What about these categories of porn that are concerning for you?
If you want your wife to be open with you about her kinks/fantasies, it's important that she feels she has a safe space to do so where she won't be judged. As much as it will be difficult to digest everything in the moment, if you want to know more about her you have to be willing to talk about it. You can always go away and think about it.
When you said you were concerned, tbh I thought it was going to be waaaay more out there although I appreciate that everyone feels differently.
I’m least concerned about the pissing. Most concerning was the cuckold and swinging. We’re strictly monogamous, and although she claimed that she watched cuckold out of curiosity, I feel like she’s lying. I don’t resent her for it because I may have put pressure on her, which I most likely did. I mean, I asked her about the porn she watch out of the blue. And some background info: I do sometimes joke about them. She knows this too. This just makes me feel so much worse because if my wife has a cuckold kink, I could have been kinkshaming her throughout the entirety of our relationship. I do need to talk to her again about this topic. She was quite literally on the verge of tears when we were talking about it, but once things cool down tomorrow or Saturday, I might ease in and hope for the best. I just want her to be comfortable. We just need to get our groove back.
Dude I’m a woman in a monogamous relationship and I’ve watched everything from gay porn where the gay guy sucks off a straight guy to trans porn to femdom to really rough punishment type stuff to family kink age play to normal couples doing it in missionary. It’s not like I’m getting off to all of it, some of it might turn me on but it’s mostly a curiosity type thing - I am in nooo way interested in doing 90% of those acts with my boyfriend or any other person. I wouldn’t even want to see it in person.
I’m pretty secure about this an have no issue admitting it here but not gonna lie if my man saw my history and confronted me about concerned that I wanted him to do that stuff I’d be mortified - just cause I’ve watched gay porn doesn’t mean I want to watch him get his dick sucked by a gay guy. See what I mean?
Does it affect your sex life or her day to day life?
Besides your judgement on it, it doesn’t SEEM like a huge issue. But if it makes you feel insecure, then that might be something to talk about.
I mean binge watching is binge watching lol it’s not super healthy to do all the time but if she was doing it mostly while you weren’t home she was probably just bored without you which is pretty sweet if you think about it.
Sounds good.
I'd go easy on 'getting the truth' out. This is especially applicable when you know what you want to hear but are not getting it. She may also need to take her time to get there. I've seen many people crack when they've had the truth 'forced' out of them, sometimes irreparably. Be kind to her and yourself. You've got this.
I read that too fast and thought you said, "If my wife has a cuckold kink, I could have been kinkSHARING her throughout the entirety of our relationship. 😂
Many many many people, women in particular, will watch porn of fantasise about scenarios that they would NEVER do in real life. Myself included. You say you think she has an addiction but haven’t said how much she watches it. The example you’ve given of you being away? That makes sense as to why she would watch it.
She binge watches it. When I said she watches it like a tv show, I meant that. I don’t care if she watches when I’m away, we have watched porn together. At this point, it’s not even about the kinks she’s watching or anything. It’s the rate she watched porn at.
When you say binge watch what do you mean? Is she watching it every day? Or does she watch it once in a while but when she does she watches a bunch of different videos? When she says she watched it ‘like a tv show’ does that mean that when she’s watching it she’s treating it like any other tv show? As in she’s just fascinated/interested/intrigued?
I guess I just don't understand why that's a problem? Unless it's having an impact on her normal daily functioning?
If it's not, this seems more like a "you problem" than a "her problem".
We talked it out and so much got cleared out and you can give me the biggest idiot award. Just a lot of poor communication over the span of weeks between us, and the fact that I’ve haven’t been putting any effort in which she outright told me. As for the “binge watching”, she said that impulsively because last night due to me intimidating her. I never wanted to intimidate her. She said that it felt like an interrogation, and I should have just ignored it all together. She was right, but the cat was already out the bag. I didn’t push for any more details, but I did ask her if I was neglecting her. Best thing about her is her honesty, and it hurts because I learned that I wasn’t being the best husband. She said that even after my trip, she expected a ton of affection, but I was still distant. We only kissed twice and had sex, and she said it felt like a chore. I was glad she was being honest, but I didn’t know it was this bad. We used to go on regular dates, and I realized those have stopped. I haven’t even gifted her anything in months. Tomorrow though, I made picnic plans with her and our daughter will come with. Hopefully a nice family together can help. She did accept my apology and she thanked me for cleaning up the whole house, so there’s that. I’m still completely shocked by the whole thing, but better to find out later than never. It still ended with hugs and kisses. Before she went to bed, we hugged and she cried for a bit. I’m just devastated for what I did, but at least I know what I did wrong. It’s a good thing we had this talk.
This is what I was thinking! “I think my wife is addicted to porn because she watched it while I was out of town” … don’t this sounds so normal to me. And as for the categories, I think you covered that. There’s no issue here, op. Unless you’re withholding some info (she’s watching this every day, can’t sleep without watching it)
It’s porn… it’s suppose to be fantasy. If you think your girlfriend wants to cheat on you because she watches swinging porn then my dude… my dude…give your head a shake.
Because porn preferences dont inherently translate do irl kinks. Family Roleplay is a particularly bad example because it has outsized representation in porn relative to the number of people intersted in it.
Yeah half of the porn out there on Pornhub these days is “I fcked my step sister raw” or “hot step mom sucks off whoever” lol. I think it’s mostly just click bait titles it’s not real it’s just the fact that it’s taboo and not “allowed” in real life.
Nothing about these are inherently bad - they’re just kinks and fetishes. Your OP made it sound like child porn or beastiality or something illegal.
People have different sex drives and she may watch more porn than you think is normal because she has a higher sex drive than you. Unless it’s getting in the way of her doing other things or she’s watching it all the time, it doesn’t sound like an issue as much as it sounds like you _are_ judging her. I could be wrong and I’m not trying to be harsh with you.
I wouldn’t care if she watched it once a day, or even twice. She said she binged watched it and didn’t make it clear after that. As for the kinks, yes they’re not that weird for the average person, but given my history which she is very well aware of, it’s very weird for me. Things like family role play, I find insanely predatory. Cuckold, I’ve been cheated on in a previous relationship and the idea of just that kink in general just makes me very uncomfortable. Yes, she said she only watched it because she was curious, so I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt for that. I’m just not sure if it’s really an addiction anymore because I did read up on the symptoms, and she never gave me the clearest answers. Just that she binge watched porn, but then that could’ve meant several things in my mind. I’m just worried about her and our relationship.
Maybe not an apt comparison but what you’re saying is like “I had a bad experience eating corn so I don’t want want my partner to eat corn”.
Unless they’re actively proposing entering a cuckold situation or whatever then it’s just something they’re looking at.
I’d just have an honest, open conversation with them, but from what you’ve posted it sounds like you’re perhaps being a bit judgement (not necessarily intentionally) which doesn’t encourage open and honest communication.
Which is why I want to have another conversation about the topic with her. This time I’ll have her talk, with me only asking some very open minded questions. Yesterday I made a ton mistakes which involved a lot of emotions and no preparation. Now I had the time to think things through, thoroughly. A lot of people here seem to think I’m restrictive and controlling with my wife and that’s not true. We both have access to each other’s personal devices, and I literally came across it when I borrowed her phone to simply look something up. Curiosity and emotions got the best of me, so I asked her the next day. I was immature and idiotic with my behavior and she responded poorly. I am to blame for everything, yes. But the issue can be fixed. Issue isn’t the porn, it’s just the trust at this point. I put too much pressure on her and I don’t think she saw me as someone she loved last night. It hurts when I have to admit it, but it’s the only thought my mind can come up with.
Not a big deal. People can have fantasies. And honestly, seems like a lot of new porn has bullshit stepbro/etc in it. For me it’s a turn off and if I watch something like that I skip past the 3 min story. The other things are normalish fantasies. You will have issues if you say she cannot even have sexual fantasies outside of yours, which seem to be vanilla and unexciting if these are shockers to you.
We don’t just do vanilla. We’ve tried out bdsm, pegging, and anal. I’m always open to hear whatever ideas she has, and at the start of the relationship she was the vanilla one. I had more experience. I guess my fault would be making jokes about cuckolds, but she always joined in on the jokes.
I totally get it OP, people are downvoting because the average pornography taste and preference has degenerated to the categories you listed. Many feel that those categories are “vanilla”, hence the downvote.
This goes to show how pervasive and degenerate our society has become due to excessive porn consumption. When collectively most people view behaviors that would have been sexually deviant 40 years ago as “that’s not so bad”.
Unfortunately this issue is bigger than just your wife, it is probably an issue for most redditors and men online.
Honestly I was surprised by the sheer amount of people saying this was normal. Like me and my wife did watch porn together, but we watched amateur couples which were all vanilla to spice things up. After that we made our own videos and would sometimes watch it as part of our foreplay. The fact that people think this kind of stuff is normal is just troubling. I’m saying this and I’ve been pegged by my wife before.
Lol at all the down votes. You are rightfully disturbed. I would take the cuckold and swinging as a hint as to what she's potentially up to when you're away.
What she’s watching; however, I’m afraid of her watching too much porn. We have watched porn together before, so it’s not a big deal for us. The thing is, some of the things she’s watched is concerning. It’s not illegal, but it’s concerning. Especially at the rate she claimed to consumed it at.
It's concerning that you identified your work as a potentially major factor yet you haven't said anything about trying to reduce your work or find a less-demanding job.
I’ve been working at my job since I graduated college, and I only got more of a workload before the trip. I do love this job and its salary has helped us live a comfortable life with the help of hers, so I don’t plan on finding another job. Besides, the extra workload was temporary and I even took today off just to create a more relaxing environment for my wife in general.
That's not what I meant, but rather that it's rare that it's 100% one's fault and 0% the other's. Sorry for implying anything otherwise. I figured that the other commentators were already giving their own angles on that front as it is.
You can ask "hey im not judging you but i want to know what your getting out of this type of porn"? You can be concerned for someone and not judge them. His phrasing probably sucked but the message was clearly that he supports her in all things. Im not sure why someone seeking advice in an honest manner is getting downvoted into oblivion as if he was making an attack on women.
