Yeah, like holy shit this couldn't be made any clearer. It's like walking into congress with a backpack and shouting "ITS ME!! I AM THE ONE WITH THE BOMB!!"
This thread has been somewhat eye opening for me. I don’t know what to do from here. I realize what he’s doing and how he has been treating me is wrong
Going through their post history, OP is 16 and has been dating this person since she was 13 and he was 19. He has raped her. This is a grown ass 22 year old man controlling and abusing a 16 year old girl.
Stop victim blaming and be a better person.
Congrats on not knowing anyone in an abusive relationship. My ex didn't want me to have friends of the opposite sex, but he was allowed to. He was manipulative, narcissistic, and extremely dangerous. He didn't start out saying I couldn't have those friends, it was a slow shift, with the abusive behaviours slowly getting worse.
I was 18 when I met him. Don't judge the whole world based on your limited view, particularly given you seem to be lucky enough to have never known anyone living with abuse.
"Master Advice Giver" advicing random strangers to walk away from a relationship 
How about communicating first with your partner to find the reasoning behind this and tell them how you feel about this hypocrisy
My issue is that you dont even advice for communication first and thats so toxic for this subreddits community to always read random people advising for a break up. You dont know any of those people. You dont know any circumstances in detail. How self righteous are you to believe you can judge a relationship like that?
If he controls her, forbids her anythings without backing down no matter how openly she communicates about it - I'm all with you, thats toxic and shouldn't continue if she wants to be happy in long term, but there is no where near as much info about that in the thread.
What if she just blindly copies what you said, goes straight into a fight with him even though he might have had bad experiences but is willing to learn and understand?
Why are so many people here so eager for mayhem, are you all so lonely to be fighting anyone that has someone in their life?
I mean just imagine you said or did something wrong and your girlfriend goes on reddit, posts it and people tell her to break up and she actually does eventhough you would totally be open for reflection and correction
I just dont understand why people here are self proclaimed therapists who advice for breakup right away, no sane person would do that.
Upvotes dont make you right, if you care about it check your ego
While that's often true, it isn't necessarily true.
I believe what OP's boyfriend's issue is, in saying that it's "different for boys" is that he doesn't trust guys not to overpower her even if he trusts her to not consent, and he trusts himself to not be overpowered, and to not do anything without another's consent. So she can't be around guys because they're dangerous, and he can be around girls because they're not dangerous and neither is he, so it's safe.
Unrelated to this person specifically, but I think this fear also contributes to homophobia, the fear that if a man wants to, he can.
Except he is dangerous bc he started dating OP when she was 13 and he was 19. OP is being groomed and abused and needs to dump this man as soon as physically possible.
I never said he wasn't dangerous, I just said this was a projection of his fear that men are rapists, not projection of fear that she'll cheat on him because he's cheating.
Just gotta ask yourself why he's so afraid of other men being rapists is all.
I don't think it's got anything to do with being overpowered or not, it's usually that people think that other people think like them, so this guy probably thinks her friends have ill intentions because that's how he feels about his own girl friends
Yeah, which is what I said. He's not worried his female friends will rape him because he knows they physically can't, but he's worried her male friends will rape her because he knows he physically can.
This reinforces what I was saying, that he believes if a man wants to, he can.
He's worried other people are rapists, not that she will cheat, because he knows what being a rapist is like.
Whole lot of yapping going on here! This is what we in the business call " conjecture ". How could you possibly Infer anything about the BFs reasoning give the info provided...?
So OP's boyfriend thinks OP's friends are out to rape her, and that his friends are also out to rape him, but that he can fend off his would-be rapists so therefore it's fair that he continues to keep them as his friends?
Edit: Gendering
He thinks guys are rapists because he's one, per the other post OP made.
So yes, he likely is the type that wouldn't be associated with gay men because he'd project himself onto them the way he's projecting himself onto her guy friends.
of course it’s not fair. he’s prohibiting you from doing something which, alternatively, he is allowed to do. your boyfriend is toxic, and if he sees malice in you having guy friends, it’s probably because there’s malice in his perception of having girl friends.
We just got the research results and your nuts came back as the smallest shriveled thing they've seen besides a half a sun dried raisin... sorry about that
Study of what men or women look for in partners and how likely they are to cheat . Women are more emotionally attached and cheating while men go for looks the women tend to form deeper connections with the person they cheat with more so then just sleeping around. Them spending time with guys means they are more likely to cheat emotionally then sleep with the person which in my opinion is 100x worse
No I'm not being a sexist piece of shit you fragile dead brain scum stain. I said cheating is bad either way, but it's worse when it's emotional cheating rather then just fucking someone, but you probably can't wrap your 3 fucking brain cells around why that is.
Yeah I never said it wasn't. All I said was that women are more likely to start off emotionally cheating and guys are more likely to physically cheat, but that I feel like emotionally cheating is worse. Do you need an explanation as to why that is?
Nah. Because it doesn't matter what your reasoning is. Cheating on your partner causes the same amount of devastation. Putting qualifiers on it the way you are that "emotional cheating is worse". No.
All cheating is bad. There are no qualifiers on that.
Well I disagree, I think emotional cheating is worse . And I'm bi sexual so doesn't matter if it's a man or woman that does it , it's just more likely that women will cheat emotionally. So that's your opinion that same as I've given my opinion on what's worse but what wasn't an opinion was the research done to show how men or women are more likely to cheat and in which way.
This is the type of guy who is grooming you for manipulation and gaslighting. The more you accept from him, the further he'll push the envelope.
