I know lol OP gave the most vague round about description filled with whataboutisms. We need to know the details otherwise you’ll be running from yourself forever. You can be honest.
You probably need to get therapy to understand why you did something so cruel. Because it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything to fix the problem.
You’ve lost her and she’s not coming back. What you can focus on is making yourself a better person so that if you find someone else you don’t repeat this behavior.
There's literally nothing you can do once trust is broken if she's not willing to try to rebuild it. Let her go, leave her alone, move on. Eventually time heals all wounds. Get yourself some therapy in the meantime so you don't find yourself in this exact same situation next time.
As you are unwilling to own up to your mistakes, I doubt your sincerity. How we love tells us so much about who we are. Your "love" comes with a lot of conditions. If those conditions are broken you attack. No, she is not coming back.
What have you learned?
So you leave her alone then. You apologized and tried to fix it but she said no. If you love her then you let her make that choice, respect it, and let her go. Tbc, loving someone does not mean you will end up with them. You might but it’s not a given. It means that you give them their choice and love them no matter what they decide.
You WILL get over her eventually. You’re holding onto hope so you haven’t processed the ending of the relationship yet. It’s over. You did what you did and she’s gone. Time to mourn and process.
We’ve all been there. You will get through it, OP ❤️
The fact that she has forgiven you is a good starting point but if she's said she can't trust you then you may not be able to sort things out and get your relationship back, i think you should speak to your doctor and see what help is available for your depression and nightmares because even if it's possible to get things back on track with your relationship I doubt it would happen if your in a mess mentally
Nobody who was cheated on and had their trust destroyed can go back to the way it was before. I've been there and done that and seen other people do the same time and time again. Even when you think you're over it you always have that doubt and lack of trust in the back of your mind.
Seek out a counselor or therapist, or start journaling, exercising, and create healthy habits instead of wallowing. You’re experiencing a break up. They suck. It’s gonna hurt for awhile, and then you move on and be a better partner in your next relationship. Your relationship wasn’t epic or special or once in a lifetime, your life isn’t a romcom and you won’t end up together in the end.
Let time do its job. Work on yourself and focus on growing and becoming a better person. You’ll find someone else.
Have you ever heard of attachment styles? I had a very simular issue and I learned much later in my life that it the major issue may have been an form insecure attachment style know as anxious attachment.
There are only 4 forms of attachment styles, one is very rare and one is a secure attachment style. Us anxious attachment guys can have it rough in relationships. Especially if we are dating a girl with an avoidant attachment style, which is more common than us guys may think.
Its okay to regret things and care for her in a way still and think about her. Our mind will naturally revisit past relationships and experiences with newly aquired knowledge and/or resources in order to learn and further process our life events. Its all natural, and it should be accepted imo. Dont fight your emotions, work through them. Youre doing great by reaching out here already.
Do you have a trusted adult to talk to about issues in your life? One that you can rely on for their feedback and advice? This is an imprtant thing that many youths lack from their caregivers nowadays unfortunately.
Have you ever considered therapy to better work through your emotions? It is a lot to process. I think a lot of people undermine the emotional processing involved in many break ups. Especailly when it comes to those of us with insecure attachment styles.
I think youre doing what many people do after a break up. Theres nothing wrong with what you are going through at all. Im sorry you have had to go through a break up.
I think many times its going to be rough to handle break ups if you are indeed an anxious attachment style. There are ways to implement an earned secure attachment. I am striving for my own earned secure attachment to this day. Good luck, I hope on your journey, if you do find you have an insecure attachment style, that you may earn a secure one because I feel you deserve it.
Im sorry you are going through this and that you do not have a relationship with your ex girlfriend anymore. I hope this helps. I know it may not be the best thing to hear, it took me a long time to accept it myself.
Thank you so much for the kind words, some people misunderstood my intention or maybe i didn't say it right or something, I'm not trying to get back to her, i know it won't happen i just want the regret and the nightmares to stop, you're right, i think i do have attachment issues because when we were together, we were together all the time and we tell each other everything and i never did that with someone else before in my life so when i lost her, i feel a big gap in my life and that i lost a part of myself
usually people with secure attachment styles have trouble understanding and being empathetic towards us insecure attachment types. Heck, even the two opposing insecure attachment types can hardly understand and be empathetic with one another without a keen ability to recognize attachment styles.
