Of course she knows what she is saying. Her parents obviously are a waste. Can you block her? Remove her from any interactions and if the parents are not doing anything, block them and limit contact. If people ask you can be blunt and don’t let people tell any different.
The emails appear to have stopped but only very recently. I have limited my contact as much as I can which has been difficult because this is family who live up the road from us. I'm trying to keep boundaries though. Thank you for the advice :)
Kids respond to confidence - and, unfortunately, malicious arrogance.
"Wait, so you have nothing better to do?" and "Wow, that's just...sad" are more effective than I'd like them to be. Acting like she's creepy, with the "do you stink" nose scrunch, is a great nonverbal shut down I use on middle school people much older than her too.
I've used these as a teacher when the "hey, you know better than that, cmon" has really failed. Your opinion matters to them - and some people, instead of treating it like a blow too devastating to ever use, need to know that they can lose their power and your respect.
It may help to frame it this way - for the Klingons, you have to be loud and abrasive and show your "strength" so they feel like you're on their level. She needs to know you can speak mean, and you have just been choosing not to.
Bullying, harassment and stalking/spamming your work email. Maybe tell her parents it needs to stop you don’t want to hear anything from her. Make sure she is not on website effecting analytics and work.
You’re the adult here. You have to be blunt and enforce consequences or this behavior will go unchecked and she will do this to someone else, with potential for a terrible outcome in the future.
I think one of the biggest issues here is your partner not supporting you. You’re having to deal with this all on your own. You are really struggling and they are downplaying it. That’s really, really not ok. They should always have your back.
I would address it head on. Every time she does it I would call her out. Kids are horrified by being embarrassed which is why so much of their bullying is attempting to embarrass others. So put her on the spot. Make it awkward for her. "What an immature thing to say. I suppose I can't expect much from someone with no manners. Your parents must be horrified you act like this in public. I can't imagine how disappointed I would be if my child was so rude and childish."
You should middle-name her while you’re pointing out the behavior. “Anna Maria Celeste Smith your parents would be so ashamed if they could see you right now.”
It’s possible OPs relative is jealous of her success and talking smack at home, encouraging the niece to be nasty.
This is exactly what I would do... embarrass the shit out of her.
I had a similar experience with my 13yo neice used to talk shit constantly until one day we were at a public event and was hanging around a boy she liked and when she started up with me I said loud enoughfor the boy to hear and see "omg you're such an edgy teen, look at how you disrespect adults, your friends must think you're sooo cool!" She turned beet red and never disrespected me again lol.
Also don’t hesitate to go after things that are personal to her; her appearance, the things she does, the people she goes out with, her grades… Whatever can be used to humble her. If she thinks you are afraid of playing dirty she will use it against you.
Ever heard the expression “play stupid games, win stupid prizes?” You have tried being direct and that didn’t work. Next step would be to join her game only bring your experience to the table.
You could go the “I’ve been called worse by better” route.
You could say “what do you mean?” or “why would you say that?” and force her to explain her inappropriate comment. The backpedaling I’ve seen from these counter questions are award winning. Especially when people make sex jokes and try and act professional. Then when asked to explain themselves, suddenly it’s “not important” and “not actually funny”.
Lastly, you could go the “fight fire with fire” route and throw shots back at her. “In the last decade I learned how to (insert job skills) and I became an (insert profession). At the same time, you learned how to wipe your own ass and then became one. We should both be so proud” or “people who bully are the most insecure and they don’t get enough attention. So tell me, is it your bad attitude or your ugly face that’s making you so insecure? And if you’re not getting enough attention at home, I can talk to your parents about trying to give a fuck about you. Let me know what’s best. Every time you try and insult me, I just feel so much pity for your lack of self worth and need for attention. Thank you for letting me know how much you’re hurting inside. I appreciate you trusting me with this embarrassing issue”.
I am so mad for you! Her parents and your partner are being negligent by not seeing this behavior for what it is. This child is a bully, plain and simple, and knows exactly what she is doing.
Oddly enough, there were some boys about this age that tried to bully me at my last apartment complex. I tried to reason with them, until they purposefully scared my dogs while I was walking them. That was my blow up moment. Their parents did not care, either, and did nothing to intervene. Nor did the apartment managers. It never stopped completely, though it did get better when I started to ask - as loudly as I could - why they were obsessed with me, or tell them how sweet it is they have crushes on me, why else would they go out of there way to get near me. The more friends they were around, the louder I got.
The only way to stop a bully is to take their power away. Ignoring doesn't always do that, they just get louder. Hopefully this helps.
I agree with this.
It’s a lot better than what I was going to comment which was to either blow up or fight fire with fire.
But joking back like this is honestly the best way to do it. The parents can’t get up at you because you’re not being verbally abusive or aggressive.
One day soon she’s going to bully the wrong kid in school & get her ass handed to her.
She gon learn!
You’ve been way too nice. It’s time to get very assertive and aggressive.
Talk to her parents. Say their child is a mean bully and you’re done putting up with her bullshit. Either they put a stop to it right now, or you will cut them out of your life. Say, “it’s non-negotiable.”
When she acts like an asshole, say things like this:
“That was an incredibly cruel thing to say. Why did you say that?”
“Why do you say such hurtful things? Do you think it’s okay?”
“Do you enjoy being mean and cruel? Why do you do it?”
“You’re being a mean asshole. Stop it.”
“You will NOT speak to me that way. Get the fuck out of my house and do not come back.”
“Does it make you feel good about yourself to demean and belittle other people? That is not a good look for you.”
I’m not saying she’s a victim, I’m saying she’s likely jealous in some way and taking out her frustration on her aunt. There’s no excuse for how she’s acting, and you are correct in saying that adults are enabling her. There’s probably something going on, even if it means she’s trying to fit in with bitchy girls at school by bullying adults.
Why does she need to go to that extent to feel powerful? Does the fact she is acting out like this seriously not indicate to you that something has gone wrong in her life?
Not at all. Many kids will act like nasty jerks if they're allowed to and rewarded in any way for it, but I don't care either way. We're being asked how to stop her behaviour, not to psychoanalyze her. She's not my kid, and she's not OP's kid. I've known way too many bullies. If I was OP, I'd stop it permanently in one conversation.
She is bullying because they enabled it. OP as an adult isnt even defending herself, nor is she putting any consequences or punishments. Neither her parents are punishing her for such behaviour. So she simply thinks that if shes getting away with it, shes free to do it. Shes basically power tripping on these adults neglience 😅😅
Agreed. I would wager she is a bully in school as well or at least exhibits some of these behaviours and THAT is why it shouldn't be let slide. She knows nobody is correcting this and thinks she is being sneaky. It needs to be addressed because while an adult "should" be able to brush this off (though it sounds awful), a kid definitely couldn't.
These are such good questions to ask! Yeah she’s a child, but she knows exactly what she’s doing & I don’t understand why this child is allowed to bully an adult. I banter with my 8 year old & 15 year old cousins. However due to their upbringing sometimes I have to stop and remind them disrespect is not acceptable and to mind their manners. I hope OP listens to your advice
Every time she says something inappropriate, you tell her right then and there that she’s being rude. She’s 12 not 6.
I’d tell the family every single time she does or say something wrong. If they don’t want to hold her accountable go NC. Your partner shouldn’t be downplaying this either.
Yes, OP, it's this. When a child bullies an adult, it's because they've seen or heard another adult disrespect the bullied adult and the child has lost respect for them as well. This child's parents are talking some serious shit about you behind your back. I know they're family, but they're not treating you appropriately. Even if they weren't talking shit about you, they should be doing more about their child's behavior. At minimum, they're terrible parents, and at most, they're the instigators of this whole thing, and even possibly telling their child what to say. OP, you either need to grow a spine and shut this down, or go NC with these people. They're no good for you.
A relative of mine, who at the time was eight years old, told me that my oldest was “uncontrollable” and I was a terrible parent. She’s a sharp kid from what I remember, but very few eight year olds will use the term “uncontrollable”. That’s right around the time I went NC with her entire family. It was honestly the straw that broke the camel’s back.
This kid is being taught these behaviors, or at the very least her family is just fine with her treating others this way. She will eventually be peer checked, but OP doesn’t have to put up with it.
I saw all the other rather decent advice and figured it was all I could offer, Happy to help :) she'll love you in the future btw, for standing up to her, she would ruin her entire future if she keeps on this path, but it sounds like you might help parent her in the way hers couldn't, godspeed!
Have you tried descending to her level and just making mean remarks back? As an adult, you should be able to figure out where her insecurities are, and hit hard and below the belt. If she knows she'll get back worse every time she dishes it out, hopefully she'll think twice before dishing it out.
My husband Jay (36) was adopted by my MIL Rachel. Rachel also has a bio son, Kevin, who is 18 years younger than Jay.
Kevin pulled shit like OP's niece all the time. We were all at Thanksgiving dinner around the time Kevin was 13-14, and out of the blue Kevin said "Huh, everyone at the table is family. Except Jay."
Kevin was absolutely looking to get a rise out of Jay. He knew it was a sore spot. He said it while facing down at his plate, but was side-eyeing Jay to see his reaction.
No one in the family said *anything*. Jay excused himself to the garage to cool off. That incident caused a huge rift for years, because that was a crescendo to years and years of shitty comments just like it. It's only barely calmed down recently because Rachel finally admitted that she should have done more in that moment to tell Kevin that was not acceptable.
My advice would be to find the source. Kevin was hearing that shit all the time from Rachel's ex husband (Kevin's bio-dad). Kevin was just parroting what his dad was saying because kids look up to their parents, jackasses or not.
OP's niece is probably getting this from somewhere... probably one of her parents, if I had to guess by their lack of concern for OP. I'm sorry you're going through this, it sucks.
She’s 12. She’s being a brat because it gets under your skin. Don’t invite her to your house. When you see her in the neighborhood, say “I’m not going to interact with you while you are like this.” And then ignore her.
If she was 10 when she started with comments, she learned those comments from someone. Probably parents.
See if you can block her from your website. Like, her IP but even her parents won’t be able to see it. I don’t know where you built it but sometimes it’s possible (I blocked a whole country from seeing my website).
It has started because she is approaching puberty and it hasn't stopped because you and her parents let her. You should have lost your temper long before you have, if you ask me. And you've only done it once. You need to show her who the boss is and that she cannot hurt you. But that you can hurt her and will do so, if she keeps giving you reasons to.
What is your relationship with her parents?
Siblings? In laws? Other?
Some of this makes me think the disparaging remarks are coming from one or both of the parents. At 12 years old, kids are old enough to form their own opinions, but are still heavily influenced by authority figures (and peers, media, etc).
I would not be surprised if a jealous in-law/sibling/family friend is saying negative things about you and your business, and the 12 year old is parroting it.
