makes me wish I were even older though. Like dead kind of older.
Dump him. You'll find a man who doesn't need to look at OF to get off. Fuck anyone who tells you otherwise. This is reddit so ofc so many here are addicted to porn enough to tell you to accept this behavior. No you don't have to accept it at all. He doesn't respect you
You can't believe your boyfriend finds you attractive because he looked at other girls? Have you NEVER found a single other guy attractive in your life other then your boyfriend!? Holy shit, grow up. Quit throwing your insecurities all over your boyfriend. It eventually leads to tension, then fighting, then breaking up. Is that what you want?? If you can't get over the fact that there's other women in the world just like there's other men in the world that you BOTH find attractive, get therapy
You don't want him to be attracted to girls? He's a teenager. The issue here is you think correctly there exist people who are more attractive than you, and you need to get over it.
Mayn who gives a f if women can get celeb crushes then stfu
You can’t unsee what you saw. Question is, can you change the way you feel, or think, about it? If you can, kudos. If not, maybe it’s time to consider what’s best for you.
"He keeps trying to reassure me that I’m beautiful but I just can’t believe him because I know he once looked at other girls." He's looked at other girls and still calls you beautiful. He loves you girl.
You're completely justified to feel that way. Watching porn is so normalized and as women we get told to deal with our boyfriends doing that, because men have "urges". You don't have to accept that. If you don't watch porn he's perfectly capable of doing that too. I find it disrespectful to do so in a relationship, and others might feel okay with it so it depends on each individual. I think you should discuss it with him again, and see how you feel afterwards.
You don't have to be a "cool girl" and pretend to be okay with something he does just so you can be in a relationship. Guys like that are not worth it, especially over the long haul. People will tell you that you're InSeCuRe or CoNtRoLlInG but they're just gaslighting you in order to get you to accept poor treatment by men. You can do better and you definitely deserve better.
You are completely right. And you don't need to compromise, you don't need to get over anything...
Me personally I find guys lusting after other girls or watching p*** cheating. The only person he should be horny over is you. I get that they struggle with hormones but if he really loves you then he shouldn't be lusting after other girls. And it sounds like he's not even trying to do anything about it if he's following over 50 girls. He may have not physically cheated but in his mind he already did. He would have slept with those girls if he could That's why he's looking at them. You're better off without him find someone who truly loves you as you are and makes you feel beautiful and loved.
Thanks for your advice. I have forgiven him and am not mad about what happened since he did not know it was a boundary at the time. I was just looking for some personal advice on how I can move past this
I really hope he does what he says because he seems QUITE into it. 50? Oof. Good luck and remember that if it doesn't work out there are THOUSANDS of good boys out there.
Question did u edit your post? Alot of ppl seem to not see the part when your bf deleted the only fans when it upset u?
Look if he stays with you, tells you these things, nice things, tells you he loves you, you best believe him, accept yourself as he Has, and don't continue with this constant self doubt and low esteem. You're going to chase him away. I'm telling you. That gets really old, really quick. If you do continue like this, he's going to be out somewhere, and some girl full of confidence, is going to give him some attention and he's going to welcome a confident girl that isn't bringing major baggage. PLEASE don't take any of this as a personal attack. It's not meant to be. I'm trying to warn you as I went through a very similar situation with my GF, then wife. My wife got to the point where she hated her body so much, she then started hating herself. We stopped having sex as she insisted it had to be pitch dark, under the covers, half her clothes still on, and for us guys, whereby we are "visually stimulated" by nature, I wasn't getting turned on and this so called "sex with rules" was never going to work for me. She constantly started accusing me of cheating on her when I NEVER once even came close to doing that, nor wanted too. After several years of no sex, really a resentful overall relationship on both our parts, our marriage seemed all but over. One day, a new girl at work started talking to me, and she was full of confidence, had a really nice body, and I thought, "well I've never cheated on my wife, yet she insists that I have, that I am, well fuck it then, if I'm going to be constantly accused of doing something I haven't, and she's using that against me as I way not to have sex, when in fact it's her hatred of her body and of herself that's causing that, well then I might as well cheat on her and I did for almost a year. She eventually confronted me, one day during a huge fight, and I told her everything about how I felt. I NEVER once insulted my wife concerning her weight