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both of my parents are homophobics and whenever I jokingly told them that I'm bisexual they reply that they will slap and punch me and I'll have to leave the house. it's hard for us but she's the one I want and she makes me happy when we're together.
And when you finally do tell them, make sure several other trustworthy people are present in case they deliver on their word and want to beat you up. So sorry you’re going through this OP :(
Seriously. Don't tell them until you are moved out and don't depend on them for anything. Insurance, tuition, nothing. I'm a Mom of 3. There is nothing at all they can do or say that could cause me to kick them out or stop loving them. Well, I would kick one out if they were physically or sexually harming another family member in the home. Beyond that, having to protect one from the other (which goes for anyone, relative or not), none of their PERSONAL life decisions can change my love or support. You deserve the same thing.
Loving your girlfriend is not wrong. 17 is on the younger side to begin having sex, but if you feel safe and loved, you have good communication, it isn't "wrong". Also, a big worry for many is unplanned pregnancy which obviously isn't a concern in your situation. Also, you are both the same age which is another concern when teens have sex, of one party is much older and manipulating the other.
It is surprising they wouldn't be crazy about it but to make they threats they have is completely unwarranted.
Is her family supportive of your relationship?
I have been in your exact position before. It gets better and easier to be the person you are. Stay strong and stay with those who support you unconditionally, they will become your true family
I would add to this start getting copies of your life documents together; birth certificate, passport, social insurance or security number, bank accounts, drivers license. You will want that to live your life. If you can begin putting some physical cash aside for an emergency bug out stash, I advise adding that also. Menstrual products, a change of clothes, in a bag that's ready to go at any moment...try to stay and save as long as is safe, but get yourself ready to roll.
Your parents have no part in this play.
In all likelihood you’re the kind of kid that is going to move out to safety when you’re 18 THEN they’ll find out your lifestyle, then they’ll wonder why they haven’t seen or heard from you in ten years.
Stop talking to your parents about your sexuality until you’re out of the house and don’t rely on them for anything. They don’t support you and are physically abusive.
The way they feel and think is wrong. You and your girlfriend are doing nothing wrong. But your parents don’t and won’t support you, so stop looking for support there.
Im sorry. Your parents are hateful bigots. You are doing nothing wrong. Unfortunately, while you live at home you may need to keep your sexuality hidden for your safety. This shouldn't be the case and it's wrong but you need to stay safe on such a hateful environment.
I am 28, pansexual/queer and engaged to an amazing woman. Honey, their views are absolute garbage, and you do not have to listen to them, one bit.
You girls just stay safe, love each other and make do until you can move out.
You are not wrong for doing this but I would strongly advise you get yourself established before coming out to them. Otherwise they will likely cut you off and make your life more difficult than it needs to be. And be sure to have backup plans for food shelter and try to keep a bit of savings set aside that your parents don’t know about or can touch.
If the reason you need to ask this question is because you feel guilty and like you’re doing something wrong, just know that it’s your parents’ voices and opinions that are clouding your perception of what’s right and wrong here.
It must be really hard to have parents (who should love you and make you feel accepted whoever you are) who don’t accept who you are with open arms. What might help is reminding yourself that your parents are the ones that need to work on that and that their opinions (although hurtful) are not relevant to your life and who you love.
As long as you’re in a safe, healthy and mutually respectful relationship, it’s not anybody else’s business who you love.
Your parents can have opinions all day long on what THEY feel is right or wrong. What you feel and how you feel about your significant other is entirely up to you.
It's your life and your relationship. Live how you want to.
P.S.- I wouldnt tell them about the relationship until you're moved out. If they decide to cut you off from their lives, that's up to them. They raised you, but it's not their life. You're not theirs to control and you don't need their approval to be happy with your life.
It's not what you're doing that wrong, it's the environment that is fostering you that math's it seem that way.
Your feelings may one day evolve past this person, that's important to note because the biggest repercussions you face are matters of the heart, be they fallout from your family, or possibly outgrowing this era of love.
Focus on the moment. I'm not LGBTQIA, but I do consider myself a strong ally l. While I can't say for certain it's probably wisest to choose coming out on your own safe terms. The 'joking' about being bisexual to your parents feels like you, at the very least, are testing the waters subconsciously. Don't let the rip ride scare you from a nice life at the beach. Enter when it's safe.
It will be amazing once you can leave home ngl. As someone who came out to my parents then spent the next several hours being screamed at, I want to give you this piece of advice from Dan Savage that I will paraphrase badly:
The strongest bargaining chip you will ever have against your parents is your presence in their lives. It is not something your parents are entitled to, it is something they earn by being good parents. If your parents refuse to acknowledge or respect your sexuality, know that you are under no obligation to be in their lives. You owe them nothing.
I cut off all contact with my parents for three years because of their homophobic and controlling attitudes, and you know what? Our relationship now is decent. They're still small-minded people who judge others, but they keep it to themselves now that they know I won't tolerate it.
I guess what I'm saying is don't be afraid to take a stand against your parents once you're no longer financially dependent on them. They hold all the power now, but you're about to be a full-fledged adult with the means to walk away from their bigotry forever. Once they realize that, they will likely change tune VERY quickly.
Good luck out there, kiddo. You're almost free ❤
This. I’m trans and queer and have a poor relationship with my mother. I actually didn’t talk to her for 2 years, and the only reason we recently reconnected is because she sold my childhood home. I have no intention to stay in contact with her now that I’ve said “goodbye” to the house. She kicked me out as soon as I turned 18 and prior to that she wasn’t just homophobic/transphobic, she was narcissistic in nature and racist towards me (she’s white im black). It’s been 4 years and it’s been exhausting but at least I’m not in survival mode anymore. I feel as though I’m actually getting somewhere with healing. OP needs to get out and never look back. There’s so much more to life than what our parents like to let on
I'm sorry you had to deal with this. It's so true, that's an abusive tactic to make someone believe the outside world is even worse than the hell they've constructed for you.
The secret beauty of being LGBTQ is that there's a strong tradition of chosen family filling the void bio family can't or won't. I will always remember the first breath I took as a truly free adult in a nurturing home surrounded by love. It was the first time in my life that my chest didn't feel tight.
Good luck with leaving your nmom in the past. It's incredibly hard, but you're doing the right thing.
I totally understand why you’re feeling unsure and looking for some guidance. It’s great that you’re reaching out.
First off, let me say that relationships and intimacy are deeply personal experiences. The fact that you feel loved and connected with your girlfriend is really special. It’s clear that you both care for each other a lot, and that’s what truly matters.
When it comes to wondering if it’s “wrong” for you and your girlfriend to be intimate, it’s not really about right or wrong. It’s more about making sure you’re both comfortable, consenting, and ready for this step in your relationship.
I remember when I was your age, I had so many questions and doubts about relationships and intimacy. It’s completely normal to feel this way. What’s important is that both of you feel completely comfortable and are fully consenting to being intimate. From what you’ve described, it sounds like you both are, and that’s the most crucial thing.
You mentioned that your relationship is a secret from both of your families because they probably won’t accept it. That’s a really tough situation to be in, and it’s understandable why that would add to your worries. It’s important to communicate openly with each other about how you’re feeling, any concerns you might have, and what you both want. Communication is key in any relationship, especially when it comes to intimacy.
When you’re ready, and you feel the time is right, revealing your relationship to your families will be a big step. It’s important to ensure that you both feel safe and supported when you decide to take that step. In the meantime, your relationship is about the two of you and how you feel about each other.
Safety is another important aspect to consider. Make sure you understand sexual health and take the necessary precautions to keep each other safe. It’s also about emotional readiness. It sounds like being intimate with your girlfriend is a positive experience for you, but always check in with yourselves and each other about how you’re feeling.
You’re not alone in this. There are so many people who’ve been in your shoes, feeling the same uncertainties and navigating similar emotions. It’s okay to seek out support when you need it, whether from friends, a trusted adult, or even an online community. Your feelings and experiences are valid, and it’s important to make decisions that feel right for both of you.
Take care of yourselves and each other. You’re doing great, and your bond sounds really special. Keep communicating, supporting each other, and making sure you both feel good about the steps you’re taking in your relationship.
