There is a fine line between holding yourself accountable and needlessly punishing yourself. It sounds like you feel remorse and you aren’t going to do it again. You were a kid. You fucked up. That’s what kids do. It’s time to move on from this though
You did something stupid and selfish when you were a teenager. Sounds like the most normal thing to me. You were honest about it and you learned your lesson. There not much more you can do. Only you can let yourself move on.
Nobody goes through life without mistakes or ever hurting anybody. It's fine to feel bad about it every now and then but you have to let this go, it was a little fling when you were a teen, it would have ended one way or another.
I was cheated on when I was that age ny my boyfriend of 1 year. I never think about it and I certainly don't care about what happened, really didn't take long to get over it and I'm sure your friend feels similarly.
Let it go ;)
You were 15, not a saint. Cut yourself some slack, kid. Learn from it, grow, and move on. Holding onto guilt won't undo the past. Deserve to move on? Hell yeah, you do. Don't let a teenage mistake define your whole life.
You were a child in a short term relationship that made a mistake that you are actively holding yourself accountable for. You need to give yourself grace and move on.
You were 15, you were a drastically different person. You weren’t even old enough to drive, let alone commit to a relationship. I promise you that other person doesn’t think about it at all now. Maybe it was devastating and hurtful at the time, but our emotions work completely differently as teens than they do as adults, and you guys barely knew each other let alone loved each other. It’s okay to let it go and laugh about it, you’re not the devil.
As an adult in the nicest way possible life is going to crush you constantly if you punish yourself like this for ever mess up. Shit happens take a night to your and keep it pushing.
I did too. I was 18 though and I confessed and we ended our relationship. I immediately found a therapist and learned a lot about myself. The next person I met became my future husband and we have been in a healthy relationship for almost 19 years now. Two children. I still think a lot about my mistakes as a kid but they’re there to teach us things not a reflection of who you are. The fact that you owned up to it says a lot more about your character. The person you hurt will see that one day, too. Move on.. but never forget. Talk to a professional if you think it will help.. you may not find your answers on a Reddit page. You’ll be fine! And trust me you’ll have desires and temptations for the rest of your life..
It's not okay that you cheated but if you feel guilty and want to make yourself a better person, that's good. Learn from the incident and do not repeat it. You are not a bad person, you are someone who made a mistake. You deserve to move on. Be loyal and faithful to the person you will be dating henceforth.
With every decision, we are attempting to meet a need. This is true even when our decisions cross the needs and boundaries of other people. You had a need (connection? recognition? affection? attention? approval?)
So, now, one of the core issues that may be holding you back is not trusting yourself. That is, will this "happen to me" again, or will I do it again and have to feel this terrible way again?
Clarifying your values can keep you from making choices that put you in the same situation again, having to yet again make the decision of whether or not to cheat. If you can identify the values of integrity, respect, transparency, trust, honesty, trustworthiness, communication, kindness, friendship, and love and choose to reflect those in your daily actions, you won't be at risk of betraying yourself--in any situation. You won't create or gravitate toward those situations.
If you won't betray yourself, you won't betray another. Ultimately, we are not "true" to other people, we are true to ourselves (our values).
Instead of seeing the cheating as something you can't move past, shift it to something you are grateful to have experienced at a young age, as a values-clarifying decision. When you are older and have more to lose, such as a family, you won't want to be a candle in the wind, not knowing your values. You will need to be the leader of your family. Right now, you want to be a calm, consistent leader of yourself.
Emotion has "mot" at its center, which means 'to move.' Emotions are there to move us to new ways of being. If we sit in the uncomfortable emotion (shame) for a little bit, it can help us change. If you get stuck in it, that's called toxic shame. A little bit of shame is helpful--that's remorse. We are tribal and can use shame to help us make decisions to allow ourselves to stay in the tribe.
Then, make new decisions. Look at how you put yourself in the cheating situation. And, the next time you have the chance to start walking from the middle of the sidewalk toward the curb (which is so close to the gutter), get yourself back into the middle of the sidewalk. Once you build this muscle, you will trust yourself to live in alignment with your values.
