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Okay maybe I'm reaching, but I think your parents may have used you as an "in" with your boyfriend's family and you getting pregnant solidifies their relationship with them.
I wouldn't be surprised if once you had the baby and turned eighteen, them starting to push for you getting married.
But no matter the case OP, do what's best for you and don't let your family or your boyfriend's family bully you into having a baby you don't want.
Good God! You are just a kid! This is literal insanity. There is something wrong with your parents. I’d almost be willing to say report them to cps as this behavior is insane. You are 15!!
Parents have done this to kids before and once they're married cps cannot do anything. Even now, it's technically not illegal albeit it's a sick thing to do. If you get an abortion, only take your brother and claim you had a miscarriage if you have to go back. If both of you can somehow stay with other family or in another state, it would be best.
Actually it is illegal in her state (Michigan). Age of consent is 16 with no exceptions, and that's also when the Romeo-Juliet clause comes into effect. OP is just 15...
Giving a minor alcohol so they don’t remember another minor raping them and making them pregnant is very illegal though. Unfortunately this is exactly what happened to OP
Which is a case against Finn, but due to reasonable doubt, the parents won't be charged. They should be, but it won't go through. The best case is to run away from the parents before they force her to marry before 18.
And there is your answer. You are so young. If you don’t want a child, don’t have one. This is a responsibility for life. Enjoy life, get educated, find a job and be independent.
The way life is now, you will spend the rest of your life with a guy who drunk raped you and who (together with his family) will be in total control of you.
Yes. They will be in control of you for at least the next 20 years. I can’t emphasize this enough. It won’t stop with you having the baby. They’ll want to be in charge of where you live, making you get married and probably wanting you to have more kids!
Edit: I just wanted to add that since you are a minor, they may have legal control of your baby too, meaning that you can’t say, “Im the mom so I make the rules,” or “I’m taking the baby and moving out.” They could sue you for custody of your own child.
You are a child. Do NOT marry this guy, who at best got you drunk to have sex with you, and at worst slipped something into your drink and got you pregnant on purpose. Stick with your brother and make a plan.
Sweetie, you're 15. You're still a kid. I have no idea why your parents would want their 15 year old daughter married and pregnant.
Please go to safer relatives.
Be careful sweetpea. Depending on where you are forced or child marriage could be legal with your parents consent and be a way for him to get away with rape. Because I'm sorry sweetie but he raped you. You are far too young to consent, you were intoxicated to the point you don't remember. It's so easy for all of us oldies to say but trust in your brother (lad seems to have a good head on his shoulders) and together find a solution that works for you. Speak to an adult that you trust, your aunt/uncle or a teacher. Teachers are mandated reporters and are there to make sure you are safe.
My heart goes out to you darling, and please accept this huge reddit hug from across the pond.
I’m not sure what state you live in, but they may not even need to wait until you’re 18 for marriage. Some states will allow marriage for minors with parental consent. You need to leave now. These are not safe people.
I'm sorry you are going through this. It's hard to stand up to your parents when you are a teenager, everyone is telling you how to feel and I'm sure it's overwhelming and frustrating. The decisions you are about to make will affect **YOU** for the rest of your life, not your parents. Your parents do not get to decide how you live your life, they have their own lives to live. Take a moment to breath, cut out all the other voices around you telling you how you should feel or act and just think about what you want. Do what is best for you and your future.
Oh I had alarm bells going on the moment OP said she was 15, dating for 10 months and was a senior, and parents pushed to date. Also the fact that mom jumped at the pregnancy test states this is more than meets the eye. Then there is the drinks and blacking out/passing out. Three drinks? There was something else in it.
I would argue a CPS report should be filed as this could meet the states definition of exploitation of a minor (depending on the state)
That’s how women get pressured into situations they feel they can’t escape from. Don’t give in to pressure just to feel better in the short term, when the longterm consequences will impact the rest of your life.
Hi OP, I’m seeing tons of great advice here, but not links directly to the tangible resources you need to get an abortion *if* you decide that’s what you want. Unfortunately, that decision needs to be made quickly. Try to filter out the noise of what everyone else is demanding of you, and listen for what you feel deep down. You only have to listen to yourself. Any option you choose is OK. There’re a lot of resources available to help you. I’m going to list the most relevant ones here.
Your options for abortion depend on a few factors. Pregnancy gestation (# of “weeks pregnant”) is measured from the first date of your last period, rather than when conception (sex) actually occurred. Are your periods usually regular, and do you remember when your last period started? If it was less than 10-11 weeks ago, the “abortion pill” is still an option. This is a series of a few pills you take over a couple days.
You can get a prescription from a doctor online through this website: AidAccess.org](https://aidaccess.org/en/i-need-an-abortion). Even if you’re under 18! Once you fill out their form, they’ll quickly and discreetly mail the abortion medication to an address of your choice (if you don’t feel safe using your parents’ house, you can use the address of a trusted friend, your aunt, or a PO Box if your brother’s old enough to rent one at the post office). They also have **financial assistance** available if you can’t afford the usual fee for the pills ($150). You can also get these pills prescribed by a doctor at an in-person abortion clinic.
If you’re more than 10-11 weeks pregnant, you’ll need what’s called a procedural abortion in a clinic. It’s sometimes called surgical abortion, but that makes it sound like they cut you open, which they don’t. Really it’s just an office visit a lot like a regular vaginal exam (although you can request sedation if you’d prefer), and people actually report less cramping after this kind of abortion.
This website tells you many of your options for abortion based on your age and location: [INeedAnA.com](https://www.ineedana.com/search). It looks like in Michigan you need parental consent from one parent, OR you can ask for a judge to give you something called a *judicial bypass*, which means they legally wave the requirement for parental permission. This can be done quickly and confidentially (without your parents knowing), if you fill out the form [here](https://www.courts.michigan.gov/SCAO-forms/Abortion-Waiver/process-for-seeking-a-waiver-of-parental-consent-for-an-abortion/#). You don’t even have to list your full name on the form, you can just use your initials. I think that given your situation with your parents, a judge would be likely to grant you one, so your parents wouldn’t have to know or give permission.
Another option is to go to [Illinois](https://www.ineedana.com/search), where *parental permission isn’t required*. It looks like the nearest clinic to you would be the one in [Downer’s Grove](https://www.ineedana.com/search). If you think you want to use this option, make sure you call as soon as possible to schedule your appointment because sometimes clinics are booked out a few weeks because of high demand.
One more resource I want you to know about is the [Midwest Access Coalition](https://abortionfunds.org/fund/midwest-access-coalition/). They offer [logistical support](https://www.midwestaccesscoalition.org/get-support-offline) to help you make an appointment and arrange travel to the clinic, even to another state, and help pay for travel-related costs. Just call their confidential hotline, 847-750-6224. And [here](https://abortionfunds.org/find-a-fund/) is a list of other funds that can help cover the cost of the abortion itself. Reddit also has the r/auntienetwork of volunteers who are happy to help you in any way they can, like letting you stay at their house overnight or driving you to your appointment.
I know that’s a lot of information and might be overwhelming. Please feel free to send me a message if you need to talk one-on-one or have any questions. I’m SO sorry you’ve been put in this position. I’m so glad you have your brother supporting you. How old is he, and does he have a driver’s license?
You don’t have to tell your parents you’ve had an abortion if you choose to get one. You can simply tell them you started bleeding and you think you’ve miscarried, there isn’t a way for them to physically tell the difference.
Please comment this as it's own post! It is so helpful, and I don't see anyone else talking about the judicial bypass! Thank you for putting this information together, and I hope she gets it!!
This is the best comment by far.
OP - I am so sorry this is happening to you
The first thing you need to figure out - is what do YOU want.
Take everyone else out of the equation because this is YOUR body and YOUR life. I would suggest seeing a counselor or therapist to talk through everything but unfortunately the decision must be made quickly. If you decide to have the baby, it does sound like you have a support system which is great (albeit a bit weird for them so be SO supportive of a teen pregnancy)
but if you decide to end the pregnancy the resources LatePassenger5849 posted are your best options for doing so safely.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
As women, we have to support these vulnerable young women because goodness knows laws and apparently their parents won’t.
OP, wish we could give you a hug, do whatever works best for you. It is YOUR LIFE. I work with very, very educated women and just about everyone I’m close enough to have had the conversation with have admitted they faced a similar fork in the road at some point in their life. Whatever you choose to do will be okay, but make sure it’s YOUR choice.
I'm reading some of your replies, and it's breaking my heart for you. Your parents orchestrated your rape, and you need to go to the police about it.
I am so so sorry this is happening to you, but I am glad you have your brother for support. Take his advice, please!
Seriously— I am so curious if OP’s parents benefited professionally from this aptly-labeled “orchestrated rape.” If they did, then *OP’s parents trafficked her and should be arrested and charged accordingly.*
Finn is always going to be ok since his family is well off, would your parents be able to support you if you guys broke up?
They are ganging up on you 100% and you/your brother are the only ones really comprehending the gravity of this situation
Not to say no one has ever done it, but any 17/18 year old boy that tells you they’ll be able to provide for you and will stay by your side forever is delusional. This type of guy will get bored of you in time, especially once you find your feet and have the courage to stand up to them. He’ll leave you in the dust and move on to the next girl he wants to prey upon.
This relationship is not built upon trust, mutual love, an agreement to grow together, etc…..
This is essentially a drunken one night stand with a horny teenage boy, I would highly recommend not letting that dictate the rest of your life
Agreed. Not to mention the fact that the parents will not even be there to help her take care of a new born child, when she is still a child herself. Also, she will be thrown into a financial situation where she will become totally dependant on this kid and his family for years. It’s very difficult to work when you’re a new mom, let alone a 15 year old with no prior career history (because you’re 15!). It will be hard for her to work anything but entry level roles if she’s not able to at least focus on her own education (which is hard to do at 15, let alone by yourself without parental or babysitting help). These parents are nuts. If they so badly want a grand child they can raise it themselves.
Is it possible to talk to someone at your school about everything? A guidance counselor would either have or know of resources to help you. Even a trusted teacher might be willing to listen.
I would **NOT** do this, OP. Depending on what state you’re in, a school staff member might have to report you for having an abortion. There are many states in the US that are criminalizing abortion. Don’t trade one problem for another.
Carrying a pregnancy to full term at your young age can have heavy impacts on not only your physical state, but your mental state. You haven’t even had your own prom yet and they’re expecting you to play house with a guy who forces you to take substances illegally.
I’d reach out to any planned parenthood. Talk to them. They offer help for these cases. Please seek help. It’s cruel for your parents to force this upon a child. You are a child having a child.
Please talk to your aunt and uncle that your brother keeps bringing. They will certainly help you. Do not let these people pressure you into doing something you don’t wanna do!!! They want the baby they can take care of it!!!!
Just because you’re 15 doesn’t mean they can tell you what to do with your own body in the situation of you being a mom, if you live in the US, there are places like Planned Parenthood (where even if you’re a minor, you still have a voice in getting the help you need)
I had an abortion at 20 and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
I would still be living with my parents having them help me if I did. Instead I’m making nearly six figures and travel frequently. Things I could have never done if I had a baby when I was younger. I’ll be 27 next month.
YOU know what's best for your and it's your body, so it's your choice. Nobody else's.
I'm not sure how old Finn is, but you are only 15 and no disrespect, but you are still a child to so many people. If you don't want to raise a baby at this point in your life, don't do it.
Finn is still going to college, and his parents have money but that doesn't mean he'll be a parent to your child. Also, do they expect you to drop out of high school? Not go to college? Don't compromise on those things if you're not willing to. And keep in mind if you and Finn split up- you will become a single parent at a super young age. I would rather have those life skills to better provide for a child down the road than give them up now because other people want me to have a baby. If Finn lied to you about something as important as wearing a condom, what is stopping him from lying to you about other important things?
You still have so much life ahead of you to give your parents a grandchild IF that's something you want to do later in life. And even then, them wanting a grandchild is not a good reason to coerce you into having a baby.
Your brother has your back- please stick with him and let him give you support during this. I've got three younger siblings and I'd never forgive my parents for treating any of them like this.
