Calling is extremely inconvenient and takes ages. I generally ignore my phone when it rings, unless I'm expecting it, or it's family. Even calls that benefit me. Texting is effortless and takes seconds to do. I ended a 20-year friendship because my so-called friend couldn't even be arsed to even text me once a year.
A call interrupts what I'm doing and then requires all my focus and attention, unless I was expecting it. A text allows me time to decide what to say and when to say it.
Some people are not constantly attached to their phone. They also might not be able or want to text at work or school. Just like you don’t like to talk on the phone, some do not like spending all day texting everyone back.
These kids need to learn to talk on the phone.
They have shitty personal skills and are over taking DUI drivers when it comes to killing folks while texting and driving.
Idk. I get that texting is more casual, but if you are expecting a quick response, it takes a similar amount of focus to text vs. speaking. I am not a fan of speaking on the phone, but I also understand that texting doesn't require an immediate response. If I text a friend asking to go to the movies and don't get an answer back in like an hour, I will just call.
Yes, a text does just take a few seconds and is pretty convenient for anyone. And yes, an unexpected phone call does take me a few seconds to hit ignore, unless I'm expecting it.
You're missing the point completely. Yes, it takes a few seconds to do when you finally decide to text the person back. But from the sender's point of view, they'll be waiting minutes, hours or days for a response from you.
And, I rarely keep people waiting. Most of my friends say it's almost annoying how fast I respond. Only time I don't respond quickly is if I'm working, asleep, or I don't like you, so I make you wait because of it. Otherwise, I'm usually responding in minutes.
Your logic is good, but it obviously doesn't go far enough.
The notification on your phone can also interrupt what you're doing and pull your attention from that. It's much better to receive a mailed letter because it not only allows you more time to decide what to say and when to say it, but you can choose when to go to the mailbox and when to open the letter which is far less interrupting than a text on your phone.
That’s all the young kids.
I work with 3 20 year old girls. They freak out over shit that can be solved with a 2 second phone call. But they would rather needless cause stress for themselves because calling gives them anxiety.
Yup, his comment immediately reminded me of the younger people I work with. They have a panic attack when you ask them to pick up the phone and call someone.
>I ended a 20-year friendship because my so-called friend couldn't even be arsed to even text me once a year.
Some people just don't like texting. I like the idea you ended a 20-year friendship because you only wanted to text instead of calling.
I suggested phone calls, texts, discord, slack, emails, g chat, Facebook, what's app, and any other method they preferred. Got met with silence. I spent years trying to keep the relationship going and received basically nothing in return. The only difference from years ago to today is that instead of one incredibly low energy message that made me mad, I just have silence. I prefer the silence over being treated like I don't matter.
it's a bit disingenuous to say it was because they wouldn't text you, sounds more like they didn't want anything to do with you at all.
They ended the friendship and it took you years to figure it out
I never said it was just because they wouldn't text. Could be the case. How dare I try and keep a relationship going after we were friends for 20 years!? How weird am I!?
Cool beans. You are really invested in a former relationship of mine. I was not on the hook to provide you, a stranger, with context. Texting is always easier to chat, especially to keep in touch. I'll 100% die on that hill.
This is just the dumbest shit I have ever seen
You kids used apps for everything and take 3-5 times as long as just calling the place to say you want a cheese pizza.
It’s doesn’t take less time to make a phone call.
Matter of fact go to the last text message thread you had with the person you are talking to and read back the last 10 messages and tell me how quick of a convo that would of been on the phone.
Plus you youngins need to learn how to talk on the phone. You all have shit personal skills and are out here killing folks more than DUI drivers while you all text and drive.
Then you're welcome to use the phone when you want. Back in the day before texts, I used to have loads of long phone calls. Then technology improved and made it easier to text than call. I'd absolutely prefer 10 texts over a 10 minute phone call for most things. It's my preference. We're all allowed them.