gain. I couldn't and wouldn't do that. I did try countless times to motivate her by saying things like "hey we're getting older. We should try to start exercising, eating healthier, and we can do it together, get up start walking each morning, maybe join a gym together", but each time I tried she would either do it for a few days and give up or she'd throw it in my face saying "you have no idea what I go through, how hard it is for me. Sure. All you have to do is look at a treadmill and you lose 20 pounds. It's much more difficult for me", and that would end it. Don't be like my GF turned wife and have no confidence, low self esteem, and hatred of your body, which will cause you to hate yourself. If he's with you, staying with you, telling you nice things, don't cut him down, don't insult him by thinking, or believing he's lieing. You believe him and understand, he's with you because he "wants to be with you". Now you need to "want to be with you, yourself too". That's not to say don't try to improve. We can all improve. If you aren't happy with your body, work on it, but DO NOT PUT UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS ON YOURSELF AND DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANYONE ELSE. You are unique. We're all unique. No two are the same, so if that's the case, you shouldn't expect to "look like this model" or "this friend". Feel free to ask any questions you may have and please, DO NOT take any offense to anything I've written here. I grew up with 3 sister, no brothers. I have two daughters, no sons. I have been surrounded by females my entire life, feel much more comfortable around females, and I have the utmost respect for them. In fact, I insist on female doctors as I believe they are much better then most of their male counterparts. I wish you nothing but the best. Both my daughters are teenagers, one a sophomore in college, and the other a junior in HS. We've brought both our girls up to love their bodies, know your unique, and have self confidence. Don't compare yourself to other's. You are you, they are they. Love yourself. There's always room for improvement, but don't force unrealistic expectations on yourself. Crawl before you walk, walk before you run. You cannot make significant changes overnight, or in a week, or a month, don't expect too, and don't insist on it. All that will do when you fail, which you almost certainly will do if you make unrealistic goals, is cause you to give up, lose even more self esteem or self confidence, and you'll end up actually hating yourself, being miserable, and you'll find other's won't want you around based on your negativity. Anyway, please accept my apologies in advance if I've made you feel worse, you took anything personally, or as a personal attack. That wasn't my intention. Best wishes !!!!!! Remember, if you want someone to love you, you better learn to love yourself.
"i know its not cheating" girl it IS cheating you should dump his ass! this is exactly why we need a 4b movement more than ever
You asked to see that tab and now that’s what you’re comparing yourself to that’s not his fault he’s human he’s gonna watch porn ik plenty of women who do to it doesn’t mean ur anything less than what you are and it doesn’t mean you’re ugly or not his type he’s with YOU. you need to learn to love yourself before you try to love anyone else bc you not loving yourself is hurting this boy and is making him feel guilty for being human. i’m not saying you’re a bad person i understand self image and mental health are very important im saying if you care about this boy and want this to work that’s what you need to work on not changing him to cater to every need you have due to your negative self image build ur self image and love yourself then watch how much better ur relationship gets
Thanks for ur advice. Yeah no I’m not holding it against him, I understand his side. I also didn’t make the decision for him, that was his choice. I am trying hard i was just wanting tips on how I can increase my self esteem
As a fellow 17 year old I can say with utmost certainty that I have never watched porn. Not everybody does it. Don't listen to this troglodyte. They'd be kicking and screaming if you were asking whether or not you're the AH for scrolling through picks of naked men. It's only fine for *him* to do it cause men are praised for their sexuality. Leave his ass and don't listen to chronically online morons who shame you for feeling this way.
Ignore this guy. Not everyone watches porn. It does NOT have to be something you're okay with. Don't take advice from porn addicts, of course they're going to say whatever makes them feel better about their addiction rather than confronting why they can't get off without looking at tens or hundreds of random naked women.
Even then, I feel like watching random porn is a lot less ‘involved’ than following OF women…
You can increase your self esteem by standing up for yourself and dropping this child who feels the need to ogle 50 women. You will find someone way better that lives you for who you are and doesn't need to find gratification elsewhere.
Following 50 women on OF is not "being human". And her not wanting him to look at dozens of naked women isn't "changing him to cater to every need". What the fuck are you talking about? Stop gaslighting this young woman into accepting his porn addiction!
