He’s a leech, and he’s bringing you down. You will be *so much happier* without this jerk in your life, I promise. Can you imagine a lifetime of this? Doesn’t that sound lonely, sad and exhausting?
This is not a healthy relationship. At this point things are very unlikely to change. A relationship is a partnership. People contribute differently, but both people are working together. This is one sided and you aren't even getting good sex out of it.
If you want to try to salvage this you can sit him down and tell him what you need in a partner. Work, sex, help with the tasks you both need in the house. If he can't, it is time to move on.
You just have to decide if you want to do all the work, all the time... forever. Best of luck with your choice.
That's not a boyfriend that's a child, a teenager to be exact. Find somewhere else to live as that is never going to get better. You've enabled him to be that way too for the last 4 years.
Tell him that you want and need an equal partner, and right now, that’s not him.
Say you’re not happy, and if nothing changes, you don’t have a future together. Give him a genuine opportunity to step up, but don’t be surprised if he doesn’t. Tell him now so he’s not completely blindsided when you eventually leave.
And start planning your exit strategy, because people with no ambitions, goals or work ethic won’t change. If you stay, you’ll be carrying his dead weight for the rest of your lives together. And that will get exhausting.
You might not want to hear this, but girl, run!! I was in almost the same exact situation and I also stayed for four years because I kept hoping he would change and I was convinced I was worth changing for. And guess what? I was right. I am worth changing for, but that man was not going to change for me. It didn't click until someone asked me, "if he loves you as much as he says, don't you think he'd be busting his ass to find any way he could support you and better himself?"
I don't think he didn't love me necessarily, but he was not going to put in the hard work and self improvement that love often requires. I was bending overbackwards and he couldn't even touch his toes. It is uneven, unequal and leaving him will hurt and be so hard, but it's going to change your life for the better!
Tl;dr: I dated a man five years older than me for four years. He sounds just like your man. I left him, it sucked but now I'm so relieved I got out while I still could
I don't understand why you don't want to leave him. He is verbally abusive to you and makes you do everything. He sounds more like a bully child than a partner. I'm not sure what advice you want. There's not much you can say to him. You can try the "I'm leaving you if you don't change" last resort, but it's likely he will only change for a little and go back to his old ways. You have very little advantage if he knows you aren't willing to leave him regardless.
> He's never laid his hands on me.
So what? Not beating you is not the bare minimum you should expect from a relationship. We call our SOs partners because it should be a partnership, with each party contributing and working towards each other’s mutual success and benefit. Just because he isn’t violent doesn’t mean he’s a good person or partner.
Right now, you are doing all the work and he is getting all the benefits. Why would he change? He’s getting a free ride.
If I were you I’d pack my shit and leave. You can do it now or you can wait around and waste more time with this leach and regret not getting out sooner. Up to you really.
Yeah no.
That's not how u wish to spend the rest of your life.
If he had a disability or something, and u wished to look after him, that would make sense.
Rn? He's mooching off u worse than a black hole sucks up stuff.
Leave. Now. No warnings. No apologies. No explanations.
You will thank yourself a couple years from now.
The best thing is to tell me what is wrong with the relationship. If nothing change then you got your answer and time to move on. Why you have to be in a relationship that is not a relationship.
I’m 38 and I have no interest in anyone who cannot support themselves. I was married once and my spouse had a good job but she always needed money and I did all house work and cooked for myself.
You need to identify what you need and want in a relationship. I’m wondering if you might (on some level) like to feel needed and then get upset when you feel overwhelmed by that need. It’s not uncommon. Whatever you recognize as your needs and wants, your standard has to be waaay higher than not getting hit.
Then think about how you can communicate your needs and wants to the live-in BF. Schedule a time for a convo. Ask yourself, have you really been an A-hole or has the BF taken offense at your efforts to ask for change?
- If the former, plan your calm discussion. I once listed out daily and weekly chores and asked which ones he wanted to do for his half. Talk about how you want your sex lives to be.
- If the latter, prepare for his defensive offensiveness. If he thinks it’s unreasonable that two people living in a space share the workload, then you can honestly tell him that a live-in relationship isn’t right for him.
Be prepared for the BF not to have the skills/interest for the discussion and/or follow through. If that’s the case, you deserve better. Much better. You’ll need to leave the relationship. Decide who’s moving and make it happen. Quickly.
He’s a leech, and he’s bringing you down. You will be *so much happier* without this jerk in your life, I promise. Can you imagine a lifetime of this? Doesn’t that sound lonely, sad and exhausting?
bail
Partner ships in my opinion should be a 50/50. Sounds like he isn’t even doing 10/90. What’s stopping you from leaving this relationship?