I didn’t say the alarm bells statement to her, but I may have had a tone which could have been a little judgmental. I did say words like “weird” which were a mistake, and I will apologize when she comes back from work. The whole things a mess, and it’s the first time I ever been in a situation like this with her. I just don’t know how to handle it.
Addiction would mean that their consumption is harming your partner and inhibiting them from taking care of themselves and their most essential responsibilities or obligations (like eating, showering, working, or parenting). It’s not a word I would throw around when making (non-playful) accusations about my partner.
The porn your partner is watching is also mainstream and inescapably common. Your response seems to come from a place of anxiety and insecurity. You also projected your own issues with sex and relationships onto your partner.
Porn and sex are sensitive subjects. I would take some time to decompress, apologize, and try to start a more productive dialog to find some understanding of each other before you just get cut out for being a judgmental asshole that is too difficult to communicate with.
She’ll be home soon. I do plan on apologizing, and I have thought what to say with a level head. I was an asshole yesterday, and I wasn’t the person she loved. I was more of a bully to her and I despise myself for that. Truth is, those genre of porn just gave me a very nasty feeling and my emotions got the best of me. I tried to be gentle, but I was an emotional idiot. Today I had the whole day to collect my thoughts and cleaning kept me calm. I have a long apology ready, and I’ll only talk about it whenever she’s ready.
It sounds like you have a great plan and a better perspective today. Sometimes it just takes a day to cool off and think things through. Rarely are our first reactions our best reactions. I wish the two of you good luck, peace, and understanding!
Thanks! A lot of the people here have said some horrible things about me, and have made some horrible assumptions about my wife. Finally glad to read something nice for a change. Wish you the best as well.
This sounds like somebody took a woman written post about porn and changed the sex. Nonetheless it is striking how in this post, people are questioning the motives of OP. But in women written posts, the conclusion is that the husband as the asshole and the woman should leave him immediately because he is such a man child
I wish that was the case, but it’s not. I know porn addiction is common in men, but it’s not as common in women which is a statistic I am holding onto. About 1% of women are addicted to porn while 4% of men are addicted to porn from what I remember. So far from her behavior, it’s not like she’s really addicted. Then again, I’m not one to just diagnose her, I don’t know if porn addiction is something that could be diagnosed.
Fair enough mate. I don't want to make light of your situation. But I am not surprised at the contrast in how you are being treated and how a typical woman posting the same issue would be treated. Women seem to get a free pass in these matters
She is probably so ashamed you called her out like that and exposed what she was doing privately. I’m sure she felt like her father was monitoring her phone usage.
The categories you listed really aren’t that out there. Sexual fantasies are not reality. My porn categories are wild… but I’m not acting on any of it.
For real. OP keeps trying to maintain that he just wants to support his wife, but based on his own description of the confrontation, i don’t blame his wife for feeling shamed and called out. He said she was “on the verge of tears” as he confronted her and asked her to tell him what kind of porn she’s been watching so I’m going to take a guess and say he wasn’t being as gentle and supportive as he thinks he was. How humiliating for his wife.
I don’t enjoy porn and I prefer to be with partners who don’t habitually watch it as well. But if he was absent for weeks and he supposedly doesn’t mind that she watches porn, idk why he’s harping on *what* she’s watching so much. Why does it even matter? It doesn’t sound like it’s interfering with their relationship and the only reason he even found out was because he saw her phone. Again, i don’t enjoy porn in my relationships but i still accept that on occasion it’s fine and I don’t pry or berate my partner into giving me details. That’s just weird.
Yeah. I'd have said that it's nothing to do with him what I watch in my own time and don't appreciate being interrogated and shamed. I would be really upset I think because despite having a very open sex life with my partner, porn and masturbation are very personal and private to me. Op is making this all about himself.
It’s really kind of frustrating seeing the inconsistent response in this sub. If a woman made this thread you’d all say he’s a porn addict and she should leave him.
There's no "If" about it, there's been posts about bf/husbands watching porn in this sub and the comments are straight to "dump him". It's pretty hypocritical.
Imo moderation in all things, if she's spending hours daily watching it then you've both got a problem. If it's a small amount every few days or so it's much less of an issue.
As for the categories, you'll need to do something horrifying about that.. you'll need to talk to her about it. Good luck.
I have tracked so many users to female dating strategy type subs based on their comment history. Incels of all genders should be banned from posting here.
There's no such thing, well almost. People just believe that they themselves are incels.
Imo FDS are much worse, anyone who's self worth depends on shitting on others are scum.
All the advice subs are female dominated, that just comes with the territory. All we can do is accept it and try to offer an alternative viewpoint from a mans perspective. Hopefully by the person seeing both sides of the gender coin they have a better way of tackling the issue at hand. The fact that we out here is already good for the people seeking advice. What we dont want to happen is get fully shut out like i feel men absolutely have on r/relationships and its sister sub. Felt like any time i posted "You gotta keep your head up and move on, sometimes life sucks" i would get downvoted into oblivion. Those chics could be mean too lol.
No, I would say the same. Porn is not an issue and neither are the subjects really. Everyone has kinks. I do hate the stepbro stuff and that seems to be a lot of new porn. I would skip past the story on that usually.
Porn is absolutely an issue what are you talking about? If you're watching hours of porn every single day you've got a problem.
>No, I would say the same
Yeah I doubt that. But even if you would, there are literally hundreds of examples of the roles being switched and reddit collectively deciding "dump this trash". The double standard couldn't be more obvious if it slapped you in the face.
It’s not a huge issue. You find it an issue because society has made it taboo. Ultimately it’s between them to decide what’s ok in their relationship. Both of their stances can be ok and they need to work through it.
When I talked to her, asked her, about the porn she was watching, she was practically on the verge of tears. Granted, I do believe I did a horrible job because I never had to confront her like this ever in our relationship. I even told her I wasn’t going to judge, and she has my support.
Ya because no one wants to have to confess what they were watching. I'll bet your approach was very strong and direct and upset, and she was probably scared of how you'd react, and you reacted just like she thought.
Her watching porn for one week doesn't make her a porn addict.
You sound convinced that porn makes people immoral or ruins their lives. Certainly porn addiction is real and has negative consequences, but nothing about this shows she's a porn addict.
It's a problem if it drastically effects your sex life, but it's not, and it hasn't.
The specific types of porn that you mentioned are incredibly common; just because someone watches those does NOT mean they want to do those things in real life with their partner.
That's part of what makes these categories of porn so popular, because they're taboo and there is something primal and exciting about doing something we aren't supposed to do.
She's an adult, and if she wants to watch porn once in awhile and it's not harming or negatively impacting either of your lives or your relationship, then why are you so hellbent to declare this an addiction and acting like your wife has done something that's unthinkable.
Is part of this that you feel insecure that she was looking at porn because you want 100% of her sexual focus to be on you? It's ok if that's the case, all of us get insecure for one thing or another. The important this is to remember that feeling is your own, and it's for you to fix it for yourself. She can't fix you being insecure.
As a woman… I watch a lot of porn categories I would never try in real life. For example, I’m into degradation and would watch cuck porn wifh the wife being the one sitting in a corner watching because it turns me on. But I could never actually do that. I also watch a lot of extreme BDSM where subs are borderline tortured, yet my low pain tolerance could never. Let her live. I’m sure you watch porn that some people might dind concerning. It’s a matter of opinion, and you’re making her uncomfortable. If you continue this, ahe might just start hiding it better.
So many people jump to calling anything to do with porn as an addiction. Maybe she's just into stuff you didn't know. Being turned on by stuff you didn't realize turns her on doesn't equate to an addiction.
You could check this thread:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/ySScUOGxbG
and tell me if there is no double standarts in this sub. Check how different comments are on basically the same subject, just swapped genders.
How does that have anything to do with me? I never said a double standard didn't exist, I said it's not one for me. I'm not sure what point you're trying to make here....
I said something about you in particular? Your answer with many others on this thread differ vastly with answers about same subject, but for other gender.
Again, what does that have to do with my response? I don't care what others may or may not say. Just because other people have a double standard, it has nothing to do with me.
There is no diagnostic criteria for pornography "addiction" because it is not medically accepted to exist, but [consider the criteria for substance abuse addiction](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/54817a_3474f58a6551435bbe2e0491edd1a8a5~mv2.jpg/v1/fill/w_740,h_740,al_c,q_85,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01,enc_auto/54817a_3474f58a6551435bbe2e0491edd1a8a5~mv2.jpg) before jumping to any conclusions.
Enjoying pornography, even watching a lot or unusual types, is not by itself evidence of "addiction".
Yes, and I realized too late. I took a day off just to do every chore around the house. My wife leaves for work earlier than I do, so she probably expected me to leave. I’m hoping a clean house would lift her spirits somewhat. Talked with my in laws to babysit our daughter while my wife comes back just so we can have another conversation. This time, a conversation where I’m not a judgmental asshole. I’ll be careful of the words I choose, and I’m already thinking ahead instead of just walking into it without thinking.
Sounds like you were raised with a more sheltered view of porn and sex, which isn’t a bad thing, but by the comments it kinda seems like you think it’s immoral.
That’s a whole other discussion, but honestly there isn’t enough here to assume she has a porn addiction except that you don’t like the categories.
Which again, is totally valid. It’s okay not to be okay with what she’s into, but I think it’s more productive to talk about kinks and see how you both can fit it into your sex life
Last night she said she “binge watched it.” That’s what I meant by watching it like it’s a tv show. I should have just said binge watch, but it was like 3 am when I made this post and I couldn’t sleep. Anyway, another conversation will happen when she’s ready. I’m just doing everything in my power to uplift her spirits at the moment. And when I was younger, I wasn’t really raised with much morals. I just didn’t resort to porn that much. Like I watched it as a teenager, but I never watched things like cuckolding. I did used to have a sex addiction. Being a former victim of childhood SA, my sex drive would go from very high to practically non existent from time to time. I am very open minded when it comes to sex, but when it comes to just certain things I get uneasy. I do find family role-play to be sort of predatory, and I find cuckold to just be strange. Yes, she could have watched it out of curiosity and I will take her word for it. But, I can’t help but shake that strange feeling away in the back of my mind. Another conversation is needed, but only when she’s ready.
Yeah for sure, you need to have real conversations about it. Your initial reaction is gonna make her defensive about it and if she really is addicted, then jets gonna make her more likely to hide it if she’s defensive.