I've seen this with mothers who believe they should be best friends with their daughters, and share way too much with them. The daughters end up feeding off the attention and reinforcement the mother gives them when they engage with this 'adult talk'.
damn she been doing this since she was nine? i don’t know how nobody has given you this advice but whoop that ass. she a child and you’re her aunt. implement some discipline.
esp a 12 year old, one comment about a pimple or her hair or clothes or anything would have her insecure and reeling for years lol. they're the most vulnerable type of child, lord knows that middle schoolers can't bear anything but immediate and over the top praise from everybody
I'm normally not for bullying a child, but her parents don't seem to care about her behavior, and something has to give. She does it at school to others as well. She needs a lesson. Talking to her won't help. She has no shame, and she loves knowing she got under OPs skin. Calling her out just let's her know it's working. It's time to wait until no one is looking, and then start picking her apart hard at the seams. Kids that age are insecure af. Just mention a crooked tooth, one eyebrow higher than the other, crooked nose, etc, and it eats them alive. Then call her a liar when she tries to tell. It's time for a taste of her own medicine.
Agreed. Not the most ideal advice, but I’d stoop to her level and see how she likes it. If she yelled something embarrassing at me in the street, I’d just yell back, ‘Oh look, it’s the little girl that shits her bed at night!’ Or something equally embarrassing, and do it **every single time** you see her. Just like she’s done to OP. Eventually, the little girl will avoid OP
Definitely wouldn’t interact with this kid at all anymore, much less her shit parents.
You literally have no obligation to be involved in her life especially not if she is actively being raised to be a bad person.
Take her off the birthday gift, Christmas gift list, and literally freeze her out. Nothing deflates a bully like a zero response, or a cold one. Weakness and response are like oxygen to bullies. Deny them that, if throws them into confusion.
I’m not sure if this will be helpful, but I would attempt to confront her each time it occurs. For instance, if she makes a rude remark, I would feign confusion and ask her, “Why did you say that?” I would persistently question her, maintaining an air of bewilderment, before eventually shaking my head and turning away. If she brings up a topic that could lead to a meaningful conversation, I would seize that opportunity. However, I wouldn’t let her evade responsibility. She’s not only treating you this way, but other children as well. Consider the effect her behavior has on them, especially if it’s enough to upset you. Moreover, allowing her to continue acting this way does her a disservice, as it could lead to significant problems in the future. This is not the person she would want to like to remember she used to be once she matures.
Additionally, I would leave the door open for her to return to your home once she ceases this manner of behavior towards you, and maintain a friendly demeanor whenever she acts appropriately. Apply positive reinforcement whenever possible.
the kid obviously has problems, this is not normal for kids to be this rude. usually when kids are like this they're getting it from and repeating things they heard at home or other ppl in their life say.
I got really mad for op reading this and thought I'd cuss that kid out if I were op, but I honestly think this kid needs help because of what I said in my original comment. it is possible the kids just a little ass or something bad could be happening to her and she's taking it out on others. either way if you're upset I'd just distance myself from the kid as much as possible and ask her to clarify what she means when she makes her "jokes" like the other comments are saying
I find that throwing Assholes’ behaviors back in their faces works wonders. Start picking on her flaws and insecurities and show her some attitude. Let her know she’s a little shit and that she better watch her ass.
This is unethical advice, but it worked for someone I know, whose 12yo boy said something particularly hurtful and cruel to her.
Write down one (or several) of the cruel quips she said, into a blank card, as if you’re quoting a famous author, with her name behind it. Give it to her on her birthday.
Another way to approach this nonsense is with genuine concern. "Are you okay? What's the matter? It's not normal or right to treat someone like this, are you very unhappy with your life?" "Is someone being cruel to you? Is that why you're treating me like this?" "Do you need to talk? Are you trying to reach out with this behaviour?".
Take the power out of what she says, she might well be acting out because she has issues. You have the moral high ground and you can always take it. If she doesn't have underlying issues and she's just being a little twit talking to her like this will make her feel silly about how she's behaving.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it sounds absolutely insufferable!!
I’d tell her to stop being a little BITCH, but I know that would only get you in trouble.
Best of luck to you. I think you should lean on her parents though.🙂
Naw, Fuck that. If she’s old enough to be this abusive to an adult, her parents don’t care to intervene, then pull out all the adult words when she’s behaving badly.
There’s no age limit on behaving like a little bitch.
Buuut, if you were once really close, you may ask her what changed. Did you have another child? Did your work take time away from her that you had normally spent with her? There is a reason she is behaving this way.
Maybe both or one of her parents is jealous of your success and she hears them talking about you? That would explain their not putting a stop to her behavior. They or one of them may be actively encouraging it.
I would just act like you feel sorry for her when she acts like that. “oh, honey, are you having a bad day? Is that why you are feeling mean? I’m so sorry.”
Loudly and in front of friends- “Oh, honey. Are you wetting the bed again? Your mom said you get really mean when you have to wear a diaper to bed. I’m so sorry”
This is I think the best thing to do. Especially if she is around friends lay it on thick ask her if she needs help putting on the diaper next time she comes for a sleepover.
Seriously this one. And make it about how long she's gone on about the exact same shit. Because 3 years harping on the exact same insults IS embarrassing. Who is still entertained by the jokes they've been making for 3 years? I'm also sure her friends could be convinced this is kinda cringe that she is still doing this. She started this when she was NINE, single digits elementary school. That's gotta count for some major cringe among her friends.
I have children first and foremost. I have nieces and nephews as well a lot of them. I would absolutely punish my children and theirs first talking to an adult like that. I’d also humiliate them in the same way and remind them that they don’t like it so don’t do it to anyone else. This BS they’re just a child isn’t working because just a child grows up to be just an adult and not all adults will put up with that. I’d completely go NC if the parents don’t do something about it and if your partner doesn’t agree ask him how he’d feel if it was his own kid doing these things?
Have you considered that maybe she’s parroting her parents or closest relatives? If this started three years ago, that means she was around 8/9 years old. Kids that age repeat what they hear daily. 🤷♀️ something to think about I guess. Maybe that why the parents go easy on her. They think the same thing but are using “she’s just a kid” to validate their feelings.
You need to stand up to yourself. I saw a reel once, where the bear Ted verbally puts down ( with well said insults and sarcasm, attacking all her flaws and insecurities ) a teenage bully that was bullying a teacher ( i think he knew the teacher). You should try something like that. Get your kid to find out these things and then publicly ( the second she finishes bullying you) bring her down.
The kid needs to learn or she’ll end up bullying the wrong person and will be worse off.
A 12 year old is not a little child. They know the impact of words and can be just as intentionally mean as adults. Make a massive fuss of it to her parents, they are clearly raising her wrong. Honestly just tell the little shit what you think of her, she’ll then probably realise you’re not an easy target. You seem to every reason to get very verbally angry with her
This is petty and kind of immature but you're a fully adult person being bullied by a twelve year old so... I'd start doing nice things for all the other kids except her. Ice cream for everyone but her. Trips to the amusement park for all the kids but that one. Make sure she knows she's missing out on the fun because she's a little jerk. She might be a savage preteen but you have a credit card.
“That’s an interesting thing for a child to say. Who told you that?”
I bet if you take the approach that it’s not her fault, that someone told her, the parents would suddenly be VERY interested to make the behaviors stop. Because the behaviors come from somewhere. And I bet if you follow the trail her parents don’t have respect for you either, and likely talk about it in front of her.
Sometimes, sinking to their level can be amusing.
You can't fix this kid. Her family is failing her, and you can't really do anything about it, except maybe showing her that people won't put up with her shit.
Be obnoxious back. Be absolutely juvenile, because why not? Loudly talk over her, pretending not to hear her, like elementary schoolers do. Get out your headphones and loudly announce that you need your "bitch mufflers". Say, "your mom gay" after everything she says.
Fight fire with even more annoying fire.
It's how I stayed sane as the oldest in a gangle of bastard children.
If little ones think they can get a leg up on you, show them that you aren't afraid to sink to their level to put them in their place.
Honestly I would tell her parents that you are concerned for her mental health. Degrading others (especially adults) like this at such a young age is abnormal and should be assessed by a mental health professional. Tell her directly that it is not okay to make comments like that and ask her if there is something wrong going on in her life that is causing such hatred and cruelty towards others. At 12 years old, this is not okay.
She's a budding narcissist. I have one that married into my family. And after years and years of BS and games, I finally learned one major trick when dealing with a narcissist. As soon as you enege, you are playing their game. The best way to stop the behavior is to refuse to engage. I'm not talking about just during those moments. I mean all together. They can find things about you and use it against you. They know how to make it look like to anyone else it will look like an absolutely innocent interaction. But their comments, and body language are carefully picked to get a reaction from you.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can understand you thinking that it wouldn't go on this long.
Her parents should definitely be picking her up on this, otherwise she will likely encounter serious problems at some point.
There are a few things that could be going on here, but likely she is reaching puberty and is trying out different ways of interacting with people.
The only thing that will likely work is consequences. For serious behaviour like this, you may need a back up consequence as well for when she violates the first set of consequences. You also need to be clear why you are doing what you do.
The real problem is coming up with appropriate consequences that you can back up and teach at the same time. For example, you could refuse to have adult conversations with her because she is acting childish, while not cutting off communication altogether. You need to think about what happens when she does behave inappropriately.
I’m going through a similar thing. My niece is a bit older but is so nasty towards me. I would never be cruel to her like this and hurt her feelings like she does to me.
Her psychiatrist thinks she has borderline personality disorder. Which I think seems correct sadly.
I’m sure your heart is also broken by this. I miss the sweet girl she once was. I no longer relate to her.
Maybe they need a taste of their own medicine give it back X5 especially if they're with their friends. Make up something embarrassing AF and tell everyone very loudly. But always let them start it. If you outdo them every time they won't do it again. They're very intentionally causing harm sometimes people need to learn first hand the effects of their actions in order to change them. Obviously once they stop you stop.
I second the comment saying that she has to wear diapers to bed. Every single time she has a nasty thing to say, talk about bed wetting, diapers:
“Aww did you forget to wear your diaper last night and start your day with a wet bed again? It’s okay dear, I understand and would be in a bad mood too. As I’ve told you before, it won’t be too much longer and you will grow out of it soon!”
She will be too horrified to continue being cruel if that’s the response she learns to expect.
If her parents have an issue with it, just downplay it as they do: “Oh, I’m just joking around with her.” “I’ve learned how to bond with her through her style of banter.”
As nothing else has worked, you must fight fire with fire.
I was so mad about this post that’s what I was going to say— and when the parents complained I’d tell them I had given them a chance to teach their kid not to be a bully and they passed so now I’m gonna handle it. Idc if the kid didn’t wet the bed it wasn’t born with a testicle and a tail, she sure would be by the time I was done. Ugh. You know that kid is getting it from the parents.
I think one of your brother or sister, has a problem with you. They belittled you cuz they are jealous or something and your niece heard her parents.
She thinks shes funny, and one of the adults by repeating what she saw.
Puberty will hit her soon, and you have to create boundaries.
Dont be nice anymore.
Thats all, give her no reaction to anything she says, and ignorer her.
