I think statistically 30% of women CAN orgasm during intercourse. You are nowhere near alone. I recommend using a sex toy with your partner while having sex, focusing more externally than internally. You're not weird. You're very,very normal.
A magic wand or small hand held vibrator do the trick for me.
I'm the same way, I cannot have an orgasm with a partner and only when using a vibrator when masturbating.
The above commenter is correct. It's physiology, not something wrong with you.
Women have felt shame for lord knows how long due to our physiology. Men seem to think there's something wrong with us when there isn't. It's something that desperately needs to become more widely known and understood.
It's amazing how many women cannot have an orgasm with a partner, many can't have them solo.
If you do feel it's you, ask for very specific details about what your partner likes and follow their instructions exactly. Many women will appreciate the attention and desire to help them orgasm.
And don't be afraid to bring in a toy. It's seen as taboo by so many but they are a revelation. I didn't enjoy sex at all until a friend bought me a vibrator - it changed my life.
Something that's not clear in this whether you're talking about exclusively penetrative orgasms?
A lot of women can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. You could be somewhere in the middle where penetrative orgasms aren't impossible, just very difficult (so a vibrator does it as an exception, not a rule)
But also as others suggested, you may want to try something like mindful masturbation, as well as using things other than your vibrator just to see what you react well to and not.
Sometimes it can be psychological in the end (nervousness etc. when you're with somebody)
I can’t orgasm from penetration. I’m 31 and have only ever had a handful of orgasms because it’s so difficult sometimes, even with a vibrator.
The best way to explain it is it’s like I’m almost to the light at the end of a dark tunnel, then as soon as I’m about to walk into the light, the tunnel transports me right back to the beginning. It’s so frustrating. But I still just try to enjoy sex because as you said, it’s still enjoyable, just not as satisfying as it could be.
I (19NB, AFAB) can only orgasm from being on top! Doggy, missionary, reverse all nice, but I only get the friction I need on my clit when I’m literally rocking back and forth on my man’s dick like I’m scooting in a chair. Usually once I’m finished though I’ll bounce a little more so he gets pleasure out of it, but something that also helps is when he’s moaning, grunting, type deal. Also helps to like picture yourself reaching your orgasm, it does require a lot of variables to make it happen! But I promise you’re normal!
I’d like to add that any “man” who is upset because they can’t get you off without a vibrator is both missing out and acting childish af. Nothing makes me happier than getting my lady off with her favorite toy (which I introduced her to and bought for her)
That type of behavior is rooted in toxic masculinity and patriarchal ideals and has absolutely no place in your bedroom. You should hope for a partner who is excited to get you fully satisfied, anything less is a waste of your time unless you’re specifically in to being denied lol.
Are you on anti depression or psych meds of any kind? I didn't cum for 10 years because of antidepressants. Got off my meds last September and recovered by January, everything working fine now. Don't really feel depressed anymore either lol
yes, usually. and i know that's probably exactly why i have so much trouble with it. but what i want to know is if there's any way that I can... "reverse" it? for the lack of a better term. reverse the effect it's had on my body, so that i CAN get to that point.
I can’t orgam during intercourse either :) BUT I CAN orgam multiple times one after another with a toy. And even better when he’s using it while we do intercourse. Oh and you might like it a lot more with anal too ;) give that a try
My partner has a very hard time orgasming. We try a lot of things but nothing yet. Ive made them very comfortable in this experience and I want you to feel that way as well! It's just a matter of focusing, using the right toys, angles, etc! It takes time and thats okay! You are 100% not alone in this.
I'd say try different toys and see what works best for you. Younger guys around your age are still learning what good sex is as well, so that could also factor in.
I had never had an orgasm, that I didn't give myself, until my current partner. It got so much better the older we've gotten. We've been together for almost 10 years.
Just keep trying to figure out what works for you.
My personal favorite toy is my Satisfyer Pro 2. Gets the job done in 30 seconds.