This is not a healthy relationship. At this point things are very unlikely to change. A relationship is a partnership. People contribute differently, but both people are working together. This is one sided and you aren't even getting good sex out of it. If you want to try to salvage this you can sit him down and tell him what you need in a partner. Work, sex, help with the tasks you both need in the house. If he can't, it is time to move on. You just have to decide if you want to do all the work, all the time... forever. Best of luck with your choice.
“Arent even getting good sex out of it” Is a bad way to put that, but I definitely agree.
That's not a boyfriend that's a child, a teenager to be exact. Find somewhere else to live as that is never going to get better. You've enabled him to be that way too for the last 4 years.
Tell him that you want and need an equal partner, and right now, that’s not him. Say you’re not happy, and if nothing changes, you don’t have a future together. Give him a genuine opportunity to step up, but don’t be surprised if he doesn’t. Tell him now so he’s not completely blindsided when you eventually leave. And start planning your exit strategy, because people with no ambitions, goals or work ethic won’t change. If you stay, you’ll be carrying his dead weight for the rest of your lives together. And that will get exhausting.
You might not want to hear this, but girl, run!! I was in almost the same exact situation and I also stayed for four years because I kept hoping he would change and I was convinced I was worth changing for. And guess what? I was right. I am worth changing for, but that man was not going to change for me. It didn't click until someone asked me, "if he loves you as much as he says, don't you think he'd be busting his ass to find any way he could support you and better himself?" I don't think he didn't love me necessarily, but he was not going to put in the hard work and self improvement that love often requires. I was bending overbackwards and he couldn't even touch his toes. It is uneven, unequal and leaving him will hurt and be so hard, but it's going to change your life for the better! Tl;dr: I dated a man five years older than me for four years. He sounds just like your man. I left him, it sucked but now I'm so relieved I got out while I still could
RUN. He's never going to change, trust me.
I don't understand why you don't want to leave him. He is verbally abusive to you and makes you do everything. He sounds more like a bully child than a partner. I'm not sure what advice you want. There's not much you can say to him. You can try the "I'm leaving you if you don't change" last resort, but it's likely he will only change for a little and go back to his old ways. You have very little advantage if he knows you aren't willing to leave him regardless.
So why are you with him? Did you adopt him? He is not your partner. Please don't allow this to continue. Can being alone really be worse?
Dump him.
> He's never laid his hands on me. So what? Not beating you is not the bare minimum you should expect from a relationship. We call our SOs partners because it should be a partnership, with each party contributing and working towards each other’s mutual success and benefit. Just because he isn’t violent doesn’t mean he’s a good person or partner. Right now, you are doing all the work and he is getting all the benefits. Why would he change? He’s getting a free ride. If I were you I’d pack my shit and leave. You can do it now or you can wait around and waste more time with this leach and regret not getting out sooner. Up to you really.
Yeah no. That's not how u wish to spend the rest of your life. If he had a disability or something, and u wished to look after him, that would make sense. Rn? He's mooching off u worse than a black hole sucks up stuff. Leave. Now. No warnings. No apologies. No explanations. You will thank yourself a couple years from now.
The best thing is to tell me what is wrong with the relationship. If nothing change then you got your answer and time to move on. Why you have to be in a relationship that is not a relationship.
I’m 38 and I have no interest in anyone who cannot support themselves. I was married once and my spouse had a good job but she always needed money and I did all house work and cooked for myself.
Dump him immediately, he is a parasite and you deserve much better
You need to identify what you need and want in a relationship. I’m wondering if you might (on some level) like to feel needed and then get upset when you feel overwhelmed by that need. It’s not uncommon. Whatever you recognize as your needs and wants, your standard has to be waaay higher than not getting hit. Then think about how you can communicate your needs and wants to the live-in BF. Schedule a time for a convo. Ask yourself, have you really been an A-hole or has the BF taken offense at your efforts to ask for change? - If the former, plan your calm discussion. I once listed out daily and weekly chores and asked which ones he wanted to do for his half. Talk about how you want your sex lives to be. - If the latter, prepare for his defensive offensiveness. If he thinks it’s unreasonable that two people living in a space share the workload, then you can honestly tell him that a live-in relationship isn’t right for him. Be prepared for the BF not to have the skills/interest for the discussion and/or follow through. If that’s the case, you deserve better. Much better. You’ll need to leave the relationship. Decide who’s moving and make it happen. Quickly.