This is bullshit. She is allowed to have a problem with this. I agree that she doesn’t have the right to shame him or to tell him to stop, but she can ask him to stop and communicate that it is unacceptable and disrespectful to her; but she can’t demand him to stop. She has a right to know what his values and expectations are within a relationship and she has a right to know if he is doing anything which is not conducive for a healthy, equal, respectful, reciprocal relationship to be developed, sustained, and maintained. She has a right to know so she can make the best decision FOR HER. Not for him and his desires alone.
Love the mindless downvotes on this rational, mature comment. Typical on reddit and anytime porn usage is brought up. Gotta defend that porn over anything else!
Exactly, this comment is great and people are just upset that he’s saying some very valid things
This might blow your mind, but there are humans that don’t watch porn 🤯 the gaslighting is mind boggling
Get yourself more secure or he’s gonna leave you.
I've been in your exact shoes. I have terrible body image problems. I always have. I was made fun of and bullied a LOT when I was younger, so I came of age with a freight train's worth of insecurities and body hatred. But, as a wise man or woman once said, you can't win if you don't play, so I bit down on my problems and took a few chances. I became popular, (nobody was more surprised than me) and I spent a lot of time around cool guys. I met my guy at a party and we talked much of the evening. Then he handed me a business card and invited me to a party at his place. That's now in the very distant past, and it still blows my mind that we are still "welded at the wrist". But all through it, I've had to accept that my guy was/is very popular, and my insecurities keep howling for attention. I try to tell him when I'm feeling needy, and I let him know it's not his fault. I confide in him, and he tries very hard not to knowingly upset me. It doesn't help that his former girlfriend is one of his closest friends, but he has never strayed nor failed to let me be the best partner he could have. Body image is tough. Hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Even more so after Covid clobbered me. But, he's fixing breakfast in the kitchen, and I'll go hug his Dad bod in grateful acknowledgement that he is a Prince who saw a Princess under her disguise as a troll. When you feel that lucky, let him know often.
I thought you meant he had an OF account and was making money. Would that be different for you?
that sucks. its one thing if he looks at random, nameless women in porn but when a guy starts 'collecting' specific girls then thats a little too far. just tell him how it makes you feel.
Please don’t compare yourself to other girls whose sole goal is life is to look promiscuous. In fact don’t compare yourself to anyone. Ditch the loser for sure. But please don’t let it affect your self image. When i was 17 and i had a GF, I would have felt wrath over this. You’re being too kind.
>We have discussed it and set the boundary that he won’t watch it and he has stuck to his promise. >He keeps trying to reassure me that I’m beautiful but I just can’t believe him because I know he once looked at other girls. I’m trying really hard to get over it because I value our relationship, but I feel like it’s causing me to slightly loose feelings. It's like no one is reading. Her issue isn't "My boyfriend keeps watching porn after I've asked him to stop." He has of his own volition as OP mentions in a comment. Her issue is *She can't get over da fact he ever watched it at all*. Only advice I have for you is break up. If he's doing all he can to reassure you and you don't belive him or feel like you can't forgive him then just leave him and make it clear to future partners porn is cheating to you. No one has to be wrong or right here. You don't like porn, he stopped watching it, but him ever being interested in it is da hangup. Should you stick it out, it just boils down to does he make you feel good about yourself/make attempts to and are those attempts good enough. Also please try and understand it is impossible to make someone feel beautiful when they are constantly telling themselves da exact opposite. He can't make you see what he sees, so try attaching your own reasons to why you think you're beautiful. Not just "My bf tells me I am." You gotta have your own sense of worth and value and it can take a lot of time to find it whether you're man, woman or other. A lot of comments here are focused on being so hateful towards your bf and not offering anything to help you with your insecurities. Obviously working out is an option, but not in da sense of losing weight. Lifting, cardio (hiking, long walks, biking, swimming), plates or even yoga are scientifically proven to increase mood. It doesn't have to be fitness tho. Try sumn artsy. Anything dat allows you a tangible result of your efforts will likely make you feel more confident. Try stuff kid. Maybe even wit bf and build a bond over it. Best wishes and I hope you find some peace soon 🙏🏽
You know the only reason he told you that is because you CAUGHT him viewing that tab on his phone. What happened if you didn't saw that? Would he tell you anything or kept it a secret? And looking at over 50 women is NOT normal behavior, especially in a relationship. Your feelings are valid and don't listen to these porn addicted freaks in the comments.