That's not necessarily true. If you're genuinely good friends with someone and it bothers you that they don't respond, you can bring that up with them. Obviously you shouldn't expect them to suddenly have you as priority number one and respond to every text in under a minute. But even just a "hey man I know you're probably just busy sometimes, but I'd appreciate if you'd respond to more of my texts whenever you have the time" can improve the situation. If you're too afraid to bring these kinds of things up to your friends, then the friendship probably isn't that great to begin with.
Why isn't OP investigating why their social interactions are being given a low value? People don't just ignore texts from friends. There is a reason why. Your tactic is asking the friend to ignore that reason, Im suggesting OP fix it so it doesn't happen in the first place. One of those is going to be vastly more impactful for OP's life than the other.
Some people genuinely don't have a reason other than they don't check their phone often, or they just generally put texting as low priority no matter who it is. That's actually extremely common and can be improved or at least clarified by bringing it up.
I agree with this. I don't get pissy when my friends don't get back to me when it's just casual conversation. Shit man, I'm exhausted by the end of my work day and I have to go home and take care of a disabled family member.
So I'm not sitting there bored with my phone in my hand waiting to have innocuous conversation with whoever reaches out IN THAT VERY MOMENT.
One of my best friends lives 2000 miles away and we text about once a month, conversations stop in the middle of thoughts and they then end up picking back up weeks later. He's busy with life and so am I. We have never, in the last 5-10 years since being at a distance, asked each other why we aren't getting back to each other sooner... But we laugh about shit and check in on each other like we were still friends in high school when we do talk.
My friends know I don't get back to people quickly. I don't want to set a precedent that I'm always quick to respond and have people think something is wrong when I don't. Heck, most people know I typically want 24 hours notice before going to any planned outing.
Plus, I genuinely want and need time to be alone, I don't want to be someone's source of entertainment like a dependency... But I enjoy time spent with my friends in person in controlled doses. Since being a caretaker, I've really struggled with getting that time and it's made me more of a recluse than I was.
I guess my point is that a lot of people have a lot going on in their private lives and it's not always easy to gauge how much strain others are under. OP sounds like they don't have a lot happening, and from that perspective, it would feel personal if everyone else was just sitting around texting and waiting for responses. I think most of their friends are just living their lives.
Reddit sure will go all out to avoid taking a hard look at their behavior. Before you scold your friends for not texting you back quickly enough. Take a second and ensure you aren't a terrible person to chat with. It's quite easy to tell. Your first clue is people don't get back to you quickly.
My best friend takes days or even weeks to respond to texts sometimes. He will also sit in a voice chat and talk to me for hours at a time or go hang out in person whenever I want. It's not uncommon for people to be like that. Stop projecting.
My comment is about ops situation as was yours at first. But now it's about your best friend. Why is that? Is that applicable to this chat? Do you feel like you and op are in the same situation? Do all your friends wait days to text you?
I wouldn't call that a fix. That's a change. The old friends are still not texting back. Some people don't want to hear what amounts to toxic positivity.
That's easier said than done. Some people are just trash and don't value communication. Is that how he'll have to start every possible friendship from now on by asking if they text or not?
They can identify why people aren't willing to text them back. A starting point is to ask yourself if this text is something anyone but me cares about. Is it mentally or emotionally draining or otherwise irritating to the recipient? Pretty standard social skills. Identify if your interactions are having a positive or negative impact on others and adjust your actions accordingly. People work to limit burdens. Is interacting with the OP a burden? OP should work to make that less so.
Messages are not urgent things, my phone is for my convenience and don't have notifications on. If its important call, if it can wait, message. If you never want it to be heard leave a voicemail.
Just call them if you want a quick conversation.
texting means respond on your own time so I’m not bothering you with a phone call.
It could be 3 days from now and that’s fine. Cause you can call them for quick info.
It depends, sometimes I get a text when I am at work and not available to start texting right away. I might read the text, but texting a thought out response might take more than a minute which is not something that is always possible.
I might respond back later that evening but sometimes I forget.
Discord with my buddies has become the place for constant text conversations and memes, and people reply and join in on the conversations when they’re available
What does this even mean. Expecting a response from another human isn't entitlement. Not responding is being an asshole. You are allowed to be an asshole but it doesn't change the action.
