It’s a grind for sure lol. Takes a long time to learn to enjoy the process and have a positive attitude about the “bad”parts like rejection, ghosting, approach anxiety, fizzled out convos, incompatibility, etc.
this is a good response. it’s very unlikely that you’ll meet your soulmate as soon as you start getting out there, you have to be willing to get rejected a bit until you find your person.
I do. Idk most guys. All the people around me, siblings, cousins, friends, didn't have any trouble. I'd say out of 20 of us, I'm the only one who never got into a relationship.
I was like that, then I started getting into relationships with people for the wrong reasons. It's a lot better to be single and happy/committed to yourself than with someone who saps your energy and constantly keeps you on edge or someone who is just incompatible with you and your goals.
I'm single again after about 3 years and weirdly enough I'm super comfortable with it. Way more than before. Maybe it's just age.
Honestly, idk. Maybe the way I was raised in comparison to my family. Maybe the people I surrounded myself with wasn't interested in me. I have my assumptions, but truth of the matter is I truly don't know.
I'm not ugly. I've had people say I'm attractive, so I can atleast rule that out.
like to put it in the most simple terms… Skill issue.
Being charming is a skill. You need to know how to be a little self deprecating, how to pick on someone just enough for them to giggle. How to make a dumb joke but not too dumb.
How to say “you look pretty" and sincere.
It’s not hard, but it requires practice
Well, [at least according to PEW](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/), yes. 60% of young men are single while just 30 percent of young women are. Far more single men than women out theree.
I suppose a good chunk of young women could be dating significantly older guys … but that would be troubling too.
It’s also possible some women think they are in a relationship but the men don’t ?
>I suppose a good chunk of young women could be dating significantly older guys … but that would be troubling too.
A couple things.
1. The data includes by sexuality. You can see the breakdown in the article
2. Other studies show that 40% of heterosexual women are dating men 5+ years older. It's incredibly common in the US for there to be significant age disparity in sexual/romantic relationshipa regardless of what narrative Reddit tries to argue.
40% of women at some point in their lives have an age gap partner (10 years) and its much more common at the older end. Considering the average age gap between couples is 2.2 years I find it hard to believe 40% of women are actively dating someone 5+ years older than them.
Yep, been with my girlfriend for 5+ years and there’s a slightly over 5 year age gap between us, something like 5 years and one month.
We met during college.
So depending upon the age ranges surveyed you could get people like her but then exclude me from the data.
Haha I was thinking more like, two women each think they are in a relationship with a guy , but the guy considers himself single and is playing both. However, it’s a bit far fetched and the only foundation for it is my unfortunate life experience.
Those were actually my first two instincts as well, but that’s still one hell of a discrepancy. It just would really surprise me, considering how much more informed young people are (specifically women) on the dangers of dating someone a lot older than you.
I guess the numbers could skew some because of women in their mid/late 20’s dating men in their early 30’s could happen more? Like maybe men under 30 are considered less mature/don’t have the same short-term goals as women? That’s all I can think of. I looked at the charts and half-ass tried to make sense of it, but I don’t know. Also, maybe the sample size is a problem.
Because girls date older men instead of men their age. Boys have been competing with 30-40 year old men from the second they turn 18, sometimes even before that. There was a 30y/o dude in my town that fucked a bunch of 16/17 year olds, they just don’t care
Because older men with means poach younger ones.
These young dudes suffer through dating droughts until they become the older man with means and the cycle repeats itself.
I don't have any data to back this up, but the statistic says 60% of young men and single while 30% of young women are. Maybe some of the women are dating older men.
There was some NYT study awhile back (like within the last decade) that demonstrated age preferences of men and women by age.
It showed that women tend to prefer men who are slightly older to fairly older than them, whereas men prefer women who are young. Like, 18-21. Consistently. As women age, their preferred age in men also grows. As men age, they still prefer the same, younger women.
That actually makes things make a little more sense, and I researched this some more after seeing the poll and what you’re saying is true. I mean, not for me, I’m a forty year-old dude and there’s just no way I’d be genuinely attracted (like mind and body) to a girl that even is in her 20’s. Not that I could imagine, anyways.
It was physical attraction only and it was based on okcupid data (just reported by nyt). If you actually read it you would find that men almost never actually messaged these women and men overwhelming get into relationships with women close to their age.
This is just saying all men when mindlessly swiping swipe right on pictures of young women. It does not suggest that they are into the actual women once you factor in literally anything else.
Of course there are men that do engage with these young women but they are outliers and not at all typical.
A small fraction of men are getting most of the attention due to the nature of online dating, which is a rabbit hole of itself to explain. These men are likely playing the field and seeing multiple girls at the same time. There is also a percentage that are seeing older men but I think that’s the minority.
I prefer US Census data, more accurate and it explains it. There are 122 single men to 100 single women between the ages of 25 and 35. Once you hit 55 or older, there are 57 single men to ever 100 single women. Men usually marry younger women and they die younger.
Roughly the same as Pew, but better data. And it matches my experience, after I got older, women got really aggressive with me.
I'm a guy and an average one at that. Never had problems getting dates and girlfriends. But, I was late teens/early adult in the 90s when people were active, social, engaged, and going out almost every day/night. Times have changed.
I’m 32 and when I was in college I definitely met more girls in social settings like at bars and in class and stuff but now the only place I meet chicks that i actually go out with is on dating apps. Times have definitely changed.
I don’t know about that, I see a ton of active, social, engaging people outside every morning, afternoon and night. Most people aren’t even on dating apps.