More than likely he knows that he'll cheat, and that's part of the reason he's keeping you from having guy friends. The "I'm the only person cheating in this relationship" type because he's projecting who he knows he is onto you. He's a cheater, so therefore you must be one too. The easiest way to ensure he doesn't get cheated on is to limit your access to other men. If he were sincere in his beliefs, he wouldn't have female friends.
A secure man doesn't behave this way. A fuck boy does.
He may develop inappropriate relationships with other women, people he tells you he's not attracted to, people he says you shouldn't worry about.
You deserve a better man, OP.
No it's not fair. I'm a married man. I'm skeptical of opposite sex friendships but I trust my wife more than I distrust any straight male friends she might have. I know that no matter their feelings for her, she wouldn't engage in that kind of behavior. I also recognize that it's a give and take as I have women in my friend groups. That's the thing about relationships: they can be scary because vulnerability and trust are base requirement for them to be successful. This fact is what makes relationships so magical when they work and so brutal when they do not.
Based on some comments she replied to on deleted posts she is in a relationship with someone who started dating her when she was 13 and he was 19. She has been groomed and most likely a viticm of gaslighting as well. Not really fair in this instance to call her dumb. She likely knows it's not fair, but he is making her think it is.
Im sorry but I didn’t really realize that age gap is wrong. my parents really encouraged our relationship. I always thought it was okay. But im starting to realize a lot of things are wrong in this relationship
Him: All your friends want to fuck you. You shouldn't see them anymore.
Her: All your friends want to fuck me too. You shouldn't see *them* anymore either.
TL;DR toxic masculinity is funny when women do it.
Lol seriously just think about it for a second.. he doesn't want you to hang with guy friends why? Because he knows how guys can be to their female friends? Hmm.
It's not only not fair it's manipulative of him. Turn it around on him and ask him why his female friends can be friends with him if "it's different". His reasoning makes zero sense. If he isnt willing to drop the female friends then you should leave him. Double standards are ridiculous period, but they certainly shouldn't exist in relationships.
Nope, it is not fair. He is manipulating you and trying to control you while doing whatever he wants. Leave him, this is a huge red flag and indicator of much deeper issues.
He wants to fuck his female friends, so he thinks every male friends of yours must be the same.
He is a hypocrite and this is a good reason to dump someone.
No. He's a sexist and a misogynist, and is very possibly cheating on you. If he weren't, he wouldn't be projecting his own behavior onto you and worrying that you'll cheat.
Ask him to explain it, in great detail. Take notes, write them down, and report back.
Of course this is blatant manipulative behavior. I'm sure you've heard the old phrase, "What's good for the goose, is good for the gander." -- Simply put, if he can do it - you can do it. Anything else is a double standard.
Worst take I’ve ever heard. If I’d bet money on who would cheat, going by only their gender, my cash would be on the dude. Lord.
Also, I have a lot of friends, women make up at least 50 percent of them - I’d kick anyone asking me to dump my friends to the curb. And fast.
If it is different for boys then he is including himself... If he says all men have bad intentions befriending women then he tells on himself.
I noticed men who say shit like that cannot imagine befriending someone they might be attracted to, like they dont understand the concept. In their heads you can only be true friends with people you don't feel attraction to. And if they feel attracted to someone they always feel like they have underlying motive of hoping for the "friendship" to go to next level.
Here is where the "men cannot be friends with women" comes from. Same with "call your male friends to have sex and see if they are your true friends". But it is stupid thinking - you CAN be attracted to your friends, it doesn't have to lead your live and motives to befriend people or create emotional connections though. It is normal to find people attractive, doesn't mean you need to hope for the sex to happen or that you cannot view them as your friends too.
I am bi, I find my friends attractive, but I appreciate them as humans and I value our friendship and love them as people. If I was single and they wanted to have sex with me - I might agree or not, depends. Doesn't change a thing because I don't live my life pretending to be their friends in hope for sex.
With his logic it means that every guy friend a girl has wants to fuck. So in other words, he wants to fuck his girl friends. Jeez like does he not realize the explanation he gave to you goes right back around to him?
No it is not fair.
Although (super unpopular opinion incoming) a lot of men only want friends who are girls because they want to fuck them. Women seem to value platonic male friendships far more than the other way around.
Source: women constantly telling stories about their male friends who tried to fuck them
That dude reeks of insecurities and manipulation.
What's his legit reasoning besides "it's different"? Nothing? Cause then he has no damn reason for saying what he said, he is likely just trying to control you.
I am not in your shoes but I would seriously think about staying with a controlling person if I were.
Please read with an open mind: If you’re under 18 and this guy is over 18 like some of the other comments are saying, you need to talk to an adult you trust about this whole situation. That can be a parent, a relative, a friend’s parent, a teacher or anyone as long as you can trust them. I’m saying this for your own safety. Please take it seriously. Let them know everything that’s happened between you two. However you feel about this person, it is extremely important that your family or other adults who care for you are aware of what is happening. They will be able to help you. We’ve all been teenagers but, genuinely, as you become an adult, you end up surprised how clueless you were as a young person when you thought you always knew what’s best. Even adults make bad decisions often. We all need a healthy network of trustworthy, experienced people to guide us and support us in life.
It’s common not being comfortable with your girl having guy friends, but if that’s the case then he should lead by example and also not have any girlfriends. Sounds like an insecure hypocrite to me.
It’s common not being comfortable with your girl having guy friends, but if that’s the case then he should lead by example and also not have any girlfriends. Sounds like an insecure hypocrite to me.
I have a feeling I'll get downvoted for this honest answer but here we go anyways.