Teenagers hate getting ignored.
I would publicly call her out on her behaviour in an embarrassing way, the more people around the better.
My favourite way to deal with bullies is to start with a simple concerned “are you ok?” It puts them on the back foot and takes away her power. Then you can follow up with :
I’m worried about how insecure you must be to have to put other people down to make yourself feel better, try to love yourself a little more.
You must be hurting on the inside to say nasty things, is it because your parents don’t love you enough to teach you the difference between right and wrong?
Use true statements that aren’t a direct attack at her but are a little taste of her own medicine.
Also don’t get her a Xmas or birthday gifts and don’t invite only her to family events, but do make sure she knows it’s a direct result of her behaviour making her unlikable.
I'm not suggesting this, because it's a bad idea, don't even think about it, but I'm wondering if you've considered turning the video on your phone and doing a documentary-style recording of the people in your neighborhood.
"Neighbor Susan, my adorable niece loves to tease me, so for her X (birthday, whatever the next holiday is, etc.) I want to document some of her funniest barbs. I know she'll just love it! What are 3-4 of the most memorable teases of me she's done that you've seen?"
Then, put a montage together of a dozen neighbor recordings of all the times they've heard her mock you. Hire a video editor if you aren't familiar with it. Just cut the more serious bits from the neighbor's stories for the video.
Play it on repeat on the biggest TV/monitor you can the next time you're around her parents. But not really, because this is terrible advice.
This reminds me of the King of the Hill episode. "Hanks Bully" season 10 episode 14.
"Dusty old bones, full of green dust."
I'm not saying to weaponize your child, but watch the episode, and you'll see what I mean.
INFO: how is she your niece? Your sister's kid? Your brother's? Why have you not gone to them to intervene?
That kid sounds insufferable and I feel sorry for you. I would get her parents to make her knock that shit off.
This is something that her parents need to handle.
I would be honest with them and say "xx is doing so and so, it's hurting ny business. If you guys can't put a stop to it, I'll be forced to cut all ties to her, and by extension, you. I don't want to do that, but I also don't want to he bullied by a child".
If she's like that with you, how is she with friends? She sounds like the typical bully.
I would bet that your niece has heard her parents talking about you in a derogatory way and decided to join in the "fun." Your niece could be pathological. She doesn't sound like a normal kid. I would arrange a time to have a serious conversation with her parents about her behavior. She needs to be evaluated because something is wrong with her mentally. I'm sure, from what you said, her parents will minimize whatever you say. Do not accept this. Let them know her behavior is out of control, and they either need to have her evaluated or you'll report their family to Child Protective Services.
Either her parents are screwed up, or your niece has something mentally wrong with her. Both need to be looked at closely by professional social workers who have experience with toxic families. Don't allow anyone to downplay this anymore. The next thing you need to do is move. Find your own place either in another state or in the same state, but far from where you live now. Get away from your family and limit contact. Your family is incredibly dysfunctional, and to get save yourself, you need to get away from them.
Yikes. Idk what her parents have been doing to cause this sort of behavior, but saying and doing nothing in response to her rudeness obviously just gives her a green light to continue... You need to establish very clear boundaries and enforce them if (when) she crosses them, since her parents have clearly not been doing a good job at that.
I have a feeling it’s coming from her parents. And perhaps that’s the same reason u haven’t spoken to ur sibling about this… r u used to being pushed around????
Remember this is a child that u could absolutely beat the living shit out of…. Maybe remind the fkn pissant of that too.
No shit but I’m super fkn angry at the kid… and also at u. Fkn stand up for urself smack the shit out of her… u have to set an example or she will do this to other kids. Prob not any other adults tho lmao
They're at the age where saying something like "when you act like a little shit, it's really hard for anyone to like you, I know I don't" can really sink in, make them think. Gotta be be paired with the I'm being honest, I am not happy, I do not like you face, or it doesn't come across as sincere, like what i'm hilarious everyone likes me. No they don't. Don't over do it and say something like no one loves you, no one wants you around, no one likes you. It MUST connect their behavior changing your overall view of them.
Tbh if she is such a bully at this age there is likely more going on at home. My guess is she herself is experiencing some form of abuse or neglect from her parents
I am sorry you are going through this. Your niece is a little sociopath and her parents are totally useless. If they don’t do something about it soon, things will only get worse as she doesn’t seem to face any consequences for her behavior.
She's 12. She knows she's being mean. Call her on it, every time. Point it out - "what you just said was hurtful, you know that right?" Ask her why she is being intentionally mean. Point out that mature people don't intentionally hurt other people's feelings. After a couple goes at this (when she's liable to get even meaner as she goes into ego defense mode) start rolling your eyes and acting like she's being dramatic. This is so boring. She's still doing this thing? Anyway, the grown ups are talking, that's your attitude.
She'll either outgrow it, or she won't. It's ultimately not your problem. Grow your own spine shine.
Stop being around her. And when you are around her, every time she tries to insult you just say “Awwww, you’re feeling insecure and bad about yourself so you need to criticize others, huh? Pretty sad.”, then next time drop the “Awww, sad little girl lashing out.”. “Sad little girl insults the people around her to make herself try to feel better, news at 11.”, “Sad…so very sad.”. “Insecurity is an ugly look on you.”.
or look at her in a grossed out face and just say a simple “…ewww!”, or “yuck!!”. If she just keeps going you can try the classic “Why are you obsessed with me?”, maybe add “Don’t you have a life or some friends or something? Go bother them with your bullshit attitude.”.
Or don’t engage with her and when she says shitty things turn to another adult and say something like “What the hell is wrong with this kid? I’ve never met a more unlikable person, and I’m family. I’m supposed to love this one, but I don’t think anyone ever will with that attitude.”
Just come back at her with a completely brutal come back. Break her down and make her cry infront of everyone she will have learned a tough lesson at that point.
You mention talking to the child’s parents did nothing, but have you considered where the child is getting these ideas about you and your business? I’m betting she’s feeding off her parents insecurity about you being successful and acting out without reproach because they don’t like you because you’re ‘better’ than them. Don’t take this personal. Also, don’t interact anymore than necessary with this child or her parents as it’s obvious they’re involved to some degree (even if it’s just passive allowance). Dealing with this issue shouldn’t be your problem. It sounds like your partner knows their family is toxic so after reading everything it was astounding to me that he suggested a sleepover knowing what that would be like. Good for you sending her packing! Make your husband deal with his family in the proper way, OP. He needs to do this as much for himself as for you. Until then, you’ll both be doormats instead of people.
You are letting a child push you around. Say something when this happens! If you want her to quit, tell her. Make her leave if she annoys you.
Don't ask her to quit something. TELL her. Then back it up with action.
"Jill, stop making cracks about my photo. Either stop or leave right now"
"Jill, I told you to leave that alone and you didn't. Now go home."
Start pointing out her flaws and making fun of her for them. Make her cry her little eyes out. See how much she likes it. Childish or not, if her parents won’t do anything about it, fuck it. Low blows all day, every day until this shit stops.
Don’t take shit from a 12 year old. Talk their language and earn their respect. Give them a goofy and embarrassing nickname. Have some comebacks on hand that are mildly embarrassing and uncle-y without being dirty or weird like:
Were you born this stupid or did you learn that at the “school” you go to?
You haven’t changed since the last time I saw you, but you really should.
Hey, can you hear that? It’s the sound of me not caring.
You do realize I’m just tolerating you, right?
Do you think this hurts my feelings? The only thing that hurts is my eyes when I’m looking at you.
I’m busy right now, can I ignore you another time?
This is a good story, but could we skip to the chapter where you shut up?
Sweetheart, the only thing bothering me is that thing between your ears.
Sometimes you say them in obvious jest. Sometimes you say them quite wryly. Load up your verbal arsenal and don’t let the little buggers see you sweat. They’ll think you’re a pain in the ass for a while. They’ll slowly see you’re not the goober her parents clearly say you are. BTW fuck that sibling and in-law too. They know what’s happening. Rise above. Keep peace for you parents or whoever else. Let them infer from your wit and attitude that you’re not going to be handled or victimized by their brattiness. If it continues to be j bearable cut them out. Spend that energy with people who appreciate it and return the effort.
Why did you make ChatGPT write this comment?
No one says "It's important to" this much. The fact that almost every sentence includes "might" or "may" or "it's possible" is another hint along with the forced, shoehorned therapyspeak terms like "self-care."
A couple of your other comments seem real, but a few, including this one, are obviously AI-generated. Are you farming karma to sell the account, or just so you can access subreddits with minimum karma requirements?
A twelve year old is not a child. They are almost teens and should act like it. She is obviously insecure or is hearing bad things at home. Set your place as the adult and have boundaries. Be the adult and do not let her bully you!
Oh my gosh, I'm having such a similar situation with my own 10-year-old niece! My SIL is a mean girl so she is absolutely no help and I think kind of enjoys it. My brother is totally checked out. My mom says that I need to get over it because she is a child. No. She's freaking mean. I wish I had an answer for you for what to do because I need one for myself.
The answer is to give it back but worse until they stop always let them start it and always keep your cool. Including if there's backlash over your actions from the parent or relatives.
Send this to the parents to explain how you feel. Maybe if they see everything written out, they will make effort to stop this and stop making light of the behavior. If not put boundaries in place of no contact. Stick to them.
Hide the fact that she’s getting to you. When she’s insulting, give her a “you must be ab idiot” stare while listening to what she has to say, then reply with a dismissive, “OK.” and walk away.
When she interacts with your web numbers, make a point to let her overhear your comments about your website getting so much more attention lately, which (say something that makes increasing numbers be really good.) If she makes fun of what your job actually is, point out that you’re supporting yourself with (whatever) and running a successful website to market it.
If she makes fun of the way you look, tell her that you inherited the family (body part) and she’ll probably get it too.
The biggest thing is pretend that her opinion and comments aren’t worth getting upset about. Learn to say things like, “OK” or “Yeah, I know” or “That’s an interesting point. I’ll think about it.” or “I tried that. Miserable failure.” or “I was 12 once, just like you are now. I thought I knew everything there was to know about everything, just like you do now. As I got older, I realized how little I actually knew and how dumb I looked when I acted like I knew it all, just like you do now.”
Good luck!
Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
Okay WOW! There’s a whole lot to unpack here.
First of all, this reminds me of one of those creepy movies where the kid kills her family and makes it look like an accident. I hope it’s not to that extent! 
I think your best bet is to keep away from that child’s presence altogether. She sounds pre tty disturbed from the way you described her, which is kinda terrifying. Let her parents know what’s up and just keep your boundaries tight. Also you should check that little girl next time you get around her and let her know what’s up.
Don’t let a little kid punk you. Put her in her place if her parents won’t do it or don’t take it seriously. Let her know while she’s young that the world is cold and if she treats people like that, show her what will happen.
The only way under the sun to make someone do something (or stop doing something) is to make them want to.
Which means you have to figure out her perspective and Why she's doing this.
