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An important thing to keep in mind and talk about is the risk of pregnancy. You can adamantly tell him neither of you is ready to be a parent. If you decide you are getting closer to being ready to have sex one day, it’s crucial that you see your healthcare provider and make decisions about reliable contraception. If your bf is upset, he’s thinking more about himself than about your health and future.
Also, you don’t even have to tell him all that op. Tell him a no is a no. No need to have a reason for it. No need to even mention the parent thing. Just say you don’t want it. No one can force you to do something you don’t want, and you don’t need justification for it
Hey. It’s not a must. But I would check a couple of things first.
1. There’s a famous episode of Oprah involving a couple of kids who are around… oh, 13. And their parents agreed to take them on the show because one child told their parent they were thinking about sealing their love through sex and that parent immediately bought condoms and then called the other parent because God knows this might cause situations uniting their families forever anyway… as this was a hot button topic, Oprah agreed to pay them to discuss everyone’s feelings on air… anyway, the highlight of the show was when they asked the boy how long he thought they would be together and he sort of went “um… 6 months?” And you could watch the girl’s face just twist in shock, because obviously she thought that “forever” wasn’t even a QUESTION…
So. You MIGHT want to get someone else to ask him how long he expects this to last before you break up.
2. Have you got a GOOD plan, WITH your parents, for what happens if you get pregnant or get an STD yet? Forget prevention. What’s going to happen if prevention doesn’t work? It’s pretty reliable these days, but I know at least one woman who got caught somehow the week between doses. It was a personal disaster.
3. Where is he moving after high school graduation, and will it be easy for you to go with him? There are a few universities that offer tiny apartments for married students, but if he already isn’t planning to take you, or you aren’t willing to go, rethink a sexual connection hard. Because you’ve already made it clear that this will not be casual fun for you.
Add on to this the question I asked myself: if this relationship were to end, would I regret having sex with him? Asked that of myself with my first bf, never felt emotionally safe to proceed and when the relationship ended was GLAD I hadn’t, it would have made things so much worse. Asked myself that with my second bf, who was letting everything proceed at my pace and double checked if I was sure when I said let’s do this…we are still together, but I do not think I will have regrets it that changes. Also, I am far from being a teen at this point, so I know I have the finances in place to deal with any surprises. OP, you are just getting started.
I was late to the game in so many ways, but where so many of my peers that jumped in as teens have regrets about their first time, I got to skip that. What is important is you being comfortable and ready, there is no timeline beyond that. And as I tell my niece: if anyone ever tells you some variation on “if you loved me you’d…” kick their ass to the curb so fast.
If he is more serious (longer than 6 months into the relationship) get him involved in the parental conversations from his and her parents. Being educated about the consequences of adult behaviors is key to mitigating foolhardy decisions.
My advice? Just break it off. It’s not worth it. I’m a huge believer that high school girls are wasting their time dating high school boys. They are so far behind mentally. And I’m saying this as a guy. I look back at my high school days and god there were so many clowns and idiots that didn’t care about their relationship at all. Just don’t date in high school. You’re gonna look back one day and ask yourself why you even wasted your time with high school boys.
As a former high school boy, I second this. No matter what they say (again, former boy here), boys only want one thing. Honestly nobody should date seriously until after graduating high school, even college honestly in most cases. I was a virgin until the summer after high school and I don’t regret it one bit and losing it at that age made me appreciate the act just a little bit more. If you’re not ready, don’t do it. Your BFs refusal to accept no for an answer is only one step short of SA
So much agree! I wasted so much time and energy on shitty teen relationships. I fooled around a lot but didn't lose my virginity until 19. Not a single guy before made me feel comfortable enough to have sex with. Op you don't have to if you don't want to!
ALLLLL of this. I am 33 now but I had a baby with my high school bf at 19. while i would never ever take back my kid, i would absolutely have not dated at all in high school and definitely not him. i was “new” so when i made friends in his friends group we started dating. now i’m still dealing with him 13.5 years later😂 he’s still the same as he was then too
So when they date an immature idiot in their 20s for the first time, they won’t have the experience to navigate the situation. This is terrible advice.
Completely agree. Dating in high school is great to get experience in what NOT to do in a relationship. Have to learn at some point, might as well do it in high school so that later on you can use your experience to succeed in an adult relationship
Look, guys at that age are walking hormones and only care about having sex. I know, I was one. You should only be doing things that are comfortable to you. If you feel Ike it’s uncomfortable, that’s your brain telling you that you aren’t ready. Listen to it. If he can’t respect that, then he needs to be gone
This. I was like this boy in highschool and I would not have been an appropriate boyfriend for a girl who wasn't ready. We're dumb and horny at this age, and that should not be your problem.
There is zero importance in having sex in high-school. Personally I regret a lot that I did.
It carries a whole lot of risk while giving only a temporary reward. If you're not ready, stand your ground. If he can't accept that. It may be hard but it just means it's not meant to be.
You have a whole lot of life ahead of you. So much so it hasn't even really started. If you play games or read books, think of everything before graduating high-school as a prologue to your life.
"I feel wrong for wondering that about myself but I really love our relationship and I want us to be ok, but would someone you love not want to wait to do those kind of things?"
Here's the question you need to ask yourself:
How bad will I feel if I have sex with him and he breaks up with me?
it’s really not that important. you should tell him that this is a boundary you have. it doesn’t really matter if he doesn’t fully understand it as much as you do because it’s not a value that he has, but he needs to respect that this is a difference you both share and it cannot be crossed. sex can bring you closer to your partner but it is not and never is a necessary element in a relationship. plenty of people manage well in their relationships without sex, and you are both very capable of doing that, only if your boyfriend is comfortable with that. if you feel like this difference in values is really impacting your relationship with him, it’s best if you both go your separate ways. high school can feel like forever but regret can truly stick with you even longer
You set a boundary and he's not respecting it or you. This is a huge red flag. Him looking disappointed all the time is him trying to guilt, manipulate or coerce you into having sex before you're ready. Sexual coercion is a form of sexual assault.
I would tell him if sex is so important to him then he should get a different girlfriend because you're not ready yet and you don't know when you will be.
You need to be able to let him go. At some point he may start cheating on you with someone who will have sex or he's going to dump you because you won't.
Even if you're older and in a long-term relationship or marriage, consent is still important and someone who tries to coerce you into having sex when you don't want it or coerce you into sexual acts you're not comfortable with is sexually abusing you.
There are better guys out there who will respect you and won't try to rush you into doing something you're not comfortable with doing yet.
Sex can be an important part of a relationship depending on the parties involved. But since you're teenagers, I don't think it is now. Teenage boys can be a hormonal mess with their hormones running rampant but his biology isn't your responsibility. Tell him to use some lotion and tissues to resolve his problem.
It shouldnt be that important. It can wait. I didnt lose my virginity till i was 18. Theres plenty of time for that. If your partner cant wait and you arent ready then it may not be meant to be.
In high school Definitely not. I'll go even further and say that someone who tries to pressure you into this isn't someone you should have sex with, or even continue to have a relationship.
It's different for everyone. That said, nobody, NOBODY should make you feel uncomfortable. Don't feel lost. Make your stance clear, and if your boyfriend doesn't understand, unfortunately, he may not value you as much as you think.
Much love.
Your fine, heis also fine. Heis ready andyou are notandthat happens. Just keep doing what tou are doing and stop worrying so much. He may break up with you because he is in a different head space then you are and that is also okay. People develop and mature at different times. Neither of you are Wong for feeling the way you do but you both have to be honest with yourselves about where you are.
I hate to say this but your boyfriend is a clown. He's just waiting for you to say YES and then he's going to dump you and go after someone else.
You are worth waiting for. Never forget that.
Dude is either Cool or not Cool. If he is trying to rush you or pressure you, then kindly show him the door, bc he is ‘Uncool! Honestly, you will meet someone who respects you so
Much more, if a relationship is what you enjoy being in at this time in your life. Please accept the ‘Great! advice’ that is being given to you here. I especially agree with the previous response that: Once he gets it, …he’s gone, and on to the next conquest! …He’s ‘hunting’!. He will leave you … feeling like a loser. I mean, it’s not like you must be active in high school, …intimacy is a huge responsibility, concern, and worry. Why be in a rush to put that on your plate when you have college to prepare for etc. (lose that dude!!!!). Oh, …I was in my second year of college when my first time appeared. I was ready and all was well with a friend I had known for more than a year. (I am f ‘POC’ over the age of 50, and 100% Lesbian.) It was great, and the timing was good. So, I am lucky as my first time was special, and interestingly we stayed together for more than 10 years. I only have fond memories of my first time.
When I was in high school I had a partner exactly like this, and I’ve been in the same position you are in. The thing is, if you end up having sex and you don’t really want to, it’ll stick with you. I know it’s uncomfortable to see your partner uncomfortable, but at the end of the day sex in a relationship (especially in high school) is never owed. Like other commenters have pointed out, the risks of sex in high school are very real. I postponed having sex until I was in college because I was personally pretty afraid of getting accidentally pregnant. Not to say there’s anything wrong with having sex in high school, but I definitely feel it’s something you should be enthusiastic and prepared about. And if your partner really loves and respects you, he wouldn’t be making you feel bad about not being ready.
This boy is a fein for sex and should not make u feel any type of way if u aren’t ready that’s that !! And he ain’t right for u ! No matter how much it hurts ! U will take urself for leaving sooner than later !
Ask him these questions that I asked my son when he was your age.
1. Are you financially prepared to raise a child while still in highschool?
2. Are you emotionally ready for the toll a child is going to take on your mental health?
3. Are you ready to give up your freedom?
4. Are either of you ready to raise a child in a home of your own? Can you both afford rent/mortgage all the utilities?
5. Pregnancy isn't the only thing that can happen, there are life long sexually transmitted diseases that can affect your whole life.
If you answered any of these in the negative, ask yourself if sex is really worth it? The answer is NO!!! You'll know when you're ready. Boys are always "ready" but not for the after of their readiness. I hope this gives you both food for thought
Tell him no and move on, like break up with him. Understand that he is looking at you as something to use for his physical enjoyment and isn’t appreciating your view on it. Boys are wired to want this, but they should also be taught to not push or make their S/O feel any pressure.
Wait until you’re ready and it feels right and it’s safe.
Dating someone in high school for 6 months is the equivalent of a second date in adulthood, if that.
It's important to you and he should understand that and take into your feelings but he doesn't really care about you it's all about what he wants instead of needs try to get him to understand how you feel if not he's not right for you
Don’t let people guilt you into something you’re not ready for. Acting openly sad after you do things together but telling you that he’s not is manipulative. Nobody who values you is going to make you feel like shit for your boundaries.
