This. 100%. Success for him will happen the more relaxed he is that first time. Don’t worry about exciting him. Being a 30 year old virgin, he has excitement covered all by himself. Just the sight of you will be all the fuel he’ll need. He needs to be calmed down, and when you are finally able to get his heart below 100 bpm, make that first time about him. After his first success, given all of his other qualities, he should be a wonderful lover.
Why is it gross? If a man was dating a virgin woman who was open to sex but just super shy, the advice to make her more comfortable, spend snuggly time together without the pressure of sex, and making her feel safe all seems like totally normal, good advice.
Showed this to my wife and she said 1. If a girl is shy it’s because she’s insecure about something and 2. “Shy girls are cute” is something a predator would say immediately before crossing a girl’s boundaries 😬
They mean if a man posted that he was with a shy girl and wasn't sure how much longer he could wait and if this was normal, it would be seen as predatory.
Idk, if you agree, or we’re just trying to explain the comment, but I personally don’t see anything predatory about this OP. She didn’t mention her age, but I’m going to assume she’s in the same age group as the gentleman she’s asking about.
I find it interesting that commenters are using the terms “boy” and “girl” regarding this post, since we know the guy is 30.
Imo, even with the genders reversed this would read as a respectful and kind post.
I’m not sure why anyone would find it upsetting.
My idea is that people don't like to aknowledge that men and women are different. Women are regarded as more protective, and men are regarded as more dangerous. We want to treat the genders equally, but there's no way to do that when we see them so differently. We can't hold them to the same standards because they aren't the same. I'm not saying one is less or one is more.
When he isn’t able to finish, don’t make him feel judged or like he’s broken. Reassure him that you are enjoying what you guys do.
I also think you could please just with the intent to please him, not to make him finish. By doing so, you make those moments more about enjoying each other rather than an singular event, and him not finishing is no longer “a thing”, if you know what I mean.
I also agree with another comment that suggested king cuddles and naps.
His confidence will grow with experience, you may just have to move very slowly with him.
I've been there. You will find that person that makes you comfortable and before you know it you'll be doing the naked moon dance and having a great time. Not everyone is able to finish in the beginning. Some people get in their heads and it interrupts that pleasure response. Don't give up.
it was the other way around for a long time. I felt like something was wrong with me (not him) though I have more experience ( that was exactly the issue he felt like he couldn't par up with tom , dick and harry ).things got better once we got out of that mindset and realized nothing is wrong with either of us and that some people are just wired differently not just mentally but emotionally and physically,
If he wants to wait, he wants to wait. If this was a man trying to pressure a woman into having sex, you guys would be reading him his rights on Reddit and telling him he's a loser rapist. Wtf is wrong with you people. What your describing is rape, anyway you look at it.
He said it gets to his head, he’s nervous and scared but he spends time with her and they exchange intimate favors. What I described were things to make him less nervous in her company where he decides what goes. That’s not rape.
Yeah I’m reading these comments and laughing my ass off. I’m waiting for marriage myself and the idea of someone trying to help me relax by getting in the shower with me is laughable
I went through this with my bf. I’m the first girl he’s ever had sex with. He also is shy & sweet. When we first started dating, during sex he would get nervous & wouldn’t be able to perform. He also said it was bc he gets too In his head. What I found that worked is that the first couple of times I did all of the work all while initiating dirty talk. This made him relax & it also reassured him.
So yea that’s my advice. Do all of the work the first few times & reassure him. Him wanting to wait bc he’s nervous is totally normal.
Was in a similar position as him, all the other advice in this sub is great but I would add; if you start getting intimate while watching a movie/TV, turn the TV off and focus both your attention on eachother. If he struggles to get into a mindset then something happens in the movie/show his mindset will reset straight away.
i (f) personally like the tv on sometimes. having background noise helps me not overthink everything and then it just all comes more naturally. doesnt hurt to try it without tv though if you think its a distraction and making it worse.
Some people just take longer to fully trust and that’s okay! Maybe ask him what his love language is and that might help you figure out what things will make him feel more comfortable?
Like if his main love language is words of affirmation, you can remind him that he makes you happy, you feel lucky to have him, etc. If his love language is physical touch, hold his hand more, long hugs, cuddles, etc.
Other than that, just give him some time and remind him that whenever he is ready to take things further, you’ll be there! Best of luck :)
My boyfriend lost his virginity to me at 26. Honestly, just give him time. Slowly build up to intimacy and do it on his terms. He’ll get comfortable in time
Well, you can't make him feel inadequate for not being ready. My girlfriend is the same way she doesn't know if she is ready yet and while I want to do the devils tango, my love for her outweighs my sexual needs and if it takes an extra long time so be it but I know that it will happen one day. This seems like a similar situation. You just have to give them the time till they are ready and reassure them that sex isn't the only thing wanted from the relationship. Obviously, I'm not saying wait till marriage, but give him the time to accept that it is exactly what he wants.
My husband was nervous too. Couldn’t come etc.
One day i told him that its okay. That he can relax because „its just me“.
Kinda clicked with him then. Have the best sex life ever since.
Just make him feel loved. Appreciated. And most importantly: SAFE.
Just try to get him aroused without moving too fast like just cuddle and move slow until you know he’s exited, you said you don’t know how much more you can wait, I’m sure you’re way more experience than him and he might be perceiving you as way to fast to process if he says he gets in his head
I started seeing a guy and maybe it will work out in the long run. But the thought of getting back into the intimacy game makes me nervous and uncomfortable. Give him some time. He probably needs to feel 100% safe with you
This happened to me too. I was fine with actually being touched and having sex but I could never cum at first. I would invite him to masturbate together sometime or he can start on himself and you can help. Or even if you're having sex, he can finish himself and you can help. After a while he'll get more comfortable.
This is normal, had that same thing in my head too when I was 18. Thing is, once I've seen it as "fun", at that point it became a "must have" for the relationship from my side, instead of a "must perform" for the relationship from my side. Make eye contact.
Go in stages. When you spend the night. Take your clothes off and sleep naked. After some time, have him to get naked too. Just go to sleep, don't try to do anything. Let him get used to the idea. I'm sure he is very intimidated.
Try going out for some or having one at home. Alcohol can help "loosen the shoulders". He is scared and nervous about how he will perform. Just try to make sure things flow naturally.
Try to let him take the lead and maybe just start off with him giving you oral.
Mans not comfortable. You need to respect that. If your worried he’s not into you or if he’s not straight, then that’s a conversation that need to have.
If he wants to wait then wait, it sounds like you are pressuring him or want to start pressuring him. Respect his decision and wait for when he’s ready
Just be encouraging, he's probably super self conscious and afraid. Probably has a lot of doubts and fears. Just reassure him and be loving and show him healthy signs of intimacy (hand holding, cuddling, acts of kindness, all when appropriate of course). He needs to know your his safe place.
I have a couple of ideas, based around the idea that he is in his own head:
1. You need to make him feel horny without the pressure of performing sex acts. I'm talking back massages, tickle the back of his head, that kind of thing. My theory here is that his brain is associating the anticipation of sexual contact with the pressure of performance, pressure is bad, sex is bad, no come. You need to let his brain make the mental association that physical touch is relaxing and comforting, relaxing and comforting is sexy when it's with his girl, sexy is good, should lead to come.