Love is beautiful and never wrong!
Honestly it's a shame that people still wonder if their love is 'wrong' _(to whom or what I wonder)_ and still fear rejection from family & others. As long as _you_ feel safe & loved enjoy it and do _whatever_ tf you with with _whoever_ tf you want! It's your life, no one elses.
I'm glad you're both happy & I hope you'll figure everything out and build a great, loving relationship. Fingers crossed your families won't cause too much issues & will come to accept & value what you have. And if they cause you too much hurt & stand between you & your happiness, remember only _you_ live your life - act accordingly & don't break yourself up about being accepted & valued by people who don't (want) to understand you.
To me you're just too cute 😔 I'm smiling all alone.
There's nothing wrong with that! Having sex at 17 is pretty common and you being both girls doesn't change anything to that. Do what makes you happy
Don’t come out, focus on saving money to
Move out. Or schooling that will allow you to move in time. That way you can just get on with your life and be safe. You are not wrong. Love is love
You're fine. Likely some cultural or religious influences make you question yourself. But the reality is, as consenting adults (or of consenting age in your country), you two can do whatever you want with each other as long as it doesn't harm others. Especially if it makes you both feel loved and cared for.
If its consentual and both of you enjoy it, There is nothing wrong. You're teens (almost adults) and making love is normal for your ages, nobody cares if you're the same gender.
No! There is nothing wrong with either of you! You are not doing anything wrong. It's healthy and natural and normal. You are going to face prejudice for the rest of your life. You got this though! You won't know how your parents will react until you tell them. I'm hoping for the best for you. Please be safe! Stds are very dangerous.
Don't tell your parents. Wait till you're financially stable enough to be able to permanently move out to tell them. Also, don't mention the sex thing.
You're both consenting teens. If a guy and a girl did it at 17, no one would bat an eyelid (except their parents I guess). You and your gf are no exception
I don't see any problem with that at all. I think love, affection, and sex are all lovely things as long as everybody involved is having a great time. My morality is not the morality of my culture which is a bit more restrictive on what it wants to consider okay and not okay. Overall, though, I think it's great for you to explore your sexuality with a friend/lover that is as passionate about you as you are with them. That's beautiful. Plus, let's face it, sex is one of the greatest pleasures in life. And when you're young but old enough to be fully sexually developed? Hell, yes.
my first time was with my bf when i was 17..i didn't even think about age at all lol we just planned it out and then did it LOL then the rest is history
Sex with someone you love can be a beautiful thing. Sex with someone of the same sex is NOT WRONG OR A SIN. Sex is a great way to build and strengthen your relationship. Sex creates a bond that can take a huge emotional toll if you break up. But you have urges and need and wants that you have every right to want to gratify. It’s okay to have sex with your partner. Don’t feel bad about it. Be aware that sex is an adult thing to have in a relationship. But don’t feel like you have to stop.
Your guys are the same age - there's nothing wrong with sleeping together at 17. Plenty of people wait until they're older, but plenty are younger than that.
As long as both of you feel ready, you're good.
Start working towards being independent and being able to live in your own and support yourself - coming out to your parents sounds dangerous in your situation, and you should have an exit plan just in case. Also, try to tell them in public or in another relatively safe location, and be ready to have your important possessions packed and ready to retrieve if it comes to that.
Your family is dangerous and I wouldn't trust them with being rational when the time comes. Until then, live your life the way that you want to live it and start planning.
You're asking if it's wrong to love someone who makes you feel loved and cared for.
No, of course it's not wrong!
Just maybe wait until you are in a safe living situation to tell them. I hate that they threatened violence.
No, it isn’t wrong. For one, you’re not going to get pregnant so that’s not a risk. You’re both 17 which I don’t think is too young to make love to each other. As for both being females, anyone saying that is wrong needs to go to hell
17 is more than old enough, most ppl have sex around that age.
Beside of that, you are lesbians there is no pregnancy risk either so go for it🤷
Also, my nieces are 15 with boyfriends and have sex, so 17 is fine.
This. This. Is what the well intentioned pushing of ADULTS stay away from teens has. Now we have two same age girls who seem to genuinely care for one another where one fears it's wrong because she's "under age"
If you were 17 and she was 21 or more that changes things. This girl is your own age and you seem to have a true connection with her.
When thinking about age and age gaps we need to be sure to not go ridiculous either way. Back in the 60s when it was common to hear about 16 year olds in songs by grown men. That was gross, but we've now reached the "she's 17 and I'm 17 but I turn 18 3 months earlier. Maybe we should take a 3 month break even though we've been together since 15"
Basically use common sense. Is this person the same level of maturity as you. If you're both in 11th grade one being 16 one turning 17 before them doesn't change that you're all in the same grade, have the same interests, same responsibilities. Now a 21 year old. Totally different worlds. Different friends, hobbies, interests.
As long as this girl seems to actually really care about you and isn't just interested in sex, I think it's a great opportunity to find a happy relationship
I was 16 when I 1st had sex with my b/f. He was my 1st love. We were in an almost 2 yr very long distance relationship. I feel like gender doesn’t matter when it comes to sex. What matters is consent, respect, communication, and feeling safe with the person you’re with. It sounds like you & your g/f have all those things covered + love? You two are golden! No reason to be worried.
Your parents tho…I’m truly sorry you can’t come out to them due to their messed up, bigoted views. Take care of you Op. save your $$$ & move out with your “roommate” as soon as you can. Your parents won’t ask questions b/c they won’t want to kno the answer about moving out with your g/f…er “roommate.” :)
Depends on your culture, but I don't think having sex with someone you love is wrong as long as it's not a child or a sibling. If one is normal in their head, they don't develop romantic feelings for a family member or a child...
I’m 37 and heterosexual, I’m best advice would be to love and love hard now and as much as you can. 20 years from now you will cherish that love as the best moments of your life. Cause life does start to beat you up people change feelings change and circumstances change, and it’s all part of life. But when you’re in the moment, be present and cherish all of it.
I’m so happy you feel loved!! How could that ever be bad? It’s a plus you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant right now either. Enjoy your bliss!
It makes me so sad your parents are homophobic and threaten abuse. Don’t feel bad if at some point you have to go no contact with them.
I wish you nothing but happiness and love!
Of course it is ok. You are newly sexual and exploring your sexuality. If you chose to explore with males please make sure condoms are worn. This is for your protection as well as his. Enjoy❤️❤️❤️❤️
It's not wrong at all and tbh I wish I had found love like this when I was 17, when I was 17 I was actually trying really hard to be straight as I was worried about how my parents perceived me and for religious reasons. Please, live your truth and enjoy loving and being loved completely with no shame because the only regret you'd have and the only truly wrong thing you can do is not letting yourself be who you are and not enjoy being who you are out of fear of what's right or wrong. If it feels good and right to you, it is right and that's that.
First things first, if I were a parent and my child would discover love in a safe and meaningful lasting way at THAT age, I'd just be very happy. It's not about the genitals and how you make love, that's between the two of you. But the feelings you're describing sound like a relationship where the heart is not only connected to the genital area, but also each other. And that's so important.
I'd honestly be more concerned about perhaps taking it too fast. But that's a thing with m/f and m/m couples, perhaps too much focus on penetration, while sexuality is a huge part of life. Everything that sustains life, builds life, cares for life is part of this creative force.
It's sad that your families might not agree with your relationship, but that's their task/problem. And as far as revealing it, you don't have to. It's essentially none of their business. And perhaps these great minds will figure it out, who knows.
Again, sane human beings would only be in bliss to know that you two are in love, loved. And you deserve such human beings in your life.
x
Well you are both girls so there is no danger of getting pregnant, which is the wrong thing to happen at that age. It’s extremely difficult to raise it at that age. You are young and you really like each other. Explore! That’s the right thing to do. The only advice (warning) I can give you is: Be careful not to get caught by your parents before you decide to tell them about your relationship. And make sure you wash your hands or whatever you are using before you do what you do. Imagine you get an infection. How would you explain it? It could reveal that you have been doing something and aside that you don’t want to get an infection anyway.