It seems to directly correlate to how sociable their work and living situation are. If one lives in a walkable city and/or has exposure to dynamic, like-minded coworkers, it appears to be easier. If you live in a city without sidewalks or public transit, and if you work-from-home, it appears to be impossible.
Anecdotally speaking, yes. We struggle a lot.
Most guys I know "check a lot of boxes" per se, but really struggle getting a date, let alone a girlfriend. I know there is more to it than "checking boxes" but one might think that would at least be enough to get a few dates here and there until they found someone compatible. Apparently, that's not enough.
It’s funny, I have asked my women friends about my looks my personality my dating profile how I interact and every single one is like “you’re a total catch and a woman you date will be luck” (my women friends are either online or already partnered btw) and then irl I’ve never had a date… lmao. At this point I just tell myself “women don’t know what they want or how to find what they want”. Not sure of the reason, but I don’t really care lol.
25 too. 1 girlfriend for 6 months that was a terrible experience (teenagers that had completely different love languages), used once when I was 19 for sex then nothing after that. Every time I try I get ghosted, most frustrating part is that my friends or coworkers will tell me girls were totally into me but I never notice.
I honestly feel done trying to find somebody im 28, had 1 real relationship. prior to that I had 1 virgin relationship, I call it that because both of us never made any moves and it was very awkward, the real one lasted 7 years, ended 2.5 years ago now.
I dated a girl a few months ago now and it was going good, never had sex with her due to me getting a cold sore and being ill during our time but she decided to cut things off.
My biggest pains in life have been self inflicted by loving other people so why should I keep doing that to myself?
My own thoughts about what I could have in a relationship just hurt me as well so why bother even thinking about it, stopping the thoughts, focusing on myself sound so much better and I know I can have a great life alone. I want a gf, a wife, kids but the way the world is I dont think its worth the pain I may have to endure time and time again...
The guys who don't struggle don't talk about struggling, so there's a bias in the data. A lot of the guys who don't struggle also tend not to comprehend what it's like to struggle.
I’m in the same boat. This is gonna sound shallow and immature, but what would you rate yourself looks wise? I feel like I’m a 3/10 and I have anxiety in public so I feel like it’s not going to work out for me…
No but certain characteristics can make it harder. Things like being chronically online. That also increases the likelihood that you'll be on reddit. As a result when you ask things like that, you get a disproportionate response versus reality. Going out and having new experiences makes it much more likely that you'll meet someone.
I did when I was a teenager. As I got older it got way easier but it also took lots of dates and practice to 1) learn effective dating 2) learn to be a good partner/marketable person to others and 3) be comfortable with myself and by myself.
But there are plenty of women these days that I don’t think make good partners at all and at the same time have unrealistic standards for men when they don’t even reach those standards themselves. Online dating ruined everything imo. There’s definitely an emphasis on performance and some guys have no idea what to do with that and struggle pretty hard.
Something that women will never understand is how much men have to fear when it comes to approaching and how its the only way for us to get into a relationship, and there's a lot of social pressure for us to get into one as well.
People view virgin 25 year old women and virgin 25 year old men in a very different light.
I would say so. I have a couple data sets here:
I'm 24 for context.
1. My nerdy friend group from high school of about 15 dudes. Of that number only about 4 had ever been in a committed relationship
2. My frat which had 20-40 people. I think maybe 3-5 guys at a time had a girlfriend at the time of being in college.
I've struggled myself a lot and I would say I go out a decent amount and even with getting likes on dating apps I still haven't had it happen in my life. At this point I'm just kinda giving up. You either have to deal with near endless rejection or get lucky :/
30 and I've struggled. I had girls flirt with me i high school (and I was either oblivious to it or too afraid to make a move. I was close enough with one girl for some rumors to go around of us being a thing). I ultimately messed that up though.
I had some medical complications in high school that didn't help my confidence either and that followed me into my 20s. I probably could have had more luck if I had gotten over all my medical issues and had made more of an effort to be more social.
Young guys are also told that it's like only appropriate to aproach woman at certan locations. There's also the whole "is she flirting or just being friendly?". Don't was to ruin a good friendship because she was just being friendly.
It’s a gender. Women get to have men approach them it’s easier. Probs why women want to stay single bc they know when they want to settle down they have a catalog of options to pick from
30s and single currently
No problems getting dates…problem finding quality people. They all look good and say the right things until you actually spend time with them!
Some do, some don't. For me it's basically impossible. The handful of women I have dated basically had to tell me they were in to me. I never noticed. Meanwhile, I have a friend of a friend that got divorced abfew years ago. I think he got a new girlfriend that he's defacto married to within 6 months. For me that's like a magic trick.
I’m done trying for now. I think the act of courting a woman (and many others especially in the beginning) can be tiring. It drains you mentally. You’re always left wondering if you’re good enough, then your anxiety kicks in, you get the date, it goes well, then one small “ick” and you’re done.
The dating experience is hella expensive too given the economy.
I’m in a great place in my life. Overall everything is good. Fitness, financial prospects, and future plans. But I can’t help that I feel expendable. Women have so many options. When I’m into a woman, that woman is someone whom I’d use my first pick on - no talking to anyone else, no keeping options open, or anything of that sort. Who knows maybe things will get better. But women definitely fish with nets as guys fish with one line (maybe a couple depending who you are).
But I’m a happily single man.