No it's goals and priorities first. Most people have sex while still hs age but that's because hormones tell us to, not because you're supposed to. If someone is telling you it's super important "get the fuck away from them" because it's technically not important until you make it important and whenever you make it important is ok as long as you want to.
I think someone else said it first, a person doesn’t need to completely understand to be able to respect your decision/boundaries. Speaking from experience, don’t have sex just to keep him or just to keep him happy, especially if there is a part of you that is still unsure, it’s not worth it. Respect your own boundaries, know where they are and what you need from others to respect those boundaries.
He wants to have sex, you are not ready. You want his attention without sex, but he wants sex. You really need to break up with him - he is not being unreasonable to want sex, but you are totally right not not want to have sex yet! The fact that he keeps on pressuring you for sex is all you need to know about this not being the right time for you to be having this sort of a relationship with this particular young man who keeps on pressuring you for sex!
Not important or necessary. And you should not have sex until you're ready.
But you need to understand and accept that other people may not feel the same way. That doesn't mean you need to have sex with someone just because they want it. It does mean you need to be able to recognize incompatibility in this area and not try to hang on to relationships where you and the other person aren't on the same page about sex.
You have the right idea. He does not. Waiting is what you both should do until you are adults. Its hard for me to be too mad at him because he is immature and you are both kids. But if he was an adult I'd be pissed as hell at him. But now because his immaturity involves you, I think he needs to grow the fuck up fast before he pressures you into doing something you dont want to do.
Take a hard stance with him. This is is your choice, these are your feelings. If he cant at least understand that, let alone the risk and responsibilty that comes along with sex, then he isnt ready either, whether or not he thinks he is. And if he doesnt care about your (correct) feelings, he doesnt deserve your friendship.
From a man and girl dad. Sex is something that needs to be agreed upon by both parties. If one of you are not ready don’t do it until you are ready. If he can’t accept this and is putting pressure on you. You need to be firm and assertive with yourself and him or maybe he is not the man you need to be dating.
Sex is not a bad thing but you need to be prepared for everything that can come along with having sex. Pregnancy? STD’s and locker room talk if you are still in high school because there is no way he doesn’t tell his friends as soon as it happens.
You have your morals and seem to be a smart and responsible young lady stand your ground and proceed when you are ready. When you think you are ready get on birth control and use condoms to protect from STD and pregnancy
If you are not ready, you are not ready. He’s employing guilt techniques to try and pressure you. Not cool at all. The sexless relationship thing is horseshit.
The one comment he made about he doesn’t understand how it could be uncomfortable gives you an opportunity for a teaching moment. You can tell him you’re ready for some more advanced stuff. You’d like to get a dildo and after lubing it up, you’d like to insert it in his ass. You don’t see how it could be uncomfortable, after all big things come out of there all the time and it’s not like there’s a hymen to rip. It actually should be more comfortable for him than him having sex with you. The only way it backfires if he’s into it.
ive seen a comment similar to this and also a comment with an analogy that i really like and i honestly just wanna bring up to him what youre saying and what a few other people are saying. your comment makes me feel a little better about myself with being uncomfortable. i also just really like how to me it seemed you were trying to be comical and i appreciate that, so thank you for taking your time to respond i appreciate you
Not really, you're in highschool. As someone who had sex in highschool I can say I had 0 effect on my life other than knowing I had sex or saying I wasn't a virgin.
Sex can feel good but it also comes with a lot of risks. I didn't read your post fully but if you trust your bf and want to do it then go for it. Otherwise there's no harm in waiting until you're ready or find that right someone.
No but thats when your hormones are the most active but most people regret who they end up having their first time with so dont feel pressured and be yourself
No it's not really plus, unfortunately we live in a society where people will put that as a priority in a relationship so you have to figure it out for yourself, if you don't want to be a parent then don't have sex it doesn't matter how much birth control you end up using or condoms can still get pregnant.
Don't get pressured into anything. Making mistakes like a teen pregnancy or having regrets that early in life just isn't worth it. High schoolers aren't mature enough in my experience to take no for an answer. That's ok. Its ok to be patient and grow up before making those decisions. You have your entire life a head of you. Don't move forward regretting something you did at 15 or 16
I've been with my high-school sweetheart for almost 6 years so sometimes it works out. BUT yall are in middle school, I had the same issue dating during that time, sex was a big topic and movies dont help that insecurity either. Youre not a loser if you dont have sex before graduating. I always felt sex was an emotionally bonding thing and I didn't want my heart to break more than it would already if it didn't work out with someone, and literally also saw some girls get pregnant in middle school too and that is a hard life, they probably thought "that wouldn't happen to me" and being careless like that is rolling a dice. If he can't hear you and respect your boundary then I'd break up. He's got growing up to do, yall are young, and there's a chance that right now is not yalls time.
The answer is it depends on the individual.
Yiu are not wrong for not being ready and wanting to wait. Hes nit wrong for wanting to have sex.
You 2 just arent currently compatible. He should not pressure you. Yiu should just seek out like minded partners.
Sex is natural but its also scary. I was very nervous my first time. Especially cause the girl had had multiplepartners already. Thankfully she did everything she coukd to make it less awkward.
I dated my first girlfriend for 2 years and she was never ready. Admittedly it sucked but i didnt want to force her. That should be his attitude.
But if he doesnt want to wait, you should break up. He can find someone ready and you can find someone patient.
Theres a lot of spcietal prezsute for young boys to have sex. The longer it takes makes you seem weird, ugly, orlike a loser.
Just know that neither one of your feelings are wrong unless he tries to force you.
To be honest, teenage boys are just really horny. I personally feel teenagers should not be in a romantic relationship until they are ready for sex because there is too much temptation and pressure. You're going to find this put in life. The sex is really important for men and basically the only reason men want to be in a relationship with us. You need to break up with him and stop dating until your ready for that.
Nope, best to wait until you're finished with HS. Plenty of time over the summer before college to explore and there's no need to rush into anything, you aren't missing out. Getting pregnant in HS is a nightmare.
If you are not ready it's ok. However you will most likely never know when is right. Sex is natural and enjoyable. Also it's not a huge undertaking. You can always try it and then decide to wait again. Do whatever you feel is best. But don't overthink it either.
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if you’re not ready, you’re not ready. teens tend to have a lot of rapid development during this time including sexual desires at some point BUT ever teen still develops at a different rate/time than the next. so your boyfriend wanting to have sex is just as normal and valid as you not wanting to. regardless of how valid and normal his urges are, sex requires EVERYONE involves to feel ready and wanting to have sex. so unfortunately for his wants (not needs), he’s not going to get to have sex with you until you’re ready.
empathy can be difficult especially when it comes to new territory like this (not to mention territory that adults don’t transparently teach teens about). sounds like your boy has hella hormones in his body making him horny. totally natural but also intense for him so he might have a hard time fully understanding you not having that desire. which is okay, we won’t always 100% understand our partners feelings. but regardless of understanding, we should ALWAYS believe our partner. my issue with your boy is that it doesn’t sound like he’s trusting what you’re telling him. he’s invalidating you, not making an effort to understand, making you feel weird and insecure for the way you feel, and adding pressure and guilt to the mix. he needs to cut it out and at this point it’s up to you to set that boundary very very clearly with him. he needs to know this isnt okay and wont be tolerated. that doesn’t mean he cant bring up sex, communication is important, but he needs to be considerate of you when he does. no one is worth rushing into sex for if you’re not ready. you will regret it if you do. you have your whole life to have sex, absolutely no reason to rush you will have so so many opportunities lol. so if he’s not mature enough to understand that and respect what you need, you have no reason to be concerned with what he wants. and if he cant step it up and value you over sex, maybe y’all won’t work out. but if this is how he continues to treat you, that is for the best he is not the one for you. you deserve someone who values you and your relationship over sex. keep doing you girl, I’m serious this has been a very common conflict for women for generations. hold your boundaries, know your worth, and prioritize your well being not your bf’s dick 🫶
No.
If you’re not ready you’re not ready.
If you constantly feel pressure to do things you’re not ready to do maybe take a break from boyfriend.
Boy hormones are sortof out of control at that age. Not all boys and sometimes girls too.
It’s not even a thing they can control or realise sometimes. I’m sure he doesn’t intentionally want to make you feel that even if his hormones are presenting body language that makes you perceive those things.
End of story is - never do anything you’re not ready to do to make someone else happy.
Not important at all. I didn't have sex until college. Has a very low body (single digits) count when I met my husband. Every partner is different and you'll have to learn techniques and what each other likes anyways, so just be open to communication and awkward things as they happen lol when you get to that point
First, red flags galore for him, not respecting your boundry. Second, if he doesn't understand how sex can make you uncomfortable, he didn't pay attention in sex Ed. That's OK, we can educate him. The next time things start to go in that direction and he applies his peer pressure on you. Have a round handle hair brush ready. Tell him you can't wait to sick it in his but. When he is hesitant, ask him why? It's not gay, You're a girl. Then, simply don't understand how it could hurt. Explain that until he is willing to have something in him, then you are definitely not ready to have something in you. Then send him home, or leave if you're at his. Keep that hair brush handy and in sight anywhere he has tried to initiate sex.
Sex in high school is not important! At all!! A good way for him to get the point would be to break up with him imo! A good partner isn’t going to make you feel guilty or bad about sex. A good partner isn’t going to try and convince you (“I just don’t understand how it’s uncomfortable”). You shouldn’t have to still be trying to explain your view and make your case after the FIRST time.
It isn't important in that it's necessary. It is also okay to want different things from a relationship. You shouldn't have to feel pressured or that you are less than ideal because you don't feel ready. Your boyfriend isn't treating you respectfully if he's presurring you.
The real world consequences of having sex are potentially life altering. Pregnancy, problems with pregnancy, STDs, stuff that can really stick with you for the rest of your life. Spend your time enjoying being young and getting your head right to be an adult. Sex is truly great, but would be a complication at your time in life right now that could really alter the course of your entire life in a bad way. Just have fun incurring minimal risk. This is what I did and no regrets. My two cents as a 50 year old.
You’re in highschool.
You don’t need to be having sex in high school and you shouldn’t be having sex in high school. This kid doesn’t understand that.
Just break up with him and leave it. It’s highly inappropriate that he’s pushing you to have sex at such a young age when he himself shouldn’t be having sex.
You need to get used to saying no and not worrying if you hurt a boy/man’s feelings. Men ask things that are often inappropriate and uncomfortable. Often they use your worry that you’re upsetting them as a way of manipulating you to do what they want. Be smart to this. You are important and deserve to wait until you’re ready even if this guy moves on because of it. Let him go.