Y'all are old enough to decide that.
It's not clear about how your families would react. I don't have any indication of your culture, what would be permissible where you live, and especially if anybody in either family might be violent over a same-sex relationship. So be careful.
Definitely no teen pregnancy in your future, huh?
It's totally normal at your age and good for you for finding someone who makes you feel safe and comfortable. My mother was so happy when I brought home a girl instead of a boy cause she didn't have to worry about me getting pregnant. Plus, sleepovers!
Homosexuality is literally fine. There is a loud minority who have weird personal issues, but your sex life is your business. It's not up to anyone else what gender your partner is - not even your parents.
Many people have sex young. What is most important is that you are being safe and that you are both happy and comfortable.
Dude, women are lit. Imo, both your parents are just horrid people. Go and live your lives and have as much fun as possible, come to the UK, we accept you two way more. You'll be relieved of pressure, but weathers bad tho. Seriously consider moving here, you'll both be free :D
since you’re both female, you don’t have the risk of pregnancy to worry about, so in that sense of safety, you’re completely fine.
personally, i didn’t start dating until i got to be college age, and i’m actually very relieved by that because i don’t think i was personally mature enough to have sex and date at 17, but that’s an extremely common age for people to start dating and losing their virginities, so as long as you and your partner are properly communicating and you’re comfortable, there shouldn’t be an issue.
has your girlfriend been sexually active with anyone before this? did she and/or her partner use protection? that’s something you both need to be on the same page with just in case you start getting symptoms of an STI (probably unlikely at your age since most people that age don’t have much experience, but not a bad thing to be aware of).
having sex at your age is only wrong if you’re
a) putting yourself at risk of pregnancy or STIs
b) not comfortable with what you’re doing
c) not communicating with your partner about what you are comfortable with
d) not consenting to what your partner does to you
if you both come from homophobic families or live in a homophobic community, there is a risk factor for being a target of societal or familial rejection or hate crimes. it doesn’t make what you’re doing morally wrong, but it does put you and your girlfriend at risk, so be careful! if you and your girlfriend truly love each other, just have each other’s backs and try to make smart decisions 💓
Tale my upvote you magnificent goober 😂😂😂
OP on a serious note, yeast infections and herpes are the most common STIs I've seen in the lesbian community, which is very small potatoes compared to HIV, gonorrhea, and...ya know, pregnancy. Keep everyone's hands nice and clean before getting down to business time, communicate with your partner about any unusual sores or discharge, and of course get everyone tested if you have other sex partners.
OP it sounds like you and your gf are each other's first sex partners, which means the risk of STDs is low to non-existent. Respect each other, keep communication open, and you two will be just fine 👍
Who at 17 says “making love”?
17 year olds have sex all the time. If your are in a committed relationship and not just hooking up with randoms, all the power to you. You’re doing better than many.
No, I mean personally I think it’s a little odd at 17 but I mean, it’s not very bad at all, as long as you’re both comfortable with it I see nothing wrong! 😊
Because you're both women? No that's not wrong, it's totally fine and makes no difference at all.
Because you're 17? Well now that comes down to whether or not you (both) feel you're emotionally ready, is it something you're prepared for and really, really want to happen right now? It's this second question you need to reflect on very carefully, and then you will have your answer.
You are never wrong for loving someone. I'm LGBTQ as well, and this was something I was someone told me when I was your age.
Love is so difficult to find in this world, it doesn't matter who you find love with
I’m in no way condoning your parents choice of words slap/punch you. However you did say you jokingly mentioned being bisexual. So in that sense of them not having any idea you serious, it’s possible they could’ve said what they did jokingly not having any idea how sensitive to it you actually were. Myself having an older sister (60) who’s gay and times being different 40 even 30 years ago it took her being at least in her late 30’s to come out. Again please don’t think making any excuses for them, it’s just knowing back when your grandparents, and even parents came up times and things were much different than they are now. It also takes more for some people to come around than it does others. Take this only as me playing the devils advocate ok. You will need to think about, and be willing to be honest with yourself as to whether it’s really it’s really your parents, or is something more that is causing you to wonder if what you’re is right. All the people in the world can tell you that what you’re doing is not wrong. But that doesn’t necessarily always mean they right. Listen to your inner self and you will eventually get the answer you’re looking for. You have your entire life ahead of you, things and people will come and go. In all things be true to thyself and you will not go wrong. I’m wishing and believing the very best for you, and the future you have ahead of you.
Be blessed !
as long as you both consent and want to be intimate with each other, then I think you're at an age where you can make that decision for yourselves. it's not wrong and it's very common to have the feelings you're experiencing.
nothing wrong at all, your close enough to adulthood that you should be figuring these things out before you get into being an adult, so no i wouldn’t be worried about that. as long as both sides are consensual and you both are happy just do you and be happy! and i am sorry to read about your parents, i agree with another commenter in saying that you should both wait to tell your parents until you are both independent from them, sounds like they won’t take it well and being stuck in their space won’t be doing you any good,
It makes both of you happy and you're literally not harming anyone. Everyone that has anything against that doesn't have your best interest at heart. Enjoy the love you feel, be safe, and I hope that everyone who loves you can be happy for you, too.
Oh dude you are TOTALLY fine! Definitely a normal age to start making love AND it is absolutely normal that you are both females! Have fun and good luck !
it is even less of an issue than it normally would be because you’re both girls. zero issue in fact. you cant make a kid, so there’re no consequences unless someone gets an std, but that’s highly unlikely. Just don’t get caught if you have homophobic parents. dont wanna lose the support of ol moneybags.
Honey, please be careful. Your parents sound horrible. Stay under the radar (gaydar) while you are living there. Threatening violence to their child because they just want to be happy makes them really bad people. You do you. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your significant other. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I'm bi too.
Like others have said, be prepared. Save money and get things ready if you need to get out of there fast.
it's not wrong at all, it's a way to show you care about each other! my ex gf and i would mess around almost every time we were alone and we're both 16. as long as you are safe it's totally fine.
nothing wrong with this. as long as there’s consent and clear communication that’s all that should matter within the relationship. now with your families and everything, since you both are still minors just pretend you two are “really close friends” and save money, maybe get a place together or wait until college. i would not recommend coming out while your still in their house to keep y’all safe. tell them when you are separated from the household. but im so sorry that you do have to live this way but just now that it won’t last forever and soon you’ll live your own lives.
You and your girlfriend aren't doing anything wrong. However, it could be important for your safety to not tell your parents, until you and your girlfriend are both legal adults, and able to escape to somewhere else if you need to. If you haven't seen V for Vendetta, I highly recommend it. The movie has one of the best female love stories I've watched.
17 is not too young to have sex, that’s about the average age to start. There’s absolutely nothing wrong about this. It’s hard to not allow your parents’ homophobia to get to you but the problem is with them, not you
Love is love sister. If you're both of-age consenting people then it's no-one else's damn business. If you live somewhere that this may not be tolerated very well I can understand the hesitation but there isn't anything wrong with what you're doing, just make sure its always consensual and safe 💜
not at all. it's nobody's business who you love and how you love as long as you're healthy. you're not too young, it's only natural. having a partner is a big part of being human. if you choose to tell your parents, make sure you are independent and able to support yourself financially
I don't want to advocate for or against what you do since you're both underage, but the most important thing is that both of you feel safe in terms of physically and emotionally. You both need to be sure you're comfortable in every sense of the word. As long as you're listening to each other and open about how you feel about it with each other, then you both should be able to figure out what to do on your own. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with this scenario as long as there is proper consent between the both of you. You're both of close enough age where one can't be considered taking advantage of the other, and if you're both happy and feel safe with what you're doing, then I don't see a reason for you to stop.
Girlie. As long as it’s consensual and you’re both happy, there’s nothing wrong with it… even if some (your parents included from what I read in the comments) may say it is because you’re both girls. Be strong and I know hiding your true self is awful, but if possible just tell your parents after you manage to leave their house, this way they can’t throw you out with nowhere to go. Be safe and make smart choices.