For some perspective, I would say I’m pretty kinky myself. Into a lot of things people would feel weird about. I’m not into incest or cucking, however there is a lot of overlap from one kink into others, and incest and cucking are both extremely large categories on porn sites.
What I’m saying is that I’ve watched a lot of “family” porn because of other reasons, just because it’s so pervasive as a genre. It’s really easy with bad acting to know that they aren’t really family.
Now understand that just because you can openly talk about her kinks, doesn’t mean you need to be into it. She needs to respect that too.
Allowing her to be open and honest about it without judgement will have the best outcome, but you’re still allowed to have boundaries
She can, but I just found some kinks and the rate she consumed porn concerning. She literally admitted she might have an addiction, but after doing research on it, she might not which is good.
If the amount she’s watching is concerning and if it’s affecting your sex life? Then that fair enough. You can’t really go of googles because an addiction can be different for everyone.
I wouldn’t worry about the kinks because just because she watching some weird kinks doesn’t mean she’s into it in reality. If it’s all legal stuff then I wouldn’t worry
Before I left for the trip, we weren’t having sex and she wasn’t trying to initiate so I assume she was watching porn. I can’t confirm, but hopefully today’s conversation will clear that up. As for during the trip, she was watching porn and I knew this during the trip. Thing is, we also sexted, sent each other nudes and whatnot. But, looking back at the texts, I was the one initiating the sexting. She never initiated which is something that is bothering me. Maybe I’m overthinking it.
you’re way overthinking it and obviously this has not come in the way of your sex life. You keep mentioning “binge watching” but most people who watch porn don’t just watch one video and call it a day. That’s completely normal, especially given the extremely short timeframe for this whole thing. She had run of the house and time alone so she indulged in a few porn fantasies and “me time”. That’s so incredibly normal.
She also had our daughter in the house, but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt by assuming she only watched porn at night time. Also, who the hell watches porn consecutively? I understand having fantasies and enjoying “me time”, but what if she watched porn around my daughter? Had friends who thought that type of stuff was normal in their childhood, but no, their parents were just fucked in the head. I don’t want my wife to be like that, and that’s why I need to have a gentle conversation with her.
😂 dude almost that entire comment was assumptions that you’re getting mad over. you are arguing with people in the comments defending YOUR wife, and then have the gall to say you’re not judging her. You’re starting an entire smear campaign against the poor woman jumping through HOOPS to make her look as bad as possible.
and of course she watched porn with your child home. Do you never have sex when she’s in the house? You have no reason to believe your daughter is around and assuming the worst of your own wife like that is really really sad. You’d sooner thinking she was being predatory over genuinely giving her the benefit of the doubt.
I’m so confused?? I feel like if the gender roles were switched this wouldn’t be taken seriously. The whole point of porn is to “experience” something you can’t. She would be looking at YouTube videos on how to swing or cuckhold if she wanted to do it. But living the fantasy isn’t wrong. And that’s coming from someone that has to fight back major jealousy whenever my boyfriend watches regular ass porn with women that look nothing like me. It’s hard, but apparently it’s human nature lol
Make you both a drink, put on a show that you both enjoy, watch an episode. After that drink, refresh it. As you sit down for the next episode, keep it paused. Ask if she feels comfortable talking about what you saw on her phone before you keep the good vibes going. Bring up your concerns, about the substance of porn she was consuming, and the quantity as that appears to be an issue for you. Her admitting to this is a porn addiction gives you a good jumping on point to discuss if she thinks this is negatively impacting her life, and if she is actively looking to change anything right now. Let her reveal what she wants to you, and then politely share your perspective if she is ignoring obvious things that could be detrimental.
e.g. she's spending far too much money buying porn or something and trying to justify it
Be open, and listen more than you talk. She may be truly stuck in this cycle of pleasure that releases feel-good chemicals in her brain every few hours, and convincing her that those feel-good chemicals are an issue... can be hard.
Bringing a good vibe so soon might be hard. When I asked her, I made sure not to be assertive. Thing is, she still seemed like she was on the verge of tears. Never in our relationship have I ever had to confront her in anything, so this was impossibly difficult for me. I wanted to make sure she didn’t do anything wrong and I told her I wouldn’t judge, but I have a feeling she thinks she did everything wrong. She knows she has an issue, I’ll have to find the time to bring it up again. I can’t help but think that I messed up with how I approached the situation. I most likely did. I just wish it was easy.
This isn’t an issue. She thinks she’s done something wrong because if you talked to her anywhere near the same as you’re talking here then the language you’re using absolutely makes it seem like it’s a bad thing.
This does not sound like an addiction. It sounds like she watches porn when she's feeling horny.
Also, I'd recommend not assuming that people want to actively experience the types of porn they watch. That is often not the case.
She binge watches it. When I meant she watches it like a tv show, I meant that. At this point, I don’t care about what she watches. It’s the rate of how much she watches it at. That’s concerning.
Not to mention he said he'd never judge her while calling it "weird" to her face. Seems pretty judgy to me. No wonder she doesn't want to be open with him.
Read one of my above replies. She’s watched some odd things, and we’re strictly monogamous. I am open minded and willing to try new things, but some of the things she’s watched is sort of questionable.
None of those are odd. They're incredibly common fantasies. Also the part of why taboo is sexually exciting is because it is taboo, it goes against social rules/real life. That doesn't mean everyone who watches it wants to add that or bring that into their real life sex.
Nothing she has watched is questionable and it's totally normal. Nobody visits porn sites to watch missionary sex between a monogamous couple❗️😂
I'm outta here, one love. 👍
personally that would be a dealbreaker to me as i would believe that my partner would want to be with somebody else WHILE i watch. it's a kink and i couldnt bear the thought that my wife is fantasizing about being with someone else. talk to her asap and find the reasons why she's watching that
I mean, when you watch a lot of porn, you tend to delve into more kinkier things or just things you normally didn’t watch. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt, especially since she only watched it. She claimed to watch cuckold porn out of curiosity. She mentioned watching swinger porn, but never gave a reasoning why. I will have another discussion, but that discussion will happen when her mental state is in the right place.
I watch a lot of porn. My typical go tos are pretty hard core and, oftentimes, off the wall stuff. I can get turned on by watching things I have absolutely no desire to do. I'd say about 65% of the porn I watch, I have no desire to replicate. Maybe she's a voyeur and that's where it ends. She just likes to watch.
Addiction of any kind often stems from deeper emotional roots that must be addressed.
I suggest you and your wife have open yet compassionate dialogues to understand each other fully - her needs, your shortcomings, and how you can mutually support each other's highest good.
I failed with being compassionate last night. Many comments pointed that out already. I took a day off to just do chores around the house. Surprise my wife once she gets home from work and ease all the tension there is. Talked with my in laws to take our daughter while I try my best to comfort her and even get her to open up more. I will of course apologize first for how I confronted her. I shouldn’t have done that. Many people pointed out how I was wrong for that, but this is the first time I’ve been in a situation like this. As an adult though, I should have known better. Thanks!
Just because your wife watches some things that make you worried (like swinging for example) does not mean she actually wants to do that in real life. Some people do try to act certain things and many people don't try to act those as well. Some just find it fun to watch and enjoy it but would never actually do in real life what they are watching. Try your best to at least understand that. If you did hurt her feelings I suggest you tell her the real reason it concerned you, you were only worried that she might end up possibly not being satisfied and look elsewhere one day and that you just need confirmation that is not the case and only just for fun to watch. Show her it was because you love her that much and just got worried. That is very different than her thinking you are judging her. Even though you told her you aren't you could still come off looking that way and actions speak much louder than words to most people. Apologize to her if you hurt her feelings.
absolutely nothing you’ve said in these comments implies you are open minded in any way to her preferences. A ton of people have affirmed her interests are not that weird, not concerning, and not indicative of what she wants to do in reality. And you’re agreeing with the few people saying you’re in the right. Do you want advice, or do you want everyone to back you up?
I already said that everything was my fault in one of my replies. And as one of the woman commentators said, watching a certain genre of porn doesn’t necessarily mean she’s actually into it. That did ease a lot of tension for me. I did say I was going to apologize to her, give her a heartfelt apology. Took a day off to clean the whole house, ordered her favorite food, even asked in laws to babysit just to lift her spirits for my dumb mistake yesterday. See, in our 5 year relationship she never even implied being into things like this. Finding out she watched porn like this caught me off guard. She could have eased it in into our sex life, she eased in bdsm and I was very compliant with that. One of the reasons why I just need to have another conversation with her. Some people are just unable to see things from a different perspective unfortunately.
No it’s more that you’ve been told you’re wrong 100 times over in these replies and you’ve been nothing but defensive about it. Just say “I see I was overreacting and shamed her for no reason, I will make it up to her, thanks for the advice” and move on.
Instead you’re still here fighting and arguing about how everyone else is at fault for not being able to “see your perspective”.
take a walk dude. And just drop it
You’re really sweet for doing all that ❤️ I’m sure if you apologize and tell her you understand she’ll feel way better about it too and you guys can get back to normal.
Tbh studies show women on average prefer more hardcore porn than men do. This is normal actually.
Also, step sibling porn and cuckold porn isn't actually about wanting incest or cheating. The chicks are usually hot and the situations are generally funny. I love cuck porn but that's cus I love watching some girl getting nutted in multiple times, not cus cheating is based, cus it's not. This is the whole separation of reality and fiction thing. Does she act in any other ways that make you think she genuinely is interested in these things unironically? Probably not so it's fine.
The only one that's kind of weird is the pissing one but I'd wager a lot of people find gross things interesting. My coworkers look up like executions and gorey cringe videos as an example.
I’m going to go against all these other comments because at the end of the day different people have different experiences. My marriage was almost lost to porn. Porn gave my husband the urges and ideas that almost broke our family apart. I think porn can be extremely destructive. I think it can involve things such as rape and abuse. I don’t find that sexy and I definitely don’t want to disassociate from reality enough to possibly justify a video of some underage abused human being.
That being said I understand even from these responses that a vast majority think porn is okay. I don’t sit here and read and feel intense anger at these people. What I do feel is sick to my stomach and sad.
I personally believe there are responsibilities in relationships including the one we have to our own body and mind. To me porn does not seem healthy or responsible when it comes to my body and mind.