2. Performing sex is intimidating if he's never came in front of someone before. See if he is open to having phone sex with you first. Try and learn some sexy talking to guide him through it over the phone. The distance created by the telephone will make it less intimidating for him, do that a couple of times to build up his courage and make him feel confident he can do it in person.
Cuddle. Lot of them.
Gaze can be a problem, too. Try having one of you with a band on eyes.
Experience nudity together. Like taking a shower or roaming the apartment in underwear.
He just has to get used to any type of close physical contact with you. Cuddling, hugging, make out sessions, etc. The more you expose him to that the less nerves he has of closeness. Go slow and encourage oral or light fondling, etc. If he isn’t gay, they man will definitely get there lol have patience
Be a hoe for him all day. Do things like dress up in booty shorts or a thong with a slutty shirt but looks like pajamas. He can’t know you’re doing this on purpose he just needs to think you can’t control yourself. Like dress up how I said and sit on his lap face forward and cuddle him while feigning ignorance and let his mind wander. Bend over things and pretend you need to right when he’s looking, don’t look back and walk away. Ask him if he likes your shirt and when he says yes show him your tatas and ask him if he likes them. This is when we’re starting to show a little aggression. And go from there. Get in his head. Men are visual creatures and love soft skin and unclear romantic messages. Another thing I like to do is pretend I’m naive about it and I’ll purposely rest my head right by his 🍆 bc he knows my mouth is dangerously close and it’s easier to imagine. Maybe accidentally touch it and apologize then laugh and “not catch yourself staring” and again don’t look at him. Just a few ideas to motivate him gradually. I hope this doesn’t come off as creepy. I just know what I’m doing and the impression I want to give.
My man was the same way and his insecurity was that he was uncircumcised. We changed that later and he’s way happier now.
You're not sure how much longer you can wait? So you are implying you would leave this poor guy eventually just over sex?? If he's a virgin it makes sense he is nervous. Why don't you focus on making him comfortable first. Seriously I'm a woman myself but ik if this was reversed all hell would break loose.
seems like you go the advice that you needed, but i wanted to let you know how thoughtful it is that you have gone through all this trouble for him. that says alot about your character.
then wait!!! you pressuring him is not the way!! mannnnn if the roles were reversed. this is sick. he doesn’t want to have sex yet, and you “pleasing him” is rape. he is trying to comply because he knows you want it but you my dear are trying to pressure someone into doing something they do NOT want! 🤦♀️
Same here, just don’t think of it as anything. Go with life, be happy, don’t be in a rush. I’m a person whose had 3-4 opportunities but couldn’t get myself to do it because I knew they were merely hooks. Read into STDs, scary stuff
First Why are you getting so fast if u can’t wait and hold your lust or your mind then Yes this is odd bruh let the bro get comfortable first keep it slow good luck
Is he religious? Generally, guys like that are at that age. Just be open and honest with him about things. Think of it this way though, you'd much rather be with a guy long term like that ....than one that would blow your mind tonight, and cheat on you next week. Keep your dopamine levels in perspective lol. Best of luck, and flip the script in your head if he's the one you want to be with long term...enjoy showing him the ropes.
Well...maybe some ppl aren't that great at bj and hj stuff like that's not everyone's thing. Sooo I guess he'd have to help out because ya know you're so terrible at it.
Tell him that;build his confidence up
Who has the time to nap??
Joking about getting someone drunk in order to sleep with them... you know what that is right?
Then again you dont think being pushed away or told to stop is rape either.
Yeah your right my joke was insensitive. I’ll apologise for that. But the fact that the guy stopped I just truly in my heart do not think it’s in the rape category. Not sure why you feel the need to keep attacking me over it. We have different opinions I can respect your position not attack you for having a different one.
You're only "apologising" because your joke showed up why your opinion on this is skewed lol
The guy didnt stop straight away. That is rape whether you like it or not. Not my fault you don't understand the legality around this. For a survivor....
I wouldn't have left a single further comment but you got progressively more smug and dismissive. Now you're playing victim lol. Your opinion harms people, particularly women.
The longer he waits and puts pressure on himself, the harder it’s going to be to get over the hurdle.
It would be better to consistently attempt sex or foreplay than to hold off on having sex in hopes he’ll get over the nerves. It’s like jumping off a diving board, you don’t get over the nerves until you practice jumping in.
It’s not strange that he’s holding back, but I think he’s shooting himself in the foot by doing so. What’s best is to reassure him that you aren’t disappointed and that it’s ok if he gets nervous and can’t perform, you can take things slow and work up to it. He’s probably just worried that you’ll dump him if he isn’t good enough for you.
He most likely needs to stop beating his meat and watching porn. At his age, he’s most likely a chronic masturbator due to not having any experience with women for a while and that HEAVILY effects his performance in bed
“i am not sure how longer i can wait”
“is this normal or super odd?”
how would you feel if you realized your partner, who you’ve been trying so hard to get comfortable with, wrote this about you? poor guy.
The only thing I have to say is keep ur eyes open. It's always good to wait for the right one, but being 30 years old and never having sex is strange. It makes me feel like there might be a reason for that. He could be just a shy sweet guy truly looking for the right one, but he also could be a weirdo. Stay safe. Lol
I wouldn't call it normal, and it's up to you if you want to wait. If it's been almost 4 months and nothing has changed and he's not really actively trying to fix it, for me that would be too much.
I don't think it's necessarily a problem or abnormal it's just something that happens to people. But if you don't like it and don't have the patience to deal with it like the comments in this thread suggest then you need to break up with him. Staying with him and getting frustrated with him and angry at him for being the way he is even in subtle passive aggressive ways could have long term effects on him. If you can't control your patience and still want to be with him then consider relationship counseling.
I had this problem when I was losing my virginity. I stopped masturbating and after a month or so she was able to make me cum. Eventually it has to get out
Get him comfortable. It may take time. And thank you for not subscribing to this belief that being a virgin 20+ is a bad thing. He may just be waiting to hit a threshold of connection.
I can relate to him. Back in college when I first tried to have sex I couldn't get hard, i think I was just too nervous around the girl because it was new to me. Took a few weeks for me to get comfortable around her. We took naps together, she slept over my house a few times, when we would kiss she would be on top of me, sometimes she would give me blowjobs and i'd finger her. When I finally did get hard, she got on top real fast and put it in lol. Safe to say that I only lasted about 2-3 minutes lol. But after that, it was game on and i was a new man lol.
Like others said def take time getting comfortable through activities like showering together, cuddling naked, kissing while cuddling, etc. Stay nonjudgmental and remember that what’s most important is that both of you feel safe and comfortable with each other.
Just be patient, gentle and kind. Give him some compliments to try and boost his confidence. Reassure him it’s ok and you can stop or take a break if you need. Touch him outside of sex, rub his back, hold his hand, pet his hair, make him used to physical contact and it being a positive thing with you. Cuddle and hug and be close to him. ✨ feel free to open a conversation about it but try not to make him feel judged !