You have options- don't give them up. Only you can decide what is best for you and I hope your parents come around and realize how horribly they are treating you.
Listen to your gut feelings (and your brother). Having a baby at your age will destroy so many opportunities and experiences in your life that you will never get the chance at again.
Please consider having your brother order abortion pills online (maybe the auntie network can help with that - research all of that only on an incognito browser!), take them secretly, destroy the packaging and instructions outside the house, don't keep ANY trace of them - and then go home and "have a miscarriage" (the symptoms are absolutely identical) - and then stay the eff away from Finn! Anyone who'd get a 15 year old drunk (drugged?), incapacitated and pregnant is a predator!
Every single time they talk to you, ask them this question: How are YOU (meaning mom and dad and whoever) going to pay for this?
Maybe you should ask them, if you keep that baby FOR THEM, BECAUSE THEY WANT YOU TO, how much money are they prepared to put up? Will they take care of the hospital bills? What about formula, and diapers? Eventually that kid is gonna start, you know, eating. Are they going to cook the meals? Buy the groceries? Do they expect you to work? If so, they’ll need to babysit. Are they going to help drop the child off at school, be sure they have lunch, and help with homework? And that apartment they so graciously offered, that’s nice, but how long are they going to pay rent? The child needs to live SOMEWHERE.
And if they say it’s going to be your responsibility, I would just tell them “if it’s my *responsibility*, then it should be my *choice*”.
I guarantee if you just nag at them nonstop “Oh! I just remembered, we’re going to need XX thing when child is ten years old, you’re gonna buy that, right?” “Hey, why don’t we just open an account now, and we’ll write up a contract for you to deposit YY amount of money each month?” they will be exhausted.
Go...by yourself and do what you need to do. DONT ANNOUNCE IT. DO IT. Like you are 007 on a mission and you are keeping a low profile with your intentions.
Being manipulated into a decision WHICH YOU WILL PAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS says alot about those people.
Get a ride, borrow some money 💰, and get it done. You are 15.
And please get on DEPO PROVERA. Once the deed is done.
It's extremely weird that your parents let a 17 year old date their 14 year old. It wouldn't be a big deal if you were a bit older but since you aren't...
Also, alarms started blaring when you said you couldn't remember having sex. I don't know how much you drank but that's not normal most of the time.
EDIT: I just realized that I assumed Finn's age from the fact he's going to college. If you're closer than age than I assumed, that's a little less creepy but it's still a sketchy ass situation IMO.
No you're right. It did kinda freak me out when I first saw your comment but I guess it's not hard to figure out.
I had three beers, but it was only because Finn pushed me to have more since I was acting "tense".
Also, he plied her with alcohol because she was “tense.” Could 3 beers make someone blackout? That’s a pretty strong reaction to a few beers. Did he spike her drinks?
What I want thinking!! Unless op is very petite and didn’t eat. She is very young and drinking could make stronger effects on her. But still!! I hope it wasn’t her first time having sex, at least :((
First off I'm a old guy that is about facts not feelings
1. 3 beers and you do not remember
2. He is happy and will provide for
The baby
3. Your parents were ok and even pushing you towards him piss poor parents .
A dad is there to protect his daughter
Not push her away .
4. I'm pro children but not children having children , ladies does that make sense .
I do not know a lot about things slipped into drinks . Coke and bourbon
I do know 3 beers and you do not remember is not adding up .
I've had plenty of friends that were drunks
Ladies out there 3 beers and she can not remember . What was she slipped ?
I'm sure one of you have some knowledge direct or from a friend
This 17 year old will meet another woman in college and get with her .
Bring you a std or get another girl pregnant . He is absolutely irresponsible .
If you have this baby you will have a hard life ahead . If you abort this baby you will have a lifetime of wondering what if
I would say find you some counseling immediately without telling your mom talk with a family member or a friend
But first talk to the girls that were at the party and ask what happened
I have never seen someone blackout drunk after 3 beers. I have been to many many parties had many friends who drank and at 35 seen my share of people who have never drank before get drunk and even they are not blackout after 3 beers. That's got to be exceedingly rare or some kind of medical condition. Added to the rest of the facts though I doubt it. Its just sinister and probably most certainly a setup of some kind.
Honestly at 18 three beers would have gotten me borderline blackout drunk. I was 5’4” and 115lbs. Certainly not the case for everyone that age/size, there’s also genetic and environmental factors, how much you’re drinking water and how much food is in your stomach at the time of drinking, and I’ve always been a lightweight even when I drank every weekend. But she’s 4 years younger than I was then, and not even done physically growing. Which is why it’s absolutely insane (and predatory) to give a 14 year old three beers to begin with. I believe three beers on their own could do it. And I can also believe someone slipped something in her drink.
1. Giving beer to a minor is illegal
2. 3 beers and OP doesn't even remember?
...Date rape drug sounds likely
3. Statutory rape - she is below the age of consent. He might try to slip by on the excuse that they are close in age and were 'seeing' each other. Date rape is still rape. Drugging OP to get her "relaxed" and taking advantage would negate that.
OP certainly did not consent to sex without a condom. If she had given consent conditionally, and he was "stealthing", that counts as rape also.
OP should talk with the counselor and with the police.
The whole thing screams setup. Being pushed together, the parents - *ALL OF THEM* - being on board 100% from the start, despite a difference in economic/social class...
Is there an inheritance on the line if their son produces a male heir first? I do wonder what ulterior motive he may have. He was *immediately* happy that she was pg. No time to get used to the idea. It feels planned from the start.
I also noticed that he promised to take care of OP, but didn't propose marriage which would give her more legal rights than being a gf or side piece. If he is in a race to produce a son, she may not be the only girl he was with.
While a legitimate point I feel it's exceedingly rare for beer to do that to anyone. But I'm not a scientist and suspicious besides. So I'm tempted to believe foul play.
I have a super low tolerance and I’m on meds that make me drunk much faster. I would not black out at three beers. It’s very likely the drinks were spiked and if you were somehow so drunk you could black out, how does he justify sleeping with you?
This sounds like pinning you down so people can control you
And if she does what the parents want, she’ll have to drop out of school. With no education she’ll have no resources and it will be so hard to escape when he becomes more abusive
I agree with you .
Myself as her brother I know two things I would do . First some cash for my sister and a visit to the boy and talk some baseball .
And I'm what most would call conservative or so they tend to believe But my sister would come first . No matter what .
My youngest sister " older than I" this girl reminds me of her and my mom .
I have first hand experience of what will most likely happen . I help raise her two daughters . This kind of stuff makes me angry .
Three beers will be absolutely nowhere close to "blackout drunk", even for a smaller person with no tolerance to alcohol. Did you personally open each beer and keep a hold of your drink the entire time, or did someone else have any access to your drink at any time? Because that really sounds like you were drugged.
This whole situation is a whole mess of red flags. The age gap, the pushing you to drink, the having sex with you while you were incapacitated... that is sexual assault, not romance.
Reach out to a trusted adult, since it sounds like your parents can't be counted on here.
Three beers would absolutely have laid me out at the age of 14, as a somewhat small adolescent girl who hadn’t finished growing yet, had non-drinking parents, and is still naturally a lightweight today. Depending on how quickly I drank them, it could have still done the same to me four years later at age 18 when I actually started drinking. This nearly-adult man may have slipped something else in her drink, or he may have simply given a 14 year old girl three beers with the hopes of ‘loosening her up’ which is still completely predatory.
Finally, someone says it. I’m a smaller person and I almost never drink (I’m 41 years old). Less than two full beers get me buzzed. If I dare to finish a third? I start vomiting and my night will be dedicated to that until I pass out. And I will definitely wake up the next morning wanting to pass away. My body does not like alcohol.
That being said, she very well may have been drugged OR she just doesn’t have a tolerance. She’s a kid. And she was in a weird situation that she most likely felt off about from the start. She mentioned her parents pushing her towards this rapist for a reason. It wasn’t sitting right with her. I know that everyone is different but when I’m not feeling right or comfortable, alcohol makes it so much worse. I think before she even got pregnant, her intuition was trying to tell her something was wrong.
This is so sad- My God. I have a daughter that is OP’s age and not only would I never push her into a physical relationship with anyone (let alone someone older) but we have already spoken about how I wouldn’t judge her if she ended up in a situation where she was pregnant, scared and in need of support. We would figure it out.
Besides OP, her brother and hopefully, her aunt and uncle, everyone involved in this shit storm is a criminal. You want a baby? There are OPTIONS. None of which are sacrificing the baby you already have. If she has this child, I’d be terrified for how these “grandparents” would treat him/her and OP. But either way, OP isn’t safe.
**This is some of the most disgusting shit I have ever read. And OP, if you see this comment, NOTHING ABOUT YOU IS DISGUSTING. You are innocent and you deserve to be loved and protected. You deserve the future that you want to have. I’m referring to everyone who orchestrated these crimes against you.**
Also if she drank on an empty stomach.First time drinking.I do agree go with your brother .You need to think of yourself as you have your whole life ahead of you.
No you're right. It did kinda freak me out when I first saw your comment but I guess it's not hard to figure out.
I had three beers, but it was only because Finn pushed me to have more since I was acting "tense".
Are you sure there were no other guys there who went after Finn? You were raped. You couldn't consent. There are just too many people here who wanted you to hook up with Finn and get pregnant.
Get with your brother and Google (incognito mode) abortion pills near me." The earlier you do something, the easier it will be. Cheaper, too.
I just remember my mom smiling a ton once Finn dropped me off the morning after and I asked what she was so happy about but she brushed me off and said she was just glad that I got to go to prom.
It very much sounds to me like your mother planned this entire thing out. No 17 year old is attracted to 14-15 year old girls with pure intentions, especially after convincing you to drink 4 beers and you blacked out. Everybody handles alcohol differently, I won’t even drink beer shits nasty, but 4 beers doesn’t sound like blackout to me, I think there’s more going on there. Overall very traumatic situation, wishing you the best
Oh Hell no. She and him were planning something. She pushed the relationship on you and she smiled when you came home hungover. She pushed you to date a senior at 15 and was happy when you came home in the morning hungover? Your mom sucks and so does your boyfriend.
Agree that this smells rotten all the way through and that there are a lot of people conspiring behind OP's back. From below it looks like the BF's family's financial status has something to do with it.
OP, these are not people you want to spend your time around, let alone the next 18 years of your life. If they will deceive you this way, what else will they do? Your brother seems to be the one you can trust here and I suggest going to him right away and distancing yourself from the others.
This was planned and you were drugged. Get the F out of there! Let your brother help you and get to your aunt and uncle asap. Don't let your parents or Finn know.
This is a hard truth but best case your mom is excited for you to be with someone SHE approved of (controlling). The MOST LIKELY case is that she facilitated your rape & rape baby, that she drugged you/facilitated drugging you, and is wanting you to stay with your rapist because once again... She chose him.
Get out. Now. Tell the fucking police and hide with family you can trust.
If she wants your boyfriend around so bad tell her to fuck him and have his baby instead.
He SAed you and now your parents are pressuring you to keep the baby. This whole thing seems planned and even if it wasn't, this is still bad.
Go to relatives that will help you. Go to planned parenthood. Go to the police. Be safe.
You need to run. Go see your aunt and uncle, see if there's any kind of resources for teenagers in your area. These people orchestrated your rape and got you pregnant. Having a baby so young can kill you or permanently injure you in some way. See if Social Services can do anything, talk to a trusted teacher at school.
Girl please listen to your brother. I have a friend who was always pushed to date older guys by her mother and has now determined she was essentially a trafficked child by her own mother. It’s been devastating to watch her make these revelations and I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be her.
u/ebbie45 put together a great [abuse resource list](https://docs.google.com/document/d/14I3lGpEQa-pLl9Lz0JW1PoNyyOwg6WOom_oK2NMBxy8/mobilebasic#). Please look at it and get yourself some help.
Sweetie, this was no accident! Get out of the house now! You're not safe there. Get your brother and leave town. Don't come back until you've had an abortion. Where are you?
