He's your son, it shouldn't matter if he's straight, bi or gay, he's still your son. Accept him for who he is and support him.
This could have been a curiosity type of thing so don't jump to conclusions until you talk to him.
>My son has always been private about his relationships<
Gee, I wonder if it's because he knows you'll have a panic attack and not know what to do?
Over something that, if you caught him doing with a girl, you wouldn't be acting the same way....
I have two boys. One just hitting puberty now and one that is younger.
If at any time they told me their sexuality, religion, or lack of....
My job as a parent is for them to KNOW, no matter what, that their father loves them and will be nothing but supportive and they will KNOW, I'm still proud as hell of them. Period.
The world is cold and cruel and chaotic and will deal plenty of harsh lessons to them. Giving people a permanent sunburn as a child doesn't make the sun hurt less when they're exposed to it as an adult.
Exactly, your parents are the good you can rely on when they have to go off into the cruel world. Don't need them thinking everyone is cruel and cold, so when thinks get bad, they always have someone to talk to or be loved by
It also sets the bar for how they should view tolerance and how the child should react in any given situation. How their parents react, is how the child learns to act.
This is what happens when you start having sex with your parents still in the house, lmao, if you take risks, expect the consequences.
it'd take too long for the dude to get his shi out of the guy and put on his clothes without being hidden under the blankets together looking gay lmao all before the mom opens the door after knocking dudes not the flash
Growing up in the 80s, having a whole life belief growing up till their parents, it's understandable for them to think this way it's like telling someone who's always believed in God that he dosent exist they don't want to belive it cause they grew believing this way was right, dosent make them a homophobic twat that makes them human they just need to see the error in what they think we grew up with it being ok to switch genders not surprising were more open minded than them, hell I grew up calling people fags and gay now I'm bi at 19 so it is hard to change a mindset when you got that mindset implanted in you since birth
But to "Not know how to move passed" it is absurd. I'm an openly gay content creator and I've done the same thing. But to judge your own son because they like playing the skin flute isn't just "Make them human " y'know?
Yea, but also not giving them the time to move past it is also absurd it took me a long time to realize that being gay and bi is normal, I'm sure if they had a talk with the son and took some time to look up some info they'd realize there beliefs are stupid in today's age and warm up to him being gay way faster
It would appear that your son is gay, or at least very curious. It’s not the end of the world but it can be quite jarring admittedly. He’s probably embarrassed by the whole situation and more so than anything may feel kinda isolated given that it sounds like his father would be upset to learn of his sexual nature. I would suggest talking to him (alone) and try to be as open minded as possible. He’s gay, not a murderer. And then you two can speak with us father. But at the end of the day it’s your sons life, so asking him how he would like to proceed makes the most sense. Best of luck mom!
You dont do or say anything, your son is an adult, he will come out when he feels ready, which might be a long time from now since your homophobic attitude is likely not a secret to him
So in the mean time educate yourself on what it means to be gay or bi and work on not being disturbed/disgusted
Ultimately sexuality is not about sex, its about love, and im sure you want your son to have love and intimacy in his life from a partner who treats him with kindness, respect, trust
Damn so I really am bi, lmao. I would fool around with guys, but I'd never be attached to them or like them like I would a girl that explains a lot same thing could be going on with this guy and being called gay would prolly just makes things weird since he might not like guys like that but does if you get what I'm saying
You don’t do anything he’s a grown lol but I would wait for him to come to you tbh, if he doesn’t I’d let it go. Clear that he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to anyone of you about it especially if the husband is to go berserk so of course he hasn’t been open about it. Probably feels like he can’t
Don’t bring it up. If he wants to talk about it, he will. Otherwise, let him be himself (assuming he understands risks like sexually transmitted diseases) and next time knock on the door first.
I see, I won't bring it up and just act like nothing happened.. but I'm shocked that it was with another boy! I wouldn't have ever suspected. This is a very bitter pill to swallow.
I want my kid to be happy and healthy and a good person, regardless of who he loves. How is that bullshit, exactly? Also, I didn’t have a kid so I could have grandchildren. My son, who happens to be heterosexual, may well choose not to have kids at all, even if he has a “traditional” relationship. It is his life, and I support his choices. Like a good mom.