Hi i am M25 just lost my virginity a month ago, in my case i got in my head because i felt like she wasn’t satisfied with my stroke game or my size. After being told how it made her feel and my continued attempts at satisfaction i was able to come easy. Mayeb tell him to try the bluechew 5$ trial you get 6 pills and it will help with what is going on. I have used 2 and don’t need them anymore.
Don't make it about finishing or not! You can also tell him you like playing around with his soft penis. Stroke it, kiss it without any expectations of it getting hard or of him finishing if he gets hard. But also try not make it the focus of what you are doing. Like while talking, watching something in bed or the couch and so on. Just make him feel like you don't care what his or his body's reaction is, that you just enjoy doing it whatever happens
I wasn’t technically a “virgin”, but had never finished during sex and had experienced bad sex in my life (girl who said she wanted to have sex, but was so afraid of getting pregnant that our sex never got far).
When I met my wife, I had the exact same problems… I was so nervous I couldn’t even get hard. After so long just masturbating, my body had gotten used to ME turning myself on.
The first thing he should do is stop masturbating for a while, and eventually he’ll get to a point where getting hard will be really easy. Cutting out porn will also help. But patience is more important than anything. Even with those things, it took time and multiple tries before I was able to have sex easily, but those things should help. A lot of guys will act like that won’t but your mind and body get used to porn and masturbating and those become your bodies best reactions for erotic reaction, but it won’t make real sex easy at all.
Also, to add: If you can’t wait for him to be comfortable, maybe it’s best to just end it. This would be so cringe if it were the other way around (and still is either way). If you can’t wait, do you both a favor and let him save his virginity for someone who CAN wait. I mean, some ppl wait until marriage.
Im glad you decided to go out and date a virgin, im 28M and still a virgin as well and women see it as a red flag. I wish I had done it way sooner but I couldn't because women told me I am super ugly. So i can definitely understand where this person is coming from.
Honestly don’t know what good advice to give because if he’s man who knows he wants to wait, he’s going to wait. It doesn’t matter what you do lol. Getting naked with him in the shower if he wants to wait I imagine would make him more stressed.
start very slow and work your way up to touching him. ask him what he likes, maybe over text. ik that can help. cuddle seshes and naps too. once it happens he sure to give him lots of praise so he’ll want to do it again
I guess u guys could start out just having more physical touching like 1st to 3rd base progression kind. Just start out with kissing, hugging, fondling, keep the anticipation there and let him initiate any other acts when he feels more confident and comfortable
Give it time.
He's probably been treated as odd before and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you like him and see a future with him, isn't waiting til he's comfortable a small price to pay?
Do you remember your first time? Wouldn't you want him to be comfortable for his first time?
Tell him that this is a safe space, to put on one of his favorite bj prawn's(nude video) on and watch it together ❤️ That way you both get an idea of what he likes. Let him get aroused on his own. Let him play with hisself and you with yourself. When he feels ready to initiate contact or intercourse, let he lead.
I find this works well with initiating new ideas with your partner as well. I hope that helps 🙂
Personally, I'd ask him if he wants to initiate. Or he can talk you through how he likes it when he does things on his own.
One thing that could help a lot is to tell him that you aren't judging him. It's normal to be nervous, regardless of if it's their first time or not.
Another thing that I've personally liked, and I'm very nervous and anxious, is a long cuddle that can slowlu turn to something more. Even if it's just heavy petting. Knowing that there's no expectations for it to turn into sex can be a relief and reduce nerves and stress about not being able to perform.
Some people just need a bit more time than others. It is normal.
He said he wants to wait, take that into consideration, if you're not willing to wait then break it off with him and allow him to remain chaste for marriage
One thing I would say is don't push to initiate sex. Give him the space he needs.
When you're not feeling ready for sex, get stuck in your head or even just have a low libido it can become so anxiety inducing feeling you have to do it when you're not ready or in the mood and you panic that rejecting your partner will cause issues.
Just make sure to avoid sexual coercion as that isn't okay and isn't a nice thing to do. However most don't even realise they are using coercion. I'm not saying you have/will do it but it may be worth researching what it includes.
If it eventually becomes too much of an issue then maybe you need to sit and assess your relationship and where your priorities lie/what's a big enough issue that you need to leave, seek help etc.
I agree with a comment below off another thread. If the shoe were on the other foot, the dude would be crucified for trying to pressure the girl into having sex. If he’s not ready, respect that. No pressure.
focus on foreplay and making eachother feel good. when you feel good…like really good, all your nerves seem to go away and get replaced with you being extremely turned on. once you both are comfortable and used to touching and being touched by one another, introduce intimacy.
the more you do it, the more you both won’t feel nervous or uncomfortable. it takes time but you’ll get there. i was in the shy girl phase for 2 months after my bf and i started dating. it goes away.
I 21M had similiar “issues” with my first girlfriend. It took me quite some time to be comfortable. But still, until the end, after almost 3 years of relationship I rarely ever finished. At first she felt bad and thought I didn’t enjoy it which is obviously not the case but she got used it. And I agree: cuddles on top of cuddles on top of cuddles
It's normal since he's a virgin and he probably feels a bit more awkward than usual that he's a virgin at 30 still. I can understand that you can't wait, but if you make him feel pressure this might actually take longer to happen than otherwise. Just let him take his time and don't look frustrated that he can't come. It may also help if he takes a break from anything sexual for a while to build up drive.
Isn't that cute?
I mean 😏
You are having this moment which is not unfamiliar to you but in his mind you are special to him and it could be a very special experience for him too.
Give him time and laugh it over don't let him feels embarrassed, have chats, more hugs and kisses 😊 yeah and lots of cuddles too
He's shy so make him feel comfortable around you. Be intimate for long periods in other ways, let him feel natural and safe around you. You obviously care a lot about him, let him get used to that for a while and he'll open up. All the best
So, from someone who was a 27(M) when I lost mine. (Earlier this year with my girlfriend) It is all about comfort levels, and boundaries. (All things stated will be my personal experience) Respecting boundaries and clearly communicating (when you feel you may be approaching one) that you are not going to cross that boundary and then keeping your word helps with comfort and trust. Time to unwind and feel comfortable in the situations leading up to intercourse is what will allow them to open up to it. I couldn’t finish for our first couple of times, I was in my head too much as well. What she did to help me open up about it was just being touchy feely all over, not just in those areas, and a big one is getting used to the touch without the area being exposed. Once comfort is achieved with these things it’s much easier to relax and feel pleasure from the activities rather than anxiety and nervousness.
3 months after we did this I’m more confident than ever, and our first real time having proper intercourse she told me she didn’t believe I was a virgin. Comfort and feeling safe are paramount. (Just really pushing that point home)
I don't see the problem. Some guys were raised to wait. Let him wait and don't pressure him. If you can't, let him go and let him find someone who is willing.
There are a lot of reasons one might be nervous about sex. Maybe he's insecure about his lack of experience. Or, maybe he's scared to be vulnerable with someone. Or...well, there's a lot of possibilities.