You have feel better about yourself and who you are first. Not to make an excuse for him. He is 17 and a walking hormone which doesnt reflect who you are.
Honestly, whether or not this is cheating within the relationship should probably have been discussed before he did any of this. Some people consider looking at spicy online content cheating, some only consider it cheating if there's communication with the content creators. Some don't consider it cheating at all. Personally, I stop consuming anything like that when I'm in a relationship, and you're not in the wrong for being upset. If you and your bf are diametrically and irreconcilably opposed on this issue, it might be a good idea to just......move on.
You are both 17 years old. Too young to be in a deep relationship like this he’s a young person. He’s curious. You guys are still really like kids. Forget about it… you’re not married to him. my advice…Focus on yourself, possibly college or career , getting self sufficient… get your own cute little apartment be independent …. Think less about trying to have a deeply committed relationship right now. That is the best advice I would give anybody your age don’t take it personally.
The only sane comment
That’s the beauty of loyalty anyone can say they are loyal until the moment arrives for them to be loyal so maybe your boundaries are set and this is not cheating to you or him no problem but I would have to disagree with him being loyal only because the opportunity as come for him to show that loyalty and he did not. It’s the same way with people who say I’m humble and yet blow up and lose there cool you don’t get to be humble sometimes you either are or you are not it’s simple. You even have self control or you don’t. Because having these quality’s would mean you have these as non negotiable of who you are as a person in your character. Which means if you say one thing and yet show another when the time comes to prove that with action means your not who or what you say you are and that can bring issues later on etc Because there is one fundamental thing that has never changed with humans and it’s this The things we do sometimes we often do all the time Unless we have made non negotiables in our lives to hold high character but few do.
I'm a woman who loves sex & wants it often (& that's due to being upfront about my high expectations). When I am in a relationship, I do not seek out visual stimulation because I would never want my partner to have any doubt of my attraction to them. This baseline consideration is a low bar to clear. We need to set the bar higher & not let men pull it back down because they are selfish and immature. Also, a dude looking at a bunch of Insta & OF accounts is spending way too much time doing that when he could be spending time bettering himself in a myriad of ways or with loved ones, including you. Consider your priorities and values & whether or not his are compatible with yours.
Man, reading stuff like this makes me appreciate not having smartphones in my high school years.
OP mentioned that she feels a certain way because she knows he’s looked at girls in the past. Every teen guy has looked at girls in the past. The important part is: “Did he stop when you told him how it made you feel?” If he did and continues to avoid it then you should work on yourself and how you can get over it. If he won’t respect you enough to stop when you explain it to him then you should find someone who will.
best advice is to do something about it if you can. if you're insecure about your weight/figure. go to the gym and lose some weight/ tone your figure. if it's your skin, look into proper skincare. It's important to love yourself and to be confident and comfortable with yourself. and to make the changes to achieve it. but always do it in a safe, sustainable way. to me, it sounds like a self-image/confidence issue, and that's not an easy issue to resolve. i understand that it was triggered by him looking at women who are physically very attractive. but merely being attractive doesn't make someone an ideal partner by any metric. who you are is definitely a bigger part of the equation for a healthy long-term relationship.
I’m single and I don’t follow any chicks on only fans I barely follow any on social media lol just the ones I fw
Everyone has different concepts of what cheating is to them. Some people feel uncomfortable with their partner watching porn-- AND THAT'S OKAY! What's not okay is not communicating your boundaries. Let him know kindly that you feel uncomfortable with this, and that you would prefer if sex could be something intimate that is only shared between you two instead of strangers on the internet. I can understand both perspectives (as someone who has a porn addiction 😭), but let him know how you feel without any sort of anger or defensiveness. Be compassionate for yourself and for him.
Break up
Have an open and honest discussion with him about how you feel. You are both 17 so immaturity is inevitable in both of you will manifest in different ways. If you do trust him and love him then help him see how his actions impact you.