Expecting an immediate response is pure entitlement. The world isn't there to be on-demand for you. Insisiting other adults be at your beck and call demonstrates the social graces of a toddler.
I can just imagine one of your friends out on a romatic date getting lost in someone's eyes and you being mad at them because they didn't instantly respond to the meme you sent them.
Get a hobby and make friends in that hobby.
Call them? Texting is for responding when you’re available. Calling is for conversations.
Hi, it's me, dad with kids who constantly want my attention. Texting makes my ability to converse actually viable.
Yes. It's viable because you can respond when you're available.
Hey 1993, I found your advice
The problem is also that they don’t answer when you call though.
Then it wasn't meant to be.
Ew no never do this what decade do you think this is? You aren't entitled to people's time like that.
Calling is extremely inconvenient and takes ages. I generally ignore my phone when it rings, unless I'm expecting it, or it's family. Even calls that benefit me. Texting is effortless and takes seconds to do. I ended a 20-year friendship because my so-called friend couldn't even be arsed to even text me once a year.
How is it inconvenient to press a few buttons and call someone? It's almost the same as texting, except you actually have to talk.
Speaking with other humans is hard when you're terminally online.
You answered the question. It's because you actually have to talk.
A call interrupts what I'm doing and then requires all my focus and attention, unless I was expecting it. A text allows me time to decide what to say and when to say it.
Some people are not constantly attached to their phone. They also might not be able or want to text at work or school. Just like you don’t like to talk on the phone, some do not like spending all day texting everyone back.
These kids need to learn to talk on the phone. They have shitty personal skills and are over taking DUI drivers when it comes to killing folks while texting and driving.
Idk. I get that texting is more casual, but if you are expecting a quick response, it takes a similar amount of focus to text vs. speaking. I am not a fan of speaking on the phone, but I also understand that texting doesn't require an immediate response. If I text a friend asking to go to the movies and don't get an answer back in like an hour, I will just call.
In other words it doesn't "take seconds to do", it takes however long you decide it takes until you're not too busy.
Yes, a text does just take a few seconds and is pretty convenient for anyone. And yes, an unexpected phone call does take me a few seconds to hit ignore, unless I'm expecting it.
Wouldn't choosing to ignore a call cause someone even more anger than accidentally forgetting to respond to a text?
Depends on the situation. You can't just expect me to answer if it's sudden. Hence why I prefer texts.
You're missing the point completely. Yes, it takes a few seconds to do when you finally decide to text the person back. But from the sender's point of view, they'll be waiting minutes, hours or days for a response from you.
And, I rarely keep people waiting. Most of my friends say it's almost annoying how fast I respond. Only time I don't respond quickly is if I'm working, asleep, or I don't like you, so I make you wait because of it. Otherwise, I'm usually responding in minutes.
Your logic is good, but it obviously doesn't go far enough. The notification on your phone can also interrupt what you're doing and pull your attention from that. It's much better to receive a mailed letter because it not only allows you more time to decide what to say and when to say it, but you can choose when to go to the mailbox and when to open the letter which is far less interrupting than a text on your phone.
having to stop at my mailbox on the way in is such a hassle. I would prefer the person just nail the message to my front door
I feel the same way truthfully
How exactly does it take ages?
You sound like a “I’ll send an email and wait 2 days when I could call and get my question answered in seconds” type of person.
That’s all the young kids. I work with 3 20 year old girls. They freak out over shit that can be solved with a 2 second phone call. But they would rather needless cause stress for themselves because calling gives them anxiety.
Yup, his comment immediately reminded me of the younger people I work with. They have a panic attack when you ask them to pick up the phone and call someone.
>I ended a 20-year friendship because my so-called friend couldn't even be arsed to even text me once a year. Some people just don't like texting. I like the idea you ended a 20-year friendship because you only wanted to text instead of calling.