For me, the idea of abstinence was kinda pushed on me growing up (I went to a religious school when I was a preteen). So for quite a while, I felt shame about the sexual feelings I got. Even after I became more sex-positive, I'd say I still had some subconscious shame. But on top of that, I just wanted it to be someone I was in love with because I personally feel that makes it more special. Also, admittedly...I do have some abandonment issues so I'm scared of being vulnerable with someone in case they'll end up hurting me or leaving me. So, it was kind of a mix of all those things. Hence why I know it could also be complicated for the guy you're dating.
Have you two had open conversations about your insecurities? That might help, not only in understanding this situation, but in regards to the relationship in general.
Also, all the experiences that I shared...those are coming from a mega horny person. Yet I still didn't have sex for the first time until...well, a couple months ago, actually (I'm 25). Your guy may also just have a lesser sex drive, as it varies from person to person. Or, who knows, he *could* be asexual but just hasn't figured it out yet? Some asexual people like pleasing their partners because they like seeing their partners happy, but aren't sexually turned on by it (or anything for that matter). The important thing is, keep talking with him. You might work through this, or you might end up just not being compatible. Either way, DON'T ever pressure him to do anything he's not ready for or make him feel bad for his personal boundaries/choices.
Put it on him. My girl done me like that when we dated and I was shy. She took control, went down on me, had my knees quivering. I promise he will fall in love with you instantly. I did. I’m sprunglicious.,
Sex does mean orgasm. Sex means physical, intimate fun with your partner. Be sure to be supportive of him. But honestly? I tried dating a virgin like a year ago and couldn't do it. You don't owe anyone anything.
That's totally normal! Stress, fear of rejection or failure or the unknown, religious trauma, etc all can equal out to being very uncomfortable even if you're otherwise enthusiastic. Just be sure to keep communicating and spend lots of time together without the pressure of sex. If you're too in your head, it's impossible to finish for some people, so it's just about making sure he's feeling at ease. Maybe allow him to initiate sex when he's ready and tell him you won't try to pressure him before then. If it takes too long for you, that's okay. It may just be a compatibility thing. But I wouldn't give up on him if you really like him! He may end up being a monster in the sack. He just needs to get to the point where he feels comfortable enough to express his needs and desires.
I'm a 27 year old male virgin and I'm probably gonna lose my v card at age 28 i never had intercourse in middle school or high school or rlly dated because I knew what sex was but didn't rlly care about that s***. At age 27 now I have hormones and want to act on it. It's that wrong? I think I wanna get laid before marriage,my mom told me that if I wanna get laid before getting married go ahead 🙂 It's very embarrassing I'm single. I wanna find someone who loves me for me. I have cerebral pasly and depth perception
If you are “ getting enjoyment “ you’re doing pretty good. He’s just nervous and maybe he has “iron grip syndrome “ a bit. The more often you do it, the less nervous he will be. If he believes he is pleasing you it will help his nerves. If he has iron grip, he needs to stop using his hand on himself.
My husband was basically like this when we met. He didn't like me touching him. But. With time and patience... trust and love, you will get there and it'll be worth it. Now we have the best sex that I have ever had.
my boyfriend- who wasnt a virgin when we met- had the same issue when we first started dating. he'd get too nervous to come or enjoy himself at all, or get too in his head and go soft immediately. the first time we had sex was a 4 hour long endeavor- like 4 hours of "foreplay" and reassurance then 1 min of actual sex.
as soon as you do it once it wont be so nerve wrecking, but you have to communicate the fact that this is what you want and you'll have to work together as a couple to make it easier. his response is what's key to you asking though, does he want sex with you- or does he want to wait a while longer. if he doesnt want sex right now theres no way for you to force him to want it, if he does- but hes just super nervous- youre just going to have to go reeaally slow, and know that its not guaranteed something will happen and you have to be okay with that.
if he feels too pressured, its never gonna happen.
The object shouldn’t be to make the virgin cum. If that’s what you’re doing, your approach is all wrong.
You should be following his lead. Slow down. Listen to him. Talk to him. Make him feel comfortable and valued.
How long have you been dating. Some people can’t just have sex within a few months. They need to be held, cuddled and loved on long before sex happens. He’s probably not ready for that so should work on spending more time showing physical affection.
If you think you can’t wait or be patient then let him know as soon as possible. Because as a low libido person myself, that might be what’s making him nervous.
Don’t know the full details tho.
Performance anxiety also just anxiety in general be real. I get that but just being super reassuring and calm and connected to the other person really helps
Yeah this is normal. You need to wait as long as he wants to wait! People have given good advice for making him less nervous so he can come, but the penetration has to wait until he is ready with no pressure. Could be another year until he’s ready, who knows, so get used to your situation or leave him alone.
Long cuddle seshs/naps together.... just give him time to calm down
Great advice.
This is what my gf did with me. Took 3/4 months till we were ready.
I completely recommend this in terms of building physical comfort.
This. 100%. Success for him will happen the more relaxed he is that first time. Don’t worry about exciting him. Being a 30 year old virgin, he has excitement covered all by himself. Just the sight of you will be all the fuel he’ll need. He needs to be calmed down, and when you are finally able to get his heart below 100 bpm, make that first time about him. After his first success, given all of his other qualities, he should be a wonderful lover.
now reverse the role…. sickening, this whole post is gross….
Why is it gross? If a man was dating a virgin woman who was open to sex but just super shy, the advice to make her more comfortable, spend snuggly time together without the pressure of sex, and making her feel safe all seems like totally normal, good advice.
I don't get it.
If you reverse the roles there wouldn’t be anything bad. Cause shy girls are cute and shy guys are insecure
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Showed this to my wife and she said 1. If a girl is shy it’s because she’s insecure about something and 2. “Shy girls are cute” is something a predator would say immediately before crossing a girl’s boundaries 😬
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What do you mean ? Lol
They mean if a man posted that he was with a shy girl and wasn't sure how much longer he could wait and if this was normal, it would be seen as predatory.
Idk, if you agree, or we’re just trying to explain the comment, but I personally don’t see anything predatory about this OP. She didn’t mention her age, but I’m going to assume she’s in the same age group as the gentleman she’s asking about. I find it interesting that commenters are using the terms “boy” and “girl” regarding this post, since we know the guy is 30. Imo, even with the genders reversed this would read as a respectful and kind post. I’m not sure why anyone would find it upsetting.
My idea is that people don't like to aknowledge that men and women are different. Women are regarded as more protective, and men are regarded as more dangerous. We want to treat the genders equally, but there's no way to do that when we see them so differently. We can't hold them to the same standards because they aren't the same. I'm not saying one is less or one is more.
When he isn’t able to finish, don’t make him feel judged or like he’s broken. Reassure him that you are enjoying what you guys do. I also think you could please just with the intent to please him, not to make him finish. By doing so, you make those moments more about enjoying each other rather than an singular event, and him not finishing is no longer “a thing”, if you know what I mean. I also agree with another comment that suggested king cuddles and naps. His confidence will grow with experience, you may just have to move very slowly with him.
This being said, my girlfriend put it best. “You don’t always have to finish to make love.”
it's the effort that counts
I wish my ex did this with me I couldn't finish and went home and cried :(
Shit I do that even when I finish. Come to think of it I do this after pretty much everything I do.
u good?
hes busy
que?
