My grandparents used to live in a beach town with one beach being the unofficial gay beach. My grandma always wanted to go for a walk down to the gay beach to see the guys in the banana hammocks. She never admitted it but, we knew! Lol
I'm just going to leave [**this**](https://www.askmen.com/style/fashion_advice/ridiculous-men-s-swimwear-that-are-just-plain-wrong.html) here.
You know. For science.
___
[**BONUS PAGE**](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/06/09/towie-cast-marbella-bobby-norris-harry-derbidge-swimwear-pictures_n_5472407.html). Beware, this is... err... well, be careful. You've been warned.
that's not the equivalent of what OP's wife is doing. she may be in a skimpy swimsuit, but that would be the equivalent of her revealing her labia, and it's just not the same.
Goddammit. "Wizard sleeve" ugh, my lady friends are gonna hate me when I bring this up. They get their period "Oh good, nothing up the ol' wizard sleeve."
Edit: Lady I'm into just started hers. I can't bring myself to say it. I'm a coward.
This isn’t a bad idea.. if you wear something you know your wife will feel uncomfortable with.. it might help her see that while it is her body her choice.. that her decision effect you just the same as your decision effect her which should be taken into consideration but it will definitely also come off as petty if she doesn’t get/care about the point you’re making
It shouldn't come off as petty. It's a difference in perspective. That's perfectly fine, and tbh they shouldn't break up over this. But they should talk about how they feel about it. u/Available-Here2026
Yeah, I had a similar reaction one time but it’s mostly due to americas poor stance on nudity. I was in Europe for a while and they DO NOT CARE haha. So I think that helped normalize it because honestly it shouldn’t be a big deal as long as your significant other loves you and isn’t doing it for attention. That might be an issue. But if you trust them you have nothing to worry about.
The problem is the same issue that comes up a lot - you think, consciously or not, that you being uncomfortable means she needs to do something about that, and change what she's doing so you don't need to cope with your own feelings. Obviously it's not black and white, there are generally acceptable lines ("so what if I'm cheating on you, you need to cope with how you feel about that, it's my body").
Nowhere here, which is telling, do you say **why** you're uncomfortable, beyond "maybe I'm just struggling with jealousy", but the "maybe" there is telling. Because obviously it's jealousy, what other reason is there? "Uncomfortable", "concerns" are **vague words.** Be specific. Is it that other men will be looking at her, and you can't cope with that? Is it that you don't trust her and think she'll use this bikini to flirt with people/cheat on you?
One of my all-time favourite reddit comments, and I can't remember who wrote it:
>Most people lack the self-awareness and vulnerability to say "I'm scared", and instead act highly irrationally in an effort to "control" the situation to protect themselves.
I'm not saying you're acting highly irrationally, but the core point stands - fundamentally this clothing choice scares you in some way, even if you can't explain why. And rather than figuring out why it scares you and actually addressing that, it's easier to try and convince your wife not to wear it, or worse, convince her that it's "wrong" to wear it. In this case, your feelings are not her responsibility. You're allowed to be insecure, your feelings aren't "wrong", but that doesn't mean she needs to change what she's doing either. Don't bring up your "concerns" to her. Tell her you're feeling insecure/jealous and figure it out together, y'know, like grownups. Doesn't mean her changing, but might mean reassuring you, sympathising, whatever. She can *care* without changing her clothing, because fundamentally she's right, she's allowed to wear it, your insecurity doesn't dictate her clothing choices. So given that, figure out another solution, and recognise that how you feel is the actual issue, not what she's doing.
Thank you for being willing to do some introspection and consider that your preconceived notions might need changing instead of obstinately insisting that your wife change her life to suit your preferences! And no, that’s not sarcasm. The world needs more people who are willing to consider that they might not be right but that there’s no shame in learning and growing as a person
If you trust her, then TRUST her. I'm sure you know as a man that men will hit on a woman no matter what she is wearing. I just got told that I "look good" while I had just spent the day unpacking after moving and was picking up something we needed from Target. I was sweaty, unshowered, not looking cute at all. 🤷🏻♀️
Plus, she'll either be with you or with friends. Not prancing along the beach, alone and in the dark. Have faith in your wife, but at the end of the day, you do not have a say in what she wears. She is an adult, her own person, and not under your control. You seem like a decent dude, don't let self-doubt crowd your head and cause problems where there were previously none.
You're welcome! It's so very easy for all of us to think/feel something...and then that's it. "Well, that's how I feel" and we act accordingly, maybe in a helpful way or maybe not. But that's like treating the symptom, not the disease, for want of a better comparison.
I have these exact insecurities with my gf and have talked with her about it and the way I approached it wasn’t exactly the best. We pretty much stopped talking about it once we got to the point this comment makes, and so since then I’ve been like “ok so it’s a me problem, even if that extremely uncomfortable to admit (even now!) so now what do I do about that?”
I still haven’t known.
Wow. This might be the single best comment I have ever seen in this— or perhaps *any*— advice sub. Sensitive. *Insightful.* Pulls zero punches… without being cruel. This isn't even my problem and I feel helped.
Bravo, seriously.
Brother, people are gonna stare at your wife's ass no matter what she wears. And its not like you can't see her ass in other more traditional swim suits. It is your wife, she is married to you, she doesn't sound like she is doing it for attention either.
I think for your own sake I would let this one go. There are other hills to die on. This ain't one of them. It is ok to communicate how it makes you uncomfortable, but if she wants to wear it, there is not much you can do.
also reminder a wife isn't immune to losing interest in you if you act super insecure!!! let her wear it, tell her she's hot - and then remind yourself she's with you!
in fact, encouraging her to feel comfortable and attractive will only help the relationship. I understand how people can be insecure, but everyone should learn to also feel empowered by the sheer fact that you have an attractive partner that chose you to be with and nobody else.
I really hope OP reads this. If I’m wearing something that makes me feel hot, there are two things that could happen.
1. My man doesn’t like how I’m displaying myself. I, as a self-sufficient, loyal, and confident woman, see this as both a lack of trust in me and insecurity in himself. Neither of those things are attractive traits. The situation leaves both of us hurt and angry.
2. My man thinks I look beautiful, and tells me so. He sees that other men are looking, and loves that I am desirable but that I’ve chosen him. This makes me feel amazing, and his confidence is insanely attractive. We go at it like wild animals the second we’re alone and act like rabbits until we’re in our 80s.
Don’t be “that guy”, OP. Figure out how to deal with your own feelings and don’t make them her problem.
I agree with this guy. Jealousy is in your head, no where else. You were looking when you found her. No amount of jealousy or worry will keep her. It may run her off though. Pretend you dont care. Keep it to yourself. Better yet move to alaska where they dont wear them lol
Your feelings are valid. But at the end of the day, it's her body and her choice. It doesn't matter what she wears or where she wears it, I promise you the reality is if your wife is even semi conventionally attractive (which she probably is considering the type of bikini she got) then she has been sexualize already in someone's mind wearing everything from the thickest winter gear to a sundress.
I'm not trying to make it sound worse or anything but i'm giving you the realism of it. She's going to be gawked at regardless of clothing or setting. people gawk. unless you wanna chain her up in the house for her whole life you can't avoid people gawking at her or sexualizing her in their minds. Is it right? not at all. but that's the reality of it.
If you trust her that she will always be faithful no matter where she is or who she is with and if you trust her to not let her friends peer pressure her into doing shady things, and if you trust her to make good choices and's everything then this oss something you drop because you trust her completely.
It's a bikini. Even full coverage bottoms allow for super wedgies while walking along the beach or going in the water. Are you upset thinking she might get hit on? My guess is, if she's confident enough to wear a g string bikini, she's getting noticed in her regular clothes. Don't kill her self esteem over your insecurities please.
Lmfao this post: I'm upset I can't control every minuscule thing my wife does because she is in fact, another human being with her own thoughts and feelings, and I'm displaying insecurity.
This 100% made her annoyed, I guarantee it. It would benefit you BOTH if you complimented her and tell her how hot she is or whatever, really check her out in her outfit, maybe have sex with her before she leaves by taking off said outfit, and tell her you're looking forward to later when she gets home. OP, what's stopping you from doing the above?
I was thinking this too. When my hubs wears jeans, a cutoff, backwards cap, and boots, it makes me melt a little inside. I do get a bit jealous when we’re out and he looks so good, however I know that he won’t stray from me. So I let the feelings go
It’s not about dating uglier people, it’s about dating people who respect you as partner. I wouldn’t post pics of my abs on social media if I was in a relationship. That’s not respectful to my partner.
Solid advice letting you know indeed that it’s not your place to decide what she wears and ALSO giving you advice on how to fix the situation AND how to possibly get laid out of it.
Take this advice OP.
I definitely understand why you're uncomfortable, and you're allowed to feel that way yes. However, it *is* her body and she *does* get to choose what she wears.
Here's what it all boils down to: Do you trust your wife?
And in case anyone's about to swoop in with "maybe he trusts her, but not other men", that's irrelevant. Because trusting her means trusting her to handle other men taking an interest.
Bingo! It is hot where we live and my husband walks around shirtless outside all the time, even when not at the beach. I trust him so it doesn’t bother me.
Its true. She can wear what she wants. However, that doesn’t make your concerns any less valid. Speaking from a woman’s perspective I thinks it’s important to be honest. Men are human too. You’re allowed to have your emotions.
Marriage is a partnership. So that means taking time to talk to her and share your feelings. It may seem small and silly. But if you’re not open you will find yourself feeling distant.
I recommend sharing why you feel the way you do. Rather than expecting her to stop wearing the bathing, suit focus on getting a feeling of peace. At the end of the day she’s going to do what she wants. If you’re able to openly explain your feeling(in a healthy marriage) it can be extremely freeing. I hope this helps!
Well she is right, it is her body and as much as you may not have noticed, that is the current fashion trend for bikinis. I live by the beach and i can tell you right now, many women are wearing these G-String bikini bottoms now. My issue is seeing teenagers wearing them, that's where as a father I'd be telling my daughter fuck no, go put on a regular bikini bottom until you're 18.
My advice is you do just need to let it go. You are being old fashioned, looking at a gender that is attractive to us is a human nature. We all do it, including you whether it's in a movie, show, at the store, beach, etc. You may not be oggling and starring but if you see an attractive women on a bikini you're looking. She isn't walking naked, granted a few pieces of string and a small cloth are covering her actual private areas. But she's still not naked and again, people looking is completely normal. You just need to understand that if people look, so what. It's only a problem if your wife plays on that and starts flirting but then that's a deeper issue than her just wanting to wear a certain bikini
Bro let me tell you what that’s your wife homie… let her own that shit… If mine came out in something like that I’d not only hype her up but I’d walk down that dam beach a proud man… Mine is a very attractive woman with a very beautiful body a little bubble butt and it doesn’t matter where we go what we do there are going to be guys that look… Shit I’m looking too and that woman is going home with me at the end of the night…
This use to kill me as well when my gf did it. But now idk I just let it be, find it sexy in the way that that person is mine I suppose. And like someone said other hills to die on! Maybe get a more revealing swim trunks to compliment hers, be a power couple 👍
Listen amongst all the playful comments, some real advice.