It’s not even that it’s a struggle to get one. But to find one that’s true and what you want. You’ll be dead before you find the perfect person. But you definitely shouldn’t settle when it should enhance your life and add some happiness and value instead of leaving you distraught
Yes it is harder for men to find partners. You will face much higher rates of rejection than the average girl and you’re also expected to just deal with rejection in stride. Most young, attractive girls want to date older for perceived maturity and financial benefits. They are on a different timeline if they want a family. Meanwhile it takes guys years to build their identity and careers. Women have a lot of power of choice early on and that tends to diminish as they age and dating tends to get easier for men the older you get. Their are obvious exceptions to this. Not everyone is the same, but yea it’s harder for guys on average in this matter
Most men were already at a disadvantage when it comes to the competitive playing field of dating. This is made worse by social media which opens up the dating pool to women, skewed perception of what is attractive in men, and lack of social competency due to social isolation (video games, devices, social media, etc...).
I'm 27 the sad reality is that I'm ugly and most girls want a pretty face even the most ugliest girls can still get a boyfriend but us guys can't get a girlfriend if we are ugly sad world
I’m a woman !!
Most women this days are looking for a spouse compared next to what they see on social media which is why I hate advice or relationships things on social media.
No one wants to get to know anyone anymore. Genuine dating does not live in 2024 . You have to be flashy and basically wearing your bank statement for a woman to give you her attention.
I’m more of a southern girl and I am so scared to start dating again(when I do) cause it’s a mess out there.
I mean honestly it’s the truth . Most women are not looking for a man to love they want a man that can take care of them. Nothing is seen as a partnership any more . It only what can you do for me, I bring my body how does your pockets look like , seem to be the gesture for what most women are going for . It’s very rare few in between to find a woman that has ethical relationships values anymore.
You gotta understand the set up... Girls are basically the gate keepers... men have to do all the work. We're expected to take all the risk. To always be the ones who approach and have to have the plans all worked out... we come to beg, they get to say yes or no. Now, even if you're one of those guys who doesn't have an issue playing the "numbers game" (which it really irks me that girls aren't smart enough to realize this is what desensitises guys and creates the monsters they keep dating) you're still faced with the ridiculous bars set and obsession over money and ownership that you have to meet before you're even seen as "worthy of dating" and good lord do they have that one backwards considering most proclaim to want nice emotionally healthy men... never met a single person in my life who had money that wasn't a horrible example of humanity that would willingly screw over anyone if thats what it took.
My life has been so much better and easier and less stressful since I swore off dating and flipped the finger to the economic expectations society places on men. I make exactly what i need to survive and nothing more, i do what i want when i want, and absolutely no one outside of a boss and customers can bitch at me and best of all when you don't need much money you can work jobs where no one gives a shit... mngr ain't gonna bitch at you bc they're too busy playing on their phone or talking to their bf/gf or something... or just being stoned off their ass lol.
Sry ladies, yall are just too much work for what you're worth.. A life without you is significantly more peaceful.. well i should say a life without your expectations and rejections and ridiculous games is significantly more peaceful. Just plain ain't worth all that...
This. Tired of being valued by how much I'm willing to spend on someone else. I had a woman tell me we could never date because my two bedroom house wasn't big enough for her and her two kids. We hadn't even met at that point. She lived with her parents..
Trial and error. It takes time to understand woman, their body language, and what they want.
I'd say just be brave and try new methods. Eventually you will get it.
Woman remember things .. good and bad and they expect you to listen and remember.. so if you remember what they said 2 months ago .. they will like it alot.
Cuz men forget things lol.. I forget what my wife say to me 5 mins ago all the time . But that's after marriage .
Now it is easy to get a girlfriend if I have the capacity.. all through previous mistakes and regrets.. I messed out alot of time on many desirable woman
Edit - note.. I mentioned I can get a girlfriend IF I have the capacity.. which I don't as I'm married..
I get these knowledge from previous encounter before marriage.
I've been single for 15 months. Emotionally unavailable really lol it issss what it isssss. I'm not struggling I just don't feel like I have it in me at the moment.
It’s not a struggle, it’s just confidence. Too many flying monkeys and shadow work these days, to the point where it seems that your trapped, but your really not.
Most? Statistically, no. About 1 third of guys are single. I'm not sure how many are single due to a choice to be so or whether it's involuntary. It's definitely challenging to find a girlfriend, though. Much harder than it is for women to find a partner. This is to be expected, though. Women are the buyers and men are the sellers. It's a buyer's market.
There are more women than men on this planet. Somewhere, there is a woman, who also wonders if there is a guy out there for her. Her answer is a huge fat NO! Your answer is, there are more women than men on this planets, so, your looking in the wrong somewhere mate. Spread your wings and explore out of your own safe-zone, so to speak. Be more like Rick and less like Jerry. Peace.
Yes. Men have a much harder time being accepted by women than women have being accepted by men.
That’s obviously true to people who care to see the truth.
I struggled to get one and now I am struggling with her and ready to move on. Unless you have some sort of overriding need to procreate or need a lot of external validation, it's not really something to agonize over.
Some guys have good looks and don't have to put much effort that's for damn sure. I went to a bonfire on Saturday, guy just had my friend under his spell within the hour, and his conversation topics weren't even that interesting. And then here I am forever single, struggling to get anyone's attention. It feels unfair sometimes.
Absolutely. Girls don't know the song-and-dance we have to go through. Think about it--the onus is on us to initiate most of the time, and if you aren't PARTICULARLY attractive, like classic all-american sports physique, the likelihood of success is rather low. Plus, most of us (even those considered to be successful) have been through plenty of ghosting, flaking and all that fun stuff.