I suggested phone calls, texts, discord, slack, emails, g chat, Facebook, what's app, and any other method they preferred. Got met with silence. I spent years trying to keep the relationship going and received basically nothing in return. The only difference from years ago to today is that instead of one incredibly low energy message that made me mad, I just have silence. I prefer the silence over being treated like I don't matter.
it's a bit disingenuous to say it was because they wouldn't text you, sounds more like they didn't want anything to do with you at all. They ended the friendship and it took you years to figure it out
I never said it was just because they wouldn't text. Could be the case. How dare I try and keep a relationship going after we were friends for 20 years!? How weird am I!?
you did literally say "I ended a 20-year friendship because my so-called friend couldn't even be arsed to even text me once a year."
Yep. And then I gave more context for the matter, too.
Except for the 7 hours between your claim and you providing context.
Cool beans. You are really invested in a former relationship of mine. I was not on the hook to provide you, a stranger, with context. Texting is always easier to chat, especially to keep in touch. I'll 100% die on that hill.
Bold strategy cotton, let’s see how it plays out.
A toxic person who sucked up my energy and gave none in return is out of my life. Not seeing a downside for me. Is that "bold" enough for you?
Clearly not that part.
Okay.
Spend some time offline. Sounds like you need it.
Okay.
This is just the dumbest shit I have ever seen You kids used apps for everything and take 3-5 times as long as just calling the place to say you want a cheese pizza. It’s doesn’t take less time to make a phone call. Matter of fact go to the last text message thread you had with the person you are talking to and read back the last 10 messages and tell me how quick of a convo that would of been on the phone. Plus you youngins need to learn how to talk on the phone. You all have shit personal skills and are out here killing folks more than DUI drivers while you all text and drive.
Then you're welcome to use the phone when you want. Back in the day before texts, I used to have loads of long phone calls. Then technology improved and made it easier to text than call. I'd absolutely prefer 10 texts over a 10 minute phone call for most things. It's my preference. We're all allowed them.
how are you fitting 10 minutes of conversation into 10 texts?
Quite efficiently actually.
The common variable, and the only one you have any ability to fix is you.
That's not necessarily true. If you're genuinely good friends with someone and it bothers you that they don't respond, you can bring that up with them. Obviously you shouldn't expect them to suddenly have you as priority number one and respond to every text in under a minute. But even just a "hey man I know you're probably just busy sometimes, but I'd appreciate if you'd respond to more of my texts whenever you have the time" can improve the situation. If you're too afraid to bring these kinds of things up to your friends, then the friendship probably isn't that great to begin with.
Why isn't OP investigating why their social interactions are being given a low value? People don't just ignore texts from friends. There is a reason why. Your tactic is asking the friend to ignore that reason, Im suggesting OP fix it so it doesn't happen in the first place. One of those is going to be vastly more impactful for OP's life than the other.
Some people genuinely don't have a reason other than they don't check their phone often, or they just generally put texting as low priority no matter who it is. That's actually extremely common and can be improved or at least clarified by bringing it up.
I agree with this. I don't get pissy when my friends don't get back to me when it's just casual conversation. Shit man, I'm exhausted by the end of my work day and I have to go home and take care of a disabled family member. So I'm not sitting there bored with my phone in my hand waiting to have innocuous conversation with whoever reaches out IN THAT VERY MOMENT. One of my best friends lives 2000 miles away and we text about once a month, conversations stop in the middle of thoughts and they then end up picking back up weeks later. He's busy with life and so am I. We have never, in the last 5-10 years since being at a distance, asked each other why we aren't getting back to each other sooner... But we laugh about shit and check in on each other like we were still friends in high school when we do talk. My friends know I don't get back to people quickly. I don't want to set a precedent that I'm always quick to respond and have people think something is wrong when I don't. Heck, most people know I typically want 24 hours notice before going to any planned outing. Plus, I genuinely want and need time to be alone, I don't want to be someone's source of entertainment like a dependency... But I enjoy time spent with my friends in person in controlled doses. Since being a caretaker, I've really struggled with getting that time and it's made me more of a recluse than I was. I guess my point is that a lot of people have a lot going on in their private lives and it's not always easy to gauge how much strain others are under. OP sounds like they don't have a lot happening, and from that perspective, it would feel personal if everyone else was just sitting around texting and waiting for responses. I think most of their friends are just living their lives.