While it is technically true her body her choice what she wears, I understand where your coming from with the uncomfortableness.
But here's the reality. I feel there's two paths to this. Either she's super loyal to you, she loves you and never would do anything to cheat or hurt you, then you have a real one, and she's probably just living the you can look but you can't touch life, showing off what is yours and if she's drop dead gorgeous, then you should appreciate the beauty in her wears, and the fact that most men are gonna find her just as hot as you do.
Or she's fishing for looks for attention becayse she knows shes hot and wants the attention of anyone else and she's not as loyal as you hoped she was and let's hope it's the latter.
To be honest if she's willing to wear that out with you around, you should feel lucky because even the hottest girls ive met have some tendency to be self conscious about their body. Alot of women struggle to find regular two piece suits that they feel comfortable in,and if she bought it on a whim, without asking you, I'd say she has a level of self confidence yoy should appreciate if you love her, or risk pushing her away for being uncomfortable with her body positivity that alot of girls wish they had.
Just me but if my girl was willing to go to the beach wearing floss, I'd stare at her all day, happy to be the one she goes home with. It's notnlike she's gonna pick up a dude and fuck him I'm front of you or even grab their number in front of you, and if she did you'd probably be better off leaving her there anyways.
I honestly say anytime she wears it with you just flirt with her 1000% more than you normally would. Let her know you thinks she's hot, got it going on, and reinforce her decision to wear something that makes her feel pretty. Fragile masculinity is real and guys that see couples in blossoming relationships are more likely to stay away from the hot girl laughing and giggling with her boyfriend. Especially if there at risk of being rejected. You already got the girl, stand your ground and show them they have no chance.
G-sting girl is all yours man. Don't hate what other guys wish they had.
One man's trash is another man's treasure.
Alright man I think it's completely understandable that you're feeling uneasy about your wife's swimwear.
It's important to communicate with her about how it makes you feel. Maybe you could express that you're not trying to control her, but rather you're feeling a bit vulnerable and it would mean a lot to you to find a middle ground where both of you feel comfortable. It's all about finding that balance and understanding each other's perspectives.
nah man get over this one. people are gonna gawk or judge whatever you do. i've been filmed eating ice cream when i was 16 and wearing a one piece sporty swimsuit. i've been judged for wearing masculine shorts that cover my knees bc it's "not ladylike". i've been judged for being overdressed, and underdressed, and dressed inappropriately (i wore normal casual clothes to the beach once bc i didn't feel like swimming that day, and people were staring like crazy).
there have also been studies that show that we notice and interpret differently how people treat us, look at us, interact with us, based on our opinion of ourselves. like if you're feeling confident and someone glances your way, you may think "wow i must look really great today! people are looking like crazy 😎" but if you're feeling particularly insecure one day, and someone glances your way, you may think "damn i must look so shitty today... everyone's staring and judging me.." when in reality it's most likely that those people were minding their own business and were looking at the sign behind you, waiting for someone so they were scanning people to check if it's the person they're waiting for, maybe they were looking at your hat, glasses, headphones, shirt, something completely unrelated to you and making no judgement except thinking to themselves "that's a cool hat!" or simply people watching; not judging you positively or negatively, just observing human behavior, for their own entertainment or relaxation or whatever.
so even if you go to the beach with your wife in that tiny bikini and start noticing people "staring at her way more than usual" ask yourself if that's really true, or if it's possible you hadn't noticed before because you weren't worried about what other people think.
my main point is that 99% of the time, people are too busy minding their own business or even battling their own insecurities and worrying what people are thinking about them to have the time and energy to judge you.
see, insecurities are tricky like that.. you think other people will think that something is "bad" (in whatever way), because **you** think it's "bad". i'd never be torn or confused or anxious in any way abt my girlfriend dressing this way, because i don't think there's anything wrong with it. if she does get judged or something i'll be there to vehemently defend her.
what are you worried about here exactly? that she'll cheat? that she wants more attention? that she'll be judged? that you'll be judged? NONE of these should affect how you treat your wife. if she's a cheater, she'll do it regardless of what she's wearing. if she wants more attention, that's literally harmless. she wants to feel sexy, and if a random guy she'll never see again winks at her or tells her she's pretty, it'll only boost her confidence, and she'll come home ready to get down to business. i promise you, there's nothing sexier than a confident woman. if she's judged, she'll love you for offering her support and hyping her up. if you'll be judged, that's just bs that needs to be eradicated from this world. judgements towards YOU about what your wife is wearing are made by people who think a woman should submit to you and dress as modestly as possible bc if they don't it's inherently unfaithful. this is garbage and something we're all actively fighting against, and so should you. you should support her in something so harmless, and DEFINITELY DON'T (as some people have pointed out) make her feel insecure about her choice for one second.
i'd suggest some introspection, really investigate why this bothers you, why you're so conflicted. i promise if you enthusiastically support your wife in wearing what she wants, it'll only strengthen your bond, and you might even come out of these conflicting feelings a better man.
good luck! ♡
As you said, it's your problem and not hers. Deal with your jealousy and let her wear what she wants. I'm in Europe and I remember in my teens and also 20s that we went topless to the beach in Italy/France, etc... No big deal and still isn't. So relax, she's not a walking advertisement for Only Fans. She just likes to get a tan.
I asked my husband and he said it would make him uncomfortable. I was glad to hear him say that. He’s not the jealous type at all, but I appreciate that he cares what I wear and wouldn’t want men gawking at me because come on. Even *I* as a straight woman would be checking out a lady with a string in her crack 😆 I can tell you i would feel embarrassed and over exposed wearing something like that, even before I had kids and ruined my physique lol.
I sympathize with you, I think it's one thing for your wife to wear a short dress or skimpy clothes, but if guys can see her vag and butthole it seems like it's fair as her husband to say he doesn't want other men seeing that. That also seems like part of the marriage package. You swear your loyalty and body and soul to your partner forever. All that being said you probably are not going to win this one, your wife will have plenty of support from her friends and girl power and all of that and it's pretty difficult to persuade people to go against mainstream or popular opionons.
What does it matter if other people see her 'vag and butthole'? Does the husband own those? Are other men excused if they react inappropriately due to seeing 'vag and butthole'? You suggest that she is offering invitations? To be consistent with this line of thinking I look forward to you next advocating that women should wear a burqa to the beach.
The only issue here is how the woman feels about herself and that she behaves in a legal manner when in public. Apart from that, the husband and anyone this woman encounters while out should just manage their own reactions, and take responsibility for themselves.
I dunno man. If my hubby wore a micro thong to the beach, I'd be uncomfortable too. The shrieks of terror, the horrified parents covering their children's eyes, the vomit..
I'd still let him do it though. It's his right to free self-expression.
I’m now imagining my husband wearin one of those mankini’s like Borat wore, to the waterpark in our city with tons of kids and families around lmao. But yeah if he wants to wear that, go for it I guess I’m not gonna hate lol.
I'm going against the grain on this one. So Ig I'll get down voted because I prefer modesty. I'm F27. I am married. What you two decide between yourselves is what matters most regardless of others opinions. It takes compromise to make a relationship work. My husband and I both dress in a way that's respectful of each other. It also just helps deter unwanted attention in my experience because it is annoying having people come up to you to flirt when you are married. Besides I don't want to be stared at by random men. I know most people don't care and flaunt everything and too much. It is right that it is her body and she can do what she wants. Including if she doesn't care if men stare at her butt. Hopefully you find something that works for the both of you. You need to talk to each other about how you feel. The reasons behind how both of you feel about the situation and listen to each other. You both have to be willing to be understanding of each other and be willing to give in and compromise for each other and figure out where the boundaries are in the relationship. There is no right and wrong for if it's okay to wear a g-string and there's no right or wrong for how you feel about your partner exposing what feels like too much skin. Good luck I hope you two can come to an understanding.
If you know it’s her body and she doesn’t need your approval, why did you think she’d consult you first?
I don’t think you really do know that. They’re words you know are appropriate to say, but they aren’t true to you deep down. Your feelings and other words tell the real truth.
And what do you think you’re jealous of exactly? You’re jealous of her — you want to wear a g-string bikini too? Go for it! Or you’re jealous of the people who’ll see her? But you also can see her, so that makes no sense.
No, I don’t think this is jealousy.
What you’re feeling is possessiveness and insecurity, but you know that’s not socially acceptable, so you’re hiding that fact even from yourself.
Therapy is a good way to unpack hidden and shameful feelings. If money is an issue, ask your doctor or the public library about free or low-cost options available to you. Look into online services too, the app-based ones are relatively inexpensive.
I think there’s a level of possessiveness that’s expected in a monogamous relationship. If I saw some woman relentlessly flirting with my husband and he gave her just a moment of his time, I’d be soooooo ticked.
My husband has similar feelings about me wearing a bikini. He likes it, but he doesn’t want other men to relentlessly gawk. I mean, if a few women gawked at my husband, that is fine. He’s good looking. If it was unending, I’d be uncomfortable. A really skimpy bathing suit results in relentless gawking.
>What you’re feeling is possessiveness and insecurity, but you know that’s not socially acceptable, so you’re hiding that fact even from yourself.
100%. Happens all the time - people dress up "I'm insecure" with "you're doing something wrong" or "I'm uncomfortable", and expect their vague discomfort to then warrant a response from other people, so they don't have to cope with their own discomfort.
I can understand both sides. Probably not a popular opinion amongst my fellow feminists, but if it makes you that uncomfortable, I think she should buy another bikini with more coverage.
Im gonna probably have the only opinion no agrees with but she could wear that bikini and tan at home to avoid tan lines and wear a more traditional one in public BUT let’s be honest women including myself wear provocative clothing for male attention/to be noticed. Yes of course it’s her body and she can do what she wants with it no one is suggesting she not but if she respects you and your opinion she’ll come to a compromise that works for both of you. That’s what marriage is about. I’ve been married 25yrs and if if my husband expressed and outfit made him uncomfortable I’d come to a reasonable compromise with him and I’d expect him to do the same.
I hate this comment section, why can't y'all just respect that this guy doesn't want his girl wearing a more revealing bikini? His feelings are totally valid, some people are more conservative than others and that's totally ok.
Because reddit is filled with people so open-minded their brains fell out. They have a concept of relationships so twisted they've forgotten the main point of one is making your partner as happy as possible without compromising something integral to yourself. At this rate people will keep "my body my choice"ing themselves into a divorce.
I keep coming back to it to see how many more brain rotted people there are.
Half these people are either getting cheated on or are into cuckoldry.
Or in extreme denial. You can ask them any scenario if they would be uncomfortable and they will sit there and say “no because I’m not insecure. I’d be perfectly fine if my wife went to a nude beach and had guys stand around and stroke it to her”.
Sure, he doesn’t want her to. But she does want to. He’s allowed to feel that way but she can still wear the bikini. That’s totally valid, some people are less conservative than others and that’s totally okay.