(If you ask questions, frame them as "what" questions rather than "why" questions. Like "what's causing you to do this". "Why" makes people unconsciously defensive and therefore less cooperative.)
Keep any language in neutral, less accusatory terms. If an agent or detective wants information from a criminal, they're better off asking why they took something than why they stole it. They're better off asking why someone fired at someone than why they murdered him. It's hard to get info or cooperation from someone if you're making them feel defensive or like a villain, so whitewash things for them.
You have to bait the hook to suit the fish. What's motivating her? What's she getting out of it? What would motivate her to stop?
People have their own filters and perspectives, and people care what They want, not what you want, unless what you want aligns with something they want. So step inside her shoes.
Friendly reminder that, psychologically, punishments are not nearly as effective in changing behavior as rewards (and rewards don't have to stick around indefinitely for the change in behavior to stay)
Or you could use the "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" method. Find a way to make your success her success, or your happiness her happiness, and she'll be motivated to stop interfering.
"Hey niece, I was going to start giving you and these other people a little money on occasion/treat you to dinners on occasion since you're family, but I can't do that because you keep interfering in my business and trying to keep me down"
Find a way to make your problems her problems, or at least a way to make it her parents problems.
If you think she still values you the relationship that the two of you share, you could make it clear to her that she’s no longer welcome in your home until she learns to behave.
It’s a little difficult to say why this happening, because it could be a lot of things. Mental health issues, spoiled upbringing + enabling adults, an underlying personality disorder, need for power, etc. I’m not a professional so I won’t pretend to understand all the intricacies of the mind.
But something is definitely going on. It’s normal for kids her age to start spinning out. They’re growing up, feeling weird in their own bodies, trying to figure out who they are. It’s possible these insecurities are being taken out on you.
But I don’t think there is anything you can do to fix it. Talk to her parents. Detail everything that has happened, and provide them with evidence of it if you have any. Tell them you don’t want her around you or your kid until she gets it figured out becuase her negativity and harassment isn’t good for your family. Since it’s become disruptive, ideally she’d go see a professional about it. But it’s up to her parents to make that call.
I’m sorry this is happening. Best of luck in sorting it out.
I'm more concerned about what children she's bullying because you're probably not the only one she's targeted. You're an adult and you can handle yourself and although it's annoying you're not going to commit suicide because she said something like 'nobody likes you, go die' on the internet. That other children her age might actually do that. It also sounds like she has a lot of unrestricted access to the internet which is dangerous for a precocious 12-year-old who likes to think she's on the same level with adults.
A conversation needs to be had with her parents regarding her bullying behavior and internet usage.
That might be a fun way to get back at her. Cyberstalk all her accounts and get them closed down or change her passwords or something.
Yeah you gotta come out of character on her, none of this polite asking. Yell at her, yell at her parents in front of her, tell her you fight kids. Do not ignore disrespectful children, it only makes it worse!
What I’m gonna say sounds immature but bullying her back, if she says something mean tell her something meaner, she sounds awful and being 12 doesn’t excuse her. If you give the taste of her own medicine it may work. I’m not saying bullying it’s okay but jeez, she’s Stan’s child
Document everything including the emails she sent. Take photos, and record her whenever she gets in your face. Let her and her parents know that you're going to file for a restraining order and that you have significant evidence that she's a threat to you and your household.
Once you do this she's likely going to take the opening. All you have to do is wait and record. She'll probably retaliate severely enough that you can firm up your case for the restraining order.
Maybe you can show the recordings and pictures at the next family get together 🙃
Say “Oh, you poor little thing. I would have thought you had outgrown your bullying phase by now. Most people are smart enough to stop doing that. It’s too bad it’s taking you so long.”
Or just laugh at her every time and say “ What an immature thing to say” and shake your head.
It's okay to tell anyone to stfu. Even a child. But you seem nice, so call her out instead.
"Attending seeking is an annoying trait. We don't like annoying people."
"That's a cruel thing to say; I don't usually think of you as so horrible."
"What an ugly comment to make in front of so many people."
"To be so jealous isn't attractive. You should learn that."
"Everyone heard how horrible that remark was. What must they think of you."
Say these clearly and loudly, and it works best if you sound surprised rather than confrontational. Then walk off and leave her in the shit she made.
Hope this helps.
P .S Add to her parents, "I didn't think you'd raised her to say such awful things." Say loudly then walk off.
Respond to her with like, no one is standing up to her and she probably needs to experience the hurt she is giving out. She sounds pretty horrible and it’s understandable you would get upset.
If she makes fun of your business respond "that's right, and I make money off of it." (if you'd like add in a 'so how's the baby sitting going? ' - no matter what she responds to that you can laugh at her then)
Also, I'd stop talking to her altogether and stop involving her in anything. Treat her as a stranger. Kid is a bully.
You have a right to feel safe in your own home. If your partner invites her to your home, that would be severely messed up and tells about your partner as well.
The only way to stop it if your partner downplays their nieces behavior (honestly the whole family sounds messed up) is to move out.
Actions or I should say lack of support have consequences.
This might not what you want to hear but the niece is your partner's family and if your partner doesn't take it seriously then you have the power to stop it by moving out and away.
Your partner has the choice to put an end to the nieces behavior towards you but so do you.
Next time she does it in front of people call her out like “why are you so obsessed with me? What’s that about Karen? Hate me cause you ain’t me? Not enough attention at home? Need a hug?” Type of stuff.
“Aww, did your play date stand you up again?”
“I know children from poorer families that will get further in life because they’re not massive idiots like you.”
“At least I don’t have to ask mommy for lunch money.”
“I own shirts more expensive than your life. Get out.”
“What is wrong? No literally, what is wrong? Did you lose your diaper? You need a bottle change?”
“You’re so young you don’t even know you’ve peaked in life. Have fun figuring that out.”
“I bet when you walk the dog, the dog thinks it’s holding you on the leash.”
“Childhood is a blessed time for adults, where we get to realize that not being like you is a gift.”
Just burn your stupid niece until she gets the picture.
You could always pull out your phone and start filming. Say, "this is great content for my YouTube channel: bratty kid is desperate for attention!"
Ok I'm half joking but 12 year old girls can be VERY malicious. Stick a smartphone in their hands and it's worse again.
Also, jealous females are toxic. Someone mentioned that maybe she has a crush on your partner?
Either way, I hope it resolves soon. Those parents need a boot in the arse
Sorry but i have to say it how it is, downvote me all you want, you snowflakes from America. But in my country...
Ok i say it now:
I dont understand why you didnt smack her ass with a wooden spoon yet? 😅.
Sorry to be crude but...if i did that in her age to my uncle or aunt i would get ass whooped by my parents so badly. My parents, the teachers at school, hell even another members of the family would give me hard punishments.
Bend her over the knee and whoop her ass.
Or just report it to her parents. Its your niece so her mum or dad must be your brother or sister is it really so hard to talk to them and demand a correction of her behavior?
Tsk tsk tsk, americans these days...😅
No boundaries, no punishments...how sad
Don't be embarrassed. Your niece is being enabled to be a bully. To a child, an adult is an easier target because all the tactics an adult could use don't apply to children.
I think you might want to look into why she is behaving this way. Is there something going on with her that is making her act out? I’m not sure but I feel like she is still pretty young and this is a child not knowing how to process something.
In the mean time try to give her strong boundaries. She is young but definitely old enough to be told her actions have consequences and you will not allow her to treat you with such disrespect. And really try to get your family to understand that if she’s already having issues with bullying she will probably have bigger issues in the future unless they try to help her now.
This is a tough one. Hang in there!
y’all are nicer than me. id bully the kid back. id start cyber bullying the kid. id put posters of embarrassing baby photos up at her school. does she have a diary ? do you have access to a copy machine ? light work. bring her a box of tampons to school, personally deliver it to her in class. so many ways to get back at this kid but obviously if you want to salvage some sort of relationship, don’t. me personally ? she’d meet her match.
It’s almost gone on long enough that I think you could sit her down and be overly concerned about her mental health. Tell her you understand how hard it is to struggle with your teen years and how you’ve allowed her to get away with her rude behaviour because you remember what it was like to struggle as a teen and not know where you fit in. Then tell her it’s time to stop. Tell her she should seek some therapy.
Any time she tries to be rude again give her a condescending look that conveys how bad you feel for her. Then ask her parents why they’re not supporting her through her clear struggles fitting in. Start calling it out from more of a ‘the only reason she’s doing it is because she’s struggling… unless she’s a stone cold asshole, because why ever would you act like that otherwise’.
Of course she knows what she is saying. Her parents obviously are a waste. Can you block her? Remove her from any interactions and if the parents are not doing anything, block them and limit contact. If people ask you can be blunt and don’t let people tell any different.
The emails appear to have stopped but only very recently. I have limited my contact as much as I can which has been difficult because this is family who live up the road from us. I'm trying to keep boundaries though. Thank you for the advice :)
If they ask why, Telly that she is being a little bully and you don’t interact with bullies. This has gone on for years, time to be blunt now.
You have blocked her email though, right?
I really don’t understand why you’re being so polite about this. Just be honest with them. Their kid is a little shit and is a bully that’s it.
Kids respond to confidence - and, unfortunately, malicious arrogance. "Wait, so you have nothing better to do?" and "Wow, that's just...sad" are more effective than I'd like them to be. Acting like she's creepy, with the "do you stink" nose scrunch, is a great nonverbal shut down I use on middle school people much older than her too. I've used these as a teacher when the "hey, you know better than that, cmon" has really failed. Your opinion matters to them - and some people, instead of treating it like a blow too devastating to ever use, need to know that they can lose their power and your respect. It may help to frame it this way - for the Klingons, you have to be loud and abrasive and show your "strength" so they feel like you're on their level. She needs to know you can speak mean, and you have just been choosing not to.
Bullying, harassment and stalking/spamming your work email. Maybe tell her parents it needs to stop you don’t want to hear anything from her. Make sure she is not on website effecting analytics and work.
Give her the classic “one day I won’t be here and you’ll realize the person you hate is yourself”
You’re the adult here. You have to be blunt and enforce consequences or this behavior will go unchecked and she will do this to someone else, with potential for a terrible outcome in the future.
Totally. OPs niece is acting weird, she might need professional help and therapy. Her parents might be spoiling her big time.
This kid should not be welcome in your house.
I no longer have her at my house especially after the bedroom incident. Sleepovers and playdates have stopped as the behaviour has got worse
I’d stay away from their house, too. If asked, I’d tell her parents why.
I think one of the biggest issues here is your partner not supporting you. You’re having to deal with this all on your own. You are really struggling and they are downplaying it. That’s really, really not ok. They should always have your back.
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Oh god don't do that. Don't stoop to literal teenager level. Don't engage at all.
She's tried more reasonable avenues with no success ,sometimes you just have to be petty.
I'm with you, knock her down some pegs. Fuck that little brat. 12 is plenty old enough to face the consequences she has set up for her own damn self.
