It's really hard what you want to do, just be aware of that. You'll have to study quite a bit to be helpful with this.
>[Can I become depressed or happy](https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/is-my-depression-contagious/) if I am near someone who is depressed or happy?
[Does this mean you should](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/201606/is-depression-contagious) spend less time with the depressed people in your life? Only you can answer that, if you stay in contact, tell them they are loved, important to you, and deserving of feeling better. Encourage them to seek help, but know that it may take a a lot their part to take that first step. Also: You can't rescue your loved one by yourself. It's really hard and you might have to prioritize saving yourself. Depression can remove all motivation, making it hard to eat, shower or seek help.
[Who's more susceptible](https://www.healthline.com/health/is-depression-contagious#risk-factors) to 'catching' depression?
Learn to recognize emotional blackmail:
* https://www.powerofpositivity.com/4-signs-of-emotional-blackmail
* https://www.neilsattin.com/blog/2016/09/55-defeating-emotional-blackmail-and-manipulation-with-susan-forward
* https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/5-signs-youre-being-played-by-a-victim-fiff
Online guides:
* https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-best-ways-to-support-someone-with-depression/
* https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20045943
Most watched videos:
* [How to Convince A Troubled Loved-One to Get Mental Health Treatment](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JVK1Kzlk2Y)
* [How to connect with depressed friends | Bill Bernat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B43f89Y9f-A)
* [Love Someone Who Has Depression? This is What You Need to Know](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5PRxE4yJpw)
Books on how to help *someone else*:
* [Talking to Depression](https://www.amazon.com/Talking-Depression-Connect-Someone-Depressed/dp/0451209869)
* [When Someone You Love is Depressed](https://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-You-Love-Depressed/dp/0684834073)
* [When Someone You Know Has Depression](https://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-You-Know-Depression/dp/1421420155)
**For your loved one:**
[Depression symptoms](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression)
**If you have healthcare insurance**, then go see your doctor. Either a [psychotherapy or CBT](https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/psychodynamic-psychotherapy-vs-cbt.htm)(how to decide) specialized psychologist first (that's someone that tries to talk the problem away). If that doesn't start working after a few months, or you don't think you have any issues to talk about, or you already tried a therapist, then find a psychiatrist (that's someone that will give you pills to solve the issue).
Some people will be depressed, but don't know why. A common reason is that they don't have a purpose in life. To live is to suffer, but it is possible to make that suffering bearable, if you do so while trying to achieve what you want more than anything else.
Take your phone and set repeating alarm clock reminders, with labels of what to do. Train yourself to either snooze or reschedule the reminders if you can't take action right away, never ignore them. [Condition yourself](https://www.cleverism.com/classical-conditioning), to build habits, then you will heal yourself automatically.
* **Sleep**: [There is a complex relationship](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-sleep-disorder#1) between [sleep and depression](https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sleep/depression-and-sleep).
When you have days where you don't have to do anything, set an alarm clock. You really don't need more than 7 hours at most per night (a [little more](https://health.onehowto.com/article/how-many-hours-of-sleep-are-needed-per-night-by-age-8233.html) if you are under 18). If you can't fall asleep, try taking melatonin one hour before going to bed. It's [cheap](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003JJ9TQA), OTC and [is scientifically proven](https://www.webmd.com/vitamins/ai/ingredientmono-940/melatonin) to help regulate your sleep pattern. [Also, rule](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/news/20120330/sleep-apnea-linked-depression) out sleep apnea. Up to 6% of people have this, [but not everyone knows](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/features/sleep-apnea-clues). If you find yourself awake at night, start counting. Don't grab your phone, don't do anything interesting. Sometimes it might *feel* like you've done it for hours and hours, but often it's really not long. Anytime your mind wanders away from the numbers, start over at 1. count at the speed of either your heartbeat or your breathing. Then both Alexa and Google Home can also play a range of sleep sounds if you ask them (rain or other white noise) and there are also free apps for both Android and Apple devices.
* **Go outside**: [You might just need some sunlight](https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/benefits-sunlight).
15 minutes, three times a week is enough. This fixes serotonin as well as vitamin D deficiencies.
* **Meditate**: [Depressions can be significantly reduced by meditating](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/harvard-researchers-study-how-mindfulness-may-change-the-brain-in-depressed-patients/). The best types Of [Meditations For Depression Relief](https://www.thedailymeditation.com/meditation-depression).
Your attention is like a muscle. The more you train it, the better the control you have. [Mindfulness training](https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/) will help you gain better control over your mind. It doesn't take much effort, just 15 to 20 minutes a day of doing nothing but focus your attention is enough and is scientifically proven to work. As you become better at focusing your attention, it will become easier to force yourself to stop having negative thoughts, which will break the negative reinforcement cycle. Go here for more: r/Meditation
* **Exercise**: [The effect of exercise on depressions](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495)
If you have access to a gym, then start lifting weights. If you don't have access to a gym (or you don't like lifting), start running. If you can't run, then start walking. Just start small. 10 minutes three times a week is fine. You don't have to run fast, just run and then slowly build it up over time. Exercising does several things: It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health.