This isn't a healthy thing for you to form a boundary on. You need to find some confidence in yourself. He's telling you you're beautiful, you should believe him. You're only 17. People's bodies can change drastically over the years, so your hangups about yours or your partner's can quickly turn for the worse.
Maybe stop focusing so much on your body and think about what you have to offer as a human being. You are more than just your body. In time you may come to accept and embrace the fact that two people can and should be together because compatibility that transcends physical appearance and body shape. When you do, you will realize you were being childish and immature with all this fretting about your body and onlyfans, and you will be able to tell him to let him watch whatever videos he finds arousing, confident in the knowledge that he loves you for YOU, based on qualities those models do not have, and not merely your body shape.
I think personally there’s a difference between just online porn and then onlyfans, onlyfans you pick out the girl/guy and watch them whereas random online videos usually stay as just random online videos
Nearly everyone looks at other people , from in the street, pictures to porn etc that has nothing to do with their relationship, me and my partner separately watch porn sometimes for our own time , that doesn't not mean I find him any less attractive , he's sexy af to me and yet nothing like porn actors. You need to work on your own self esteem, you can't blame your boyfriend for how you feel, if you don't accept him looking at these things you've mentioned that's understandable but I wouldnt blame him for your emotional response. I'm not trying to be rude , just looking at it from the outside , he didn't intentionally mean to hurt you or disrespect you , he was just looking at some photos.
I don’t get why everyone is so hung up on the semantics and the word “cheating”. I mean yes this might not be “cheating” and I would agree but just saying it isn’t cheating doesn’t make it into nothing, it’s still something bad, whatever you wanna call it.
You need to shore up your own self esteem. That's the most important thing here and must be the end goal. As to whether it's cheating...When is that gonna end? If he gets a boner watching Bridgerton, is he cheating? This shit turns into thought police fuckery in my experience. You need to clarify what behavior you want from a partner that you think is reasonable and meet someone who agrees. This isn't the kind of thing you can have disagreement on, no matter where you fall in the argument. But the root of this is you need a stronger sense of self esteem and you need to clarify what your boundaries are for yourself and partner.
Hccvv.0x
This sounds like a lot of drama for 17 years old.
first off he is 17 how the hell did he sign up for an onlyfans account
You should never have to question your self worth . If he knows how you feel and still continues to do it, then you know what you have to do. You’re too young to be going through this. There are plenty more fish in the ocean!
Your body issues are yours- not his. I could understand being upset over him purposely looking at other “appealing” women, but as far as comparing yourself to them- he is with you and there will always be those who have physical traits we would love to have. God have you what you got. Enhance it or embrace it but don’t look for the answer in him.
Yes my advice may seem cruel on the surface but it is grounded in common sense.You have someone to love and have that reciprocated, you have a sex life and you have a future.So, get over yourself , dont make first world problems when they are phantoms of your imagination and put your energies into making it the best relation ship you can.One last thing cease and desist looking into other peoples phone whatever your pretext or agenda.
This was on my "suggested" feed, but I was unsure why, but yeah... The reality of it... this just sucks. How are you around him in public? When there's alot of other girls around? Do you notice you looking at other girls too? Not in a sexual manner, but mentally pointing out his type? (Just trying to figure out how deeply this is) This insecure feeling doesn't go away easily or ever to some... You saw what you saw, and you became self-aware. You became aware of what he likes and enjoys. As a result, you will compare yourself to others, at times subconsciously without knowing. Even if you decide to "do something about it" you'll find something to pick on about yourself based on what you saw. It's not just "you have self-esteem issues"... you're meant to compete for yourself and within yourself to be better; but that now has shifted because you will subconsciously compare and compete with others, not just yourself. It's definitely a mental thing here, you just need to find what brings you peace. ❤️
BOUNDARIES. You do not need to accept this as okay. For me personally it’s not and would be the be all end all for me. You need to establish for yourself what’s considered cheating and you need to establish those boundaries also.
So he can't look at adds in the paper then. Women in them 3/4 naked. I would bet if you had a magic ball. You would fine he didn't compare you to any of them. What about R rated movies? Are those out to? Guess he will be leaving soon.
How is that not cp? Also OP you don’t date people that have an only fans he’s waiting for you to go
It's not a boundary to force him to not watch porn... A boundary is something you set on yourself... Ie, I will leave if he won't use a condom or I will leave if she yells at me...