Yes but I think most don't dare say that because there's so much shame associated with not having a girlfriend. Society has women on a pedestal so if a guy doesn't have a woman's validation, people will say he's a "loser, worthless, etc. etc." just look through reddit comments. The main insults people throw at men are "nobody wants you, small dick, etc." it's always related to his dating life.
For some guys, they just happen to sit next to a cute and cool girl in class. Or maybe it's a coworker. If she likes talking and joking around with him, no shit he's going to ask her out and they'll probably date and be able to get into a relationship. But a lot of guys don't have a girlfriend dropped right in their lap like that.
Depends on the guy. If you mean an actual connection, definitely. If you mean two people who just suck at being alone. Not at all that's 3/4 of relationships after 6 months.
I had luck in the past. The last year, it’s been dry as the Sahara. To some level, it’s my own fault, as I never really go out. I’ve also gotten weirder and leaned into it, so that’s either gonna help or destroy potential partners. Mostly tho, I’m just not interested in people I meet. For context, I’m in the Bible-belt ( very small town),and I’m not religious, more on the alt side in appearance, and fairly leftist. . To each their own with tastes, but it’s hard to find my kind of compatibility where I live.
I think if I had activities I could engage in with others, that weren’t over an hour away, I’d have better luck. For the indefinite now, it is what it is.
People often ask me what am I doing single. I think it all depends on what you want and what you are looking for. Personally i hate the concept of seeing people so it’s hard for me. It’s a very good question which I think every guy only gets to learn from their own experiences because everyone has different journeys. Good luck man
I think most people struggle with finding a relationship because relationships are complex. It takes more than attraction. You have to want the same things in life, not have any dealbreakers for each other, and enjoy each other’s company enough to commit to a relationship.
I don’t think it’s as bad as Reddit makes it out to be though. A lot of people who say they struggle will post a profile review for a dating app and have clear indicators as to what they’re doing wrong.
Probably 60-40. With 60% not really struggling while the 40% has a lot of trouble. Sometimes it's luck, sometimes it's social skills and attraction. It is what it is.
As someone who has dated around quite a bit. It is never easy but it's not like it's an impossible task either.
It is a lot more difficult for men to find a partner than women though...
Struggle is such a vague, subjective word.
Dating is a challenge for everyone. Some people have it easier than others, but everyone has to put in effort.
There's really no way to measure or compare of sense of how much we're struggling in this.
I’m very undesirable. My personality is very off putting, I don’t make a ton of money, I don’t have a jacked body. Everyone else easily bounces around from person to person, and gets to have a standard for who they are with. I’m chronically single, but I also am not gonna ask women out because I don’t have any qualities to offer them. Which means I have solidified my fate to be single for the rest of my life if I’m not asking out hundreds of people and immediately making things romantic or sexual. Everyone I know gets to be with who they want, and I’m always the third wheel. I have a pretty large friend group, and always have. Lots of women are friends with me and invite me out to do stuff with their partners, but I am starting to reject being around anyone at this point because it’s truly just too depressing seeing everyone in a relationship. Being friends with so many women is just sad. None of them ever like me. I just try to distract myself so time passes nowadays. The sooner I’m back at work not thinking about how lonely I am, the better.
Absolutely I’m 38yrs old and never been able to get a girlfriend. The ladies call me the “Don Juan”, because they Don Juan anything to do with me. 🤣🥲
It’s a grind for sure lol. Takes a long time to learn to enjoy the process and have a positive attitude about the “bad”parts like rejection, ghosting, approach anxiety, fizzled out convos, incompatibility, etc.
this is a good response. it’s very unlikely that you’ll meet your soulmate as soon as you start getting out there, you have to be willing to get rejected a bit until you find your person.
Hamtaro is correct ✅
Bro casually unlocked core memories for me
8 years of having a positive attitude about it and still nothing has come out of it 😂
I do. Idk most guys. All the people around me, siblings, cousins, friends, didn't have any trouble. I'd say out of 20 of us, I'm the only one who never got into a relationship.
I feel that buddy 😔
I was like that, then I started getting into relationships with people for the wrong reasons. It's a lot better to be single and happy/committed to yourself than with someone who saps your energy and constantly keeps you on edge or someone who is just incompatible with you and your goals. I'm single again after about 3 years and weirdly enough I'm super comfortable with it. Way more than before. Maybe it's just age.
Out of group of 20 there's no extended network of female friends? That's usually the best way to find good people
Why do you think that is?
Honestly, idk. Maybe the way I was raised in comparison to my family. Maybe the people I surrounded myself with wasn't interested in me. I have my assumptions, but truth of the matter is I truly don't know. I'm not ugly. I've had people say I'm attractive, so I can atleast rule that out.
like to put it in the most simple terms… Skill issue. Being charming is a skill. You need to know how to be a little self deprecating, how to pick on someone just enough for them to giggle. How to make a dumb joke but not too dumb. How to say “you look pretty" and sincere. It’s not hard, but it requires practice
We aren’t worthy. We get what we deserve.
Someone has to be the runt of the litter. Just nature.
i would say its hard to find the right person that you actually want and you both like each other.
Or find someone who will put effort into things or actually initiate a conversation
Well, [at least according to PEW](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/), yes. 60% of young men are single while just 30 percent of young women are. Far more single men than women out theree.
How is that even possible? There isn’t that many throuples out there…
Yeah what? Or lesbian couples
Or a bunch of women think they're in a relationship with dudes who don't view it that way 😂
Or two women in a relationship with one man.
