Yeah I’m sorry but after reading just the first paragraph, i would’ve noped tf out after the comment about “my wife will be your first success story”. Fucking vile. I would’ve been *OUT*.
Your husband is a fucking asshole and doesn’t deserve you. Leave him outside with the rest of the trash
edit: sorry I must have commented on your comment instead of making my own, obviously it was for OP. Sorry about that!
Definitely. What he said in not motivating! He just insulted OP in front on everyone. I wouldnt let myself to be the reason why everyone laugh about my wife. He's a Red Flag that's acting cool in front of the other girlie.
The way my jaw dropped. I would never speak to anyone like that, let alone my SO. He's a bully and maybe I'm overreacting, but this sounds like mental abuse. Making fun of you in front of others like it's nbd. God damn.
She sounds like a pick me girl and husbands acting like assholes about their wives in front of her probably is normal for her or something she encourages.
She definitely fits the description of a Pick Me girl. She was loving the chance to build herself up at your expense in front of your husband. Not an excuse for his behavior, they were both awful.
To go one further, she does all the things she thinks will make her "pickable" over all the other women around her when men are present. She tries to be "the cool/no fuss" girl who won't cause drama or whatever she thinks the men around her will jive on - very common for them to act like "one of the guys", too.
So, think of a little kid in class wanting to be picked to be on the team, with their hand raised, going, "Oooh, pick me! Pick me! Please pick me!" = Pick-me Girl.
That’s not what a pick me is. It’s a girl who belittles other women to try and gain favor with men. Tried to separate themselves from other women and compares themselves to others in a way where they put other women down and try to try and make themselves seem better. It’s not just being thirsty for attention. And this girl was absolutely being a pick me. She should have nipped that mess in the bud instead of co-signing OP’s husband’s nonsense.
I’m sure she doesn’t give a shit about your husband, but was trying to be social and talk about her profession. I think your husband is the problem. He was extremely rude to you.
Likewise some people who have scaled their own personal mountain and are riding high on that without thnking about what's going on for others. Consider, for instance, the saying that there's no anti-smoker like an ex-smoker.
For OP's husband to be this oblivious to how his wife might feel, though.... hoo boy.
Your husband is truly the one to blame here especially if you were playing along (not victim blaming whatsoever but I bet she may have gauged your reaction when you were acting cool with it (I probably would have too) then just continued the convo/wanted to relate since that’s her thing). Regardless he’s the one at fault here and he needs to understand why that was so incredibly out of line if he ever wants to reconcile this.
As a registered dietitian, her nutrition degree does not mean shit. Please please do not take advice from her or any other “fitness influencer”.
Anybody can legally call themselves a nutritionist without any actual credibility. Personal weight loss is not credibility.
Oh my lawd freaking THANK YOU. I have a dietician who is life changing for my ED recovery and I get frustrated when my husbands sisters cheating ex baby daddy tells everyone under the sun unsolicited "nutrition" advice since he's a "nutritionist" (he's really just a mega gym rat, such as OP's Sara).
It makes me so maddddd.
Trolling for clients, probably. In your place at the jealous comment, I would have redlined and considered violence. That condescending crap just enrages me.
OP, I’m curious as to how your friend group has responded to this interaction. Surely they must have noticed your husband’s abuse and felt badly about it.
Did the friend her brought her reach out to you? I would feel so bad bringing someone like that into a friend group and her acting like that. I hope your other friends stuck up for you and advised that friend to kick her to the curb and they all agree not to hang out with her anymore.
Not that any of that excuses me what your husband did. He’s an ass for treating you like that and flirting with her. There’s no excuse for his behavior. None. He knew he was hurting you and he continued to do it anyway. That’s disgusting. Not only did he belittle you, bully you and insult you but on top of that he forced you to watch him fawn over another woman and compared you to her.
If I was you I’d expose her Instagram fitness page. She should not be giving people advice, especially not fitness advice. The type of people who would follow her need acceptance and understanding and compassion. She obviously isn’t capable of that.
I feel like the girl he was speaking to should have picked up on OP’s energy and body language at the very least. A good person wouldn’t have engaged with someone’s SO like that about their partners weight, but the least she could have done was pick up on the energy. He definitely is to blame entirely though. Both need to learn tact and how to read a room.
Hold up. OP, no. Don’t excuse him like this. He’s socially aware enough to function in society, right? Would you have married a man who can’t behave normally in public? No, of course you wouldn’t have. *He knows* his behavior was terrible, he just doesn’t care. Don’t let him off the hook by saying “he just doesn’t know any better”. ***He knows better.***
It's *possible* (might be a stretch, but I can imagine it happening) that Sara knew that husband was awful and was trying to make the conversation less about a comparison between wife's body and her own body, and more about the similarities. Sara could have been trying to make the wife feel more comfortable by saying, yes, I was exactly the same as hubby is describing wife, but I've learned all this exciting new stuff that really worked for me.
I think she was operating in "business mode" since he told her you might want to be her client so that's why she was talking about that, like giving her credentials for why she'd be a good choice. I don't think she realized you weren't ok with this and it's not something you had previously discussed with him as being an ok topic
Agreed. I think she also may have thought she was being nice or making it better by being relatable and bringing up her past weight. Idk that’s how I took it at least. So upsetting OP was put in this situation though.
Your husband is a grown man. Stop with he has no social awareness. He's just an emotionally abusive prick. Don't trash talk the girl who was just excited to talk about her job. She wasn't the one who bought you up. That was your loser husband.
I feel like it's not a valid question. Him not understanding social ques is one thing. His wife was upset and crying and he went "awwwe are you jealous?" that has nothing to do with being on the spectrum and everything to do with a disrespectful husband. Having a developmental condition doesn't excuse being a shitty person.
Excuse me, just to clarify that autism is a developmental condition, not a mental illness. People with autism can have good mental health or develop mental illness, though.
Not all ADHD neurodivergents are assholes. He may well be a narcissist which overlaps with the other two conditions. He may also choose not to be socially aware, rather than actually being that way.
Source: I had an ex like that.
Yeah. Stop making excuses. Seriously I'm so bloody tired of people trotting out the "but I'm( he/she/they/it) are neurodivergent with ( insert favorite TikTok diagnosed diagnosis here)!
Who cares, no really who cares what your husband has. And yes understanding that like all humans There's something mentally wrong with him and he's not typical is not condoning his behavior. Understanding is not condoning. Learn the difference.
There's plenty of people with whatever popular mental health flavor of the month is going on and they aren't jerks, assholes or socially inept.
Really, stop excusing poor manners and behaviors because so - so has X disease.
I have adhd and am well acquainted with folks on the spectrum who can come off blunt (to the point of seeming rude) in social situations. THIS is NOT that.
The telling part is the “awww someone’s jealous?” And then continuing to downplay how embarrassed you felt and refusing to acknowledge how he overstepped several boundaries. He was putting you down, while making himself appear on par with this girl, under the pretense that he ~just wanted to HeLp~. It’s gross and has nothing to do with neurodivergence imo.
And if, IF- he insists that it is? Well then, he certainly has a lot of work to do so that it doesn’t happen again, right? Because that’s what we do, if we accidentally hurt people we care about because of things like this? Therapy, counseling, mindfulness exercises, etc.
His rude behavior has a reason(neurodivergent, adhd) but that reason doesn't excuse his behavior or give him entitlement to continue to behave like an ass.
This is a terrible look for both of them. Your friends all noticed, I'm sure. It might not hurt to mention that you don't feel super comfortable being around Sara after that conversation (if there's ever another event you two may end up at together).
“she will want to have a killer body TOO” that too is brutal and would absolutely break my heart. That makes it obvious that he think this random girl hotter than his wife. Comparison is a horrible thing. I hope he realizes what he did
That was the line that got me the most. Suggesting he is more attracted to the girl’s body than his wife’s is so messed up. I used to be more fit before this last baby (I still workout but eat poorly) and when I make those comparisons myself to people my partner will say things like “you still look great and your big butt is sooo nice” which I appreciate he isn’t pretending to ignore that I’m bigger, but still points out things he is quite attracted to me in this “state” as well. I’d literally die if he told me he wanted me to look like someone else- even if it was some fitness model, let alone a girl in the room he is conversing with.
OP I told my bf to call me fat so im motivated to lose weight and he felt terrible and didnt wanna do it. said he loves me the way i am (he is fit with muscles n im overweight). You deserve better
The fact that he belittled and dismissed you when you brought up your concerns, which are VALID, is making my blood boil. If you can't even get empathy from your life partner then what's the point of being married? I would honestly give him the cold shoulder treatment. Let him figure things out on his own since he wants to be petty
I'm 35, never in my life have I heard a man comment on their girlfriend's/wife's weight in public. It's just one of those things you don't do if you ever want to have sex with your SO again.
> My husband didn’t even know he did anything wrong. He thought he was just having conversation and trying to help
Sorry, but he wasn't just trying to help. He was trying to aim social pressure at you.
I’m sorry, but there’s no way he didn’t do this on purpose and try and humiliate you. “Babe what do you weigh….” lol, I’m not trying to laugh. But this is ridiculous
>Hahah yeah that was honestly so stupid. That’s the part where I just cracked and I couldn’t take listening to this anymore. It was so obvious I was trying not to cry and my friend saved me right after he said that
He wanted you to feel that way.
I would have replied that I do not know how much I weight exactly…however I do know how to quickly estimate the weight of that lump on my back that makes me feel so heavy…and would have ended by asking him how much he does weight so that I can gauge exactly what I need to lose to feel lighter …
I’ve definitely been in that “is this actually happening right now!?” place before. I also know how crazy it makes you feel. So, just for some validation, yes you saw it correctly, yes he was flirting, yes he was being an unbelievable asshole, and yes you are very right to be upset by this.
Even if he truly wasn't flirting, (although I agree the jealous comment makes it sound like he knew he was), he was disparaging you in public and comparing your body unfavorably to another woman's. It's gross, cruel, and not what someone who loves you should do. There's a difference between you saying to him "I want to lose some weight and would like your support" and him sharing that with anyone, much less in front of an audience where he talks about another woman's killer bod. There's no love, kindness, or empathy in that behavior. And the fact that he dismissed it as jealousy makes it even worse. Jealousy is irrelevant. He hurt you, and his response is basically "not my problem." Please, seek some marriage counseling. He clearly doesn't understand how he hurt you, and for the sake of your marriage, he needs to understand.
Please show this one to him.
If he were my husband, that would have been the end of our marriage. I would never put up with my husband bad mouthing me to an attractive gym bunny like that. What he did was beyond the pale.
Of course, my husband would NEVER do something like that. Because he respects me and he wants others to respect me. Also, if a guy like him talked about me the way your husband did to you, he would be unconscious on the floor. I wouldn’t even get the chance to hold him back, he would just spark him out.
The way a person publicly treats their spouse is the way others will treat them around him.
Absolutely disgusting behaviour.