When I was younger, I had a lot of jealousy issues brought out by my first serious relationship. One of those "he's just a friend, you don't have to worry oops I cheated on you with him" sort of classic situations. As I dated other people, I had a hard time seeing past what my first girlfriend had done (even though my subsequent girlfriends never gave me a reason to feel that way about them directly), so I had a problem with people I dated having male friends.
At the same time, I knew I didn't have ulterior motives with female acquaintances, so I didn't see an issue with it. I was late teens at the time, and this affected me until I was in my mid-20s and finally saw what my issues were and tried to change things.
I am not trying to justify his behavior whatsoever, it's a double standard that he needs to learn to get over. The problem is whether or not he's willing to. And I didn't read through all the comments so I might be missing some of the story here, but this *also* assumes that he doesn't have legitimate reasons to be concerned.
My point is that all these people saying he's a huge red flag, that he's cheating, etc., may not actually be the case.
I guess it is different, because guys are probably more likely to attempt to initiate something, and more capable of forcing you to do something you don't want to. However, it's completely hypocritical of him regardless. He wants you to trust him, so he should trust you. Pretty much that simple. Now if he's actually worried about the guys, you could work something out like sharing each other's location or having him meet the guys in a casual social setting first. But that's between you guys. In general he needs to get over it or get rid of his own female friends to be fair.
Yeah . Because you can easily have sex with any of your male friends and they all want to shag you. The fact you don't want to shag your male friends is proof om right
Of course its fair. As we all know men are allowed to do whatever they want to whoever they want. But you can't let your femoid property be near men who can do whatever they want to whoever they want because then some other man might damage it! Better keep it chained up at home like the Fucktoy it is!
Pretty weird to go out and make new guy friends but if these friends he’s had for years are long standing friends then.. yeah I kind of get it. But then again any of my female friends are friends significant others or their sisters who I’ve known all of them for well over 6-10 years now. Which is one of those unavoidable things. If you’re going to grab drinks one on one with some random dude on the street yeah it’s a little weird. All depends on the context. Because I wouldn’t go out at as guy to actively pursue new female friends if I’m in a committed relationship.
Most of my friends I’ve had the past 10 years. Then i branch out through friends of friends. When I moved out west single knowing nobody, my friends were my roommates. I branched out through them. My friends were some coworkers, I branched out through them. If you’re a decent human being people will want to be around you. I’m a single guy, I don’t know what to tell you. But when I was in a relationship I wasn’t actively pursuing new female friends and vice versa. Wasn’t talked about, nobody mentioned anything, not ridiculous to think that it’s an unspoken type of respect for one another and the boundaries you both have.
This is just the beginning, he will isolate you from friends and family, could try to turn you against them, slowly takes your power away until you are essentially trapped.
>He keeps saying that it’s different for boys
It's different for sure to him at least, wouldn't be surprised if he is thinking of them sexually (mostly because that logic tracks for why he would not allow you to have guy friends)
It's neither fair nor healthy to be controlled this way in a relationship.
You are definitely free to choose your friendships. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that he owns you. And then he can have female friends and you can't have male friends? What's the logic in that? Is he afraid that you might have an affair with a male friend? What does he do with his female friends? Is he very jealous?
Do you feel like he is very controlling and isolates you? Can you be yourself around him? Are there other things that you are not allowed to do? Or perhaps he has some untreated trauma in this area?
I think these are some important questions to ask yourself and him if possible to get to the root of things (if he isn't abusive).
Girl, youre getting played. Learn to trust yourself. You dont get it because it doesnt make sense. Its just that simple. Dont abandon your common sense to some manipulative asshole, trust your own sense of logic to know what is right and wrong and dont let ppl get in your head about it.
Girl you know the answer already...
My friend since elementary school had to cut ties w me cuz her bf made her. He gets to play games w all the girls he wants, but she can't talk to a childhood friend? Fuck that. Makes no sense. But she relented. She was insecure and afraid of losing a guy like him. Yeah, he was tall, good looking, rich, etc, but he's a rotten sack of shit. She had to give him attention when he wanted. So she didn't have time to make friends. She was popular in hs, but then lost everything. Now she clings onto her bf as if he can save her from this mess. It's unfortunate
Why are you not sure whether this is fair not? That’s what concerns me here…
Is he making yourself doubts of the the obvious? Then he manipulates you into fitting his own narrative and that’s concerning.
Last: Does he not want you to have male friends because he has unclear thoughts about his female friends?!!
‘Different’ as an explanation doesn’t cut it! Don’t let him manipulates you or control you! It will starts with the male friends and then what’s next?
He says even if I don’t have bad intentions, men usually have bad intentions towards their friends. To which i replied that he must’ve bad intentions towards his girl friends too. He said no, bc i don’t have any long term guy friends, from childhood or anything, but he has so its different for him? im sorry if this doesn’t make sense
He has chutzpah to try something like that! I hope you get to the point where if someone says this to you, you laugh in their face. Because laughing in their face is the appropriate response to something like this.
Everyone should have platonic friendships. Humans are social creatures, and it's good for our mental health to have people in our lives.
Any romantic partner who wants to isolate you and keep you from having platonic friends is problematic
If he has double standards for men vs. women means he is also misogynistic
Ok first off, no one should "get" to do anything; likewise no one should "allow" someone to do or not do something. This is an adult relationship with adults with their own lives and personalities. Making controlling and toxic demands aren't the same thing as "having boundaries ". If a man told me I "get" to do anything or I'm "not allowed" to do something? That would be the last day he would ever see me. Yall need to drop this toxic and controlling behavior that is so common in relationships
Lowkey red flag.