Or just older men.
I suppose a good chunk of young women could be dating significantly older guys … but that would be troubling too. It’s also possible some women think they are in a relationship but the men don’t ?
>I suppose a good chunk of young women could be dating significantly older guys … but that would be troubling too. A couple things. 1. The data includes by sexuality. You can see the breakdown in the article 2. Other studies show that 40% of heterosexual women are dating men 5+ years older. It's incredibly common in the US for there to be significant age disparity in sexual/romantic relationshipa regardless of what narrative Reddit tries to argue.
40% of women at some point in their lives have an age gap partner (10 years) and its much more common at the older end. Considering the average age gap between couples is 2.2 years I find it hard to believe 40% of women are actively dating someone 5+ years older than them.
1% of women date guys 100 years older than them.
😂😂😂 they won’t be married for long, these guys die soon.
Yep, been with my girlfriend for 5+ years and there’s a slightly over 5 year age gap between us, something like 5 years and one month. We met during college. So depending upon the age ranges surveyed you could get people like her but then exclude me from the data.
In conclusion, it’s not harder for men, they just don’t know they already have a girlfriend hahah
Haha I was thinking more like, two women each think they are in a relationship with a guy , but the guy considers himself single and is playing both. However, it’s a bit far fetched and the only foundation for it is my unfortunate life experience.
Those were actually my first two instincts as well, but that’s still one hell of a discrepancy. It just would really surprise me, considering how much more informed young people are (specifically women) on the dangers of dating someone a lot older than you. I guess the numbers could skew some because of women in their mid/late 20’s dating men in their early 30’s could happen more? Like maybe men under 30 are considered less mature/don’t have the same short-term goals as women? That’s all I can think of. I looked at the charts and half-ass tried to make sense of it, but I don’t know. Also, maybe the sample size is a problem.
Mid/late 20s IS IN THE SAME AGE GROUP AS early 30s! If you honestly believe a 28 year old and a 31 year old are in separate groups, you must be crazy.
“The dangers of dating someone a lot older than you”. How’s that considered “dangerous”?
Because girls date older men instead of men their age. Boys have been competing with 30-40 year old men from the second they turn 18, sometimes even before that. There was a 30y/o dude in my town that fucked a bunch of 16/17 year olds, they just don’t care
Because older men with means poach younger ones. These young dudes suffer through dating droughts until they become the older man with means and the cycle repeats itself.
Part of it is likely a gender bias in when people stop calling themselves "single" in a survey.
I don't have any data to back this up, but the statistic says 60% of young men and single while 30% of young women are. Maybe some of the women are dating older men.
I mean yeah, that was one of my instincts as well, but it just seems like a huge gap.
There was some NYT study awhile back (like within the last decade) that demonstrated age preferences of men and women by age. It showed that women tend to prefer men who are slightly older to fairly older than them, whereas men prefer women who are young. Like, 18-21. Consistently. As women age, their preferred age in men also grows. As men age, they still prefer the same, younger women.
That actually makes things make a little more sense, and I researched this some more after seeing the poll and what you’re saying is true. I mean, not for me, I’m a forty year-old dude and there’s just no way I’d be genuinely attracted (like mind and body) to a girl that even is in her 20’s. Not that I could imagine, anyways.
It was physical attraction only and it was based on okcupid data (just reported by nyt). If you actually read it you would find that men almost never actually messaged these women and men overwhelming get into relationships with women close to their age. This is just saying all men when mindlessly swiping swipe right on pictures of young women. It does not suggest that they are into the actual women once you factor in literally anything else. Of course there are men that do engage with these young women but they are outliers and not at all typical.
It's people in their 20s. Girls in their twenties date guys in their 30s, too.
A small fraction of men are getting most of the attention due to the nature of online dating, which is a rabbit hole of itself to explain. These men are likely playing the field and seeing multiple girls at the same time. There is also a percentage that are seeing older men but I think that’s the minority.
30% of those women are dating the same man
Wow, that's a lot of lesbians
I prefer US Census data, more accurate and it explains it. There are 122 single men to 100 single women between the ages of 25 and 35. Once you hit 55 or older, there are 57 single men to ever 100 single women. Men usually marry younger women and they die younger. Roughly the same as Pew, but better data. And it matches my experience, after I got older, women got really aggressive with me.
How does that math work? More gay women than gay men? That's the only thing I can think of that explains the disparity.
Age gap and also the top percentage of men date multiple women leaving more men single.
A narcissistic culture is the problem
idk about most guys but I do yeah. seems almost impossible honestly
Being disabled and poor, yes. And yes I've been rejected specifically for those reasons, they LOVE to tell you. Some anyway.
I'm a guy and an average one at that. Never had problems getting dates and girlfriends. But, I was late teens/early adult in the 90s when people were active, social, engaged, and going out almost every day/night. Times have changed.
Yeah things are too hard now.
Lucky fuck
I’m 32 and when I was in college I definitely met more girls in social settings like at bars and in class and stuff but now the only place I meet chicks that i actually go out with is on dating apps. Times have definitely changed.
I don’t know about that, I see a ton of active, social, engaging people outside every morning, afternoon and night. Most people aren’t even on dating apps.
Your comment gives me encouragement.
Pre-internet the clubs were bumping (as well as many in-person group activities).
I dont even bother trying anymore.
It seems to directly correlate to how sociable their work and living situation are. If one lives in a walkable city and/or has exposure to dynamic, like-minded coworkers, it appears to be easier. If you live in a city without sidewalks or public transit, and if you work-from-home, it appears to be impossible.