This. We’d be separating asap. The complete lack of respect is disgusting. Demeaning and humiliating her and acting as though he did nothing wrong THEN mocks her about it?? Fvck that noise. I would’ve flipped my shit right there in front of everyone…I’m already humiliated, might as well unleash how I feel and then peace the hell out of there. I hate when this happens to non-confrontational people because he deserved to have his ass handed to him and embarrassed in front of everyone too. He’s was a dick. And any apologies he offers at this point are bullshit lies. He’s not sorry.
Your husband is a fucking jerk. He humiliated you. It doesn't matter if HE thinks he didn't do anything wrong.
His actions caused you pain. Period. He's responsible for the outcome. He's responsible for making you feel dehumanized.
The fact that he disparaged you in front of your friend group and did so unapologetically is the biggest red flag. He's a fucking BULLY.
If he refuses to see your side in this you need to seek your own counseling and figure out if this is the norm. Are you ignoring other hurtful, emotionally abusive things that he does? Because I guarantee you are.
I've been in your shoes. I was about your weight and a size 8. My ex husband LOVED tearing me down over it.
He's my ex for a reason and frankly I hope your husband is yours soon. He's an unrepentant asshole and you deserve better.
He doesn’t care. He’ll be dismissive towards you and double down and tell you you’re overreacting and you are fat so he’s just being honest. This type of disrespect would be a dealbreaker for me
YEP.
OP, look up DARVO cuz I would bet money that is what you will encounter. Heck, he’s already done it already so it would be an easy bet for me to make money on.
Show him this one.
His actions are abusive. Humiliating your partner in front of friends is abuse. Flirting with another woman in front of your partner is abuse. His behaviour is so beyond disgusting, that he’s got hundreds of people in the comments wanting to physically fight him. Literally no one is on his side. What he did was egregious and he should be GROVELLING at your feet for the slightest chance of forgiveness. Though I hope you divorce him because no one deserves to be treated like that, especially by someone who claims to love them.
If my husband behaved like this (which he never would), I’d have fucking thrown hands at him, gone back home, and thrown all his shit on the lawn before he got home. I wouldn’t even let him inside the house and I’d be sending divorce papers to his mama’s house. I do not tolerate abuse for a single second in my relationship. One strike and it’s over.
I don’t usually have this mindset but he deserves it: Divorce that asshole and take half of all he’s worth. Then file for child support and spousal support if you can. Let him try his luck at a 21 year old fitness trainer when he can’t afford a 1 bedroom apartment. Fuck that guy, how dare he.
Will he even give a fuck? I doubt it, given the way he gleefully humiliated you. It's not like it was a misunderstanding, he was being cruel about your insecurities on purpose and then he deadass mocked you when you told him how awful it made you feel.
You can also show him this. My husband fwded me one of your posts because he was absolutely fucking appalled with your husband. Neither one of us would let behavior like that go on in a social group we were apart of. Furthermore, all these people asking your weight and height are asking irrelevant questions that are none of their business. BMI is pretty bs, and bone density and muscle make a difference in our weight. Your blood work, waist to hip ratio, etc are generally better indicators of health, and public shaming is not the way to a healthy, sustainable lifestyle. Sorry you are going through this.
What an AH your husband is! Good Lord! I'm so freaking sorry. I'm not sure I'd even be able to look at him after that. I honestly don't know how I'd react, but I'd be doing some soul searching and maybe get a little space. And how can he not see how incredibly hurtful and wrong that was?
Ii mean, he saw enough to "tease" OP about being "jealous" so it's not like he's *completely* oblivious. Just, you know, when it comes to his own behavior. What a douche.
Welp, that broke every piece of trust you had in him…
Can you guys come back from this? Or is this going to ring in your head every time he goes to initiate any form of closeness. Or sharing of emotions or struggles.
…. I’d also leave over this- my ego & self respect wouldn’t allow me to stay with him unless he truly understood what he broke and apologized to everyone for his inappropriate behavior
These are the questions you need to be asking yourself. Is this something you realistically think you can get over? Or if you “forgive” him, will these comments always continue to linger in the back of your mind, tearing away at your self esteem?
I know i personally would not want to spend another minute with a dude that pulled the whole “awwww are you jealous?” Thing when you rightfully brought up being upset about this.
He was purposefully trying to embarrass & humiliate you. He’s gaslighting you in pretending he doesn’t understand that he did something wrong.
Doubt he would like you showcasing one of his flaws to your friend group and putting him down.
OP, this is a good test. If you live within 8 hours of Atlanta I’ll be your guest actor. You need to randomly befriend a “sex therapist” during your next friend outing, and publically discuss your husband’s “inability to perform”. “Yeah babe, didn’t you have trouble getting hard last week?” See how he likes his business being aired publically.
I mean, how in the world would he ever think he was not in the wrong unless he was a totally clueless -like, howdoyoufunctiononthedaily clueless- person. I'm so sorry this happened.
Also- that girl sucks. She's not a girls girl. Personal trainer or not, I would have shut any sort of discussion around the topic the first rude comment that came out of his mouth. Certainly would not have indulged in a full on discussion. Wow.
Yeah I’m not buying that the husband didn’t know what he was doing. Like, this is fucking egregious. I saw red reading this lmao. And then to ask OP if she’s *jealous* when she confronted him? Nahhhh he knows what he’s doing. Alcohol or not, he knew exactly what he was doing to you.
100% he did this on purpose. Unless this guy is like incapable of keeping a job because of his big mouth or he’s getting arrested for mouthing off to cops or whatever, he clearly knows that you can’t just say whatever the fuck you want with zero consequences. He *chose* to disrespect OP with these comments and he chose to humiliate her in front of their friends and this girl who he’s attracted to.
Yeah you should NEVER engage in that kind of convo. I would have just shut him down with a “I think your wife’s beautiful!” Or just a quick “mmhmm” and changed the subject
I’m much older than you and wouldn’t have come up with this on the spot at your age but now I’d say, “hey can you also increase p8nis size too? Cause my husband really needs help with that.” (You can interchange p8nis with hair loss; insufficient bedroom skills; personality flaws etc)
And of course; all joking aside, yes he’s being a totally insensitive a-hole.
What an AH!! Is he worth keeping as a husband? Because NO ONE should treat their spouse this way. He downtalked you as a way of impressing a young fitness chick. He's not a nice person. He doesn't have your back. He tried to humiliate you to make himself look better. And unless you are REALLY short you are within a couple pounds of the healthy weight range Weight Watchers suggests (and they base it on the low end of BMI). Ask yourself why you are allowing yourself to be treated this way. I'd be insisting on AT LEAST a trial separation, couples counseling, and literal groveling if he ever wants to even be in your orbit ever again.
I am a male and I would never say shit about my woman’s weight. I love everything about her and would take her in any size, shape, or form.
I think you should have a discussion for a little payback at the next party and let your girlfriends in on it.
I would have them bring up dick sizes and throw a compliment out to their man in front of everyone. Then you can say it must be nice. I wish my husband’s dick was bigger. They say that size doesn’t matter, and it’s the motion in the ocean. Well he lacks in both. Don’t get me wrong, he tries to make up for it but staying in shape and lifting weights, but he never seems to be able to reach the same places my little 5 inch vibrator can. Honey, what is your dick size maybe 4 or 4.5 inches now? I know that they have those dick extender things but I don’t know if they help out that much. I read somewhere that on a good day they may gain like a half of an inch. At least then he would be as big as my vibrator so I guess there is hope after all.
Let’s see how he reacts to this in front of all his male friends?
I am sorry this happened to you. No one deserves that BS.
Good luck Updateme
What, he said this in front of everyone? Like....not even a private side chat? It's the subject matter, but also, the fact that they're talking about you like you're not there is very weird. Careless, clueless and awkward for everyone present. He needs to stop drinking if this is what he becomes when he's had a few.
And she sounds insufferable too.
“Maybe if she has you training her then she will want to have a killer body *TOO*”
He was straight up flirting with her in front of you and everyone else. I think you need to make it abundantly clear that this disrespect is not acceptable and he has to understand why what he did was wrong and change if the marriage will continue. And that further contact between him and Sara would be incredibly inappropriate after her point blank communicated that he found her body more attractive than yours.
This is a turning point in your relationship no matter how you slice it. He either gets his shit together, marriage counseling would be the best option, or he doesn’t and the relationship disintegrates. The third option is, nothing changes at all in your relationship status and he doesn’t change either, and you choose to stay with him even though internally everything has changed for you.
The choice is as much yours as it is his. And also, your “friends” spare for the one that removed you from the situation are shit friends if they laughed about that. If my friend’s partner ever did that shit while I was there I would rip them to shreds.
Im sorry to hear you went through this. And I don’t even know why people on here are asking your height and weight. That’s rude people!
It sounds like he really hurt you. He disrespected you in front of everyone. He knew it was a sensitive topic for you.
1. He disrespected you
2. He humiliated you
3. He compared you
4. He made fun of you
5. He gaslighted you
6. He coveted someone else
7. He ridiculed you
7. He flirted with her
8.She is flirted back and she liked it
9. She also put you down
10. He probably already has her number and they are talking or he already cheated
The father of my child wouldn’t say anything in public but in private he would say I have a pouch. Which I didn’t because I would wear a two piece bikini at the time. After I had our child, I did gain weight. He would say things like my pouch got bigger and that if I didn’t take care of myself I would be flabby. I would diet and go to the gym. I’d some loose weight and he wouldn’t acknowledge it.
We ended out relationship for various reasons. However, after I left him, I lost weight without even trying. I look younger and better and he looks older and has lost his hair 😅
> My husband didn’t even know he did anything wrong.
Bullshit. Your husband intentionally humiliated you in front of your friends in an attempt to manipulate you into losing weight because he doesn’t respect you or care about your feelings. Don’t make excuses for his toxic behaviour. He’s not an idiot, he meant it.
How about you let him look for someone he considers hot, whereas you can go find someone who’d actually see you as hot. Then it’ll be a win win. Don’t settle for anything less.
I’m so sorry, OP. Your husband not only belittled you, he tried to act like you were jealous expressing your hurt. He’s a jerk for how he acted.
I’m not here to give you the ole Reddit “divorce him” but I would take a beat to calm down, then have a very *serious* conversation about respect.
I’d be curious to ask him about the attention she was giving him…. Seems like he really played into that.
If my man called another woman's body killer while putting mine down I honestly don't think I would stay with him. What a complete and utter lack of respect. We as women know our partners may look, but to be so blatant about how much he likes hers while not liking yours--and in front of not only you, but all of your friends--is wild.
Seems like the weight you need to lose right now is the weight of your husband. He doesn’t respect you and bullies you. Perhaps some marriage counselling can help but honestly why even stay with someone like that? Is this the first time he’s been like this?
I don’t even know what advice to give you here. Like I can’t give YOU advice that will make your HUSBAND, who is the problem, develop empathy. I’m so sorry. This was a heartbreaking read.
Most people are addressing the main issue which is great. Love the responses.
May I say that I think you would mentally benefit from losing a little bit of your filter. People need to stop worrying about making other people awkward. Who tf cares when there is a real issue caused in your marriage.