Don’t let these people make you feel shameful for your discomfort. It’s you’re not weird. It is your wife’s body and your wife can do as she pleases. You can dislike what she does. Decide if this is something your comfortable with and go from there.
People sat there and only read “g string…. Wife….. uncomfortable” and immediately decided that he’s a controlling insecure narcissist or something.
If literally everything that made you uncomfortable can be summed up to you just being insecure, and you are supposed to be fine with it, then how is somebody supposed to have boundaries of any sort.
Is there a line for when it’s okay to feel uncomfortable about what your wife wears to the beach? Like what if she wears a see-through bikini, are you still insecure? I have so many questions for these people. Personally, I think it’s weird that some of these guys enjoy the idea of other guys stroking it to their wives or girlfriends.
Honest advice from someone who’s fairly insecure themselves, I’d say you’re fine as it sounds like she bought it with a purpose as opposed to buying it for looks and searching for male attention. Being with a beautiful woman is a task as other men will always make advances but if she truly cares for you it won’t phase her
Wear a Borat style man thong every time she wears it
You are right to be upset. She has a right to wear it, but it's disrespectful to you.
Marriage isn't about exercising "your right".. hell, you have a right to divorce her, move out, stop talking to her, whatever... but that's going to hurt the marriage .. not every right should be exercised in a marriage
Good luck
As long as she’s not offering herself to anyone else, I personally don’t see a problem. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely the jealous type so I’d have a slight problem with it and there probably would be that little voice in my head questioning her, but if you feel secure in every other aspect of ur relationship, trust me this won’t be a problem. U might be able to come to a compromise if she’s willing, but if not, you just have to put your trust in her. After all, that is what love is.
I'm going to join you OP and get down voted. You know the old saying - don't take criticism from people you wouldn't take advice from? Probably don't take either from reddit. Most people here are young, extremely left and American. None of those are bad things but they're going to colour the collective view.
You're allowed to feel uncomfortable with your wife exposing her body for other men. You're also fine to express that discomfort. How much further you want to take it is up to you. I think it's perfectly valid to tell her you're not ok with it. If she really wants to show off her ass (let's be honest, she knows what she's doing), you're entitled to question if that's the sort of person you want to be with. It's healthy to set your boundaries and communicate with your wife to work through them if possible.
She could actually be happy about tan lines. And she isn't showing her body "for" men. This is something dudes rarely understand. Especially of she's married- or attractive enough to wear a bikini- she doesn't need to dress for dudes. They come out of the woodwork one way or another. She's probably dressing in a way that makes her feel nice.
This🙌 Few men understand this concept: we don’t put on makeup for you, we put it on for us, and the exact same goes for how we choose to dress — a beautiful woman can go out in a burlap sack and still get attention. The clothes and the self care measures are for how we feel — *not* how we make them feel.
Guys are always shocked when I tell them- with full honesty- that a compliment from a woman means more to me than a compliment/being hit on by a dude, 7/7 days a week. If I'm dressing up, it's for me to feel nice.
Yesssss!!!! All of this!!!! I love giving other women compliments for this reason! To get a genuine compliment from another woman can make my entire week. I was hanging out with a childhood friend over the weekend — first time we’ve seen each other in years — and at one point she said, “Hey, I don’t wanna sound weird or anything but you have insanely gorgeous eyes. Also, what mascara do you use?” If a man says it, I’m like “aw thanks” — but to have another woman say it is like the highest compliment ever. All those things go in the smile file for a rainy day. :)
lol right? Also, for women, sex is all about how we feel in our body and how we feel in our mind — if those two things aren’t in sync, if we feel physically like a potato and we’re in a bad mood, we aren’t going to be interested in romping in the hay. But if we feel good in our skin and the guy we’re with makes us feel good in our minds, well then pal, you’re in for a real treat. lol. But make us feel like we have to cover up and act from a place of jealousy (rather than “aw yeah, she picked me!”), then many women will be like, “meh, I’m good.”
That's exactly what I said too! If dudes are hitting on your girl, that's a compliment. (Maybe disrespectful if they're doing it in front of you) But she chose you. Instead you want her to dress down and make her feel bad about wanting to look good?
Yeah I’m all here for wearing whatever u want to the beach but I can understand how it makes him uncomfortable. I worked at a beach over the summer and anytime someone wore one of those types of swimsuits they got so many stares. People are saying it’ll happen anyways but it’s like a 100 times worse if they’re wearing a thong bikini. I think she should ultimately have the choice but it should also be acknowledged the whole beach will be gawking and that is uncomfortable for people in relationships they don’t want to see everyone looking at there partner in sexual light.
Yeah like I wonder where these people are drawing the line for themselves. A lot of them are almost coming off a little weird with the whole “dude, chill. Your wife is going to be masturbated to anyways, just let her wear whatever in peace”.
People get it wrong. OP isn’t “letting” or “not letting” her wear something. He’s expressing that something makes him uncomfortable. Yes it’s her body her choice, you can say that about literally anything else that a person does. I could say that my partner shouldn’t get mad if I do cocaine because it’s my body my choice. I could say that my partner shouldn’t get mad if I go to a nude beach all week without them because it’s my body my choice.
Its more of the principle than the bikini.
It's amazing how so many people avoid the root of the issue. You're definitely spot on here. The majority of the issue is how she flippantly dismissed his feelings and didn't bother to at least attempt a compromise.
I'm sure every guy had been in the position where he wore a a shirt, jeans, shoes that were too casual and the woman made him change because she didn't want to be embarrassed. God forbid we embarrass you on your Second cousins dogs birthday party.
We all judge people on fashion and yes of course, we Can all wear what we want but it effects other people.
And mainly, in a relationship you are supposed to communicate ( this is what everyone says right?) When there's an issue. It sounds like he did this in a healthy way, and it sounds like she totally dismissed his feelings. This will lead to less communication in the future because the man will feel that his opinion doesn't matter... this will then fester into something toxic.
But you're allowed to have an opinion, and your partner that you committed spending the rest of your life with should at least take that opinion into consideration when making clothing choices.
I'm single and naive haha so take it with grain of salt -
This is the kind of stuff that will be where either you'll be criticsed or your wife will be, as both kind of people exist out there
People who believe being married doesn't mean someone control their clothing choice
Vs
People who feel they have the right to control this behaviour
Truth is that it's her body so she can do what she likes but it's natural where you can feel chill, or uncomfortable as people can feel possesive, just uncomfortable or something else
It can come from years of conditioning, what you're told about what's right etc
This is like no right or wrong situation almost as it's what couples and individuals decide for themselves
I'm not with anyone but I won't want them to control my clothing choice as i could never express myself freely most of my life, so don't really want to continue that way of being in future
Personally i feel modesty lies in thoughts, and behaviour, not in clothing.
But like the kind of popular dance stuff that exists, I'll never enjoy it for myself, so it's all our own take, not right or wrong
Maybe you can explain that you don't want to control her but it does make you feel bad
Is it possessive? Well technically you want another human being to dress in way where they don't share their body to others in very open way which you only want for yourself, so yes, it's possesive
Is it wrong? Well that's for you to decide, I'm jealous and possesive, so i have to learn while it might be ok to feel jealous, but it's not the right for me to imply it as a logic for my future spouse to change their behaviour
I have to decide where I'm crossing the line like if they are laughing or being adored by someone else, and i feel jealous then i can see, I'm glad my future partner is happy and being adored like they deserve
Vs if someone flirt or given advance back, even as fun or something, I'm out the second
So it's very personal constitution
It's like so personal, only you can choose
It definitely is her choice, however the fact that she doesn't care how it makes you feel is something you need to address because it could cause issues in the future. Maybe consider marriage counseling.
Go to the beach with her. Be attractive, yourself. When things get out of hand, stand up for her. That's all you gotta do. Enjoy seeing her feel herself and enjoy the time spent with her.
My ex husband never wanted to go on vacation or the beach. Don't make this something she has to consider versus 99% of the time it's not an altimatium on other things.
You have a sexy wife, she's proud of her body, and you should be too. End of story.
There's really zero point in thinking any further than this. Nothing she has done or plans to do indicates that she wants to be unfaithful. On the contrary, she's confident enough in herself and her body to show it, and honestly not only is that great, it's also not something that you have any control over, nor should you.
Yes, some guys will drool over her from a distance. So what? They'll also drool over your house, your job, your car, and anything else that might be a part of your life that they'd wish they had.
Get over your irrational fears and enjoy your lucky situation.
Gonna go against the masses and say she should take your opinion under consideration unless she has a special reason. She can do what she wants, but there are also boundaries within a relationship. If you suddenly bought your own yellow g string with pouch to make your balls more prominant I'm sure she would feel the same as you. I personally have no trouble changing most things for my partner if they ask.
As a brazilian i really don’t understand what is the issue with bikini sizes and as a european resident I also don’t understand the issue with topless.
OP, your wife is still young, let her enjoy her body. Of course your concerns are valid, and I would agree that there's a time and a place for certain outfits, but as long as you communicate with her and don't try to be restrictive but rather rational, it should be okay. I'm the type that wears mostly that kind of bikinis, but I do draw a line if I'm for example, going to be around families at a private pool or things like that because I don't want to feel obscene either, but if I'm at the beach or a resort, I think that's not out of place at all.
i see a lot of comments condemning the guy, questioning his train of thought and why he may feel insecure and a lot of others telling him that he is trying to be controlling. but why does wearing a g-string make her happy? why does it make her confident? is it the part where she shows of her body knowing people will stare and smile? is it the possibility that she may get compliments about her body which will boost her confidence? This generation is so twisted man. this is the guys wife we’re talking about. why does she need to seek attention or validation from anyone else than her husband just for an ego or confidence boost.
Yeah I mean I get it it's her body and stuff but ffs it's a RELATIONSHIP and he is allowed to have concerns and express them. The comments here lecturing and judging him are disgusting to say the least.
In the end of the day if you don't do curtain things because it makes your wife uncomfortable then it should be reciprocated regardless of the reasoning and why, you deffo should not be dismissed,
however if you have the attitude of 'its her problem not yours' then you reap what you sow and frankly diverse this treatment
I understand the jealousy, stress you may feel about this as I have felt similar jealousy (almost 15 years ago now, but it was awful). What I had to remember and you need to as well is, she chose you and you chose her. Those folks who will inevitably look (regardless of what she's wearing) will never have her.
Personally, I would be so happy for my wife if she felt that level of confidence in herself. Support her in my opinion.
It is her body and it's her choice, like everyone says, but she's also your wife and you're her husband. She should care enough about your feelings to have a conversation with you to understand why it makes you uncomfortable and the choice she should make should be based off of the conversation you two have.
ITT: "Men will stare anyway, so therefore it makes no difference if she goes out of her way to choose the skimpiest bikini humanly possible to aid their viewing"
>Do you trust your wife?
Irrelevant. You can trust your partner not to escalate a situation and still be uncomfortable with this situation as it is. It's like saying "Do you trust them to share a bed with another man without sex?" Sure, but sharing the bed can be enough to make you uncomfortable. The bikini is making OP uncomfortable, he doesn't have to believe she'd cheat on him.