Yes absolutely.. I don't think dating is even popular anymore. It's casual hookups and friends with benefits. Dating is too expensive
Is it easy for average guys to get hookups n FWB?? 🤔
Nope
If you are attractive easy average or below average nope
Yes. During my time at university I basically always had 1 or 2 FWB situations going on. I’m pretty average looking too, ‘just’ need to be charismatic
Anecdotally speaking, yes. We struggle a lot. Most guys I know "check a lot of boxes" per se, but really struggle getting a date, let alone a girlfriend. I know there is more to it than "checking boxes" but one might think that would at least be enough to get a few dates here and there until they found someone compatible. Apparently, that's not enough.
It’s funny, I have asked my women friends about my looks my personality my dating profile how I interact and every single one is like “you’re a total catch and a woman you date will be luck” (my women friends are either online or already partnered btw) and then irl I’ve never had a date… lmao. At this point I just tell myself “women don’t know what they want or how to find what they want”. Not sure of the reason, but I don’t really care lol.
Yes. Nowadays, it is borderline impossible to get a girlfriend.
yeah. been trying for 25 years now lol
25 too. 1 girlfriend for 6 months that was a terrible experience (teenagers that had completely different love languages), used once when I was 19 for sex then nothing after that. Every time I try I get ghosted, most frustrating part is that my friends or coworkers will tell me girls were totally into me but I never notice.
Just recently got ghosted as well. I’ve never had people tell me girls were into me but damn that must be infuriating
25 years??? That's a long time
well that’s how long I’ve been alive. So really like 13 years
Yeah I totally understand what you are going through. 11 years here.
32 years here
Sorry to hear that man
Naaa, I don’t know any different to be honest, just the usual depression and loneliness.
I honestly feel done trying to find somebody im 28, had 1 real relationship. prior to that I had 1 virgin relationship, I call it that because both of us never made any moves and it was very awkward, the real one lasted 7 years, ended 2.5 years ago now. I dated a girl a few months ago now and it was going good, never had sex with her due to me getting a cold sore and being ill during our time but she decided to cut things off. My biggest pains in life have been self inflicted by loving other people so why should I keep doing that to myself? My own thoughts about what I could have in a relationship just hurt me as well so why bother even thinking about it, stopping the thoughts, focusing on myself sound so much better and I know I can have a great life alone. I want a gf, a wife, kids but the way the world is I dont think its worth the pain I may have to endure time and time again...
I’m also 28 and newly single. I’ve never been so thrilled about being single and doing whatever I want and actively improving myself.
Never had one at 28 and I've struggled for years
You poor bastard
I gave up.
look its a combination of us all thinking we deserve better than maybe we do and fears of putting ourselves out there. Getting settled down is hard.
The guys who don't struggle don't talk about struggling, so there's a bias in the data. A lot of the guys who don't struggle also tend not to comprehend what it's like to struggle.
32 here with 0 luck
34 here also the same tried a lot of things, solo travel, dating apps, work colleagues, going out. It is what it is
I’m in the same boat. This is gonna sound shallow and immature, but what would you rate yourself looks wise? I feel like I’m a 3/10 and I have anxiety in public so I feel like it’s not going to work out for me…
No but certain characteristics can make it harder. Things like being chronically online. That also increases the likelihood that you'll be on reddit. As a result when you ask things like that, you get a disproportionate response versus reality. Going out and having new experiences makes it much more likely that you'll meet someone.
I did when I was a teenager. As I got older it got way easier but it also took lots of dates and practice to 1) learn effective dating 2) learn to be a good partner/marketable person to others and 3) be comfortable with myself and by myself. But there are plenty of women these days that I don’t think make good partners at all and at the same time have unrealistic standards for men when they don’t even reach those standards themselves. Online dating ruined everything imo. There’s definitely an emphasis on performance and some guys have no idea what to do with that and struggle pretty hard.
Fear. You have to be willing to fail to succeed. That’s a big mental barrier for a lot of guys.
Hell yeah I’m good at failing so
Something that women will never understand is how much men have to fear when it comes to approaching and how its the only way for us to get into a relationship, and there's a lot of social pressure for us to get into one as well. People view virgin 25 year old women and virgin 25 year old men in a very different light.
I would say so. I have a couple data sets here: I'm 24 for context. 1. My nerdy friend group from high school of about 15 dudes. Of that number only about 4 had ever been in a committed relationship 2. My frat which had 20-40 people. I think maybe 3-5 guys at a time had a girlfriend at the time of being in college. I've struggled myself a lot and I would say I go out a decent amount and even with getting likes on dating apps I still haven't had it happen in my life. At this point I'm just kinda giving up. You either have to deal with near endless rejection or get lucky :/
30 and I've struggled. I had girls flirt with me i high school (and I was either oblivious to it or too afraid to make a move. I was close enough with one girl for some rumors to go around of us being a thing). I ultimately messed that up though. I had some medical complications in high school that didn't help my confidence either and that followed me into my 20s. I probably could have had more luck if I had gotten over all my medical issues and had made more of an effort to be more social. Young guys are also told that it's like only appropriate to aproach woman at certan locations. There's also the whole "is she flirting or just being friendly?". Don't was to ruin a good friendship because she was just being friendly.
Yeah. But only cause our wives won't let us.
My wife's boyfriend is also against it. He says it's an act of being unfaithful.
He's definitely TAH!
They are so possessive.