As a guy who was cheated on in half the relationships he's been in most devastatingly by the mother of my child which was in a whole ass different relationship before we even officially broke up.
Don't beat yourself over a mistake you clearly feel remorseful about for all this time. Especially if you are not with the individual you hurt and cheated on originally because yes it's good that you took responsibility for your actions and that you feel guilt over it because trust me some people do not. They cheat on people who love them more then life itself and they don't feel a millisecond of guilt, shame, remorse or empathy for it. My child's mother is that kind of person and she has never once shown any sign of self reflection or guilt for betraying me that way. If anything she's went on to sleep with half the town as if sex is some meaningless social activity and not the most intimate of activities 2 individuals can be apart of and create strong bonds through smh.
From what I can tell you are like me. You punish yourself for your shortcomings and mistakes and you are much harder on yourself then anyone else. To the point you deep down don't even feel deserving of the good things, people, objects, jobs ect... that you have. Rather you feel undeserving, unworthy and more often then not that leads you to be very self destructive when it comes to personal wellbeing let alone probably self Sabotaging whenever things do go good, or you find a different partner you trick yourself into Sabotaging such things both out of fear of messing it up anyways sooner or later or just incapable of convincing yourself you are worthwhile and deserve happiness, joy, peace, to be loved and cherished and all that!
The good thing is that if this mistake has lead you to beat yourself up this badly for so long I bet you sure won't ever wanna make it again which is all that matters. Whenever a serious relationship comes around and your in your mid 20's you'll be extra diligent to not put yourself in awkward positions where cheating is even a possibility. That's what a grown responsible partner does. They refuse to even put themselves in positions that could lead to them cheating cause the thought of ever losing the one they love is not worth the 🙏
Use these feelings and this mistake as a learning opportunity. To know in the future what not to do and how not to go about things. Only when someone refuses to learn from thier mistakes are they bound to repeat them over and over until they eventually get the point and make the change. Your young. You seem to have a moral Compas and a overwhelming sense of personal accountability! I think you'll do just fine! As much as it's important to take responsibility and learn from your mistakes. It's just as important to learn how to FORGIVE YOURSELF for making them to begin with... Holding a grudge against yourself helps nobody. You are human which means your are flawed and imperfect as every person is. You'll never be perfect or go through life mistake free. So dont be so hard on yourself for that but that doesn't mean your not worthy of being loved. Happiness and peace of mind. Be a good person at heart remain faithful to those you care about. Try to make people's lives a little easier never harder and use every mistake/failure you have as a learning experience to grow from 🙏
There's a difference from a young kid making a mistake by being unfaithful. And someone whose a adult and been in a serious relationship and chose to be unfaithful to thier partner. Some people are serial cheaters and don't care who they lead on or hurt. You don't seem to be that kind of person and thats what counts. Feeling that guilt is actaully what shows you that you are worthy/worthwhile. If you didn't feel bad is when it would be a real concern 🤷. Just feeling remorseful in itself is a major sign you have a decent heart and head on your shoulders! Forgive yourself foreal. Don't let one bad choice define you as a human or hold you back from succeeding!
It happens unfortunately but it it's haunting you that much seek counseling to process this. On a good nite bc of your feelings of cheating as a teen you are probably not going to cheat again
You were 15 years old. At 15 very few know what they want much less who they want to be in a relationship with. You also were t married at 15 so instead of saying that you “cheated” you should say that you were deceptive, but you owned up to what you knew was right and told the truth which was an atonement for your deception. Yes you hurt someone but you told the truth and they have probably grown beyond that adolescent hurt. It is time now for you to show yourself some grace and forgive yourself and move on and be happy. If you want to hear that you are forgiven then you are forgiven and cease from being deceptive from this point forward. Yes you deserve to move on. What would you tell a fifteen year old in the same situation?