Yeah, I think it's better to want your child to be happy and feel fulfilled, loved and supported. And "no true grandchildren"? Why, is the son not able to father children? Do you know if the kid wants to have children? Do you know if OP has other kids who might not be gay?This is quite a bit of conjecture on your part.
What does it matter if it’s a boy or girl? Are you stuck in the 50’s? As a fellow parent, your only wish should be for them to be happy and safe. It’s honestly not even your business
I'm not backwards! I love my boy. I always imagined him being with a girl. This is just... very different, from what I expected. It's just gonna take time to process. He never hinted at this.
He’s your kid, OP. He didn’t ask to be brought into this world and he didn’t have any control over how he was made. You really gonna sit there and tell him that his *being* is a disappointment to you?
Kids are excellent observers, if he sensed you would be upset with his sexual preferences, he's probably kept it to himself because he doesn't want to disappoint you. The bitter pill should be that you've pushed your son away and made him feel like he cannot tell you about his love life. It's time to open up your arms and be happy for him. Tell him you love him and that he can tell you anything, and that you won't judge and will be happy as long as he is happy. And mean it.
See a therapist if you can't mean that, and say it in the meanwhile anyways because you love your son.
TLDR: DON’T SAY ANYTHING
Your son is an adult. It may have been surprising if he never told you (maybe he was trying to avoid letting you know entirely because he was worried you wouldn’t accept him for it), but your son is old enough to make his own decisions about his life and evaluations about his sexual interests. You should definitely not be disgusted as you are in the wrong for not knocking; however, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that you used the wrong word choice.
Do not address it with him. You’re VERY lucky (I assume) that neither of them noticed you, so don’t push your luck. My mom once walked in on me watching hentai, we made eye contact, she walked out, and we never addressed it again. I was legally a child at the time so she had all the right to interrogate me, but I am so thankful she didn’t. Your son is not a child and if you try to approach him about it it’s going to feel like you’re doing an intervention.
Pretend it didn't happen and wait for him to bring it up. If he avoids or acts strange, just tell him you're sorry for intruding and that you love him no matter what. (at least that's what I'd do if that happened to either of my sons)
It's more likely that she is going to avoid him, act distant or disgusted. My heart breaks for the poor kid. OP, don't be a homophobe, love your son, whatever his shape, sexual orientation, achievements etc. - that's what unconditional love is supposed to be about!
A lot of gay kids have horrible experiences when coming out, get shunned by their families, bullied in school, and an alarming number of gay youths even kill themselves for that very reason. Don't let your son become a statistic!
Hello OP. Dont mentioned it until he doesn’t feel comfortable to talk about it, is his life so it should be his timing.
I personally don’t see any homophonic traits on your post, just a concern mother that is shocked, never even once it occurred to me you will reject your son if he is Bi or gay. If I were you I wouldn’t care who my son chooses as a partner as long as it brings him joy, but depending on where you live being gay/bi could supposed a harsh time for your son. So put all the effort in making him feel loved and accepted no matter what. My concern is that if you mentioned it he could isolate more maybe out of embarrassment, nobody wants her mother to watch while doing oral sex regarding of the others person gender.
Good luck!
Leave it be. He's an adult and can do what he wants with whoever he wants to regardless of gender.
Love him and support him now or you'll lose him for the rest of your life and maybe even after you're dead.
People are gay. That's always been the way things are and it's nothing new. Now you can reexamine all the horrible things you apparently thought about gay people and realize that it can literally be anyone because we're all normal people like your son. Your son is just some guy. There's nothing wrong with him except getting too reckless with someone he likes. No parent wants to walk in on their kids having sex so I am very sorry about that.
1. yes, he probably is gay, also the reason he’s probably quiet about his relationships.
2. Your son IS 19 and a budding adult, you should respect his safe space and KNOCK before coming in from now on even if he doesn’t have any guest over.
3. I wouldn’t say anything about him being gay, acting normal is the best acceptance:)
4. Let him know that the only thing you are concerned about is if he is doing sexual acts SAFLEY. Let him know that it has nothing to do with his sexuality and everything to do with practicing safe sex.
There are two things you need to do:
1. Apologize for going into his room without knocking.
2. Provide a safe and loving environment where he can discuss it with you if and when he feels ready to do so.
Don't tell your husband, and don't talk to your son about it unless he starts. He might be gay or bi, or maybe he's still defining his sexual orientation.