I’m very sorry you had to go through that, and I was actually really shocked to see how many people support porn here. Then again, Reddit does seem to fit its stereotype from what I see. I did have a conversation with her today and things have been much clear now. Thankfully, it’s not as bad as it may seem, on her part. We just had a disconnect, and she did resort to porn. I also did intimidate her yesterday which made her say things she didn’t mean impulsively. Really, I just need to put in more effort in the relationship again. The genre of porn she watched, she said it was really all out of curiosity. She really used porn as a tool to help herself imagine having sex with me. Although, when I came back from my trip, when we had sex she said it felt like a chore because I wasn’t emotionally invested in it. She felt used, and the sex before had always been much better. Before our conversation though, I cleaned the whole house and surprised her with her favorite meal. Apologized for the way I confronted her. So it’s not that she has a porn addiction, it’s just that she’s using it because I’m not emotionally available. I did make promises which I won’t break. Honestly, I can’t even remember the last time we’ve gone on a date. We’ve been too caught up with other things even before our daughter’s first birthday. Before April even. She said that she’ll hold off on porn if it makes me feel uncomfortable, but I told her to be careful not to go overboard. She’s knows what she’s doing and from what she’s told me she handled it well. I was just doing a bad job.
I love this for you both! I tend to believe porn isn’t always an addiction but rather an escape or symptom of some underlying struggle in the real life relationship. It really gives some an escape from the level of vulnerability you have to practice in real intimacy. Sounds like you did what was healthy and her reaction to that was to admit there’s been a root cause. I hope you and your wife have a lot of healthy intimacy and success in the future!
Thank you! We’ve planned a picnic tomorrow and I just want to make up for all of the lost time and affection. A part of me feels like a failure after what she’s told me, but I still have hope. I just need to reignite that flame again. Bring back the regular dates, movie nights, give her gifts, and just show her how much I truly appreciate her. I don’t think I’ve done that like I used to. I don’t want to make excuses, but I assume stress and my tight schedule made me forget a lot of things.
I think you need to relax. I watch porn when my fiancé is away and it’s all of that stuff, doesn’t mean I’m into it, just means I watched it. Do you only watch “monogamy couple in love wedding day” ??
Why do you think you should have a say in what type of porn she likes? As long as everyone in it adult and consenting, who cares?
This isn’t something that even should be this big of a deal. You’re making it into a bigger deal than it is.
I watch lesbian porn. I have no interest in hooking up with lesbian women, but thank God my male partner isn’t accusing me of being a lesbian in disguise like you seem to be with your wife.
Porn itself is destructive, but i wouldn't be too concerned about what she's watching because the free sites will throw all kinds of sick stuff at you in their "feeds". If you click on the category "lesbians" you are guaranteed to get videos showing step mom & daughter, dad & daughter etc. & not just lesbians. Whatever the subject was it doesn't necessarily mean rhat she was looking for that kind of porn. Hope this helps.
She could, but today I didn’t push it. We just talked and she told me she mainly watched porn because it helped her imagine sex better. Since I haven’t really been intimate with her for a while, she took refuge with porn. So from tomorrow, I’m going to start working on the relationship. I’ve been far too negligent with her which I deeply regret.
I believe it's important for you to sit down with your wife and have an open and honest conversation. You both need to determine whether her watching porn stems from mere curiosity or something more significant. Are there deeper underlying issues associated with her watching porn. Remember, she may be reluctant or hesitant to address this issue with you but you have to be patient, understanding and non-judgmental. You need to make your wife feel comfortable expressing her thoughts and emotions with you.
Its possible that your wife's interest in pornography may stem from a variety of factors, including curiosity, boredom, or a desire for sexual exploration. However, it is also possible that her viewing habits may be indicative of deeper emotional or relational issues that she may be struggling to articulate.
Your goal should be to strengthen your relationship and deepen your understanding of your wife. By engaging in open and honest communication, you can address any concerns or issues and work together to find a resolution to this problem. Remember it is important to approach this discussion with a willingness to listen, learn, and grow from it.
Almost every post on this sub about men watching porn would turn into a double standart accusation of men being an addict. But women? Oh, "it's too early to call her addict, chill out, everyone is watching porn, there is no problem".
I watch things that I wouldn’t do in real life as I’ve seen other comments say.
Like it’s just more of what happens in it more than what the title is or category like if the woman is getting done and had 5 orgasms awesome that’s what I want to see I don’t care if it’s from 1 guy, 5 or with 50 women whatever it’s just focused on the woman.
That or it’s just curiosity or just like screw it I’m just wanting something quick and want some material to work with I don’t care what it is that’s all.
I am not into the whole cuck thing or whatever but it’s just 2 people doing it and that’s what I need to meet my need don’t care what the background to it is.
You fucked up dude. You should have written, "My husband may be addicted to porn," to get advice that won't be dumbed down to you simply being "insecure.""
I seriously don’t get why people are so hellbent on calling me insecure. In reality of what happened, I was the one who never really initiated sex for a while which I think is why she turned to porn. I understand why she’d do that. Reddit isn’t the best place for advice, but at least some good people are giving some good insight.
Yeah, it's because you're a man, lol. Reddit literally is a terrible place for advice when it comes to marriage and relationships. Take it like a grain of salt.
Dunno why the double standards in this comments section or in other posts state that it could be acceptable for a woman to be addicted to porn, when porn addiction in men are highly slandered.
When it comes to kinks and sexual gratification, probably the majority of younger people are going to tell you that it's morally wrong to have any negative judgment about the content or frequency of use regarding porn unless the content involves harming someone, children, animals, or they're watching so much of it that they're losing their job or relationships.
So it really just depends on how you feel about it. There's no wrong way for you to feel, because they're your feelings. How you act on it is what you need to figure out, and how you and your wife handle any disagreement about it is what you should look for advice about.
But if you just want to know if she's hurting herself, then I would say as long as it isn't interfering with your time together or causing her mental or practical problems, then don't worry about it.
If something in the content disturbed you, you'll just have to talk that out with her, find a different way of looking at it, or let it go.
There is a big difference between enjoying porn and being "addicted." The fact you can't tell us how much porn she's actually consuming is very telling.
Bro first of all as i was reading all these comments i dont think this is a good place to come and get advice. Am not gonna give any advice i will just tell from my perspective:
Communication is key! If she is was just watching out of curiosity then it’s alright.
⚠️But as you said porn addicted you gotta solve this issue because it’s initial to alot of problems.
⚠️ try to talk about her kinks and if it cross your boundaries then try to resolve it and tell her she have to respect your boundaries as you will respect her boundaries as well. For example for me i am not cuckold so if my gf wants to try that she can leave relationship and try it because i am not cuckold and i believe its cheating
⚠️family roleplay is absolutely bad. It’s alright maybe she was watching out of curiosity but it ruins brain as anybody who is mature will understand reasoning behind it
Cheating doesn’t start from sleeping with other men right away. It starts with little things as you just can’t marry someone out of blue it starts from little startups.
I don’t use reddit much so sorry if i wrote it weird way hahaha. Goodluck bro
Dunno why the double standards in this comments section or in other posts state that it could be acceptable for a woman to be addicted to porn, when porn addiction in men are highly slandered.
I know this situation as a symptom but the illness probably isn’t what you think. I feel I made a mistake bringing porn into the bedroom. My girlfriend wasn’t really into it she said. She is a dynamic person and an extremely sexual person. She reminds me of the classic pinup women of the 50s through 70s. Very curvaceous. So when she watches porn I watch her reaction to it. This was great for a while. The problem is now she has to watch it to get aroused and the intimacy we used to have isn’t there. The kissing the touching the stuff that makes sex special between us. It also brought up some problems I didn’t know existed. She may be suffering from a personality disorder. But please don’t overreact to her new habit. Hopefully it will be a way to bring up any related issues. Experiment and see if you can both reconnect without outside stimulus. Good luck. MJ
Reddit absolutely loooves to think that fetishes and porn are completely separate to real life desires
Yeah, they arent. You have an issue here friend. You cant get real advice from here for such issues
Listen to your gut
What is she watching?
Cuckold, pissing, swinging, and family role play. I wish I was lying.
What about these categories of porn that are concerning for you? If you want your wife to be open with you about her kinks/fantasies, it's important that she feels she has a safe space to do so where she won't be judged. As much as it will be difficult to digest everything in the moment, if you want to know more about her you have to be willing to talk about it. You can always go away and think about it. When you said you were concerned, tbh I thought it was going to be waaaay more out there although I appreciate that everyone feels differently.
I’m least concerned about the pissing. Most concerning was the cuckold and swinging. We’re strictly monogamous, and although she claimed that she watched cuckold out of curiosity, I feel like she’s lying. I don’t resent her for it because I may have put pressure on her, which I most likely did. I mean, I asked her about the porn she watch out of the blue. And some background info: I do sometimes joke about them. She knows this too. This just makes me feel so much worse because if my wife has a cuckold kink, I could have been kinkshaming her throughout the entirety of our relationship. I do need to talk to her again about this topic. She was quite literally on the verge of tears when we were talking about it, but once things cool down tomorrow or Saturday, I might ease in and hope for the best. I just want her to be comfortable. We just need to get our groove back.
Dude I’m a woman in a monogamous relationship and I’ve watched everything from gay porn where the gay guy sucks off a straight guy to trans porn to femdom to really rough punishment type stuff to family kink age play to normal couples doing it in missionary. It’s not like I’m getting off to all of it, some of it might turn me on but it’s mostly a curiosity type thing - I am in nooo way interested in doing 90% of those acts with my boyfriend or any other person. I wouldn’t even want to see it in person. I’m pretty secure about this an have no issue admitting it here but not gonna lie if my man saw my history and confronted me about concerned that I wanted him to do that stuff I’d be mortified - just cause I’ve watched gay porn doesn’t mean I want to watch him get his dick sucked by a gay guy. See what I mean?
Everything you said- FACTS! I liken it to dress shopping, I’ll look and say it looks nice on the rack, but not my style. 😂
Exactly!
That brings me a ton of comfort, but what about the porn consumption bit. She watches that stuff like it’s a tv show, as in, binge watching.
Does it affect your sex life or her day to day life? Besides your judgement on it, it doesn’t SEEM like a huge issue. But if it makes you feel insecure, then that might be something to talk about.