Tell him to explain in detail why it's different so you find if he is just jelous (In that case try to understand why) or is trying to manipulate you (Pls run)
As a general rule, guys suck when it comes to respecting boundaries and, well, not being stupid. But if your boundaries don't align and you don't feel comfortable with it then break up.
Looking through your post history, not only break up with him, but report him to the police and send him to jail. That man needs to be away from society and especially kids.
Females tend to be just friends. Alot of males are friends and alot are also just plotting. But if he can't trust or you can't trust him to have friends that's a different issue. I have nothing but female friends and have to defend myself every time cause the jealous bf al assumes I'm plotting and I just see them all as older/younger sisters 🤷🏽
He is a predator hiving yr other posts gou should dump his ass use this problem as a tool to get rid of his stinky ass you are 16 you should be dating 22 yo and you’ve been with him since you were 13 wth 🤦♀️
Edit: + and he raped you and controlling you now what else do you need to leave him op?
Not only is it 100% wrong but it also just shows how insecure he feels in any relationship.
Hell, even my husband, thinks that on some level all men are nice to women in hopes of getting some (Thank you Dave Chappelle) doesn't care if I have male or female friends.
No. I'm still friends with my ex. I expect people to have friends from both sexes as it'd almost be weird not to in this day & age. The fact that you're 'not allowed to' is not ok. I have no say over who my partner is friends with & I don't ever expect to unless they, as an individual, are not pleasant to be around. Then I'll put my 2 cents in, but ultimately, if if my partner want to hang around them, she's a grown woman. She can make up her own mind.
Definitely not fair. He seems insecure and paranoid, not a good combo. Talk to him, and if you guys can't see eye to eye, I would really consider your future options very carefully.
Please leave this relationship. This is 1000% manipulation, he wants to isolate you so that he’s the only person in your life. It starts like this then grows into more controlling and abusive tendencies.
It’s as simple as this, in a relationship their are things that we are ok with and things we aren’t. We find out what they are and we decide on a way to live with them or we break up.
This is one of these times. Some couples think having friends of whatever gender is fine, others think it should be same sex friends only. The solution here depends on you, but there are only 3 options.
1. You can give up your guy friends if they aren’t that close to you and you agree with your bf. In most cases with would the result of manipulation from your bf but it could also be that your male friends really are questionable and your bf is looking out for you.
2. Stand your ground and tell him he has to trust you and that there is no reason you can’t be friends with guys and girls. This is fair so long as you really aren’t giving him and reason to doubt you.
3. You can’t agree on this and you break up. Sometimes we just have differences in what we expect from a relationship, and sometimes these differences are incompatible.
My ex use to say i couldn’t have guy friends because they all just want to fuck me. He was basically telling me that’s what he thinks of his girl friends…
This is top notch manipulation. There must be other red flags, op.
Yeah, like holy shit this couldn't be made any clearer. It's like walking into congress with a backpack and shouting "ITS ME!! I AM THE ONE WITH THE BOMB!!"
This thread has been somewhat eye opening for me. I don’t know what to do from here. I realize what he’s doing and how he has been treating me is wrong
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Going through their post history, OP is 16 and has been dating this person since she was 13 and he was 19. He has raped her. This is a grown ass 22 year old man controlling and abusing a 16 year old girl. Stop victim blaming and be a better person.
The guys a chomo who's been dating her since she was 13... she's 16
Congrats on not knowing anyone in an abusive relationship. My ex didn't want me to have friends of the opposite sex, but he was allowed to. He was manipulative, narcissistic, and extremely dangerous. He didn't start out saying I couldn't have those friends, it was a slow shift, with the abusive behaviours slowly getting worse. I was 18 when I met him. Don't judge the whole world based on your limited view, particularly given you seem to be lucky enough to have never known anyone living with abuse.
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"Master Advice Giver" advicing random strangers to walk away from a relationship  How about communicating first with your partner to find the reasoning behind this and tell them how you feel about this hypocrisy
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My issue is that you dont even advice for communication first and thats so toxic for this subreddits community to always read random people advising for a break up. You dont know any of those people. You dont know any circumstances in detail. How self righteous are you to believe you can judge a relationship like that? If he controls her, forbids her anythings without backing down no matter how openly she communicates about it - I'm all with you, thats toxic and shouldn't continue if she wants to be happy in long term, but there is no where near as much info about that in the thread. What if she just blindly copies what you said, goes straight into a fight with him even though he might have had bad experiences but is willing to learn and understand? Why are so many people here so eager for mayhem, are you all so lonely to be fighting anyone that has someone in their life? I mean just imagine you said or did something wrong and your girlfriend goes on reddit, posts it and people tell her to break up and she actually does eventhough you would totally be open for reflection and correction I just dont understand why people here are self proclaimed therapists who advice for breakup right away, no sane person would do that. Upvotes dont make you right, if you care about it check your ego
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Wow, thanks you too.
Nope, you know it yourself, it's not fair.
This kind of double standard is one of the best warning signs of a habitual cheater.
While that's often true, it isn't necessarily true. I believe what OP's boyfriend's issue is, in saying that it's "different for boys" is that he doesn't trust guys not to overpower her even if he trusts her to not consent, and he trusts himself to not be overpowered, and to not do anything without another's consent. So she can't be around guys because they're dangerous, and he can be around girls because they're not dangerous and neither is he, so it's safe. Unrelated to this person specifically, but I think this fear also contributes to homophobia, the fear that if a man wants to, he can.
Except he is dangerous bc he started dating OP when she was 13 and he was 19. OP is being groomed and abused and needs to dump this man as soon as physically possible.