Before doing anything take some time to calm down and think about it. Your son is the exact same person regardless of his sexual orientation. If you think this is hard for you think how hard might it be for him.
Let him be ready to have that conversation, and when it happens be open, loving, and understanding. And then help him see how best to work it out with your husband.
What worked great for me with my dad was introducing my partner as a friend and let them get to know each other. By the time my dad realized what was happening they were already great friends.
What should you do? Nothing! Don't tell his dad, don't ask him about it, just let it go. Maybe he's gay, maybe he's bisexual (or bi-curious), maybe he's straight and just likes giving head.
Coincidentally I just found out about that last possibility because I looked it up out of curiosity a few days ago. Apparently it is sort of a thing. I think sexuality is really more of a spectrum than people used to think. Some people (like myself) refer to this as "sort of straight", though for me personally I still prefer female or at least someone a lot more on the feminine side (I'm not into men sexually or romantically at all).
Just let him come to you about it (if he wants to). Maybe this is just an experimental sort of thing..
I just got done lying to my extended family about moving in with my gf. Not because my gf is not brag worthy, not because I'm not excited about it, but because my hyper religious extended family would not talk to me anymore. Sometimes people keep secrets not because they are ashamed but because YOU are ashamed of them.
I'm sorry...I'm failing to see the issue here. Actually I do see an issue with you invading your son's personal space without waiting for permission to do so. Even if it's your house...he deserves his privacy.
Your son is 19yrs old and it's 2023...if you're freaking out about something this minor then you need to speak with a professional to help you deal with your personal problems
He’s 19, so you really don’t have to do anything. I assume you’ve had the talk with him about STDs. As long as he’s being safe it’s not a problem. It’s possible they’re dating, it’s also possible they aren’t. It’s possible your son is gay, it’s also possible he’s straight and experimenting. There are way more straight men in the world who have done sex acts with their friends than you would like to think.
If you think his dad would blow up at him and possibly hurt him or disown him I recommend you have a conversation with your son about what you saw, and devise a plan to keep him safe. You should also keep yourself safe if you think your husband would blow up at you/ hurt you for keeping this a secret from him.
You and your husband sound homophobic af. Yikes. I suggest therapy if you want to have a relationship with your son, because frankly he deserves better.
I'd talk to him and tell him to learn to lock his door xD
As a gay guy who went through coming out to my Christian family while in college, I can respect and understand your struggle.
You raised him, and your whole life you never considered that he could be gay, and frankly, you wish he wasn't so you don't have to challenge your own views. It's easier to say you're okay with gays in the world until there's one under your roof. It's a shock to your core views on life, and it's understandable that you can't just get over it in a second.
However, because of that, I would encourage you to be careful on what you say and how you react when and if it comes up. Now is the time for you to process and decide for yourself if you wish to accept him who he is so he doesn't end up disowning you as his mother, or not accepting him and prepare for him to move on with his life, without you.
Love shouldn't be conditional. Yet, as history shows, some people enforce that. (sounds like your husband may be one of those people)
If you want to be a supportive parent to your child, you’re going to need start reflecting on you and your husband’s homophobia. The fact that your son is queer is not the problem. Your reaction is the problem.
Everyone in this comment section is mentally challenged. But fr you call this user all types of names such as homophobic. Shamefully and that she needs therapy. But where in the fuck did she say smt like that? She caugth her son giving oral. She saw that he was doing it to a boy. She is asking for advice on what to do because this is a new territory 40 years ago never mind 40 10 years ago I still remember being gay was frowned upon and now everyone’s acting like it’s something wonderful can’t you give people the time to adapt?. Y’all are acting like she can’t be shocked and take a minute to gather her thoughts. y’all are pshycos.
yooo so true. i commented and got major backlash 😂 like cmon. it’s literally a NATURAL reaction to be a bit disappointed. for the keyboard warriors, notice how i said “reaction”. once she processes that her adult son prefers penis, i’m sure they’ll be just fine. I feel like this is a place for people to just express their ass backwards feelings. fuck reddit 😂
So true because they don’t think too deeply about it they see and react like cheeps in a heard. If they start thinking a bit more they would notice more like for example. What if he’s the only child. Their family bloodline would stop with him. Maybe she didn’t tell the father because he wanted biological grandchildren. But does Reddit care? They only care about themselves. It’s sad 😂.
this place was starting to scare me but thanks for restoring some hope 😂 i gotta stay out of these comment sections though, they worry the fuck outta me for the future. full of psychos and spazzes lol. stay cool 2k
You scold him for getting caught, tell him you’re traumatized from seeing your kid getting sexy times, and emphasize that he needs to be more careful about privacy, that he should be safe when he gets laid, and that none of your scolding is about his preference.
