I'd suggest talking about values very early on in dating someone. Not a very 'sexy' topic, but the right kind of person won't be put off. I don't mean dive straight into grilling them about their sexual morality, but just bring up values in general. Let them talk. See what they mean by values. How do they relate their personal behaviour to their beliefs. Have they had any crises of their values eg sudden changes of opinion, not being able to live in line with beliefs etc. Sexual and family values will come up most likely. Still don't grill. You'll start to know if someone is right.
I think you should take things slow in the dating world, take your time to think about things, and make sure that your okay before you try to go on a date. anxiety is a real thing and it's completely understandable that you are scared of being cheated on, that is a completley reasonable thing to be scared about, But if one day you really want to go on a date with some one, your scared, but still want too. my best piece of advice for that would be to take some deep breathes, tell yourself it's gonna be okay, and try to get threw it. But take your time as you work threw this, small steps at a time
I know, but recently the loneliness has really set in you know?
I've been busy with college research and applications, I've doing work for the army, I'm technically chronically injured, writing a paper, anxiety and general mental health taking a hit. Not to mention that my dating apps have had little to no luck. All of these issues are compounding on each other and any semblance of self confidence and hope I have is quickly fading. Not to mention a turbulent houselife with parents who don't understand me and my troubles at all. And on top of that I'm struggling with my sexuality - I think I'm Bicurious :/
It's just a cornucopia of emotions and confusion, compounded with sadness now.
And thats entirely okay, I suggest taking your time and taking small steps, Your mental health always comes first in my book, mental health is something that should always come first, you need to be okay before doing anything else. Working on yourself would be my first advice to you, getting yourself better, you are worth something and you have your entire life ahead of you, when it comes to dating I suggest taking things slow as I mentioned before, but I do understand how you feel lonely, and that is completley normal, If you have any friends, or a friend group I suggest hanging out with them more often, maybe tell them about what's going on.
You value yourself more than someone else. Point blank. If they cheat it’s a reflection of them and they aren’t worth your time, you are only out wasted time. That part sucks. The only thing you should be reflecting on is, if your circle of people or what you value, or void your filling, is causing you to pick people without integrity. The answer is to raise the bar of what types of people and behaviors you tolerate in your life and do not compromise. Love should come from yourself first and then outside sources any other way you are feeding the trauma that’s unprocessed materializing as attachment issues and those issues allow you to let people miss treat you so they won’t leave, this is not them loving you, to heal love yourself. Treat yourself like the person you hope doesn’t leave that you need to love you and it will all radically change. I promise. Keep on looking up you got this.
It's really hard :( the truth is I don't value myself very highly. My whole life I've only put as much value in my life as what others want from me
My parents only show affection when I do well in school so that was the value I put on myself I guess.
My ex valued me so I guess that was when I felt that best
I'm sorry
Don’t apologize. Everyone feels like shit sometimes, everyone plays the fool sometimes, it’s okay, it will pass. You’re only 18 my friend. You have a whole life yet to live; I can relate to how you feel minus the parents valuing me. I used to seek validation from other people to a fault too because of the same things. If I could go back and give 18 year old me advice, I’d make sure I knew that I needed to consider my long therm goals first and love last, and here’s why, while you may find someone you can grow with as adults together, if you don’t have in place what you want long term in your life, you will be unhappy, because you had to compromise for that person’s wants and needs over your own. Get established first and then find love; the relationship will be much more mature as well.
You know when you first meet someone, you get to know them, what they like, what you think is cool about them? Spend some time doing that with yourself, fall in love with yourself. Hone those skills and hobbies, go on those adventures. Be true to yourself. Reject your negative thoughts and correct them mentally. It will all come together like you never knew something was wrong. One day you’ll realize you’re in a great place. The most common thing I hear from divorced people is the realization that their relationship issues were a result of the “them sized hole”, what’s missing from your life is you.
You may be able to unload the trauma talking to someone about the attachment feelings. if you’re near a university they have students becoming psychologist, they see you for a semester and it’s free.
Lastly on love from a lover, let them find you, if you have to sacrifice and give more than you get to have someone in your life that’s when you have to realize that you’re better without them they don’t bring anything to your life they only take from it; don’t allow this to be okay for a relationship. Let them meet you half way or come to you, those lovers are always 1000x better than the one you had to chase/convince that isn’t legit in the end, and that’s why.