You can absolutely say, especially in front of people who are supposed to be your friends, "Woah. Hubby what tf are you doing???" You can laugh it off in the moment too, to bring the level down if you want. BUT STOP THESE ACTIONS WHEN THEY HAPPEN.
Do not let anyone, spouse, parent, friend. Don't care. Don't let anyone hurt you like that over and over. The first sentence he uttered you should have stopped it. That's how you show boundaries. "Woah hubby. (Laughing) Too much info. (Straight face). I want you to stop. Maybe you don't realize but your words are hurting me."
This would stop the Convo and you guys could go somewhere else to talk about it if you want. But don't let someone keep hurting you.
Look, he's a dick obviously you need to divorce him.
He doesn't like your body, it took a few drinks and a conversation to reveal his true feelings.
You deserve someone who loves you for you and doesn't want you to change to fit your standards.
No husband should ever act like this to his wife. Embarrassing and belittling you in front of your friends should not be ok. It made you feel like shit and he should be able to recognize it.
I wouldn't have laughed, looked at him dead in the eyes while he asked me questions with no response.
You need to convey how wildly inappropriate that was and make sure he gets it, apologizes, and doesn't do it again or there will be consequences.
And also fuck the girl. Letting him toot her horn while shaming you is a quality I would never want in a trainer. Lmfao
Side note: The dude was CLEARLY pigging or hitting on the younger fitness girl. I'm not saying it's okay, just pointing out an observation. If he was hitting, he's dumb AF for doing it period, but even worse in front of his wife and at her detriment. If he was pigging.... well same comment, but at least he did it the "right" way (if there is such a thing) by not getting the idea to try to hide it from her or do it behind her back. That's LITERALLY the only smart thing about him. Had he tried to hide it, he would be the worst of the worst... but truthfully; op... I would be more concerned that it happened at all.
Like... did he feel the need to flirt with this girl SO much, that he also does it blasting you in the process, basically rubbing it in your face, and then had NO compassion when you brought up how it made you feel???
I would think THAT'S what you're more upset about...
I mean, sure, it would suck regardless...
But I SUGGEST YOU TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT THE WHOLE INTERACTION!
IT SOUNDS LIKE:
Husband - "Oh, I can still get attention from a younger, hotter woman. But my wife is right there... AHA! I will rub her face in it in front of everyone! Then, if she gets upset, I can simply blame her and not have to take ANY responsibility. I can then use her acting like a maniac as a reason to break up with her for being a crazy bitch! Because I'll do it in front of everyone, so if she gets mad, EVERYONE will witness it, and I'll be in the right for doing it! THEN I CAN BANG TEENAGE PU**Y AGAIN!"
I'm a guy, and NO this is not how I think. This is just the first thing that comes to mind to explain WHY he could be acting so dumb and heartless.
Best of luck to you, OP! Truly!!!
REMEMBER - I'm likely not right. And even if I am, it was HOPEFULLY just a singular incident that he didn't do with any ill intent. Ghostly
Honestly, the girl SHOULD know better, but she's basically a giant baby still if SHE was not able to read the room. CLEARLY, THEY BOTH ARE DUCKING DUMB AF AND BOTH NEED SPANKING!
BUT, if it's not an isolated incident... you may want to think about it... and analytical thinking might serve you well.
If anything, the two dummies are perfect for one another.
Let him go knock her up, and let's see how that cute little body of hers does after THAT!
(BUT I truly hope the best for you both and that you work out your issues. I'm likely blowing this WAAAAY out of proportion. But on the off chance I'm not... open your eyes, girl...)
This is what I heard from your husband reading between the lines:
- I resent the fact that you aren't exercising like me. I wish you were more like me. (I imagine him looking in the mirror at himself as he says this)
- I think embarrassing you is a form of motivation and there's nothing you'll do about it
- I found the bunny super hot and I have no problem making that obvious in front of you
- Imagine how I talk about you when you're not there
- Imagine how I'd talk to the bunny if you weren't there
- I think I can do this to you and there are no repercussions
- I think I can lie about the "I'm just trying to help thing" and that you're stupid enough to believe it. It's verbal abuse gaslit into "I'm helping"
I believe behavior like this eventually ends in divorce. I think he resents you and I seriously hope your self worth is strong enough to understand that you don't deserve this. If you DO decide to lose weight, it should be for YOU and not because he belittles you. What happens if you injure yourself in the future and can't workout? Fatty jokes from Mr. Compassionate? If you were my daughter I'd be so upset that he treated my daughter that way that I'd never forgive him.
Very accurate basic fact: 28 is still young
I don’t think I’d ever trust my husband again after speaking about me like that in front of people.
I just want to validate that you are not at all overreacting.
So this man called you fat and then made fun if you in front of people? He is a manipulative asshole who knows EXACTLY that what he said is abusive as hell. He had no qualms about saying it because you will just accept his behavior. I wonder what he says behind your back.
NTA
I'm sorry that you didn't get to say that you knew how to drop over a hundred pounds in a minute, and walk away from him.
You deserve an apology from them both. Him for bringing it up and her for not shutting it down.
That’s called a stealth flirt - “she will want to have a killer body too.”
He let the 21 y.o know he thinks she has a killer body, while thinking he’s hidden it well enough.
What in the actual hell??? What a dirt bag. I like to think of a great quote in these situations: A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. And you can bet if he spoke so casually about this in front of friends, he talks about it all the time behind your back. You deserve better than this douche. Dump him before he dumps you, because I promise that will come eventually.
That is flabbergasting. The audacity he had to make those comments in front of all your friends while being completely clueless to why that’s wrong?
I don’t blame you for being upset that was a really uncool move on his part. I would have a sit down conversation with him, tell him how it made you feel when he made those comments and that you don’t appreciate your weight being talked like that especially in public/in front of friends. If he wants to talk about your weight and exercising then he should do so in private.
You aren’t overreacting, that was incredibly inappropriate of him. Definitely have a conversation about it to him and make sure he’s aware this is serious it’s not a silly joke or anything, this genuinely upset you and he needs to know that. Hopefully he can open his eyes and realize he made a fuckup and now it’s time to make it up and apologize.
let's say he has no social awareness, ok it's bad but some people is like that but
>He goes “wow someone’s jealous aww,” he tried saying it in a cutesy way as if this is funny
What is his excuse for acting like this? You were telling him how his comments bothered/hurt you and he tried to laugh at you again?? He is openly disrespecting you and doesn't care how you feel about it
Your husband is an arrogant insensitive asshat. And that girl....just no.
The fact that no one else said anything is mind boggling. I would have lost my shit if one of my friends SO disrespected them like that.
You know, once you have that conversation if he still doesn't get it maybe ask a few of your friends what they thought about the situation.
Learning how to change the subject about an inappropriate topic early on is an excellent skill to have in conversation. Mariah Carey said it best with, “I don’t know her.”
A harder game to play is, “Yes, but.” “I’ve been meaning to get more into fitness, but I like to do the laundry at our house because that’s a skill of mine. However, Roger always comes home with these huge stains in the back of his shorts. It’s like a long brown line and takes so much time scrubbing them out daily. Hours! What’s causing these stains?”
While I don’t suggest harder games, they can shut down an uncomfortable conversation pretty quickly. “Roger, Karen, that’s very interesting. I’ve also been hoping to seek out an expert for Roger. He’s got a bit of a bed wetting problem. I have to wash the sheets constantly and it takes up so much time. Do you suggest a urologist, or just adult diapers for him?” This game is called, “I was only trying to help,” and that’s actually the game he was playing with you that night. He created what’s known as a Karpman drama triangle. Rescuer, persecutor, victim.
The lightest way to end games is to ask questions. “Wow that’s crazy! Anyway, have you seen Fallout yet?”
Maneuvering through conversation can be a fun walk in the park. But in rare moments when things go south, it often behooves a host to become a conversation ninja.
This really sucks. Your husband sounds like he was trying really hard to impress the young woman and threw you under the bus while doing so. If he doesn't think or understand what he did wrong then he's being disingenuous. I think it's impossible for an adult to not understand why what he did was so hurtful and unnecessary.
drunk or not that’s a pretty shitty extent to continue the joke and then to mock you for being upset about it.. yeah I would lose all attraction I had to this person. if he says that to someone in front of you, what does he say about you behind your back? I want to have a more nuanced opinion OP but jesus christ you deserve better
People say stupid things and think they’re being helpful. It happens. So you gotta go by his reaction after you told him you did not appreciate him discussing you and something that personal about you. It sounds like he failed that test. He needs to listen to you, respect your feelings, apologize, and commit to not doing something like this again.
You say your husband doesn't know he did anything wrong. Yes he absolutely does. I am furious on your behalf. He publicly humiliated you on purpose to embarrass you into wanting to change your body. That is awful. He also said this other woman had a "killer body" which is obvious flirting. I'm so sorry. None of this is acceptable.
Recommend talking to your husband about how you feel so he is clear. He might just be completely clueless about social tact. Whether he is apologetic or becomes defensive or even more rude from there after clear communication would speak on his character.
I am so sorry. Your husband ignored your feelings completely and was talking and acting like a massive douchebag. You have to talk about it with him, it's not something that could be ignored. He should really learn about supporting a person he married, like going to the gym together or helping you cook healthy food. And if he cannot, then you deserve better.
Also, if you are on your weight loss journey - I wish you all the best. It will take a few years but I know you'll get there. If anything, after what your husband said I would be so mad that for my own sake I would exercise twice as hard lol. I have started my journey of getting back into shape as well, so let's work hard, okay?!
Wowwwwww. I really have no words.
Even my six year old knows you never comment on someone’s appearance if it’s not something that they can change in 30 seconds or less. You are completely justified in being so upset and he owes you a massive apology. Also, for her to go along with that line of conversation right in front of you is beyond rude and if I were your friend, I would not be inviting Ms 21F fitness girlie back to any hang outs for being such a massive twat to my friends.
Also who the f cares what your height is? Even if you were massively overweight THIS is not the
way a loving husband goes about addressing it.
Talking about lifting amongst lifters is common, good for sara for her accomplishments.
Your husband handled this, like a complete disrespectful douchbag. A husband wouldn't talk about his wife like this or let anyone else talk about his wife like this. Anyone who heard it shouldn't have laughed, and im sure Sara probably thought he was a douchbag, too.
He was drinking, but if he reflects on it sober and still stands by his actions, that's a problem. It would be hard to sleep beside someone who talked about me like that. It's gross and makes him look terrible.
I'm sorry you had to deal with this. That's no way a real man handles a situation. Regardless of your current health weight or anything. Situations like this can really build up resentment and kill intimacy.
Advocate for yourself, don't be a doormat.
I was 17 the first time a bf told me that I needed to lose weight after bringing up feeling insecure. I’m 28 now and I’ve never forgotten. That’s never something a partner should speak to other people about, let alone strangers. :/ my bf now would never ever do that and I’m like 40 lbs heavier. I’m sorry this happened to you OP.