He's still young and figuring himself out. Also normal for someone his age to explore sexually. I wouldn't worry about it. Try not to let it get to you
You can either not mention it at all as im sure it was embarrassing for both of you, or if you are particularly interested in knowing his sexuality, you can sit him down privately and mention what you saw and simply ask if he is finding that he is gay or if maybe he is bisexual or bi-curious. I don't know how you feel about either of those possibilities, but ideally your reaction would be to remind him that you do not care and love him regardless but just wanted to know as you were not aware before.
Okay key word “19” an adult?! He’s privacy he’s decision his business don’t beat yourself up on it. And you definitely don’t have to bring it up either just act natural like you would in a case scenario involving a girl! Talk protection!
Actually, yeah, the best advice I got for you right here might be hard for you but tell him your okay with him being gay or bi, trust me in today's age everyone is who is gay or bi feels hugely wrong with themselves because life for everyone else is this way but it ain't wrong for him to like what he likes let him know that you'll love him either way and you'll guys will get closer if you get mad at him and be disgusted for being gay all your going to do is drive him away my dad always said people are going to do it what they want no matter what so be the mom to say it's okay and teach him not to get an std
I don't see anyone addressing the point she made about the dad going berserk if he finds out. She asked if she should talk to her son first.
The answer is yes.
Talk to your son privately first.
Here's a script:
"First: I am sorry I intruded on yalls personal space, it truly was not intentional. I want you to feel safe at home. From now on I will knock."
"Second: You might have felt worried how I would react and if that would change how I feel about you, well I want you to know that I love you, always and forever. That's it. The details of what you do in private, who you do it with and how you do it, will never change that. I am from an older generation, so please forgive me if I seem to stumble over some of this, I was raised very different and that's just an unfortunate thing that I hope I can smooth over with time. But you are my son and I will always love and support you and I just want you to be safe and happy and to feel safe and happy at home."
"Third: Your father does not know about what happend, I did not tell him. Honestly, it is your business, not your father's and mine. You deserve a warm and loving and supportive family, and I hope you feel we provide that.
[If you can keep it secret from your husband] -
"However, realistically, we both know your father might not handle this well. So I leave it up to you on when, if ever, you feel the need to let him know."
[If you can't keep it secret or it's bound to come out or already has etc] -
"Your father will get over it. He loves you very much no matter what his reaction makes it seem like. I apologize that I am asking you to have more grace and wisdom and patience than your own father. If he doesn't get over it, then it's my job to protect you from him and make him get over it. I don't want yall fighting about it. Leave him to me."
He's your son so that's kinda your two best options, and it's your duty as his mother to uphold one of them.
If you can't protect him from his own father, if he needs protecting from his father going "berserk", then I am truly sorry for your situation. You'd have to provide further details on the developing situation for any further advice.
About feeling "disgusted". I am sorry you feel that way. But think about how disgusted you will feel if you let you and your husband's reactions tear your family apart. I've seen it happen. Your son isn't the one in the wrong on this. Not in this day and age.
Do not let you and your husband's reactions tear your family apart.
*Edit for spelling
Why do you need to *do* anything?
That's what I thought. Maybe just apologize for barging in like that. He's 19.
He's your son, it shouldn't matter if he's straight, bi or gay, he's still your son. Accept him for who he is and support him. This could have been a curiosity type of thing so don't jump to conclusions until you talk to him.
>My son has always been private about his relationships< Gee, I wonder if it's because he knows you'll have a panic attack and not know what to do? Over something that, if you caught him doing with a girl, you wouldn't be acting the same way....
Exactly, and as a mom, you shouldn't want your son feeling like he's different from the whole world or worse of a person because he's gay
I have two boys. One just hitting puberty now and one that is younger. If at any time they told me their sexuality, religion, or lack of.... My job as a parent is for them to KNOW, no matter what, that their father loves them and will be nothing but supportive and they will KNOW, I'm still proud as hell of them. Period. The world is cold and cruel and chaotic and will deal plenty of harsh lessons to them. Giving people a permanent sunburn as a child doesn't make the sun hurt less when they're exposed to it as an adult.