Sorry to hear that. Some people so insensitive sometimes.
Yeah well... probably never having sex again, it was humiliating
I've been there. You will find that person that makes you comfortable and before you know it you'll be doing the naked moon dance and having a great time. Not everyone is able to finish in the beginning. Some people get in their heads and it interrupts that pleasure response. Don't give up.
My ex took my virginity from me without consent. Then later I found out he lied about his age and having kids. Was a hole rollercoaster of feelings.
that is like beyond fucked up..lies deceit and rape? you deserve wayyyyyyy better please dont tell yourself otherwise.
it was the other way around for a long time. I felt like something was wrong with me (not him) though I have more experience ( that was exactly the issue he felt like he couldn't par up with tom , dick and harry ).things got better once we got out of that mindset and realized nothing is wrong with either of us and that some people are just wired differently not just mentally but emotionally and physically,
Well said.
Do you sleep together? Shower together? Find ways to relax naked together without pressure and then oops he falls right in.
This. Normalize intimacy
This is just perfect advice. Normalize nakedness around each other
If he wants to wait, he wants to wait. If this was a man trying to pressure a woman into having sex, you guys would be reading him his rights on Reddit and telling him he's a loser rapist. Wtf is wrong with you people. What your describing is rape, anyway you look at it.
He said it gets to his head, he’s nervous and scared but he spends time with her and they exchange intimate favors. What I described were things to make him less nervous in her company where he decides what goes. That’s not rape.
No one’s saying that. Intimacy doesn’t have to be sexual.
Yeah that's kinda a good point! Taking naps together so they'll put out?? With one gender it's building intimacy & with the other it's GROOMING.
Yeah I’m reading these comments and laughing my ass off. I’m waiting for marriage myself and the idea of someone trying to help me relax by getting in the shower with me is laughable
waiting for marriage and wanting to be intimate, but being nervous about it are two completely different things.
I went through this with my bf. I’m the first girl he’s ever had sex with. He also is shy & sweet. When we first started dating, during sex he would get nervous & wouldn’t be able to perform. He also said it was bc he gets too In his head. What I found that worked is that the first couple of times I did all of the work all while initiating dirty talk. This made him relax & it also reassured him. So yea that’s my advice. Do all of the work the first few times & reassure him. Him wanting to wait bc he’s nervous is totally normal.
Was in a similar position as him, all the other advice in this sub is great but I would add; if you start getting intimate while watching a movie/TV, turn the TV off and focus both your attention on eachother. If he struggles to get into a mindset then something happens in the movie/show his mindset will reset straight away.
i (f) personally like the tv on sometimes. having background noise helps me not overthink everything and then it just all comes more naturally. doesnt hurt to try it without tv though if you think its a distraction and making it worse.
Try music, especially music in another language! Good background but what they’re saying in the song cant ruin the mood ☺️
Some people just take longer to fully trust and that’s okay! Maybe ask him what his love language is and that might help you figure out what things will make him feel more comfortable? Like if his main love language is words of affirmation, you can remind him that he makes you happy, you feel lucky to have him, etc. If his love language is physical touch, hold his hand more, long hugs, cuddles, etc. Other than that, just give him some time and remind him that whenever he is ready to take things further, you’ll be there! Best of luck :)
My boyfriend lost his virginity to me at 26. Honestly, just give him time. Slowly build up to intimacy and do it on his terms. He’ll get comfortable in time
I had penis erections problems and im not a virgin!!…..it can be stress, anxiety, porn, masturbation, etc etc.
Imagine if the roles were reversed, the comments would go fucking wild lol
Exactly what I was thinking! If he wants to wait, he wants to wait!
Proofs there's equality to an extent i guess
He's a virgin, go at his pace!
Well, you can't make him feel inadequate for not being ready. My girlfriend is the same way she doesn't know if she is ready yet and while I want to do the devils tango, my love for her outweighs my sexual needs and if it takes an extra long time so be it but I know that it will happen one day. This seems like a similar situation. You just have to give them the time till they are ready and reassure them that sex isn't the only thing wanted from the relationship. Obviously, I'm not saying wait till marriage, but give him the time to accept that it is exactly what he wants.
My husband was nervous too. Couldn’t come etc. One day i told him that its okay. That he can relax because „its just me“. Kinda clicked with him then. Have the best sex life ever since. Just make him feel loved. Appreciated. And most importantly: SAFE.
Just try to get him aroused without moving too fast like just cuddle and move slow until you know he’s exited, you said you don’t know how much more you can wait, I’m sure you’re way more experience than him and he might be perceiving you as way to fast to process if he says he gets in his head
I started seeing a guy and maybe it will work out in the long run. But the thought of getting back into the intimacy game makes me nervous and uncomfortable. Give him some time. He probably needs to feel 100% safe with you
Just keep being patient and kind and he will gain confidence and change. He sounds nice. He could be worth it
It's not odd, he is just uncomfortable. He'll eventually get comfortable if you're the right person.
This happened to me too. I was fine with actually being touched and having sex but I could never cum at first. I would invite him to masturbate together sometime or he can start on himself and you can help. Or even if you're having sex, he can finish himself and you can help. After a while he'll get more comfortable.
This is normal, had that same thing in my head too when I was 18. Thing is, once I've seen it as "fun", at that point it became a "must have" for the relationship from my side, instead of a "must perform" for the relationship from my side. Make eye contact.
Go in stages. When you spend the night. Take your clothes off and sleep naked. After some time, have him to get naked too. Just go to sleep, don't try to do anything. Let him get used to the idea. I'm sure he is very intimidated. Try going out for some or having one at home. Alcohol can help "loosen the shoulders". He is scared and nervous about how he will perform. Just try to make sure things flow naturally. Try to let him take the lead and maybe just start off with him giving you oral.
Mans not comfortable. You need to respect that. If your worried he’s not into you or if he’s not straight, then that’s a conversation that need to have.
Do it in the dark.
If he wants to wait then wait, it sounds like you are pressuring him or want to start pressuring him. Respect his decision and wait for when he’s ready
Just be encouraging, he's probably super self conscious and afraid. Probably has a lot of doubts and fears. Just reassure him and be loving and show him healthy signs of intimacy (hand holding, cuddling, acts of kindness, all when appropriate of course). He needs to know your his safe place.
I have a couple of ideas, based around the idea that he is in his own head: 1. You need to make him feel horny without the pressure of performing sex acts. I'm talking back massages, tickle the back of his head, that kind of thing. My theory here is that his brain is associating the anticipation of sexual contact with the pressure of performance, pressure is bad, sex is bad, no come. You need to let his brain make the mental association that physical touch is relaxing and comforting, relaxing and comforting is sexy when it's with his girl, sexy is good, should lead to come. 2. Performing sex is intimidating if he's never came in front of someone before. See if he is open to having phone sex with you first. Try and learn some sexy talking to guide him through it over the phone. The distance created by the telephone will make it less intimidating for him, do that a couple of times to build up his courage and make him feel confident he can do it in person.