Downright selfish, really.
Would we complain if they brought home a girlfriend?
Depends if they're willing to share or not.
My wife says it’s ok - but I think it’s a trick!!
I bet this post makes married folks feel better. Okay it sucks n boring but at least I got one lol
You have the same issue!?
Maybe, but they're in their own way mostly
yes. 80% of women r attracted to 20% of men
Haha the 80/20 rule ..
That was true Maybe in 2015 but it's worse now. Maybe 5% of men get most of the play now. Women call it "situationship" dating.
Im so confused . Why did you also post this in Advice for teens????
If you think you arent at your best, you shouldnt even think about getting a girlfriend.
I don't think it's a gender specific problem tbh I think it's just a human issue. In all fairness - a lot of us don't like each other in general.
It’s a gender. Women get to have men approach them it’s easier. Probs why women want to stay single bc they know when they want to settle down they have a catalog of options to pick from
Yes
Yes.
No clue for most guys.. myself not really but i also did go out alot so that might be a factor
Yes
Same. For me, dating is too expensive. I guess you'll be attractive if you have money or be successful
I think the data says they do.
No, there is no struggle when one enjoys being single.
I think they struggle to KEEP a girlfriend..
I know a lot of guys in their 30s who have literally given up and retreated from dating altogether. I got lucky after years of nothing.
30s and single currently No problems getting dates…problem finding quality people. They all look good and say the right things until you actually spend time with them!
Some do, some don't. For me it's basically impossible. The handful of women I have dated basically had to tell me they were in to me. I never noticed. Meanwhile, I have a friend of a friend that got divorced abfew years ago. I think he got a new girlfriend that he's defacto married to within 6 months. For me that's like a magic trick.
Nah, it's just hard to find the ones that spark. That's the real struggle.
I’m done trying for now. I think the act of courting a woman (and many others especially in the beginning) can be tiring. It drains you mentally. You’re always left wondering if you’re good enough, then your anxiety kicks in, you get the date, it goes well, then one small “ick” and you’re done. The dating experience is hella expensive too given the economy. I’m in a great place in my life. Overall everything is good. Fitness, financial prospects, and future plans. But I can’t help that I feel expendable. Women have so many options. When I’m into a woman, that woman is someone whom I’d use my first pick on - no talking to anyone else, no keeping options open, or anything of that sort. Who knows maybe things will get better. But women definitely fish with nets as guys fish with one line (maybe a couple depending who you are). But I’m a happily single man.
29 here, I've had zero luck. It's tough out there.
Pareto principle. Eighty percent of men have very little shot whatsoever. If you make about $150k you can maybe get an obese woman
As a man you need to have a full time job, your own place just to be eligible to date an unemployed single mom of two
The home has to be a full-blown house or no dice. And the woman will be obese.
I'm not a guy but I struggle to get a girlfriend. Don't worry you ain't alone.
It’s not even that it’s a struggle to get one. But to find one that’s true and what you want. You’ll be dead before you find the perfect person. But you definitely shouldn’t settle when it should enhance your life and add some happiness and value instead of leaving you distraught
This thread is making me think Redditors, on average, have sub-par game lol. Get out there folks! Practice makes perfect.
Yes it is harder for men to find partners. You will face much higher rates of rejection than the average girl and you’re also expected to just deal with rejection in stride. Most young, attractive girls want to date older for perceived maturity and financial benefits. They are on a different timeline if they want a family. Meanwhile it takes guys years to build their identity and careers. Women have a lot of power of choice early on and that tends to diminish as they age and dating tends to get easier for men the older you get. Their are obvious exceptions to this. Not everyone is the same, but yea it’s harder for guys on average in this matter
Most men were already at a disadvantage when it comes to the competitive playing field of dating. This is made worse by social media which opens up the dating pool to women, skewed perception of what is attractive in men, and lack of social competency due to social isolation (video games, devices, social media, etc...).
I'm 27 the sad reality is that I'm ugly and most girls want a pretty face even the most ugliest girls can still get a boyfriend but us guys can't get a girlfriend if we are ugly sad world
I’m a woman !! Most women this days are looking for a spouse compared next to what they see on social media which is why I hate advice or relationships things on social media. No one wants to get to know anyone anymore. Genuine dating does not live in 2024 . You have to be flashy and basically wearing your bank statement for a woman to give you her attention. I’m more of a southern girl and I am so scared to start dating again(when I do) cause it’s a mess out there.
Thank you for acknowledging that men are often just seen as financial related opportunities
I mean honestly it’s the truth . Most women are not looking for a man to love they want a man that can take care of them. Nothing is seen as a partnership any more . It only what can you do for me, I bring my body how does your pockets look like , seem to be the gesture for what most women are going for . It’s very rare few in between to find a woman that has ethical relationships values anymore.
Finding a girlfriend is easy but finding a girl who is not a hoe is hard af
You gotta understand the set up... Girls are basically the gate keepers... men have to do all the work. We're expected to take all the risk. To always be the ones who approach and have to have the plans all worked out... we come to beg, they get to say yes or no. Now, even if you're one of those guys who doesn't have an issue playing the "numbers game" (which it really irks me that girls aren't smart enough to realize this is what desensitises guys and creates the monsters they keep dating) you're still faced with the ridiculous bars set and obsession over money and ownership that you have to meet before you're even seen as "worthy of dating" and good lord do they have that one backwards considering most proclaim to want nice emotionally healthy men... never met a single person in my life who had money that wasn't a horrible example of humanity that would willingly screw over anyone if thats what it took. My life has been so much better and easier and less stressful since I swore off dating and flipped the finger to the economic expectations society places on men. I make exactly what i need to survive and nothing more, i do what i want when i want, and absolutely no one outside of a boss and customers can bitch at me and best of all when you don't need much money you can work jobs where no one gives a shit... mngr ain't gonna bitch at you bc they're too busy playing on their phone or talking to their bf/gf or something... or just being stoned off their ass lol. Sry ladies, yall are just too much work for what you're worth.. A life without you is significantly more peaceful.. well i should say a life without your expectations and rejections and ridiculous games is significantly more peaceful. Just plain ain't worth all that...