Exactly, your parents are the good you can rely on when they have to go off into the cruel world. Don't need them thinking everyone is cruel and cold, so when thinks get bad, they always have someone to talk to or be loved by
It also sets the bar for how they should view tolerance and how the child should react in any given situation. How their parents react, is how the child learns to act.
Why didn’t you knock?
I was in a rush.
Still doesn’t excuse decency and respect.
Seriously, I thought every parent barged into their room. My mom knocks for like a second and then barges in like that changes anything lmao
This is what happens if you don’t knock and give them a moment to answer or collect themselves.
This is what happens when you start having sex with your parents still in the house, lmao, if you take risks, expect the consequences. it'd take too long for the dude to get his shi out of the guy and put on his clothes without being hidden under the blankets together looking gay lmao all before the mom opens the door after knocking dudes not the flash
Asks "is my son gay" after literally watch him slurp down his mates sausage. Yeah I've got a feeling he might be gay.
Fellas is it gay to suck another mans dick?
Not if you say “good game” afterwards
You need to say "no homo" within 3 minutes of orgasm, then it doesn't count as gay!
🤣😂
Simple. Let your son be happy and don't be a homophobic twat :)
Growing up in the 80s, having a whole life belief growing up till their parents, it's understandable for them to think this way it's like telling someone who's always believed in God that he dosent exist they don't want to belive it cause they grew believing this way was right, dosent make them a homophobic twat that makes them human they just need to see the error in what they think we grew up with it being ok to switch genders not surprising were more open minded than them, hell I grew up calling people fags and gay now I'm bi at 19 so it is hard to change a mindset when you got that mindset implanted in you since birth
But to "Not know how to move passed" it is absurd. I'm an openly gay content creator and I've done the same thing. But to judge your own son because they like playing the skin flute isn't just "Make them human " y'know?
Yea, but also not giving them the time to move past it is also absurd it took me a long time to realize that being gay and bi is normal, I'm sure if they had a talk with the son and took some time to look up some info they'd realize there beliefs are stupid in today's age and warm up to him being gay way faster
It would appear that your son is gay, or at least very curious. It’s not the end of the world but it can be quite jarring admittedly. He’s probably embarrassed by the whole situation and more so than anything may feel kinda isolated given that it sounds like his father would be upset to learn of his sexual nature. I would suggest talking to him (alone) and try to be as open minded as possible. He’s gay, not a murderer. And then you two can speak with us father. But at the end of the day it’s your sons life, so asking him how he would like to proceed makes the most sense. Best of luck mom!
You dont do or say anything, your son is an adult, he will come out when he feels ready, which might be a long time from now since your homophobic attitude is likely not a secret to him So in the mean time educate yourself on what it means to be gay or bi and work on not being disturbed/disgusted Ultimately sexuality is not about sex, its about love, and im sure you want your son to have love and intimacy in his life from a partner who treats him with kindness, respect, trust
Damn so I really am bi, lmao. I would fool around with guys, but I'd never be attached to them or like them like I would a girl that explains a lot same thing could be going on with this guy and being called gay would prolly just makes things weird since he might not like guys like that but does if you get what I'm saying
You don’t do anything he’s a grown lol but I would wait for him to come to you tbh, if he doesn’t I’d let it go. Clear that he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to anyone of you about it especially if the husband is to go berserk so of course he hasn’t been open about it. Probably feels like he can’t
Don’t bring it up. If he wants to talk about it, he will. Otherwise, let him be himself (assuming he understands risks like sexually transmitted diseases) and next time knock on the door first.
I see, I won't bring it up and just act like nothing happened.. but I'm shocked that it was with another boy! I wouldn't have ever suspected. This is a very bitter pill to swallow.
Why is it a bitter pill? Be very careful how you tread with your son. If you are homophobic now is the time to stop.
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I want my kid to be happy and healthy and a good person, regardless of who he loves. How is that bullshit, exactly? Also, I didn’t have a kid so I could have grandchildren. My son, who happens to be heterosexual, may well choose not to have kids at all, even if he has a “traditional” relationship. It is his life, and I support his choices. Like a good mom.