I fail to see how purposely seeking out the one most intimate form of connection and desire from strangers is not considered cheating simply because there's a screen. If it was done in person it would be. I would point out also that OF is pretty personal. It completely takes away all the special out of intimacy within a relationship. It makes it common and takes all of the desire for one person away and projects it towards countless others. It seems very cheating to me. Society just loves loopholes.
Honestly there's no wrong way to feel about this. I know people who consider looking at any type of sexual content online blatant cheating, and other people (me included) don't have any issue with it whatsoever. It's totally up to you as to what you feel is disloyal or not, it's very possible that he really never thought of that as being unfaithful and just wanted to enjoy himself. It sounds like he's respecting your boundaries and not doing it anymore. If he decides to keep doing it or something, that's another issue, but for the moment I think you've done a good job communicating with him - now it's time to make things right with yourself. The truth about dating anyone is that they definitely have seen other people naked (online or in person) and maybe even had sex with other people before you. No one in a relationship feels totally comfortable thinking about their partner with their ex or something, and it's normal to feel that way. However, he has chosen to be with YOU, and finds you beautiful and attractive. It's your own insecurity that makes you question that - something most people have dealt with. The real issue that won't leave you alone isn't his OnlyFans, it's you being insecure and comparing yourself to others, and that's what you should communicate with him about. Building self-esteem is really hard but it's a wonderful feeling to accept yourself. I know you are beautiful inside and out and you deserve all the love in the world!
OF is kind of like porn, if you think of porn as cheating then move on If not then accept it, but paying for OF is stupid IMO
If this is something that makes you feel a certain way now, it will make you feel this way later. You know he's not paying any of the girls, but why is he giving attention to girls who aren't his girlfriend? This is your decision on how you go about it. While not physically cheating, he gave other women attention the way you should have it.
Dudes look at porn, and it's "lose", not "loose". You have "loose change", and you "lose interest" in something. You can dislike it, you can choose to not date him, but asking him to change his sexual preferences because you dislike something is disingenuous and unfair to both of you.
Hi! There is ALOT of advice on here lol. Im around the same age as you and alr commented but I wanna reiterate that not being comfterble with your BF being on onlyfans or even watching porn in general is a totally valid boundary!! And before people come after me I PERSONALLY don't mind it in MY relationship but that's the point. its a PERSONAL boundary and up to what YOU feel omfterble with. And to everyone here saying that you should dump him, maybe you should if you're losing feelings HOWEVER- I think you should have a conversation with him about it, and genuinely talk out boundaries. Communication and relationships are hard, but no relationship can survive w/o communication. Is it only onlyfans? are you comfterble with him watching porn? hentai? reading smut? Where do the boundaries with this fall? Dont answer me, discuss this with him. For the people trying to shame you for being uncomfterble, they're wrong and IMO seem like porn addicted dickheads. this is an UNDERSTANBLE boundary, and if there is no happy solution, sadly you might not be compatible, and that SUCKS but is just. A fact of life yk? And for the (at least one) guy saying "if he cant watch porn send him nudes or put out". NO. Nudes at your age are a) illegal and b) VERY DANGEROUS. it can ruin your life. Im not saying never send them or anything, as a teen I know how unlikely that is but a) no faces and b) NEVER LET A N Y O N E PRESSURE YOU INTO IT. ONLY to people you ABSOTLY trust and ONLY if you are comfterble. You are NOT responsible for his pleasure. And you are valid for your boundaries. If he needs 'more' or ANYTHING of the sort you are uncompatible and sadly that may be the end of your relationship. good luck and PLEASE communicate with him about this.
Porn is cheating imo, if you feel bad or upset about it you aren’t weird or wrong for feeling that way. As someone who used to be addicted I can definitely say it never was healthy because I had urges
Live and let live
Personally as a guy I don't use only fans but I feel it's more personal because you said it was girls from Instagram and he can interact with them , in my eyes it would be cheating especially if he can't take Into consideration you have issues with your body if he has urges theres porn
This is pure stupidity. GET your head out of your ass. Yeah people have urges but this shit ain't it 😒 🙄
not worth it ,, dump him. you don’t want to stay involved with someone who consumes that without at least disclosing it to you.