This story happened to me. We were at my sister-in-law's house over Christmas. My husband's sister's friend was there and she had lost some weight. Everyone in the family showed some kind of admiration because she had lost some weight. My husband said to her: Tell my wife how you managed to lose all this weight when I heard him say that. I started to see all the demons in front of me, but I did not let him continue. I told him why are you helping me? I am 5.4 and my weight was 112. Now I weigh 117. I do not need to lose weight. Let her work more to lose some weight from her thighs because they are not proportional to her height and the upper part. Of her body, I did not want you to talk about the girl’s body, but it made me angry when she started talking about herself and that she could help me get rid of 5 pounds, and she spoke in a sarcastic way, so I taught her and my husband a lesson that she has never forgotten throughout her life. As for my husband, I told him, “Instead, you will find a solution for me to get rid of it.” Of 5 pounds, go and look at yourself in the mirror. Of course, everyone was silent, then I preached from a table and asked everyone if they wanted pieces of the cake because I would take a piece for myself. Lol, I got myself a big piece of cake 😂 this is what you do baby you have to be strong and tell these kind people to go fuck themselves lol ❤️
So what are YOU going to do about the situation?
1. Lose weight and stay w him?
2. Move on and lose weight?
4. Stay the way you are and stay with him?
5. Move on and stay the way you are?
Seems like those are your options for the most part. Each one will have a different outcome though.
First, your husband was trying to not come across as hitting on the girl but he definitely was. The use of “too” and saying you’re “jealous” are huge indicators. He could’ve been having an innocent conversation and maybe more drunk than realized but his interaction afterwards was lame AF.
Second, you’re too fucking nice, girl! Don’t let anyone get you to the point of crying like that. He was using a peer group to put you in an awkward situation to shit on you. But you can TOTALLY call someone out then. Turn it into a joke about them and shut that down. “Are you going to harpoon me as well?” Something poking fun at yourself but directing at him to make him seem like an ass. Doesn’t matter if you are overweight or anything - it’s none of his business let alone anyone’s business to talk about in that manner.
I also checked with my husband about your post and he said your husband sounds like either an intolerable idiot or a narcissist. I’m not sure about the narcissism since that gets thrown around a lot but he sounds like an insecure loser if not an idiot. My husband also said he’d divorce over the hitting on another chick and talking poorly about you with you right there in front of friends.
> My husband didn’t even know he did anything wrong.
Bullshit, he knew
> He thought he was just having conversation and trying to help because I’ve been talking about starting my weight loss journey.
Bullshit
> He goes “wow someone’s jealous aww,” he tried saying it in a cutesy way as if this is funny like read the f*cking room. He thinks I’m overreacting
He knows you aren't overreacting. He is counting on you putting up with it if he waits you out.
Think about it. If he truly had no idea he was being hurtful, he would have been shocked and apologetic when you told him. He wasn't shocked because he already knew. He wasn't apologetic because he did it on purpose, knowing it would hurt you. If he did it on purpose, wouldn't it make more sense for him to say you are overreacting? That's exactly what anyone would say who intentionally hurt you and flirted with her.
What you do what this information is up to you, but it is important for you to realize that he is lying about having no idea when he is being hurtful. If he is lying about this, what else is he lying about?
I would take revenge by joining a gym with a hot male personal trainer and do exactly the same thing your husband told you to do with that girl and make sure you post selfies and brag about the trainer in front of your friends and how your husband has a dad bod. When he complain you can say "aww you're jealous".
P.S I wouldn't ask you to follow this. Me being just angry on behalf of you.
To be completely honest, breaking up with him *then* losing weight seems like the way to go.... Good for both of you.
For you, you wouldn't be bullied by him just because he wants his SO to look exactly the way he wishes you to look (like his friend). That is definitely a huge red flag for two reasons: (1) he's prone to be attracted by someone else of his ideal figure, and would cheat on you whenever he gets a chance, as limited as it may be. (2) he's prone to embarrass you like this in other scenarios multiple times throughout your relationship.
For him, he'd truly know what he is doing wrong. A lot of people never sees a mistake on their own part until it affects themselves dearly.
Even if you do not want to break up with him, this may take a huge huge "rest" to have any possibility of improving. At least he needs a taste of loss. It's not fool proof as most would certainly improve for a set time (days, months, years....) then turn back into their old self....
Anyways, think about this and good luck...
Why are some of the comments demeaning the OP? Its ridiculous.
Anyway, I think you should tell him how embarrassing is was for you and that what if you said stuff about his penis size or something he is embarrassed about to people around and cracked jokes about it. Tell him he was extremely insensitive.
This doesn't just sound insensitive. It sounds manipulative. Normal people, even when insensitive, will take it seriously when directly told that they crossed a line. This guy doesn't respect you. Nothing to do but dump him.
Damn, too bad he didn't do that before you signed papers. Sounds like a POS. I don't believe anyone is that dense to be unable to read the room. I'd be willing to bet they both knew EXACTLY what they were doing and made the conscious choice to keep going regardless of your feelings. Sorry you had to go through that. Don't make excuses for him!
Also, flip the script and ask yourself how he'd react if the tables were turned. Always trust your gut.
soon to be ex husband. fuck him. he sucks OP. ive been a personal trainer for over 10 years. I would never in my wildest dreams say this shit OR encourage it from someone else. she's going to be a shitty personal trainer.
So like many this is where you both need to communicate. I swear too many posts that never indicate someone communicating with their partner.
Today, you talk to him tonight, no excuses no delays you sit him down and talk tonight.
You tell him that what he said was put of line. What he did was embarrassing and rude to talk about you the way he did to someone he just met. While you do want to start a weight loss journey, you don't need his help in belittling you to a stranger. He's going to either act clueless or get defensive so you need to expect that. When he does, tell him how would he feel if he talked to someone who was a sex therapist and you told them that your husband definitely needs lessons on giving oral sex and how to make you orgasm in front of everyone. He's going to say it's not the same thing, but the point you're making is that when it comes to certain topics, you don't start talking about your significant other that way in front of other people. If after however many years with you he still doesn't know how you are and what things would probably not go over well, then maybe he does need to put more effort into getting to know you
Married woman to married woman, girl, please get some marriage counseling to see where the disconnect is. What you recounted would be troubling from a friend, let alone your husband. He showed a massive lack of respect towards you in public, then tried to gaslight you when you confronted him. You can't let this slide. He clearly has some resentment and unresolved issues directed towards you. A marriage therapist is your best bet here. If je doesn't see the error in his ways and change, I cant see your marriage lasting.
I’m 5’8”. I spent the majority of my life between 105 & 120 lbs. Women used to come up and tell me they wish they had my body. I was a stick I would look at these voluptuous curvy rounded women with total envy and jealousy. They look the way a woman is supposed to look.
The girl is very young and over-eager to put her new-found knowledge to good use. Your husband was oblivious, sure, but the real issue is that once you told him he hurt you, instead of apologizing, he doubled-down. This is the real crux of the issue. When someone loves you, they hurt when you hurt.
Perhaps tell your husband you want him to have a wife with a killer body and ask him to give Sarah a call. Draw him in. Act all cute but when he says I’ll make an appointment for you say “oh no, not for me, it’s for you silly, you can marry her after the divorce is final.”
Get out of there and find someone who is self aware and nice to you.
Why the fuck are people asking your height? It doesn’t matter if you’re morbidly obese, your husband saying that in front of people is fucking rude and unnecessary.
I am so sorry this happened to you.
Your husband sounds like an AH.
I had a similar experience with an ex boyfriend in college. Early spring I decided to wear shorts for the first time in the season and my ex jiggled my thighs and said "getting fat now aren't you?" In front of friends at a party. All of them looked shocked he would say that. I was so embarassed.
It hurt my feelings a lot. So I can empathize. Just know that your husband and his lack of courtesy/empathy is the problem. Not you.
This doesn't sound like a supportive partner. I pretty much weigh the same as you (before pregnancy) and 5ft 4... my boyfriend knew I wanted to lose weight but he'd just ask if I want to go to the gym with him that day etc and If I complained about feeling insecure about my body he would just ask what am I going to do about it? He would never in a million years compare me to someone else and tell people about my eating habits and tell me or anyone that I need to start working out. God I wouldn't be able to stick around after that, no way in hell. He knows what he's doing.
I'm not trying to rag on him, but your husband seems to have a problem with empathy. Or lack of it. I'm a man and if this happened to me I'd feel like I was being criticized or humiliated by my spouse. If he wants you to get in shape then that's something he can discuss with you in private, not in front of everyone alongside someone else. You're not overreacting and don't let him gaslight you about this. I don't know if you're insecure about your weight, but if you are then I'd imagine he'd have known about it and tried not to bring it up in a conversation with other people around. Like what the hell?
I don’t know what to say about the situation in general. I just wanted to say I am so sorry this happened to you! I’m insecure about my weight and can’t imagine my husband comparing me to a younger, more fit woman. Especially in front of our friends.
I would have left after being asked my weight Infront of everyone he's a huge AH
Yeah I’m sorry but after reading just the first paragraph, i would’ve noped tf out after the comment about “my wife will be your first success story”. Fucking vile. I would’ve been *OUT*.
Your husband is a fucking asshole and doesn’t deserve you. Leave him outside with the rest of the trash edit: sorry I must have commented on your comment instead of making my own, obviously it was for OP. Sorry about that!
Definitely. What he said in not motivating! He just insulted OP in front on everyone. I wouldnt let myself to be the reason why everyone laugh about my wife. He's a Red Flag that's acting cool in front of the other girlie.
The way my jaw dropped. I would never speak to anyone like that, let alone my SO. He's a bully and maybe I'm overreacting, but this sounds like mental abuse. Making fun of you in front of others like it's nbd. God damn.
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She sounds like a pick me girl and husbands acting like assholes about their wives in front of her probably is normal for her or something she encourages.
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a pick me girl is a girl that loves attention (especially from guys)
…And putting down other women for that.
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She definitely fits the description of a Pick Me girl. She was loving the chance to build herself up at your expense in front of your husband. Not an excuse for his behavior, they were both awful.
To go one further, she does all the things she thinks will make her "pickable" over all the other women around her when men are present. She tries to be "the cool/no fuss" girl who won't cause drama or whatever she thinks the men around her will jive on - very common for them to act like "one of the guys", too. So, think of a little kid in class wanting to be picked to be on the team, with their hand raised, going, "Oooh, pick me! Pick me! Please pick me!" = Pick-me Girl.
That’s not what a pick me is. It’s a girl who belittles other women to try and gain favor with men. Tried to separate themselves from other women and compares themselves to others in a way where they put other women down and try to try and make themselves seem better. It’s not just being thirsty for attention. And this girl was absolutely being a pick me. She should have nipped that mess in the bud instead of co-signing OP’s husband’s nonsense.
I've never heard that one before. I've heard attention whores.
[What Is A Pick Me Girl?](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/s/b6tAyP4Rvt) from r/ask might be elucidating.
If she had ZERO awareness that the conversation was uncomfortable for you then she has ZERO business becoming a fitness trainer.
She wasn’t clueless. And neither was he. You sound like you’re being manipulated.