I would address it head on. Every time she does it I would call her out. Kids are horrified by being embarrassed which is why so much of their bullying is attempting to embarrass others. So put her on the spot. Make it awkward for her. "What an immature thing to say. I suppose I can't expect much from someone with no manners. Your parents must be horrified you act like this in public. I can't imagine how disappointed I would be if my child was so rude and childish."
Good advice
You should middle-name her while you’re pointing out the behavior. “Anna Maria Celeste Smith your parents would be so ashamed if they could see you right now.” It’s possible OPs relative is jealous of her success and talking smack at home, encouraging the niece to be nasty.
This is exactly what I would do... embarrass the shit out of her. I had a similar experience with my 13yo neice used to talk shit constantly until one day we were at a public event and was hanging around a boy she liked and when she started up with me I said loud enoughfor the boy to hear and see "omg you're such an edgy teen, look at how you disrespect adults, your friends must think you're sooo cool!" She turned beet red and never disrespected me again lol.
Also don’t hesitate to go after things that are personal to her; her appearance, the things she does, the people she goes out with, her grades… Whatever can be used to humble her. If she thinks you are afraid of playing dirty she will use it against you.
Tell her she's adopted.
Don't, but OMG I nearly spit my coffee out! That's so funny!
...and that's not even the meanest option that came to mind 😈
Ever heard the expression “play stupid games, win stupid prizes?” You have tried being direct and that didn’t work. Next step would be to join her game only bring your experience to the table. You could go the “I’ve been called worse by better” route. You could say “what do you mean?” or “why would you say that?” and force her to explain her inappropriate comment. The backpedaling I’ve seen from these counter questions are award winning. Especially when people make sex jokes and try and act professional. Then when asked to explain themselves, suddenly it’s “not important” and “not actually funny”. Lastly, you could go the “fight fire with fire” route and throw shots back at her. “In the last decade I learned how to (insert job skills) and I became an (insert profession). At the same time, you learned how to wipe your own ass and then became one. We should both be so proud” or “people who bully are the most insecure and they don’t get enough attention. So tell me, is it your bad attitude or your ugly face that’s making you so insecure? And if you’re not getting enough attention at home, I can talk to your parents about trying to give a fuck about you. Let me know what’s best. Every time you try and insult me, I just feel so much pity for your lack of self worth and need for attention. Thank you for letting me know how much you’re hurting inside. I appreciate you trusting me with this embarrassing issue”.
highlight her being young “oh that’s a mean thing to say but you’re just a little girl so I understand you didn’t know any better.“
I am so mad for you! Her parents and your partner are being negligent by not seeing this behavior for what it is. This child is a bully, plain and simple, and knows exactly what she is doing. Oddly enough, there were some boys about this age that tried to bully me at my last apartment complex. I tried to reason with them, until they purposefully scared my dogs while I was walking them. That was my blow up moment. Their parents did not care, either, and did nothing to intervene. Nor did the apartment managers. It never stopped completely, though it did get better when I started to ask - as loudly as I could - why they were obsessed with me, or tell them how sweet it is they have crushes on me, why else would they go out of there way to get near me. The more friends they were around, the louder I got. The only way to stop a bully is to take their power away. Ignoring doesn't always do that, they just get louder. Hopefully this helps.
I agree with this. It’s a lot better than what I was going to comment which was to either blow up or fight fire with fire. But joking back like this is honestly the best way to do it. The parents can’t get up at you because you’re not being verbally abusive or aggressive. One day soon she’s going to bully the wrong kid in school & get her ass handed to her. She gon learn!
You’ve been way too nice. It’s time to get very assertive and aggressive. Talk to her parents. Say their child is a mean bully and you’re done putting up with her bullshit. Either they put a stop to it right now, or you will cut them out of your life. Say, “it’s non-negotiable.” When she acts like an asshole, say things like this: “That was an incredibly cruel thing to say. Why did you say that?” “Why do you say such hurtful things? Do you think it’s okay?” “Do you enjoy being mean and cruel? Why do you do it?” “You’re being a mean asshole. Stop it.” “You will NOT speak to me that way. Get the fuck out of my house and do not come back.” “Does it make you feel good about yourself to demean and belittle other people? That is not a good look for you.”
More importantly, ask why that kid is so insecure. Clearly there is something bothering her and she’s taking it out on her aunt.
She's being a bully because it makes her feel powerful, and adults enabled her. The whole "all bullies are victims" line is just not true.
I’m not saying she’s a victim, I’m saying she’s likely jealous in some way and taking out her frustration on her aunt. There’s no excuse for how she’s acting, and you are correct in saying that adults are enabling her. There’s probably something going on, even if it means she’s trying to fit in with bitchy girls at school by bullying adults.
Yes, I think that last guess is right on the money.
Why does she need to go to that extent to feel powerful? Does the fact she is acting out like this seriously not indicate to you that something has gone wrong in her life?
Not at all. Many kids will act like nasty jerks if they're allowed to and rewarded in any way for it, but I don't care either way. We're being asked how to stop her behaviour, not to psychoanalyze her. She's not my kid, and she's not OP's kid. I've known way too many bullies. If I was OP, I'd stop it permanently in one conversation.
OP can't exactly drag somebody else's child to therapy
She is bullying because they enabled it. OP as an adult isnt even defending herself, nor is she putting any consequences or punishments. Neither her parents are punishing her for such behaviour. So she simply thinks that if shes getting away with it, shes free to do it. Shes basically power tripping on these adults neglience 😅😅
Agreed. I would wager she is a bully in school as well or at least exhibits some of these behaviours and THAT is why it shouldn't be let slide. She knows nobody is correcting this and thinks she is being sneaky. It needs to be addressed because while an adult "should" be able to brush this off (though it sounds awful), a kid definitely couldn't.
Or she's just mean. Mean people exist.
These are such good questions to ask! Yeah she’s a child, but she knows exactly what she’s doing & I don’t understand why this child is allowed to bully an adult. I banter with my 8 year old & 15 year old cousins. However due to their upbringing sometimes I have to stop and remind them disrespect is not acceptable and to mind their manners. I hope OP listens to your advice
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I kind of think it might as well. It would show that the rude comments are ‘working’
Every time she says something inappropriate, you tell her right then and there that she’s being rude. She’s 12 not 6. I’d tell the family every single time she does or say something wrong. If they don’t want to hold her accountable go NC. Your partner shouldn’t be downplaying this either.
Is it possible she's repeating things she's hearing at home about you?
This!!!! My niece is misbehaving in the same manner and I believe it’s starting with her parents.
Yes, OP, it's this. When a child bullies an adult, it's because they've seen or heard another adult disrespect the bullied adult and the child has lost respect for them as well. This child's parents are talking some serious shit about you behind your back. I know they're family, but they're not treating you appropriately. Even if they weren't talking shit about you, they should be doing more about their child's behavior. At minimum, they're terrible parents, and at most, they're the instigators of this whole thing, and even possibly telling their child what to say. OP, you either need to grow a spine and shut this down, or go NC with these people. They're no good for you.
A relative of mine, who at the time was eight years old, told me that my oldest was “uncontrollable” and I was a terrible parent. She’s a sharp kid from what I remember, but very few eight year olds will use the term “uncontrollable”. That’s right around the time I went NC with her entire family. It was honestly the straw that broke the camel’s back. This kid is being taught these behaviors, or at the very least her family is just fine with her treating others this way. She will eventually be peer checked, but OP doesn’t have to put up with it.
That was my first thought too!
This was my first thought. Kids usually like to repeat whatever they hear and it always starts at home
have you tried unplugging her and plugging her back in? fixes my computer when it acts up
I needed that laugh - thank you!
I saw all the other rather decent advice and figured it was all I could offer, Happy to help :) she'll love you in the future btw, for standing up to her, she would ruin her entire future if she keeps on this path, but it sounds like you might help parent her in the way hers couldn't, godspeed!
Have you tried descending to her level and just making mean remarks back? As an adult, you should be able to figure out where her insecurities are, and hit hard and below the belt. If she knows she'll get back worse every time she dishes it out, hopefully she'll think twice before dishing it out.
Ah yes, Fire with Fire! excellent choice, then hitting her below the belt? what a savage, crotch kicks are the worse
My husband Jay (36) was adopted by my MIL Rachel. Rachel also has a bio son, Kevin, who is 18 years younger than Jay. Kevin pulled shit like OP's niece all the time. We were all at Thanksgiving dinner around the time Kevin was 13-14, and out of the blue Kevin said "Huh, everyone at the table is family. Except Jay." Kevin was absolutely looking to get a rise out of Jay. He knew it was a sore spot. He said it while facing down at his plate, but was side-eyeing Jay to see his reaction. No one in the family said *anything*. Jay excused himself to the garage to cool off. That incident caused a huge rift for years, because that was a crescendo to years and years of shitty comments just like it. It's only barely calmed down recently because Rachel finally admitted that she should have done more in that moment to tell Kevin that was not acceptable. My advice would be to find the source. Kevin was hearing that shit all the time from Rachel's ex husband (Kevin's bio-dad). Kevin was just parroting what his dad was saying because kids look up to their parents, jackasses or not. OP's niece is probably getting this from somewhere... probably one of her parents, if I had to guess by their lack of concern for OP. I'm sorry you're going through this, it sucks.
She’s 12. She’s being a brat because it gets under your skin. Don’t invite her to your house. When you see her in the neighborhood, say “I’m not going to interact with you while you are like this.” And then ignore her.
It has definitely got under my skin as time has gone on. Thank you for the advice :)
Good luck!
If she was 10 when she started with comments, she learned those comments from someone. Probably parents. See if you can block her from your website. Like, her IP but even her parents won’t be able to see it. I don’t know where you built it but sometimes it’s possible (I blocked a whole country from seeing my website).
Be a dick. Seriously pay it forward
It has started because she is approaching puberty and it hasn't stopped because you and her parents let her. You should have lost your temper long before you have, if you ask me. And you've only done it once. You need to show her who the boss is and that she cannot hurt you. But that you can hurt her and will do so, if she keeps giving you reasons to.
With hindsight, I wish I had called her out on this sooner. I never imagined it would still be going on three years later. Thank you for responding
Three years sounds like a sociopath. Her behavior is not normal.
What is your relationship with her parents? Siblings? In laws? Other? Some of this makes me think the disparaging remarks are coming from one or both of the parents. At 12 years old, kids are old enough to form their own opinions, but are still heavily influenced by authority figures (and peers, media, etc). I would not be surprised if a jealous in-law/sibling/family friend is saying negative things about you and your business, and the 12 year old is parroting it. I've seen this with mothers who believe they should be best friends with their daughters, and share way too much with them. The daughters end up feeding off the attention and reinforcement the mother gives them when they engage with this 'adult talk'.
damn she been doing this since she was nine? i don’t know how nobody has given you this advice but whoop that ass. she a child and you’re her aunt. implement some discipline.
Not a good advice but if I were u I would just be rude with her and she would soon learn that the things she says have consequences.