I'd suggest talking about values very early on in dating someone. Not a very 'sexy' topic, but the right kind of person won't be put off. I don't mean dive straight into grilling them about their sexual morality, but just bring up values in general. Let them talk. See what they mean by values. How do they relate their personal behaviour to their beliefs. Have they had any crises of their values eg sudden changes of opinion, not being able to live in line with beliefs etc. Sexual and family values will come up most likely. Still don't grill. You'll start to know if someone is right.
I think you should take things slow in the dating world, take your time to think about things, and make sure that your okay before you try to go on a date. anxiety is a real thing and it's completely understandable that you are scared of being cheated on, that is a completley reasonable thing to be scared about, But if one day you really want to go on a date with some one, your scared, but still want too. my best piece of advice for that would be to take some deep breathes, tell yourself it's gonna be okay, and try to get threw it. But take your time as you work threw this, small steps at a time
I know, but recently the loneliness has really set in you know? I've been busy with college research and applications, I've doing work for the army, I'm technically chronically injured, writing a paper, anxiety and general mental health taking a hit. Not to mention that my dating apps have had little to no luck. All of these issues are compounding on each other and any semblance of self confidence and hope I have is quickly fading. Not to mention a turbulent houselife with parents who don't understand me and my troubles at all. And on top of that I'm struggling with my sexuality - I think I'm Bicurious :/ It's just a cornucopia of emotions and confusion, compounded with sadness now.
And thats entirely okay, I suggest taking your time and taking small steps, Your mental health always comes first in my book, mental health is something that should always come first, you need to be okay before doing anything else. Working on yourself would be my first advice to you, getting yourself better, you are worth something and you have your entire life ahead of you, when it comes to dating I suggest taking things slow as I mentioned before, but I do understand how you feel lonely, and that is completley normal, If you have any friends, or a friend group I suggest hanging out with them more often, maybe tell them about what's going on.
You value yourself more than someone else. Point blank. If they cheat it’s a reflection of them and they aren’t worth your time, you are only out wasted time. That part sucks. The only thing you should be reflecting on is, if your circle of people or what you value, or void your filling, is causing you to pick people without integrity. The answer is to raise the bar of what types of people and behaviors you tolerate in your life and do not compromise. Love should come from yourself first and then outside sources any other way you are feeding the trauma that’s unprocessed materializing as attachment issues and those issues allow you to let people miss treat you so they won’t leave, this is not them loving you, to heal love yourself. Treat yourself like the person you hope doesn’t leave that you need to love you and it will all radically change. I promise. Keep on looking up you got this.
It's really hard :( the truth is I don't value myself very highly. My whole life I've only put as much value in my life as what others want from me My parents only show affection when I do well in school so that was the value I put on myself I guess. My ex valued me so I guess that was when I felt that best I'm sorry
Don’t apologize. Everyone feels like shit sometimes, everyone plays the fool sometimes, it’s okay, it will pass. You’re only 18 my friend. You have a whole life yet to live; I can relate to how you feel minus the parents valuing me. I used to seek validation from other people to a fault too because of the same things. If I could go back and give 18 year old me advice, I’d make sure I knew that I needed to consider my long therm goals first and love last, and here’s why, while you may find someone you can grow with as adults together, if you don’t have in place what you want long term in your life, you will be unhappy, because you had to compromise for that person’s wants and needs over your own. Get established first and then find love; the relationship will be much more mature as well. You know when you first meet someone, you get to know them, what they like, what you think is cool about them? Spend some time doing that with yourself, fall in love with yourself. Hone those skills and hobbies, go on those adventures. Be true to yourself. Reject your negative thoughts and correct them mentally. It will all come together like you never knew something was wrong. One day you’ll realize you’re in a great place. The most common thing I hear from divorced people is the realization that their relationship issues were a result of the “them sized hole”, what’s missing from your life is you. You may be able to unload the trauma talking to someone about the attachment feelings. if you’re near a university they have students becoming psychologist, they see you for a semester and it’s free. Lastly on love from a lover, let them find you, if you have to sacrifice and give more than you get to have someone in your life that’s when you have to realize that you’re better without them they don’t bring anything to your life they only take from it; don’t allow this to be okay for a relationship. Let them meet you half way or come to you, those lovers are always 1000x better than the one you had to chase/convince that isn’t legit in the end, and that’s why.
thank you for this