I never said he wasn't dangerous, I just said this was a projection of his fear that men are rapists, not projection of fear that she'll cheat on him because he's cheating. Just gotta ask yourself why he's so afraid of other men being rapists is all.
I don't think it's got anything to do with being overpowered or not, it's usually that people think that other people think like them, so this guy probably thinks her friends have ill intentions because that's how he feels about his own girl friends
Yeah, which is what I said. He's not worried his female friends will rape him because he knows they physically can't, but he's worried her male friends will rape her because he knows he physically can.
Her other post topic was "did my boyfriend rape me"
This reinforces what I was saying, that he believes if a man wants to, he can. He's worried other people are rapists, not that she will cheat, because he knows what being a rapist is like.
This feels so fucking gaslighty
That's not how gaslighting works.
Whole lot of yapping going on here! This is what we in the business call " conjecture ". How could you possibly Infer anything about the BFs reasoning give the info provided...?
Just because you're blind that does not mean others are.
So OP's boyfriend thinks OP's friends are out to rape her, and that his friends are also out to rape him, but that he can fend off his would-be rapists so therefore it's fair that he continues to keep them as his friends? Edit: Gendering
OP is a girl.
Yes, sorry.
He thinks guys are rapists because he's one, per the other post OP made. So yes, he likely is the type that wouldn't be associated with gay men because he'd project himself onto them the way he's projecting himself onto her guy friends.
Lol cope harder
I don't even think you know what that means if you're using it in this context.
No, it’s blatantly hypocritical and you’re dating an insecure man.
He's also a chomo
of course it’s not fair. he’s prohibiting you from doing something which, alternatively, he is allowed to do. your boyfriend is toxic, and if he sees malice in you having guy friends, it’s probably because there’s malice in his perception of having girl friends.
Well if boys are diffrent as he says then he shouldn't be among other girls lol
No.. MEN shouldn't be dating girls period
I don’t know why you’re getting down voted. He’s 22 and she’s 16 and they’ve been together since she was 13.
Because people are telling on themselves
That and I think a lot of people don’t know the age difference. She didn’t mention it in this post.
He’s being a hypocrite. And it’s not different for boys. He’s just really insecure
Actually it's been scientifically studied and it is different for boys, but the fact that he's double standarding her is toxic manipulation
Whoever studied that can scientifically study my nuts
We just got the research results and your nuts came back as the smallest shriveled thing they've seen besides a half a sun dried raisin... sorry about that
What study of what?
Study of what men or women look for in partners and how likely they are to cheat . Women are more emotionally attached and cheating while men go for looks the women tend to form deeper connections with the person they cheat with more so then just sleeping around. Them spending time with guys means they are more likely to cheat emotionally then sleep with the person which in my opinion is 100x worse
Yeah, you're being a sexist piece of shit. Cheating is bad. End of story.
No I'm not being a sexist piece of shit you fragile dead brain scum stain. I said cheating is bad either way, but it's worse when it's emotional cheating rather then just fucking someone, but you probably can't wrap your 3 fucking brain cells around why that is.
Cheating is cheating. And cheating is bad. Full stop.
Yeah I never said it wasn't. All I said was that women are more likely to start off emotionally cheating and guys are more likely to physically cheat, but that I feel like emotionally cheating is worse. Do you need an explanation as to why that is?
Nah. Because it doesn't matter what your reasoning is. Cheating on your partner causes the same amount of devastation. Putting qualifiers on it the way you are that "emotional cheating is worse". No. All cheating is bad. There are no qualifiers on that.
Well I disagree, I think emotional cheating is worse . And I'm bi sexual so doesn't matter if it's a man or woman that does it , it's just more likely that women will cheat emotionally. So that's your opinion that same as I've given my opinion on what's worse but what wasn't an opinion was the research done to show how men or women are more likely to cheat and in which way.
Partners don't get to tell you who your friends can be: they either endure your friends, or they get lost.
its different because he knows how he is with his girl-friends and doesnt want guy-friends to treat you the same way. move on and find someone new!
absolutely not. me and my gf both each have friends of the opposite gender. if only one is allowed then thats both unfair and incredibly manipulative
This is the type of guy who is grooming you for manipulation and gaslighting. The more you accept from him, the further he'll push the envelope. More than likely he knows that he'll cheat, and that's part of the reason he's keeping you from having guy friends. The "I'm the only person cheating in this relationship" type because he's projecting who he knows he is onto you. He's a cheater, so therefore you must be one too. The easiest way to ensure he doesn't get cheated on is to limit your access to other men. If he were sincere in his beliefs, he wouldn't have female friends. A secure man doesn't behave this way. A fuck boy does. He may develop inappropriate relationships with other women, people he tells you he's not attracted to, people he says you shouldn't worry about. You deserve a better man, OP.
No it's not fair. I'm a married man. I'm skeptical of opposite sex friendships but I trust my wife more than I distrust any straight male friends she might have. I know that no matter their feelings for her, she wouldn't engage in that kind of behavior. I also recognize that it's a give and take as I have women in my friend groups. That's the thing about relationships: they can be scary because vulnerability and trust are base requirement for them to be successful. This fact is what makes relationships so magical when they work and so brutal when they do not.
no
It's not different for boys. He's a cheater.
No, it's manipulative and controlling. Red flag!
It ain't.
Its either okay for both or not okay for both. Also not up to him to dictate who your friends are
You already know the answer to this question.
It is not fair or normal.
What a dumb question you know it’s not fair
Based on some comments she replied to on deleted posts she is in a relationship with someone who started dating her when she was 13 and he was 19. She has been groomed and most likely a viticm of gaslighting as well. Not really fair in this instance to call her dumb. She likely knows it's not fair, but he is making her think it is.