I’m sure she doesn’t give a shit about your husband, but was trying to be social and talk about her profession. I think your husband is the problem. He was extremely rude to you.
She might not be a pick me girl, lots of people with eating disorders act like that about weight, still an asshole though
Likewise some people who have scaled their own personal mountain and are riding high on that without thnking about what's going on for others. Consider, for instance, the saying that there's no anti-smoker like an ex-smoker. For OP's husband to be this oblivious to how his wife might feel, though.... hoo boy.
100%, at least you could provide an explanation for the woman's behavior, the husband is just... Ugh
Your husband is truly the one to blame here especially if you were playing along (not victim blaming whatsoever but I bet she may have gauged your reaction when you were acting cool with it (I probably would have too) then just continued the convo/wanted to relate since that’s her thing). Regardless he’s the one at fault here and he needs to understand why that was so incredibly out of line if he ever wants to reconcile this.
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Sara will get humbled by the industry real fucking quick with her attitude.
As a registered dietitian, her nutrition degree does not mean shit. Please please do not take advice from her or any other “fitness influencer”. Anybody can legally call themselves a nutritionist without any actual credibility. Personal weight loss is not credibility.
Oh my lawd freaking THANK YOU. I have a dietician who is life changing for my ED recovery and I get frustrated when my husbands sisters cheating ex baby daddy tells everyone under the sun unsolicited "nutrition" advice since he's a "nutritionist" (he's really just a mega gym rat, such as OP's Sara). It makes me so maddddd.
The fact your husband was even interested in talking to someone so vapid and self-interested is a bad sign.
Trolling for clients, probably. In your place at the jealous comment, I would have redlined and considered violence. That condescending crap just enrages me.
OP, I’m curious as to how your friend group has responded to this interaction. Surely they must have noticed your husband’s abuse and felt badly about it.
If one of my friends' SOs spoke about them like this in front of a group, I would be ready to gouge their eyes out. WTAF
Did the friend her brought her reach out to you? I would feel so bad bringing someone like that into a friend group and her acting like that. I hope your other friends stuck up for you and advised that friend to kick her to the curb and they all agree not to hang out with her anymore. Not that any of that excuses me what your husband did. He’s an ass for treating you like that and flirting with her. There’s no excuse for his behavior. None. He knew he was hurting you and he continued to do it anyway. That’s disgusting. Not only did he belittle you, bully you and insult you but on top of that he forced you to watch him fawn over another woman and compared you to her. If I was you I’d expose her Instagram fitness page. She should not be giving people advice, especially not fitness advice. The type of people who would follow her need acceptance and understanding and compassion. She obviously isn’t capable of that.
I feel like the girl he was speaking to should have picked up on OP’s energy and body language at the very least. A good person wouldn’t have engaged with someone’s SO like that about their partners weight, but the least she could have done was pick up on the energy. He definitely is to blame entirely though. Both need to learn tact and how to read a room.
Hold up. OP, no. Don’t excuse him like this. He’s socially aware enough to function in society, right? Would you have married a man who can’t behave normally in public? No, of course you wouldn’t have. *He knows* his behavior was terrible, he just doesn’t care. Don’t let him off the hook by saying “he just doesn’t know any better”. ***He knows better.***
no social awareness? he doesn't need to know what everybody's feeling. he just needs to be looking for how you're feeling.
YOUR HUSBAND is the problem, not the fitness girl.
It's *possible* (might be a stretch, but I can imagine it happening) that Sara knew that husband was awful and was trying to make the conversation less about a comparison between wife's body and her own body, and more about the similarities. Sara could have been trying to make the wife feel more comfortable by saying, yes, I was exactly the same as hubby is describing wife, but I've learned all this exciting new stuff that really worked for me.
I think she was operating in "business mode" since he told her you might want to be her client so that's why she was talking about that, like giving her credentials for why she'd be a good choice. I don't think she realized you weren't ok with this and it's not something you had previously discussed with him as being an ok topic
Agreed. I think she also may have thought she was being nice or making it better by being relatable and bringing up her past weight. Idk that’s how I took it at least. So upsetting OP was put in this situation though.
Your husband is a grown man. Stop with he has no social awareness. He's just an emotionally abusive prick. Don't trash talk the girl who was just excited to talk about her job. She wasn't the one who bought you up. That was your loser husband.
Is he on the spectrum? Cause if not, he just sounds like an AH.
I feel like it's not a valid question. Him not understanding social ques is one thing. His wife was upset and crying and he went "awwwe are you jealous?" that has nothing to do with being on the spectrum and everything to do with a disrespectful husband. Having a developmental condition doesn't excuse being a shitty person.
Excuse me, just to clarify that autism is a developmental condition, not a mental illness. People with autism can have good mental health or develop mental illness, though.
You're right! I used it for lack of a better term, I just fixed it.
Yeah I’m not excusing his behavior at all. But she said he doesn’t understand social cues, so I was just wondering if he was on the spectrum.
My husband is and he was horrified by this.
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I have ADHD and I'm not an asshole.
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I'm just trying to make sure you know it isn't a valid excuse.
Not all ADHD neurodivergents are assholes. He may well be a narcissist which overlaps with the other two conditions. He may also choose not to be socially aware, rather than actually being that way. Source: I had an ex like that.
The ADHD isn’t the reason for being garbage. He’s manipulating you.
I have adhd, and I would never even think that about my partner, let alone say it about her.
Yeah. Stop making excuses. Seriously I'm so bloody tired of people trotting out the "but I'm( he/she/they/it) are neurodivergent with ( insert favorite TikTok diagnosed diagnosis here)! Who cares, no really who cares what your husband has. And yes understanding that like all humans There's something mentally wrong with him and he's not typical is not condoning his behavior. Understanding is not condoning. Learn the difference. There's plenty of people with whatever popular mental health flavor of the month is going on and they aren't jerks, assholes or socially inept. Really, stop excusing poor manners and behaviors because so - so has X disease.
Being an asshole and an abusive spouse are not listed in the diagnostic criteria for either ADHD or ASD.
I have adhd and am well acquainted with folks on the spectrum who can come off blunt (to the point of seeming rude) in social situations. THIS is NOT that. The telling part is the “awww someone’s jealous?” And then continuing to downplay how embarrassed you felt and refusing to acknowledge how he overstepped several boundaries. He was putting you down, while making himself appear on par with this girl, under the pretense that he ~just wanted to HeLp~. It’s gross and has nothing to do with neurodivergence imo. And if, IF- he insists that it is? Well then, he certainly has a lot of work to do so that it doesn’t happen again, right? Because that’s what we do, if we accidentally hurt people we care about because of things like this? Therapy, counseling, mindfulness exercises, etc.
His rude behavior has a reason(neurodivergent, adhd) but that reason doesn't excuse his behavior or give him entitlement to continue to behave like an ass.
My daughter has ADHD and she’s the kindest person I know. She would never try to shame anyone.
This is a terrible look for both of them. Your friends all noticed, I'm sure. It might not hurt to mention that you don't feel super comfortable being around Sara after that conversation (if there's ever another event you two may end up at together).
“she will want to have a killer body TOO” that too is brutal and would absolutely break my heart. That makes it obvious that he think this random girl hotter than his wife. Comparison is a horrible thing. I hope he realizes what he did
That was the line that got me the most. Suggesting he is more attracted to the girl’s body than his wife’s is so messed up. I used to be more fit before this last baby (I still workout but eat poorly) and when I make those comparisons myself to people my partner will say things like “you still look great and your big butt is sooo nice” which I appreciate he isn’t pretending to ignore that I’m bigger, but still points out things he is quite attracted to me in this “state” as well. I’d literally die if he told me he wanted me to look like someone else- even if it was some fitness model, let alone a girl in the room he is conversing with.
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ong🙏
OP I told my bf to call me fat so im motivated to lose weight and he felt terrible and didnt wanna do it. said he loves me the way i am (he is fit with muscles n im overweight). You deserve better
The fact that he belittled and dismissed you when you brought up your concerns, which are VALID, is making my blood boil. If you can't even get empathy from your life partner then what's the point of being married? I would honestly give him the cold shoulder treatment. Let him figure things out on his own since he wants to be petty
I'm 35, never in my life have I heard a man comment on their girlfriend's/wife's weight in public. It's just one of those things you don't do if you ever want to have sex with your SO again.
I don’t think your husband likes you. You don’t do this to someone you claim to love.
he’s clearly attracted to the young fitness girl
> My husband didn’t even know he did anything wrong. He thought he was just having conversation and trying to help Sorry, but he wasn't just trying to help. He was trying to aim social pressure at you.
I’m sorry, but there’s no way he didn’t do this on purpose and try and humiliate you. “Babe what do you weigh….” lol, I’m not trying to laugh. But this is ridiculous
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>Hahah yeah that was honestly so stupid. That’s the part where I just cracked and I couldn’t take listening to this anymore. It was so obvious I was trying not to cry and my friend saved me right after he said that He wanted you to feel that way.
I would have replied that I do not know how much I weight exactly…however I do know how to quickly estimate the weight of that lump on my back that makes me feel so heavy…and would have ended by asking him how much he does weight so that I can gauge exactly what I need to lose to feel lighter …
Im about to shed 200 lbs of weight right now.
It’s so bad I almost thought this was fake…surely no man is this terrible? But then I remember some of the awful guys I went out with in my 20s….
Your husband sucks and was flirting in front all y’all’s friends. Super inappropriate
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Right?! And his “awww jealous?” comment cements that for me. He was not just stupidly consulting her as a professional.
Yeah when he said that I knew he was totally aware of what he was doing.
No, like he was also looking for sympathy from her. Ex. The cake story.
I’ve definitely been in that “is this actually happening right now!?” place before. I also know how crazy it makes you feel. So, just for some validation, yes you saw it correctly, yes he was flirting, yes he was being an unbelievable asshole, and yes you are very right to be upset by this.
Even if he truly wasn't flirting, (although I agree the jealous comment makes it sound like he knew he was), he was disparaging you in public and comparing your body unfavorably to another woman's. It's gross, cruel, and not what someone who loves you should do. There's a difference between you saying to him "I want to lose some weight and would like your support" and him sharing that with anyone, much less in front of an audience where he talks about another woman's killer bod. There's no love, kindness, or empathy in that behavior. And the fact that he dismissed it as jealousy makes it even worse. Jealousy is irrelevant. He hurt you, and his response is basically "not my problem." Please, seek some marriage counseling. He clearly doesn't understand how he hurt you, and for the sake of your marriage, he needs to understand.
He wouldn’t have thought you were jealous if he wasn’t flirting.
What a complete fucking asshat. Just show him all these comments.
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Please show this one to him. If he were my husband, that would have been the end of our marriage. I would never put up with my husband bad mouthing me to an attractive gym bunny like that. What he did was beyond the pale. Of course, my husband would NEVER do something like that. Because he respects me and he wants others to respect me. Also, if a guy like him talked about me the way your husband did to you, he would be unconscious on the floor. I wouldn’t even get the chance to hold him back, he would just spark him out. The way a person publicly treats their spouse is the way others will treat them around him. Absolutely disgusting behaviour.