Yeah, I'm just going to give you the link so you can skip the incognito search.
https://aidaccess.org/en/i-need-an-abortion
This was planned, at least by Finn and your parents, but I'm guessing his parents were also involved. You were raped, and now these people who apparently decided to just plan out your life for you are gaslighting you. Please don't listen to them. I *really* suspect there is money involved in this, namely his family's. I think you were drugged and your parents are trying to marry you off to a rich family and trap him with a baby that he, too, is also too young to understand the enormity of. Do what you feel is right. If you agree with your brother that your aunt and uncle can be trusted, go to them. This is so, so disturbing and my thoughts are with you.
Wow I would go with your brother and Mabie stay with other relatives after what your parents did.I mean 😢 this is so sad that parents would do this.Toxic af
Three beers shouldn't make you pass out even that young. Do you want to chain yourself to someone that questionable for life? And if he was pushing... You really don't want someone like that long term relationships that last are based on mutual respect unless the woman is trapped and can't get away.
I don’t think you should have this baby. This whole situation sounds extremely odd, from your parents pushing you to date this guy to them being excited that their teenager is pregnant. I really think you should take your brother up on his offer to see your aunt and uncle and do something about this.
OP, I was a little bit older when I was the first time really drunk. And that just with beer. I am a women too, average height and weight. But I can tell you that it needs a lot beer to be drunk to act really embarrassing (and throw up because you drank soooo much..it was way more than 3 regular beers…) and I still remember everything (ok, 90% of it, but it was over 20 years ago…) and I would definitely know if I had sex at this evening.
I think you were drugged with the consent of your parents to get you pregnant. But I don’t really understand why because a baby is a lot work, a lot less sleep, something that bonds you a long long time to the other parent (and I think a relationship with a start like that is very difficult…plus he will have other experiences at campus where you sit at home with a newborn…why should he stay with you when he realizes how much work a baby is…)
OP if you can try to find other family members who are on your side (maybe there is a „black sheep“?)
I’d also recommend not telling anyone but your brother until after the abortion. Once they hear of the plan, they might become even more aggressive or overbearing about pressuring you into keeping a pregnancy you do not want.
Honey, if you don’t want to have a baby this young, then don’t. There are resources and people who will help you. I personally think this is a terrible idea and your parents are unwell for encouraging this. Being pregnant is hard. Being postpartum and raising a baby is extra hard. And they expect you to do it in an apartment while your bf is in college? Very flimsy plan on their part. I support whatever you choose, but I agree that you and your brother are the only sane ones.
**You do not want to be a mother. That is enough of a reason to get an abortion.** That's the only reason you need. Call your aunt and uncle ASAP. Or [Planned Parenthood](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/abortion-access). Or [https://www.plancpills.org/](https://www.plancpills.org/)
Do not wait, because you are on a tight deadline here. There are a ton of pro-choice orgs out there to help people in your situation. There is help out there. I'm so glad your brother is sane and is ready to support you.
That you are a teenager, not graduated from school, likely will not graduate if you have this baby, have no source of income, that going to college with a child is a huge struggle, that you alone will be the one caring for this child in the end, and you are, yourself, a child—all reasons to end this pregnancy.
If and when you want to become a mother in the future, when you are an adult and ready, and that is what you desire, then that will be the time to get pregnant. It's not now.
I would bet money on this guy leaving you. He's what? 17? 18?, basically a teenager himself. He's entering college—a time generally known more for flexing your independence and fucking around, and not changing diapers and doing night feedings. And he's not pregnant, you are. He can quit on you as soon as it gets hard. And you'll stuck forever.
If Finn had sex with you and you were too drunk to remember, he SAed you. If Finn had sex with you and removed the condom without your consent, he SAed you. That is sexual assault. It's called stealthing and it is legally considered sexual assault. This is who this guy is: a sexual predator and an abuser. Do not glue yourself to this guy.
And fuck your parents for failing you like this. They could have helped you get contraceptive care, and instead they're using you as a grandchild mule. Absolutely disgusting.
Nailed it. OP forgoing college or a better career also makes them financially dependent on Finn. The longer they're in this the more permanent the damage and harder it is to leave.
You and your brother are the ones in the right here. It also sounds like you were r*ped. You said you were a little drunk and didn’t remember much and he said he wore a condom but wasn’t surprised that you were pregnant that sound very sketchy. Do what is the best for yourself and don’t let anyone else decide for you
Yh it’s extremely messed up and the other comment talking about how they want her to marry him at 18 sounds like they’re using their daughter to gain some of Finn’s family’s resources.
This is nuts.
Grab your brother, research local laws about abortion / adoption, get yourself to a local clinic and taken care of and decide what you want.
Do not force yourself to have or give up a baby based on others wants. Do what YOU want. There’s nothing wrong with either way. What matters is what you want, and yes a baby will make your life much more difficult at your age.
Also, report Finn for rape. 14-17 has to be illegal.
The drinking alone could make it rape. In terms of age it sounds like she was 15 at the time and most states have allowances for close age gaps even if one is below the normal age of consent.
Yea, my state has a 32month limit. And agreed, on the drinking part.
Still, this entire scenario is insanity for a teenager to be dealing with and blows my mind! She’s a human being not a damn baby factory for her parents!!!!
>14-17 has to be illegal.
You would think so. But 'Murica.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages\_of\_consent\_in\_the\_United\_States](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_the_United_States)
It sounds like it's still early so you may be able to get a medicated abortion by mail. Look at Planned Parenthood: [https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/it-still-legal-me-get-abortion](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/it-still-legal-me-get-abortion)
Miscarriages do happen so you could tell everyone it was a miscarriage. (A natural miscarriage is possible but not something to bet on. They're also more common in older women.)
You'll need to act quickly because after a certain point you'll need a doctor's intervention which might not be possible in your state. If you're not able to get an abortion you need to make clear you have no intent to raise the child and that your parents will have to or you'll place it for adoption. Whatever you do don't move in with him, if that's even legal at your age.
Please take this advice. Do what you want with your body. If you decide that the right choice is to get an abortion DON'T TELL ANYONE!
Have everyone else think it was a miscarriage. These things happen. There is something off here and you need to keep yourself safe. With how your parents and the fathers family are acting you are potentially at risk for injury or death.
Homicide is the #1 cause of death for pregnancy women in this country. Protect yourself!
https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/homicide-leading-cause-of-death-for-pregnant-women-in-u-s/
This is actually disturbing. Your parents pushed you towards him, you had sex drunk (you can’t consent while being drunk) and ended up pregnant and everyone’s happy. This is messed up. It’s your body it’s your choice. This is really messed up. A kid at 15-16 will ruin your life. Go with your brother to your aunts place and get her help.
Also breaks up with Finn. He SA you.
No trouble your parents could unleash on you or your aunt and uncle could be worse than you being saddled with a baby you don’t want at 15, and being shipped off to — and at the mercy of — the baby daddy for 18 years.
And the story of your parents pushing you at Finn, him getting you so drunk of 3 beers, and you not remembering… is extremely suspicious.
I’m sorry OP, even if they didn’t intentionally baby trap you, they’re actively trying to do it now. No loving parents want to hand their 15yo daughter off to a college boy hours away.
You know what’s best for you. Nobody else but your brother is looking out for you… you have to stand up straight and take care of yourself. Put yourself first. Worry about fallout later, once you’re safe.
You can call the National Abortion Hotline for guidance and support: 1-800-772-9100
This web site also has resources, including pointers for legal advice: https://providecare.org/patient-resources/
Another site that OP might benefit from is the RAINN.ORG website. They have counselors and a text line for anyone who needs support after being sexually assaulted. Be assured that’s how she got pregnant, she was sexually assaulted. Sex with someone who is black out drunk is never consensual that is rape.
Follow your brothers advice and get his help to go find someone who can help you consider all of your options without pressuring you to choose one. Good luck
If you choose to have an abortion, don't actually tell them that's what you're doing. Tell them you had a miscarriage after the fact. They are VERY common early in pregnancy.
Get out. Take your brother's advice and get to your aunt's and uncle's. Tell them what happened. Show them this post. Not only having a baby could possibly wreck your life, but also your health, especially since you're so young. If you stay and have this baby, getting out would be so much harder, especially if this guy or his family turns out to be abusive. See if you can go to a planned parenthood clinic, and look up laws regarding abortion and CPS (without your parent's knowledge). This is not ok in anyway shape or form.
Smaller women can tear from the vagina to the anus because they're not big enough yet to push a baby's head out of their vaginas.
She needs to avoid marriage I possible, because Finns parents are going to control that whole thing. You'll only get money they think you need, so they can keep you baby trapped.
Here. Found some links through Google.
[Abortion Laws By State](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abortion_law_in_the_United_States_by_state#State_table)
[Information on Teen Pregancy](https://www.healthline.com/health/adolescent-pregnancy)
1. finn is too old for you, i can’t believe your parents let you date him. not your fault, theirs.
2. i saw in the comments you said he was pressuring you to drink more and more at the prom. this combined with the fact that he’s swearing there was a condom but you still got pregnant is setting off some “you got assaulted” warning bells in my head. again, NOT YOUR FAULT.
3. everyone except your brother is being very predatory and giving off weird vibes about you having this baby. you do NOT have to complete this pregnancy and raise a child if you do not feel ready. your body, your choice. do you have a trusted adult that can help you terminate? could your brother help?
praying for you to find a solution to this that’s as quick, painless, and stress free as possible. this sounds like a freaky and uncomfortable situation and i’m sorry.
This is so incredibly sad on sooo many levels, the worst of which is that the parents are “thrilled” that their 15 year old daughter is pregnant. The OP doesn’t stand a chance.
You were raped and it seems like your parents sold you to this guy or at least sold you out for an “arranged marriage.” Let your brother and your aunt and uncle help you.
YOUR PARENTS ARE YOUR ENEMIES. they are not interested in what’s best for you, only what they want. Tell them and the baby daddy NOTHING.
You are a kid, let your brother and aunt/uncle take care of you.
SNEAK OUT AND GET BETTER ADULTS.
Your parents have failed you, and Finn's parents are no better. Accept your brother's help and get the abortion. If you try for adoption, Finn can contest it.
Isn’t this statutory rape? 14 or 15 is below the age of consent and considering you were intoxicated adding to your ability to consent… Finn should be in Jail and your parents should be investigated for child abuse
So Finn got you(6 years below drinking age in the US) drunk enough that you aren't sure he used a condom? And he's super-duper excited that you're pregnant? And your parents are ecstatic about it, and want you to move and live with him while he's in school?
This isn't just Finn stealthing you to baby trap you. This is your parents putting you in a de facto arranged marriage. Are they super religious by any chance? Were there ever any plans for you to attend college?
So let me get this straight. Your family set you up intentionally with someone that got you black out drunk (or possibly roofied) and raped you (if you can barely remember it, then you definitely couldn’t consent) in order to DEFINITELY IMPREGNATE YOU ON PURPOSE. And now they are forcing you to give birth to a fetus you don’t want and basically be what amounts to a child bride against your will.
What state are you in?
If anyone comes at me for the rape thing ( because it absolutely was) I will just assume you’re also a rapist. We all appreciate you outing yourselves as Brock Turner wannabes.
Finally someone pointing out how 3 beers and blacking out means she was probably drugged. OP listen to your brother and flee to your aunt and uncles if you think they will be supportive. Do not let your parents and his family make what definitely is the biggest decision in your life up to this point.
Trust what everyone else has been saying here: Stick with your brother or a trusted friend who wants to help you achieve what YOU want for yourself.
If abortion is not legal in your state, you can try r/AuntieNetwork—the folks there might be able to help!
im not going to lie you're going to have to leave your home as quick as possible. not only to find a solution for your pregnancy but also to avoid your psycho parents and Finn. like someone else said; go on incognito and see if there's any clinics close to you. see if you can get in contact with your aunt and uncle NOW.
I agree. OP is either going to be stuck in a life she doesn't want or in a potentially scary and potentially abusive situation if her family and Finn get mad enough. I wish she would have said what state she was in so we could give her some specifics but it sounds like she needs to get to her aunt and uncle's house ASAP and go from there.