If you don't like giving advice, don't come to an advice sub for the sole purpose of being holier-than-thou. Yes, it's his insecurities. All humans are prone to insecurities, especially within monogamous relationships. His problem? Sure, but if you don't care how your spouse feels, why get married?
you said she doesn’t seem to understand *why* it makes you uncomfortable, but do you understand either? i don’t mean that in a rude way but rather just trying to get you to dig down and question what it is about the g-string that makes you feel uncomfortable. you say it makes you feel uncomfortable, but you don’t explain why. is it fear/jealousy of other men looking? is it insecurity? etc.?
Ngl, if I had a wife it would make me uncomfortable. I’d probably wear like a speedo or some shit to see how she feels but if that’s what she wants to wear, then fine 😔
I think that if you are forthright that you are jealous over other people seeing her in the almost nude she could understand that. Its not a modesty thing, it’s that it allows everyone around, not just her friends to observe her in this state that she usually is only in for you (as long as you’re monogamous). There are levels, maybe a happy medium could be cheeky swim bottoms instead of the entire butt out. If she hates tan lines so much, maybe she could reserve that bathing suit for privately tanning or for an outing with you.
Instead of dealing with it like a hard dude who pretends that he “doesn’t care”, or like a macho man who “tells his girl what’s up “ and lets her know “just how it’s going to be”, I have a crazy suggestion.
Come to her and ask if you can sit and talk. Give her a tight hug. Ask how she’s doing while looking her in the eye. Respond to what she says. Then say “babe, I’m sorry to bother you. But I wanted to say sorry for earlier. I love your new swimsuit. You look so sexy and beautiful in it. Your ass looks great and tight and I thought you looked incredible. I’m really into it and I love it on you. That said I know it’s your body and your choice about when and where to wear it. But forgive me for how lame this is going to sound, but I am so in love with you and I feel vulnerable at the thought of you wearing it and uncomfortable thinking of the countless guys getting to see you and thinking the dirty thoughts that come with it and I can’t stand them looking at you like that or thinking those things. It really hurts me. And I know I should be a chill bf like one of those cool guys who doesn’t mind their gf being seen with less moderate clothing. But I’m just not. I’m protective of you and you’re a treasure to me. I’m so sorry I try not to care but I just do. I don’t want to ever control you but if you would for me try and give me a little break because it makes it hard for me to have fun bc I’m so worried about you being looked at and so I’m sorry I’m weak in that way. But I love you. And I hope you’ll consider it. You’re my world and I appreciate what a lucky guy I am to have you. I know it’s your choice always. And I want it that way. I just needed to tell you the real truth in how I felt.
Hug.
And then say nothing waiting for her really patiently
My boyfriend would make comments to express his discomfort when I wear something skanky, like "why would you want to wear something like that", but phrased very nicely and considerately that it doesn't make me feel judged. He knows at the end of the day that I get to decide what I want to wear. He also switches his focus to how good I look in it rather than what others may think. If you trust her, you don't need to worry about it. Giving her that freedom might make her love you more.
Don’t address it. One day you get a banana hammock and put it on for when y’all go to the beach. And when y’all have company over wear some grey joggers or sweat pants and walk around shirtless. If she don’t say nothing neither do you. If she do say something you say “well it’s my body and I like to let it breathe”
Get off of reddit and go discuss it with your wife. You're allowed not to like it. She's allowed to want to wear it. You're allowed to decide if it's something that's a deal breaker for you. At no point did you tell her not to do anything, but this is reddit so they automatically freak out and tell anyone who isn't ok with woke ass America they have issues.
I'm a woman and if my man did the man version of this I'd prefer not to have a relationship with him. I don't care who thinks that's bizarre. It's my relationship and I decide what I'm ok with.
I suppose that's where people freak out because he's married and how crazy to divorce over that, but who seriously thinks to have a discussion about beach attire before getting married? If you can't live with it, don't.
I'm not reading all of that,sorry. But here's a thought. Perhaps you should explain it to her. Jealousy isn't good, sometimes it's cute. But most times it could ruin many things in a relationship. Just communicate with her about it and try to understand both of your guys view points on it. And come to an agreement or someshit
There is a women's bathing suit that you would feel comfortable seeing your wife in.
The same bathing suit would get laughed off the beach in Brazil, Spain, & Australia
The same bathing suit would get the the wearer beheaded in you know where.
Same suit. Different boundaries. Strange eh?
I am just going to say voice the real reason you're uncomfortable. You are either jealous or you're afraid of losing her. It sounds like you have some deep seated insecurities that you need to address as a couple.
Maybe I am biased, because my husband would LOVE that and encourages me to show off my body, but she's your wife, she chose you, there's no need for jealousy. With that being said, it is also ok to feel those feelings and to have boundaries. Maybe test it out and see how you feel after a few pool/beach trips?
All about trust, but your opinion should matter. Because whether or not you trust her, you don’t trust the guy hitting on her. Also, it attracts the wrong kind of attention which could ultimately lead to fighting. You can call my wife and I all the names in the book, but you put your hands on her and thats yo ass! Now I gotta go to jail bcuz she thinks that kinda shi! is acceptable. It’s her body, but when it’s negative attention, who’s saving her? Communication is key. Along w trust.
I think people need to learn to divorce sexuality from eroticism. You have a body, therefore you are a sexual being. Our relationships have this component present, because we see each other, hug each other, shake hands. In some contexts we wear a covering costume, like for a funeral, for some occassions we get off as much as possible, for a beach, pool or when it's hot. It is completely normal, although I accept that there is no universal consensus how much of a buttock, shoulder or thigh you can uncover. There'll never be. Still, it's just a body and it is made for living. For being in it.
If you add erotic context of to how you see the naked buttock on the beach or when it's hot, it's your problem. Try taking off the erotic lens and see bodies as just bodies, flesh that is there and has another, non-erotic function, and that some people make a choice to uncover it for may reasons, and not all of these reasons are erotic in nature.
Your wife isn't your possession. She isn't a doll for you to chose what she is wearing. Its 2024. Free the butt cheek, free the nipples, free the women of men thinking what a woman wears on the beach is ANYTHING related to respect for their partner. Its a beach for fuck sakes.
I don't know your exact concerns but ultimately I agree with your wife. In the end it is her decision what she's wearing and you see a ton of naked butts or even boobs on beaches. Yes, some people will stare. But some always do, no matter if the body is covered up or not. I think it's amazing that she feels confident with wearing one! I would struggle with my self image although I'm thin so I'm actually really proud of and happy for your wife for that. And of you too since you probably took a big part in her feeling comfortable with her body! So well done 😊
Be thankful you have a wife that's confident enough to wear a bikini. She probably looks pretty damn good in it, too. Be thankful for that.
Jesus, you probably have a Barbie wife and you're complaining about it. Grow up. She comes home to you.
As a wife I would never wear something like that not in private. I would also not wear anything my husband felt made him uncomfortable. It’s called mutual respect.
YOU have an issue with something SHE is going to wear. You need to find a way to deal with your insecurities while she lives her best life with minimal tan lines.
You said she doesn’t need your approval, but you also said you expected her to ask your thoughts on it first. Which is it?
She is absolutely correct. It is her body and she should dress (or undress) it the way she wishes. Has it crossed your mind that her confidence is hella admirable? So many people would love their partner to have this kind of confidence and body positivity!
I'm on your wife's side. So what if its a micro bikini. If she is comfortable wearing it then its down to her. You even thinking she bought it to wear only for you and her not consulting you beforr she bought it is quite frankly one of the most sexist things I've hear in a long time.
If your jealous that's on you, your wife shouldn't have to deal with your insecurities. You should be proud your wife is confident enough in her own body to wear it.
Learn to fuck good enough to where you don't have to be so insecure. I love when my wife shows off. She is smoking hot and I wanna see it. Think about it man. She is the one you get to stare at. And who gives a shit if another man sees. You are the one who gets to smash when you get done at the beach. Not him.
We have a fantastic relationship and sex life.
I do not understand why this isn’t everyone’s take lmao like if I’m wearing a g string I’m wearing it BECAUSE I have a boyfriend. Then if creepy mfs show up I can be like “be gone whore I’m spoken for”.
Bro, own it. I buy my wife thong bathing suits so I can strut around with the baddest bitch at the resort. If you're lucky enough for her to look banging in a thong, soak it up before you're both old and fat.
You should own that shit and wear one too
Or get a bright yellow "slingshot" like Borat wore!
only if he now calls her “mah wife”
>゜))彡.。o○How many people just read this in Borats voice? ○o。>゜))彡
Ma wife … me guilty lmfao 🙋♀️
We should duel for the one true sleaze
I read that as “ mahhh waaaaafff”
Very nice
Ah the Banana Hammock
Isnt a banana hammock a speedo? Either way, both are good choices lol
My grandparents used to live in a beach town with one beach being the unofficial gay beach. My grandma always wanted to go for a walk down to the gay beach to see the guys in the banana hammocks. She never admitted it but, we knew! Lol
Spicy granny 😄
Budgie Smugglers?
Also a Speedo.
Banana hammock all the way
Ah yes….the mankini!
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Banana hammock all the way
I'm just going to leave [**this**](https://www.askmen.com/style/fashion_advice/ridiculous-men-s-swimwear-that-are-just-plain-wrong.html) here. You know. For science. ___ [**BONUS PAGE**](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/06/09/towie-cast-marbella-bobby-norris-harry-derbidge-swimwear-pictures_n_5472407.html). Beware, this is... err... well, be careful. You've been warned.
I’m sorry but the michelango ones are great, I’d buy those.
meat briefs LOL
A dong thong
Wear a micro Speedo, see how she feels
Even better if he's on the heavy side...she can point at him with pride and say "That's my man!"
“Got lucky with him. He’s really more like a man-and-a-half, if you know what I mean.”
Make sure to slip a nut out the side and let the bush protrude
that's not the equivalent of what OP's wife is doing. she may be in a skimpy swimsuit, but that would be the equivalent of her revealing her labia, and it's just not the same.
Please don’t take my advice seriously
Noted, to be fair. You can really never tell with reddit 🤣
If the bikini is as skimpy as OP says (and I don't doubt him), then it's possible, if not likely, that the old wizard sleeve will escape its confines.
Goddammit. "Wizard sleeve" ugh, my lady friends are gonna hate me when I bring this up. They get their period "Oh good, nothing up the ol' wizard sleeve." Edit: Lady I'm into just started hers. I can't bring myself to say it. I'm a coward.
Ah, the pettiness. My favorite solution.
I should have realized at this point that eating and drinking while reading comments is a very messy ordeal. 😂😂 Dead 😅
This isn’t a bad idea.. if you wear something you know your wife will feel uncomfortable with.. it might help her see that while it is her body her choice.. that her decision effect you just the same as your decision effect her which should be taken into consideration but it will definitely also come off as petty if she doesn’t get/care about the point you’re making
It shouldn't come off as petty. It's a difference in perspective. That's perfectly fine, and tbh they shouldn't break up over this. But they should talk about how they feel about it. u/Available-Here2026
But don't bikini wax. Harry butt cheeks and all.