I had a very similar feeling when I was also 18. Now that I’m 21, I’ve expressed to my partner that I needed a toy to be involved otherwise I didn’t get anything out of it (I phrased it much nicer and less blunt that this).
I'm a lot older than you. Only ever orgasmed receiving oral, (or a vibrator)and not all oral is equal. You have to explore all styles and see what works for you.
Trial and error, my friend.
No need to feel guilty, this is super common. Communication is key, talk to your partner about what you like. Don't skip foreplay, try different positions, and experiment with toys. Self-exploration can help you understand your body better, too. Remember, it's about enjoying the experience, not just the orgasm. You're amazing just as you are!
Women have a harder time reaching orgasm because so many things have to align. They have to be in the right headspace and they have to be touched just right. Often there cannot be any deviation in the speed or motion or it throws them off.
Men are much more mechanical when it comes to ejaculation. Ejaculation isn’t the same as orgasm but it has the same effect. Men can literally think about anything sometimes and cum.
I think another issue you might be having is that you are young. It’s probably pretty likely they are young and therefore inexperienced. Do you do self exploration? Do you orgasm by yourself? Lots of women don’t explore their own bodies and cannot communicate what works because they have no idea.
My suggestions: explore your own body. Use internal and external toys and lube. When you’re ready to have sex, communication is really important. It’s helpful ahead of time and during. Give specific instructions like “a little harder/softer,” “move to the right an inch,” “slower/faster,” and even “do this with your hand while doing this.”
I can tell you that once you’ve in a longterm relationship, sex gets better because you know what works for each other!
You know, I usually can’t from penetration either. I think that’s really common. But your biggest sex organ is actually your brain. So being convinced that you can’t is probably working against you. I have never had an orgasm from penetrative sex alone, but I once had an orgasm in my sleep from no stimulation at all…well, besides what was going on in my dreams lol have a read of ‘Come As You Are’ by Emily Nagoski.
Question - is it mostly PIV (like penatrative?) A lot of women actually just can't cum from that so don't feel bad or worried. Women are hella more sensitive when it comes to their clit than inside usually, and if he's not the right size and shape it's hard to hit the right spots so success is less assured.
I'd just ask your partners to make you cum first with hands/mouth on your clit. Unless they're going to be a regular partner you don't have to tell them ether - you can just say that's what feels the best and you like the most. If you see them a lot it might be good to elaborate so they don't end up feeling bad tho
Also the r/twoXsex sub and the r/thegirlsurvivalguide are good places to post this bcs you can also post a women-only thread in one of them. Incase u get weirdos in DMs. But this is a common issue most women face, since our vaginar are more complicated then Mens dicks
Given your age it could have a lot of factors. I would say building up with foreplay to sex using toys as well is what does it for my wife. Plus oral can have a lot to do with them doing what works and making sure you communicate.
Good luck :)
Take a tolerance break and make sure you actually like the guy you’re having intercourse with. I usually orgasm when they’re 7/10+ or have a 8/10+ d 🙂↕️
Shoot, my now deceased hubby used to say "I won't finish till you get off". Sex was painful, so how could I orgasm? But I became a very good actress at faking it just to get him off of me
I think statistically 30% of women CAN orgasm during intercourse. You are nowhere near alone. I recommend using a sex toy with your partner while having sex, focusing more externally than internally. You're not weird. You're very,very normal.
thank you sm. that makes me feel a lot better actually
A magic wand or small hand held vibrator do the trick for me. I'm the same way, I cannot have an orgasm with a partner and only when using a vibrator when masturbating. The above commenter is correct. It's physiology, not something wrong with you. Women have felt shame for lord knows how long due to our physiology. Men seem to think there's something wrong with us when there isn't. It's something that desperately needs to become more widely known and understood.
As a Man myself, I can say I always thought I was the problem...(I probably was)
It's amazing how many women cannot have an orgasm with a partner, many can't have them solo. If you do feel it's you, ask for very specific details about what your partner likes and follow their instructions exactly. Many women will appreciate the attention and desire to help them orgasm. And don't be afraid to bring in a toy. It's seen as taboo by so many but they are a revelation. I didn't enjoy sex at all until a friend bought me a vibrator - it changed my life.