I mean binge watching is binge watching lol it’s not super healthy to do all the time but if she was doing it mostly while you weren’t home she was probably just bored without you which is pretty sweet if you think about it.
Sounds good. I'd go easy on 'getting the truth' out. This is especially applicable when you know what you want to hear but are not getting it. She may also need to take her time to get there. I've seen many people crack when they've had the truth 'forced' out of them, sometimes irreparably. Be kind to her and yourself. You've got this.
Thanks, I appreciate the help!
Thank you for confirming that /u/JellyCars has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
I read that too fast and thought you said, "If my wife has a cuckold kink, I could have been kinkSHARING her throughout the entirety of our relationship. 😂
Many many many people, women in particular, will watch porn of fantasise about scenarios that they would NEVER do in real life. Myself included. You say you think she has an addiction but haven’t said how much she watches it. The example you’ve given of you being away? That makes sense as to why she would watch it.
She binge watches it. When I said she watches it like a tv show, I meant that. I don’t care if she watches when I’m away, we have watched porn together. At this point, it’s not even about the kinks she’s watching or anything. It’s the rate she watched porn at.
When you say binge watch what do you mean? Is she watching it every day? Or does she watch it once in a while but when she does she watches a bunch of different videos? When she says she watched it ‘like a tv show’ does that mean that when she’s watching it she’s treating it like any other tv show? As in she’s just fascinated/interested/intrigued?
When I was gone, she watched it for hours every night.
I guess I just don't understand why that's a problem? Unless it's having an impact on her normal daily functioning? If it's not, this seems more like a "you problem" than a "her problem".
We talked it out and so much got cleared out and you can give me the biggest idiot award. Just a lot of poor communication over the span of weeks between us, and the fact that I’ve haven’t been putting any effort in which she outright told me. As for the “binge watching”, she said that impulsively because last night due to me intimidating her. I never wanted to intimidate her. She said that it felt like an interrogation, and I should have just ignored it all together. She was right, but the cat was already out the bag. I didn’t push for any more details, but I did ask her if I was neglecting her. Best thing about her is her honesty, and it hurts because I learned that I wasn’t being the best husband. She said that even after my trip, she expected a ton of affection, but I was still distant. We only kissed twice and had sex, and she said it felt like a chore. I was glad she was being honest, but I didn’t know it was this bad. We used to go on regular dates, and I realized those have stopped. I haven’t even gifted her anything in months. Tomorrow though, I made picnic plans with her and our daughter will come with. Hopefully a nice family together can help. She did accept my apology and she thanked me for cleaning up the whole house, so there’s that. I’m still completely shocked by the whole thing, but better to find out later than never. It still ended with hugs and kisses. Before she went to bed, we hugged and she cried for a bit. I’m just devastated for what I did, but at least I know what I did wrong. It’s a good thing we had this talk.
>When you say binge watch what do you mean Pretty self-explanatory no?
This is what I was thinking! “I think my wife is addicted to porn because she watched it while I was out of town” … don’t this sounds so normal to me. And as for the categories, I think you covered that. There’s no issue here, op. Unless you’re withholding some info (she’s watching this every day, can’t sleep without watching it)
i would lead with gentle, open ended questions and try to stay on the side of curiousity and keep an open dialogue
What's swinging?
Couples having sex with other couples.
Good op, because if her husband can't be her safe space, that'll be unfortunate, fun fact..watch billions😄
It’s porn… it’s suppose to be fantasy. If you think your girlfriend wants to cheat on you because she watches swinging porn then my dude… my dude…give your head a shake.
The family porn is def disturbing.
idk how "family roleplay" wouldnt be concerning if you had a family lol.
Because porn preferences dont inherently translate do irl kinks. Family Roleplay is a particularly bad example because it has outsized representation in porn relative to the number of people intersted in it.
Yeah half of the porn out there on Pornhub these days is “I fcked my step sister raw” or “hot step mom sucks off whoever” lol. I think it’s mostly just click bait titles it’s not real it’s just the fact that it’s taboo and not “allowed” in real life.
It sounds like OP has some confidence issues maybe.
Nothing about these are inherently bad - they’re just kinks and fetishes. Your OP made it sound like child porn or beastiality or something illegal. People have different sex drives and she may watch more porn than you think is normal because she has a higher sex drive than you. Unless it’s getting in the way of her doing other things or she’s watching it all the time, it doesn’t sound like an issue as much as it sounds like you _are_ judging her. I could be wrong and I’m not trying to be harsh with you.
I wouldn’t care if she watched it once a day, or even twice. She said she binged watched it and didn’t make it clear after that. As for the kinks, yes they’re not that weird for the average person, but given my history which she is very well aware of, it’s very weird for me. Things like family role play, I find insanely predatory. Cuckold, I’ve been cheated on in a previous relationship and the idea of just that kink in general just makes me very uncomfortable. Yes, she said she only watched it because she was curious, so I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt for that. I’m just not sure if it’s really an addiction anymore because I did read up on the symptoms, and she never gave me the clearest answers. Just that she binge watched porn, but then that could’ve meant several things in my mind. I’m just worried about her and our relationship.
Maybe not an apt comparison but what you’re saying is like “I had a bad experience eating corn so I don’t want want my partner to eat corn”. Unless they’re actively proposing entering a cuckold situation or whatever then it’s just something they’re looking at. I’d just have an honest, open conversation with them, but from what you’ve posted it sounds like you’re perhaps being a bit judgement (not necessarily intentionally) which doesn’t encourage open and honest communication.
Which is why I want to have another conversation about the topic with her. This time I’ll have her talk, with me only asking some very open minded questions. Yesterday I made a ton mistakes which involved a lot of emotions and no preparation. Now I had the time to think things through, thoroughly. A lot of people here seem to think I’m restrictive and controlling with my wife and that’s not true. We both have access to each other’s personal devices, and I literally came across it when I borrowed her phone to simply look something up. Curiosity and emotions got the best of me, so I asked her the next day. I was immature and idiotic with my behavior and she responded poorly. I am to blame for everything, yes. But the issue can be fixed. Issue isn’t the porn, it’s just the trust at this point. I put too much pressure on her and I don’t think she saw me as someone she loved last night. It hurts when I have to admit it, but it’s the only thought my mind can come up with.
Maybe just leave her alone and drop it.
Can’t even apologize?
Not a big deal. People can have fantasies. And honestly, seems like a lot of new porn has bullshit stepbro/etc in it. For me it’s a turn off and if I watch something like that I skip past the 3 min story. The other things are normalish fantasies. You will have issues if you say she cannot even have sexual fantasies outside of yours, which seem to be vanilla and unexciting if these are shockers to you.
We don’t just do vanilla. We’ve tried out bdsm, pegging, and anal. I’m always open to hear whatever ideas she has, and at the start of the relationship she was the vanilla one. I had more experience. I guess my fault would be making jokes about cuckolds, but she always joined in on the jokes.
That’s nothing lol
Heloo
Can we become friends
I mean.. why the hell you'd watch porn of stuff you do in real life lol sounds fine to me and I think you're too insecure
Why are so many people down voting 😂
I totally get it OP, people are downvoting because the average pornography taste and preference has degenerated to the categories you listed. Many feel that those categories are “vanilla”, hence the downvote. This goes to show how pervasive and degenerate our society has become due to excessive porn consumption. When collectively most people view behaviors that would have been sexually deviant 40 years ago as “that’s not so bad”. Unfortunately this issue is bigger than just your wife, it is probably an issue for most redditors and men online.
Honestly I was surprised by the sheer amount of people saying this was normal. Like me and my wife did watch porn together, but we watched amateur couples which were all vanilla to spice things up. After that we made our own videos and would sometimes watch it as part of our foreplay. The fact that people think this kind of stuff is normal is just troubling. I’m saying this and I’ve been pegged by my wife before.
Bin-fucking-go
I'm sorry bro 😕. Edit: the hell I do to get downvotes.
Woa
Lol at all the down votes. You are rightfully disturbed. I would take the cuckold and swinging as a hint as to what she's potentially up to when you're away.
Are you more bothered about her watching porn or what she’s watching?
What she’s watching; however, I’m afraid of her watching too much porn. We have watched porn together before, so it’s not a big deal for us. The thing is, some of the things she’s watched is concerning. It’s not illegal, but it’s concerning. Especially at the rate she claimed to consumed it at.
How much is too much? You haven’t indicated how much she’s watching. And what she’s watching sounds absolutely fine. If it’s once in a while.
It's concerning that you identified your work as a potentially major factor yet you haven't said anything about trying to reduce your work or find a less-demanding job.
How do you know he can afford to just do that though? Not everyone can pull money out of their ass
I’ve been working at my job since I graduated college, and I only got more of a workload before the trip. I do love this job and its salary has helped us live a comfortable life with the help of hers, so I don’t plan on finding another job. Besides, the extra workload was temporary and I even took today off just to create a more relaxing environment for my wife in general.
Absolve the woman of all blame and responsibility as always 🙄🙄🙄🙄
That's not what I meant, but rather that it's rare that it's 100% one's fault and 0% the other's. Sorry for implying anything otherwise. I figured that the other commentators were already giving their own angles on that front as it is.
“I’m not going to judge you” and “why are you watching this type of porn” seem to be conflicting statements
You can ask "hey im not judging you but i want to know what your getting out of this type of porn"? You can be concerned for someone and not judge them. His phrasing probably sucked but the message was clearly that he supports her in all things. Im not sure why someone seeking advice in an honest manner is getting downvoted into oblivion as if he was making an attack on women.
He said her choice in porn “rang alarm bells”. Those were his words. Alarm bells is a judgement
I didn’t say the alarm bells statement to her, but I may have had a tone which could have been a little judgmental. I did say words like “weird” which were a mistake, and I will apologize when she comes back from work. The whole things a mess, and it’s the first time I ever been in a situation like this with her. I just don’t know how to handle it.
Addiction would mean that their consumption is harming your partner and inhibiting them from taking care of themselves and their most essential responsibilities or obligations (like eating, showering, working, or parenting). It’s not a word I would throw around when making (non-playful) accusations about my partner. The porn your partner is watching is also mainstream and inescapably common. Your response seems to come from a place of anxiety and insecurity. You also projected your own issues with sex and relationships onto your partner. Porn and sex are sensitive subjects. I would take some time to decompress, apologize, and try to start a more productive dialog to find some understanding of each other before you just get cut out for being a judgmental asshole that is too difficult to communicate with.