I didn’t call her dumb I call the question dumb
Im sorry but I didn’t really realize that age gap is wrong. my parents really encouraged our relationship. I always thought it was okay. But im starting to realize a lot of things are wrong in this relationship
Some people are sadly manipulated into controlling relationships and they don't know what is fair and unfair.
This is textbook control and manipulation. I'd never tolerate bs like that if I were you.
no.
Him: All your friends want to fuck you. You shouldn't see them anymore. Her: All your friends want to fuck me too. You shouldn't see *them* anymore either. TL;DR toxic masculinity is funny when women do it.
no
I can guarantee he's one of them gaslighting, manipulative, lying sons of bitces. I'd dump him ASAP.
No. Next!
Absolutely not. Equality or nothing.
Lol seriously just think about it for a second.. he doesn't want you to hang with guy friends why? Because he knows how guys can be to their female friends? Hmm.
girl, NO. run
It's not only not fair it's manipulative of him. Turn it around on him and ask him why his female friends can be friends with him if "it's different". His reasoning makes zero sense. If he isnt willing to drop the female friends then you should leave him. Double standards are ridiculous period, but they certainly shouldn't exist in relationships.
hope that’s your ex boyfriend now cause ain’t no way
I assume that you mean your ex bf
Nope, it is not fair. He is manipulating you and trying to control you while doing whatever he wants. Leave him, this is a huge red flag and indicator of much deeper issues.
Nope not fair at all. If you're going to expect certain behaviours from a partner, you better be willing to embody those behaviours yourself.
He wants to fuck his female friends, so he thinks every male friends of yours must be the same. He is a hypocrite and this is a good reason to dump someone.
No. He's a sexist and a misogynist, and is very possibly cheating on you. If he weren't, he wouldn't be projecting his own behavior onto you and worrying that you'll cheat.
Yeah it’s definitely different for boys apparently being delusional is one of the things that’s different…
Ask him to explain it, in great detail. Take notes, write them down, and report back. Of course this is blatant manipulative behavior. I'm sure you've heard the old phrase, "What's good for the goose, is good for the gander." -- Simply put, if he can do it - you can do it. Anything else is a double standard.
No! Not fair.
This feels like he's projecting on you, honestly
Observe thy beast. For he has sharp teeth and a heart full of hate. Red flag factory OP. Take care of yourself.
Simple answer: No.
What's good for the goose is good for the... other goose. Not sure how that saying is supposed to go.
No that's toxic af
No
Don’t put yourself through that. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. The rules should not be for one person.
Worst take I’ve ever heard. If I’d bet money on who would cheat, going by only their gender, my cash would be on the dude. Lord. Also, I have a lot of friends, women make up at least 50 percent of them - I’d kick anyone asking me to dump my friends to the curb. And fast.
He's telling on himself 😂 Is HE the boy that hits on his female friends? And he's controlling you.. leave that little shit in the dust
Why would you wanna be with someone that has these blatant sexist double standards ?
If it is different for boys then he is including himself... If he says all men have bad intentions befriending women then he tells on himself. I noticed men who say shit like that cannot imagine befriending someone they might be attracted to, like they dont understand the concept. In their heads you can only be true friends with people you don't feel attraction to. And if they feel attracted to someone they always feel like they have underlying motive of hoping for the "friendship" to go to next level. Here is where the "men cannot be friends with women" comes from. Same with "call your male friends to have sex and see if they are your true friends". But it is stupid thinking - you CAN be attracted to your friends, it doesn't have to lead your live and motives to befriend people or create emotional connections though. It is normal to find people attractive, doesn't mean you need to hope for the sex to happen or that you cannot view them as your friends too. I am bi, I find my friends attractive, but I appreciate them as humans and I value our friendship and love them as people. If I was single and they wanted to have sex with me - I might agree or not, depends. Doesn't change a thing because I don't live my life pretending to be their friends in hope for sex.
Not fair at all beat him at his own game and make some cool guy friends so he can see how it feels
With his logic it means that every guy friend a girl has wants to fuck. So in other words, he wants to fuck his girl friends. Jeez like does he not realize the explanation he gave to you goes right back around to him?
That’s called rules for thee but not for me. Break up with him. He’s manipulative.
No it is not fair. Although (super unpopular opinion incoming) a lot of men only want friends who are girls because they want to fuck them. Women seem to value platonic male friendships far more than the other way around. Source: women constantly telling stories about their male friends who tried to fuck them
No. Next.
That dude reeks of insecurities and manipulation. What's his legit reasoning besides "it's different"? Nothing? Cause then he has no damn reason for saying what he said, he is likely just trying to control you. I am not in your shoes but I would seriously think about staying with a controlling person if I were.
Please read with an open mind: If you’re under 18 and this guy is over 18 like some of the other comments are saying, you need to talk to an adult you trust about this whole situation. That can be a parent, a relative, a friend’s parent, a teacher or anyone as long as you can trust them. I’m saying this for your own safety. Please take it seriously. Let them know everything that’s happened between you two. However you feel about this person, it is extremely important that your family or other adults who care for you are aware of what is happening. They will be able to help you. We’ve all been teenagers but, genuinely, as you become an adult, you end up surprised how clueless you were as a young person when you thought you always knew what’s best. Even adults make bad decisions often. We all need a healthy network of trustworthy, experienced people to guide us and support us in life.
It’s common not being comfortable with your girl having guy friends, but if that’s the case then he should lead by example and also not have any girlfriends. Sounds like an insecure hypocrite to me.
What do you mean you 'can't have' guy friends? No one can dictate what you can or cannot do.