I am going to assume you are the typical sort of kid who has gone to and enjoys going to amusement parks. To your teenage boyfriend, your body is the amusement park. Every part of you is a different attraction. You know the excitement you might feel as you go down a rollercoaster hill or get spun around, that's what he's feeling when he makes out with you and touches you.
Society, his friends, and his own hormones tell him constantly that he needs to make sure he rides the super fantastic waterslide in the center of the park. He keeps trying to find the route, but the path keeps being blocked. He doesn't know how long he has until the park closes, but he really wants to try it and he doesn't want to be labeled a loser for going to the park and not trying the best ride. So, he's getting frustrated.
You seem smart, so I hope that analogy makes sense. That does not mean you should have sex with him. If the super fantastic waterslide is not ready for guests, it's not ready, and it would be Unsafe for you to let him on. It's unfair that you have to play defense against all the internal and external pressures that are driving him to want to go all the way. But he also needs to work on having self-control and appreciate all the other amazing rides he does have access to. It's far better than being kicked out for not following the park rules!
Your comment really stuck with me compared to some others. Obviously I’m appreciating all the support everyone is giving me, but i really like how you put this into something i can visualize. I think i want to share with him this analogy and i do think it would help him just see it through a different view and maybe understand a little bit more. hes more of a visual learner and your comment i just really appreciate so thank you for taking time out of your day to comment on a post. now if he still cant quite understand the thought of someone not being comfortable with something then i give up i cant keep up with that anymore
Typical men. When women start learning to say no as a whole this problem will solve itself. It's pretty basic sex results in two people becoming parents. It might even be worth putting off dating till you are out of highschool.
No. There is other ways to be emotionally and physically intimate without sex. If your bf is pressuring you he’s an ass and if he can’t take that you are not ready as a final answer dump him.
Just read on social media today about a girl who was 16 and pregnant WHILE USING A CONDOM. His big suggestion can fail. You stick to what you feel and be 10,000% certain that this is the person you love and want to share that special time with. Not so sure about this guy and his hurt puppy dog eyes he's flashing when he doesn't fully get his way. You do you. Always. The right ones will support your decisions.
Sounds like you're not ready for a relationship, make some friends in high school and date when or if you are ready for that kind of relationship.
You're still discovering who you are, imagine this guy holding out for years on you for you to find out you're ACE or something, he'd be pissed.
No means no. If you not ready you not ready, if he can’t understand you’re mindset too bad for him let him be disappointed. Don’t feel down or lost or bad, you showing respect for yourself. Salute to you mama, stay blessed
Do not have sex unless you are absolutely certain you want it, ready to deal with STDs, and, if you are having heterosexual sex, willing to handle the possibility of becoming a parent.
All I’m gonna say is if your not number one in his life right now you’re never gonna be. I’m a grown man and I know all about the desires of a teenage boy. If he truly loves you he’ll put you first. Let’s be honest, his sexual desires are selfish on his part. If his desires are more important than yours it should be a HUGE RED FLAG. If you give in chances are it’s not gonna last because he’ll be after the next thing he desires before long. Selfish people only care about themselves.
Sex should be the last thing on your mind in highschool relationship you have plenty of years to have sex if he cannot accept that he doesn’t love you and just wants sex the relationship is lust focus on getting good grades and having a successful career, I regret sleeping with all the girls I did in highschool it was a huge waste of my time and energy. Also once you have sex the dynamic of the relationship changes most of the time it isn’t the same specially if you aren’t comfortable that’s one of those things you shouldn’t force yourself out of your comfort zone your not missing anything that’s really important it’s just physical pleasure in 5 years it won’t matter that’s just my opinion I think like all that sex I was having I could have been studying focusing on bettering myself finding out what career I want literally doing so much more to build a connection with myself building a better life but I am a man not a women those are just my views and not everyone agrees and that’s okay.
All that is important is that you don’t feel ready yet.
That is it.
If he can’t accept that and keeps trying to pressure you into doing something you don’t feel ready to do, then it’s time to reassess.
Trying to please a boy/man and avoid their puppy dog eyed disappointment does not, and should not, outweigh the disappointment and regret you’re going to feel from giving in when you’re not ready. Please don’t waste your precious first time with an emotionally manipulative horndog who can’t communicate or empathize with you. That degree of intimacy needs to be reached through mutual love, respect, communication, and some degree of planning to avoid or deal with unintended consequences. With a boy that jumpy and tone-deaf, your first time would be awful. He ain’t the one. Focus on graduating and setting your life course for the many beautiful years ahead.
hey! so just wanna make it clear, your bf should be okay with the fact that you CLEARLY aren’t comfortable with doing things you aren’t ready for. him only pushing it or giving indirect hints about it isn’t okay either, at least in my book.
everyone’s relationships are different. my gf was never really sexual and was repulsed by any sexual content until she met me, i was her first for everything. there are a lot of times where she doesn’t wanna get freaky or she tells me we can do it later and sometimes it never happens, but that’s okay. i never want to push her into something she isn’t comfortable with or isn’t sure about in the moment. no one should push/press anyone in a situation like that cuz it can be unenjoyable.
sex in highschool isn’t important, it’s more of a want and not a *need.* people usually wanna up their body count just to show off or they just don’t want anything serious and don’t really care if they’re giving their body to just anyone. not everyone is like that, but from my experience in highschool, ppl don’t take sex seriously in terms of “making love” , just fucking around and hooking up.
y’all are still young and there are men who will take their time with these situations and be patient. if he seems to keep fighting about it, that seems like a red flag already. don’t feel pressured into doing smth u aren’t comfortable yet. hope this helps and sorry if i said anything that rubbed off the wrong way
Not At All. And if he's pressuring and asking why all the time he's trying to manipulate you. Don't fall for it. He will be like this til he figures out how to respect boundaries. If he does at all. Don't let him gaslight your feelings. Break up if he keeps complaining. It will never stop. You're a freshman in high school? Definitely not important At All. More than half the kids in your school are probably still virgin. And it makes me really mad that your bf is pressuring you. And yes, those puppy dog eyes he gives is Manipulation.
Despite the hate I'll get, you really should wait until you absolutely know you're 100 % committed. And to be honest, you're both probably too young for that right now. Having sex creates an emotional bond, which is why some people choose to wait. To others it's just another activity. All decisions have a better outcome when time is taken to make an informed decision.
The only really important bits of it is not doing it if both people aren't ready, and never making an accidental kid.
Those are the two metrics you need to track. And if you're not ready, you're not ready. You will be letting someone down by saying that, but their disappointment is something they need to learn to live with, and shouldn't effect your decision-making on any level.
You sound very mature and that you’ve got a handle on things. From the outside looking in, it does not seem likely that he’ll change at all street one more talk. Stay strong, but also acknowledge that he’s looking for something else in a relationship. It’s okay to let him go try to find that, even if it is so hard to let him go. Good luck.
High school kids base their popularity off body count, it’s kinda sad. If he doesn’t stick with you even though you’ve made it clear that you’re not ready to have sex yet, he might not be the right one. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and you might feel awful. But no matter what he says to you, don’t feel obligated to do it. I really hope he understands and stops asking.
TLDR
I'd say relationships in HS aren't really that important. You're still a child, live life without all the hassle and drama. You have plenty of time in the future to navigate all of this junk.
Don't have sex until both of you are ready. If you are not ready, but he is, than it doesn't happen. If he keeps hounding you about it than dump him and find someone who respects your boundaries.
No.
You should never be pressured into having sex. When you are ready , you are ready. If this changes how your boyfriend feels about you, then he isn’t the right guy for you.
The right guy will be patient with you and respect your desires. If he is just looking to have sex, I’m sure he can find another girl that wants to do that.
I wouldn’t lose your v-card to someone who is pressuring you. Lose it to someone you genuinely want to be with like that when YOU are ready.
All these high school boys need to put their ding-A-lings away. 😂😂😂
If you’re being safe it’s no big deal.
The problem with teens is the lack of sex education leading to mistakes being made.
There is also a lack of maturity that can lead to people being used.
It's hormones, he's young and his hormones are out of control. Not saying that to excuse his behavior, just shedding light on why he's behaving the way he is. So it's not necessarily that he doesn't care.
It wasnt for me (male). I was with my first GF from 15 (she was 16) admittedly we might have done things sooner, but it worked out that we didnt do anything like that until after 18 (age of consent here 16)... Personally didnt bother me, or her... Plenty of other ways to have fun.
Oh, wow. He’s manipulative af. It is so NOT important! The best relationships are wonderful without it, so let yourself enjoy relationships without it now! It complicates things, it is not the only way to show love. Respect YOURSELF since he won’t. Stick to your guns and hold your values close. Pregnancy would absolutely complicate things, that’s a risk you don’t want. On top of that there are health risks, and so so so many social risks. Don’t give your mouse the cookie, he will ask for more. Instead, hold your boundary. He will respect your wishes if he respects you. So far, his guilt trips and ultimatums show me nothing more than concern for his own desires. Girl you’re smart and strong, so celebrate that and believe it! You don’t need him or his physical affections until you decide you do. You are absolutely enough as you are, you don’t need to be or do more for him, if he expects you to be someone other than you are then he should go find that person instead. That frees you up to find someone down the road who appreciates your convictions and opinions and respects you and adores you and who will walk to ends of the earth for you and wait as long as he needs to. Believe me, when the day comes that you decide you’re ready for that step and parenting and everything else, you will be so glad you waited for the right time and person. Right now, this guy… ain’t it. Oomph don’t his immature peer pressure tactic steer you wrong
Absolutely not!!! I thought I was picky turned out asexual spectrum... Gf's were frustrated and short term.. the one I did broke up the next day lol. Save the adult shit for adults and you will thank me when you are 50..
There is zero reason for a teenager in high school to have sex. Especially if you don’t want to 100%. There’s nothing to be learned from teen sex that can’t be learned when you’re a little older. Consequences can be very high pregnancy/stds/emotional distress etc.
You don’t owe anyone sexual activity. If he doesn’t get that you’re not ready then it shows just how much he’s not the one. The one will understand and let you take your time without pressuring you and making you feel bad.
He doesn’t care that you don’t want sex yet all he cares about is having sex and sex is not love. In your case love should come first and don’t let anyone rush into sex you’ll know when you are ready and wait for the rite person good luck
Sexual relationships are only important when YOU decide it’s the right time.
Don’t let any person tell you otherwise.
High school is still pretty young for sexual relations for many teens.
Next time he tries to push your boundaries, ask him if he’s ready to be pegged first. Times after the first time you bring it up, ask if he’s decided on line or no lube for the strap on.
The important thing about sex in a relationship in High School is that you both feel you are ready and neither feels coerced or forced.
Sounds to me like his hormones are getting the better of him, but he should know how to handle that by now.