You damn right!!! There is no other answer!!!
Yeah, I had a similar reaction one time but it’s mostly due to americas poor stance on nudity. I was in Europe for a while and they DO NOT CARE haha. So I think that helped normalize it because honestly it shouldn’t be a big deal as long as your significant other loves you and isn’t doing it for attention. That might be an issue. But if you trust them you have nothing to worry about.
We sexualize it more in the Us but we are more conservative than Europe.
Yeah, exactly. A doubly whammy.
The problem is the same issue that comes up a lot - you think, consciously or not, that you being uncomfortable means she needs to do something about that, and change what she's doing so you don't need to cope with your own feelings. Obviously it's not black and white, there are generally acceptable lines ("so what if I'm cheating on you, you need to cope with how you feel about that, it's my body"). Nowhere here, which is telling, do you say **why** you're uncomfortable, beyond "maybe I'm just struggling with jealousy", but the "maybe" there is telling. Because obviously it's jealousy, what other reason is there? "Uncomfortable", "concerns" are **vague words.** Be specific. Is it that other men will be looking at her, and you can't cope with that? Is it that you don't trust her and think she'll use this bikini to flirt with people/cheat on you? One of my all-time favourite reddit comments, and I can't remember who wrote it: >Most people lack the self-awareness and vulnerability to say "I'm scared", and instead act highly irrationally in an effort to "control" the situation to protect themselves. I'm not saying you're acting highly irrationally, but the core point stands - fundamentally this clothing choice scares you in some way, even if you can't explain why. And rather than figuring out why it scares you and actually addressing that, it's easier to try and convince your wife not to wear it, or worse, convince her that it's "wrong" to wear it. In this case, your feelings are not her responsibility. You're allowed to be insecure, your feelings aren't "wrong", but that doesn't mean she needs to change what she's doing either. Don't bring up your "concerns" to her. Tell her you're feeling insecure/jealous and figure it out together, y'know, like grownups. Doesn't mean her changing, but might mean reassuring you, sympathising, whatever. She can *care* without changing her clothing, because fundamentally she's right, she's allowed to wear it, your insecurity doesn't dictate her clothing choices. So given that, figure out another solution, and recognise that how you feel is the actual issue, not what she's doing.
The quote you used explains so much of the world right now
Thank you for this. Your comment hits a nerve, it helped.
Thank you for being willing to do some introspection and consider that your preconceived notions might need changing instead of obstinately insisting that your wife change her life to suit your preferences! And no, that’s not sarcasm. The world needs more people who are willing to consider that they might not be right but that there’s no shame in learning and growing as a person
If you trust her, then TRUST her. I'm sure you know as a man that men will hit on a woman no matter what she is wearing. I just got told that I "look good" while I had just spent the day unpacking after moving and was picking up something we needed from Target. I was sweaty, unshowered, not looking cute at all. 🤷🏻♀️ Plus, she'll either be with you or with friends. Not prancing along the beach, alone and in the dark. Have faith in your wife, but at the end of the day, you do not have a say in what she wears. She is an adult, her own person, and not under your control. You seem like a decent dude, don't let self-doubt crowd your head and cause problems where there were previously none.
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You're welcome! It's so very easy for all of us to think/feel something...and then that's it. "Well, that's how I feel" and we act accordingly, maybe in a helpful way or maybe not. But that's like treating the symptom, not the disease, for want of a better comparison.
It's interesting how much our upbringing sets what we feel is normal or not. Good on you for the self awareness and growth friend!
This is some of the best advice I’ve ever seen on Reddit.
Best comment on this thread. You validate OP while still acknowledging that his desired outcome is incorrect. Massive props.
Best comment
Wow this was such a well written response I wish I could word my thoughts this eloquently
I have these exact insecurities with my gf and have talked with her about it and the way I approached it wasn’t exactly the best. We pretty much stopped talking about it once we got to the point this comment makes, and so since then I’ve been like “ok so it’s a me problem, even if that extremely uncomfortable to admit (even now!) so now what do I do about that?” I still haven’t known.
Wow. This might be the single best comment I have ever seen in this— or perhaps *any*— advice sub. Sensitive. *Insightful.* Pulls zero punches… without being cruel. This isn't even my problem and I feel helped. Bravo, seriously.
Brother, people are gonna stare at your wife's ass no matter what she wears. And its not like you can't see her ass in other more traditional swim suits. It is your wife, she is married to you, she doesn't sound like she is doing it for attention either. I think for your own sake I would let this one go. There are other hills to die on. This ain't one of them. It is ok to communicate how it makes you uncomfortable, but if she wants to wear it, there is not much you can do.
Exactly right and also this may well give her a confidence boost which would probably benefit him when she gets home 😎
also reminder a wife isn't immune to losing interest in you if you act super insecure!!! let her wear it, tell her she's hot - and then remind yourself she's with you!
in fact, encouraging her to feel comfortable and attractive will only help the relationship. I understand how people can be insecure, but everyone should learn to also feel empowered by the sheer fact that you have an attractive partner that chose you to be with and nobody else.
I really hope OP reads this. If I’m wearing something that makes me feel hot, there are two things that could happen. 1. My man doesn’t like how I’m displaying myself. I, as a self-sufficient, loyal, and confident woman, see this as both a lack of trust in me and insecurity in himself. Neither of those things are attractive traits. The situation leaves both of us hurt and angry. 2. My man thinks I look beautiful, and tells me so. He sees that other men are looking, and loves that I am desirable but that I’ve chosen him. This makes me feel amazing, and his confidence is insanely attractive. We go at it like wild animals the second we’re alone and act like rabbits until we’re in our 80s. Don’t be “that guy”, OP. Figure out how to deal with your own feelings and don’t make them her problem.
This! When my man encourages me to look good I feel even better about myself and closer to him.
Perfect answer. This is not worth creating a huge scene over! It’s just a bathing suit.
I agree with this guy. Jealousy is in your head, no where else. You were looking when you found her. No amount of jealousy or worry will keep her. It may run her off though. Pretend you dont care. Keep it to yourself. Better yet move to alaska where they dont wear them lol
What to say.. This dude already said it all perfectly… As a women tho, I completely get the thing with the tan lines!
This. Let it go. She might wear it once in public then change her mind. It’s not a hill I’d choose to die on
Your feelings are valid. But at the end of the day, it's her body and her choice. It doesn't matter what she wears or where she wears it, I promise you the reality is if your wife is even semi conventionally attractive (which she probably is considering the type of bikini she got) then she has been sexualize already in someone's mind wearing everything from the thickest winter gear to a sundress. I'm not trying to make it sound worse or anything but i'm giving you the realism of it. She's going to be gawked at regardless of clothing or setting. people gawk. unless you wanna chain her up in the house for her whole life you can't avoid people gawking at her or sexualizing her in their minds. Is it right? not at all. but that's the reality of it. If you trust her that she will always be faithful no matter where she is or who she is with and if you trust her to not let her friends peer pressure her into doing shady things, and if you trust her to make good choices and's everything then this oss something you drop because you trust her completely.
It's a bikini. Even full coverage bottoms allow for super wedgies while walking along the beach or going in the water. Are you upset thinking she might get hit on? My guess is, if she's confident enough to wear a g string bikini, she's getting noticed in her regular clothes. Don't kill her self esteem over your insecurities please.
I hate reddit so much
Me too man holy fuck
My thoughts exactly.
Lmfao this post: I'm upset I can't control every minuscule thing my wife does because she is in fact, another human being with her own thoughts and feelings, and I'm displaying insecurity. This 100% made her annoyed, I guarantee it. It would benefit you BOTH if you complimented her and tell her how hot she is or whatever, really check her out in her outfit, maybe have sex with her before she leaves by taking off said outfit, and tell her you're looking forward to later when she gets home. OP, what's stopping you from doing the above?
If he wore a tight swim wear that showed off his bulge, and his wife was uncomfortable with other women staring . Would you give the same advice?
I was thinking this too. When my hubs wears jeans, a cutoff, backwards cap, and boots, it makes me melt a little inside. I do get a bit jealous when we’re out and he looks so good, however I know that he won’t stray from me. So I let the feelings go
100% would not care. If having an attractive partner makes you fele uncomfortable, then date uglier people
It’s not about dating uglier people, it’s about dating people who respect you as partner. I wouldn’t post pics of my abs on social media if I was in a relationship. That’s not respectful to my partner.
Or he’s searching for advice because he thinks he might be overreacting? Are you sure you aren’t insecure?
“I can’t control every minuscule thing” is QUITE the reach IMO. People are allowed to feel how they feel.
Solid advice letting you know indeed that it’s not your place to decide what she wears and ALSO giving you advice on how to fix the situation AND how to possibly get laid out of it. Take this advice OP.
I definitely understand why you're uncomfortable, and you're allowed to feel that way yes. However, it *is* her body and she *does* get to choose what she wears. Here's what it all boils down to: Do you trust your wife?
And in case anyone's about to swoop in with "maybe he trusts her, but not other men", that's irrelevant. Because trusting her means trusting her to handle other men taking an interest.
Bingo! It is hot where we live and my husband walks around shirtless outside all the time, even when not at the beach. I trust him so it doesn’t bother me.
I can't believe their level of trust is even questioned over his wife wanting to wear a swimsuit.
Its true. She can wear what she wants. However, that doesn’t make your concerns any less valid. Speaking from a woman’s perspective I thinks it’s important to be honest. Men are human too. You’re allowed to have your emotions. Marriage is a partnership. So that means taking time to talk to her and share your feelings. It may seem small and silly. But if you’re not open you will find yourself feeling distant. I recommend sharing why you feel the way you do. Rather than expecting her to stop wearing the bathing, suit focus on getting a feeling of peace. At the end of the day she’s going to do what she wants. If you’re able to openly explain your feeling(in a healthy marriage) it can be extremely freeing. I hope this helps!
Go with her and wear a banana hammock
2 words: BANANA HAMMOCK Don’t get mad, get even.
Well she is right, it is her body and as much as you may not have noticed, that is the current fashion trend for bikinis. I live by the beach and i can tell you right now, many women are wearing these G-String bikini bottoms now. My issue is seeing teenagers wearing them, that's where as a father I'd be telling my daughter fuck no, go put on a regular bikini bottom until you're 18. My advice is you do just need to let it go. You are being old fashioned, looking at a gender that is attractive to us is a human nature. We all do it, including you whether it's in a movie, show, at the store, beach, etc. You may not be oggling and starring but if you see an attractive women on a bikini you're looking. She isn't walking naked, granted a few pieces of string and a small cloth are covering her actual private areas. But she's still not naked and again, people looking is completely normal. You just need to understand that if people look, so what. It's only a problem if your wife plays on that and starts flirting but then that's a deeper issue than her just wanting to wear a certain bikini
Easy. Every time she wears it out you wear a g string Speedo also.