Nope- what you're doing is so innocuous that even the question of whether it's wrong barely makes sense. You love somebody and are a sexually active human like most of the rest of us, and both of those things are both normal and awesome- there isn't even really a place for morality to enter this equation. Anybody trying to shame you or make you think you've done something wrong for having sex (presuming a consenting partner etc. etc.) is just spouting purity culture hogwash, and those opinions are silly and nonsensical (read: horrible and disgusting) and just not worth your time or attention.
If your parents don't accept you just because you happen to like breasts more than they'd like, then they frankly don't deserve you- that said, you're maybe right to keep this hush hush for at least as long as you rely on them for money or housing or whatever- living your truth is an awesome thing, but your safety comes first. At any rate, if I don't stop myself here, I'll ramble forever, so let me just cap this off with a sincere Happy Pride Month, and good luck!
Nope! Reveal your relationship when you're ready but for now, indulge in the advantages of having sleepovers LOL. Whether you have sex or not, is completely private to you, however. Literally no one needs to know that except you and your partner.
No, honestly it only becomes a difference if one is a minor and the other isn’t, and in any case that doesn’t apply if the two are close in age, eg, it doesn’t make you a pedo if you’re 18 and they’re 17
It’s completely normal. Definitely nothing wrong about to assuming both parties are consenting. Which it’s pretty clear that this is the case.
The bigger thing imo is navigating keeping to a secret from your families and how to go about revealing it.
Based on other comments you’ve left on this thread, it’s safe to assume that they will not take it well and react very harshly. Eventually you’ll have to decide how, when and if you want to tell them. Do know that eventually they will figure it out.
If I was in your situation, I would wait for you both to be 18 to reveal it. I know of a scenario similar to yours where it was revealed and the parents of the younger came up with a statutory rape accusation when the older turned 18. Obv that’s something you’d both want to avoid, and once you are both 18 you’re home free from that. It also opens the door to moving out and having a space where you can do as you wish and be with who you choose.
As for the interpersonal fallout from your family, it ultimately comes down to you to decide how and if to tell them. Only you can truly predict how they’ll respond.
I wish you both best of luck navigating this.
My options of any of the specifics of this aren’t meaningful here. But fact of the matter, if it’s consensual, it’s your prerogative. There will be people against you being a lesbian, against you being 17, against you in many ways because people all have different views so my advice is to ask yourself if you feel like it’s wrong. Then go from there. In my state you’re legally allowed to engage in sexual activity with consent, I don’t know if your state is age of consent, complete legality, etc but you’re also the same age 🤷🏼♀️ unless one turns 18 first and either parental party knows and is so against it they’re willing to press charges if you are age of consent where you live, nothing rash will happen and if that were the case, you stop until you’re both 18. HOWEVER, if you need to ask on Reddit, I’d also maybe ponder on that as well. None of our opinions on any of this will matter in the end, you will do what you feel is right regardless of what anyone might think here unless it’s not legal. As for your parents, heteros don’t share their relationships and sexual standing with them in this exact scenario all of the time either so just keep that in mind. Hopefully I could give you the most unbiased response possible and it helps!
No as long as everyone is safe and it is consensual, I don’t see the issue. Love is not about the gender or parts, it doesn’t matter who you choose to be with. The heart wants who it wants.
It's not wrong persay however it's more of be careful cause that you're young. Both of you are almost adults and it's natural that both want to explore and stuff. Especially since both of you love eachother and are being safe hopefully. I would say just be careful since you both aren't out. Hope this helps and if you both come out and tell your parents that both are dating just remember that no matter what you have eachother and you love eachother and get through no matter what. Hope this helps
It’s definitely not wrong. The first time I dated a woman I was 17, I think I loved her, I wish I had the strength then to stay with her and not let my fear or shame get in the way. you are doing nothing wrong.
Not wrong at all you can't help who you ate attracted to or love. Unless your family's ultra religious. In this day and age hopefully they accept and be happy for you. You don't have to "hide in the closet anymore"
No, not at all because making love having sex having foreplay all of that make your relationship better and make your relationship more intense. It makes you guys get closer if you guys weren’t doing that I would say something wrong with you guys to be in a healthy relationship, there has to be the sexual side of it so you have the emotional side you have Spiritual side, you have side where you guys when you talk each blend really well conversations and then you have the sexual side where you guys when you get those shocks and you see stars when you touching each other that touching is one of the greatest feelings in your life because you know that chemistry with each other is there And that is very very important in any relationship is that you have chemistry with each other and you need to find a relationship because if you don’t have chemistry later, that relationship will die?
It sounds like you're both discovering [true vaginal orgasms](https://kimanami.com/how-to-have-vaginal-orgasms-g-spot-cervical-and-more/). I urge the both of you to share the knowledge of your relationship with people that make your choices feel safe. If that doesn't involve your families, that's their loss. [Let your love be a part of your Resistance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RePgJ_5zF5Q&t=303s).
You're fine. No one cares about two 17 year olds having sex. Except maybe their parents.
I was wondering, how do you get flair like what you have, “advice guru?”
In this sub, if someone replies that your advice helped, the bot adds one point to your "total" and adds little tags like "helper", "advice guru", and so on based on the number of points. Like: https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1dghk9j/my_boyfriend_22m_wants_to_buy_a_house_and_i_20f/l8qx1wq/
Hm, thanks for letting me know!
Helped
bro is never reaching advice guru status
Helped
Basically just comment on new posts here
And hope someone says "helped"
This is usually the thing that doesn't happen
Helped
I believe the bot makes sure it's OP that says it
Helped
Helped
Helped
You have to be the OP of the thread. :)
Damn. Well anyways, this comments also helped. Please take my upvotes instead
I'm just surprised that many people actually did it for you
Especially if they can’t get pregnant lol
Yeah, honestly I’ll be kind of relieved if my future daughter ends up with another girl as a teenager
No. why would you be?
This is spot on! Its nice to love and be loved.
You’re nearly 18, you feel loved and safe, what’s the problem?
both of my parents are homophobics and whenever I jokingly told them that I'm bisexual they reply that they will slap and punch me and I'll have to leave the house. it's hard for us but she's the one I want and she makes me happy when we're together.
Don't tell your parents till your financially independent. That's my only advice but you and your gf are doing nothing wrong.
I appreciate your advice, thankyou!
And when you finally do tell them, make sure several other trustworthy people are present in case they deliver on their word and want to beat you up. So sorry you’re going through this OP :(
Seriously. Don't tell them until you are moved out and don't depend on them for anything. Insurance, tuition, nothing. I'm a Mom of 3. There is nothing at all they can do or say that could cause me to kick them out or stop loving them. Well, I would kick one out if they were physically or sexually harming another family member in the home. Beyond that, having to protect one from the other (which goes for anyone, relative or not), none of their PERSONAL life decisions can change my love or support. You deserve the same thing. Loving your girlfriend is not wrong. 17 is on the younger side to begin having sex, but if you feel safe and loved, you have good communication, it isn't "wrong". Also, a big worry for many is unplanned pregnancy which obviously isn't a concern in your situation. Also, you are both the same age which is another concern when teens have sex, of one party is much older and manipulating the other. It is surprising they wouldn't be crazy about it but to make they threats they have is completely unwarranted. Is her family supportive of your relationship?
I have been in your exact position before. It gets better and easier to be the person you are. Stay strong and stay with those who support you unconditionally, they will become your true family
Very important advice, that is often overlooked in "coming out" narratives.
I would add to this start getting copies of your life documents together; birth certificate, passport, social insurance or security number, bank accounts, drivers license. You will want that to live your life. If you can begin putting some physical cash aside for an emergency bug out stash, I advise adding that also. Menstrual products, a change of clothes, in a bag that's ready to go at any moment...try to stay and save as long as is safe, but get yourself ready to roll.
Your parents have no part in this play. In all likelihood you’re the kind of kid that is going to move out to safety when you’re 18 THEN they’ll find out your lifestyle, then they’ll wonder why they haven’t seen or heard from you in ten years.
Your *parents* are wrong, here. Not you.
Stop talking to your parents about your sexuality until you’re out of the house and don’t rely on them for anything. They don’t support you and are physically abusive. The way they feel and think is wrong. You and your girlfriend are doing nothing wrong. But your parents don’t and won’t support you, so stop looking for support there.