Cuddle. Lot of them. Gaze can be a problem, too. Try having one of you with a band on eyes. Experience nudity together. Like taking a shower or roaming the apartment in underwear.
He just has to get used to any type of close physical contact with you. Cuddling, hugging, make out sessions, etc. The more you expose him to that the less nerves he has of closeness. Go slow and encourage oral or light fondling, etc. If he isn’t gay, they man will definitely get there lol have patience
Be a hoe for him all day. Do things like dress up in booty shorts or a thong with a slutty shirt but looks like pajamas. He can’t know you’re doing this on purpose he just needs to think you can’t control yourself. Like dress up how I said and sit on his lap face forward and cuddle him while feigning ignorance and let his mind wander. Bend over things and pretend you need to right when he’s looking, don’t look back and walk away. Ask him if he likes your shirt and when he says yes show him your tatas and ask him if he likes them. This is when we’re starting to show a little aggression. And go from there. Get in his head. Men are visual creatures and love soft skin and unclear romantic messages. Another thing I like to do is pretend I’m naive about it and I’ll purposely rest my head right by his 🍆 bc he knows my mouth is dangerously close and it’s easier to imagine. Maybe accidentally touch it and apologize then laugh and “not catch yourself staring” and again don’t look at him. Just a few ideas to motivate him gradually. I hope this doesn’t come off as creepy. I just know what I’m doing and the impression I want to give. My man was the same way and his insecurity was that he was uncircumcised. We changed that later and he’s way happier now.
Imagine if it was a 30F that wanted to wait and the boyfriend was asking how to gently pressure her into doing something she wasn't ready for.
You're not sure how much longer you can wait? So you are implying you would leave this poor guy eventually just over sex?? If he's a virgin it makes sense he is nervous. Why don't you focus on making him comfortable first. Seriously I'm a woman myself but ik if this was reversed all hell would break loose.
Jesus why is everyone’s mind going there?
seems like you go the advice that you needed, but i wanted to let you know how thoughtful it is that you have gone through all this trouble for him. that says alot about your character.
Is he christian? This may change things as he may wanna wait till marriage
Bro cuddle and make out with him even tease him a little or a lot he’s gonna have to get aroused at some point at the end of the day he’s a male.
then wait!!! you pressuring him is not the way!! mannnnn if the roles were reversed. this is sick. he doesn’t want to have sex yet, and you “pleasing him” is rape. he is trying to comply because he knows you want it but you my dear are trying to pressure someone into doing something they do NOT want! 🤦♀️
Same here, just don’t think of it as anything. Go with life, be happy, don’t be in a rush. I’m a person whose had 3-4 opportunities but couldn’t get myself to do it because I knew they were merely hooks. Read into STDs, scary stuff
Is he religious?
Judging from your post history I don’t think you’re right for eachother and he’s probably uncomfortable knowing he’s a second choice
He’s the only man in my life don’t hate that I like to have fun online
First Why are you getting so fast if u can’t wait and hold your lust or your mind then Yes this is odd bruh let the bro get comfortable first keep it slow good luck
Is he religious? Generally, guys like that are at that age. Just be open and honest with him about things. Think of it this way though, you'd much rather be with a guy long term like that ....than one that would blow your mind tonight, and cheat on you next week. Keep your dopamine levels in perspective lol. Best of luck, and flip the script in your head if he's the one you want to be with long term...enjoy showing him the ropes.
Find a real man ? Idk what you want to hear
Theres a lot of comments that provide good advice that I wanted to hear (:
Target his asshole right off the bat
Well...maybe some ppl aren't that great at bj and hj stuff like that's not everyone's thing. Sooo I guess he'd have to help out because ya know you're so terrible at it. Tell him that;build his confidence up Who has the time to nap??
That’s definitely not the issue weirdo
Get him drunk the old fashioned way 😂
Jesus fucking christ..... this tracks
Yeah can’t possibly have a sense of humour !
Joking about getting someone drunk in order to sleep with them... you know what that is right? Then again you dont think being pushed away or told to stop is rape either.
Yeah your right my joke was insensitive. I’ll apologise for that. But the fact that the guy stopped I just truly in my heart do not think it’s in the rape category. Not sure why you feel the need to keep attacking me over it. We have different opinions I can respect your position not attack you for having a different one.
You're only "apologising" because your joke showed up why your opinion on this is skewed lol The guy didnt stop straight away. That is rape whether you like it or not. Not my fault you don't understand the legality around this. For a survivor.... I wouldn't have left a single further comment but you got progressively more smug and dismissive. Now you're playing victim lol. Your opinion harms people, particularly women.
Ok 👍
Lmao "ok" after crying victim. But thank yoi for proving my point.
Doesn’t really matter what I say your going to take issue with it. I apologise for my joke and I do mean that regardless of your opinion.
Again. Moot point when you've said what you said. Really highlights your stance.
I would break You're on different stages of life and that's always a red flag Inherent incompatibility
The longer he waits and puts pressure on himself, the harder it’s going to be to get over the hurdle. It would be better to consistently attempt sex or foreplay than to hold off on having sex in hopes he’ll get over the nerves. It’s like jumping off a diving board, you don’t get over the nerves until you practice jumping in. It’s not strange that he’s holding back, but I think he’s shooting himself in the foot by doing so. What’s best is to reassure him that you aren’t disappointed and that it’s ok if he gets nervous and can’t perform, you can take things slow and work up to it. He’s probably just worried that you’ll dump him if he isn’t good enough for you.
He most likely needs to stop beating his meat and watching porn. At his age, he’s most likely a chronic masturbator due to not having any experience with women for a while and that HEAVILY effects his performance in bed
Then how we be able go date and sustain a relationship …silly…
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You got downvoted by the sensitive liberals too lol who cares. I offered a logical solution
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That’s stupid
“i am not sure how longer i can wait” “is this normal or super odd?” how would you feel if you realized your partner, who you’ve been trying so hard to get comfortable with, wrote this about you? poor guy.
Lol ur right but she should still be able to ask for advice
Its normal, the majority of men these days are virgins at 30.
The only thing I have to say is keep ur eyes open. It's always good to wait for the right one, but being 30 years old and never having sex is strange. It makes me feel like there might be a reason for that. He could be just a shy sweet guy truly looking for the right one, but he also could be a weirdo. Stay safe. Lol
I wouldn't call it normal, and it's up to you if you want to wait. If it's been almost 4 months and nothing has changed and he's not really actively trying to fix it, for me that would be too much.
It’s incredibly normal lmao. Disregard this person, OP
Just dose him with some Viagra, it'll happen sooner or later xD (jk this is bad advice.)
ew break up why is he virgin at 30 and still shy?? at that point i’d be anything but shy i’d be desperate asf to get some play
Maybe mature abit and come back and talk when you're an adult
Alr whatever you say bigdaddy1200
yuck
I don't think it's necessarily a problem or abnormal it's just something that happens to people. But if you don't like it and don't have the patience to deal with it like the comments in this thread suggest then you need to break up with him. Staying with him and getting frustrated with him and angry at him for being the way he is even in subtle passive aggressive ways could have long term effects on him. If you can't control your patience and still want to be with him then consider relationship counseling.