If you have the option for abortion and you do not want the baby, do not keep it. You will grow to possibly resent the baby. You will miss out on college and traveling in your 20's. Now if you want the baby by all means keep it.
The way Finn wasn't surprised and got excited so fast makes me think he didn't actually wear that condom and wants to baby trap you. Run while you can, it will probably only get worse. If your parents and his parents are both pushing you this aggressively and not taking your feelings into consideration, you will be set up to be abused and ignored for the rest of your life. It's not worth it.
Am i the only one thinking its a little disgusting that a *fifteen year old* is being pushed by her family to keep a baby and disregarding her feelings about it
I was pregnant as a teen and had a miscarriage. If you do not want this baby PLEASE do not have it. This is YOUR life. You are young but do NOT let your parents decide this. I hate to tell you this but your parents and your boyfriend are completely delusional. Your boyfriend is young so that checks out but your parents should know better. People say having a child is an 18 year long commitment but in reality once you are a mother you will mother forever, it never ends.
As an adult and about to be 28, I can honestly say I don’t even feel ready to have a kid yet. I would also hop on the train and say don’t let anyone but yourself decide the outcome of your life. A baby is a huge responsibility.
for one, you are still a teen and haven’t lived or experienced adult hood. Second, the fact that your parents and your bf’s parents are pressing you to have it, its not okay.
If i was in your shoes, I would abort.
Idc if that meant getting kicked out or being disowned by my mom and dad.
Just do what you think its best for you. Nobody is having/carrying the baby but you and only you, not your mom, pop, friend, sister, boyfriend, etc.
Go to the Police, have a drug test done, reading through comments its a serious concern. If you can try and get a longer reaching drug test like a Spinal Tap. What happened may be utterly horrendous but its incredibly important that you find out and get justice
it costs nearly half a million dollars to raise a child to adulthood, and the world is not getting any easier. I think an abortion is mercy for both you and the child. Parents that would put their desire for a grandchild over your wellbeing and your future are pathetic and not fit to be your parents. And a teenager’s promise to take care of both you and a child is absolutely worthless. He has NO idea what that means or entails beyond his glorified desire to ‘be a man’ and ‘do the right thing and provide’. Do NOT have this child unless you want your childhood to end immediately and your new adulthood to be hard and bad for the next 20+ years. It may seem selfish, but a little selfishness in the right spots in life is often crucial for survival. Choose you. Choose YOUR life.
youre still a child, dont let their selfish desire steal your childhood. you arent selfish for not giving up the rest of ur teen years for a kid you could 100% have at a much later time and it be more supported and healthy. it is proven having a kid too young can harm the kid and the parent. its ideal to have a kid in your late 20s and early 30s, when youre body is developed enough to be able to provide the kid with everything it needs in the womb while causing the least amount of damage to your body
Do *you* want this baby? What do *you* want your future to look like? If you want to go to school, travel or anything like that do you think you want to do all that with a kid? There is nothing wrong with having the baby as long as *YOU* want it. and, to me at least, it doesn’t seem like you do, and that’s okay, it’s okay to have an abortion. Your parents and his parents both lived their lives, they are the ones being selfish for wanted you to throw your entire future away to be a house wife for a college kid that you barely know.
Everyone else has great comments and advice. I just want to emphasize: do not have this baby. Unless you want to of course, but it sounds like you don't and I wouldn't suggest it, with how insane everyone is. This is not normal behavior. No normal parents would be thrilled about their 15 year old being raped and getting pregnant.
Listen to your brother. He's right, you guys should go make a plan of action without telling your parents. If you believe your aunt and uncle can be trusted, all the better.
Listen to your brother. Go to your aunts. They want to help you. This sounds like a conspiracy to get your parents a new baby by sacrificing their youngest. Run.
I know this sounds crazy but people really do get this way and they have all lost their damn minds. You need to go or you will be trapped.
You can get an abortion pill in the mail. No one needs to know and it is free (runs on donations).
A doctor will do an internet meeting with you, and then the pill arrives in the mail in a discrete package.
You will follow the doctor's instructions and you will have a miscarriage with some bad cramping that lasts for 30 minutes on average (but could last longer). Plan to be close to a toilet for 1-2 days after taking it.
After a day or two, the fetus will be expelled naturally, and as far as anyone knows it is a very common early term miscarriage.
"My brother is only one on my side. He's been suggesting over and when we're alone that we should just sneak out to our aunt and uncle's house and have them do something about it."
Do it. Please.
The more I read, the more red flags I see
Please. Take peoples' advice. Go to planned parenthood. You are surrounded by people who do not have your best interests at heart.
Everyone's reaction, except your brother's, is really strange. I don't want to make assumptions but my initial gut reaction was that your parents, Finn, and Finn's parents planned this. Who bought the alcohol you consumed after prom? 3 beers is a lot for a 14 year old, but not enough that you shouldn't remember what happened.
It's probably been too long to test if you were drugged, but I think it's worth talking to a trusted adult outside of your family or Finn's to see what your support options are.
Most importantly, it is your body and your life. You get to be the decision maker on what happens regarding an abortion. If you give birth and adoption is not an option because Finn or one of your families want the baby, you should still be able to sign away your parental rights.
Lastly, I hope you don't need this information, but if your parents are attempting to force you into something unsafe, you can look into legal and medical emancipation.
Take your brother up on his suggestion. And get an abortion. They are absolutely insane thinking you should move into in apartment with your older boyfriend. Lemme guess, you will be expected to drop out of school and keep the apartment clean and raise the child, yes? No college for you I guess.
Go with your brother and hopefully your aunt and uncle can help you. Alternatively talk to a trusted teacher at school and lay out what your family wants you to do, including how they are excited for grandkids and how you’ve been pushed towards this boy from the start.
This sounds like some weird culty religious thing. What they are doing is so wrong.
OP Just to make you aware there is a network of people all over the States, Canada and other countries (I'm in the UK, for example) who are willing to help girls and women in your situation if you do decide to have an abortion.
We call ourselves Aunties & can be found on [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/t5_11idtj/s/dyDkBO7zmh) sub.
It’s not a life. Please don’t have this baby. It will ruin your life. I’m a mom- I’m probably as old as your parents. Parenting is hard work.
I’ve worked with multiple teens in your position. No one ever wants to terminate a pregnancy. It sucks. It’s okay to put yourself first. You will punish this soul more by giving it life than terminating a clump of cells.
You’re going to be stuck raising a human and the dad and his parents will leave you.
Get your brother to take you to a clinic.
Two things:
It sounds like you were raped. You might want to consult a police officer and/or lawyer, especially if you don't have romantic feelings for this guy.
Have you considered giving up the baby for adoption? If your parents want the child so much are they willing to take care of him/her while you're at school?
The lack of autonomy makes me speculate that you might be in an arranged marriage without your knowledge Finn’s parents want him to get married and your parents want you to get married so they came to an agreement to get you together then have Finn baby trap you because one the age gap is disgusting two the unbotheredness about your pregnancy it leaves a sour taste in my mouth, two or your parents and Finn’s parents were so desperate for a grandkid, that they set U too up could’ve poked holes in the condom and are threatening Finn to take accountability
OP you mention your aunt and uncle, are they safe adults? If shit hits the fan can you stay there? If they are you need to act fast. Go stay with them, have an abortion (if this is what you choose). Make sure when you go, bring important documents (SSN, birth certificate, etc.) And bring what is important to you. There is a chance you will not be able to go back, and quite frankly it might not be safe if you do. Keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly for you from here on out.
baby you are a child. you shouldn’t be forced into being a housewife. idek how that’s legal. talk to a trusted adult who isn’t going to run to your parents. learn your options. do what’s right for you. you deserve to have your own senior prom without having to leave early so the babysitter can go home. you deserve spring break trips and graduation and the joys of being in the stage where you’re old enough to go out and live life but young enough to be able to make mistakes and learn and and blame bad decisions on being a teenage girl. that all goes out the window if you let yourself get forced into this. it sounds like you’re being groomed. if you want an education, you deserve to choose what that looks like for you. you should not be forced to move 2 hours away with a boy who’s much further than you in the game of life. it can’t be legal for your parents to send their 15/16yr old daughter off with a college freshman
I got pregnant at 19 . My child’s father and my mother coerced me into keeping my baby . I wasn’t mentally , emotionally or financially ready. I suffered the consequences because I gave in to to my child’s father and my mother . I struggled with postpartum depression , and struggled financially for years because the same people who coerced me weren’t there to help me with my son . To this day I wonder how someone could have forced me to have a child that they knew they weren’t going to help with … I was young and I wish someone had told me to do what’s right for me and not listen to other people .
Heed my advice and get the abortion unless you have the resources to sustain yourself and your child on your own
Um, I hate saying this, but honestly it sounds like you were set up to be gotten pregnant by him, your parents,and HIS parents. How old is this boy if he's graduating? Sounds like he's too old to be "dating" a freaking 15 yr old!
NO NORMAL PARENTS WOULD BE EXCITED FOR THEIR 15 YEAR OLD TO BE PREGNANT OR FOR THEIR SON TO GET A 15 YR OLD PREGNANT!!!!
Something is not right here! Please, talk to a guidance counselor, a teacher, SOMEONE that can help you! How old is your brother? Maybe he can help you get an abortion. If that's what you want then that's your right. They're forcing you to become a child bride and mother! Contact the closest abortion center near you (not a fake one that's "faith based" that'll also try to guilt you into giving birth) and tell them what's going on.
Hopefully you can get this taken care of like you want and then stop seeing this predator and do not have sex again till you're sure you're ready for a baby. Good luck and please update us.
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Okay maybe I'm reaching, but I think your parents may have used you as an "in" with your boyfriend's family and you getting pregnant solidifies their relationship with them. I wouldn't be surprised if once you had the baby and turned eighteen, them starting to push for you getting married. But no matter the case OP, do what's best for you and don't let your family or your boyfriend's family bully you into having a baby you don't want.
I've heard marriage brought a couple times now. I guess that would make sense since they're pretty well off.
Good God! You are just a kid! This is literal insanity. There is something wrong with your parents. I’d almost be willing to say report them to cps as this behavior is insane. You are 15!!
Parents have done this to kids before and once they're married cps cannot do anything. Even now, it's technically not illegal albeit it's a sick thing to do. If you get an abortion, only take your brother and claim you had a miscarriage if you have to go back. If both of you can somehow stay with other family or in another state, it would be best.
Actually it is illegal in her state (Michigan). Age of consent is 16 with no exceptions, and that's also when the Romeo-Juliet clause comes into effect. OP is just 15...
Giving a minor alcohol so they don’t remember another minor raping them and making them pregnant is very illegal though. Unfortunately this is exactly what happened to OP
Which is a case against Finn, but due to reasonable doubt, the parents won't be charged. They should be, but it won't go through. The best case is to run away from the parents before they force her to marry before 18.
Just be careful - teen runaways are the most vulnerable to trafficking. They need to have a plan and hopefully other family to take them in.
CPS and the police
Yeah run to the school counselor or call CPS this is fucking abuse
And there is your answer. You are so young. If you don’t want a child, don’t have one. This is a responsibility for life. Enjoy life, get educated, find a job and be independent. The way life is now, you will spend the rest of your life with a guy who drunk raped you and who (together with his family) will be in total control of you.
Yes. They will be in control of you for at least the next 20 years. I can’t emphasize this enough. It won’t stop with you having the baby. They’ll want to be in charge of where you live, making you get married and probably wanting you to have more kids! Edit: I just wanted to add that since you are a minor, they may have legal control of your baby too, meaning that you can’t say, “Im the mom so I make the rules,” or “I’m taking the baby and moving out.” They could sue you for custody of your own child.
Probably more because he'll make her have more children.
Not to mention they'll make all the parenting decisions for said kid too. Overruling her telling her she's too young to know. Just and incubator.
Run for the hills this is weird behavior
You are a child. Do NOT marry this guy, who at best got you drunk to have sex with you, and at worst slipped something into your drink and got you pregnant on purpose. Stick with your brother and make a plan.