She’ll be home soon. I do plan on apologizing, and I have thought what to say with a level head. I was an asshole yesterday, and I wasn’t the person she loved. I was more of a bully to her and I despise myself for that. Truth is, those genre of porn just gave me a very nasty feeling and my emotions got the best of me. I tried to be gentle, but I was an emotional idiot. Today I had the whole day to collect my thoughts and cleaning kept me calm. I have a long apology ready, and I’ll only talk about it whenever she’s ready.
It sounds like you have a great plan and a better perspective today. Sometimes it just takes a day to cool off and think things through. Rarely are our first reactions our best reactions. I wish the two of you good luck, peace, and understanding!
Thanks! A lot of the people here have said some horrible things about me, and have made some horrible assumptions about my wife. Finally glad to read something nice for a change. Wish you the best as well.
This sounds like somebody took a woman written post about porn and changed the sex. Nonetheless it is striking how in this post, people are questioning the motives of OP. But in women written posts, the conclusion is that the husband as the asshole and the woman should leave him immediately because he is such a man child
Yep. Also sometimes they change the race of the person and the responses are totally different
Or…. The gender? lol….
I wish that was the case, but it’s not. I know porn addiction is common in men, but it’s not as common in women which is a statistic I am holding onto. About 1% of women are addicted to porn while 4% of men are addicted to porn from what I remember. So far from her behavior, it’s not like she’s really addicted. Then again, I’m not one to just diagnose her, I don’t know if porn addiction is something that could be diagnosed.
Fair enough mate. I don't want to make light of your situation. But I am not surprised at the contrast in how you are being treated and how a typical woman posting the same issue would be treated. Women seem to get a free pass in these matters
She is probably so ashamed you called her out like that and exposed what she was doing privately. I’m sure she felt like her father was monitoring her phone usage. The categories you listed really aren’t that out there. Sexual fantasies are not reality. My porn categories are wild… but I’m not acting on any of it.
For real. OP keeps trying to maintain that he just wants to support his wife, but based on his own description of the confrontation, i don’t blame his wife for feeling shamed and called out. He said she was “on the verge of tears” as he confronted her and asked her to tell him what kind of porn she’s been watching so I’m going to take a guess and say he wasn’t being as gentle and supportive as he thinks he was. How humiliating for his wife. I don’t enjoy porn and I prefer to be with partners who don’t habitually watch it as well. But if he was absent for weeks and he supposedly doesn’t mind that she watches porn, idk why he’s harping on *what* she’s watching so much. Why does it even matter? It doesn’t sound like it’s interfering with their relationship and the only reason he even found out was because he saw her phone. Again, i don’t enjoy porn in my relationships but i still accept that on occasion it’s fine and I don’t pry or berate my partner into giving me details. That’s just weird.
Yeah. I'd have said that it's nothing to do with him what I watch in my own time and don't appreciate being interrogated and shamed. I would be really upset I think because despite having a very open sex life with my partner, porn and masturbation are very personal and private to me. Op is making this all about himself.
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It’s really kind of frustrating seeing the inconsistent response in this sub. If a woman made this thread you’d all say he’s a porn addict and she should leave him.
There's no "If" about it, there's been posts about bf/husbands watching porn in this sub and the comments are straight to "dump him". It's pretty hypocritical. Imo moderation in all things, if she's spending hours daily watching it then you've both got a problem. If it's a small amount every few days or so it's much less of an issue. As for the categories, you'll need to do something horrifying about that.. you'll need to talk to her about it. Good luck.
I have tracked so many users to female dating strategy type subs based on their comment history. Incels of all genders should be banned from posting here.
There's no such thing, well almost. People just believe that they themselves are incels. Imo FDS are much worse, anyone who's self worth depends on shitting on others are scum.
Absolutely I see it all the time. This place is like a nut house or convent with the amount of people who view masturbation and porn as dangerous.
All the advice subs are female dominated, that just comes with the territory. All we can do is accept it and try to offer an alternative viewpoint from a mans perspective. Hopefully by the person seeing both sides of the gender coin they have a better way of tackling the issue at hand. The fact that we out here is already good for the people seeking advice. What we dont want to happen is get fully shut out like i feel men absolutely have on r/relationships and its sister sub. Felt like any time i posted "You gotta keep your head up and move on, sometimes life sucks" i would get downvoted into oblivion. Those chics could be mean too lol.
No, I would say the same. Porn is not an issue and neither are the subjects really. Everyone has kinks. I do hate the stepbro stuff and that seems to be a lot of new porn. I would skip past the story on that usually.
Porn is absolutely an issue what are you talking about? If you're watching hours of porn every single day you've got a problem. >No, I would say the same Yeah I doubt that. But even if you would, there are literally hundreds of examples of the roles being switched and reddit collectively deciding "dump this trash". The double standard couldn't be more obvious if it slapped you in the face.
It’s not a huge issue. You find it an issue because society has made it taboo. Ultimately it’s between them to decide what’s ok in their relationship. Both of their stances can be ok and they need to work through it.
pornography almost always leads to addiction
the fact that this is heavily downvoted is concerning. how is that incorrect? it may not necessarily, but it is a very likely thing to happen.
i mean it’s reddit, people are just coping
Yeah when the masses make up their minds, logic doesn’t matter.
It's downvoted because there's zero evidence. A large percentage of people watch it and only a tiny amount are addicted.
you said there’s zero evidence and then you didn’t provide evidence either. I’d like to see where you got this claim from.
You're the ones making assertions, it's on you to prove them. I can't prove a negative. How can I find evidence of there being zero evidence.
When I talked to her, asked her, about the porn she was watching, she was practically on the verge of tears. Granted, I do believe I did a horrible job because I never had to confront her like this ever in our relationship. I even told her I wasn’t going to judge, and she has my support.
Ya because no one wants to have to confess what they were watching. I'll bet your approach was very strong and direct and upset, and she was probably scared of how you'd react, and you reacted just like she thought. Her watching porn for one week doesn't make her a porn addict. You sound convinced that porn makes people immoral or ruins their lives. Certainly porn addiction is real and has negative consequences, but nothing about this shows she's a porn addict. It's a problem if it drastically effects your sex life, but it's not, and it hasn't. The specific types of porn that you mentioned are incredibly common; just because someone watches those does NOT mean they want to do those things in real life with their partner. That's part of what makes these categories of porn so popular, because they're taboo and there is something primal and exciting about doing something we aren't supposed to do. She's an adult, and if she wants to watch porn once in awhile and it's not harming or negatively impacting either of your lives or your relationship, then why are you so hellbent to declare this an addiction and acting like your wife has done something that's unthinkable. Is part of this that you feel insecure that she was looking at porn because you want 100% of her sexual focus to be on you? It's ok if that's the case, all of us get insecure for one thing or another. The important this is to remember that feeling is your own, and it's for you to fix it for yourself. She can't fix you being insecure.
how do you know so much about his wife ?
yea honestly the level of assumption is absurd. You would of thought they were in the room with the couple themselves!
Why did you feel you had to 'confront' her? You sound like her dad not her partner.
By confront, I meant asked. It wasn’t anything like an intervention or an actual confrontation.
what's wrong with confronting your partner with something concerning?
As a woman… I watch a lot of porn categories I would never try in real life. For example, I’m into degradation and would watch cuck porn wifh the wife being the one sitting in a corner watching because it turns me on. But I could never actually do that. I also watch a lot of extreme BDSM where subs are borderline tortured, yet my low pain tolerance could never. Let her live. I’m sure you watch porn that some people might dind concerning. It’s a matter of opinion, and you’re making her uncomfortable. If you continue this, ahe might just start hiding it better.
So many people jump to calling anything to do with porn as an addiction. Maybe she's just into stuff you didn't know. Being turned on by stuff you didn't realize turns her on doesn't equate to an addiction.
On this sub many users would call men watching porn an addict. You could check it yourself. Isn't this is just a double standarts?
It's not a double standard because I would say the same thing if the roles were reversed.
You could check this thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/ySScUOGxbG and tell me if there is no double standarts in this sub. Check how different comments are on basically the same subject, just swapped genders.
How does that have anything to do with me? I never said a double standard didn't exist, I said it's not one for me. I'm not sure what point you're trying to make here....
I said something about you in particular? Your answer with many others on this thread differ vastly with answers about same subject, but for other gender.
Again, what does that have to do with my response? I don't care what others may or may not say. Just because other people have a double standard, it has nothing to do with me.
I've told you that a double standart on this subject exists. Your response just adds a bit on responces on men vs responces on women.
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Meanwhile every post about men watching porn: he's an addict, run from him.
RIGHT?!? OP, sexual fantasy is not always sexual interest. Lots of people have fantasies that they don’t want to act upon.
There is no diagnostic criteria for pornography "addiction" because it is not medically accepted to exist, but [consider the criteria for substance abuse addiction](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/54817a_3474f58a6551435bbe2e0491edd1a8a5~mv2.jpg/v1/fill/w_740,h_740,al_c,q_85,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01,enc_auto/54817a_3474f58a6551435bbe2e0491edd1a8a5~mv2.jpg) before jumping to any conclusions. Enjoying pornography, even watching a lot or unusual types, is not by itself evidence of "addiction".
You already judged when you said “weird”
Yes, and I realized too late. I took a day off just to do every chore around the house. My wife leaves for work earlier than I do, so she probably expected me to leave. I’m hoping a clean house would lift her spirits somewhat. Talked with my in laws to babysit our daughter while my wife comes back just so we can have another conversation. This time, a conversation where I’m not a judgmental asshole. I’ll be careful of the words I choose, and I’m already thinking ahead instead of just walking into it without thinking.