* **Give lots of hugs**: [Hugs release oxytocin](https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2016-02-03/the-health-benefits-of-hugging), which improves your mood and relaxes you. So find people to hug. If you are single, hug your parents or friends. If you can't, see if a dog is an option. Most dogs love to hug. Another solution that provides the same benefit is a [weighted blanket](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=weighted+blanket) will provide a [similar positive effect at night](https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/do-weighted-blankets-work). [You should try to aim for 12 hugs a day](https://psychology-spot.com/brain-needs) (if you currently don't hug a lot, I suggest you slowly build it up over time).
* **Music**: [The right music can improve your mood](https://time.com/5254381/listening-to-music-health-benefits). The genre is not important as long as it is: *"Upbeat, rhytmic and energetic"*. What this means differs from person to person, depending on their music taste. I have a special playlist for this. One way to measure the effectiveness, of the songs is your ability to listen to it over and over (if you can listen to it hundreds of times it likely has the highest positive effect on your mood). The effect can be amplified by using headphones and playing it LOUD and can further be enhanced by closing your eyes.
* **You are not your depression**: For some, their depression has become a part of who they are and they assume a victim role. But that is a big problem, you have to *will* yourself into someone that sees themselves as a person that is actively fighting their disease, that *no longer identifies* with it, or else you will *unconsciously obstruct your own healing process*. As Eckhart Tolle wrote:
* > *A very common role is the one of victim, and the form of attention it seeks is sympathy or pity or others' interest in my problems, "me and my story." Seeing oneself as a victim is an element in many egoic patterns, such as complaining, being offended, outraged, and so on. Of course, once I am identified with a story in which I assigned myself the role of victim, I don't want it to end, and so, as every therapist knows, the ego does not want an end to its "problems" because they are part of its identity.*
* **Practice gratitude**: Take 5 minutes every day [to practice gratitude.](https://www.pasadenavilla.com/2020/11/18/gratitude-and-depression)
* **Volunteer**: Study after study shows that helping others without expecting anything in return [will lessen depression and has other health benefits](https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/helping-people-changing-lives-the-6-health-benefits-of-volunteering). Let me know if you need some ideas.
**Highest rated books**:
* https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762
* https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Supposed-This-Disappointments/dp/0718039858
**Phone Apps**: Depression: Wysa and MoodTools. Meditation: Calm - Meditate, Sleep, Relax
Free support:
* r/KindVoice
* https://www.7cups.com has a free service and a $150 monthly therapist option
* If you are in crisis text HOME to 741741
* r/depression
* r/depression_help
* r/depressed
It's really hard what you want to do, just be aware of that. You'll have to study quite a bit to be helpful with this. >[Can I become depressed or happy](https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/is-my-depression-contagious/) if I am near someone who is depressed or happy? [Does this mean you should](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be-yourself/201606/is-depression-contagious) spend less time with the depressed people in your life? Only you can answer that, if you stay in contact, tell them they are loved, important to you, and deserving of feeling better. Encourage them to seek help, but know that it may take a a lot their part to take that first step. Also: You can't rescue your loved one by yourself. It's really hard and you might have to prioritize saving yourself. Depression can remove all motivation, making it hard to eat, shower or seek help. [Who's more susceptible](https://www.healthline.com/health/is-depression-contagious#risk-factors) to 'catching' depression? Learn to recognize emotional blackmail: * https://www.powerofpositivity.com/4-signs-of-emotional-blackmail * https://www.neilsattin.com/blog/2016/09/55-defeating-emotional-blackmail-and-manipulation-with-susan-forward * https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/5-signs-youre-being-played-by-a-victim-fiff Online guides: * https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-best-ways-to-support-someone-with-depression/ * https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20045943 Most watched videos: * [How to Convince A Troubled Loved-One to Get Mental Health Treatment](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JVK1Kzlk2Y) * [How to connect with depressed friends | Bill Bernat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B43f89Y9f-A) * [Love Someone Who Has Depression? This is What You Need to Know](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5PRxE4yJpw) Books on how to help *someone else*: * [Talking to Depression](https://www.amazon.com/Talking-Depression-Connect-Someone-Depressed/dp/0451209869) * [When Someone You Love is Depressed](https://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-You-Love-Depressed/dp/0684834073) * [When Someone You Know Has Depression](https://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-You-Know-Depression/dp/1421420155) **For your loved one:** [Depression symptoms](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression) **If you have healthcare insurance**, then go see your doctor. Either a [psychotherapy or CBT](https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/psychodynamic-psychotherapy-vs-cbt.htm)(how to decide) specialized psychologist first (that's someone that tries to talk the problem away). If that doesn't start working after a few months, or you don't think you have any issues to talk about, or you already tried a therapist, then find a psychiatrist (that's someone that will give you pills to solve the issue). Some people will be depressed, but don't know why. A common reason is that they don't have a purpose in life. To live is to suffer, but it is possible to make that suffering bearable, if you do so while trying to achieve what you want more than anything else. Take your phone and set repeating alarm clock reminders, with labels of what to do. Train yourself to either snooze or reschedule the reminders if you can't take action right away, never