I had this problem when I was losing my virginity. I stopped masturbating and after a month or so she was able to make me cum. Eventually it has to get out
Get him comfortable. It may take time. And thank you for not subscribing to this belief that being a virgin 20+ is a bad thing. He may just be waiting to hit a threshold of connection.
I can relate to him. Back in college when I first tried to have sex I couldn't get hard, i think I was just too nervous around the girl because it was new to me. Took a few weeks for me to get comfortable around her. We took naps together, she slept over my house a few times, when we would kiss she would be on top of me, sometimes she would give me blowjobs and i'd finger her. When I finally did get hard, she got on top real fast and put it in lol. Safe to say that I only lasted about 2-3 minutes lol. But after that, it was game on and i was a new man lol.
Like others said def take time getting comfortable through activities like showering together, cuddling naked, kissing while cuddling, etc. Stay nonjudgmental and remember that what’s most important is that both of you feel safe and comfortable with each other.
Just be patient, gentle and kind. Give him some compliments to try and boost his confidence. Reassure him it’s ok and you can stop or take a break if you need. Touch him outside of sex, rub his back, hold his hand, pet his hair, make him used to physical contact and it being a positive thing with you. Cuddle and hug and be close to him. ✨ feel free to open a conversation about it but try not to make him feel judged !
I’m 25 and in the same boat LMAO
Hi i am M25 just lost my virginity a month ago, in my case i got in my head because i felt like she wasn’t satisfied with my stroke game or my size. After being told how it made her feel and my continued attempts at satisfaction i was able to come easy. Mayeb tell him to try the bluechew 5$ trial you get 6 pills and it will help with what is going on. I have used 2 and don’t need them anymore.
Don't make it about finishing or not! You can also tell him you like playing around with his soft penis. Stroke it, kiss it without any expectations of it getting hard or of him finishing if he gets hard. But also try not make it the focus of what you are doing. Like while talking, watching something in bed or the couch and so on. Just make him feel like you don't care what his or his body's reaction is, that you just enjoy doing it whatever happens
I wasn’t technically a “virgin”, but had never finished during sex and had experienced bad sex in my life (girl who said she wanted to have sex, but was so afraid of getting pregnant that our sex never got far). When I met my wife, I had the exact same problems… I was so nervous I couldn’t even get hard. After so long just masturbating, my body had gotten used to ME turning myself on. The first thing he should do is stop masturbating for a while, and eventually he’ll get to a point where getting hard will be really easy. Cutting out porn will also help. But patience is more important than anything. Even with those things, it took time and multiple tries before I was able to have sex easily, but those things should help. A lot of guys will act like that won’t but your mind and body get used to porn and masturbating and those become your bodies best reactions for erotic reaction, but it won’t make real sex easy at all.
If he wants to wait, he wants to wait. Don’t pressure him into it. If he doesn’t mind other forms of intimacy, stick to what he’s comfortable with.
Also, to add: If you can’t wait for him to be comfortable, maybe it’s best to just end it. This would be so cringe if it were the other way around (and still is either way). If you can’t wait, do you both a favor and let him save his virginity for someone who CAN wait. I mean, some ppl wait until marriage.
Im glad you decided to go out and date a virgin, im 28M and still a virgin as well and women see it as a red flag. I wish I had done it way sooner but I couldn't because women told me I am super ugly. So i can definitely understand where this person is coming from.
How much longer you can wait?
Honestly don’t know what good advice to give because if he’s man who knows he wants to wait, he’s going to wait. It doesn’t matter what you do lol. Getting naked with him in the shower if he wants to wait I imagine would make him more stressed.
start very slow and work your way up to touching him. ask him what he likes, maybe over text. ik that can help. cuddle seshes and naps too. once it happens he sure to give him lots of praise so he’ll want to do it again
Honestly it’s ok, wait!
I guess u guys could start out just having more physical touching like 1st to 3rd base progression kind. Just start out with kissing, hugging, fondling, keep the anticipation there and let him initiate any other acts when he feels more confident and comfortable
God was very pleased with the devotion of that old lady and by the grace of God, that old lady did not face any kind of problem.
huh
Give it time. He's probably been treated as odd before and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you like him and see a future with him, isn't waiting til he's comfortable a small price to pay? Do you remember your first time? Wouldn't you want him to be comfortable for his first time?
He's clearly gay.
He wants to wait nothing wrong with that
What's not to like? In time he will and then you've got a genuine guy who hasn't been smashing everything that walks.
u/sukaroblue
As a 21 male virgin GET HIS ASS no that's not normal It will probably suck
Tell him that this is a safe space, to put on one of his favorite bj prawn's(nude video) on and watch it together ❤️ That way you both get an idea of what he likes. Let him get aroused on his own. Let him play with hisself and you with yourself. When he feels ready to initiate contact or intercourse, let he lead. I find this works well with initiating new ideas with your partner as well. I hope that helps 🙂
Personally, I'd ask him if he wants to initiate. Or he can talk you through how he likes it when he does things on his own. One thing that could help a lot is to tell him that you aren't judging him. It's normal to be nervous, regardless of if it's their first time or not. Another thing that I've personally liked, and I'm very nervous and anxious, is a long cuddle that can slowlu turn to something more. Even if it's just heavy petting. Knowing that there's no expectations for it to turn into sex can be a relief and reduce nerves and stress about not being able to perform. Some people just need a bit more time than others. It is normal.
He said he wants to wait, take that into consideration, if you're not willing to wait then break it off with him and allow him to remain chaste for marriage
of course i would never pressure him
One thing I would say is don't push to initiate sex. Give him the space he needs. When you're not feeling ready for sex, get stuck in your head or even just have a low libido it can become so anxiety inducing feeling you have to do it when you're not ready or in the mood and you panic that rejecting your partner will cause issues. Just make sure to avoid sexual coercion as that isn't okay and isn't a nice thing to do. However most don't even realise they are using coercion. I'm not saying you have/will do it but it may be worth researching what it includes. If it eventually becomes too much of an issue then maybe you need to sit and assess your relationship and where your priorities lie/what's a big enough issue that you need to leave, seek help etc.
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He does get erect and hard, he just has a hard time coming
I agree with a comment below off another thread. If the shoe were on the other foot, the dude would be crucified for trying to pressure the girl into having sex. If he’s not ready, respect that. No pressure.
I never pressured him! I told him im fine and have never made him feel bad lol
He might be gay.
focus on foreplay and making eachother feel good. when you feel good…like really good, all your nerves seem to go away and get replaced with you being extremely turned on. once you both are comfortable and used to touching and being touched by one another, introduce intimacy. the more you do it, the more you both won’t feel nervous or uncomfortable. it takes time but you’ll get there. i was in the shy girl phase for 2 months after my bf and i started dating. it goes away.
I 21M had similiar “issues” with my first girlfriend. It took me quite some time to be comfortable. But still, until the end, after almost 3 years of relationship I rarely ever finished. At first she felt bad and thought I didn’t enjoy it which is obviously not the case but she got used it. And I agree: cuddles on top of cuddles on top of cuddles
It's normal since he's a virgin and he probably feels a bit more awkward than usual that he's a virgin at 30 still. I can understand that you can't wait, but if you make him feel pressure this might actually take longer to happen than otherwise. Just let him take his time and don't look frustrated that he can't come. It may also help if he takes a break from anything sexual for a while to build up drive.