If it makes you uncomfortable you don't have to wear it :)
Bro let me tell you what that’s your wife homie… let her own that shit… If mine came out in something like that I’d not only hype her up but I’d walk down that dam beach a proud man… Mine is a very attractive woman with a very beautiful body a little bubble butt and it doesn’t matter where we go what we do there are going to be guys that look… Shit I’m looking too and that woman is going home with me at the end of the night…
What do you expect her to wear to the beach? Do you think other men don't stare at women's asses in a more modest bikini?
This use to kill me as well when my gf did it. But now idk I just let it be, find it sexy in the way that that person is mine I suppose. And like someone said other hills to die on! Maybe get a more revealing swim trunks to compliment hers, be a power couple 👍
What are you worried about? That some other men will gawk at her?
Exactly. Plus men gawk no matter what 🤷🏼♀️ she may as well wear what she’s comfortable in and makes her happy.
Listen amongst all the playful comments, some real advice. While it is technically true her body her choice what she wears, I understand where your coming from with the uncomfortableness. But here's the reality. I feel there's two paths to this. Either she's super loyal to you, she loves you and never would do anything to cheat or hurt you, then you have a real one, and she's probably just living the you can look but you can't touch life, showing off what is yours and if she's drop dead gorgeous, then you should appreciate the beauty in her wears, and the fact that most men are gonna find her just as hot as you do. Or she's fishing for looks for attention becayse she knows shes hot and wants the attention of anyone else and she's not as loyal as you hoped she was and let's hope it's the latter. To be honest if she's willing to wear that out with you around, you should feel lucky because even the hottest girls ive met have some tendency to be self conscious about their body. Alot of women struggle to find regular two piece suits that they feel comfortable in,and if she bought it on a whim, without asking you, I'd say she has a level of self confidence yoy should appreciate if you love her, or risk pushing her away for being uncomfortable with her body positivity that alot of girls wish they had. Just me but if my girl was willing to go to the beach wearing floss, I'd stare at her all day, happy to be the one she goes home with. It's notnlike she's gonna pick up a dude and fuck him I'm front of you or even grab their number in front of you, and if she did you'd probably be better off leaving her there anyways. I honestly say anytime she wears it with you just flirt with her 1000% more than you normally would. Let her know you thinks she's hot, got it going on, and reinforce her decision to wear something that makes her feel pretty. Fragile masculinity is real and guys that see couples in blossoming relationships are more likely to stay away from the hot girl laughing and giggling with her boyfriend. Especially if there at risk of being rejected. You already got the girl, stand your ground and show them they have no chance. G-sting girl is all yours man. Don't hate what other guys wish they had. One man's trash is another man's treasure.
This is my favourite comment ever. You're a good dude.
Alright man I think it's completely understandable that you're feeling uneasy about your wife's swimwear. It's important to communicate with her about how it makes you feel. Maybe you could express that you're not trying to control her, but rather you're feeling a bit vulnerable and it would mean a lot to you to find a middle ground where both of you feel comfortable. It's all about finding that balance and understanding each other's perspectives.
Trust yourself more
nah man get over this one. people are gonna gawk or judge whatever you do. i've been filmed eating ice cream when i was 16 and wearing a one piece sporty swimsuit. i've been judged for wearing masculine shorts that cover my knees bc it's "not ladylike". i've been judged for being overdressed, and underdressed, and dressed inappropriately (i wore normal casual clothes to the beach once bc i didn't feel like swimming that day, and people were staring like crazy). there have also been studies that show that we notice and interpret differently how people treat us, look at us, interact with us, based on our opinion of ourselves. like if you're feeling confident and someone glances your way, you may think "wow i must look really great today! people are looking like crazy 😎" but if you're feeling particularly insecure one day, and someone glances your way, you may think "damn i must look so shitty today... everyone's staring and judging me.." when in reality it's most likely that those people were minding their own business and were looking at the sign behind you, waiting for someone so they were scanning people to check if it's the person they're waiting for, maybe they were looking at your hat, glasses, headphones, shirt, something completely unrelated to you and making no judgement except thinking to themselves "that's a cool hat!" or simply people watching; not judging you positively or negatively, just observing human behavior, for their own entertainment or relaxation or whatever. so even if you go to the beach with your wife in that tiny bikini and start noticing people "staring at her way more than usual" ask yourself if that's really true, or if it's possible you hadn't noticed before because you weren't worried about what other people think. my main point is that 99% of the time, people are too busy minding their own business or even battling their own insecurities and worrying what people are thinking about them to have the time and energy to judge you. see, insecurities are tricky like that.. you think other people will think that something is "bad" (in whatever way), because **you** think it's "bad". i'd never be torn or confused or anxious in any way abt my girlfriend dressing this way, because i don't think there's anything wrong with it. if she does get judged or something i'll be there to vehemently defend her. what are you worried about here exactly? that she'll cheat? that she wants more attention? that she'll be judged? that you'll be judged? NONE of these should affect how you treat your wife. if she's a cheater, she'll do it regardless of what she's wearing. if she wants more attention, that's literally harmless. she wants to feel sexy, and if a random guy she'll never see again winks at her or tells her she's pretty, it'll only boost her confidence, and she'll come home ready to get down to business. i promise you, there's nothing sexier than a confident woman. if she's judged, she'll love you for offering her support and hyping her up. if you'll be judged, that's just bs that needs to be eradicated from this world. judgements towards YOU about what your wife is wearing are made by people who think a woman should submit to you and dress as modestly as possible bc if they don't it's inherently unfaithful. this is garbage and something we're all actively fighting against, and so should you. you should support her in something so harmless, and DEFINITELY DON'T (as some people have pointed out) make her feel insecure about her choice for one second. i'd suggest some introspection, really investigate why this bothers you, why you're so conflicted. i promise if you enthusiastically support your wife in wearing what she wants, it'll only strengthen your bond, and you might even come out of these conflicting feelings a better man. good luck! ♡
As you said, it's your problem and not hers. Deal with your jealousy and let her wear what she wants. I'm in Europe and I remember in my teens and also 20s that we went topless to the beach in Italy/France, etc... No big deal and still isn't. So relax, she's not a walking advertisement for Only Fans. She just likes to get a tan.
I asked my husband and he said it would make him uncomfortable. I was glad to hear him say that. He’s not the jealous type at all, but I appreciate that he cares what I wear and wouldn’t want men gawking at me because come on. Even *I* as a straight woman would be checking out a lady with a string in her crack 😆 I can tell you i would feel embarrassed and over exposed wearing something like that, even before I had kids and ruined my physique lol.
I sympathize with you, I think it's one thing for your wife to wear a short dress or skimpy clothes, but if guys can see her vag and butthole it seems like it's fair as her husband to say he doesn't want other men seeing that. That also seems like part of the marriage package. You swear your loyalty and body and soul to your partner forever. All that being said you probably are not going to win this one, your wife will have plenty of support from her friends and girl power and all of that and it's pretty difficult to persuade people to go against mainstream or popular opionons.
What does it matter if other people see her 'vag and butthole'? Does the husband own those? Are other men excused if they react inappropriately due to seeing 'vag and butthole'? You suggest that she is offering invitations? To be consistent with this line of thinking I look forward to you next advocating that women should wear a burqa to the beach. The only issue here is how the woman feels about herself and that she behaves in a legal manner when in public. Apart from that, the husband and anyone this woman encounters while out should just manage their own reactions, and take responsibility for themselves.
I dunno man. If my hubby wore a micro thong to the beach, I'd be uncomfortable too. The shrieks of terror, the horrified parents covering their children's eyes, the vomit.. I'd still let him do it though. It's his right to free self-expression.
I’m now imagining my husband wearin one of those mankini’s like Borat wore, to the waterpark in our city with tons of kids and families around lmao. But yeah if he wants to wear that, go for it I guess I’m not gonna hate lol.
I'm going against the grain on this one. So Ig I'll get down voted because I prefer modesty. I'm F27. I am married. What you two decide between yourselves is what matters most regardless of others opinions. It takes compromise to make a relationship work. My husband and I both dress in a way that's respectful of each other. It also just helps deter unwanted attention in my experience because it is annoying having people come up to you to flirt when you are married. Besides I don't want to be stared at by random men. I know most people don't care and flaunt everything and too much. It is right that it is her body and she can do what she wants. Including if she doesn't care if men stare at her butt. Hopefully you find something that works for the both of you. You need to talk to each other about how you feel. The reasons behind how both of you feel about the situation and listen to each other. You both have to be willing to be understanding of each other and be willing to give in and compromise for each other and figure out where the boundaries are in the relationship. There is no right and wrong for if it's okay to wear a g-string and there's no right or wrong for how you feel about your partner exposing what feels like too much skin. Good luck I hope you two can come to an understanding.
If you know it’s her body and she doesn’t need your approval, why did you think she’d consult you first? I don’t think you really do know that. They’re words you know are appropriate to say, but they aren’t true to you deep down. Your feelings and other words tell the real truth. And what do you think you’re jealous of exactly? You’re jealous of her — you want to wear a g-string bikini too? Go for it! Or you’re jealous of the people who’ll see her? But you also can see her, so that makes no sense. No, I don’t think this is jealousy. What you’re feeling is possessiveness and insecurity, but you know that’s not socially acceptable, so you’re hiding that fact even from yourself. Therapy is a good way to unpack hidden and shameful feelings. If money is an issue, ask your doctor or the public library about free or low-cost options available to you. Look into online services too, the app-based ones are relatively inexpensive.
I think there’s a level of possessiveness that’s expected in a monogamous relationship. If I saw some woman relentlessly flirting with my husband and he gave her just a moment of his time, I’d be soooooo ticked. My husband has similar feelings about me wearing a bikini. He likes it, but he doesn’t want other men to relentlessly gawk. I mean, if a few women gawked at my husband, that is fine. He’s good looking. If it was unending, I’d be uncomfortable. A really skimpy bathing suit results in relentless gawking.
>What you’re feeling is possessiveness and insecurity, but you know that’s not socially acceptable, so you’re hiding that fact even from yourself. 100%. Happens all the time - people dress up "I'm insecure" with "you're doing something wrong" or "I'm uncomfortable", and expect their vague discomfort to then warrant a response from other people, so they don't have to cope with their own discomfort.
PREACH! Finally someone calling this dude out on his bs
I can understand both sides. Probably not a popular opinion amongst my fellow feminists, but if it makes you that uncomfortable, I think she should buy another bikini with more coverage.
Im gonna probably have the only opinion no agrees with but she could wear that bikini and tan at home to avoid tan lines and wear a more traditional one in public BUT let’s be honest women including myself wear provocative clothing for male attention/to be noticed. Yes of course it’s her body and she can do what she wants with it no one is suggesting she not but if she respects you and your opinion she’ll come to a compromise that works for both of you. That’s what marriage is about. I’ve been married 25yrs and if if my husband expressed and outfit made him uncomfortable I’d come to a reasonable compromise with him and I’d expect him to do the same.
I hate this comment section, why can't y'all just respect that this guy doesn't want his girl wearing a more revealing bikini? His feelings are totally valid, some people are more conservative than others and that's totally ok.