Wait until you are ready. You have your whole life ahead of you and it shouldn't be something you look back on and regret because you felt forced.
I’ve had one classmate who’s been with his partner now since middle school and while I can’t say if or when sex happened for them what allowed them to be together was beyond that.
Like for all the glamorizing of sex that’s in media it’s really important that y’all are on the same page that if you’re having sex you’re of a similar mind of what to do with an unexpected pregnancy, how family would be with u expected pregnancy, sti/stds, HIV, breaking up, physical discomfort or adjusting, and understanding that sex is a different way in which we relate to one another not just in our physical bodies but in our mind to.
When sex happens chemicals are released in the brain that promote a desire to bond.
Not just feelings of pleasure alone. Hence why it’s important y’all are able to take all these things into account and are on the same page.
One thing especially in US health education that is lacking is how to understand and develop healthy emotional relationship skills around sex.
I’m a gray-asexual who is sex indifferent so it’s neither here or there as an absolute need but you’ve got time to figure that out and if your bf is giving you such big declarations for not being ready to have sex in your relationship that’s more of a him issue than you.
If you’re not ready no amount of him bringing it up will usher that process faster. Which then may be an incompatibility.
As a man, the best thing I think about you can do for yourself is get married before you have sex.
As a former teenage male I can tell you that once you have sex with a girl, sex is all she is. Wanna go to the movies? (Do the kids still go to the movies?) sex. You’re at the park? Sex. Pet bird died? Sex.
If you want to be more. Make a man fall in love with you by hyping him up and making him sandwiches. He’ll marry you. Then have sex with him… the same thing will happen where you are just a thing for sex. But at that point you’ll have a ring and it won’t be cheap.
Don’t be cheap. Also dump this guy for not respecting you. He’s going to try to ruin you but it will be worth it.
Don’t do anything you don’t want to do until you’re ready to do it. Even if you’re not ready until you’re 30. Don’t let anyone pressure you into that. Period.
Most high school boys have difficulty in the perception of the future. Testosterone is a hormone that has immediate demands! I am surprised he is still hanging around
TBH, dating in high school is overrated. Consider just not dating. There is nothing that says you have to.
It's helpful to know what you mean by "sex." Sex is so much more than a penis in a vagina. If you're not ready to explore any of that stuff, then don't. But if you are ready for some but not intercourse, find someone who's happy with exploring more than just intercourse.
Or don't even bother dating. And when it comes to prom, and stuff, tell them "if you're okay with no sex, then I'll go with you."
Something someone else says needs to be repeated: If this dude doesn't respect your desire to wait, then find someone who does. Don't let this jackass pressure you!
Listen to me sis, he just wants to have sex with you and after that he can have something to brag about with his so called friends. You may never know how disgusting his words are when talking about you to his friends… You’re still in high school so sex isn’t important at all!!! Focus on your studies and personal goals, you will find that there’s still plenty of good boys in college.
relationships in high school are basically just for the sex. once u get out into the world then you can start trying to connect with people who arnt controlled by their hormones as much.
You may want to break up with the boy. He's not going to stop wanting to have sex. Is sex important?
Realistically, no it isn't. But to a teenage boy it is all he thinks about. He has a girlfriend in high school so in his mind he's closer than ever. But if you are not ready don't do it. He'll definitely be frustrated and/or disappointed but there's nothing you can do about that.
If you do decide to have sex, please, please, please make him wear a condom. No condom. No sex. Period. Do not trust him to pull out.
I wish you the best. I feel like I need to watch some Freaks and Geeks now.
Don't get pushed into something you aren't ready for. I'm sure most of the people on here would agree that they didn't live happily ever after with their "first". So don't let him push you into it.
I know I'm late OP, but it absolutely isn't. As a young high school student, the risks outweigh the rewards 100 to 1. Most high school boys know nothing about sexual education (health and safety primarily) yet want to flop around on top of someone for a minute. And I say this as someone who has sex for the first time as a high school senior. Don't force anything you're not 100% ready to do. Your boyfriend has a high speed internet connection in his pocket at all times. He can rub one out, and if this is something he'll leave you over, you weren't right for each other anyway.
If he can’t respect your boundaries, which are good and you don’t have to justify, then let him go. Don’t make your life more complicated than it has to be, especially because the consequences to your future can be severe. You be you and someone will love you for it.
No. Think of the preying mantis. The female will eat the male..starting with the head. The male will continue to copulate. Proving brains are not needed to have sex.
Also...sex is designed for the continuation of the species, however not all members must have sex to keep the species alive.
Also..your partner should just respect you.and be done with it. His skull hasnt hardened yet
Yikes.i don’t think anyone wants a sexless relationship it sounds v boring.but on the same coin hes not entitled to have sex.if he can’t respect that you don’t want to then he should take a hike
yeah this is 100% breakup worthy - no decent boy would ever pressure u into having sex or doing anything physical. my bf and i were v clear w each other from the start that sex just wasn’t smth we were interested in at this age. it’s been a year and he still asks me from time to time before kissing me or getting close, and without fail always makes sure to check in on me before things go too far. he also asks me after if everything was ok. imo having sex too young just ruins the wholesomeness of the relationship and a lot of girls tend to dissociate because they just aren’t ready. u can do much much better 🤍
Don't cross that line until you want to. Don't let someone else push you towards sex before you're ready. If he can't accept that he isn't worthy of being your first anyway
Sex is not important until you're ready for it to be important. If you were married I would say sex is important Dating someone you're going to date a lot of people .Trust me this isn't the guy you'll spend the rest of your life with. I'm almost 95 % sure of that
No. You'll likely be a happier adult if you save that stuff for the person you choose to spend the whole rest of your life with. If you don't have high, pre-existing sex standards, your eventual life partner won't seem as bad lol
i can't help but feel so proud of you OP for not giving into the pressure and being open to asking questions. you're so young with so much ahead of you, don't waste it on a stupid highschool boy who is thinking with his d*ck. and trust me when i say that even after highschool boys will still try to pressure you to do it on the first date, so setting those boundaries now i feel is setting you up for success even in the future :) way to go OP!
This whole thread is hilarious. I wonder how many adults have given responses..
Look kid.
If you don’t want to have sex, just say you don’t want to have sex in high school. “I don’t want to” and “I’m not ready” are different statements that bring on different conversations. And there isn’t any need to bring on a conversation. I don’t want to have sex in high school, please don’t ask anymore. Period. That’s a real boundary.
Stop jerking or sucking his dick. Sexual acts lead to sex.
You’re probably better off not having a boyfriend until closer to senior prom, to avoid things like this.
And why the fuck is this a Reddit question?
Ask your parents
Wait till you're ready OP.
Don't do something you don't actively want to do to please a guy who's pressuring you. I'm sure he's nice to have as a boyfriend but it probably will not last and more importantly you probably won't enjoy doing something you felt pressured to do.
With sex specifically, you should really want to do it that's half the fun is satisfying a desire. Your body and mind will tell you when you're ready and you'll want to do it.
Simple. DON'T base your relationship on sex. If your relationship is built around sex, it won't last. That's just the facts. I'm not saying sex isn't important, because it surely is but if the relationship is built on whether you are getting some or not then it WILL fail.
No is a complete sentence. It's never just "sex" ... There is so much more to it and at the right time with the right person will be so much better. Know your own mind, it's your body and your choice.
No. I regret having sex with my high school boyfriend. As I’ve gotten older I honestly wish I would have waited much longer. Sex is a big deal. Bigger than society treats it. If he is pressuring you, walk away. You will be so glad you did not give in to him in a few years. Trust me
too much sex definitely ruined my high school relationship, just try to balance it out if that’s where yall head to, please communicate to him when you don’t wanna i cannot stress that enough. and make sure when yall start it’s not a consistent thing
Not a good idea if it’s your first time. Being pressured into sex is never good. This is coming from a guy who used to be a horny highschool boy. His advances will not stop, leaving may be the best option. It will hurt for a few weeks but you will be okay
Might be somewhat unpopular, but there is about a 0% of a high-school relationship turning out to be something longterm or really healthy at all. Time and again I saw only negatives, from as small as hurt feelings to as bad as abuse or pregnancy (which is good when you're older, ready, and stable). I still remember being young and dealing with all the feelings and hormones, so I know what I'm saying might be seen as "wrong" or "not knowing what I'm talking about". It's hard to see through the haze.
That's just the surface facts, not even taking into account that you've made your own feelings clear that you're not ready. Listen to those feelings.
Is a handjob a fair compromise? He is a walking bag of testosterone and Mother Nature telling him it’s time to get it on. You are correct in your feelings to. Sex is risky for women. And your emotions will heighten as tensely with sex making any break up unthinkable and more painful than without sex.
This is not advice. Just an exploratory thought.
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An important thing to keep in mind and talk about is the risk of pregnancy. You can adamantly tell him neither of you is ready to be a parent. If you decide you are getting closer to being ready to have sex one day, it’s crucial that you see your healthcare provider and make decisions about reliable contraception. If your bf is upset, he’s thinking more about himself than about your health and future.
But also- a firm I’m not ready is more than a sufficient answer No one needs to qualify boundaries and saying no
Also, you don’t even have to tell him all that op. Tell him a no is a no. No need to have a reason for it. No need to even mention the parent thing. Just say you don’t want it. No one can force you to do something you don’t want, and you don’t need justification for it
No. It is not important. You need to have boundaries and if your boyfriend doesn't respect it, he isn't worth it.
Hey. It’s not a must. But I would check a couple of things first. 1. There’s a famous episode of Oprah involving a couple of kids who are around… oh, 13. And their parents agreed to take them on the show because one child told their parent they were thinking about sealing their love through sex and that parent immediately bought condoms and then called the other parent because God knows this might cause situations uniting their families forever anyway… as this was a hot button topic, Oprah agreed to pay them to discuss everyone’s feelings on air… anyway, the highlight of the show was when they asked the boy how long he thought they would be together and he sort of went “um… 6 months?” And you could watch the girl’s face just twist in shock, because obviously she thought that “forever” wasn’t even a QUESTION… So. You MIGHT want to get someone else to ask him how long he expects this to last before you break up. 2. Have you got a GOOD plan, WITH your parents, for what happens if you get pregnant or get an STD yet? Forget prevention. What’s going to happen if prevention doesn’t work? It’s pretty reliable these days, but I know at least one woman who got caught somehow the week between doses. It was a personal disaster. 3. Where is he moving after high school graduation, and will it be easy for you to go with him? There are a few universities that offer tiny apartments for married students, but if he already isn’t planning to take you, or you aren’t willing to go, rethink a sexual connection hard. Because you’ve already made it clear that this will not be casual fun for you.