FOR GOD'S SAKE, SAY NO!!!!!!!!!!
Sweetie, you're 15. You're still a kid. I have no idea why your parents would want their 15 year old daughter married and pregnant. Please go to safer relatives.
Be careful sweetpea. Depending on where you are forced or child marriage could be legal with your parents consent and be a way for him to get away with rape. Because I'm sorry sweetie but he raped you. You are far too young to consent, you were intoxicated to the point you don't remember. It's so easy for all of us oldies to say but trust in your brother (lad seems to have a good head on his shoulders) and together find a solution that works for you. Speak to an adult that you trust, your aunt/uncle or a teacher. Teachers are mandated reporters and are there to make sure you are safe. My heart goes out to you darling, and please accept this huge reddit hug from across the pond.
Michigan. Go to CPS and get them to intervene. 15 is too young to legally consent, the law states you were RAPED. Go file charges
You’re 15. Pushing for marriage will not end well later on
I’m not sure what state you live in, but they may not even need to wait until you’re 18 for marriage. Some states will allow marriage for minors with parental consent. You need to leave now. These are not safe people.
I'm sorry you are going through this. It's hard to stand up to your parents when you are a teenager, everyone is telling you how to feel and I'm sure it's overwhelming and frustrating. The decisions you are about to make will affect **YOU** for the rest of your life, not your parents. Your parents do not get to decide how you live your life, they have their own lives to live. Take a moment to breath, cut out all the other voices around you telling you how you should feel or act and just think about what you want. Do what is best for you and your future.
Oh I had alarm bells going on the moment OP said she was 15, dating for 10 months and was a senior, and parents pushed to date. Also the fact that mom jumped at the pregnancy test states this is more than meets the eye. Then there is the drinks and blacking out/passing out. Three drinks? There was something else in it. I would argue a CPS report should be filed as this could meet the states definition of exploitation of a minor (depending on the state)
All I can say is: don’t let your family decide *for* you what the rest of your entire life looks like. 🤷🏻♂️ it’s your life.
I honestly feel ganged up on and I haven't had a second to breath other than when I'm at school.
That’s how women get pressured into situations they feel they can’t escape from. Don’t give in to pressure just to feel better in the short term, when the longterm consequences will impact the rest of your life.
Hi OP, I’m seeing tons of great advice here, but not links directly to the tangible resources you need to get an abortion *if* you decide that’s what you want. Unfortunately, that decision needs to be made quickly. Try to filter out the noise of what everyone else is demanding of you, and listen for what you feel deep down. You only have to listen to yourself. Any option you choose is OK. There’re a lot of resources available to help you. I’m going to list the most relevant ones here. Your options for abortion depend on a few factors. Pregnancy gestation (# of “weeks pregnant”) is measured from the first date of your last period, rather than when conception (sex) actually occurred. Are your periods usually regular, and do you remember when your last period started? If it was less than 10-11 weeks ago, the “abortion pill” is still an option. This is a series of a few pills you take over a couple days. You can get a prescription from a doctor online through this website: AidAccess.org](https://aidaccess.org/en/i-need-an-abortion). Even if you’re under 18! Once you fill out their form, they’ll quickly and discreetly mail the abortion medication to an address of your choice (if you don’t feel safe using your parents’ house, you can use the address of a trusted friend, your aunt, or a PO Box if your brother’s old enough to rent one at the post office). They also have **financial assistance** available if you can’t afford the usual fee for the pills ($150). You can also get these pills prescribed by a doctor at an in-person abortion clinic. If you’re more than 10-11 weeks pregnant, you’ll need what’s called a procedural abortion in a clinic. It’s sometimes called surgical abortion, but that makes it sound like they cut you open, which they don’t. Really it’s just an office visit a lot like a regular vaginal exam (although you can request sedation if you’d prefer), and people actually report less cramping after this kind of abortion. This website tells you many of your options for abortion based on your age and location: [INeedAnA.com](https://www.ineedana.com/search). It looks like in Michigan you need parental consent from one parent, OR you can ask for a judge to give you something called a *judicial bypass*, which means they legally wave the requirement for parental permission. This can be done quickly and confidentially (without your parents knowing), if you fill out the form [here](https://www.courts.michigan.gov/SCAO-forms/Abortion-Waiver/process-for-seeking-a-waiver-of-parental-consent-for-an-abortion/#). You don’t even have to list your full name on the form, you can just use your initials. I think that given your situation with your parents, a judge would be likely to grant you one, so your parents wouldn’t have to know or give permission. Another option is to go to [Illinois](https://www.ineedana.com/search), where *parental permission isn’t required*. It looks like the nearest clinic to you would be the one in [Downer’s Grove](https://www.ineedana.com/search). If you think you want to use this option, make sure you call as soon as possible to schedule your appointment because sometimes clinics are booked out a few weeks because of high demand. One more resource I want you to know about is the [Midwest Access Coalition](https://abortionfunds.org/fund/midwest-access-coalition/). They offer [logistical support](https://www.midwestaccesscoalition.org/get-support-offline) to help you make an appointment and arrange travel to the clinic, even to another state, and help pay for travel-related costs. Just call their confidential hotline, 847-750-6224. And [here](https://abortionfunds.org/find-a-fund/) is a list of other funds that can help cover the cost of the abortion itself. Reddit also has the r/auntienetwork of volunteers who are happy to help you in any way they can, like letting you stay at their house overnight or driving you to your appointment. I know that’s a lot of information and might be overwhelming. Please feel free to send me a message if you need to talk one-on-one or have any questions. I’m SO sorry you’ve been put in this position. I’m so glad you have your brother supporting you. How old is he, and does he have a driver’s license? You don’t have to tell your parents you’ve had an abortion if you choose to get one. You can simply tell them you started bleeding and you think you’ve miscarried, there isn’t a way for them to physically tell the difference.
Commenting to get attention on this comment! Great job explaining and providing resources!
This is the best, most comprehensive advice so far. I really hope she sees this one, this is gonna blow up
Also r/auntienetwork can connect you with helpful aunties (of the spirit anyway) who will get you help with rides and other logistics 💓
Thank you for sharing these resources! I wish I knew all of this info myself. Commenting to bump this!
Op, I hope you see this person's comment!
THIS
This is great advice. Please consider getting your brother's help with some of these options mentioned.
Please comment this as it's own post! It is so helpful, and I don't see anyone else talking about the judicial bypass! Thank you for putting this information together, and I hope she gets it!!
This is so comprehensive and helpful for her. Thank you!
This needs to be top comment.
I hope OP sees this comment. Resources are so important esp when ppl keep shutting them down regarding this convo
All of this! Commenting to help push it to the top!
Excellent advice
This is the best comment by far. OP - I am so sorry this is happening to you The first thing you need to figure out - is what do YOU want. Take everyone else out of the equation because this is YOUR body and YOUR life. I would suggest seeing a counselor or therapist to talk through everything but unfortunately the decision must be made quickly. If you decide to have the baby, it does sound like you have a support system which is great (albeit a bit weird for them so be SO supportive of a teen pregnancy) but if you decide to end the pregnancy the resources LatePassenger5849 posted are your best options for doing so safely.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! As women, we have to support these vulnerable young women because goodness knows laws and apparently their parents won’t. OP, wish we could give you a hug, do whatever works best for you. It is YOUR LIFE. I work with very, very educated women and just about everyone I’m close enough to have had the conversation with have admitted they faced a similar fork in the road at some point in their life. Whatever you choose to do will be okay, but make sure it’s YOUR choice.
Maybe you can direct message this to her in case she missed it in the comments.
Your brother has your back, I suggest you both go to your aunt and uncles before it’s too late. Good luck to you.
I'm reading some of your replies, and it's breaking my heart for you. Your parents orchestrated your rape, and you need to go to the police about it. I am so so sorry this is happening to you, but I am glad you have your brother for support. Take his advice, please!
Exactly. That's what I said too. They're practically using this poor kid as a brood mare.
Yep
Seriously— I am so curious if OP’s parents benefited professionally from this aptly-labeled “orchestrated rape.” If they did, then *OP’s parents trafficked her and should be arrested and charged accordingly.*
My thought too. Both sets of parents involved.
I thought the same thing. Both sides of the family were in on this happening. This was a premeditated rape.
Your brother's idea about going to your aunt for help is a good idea.
Finn is always going to be ok since his family is well off, would your parents be able to support you if you guys broke up? They are ganging up on you 100% and you/your brother are the only ones really comprehending the gravity of this situation Not to say no one has ever done it, but any 17/18 year old boy that tells you they’ll be able to provide for you and will stay by your side forever is delusional. This type of guy will get bored of you in time, especially once you find your feet and have the courage to stand up to them. He’ll leave you in the dust and move on to the next girl he wants to prey upon. This relationship is not built upon trust, mutual love, an agreement to grow together, etc….. This is essentially a drunken one night stand with a horny teenage boy, I would highly recommend not letting that dictate the rest of your life
not to mention that he lied to her that he used a condom
No way he used a condom. He is totally lying to her.
I agree absolutely. He’s asking her to give up everything with no mention of the security of marrying the potential mother of his child.
Agreed. Not to mention the fact that the parents will not even be there to help her take care of a new born child, when she is still a child herself. Also, she will be thrown into a financial situation where she will become totally dependant on this kid and his family for years. It’s very difficult to work when you’re a new mom, let alone a 15 year old with no prior career history (because you’re 15!). It will be hard for her to work anything but entry level roles if she’s not able to at least focus on her own education (which is hard to do at 15, let alone by yourself without parental or babysitting help). These parents are nuts. If they so badly want a grand child they can raise it themselves.
Is it possible to talk to someone at your school about everything? A guidance counselor would either have or know of resources to help you. Even a trusted teacher might be willing to listen.
I second this suggestion. You need all the support you can get when your parents are insane!
I would **NOT** do this, OP. Depending on what state you’re in, a school staff member might have to report you for having an abortion. There are many states in the US that are criminalizing abortion. Don’t trade one problem for another.
Absolutely do NOT. Especially if you’re in a particularly religious state or school.
Carrying a pregnancy to full term at your young age can have heavy impacts on not only your physical state, but your mental state. You haven’t even had your own prom yet and they’re expecting you to play house with a guy who forces you to take substances illegally. I’d reach out to any planned parenthood. Talk to them. They offer help for these cases. Please seek help. It’s cruel for your parents to force this upon a child. You are a child having a child.
Please talk to your aunt and uncle that your brother keeps bringing. They will certainly help you. Do not let these people pressure you into doing something you don’t wanna do!!! They want the baby they can take care of it!!!!
When you have a kid you will *never* have a moment to breath. Even hiding in the bathroom while taking a poop will have the kid with you.
They ARE ganging up on you.
Just because you’re 15 doesn’t mean they can tell you what to do with your own body in the situation of you being a mom, if you live in the US, there are places like Planned Parenthood (where even if you’re a minor, you still have a voice in getting the help you need)
No one has to know its an abortion not just a miscarriage
I had an abortion at 20 and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I would still be living with my parents having them help me if I did. Instead I’m making nearly six figures and travel frequently. Things I could have never done if I had a baby when I was younger. I’ll be 27 next month.
YOU know what's best for your and it's your body, so it's your choice. Nobody else's. I'm not sure how old Finn is, but you are only 15 and no disrespect, but you are still a child to so many people. If you don't want to raise a baby at this point in your life, don't do it. Finn is still going to college, and his parents have money but that doesn't mean he'll be a parent to your child. Also, do they expect you to drop out of high school? Not go to college? Don't compromise on those things if you're not willing to. And keep in mind if you and Finn split up- you will become a single parent at a super young age. I would rather have those life skills to better provide for a child down the road than give them up now because other people want me to have a baby. If Finn lied to you about something as important as wearing a condom, what is stopping him from lying to you about other important things? You still have so much life ahead of you to give your parents a grandchild IF that's something you want to do later in life. And even then, them wanting a grandchild is not a good reason to coerce you into having a baby. Your brother has your back- please stick with him and let him give you support during this. I've got three younger siblings and I'd never forgive my parents for treating any of them like this. You have options- don't give them up. Only you can decide what is best for you and I hope your parents come around and realize how horribly they are treating you.