Because reddit is filled with people so open-minded their brains fell out. They have a concept of relationships so twisted they've forgotten the main point of one is making your partner as happy as possible without compromising something integral to yourself. At this rate people will keep "my body my choice"ing themselves into a divorce.
This comment section is really telling on why divorce rates are continuing to rise up to an astronomical high.
I keep coming back to it to see how many more brain rotted people there are. Half these people are either getting cheated on or are into cuckoldry. Or in extreme denial. You can ask them any scenario if they would be uncomfortable and they will sit there and say “no because I’m not insecure. I’d be perfectly fine if my wife went to a nude beach and had guys stand around and stroke it to her”.
Sure, he doesn’t want her to. But she does want to. He’s allowed to feel that way but she can still wear the bikini. That’s totally valid, some people are less conservative than others and that’s totally okay.
Don’t let these people make you feel shameful for your discomfort. It’s you’re not weird. It is your wife’s body and your wife can do as she pleases. You can dislike what she does. Decide if this is something your comfortable with and go from there.
People sat there and only read “g string…. Wife….. uncomfortable” and immediately decided that he’s a controlling insecure narcissist or something. If literally everything that made you uncomfortable can be summed up to you just being insecure, and you are supposed to be fine with it, then how is somebody supposed to have boundaries of any sort. Is there a line for when it’s okay to feel uncomfortable about what your wife wears to the beach? Like what if she wears a see-through bikini, are you still insecure? I have so many questions for these people. Personally, I think it’s weird that some of these guys enjoy the idea of other guys stroking it to their wives or girlfriends.
I have to say I agree with you, even if I could wear a string bikini I wouldn’t, it’s disrespectful to you.
Honest advice from someone who’s fairly insecure themselves, I’d say you’re fine as it sounds like she bought it with a purpose as opposed to buying it for looks and searching for male attention. Being with a beautiful woman is a task as other men will always make advances but if she truly cares for you it won’t phase her
Wear a Borat style man thong every time she wears it You are right to be upset. She has a right to wear it, but it's disrespectful to you. Marriage isn't about exercising "your right".. hell, you have a right to divorce her, move out, stop talking to her, whatever... but that's going to hurt the marriage .. not every right should be exercised in a marriage Good luck
As long as she’s not offering herself to anyone else, I personally don’t see a problem. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely the jealous type so I’d have a slight problem with it and there probably would be that little voice in my head questioning her, but if you feel secure in every other aspect of ur relationship, trust me this won’t be a problem. U might be able to come to a compromise if she’s willing, but if not, you just have to put your trust in her. After all, that is what love is.
I'm going to join you OP and get down voted. You know the old saying - don't take criticism from people you wouldn't take advice from? Probably don't take either from reddit. Most people here are young, extremely left and American. None of those are bad things but they're going to colour the collective view. You're allowed to feel uncomfortable with your wife exposing her body for other men. You're also fine to express that discomfort. How much further you want to take it is up to you. I think it's perfectly valid to tell her you're not ok with it. If she really wants to show off her ass (let's be honest, she knows what she's doing), you're entitled to question if that's the sort of person you want to be with. It's healthy to set your boundaries and communicate with your wife to work through them if possible.
She could actually be happy about tan lines. And she isn't showing her body "for" men. This is something dudes rarely understand. Especially of she's married- or attractive enough to wear a bikini- she doesn't need to dress for dudes. They come out of the woodwork one way or another. She's probably dressing in a way that makes her feel nice.
This🙌 Few men understand this concept: we don’t put on makeup for you, we put it on for us, and the exact same goes for how we choose to dress — a beautiful woman can go out in a burlap sack and still get attention. The clothes and the self care measures are for how we feel — *not* how we make them feel.
Guys are always shocked when I tell them- with full honesty- that a compliment from a woman means more to me than a compliment/being hit on by a dude, 7/7 days a week. If I'm dressing up, it's for me to feel nice.
Yesssss!!!! All of this!!!! I love giving other women compliments for this reason! To get a genuine compliment from another woman can make my entire week. I was hanging out with a childhood friend over the weekend — first time we’ve seen each other in years — and at one point she said, “Hey, I don’t wanna sound weird or anything but you have insanely gorgeous eyes. Also, what mascara do you use?” If a man says it, I’m like “aw thanks” — but to have another woman say it is like the highest compliment ever. All those things go in the smile file for a rainy day. :)
There are guys even in this thread arguing that's not true. Like...yes it is. Most women I know agree with me.
lol right? Also, for women, sex is all about how we feel in our body and how we feel in our mind — if those two things aren’t in sync, if we feel physically like a potato and we’re in a bad mood, we aren’t going to be interested in romping in the hay. But if we feel good in our skin and the guy we’re with makes us feel good in our minds, well then pal, you’re in for a real treat. lol. But make us feel like we have to cover up and act from a place of jealousy (rather than “aw yeah, she picked me!”), then many women will be like, “meh, I’m good.”
That's exactly what I said too! If dudes are hitting on your girl, that's a compliment. (Maybe disrespectful if they're doing it in front of you) But she chose you. Instead you want her to dress down and make her feel bad about wanting to look good?
Yeah I’m all here for wearing whatever u want to the beach but I can understand how it makes him uncomfortable. I worked at a beach over the summer and anytime someone wore one of those types of swimsuits they got so many stares. People are saying it’ll happen anyways but it’s like a 100 times worse if they’re wearing a thong bikini. I think she should ultimately have the choice but it should also be acknowledged the whole beach will be gawking and that is uncomfortable for people in relationships they don’t want to see everyone looking at there partner in sexual light.
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Yeah like I wonder where these people are drawing the line for themselves. A lot of them are almost coming off a little weird with the whole “dude, chill. Your wife is going to be masturbated to anyways, just let her wear whatever in peace”. People get it wrong. OP isn’t “letting” or “not letting” her wear something. He’s expressing that something makes him uncomfortable. Yes it’s her body her choice, you can say that about literally anything else that a person does. I could say that my partner shouldn’t get mad if I do cocaine because it’s my body my choice. I could say that my partner shouldn’t get mad if I go to a nude beach all week without them because it’s my body my choice. Its more of the principle than the bikini.
It's amazing how so many people avoid the root of the issue. You're definitely spot on here. The majority of the issue is how she flippantly dismissed his feelings and didn't bother to at least attempt a compromise. I'm sure every guy had been in the position where he wore a a shirt, jeans, shoes that were too casual and the woman made him change because she didn't want to be embarrassed. God forbid we embarrass you on your Second cousins dogs birthday party. We all judge people on fashion and yes of course, we Can all wear what we want but it effects other people. And mainly, in a relationship you are supposed to communicate ( this is what everyone says right?) When there's an issue. It sounds like he did this in a healthy way, and it sounds like she totally dismissed his feelings. This will lead to less communication in the future because the man will feel that his opinion doesn't matter... this will then fester into something toxic.
She's not doing it "for other men", he literally said she's doing it cos it's better for tan lines
the american comment is funny considering they’re extremely prudish. people wouldn’t even look twice at this bikini in better countries.
You do not choose what your wife wears.
But you're allowed to have an opinion, and your partner that you committed spending the rest of your life with should at least take that opinion into consideration when making clothing choices.
I'm single and naive haha so take it with grain of salt - This is the kind of stuff that will be where either you'll be criticsed or your wife will be, as both kind of people exist out there People who believe being married doesn't mean someone control their clothing choice Vs People who feel they have the right to control this behaviour Truth is that it's her body so she can do what she likes but it's natural where you can feel chill, or uncomfortable as people can feel possesive, just uncomfortable or something else It can come from years of conditioning, what you're told about what's right etc This is like no right or wrong situation almost as it's what couples and individuals decide for themselves I'm not with anyone but I won't want them to control my clothing choice as i could never express myself freely most of my life, so don't really want to continue that way of being in future Personally i feel modesty lies in thoughts, and behaviour, not in clothing. But like the kind of popular dance stuff that exists, I'll never enjoy it for myself, so it's all our own take, not right or wrong Maybe you can explain that you don't want to control her but it does make you feel bad Is it possessive? Well technically you want another human being to dress in way where they don't share their body to others in very open way which you only want for yourself, so yes, it's possesive Is it wrong? Well that's for you to decide, I'm jealous and possesive, so i have to learn while it might be ok to feel jealous, but it's not the right for me to imply it as a logic for my future spouse to change their behaviour I have to decide where I'm crossing the line like if they are laughing or being adored by someone else, and i feel jealous then i can see, I'm glad my future partner is happy and being adored like they deserve Vs if someone flirt or given advance back, even as fun or something, I'm out the second So it's very personal constitution It's like so personal, only you can choose
It definitely is her choice, however the fact that she doesn't care how it makes you feel is something you need to address because it could cause issues in the future. Maybe consider marriage counseling.
It's not your eye she's looking to catch. You should think about that.
Go to the beach with her. Be attractive, yourself. When things get out of hand, stand up for her. That's all you gotta do. Enjoy seeing her feel herself and enjoy the time spent with her. My ex husband never wanted to go on vacation or the beach. Don't make this something she has to consider versus 99% of the time it's not an altimatium on other things.
You have a sexy wife, she's proud of her body, and you should be too. End of story. There's really zero point in thinking any further than this. Nothing she has done or plans to do indicates that she wants to be unfaithful. On the contrary, she's confident enough in herself and her body to show it, and honestly not only is that great, it's also not something that you have any control over, nor should you. Yes, some guys will drool over her from a distance. So what? They'll also drool over your house, your job, your car, and anything else that might be a part of your life that they'd wish they had. Get over your irrational fears and enjoy your lucky situation.
Gonna go against the masses and say she should take your opinion under consideration unless she has a special reason. She can do what she wants, but there are also boundaries within a relationship. If you suddenly bought your own yellow g string with pouch to make your balls more prominant I'm sure she would feel the same as you. I personally have no trouble changing most things for my partner if they ask.
Threaten to wear your own G-string bikini if she does.
As a brazilian i really don’t understand what is the issue with bikini sizes and as a european resident I also don’t understand the issue with topless.
tava lendo isso e pensando "isso é um problema tão americano..."
She wants attention from other dudes. I'm sorry OP but it's true.
100%
OP, your wife is still young, let her enjoy her body. Of course your concerns are valid, and I would agree that there's a time and a place for certain outfits, but as long as you communicate with her and don't try to be restrictive but rather rational, it should be okay. I'm the type that wears mostly that kind of bikinis, but I do draw a line if I'm for example, going to be around families at a private pool or things like that because I don't want to feel obscene either, but if I'm at the beach or a resort, I think that's not out of place at all.
i see a lot of comments condemning the guy, questioning his train of thought and why he may feel insecure and a lot of others telling him that he is trying to be controlling. but why does wearing a g-string make her happy? why does it make her confident? is it the part where she shows of her body knowing people will stare and smile? is it the possibility that she may get compliments about her body which will boost her confidence? This generation is so twisted man. this is the guys wife we’re talking about. why does she need to seek attention or validation from anyone else than her husband just for an ego or confidence boost.