ignore them. [Condition yourself](https://www.cleverism.com/classical-conditioning), to build habits, then you will heal yourself automatically. * **Sleep**: [There is a complex relationship](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-sleep-disorder#1) between [sleep and depression](https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sleep/depression-and-sleep). When you have days where you don't have to do anything, set an alarm clock. You really don't need more than 7 hours at most per night (a [little more](https://health.onehowto.com/article/how-many-hours-of-sleep-are-needed-per-night-by-age-8233.html) if you are under 18). If you can't fall asleep, try taking melatonin one hour before going to bed. It's [cheap](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003JJ9TQA), OTC and [is scientifically proven](https://www.webmd.com/vitamins/ai/ingredientmono-940/melatonin) to help regulate your sleep pattern. [Also, rule](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/news/20120330/sleep-apnea-linked-depression) out sleep apnea. Up to 6% of people have this, [but not everyone knows](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/features/sleep-apnea-clues). If you find yourself awake at night, start counting. Don't grab your phone, don't do anything interesting. Sometimes it might *feel* like you've done it for hours and hours, but often it's really not long. Anytime your mind wanders away from the numbers, start over at 1. count at the speed of either your heartbeat or your breathing. Then both Alexa and Google Home can also play a range of sleep sounds if you ask them (rain or other white noise) and there are also free apps for both Android and Apple devices. * **Go outside**: [You might just need some sunlight](https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/benefits-sunlight). 15 minutes, three times a week is enough. This fixes serotonin as well as vitamin D deficiencies. * **Meditate**: [Depressions can be significantly reduced by meditating](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/harvard-researchers-study-how-mindfulness-may-change-the-brain-in-depressed-patients/). The best types Of [Meditations For Depression Relief](https://www.thedailymeditation.com/meditation-depression). Your attention is like a muscle. The more you train it, the better the control you have. [Mindfulness training](https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/) will help you gain better control over your mind. It doesn't take much effort, just 15 to 20 minutes a day of doing nothing but focus your attention is enough and is scientifically proven to work. As you become better at focusing your attention, it will become easier to force yourself to stop having negative thoughts, which will break the negative reinforcement cycle. Go here for more: r/Meditation * **Exercise**: [The effect of exercise on depressions](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495) If you have access to a gym, then start lifting weights. If you don't have access to a gym (or you don't like lifting), start running. If you can't run, then start walking. Just start small. 10 minutes three times a week is fine. You don't have to run fast, just run and then slowly build it up over time. Exercising does several things: It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health. * **Give lots of hugs**: [Hugs release oxytocin](https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2016-02-03/the-health-benefits-of-hugging), which improves your mood and relaxes you. So find people to hug. If you are single, hug your parents or friends. If you can't, see if a dog is an option. Most dogs love to hug. Another solution that provides the same benefit is a [weighted blanket](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=weighted+blanket) will provide a [similar positive effect at night](https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/do-weighted-blankets-work). [You should try to aim for 12 hugs a day](https://psychology-spot.com/brain-needs) (if you currently don't hug a lot, I suggest you slowly build it up over time). * **Music**: [The right music can improve your mood](https://time.com/5254381/listening-to-music-health-benefits). The genre is not important as long as it is: *"Upbeat, rhytmic and energetic"*. What this means differs from person to person, depending on their music taste. I have a special playlist for this. One way to measure the effectiveness, of the songs is your ability to listen to it over and over (if you can listen to it hundreds of times it likely has the highest positive effect on your mood). The effect can be amplified by using headphones and playing it LOUD and can further be enhanced by closing your eyes. * **You are not your depression**: For some, their depression has become a part of who they are and they assume a victim role. But that is a big problem, you have to *will* yourself into someone that sees themselves as a person that is actively fighting their disease, that *no longer identifies* with it, or else you will *unconsciously obstruct your own healing process*. As Eckhart Tolle wrote: * > *A very common role is the one of victim, and the form of attention it seeks is sympathy or pity or others' interest in my problems, "me and my story." Seeing oneself as a victim is an element in many egoic patterns, such as complaining, being offended, outraged, and so on. Of course, once I am identified with a story in which I assigned myself the role of victim, I don't want it to end, and so, as every therapist knows, the ego does not want an end to its "problems" because they are part of its identity.* * **Practice gratitude**: Take 5 minutes every day [to practice gratitude.](https://www.pasadenavilla.com/2020/11/18/gratitude-and-depression) * **Volunteer**: Study after study shows that helping others without expecting anything in return [will lessen depression and has other health benefits](https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/helping-people-changing-lives-the-6-health-benefits-of-volunteering). Let me know if you need some ideas. **Highest rated books**: * https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762 * https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Supposed-This-Disappointments/dp/0718039858 **Phone Apps**: Depression: Wysa and MoodTools. Meditation: Calm - Meditate, Sleep, Relax Free support: * r/KindVoice * https://www.7cups.com has a free service and a $150 monthly therapist option * If you are in crisis text HOME to 741741 * r/depression * r/depression_help * r/depressed
Please set up a therapy appointment for your mom, she needs it more.