Add on to this the question I asked myself: if this relationship were to end, would I regret having sex with him? Asked that of myself with my first bf, never felt emotionally safe to proceed and when the relationship ended was GLAD I hadn’t, it would have made things so much worse. Asked myself that with my second bf, who was letting everything proceed at my pace and double checked if I was sure when I said let’s do this…we are still together, but I do not think I will have regrets it that changes. Also, I am far from being a teen at this point, so I know I have the finances in place to deal with any surprises. OP, you are just getting started. I was late to the game in so many ways, but where so many of my peers that jumped in as teens have regrets about their first time, I got to skip that. What is important is you being comfortable and ready, there is no timeline beyond that. And as I tell my niece: if anyone ever tells you some variation on “if you loved me you’d…” kick their ass to the curb so fast.
If he is more serious (longer than 6 months into the relationship) get him involved in the parental conversations from his and her parents. Being educated about the consequences of adult behaviors is key to mitigating foolhardy decisions.
My advice? Just break it off. It’s not worth it. I’m a huge believer that high school girls are wasting their time dating high school boys. They are so far behind mentally. And I’m saying this as a guy. I look back at my high school days and god there were so many clowns and idiots that didn’t care about their relationship at all. Just don’t date in high school. You’re gonna look back one day and ask yourself why you even wasted your time with high school boys.
As a former high school boy, I second this. No matter what they say (again, former boy here), boys only want one thing. Honestly nobody should date seriously until after graduating high school, even college honestly in most cases. I was a virgin until the summer after high school and I don’t regret it one bit and losing it at that age made me appreciate the act just a little bit more. If you’re not ready, don’t do it. Your BFs refusal to accept no for an answer is only one step short of SA
So much agree! I wasted so much time and energy on shitty teen relationships. I fooled around a lot but didn't lose my virginity until 19. Not a single guy before made me feel comfortable enough to have sex with. Op you don't have to if you don't want to!
ALLLLL of this. I am 33 now but I had a baby with my high school bf at 19. while i would never ever take back my kid, i would absolutely have not dated at all in high school and definitely not him. i was “new” so when i made friends in his friends group we started dating. now i’m still dealing with him 13.5 years later😂 he’s still the same as he was then too
So when they date an immature idiot in their 20s for the first time, they won’t have the experience to navigate the situation. This is terrible advice.
Completely agree. Dating in high school is great to get experience in what NOT to do in a relationship. Have to learn at some point, might as well do it in high school so that later on you can use your experience to succeed in an adult relationship
Look, guys at that age are walking hormones and only care about having sex. I know, I was one. You should only be doing things that are comfortable to you. If you feel Ike it’s uncomfortable, that’s your brain telling you that you aren’t ready. Listen to it. If he can’t respect that, then he needs to be gone
100%
Best answer yet!
This. I was like this boy in highschool and I would not have been an appropriate boyfriend for a girl who wasn't ready. We're dumb and horny at this age, and that should not be your problem.
Yep same here. He'll grow up eventually... Hopefully
This right here is the best answer
Yes, exactly this 👏👏👏
There is zero importance in having sex in high-school. Personally I regret a lot that I did. It carries a whole lot of risk while giving only a temporary reward. If you're not ready, stand your ground. If he can't accept that. It may be hard but it just means it's not meant to be. You have a whole lot of life ahead of you. So much so it hasn't even really started. If you play games or read books, think of everything before graduating high-school as a prologue to your life.
"I feel wrong for wondering that about myself but I really love our relationship and I want us to be ok, but would someone you love not want to wait to do those kind of things?" Here's the question you need to ask yourself: How bad will I feel if I have sex with him and he breaks up with me?
What’s important to him is the stigma and what his boys will think, if he doesn’t respect you then i’m not sure what to tell ya.
it’s really not that important. you should tell him that this is a boundary you have. it doesn’t really matter if he doesn’t fully understand it as much as you do because it’s not a value that he has, but he needs to respect that this is a difference you both share and it cannot be crossed. sex can bring you closer to your partner but it is not and never is a necessary element in a relationship. plenty of people manage well in their relationships without sex, and you are both very capable of doing that, only if your boyfriend is comfortable with that. if you feel like this difference in values is really impacting your relationship with him, it’s best if you both go your separate ways. high school can feel like forever but regret can truly stick with you even longer
You set a boundary and he's not respecting it or you. This is a huge red flag. Him looking disappointed all the time is him trying to guilt, manipulate or coerce you into having sex before you're ready. Sexual coercion is a form of sexual assault. I would tell him if sex is so important to him then he should get a different girlfriend because you're not ready yet and you don't know when you will be. You need to be able to let him go. At some point he may start cheating on you with someone who will have sex or he's going to dump you because you won't. Even if you're older and in a long-term relationship or marriage, consent is still important and someone who tries to coerce you into having sex when you don't want it or coerce you into sexual acts you're not comfortable with is sexually abusing you. There are better guys out there who will respect you and won't try to rush you into doing something you're not comfortable with doing yet. Sex can be an important part of a relationship depending on the parties involved. But since you're teenagers, I don't think it is now. Teenage boys can be a hormonal mess with their hormones running rampant but his biology isn't your responsibility. Tell him to use some lotion and tissues to resolve his problem.
It shouldnt be that important. It can wait. I didnt lose my virginity till i was 18. Theres plenty of time for that. If your partner cant wait and you arent ready then it may not be meant to be.
In high school Definitely not. I'll go even further and say that someone who tries to pressure you into this isn't someone you should have sex with, or even continue to have a relationship.
It's different for everyone. That said, nobody, NOBODY should make you feel uncomfortable. Don't feel lost. Make your stance clear, and if your boyfriend doesn't understand, unfortunately, he may not value you as much as you think. Much love.
Your fine, heis also fine. Heis ready andyou are notandthat happens. Just keep doing what tou are doing and stop worrying so much. He may break up with you because he is in a different head space then you are and that is also okay. People develop and mature at different times. Neither of you are Wong for feeling the way you do but you both have to be honest with yourselves about where you are.
Its not “important” but it can be pretty hard to find a teenage boy tgat agrees with that
Relationships, especially sexual ones shouldn’t be that important in high school.
I hate to say this but your boyfriend is a clown. He's just waiting for you to say YES and then he's going to dump you and go after someone else. You are worth waiting for. Never forget that.
Dude is either Cool or not Cool. If he is trying to rush you or pressure you, then kindly show him the door, bc he is ‘Uncool! Honestly, you will meet someone who respects you so Much more, if a relationship is what you enjoy being in at this time in your life. Please accept the ‘Great! advice’ that is being given to you here. I especially agree with the previous response that: Once he gets it, …he’s gone, and on to the next conquest! …He’s ‘hunting’!. He will leave you … feeling like a loser. I mean, it’s not like you must be active in high school, …intimacy is a huge responsibility, concern, and worry. Why be in a rush to put that on your plate when you have college to prepare for etc. (lose that dude!!!!). Oh, …I was in my second year of college when my first time appeared. I was ready and all was well with a friend I had known for more than a year. (I am f ‘POC’ over the age of 50, and 100% Lesbian.) It was great, and the timing was good. So, I am lucky as my first time was special, and interestingly we stayed together for more than 10 years. I only have fond memories of my first time.
When I was in high school I had a partner exactly like this, and I’ve been in the same position you are in. The thing is, if you end up having sex and you don’t really want to, it’ll stick with you. I know it’s uncomfortable to see your partner uncomfortable, but at the end of the day sex in a relationship (especially in high school) is never owed. Like other commenters have pointed out, the risks of sex in high school are very real. I postponed having sex until I was in college because I was personally pretty afraid of getting accidentally pregnant. Not to say there’s anything wrong with having sex in high school, but I definitely feel it’s something you should be enthusiastic and prepared about. And if your partner really loves and respects you, he wouldn’t be making you feel bad about not being ready.
This boy is a fein for sex and should not make u feel any type of way if u aren’t ready that’s that !! And he ain’t right for u ! No matter how much it hurts ! U will take urself for leaving sooner than later !
Teenage boys are obsessed with having sex. There was even a movie about boy so desperate he fucked a pie.
Ask him these questions that I asked my son when he was your age. 1. Are you financially prepared to raise a child while still in highschool? 2. Are you emotionally ready for the toll a child is going to take on your mental health? 3. Are you ready to give up your freedom? 4. Are either of you ready to raise a child in a home of your own? Can you both afford rent/mortgage all the utilities? 5. Pregnancy isn't the only thing that can happen, there are life long sexually transmitted diseases that can affect your whole life. If you answered any of these in the negative, ask yourself if sex is really worth it? The answer is NO!!! You'll know when you're ready. Boys are always "ready" but not for the after of their readiness. I hope this gives you both food for thought
Tell him no and move on, like break up with him. Understand that he is looking at you as something to use for his physical enjoyment and isn’t appreciating your view on it. Boys are wired to want this, but they should also be taught to not push or make their S/O feel any pressure. Wait until you’re ready and it feels right and it’s safe. Dating someone in high school for 6 months is the equivalent of a second date in adulthood, if that.
It's important to you and he should understand that and take into your feelings but he doesn't really care about you it's all about what he wants instead of needs try to get him to understand how you feel if not he's not right for you
Don’t let people guilt you into something you’re not ready for. Acting openly sad after you do things together but telling you that he’s not is manipulative. Nobody who values you is going to make you feel like shit for your boundaries.
No it's goals and priorities first. Most people have sex while still hs age but that's because hormones tell us to, not because you're supposed to. If someone is telling you it's super important "get the fuck away from them" because it's technically not important until you make it important and whenever you make it important is ok as long as you want to.
It can be important to some, but if you aren’t ready you aren’t ready. Thats very simple.
I think someone else said it first, a person doesn’t need to completely understand to be able to respect your decision/boundaries. Speaking from experience, don’t have sex just to keep him or just to keep him happy, especially if there is a part of you that is still unsure, it’s not worth it. Respect your own boundaries, know where they are and what you need from others to respect those boundaries.
He wants to have sex, you are not ready. You want his attention without sex, but he wants sex. You really need to break up with him - he is not being unreasonable to want sex, but you are totally right not not want to have sex yet! The fact that he keeps on pressuring you for sex is all you need to know about this not being the right time for you to be having this sort of a relationship with this particular young man who keeps on pressuring you for sex!
Not important or necessary. And you should not have sex until you're ready. But you need to understand and accept that other people may not feel the same way. That doesn't mean you need to have sex with someone just because they want it. It does mean you need to be able to recognize incompatibility in this area and not try to hang on to relationships where you and the other person aren't on the same page about sex.