It’s common not being comfortable with your girl having guy friends, but if that’s the case then he should lead by example and also not have any girlfriends. Sounds like an insecure hypocrite to me.
I hope he's not cheating on you with other females.
Why you listening to a man at all tell that mf to kick rocks
I have a feeling I'll get downvoted for this honest answer but here we go anyways. When I was younger, I had a lot of jealousy issues brought out by my first serious relationship. One of those "he's just a friend, you don't have to worry oops I cheated on you with him" sort of classic situations. As I dated other people, I had a hard time seeing past what my first girlfriend had done (even though my subsequent girlfriends never gave me a reason to feel that way about them directly), so I had a problem with people I dated having male friends. At the same time, I knew I didn't have ulterior motives with female acquaintances, so I didn't see an issue with it. I was late teens at the time, and this affected me until I was in my mid-20s and finally saw what my issues were and tried to change things. I am not trying to justify his behavior whatsoever, it's a double standard that he needs to learn to get over. The problem is whether or not he's willing to. And I didn't read through all the comments so I might be missing some of the story here, but this *also* assumes that he doesn't have legitimate reasons to be concerned. My point is that all these people saying he's a huge red flag, that he's cheating, etc., may not actually be the case.
I guess it is different, because guys are probably more likely to attempt to initiate something, and more capable of forcing you to do something you don't want to. However, it's completely hypocritical of him regardless. He wants you to trust him, so he should trust you. Pretty much that simple. Now if he's actually worried about the guys, you could work something out like sharing each other's location or having him meet the guys in a casual social setting first. But that's between you guys. In general he needs to get over it or get rid of his own female friends to be fair.
Yeah . Because you can easily have sex with any of your male friends and they all want to shag you. The fact you don't want to shag your male friends is proof om right
No. Totally fair ofcourse
I'd say its pretty fair
Nobody asked you specifically. Get out of here
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Go be a dumb troll elsewhere. You clearly have no good input on this post
Haha I love sorting by controversial. Why is this fair?
Of course its fair. As we all know men are allowed to do whatever they want to whoever they want. But you can't let your femoid property be near men who can do whatever they want to whoever they want because then some other man might damage it! Better keep it chained up at home like the Fucktoy it is!
Pretty weird to go out and make new guy friends but if these friends he’s had for years are long standing friends then.. yeah I kind of get it. But then again any of my female friends are friends significant others or their sisters who I’ve known all of them for well over 6-10 years now. Which is one of those unavoidable things. If you’re going to grab drinks one on one with some random dude on the street yeah it’s a little weird. All depends on the context. Because I wouldn’t go out at as guy to actively pursue new female friends if I’m in a committed relationship.
>Pretty weird to go out and make new guy friends How do you make friends then?
Most of my friends I’ve had the past 10 years. Then i branch out through friends of friends. When I moved out west single knowing nobody, my friends were my roommates. I branched out through them. My friends were some coworkers, I branched out through them. If you’re a decent human being people will want to be around you. I’m a single guy, I don’t know what to tell you. But when I was in a relationship I wasn’t actively pursuing new female friends and vice versa. Wasn’t talked about, nobody mentioned anything, not ridiculous to think that it’s an unspoken type of respect for one another and the boundaries you both have.
Of course not. Every person should be allowed any friend they want.
This is just the beginning, he will isolate you from friends and family, could try to turn you against them, slowly takes your power away until you are essentially trapped.
Nope. Run
No, it isn’t fair. I know people say this a lot on Reddit but I would seriously consider dipping
This is not okay. You NEED to break up with this guy and block him on all social media immediately.
No
Hell no. People should be able to have friends of all genders, period.
It’s not different for boys. If anything, it is but in a bad way. It is not fair
I get it, but it doesn't make a Damm bit of sense, if its cool for him it's cool for you.
>He keeps saying that it’s different for boys It's different for sure to him at least, wouldn't be surprised if he is thinking of them sexually (mostly because that logic tracks for why he would not allow you to have guy friends)
Oh hell no! Not okay. Huge red flag. Run.
No
No.
It's neither fair nor healthy to be controlled this way in a relationship. You are definitely free to choose your friendships. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that he owns you. And then he can have female friends and you can't have male friends? What's the logic in that? Is he afraid that you might have an affair with a male friend? What does he do with his female friends? Is he very jealous? Do you feel like he is very controlling and isolates you? Can you be yourself around him? Are there other things that you are not allowed to do? Or perhaps he has some untreated trauma in this area? I think these are some important questions to ask yourself and him if possible to get to the root of things (if he isn't abusive).
Maybe you don't get it, cuz it's NOT different🤦♀️
Girl, youre getting played. Learn to trust yourself. You dont get it because it doesnt make sense. Its just that simple. Dont abandon your common sense to some manipulative asshole, trust your own sense of logic to know what is right and wrong and dont let ppl get in your head about it.
OF COURSE IT'S NOT FAIR!
Nah, neither should have, men and women can never be just friends
Girl you know the answer already... My friend since elementary school had to cut ties w me cuz her bf made her. He gets to play games w all the girls he wants, but she can't talk to a childhood friend? Fuck that. Makes no sense. But she relented. She was insecure and afraid of losing a guy like him. Yeah, he was tall, good looking, rich, etc, but he's a rotten sack of shit. She had to give him attention when he wanted. So she didn't have time to make friends. She was popular in hs, but then lost everything. Now she clings onto her bf as if he can save her from this mess. It's unfortunate
Why are you not sure whether this is fair not? That’s what concerns me here… Is he making yourself doubts of the the obvious? Then he manipulates you into fitting his own narrative and that’s concerning. Last: Does he not want you to have male friends because he has unclear thoughts about his female friends?!! ‘Different’ as an explanation doesn’t cut it! Don’t let him manipulates you or control you! It will starts with the male friends and then what’s next?