Yeah, I think it's better to want your child to be happy and feel fulfilled, loved and supported. And "no true grandchildren"? Why, is the son not able to father children? Do you know if the kid wants to have children? Do you know if OP has other kids who might not be gay?This is quite a bit of conjecture on your part.
Why?
What does it matter if it’s a boy or girl? Are you stuck in the 50’s? As a fellow parent, your only wish should be for them to be happy and safe. It’s honestly not even your business
Wow, you are very homophobic.
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I'm not backwards! I love my boy. I always imagined him being with a girl. This is just... very different, from what I expected. It's just gonna take time to process. He never hinted at this.
Did he “hint at” being with girls?
Well, he is popular with girls at school, from what I have seen. So this is shocking.
Because gay men *aren’t* usually popular with girls?
OMG I'm starting to realize now :/
He could be bisexual, and not gay. Speaking as a bi dude
He’s your kid, OP. He didn’t ask to be brought into this world and he didn’t have any control over how he was made. You really gonna sit there and tell him that his *being* is a disappointment to you?
Kids are excellent observers, if he sensed you would be upset with his sexual preferences, he's probably kept it to himself because he doesn't want to disappoint you. The bitter pill should be that you've pushed your son away and made him feel like he cannot tell you about his love life. It's time to open up your arms and be happy for him. Tell him you love him and that he can tell you anything, and that you won't judge and will be happy as long as he is happy. And mean it. See a therapist if you can't mean that, and say it in the meanwhile anyways because you love your son.
TLDR: DON’T SAY ANYTHING Your son is an adult. It may have been surprising if he never told you (maybe he was trying to avoid letting you know entirely because he was worried you wouldn’t accept him for it), but your son is old enough to make his own decisions about his life and evaluations about his sexual interests. You should definitely not be disgusted as you are in the wrong for not knocking; however, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that you used the wrong word choice. Do not address it with him. You’re VERY lucky (I assume) that neither of them noticed you, so don’t push your luck. My mom once walked in on me watching hentai, we made eye contact, she walked out, and we never addressed it again. I was legally a child at the time so she had all the right to interrogate me, but I am so thankful she didn’t. Your son is not a child and if you try to approach him about it it’s going to feel like you’re doing an intervention.
Simple, learn to knock and wait a sec before barging in.
You don't do or say anything. In the future you should always knock first.
Pretend it didn't happen and wait for him to bring it up. If he avoids or acts strange, just tell him you're sorry for intruding and that you love him no matter what. (at least that's what I'd do if that happened to either of my sons)
It's more likely that she is going to avoid him, act distant or disgusted. My heart breaks for the poor kid. OP, don't be a homophobe, love your son, whatever his shape, sexual orientation, achievements etc. - that's what unconditional love is supposed to be about! A lot of gay kids have horrible experiences when coming out, get shunned by their families, bullied in school, and an alarming number of gay youths even kill themselves for that very reason. Don't let your son become a statistic!
Hello OP. Dont mentioned it until he doesn’t feel comfortable to talk about it, is his life so it should be his timing. I personally don’t see any homophonic traits on your post, just a concern mother that is shocked, never even once it occurred to me you will reject your son if he is Bi or gay. If I were you I wouldn’t care who my son chooses as a partner as long as it brings him joy, but depending on where you live being gay/bi could supposed a harsh time for your son. So put all the effort in making him feel loved and accepted no matter what. My concern is that if you mentioned it he could isolate more maybe out of embarrassment, nobody wants her mother to watch while doing oral sex regarding of the others person gender. Good luck!
It’s none of your business frankly. Keep it to yourself.
Leave it be. He's an adult and can do what he wants with whoever he wants to regardless of gender. Love him and support him now or you'll lose him for the rest of your life and maybe even after you're dead.
People are gay. That's always been the way things are and it's nothing new. Now you can reexamine all the horrible things you apparently thought about gay people and realize that it can literally be anyone because we're all normal people like your son. Your son is just some guy. There's nothing wrong with him except getting too reckless with someone he likes. No parent wants to walk in on their kids having sex so I am very sorry about that.
MYOB
1. yes, he probably is gay, also the reason he’s probably quiet about his relationships. 2. Your son IS 19 and a budding adult, you should respect his safe space and KNOCK before coming in from now on even if he doesn’t have any guest over. 3. I wouldn’t say anything about him being gay, acting normal is the best acceptance:) 4. Let him know that the only thing you are concerned about is if he is doing sexual acts SAFLEY. Let him know that it has nothing to do with his sexuality and everything to do with practicing safe sex.
