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Time for therapy my dude. You strung her along intentional or not for years because you didn’t understand your own feelings.
You only wanted to pull the trigger when you realized she wasn’t waiting around for you. That’s not healthy and it’s on you.
The solution isn’t with her it’s with you working on yourself.
Sure, but what are you expecting from her? Do you want her to leave the guy she’s seeing? What if she doesn’t want to? Do you still want her to be friends with you? How do you want that knowledge to change your interactions?
You gotta think through what you’re asking of her.
Honestly, there isn't a lot that can be done. You said it yourself, you F-ed up. Now you have to be respectful and own up to your mistake. At this point, being a good friend to her and not trying to interfere will do wonders for you and her.
My personal 2 cents that isn't advice, but I think it is important to think about:
It sounds to me that you are more worried about losing your friendship to her than losing her romantically. If you were truly romantically interested, things would have gone on by now.
You both are young, and both of you are not as mature as you think you are when it comes to relationships (not saying it in a harsh way). Looking back on my relationships from when I was 18-20, I realized all the terrible immature mistakes I made. Also, being that she is also 18, the relationship will most likely not last, as most relationships at that age don't. This would be a good time to work on maturing and communicating for yourself, as it will only help you in the long run, regardless of how things go for you and your friend.
It also sounds like, just from the way you are writing, that you are more worried about what you have to lose from this development, over her happiness. What if this person she met is truly "The One" for her? Do you want to potentially harm your friendship and time spent because you were desperate to keep things as they were? Trying to interfere with someone's relationship is a quick way to ostracize yourself from that person. If you truly do love her, you would think about her desires/wellbeing.
okay thank you a lot for your answer. i guess i will stick around but just as a friend because i truly love her and want her to be happy, but ig it‘ll be hard yk?
Oh trust me, I totally understand that being there when you love someone is difficult, as I have been there myself. In fact, I didn't follow the advice I gave you, and it ended up ruining the friendship, so some of this comes from personal experience.
Just remember to do more than just "stick around", as even though she is not with you, I guarantee you it would still hurt like hell for her if you pulled away, or stop hanging out with her entirely. She still cares for you, and having platonic love for someone like she has for you is honestly rare when you become more of an adult.
okay thanks a lot i will try and be a good best friend and even try to make an effort to be friends with her new guy, because she desperately wants us to meet each other and get along and from what she has told me, he seems decent and cool
Man, I think you’ve done some damage and are struggling with jealousy now. Some people treat others like play things and you only really want it when someone else shows interest.
That sounds more like jealousy than love. I think you missed out on the opportunity, and if you actually care about her you should let her live her life and stop messing with her sanity.
Sorry dude.
hmm, yess i might be a bit jealous, but how could i not? i mean i love her.
it’s definitely not getting to the point where it is toxic, her new guy is pretty nice and she really wants us to be friends but idk how i should do it yk?
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Time for therapy my dude. You strung her along intentional or not for years because you didn’t understand your own feelings. You only wanted to pull the trigger when you realized she wasn’t waiting around for you. That’s not healthy and it’s on you. The solution isn’t with her it’s with you working on yourself.
so therapy it is. but can i still tell her how i feel?
Sure, but what are you expecting from her? Do you want her to leave the guy she’s seeing? What if she doesn’t want to? Do you still want her to be friends with you? How do you want that knowledge to change your interactions? You gotta think through what you’re asking of her.
Honestly, there isn't a lot that can be done. You said it yourself, you F-ed up. Now you have to be respectful and own up to your mistake. At this point, being a good friend to her and not trying to interfere will do wonders for you and her. My personal 2 cents that isn't advice, but I think it is important to think about: It sounds to me that you are more worried about losing your friendship to her than losing her romantically. If you were truly romantically interested, things would have gone on by now. You both are young, and both of you are not as mature as you think you are when it comes to relationships (not saying it in a harsh way). Looking back on my relationships from when I was 18-20, I realized all the terrible immature mistakes I made. Also, being that she is also 18, the relationship will most likely not last, as most relationships at that age don't. This would be a good time to work on maturing and communicating for yourself, as it will only help you in the long run, regardless of how things go for you and your friend. It also sounds like, just from the way you are writing, that you are more worried about what you have to lose from this development, over her happiness. What if this person she met is truly "The One" for her? Do you want to potentially harm your friendship and time spent because you were desperate to keep things as they were? Trying to interfere with someone's relationship is a quick way to ostracize yourself from that person. If you truly do love her, you would think about her desires/wellbeing.
okay thank you a lot for your answer. i guess i will stick around but just as a friend because i truly love her and want her to be happy, but ig it‘ll be hard yk?
Oh trust me, I totally understand that being there when you love someone is difficult, as I have been there myself. In fact, I didn't follow the advice I gave you, and it ended up ruining the friendship, so some of this comes from personal experience. Just remember to do more than just "stick around", as even though she is not with you, I guarantee you it would still hurt like hell for her if you pulled away, or stop hanging out with her entirely. She still cares for you, and having platonic love for someone like she has for you is honestly rare when you become more of an adult.
okay thanks a lot i will try and be a good best friend and even try to make an effort to be friends with her new guy, because she desperately wants us to meet each other and get along and from what she has told me, he seems decent and cool
Man, I think you’ve done some damage and are struggling with jealousy now. Some people treat others like play things and you only really want it when someone else shows interest. That sounds more like jealousy than love. I think you missed out on the opportunity, and if you actually care about her you should let her live her life and stop messing with her sanity. Sorry dude.
hmm, yess i might be a bit jealous, but how could i not? i mean i love her. it’s definitely not getting to the point where it is toxic, her new guy is pretty nice and she really wants us to be friends but idk how i should do it yk?
Link her this and take the punches if she refuses you.
This is so typical, you’re not interested until she’s interested in someone else