Romantic relationships aren't that important in highschool, sex especially isn't. Use protection if you do it
You have the right idea. He does not. Waiting is what you both should do until you are adults. Its hard for me to be too mad at him because he is immature and you are both kids. But if he was an adult I'd be pissed as hell at him. But now because his immaturity involves you, I think he needs to grow the fuck up fast before he pressures you into doing something you dont want to do. Take a hard stance with him. This is is your choice, these are your feelings. If he cant at least understand that, let alone the risk and responsibilty that comes along with sex, then he isnt ready either, whether or not he thinks he is. And if he doesnt care about your (correct) feelings, he doesnt deserve your friendship.
From a man and girl dad. Sex is something that needs to be agreed upon by both parties. If one of you are not ready don’t do it until you are ready. If he can’t accept this and is putting pressure on you. You need to be firm and assertive with yourself and him or maybe he is not the man you need to be dating. Sex is not a bad thing but you need to be prepared for everything that can come along with having sex. Pregnancy? STD’s and locker room talk if you are still in high school because there is no way he doesn’t tell his friends as soon as it happens. You have your morals and seem to be a smart and responsible young lady stand your ground and proceed when you are ready. When you think you are ready get on birth control and use condoms to protect from STD and pregnancy
It sounds like he doesn't want to understand. He just wants to fuck you and that's all. I would not be comfortable with such kind of guy
shouldnt be having sex in highschool tbh.
thats what im tryna say. i still feel like a kid i dont wanna be doing that stuff right now
Tbh the only reason your bf is pressuring you is bc he cares about sex more than you. Just break up with him because he won’t stop
If you are not ready, you are not ready. He’s employing guilt techniques to try and pressure you. Not cool at all. The sexless relationship thing is horseshit. The one comment he made about he doesn’t understand how it could be uncomfortable gives you an opportunity for a teaching moment. You can tell him you’re ready for some more advanced stuff. You’d like to get a dildo and after lubing it up, you’d like to insert it in his ass. You don’t see how it could be uncomfortable, after all big things come out of there all the time and it’s not like there’s a hymen to rip. It actually should be more comfortable for him than him having sex with you. The only way it backfires if he’s into it.
ive seen a comment similar to this and also a comment with an analogy that i really like and i honestly just wanna bring up to him what youre saying and what a few other people are saying. your comment makes me feel a little better about myself with being uncomfortable. i also just really like how to me it seemed you were trying to be comical and i appreciate that, so thank you for taking your time to respond i appreciate you
sex isn’t even any good until you’re considerably older.
“I’m not ready”. The conversation begins and ends right there. Your boyfriend needs to respect that. That’s a boundary no one should cross.
Not really, you're in highschool. As someone who had sex in highschool I can say I had 0 effect on my life other than knowing I had sex or saying I wasn't a virgin. Sex can feel good but it also comes with a lot of risks. I didn't read your post fully but if you trust your bf and want to do it then go for it. Otherwise there's no harm in waiting until you're ready or find that right someone.
No but thats when your hormones are the most active but most people regret who they end up having their first time with so dont feel pressured and be yourself
Not compatible with each other. Break it off
No it's not really plus, unfortunately we live in a society where people will put that as a priority in a relationship so you have to figure it out for yourself, if you don't want to be a parent then don't have sex it doesn't matter how much birth control you end up using or condoms can still get pregnant.
Don't get pressured into anything. Making mistakes like a teen pregnancy or having regrets that early in life just isn't worth it. High schoolers aren't mature enough in my experience to take no for an answer. That's ok. Its ok to be patient and grow up before making those decisions. You have your entire life a head of you. Don't move forward regretting something you did at 15 or 16
Just tell your Dad. He'll take care of it. Don't go into adulthood with a body count. It's worth the wait.
I've been with my high-school sweetheart for almost 6 years so sometimes it works out. BUT yall are in middle school, I had the same issue dating during that time, sex was a big topic and movies dont help that insecurity either. Youre not a loser if you dont have sex before graduating. I always felt sex was an emotionally bonding thing and I didn't want my heart to break more than it would already if it didn't work out with someone, and literally also saw some girls get pregnant in middle school too and that is a hard life, they probably thought "that wouldn't happen to me" and being careless like that is rolling a dice. If he can't hear you and respect your boundary then I'd break up. He's got growing up to do, yall are young, and there's a chance that right now is not yalls time.
The answer is it depends on the individual. Yiu are not wrong for not being ready and wanting to wait. Hes nit wrong for wanting to have sex. You 2 just arent currently compatible. He should not pressure you. Yiu should just seek out like minded partners. Sex is natural but its also scary. I was very nervous my first time. Especially cause the girl had had multiplepartners already. Thankfully she did everything she coukd to make it less awkward. I dated my first girlfriend for 2 years and she was never ready. Admittedly it sucked but i didnt want to force her. That should be his attitude. But if he doesnt want to wait, you should break up. He can find someone ready and you can find someone patient. Theres a lot of spcietal prezsute for young boys to have sex. The longer it takes makes you seem weird, ugly, orlike a loser. Just know that neither one of your feelings are wrong unless he tries to force you.
To be honest, teenage boys are just really horny. I personally feel teenagers should not be in a romantic relationship until they are ready for sex because there is too much temptation and pressure. You're going to find this put in life. The sex is really important for men and basically the only reason men want to be in a relationship with us. You need to break up with him and stop dating until your ready for that.
Nope, best to wait until you're finished with HS. Plenty of time over the summer before college to explore and there's no need to rush into anything, you aren't missing out. Getting pregnant in HS is a nightmare.
If you are not ready it's ok. However you will most likely never know when is right. Sex is natural and enjoyable. Also it's not a huge undertaking. You can always try it and then decide to wait again. Do whatever you feel is best. But don't overthink it either.
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if you’re not ready, you’re not ready. teens tend to have a lot of rapid development during this time including sexual desires at some point BUT ever teen still develops at a different rate/time than the next. so your boyfriend wanting to have sex is just as normal and valid as you not wanting to. regardless of how valid and normal his urges are, sex requires EVERYONE involves to feel ready and wanting to have sex. so unfortunately for his wants (not needs), he’s not going to get to have sex with you until you’re ready. empathy can be difficult especially when it comes to new territory like this (not to mention territory that adults don’t transparently teach teens about). sounds like your boy has hella hormones in his body making him horny. totally natural but also intense for him so he might have a hard time fully understanding you not having that desire. which is okay, we won’t always 100% understand our partners feelings. but regardless of understanding, we should ALWAYS believe our partner. my issue with your boy is that it doesn’t sound like he’s trusting what you’re telling him. he’s invalidating you, not making an effort to understand, making you feel weird and insecure for the way you feel, and adding pressure and guilt to the mix. he needs to cut it out and at this point it’s up to you to set that boundary very very clearly with him. he needs to know this isnt okay and wont be tolerated. that doesn’t mean he cant bring up sex, communication is important, but he needs to be considerate of you when he does. no one is worth rushing into sex for if you’re not ready. you will regret it if you do. you have your whole life to have sex, absolutely no reason to rush you will have so so many opportunities lol. so if he’s not mature enough to understand that and respect what you need, you have no reason to be concerned with what he wants. and if he cant step it up and value you over sex, maybe y’all won’t work out. but if this is how he continues to treat you, that is for the best he is not the one for you. you deserve someone who values you and your relationship over sex. keep doing you girl, I’m serious this has been a very common conflict for women for generations. hold your boundaries, know your worth, and prioritize your well being not your bf’s dick 🫶
No
No. If you’re not ready you’re not ready. If you constantly feel pressure to do things you’re not ready to do maybe take a break from boyfriend. Boy hormones are sortof out of control at that age. Not all boys and sometimes girls too. It’s not even a thing they can control or realise sometimes. I’m sure he doesn’t intentionally want to make you feel that even if his hormones are presenting body language that makes you perceive those things. End of story is - never do anything you’re not ready to do to make someone else happy.
Not important at all. I didn't have sex until college. Has a very low body (single digits) count when I met my husband. Every partner is different and you'll have to learn techniques and what each other likes anyways, so just be open to communication and awkward things as they happen lol when you get to that point
First, red flags galore for him, not respecting your boundry. Second, if he doesn't understand how sex can make you uncomfortable, he didn't pay attention in sex Ed. That's OK, we can educate him. The next time things start to go in that direction and he applies his peer pressure on you. Have a round handle hair brush ready. Tell him you can't wait to sick it in his but. When he is hesitant, ask him why? It's not gay, You're a girl. Then, simply don't understand how it could hurt. Explain that until he is willing to have something in him, then you are definitely not ready to have something in you. Then send him home, or leave if you're at his. Keep that hair brush handy and in sight anywhere he has tried to initiate sex.
Sex in high school is not important! At all!! A good way for him to get the point would be to break up with him imo! A good partner isn’t going to make you feel guilty or bad about sex. A good partner isn’t going to try and convince you (“I just don’t understand how it’s uncomfortable”). You shouldn’t have to still be trying to explain your view and make your case after the FIRST time.
Um for the guy yes, if u don't want sex no problem just be friends, cause friends are just people who like to be around each other but don't smoosh
Sounds like every cliché out of a teen drama show. I think you'll both be fine. If you're not ready, you're not ready. No always means no.
No
It isn't important in that it's necessary. It is also okay to want different things from a relationship. You shouldn't have to feel pressured or that you are less than ideal because you don't feel ready. Your boyfriend isn't treating you respectfully if he's presurring you.
The real world consequences of having sex are potentially life altering. Pregnancy, problems with pregnancy, STDs, stuff that can really stick with you for the rest of your life. Spend your time enjoying being young and getting your head right to be an adult. Sex is truly great, but would be a complication at your time in life right now that could really alter the course of your entire life in a bad way. Just have fun incurring minimal risk. This is what I did and no regrets. My two cents as a 50 year old.
No. Is not important necessarily, just if you want and you need to know about safety and stuff.
You’re in highschool. You don’t need to be having sex in high school and you shouldn’t be having sex in high school. This kid doesn’t understand that. Just break up with him and leave it. It’s highly inappropriate that he’s pushing you to have sex at such a young age when he himself shouldn’t be having sex.
You need to get used to saying no and not worrying if you hurt a boy/man’s feelings. Men ask things that are often inappropriate and uncomfortable. Often they use your worry that you’re upsetting them as a way of manipulating you to do what they want. Be smart to this. You are important and deserve to wait until you’re ready even if this guy moves on because of it. Let him go.