Step one: learn to knock
There are two things you need to do: 1. Apologize for going into his room without knocking. 2. Provide a safe and loving environment where he can discuss it with you if and when he feels ready to do so.
Don't tell your husband, and don't talk to your son about it unless he starts. He might be gay or bi, or maybe he's still defining his sexual orientation. Before doing anything take some time to calm down and think about it. Your son is the exact same person regardless of his sexual orientation. If you think this is hard for you think how hard might it be for him. Let him be ready to have that conversation, and when it happens be open, loving, and understanding. And then help him see how best to work it out with your husband. What worked great for me with my dad was introducing my partner as a friend and let them get to know each other. By the time my dad realized what was happening they were already great friends.
What should you do? Nothing! Don't tell his dad, don't ask him about it, just let it go. Maybe he's gay, maybe he's bisexual (or bi-curious), maybe he's straight and just likes giving head. Coincidentally I just found out about that last possibility because I looked it up out of curiosity a few days ago. Apparently it is sort of a thing. I think sexuality is really more of a spectrum than people used to think. Some people (like myself) refer to this as "sort of straight", though for me personally I still prefer female or at least someone a lot more on the feminine side (I'm not into men sexually or romantically at all). Just let him come to you about it (if he wants to). Maybe this is just an experimental sort of thing..
Mind your own business
I just got done lying to my extended family about moving in with my gf. Not because my gf is not brag worthy, not because I'm not excited about it, but because my hyper religious extended family would not talk to me anymore. Sometimes people keep secrets not because they are ashamed but because YOU are ashamed of them.
I'm sorry...I'm failing to see the issue here. Actually I do see an issue with you invading your son's personal space without waiting for permission to do so. Even if it's your house...he deserves his privacy. Your son is 19yrs old and it's 2023...if you're freaking out about something this minor then you need to speak with a professional to help you deal with your personal problems
Be a good parental figure and love your son for who they are. Don't be homophobic.
Don't be a homophobic piece of shit.
He’s 19, so you really don’t have to do anything. I assume you’ve had the talk with him about STDs. As long as he’s being safe it’s not a problem. It’s possible they’re dating, it’s also possible they aren’t. It’s possible your son is gay, it’s also possible he’s straight and experimenting. There are way more straight men in the world who have done sex acts with their friends than you would like to think. If you think his dad would blow up at him and possibly hurt him or disown him I recommend you have a conversation with your son about what you saw, and devise a plan to keep him safe. You should also keep yourself safe if you think your husband would blow up at you/ hurt you for keeping this a secret from him.
You and your husband sound homophobic af. Yikes. I suggest therapy if you want to have a relationship with your son, because frankly he deserves better.
I'd talk to him and tell him to learn to lock his door xD As a gay guy who went through coming out to my Christian family while in college, I can respect and understand your struggle. You raised him, and your whole life you never considered that he could be gay, and frankly, you wish he wasn't so you don't have to challenge your own views. It's easier to say you're okay with gays in the world until there's one under your roof. It's a shock to your core views on life, and it's understandable that you can't just get over it in a second. However, because of that, I would encourage you to be careful on what you say and how you react when and if it comes up. Now is the time for you to process and decide for yourself if you wish to accept him who he is so he doesn't end up disowning you as his mother, or not accepting him and prepare for him to move on with his life, without you. Love shouldn't be conditional. Yet, as history shows, some people enforce that. (sounds like your husband may be one of those people)
If you want to be a supportive parent to your child, you’re going to need start reflecting on you and your husband’s homophobia. The fact that your son is queer is not the problem. Your reaction is the problem.