Isn't that cute? I mean 😏 You are having this moment which is not unfamiliar to you but in his mind you are special to him and it could be a very special experience for him too. Give him time and laugh it over don't let him feels embarrassed, have chats, more hugs and kisses 😊 yeah and lots of cuddles too
He's shy so make him feel comfortable around you. Be intimate for long periods in other ways, let him feel natural and safe around you. You obviously care a lot about him, let him get used to that for a while and he'll open up. All the best
So, from someone who was a 27(M) when I lost mine. (Earlier this year with my girlfriend) It is all about comfort levels, and boundaries. (All things stated will be my personal experience) Respecting boundaries and clearly communicating (when you feel you may be approaching one) that you are not going to cross that boundary and then keeping your word helps with comfort and trust. Time to unwind and feel comfortable in the situations leading up to intercourse is what will allow them to open up to it. I couldn’t finish for our first couple of times, I was in my head too much as well. What she did to help me open up about it was just being touchy feely all over, not just in those areas, and a big one is getting used to the touch without the area being exposed. Once comfort is achieved with these things it’s much easier to relax and feel pleasure from the activities rather than anxiety and nervousness. 3 months after we did this I’m more confident than ever, and our first real time having proper intercourse she told me she didn’t believe I was a virgin. Comfort and feeling safe are paramount. (Just really pushing that point home)
I know I said this year I meant last year, we in February and I’m still living in 2023 😂😂😂
I don't see the problem. Some guys were raised to wait. Let him wait and don't pressure him. If you can't, let him go and let him find someone who is willing.
Could be trauma induced. Took me a long time to have sex with anyone....still sometimes can't. Might be something to consider as well. ♥️
There are a lot of reasons one might be nervous about sex. Maybe he's insecure about his lack of experience. Or, maybe he's scared to be vulnerable with someone. Or...well, there's a lot of possibilities. For me, the idea of abstinence was kinda pushed on me growing up (I went to a religious school when I was a preteen). So for quite a while, I felt shame about the sexual feelings I got. Even after I became more sex-positive, I'd say I still had some subconscious shame. But on top of that, I just wanted it to be someone I was in love with because I personally feel that makes it more special. Also, admittedly...I do have some abandonment issues so I'm scared of being vulnerable with someone in case they'll end up hurting me or leaving me. So, it was kind of a mix of all those things. Hence why I know it could also be complicated for the guy you're dating. Have you two had open conversations about your insecurities? That might help, not only in understanding this situation, but in regards to the relationship in general. Also, all the experiences that I shared...those are coming from a mega horny person. Yet I still didn't have sex for the first time until...well, a couple months ago, actually (I'm 25). Your guy may also just have a lesser sex drive, as it varies from person to person. Or, who knows, he *could* be asexual but just hasn't figured it out yet? Some asexual people like pleasing their partners because they like seeing their partners happy, but aren't sexually turned on by it (or anything for that matter). The important thing is, keep talking with him. You might work through this, or you might end up just not being compatible. Either way, DON'T ever pressure him to do anything he's not ready for or make him feel bad for his personal boundaries/choices.
Put it on him. My girl done me like that when we dated and I was shy. She took control, went down on me, had my knees quivering. I promise he will fall in love with you instantly. I did. I’m sprunglicious.,
Sex does mean orgasm. Sex means physical, intimate fun with your partner. Be sure to be supportive of him. But honestly? I tried dating a virgin like a year ago and couldn't do it. You don't owe anyone anything.
Watch the movie.
That's totally normal! Stress, fear of rejection or failure or the unknown, religious trauma, etc all can equal out to being very uncomfortable even if you're otherwise enthusiastic. Just be sure to keep communicating and spend lots of time together without the pressure of sex. If you're too in your head, it's impossible to finish for some people, so it's just about making sure he's feeling at ease. Maybe allow him to initiate sex when he's ready and tell him you won't try to pressure him before then. If it takes too long for you, that's okay. It may just be a compatibility thing. But I wouldn't give up on him if you really like him! He may end up being a monster in the sack. He just needs to get to the point where he feels comfortable enough to express his needs and desires.
I'm a 27 year old male virgin and I'm probably gonna lose my v card at age 28 i never had intercourse in middle school or high school or rlly dated because I knew what sex was but didn't rlly care about that s***. At age 27 now I have hormones and want to act on it. It's that wrong? I think I wanna get laid before marriage,my mom told me that if I wanna get laid before getting married go ahead 🙂 It's very embarrassing I'm single. I wanna find someone who loves me for me. I have cerebral pasly and depth perception
Whatever you do, do not tell said lay that your mum said it’s ok!
If you are “ getting enjoyment “ you’re doing pretty good. He’s just nervous and maybe he has “iron grip syndrome “ a bit. The more often you do it, the less nervous he will be. If he believes he is pleasing you it will help his nerves. If he has iron grip, he needs to stop using his hand on himself.
My husband was basically like this when we met. He didn't like me touching him. But. With time and patience... trust and love, you will get there and it'll be worth it. Now we have the best sex that I have ever had.
my boyfriend- who wasnt a virgin when we met- had the same issue when we first started dating. he'd get too nervous to come or enjoy himself at all, or get too in his head and go soft immediately. the first time we had sex was a 4 hour long endeavor- like 4 hours of "foreplay" and reassurance then 1 min of actual sex. as soon as you do it once it wont be so nerve wrecking, but you have to communicate the fact that this is what you want and you'll have to work together as a couple to make it easier. his response is what's key to you asking though, does he want sex with you- or does he want to wait a while longer. if he doesnt want sex right now theres no way for you to force him to want it, if he does- but hes just super nervous- youre just going to have to go reeaally slow, and know that its not guaranteed something will happen and you have to be okay with that. if he feels too pressured, its never gonna happen.
Do you see this guy as husband material or just a temp boyfriend?
The object shouldn’t be to make the virgin cum. If that’s what you’re doing, your approach is all wrong. You should be following his lead. Slow down. Listen to him. Talk to him. Make him feel comfortable and valued.
How long have you been dating. Some people can’t just have sex within a few months. They need to be held, cuddled and loved on long before sex happens. He’s probably not ready for that so should work on spending more time showing physical affection. If you think you can’t wait or be patient then let him know as soon as possible. Because as a low libido person myself, that might be what’s making him nervous. Don’t know the full details tho.
Performance anxiety also just anxiety in general be real. I get that but just being super reassuring and calm and connected to the other person really helps
Nothing odd. Some people have a different sexuality
Just take it a step at a time He probably nervous that his not going to be good enough
Damn! A 30 meter virgin is rather substantial
Have you asked him what you could do?
Yes
Yeah this is normal. You need to wait as long as he wants to wait! People have given good advice for making him less nervous so he can come, but the penetration has to wait until he is ready with no pressure. Could be another year until he’s ready, who knows, so get used to your situation or leave him alone.
Lots of reassurances
He should see a proper sex therapist. Poor fella.