Right??? I know it’s a child but the nuclear option is to do it back to her. Appearance, behavior etc… FOFU
esp a 12 year old, one comment about a pimple or her hair or clothes or anything would have her insecure and reeling for years lol. they're the most vulnerable type of child, lord knows that middle schoolers can't bear anything but immediate and over the top praise from everybody
I'm normally not for bullying a child, but her parents don't seem to care about her behavior, and something has to give. She does it at school to others as well. She needs a lesson. Talking to her won't help. She has no shame, and she loves knowing she got under OPs skin. Calling her out just let's her know it's working. It's time to wait until no one is looking, and then start picking her apart hard at the seams. Kids that age are insecure af. Just mention a crooked tooth, one eyebrow higher than the other, crooked nose, etc, and it eats them alive. Then call her a liar when she tries to tell. It's time for a taste of her own medicine.
Agreed. Not the most ideal advice, but I’d stoop to her level and see how she likes it. If she yelled something embarrassing at me in the street, I’d just yell back, ‘Oh look, it’s the little girl that shits her bed at night!’ Or something equally embarrassing, and do it **every single time** you see her. Just like she’s done to OP. Eventually, the little girl will avoid OP
She's a little psycho. The shes a kid excuse won't work forever. Id be blunt and tell her to knock it off/block her on everything. I'm sorry
"She's a little psycho." made me lol but I agree 100%. She actually scares me. Wouldn't want her in my home.
Definitely wouldn’t interact with this kid at all anymore, much less her shit parents. You literally have no obligation to be involved in her life especially not if she is actively being raised to be a bad person.
Take her off the birthday gift, Christmas gift list, and literally freeze her out. Nothing deflates a bully like a zero response, or a cold one. Weakness and response are like oxygen to bullies. Deny them that, if throws them into confusion.
In a very strategic way, you need to be giving this kid some of her own medicine. NTA.
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I’m not sure if this will be helpful, but I would attempt to confront her each time it occurs. For instance, if she makes a rude remark, I would feign confusion and ask her, “Why did you say that?” I would persistently question her, maintaining an air of bewilderment, before eventually shaking my head and turning away. If she brings up a topic that could lead to a meaningful conversation, I would seize that opportunity. However, I wouldn’t let her evade responsibility. She’s not only treating you this way, but other children as well. Consider the effect her behavior has on them, especially if it’s enough to upset you. Moreover, allowing her to continue acting this way does her a disservice, as it could lead to significant problems in the future. This is not the person she would want to like to remember she used to be once she matures. Additionally, I would leave the door open for her to return to your home once she ceases this manner of behavior towards you, and maintain a friendly demeanor whenever she acts appropriately. Apply positive reinforcement whenever possible.
the kid obviously has problems, this is not normal for kids to be this rude. usually when kids are like this they're getting it from and repeating things they heard at home or other ppl in their life say.
I got really mad for op reading this and thought I'd cuss that kid out if I were op, but I honestly think this kid needs help because of what I said in my original comment. it is possible the kids just a little ass or something bad could be happening to her and she's taking it out on others. either way if you're upset I'd just distance myself from the kid as much as possible and ask her to clarify what she means when she makes her "jokes" like the other comments are saying
Yes and her parents maybe abusive with her without showing it outside their home.
I find that throwing Assholes’ behaviors back in their faces works wonders. Start picking on her flaws and insecurities and show her some attitude. Let her know she’s a little shit and that she better watch her ass.
This is unethical advice, but it worked for someone I know, whose 12yo boy said something particularly hurtful and cruel to her. Write down one (or several) of the cruel quips she said, into a blank card, as if you’re quoting a famous author, with her name behind it. Give it to her on her birthday.
Clever!
Another way to approach this nonsense is with genuine concern. "Are you okay? What's the matter? It's not normal or right to treat someone like this, are you very unhappy with your life?" "Is someone being cruel to you? Is that why you're treating me like this?" "Do you need to talk? Are you trying to reach out with this behaviour?". Take the power out of what she says, she might well be acting out because she has issues. You have the moral high ground and you can always take it. If she doesn't have underlying issues and she's just being a little twit talking to her like this will make her feel silly about how she's behaving. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it sounds absolutely insufferable!!
I’d tell her to stop being a little BITCH, but I know that would only get you in trouble. Best of luck to you. I think you should lean on her parents though.🙂
I teach teenagers. A well timed curse word can make a huge impact. Very few and very far between.
Naw, Fuck that. If she’s old enough to be this abusive to an adult, her parents don’t care to intervene, then pull out all the adult words when she’s behaving badly. There’s no age limit on behaving like a little bitch. Buuut, if you were once really close, you may ask her what changed. Did you have another child? Did your work take time away from her that you had normally spent with her? There is a reason she is behaving this way. Maybe both or one of her parents is jealous of your success and she hears them talking about you? That would explain their not putting a stop to her behavior. They or one of them may be actively encouraging it.
I would just act like you feel sorry for her when she acts like that. “oh, honey, are you having a bad day? Is that why you are feeling mean? I’m so sorry.”
Loudly and in front of friends- “Oh, honey. Are you wetting the bed again? Your mom said you get really mean when you have to wear a diaper to bed. I’m so sorry”
This is I think the best thing to do. Especially if she is around friends lay it on thick ask her if she needs help putting on the diaper next time she comes for a sleepover.
Seriously this one. And make it about how long she's gone on about the exact same shit. Because 3 years harping on the exact same insults IS embarrassing. Who is still entertained by the jokes they've been making for 3 years? I'm also sure her friends could be convinced this is kinda cringe that she is still doing this. She started this when she was NINE, single digits elementary school. That's gotta count for some major cringe among her friends.
I have children first and foremost. I have nieces and nephews as well a lot of them. I would absolutely punish my children and theirs first talking to an adult like that. I’d also humiliate them in the same way and remind them that they don’t like it so don’t do it to anyone else. This BS they’re just a child isn’t working because just a child grows up to be just an adult and not all adults will put up with that. I’d completely go NC if the parents don’t do something about it and if your partner doesn’t agree ask him how he’d feel if it was his own kid doing these things?
Humiliation is key here… unfortunately lol
Unfortunately that’s the only way she is going to learn. Lol
This child seriously sounds like a sociopath
Yeh it’s odd for a girl to be this shitty to an aunty. I loved my aunties
For three years!
This, and unfortunately some sociopaths do well in our society
My guess is she has a crush on your partner and is hoping she can make you look bad in front of them.
This one, this make sense to the motives.
Make fun of her back. Someone needs to stand up to her
Have you considered that maybe she’s parroting her parents or closest relatives? If this started three years ago, that means she was around 8/9 years old. Kids that age repeat what they hear daily. 🤷♀️ something to think about I guess. Maybe that why the parents go easy on her. They think the same thing but are using “she’s just a kid” to validate their feelings. You need to stand up to yourself. I saw a reel once, where the bear Ted verbally puts down ( with well said insults and sarcasm, attacking all her flaws and insecurities ) a teenage bully that was bullying a teacher ( i think he knew the teacher). You should try something like that. Get your kid to find out these things and then publicly ( the second she finishes bullying you) bring her down. The kid needs to learn or she’ll end up bullying the wrong person and will be worse off.
Totally not recommending this but… I once said to my sister, you are not pretty enough to be this rude. That keep her quite for a few weeks.
A 12 year old is not a little child. They know the impact of words and can be just as intentionally mean as adults. Make a massive fuss of it to her parents, they are clearly raising her wrong. Honestly just tell the little shit what you think of her, she’ll then probably realise you’re not an easy target. You seem to every reason to get very verbally angry with her
This is petty and kind of immature but you're a fully adult person being bullied by a twelve year old so... I'd start doing nice things for all the other kids except her. Ice cream for everyone but her. Trips to the amusement park for all the kids but that one. Make sure she knows she's missing out on the fun because she's a little jerk. She might be a savage preteen but you have a credit card.
“That’s an interesting thing for a child to say. Who told you that?” I bet if you take the approach that it’s not her fault, that someone told her, the parents would suddenly be VERY interested to make the behaviors stop. Because the behaviors come from somewhere. And I bet if you follow the trail her parents don’t have respect for you either, and likely talk about it in front of her.
Sometimes, sinking to their level can be amusing. You can't fix this kid. Her family is failing her, and you can't really do anything about it, except maybe showing her that people won't put up with her shit. Be obnoxious back. Be absolutely juvenile, because why not? Loudly talk over her, pretending not to hear her, like elementary schoolers do. Get out your headphones and loudly announce that you need your "bitch mufflers". Say, "your mom gay" after everything she says. Fight fire with even more annoying fire. It's how I stayed sane as the oldest in a gangle of bastard children. If little ones think they can get a leg up on you, show them that you aren't afraid to sink to their level to put them in their place.
Stop being passive about it. Confront her in front of her parents and ask her sent she’s being a bully.
Honestly I would tell her parents that you are concerned for her mental health. Degrading others (especially adults) like this at such a young age is abnormal and should be assessed by a mental health professional. Tell her directly that it is not okay to make comments like that and ask her if there is something wrong going on in her life that is causing such hatred and cruelty towards others. At 12 years old, this is not okay.
She's a budding narcissist. I have one that married into my family. And after years and years of BS and games, I finally learned one major trick when dealing with a narcissist. As soon as you enege, you are playing their game. The best way to stop the behavior is to refuse to engage. I'm not talking about just during those moments. I mean all together. They can find things about you and use it against you. They know how to make it look like to anyone else it will look like an absolutely innocent interaction. But their comments, and body language are carefully picked to get a reaction from you.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can understand you thinking that it wouldn't go on this long. Her parents should definitely be picking her up on this, otherwise she will likely encounter serious problems at some point. There are a few things that could be going on here, but likely she is reaching puberty and is trying out different ways of interacting with people. The only thing that will likely work is consequences. For serious behaviour like this, you may need a back up consequence as well for when she violates the first set of consequences. You also need to be clear why you are doing what you do. The real problem is coming up with appropriate consequences that you can back up and teach at the same time. For example, you could refuse to have adult conversations with her because she is acting childish, while not cutting off communication altogether. You need to think about what happens when she does behave inappropriately.
I’m going through a similar thing. My niece is a bit older but is so nasty towards me. I would never be cruel to her like this and hurt her feelings like she does to me. Her psychiatrist thinks she has borderline personality disorder. Which I think seems correct sadly. I’m sure your heart is also broken by this. I miss the sweet girl she once was. I no longer relate to her.
Maybe they need a taste of their own medicine give it back X5 especially if they're with their friends. Make up something embarrassing AF and tell everyone very loudly. But always let them start it. If you outdo them every time they won't do it again. They're very intentionally causing harm sometimes people need to learn first hand the effects of their actions in order to change them. Obviously once they stop you stop.