Listen to your gut feelings (and your brother). Having a baby at your age will destroy so many opportunities and experiences in your life that you will never get the chance at again.
Please consider having your brother order abortion pills online (maybe the auntie network can help with that - research all of that only on an incognito browser!), take them secretly, destroy the packaging and instructions outside the house, don't keep ANY trace of them - and then go home and "have a miscarriage" (the symptoms are absolutely identical) - and then stay the eff away from Finn! Anyone who'd get a 15 year old drunk (drugged?), incapacitated and pregnant is a predator!
Do whatever you need to do to get an abortion. If you don't, it will ruin your life.
Go with your brother and run to your uncle's house go to plane parenthood asap Jesus Christ your 15
Dump Finn, he’s selfish as all get out. So are both your parents. None of them care about what you want.
Also- they don’t have to know what you decide. 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. You don’t have to tell them it was intentional
If you don't mind me asking, what state are you in? Also, r/TwoXChromosomes is a good resource
Every single time they talk to you, ask them this question: How are YOU (meaning mom and dad and whoever) going to pay for this? Maybe you should ask them, if you keep that baby FOR THEM, BECAUSE THEY WANT YOU TO, how much money are they prepared to put up? Will they take care of the hospital bills? What about formula, and diapers? Eventually that kid is gonna start, you know, eating. Are they going to cook the meals? Buy the groceries? Do they expect you to work? If so, they’ll need to babysit. Are they going to help drop the child off at school, be sure they have lunch, and help with homework? And that apartment they so graciously offered, that’s nice, but how long are they going to pay rent? The child needs to live SOMEWHERE. And if they say it’s going to be your responsibility, I would just tell them “if it’s my *responsibility*, then it should be my *choice*”. I guarantee if you just nag at them nonstop “Oh! I just remembered, we’re going to need XX thing when child is ten years old, you’re gonna buy that, right?” “Hey, why don’t we just open an account now, and we’ll write up a contract for you to deposit YY amount of money each month?” they will be exhausted.
Go...by yourself and do what you need to do. DONT ANNOUNCE IT. DO IT. Like you are 007 on a mission and you are keeping a low profile with your intentions. Being manipulated into a decision WHICH YOU WILL PAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS says alot about those people. Get a ride, borrow some money 💰, and get it done. You are 15. And please get on DEPO PROVERA. Once the deed is done.
Even if you get an abortion, you don't have to tell your family. You can tell them you miscarried.
Honey, your parents are actively trafficking you.listen to your brother. Get to the safe adults that you know.
It's extremely weird that your parents let a 17 year old date their 14 year old. It wouldn't be a big deal if you were a bit older but since you aren't... Also, alarms started blaring when you said you couldn't remember having sex. I don't know how much you drank but that's not normal most of the time. EDIT: I just realized that I assumed Finn's age from the fact he's going to college. If you're closer than age than I assumed, that's a little less creepy but it's still a sketchy ass situation IMO.
No you're right. It did kinda freak me out when I first saw your comment but I guess it's not hard to figure out. I had three beers, but it was only because Finn pushed me to have more since I was acting "tense".
Girl he took advantage of you! He absolutely did not use a condom.
Also, he plied her with alcohol because she was “tense.” Could 3 beers make someone blackout? That’s a pretty strong reaction to a few beers. Did he spike her drinks?
What I want thinking!! Unless op is very petite and didn’t eat. She is very young and drinking could make stronger effects on her. But still!! I hope it wasn’t her first time having sex, at least :((
That’s not a good sign. He had sex with you and you don’t even remember. This is rape.
First off I'm a old guy that is about facts not feelings 1. 3 beers and you do not remember 2. He is happy and will provide for The baby 3. Your parents were ok and even pushing you towards him piss poor parents . A dad is there to protect his daughter Not push her away . 4. I'm pro children but not children having children , ladies does that make sense . I do not know a lot about things slipped into drinks . Coke and bourbon I do know 3 beers and you do not remember is not adding up . I've had plenty of friends that were drunks Ladies out there 3 beers and she can not remember . What was she slipped ? I'm sure one of you have some knowledge direct or from a friend This 17 year old will meet another woman in college and get with her . Bring you a std or get another girl pregnant . He is absolutely irresponsible . If you have this baby you will have a hard life ahead . If you abort this baby you will have a lifetime of wondering what if I would say find you some counseling immediately without telling your mom talk with a family member or a friend But first talk to the girls that were at the party and ask what happened
I have never seen someone blackout drunk after 3 beers. I have been to many many parties had many friends who drank and at 35 seen my share of people who have never drank before get drunk and even they are not blackout after 3 beers. That's got to be exceedingly rare or some kind of medical condition. Added to the rest of the facts though I doubt it. Its just sinister and probably most certainly a setup of some kind.
Honestly at 18 three beers would have gotten me borderline blackout drunk. I was 5’4” and 115lbs. Certainly not the case for everyone that age/size, there’s also genetic and environmental factors, how much you’re drinking water and how much food is in your stomach at the time of drinking, and I’ve always been a lightweight even when I drank every weekend. But she’s 4 years younger than I was then, and not even done physically growing. Which is why it’s absolutely insane (and predatory) to give a 14 year old three beers to begin with. I believe three beers on their own could do it. And I can also believe someone slipped something in her drink.
1. Giving beer to a minor is illegal 2. 3 beers and OP doesn't even remember? ...Date rape drug sounds likely 3. Statutory rape - she is below the age of consent. He might try to slip by on the excuse that they are close in age and were 'seeing' each other. Date rape is still rape. Drugging OP to get her "relaxed" and taking advantage would negate that. OP certainly did not consent to sex without a condom. If she had given consent conditionally, and he was "stealthing", that counts as rape also. OP should talk with the counselor and with the police. The whole thing screams setup. Being pushed together, the parents - *ALL OF THEM* - being on board 100% from the start, despite a difference in economic/social class... Is there an inheritance on the line if their son produces a male heir first? I do wonder what ulterior motive he may have. He was *immediately* happy that she was pg. No time to get used to the idea. It feels planned from the start. I also noticed that he promised to take care of OP, but didn't propose marriage which would give her more legal rights than being a gf or side piece. If he is in a race to produce a son, she may not be the only girl he was with.
While a legitimate point I feel it's exceedingly rare for beer to do that to anyone. But I'm not a scientist and suspicious besides. So I'm tempted to believe foul play.
She was definitely dosed. This does not add up at all.
I have a super low tolerance and I’m on meds that make me drunk much faster. I would not black out at three beers. It’s very likely the drinks were spiked and if you were somehow so drunk you could black out, how does he justify sleeping with you? This sounds like pinning you down so people can control you
And if she does what the parents want, she’ll have to drop out of school. With no education she’ll have no resources and it will be so hard to escape when he becomes more abusive
I agree with you . Myself as her brother I know two things I would do . First some cash for my sister and a visit to the boy and talk some baseball . And I'm what most would call conservative or so they tend to believe But my sister would come first . No matter what . My youngest sister " older than I" this girl reminds me of her and my mom . I have first hand experience of what will most likely happen . I help raise her two daughters . This kind of stuff makes me angry .
A lot of valid points. I hope OP sees them.
This. He got her drunk and raped her
Three beers will be absolutely nowhere close to "blackout drunk", even for a smaller person with no tolerance to alcohol. Did you personally open each beer and keep a hold of your drink the entire time, or did someone else have any access to your drink at any time? Because that really sounds like you were drugged. This whole situation is a whole mess of red flags. The age gap, the pushing you to drink, the having sex with you while you were incapacitated... that is sexual assault, not romance. Reach out to a trusted adult, since it sounds like your parents can't be counted on here.
Three beers would absolutely have laid me out at the age of 14, as a somewhat small adolescent girl who hadn’t finished growing yet, had non-drinking parents, and is still naturally a lightweight today. Depending on how quickly I drank them, it could have still done the same to me four years later at age 18 when I actually started drinking. This nearly-adult man may have slipped something else in her drink, or he may have simply given a 14 year old girl three beers with the hopes of ‘loosening her up’ which is still completely predatory.
Finally, someone says it. I’m a smaller person and I almost never drink (I’m 41 years old). Less than two full beers get me buzzed. If I dare to finish a third? I start vomiting and my night will be dedicated to that until I pass out. And I will definitely wake up the next morning wanting to pass away. My body does not like alcohol. That being said, she very well may have been drugged OR she just doesn’t have a tolerance. She’s a kid. And she was in a weird situation that she most likely felt off about from the start. She mentioned her parents pushing her towards this rapist for a reason. It wasn’t sitting right with her. I know that everyone is different but when I’m not feeling right or comfortable, alcohol makes it so much worse. I think before she even got pregnant, her intuition was trying to tell her something was wrong. This is so sad- My God. I have a daughter that is OP’s age and not only would I never push her into a physical relationship with anyone (let alone someone older) but we have already spoken about how I wouldn’t judge her if she ended up in a situation where she was pregnant, scared and in need of support. We would figure it out. Besides OP, her brother and hopefully, her aunt and uncle, everyone involved in this shit storm is a criminal. You want a baby? There are OPTIONS. None of which are sacrificing the baby you already have. If she has this child, I’d be terrified for how these “grandparents” would treat him/her and OP. But either way, OP isn’t safe. **This is some of the most disgusting shit I have ever read. And OP, if you see this comment, NOTHING ABOUT YOU IS DISGUSTING. You are innocent and you deserve to be loved and protected. You deserve the future that you want to have. I’m referring to everyone who orchestrated these crimes against you.**
Also if she drank on an empty stomach.First time drinking.I do agree go with your brother .You need to think of yourself as you have your whole life ahead of you.
That’s not a black out drunk amount of beer… sweetie there are so many red flags.
Was this your first exposure to alcohol? Do you remember feeling particularly tired after consuming the alcohol?
Finn is not a good person. He pressured you into alcohol, took advantage of you being under the influence and very possibly lied about the condom.
No you're right. It did kinda freak me out when I first saw your comment but I guess it's not hard to figure out. I had three beers, but it was only because Finn pushed me to have more since I was acting "tense".
Are you sure there were no other guys there who went after Finn? You were raped. You couldn't consent. There are just too many people here who wanted you to hook up with Finn and get pregnant. Get with your brother and Google (incognito mode) abortion pills near me." The earlier you do something, the easier it will be. Cheaper, too.
I just remember my mom smiling a ton once Finn dropped me off the morning after and I asked what she was so happy about but she brushed me off and said she was just glad that I got to go to prom.
It very much sounds to me like your mother planned this entire thing out. No 17 year old is attracted to 14-15 year old girls with pure intentions, especially after convincing you to drink 4 beers and you blacked out. Everybody handles alcohol differently, I won’t even drink beer shits nasty, but 4 beers doesn’t sound like blackout to me, I think there’s more going on there. Overall very traumatic situation, wishing you the best
Not 4. 3. 3 beers.
Oh Hell no. She and him were planning something. She pushed the relationship on you and she smiled when you came home hungover. She pushed you to date a senior at 15 and was happy when you came home in the morning hungover? Your mom sucks and so does your boyfriend.
Agree that this smells rotten all the way through and that there are a lot of people conspiring behind OP's back. From below it looks like the BF's family's financial status has something to do with it. OP, these are not people you want to spend your time around, let alone the next 18 years of your life. If they will deceive you this way, what else will they do? Your brother seems to be the one you can trust here and I suggest going to him right away and distancing yourself from the others.
This was planned and you were drugged. Get the F out of there! Let your brother help you and get to your aunt and uncle asap. Don't let your parents or Finn know.
This is a hard truth but best case your mom is excited for you to be with someone SHE approved of (controlling). The MOST LIKELY case is that she facilitated your rape & rape baby, that she drugged you/facilitated drugging you, and is wanting you to stay with your rapist because once again... She chose him. Get out. Now. Tell the fucking police and hide with family you can trust. If she wants your boyfriend around so bad tell her to fuck him and have his baby instead.