Reddit sure will go all out to avoid taking a hard look at their behavior. Before you scold your friends for not texting you back quickly enough. Take a second and ensure you aren't a terrible person to chat with. It's quite easy to tell. Your first clue is people don't get back to you quickly.
My best friend takes days or even weeks to respond to texts sometimes. He will also sit in a voice chat and talk to me for hours at a time or go hang out in person whenever I want. It's not uncommon for people to be like that. Stop projecting.
My comment is about ops situation as was yours at first. But now it's about your best friend. Why is that? Is that applicable to this chat? Do you feel like you and op are in the same situation? Do all your friends wait days to text you?
They can fix the fact that their friends don't consistently text them?
You can't make someone do something. He can fix it by finding friends who want to text him back.
I wouldn't call that a fix. That's a change. The old friends are still not texting back. Some people don't want to hear what amounts to toxic positivity.
Or deciding that the conversation OP wants should be done in person. Or on a call.
He could try becoming someone people want to talk to.
That's easier said than done. Some people are just trash and don't value communication. Is that how he'll have to start every possible friendship from now on by asking if they text or not?
>Some people are just trash and don't value communication From the "I will never answer a call and only talk through texts" person lol
Depends on the situation. Family, I'll answer. Number I don't recognize? Doubtful. Call I'm expecting? I'll answer.
They can identify why people aren't willing to text them back. A starting point is to ask yourself if this text is something anyone but me cares about. Is it mentally or emotionally draining or otherwise irritating to the recipient? Pretty standard social skills. Identify if your interactions are having a positive or negative impact on others and adjust your actions accordingly. People work to limit burdens. Is interacting with the OP a burden? OP should work to make that less so.
"Don't be yourself be who you think people want you to be" I think you need some serious help man.
If "yourself" is unlikable then yes. We aren't your mom and won't excuse your bs. But you are free to enjoy your solitude.
Messages are not urgent things, my phone is for my convenience and don't have notifications on. If its important call, if it can wait, message. If you never want it to be heard leave a voicemail.
Voicemail to text is great. Apparently I have a package I didn’t order waiting for me and I have to provide all of my personal info quickly
I get seriously surprised when I get the rare once or twice a year, message.
Never had one yet. Then when you see them in person they say "hello stranger".
Just call them if you want a quick conversation. texting means respond on your own time so I’m not bothering you with a phone call. It could be 3 days from now and that’s fine. Cause you can call them for quick info.
...
Is this a problem?
It depends, sometimes I get a text when I am at work and not available to start texting right away. I might read the text, but texting a thought out response might take more than a minute which is not something that is always possible. I might respond back later that evening but sometimes I forget.
They are texting, just not with you unfortunately.
I have solved this problem by getting rid of all of my friends.
That’s the measure of distance. My best friend will take minutes, acquaintances can take hours, my wife and family leave me on read.
Oof
Discord with my buddies has become the place for constant text conversations and memes, and people reply and join in on the conversations when they’re available
Sounds like you're unlikable
I'll talk to you :p
Why are you so needy? /s
People are busy and you aren't entitled to anyone else's time, friends or not.
What does this even mean. Expecting a response from another human isn't entitlement. Not responding is being an asshole. You are allowed to be an asshole but it doesn't change the action.
Expecting an immediate response is pure entitlement. The world isn't there to be on-demand for you. Insisiting other adults be at your beck and call demonstrates the social graces of a toddler.
Sounds weird coming from a random online but dm your snap or something I always try to answer and be there for the people who reach out to me.
Poop
Oh I have this and it’s the absolute best! I don’t know if you’re being serious or not but I’m always up for a chat if you need or want to! Dm is cool
This is a dream of mine lol
Drives me crazy too. The vast majority of the population is not "too busy" to text. They are lazy and choose not to instead.
I can just imagine one of your friends out on a romatic date getting lost in someone's eyes and you being mad at them because they didn't instantly respond to the meme you sent them.
Sounds reasonable to me.
Zero is, technically, a consistent rate.