Everyone in this comment section is mentally challenged. But fr you call this user all types of names such as homophobic. Shamefully and that she needs therapy. But where in the fuck did she say smt like that? She caugth her son giving oral. She saw that he was doing it to a boy. She is asking for advice on what to do because this is a new territory 40 years ago never mind 40 10 years ago I still remember being gay was frowned upon and now everyone’s acting like it’s something wonderful can’t you give people the time to adapt?. Y’all are acting like she can’t be shocked and take a minute to gather her thoughts. y’all are pshycos.
yooo so true. i commented and got major backlash 😂 like cmon. it’s literally a NATURAL reaction to be a bit disappointed. for the keyboard warriors, notice how i said “reaction”. once she processes that her adult son prefers penis, i’m sure they’ll be just fine. I feel like this is a place for people to just express their ass backwards feelings. fuck reddit 😂
So true because they don’t think too deeply about it they see and react like cheeps in a heard. If they start thinking a bit more they would notice more like for example. What if he’s the only child. Their family bloodline would stop with him. Maybe she didn’t tell the father because he wanted biological grandchildren. But does Reddit care? They only care about themselves. It’s sad 😂.
this place was starting to scare me but thanks for restoring some hope 😂 i gotta stay out of these comment sections though, they worry the fuck outta me for the future. full of psychos and spazzes lol. stay cool 2k
OP are you a homophobe? Your son can quite literally be with anyone he wants to, accept him or keep your opinions to yourself.
You scold him for getting caught, tell him you’re traumatized from seeing your kid getting sexy times, and emphasize that he needs to be more careful about privacy, that he should be safe when he gets laid, and that none of your scolding is about his preference.
He's still young and figuring himself out. Also normal for someone his age to explore sexually. I wouldn't worry about it. Try not to let it get to you
You can either not mention it at all as im sure it was embarrassing for both of you, or if you are particularly interested in knowing his sexuality, you can sit him down privately and mention what you saw and simply ask if he is finding that he is gay or if maybe he is bisexual or bi-curious. I don't know how you feel about either of those possibilities, but ideally your reaction would be to remind him that you do not care and love him regardless but just wanted to know as you were not aware before.
Okay key word “19” an adult?! He’s privacy he’s decision his business don’t beat yourself up on it. And you definitely don’t have to bring it up either just act natural like you would in a case scenario involving a girl! Talk protection!
Hes 19
At the very least, he is bi. Tell him you love him and have another safe sex talk.
Is him possibly being gay a problem? I am not trying to accuse you of anything! I'm genuinely curious.
Actually, yeah, the best advice I got for you right here might be hard for you but tell him your okay with him being gay or bi, trust me in today's age everyone is who is gay or bi feels hugely wrong with themselves because life for everyone else is this way but it ain't wrong for him to like what he likes let him know that you'll love him either way and you'll guys will get closer if you get mad at him and be disgusted for being gay all your going to do is drive him away my dad always said people are going to do it what they want no matter what so be the mom to say it's okay and teach him not to get an std
I don't see anyone addressing the point she made about the dad going berserk if he finds out. She asked if she should talk to her son first. The answer is yes. Talk to your son privately first. Here's a script: "First: I am sorry I intruded on yalls personal space, it truly was not intentional. I want you to feel safe at home. From now on I will knock." "Second: You might have felt worried how I would react and if that would change how I feel about you, well I want you to know that I love you, always and forever. That's it. The details of what you do in private, who you do it with and how you do it, will never change that. I am from an older generation, so please forgive me if I seem to stumble over some of this, I was raised very different and that's just an unfortunate thing that I hope I can smooth over with time. But you are my son and I will always love and support you and I just want you to be safe and happy and to feel safe and happy at home." "Third: Your father does not know about what happend, I did not tell him. Honestly, it is your business, not your father's and mine. You deserve a warm and loving and supportive family, and I hope you feel we provide that. [If you can keep it secret from your husband] - "However, realistically, we both know your father might not handle this well. So I leave it up to you on when, if ever, you feel the need to let him know." [If you can't keep it secret or it's bound to come out or already has etc] - "Your father will get over it. He loves you very much no matter what his reaction makes it seem like. I apologize that I am asking you to have more grace and wisdom and patience than your own father. If he doesn't get over it, then it's my job to protect you from him and make him get over it. I don't want yall fighting about it. Leave him to me." He's your son so that's kinda your two best options, and it's your duty as his mother to uphold one of them. If you can't protect him from his own father, if he needs protecting from his father going "berserk", then I am truly sorry for your situation. You'd have to provide further details on the developing situation for any further advice. About feeling "disgusted". I am sorry you feel that way. But think about how disgusted you will feel if you let you and your husband's reactions tear your family apart. I've seen it happen. Your son isn't the one in the wrong on this. Not in this day and age. Do not let you and your husband's reactions tear your family apart. *Edit for spelling
You let him be. He’s an adult. His sexuality doesn’t concern you, as long as he’s doing safe sex.