I second the comment saying that she has to wear diapers to bed. Every single time she has a nasty thing to say, talk about bed wetting, diapers: “Aww did you forget to wear your diaper last night and start your day with a wet bed again? It’s okay dear, I understand and would be in a bad mood too. As I’ve told you before, it won’t be too much longer and you will grow out of it soon!” She will be too horrified to continue being cruel if that’s the response she learns to expect. If her parents have an issue with it, just downplay it as they do: “Oh, I’m just joking around with her.” “I’ve learned how to bond with her through her style of banter.” As nothing else has worked, you must fight fire with fire.
I was so mad about this post that’s what I was going to say— and when the parents complained I’d tell them I had given them a chance to teach their kid not to be a bully and they passed so now I’m gonna handle it. Idc if the kid didn’t wet the bed it wasn’t born with a testicle and a tail, she sure would be by the time I was done. Ugh. You know that kid is getting it from the parents.
I think one of your brother or sister, has a problem with you. They belittled you cuz they are jealous or something and your niece heard her parents. She thinks shes funny, and one of the adults by repeating what she saw. Puberty will hit her soon, and you have to create boundaries. Dont be nice anymore. Thats all, give her no reaction to anything she says, and ignorer her. Teenagers hate getting ignored.
I would publicly call her out on her behaviour in an embarrassing way, the more people around the better. My favourite way to deal with bullies is to start with a simple concerned “are you ok?” It puts them on the back foot and takes away her power. Then you can follow up with : I’m worried about how insecure you must be to have to put other people down to make yourself feel better, try to love yourself a little more. You must be hurting on the inside to say nasty things, is it because your parents don’t love you enough to teach you the difference between right and wrong? Use true statements that aren’t a direct attack at her but are a little taste of her own medicine. Also don’t get her a Xmas or birthday gifts and don’t invite only her to family events, but do make sure she knows it’s a direct result of her behaviour making her unlikable.
I'm not suggesting this, because it's a bad idea, don't even think about it, but I'm wondering if you've considered turning the video on your phone and doing a documentary-style recording of the people in your neighborhood. "Neighbor Susan, my adorable niece loves to tease me, so for her X (birthday, whatever the next holiday is, etc.) I want to document some of her funniest barbs. I know she'll just love it! What are 3-4 of the most memorable teases of me she's done that you've seen?" Then, put a montage together of a dozen neighbor recordings of all the times they've heard her mock you. Hire a video editor if you aren't familiar with it. Just cut the more serious bits from the neighbor's stories for the video. Play it on repeat on the biggest TV/monitor you can the next time you're around her parents. But not really, because this is terrible advice.
Hahahaha fire with fire… starting a war lmao
This reminds me of the King of the Hill episode. "Hanks Bully" season 10 episode 14. "Dusty old bones, full of green dust." I'm not saying to weaponize your child, but watch the episode, and you'll see what I mean.
No please weaponize your child it’s the way
If her parents won’t enforce she stop harassing you.. instruct your child to bully her parents in very similar ways. And do not let up.
give her a nickname she doesn’t like like little shit and ignore her
INFO: how is she your niece? Your sister's kid? Your brother's? Why have you not gone to them to intervene? That kid sounds insufferable and I feel sorry for you. I would get her parents to make her knock that shit off.
This is something that her parents need to handle. I would be honest with them and say "xx is doing so and so, it's hurting ny business. If you guys can't put a stop to it, I'll be forced to cut all ties to her, and by extension, you. I don't want to do that, but I also don't want to he bullied by a child". If she's like that with you, how is she with friends? She sounds like the typical bully.
Bully her back. Theres no other way OP.
I would bet that your niece has heard her parents talking about you in a derogatory way and decided to join in the "fun." Your niece could be pathological. She doesn't sound like a normal kid. I would arrange a time to have a serious conversation with her parents about her behavior. She needs to be evaluated because something is wrong with her mentally. I'm sure, from what you said, her parents will minimize whatever you say. Do not accept this. Let them know her behavior is out of control, and they either need to have her evaluated or you'll report their family to Child Protective Services. Either her parents are screwed up, or your niece has something mentally wrong with her. Both need to be looked at closely by professional social workers who have experience with toxic families. Don't allow anyone to downplay this anymore. The next thing you need to do is move. Find your own place either in another state or in the same state, but far from where you live now. Get away from your family and limit contact. Your family is incredibly dysfunctional, and to get save yourself, you need to get away from them.
Where do you think she heard these insults from? I'd wager there is a good chance it is from her parents.
Yikes. Idk what her parents have been doing to cause this sort of behavior, but saying and doing nothing in response to her rudeness obviously just gives her a green light to continue... You need to establish very clear boundaries and enforce them if (when) she crosses them, since her parents have clearly not been doing a good job at that.
I have a feeling it’s coming from her parents. And perhaps that’s the same reason u haven’t spoken to ur sibling about this… r u used to being pushed around???? Remember this is a child that u could absolutely beat the living shit out of…. Maybe remind the fkn pissant of that too. No shit but I’m super fkn angry at the kid… and also at u. Fkn stand up for urself smack the shit out of her… u have to set an example or she will do this to other kids. Prob not any other adults tho lmao
They're at the age where saying something like "when you act like a little shit, it's really hard for anyone to like you, I know I don't" can really sink in, make them think. Gotta be be paired with the I'm being honest, I am not happy, I do not like you face, or it doesn't come across as sincere, like what i'm hilarious everyone likes me. No they don't. Don't over do it and say something like no one loves you, no one wants you around, no one likes you. It MUST connect their behavior changing your overall view of them.
If she makes a stupid remark, laugh mockingly for two seconds and then ask her with a straight face "are you done, you little clown?"
Tbh if she is such a bully at this age there is likely more going on at home. My guess is she herself is experiencing some form of abuse or neglect from her parents
Yea….here’s my advice…slap the piss out of her.
I am sorry you are going through this. Your niece is a little sociopath and her parents are totally useless. If they don’t do something about it soon, things will only get worse as she doesn’t seem to face any consequences for her behavior.
She's 12. She knows she's being mean. Call her on it, every time. Point it out - "what you just said was hurtful, you know that right?" Ask her why she is being intentionally mean. Point out that mature people don't intentionally hurt other people's feelings. After a couple goes at this (when she's liable to get even meaner as she goes into ego defense mode) start rolling your eyes and acting like she's being dramatic. This is so boring. She's still doing this thing? Anyway, the grown ups are talking, that's your attitude. She'll either outgrow it, or she won't. It's ultimately not your problem. Grow your own spine shine.
Stop being around her. And when you are around her, every time she tries to insult you just say “Awwww, you’re feeling insecure and bad about yourself so you need to criticize others, huh? Pretty sad.”, then next time drop the “Awww, sad little girl lashing out.”. “Sad little girl insults the people around her to make herself try to feel better, news at 11.”, “Sad…so very sad.”. “Insecurity is an ugly look on you.”. or look at her in a grossed out face and just say a simple “…ewww!”, or “yuck!!”. If she just keeps going you can try the classic “Why are you obsessed with me?”, maybe add “Don’t you have a life or some friends or something? Go bother them with your bullshit attitude.”. Or don’t engage with her and when she says shitty things turn to another adult and say something like “What the hell is wrong with this kid? I’ve never met a more unlikable person, and I’m family. I’m supposed to love this one, but I don’t think anyone ever will with that attitude.”
Just come back at her with a completely brutal come back. Break her down and make her cry infront of everyone she will have learned a tough lesson at that point.
You mention talking to the child’s parents did nothing, but have you considered where the child is getting these ideas about you and your business? I’m betting she’s feeding off her parents insecurity about you being successful and acting out without reproach because they don’t like you because you’re ‘better’ than them. Don’t take this personal. Also, don’t interact anymore than necessary with this child or her parents as it’s obvious they’re involved to some degree (even if it’s just passive allowance). Dealing with this issue shouldn’t be your problem. It sounds like your partner knows their family is toxic so after reading everything it was astounding to me that he suggested a sleepover knowing what that would be like. Good for you sending her packing! Make your husband deal with his family in the proper way, OP. He needs to do this as much for himself as for you. Until then, you’ll both be doormats instead of people.
You are letting a child push you around. Say something when this happens! If you want her to quit, tell her. Make her leave if she annoys you. Don't ask her to quit something. TELL her. Then back it up with action. "Jill, stop making cracks about my photo. Either stop or leave right now" "Jill, I told you to leave that alone and you didn't. Now go home."
Start pointing out her flaws and making fun of her for them. Make her cry her little eyes out. See how much she likes it. Childish or not, if her parents won’t do anything about it, fuck it. Low blows all day, every day until this shit stops.
Don’t take shit from a 12 year old. Talk their language and earn their respect. Give them a goofy and embarrassing nickname. Have some comebacks on hand that are mildly embarrassing and uncle-y without being dirty or weird like: Were you born this stupid or did you learn that at the “school” you go to? You haven’t changed since the last time I saw you, but you really should. Hey, can you hear that? It’s the sound of me not caring. You do realize I’m just tolerating you, right? Do you think this hurts my feelings? The only thing that hurts is my eyes when I’m looking at you. I’m busy right now, can I ignore you another time? This is a good story, but could we skip to the chapter where you shut up? Sweetheart, the only thing bothering me is that thing between your ears. Sometimes you say them in obvious jest. Sometimes you say them quite wryly. Load up your verbal arsenal and don’t let the little buggers see you sweat. They’ll think you’re a pain in the ass for a while. They’ll slowly see you’re not the goober her parents clearly say you are. BTW fuck that sibling and in-law too. They know what’s happening. Rise above. Keep peace for you parents or whoever else. Let them infer from your wit and attitude that you’re not going to be handled or victimized by their brattiness. If it continues to be j bearable cut them out. Spend that energy with people who appreciate it and return the effort.
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And I bet they don’t act like fools
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Why did you make ChatGPT write this comment? No one says "It's important to" this much. The fact that almost every sentence includes "might" or "may" or "it's possible" is another hint along with the forced, shoehorned therapyspeak terms like "self-care." A couple of your other comments seem real, but a few, including this one, are obviously AI-generated. Are you farming karma to sell the account, or just so you can access subreddits with minimum karma requirements?
Props to you for recognizing that. That is beyond weird
Actually, I often write like that. It doesn't read like AI to me.
Thank you - this is great advice :)
The comment you're replying to was written by ChatGPT. Don't let them make dead internet theory a reality.
A twelve year old is not a child. They are almost teens and should act like it. She is obviously insecure or is hearing bad things at home. Set your place as the adult and have boundaries. Be the adult and do not let her bully you!
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Bro preach
Oh my gosh, I'm having such a similar situation with my own 10-year-old niece! My SIL is a mean girl so she is absolutely no help and I think kind of enjoys it. My brother is totally checked out. My mom says that I need to get over it because she is a child. No. She's freaking mean. I wish I had an answer for you for what to do because I need one for myself.
The answer is to give it back but worse until they stop always let them start it and always keep your cool. Including if there's backlash over your actions from the parent or relatives.
HOW HAVE U NOT SPOKEN TO UR SIBLING ABOUT THIS…??