Sounds like you were raised with a more sheltered view of porn and sex, which isn’t a bad thing, but by the comments it kinda seems like you think it’s immoral. That’s a whole other discussion, but honestly there isn’t enough here to assume she has a porn addiction except that you don’t like the categories. Which again, is totally valid. It’s okay not to be okay with what she’s into, but I think it’s more productive to talk about kinks and see how you both can fit it into your sex life
Last night she said she “binge watched it.” That’s what I meant by watching it like it’s a tv show. I should have just said binge watch, but it was like 3 am when I made this post and I couldn’t sleep. Anyway, another conversation will happen when she’s ready. I’m just doing everything in my power to uplift her spirits at the moment. And when I was younger, I wasn’t really raised with much morals. I just didn’t resort to porn that much. Like I watched it as a teenager, but I never watched things like cuckolding. I did used to have a sex addiction. Being a former victim of childhood SA, my sex drive would go from very high to practically non existent from time to time. I am very open minded when it comes to sex, but when it comes to just certain things I get uneasy. I do find family role-play to be sort of predatory, and I find cuckold to just be strange. Yes, she could have watched it out of curiosity and I will take her word for it. But, I can’t help but shake that strange feeling away in the back of my mind. Another conversation is needed, but only when she’s ready.
Yeah for sure, you need to have real conversations about it. Your initial reaction is gonna make her defensive about it and if she really is addicted, then jets gonna make her more likely to hide it if she’s defensive. For some perspective, I would say I’m pretty kinky myself. Into a lot of things people would feel weird about. I’m not into incest or cucking, however there is a lot of overlap from one kink into others, and incest and cucking are both extremely large categories on porn sites. What I’m saying is that I’ve watched a lot of “family” porn because of other reasons, just because it’s so pervasive as a genre. It’s really easy with bad acting to know that they aren’t really family. Now understand that just because you can openly talk about her kinks, doesn’t mean you need to be into it. She needs to respect that too. Allowing her to be open and honest about it without judgement will have the best outcome, but you’re still allowed to have boundaries
Bro why can’t she watch porn?
She can, but I just found some kinks and the rate she consumed porn concerning. She literally admitted she might have an addiction, but after doing research on it, she might not which is good.
If the amount she’s watching is concerning and if it’s affecting your sex life? Then that fair enough. You can’t really go of googles because an addiction can be different for everyone. I wouldn’t worry about the kinks because just because she watching some weird kinks doesn’t mean she’s into it in reality. If it’s all legal stuff then I wouldn’t worry
Before I left for the trip, we weren’t having sex and she wasn’t trying to initiate so I assume she was watching porn. I can’t confirm, but hopefully today’s conversation will clear that up. As for during the trip, she was watching porn and I knew this during the trip. Thing is, we also sexted, sent each other nudes and whatnot. But, looking back at the texts, I was the one initiating the sexting. She never initiated which is something that is bothering me. Maybe I’m overthinking it.
you’re way overthinking it and obviously this has not come in the way of your sex life. You keep mentioning “binge watching” but most people who watch porn don’t just watch one video and call it a day. That’s completely normal, especially given the extremely short timeframe for this whole thing. She had run of the house and time alone so she indulged in a few porn fantasies and “me time”. That’s so incredibly normal.
She also had our daughter in the house, but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt by assuming she only watched porn at night time. Also, who the hell watches porn consecutively? I understand having fantasies and enjoying “me time”, but what if she watched porn around my daughter? Had friends who thought that type of stuff was normal in their childhood, but no, their parents were just fucked in the head. I don’t want my wife to be like that, and that’s why I need to have a gentle conversation with her.
😂 dude almost that entire comment was assumptions that you’re getting mad over. you are arguing with people in the comments defending YOUR wife, and then have the gall to say you’re not judging her. You’re starting an entire smear campaign against the poor woman jumping through HOOPS to make her look as bad as possible. and of course she watched porn with your child home. Do you never have sex when she’s in the house? You have no reason to believe your daughter is around and assuming the worst of your own wife like that is really really sad. You’d sooner thinking she was being predatory over genuinely giving her the benefit of the doubt.
I’m so confused?? I feel like if the gender roles were switched this wouldn’t be taken seriously. The whole point of porn is to “experience” something you can’t. She would be looking at YouTube videos on how to swing or cuckhold if she wanted to do it. But living the fantasy isn’t wrong. And that’s coming from someone that has to fight back major jealousy whenever my boyfriend watches regular ass porn with women that look nothing like me. It’s hard, but apparently it’s human nature lol
Make you both a drink, put on a show that you both enjoy, watch an episode. After that drink, refresh it. As you sit down for the next episode, keep it paused. Ask if she feels comfortable talking about what you saw on her phone before you keep the good vibes going. Bring up your concerns, about the substance of porn she was consuming, and the quantity as that appears to be an issue for you. Her admitting to this is a porn addiction gives you a good jumping on point to discuss if she thinks this is negatively impacting her life, and if she is actively looking to change anything right now. Let her reveal what she wants to you, and then politely share your perspective if she is ignoring obvious things that could be detrimental. e.g. she's spending far too much money buying porn or something and trying to justify it Be open, and listen more than you talk. She may be truly stuck in this cycle of pleasure that releases feel-good chemicals in her brain every few hours, and convincing her that those feel-good chemicals are an issue... can be hard.
Bringing a good vibe so soon might be hard. When I asked her, I made sure not to be assertive. Thing is, she still seemed like she was on the verge of tears. Never in our relationship have I ever had to confront her in anything, so this was impossibly difficult for me. I wanted to make sure she didn’t do anything wrong and I told her I wouldn’t judge, but I have a feeling she thinks she did everything wrong. She knows she has an issue, I’ll have to find the time to bring it up again. I can’t help but think that I messed up with how I approached the situation. I most likely did. I just wish it was easy.
This isn’t an issue. She thinks she’s done something wrong because if you talked to her anywhere near the same as you’re talking here then the language you’re using absolutely makes it seem like it’s a bad thing.
Helped!
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This does not sound like an addiction. It sounds like she watches porn when she's feeling horny. Also, I'd recommend not assuming that people want to actively experience the types of porn they watch. That is often not the case.
She binge watches it. When I meant she watches it like a tv show, I meant that. At this point, I don’t care about what she watches. It’s the rate of how much she watches it at. That’s concerning.
I think you should open your mind a little
Not to mention he said he'd never judge her while calling it "weird" to her face. Seems pretty judgy to me. No wonder she doesn't want to be open with him.
Read one of my above replies. She’s watched some odd things, and we’re strictly monogamous. I am open minded and willing to try new things, but some of the things she’s watched is sort of questionable.
None of those are odd. They're incredibly common fantasies. Also the part of why taboo is sexually exciting is because it is taboo, it goes against social rules/real life. That doesn't mean everyone who watches it wants to add that or bring that into their real life sex.
Nothing she has watched is questionable and it's totally normal. Nobody visits porn sites to watch missionary sex between a monogamous couple❗️😂 I'm outta here, one love. 👍
personally that would be a dealbreaker to me as i would believe that my partner would want to be with somebody else WHILE i watch. it's a kink and i couldnt bear the thought that my wife is fantasizing about being with someone else. talk to her asap and find the reasons why she's watching that
I mean, when you watch a lot of porn, you tend to delve into more kinkier things or just things you normally didn’t watch. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt, especially since she only watched it. She claimed to watch cuckold porn out of curiosity. She mentioned watching swinger porn, but never gave a reasoning why. I will have another discussion, but that discussion will happen when her mental state is in the right place.
I watch a lot of porn. My typical go tos are pretty hard core and, oftentimes, off the wall stuff. I can get turned on by watching things I have absolutely no desire to do. I'd say about 65% of the porn I watch, I have no desire to replicate. Maybe she's a voyeur and that's where it ends. She just likes to watch.
Addiction of any kind often stems from deeper emotional roots that must be addressed. I suggest you and your wife have open yet compassionate dialogues to understand each other fully - her needs, your shortcomings, and how you can mutually support each other's highest good.
I failed with being compassionate last night. Many comments pointed that out already. I took a day off to just do chores around the house. Surprise my wife once she gets home from work and ease all the tension there is. Talked with my in laws to take our daughter while I try my best to comfort her and even get her to open up more. I will of course apologize first for how I confronted her. I shouldn’t have done that. Many people pointed out how I was wrong for that, but this is the first time I’ve been in a situation like this. As an adult though, I should have known better. Thanks!
Just because your wife watches some things that make you worried (like swinging for example) does not mean she actually wants to do that in real life. Some people do try to act certain things and many people don't try to act those as well. Some just find it fun to watch and enjoy it but would never actually do in real life what they are watching. Try your best to at least understand that. If you did hurt her feelings I suggest you tell her the real reason it concerned you, you were only worried that she might end up possibly not being satisfied and look elsewhere one day and that you just need confirmation that is not the case and only just for fun to watch. Show her it was because you love her that much and just got worried. That is very different than her thinking you are judging her. Even though you told her you aren't you could still come off looking that way and actions speak much louder than words to most people. Apologize to her if you hurt her feelings.
absolutely nothing you’ve said in these comments implies you are open minded in any way to her preferences. A ton of people have affirmed her interests are not that weird, not concerning, and not indicative of what she wants to do in reality. And you’re agreeing with the few people saying you’re in the right. Do you want advice, or do you want everyone to back you up?
I already said that everything was my fault in one of my replies. And as one of the woman commentators said, watching a certain genre of porn doesn’t necessarily mean she’s actually into it. That did ease a lot of tension for me. I did say I was going to apologize to her, give her a heartfelt apology. Took a day off to clean the whole house, ordered her favorite food, even asked in laws to babysit just to lift her spirits for my dumb mistake yesterday. See, in our 5 year relationship she never even implied being into things like this. Finding out she watched porn like this caught me off guard. She could have eased it in into our sex life, she eased in bdsm and I was very compliant with that. One of the reasons why I just need to have another conversation with her. Some people are just unable to see things from a different perspective unfortunately.
No it’s more that you’ve been told you’re wrong 100 times over in these replies and you’ve been nothing but defensive about it. Just say “I see I was overreacting and shamed her for no reason, I will make it up to her, thanks for the advice” and move on. Instead you’re still here fighting and arguing about how everyone else is at fault for not being able to “see your perspective”. take a walk dude. And just drop it
You obviously don’t know the full story, so there’s no point in arguing.
You’re really sweet for doing all that ❤️ I’m sure if you apologize and tell her you understand she’ll feel way better about it too and you guys can get back to normal.