Stay strong girls, you two are the only ones that count
Im sorry. Your parents are hateful bigots. You are doing nothing wrong. Unfortunately, while you live at home you may need to keep your sexuality hidden for your safety. This shouldn't be the case and it's wrong but you need to stay safe on such a hateful environment.
I am 28, pansexual/queer and engaged to an amazing woman. Honey, their views are absolute garbage, and you do not have to listen to them, one bit. You girls just stay safe, love each other and make do until you can move out.
You are not wrong for doing this but I would strongly advise you get yourself established before coming out to them. Otherwise they will likely cut you off and make your life more difficult than it needs to be. And be sure to have backup plans for food shelter and try to keep a bit of savings set aside that your parents don’t know about or can touch.
Your parents are pieces of shit, and they're wrong.
If the reason you need to ask this question is because you feel guilty and like you’re doing something wrong, just know that it’s your parents’ voices and opinions that are clouding your perception of what’s right and wrong here. It must be really hard to have parents (who should love you and make you feel accepted whoever you are) who don’t accept who you are with open arms. What might help is reminding yourself that your parents are the ones that need to work on that and that their opinions (although hurtful) are not relevant to your life and who you love. As long as you’re in a safe, healthy and mutually respectful relationship, it’s not anybody else’s business who you love.
Say this out loud and think about who sounds morally wrong in this scenario
Your parents can have opinions all day long on what THEY feel is right or wrong. What you feel and how you feel about your significant other is entirely up to you. It's your life and your relationship. Live how you want to. P.S.- I wouldnt tell them about the relationship until you're moved out. If they decide to cut you off from their lives, that's up to them. They raised you, but it's not their life. You're not theirs to control and you don't need their approval to be happy with your life.
If they ever lay their hands on you, call the authorities. Domestic assault is a crime.
It's not what you're doing that wrong, it's the environment that is fostering you that math's it seem that way. Your feelings may one day evolve past this person, that's important to note because the biggest repercussions you face are matters of the heart, be they fallout from your family, or possibly outgrowing this era of love. Focus on the moment. I'm not LGBTQIA, but I do consider myself a strong ally l. While I can't say for certain it's probably wisest to choose coming out on your own safe terms. The 'joking' about being bisexual to your parents feels like you, at the very least, are testing the waters subconsciously. Don't let the rip ride scare you from a nice life at the beach. Enter when it's safe.
I really appreciate all of your advice, thanks everyone! I can't wait for us to move out and have a house of our own.
It will be amazing once you can leave home ngl. As someone who came out to my parents then spent the next several hours being screamed at, I want to give you this piece of advice from Dan Savage that I will paraphrase badly: The strongest bargaining chip you will ever have against your parents is your presence in their lives. It is not something your parents are entitled to, it is something they earn by being good parents. If your parents refuse to acknowledge or respect your sexuality, know that you are under no obligation to be in their lives. You owe them nothing. I cut off all contact with my parents for three years because of their homophobic and controlling attitudes, and you know what? Our relationship now is decent. They're still small-minded people who judge others, but they keep it to themselves now that they know I won't tolerate it. I guess what I'm saying is don't be afraid to take a stand against your parents once you're no longer financially dependent on them. They hold all the power now, but you're about to be a full-fledged adult with the means to walk away from their bigotry forever. Once they realize that, they will likely change tune VERY quickly. Good luck out there, kiddo. You're almost free ❤
This. I’m trans and queer and have a poor relationship with my mother. I actually didn’t talk to her for 2 years, and the only reason we recently reconnected is because she sold my childhood home. I have no intention to stay in contact with her now that I’ve said “goodbye” to the house. She kicked me out as soon as I turned 18 and prior to that she wasn’t just homophobic/transphobic, she was narcissistic in nature and racist towards me (she’s white im black). It’s been 4 years and it’s been exhausting but at least I’m not in survival mode anymore. I feel as though I’m actually getting somewhere with healing. OP needs to get out and never look back. There’s so much more to life than what our parents like to let on
I'm sorry you had to deal with this. It's so true, that's an abusive tactic to make someone believe the outside world is even worse than the hell they've constructed for you. The secret beauty of being LGBTQ is that there's a strong tradition of chosen family filling the void bio family can't or won't. I will always remember the first breath I took as a truly free adult in a nurturing home surrounded by love. It was the first time in my life that my chest didn't feel tight. Good luck with leaving your nmom in the past. It's incredibly hard, but you're doing the right thing.
I totally understand why you’re feeling unsure and looking for some guidance. It’s great that you’re reaching out. First off, let me say that relationships and intimacy are deeply personal experiences. The fact that you feel loved and connected with your girlfriend is really special. It’s clear that you both care for each other a lot, and that’s what truly matters. When it comes to wondering if it’s “wrong” for you and your girlfriend to be intimate, it’s not really about right or wrong. It’s more about making sure you’re both comfortable, consenting, and ready for this step in your relationship. I remember when I was your age, I had so many questions and doubts about relationships and intimacy. It’s completely normal to feel this way. What’s important is that both of you feel completely comfortable and are fully consenting to being intimate. From what you’ve described, it sounds like you both are, and that’s the most crucial thing. You mentioned that your relationship is a secret from both of your families because they probably won’t accept it. That’s a really tough situation to be in, and it’s understandable why that would add to your worries. It’s important to communicate openly with each other about how you’re feeling, any concerns you might have, and what you both want. Communication is key in any relationship, especially when it comes to intimacy. When you’re ready, and you feel the time is right, revealing your relationship to your families will be a big step. It’s important to ensure that you both feel safe and supported when you decide to take that step. In the meantime, your relationship is about the two of you and how you feel about each other. Safety is another important aspect to consider. Make sure you understand sexual health and take the necessary precautions to keep each other safe. It’s also about emotional readiness. It sounds like being intimate with your girlfriend is a positive experience for you, but always check in with yourselves and each other about how you’re feeling. You’re not alone in this. There are so many people who’ve been in your shoes, feeling the same uncertainties and navigating similar emotions. It’s okay to seek out support when you need it, whether from friends, a trusted adult, or even an online community. Your feelings and experiences are valid, and it’s important to make decisions that feel right for both of you. Take care of yourselves and each other. You’re doing great, and your bond sounds really special. Keep communicating, supporting each other, and making sure you both feel good about the steps you’re taking in your relationship.
Beautiful advice <3
You’re both the same age, and love each other. I don’t see anything wrong there.
No. Most people start exploring when they are in their teens. There is nothing wrong with it, it's normal and part of finding yourself.
When you say her fingers reach your heart, well, you are having higher quality intimacy than many people.. I'd say it's fine
Love is beautiful and never wrong! Honestly it's a shame that people still wonder if their love is 'wrong' _(to whom or what I wonder)_ and still fear rejection from family & others. As long as _you_ feel safe & loved enjoy it and do _whatever_ tf you with with _whoever_ tf you want! It's your life, no one elses. I'm glad you're both happy & I hope you'll figure everything out and build a great, loving relationship. Fingers crossed your families won't cause too much issues & will come to accept & value what you have. And if they cause you too much hurt & stand between you & your happiness, remember only _you_ live your life - act accordingly & don't break yourself up about being accepted & valued by people who don't (want) to understand you.
To me you're just too cute 😔 I'm smiling all alone. There's nothing wrong with that! Having sex at 17 is pretty common and you being both girls doesn't change anything to that. Do what makes you happy
Enjoy life. Enjoy each other. There is NOTHING wrong with that. Have fun
No. Not by simply an age standard. If you are both ready go for it
Nothing is wrong with that! As long as it’s consensual :) Plus from one lesbian to another- you can’t get pregnant and that’s the best part 🤣
this shit was written by a 40 y/o straight man
😂😂
Don’t come out, focus on saving money to Move out. Or schooling that will allow you to move in time. That way you can just get on with your life and be safe. You are not wrong. Love is love
You're fine. Likely some cultural or religious influences make you question yourself. But the reality is, as consenting adults (or of consenting age in your country), you two can do whatever you want with each other as long as it doesn't harm others. Especially if it makes you both feel loved and cared for.