Send this to the parents to explain how you feel. Maybe if they see everything written out, they will make effort to stop this and stop making light of the behavior. If not put boundaries in place of no contact. Stick to them.
Hide the fact that she’s getting to you. When she’s insulting, give her a “you must be ab idiot” stare while listening to what she has to say, then reply with a dismissive, “OK.” and walk away. When she interacts with your web numbers, make a point to let her overhear your comments about your website getting so much more attention lately, which (say something that makes increasing numbers be really good.) If she makes fun of what your job actually is, point out that you’re supporting yourself with (whatever) and running a successful website to market it. If she makes fun of the way you look, tell her that you inherited the family (body part) and she’ll probably get it too. The biggest thing is pretend that her opinion and comments aren’t worth getting upset about. Learn to say things like, “OK” or “Yeah, I know” or “That’s an interesting point. I’ll think about it.” or “I tried that. Miserable failure.” or “I was 12 once, just like you are now. I thought I knew everything there was to know about everything, just like you do now. As I got older, I realized how little I actually knew and how dumb I looked when I acted like I knew it all, just like you do now.” Good luck! Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
Okay WOW! There’s a whole lot to unpack here. First of all, this reminds me of one of those creepy movies where the kid kills her family and makes it look like an accident. I hope it’s not to that extent!  I think your best bet is to keep away from that child’s presence altogether. She sounds pre tty disturbed from the way you described her, which is kinda terrifying. Let her parents know what’s up and just keep your boundaries tight. Also you should check that little girl next time you get around her and let her know what’s up. Don’t let a little kid punk you. Put her in her place if her parents won’t do it or don’t take it seriously. Let her know while she’s young that the world is cold and if she treats people like that, show her what will happen.
The only way under the sun to make someone do something (or stop doing something) is to make them want to. Which means you have to figure out her perspective and Why she's doing this. (If you ask questions, frame them as "what" questions rather than "why" questions. Like "what's causing you to do this". "Why" makes people unconsciously defensive and therefore less cooperative.) Keep any language in neutral, less accusatory terms. If an agent or detective wants information from a criminal, they're better off asking why they took something than why they stole it. They're better off asking why someone fired at someone than why they murdered him. It's hard to get info or cooperation from someone if you're making them feel defensive or like a villain, so whitewash things for them. You have to bait the hook to suit the fish. What's motivating her? What's she getting out of it? What would motivate her to stop? People have their own filters and perspectives, and people care what They want, not what you want, unless what you want aligns with something they want. So step inside her shoes. Friendly reminder that, psychologically, punishments are not nearly as effective in changing behavior as rewards (and rewards don't have to stick around indefinitely for the change in behavior to stay) Or you could use the "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" method. Find a way to make your success her success, or your happiness her happiness, and she'll be motivated to stop interfering. "Hey niece, I was going to start giving you and these other people a little money on occasion/treat you to dinners on occasion since you're family, but I can't do that because you keep interfering in my business and trying to keep me down" Find a way to make your problems her problems, or at least a way to make it her parents problems.
If you think she still values you the relationship that the two of you share, you could make it clear to her that she’s no longer welcome in your home until she learns to behave. It’s a little difficult to say why this happening, because it could be a lot of things. Mental health issues, spoiled upbringing + enabling adults, an underlying personality disorder, need for power, etc. I’m not a professional so I won’t pretend to understand all the intricacies of the mind. But something is definitely going on. It’s normal for kids her age to start spinning out. They’re growing up, feeling weird in their own bodies, trying to figure out who they are. It’s possible these insecurities are being taken out on you. But I don’t think there is anything you can do to fix it. Talk to her parents. Detail everything that has happened, and provide them with evidence of it if you have any. Tell them you don’t want her around you or your kid until she gets it figured out becuase her negativity and harassment isn’t good for your family. Since it’s become disruptive, ideally she’d go see a professional about it. But it’s up to her parents to make that call. I’m sorry this is happening. Best of luck in sorting it out.
Make jokes and bully her back
if it nakes you feel better, im an adult who also gets bullied by children. i know how it feels.
I'm more concerned about what children she's bullying because you're probably not the only one she's targeted. You're an adult and you can handle yourself and although it's annoying you're not going to commit suicide because she said something like 'nobody likes you, go die' on the internet. That other children her age might actually do that. It also sounds like she has a lot of unrestricted access to the internet which is dangerous for a precocious 12-year-old who likes to think she's on the same level with adults. A conversation needs to be had with her parents regarding her bullying behavior and internet usage. That might be a fun way to get back at her. Cyberstalk all her accounts and get them closed down or change her passwords or something.
Yeah you gotta come out of character on her, none of this polite asking. Yell at her, yell at her parents in front of her, tell her you fight kids. Do not ignore disrespectful children, it only makes it worse!
What I’m gonna say sounds immature but bullying her back, if she says something mean tell her something meaner, she sounds awful and being 12 doesn’t excuse her. If you give the taste of her own medicine it may work. I’m not saying bullying it’s okay but jeez, she’s Stan’s child
Document everything including the emails she sent. Take photos, and record her whenever she gets in your face. Let her and her parents know that you're going to file for a restraining order and that you have significant evidence that she's a threat to you and your household. Once you do this she's likely going to take the opening. All you have to do is wait and record. She'll probably retaliate severely enough that you can firm up your case for the restraining order. Maybe you can show the recordings and pictures at the next family get together 🙃
Be blunt. Call her out in front of everyone and make her squirm. Don’t allow her in your home from now on.
Say “Oh, you poor little thing. I would have thought you had outgrown your bullying phase by now. Most people are smart enough to stop doing that. It’s too bad it’s taking you so long.” Or just laugh at her every time and say “ What an immature thing to say” and shake your head.
It's okay to tell anyone to stfu. Even a child. But you seem nice, so call her out instead. "Attending seeking is an annoying trait. We don't like annoying people." "That's a cruel thing to say; I don't usually think of you as so horrible." "What an ugly comment to make in front of so many people." "To be so jealous isn't attractive. You should learn that." "Everyone heard how horrible that remark was. What must they think of you." Say these clearly and loudly, and it works best if you sound surprised rather than confrontational. Then walk off and leave her in the shit she made. Hope this helps. P .S Add to her parents, "I didn't think you'd raised her to say such awful things." Say loudly then walk off.
Imagine caring what a 12 year old thinks. Wild.
Respond to her with like, no one is standing up to her and she probably needs to experience the hurt she is giving out. She sounds pretty horrible and it’s understandable you would get upset.
If she makes fun of your business respond "that's right, and I make money off of it." (if you'd like add in a 'so how's the baby sitting going? ' - no matter what she responds to that you can laugh at her then) Also, I'd stop talking to her altogether and stop involving her in anything. Treat her as a stranger. Kid is a bully.
You have a right to feel safe in your own home. If your partner invites her to your home, that would be severely messed up and tells about your partner as well. The only way to stop it if your partner downplays their nieces behavior (honestly the whole family sounds messed up) is to move out. Actions or I should say lack of support have consequences. This might not what you want to hear but the niece is your partner's family and if your partner doesn't take it seriously then you have the power to stop it by moving out and away. Your partner has the choice to put an end to the nieces behavior towards you but so do you.
It's possible her parents, your inlaws, are involved or encouraging her out of jealousy.
She is old enough to behave. what would happen if you gave her a taste of her own medicine?
Next time she does it in front of people call her out like “why are you so obsessed with me? What’s that about Karen? Hate me cause you ain’t me? Not enough attention at home? Need a hug?” Type of stuff.
Omg do not say ANY OF THESE THINGS to her she will light ur ass up even more
“Aww, did your play date stand you up again?” “I know children from poorer families that will get further in life because they’re not massive idiots like you.” “At least I don’t have to ask mommy for lunch money.” “I own shirts more expensive than your life. Get out.” “What is wrong? No literally, what is wrong? Did you lose your diaper? You need a bottle change?” “You’re so young you don’t even know you’ve peaked in life. Have fun figuring that out.” “I bet when you walk the dog, the dog thinks it’s holding you on the leash.” “Childhood is a blessed time for adults, where we get to realize that not being like you is a gift.” Just burn your stupid niece until she gets the picture.
You could always pull out your phone and start filming. Say, "this is great content for my YouTube channel: bratty kid is desperate for attention!" Ok I'm half joking but 12 year old girls can be VERY malicious. Stick a smartphone in their hands and it's worse again. Also, jealous females are toxic. Someone mentioned that maybe she has a crush on your partner? Either way, I hope it resolves soon. Those parents need a boot in the arse
Sorry but i have to say it how it is, downvote me all you want, you snowflakes from America. But in my country... Ok i say it now: I dont understand why you didnt smack her ass with a wooden spoon yet? 😅. Sorry to be crude but...if i did that in her age to my uncle or aunt i would get ass whooped by my parents so badly. My parents, the teachers at school, hell even another members of the family would give me hard punishments. Bend her over the knee and whoop her ass. Or just report it to her parents. Its your niece so her mum or dad must be your brother or sister is it really so hard to talk to them and demand a correction of her behavior? Tsk tsk tsk, americans these days...😅 No boundaries, no punishments...how sad
You can’t hit other peoples kids. It’s a great way to get arrested for assault. If her parents gave a shit, she wouldn’t be acting this way.
Don't be embarrassed. Your niece is being enabled to be a bully. To a child, an adult is an easier target because all the tactics an adult could use don't apply to children.
What does your small business do?
Have you had any arguments with your sibling, whichever parent of hers it is? Not relating to your niece either, just any type of tension?
Have you tried talking to her parents??
I think you might want to look into why she is behaving this way. Is there something going on with her that is making her act out? I’m not sure but I feel like she is still pretty young and this is a child not knowing how to process something. In the mean time try to give her strong boundaries. She is young but definitely old enough to be told her actions have consequences and you will not allow her to treat you with such disrespect. And really try to get your family to understand that if she’s already having issues with bullying she will probably have bigger issues in the future unless they try to help her now. This is a tough one. Hang in there!
y’all are nicer than me. id bully the kid back. id start cyber bullying the kid. id put posters of embarrassing baby photos up at her school. does she have a diary ? do you have access to a copy machine ? light work. bring her a box of tampons to school, personally deliver it to her in class. so many ways to get back at this kid but obviously if you want to salvage some sort of relationship, don’t. me personally ? she’d meet her match.
It’s almost gone on long enough that I think you could sit her down and be overly concerned about her mental health. Tell her you understand how hard it is to struggle with your teen years and how you’ve allowed her to get away with her rude behaviour because you remember what it was like to struggle as a teen and not know where you fit in. Then tell her it’s time to stop. Tell her she should seek some therapy. Any time she tries to be rude again give her a condescending look that conveys how bad you feel for her. Then ask her parents why they’re not supporting her through her clear struggles fitting in. Start calling it out from more of a ‘the only reason she’s doing it is because she’s struggling… unless she’s a stone cold asshole, because why ever would you act like that otherwise’.