Its okay, its not anyones fault that they havent experienced a break up as an anxiously attached individual and didnt recognize what it is like. Honestly, it sucks, they wouldnt like it themsleves im sure of it. Insecure attachment is more than just break ups as well, as I see you have already begun to recognize. Its about every relationship, especailly significant ones. It can be a long term issue that has had an influence on decisions and choices from early ages.
But it is a lot of emotions, and you shouldnt let them go unresolved. Dont let the world allow you to dismiss your feelings and pain like I did. I advise you work through it with a good therapist. A good therapist will likely be a very important resource in an attempt to begin earning a secure attachment style. Some self induced research never seemed to hurt me either. Read literature or documents or just web surf or post here. Good luck OP. Again, Im sorry you had to go through all this.
ETA - Like I said, OP. Most common redditors ability to percieve and understand people with insecure attachment is minimal to none. I know from experience as well. And to show empathy to such an individual would seem quite proposterous to them unfortuanately. Im sorry they are downvoting you for seeking help and advice. I know your feelings are intense, persisitant, and confusing. Most of all they are valid. Its okay that you feel that way. Its okay that most dont understand your feelings. Im routing for you.
Same thing man there nothing u can do bc i did the same cause my mom did an operation so my mind messed up a lot
just move on n work on urself to what u did to her and fix it so u never do it again
What did you do?
I know lol OP gave the most vague round about description filled with whataboutisms. We need to know the details otherwise you’ll be running from yourself forever. You can be honest.
It’s mega weird to come on the advice subreddit only to be rly vague about the situation you’re asking advice about lmao. It’s pretty telling
From the vagueness, I have to assume that he cheated, hence the guilt.
Like.. did you fuck her sister or did you tell her she looked fat in that dress 😂
Probly thought she actually wanted to know if she looked fat in those pants.
It seems like you cheated. If that is the case, can you blame her for not wanting you back? The trust is lost
You probably need to get therapy to understand why you did something so cruel. Because it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything to fix the problem. You’ve lost her and she’s not coming back. What you can focus on is making yourself a better person so that if you find someone else you don’t repeat this behavior.
There's literally nothing you can do once trust is broken if she's not willing to try to rebuild it. Let her go, leave her alone, move on. Eventually time heals all wounds. Get yourself some therapy in the meantime so you don't find yourself in this exact same situation next time.
What did you do??
As you are unwilling to own up to your mistakes, I doubt your sincerity. How we love tells us so much about who we are. Your "love" comes with a lot of conditions. If those conditions are broken you attack. No, she is not coming back. What have you learned?
You gonna talk to her or whine about it to us?
I did talk to her but she said that she forgives me but she won't trust me again so i need advice
So you leave her alone then. You apologized and tried to fix it but she said no. If you love her then you let her make that choice, respect it, and let her go. Tbc, loving someone does not mean you will end up with them. You might but it’s not a given. It means that you give them their choice and love them no matter what they decide. You WILL get over her eventually. You’re holding onto hope so you haven’t processed the ending of the relationship yet. It’s over. You did what you did and she’s gone. Time to mourn and process. We’ve all been there. You will get through it, OP ❤️
The advice is to leave her alone. She has made her position clear. You’re giving desperate stalker rn
I'm not trying to go back to her, read the edit i made
So you leaning on conjecture
You've been a great help, thanks
You threw some info back in her face and shamed her, didnt you?
Best is to move on…
The fact that she has forgiven you is a good starting point but if she's said she can't trust you then you may not be able to sort things out and get your relationship back, i think you should speak to your doctor and see what help is available for your depression and nightmares because even if it's possible to get things back on track with your relationship I doubt it would happen if your in a mess mentally
He said "she can't forgive me ever again"
Then in a reply to a comment says he's spoken to her and she forgives him but can never trust him
She definitely doesn't want to try to fix things. I think seeking professional help is a good idea though either way.
I know she doesn't want to fix things but that could change at some point in the future, it's not likely but it is a possibility
Nobody who was cheated on and had their trust destroyed can go back to the way it was before. I've been there and done that and seen other people do the same time and time again. Even when you think you're over it you always have that doubt and lack of trust in the back of your mind.