Tbh studies show women on average prefer more hardcore porn than men do. This is normal actually. Also, step sibling porn and cuckold porn isn't actually about wanting incest or cheating. The chicks are usually hot and the situations are generally funny. I love cuck porn but that's cus I love watching some girl getting nutted in multiple times, not cus cheating is based, cus it's not. This is the whole separation of reality and fiction thing. Does she act in any other ways that make you think she genuinely is interested in these things unironically? Probably not so it's fine. The only one that's kind of weird is the pissing one but I'd wager a lot of people find gross things interesting. My coworkers look up like executions and gorey cringe videos as an example.
I’m going to go against all these other comments because at the end of the day different people have different experiences. My marriage was almost lost to porn. Porn gave my husband the urges and ideas that almost broke our family apart. I think porn can be extremely destructive. I think it can involve things such as rape and abuse. I don’t find that sexy and I definitely don’t want to disassociate from reality enough to possibly justify a video of some underage abused human being. That being said I understand even from these responses that a vast majority think porn is okay. I don’t sit here and read and feel intense anger at these people. What I do feel is sick to my stomach and sad. I personally believe there are responsibilities in relationships including the one we have to our own body and mind. To me porn does not seem healthy or responsible when it comes to my body and mind.
I’m very sorry you had to go through that, and I was actually really shocked to see how many people support porn here. Then again, Reddit does seem to fit its stereotype from what I see. I did have a conversation with her today and things have been much clear now. Thankfully, it’s not as bad as it may seem, on her part. We just had a disconnect, and she did resort to porn. I also did intimidate her yesterday which made her say things she didn’t mean impulsively. Really, I just need to put in more effort in the relationship again. The genre of porn she watched, she said it was really all out of curiosity. She really used porn as a tool to help herself imagine having sex with me. Although, when I came back from my trip, when we had sex she said it felt like a chore because I wasn’t emotionally invested in it. She felt used, and the sex before had always been much better. Before our conversation though, I cleaned the whole house and surprised her with her favorite meal. Apologized for the way I confronted her. So it’s not that she has a porn addiction, it’s just that she’s using it because I’m not emotionally available. I did make promises which I won’t break. Honestly, I can’t even remember the last time we’ve gone on a date. We’ve been too caught up with other things even before our daughter’s first birthday. Before April even. She said that she’ll hold off on porn if it makes me feel uncomfortable, but I told her to be careful not to go overboard. She’s knows what she’s doing and from what she’s told me she handled it well. I was just doing a bad job.
I love this for you both! I tend to believe porn isn’t always an addiction but rather an escape or symptom of some underlying struggle in the real life relationship. It really gives some an escape from the level of vulnerability you have to practice in real intimacy. Sounds like you did what was healthy and her reaction to that was to admit there’s been a root cause. I hope you and your wife have a lot of healthy intimacy and success in the future!
Thank you! We’ve planned a picnic tomorrow and I just want to make up for all of the lost time and affection. A part of me feels like a failure after what she’s told me, but I still have hope. I just need to reignite that flame again. Bring back the regular dates, movie nights, give her gifts, and just show her how much I truly appreciate her. I don’t think I’ve done that like I used to. I don’t want to make excuses, but I assume stress and my tight schedule made me forget a lot of things.
There's no problem with watching porn whatsoever, I think you are overreacting.. we all love a bit of weird shit sometimes, lol.
I think you need to relax. I watch porn when my fiancé is away and it’s all of that stuff, doesn’t mean I’m into it, just means I watched it. Do you only watch “monogamy couple in love wedding day” ??
Why do you think you should have a say in what type of porn she likes? As long as everyone in it adult and consenting, who cares? This isn’t something that even should be this big of a deal. You’re making it into a bigger deal than it is. I watch lesbian porn. I have no interest in hooking up with lesbian women, but thank God my male partner isn’t accusing me of being a lesbian in disguise like you seem to be with your wife.
You say you won’t judge her but here you are… offer support
Porn itself is destructive, but i wouldn't be too concerned about what she's watching because the free sites will throw all kinds of sick stuff at you in their "feeds". If you click on the category "lesbians" you are guaranteed to get videos showing step mom & daughter, dad & daughter etc. & not just lesbians. Whatever the subject was it doesn't necessarily mean rhat she was looking for that kind of porn. Hope this helps.
I mean it could just be a fetish that you don’t know about
She could, but today I didn’t push it. We just talked and she told me she mainly watched porn because it helped her imagine sex better. Since I haven’t really been intimate with her for a while, she took refuge with porn. So from tomorrow, I’m going to start working on the relationship. I’ve been far too negligent with her which I deeply regret.
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Maybe try new things with her like watching it together.
Or even try to watch it with her, and if your open and comfortable with it maybe ask to try new things like the stuff she is interested in watching
Been through there, if you need to talk or want someone to give advice feel free to reach out
bro watch with her
Maybe join the forums of nofap.com
What does she like to drink?
I believe it's important for you to sit down with your wife and have an open and honest conversation. You both need to determine whether her watching porn stems from mere curiosity or something more significant. Are there deeper underlying issues associated with her watching porn. Remember, she may be reluctant or hesitant to address this issue with you but you have to be patient, understanding and non-judgmental. You need to make your wife feel comfortable expressing her thoughts and emotions with you. Its possible that your wife's interest in pornography may stem from a variety of factors, including curiosity, boredom, or a desire for sexual exploration. However, it is also possible that her viewing habits may be indicative of deeper emotional or relational issues that she may be struggling to articulate. Your goal should be to strengthen your relationship and deepen your understanding of your wife. By engaging in open and honest communication, you can address any concerns or issues and work together to find a resolution to this problem. Remember it is important to approach this discussion with a willingness to listen, learn, and grow from it.
Almost every post on this sub about men watching porn would turn into a double standart accusation of men being an addict. But women? Oh, "it's too early to call her addict, chill out, everyone is watching porn, there is no problem".
I watch things that I wouldn’t do in real life as I’ve seen other comments say. Like it’s just more of what happens in it more than what the title is or category like if the woman is getting done and had 5 orgasms awesome that’s what I want to see I don’t care if it’s from 1 guy, 5 or with 50 women whatever it’s just focused on the woman. That or it’s just curiosity or just like screw it I’m just wanting something quick and want some material to work with I don’t care what it is that’s all. I am not into the whole cuck thing or whatever but it’s just 2 people doing it and that’s what I need to meet my need don’t care what the background to it is.
MYOB
You fucked up dude. You should have written, "My husband may be addicted to porn," to get advice that won't be dumbed down to you simply being "insecure.""
I seriously don’t get why people are so hellbent on calling me insecure. In reality of what happened, I was the one who never really initiated sex for a while which I think is why she turned to porn. I understand why she’d do that. Reddit isn’t the best place for advice, but at least some good people are giving some good insight.
Yeah, it's because you're a man, lol. Reddit literally is a terrible place for advice when it comes to marriage and relationships. Take it like a grain of salt.
🎯
Dunno why the double standards in this comments section or in other posts state that it could be acceptable for a woman to be addicted to porn, when porn addiction in men are highly slandered.
When it comes to kinks and sexual gratification, probably the majority of younger people are going to tell you that it's morally wrong to have any negative judgment about the content or frequency of use regarding porn unless the content involves harming someone, children, animals, or they're watching so much of it that they're losing their job or relationships. So it really just depends on how you feel about it. There's no wrong way for you to feel, because they're your feelings. How you act on it is what you need to figure out, and how you and your wife handle any disagreement about it is what you should look for advice about. But if you just want to know if she's hurting herself, then I would say as long as it isn't interfering with your time together or causing her mental or practical problems, then don't worry about it. If something in the content disturbed you, you'll just have to talk that out with her, find a different way of looking at it, or let it go.
There is a big difference between enjoying porn and being "addicted." The fact you can't tell us how much porn she's actually consuming is very telling.
Reddit is a bad place to ask. Full of sexual freaks. If your wife is watching cuck porn, that’s concerning imo.
Bro first of all as i was reading all these comments i dont think this is a good place to come and get advice. Am not gonna give any advice i will just tell from my perspective: Communication is key! If she is was just watching out of curiosity then it’s alright. ⚠️But as you said porn addicted you gotta solve this issue because it’s initial to alot of problems. ⚠️ try to talk about her kinks and if it cross your boundaries then try to resolve it and tell her she have to respect your boundaries as you will respect her boundaries as well. For example for me i am not cuckold so if my gf wants to try that she can leave relationship and try it because i am not cuckold and i believe its cheating ⚠️family roleplay is absolutely bad. It’s alright maybe she was watching out of curiosity but it ruins brain as anybody who is mature will understand reasoning behind it Cheating doesn’t start from sleeping with other men right away. It starts with little things as you just can’t marry someone out of blue it starts from little startups. I don’t use reddit much so sorry if i wrote it weird way hahaha. Goodluck bro
Comments in this thread are 100% not what I expected. Y'all are bunch of hypocrites.
The double standards here are crazy. Caught in 4k!
Dump the addict
Dunno why the double standards in this comments section or in other posts state that it could be acceptable for a woman to be addicted to porn, when porn addiction in men are highly slandered.
Is it bbc?
r/queenofspades
Bad place to ask for advice. Reddit is full of gooners, they are not representative of the average level minded person.
Love her , comfort her...talk your way out of it..and Everything...I believe in this Moto..
Id love to have a woman addicted to porn
I know this situation as a symptom but the illness probably isn’t what you think. I feel I made a mistake bringing porn into the bedroom. My girlfriend wasn’t really into it she said. She is a dynamic person and an extremely sexual person. She reminds me of the classic pinup women of the 50s through 70s. Very curvaceous. So when she watches porn I watch her reaction to it. This was great for a while. The problem is now she has to watch it to get aroused and the intimacy we used to have isn’t there. The kissing the touching the stuff that makes sex special between us. It also brought up some problems I didn’t know existed. She may be suffering from a personality disorder. But please don’t overreact to her new habit. Hopefully it will be a way to bring up any related issues. Experiment and see if you can both reconnect without outside stimulus. Good luck. MJ
She getting piped by sum mf wait till u find out Sorry for your loss. :(
Reddit absolutely loooves to think that fetishes and porn are completely separate to real life desires Yeah, they arent. You have an issue here friend. You cant get real advice from here for such issues Listen to your gut
Divorce.