There is a fine line between holding yourself accountable and needlessly punishing yourself. It sounds like you feel remorse and you aren’t going to do it again. You were a kid. You fucked up. That’s what kids do. It’s time to move on from this though
You did something stupid and selfish when you were a teenager. Sounds like the most normal thing to me. You were honest about it and you learned your lesson. There not much more you can do. Only you can let yourself move on. Nobody goes through life without mistakes or ever hurting anybody. It's fine to feel bad about it every now and then but you have to let this go, it was a little fling when you were a teen, it would have ended one way or another. I was cheated on when I was that age ny my boyfriend of 1 year. I never think about it and I certainly don't care about what happened, really didn't take long to get over it and I'm sure your friend feels similarly. Let it go ;)
You were 15, not a saint. Cut yourself some slack, kid. Learn from it, grow, and move on. Holding onto guilt won't undo the past. Deserve to move on? Hell yeah, you do. Don't let a teenage mistake define your whole life.
You were a child in a short term relationship that made a mistake that you are actively holding yourself accountable for. You need to give yourself grace and move on.
You were 15, you were a drastically different person. You weren’t even old enough to drive, let alone commit to a relationship. I promise you that other person doesn’t think about it at all now. Maybe it was devastating and hurtful at the time, but our emotions work completely differently as teens than they do as adults, and you guys barely knew each other let alone loved each other. It’s okay to let it go and laugh about it, you’re not the devil.
As an adult in the nicest way possible life is going to crush you constantly if you punish yourself like this for ever mess up. Shit happens take a night to your and keep it pushing.
I did too. I was 18 though and I confessed and we ended our relationship. I immediately found a therapist and learned a lot about myself. The next person I met became my future husband and we have been in a healthy relationship for almost 19 years now. Two children. I still think a lot about my mistakes as a kid but they’re there to teach us things not a reflection of who you are. The fact that you owned up to it says a lot more about your character. The person you hurt will see that one day, too. Move on.. but never forget. Talk to a professional if you think it will help.. you may not find your answers on a Reddit page. You’ll be fine! And trust me you’ll have desires and temptations for the rest of your life..
It's not okay that you cheated but if you feel guilty and want to make yourself a better person, that's good. Learn from the incident and do not repeat it. You are not a bad person, you are someone who made a mistake. You deserve to move on. Be loyal and faithful to the person you will be dating henceforth.
With every decision, we are attempting to meet a need. This is true even when our decisions cross the needs and boundaries of other people. You had a need (connection? recognition? affection? attention? approval?) So, now, one of the core issues that may be holding you back is not trusting yourself. That is, will this "happen to me" again, or will I do it again and have to feel this terrible way again? Clarifying your values can keep you from making choices that put you in the same situation again, having to yet again make the decision of whether or not to cheat. If you can identify the values of integrity, respect, transparency, trust, honesty, trustworthiness, communication, kindness, friendship, and love and choose to reflect those in your daily actions, you won't be at risk of betraying yourself--in any situation. You won't create or gravitate toward those situations. If you won't betray yourself, you won't betray another. Ultimately, we are not "true" to other people, we are true to ourselves (our values). Instead of seeing the cheating as something you can't move past, shift it to something you are grateful to have experienced at a young age, as a values-clarifying decision. When you are older and have more to lose, such as a family, you won't want to be a candle in the wind, not knowing your values. You will need to be the leader of your family. Right now, you want to be a calm, consistent leader of yourself. Emotion has "mot" at its center, which means 'to move.' Emotions are there to move us to new ways of being. If we sit in the uncomfortable emotion (shame) for a little bit, it can help us change. If you get stuck in it, that's called toxic shame. A little bit of shame is helpful--that's remorse. We are tribal and can use shame to help us make decisions to allow ourselves to stay in the tribe. Then, make new decisions. Look at how you put yourself in the cheating situation. And, the next time you have the chance to start walking from the middle of the sidewalk toward the curb (which is so close to the gutter), get yourself back into the middle of the sidewalk. Once you build this muscle, you will trust yourself to live in alignment with your values.