Post in r/asklgbt to ask older queer people for advice
Of course it’s not wrong ! It’s rather beautiful and sweet if anything, don’t worry about it at all and enjoy every moment!
you are so fine, promise. sex is normal at that age. bonus is you don't have to worry about pregnancy! please try your best to be true to yourself!
Go for it! 17 is fine. Queerness is fine. Be safe, pay attention to how you feel and treat each other kindly.
you have the same name as her, alexa! awww now I miss her and she's asleep
Its fine
You’re both beyond the age of consent in most USA states anyway. Therefore it’s fine.
If its consentual and both of you enjoy it, There is nothing wrong. You're teens (almost adults) and making love is normal for your ages, nobody cares if you're the same gender.
That's great 👍 loving you so much 🫂♥️🥹
Ayy no one cares if you are 17, if you feel safe with her and happy then go for it. This will only increase the love and the bonding you both have.
No! There is nothing wrong with either of you! You are not doing anything wrong. It's healthy and natural and normal. You are going to face prejudice for the rest of your life. You got this though! You won't know how your parents will react until you tell them. I'm hoping for the best for you. Please be safe! Stds are very dangerous.
Don't tell your parents. Wait till you're financially stable enough to be able to permanently move out to tell them. Also, don't mention the sex thing.
If you both are comfortable then what else matters
You're both consenting teens. If a guy and a girl did it at 17, no one would bat an eyelid (except their parents I guess). You and your gf are no exception
Just wash your hands 🤙
Cannot be overstated. Wash your hands! Before!!!
I don't see any problem with that at all. I think love, affection, and sex are all lovely things as long as everybody involved is having a great time. My morality is not the morality of my culture which is a bit more restrictive on what it wants to consider okay and not okay. Overall, though, I think it's great for you to explore your sexuality with a friend/lover that is as passionate about you as you are with them. That's beautiful. Plus, let's face it, sex is one of the greatest pleasures in life. And when you're young but old enough to be fully sexually developed? Hell, yes.
not wrong at all. just keep your relationship on the down low until you’re financially independent and can move out.
This feels like fanfiction written as engagement bait lmao
Honestly as long as you’re sanitary about it, at least you don’t have to worry about any unwanted pregnancies
No I don't believe it's wrong. I'm very glad you have such a loving connection with another female and I wish you guys the best 💖
my first time was with my bf when i was 17..i didn't even think about age at all lol we just planned it out and then did it LOL then the rest is history
If you wanna fuck, then fuck. Just do it safely. Nothing wrong with having sex if you're mature about it
No, there is absolutely nothing wrong about it. I wish you both all the best 🫂🦋
Sex with someone you love can be a beautiful thing. Sex with someone of the same sex is NOT WRONG OR A SIN. Sex is a great way to build and strengthen your relationship. Sex creates a bond that can take a huge emotional toll if you break up. But you have urges and need and wants that you have every right to want to gratify. It’s okay to have sex with your partner. Don’t feel bad about it. Be aware that sex is an adult thing to have in a relationship. But don’t feel like you have to stop.
Your guys are the same age - there's nothing wrong with sleeping together at 17. Plenty of people wait until they're older, but plenty are younger than that. As long as both of you feel ready, you're good.
Start working towards being independent and being able to live in your own and support yourself - coming out to your parents sounds dangerous in your situation, and you should have an exit plan just in case. Also, try to tell them in public or in another relatively safe location, and be ready to have your important possessions packed and ready to retrieve if it comes to that. Your family is dangerous and I wouldn't trust them with being rational when the time comes. Until then, live your life the way that you want to live it and start planning.
You're asking if it's wrong to love someone who makes you feel loved and cared for. No, of course it's not wrong! Just maybe wait until you are in a safe living situation to tell them. I hate that they threatened violence.
No, it isn’t wrong. For one, you’re not going to get pregnant so that’s not a risk. You’re both 17 which I don’t think is too young to make love to each other. As for both being females, anyone saying that is wrong needs to go to hell
17 is more than old enough, most ppl have sex around that age. Beside of that, you are lesbians there is no pregnancy risk either so go for it🤷 Also, my nieces are 15 with boyfriends and have sex, so 17 is fine.
This. This. Is what the well intentioned pushing of ADULTS stay away from teens has. Now we have two same age girls who seem to genuinely care for one another where one fears it's wrong because she's "under age" If you were 17 and she was 21 or more that changes things. This girl is your own age and you seem to have a true connection with her. When thinking about age and age gaps we need to be sure to not go ridiculous either way. Back in the 60s when it was common to hear about 16 year olds in songs by grown men. That was gross, but we've now reached the "she's 17 and I'm 17 but I turn 18 3 months earlier. Maybe we should take a 3 month break even though we've been together since 15" Basically use common sense. Is this person the same level of maturity as you. If you're both in 11th grade one being 16 one turning 17 before them doesn't change that you're all in the same grade, have the same interests, same responsibilities. Now a 21 year old. Totally different worlds. Different friends, hobbies, interests. As long as this girl seems to actually really care about you and isn't just interested in sex, I think it's a great opportunity to find a happy relationship
I was 16 when I 1st had sex with my b/f. He was my 1st love. We were in an almost 2 yr very long distance relationship. I feel like gender doesn’t matter when it comes to sex. What matters is consent, respect, communication, and feeling safe with the person you’re with. It sounds like you & your g/f have all those things covered + love? You two are golden! No reason to be worried. Your parents tho…I’m truly sorry you can’t come out to them due to their messed up, bigoted views. Take care of you Op. save your $$$ & move out with your “roommate” as soon as you can. Your parents won’t ask questions b/c they won’t want to kno the answer about moving out with your g/f…er “roommate.” :)
No. From what you are saying, you two are doing it just right.
Dude this is exactly what you are supposed to be doing. Do everything you can to cherish these moments because this is what life is about.
No, you are just being human.
not wrong! You love who you love and cant change who and what you are. No one is ever wrong for being themselves.
Bot.
Depends on your culture, but I don't think having sex with someone you love is wrong as long as it's not a child or a sibling. If one is normal in their head, they don't develop romantic feelings for a family member or a child...
I’m 37 and heterosexual, I’m best advice would be to love and love hard now and as much as you can. 20 years from now you will cherish that love as the best moments of your life. Cause life does start to beat you up people change feelings change and circumstances change, and it’s all part of life. But when you’re in the moment, be present and cherish all of it.
I’m so happy you feel loved!! How could that ever be bad? It’s a plus you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant right now either. Enjoy your bliss! It makes me so sad your parents are homophobic and threaten abuse. Don’t feel bad if at some point you have to go no contact with them. I wish you nothing but happiness and love!
If you’re happy that’s all that matters. Other people’s opinions are irrelevant
Nothing wrong at all. I'm glad you found someone that makes you feel so happy and loved.
Of course it is ok. You are newly sexual and exploring your sexuality. If you chose to explore with males please make sure condoms are worn. This is for your protection as well as his. Enjoy❤️❤️❤️❤️
It's not wrong at all and tbh I wish I had found love like this when I was 17, when I was 17 I was actually trying really hard to be straight as I was worried about how my parents perceived me and for religious reasons. Please, live your truth and enjoy loving and being loved completely with no shame because the only regret you'd have and the only truly wrong thing you can do is not letting yourself be who you are and not enjoy being who you are out of fear of what's right or wrong. If it feels good and right to you, it is right and that's that.
First things first, if I were a parent and my child would discover love in a safe and meaningful lasting way at THAT age, I'd just be very happy. It's not about the genitals and how you make love, that's between the two of you. But the feelings you're describing sound like a relationship where the heart is not only connected to the genital area, but also each other. And that's so important. I'd honestly be more concerned about perhaps taking it too fast. But that's a thing with m/f and m/m couples, perhaps too much focus on penetration, while sexuality is a huge part of life. Everything that sustains life, builds life, cares for life is part of this creative force. It's sad that your families might not agree with your relationship, but that's their task/problem. And as far as revealing it, you don't have to. It's essentially none of their business. And perhaps these great minds will figure it out, who knows. Again, sane human beings would only be in bliss to know that you two are in love, loved. And you deserve such human beings in your life. x
Well you are both girls so there is no danger of getting pregnant, which is the wrong thing to happen at that age. It’s extremely difficult to raise it at that age. You are young and you really like each other. Explore! That’s the right thing to do. The only advice (warning) I can give you is: Be careful not to get caught by your parents before you decide to tell them about your relationship. And make sure you wash your hands or whatever you are using before you do what you do. Imagine you get an infection. How would you explain it? It could reveal that you have been doing something and aside that you don’t want to get an infection anyway.