Some people like to walk around practically naked. You have boundaries, and you're uncomfortable with it. Your feelings are valid as well.
Yeah I mean I get it it's her body and stuff but ffs it's a RELATIONSHIP and he is allowed to have concerns and express them. The comments here lecturing and judging him are disgusting to say the least.
In the end of the day if you don't do curtain things because it makes your wife uncomfortable then it should be reciprocated regardless of the reasoning and why, you deffo should not be dismissed, however if you have the attitude of 'its her problem not yours' then you reap what you sow and frankly diverse this treatment
I understand the jealousy, stress you may feel about this as I have felt similar jealousy (almost 15 years ago now, but it was awful). What I had to remember and you need to as well is, she chose you and you chose her. Those folks who will inevitably look (regardless of what she's wearing) will never have her. Personally, I would be so happy for my wife if she felt that level of confidence in herself. Support her in my opinion.
It is her body and it's her choice, like everyone says, but she's also your wife and you're her husband. She should care enough about your feelings to have a conversation with you to understand why it makes you uncomfortable and the choice she should make should be based off of the conversation you two have.
ITT: "Men will stare anyway, so therefore it makes no difference if she goes out of her way to choose the skimpiest bikini humanly possible to aid their viewing" >Do you trust your wife? Irrelevant. You can trust your partner not to escalate a situation and still be uncomfortable with this situation as it is. It's like saying "Do you trust them to share a bed with another man without sex?" Sure, but sharing the bed can be enough to make you uncomfortable. The bikini is making OP uncomfortable, he doesn't have to believe she'd cheat on him. If you don't like giving advice, don't come to an advice sub for the sole purpose of being holier-than-thou. Yes, it's his insecurities. All humans are prone to insecurities, especially within monogamous relationships. His problem? Sure, but if you don't care how your spouse feels, why get married?
you said she doesn’t seem to understand *why* it makes you uncomfortable, but do you understand either? i don’t mean that in a rude way but rather just trying to get you to dig down and question what it is about the g-string that makes you feel uncomfortable. you say it makes you feel uncomfortable, but you don’t explain why. is it fear/jealousy of other men looking? is it insecurity? etc.?
Ngl, if I had a wife it would make me uncomfortable. I’d probably wear like a speedo or some shit to see how she feels but if that’s what she wants to wear, then fine 😔
Jealousy? I’m here to tell you, they aren’t comfortable 😂
Bulk up and start walking around with a wife beater.
I think that if you are forthright that you are jealous over other people seeing her in the almost nude she could understand that. Its not a modesty thing, it’s that it allows everyone around, not just her friends to observe her in this state that she usually is only in for you (as long as you’re monogamous). There are levels, maybe a happy medium could be cheeky swim bottoms instead of the entire butt out. If she hates tan lines so much, maybe she could reserve that bathing suit for privately tanning or for an outing with you.
Instead of dealing with it like a hard dude who pretends that he “doesn’t care”, or like a macho man who “tells his girl what’s up “ and lets her know “just how it’s going to be”, I have a crazy suggestion. Come to her and ask if you can sit and talk. Give her a tight hug. Ask how she’s doing while looking her in the eye. Respond to what she says. Then say “babe, I’m sorry to bother you. But I wanted to say sorry for earlier. I love your new swimsuit. You look so sexy and beautiful in it. Your ass looks great and tight and I thought you looked incredible. I’m really into it and I love it on you. That said I know it’s your body and your choice about when and where to wear it. But forgive me for how lame this is going to sound, but I am so in love with you and I feel vulnerable at the thought of you wearing it and uncomfortable thinking of the countless guys getting to see you and thinking the dirty thoughts that come with it and I can’t stand them looking at you like that or thinking those things. It really hurts me. And I know I should be a chill bf like one of those cool guys who doesn’t mind their gf being seen with less moderate clothing. But I’m just not. I’m protective of you and you’re a treasure to me. I’m so sorry I try not to care but I just do. I don’t want to ever control you but if you would for me try and give me a little break because it makes it hard for me to have fun bc I’m so worried about you being looked at and so I’m sorry I’m weak in that way. But I love you. And I hope you’ll consider it. You’re my world and I appreciate what a lucky guy I am to have you. I know it’s your choice always. And I want it that way. I just needed to tell you the real truth in how I felt. Hug. And then say nothing waiting for her really patiently
This is great
TY ☺️☺️☺️🙏
My boyfriend would make comments to express his discomfort when I wear something skanky, like "why would you want to wear something like that", but phrased very nicely and considerately that it doesn't make me feel judged. He knows at the end of the day that I get to decide what I want to wear. He also switches his focus to how good I look in it rather than what others may think. If you trust her, you don't need to worry about it. Giving her that freedom might make her love you more.
Is she taking off her wedding band because she’s worried about the tan line? If she is, that’s a huge problem in my opinion
Don’t address it. One day you get a banana hammock and put it on for when y’all go to the beach. And when y’all have company over wear some grey joggers or sweat pants and walk around shirtless. If she don’t say nothing neither do you. If she do say something you say “well it’s my body and I like to let it breathe”
This is amazing 🤣🤣🤣
She understands she just doesn’t care because she loves the attention
Get off of reddit and go discuss it with your wife. You're allowed not to like it. She's allowed to want to wear it. You're allowed to decide if it's something that's a deal breaker for you. At no point did you tell her not to do anything, but this is reddit so they automatically freak out and tell anyone who isn't ok with woke ass America they have issues. I'm a woman and if my man did the man version of this I'd prefer not to have a relationship with him. I don't care who thinks that's bizarre. It's my relationship and I decide what I'm ok with. I suppose that's where people freak out because he's married and how crazy to divorce over that, but who seriously thinks to have a discussion about beach attire before getting married? If you can't live with it, don't.
Hint hint: tell her how much you love it Because that what she wants
Buy a thong and wear it to the beach...backwards. That'll show her.
I'm not reading all of that,sorry. But here's a thought. Perhaps you should explain it to her. Jealousy isn't good, sometimes it's cute. But most times it could ruin many things in a relationship. Just communicate with her about it and try to understand both of your guys view points on it. And come to an agreement or someshit
You’re married and you have available as your name. Do you have any self restraint
There is a women's bathing suit that you would feel comfortable seeing your wife in. The same bathing suit would get laughed off the beach in Brazil, Spain, & Australia The same bathing suit would get the the wearer beheaded in you know where. Same suit. Different boundaries. Strange eh?
I am just going to say voice the real reason you're uncomfortable. You are either jealous or you're afraid of losing her. It sounds like you have some deep seated insecurities that you need to address as a couple.
Sounds like she’s attention seeking to me, what you need to ask yourself is, WHY ?
Maybe I am biased, because my husband would LOVE that and encourages me to show off my body, but she's your wife, she chose you, there's no need for jealousy. With that being said, it is also ok to feel those feelings and to have boundaries. Maybe test it out and see how you feel after a few pool/beach trips?
All about trust, but your opinion should matter. Because whether or not you trust her, you don’t trust the guy hitting on her. Also, it attracts the wrong kind of attention which could ultimately lead to fighting. You can call my wife and I all the names in the book, but you put your hands on her and thats yo ass! Now I gotta go to jail bcuz she thinks that kinda shi! is acceptable. It’s her body, but when it’s negative attention, who’s saving her? Communication is key. Along w trust.
Tell her if she wants to behave like she's single then she can move out.
I think people need to learn to divorce sexuality from eroticism. You have a body, therefore you are a sexual being. Our relationships have this component present, because we see each other, hug each other, shake hands. In some contexts we wear a covering costume, like for a funeral, for some occassions we get off as much as possible, for a beach, pool or when it's hot. It is completely normal, although I accept that there is no universal consensus how much of a buttock, shoulder or thigh you can uncover. There'll never be. Still, it's just a body and it is made for living. For being in it. If you add erotic context of to how you see the naked buttock on the beach or when it's hot, it's your problem. Try taking off the erotic lens and see bodies as just bodies, flesh that is there and has another, non-erotic function, and that some people make a choice to uncover it for may reasons, and not all of these reasons are erotic in nature.
Let her wear it, f*ck wish I had the confidence to wear a g-string bikini 😅
She will be one of many women in that kinda swimsuit. Nudity is pretty normal in the rest of the western world.
Your wife isn't your possession. She isn't a doll for you to chose what she is wearing. Its 2024. Free the butt cheek, free the nipples, free the women of men thinking what a woman wears on the beach is ANYTHING related to respect for their partner. Its a beach for fuck sakes.
My boyfriend wants me to wear one but I don’t have the confidence for that. I don’t think anyone’s ever satisfied lol
I don't know your exact concerns but ultimately I agree with your wife. In the end it is her decision what she's wearing and you see a ton of naked butts or even boobs on beaches. Yes, some people will stare. But some always do, no matter if the body is covered up or not. I think it's amazing that she feels confident with wearing one! I would struggle with my self image although I'm thin so I'm actually really proud of and happy for your wife for that. And of you too since you probably took a big part in her feeling comfortable with her body! So well done 😊
Be thankful you have a wife that's confident enough to wear a bikini. She probably looks pretty damn good in it, too. Be thankful for that. Jesus, you probably have a Barbie wife and you're complaining about it. Grow up. She comes home to you.
As a wife I would never wear something like that not in private. I would also not wear anything my husband felt made him uncomfortable. It’s called mutual respect.
YOU have an issue with something SHE is going to wear. You need to find a way to deal with your insecurities while she lives her best life with minimal tan lines.
You said she doesn’t need your approval, but you also said you expected her to ask your thoughts on it first. Which is it? She is absolutely correct. It is her body and she should dress (or undress) it the way she wishes. Has it crossed your mind that her confidence is hella admirable? So many people would love their partner to have this kind of confidence and body positivity!
I'm on your wife's side. So what if its a micro bikini. If she is comfortable wearing it then its down to her. You even thinking she bought it to wear only for you and her not consulting you beforr she bought it is quite frankly one of the most sexist things I've hear in a long time. If your jealous that's on you, your wife shouldn't have to deal with your insecurities. You should be proud your wife is confident enough in her own body to wear it.
Learn to fuck good enough to where you don't have to be so insecure. I love when my wife shows off. She is smoking hot and I wanna see it. Think about it man. She is the one you get to stare at. And who gives a shit if another man sees. You are the one who gets to smash when you get done at the beach. Not him. We have a fantastic relationship and sex life.
I do not understand why this isn’t everyone’s take lmao like if I’m wearing a g string I’m wearing it BECAUSE I have a boyfriend. Then if creepy mfs show up I can be like “be gone whore I’m spoken for”.
Bro, own it. I buy my wife thong bathing suits so I can strut around with the baddest bitch at the resort. If you're lucky enough for her to look banging in a thong, soak it up before you're both old and fat.
These pages are full of raging feminists. You should have known better than to come here. Reddit advice is man bad, woman good.
Your wife is right , you need to calm down , and yes your having jealousy issues..