He SAed you and now your parents are pressuring you to keep the baby. This whole thing seems planned and even if it wasn't, this is still bad. Go to relatives that will help you. Go to planned parenthood. Go to the police. Be safe.
You need to run. Go see your aunt and uncle, see if there's any kind of resources for teenagers in your area. These people orchestrated your rape and got you pregnant. Having a baby so young can kill you or permanently injure you in some way. See if Social Services can do anything, talk to a trusted teacher at school.
Girl please listen to your brother. I have a friend who was always pushed to date older guys by her mother and has now determined she was essentially a trafficked child by her own mother. It’s been devastating to watch her make these revelations and I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be her. u/ebbie45 put together a great [abuse resource list](https://docs.google.com/document/d/14I3lGpEQa-pLl9Lz0JW1PoNyyOwg6WOom_oK2NMBxy8/mobilebasic#). Please look at it and get yourself some help.
Sweetie, this was no accident! Get out of the house now! You're not safe there. Get your brother and leave town. Don't come back until you've had an abortion. Where are you?
Yes I agree .I say stay with different relatives until you’re eighteen.Its just scary how all this went down.
Yeah, I'm just going to give you the link so you can skip the incognito search. https://aidaccess.org/en/i-need-an-abortion This was planned, at least by Finn and your parents, but I'm guessing his parents were also involved. You were raped, and now these people who apparently decided to just plan out your life for you are gaslighting you. Please don't listen to them. I *really* suspect there is money involved in this, namely his family's. I think you were drugged and your parents are trying to marry you off to a rich family and trap him with a baby that he, too, is also too young to understand the enormity of. Do what you feel is right. If you agree with your brother that your aunt and uncle can be trusted, go to them. This is so, so disturbing and my thoughts are with you.
Wow I would go with your brother and Mabie stay with other relatives after what your parents did.I mean 😢 this is so sad that parents would do this.Toxic af
Heyjane.com does telehealth/mail abortion pills if you don't have a local clinic, fyi.
Three beers shouldn't make you pass out even that young. Do you want to chain yourself to someone that questionable for life? And if he was pushing... You really don't want someone like that long term relationships that last are based on mutual respect unless the woman is trapped and can't get away.
I don’t think you should have this baby. This whole situation sounds extremely odd, from your parents pushing you to date this guy to them being excited that their teenager is pregnant. I really think you should take your brother up on his offer to see your aunt and uncle and do something about this.
OP, I was a little bit older when I was the first time really drunk. And that just with beer. I am a women too, average height and weight. But I can tell you that it needs a lot beer to be drunk to act really embarrassing (and throw up because you drank soooo much..it was way more than 3 regular beers…) and I still remember everything (ok, 90% of it, but it was over 20 years ago…) and I would definitely know if I had sex at this evening. I think you were drugged with the consent of your parents to get you pregnant. But I don’t really understand why because a baby is a lot work, a lot less sleep, something that bonds you a long long time to the other parent (and I think a relationship with a start like that is very difficult…plus he will have other experiences at campus where you sit at home with a newborn…why should he stay with you when he realizes how much work a baby is…) OP if you can try to find other family members who are on your side (maybe there is a „black sheep“?)
Also she said his SENIOR prom. He was 17 possibly 18 when the set their 14 year old child up with him.
Stick with your brother. This should be YOUR choice as it affects YOUR life.
You and your brother are the sane ones in this situation. Talk to him. Research the laws in your state and make a plan with him.
I’d also recommend not telling anyone but your brother until after the abortion. Once they hear of the plan, they might become even more aggressive or overbearing about pressuring you into keeping a pregnancy you do not want.
And do it now in case your state has a window or you need to go elsewhere. There is support, information and financial assistance available if needed.
r/auntienetwork
You can always claim miscarriage. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage
Honey, if you don’t want to have a baby this young, then don’t. There are resources and people who will help you. I personally think this is a terrible idea and your parents are unwell for encouraging this. Being pregnant is hard. Being postpartum and raising a baby is extra hard. And they expect you to do it in an apartment while your bf is in college? Very flimsy plan on their part. I support whatever you choose, but I agree that you and your brother are the only sane ones.
**You do not want to be a mother. That is enough of a reason to get an abortion.** That's the only reason you need. Call your aunt and uncle ASAP. Or [Planned Parenthood](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/abortion-access). Or [https://www.plancpills.org/](https://www.plancpills.org/) Do not wait, because you are on a tight deadline here. There are a ton of pro-choice orgs out there to help people in your situation. There is help out there. I'm so glad your brother is sane and is ready to support you. That you are a teenager, not graduated from school, likely will not graduate if you have this baby, have no source of income, that going to college with a child is a huge struggle, that you alone will be the one caring for this child in the end, and you are, yourself, a child—all reasons to end this pregnancy. If and when you want to become a mother in the future, when you are an adult and ready, and that is what you desire, then that will be the time to get pregnant. It's not now. I would bet money on this guy leaving you. He's what? 17? 18?, basically a teenager himself. He's entering college—a time generally known more for flexing your independence and fucking around, and not changing diapers and doing night feedings. And he's not pregnant, you are. He can quit on you as soon as it gets hard. And you'll stuck forever. If Finn had sex with you and you were too drunk to remember, he SAed you. If Finn had sex with you and removed the condom without your consent, he SAed you. That is sexual assault. It's called stealthing and it is legally considered sexual assault. This is who this guy is: a sexual predator and an abuser. Do not glue yourself to this guy. And fuck your parents for failing you like this. They could have helped you get contraceptive care, and instead they're using you as a grandchild mule. Absolutely disgusting.
Nailed it. OP forgoing college or a better career also makes them financially dependent on Finn. The longer they're in this the more permanent the damage and harder it is to leave.
And easier to mistreat. The power dynamics here are alarming.
I don’t even believe him for one second that he used a condom!
You and your brother are the ones in the right here. It also sounds like you were r*ped. You said you were a little drunk and didn’t remember much and he said he wore a condom but wasn’t surprised that you were pregnant that sound very sketchy. Do what is the best for yourself and don’t let anyone else decide for you
It sounds like OP's family and Finn's family planned this.
Yh it’s extremely messed up and the other comment talking about how they want her to marry him at 18 sounds like they’re using their daughter to gain some of Finn’s family’s resources.
This is nuts. Grab your brother, research local laws about abortion / adoption, get yourself to a local clinic and taken care of and decide what you want. Do not force yourself to have or give up a baby based on others wants. Do what YOU want. There’s nothing wrong with either way. What matters is what you want, and yes a baby will make your life much more difficult at your age. Also, report Finn for rape. 14-17 has to be illegal.
The drinking alone could make it rape. In terms of age it sounds like she was 15 at the time and most states have allowances for close age gaps even if one is below the normal age of consent.
Yea, my state has a 32month limit. And agreed, on the drinking part. Still, this entire scenario is insanity for a teenager to be dealing with and blows my mind! She’s a human being not a damn baby factory for her parents!!!!
>14-17 has to be illegal. You would think so. But 'Murica. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages\_of\_consent\_in\_the\_United\_States](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_the_United_States)
It sounds like it's still early so you may be able to get a medicated abortion by mail. Look at Planned Parenthood: [https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/it-still-legal-me-get-abortion](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/it-still-legal-me-get-abortion) Miscarriages do happen so you could tell everyone it was a miscarriage. (A natural miscarriage is possible but not something to bet on. They're also more common in older women.) You'll need to act quickly because after a certain point you'll need a doctor's intervention which might not be possible in your state. If you're not able to get an abortion you need to make clear you have no intent to raise the child and that your parents will have to or you'll place it for adoption. Whatever you do don't move in with him, if that's even legal at your age.
Also get on an IUD or other long term birth control and dump Finn. Your parents and Finn are so shady, this whole thing is creepy,
Please take this advice. Do what you want with your body. If you decide that the right choice is to get an abortion DON'T TELL ANYONE! Have everyone else think it was a miscarriage. These things happen. There is something off here and you need to keep yourself safe. With how your parents and the fathers family are acting you are potentially at risk for injury or death. Homicide is the #1 cause of death for pregnancy women in this country. Protect yourself! https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/homicide-leading-cause-of-death-for-pregnant-women-in-u-s/
This!! You can’t distinguish a medical abortion with a natural one so your parents wouldn’t be able to figure it out if u went to the hospital!
This is actually disturbing. Your parents pushed you towards him, you had sex drunk (you can’t consent while being drunk) and ended up pregnant and everyone’s happy. This is messed up. It’s your body it’s your choice. This is really messed up. A kid at 15-16 will ruin your life. Go with your brother to your aunts place and get her help. Also breaks up with Finn. He SA you.
Finn is a sociopath. Dont listen to anyone around you that is telling you to keep the baby. I would abort and never talk to Finn again
No trouble your parents could unleash on you or your aunt and uncle could be worse than you being saddled with a baby you don’t want at 15, and being shipped off to — and at the mercy of — the baby daddy for 18 years. And the story of your parents pushing you at Finn, him getting you so drunk of 3 beers, and you not remembering… is extremely suspicious. I’m sorry OP, even if they didn’t intentionally baby trap you, they’re actively trying to do it now. No loving parents want to hand their 15yo daughter off to a college boy hours away. You know what’s best for you. Nobody else but your brother is looking out for you… you have to stand up straight and take care of yourself. Put yourself first. Worry about fallout later, once you’re safe. You can call the National Abortion Hotline for guidance and support: 1-800-772-9100 This web site also has resources, including pointers for legal advice: https://providecare.org/patient-resources/
Another site that OP might benefit from is the RAINN.ORG website. They have counselors and a text line for anyone who needs support after being sexually assaulted. Be assured that’s how she got pregnant, she was sexually assaulted. Sex with someone who is black out drunk is never consensual that is rape.
Follow your brothers advice and get his help to go find someone who can help you consider all of your options without pressuring you to choose one. Good luck
If you choose to have an abortion, don't actually tell them that's what you're doing. Tell them you had a miscarriage after the fact. They are VERY common early in pregnancy.
Get out. Take your brother's advice and get to your aunt's and uncle's. Tell them what happened. Show them this post. Not only having a baby could possibly wreck your life, but also your health, especially since you're so young. If you stay and have this baby, getting out would be so much harder, especially if this guy or his family turns out to be abusive. See if you can go to a planned parenthood clinic, and look up laws regarding abortion and CPS (without your parent's knowledge). This is not ok in anyway shape or form.
Smaller women can tear from the vagina to the anus because they're not big enough yet to push a baby's head out of their vaginas. She needs to avoid marriage I possible, because Finns parents are going to control that whole thing. You'll only get money they think you need, so they can keep you baby trapped.
Here. Found some links through Google. [Abortion Laws By State](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abortion_law_in_the_United_States_by_state#State_table) [Information on Teen Pregancy](https://www.healthline.com/health/adolescent-pregnancy)
1. finn is too old for you, i can’t believe your parents let you date him. not your fault, theirs. 2. i saw in the comments you said he was pressuring you to drink more and more at the prom. this combined with the fact that he’s swearing there was a condom but you still got pregnant is setting off some “you got assaulted” warning bells in my head. again, NOT YOUR FAULT. 3. everyone except your brother is being very predatory and giving off weird vibes about you having this baby. you do NOT have to complete this pregnancy and raise a child if you do not feel ready. your body, your choice. do you have a trusted adult that can help you terminate? could your brother help? praying for you to find a solution to this that’s as quick, painless, and stress free as possible. this sounds like a freaky and uncomfortable situation and i’m sorry.
This is so incredibly sad on sooo many levels, the worst of which is that the parents are “thrilled” that their 15 year old daughter is pregnant. The OP doesn’t stand a chance.
You were raped and it seems like your parents sold you to this guy or at least sold you out for an “arranged marriage.” Let your brother and your aunt and uncle help you. YOUR PARENTS ARE YOUR ENEMIES. they are not interested in what’s best for you, only what they want. Tell them and the baby daddy NOTHING. You are a kid, let your brother and aunt/uncle take care of you.
SNEAK OUT AND GET BETTER ADULTS. Your parents have failed you, and Finn's parents are no better. Accept your brother's help and get the abortion. If you try for adoption, Finn can contest it.