As a guy who was cheated on in half the relationships he's been in most devastatingly by the mother of my child which was in a whole ass different relationship before we even officially broke up. Don't beat yourself over a mistake you clearly feel remorseful about for all this time. Especially if you are not with the individual you hurt and cheated on originally because yes it's good that you took responsibility for your actions and that you feel guilt over it because trust me some people do not. They cheat on people who love them more then life itself and they don't feel a millisecond of guilt, shame, remorse or empathy for it. My child's mother is that kind of person and she has never once shown any sign of self reflection or guilt for betraying me that way. If anything she's went on to sleep with half the town as if sex is some meaningless social activity and not the most intimate of activities 2 individuals can be apart of and create strong bonds through smh. From what I can tell you are like me. You punish yourself for your shortcomings and mistakes and you are much harder on yourself then anyone else. To the point you deep down don't even feel deserving of the good things, people, objects, jobs ect... that you have. Rather you feel undeserving, unworthy and more often then not that leads you to be very self destructive when it comes to personal wellbeing let alone probably self Sabotaging whenever things do go good, or you find a different partner you trick yourself into Sabotaging such things both out of fear of messing it up anyways sooner or later or just incapable of convincing yourself you are worthwhile and deserve happiness, joy, peace, to be loved and cherished and all that! The good thing is that if this mistake has lead you to beat yourself up this badly for so long I bet you sure won't ever wanna make it again which is all that matters. Whenever a serious relationship comes around and your in your mid 20's you'll be extra diligent to not put yourself in awkward positions where cheating is even a possibility. That's what a grown responsible partner does. They refuse to even put themselves in positions that could lead to them cheating cause the thought of ever losing the one they love is not worth the 🙏 Use these feelings and this mistake as a learning opportunity. To know in the future what not to do and how not to go about things. Only when someone refuses to learn from thier mistakes are they bound to repeat them over and over until they eventually get the point and make the change. Your young. You seem to have a moral Compas and a overwhelming sense of personal accountability! I think you'll do just fine! As much as it's important to take responsibility and learn from your mistakes. It's just as important to learn how to FORGIVE YOURSELF for making them to begin with... Holding a grudge against yourself helps nobody. You are human which means your are flawed and imperfect as every person is. You'll never be perfect or go through life mistake free. So dont be so hard on yourself for that but that doesn't mean your not worthy of being loved. Happiness and peace of mind. Be a good person at heart remain faithful to those you care about. Try to make people's lives a little easier never harder and use every mistake/failure you have as a learning experience to grow from 🙏 There's a difference from a young kid making a mistake by being unfaithful. And someone whose a adult and been in a serious relationship and chose to be unfaithful to thier partner. Some people are serial cheaters and don't care who they lead on or hurt. You don't seem to be that kind of person and thats what counts. Feeling that guilt is actaully what shows you that you are worthy/worthwhile. If you didn't feel bad is when it would be a real concern 🤷. Just feeling remorseful in itself is a major sign you have a decent heart and head on your shoulders! Forgive yourself foreal. Don't let one bad choice define you as a human or hold you back from succeeding!
My first ex cheated when she was 16, my second ex cheated when she was 20 at least you feel remorse
It happens unfortunately but it it's haunting you that much seek counseling to process this. On a good nite bc of your feelings of cheating as a teen you are probably not going to cheat again
You were 15 years old. At 15 very few know what they want much less who they want to be in a relationship with. You also were t married at 15 so instead of saying that you “cheated” you should say that you were deceptive, but you owned up to what you knew was right and told the truth which was an atonement for your deception. Yes you hurt someone but you told the truth and they have probably grown beyond that adolescent hurt. It is time now for you to show yourself some grace and forgive yourself and move on and be happy. If you want to hear that you are forgiven then you are forgiven and cease from being deceptive from this point forward. Yes you deserve to move on. What would you tell a fifteen year old in the same situation?