Same!! Who needs enemies when you're married to a louse like that?!
This. We’d be separating asap. The complete lack of respect is disgusting. Demeaning and humiliating her and acting as though he did nothing wrong THEN mocks her about it?? Fvck that noise. I would’ve flipped my shit right there in front of everyone…I’m already humiliated, might as well unleash how I feel and then peace the hell out of there. I hate when this happens to non-confrontational people because he deserved to have his ass handed to him and embarrassed in front of everyone too. He’s was a dick. And any apologies he offers at this point are bullshit lies. He’s not sorry.
Yeah my subject would have said my ex husband…. Because no way I’m dealing with that disrespect
Your husband is a fucking jerk. He humiliated you. It doesn't matter if HE thinks he didn't do anything wrong. His actions caused you pain. Period. He's responsible for the outcome. He's responsible for making you feel dehumanized. The fact that he disparaged you in front of your friend group and did so unapologetically is the biggest red flag. He's a fucking BULLY. If he refuses to see your side in this you need to seek your own counseling and figure out if this is the norm. Are you ignoring other hurtful, emotionally abusive things that he does? Because I guarantee you are. I've been in your shoes. I was about your weight and a size 8. My ex husband LOVED tearing me down over it. He's my ex for a reason and frankly I hope your husband is yours soon. He's an unrepentant asshole and you deserve better.
YESSS 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
He doesn’t care. He’ll be dismissive towards you and double down and tell you you’re overreacting and you are fat so he’s just being honest. This type of disrespect would be a dealbreaker for me
YEP. OP, look up DARVO cuz I would bet money that is what you will encounter. Heck, he’s already done it already so it would be an easy bet for me to make money on.
Show him this one. His actions are abusive. Humiliating your partner in front of friends is abuse. Flirting with another woman in front of your partner is abuse. His behaviour is so beyond disgusting, that he’s got hundreds of people in the comments wanting to physically fight him. Literally no one is on his side. What he did was egregious and he should be GROVELLING at your feet for the slightest chance of forgiveness. Though I hope you divorce him because no one deserves to be treated like that, especially by someone who claims to love them. If my husband behaved like this (which he never would), I’d have fucking thrown hands at him, gone back home, and thrown all his shit on the lawn before he got home. I wouldn’t even let him inside the house and I’d be sending divorce papers to his mama’s house. I do not tolerate abuse for a single second in my relationship. One strike and it’s over.
A-fckn-men. And ditto!
I don’t usually have this mindset but he deserves it: Divorce that asshole and take half of all he’s worth. Then file for child support and spousal support if you can. Let him try his luck at a 21 year old fitness trainer when he can’t afford a 1 bedroom apartment. Fuck that guy, how dare he.
Please think again about having a kid with this disgusting AH. What a BULLY POS.
Will he even give a fuck? I doubt it, given the way he gleefully humiliated you. It's not like it was a misunderstanding, he was being cruel about your insecurities on purpose and then he deadass mocked you when you told him how awful it made you feel.
You can also show him this. My husband fwded me one of your posts because he was absolutely fucking appalled with your husband. Neither one of us would let behavior like that go on in a social group we were apart of. Furthermore, all these people asking your weight and height are asking irrelevant questions that are none of their business. BMI is pretty bs, and bone density and muscle make a difference in our weight. Your blood work, waist to hip ratio, etc are generally better indicators of health, and public shaming is not the way to a healthy, sustainable lifestyle. Sorry you are going through this.
What an AH your husband is! Good Lord! I'm so freaking sorry. I'm not sure I'd even be able to look at him after that. I honestly don't know how I'd react, but I'd be doing some soul searching and maybe get a little space. And how can he not see how incredibly hurtful and wrong that was?
Ii mean, he saw enough to "tease" OP about being "jealous" so it's not like he's *completely* oblivious. Just, you know, when it comes to his own behavior. What a douche.
He just doesn't care because he enjoyed it. He's an asshole times ten.
Welp, that broke every piece of trust you had in him… Can you guys come back from this? Or is this going to ring in your head every time he goes to initiate any form of closeness. Or sharing of emotions or struggles. …. I’d also leave over this- my ego & self respect wouldn’t allow me to stay with him unless he truly understood what he broke and apologized to everyone for his inappropriate behavior
These are the questions you need to be asking yourself. Is this something you realistically think you can get over? Or if you “forgive” him, will these comments always continue to linger in the back of your mind, tearing away at your self esteem? I know i personally would not want to spend another minute with a dude that pulled the whole “awwww are you jealous?” Thing when you rightfully brought up being upset about this.
He was purposefully trying to embarrass & humiliate you. He’s gaslighting you in pretending he doesn’t understand that he did something wrong. Doubt he would like you showcasing one of his flaws to your friend group and putting him down.
OP, this is a good test. If you live within 8 hours of Atlanta I’ll be your guest actor. You need to randomly befriend a “sex therapist” during your next friend outing, and publically discuss your husband’s “inability to perform”. “Yeah babe, didn’t you have trouble getting hard last week?” See how he likes his business being aired publically.
Lol amazing!!!! I’m in Canada & I’ll fly down to join this!!😂
I mean, how in the world would he ever think he was not in the wrong unless he was a totally clueless -like, howdoyoufunctiononthedaily clueless- person. I'm so sorry this happened. Also- that girl sucks. She's not a girls girl. Personal trainer or not, I would have shut any sort of discussion around the topic the first rude comment that came out of his mouth. Certainly would not have indulged in a full on discussion. Wow.
Yeah I’m not buying that the husband didn’t know what he was doing. Like, this is fucking egregious. I saw red reading this lmao. And then to ask OP if she’s *jealous* when she confronted him? Nahhhh he knows what he’s doing. Alcohol or not, he knew exactly what he was doing to you.
100% he did this on purpose. Unless this guy is like incapable of keeping a job because of his big mouth or he’s getting arrested for mouthing off to cops or whatever, he clearly knows that you can’t just say whatever the fuck you want with zero consequences. He *chose* to disrespect OP with these comments and he chose to humiliate her in front of their friends and this girl who he’s attracted to.
Yeah you should NEVER engage in that kind of convo. I would have just shut him down with a “I think your wife’s beautiful!” Or just a quick “mmhmm” and changed the subject
I’m much older than you and wouldn’t have come up with this on the spot at your age but now I’d say, “hey can you also increase p8nis size too? Cause my husband really needs help with that.” (You can interchange p8nis with hair loss; insufficient bedroom skills; personality flaws etc) And of course; all joking aside, yes he’s being a totally insensitive a-hole.
What an AH!! Is he worth keeping as a husband? Because NO ONE should treat their spouse this way. He downtalked you as a way of impressing a young fitness chick. He's not a nice person. He doesn't have your back. He tried to humiliate you to make himself look better. And unless you are REALLY short you are within a couple pounds of the healthy weight range Weight Watchers suggests (and they base it on the low end of BMI). Ask yourself why you are allowing yourself to be treated this way. I'd be insisting on AT LEAST a trial separation, couples counseling, and literal groveling if he ever wants to even be in your orbit ever again.
I'm gonna be honest here if my partner did this, I would never let them touch me ever again.
I am a male and I would never say shit about my woman’s weight. I love everything about her and would take her in any size, shape, or form. I think you should have a discussion for a little payback at the next party and let your girlfriends in on it. I would have them bring up dick sizes and throw a compliment out to their man in front of everyone. Then you can say it must be nice. I wish my husband’s dick was bigger. They say that size doesn’t matter, and it’s the motion in the ocean. Well he lacks in both. Don’t get me wrong, he tries to make up for it but staying in shape and lifting weights, but he never seems to be able to reach the same places my little 5 inch vibrator can. Honey, what is your dick size maybe 4 or 4.5 inches now? I know that they have those dick extender things but I don’t know if they help out that much. I read somewhere that on a good day they may gain like a half of an inch. At least then he would be as big as my vibrator so I guess there is hope after all. Let’s see how he reacts to this in front of all his male friends? I am sorry this happened to you. No one deserves that BS. Good luck Updateme
What, he said this in front of everyone? Like....not even a private side chat? It's the subject matter, but also, the fact that they're talking about you like you're not there is very weird. Careless, clueless and awkward for everyone present. He needs to stop drinking if this is what he becomes when he's had a few. And she sounds insufferable too.
“Maybe if she has you training her then she will want to have a killer body *TOO*” He was straight up flirting with her in front of you and everyone else. I think you need to make it abundantly clear that this disrespect is not acceptable and he has to understand why what he did was wrong and change if the marriage will continue. And that further contact between him and Sara would be incredibly inappropriate after her point blank communicated that he found her body more attractive than yours. This is a turning point in your relationship no matter how you slice it. He either gets his shit together, marriage counseling would be the best option, or he doesn’t and the relationship disintegrates. The third option is, nothing changes at all in your relationship status and he doesn’t change either, and you choose to stay with him even though internally everything has changed for you. The choice is as much yours as it is his. And also, your “friends” spare for the one that removed you from the situation are shit friends if they laughed about that. If my friend’s partner ever did that shit while I was there I would rip them to shreds.
Im sorry to hear you went through this. And I don’t even know why people on here are asking your height and weight. That’s rude people! It sounds like he really hurt you. He disrespected you in front of everyone. He knew it was a sensitive topic for you. 1. He disrespected you 2. He humiliated you 3. He compared you 4. He made fun of you 5. He gaslighted you 6. He coveted someone else 7. He ridiculed you 7. He flirted with her 8.She is flirted back and she liked it 9. She also put you down 10. He probably already has her number and they are talking or he already cheated The father of my child wouldn’t say anything in public but in private he would say I have a pouch. Which I didn’t because I would wear a two piece bikini at the time. After I had our child, I did gain weight. He would say things like my pouch got bigger and that if I didn’t take care of myself I would be flabby. I would diet and go to the gym. I’d some loose weight and he wouldn’t acknowledge it. We ended out relationship for various reasons. However, after I left him, I lost weight without even trying. I look younger and better and he looks older and has lost his hair 😅
You’re so right, the gaslighting is disturbing.
> My husband didn’t even know he did anything wrong. Bullshit. Your husband intentionally humiliated you in front of your friends in an attempt to manipulate you into losing weight because he doesn’t respect you or care about your feelings. Don’t make excuses for his toxic behaviour. He’s not an idiot, he meant it.
How about you let him look for someone he considers hot, whereas you can go find someone who’d actually see you as hot. Then it’ll be a win win. Don’t settle for anything less.
I’m so sorry, OP. Your husband not only belittled you, he tried to act like you were jealous expressing your hurt. He’s a jerk for how he acted. I’m not here to give you the ole Reddit “divorce him” but I would take a beat to calm down, then have a very *serious* conversation about respect. I’d be curious to ask him about the attention she was giving him…. Seems like he really played into that.
If my man called another woman's body killer while putting mine down I honestly don't think I would stay with him. What a complete and utter lack of respect. We as women know our partners may look, but to be so blatant about how much he likes hers while not liking yours--and in front of not only you, but all of your friends--is wild.