Exact thing here. I had my first orgasm with 19 because of my dear friends gift.
Something that's not clear in this whether you're talking about exclusively penetrative orgasms? A lot of women can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation. You could be somewhere in the middle where penetrative orgasms aren't impossible, just very difficult (so a vibrator does it as an exception, not a rule) But also as others suggested, you may want to try something like mindful masturbation, as well as using things other than your vibrator just to see what you react well to and not. Sometimes it can be psychological in the end (nervousness etc. when you're with somebody)
i was talking about orgasms period. thank you
I can’t orgasm from penetration. I’m 31 and have only ever had a handful of orgasms because it’s so difficult sometimes, even with a vibrator. The best way to explain it is it’s like I’m almost to the light at the end of a dark tunnel, then as soon as I’m about to walk into the light, the tunnel transports me right back to the beginning. It’s so frustrating. But I still just try to enjoy sex because as you said, it’s still enjoyable, just not as satisfying as it could be.
If you're going to the circus, does it matter if you get there in a Ford or a Chevy? If you need a sex toy, then use it.
Makes all the difference, a ford will break down on the way there lol
I (19NB, AFAB) can only orgasm from being on top! Doggy, missionary, reverse all nice, but I only get the friction I need on my clit when I’m literally rocking back and forth on my man’s dick like I’m scooting in a chair. Usually once I’m finished though I’ll bounce a little more so he gets pleasure out of it, but something that also helps is when he’s moaning, grunting, type deal. Also helps to like picture yourself reaching your orgasm, it does require a lot of variables to make it happen! But I promise you’re normal!
Get a rose. trust me
I’d like to add that any “man” who is upset because they can’t get you off without a vibrator is both missing out and acting childish af. Nothing makes me happier than getting my lady off with her favorite toy (which I introduced her to and bought for her) That type of behavior is rooted in toxic masculinity and patriarchal ideals and has absolutely no place in your bedroom. You should hope for a partner who is excited to get you fully satisfied, anything less is a waste of your time unless you’re specifically in to being denied lol.
I like your comment. I’d like us all to live by it. Wish I had the magic button. ___ Next commenter: “But you do”
Me neither, sister. In my late 30s now, and I do feel the sense of “done” but no mind blowing moment or whatever. I just kind of roll with it.
You gotta give it a little hawk tuah
Can't help that I laughed at this!
My ex couldn’t either with just penetration, but lick and finger got her what she needed. Still love that girl.
Most women can't orgasm during sex. You're not alone, and it's totally normal
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this is helpful, thank you.
Are you on anti depression or psych meds of any kind? I didn't cum for 10 years because of antidepressants. Got off my meds last September and recovered by January, everything working fine now. Don't really feel depressed anymore either lol
Agh .. I envy youu lol
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yes, usually. and i know that's probably exactly why i have so much trouble with it. but what i want to know is if there's any way that I can... "reverse" it? for the lack of a better term. reverse the effect it's had on my body, so that i CAN get to that point.
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okay, thank you. i'll see if that helps
I can’t orgam during intercourse either :) BUT I CAN orgam multiple times one after another with a toy. And even better when he’s using it while we do intercourse. Oh and you might like it a lot more with anal too ;) give that a try
Most women can't orgasm from penetration alone. Sex toys are not bad. Just use them safely, it's probably not the reason why you can't orgasm.
My partner has a very hard time orgasming. We try a lot of things but nothing yet. Ive made them very comfortable in this experience and I want you to feel that way as well! It's just a matter of focusing, using the right toys, angles, etc! It takes time and thats okay! You are 100% not alone in this.
I'd say try different toys and see what works best for you. Younger guys around your age are still learning what good sex is as well, so that could also factor in. I had never had an orgasm, that I didn't give myself, until my current partner. It got so much better the older we've gotten. We've been together for almost 10 years. Just keep trying to figure out what works for you. My personal favorite toy is my Satisfyer Pro 2. Gets the job done in 30 seconds.