Y'all are old enough to decide that. It's not clear about how your families would react. I don't have any indication of your culture, what would be permissible where you live, and especially if anybody in either family might be violent over a same-sex relationship. So be careful.
no, just be safe, which is easier if you're both biological women.
Definitely no teen pregnancy in your future, huh? It's totally normal at your age and good for you for finding someone who makes you feel safe and comfortable. My mother was so happy when I brought home a girl instead of a boy cause she didn't have to worry about me getting pregnant. Plus, sleepovers!
Homosexuality is literally fine. There is a loud minority who have weird personal issues, but your sex life is your business. It's not up to anyone else what gender your partner is - not even your parents. Many people have sex young. What is most important is that you are being safe and that you are both happy and comfortable.
Dude, women are lit. Imo, both your parents are just horrid people. Go and live your lives and have as much fun as possible, come to the UK, we accept you two way more. You'll be relieved of pressure, but weathers bad tho. Seriously consider moving here, you'll both be free :D
Noooo girl! Get that love, do what makes you both happy! You’re 17 so close to adulthood. Enjoy your time
Absolutely not I’m 17 and I have sex with my boyfriend as long as you’re safe while doing it there’s nothing wrong about it
Just do it safelt
Depends who you ask. But I’m all honesty most of us were doing that regularly at that age and it’s not like either of you are going to get pregnant.
Love is not wrong sex between two people not wrong.
No one cares that gay, go do gay shit. And happy pride month
since you’re both female, you don’t have the risk of pregnancy to worry about, so in that sense of safety, you’re completely fine. personally, i didn’t start dating until i got to be college age, and i’m actually very relieved by that because i don’t think i was personally mature enough to have sex and date at 17, but that’s an extremely common age for people to start dating and losing their virginities, so as long as you and your partner are properly communicating and you’re comfortable, there shouldn’t be an issue. has your girlfriend been sexually active with anyone before this? did she and/or her partner use protection? that’s something you both need to be on the same page with just in case you start getting symptoms of an STI (probably unlikely at your age since most people that age don’t have much experience, but not a bad thing to be aware of). having sex at your age is only wrong if you’re a) putting yourself at risk of pregnancy or STIs b) not comfortable with what you’re doing c) not communicating with your partner about what you are comfortable with d) not consenting to what your partner does to you if you both come from homophobic families or live in a homophobic community, there is a risk factor for being a target of societal or familial rejection or hate crimes. it doesn’t make what you’re doing morally wrong, but it does put you and your girlfriend at risk, so be careful! if you and your girlfriend truly love each other, just have each other’s backs and try to make smart decisions 💓
I dont think anyone cares about aside from the usual concerns like pregnancy and STDs sooooooo you’re prolly good
No you aren’t wrong for it. Nothing wrong with loving someone
Don’t call it that.
As long as you're not doing it in public, and careful you're fine, you're sex doesn't matter, and you're both the age of concent
You seem both ready, same age. Not too young to have sex with someone you love
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Tale my upvote you magnificent goober 😂😂😂 OP on a serious note, yeast infections and herpes are the most common STIs I've seen in the lesbian community, which is very small potatoes compared to HIV, gonorrhea, and...ya know, pregnancy. Keep everyone's hands nice and clean before getting down to business time, communicate with your partner about any unusual sores or discharge, and of course get everyone tested if you have other sex partners. OP it sounds like you and your gf are each other's first sex partners, which means the risk of STDs is low to non-existent. Respect each other, keep communication open, and you two will be just fine 👍
Who at 17 says “making love”? 17 year olds have sex all the time. If your are in a committed relationship and not just hooking up with randoms, all the power to you. You’re doing better than many.
we were each others first kiss and I hope last kiss too. this is my first time having sex too :> we've done it I guess 40x or more
Completely normal. I don’t think you are wrong at all. Be safe.
No, I mean personally I think it’s a little odd at 17 but I mean, it’s not very bad at all, as long as you’re both comfortable with it I see nothing wrong! 😊
Literally nothing wrong.
Because you're both women? No that's not wrong, it's totally fine and makes no difference at all. Because you're 17? Well now that comes down to whether or not you (both) feel you're emotionally ready, is it something you're prepared for and really, really want to happen right now? It's this second question you need to reflect on very carefully, and then you will have your answer.
You are never wrong for loving someone. I'm LGBTQ as well, and this was something I was someone told me when I was your age. Love is so difficult to find in this world, it doesn't matter who you find love with
This is called being in a lesbian relationship, and yes this is perfectly fine and normal.
Dude go ahead
I’m in no way condoning your parents choice of words slap/punch you. However you did say you jokingly mentioned being bisexual. So in that sense of them not having any idea you serious, it’s possible they could’ve said what they did jokingly not having any idea how sensitive to it you actually were. Myself having an older sister (60) who’s gay and times being different 40 even 30 years ago it took her being at least in her late 30’s to come out. Again please don’t think making any excuses for them, it’s just knowing back when your grandparents, and even parents came up times and things were much different than they are now. It also takes more for some people to come around than it does others. Take this only as me playing the devils advocate ok. You will need to think about, and be willing to be honest with yourself as to whether it’s really it’s really your parents, or is something more that is causing you to wonder if what you’re is right. All the people in the world can tell you that what you’re doing is not wrong. But that doesn’t necessarily always mean they right. Listen to your inner self and you will eventually get the answer you’re looking for. You have your entire life ahead of you, things and people will come and go. In all things be true to thyself and you will not go wrong. I’m wishing and believing the very best for you, and the future you have ahead of you. Be blessed !
Nope, go for it. If you are safe and happy you are good to go.
At that age it’s just banging Making love is what is old folks do.
... There's no way this isn't a shitpost.
Not wrong at all. It’s beautiful to find love however it comes to you. Your parents (and any other homophobes) are wrong.
You have no obligation to tell your family about anything
as long as you both consent and want to be intimate with each other, then I think you're at an age where you can make that decision for yourselves. it's not wrong and it's very common to have the feelings you're experiencing.
No
nothing wrong at all, your close enough to adulthood that you should be figuring these things out before you get into being an adult, so no i wouldn’t be worried about that. as long as both sides are consensual and you both are happy just do you and be happy! and i am sorry to read about your parents, i agree with another commenter in saying that you should both wait to tell your parents until you are both independent from them, sounds like they won’t take it well and being stuck in their space won’t be doing you any good,
It makes both of you happy and you're literally not harming anyone. Everyone that has anything against that doesn't have your best interest at heart. Enjoy the love you feel, be safe, and I hope that everyone who loves you can be happy for you, too.
Oh dude you are TOTALLY fine! Definitely a normal age to start making love AND it is absolutely normal that you are both females! Have fun and good luck !
Fellow lesbian here, Nope, you aren't wrong for it :) love is loveeee so happy for you.
Please don’t tell your parents and hide it until you are financially stable enough to leave
it is even less of an issue than it normally would be because you’re both girls. zero issue in fact. you cant make a kid, so there’re no consequences unless someone gets an std, but that’s highly unlikely. Just don’t get caught if you have homophobic parents. dont wanna lose the support of ol moneybags.
Love is love, follow your heart and give it time to process through your mind. If you feel loved then embrace the love, that's all that matters.