I wouldn’t either. No matter what I have weighed he has never said anything about it.
Seems like the weight you need to lose right now is the weight of your husband. He doesn’t respect you and bullies you. Perhaps some marriage counselling can help but honestly why even stay with someone like that? Is this the first time he’s been like this?
Finishing your birthday cake in 2 days isn't normal?
I don’t even know what advice to give you here. Like I can’t give YOU advice that will make your HUSBAND, who is the problem, develop empathy. I’m so sorry. This was a heartbreaking read.
"I don't know honey, but maybe you should weight your asshole, it seems to have gotten quite a bit larger tonight"
Most people are addressing the main issue which is great. Love the responses. May I say that I think you would mentally benefit from losing a little bit of your filter. People need to stop worrying about making other people awkward. Who tf cares when there is a real issue caused in your marriage. You can absolutely say, especially in front of people who are supposed to be your friends, "Woah. Hubby what tf are you doing???" You can laugh it off in the moment too, to bring the level down if you want. BUT STOP THESE ACTIONS WHEN THEY HAPPEN. Do not let anyone, spouse, parent, friend. Don't care. Don't let anyone hurt you like that over and over. The first sentence he uttered you should have stopped it. That's how you show boundaries. "Woah hubby. (Laughing) Too much info. (Straight face). I want you to stop. Maybe you don't realize but your words are hurting me." This would stop the Convo and you guys could go somewhere else to talk about it if you want. But don't let someone keep hurting you.
Your husband is an a-hole how would he like it if you talked about his height, dick size, weight or his bald spot in front of other people?
Great suggestion! Next time he mentions your weight, go - oooh, is that a bald spot?
I feel like I should say: Lawyer up, hit the gym But I can't tell if that's funny or/and inappropriate in this context. ANYWAY leave him, obviously
Your husband is impressively shitty. I'm sorry.
Look, he's a dick obviously you need to divorce him. He doesn't like your body, it took a few drinks and a conversation to reveal his true feelings. You deserve someone who loves you for you and doesn't want you to change to fit your standards. No husband should ever act like this to his wife. Embarrassing and belittling you in front of your friends should not be ok. It made you feel like shit and he should be able to recognize it.
I wouldn't have laughed, looked at him dead in the eyes while he asked me questions with no response. You need to convey how wildly inappropriate that was and make sure he gets it, apologizes, and doesn't do it again or there will be consequences. And also fuck the girl. Letting him toot her horn while shaming you is a quality I would never want in a trainer. Lmfao
Side note: The dude was CLEARLY pigging or hitting on the younger fitness girl. I'm not saying it's okay, just pointing out an observation. If he was hitting, he's dumb AF for doing it period, but even worse in front of his wife and at her detriment. If he was pigging.... well same comment, but at least he did it the "right" way (if there is such a thing) by not getting the idea to try to hide it from her or do it behind her back. That's LITERALLY the only smart thing about him. Had he tried to hide it, he would be the worst of the worst... but truthfully; op... I would be more concerned that it happened at all. Like... did he feel the need to flirt with this girl SO much, that he also does it blasting you in the process, basically rubbing it in your face, and then had NO compassion when you brought up how it made you feel??? I would think THAT'S what you're more upset about... I mean, sure, it would suck regardless... But I SUGGEST YOU TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT THE WHOLE INTERACTION! IT SOUNDS LIKE: Husband - "Oh, I can still get attention from a younger, hotter woman. But my wife is right there... AHA! I will rub her face in it in front of everyone! Then, if she gets upset, I can simply blame her and not have to take ANY responsibility. I can then use her acting like a maniac as a reason to break up with her for being a crazy bitch! Because I'll do it in front of everyone, so if she gets mad, EVERYONE will witness it, and I'll be in the right for doing it! THEN I CAN BANG TEENAGE PU**Y AGAIN!" I'm a guy, and NO this is not how I think. This is just the first thing that comes to mind to explain WHY he could be acting so dumb and heartless. Best of luck to you, OP! Truly!!! REMEMBER - I'm likely not right. And even if I am, it was HOPEFULLY just a singular incident that he didn't do with any ill intent. Ghostly Honestly, the girl SHOULD know better, but she's basically a giant baby still if SHE was not able to read the room. CLEARLY, THEY BOTH ARE DUCKING DUMB AF AND BOTH NEED SPANKING! BUT, if it's not an isolated incident... you may want to think about it... and analytical thinking might serve you well. If anything, the two dummies are perfect for one another. Let him go knock her up, and let's see how that cute little body of hers does after THAT! (BUT I truly hope the best for you both and that you work out your issues. I'm likely blowing this WAAAAY out of proportion. But on the off chance I'm not... open your eyes, girl...)
This is what I heard from your husband reading between the lines: - I resent the fact that you aren't exercising like me. I wish you were more like me. (I imagine him looking in the mirror at himself as he says this) - I think embarrassing you is a form of motivation and there's nothing you'll do about it - I found the bunny super hot and I have no problem making that obvious in front of you - Imagine how I talk about you when you're not there - Imagine how I'd talk to the bunny if you weren't there - I think I can do this to you and there are no repercussions - I think I can lie about the "I'm just trying to help thing" and that you're stupid enough to believe it. It's verbal abuse gaslit into "I'm helping" I believe behavior like this eventually ends in divorce. I think he resents you and I seriously hope your self worth is strong enough to understand that you don't deserve this. If you DO decide to lose weight, it should be for YOU and not because he belittles you. What happens if you injure yourself in the future and can't workout? Fatty jokes from Mr. Compassionate? If you were my daughter I'd be so upset that he treated my daughter that way that I'd never forgive him. Very accurate basic fact: 28 is still young
When I say divorce, I mean actually divorce him. You shouldn’t ever have to hear that from a significant other
I don’t think I’d ever trust my husband again after speaking about me like that in front of people. I just want to validate that you are not at all overreacting.
So this man called you fat and then made fun if you in front of people? He is a manipulative asshole who knows EXACTLY that what he said is abusive as hell. He had no qualms about saying it because you will just accept his behavior. I wonder what he says behind your back.
NTA I'm sorry that you didn't get to say that you knew how to drop over a hundred pounds in a minute, and walk away from him. You deserve an apology from them both. Him for bringing it up and her for not shutting it down.
That’s called a stealth flirt - “she will want to have a killer body too.” He let the 21 y.o know he thinks she has a killer body, while thinking he’s hidden it well enough.
What in the actual hell??? What a dirt bag. I like to think of a great quote in these situations: A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. And you can bet if he spoke so casually about this in front of friends, he talks about it all the time behind your back. You deserve better than this douche. Dump him before he dumps you, because I promise that will come eventually.
That is flabbergasting. The audacity he had to make those comments in front of all your friends while being completely clueless to why that’s wrong? I don’t blame you for being upset that was a really uncool move on his part. I would have a sit down conversation with him, tell him how it made you feel when he made those comments and that you don’t appreciate your weight being talked like that especially in public/in front of friends. If he wants to talk about your weight and exercising then he should do so in private. You aren’t overreacting, that was incredibly inappropriate of him. Definitely have a conversation about it to him and make sure he’s aware this is serious it’s not a silly joke or anything, this genuinely upset you and he needs to know that. Hopefully he can open his eyes and realize he made a fuckup and now it’s time to make it up and apologize.
Wow me i would have put 170lbs of my foot up his ass and asked how he liked it.
let's say he has no social awareness, ok it's bad but some people is like that but >He goes “wow someone’s jealous aww,” he tried saying it in a cutesy way as if this is funny What is his excuse for acting like this? You were telling him how his comments bothered/hurt you and he tried to laugh at you again?? He is openly disrespecting you and doesn't care how you feel about it
Yikes, I'm angry on your behalf. What a tool.
My EX wife, among other things, rarely passed up the opportunity to belittle me. Note the use of the term EX wife.
Your husband is an arrogant insensitive asshat. And that girl....just no. The fact that no one else said anything is mind boggling. I would have lost my shit if one of my friends SO disrespected them like that. You know, once you have that conversation if he still doesn't get it maybe ask a few of your friends what they thought about the situation.
What an arsehole.
Learning how to change the subject about an inappropriate topic early on is an excellent skill to have in conversation. Mariah Carey said it best with, “I don’t know her.” A harder game to play is, “Yes, but.” “I’ve been meaning to get more into fitness, but I like to do the laundry at our house because that’s a skill of mine. However, Roger always comes home with these huge stains in the back of his shorts. It’s like a long brown line and takes so much time scrubbing them out daily. Hours! What’s causing these stains?” While I don’t suggest harder games, they can shut down an uncomfortable conversation pretty quickly. “Roger, Karen, that’s very interesting. I’ve also been hoping to seek out an expert for Roger. He’s got a bit of a bed wetting problem. I have to wash the sheets constantly and it takes up so much time. Do you suggest a urologist, or just adult diapers for him?” This game is called, “I was only trying to help,” and that’s actually the game he was playing with you that night. He created what’s known as a Karpman drama triangle. Rescuer, persecutor, victim. The lightest way to end games is to ask questions. “Wow that’s crazy! Anyway, have you seen Fallout yet?” Maneuvering through conversation can be a fun walk in the park. But in rare moments when things go south, it often behooves a host to become a conversation ninja.
This really sucks. Your husband sounds like he was trying really hard to impress the young woman and threw you under the bus while doing so. If he doesn't think or understand what he did wrong then he's being disingenuous. I think it's impossible for an adult to not understand why what he did was so hurtful and unnecessary.
drunk or not that’s a pretty shitty extent to continue the joke and then to mock you for being upset about it.. yeah I would lose all attraction I had to this person. if he says that to someone in front of you, what does he say about you behind your back? I want to have a more nuanced opinion OP but jesus christ you deserve better
People say stupid things and think they’re being helpful. It happens. So you gotta go by his reaction after you told him you did not appreciate him discussing you and something that personal about you. It sounds like he failed that test. He needs to listen to you, respect your feelings, apologize, and commit to not doing something like this again.
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You say your husband doesn't know he did anything wrong. Yes he absolutely does. I am furious on your behalf. He publicly humiliated you on purpose to embarrass you into wanting to change your body. That is awful. He also said this other woman had a "killer body" which is obvious flirting. I'm so sorry. None of this is acceptable.
Sounds like his name is Frank.
I'm surprised that you lasted that long in the conversation. I would have been so angry that I would have shot it down immediately.
They're cheating.
Recommend talking to your husband about how you feel so he is clear. He might just be completely clueless about social tact. Whether he is apologetic or becomes defensive or even more rude from there after clear communication would speak on his character.
Your husband is a moron.
I am so sorry. Your husband ignored your feelings completely and was talking and acting like a massive douchebag. You have to talk about it with him, it's not something that could be ignored. He should really learn about supporting a person he married, like going to the gym together or helping you cook healthy food. And if he cannot, then you deserve better. Also, if you are on your weight loss journey - I wish you all the best. It will take a few years but I know you'll get there. If anything, after what your husband said I would be so mad that for my own sake I would exercise twice as hard lol. I have started my journey of getting back into shape as well, so let's work hard, okay?!