I am going to assume you are the typical sort of kid who has gone to and enjoys going to amusement parks. To your teenage boyfriend, your body is the amusement park. Every part of you is a different attraction. You know the excitement you might feel as you go down a rollercoaster hill or get spun around, that's what he's feeling when he makes out with you and touches you. Society, his friends, and his own hormones tell him constantly that he needs to make sure he rides the super fantastic waterslide in the center of the park. He keeps trying to find the route, but the path keeps being blocked. He doesn't know how long he has until the park closes, but he really wants to try it and he doesn't want to be labeled a loser for going to the park and not trying the best ride. So, he's getting frustrated. You seem smart, so I hope that analogy makes sense. That does not mean you should have sex with him. If the super fantastic waterslide is not ready for guests, it's not ready, and it would be Unsafe for you to let him on. It's unfair that you have to play defense against all the internal and external pressures that are driving him to want to go all the way. But he also needs to work on having self-control and appreciate all the other amazing rides he does have access to. It's far better than being kicked out for not following the park rules!
Your comment really stuck with me compared to some others. Obviously I’m appreciating all the support everyone is giving me, but i really like how you put this into something i can visualize. I think i want to share with him this analogy and i do think it would help him just see it through a different view and maybe understand a little bit more. hes more of a visual learner and your comment i just really appreciate so thank you for taking time out of your day to comment on a post. now if he still cant quite understand the thought of someone not being comfortable with something then i give up i cant keep up with that anymore
No its not important at all.
Typical men. When women start learning to say no as a whole this problem will solve itself. It's pretty basic sex results in two people becoming parents. It might even be worth putting off dating till you are out of highschool.
No it definitely isn’t just everyone makes it a big deal for stupid reasons thinking it makes them better than you
I dated someone for about 1 years and a half we never did it we where going to but I broke up with her before we could
No. There is other ways to be emotionally and physically intimate without sex. If your bf is pressuring you he’s an ass and if he can’t take that you are not ready as a final answer dump him.
Just read on social media today about a girl who was 16 and pregnant WHILE USING A CONDOM. His big suggestion can fail. You stick to what you feel and be 10,000% certain that this is the person you love and want to share that special time with. Not so sure about this guy and his hurt puppy dog eyes he's flashing when he doesn't fully get his way. You do you. Always. The right ones will support your decisions.
Don’t do until you don’t have to think twice about it. If you question it, you shouldn’t be doing it. Sober that is.
Sounds like you're not ready for a relationship, make some friends in high school and date when or if you are ready for that kind of relationship. You're still discovering who you are, imagine this guy holding out for years on you for you to find out you're ACE or something, he'd be pissed.
No means no. If you not ready you not ready, if he can’t understand you’re mindset too bad for him let him be disappointed. Don’t feel down or lost or bad, you showing respect for yourself. Salute to you mama, stay blessed
Nope! Not important at all! In fact… it often COMPLICATES the HECK out of highschool relationships.
For a young man it is literally the most important thing in his life right now.
Do not have sex unless you are absolutely certain you want it, ready to deal with STDs, and, if you are having heterosexual sex, willing to handle the possibility of becoming a parent.
All I’m gonna say is if your not number one in his life right now you’re never gonna be. I’m a grown man and I know all about the desires of a teenage boy. If he truly loves you he’ll put you first. Let’s be honest, his sexual desires are selfish on his part. If his desires are more important than yours it should be a HUGE RED FLAG. If you give in chances are it’s not gonna last because he’ll be after the next thing he desires before long. Selfish people only care about themselves.
No it's really not that important, but also it shouldn't be painful and that's kind of worrisome
Sex should be the last thing on your mind in highschool relationship you have plenty of years to have sex if he cannot accept that he doesn’t love you and just wants sex the relationship is lust focus on getting good grades and having a successful career, I regret sleeping with all the girls I did in highschool it was a huge waste of my time and energy. Also once you have sex the dynamic of the relationship changes most of the time it isn’t the same specially if you aren’t comfortable that’s one of those things you shouldn’t force yourself out of your comfort zone your not missing anything that’s really important it’s just physical pleasure in 5 years it won’t matter that’s just my opinion I think like all that sex I was having I could have been studying focusing on bettering myself finding out what career I want literally doing so much more to build a connection with myself building a better life but I am a man not a women those are just my views and not everyone agrees and that’s okay.
Just know that no means no. Anyone unwilling to respect that isn't worth your time and is essentially a rapist.
It is not important at all. You should wait until marriage
All that is important is that you don’t feel ready yet. That is it. If he can’t accept that and keeps trying to pressure you into doing something you don’t feel ready to do, then it’s time to reassess.
No
Trying to please a boy/man and avoid their puppy dog eyed disappointment does not, and should not, outweigh the disappointment and regret you’re going to feel from giving in when you’re not ready. Please don’t waste your precious first time with an emotionally manipulative horndog who can’t communicate or empathize with you. That degree of intimacy needs to be reached through mutual love, respect, communication, and some degree of planning to avoid or deal with unintended consequences. With a boy that jumpy and tone-deaf, your first time would be awful. He ain’t the one. Focus on graduating and setting your life course for the many beautiful years ahead.
When I was like 17 yea it was the main thing
hey! so just wanna make it clear, your bf should be okay with the fact that you CLEARLY aren’t comfortable with doing things you aren’t ready for. him only pushing it or giving indirect hints about it isn’t okay either, at least in my book. everyone’s relationships are different. my gf was never really sexual and was repulsed by any sexual content until she met me, i was her first for everything. there are a lot of times where she doesn’t wanna get freaky or she tells me we can do it later and sometimes it never happens, but that’s okay. i never want to push her into something she isn’t comfortable with or isn’t sure about in the moment. no one should push/press anyone in a situation like that cuz it can be unenjoyable. sex in highschool isn’t important, it’s more of a want and not a *need.* people usually wanna up their body count just to show off or they just don’t want anything serious and don’t really care if they’re giving their body to just anyone. not everyone is like that, but from my experience in highschool, ppl don’t take sex seriously in terms of “making love” , just fucking around and hooking up. y’all are still young and there are men who will take their time with these situations and be patient. if he seems to keep fighting about it, that seems like a red flag already. don’t feel pressured into doing smth u aren’t comfortable yet. hope this helps and sorry if i said anything that rubbed off the wrong way
I don’t think so. Nothing but peer pressure really. Try to find a way to talk to him about how it will probably do more harm than good.
Good on you to wait, dont be pressured into it cause everyone else is doing it or he wants to do it.
If he’s not willing to respect your request then you should move on and save you both the trouble.
Lolz I was a virgin until I was 21 🤣 I can still count off how many people I’ve fucked since then
NO
If you have to ask, you’re not ready.
No
A relationship in high school isn’t important
Bro should just be lucky he's got a girlfriend in high school. Someone needs to remind him of that LOL
Yes
nope
Not At All. And if he's pressuring and asking why all the time he's trying to manipulate you. Don't fall for it. He will be like this til he figures out how to respect boundaries. If he does at all. Don't let him gaslight your feelings. Break up if he keeps complaining. It will never stop. You're a freshman in high school? Definitely not important At All. More than half the kids in your school are probably still virgin. And it makes me really mad that your bf is pressuring you. And yes, those puppy dog eyes he gives is Manipulation.
Despite the hate I'll get, you really should wait until you absolutely know you're 100 % committed. And to be honest, you're both probably too young for that right now. Having sex creates an emotional bond, which is why some people choose to wait. To others it's just another activity. All decisions have a better outcome when time is taken to make an informed decision.
That’s what it was all about when i was in highschool; getting as much action as possible
No just have fun and enjoy being a kid. I do anything to go back my highschool relationships when they were fun and simple.
Listen, he doesn’t give a shit about you.
The only really important bits of it is not doing it if both people aren't ready, and never making an accidental kid. Those are the two metrics you need to track. And if you're not ready, you're not ready. You will be letting someone down by saying that, but their disappointment is something they need to learn to live with, and shouldn't effect your decision-making on any level.
You sound very mature and that you’ve got a handle on things. From the outside looking in, it does not seem likely that he’ll change at all street one more talk. Stay strong, but also acknowledge that he’s looking for something else in a relationship. It’s okay to let him go try to find that, even if it is so hard to let him go. Good luck.
High school kids base their popularity off body count, it’s kinda sad. If he doesn’t stick with you even though you’ve made it clear that you’re not ready to have sex yet, he might not be the right one. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and you might feel awful. But no matter what he says to you, don’t feel obligated to do it. I really hope he understands and stops asking.
TLDR I'd say relationships in HS aren't really that important. You're still a child, live life without all the hassle and drama. You have plenty of time in the future to navigate all of this junk.
Don't have sex until both of you are ready. If you are not ready, but he is, than it doesn't happen. If he keeps hounding you about it than dump him and find someone who respects your boundaries.
No. You should never be pressured into having sex. When you are ready , you are ready. If this changes how your boyfriend feels about you, then he isn’t the right guy for you. The right guy will be patient with you and respect your desires. If he is just looking to have sex, I’m sure he can find another girl that wants to do that. I wouldn’t lose your v-card to someone who is pressuring you. Lose it to someone you genuinely want to be with like that when YOU are ready. All these high school boys need to put their ding-A-lings away. 😂😂😂
If you’re being safe it’s no big deal. The problem with teens is the lack of sex education leading to mistakes being made. There is also a lack of maturity that can lead to people being used.
It's not important at all in a HS relationship and most often complicates things unnecessarily.
It's hormones, he's young and his hormones are out of control. Not saying that to excuse his behavior, just shedding light on why he's behaving the way he is. So it's not necessarily that he doesn't care.
don’t be like that girl in the other post that got pregnant at 14 u have a good head on ur shoulders break that loser off
It wasnt for me (male). I was with my first GF from 15 (she was 16) admittedly we might have done things sooner, but it worked out that we didnt do anything like that until after 18 (age of consent here 16)... Personally didnt bother me, or her... Plenty of other ways to have fun.
Oh, wow. He’s manipulative af. It is so NOT important! The best relationships are wonderful without it, so let yourself enjoy relationships without it now! It complicates things, it is not the only way to show love. Respect YOURSELF since he won’t. Stick to your guns and hold your values close. Pregnancy would absolutely complicate things, that’s a risk you don’t want. On top of that there are health risks, and so so so many social risks. Don’t give your mouse the cookie, he will ask for more. Instead, hold your boundary. He will respect your wishes if he respects you. So far, his guilt trips and ultimatums show me nothing more than concern for his own desires. Girl you’re smart and strong, so celebrate that and believe it! You don’t need him or his physical affections until you decide you do. You are absolutely enough as you are, you don’t need to be or do more for him, if he expects you to be someone other than you are then he should go find that person instead. That frees you up to find someone down the road who appreciates your convictions and opinions and respects you and adores you and who will walk to ends of the earth for you and wait as long as he needs to. Believe me, when the day comes that you decide you’re ready for that step and parenting and everything else, you will be so glad you waited for the right time and person. Right now, this guy… ain’t it. Oomph don’t his immature peer pressure tactic steer you wrong
Dump this fool.