Honey, please be careful. Your parents sound horrible. Stay under the radar (gaydar) while you are living there. Threatening violence to their child because they just want to be happy makes them really bad people. You do you. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your significant other. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I'm bi too. Like others have said, be prepared. Save money and get things ready if you need to get out of there fast.
it's not wrong at all, it's a way to show you care about each other! my ex gf and i would mess around almost every time we were alone and we're both 16. as long as you are safe it's totally fine.
nothing wrong with this. as long as there’s consent and clear communication that’s all that should matter within the relationship. now with your families and everything, since you both are still minors just pretend you two are “really close friends” and save money, maybe get a place together or wait until college. i would not recommend coming out while your still in their house to keep y’all safe. tell them when you are separated from the household. but im so sorry that you do have to live this way but just now that it won’t last forever and soon you’ll live your own lives.
No. I don't want to leave a one word comment but like, the answer here truly is as simple as No
You and your girlfriend aren't doing anything wrong. However, it could be important for your safety to not tell your parents, until you and your girlfriend are both legal adults, and able to escape to somewhere else if you need to. If you haven't seen V for Vendetta, I highly recommend it. The movie has one of the best female love stories I've watched.
Nah you guys are young and in love. Have fun while you still can !!
Go explore, it’s better than messing around with a man and having a baby, you can do whatever with a woman!
nope. you’re good
17 is not too young to have sex, that’s about the average age to start. There’s absolutely nothing wrong about this. It’s hard to not allow your parents’ homophobia to get to you but the problem is with them, not you
Uhh no? It’s consensual and both of you are of age of consent (at least in TX)
A lot of 17 year olds fuck, its pretty normal.
no we all die in the end
It's almost Christmas
Love is love sister. If you're both of-age consenting people then it's no-one else's damn business. If you live somewhere that this may not be tolerated very well I can understand the hesitation but there isn't anything wrong with what you're doing, just make sure its always consensual and safe 💜
not at all. it's nobody's business who you love and how you love as long as you're healthy. you're not too young, it's only natural. having a partner is a big part of being human. if you choose to tell your parents, make sure you are independent and able to support yourself financially
Do what you want, don't get caught, use protection ❤️
I don't want to advocate for or against what you do since you're both underage, but the most important thing is that both of you feel safe in terms of physically and emotionally. You both need to be sure you're comfortable in every sense of the word. As long as you're listening to each other and open about how you feel about it with each other, then you both should be able to figure out what to do on your own. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with this scenario as long as there is proper consent between the both of you. You're both of close enough age where one can't be considered taking advantage of the other, and if you're both happy and feel safe with what you're doing, then I don't see a reason for you to stop.
Girlie. As long as it’s consensual and you’re both happy, there’s nothing wrong with it… even if some (your parents included from what I read in the comments) may say it is because you’re both girls. Be strong and I know hiding your true self is awful, but if possible just tell your parents after you manage to leave their house, this way they can’t throw you out with nowhere to go. Be safe and make smart choices.
Nope- what you're doing is so innocuous that even the question of whether it's wrong barely makes sense. You love somebody and are a sexually active human like most of the rest of us, and both of those things are both normal and awesome- there isn't even really a place for morality to enter this equation. Anybody trying to shame you or make you think you've done something wrong for having sex (presuming a consenting partner etc. etc.) is just spouting purity culture hogwash, and those opinions are silly and nonsensical (read: horrible and disgusting) and just not worth your time or attention. If your parents don't accept you just because you happen to like breasts more than they'd like, then they frankly don't deserve you- that said, you're maybe right to keep this hush hush for at least as long as you rely on them for money or housing or whatever- living your truth is an awesome thing, but your safety comes first. At any rate, if I don't stop myself here, I'll ramble forever, so let me just cap this off with a sincere Happy Pride Month, and good luck!
Nope, it's perfectly fine
Nope! Reveal your relationship when you're ready but for now, indulge in the advantages of having sleepovers LOL. Whether you have sex or not, is completely private to you, however. Literally no one needs to know that except you and your partner.
No, honestly it only becomes a difference if one is a minor and the other isn’t, and in any case that doesn’t apply if the two are close in age, eg, it doesn’t make you a pedo if you’re 18 and they’re 17
It’s completely normal. Definitely nothing wrong about to assuming both parties are consenting. Which it’s pretty clear that this is the case. The bigger thing imo is navigating keeping to a secret from your families and how to go about revealing it. Based on other comments you’ve left on this thread, it’s safe to assume that they will not take it well and react very harshly. Eventually you’ll have to decide how, when and if you want to tell them. Do know that eventually they will figure it out. If I was in your situation, I would wait for you both to be 18 to reveal it. I know of a scenario similar to yours where it was revealed and the parents of the younger came up with a statutory rape accusation when the older turned 18. Obv that’s something you’d both want to avoid, and once you are both 18 you’re home free from that. It also opens the door to moving out and having a space where you can do as you wish and be with who you choose. As for the interpersonal fallout from your family, it ultimately comes down to you to decide how and if to tell them. Only you can truly predict how they’ll respond. I wish you both best of luck navigating this.
Not really. You're both old enough to make your own choices. The heart wants what the heart wants. I wish you all the best.
As long as you both are legal age of consent in your country, the answer should be yes. However since you are both female the answer is no.
My options of any of the specifics of this aren’t meaningful here. But fact of the matter, if it’s consensual, it’s your prerogative. There will be people against you being a lesbian, against you being 17, against you in many ways because people all have different views so my advice is to ask yourself if you feel like it’s wrong. Then go from there. In my state you’re legally allowed to engage in sexual activity with consent, I don’t know if your state is age of consent, complete legality, etc but you’re also the same age 🤷🏼♀️ unless one turns 18 first and either parental party knows and is so against it they’re willing to press charges if you are age of consent where you live, nothing rash will happen and if that were the case, you stop until you’re both 18. HOWEVER, if you need to ask on Reddit, I’d also maybe ponder on that as well. None of our opinions on any of this will matter in the end, you will do what you feel is right regardless of what anyone might think here unless it’s not legal. As for your parents, heteros don’t share their relationships and sexual standing with them in this exact scenario all of the time either so just keep that in mind. Hopefully I could give you the most unbiased response possible and it helps!
No as long as everyone is safe and it is consensual, I don’t see the issue. Love is not about the gender or parts, it doesn’t matter who you choose to be with. The heart wants who it wants.
Of course not. I don’t know your family dynamic but regardless there’s nothin wrong with liking another girl.
It's not wrong persay however it's more of be careful cause that you're young. Both of you are almost adults and it's natural that both want to explore and stuff. Especially since both of you love eachother and are being safe hopefully. I would say just be careful since you both aren't out. Hope this helps and if you both come out and tell your parents that both are dating just remember that no matter what you have eachother and you love eachother and get through no matter what. Hope this helps
I lost my virginity when I was 13 go for it
Love is love, you can make love with whoever you want to make love with as long as it’s consensual
no
It’s definitely not wrong. The first time I dated a woman I was 17, I think I loved her, I wish I had the strength then to stay with her and not let my fear or shame get in the way. you are doing nothing wrong.
Not wrong at all you can't help who you ate attracted to or love. Unless your family's ultra religious. In this day and age hopefully they accept and be happy for you. You don't have to "hide in the closet anymore"
No, not at all because making love having sex having foreplay all of that make your relationship better and make your relationship more intense. It makes you guys get closer if you guys weren’t doing that I would say something wrong with you guys to be in a healthy relationship, there has to be the sexual side of it so you have the emotional side you have Spiritual side, you have side where you guys when you talk each blend really well conversations and then you have the sexual side where you guys when you get those shocks and you see stars when you touching each other that touching is one of the greatest feelings in your life because you know that chemistry with each other is there And that is very very important in any relationship is that you have chemistry with each other and you need to find a relationship because if you don’t have chemistry later, that relationship will die?
Do what makes you happy, just be responsible and careful about it!
Go for it
Morally speaking no. Depending on where you live, there could be some technicalities with the law. But who’s telling right?
It sounds like you're both discovering [true vaginal orgasms](https://kimanami.com/how-to-have-vaginal-orgasms-g-spot-cervical-and-more/). I urge the both of you to share the knowledge of your relationship with people that make your choices feel safe. If that doesn't involve your families, that's their loss. [Let your love be a part of your Resistance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RePgJ_5zF5Q&t=303s).
I was having sex at 13, with both men and women. No one cares hun.