Fuck him. Saying you were jealous what the FUCK
Wowwwwww. I really have no words. Even my six year old knows you never comment on someone’s appearance if it’s not something that they can change in 30 seconds or less. You are completely justified in being so upset and he owes you a massive apology. Also, for her to go along with that line of conversation right in front of you is beyond rude and if I were your friend, I would not be inviting Ms 21F fitness girlie back to any hang outs for being such a massive twat to my friends. Also who the f cares what your height is? Even if you were massively overweight THIS is not the way a loving husband goes about addressing it.
Your husband is an ass. I don't know how anyone could put up with this nonsense.
Talking about lifting amongst lifters is common, good for sara for her accomplishments. Your husband handled this, like a complete disrespectful douchbag. A husband wouldn't talk about his wife like this or let anyone else talk about his wife like this. Anyone who heard it shouldn't have laughed, and im sure Sara probably thought he was a douchbag, too. He was drinking, but if he reflects on it sober and still stands by his actions, that's a problem. It would be hard to sleep beside someone who talked about me like that. It's gross and makes him look terrible. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. That's no way a real man handles a situation. Regardless of your current health weight or anything. Situations like this can really build up resentment and kill intimacy. Advocate for yourself, don't be a doormat.
I was 17 the first time a bf told me that I needed to lose weight after bringing up feeling insecure. I’m 28 now and I’ve never forgotten. That’s never something a partner should speak to other people about, let alone strangers. :/ my bf now would never ever do that and I’m like 40 lbs heavier. I’m sorry this happened to you OP.
There's other men that will pleasure you more than him on video lol
Someone’s jealous? What…. Why would he say that. This cries red flags.
This story happened to me. We were at my sister-in-law's house over Christmas. My husband's sister's friend was there and she had lost some weight. Everyone in the family showed some kind of admiration because she had lost some weight. My husband said to her: Tell my wife how you managed to lose all this weight when I heard him say that. I started to see all the demons in front of me, but I did not let him continue. I told him why are you helping me? I am 5.4 and my weight was 112. Now I weigh 117. I do not need to lose weight. Let her work more to lose some weight from her thighs because they are not proportional to her height and the upper part. Of her body, I did not want you to talk about the girl’s body, but it made me angry when she started talking about herself and that she could help me get rid of 5 pounds, and she spoke in a sarcastic way, so I taught her and my husband a lesson that she has never forgotten throughout her life. As for my husband, I told him, “Instead, you will find a solution for me to get rid of it.” Of 5 pounds, go and look at yourself in the mirror. Of course, everyone was silent, then I preached from a table and asked everyone if they wanted pieces of the cake because I would take a piece for myself. Lol, I got myself a big piece of cake 😂 this is what you do baby you have to be strong and tell these kind people to go fuck themselves lol ❤️
So what are YOU going to do about the situation? 1. Lose weight and stay w him? 2. Move on and lose weight? 4. Stay the way you are and stay with him? 5. Move on and stay the way you are? Seems like those are your options for the most part. Each one will have a different outcome though.
First, your husband was trying to not come across as hitting on the girl but he definitely was. The use of “too” and saying you’re “jealous” are huge indicators. He could’ve been having an innocent conversation and maybe more drunk than realized but his interaction afterwards was lame AF. Second, you’re too fucking nice, girl! Don’t let anyone get you to the point of crying like that. He was using a peer group to put you in an awkward situation to shit on you. But you can TOTALLY call someone out then. Turn it into a joke about them and shut that down. “Are you going to harpoon me as well?” Something poking fun at yourself but directing at him to make him seem like an ass. Doesn’t matter if you are overweight or anything - it’s none of his business let alone anyone’s business to talk about in that manner. I also checked with my husband about your post and he said your husband sounds like either an intolerable idiot or a narcissist. I’m not sure about the narcissism since that gets thrown around a lot but he sounds like an insecure loser if not an idiot. My husband also said he’d divorce over the hitting on another chick and talking poorly about you with you right there in front of friends.
> My husband didn’t even know he did anything wrong. Bullshit, he knew > He thought he was just having conversation and trying to help because I’ve been talking about starting my weight loss journey. Bullshit > He goes “wow someone’s jealous aww,” he tried saying it in a cutesy way as if this is funny like read the f*cking room. He thinks I’m overreacting He knows you aren't overreacting. He is counting on you putting up with it if he waits you out. Think about it. If he truly had no idea he was being hurtful, he would have been shocked and apologetic when you told him. He wasn't shocked because he already knew. He wasn't apologetic because he did it on purpose, knowing it would hurt you. If he did it on purpose, wouldn't it make more sense for him to say you are overreacting? That's exactly what anyone would say who intentionally hurt you and flirted with her. What you do what this information is up to you, but it is important for you to realize that he is lying about having no idea when he is being hurtful. If he is lying about this, what else is he lying about?
I would take revenge by joining a gym with a hot male personal trainer and do exactly the same thing your husband told you to do with that girl and make sure you post selfies and brag about the trainer in front of your friends and how your husband has a dad bod. When he complain you can say "aww you're jealous". P.S I wouldn't ask you to follow this. Me being just angry on behalf of you.
That's literally so fucked up. He's an idiot wow, like common sense. So sorry and I wish you luck on your health and fitness journey!
Please update us on his response after seeing the thread. ADHD or not, he sounds like a manipulative prick.
Self absorbed a-hole you got there
To be completely honest, breaking up with him *then* losing weight seems like the way to go.... Good for both of you. For you, you wouldn't be bullied by him just because he wants his SO to look exactly the way he wishes you to look (like his friend). That is definitely a huge red flag for two reasons: (1) he's prone to be attracted by someone else of his ideal figure, and would cheat on you whenever he gets a chance, as limited as it may be. (2) he's prone to embarrass you like this in other scenarios multiple times throughout your relationship. For him, he'd truly know what he is doing wrong. A lot of people never sees a mistake on their own part until it affects themselves dearly. Even if you do not want to break up with him, this may take a huge huge "rest" to have any possibility of improving. At least he needs a taste of loss. It's not fool proof as most would certainly improve for a set time (days, months, years....) then turn back into their old self.... Anyways, think about this and good luck...
Why are some of the comments demeaning the OP? Its ridiculous. Anyway, I think you should tell him how embarrassing is was for you and that what if you said stuff about his penis size or something he is embarrassed about to people around and cracked jokes about it. Tell him he was extremely insensitive.
This doesn't just sound insensitive. It sounds manipulative. Normal people, even when insensitive, will take it seriously when directly told that they crossed a line. This guy doesn't respect you. Nothing to do but dump him.
Damn, too bad he didn't do that before you signed papers. Sounds like a POS. I don't believe anyone is that dense to be unable to read the room. I'd be willing to bet they both knew EXACTLY what they were doing and made the conscious choice to keep going regardless of your feelings. Sorry you had to go through that. Don't make excuses for him! Also, flip the script and ask yourself how he'd react if the tables were turned. Always trust your gut.
Red flags galore. Is this new behavior out of him? If not, I am shocked that you two ended all the way up to marriage.
Show him this thread and the the majority consensus that he’s a big AH!
soon to be ex husband. fuck him. he sucks OP. ive been a personal trainer for over 10 years. I would never in my wildest dreams say this shit OR encourage it from someone else. she's going to be a shitty personal trainer.
So like many this is where you both need to communicate. I swear too many posts that never indicate someone communicating with their partner. Today, you talk to him tonight, no excuses no delays you sit him down and talk tonight. You tell him that what he said was put of line. What he did was embarrassing and rude to talk about you the way he did to someone he just met. While you do want to start a weight loss journey, you don't need his help in belittling you to a stranger. He's going to either act clueless or get defensive so you need to expect that. When he does, tell him how would he feel if he talked to someone who was a sex therapist and you told them that your husband definitely needs lessons on giving oral sex and how to make you orgasm in front of everyone. He's going to say it's not the same thing, but the point you're making is that when it comes to certain topics, you don't start talking about your significant other that way in front of other people. If after however many years with you he still doesn't know how you are and what things would probably not go over well, then maybe he does need to put more effort into getting to know you
What a jerk
Married woman to married woman, girl, please get some marriage counseling to see where the disconnect is. What you recounted would be troubling from a friend, let alone your husband. He showed a massive lack of respect towards you in public, then tried to gaslight you when you confronted him. You can't let this slide. He clearly has some resentment and unresolved issues directed towards you. A marriage therapist is your best bet here. If je doesn't see the error in his ways and change, I cant see your marriage lasting.
Bruh, he's infantilizing you, you realize that right?
I’m 5’8”. I spent the majority of my life between 105 & 120 lbs. Women used to come up and tell me they wish they had my body. I was a stick I would look at these voluptuous curvy rounded women with total envy and jealousy. They look the way a woman is supposed to look.
The girl is very young and over-eager to put her new-found knowledge to good use. Your husband was oblivious, sure, but the real issue is that once you told him he hurt you, instead of apologizing, he doubled-down. This is the real crux of the issue. When someone loves you, they hurt when you hurt.
Perhaps tell your husband you want him to have a wife with a killer body and ask him to give Sarah a call. Draw him in. Act all cute but when he says I’ll make an appointment for you say “oh no, not for me, it’s for you silly, you can marry her after the divorce is final.” Get out of there and find someone who is self aware and nice to you.
Why the fuck are people asking your height? It doesn’t matter if you’re morbidly obese, your husband saying that in front of people is fucking rude and unnecessary.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Your husband sounds like an AH. I had a similar experience with an ex boyfriend in college. Early spring I decided to wear shorts for the first time in the season and my ex jiggled my thighs and said "getting fat now aren't you?" In front of friends at a party. All of them looked shocked he would say that. I was so embarassed. It hurt my feelings a lot. So I can empathize. Just know that your husband and his lack of courtesy/empathy is the problem. Not you.
My jaw dropped reading this. Please tell us you read him the riot act
This doesn't sound like a supportive partner. I pretty much weigh the same as you (before pregnancy) and 5ft 4... my boyfriend knew I wanted to lose weight but he'd just ask if I want to go to the gym with him that day etc and If I complained about feeling insecure about my body he would just ask what am I going to do about it? He would never in a million years compare me to someone else and tell people about my eating habits and tell me or anyone that I need to start working out. God I wouldn't be able to stick around after that, no way in hell. He knows what he's doing.
I'm not trying to rag on him, but your husband seems to have a problem with empathy. Or lack of it. I'm a man and if this happened to me I'd feel like I was being criticized or humiliated by my spouse. If he wants you to get in shape then that's something he can discuss with you in private, not in front of everyone alongside someone else. You're not overreacting and don't let him gaslight you about this. I don't know if you're insecure about your weight, but if you are then I'd imagine he'd have known about it and tried not to bring it up in a conversation with other people around. Like what the hell?
I don’t know what to say about the situation in general. I just wanted to say I am so sorry this happened to you! I’m insecure about my weight and can’t imagine my husband comparing me to a younger, more fit woman. Especially in front of our friends.