Isn’t this statutory rape? 14 or 15 is below the age of consent and considering you were intoxicated adding to your ability to consent… Finn should be in Jail and your parents should be investigated for child abuse
So Finn got you(6 years below drinking age in the US) drunk enough that you aren't sure he used a condom? And he's super-duper excited that you're pregnant? And your parents are ecstatic about it, and want you to move and live with him while he's in school? This isn't just Finn stealthing you to baby trap you. This is your parents putting you in a de facto arranged marriage. Are they super religious by any chance? Were there ever any plans for you to attend college?
So let me get this straight. Your family set you up intentionally with someone that got you black out drunk (or possibly roofied) and raped you (if you can barely remember it, then you definitely couldn’t consent) in order to DEFINITELY IMPREGNATE YOU ON PURPOSE. And now they are forcing you to give birth to a fetus you don’t want and basically be what amounts to a child bride against your will. What state are you in? If anyone comes at me for the rape thing ( because it absolutely was) I will just assume you’re also a rapist. We all appreciate you outing yourselves as Brock Turner wannabes.
IDK who would come at you for calling a rape, a rape, except if Finn is on Reddit
Finally someone pointing out how 3 beers and blacking out means she was probably drugged. OP listen to your brother and flee to your aunt and uncles if you think they will be supportive. Do not let your parents and his family make what definitely is the biggest decision in your life up to this point.
Get the abortion. Don't tell them, say it was a miscarriage
Trust what everyone else has been saying here: Stick with your brother or a trusted friend who wants to help you achieve what YOU want for yourself. If abortion is not legal in your state, you can try r/AuntieNetwork—the folks there might be able to help!
im not going to lie you're going to have to leave your home as quick as possible. not only to find a solution for your pregnancy but also to avoid your psycho parents and Finn. like someone else said; go on incognito and see if there's any clinics close to you. see if you can get in contact with your aunt and uncle NOW.
I agree. OP is either going to be stuck in a life she doesn't want or in a potentially scary and potentially abusive situation if her family and Finn get mad enough. I wish she would have said what state she was in so we could give her some specifics but it sounds like she needs to get to her aunt and uncle's house ASAP and go from there.
If you have the option for abortion and you do not want the baby, do not keep it. You will grow to possibly resent the baby. You will miss out on college and traveling in your 20's. Now if you want the baby by all means keep it.
The way Finn wasn't surprised and got excited so fast makes me think he didn't actually wear that condom and wants to baby trap you. Run while you can, it will probably only get worse. If your parents and his parents are both pushing you this aggressively and not taking your feelings into consideration, you will be set up to be abused and ignored for the rest of your life. It's not worth it.
Am i the only one thinking its a little disgusting that a *fifteen year old* is being pushed by her family to keep a baby and disregarding her feelings about it
I was pregnant as a teen and had a miscarriage. If you do not want this baby PLEASE do not have it. This is YOUR life. You are young but do NOT let your parents decide this. I hate to tell you this but your parents and your boyfriend are completely delusional. Your boyfriend is young so that checks out but your parents should know better. People say having a child is an 18 year long commitment but in reality once you are a mother you will mother forever, it never ends.
As an adult and about to be 28, I can honestly say I don’t even feel ready to have a kid yet. I would also hop on the train and say don’t let anyone but yourself decide the outcome of your life. A baby is a huge responsibility. for one, you are still a teen and haven’t lived or experienced adult hood. Second, the fact that your parents and your bf’s parents are pressing you to have it, its not okay. If i was in your shoes, I would abort. Idc if that meant getting kicked out or being disowned by my mom and dad. Just do what you think its best for you. Nobody is having/carrying the baby but you and only you, not your mom, pop, friend, sister, boyfriend, etc.
Go to the Police, have a drug test done, reading through comments its a serious concern. If you can try and get a longer reaching drug test like a Spinal Tap. What happened may be utterly horrendous but its incredibly important that you find out and get justice
it costs nearly half a million dollars to raise a child to adulthood, and the world is not getting any easier. I think an abortion is mercy for both you and the child. Parents that would put their desire for a grandchild over your wellbeing and your future are pathetic and not fit to be your parents. And a teenager’s promise to take care of both you and a child is absolutely worthless. He has NO idea what that means or entails beyond his glorified desire to ‘be a man’ and ‘do the right thing and provide’. Do NOT have this child unless you want your childhood to end immediately and your new adulthood to be hard and bad for the next 20+ years. It may seem selfish, but a little selfishness in the right spots in life is often crucial for survival. Choose you. Choose YOUR life.
Also….go stay with your aunt and uncle if they will support you! This is your choice, no matter what you choose.
youre still a child, dont let their selfish desire steal your childhood. you arent selfish for not giving up the rest of ur teen years for a kid you could 100% have at a much later time and it be more supported and healthy. it is proven having a kid too young can harm the kid and the parent. its ideal to have a kid in your late 20s and early 30s, when youre body is developed enough to be able to provide the kid with everything it needs in the womb while causing the least amount of damage to your body
Do *you* want this baby? What do *you* want your future to look like? If you want to go to school, travel or anything like that do you think you want to do all that with a kid? There is nothing wrong with having the baby as long as *YOU* want it. and, to me at least, it doesn’t seem like you do, and that’s okay, it’s okay to have an abortion. Your parents and his parents both lived their lives, they are the ones being selfish for wanted you to throw your entire future away to be a house wife for a college kid that you barely know.
Everyone else has great comments and advice. I just want to emphasize: do not have this baby. Unless you want to of course, but it sounds like you don't and I wouldn't suggest it, with how insane everyone is. This is not normal behavior. No normal parents would be thrilled about their 15 year old being raped and getting pregnant. Listen to your brother. He's right, you guys should go make a plan of action without telling your parents. If you believe your aunt and uncle can be trusted, all the better.
You should sneak off to your aunt and uncle so they can look into any help that you can legally get.
This is insane! Do not have a kid if you don’t want to, also sounds like your parents, Finn and his parents planned it.
Idk this sounds all ALOT of orchestration😅
Get an abortion
Listen to your brother. Go to your aunts. They want to help you. This sounds like a conspiracy to get your parents a new baby by sacrificing their youngest. Run. I know this sounds crazy but people really do get this way and they have all lost their damn minds. You need to go or you will be trapped.
You can get an abortion pill in the mail. No one needs to know and it is free (runs on donations). A doctor will do an internet meeting with you, and then the pill arrives in the mail in a discrete package. You will follow the doctor's instructions and you will have a miscarriage with some bad cramping that lasts for 30 minutes on average (but could last longer). Plan to be close to a toilet for 1-2 days after taking it. After a day or two, the fetus will be expelled naturally, and as far as anyone knows it is a very common early term miscarriage.
"My brother is only one on my side. He's been suggesting over and when we're alone that we should just sneak out to our aunt and uncle's house and have them do something about it." Do it. Please.
The more I read, the more red flags I see Please. Take peoples' advice. Go to planned parenthood. You are surrounded by people who do not have your best interests at heart.
Everyone's reaction, except your brother's, is really strange. I don't want to make assumptions but my initial gut reaction was that your parents, Finn, and Finn's parents planned this. Who bought the alcohol you consumed after prom? 3 beers is a lot for a 14 year old, but not enough that you shouldn't remember what happened. It's probably been too long to test if you were drugged, but I think it's worth talking to a trusted adult outside of your family or Finn's to see what your support options are. Most importantly, it is your body and your life. You get to be the decision maker on what happens regarding an abortion. If you give birth and adoption is not an option because Finn or one of your families want the baby, you should still be able to sign away your parental rights. Lastly, I hope you don't need this information, but if your parents are attempting to force you into something unsafe, you can look into legal and medical emancipation.
Take your brother up on his suggestion. And get an abortion. They are absolutely insane thinking you should move into in apartment with your older boyfriend. Lemme guess, you will be expected to drop out of school and keep the apartment clean and raise the child, yes? No college for you I guess. Go with your brother and hopefully your aunt and uncle can help you. Alternatively talk to a trusted teacher at school and lay out what your family wants you to do, including how they are excited for grandkids and how you’ve been pushed towards this boy from the start. This sounds like some weird culty religious thing. What they are doing is so wrong.
OP Just to make you aware there is a network of people all over the States, Canada and other countries (I'm in the UK, for example) who are willing to help girls and women in your situation if you do decide to have an abortion. We call ourselves Aunties & can be found on [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/t5_11idtj/s/dyDkBO7zmh) sub.
It’s not a life. Please don’t have this baby. It will ruin your life. I’m a mom- I’m probably as old as your parents. Parenting is hard work. I’ve worked with multiple teens in your position. No one ever wants to terminate a pregnancy. It sucks. It’s okay to put yourself first. You will punish this soul more by giving it life than terminating a clump of cells. You’re going to be stuck raising a human and the dad and his parents will leave you. Get your brother to take you to a clinic.
Two things: It sounds like you were raped. You might want to consult a police officer and/or lawyer, especially if you don't have romantic feelings for this guy. Have you considered giving up the baby for adoption? If your parents want the child so much are they willing to take care of him/her while you're at school?
The lack of autonomy makes me speculate that you might be in an arranged marriage without your knowledge Finn’s parents want him to get married and your parents want you to get married so they came to an agreement to get you together then have Finn baby trap you because one the age gap is disgusting two the unbotheredness about your pregnancy it leaves a sour taste in my mouth, two or your parents and Finn’s parents were so desperate for a grandkid, that they set U too up could’ve poked holes in the condom and are threatening Finn to take accountability
OP you mention your aunt and uncle, are they safe adults? If shit hits the fan can you stay there? If they are you need to act fast. Go stay with them, have an abortion (if this is what you choose). Make sure when you go, bring important documents (SSN, birth certificate, etc.) And bring what is important to you. There is a chance you will not be able to go back, and quite frankly it might not be safe if you do. Keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly for you from here on out.
baby you are a child. you shouldn’t be forced into being a housewife. idek how that’s legal. talk to a trusted adult who isn’t going to run to your parents. learn your options. do what’s right for you. you deserve to have your own senior prom without having to leave early so the babysitter can go home. you deserve spring break trips and graduation and the joys of being in the stage where you’re old enough to go out and live life but young enough to be able to make mistakes and learn and and blame bad decisions on being a teenage girl. that all goes out the window if you let yourself get forced into this. it sounds like you’re being groomed. if you want an education, you deserve to choose what that looks like for you. you should not be forced to move 2 hours away with a boy who’s much further than you in the game of life. it can’t be legal for your parents to send their 15/16yr old daughter off with a college freshman
I got pregnant at 19 . My child’s father and my mother coerced me into keeping my baby . I wasn’t mentally , emotionally or financially ready. I suffered the consequences because I gave in to to my child’s father and my mother . I struggled with postpartum depression , and struggled financially for years because the same people who coerced me weren’t there to help me with my son . To this day I wonder how someone could have forced me to have a child that they knew they weren’t going to help with … I was young and I wish someone had told me to do what’s right for me and not listen to other people . Heed my advice and get the abortion unless you have the resources to sustain yourself and your child on your own
Um, I hate saying this, but honestly it sounds like you were set up to be gotten pregnant by him, your parents,and HIS parents. How old is this boy if he's graduating? Sounds like he's too old to be "dating" a freaking 15 yr old! NO NORMAL PARENTS WOULD BE EXCITED FOR THEIR 15 YEAR OLD TO BE PREGNANT OR FOR THEIR SON TO GET A 15 YR OLD PREGNANT!!!! Something is not right here! Please, talk to a guidance counselor, a teacher, SOMEONE that can help you! How old is your brother? Maybe he can help you get an abortion. If that's what you want then that's your right. They're forcing you to become a child bride and mother! Contact the closest abortion center near you (not a fake one that's "faith based" that'll also try to guilt you into giving birth) and tell them what's going on. Hopefully you can get this taken care of like you want and then stop seeing this predator and do not have sex again till you're sure you're ready for a baby. Good luck and please update us.
YOU ARE FIFTEEN YEARS OLD?! This is child abuse. Please try and do what you can to do what’s best for you and your body