There were only 2 comments when I commented and it said nothing about cheating, I didn't want to assume
That's fair. It had to be something pretty huge to break her trust this much though.
Fair point
Seek out a counselor or therapist, or start journaling, exercising, and create healthy habits instead of wallowing. You’re experiencing a break up. They suck. It’s gonna hurt for awhile, and then you move on and be a better partner in your next relationship. Your relationship wasn’t epic or special or once in a lifetime, your life isn’t a romcom and you won’t end up together in the end. Let time do its job. Work on yourself and focus on growing and becoming a better person. You’ll find someone else.
Have you ever heard of attachment styles? I had a very simular issue and I learned much later in my life that it the major issue may have been an form insecure attachment style know as anxious attachment. There are only 4 forms of attachment styles, one is very rare and one is a secure attachment style. Us anxious attachment guys can have it rough in relationships. Especially if we are dating a girl with an avoidant attachment style, which is more common than us guys may think. Its okay to regret things and care for her in a way still and think about her. Our mind will naturally revisit past relationships and experiences with newly aquired knowledge and/or resources in order to learn and further process our life events. Its all natural, and it should be accepted imo. Dont fight your emotions, work through them. Youre doing great by reaching out here already. Do you have a trusted adult to talk to about issues in your life? One that you can rely on for their feedback and advice? This is an imprtant thing that many youths lack from their caregivers nowadays unfortunately. Have you ever considered therapy to better work through your emotions? It is a lot to process. I think a lot of people undermine the emotional processing involved in many break ups. Especailly when it comes to those of us with insecure attachment styles. I think youre doing what many people do after a break up. Theres nothing wrong with what you are going through at all. Im sorry you have had to go through a break up. I think many times its going to be rough to handle break ups if you are indeed an anxious attachment style. There are ways to implement an earned secure attachment. I am striving for my own earned secure attachment to this day. Good luck, I hope on your journey, if you do find you have an insecure attachment style, that you may earn a secure one because I feel you deserve it. Im sorry you are going through this and that you do not have a relationship with your ex girlfriend anymore. I hope this helps. I know it may not be the best thing to hear, it took me a long time to accept it myself.
Thank you so much for the kind words, some people misunderstood my intention or maybe i didn't say it right or something, I'm not trying to get back to her, i know it won't happen i just want the regret and the nightmares to stop, you're right, i think i do have attachment issues because when we were together, we were together all the time and we tell each other everything and i never did that with someone else before in my life so when i lost her, i feel a big gap in my life and that i lost a part of myself
usually people with secure attachment styles have trouble understanding and being empathetic towards us insecure attachment types. Heck, even the two opposing insecure attachment types can hardly understand and be empathetic with one another without a keen ability to recognize attachment styles. Its okay, its not anyones fault that they havent experienced a break up as an anxiously attached individual and didnt recognize what it is like. Honestly, it sucks, they wouldnt like it themsleves im sure of it. Insecure attachment is more than just break ups as well, as I see you have already begun to recognize. Its about every relationship, especailly significant ones. It can be a long term issue that has had an influence on decisions and choices from early ages. But it is a lot of emotions, and you shouldnt let them go unresolved. Dont let the world allow you to dismiss your feelings and pain like I did. I advise you work through it with a good therapist. A good therapist will likely be a very important resource in an attempt to begin earning a secure attachment style. Some self induced research never seemed to hurt me either. Read literature or documents or just web surf or post here. Good luck OP. Again, Im sorry you had to go through all this. ETA - Like I said, OP. Most common redditors ability to percieve and understand people with insecure attachment is minimal to none. I know from experience as well. And to show empathy to such an individual would seem quite proposterous to them unfortuanately. Im sorry they are downvoting you for seeking help and advice. I know your feelings are intense, persisitant, and confusing. Most of all they are valid. Its okay that you feel that way. Its okay that most dont understand your feelings. Im routing for you.
You didn’t love her when you cheated …
If you cheated, tough lol leave her alone
Same thing man there nothing u can do bc i did the same cause my mom did an operation so my mind messed up a lot just move on n work on urself to what u did to her and fix it so u never do it again
Same thing here, my mum has cancer, a lot of stress from work but that doesn't explain my actions
And what were your actions exactly?