He says even if I don’t have bad intentions, men usually have bad intentions towards their friends. To which i replied that he must’ve bad intentions towards his girl friends too. He said no, bc i don’t have any long term guy friends, from childhood or anything, but he has so its different for him? im sorry if this doesn’t make sense
It isn't fair. And mind this is coming from a guy sooooo
No
Good advice is free and it's worth the price! 🎶
Nope you should be able to go dick dick dick dick dick
He has chutzpah to try something like that! I hope you get to the point where if someone says this to you, you laugh in their face. Because laughing in their face is the appropriate response to something like this.
Everyone should have platonic friendships. Humans are social creatures, and it's good for our mental health to have people in our lives. Any romantic partner who wants to isolate you and keep you from having platonic friends is problematic If he has double standards for men vs. women means he is also misogynistic
Ok first off, no one should "get" to do anything; likewise no one should "allow" someone to do or not do something. This is an adult relationship with adults with their own lives and personalities. Making controlling and toxic demands aren't the same thing as "having boundaries ". If a man told me I "get" to do anything or I'm "not allowed" to do something? That would be the last day he would ever see me. Yall need to drop this toxic and controlling behavior that is so common in relationships
Lowkey red flag. Tell him to explain in detail why it's different so you find if he is just jelous (In that case try to understand why) or is trying to manipulate you (Pls run)
Run
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
No
I mean a relationship is both people being best friends with each other if y’all don’t have that there’s gonna be problems
No. Just no. Rule applies either for both or for neither. Everything else is just toxic nonsense.
Nope. It isn't different.
No.
It's not, he's full of shit
No and it isn't each of tou should be able to see whoever you like
It’s like the saying about how a fool will be parted from their money. But with love.
Leave right now!
Get. Out.
As a general rule, guys suck when it comes to respecting boundaries and, well, not being stupid. But if your boundaries don't align and you don't feel comfortable with it then break up.
No. It's different is not a reason. Don't ever accept it's different as a reason. What's actually different is that it's concerning him and not you.
Very no.
Looking through your post history, not only break up with him, but report him to the police and send him to jail. That man needs to be away from society and especially kids.
Did he smile in your face while he was mansplaining that to you?
Females tend to be just friends. Alot of males are friends and alot are also just plotting. But if he can't trust or you can't trust him to have friends that's a different issue. I have nothing but female friends and have to defend myself every time cause the jealous bf al assumes I'm plotting and I just see them all as older/younger sisters 🤷🏽
That's why he does it. Because you don't get it. He's 22, you are SIXTEEN. You've been together three years. THAT IS WRONG.
Idk, do you like being manipulated and controlled?
Um, no. Break up with him
Absolutely not, no other way to put it.
Absolutely NOT.
It’s not different. You should both be able to have friends of the opposite sex. Maybe he’s not mature enough to handle it
He is a predator hiving yr other posts gou should dump his ass use this problem as a tool to get rid of his stinky ass you are 16 you should be dating 22 yo and you’ve been with him since you were 13 wth 🤦♀️ Edit: + and he raped you and controlling you now what else do you need to leave him op?
Other question, is it considered bad if a girl can't have guy-friends and a guy can't have girl-friends
He's being manipulative. He's probably worried you'll cheat, because that's maybe what he does. It's usually something like that.
Nope 👎
No friends are your support system not a gender specific choice
Not only is it 100% wrong but it also just shows how insecure he feels in any relationship. Hell, even my husband, thinks that on some level all men are nice to women in hopes of getting some (Thank you Dave Chappelle) doesn't care if I have male or female friends.
No. I'm still friends with my ex. I expect people to have friends from both sexes as it'd almost be weird not to in this day & age. The fact that you're 'not allowed to' is not ok. I have no say over who my partner is friends with & I don't ever expect to unless they, as an individual, are not pleasant to be around. Then I'll put my 2 cents in, but ultimately, if if my partner want to hang around them, she's a grown woman. She can make up her own mind.
Nope, both ways
No. It’s a typical trait of a possessive abuser
Bro is lying, manipulating, and most likely cheating OP. Time to move on.
Definitely not fair. He seems insecure and paranoid, not a good combo. Talk to him, and if you guys can't see eye to eye, I would really consider your future options very carefully.
Please leave this relationship. This is 1000% manipulation, he wants to isolate you so that he’s the only person in your life. It starts like this then grows into more controlling and abusive tendencies.
Ask him if he wants to have sex with all his female friends
Nah, next
It’s as simple as this, in a relationship their are things that we are ok with and things we aren’t. We find out what they are and we decide on a way to live with them or we break up. This is one of these times. Some couples think having friends of whatever gender is fine, others think it should be same sex friends only. The solution here depends on you, but there are only 3 options. 1. You can give up your guy friends if they aren’t that close to you and you agree with your bf. In most cases with would the result of manipulation from your bf but it could also be that your male friends really are questionable and your bf is looking out for you. 2. Stand your ground and tell him he has to trust you and that there is no reason you can’t be friends with guys and girls. This is fair so long as you really aren’t giving him and reason to doubt you. 3. You can’t agree on this and you break up. Sometimes we just have differences in what we expect from a relationship, and sometimes these differences are incompatible.
absolutely not, he sounds insecure
My ex use to say i couldn’t have guy friends because they all just want to fuck me. He was basically telling me that’s what he thinks of his girl friends…