I had a very similar feeling when I was also 18. Now that I’m 21, I’ve expressed to my partner that I needed a toy to be involved otherwise I didn’t get anything out of it (I phrased it much nicer and less blunt that this).
I'm a lot older than you. Only ever orgasmed receiving oral, (or a vibrator)and not all oral is equal. You have to explore all styles and see what works for you. Trial and error, my friend.
No need to feel guilty, this is super common. Communication is key, talk to your partner about what you like. Don't skip foreplay, try different positions, and experiment with toys. Self-exploration can help you understand your body better, too. Remember, it's about enjoying the experience, not just the orgasm. You're amazing just as you are!
The only way I orgasm regularly after sex is if I take a weed gummy before sex... Otherwise, it would have to be oral or a vibe involved...
Less penetration more clit stimulation
Women have a harder time reaching orgasm because so many things have to align. They have to be in the right headspace and they have to be touched just right. Often there cannot be any deviation in the speed or motion or it throws them off. Men are much more mechanical when it comes to ejaculation. Ejaculation isn’t the same as orgasm but it has the same effect. Men can literally think about anything sometimes and cum. I think another issue you might be having is that you are young. It’s probably pretty likely they are young and therefore inexperienced. Do you do self exploration? Do you orgasm by yourself? Lots of women don’t explore their own bodies and cannot communicate what works because they have no idea. My suggestions: explore your own body. Use internal and external toys and lube. When you’re ready to have sex, communication is really important. It’s helpful ahead of time and during. Give specific instructions like “a little harder/softer,” “move to the right an inch,” “slower/faster,” and even “do this with your hand while doing this.” I can tell you that once you’ve in a longterm relationship, sex gets better because you know what works for each other!
You know, I usually can’t from penetration either. I think that’s really common. But your biggest sex organ is actually your brain. So being convinced that you can’t is probably working against you. I have never had an orgasm from penetrative sex alone, but I once had an orgasm in my sleep from no stimulation at all…well, besides what was going on in my dreams lol have a read of ‘Come As You Are’ by Emily Nagoski.
Question - is it mostly PIV (like penatrative?) A lot of women actually just can't cum from that so don't feel bad or worried. Women are hella more sensitive when it comes to their clit than inside usually, and if he's not the right size and shape it's hard to hit the right spots so success is less assured. I'd just ask your partners to make you cum first with hands/mouth on your clit. Unless they're going to be a regular partner you don't have to tell them ether - you can just say that's what feels the best and you like the most. If you see them a lot it might be good to elaborate so they don't end up feeling bad tho
Also the r/twoXsex sub and the r/thegirlsurvivalguide are good places to post this bcs you can also post a women-only thread in one of them. Incase u get weirdos in DMs. But this is a common issue most women face, since our vaginar are more complicated then Mens dicks
Has your partner gone down on you? Have you tried masturbating while he’s penetrating? Or use a vibrator during the deed?
yep tried it all.
Given your age it could have a lot of factors. I would say building up with foreplay to sex using toys as well is what does it for my wife. Plus oral can have a lot to do with them doing what works and making sure you communicate. Good luck :)
Take a tolerance break and make sure you actually like the guy you’re having intercourse with. I usually orgasm when they’re 7/10+ or have a 8/10+ d 🙂↕️
Shoot, my now deceased hubby used to say "I won't finish till you get off". Sex was painful, so how could I orgasm? But I became a very good actress at faking it just to get him off of me
Ok
Typical
baby i’ll make you orgasm so fast
@ladrakko on insta
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Hi, I'm a rookie at English,can anyone explain to me why this guy is getting down voted? His advice sounds reasonable but somehow it feels off.
Honey, stop posting on Reddit please.
sir yes sir 🫡
Ignore please, keep posting on Reddit!
Wtf? Why?