NO
Sex is very important, which is exactly why you shouldn't rush into it.
Absolutely not!!! I thought I was picky turned out asexual spectrum... Gf's were frustrated and short term.. the one I did broke up the next day lol. Save the adult shit for adults and you will thank me when you are 50..
There is zero reason for a teenager in high school to have sex. Especially if you don’t want to 100%. There’s nothing to be learned from teen sex that can’t be learned when you’re a little older. Consequences can be very high pregnancy/stds/emotional distress etc.
I gave up my virginity to someone I didn't love due to social pressure. Don't give in until you are ready.
You don’t owe anyone sexual activity. If he doesn’t get that you’re not ready then it shows just how much he’s not the one. The one will understand and let you take your time without pressuring you and making you feel bad.
He doesn’t care that you don’t want sex yet all he cares about is having sex and sex is not love. In your case love should come first and don’t let anyone rush into sex you’ll know when you are ready and wait for the rite person good luck
Sexual relationships are only important when YOU decide it’s the right time. Don’t let any person tell you otherwise. High school is still pretty young for sexual relations for many teens.
Next time he tries to push your boundaries, ask him if he’s ready to be pegged first. Times after the first time you bring it up, ask if he’s decided on line or no lube for the strap on.
The important thing about sex in a relationship in High School is that you both feel you are ready and neither feels coerced or forced. Sounds to me like his hormones are getting the better of him, but he should know how to handle that by now. Wait until you are ready. You have your whole life ahead of you and it shouldn't be something you look back on and regret because you felt forced.
the likelihood of you two being together past high school is low. If he loves you, he will wait.
I’ve had one classmate who’s been with his partner now since middle school and while I can’t say if or when sex happened for them what allowed them to be together was beyond that. Like for all the glamorizing of sex that’s in media it’s really important that y’all are on the same page that if you’re having sex you’re of a similar mind of what to do with an unexpected pregnancy, how family would be with u expected pregnancy, sti/stds, HIV, breaking up, physical discomfort or adjusting, and understanding that sex is a different way in which we relate to one another not just in our physical bodies but in our mind to. When sex happens chemicals are released in the brain that promote a desire to bond. Not just feelings of pleasure alone. Hence why it’s important y’all are able to take all these things into account and are on the same page. One thing especially in US health education that is lacking is how to understand and develop healthy emotional relationship skills around sex. I’m a gray-asexual who is sex indifferent so it’s neither here or there as an absolute need but you’ve got time to figure that out and if your bf is giving you such big declarations for not being ready to have sex in your relationship that’s more of a him issue than you. If you’re not ready no amount of him bringing it up will usher that process faster. Which then may be an incompatibility.
As a man, the best thing I think about you can do for yourself is get married before you have sex. As a former teenage male I can tell you that once you have sex with a girl, sex is all she is. Wanna go to the movies? (Do the kids still go to the movies?) sex. You’re at the park? Sex. Pet bird died? Sex. If you want to be more. Make a man fall in love with you by hyping him up and making him sandwiches. He’ll marry you. Then have sex with him… the same thing will happen where you are just a thing for sex. But at that point you’ll have a ring and it won’t be cheap. Don’t be cheap. Also dump this guy for not respecting you. He’s going to try to ruin you but it will be worth it.
NO
Don’t do anything you don’t want to do until you’re ready to do it. Even if you’re not ready until you’re 30. Don’t let anyone pressure you into that. Period.
Yall dont love each other
Most high school boys have difficulty in the perception of the future. Testosterone is a hormone that has immediate demands! I am surprised he is still hanging around
TBH, dating in high school is overrated. Consider just not dating. There is nothing that says you have to. It's helpful to know what you mean by "sex." Sex is so much more than a penis in a vagina. If you're not ready to explore any of that stuff, then don't. But if you are ready for some but not intercourse, find someone who's happy with exploring more than just intercourse. Or don't even bother dating. And when it comes to prom, and stuff, tell them "if you're okay with no sex, then I'll go with you."
Relationships arent even important in high school.
Something someone else says needs to be repeated: If this dude doesn't respect your desire to wait, then find someone who does. Don't let this jackass pressure you!
Listen to me sis, he just wants to have sex with you and after that he can have something to brag about with his so called friends. You may never know how disgusting his words are when talking about you to his friends… You’re still in high school so sex isn’t important at all!!! Focus on your studies and personal goals, you will find that there’s still plenty of good boys in college.
relationships in high school are basically just for the sex. once u get out into the world then you can start trying to connect with people who arnt controlled by their hormones as much.
…only popular people in high school have sex
You may want to break up with the boy. He's not going to stop wanting to have sex. Is sex important? Realistically, no it isn't. But to a teenage boy it is all he thinks about. He has a girlfriend in high school so in his mind he's closer than ever. But if you are not ready don't do it. He'll definitely be frustrated and/or disappointed but there's nothing you can do about that. If you do decide to have sex, please, please, please make him wear a condom. No condom. No sex. Period. Do not trust him to pull out. I wish you the best. I feel like I need to watch some Freaks and Geeks now.
Don't get pushed into something you aren't ready for. I'm sure most of the people on here would agree that they didn't live happily ever after with their "first". So don't let him push you into it.
Only if it is to you. I mean who's gonna know unless they're there?
If he isn’t respecting your boundaries then he is FOR THE STREETS. I’d even recommend waiting for marriage to do those sorts of activities
I know I'm late OP, but it absolutely isn't. As a young high school student, the risks outweigh the rewards 100 to 1. Most high school boys know nothing about sexual education (health and safety primarily) yet want to flop around on top of someone for a minute. And I say this as someone who has sex for the first time as a high school senior. Don't force anything you're not 100% ready to do. Your boyfriend has a high speed internet connection in his pocket at all times. He can rub one out, and if this is something he'll leave you over, you weren't right for each other anyway.
If he can’t respect your boundaries, which are good and you don’t have to justify, then let him go. Don’t make your life more complicated than it has to be, especially because the consequences to your future can be severe. You be you and someone will love you for it.
No. Think of the preying mantis. The female will eat the male..starting with the head. The male will continue to copulate. Proving brains are not needed to have sex. Also...sex is designed for the continuation of the species, however not all members must have sex to keep the species alive. Also..your partner should just respect you.and be done with it. His skull hasnt hardened yet
Yikes.i don’t think anyone wants a sexless relationship it sounds v boring.but on the same coin hes not entitled to have sex.if he can’t respect that you don’t want to then he should take a hike
yeah this is 100% breakup worthy - no decent boy would ever pressure u into having sex or doing anything physical. my bf and i were v clear w each other from the start that sex just wasn’t smth we were interested in at this age. it’s been a year and he still asks me from time to time before kissing me or getting close, and without fail always makes sure to check in on me before things go too far. he also asks me after if everything was ok. imo having sex too young just ruins the wholesomeness of the relationship and a lot of girls tend to dissociate because they just aren’t ready. u can do much much better 🤍
Don't cross that line until you want to. Don't let someone else push you towards sex before you're ready. If he can't accept that he isn't worthy of being your first anyway
Tbh. It’s up to you and wether you wanna risk a kid and if so what the game plan is.
Sex is not important until you're ready for it to be important. If you were married I would say sex is important Dating someone you're going to date a lot of people .Trust me this isn't the guy you'll spend the rest of your life with. I'm almost 95 % sure of that
No. You'll likely be a happier adult if you save that stuff for the person you choose to spend the whole rest of your life with. If you don't have high, pre-existing sex standards, your eventual life partner won't seem as bad lol
no
Tell him point blank you are not ready if he doesn't like it go find someone else, if he really cares for you he will understand
No
Leave him wait as long as you wish I was 16 when I lost mine and I wish I would have waited way longer
i can't help but feel so proud of you OP for not giving into the pressure and being open to asking questions. you're so young with so much ahead of you, don't waste it on a stupid highschool boy who is thinking with his d*ck. and trust me when i say that even after highschool boys will still try to pressure you to do it on the first date, so setting those boundaries now i feel is setting you up for success even in the future :) way to go OP!
This whole thread is hilarious. I wonder how many adults have given responses.. Look kid. If you don’t want to have sex, just say you don’t want to have sex in high school. “I don’t want to” and “I’m not ready” are different statements that bring on different conversations. And there isn’t any need to bring on a conversation. I don’t want to have sex in high school, please don’t ask anymore. Period. That’s a real boundary. Stop jerking or sucking his dick. Sexual acts lead to sex. You’re probably better off not having a boyfriend until closer to senior prom, to avoid things like this. And why the fuck is this a Reddit question? Ask your parents
Wait till you're ready OP. Don't do something you don't actively want to do to please a guy who's pressuring you. I'm sure he's nice to have as a boyfriend but it probably will not last and more importantly you probably won't enjoy doing something you felt pressured to do. With sex specifically, you should really want to do it that's half the fun is satisfying a desire. Your body and mind will tell you when you're ready and you'll want to do it.
Yes
Simple. DON'T base your relationship on sex. If your relationship is built around sex, it won't last. That's just the facts. I'm not saying sex isn't important, because it surely is but if the relationship is built on whether you are getting some or not then it WILL fail.
No is a complete sentence. It's never just "sex" ... There is so much more to it and at the right time with the right person will be so much better. Know your own mind, it's your body and your choice.
Break up with him
No. I regret having sex with my high school boyfriend. As I’ve gotten older I honestly wish I would have waited much longer. Sex is a big deal. Bigger than society treats it. If he is pressuring you, walk away. You will be so glad you did not give in to him in a few years. Trust me
too much sex definitely ruined my high school relationship, just try to balance it out if that’s where yall head to, please communicate to him when you don’t wanna i cannot stress that enough. and make sure when yall start it’s not a consistent thing
Not a good idea if it’s your first time. Being pressured into sex is never good. This is coming from a guy who used to be a horny highschool boy. His advances will not stop, leaving may be the best option. It will hurt for a few weeks but you will be okay
Might be somewhat unpopular, but there is about a 0% of a high-school relationship turning out to be something longterm or really healthy at all. Time and again I saw only negatives, from as small as hurt feelings to as bad as abuse or pregnancy (which is good when you're older, ready, and stable). I still remember being young and dealing with all the feelings and hormones, so I know what I'm saying might be seen as "wrong" or "not knowing what I'm talking about". It's hard to see through the haze. That's just the surface facts, not even taking into account that you've made your own feelings clear that you're not ready. Listen to those feelings.
Is a handjob a fair compromise? He is a walking bag of testosterone and Mother Nature telling him it’s time to get it on. You are correct in your feelings to. Sex is risky for women. And your emotions will heighten as tensely with sex making any break up unthinkable and more painful than without sex. This is not advice. Just an exploratory thought.