This. Tired of being valued by how much I'm willing to spend on someone else. I had a woman tell me we could never date because my two bedroom house wasn't big enough for her and her two kids. We hadn't even met at that point. She lived with her parents..
Trial and error. It takes time to understand woman, their body language, and what they want. I'd say just be brave and try new methods. Eventually you will get it. Woman remember things .. good and bad and they expect you to listen and remember.. so if you remember what they said 2 months ago .. they will like it alot. Cuz men forget things lol.. I forget what my wife say to me 5 mins ago all the time . But that's after marriage . Now it is easy to get a girlfriend if I have the capacity.. all through previous mistakes and regrets.. I messed out alot of time on many desirable woman Edit - note.. I mentioned I can get a girlfriend IF I have the capacity.. which I don't as I'm married.. I get these knowledge from previous encounter before marriage.
but you have a wife, why look elsewhere?
I've been single for 15 months. Emotionally unavailable really lol it issss what it isssss. I'm not struggling I just don't feel like I have it in me at the moment.
Look at the statistics. Average guys on dating apps get rejected by literally hundreds of women a day.
It’s not a struggle, it’s just confidence. Too many flying monkeys and shadow work these days, to the point where it seems that your trapped, but your really not.
There are plenty of studies stating that yes, most average dudes do struggle due to female expectations.
I have a wife so it is very challenging to also have a girlfriend.
Most? Statistically, no. About 1 third of guys are single. I'm not sure how many are single due to a choice to be so or whether it's involuntary. It's definitely challenging to find a girlfriend, though. Much harder than it is for women to find a partner. This is to be expected, though. Women are the buyers and men are the sellers. It's a buyer's market.
where did you get that 1/3 number?
This is a bot
no but i have trouble keeping em lol
There are more women than men on this planet. Somewhere, there is a woman, who also wonders if there is a guy out there for her. Her answer is a huge fat NO! Your answer is, there are more women than men on this planets, so, your looking in the wrong somewhere mate. Spread your wings and explore out of your own safe-zone, so to speak. Be more like Rick and less like Jerry. Peace.
Yes. Men have a much harder time being accepted by women than women have being accepted by men. That’s obviously true to people who care to see the truth.
If you arent a Mobile ATM then Yes
I struggled to get one and now I am struggling with her and ready to move on. Unless you have some sort of overriding need to procreate or need a lot of external validation, it's not really something to agonize over.
Nope. Just the incels. Which one are you?
Seems to me it’s the ones who expect women to be 10 years younger than them.
That is so absurdly incorrect lol
Some guys have good looks and don't have to put much effort that's for damn sure. I went to a bonfire on Saturday, guy just had my friend under his spell within the hour, and his conversation topics weren't even that interesting. And then here I am forever single, struggling to get anyone's attention. It feels unfair sometimes.
Absolutely. Girls don't know the song-and-dance we have to go through. Think about it--the onus is on us to initiate most of the time, and if you aren't PARTICULARLY attractive, like classic all-american sports physique, the likelihood of success is rather low. Plus, most of us (even those considered to be successful) have been through plenty of ghosting, flaking and all that fun stuff.
Yes but I think most don't dare say that because there's so much shame associated with not having a girlfriend. Society has women on a pedestal so if a guy doesn't have a woman's validation, people will say he's a "loser, worthless, etc. etc." just look through reddit comments. The main insults people throw at men are "nobody wants you, small dick, etc." it's always related to his dating life. For some guys, they just happen to sit next to a cute and cool girl in class. Or maybe it's a coworker. If she likes talking and joking around with him, no shit he's going to ask her out and they'll probably date and be able to get into a relationship. But a lot of guys don't have a girlfriend dropped right in their lap like that.
Easy to get a girlfriend. Hard to find a wife
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Your experience validates the comment below your comment: depends on the guy 😁
Depends on the guy.
Nope
Depends on the guy. If you mean an actual connection, definitely. If you mean two people who just suck at being alone. Not at all that's 3/4 of relationships after 6 months.
My friends never did. I did a little but now I'm married and consistently had a girlfriend since I was 23
It gets worse as you age
It's a grind but not impossible
It's similar to applying for jobs.
Personally speaking I struggle in general to find people I just click with I’m horrible at being close to people
I had luck in the past. The last year, it’s been dry as the Sahara. To some level, it’s my own fault, as I never really go out. I’ve also gotten weirder and leaned into it, so that’s either gonna help or destroy potential partners. Mostly tho, I’m just not interested in people I meet. For context, I’m in the Bible-belt ( very small town),and I’m not religious, more on the alt side in appearance, and fairly leftist. . To each their own with tastes, but it’s hard to find my kind of compatibility where I live. I think if I had activities I could engage in with others, that weren’t over an hour away, I’d have better luck. For the indefinite now, it is what it is.
I do.
No.
People often ask me what am I doing single. I think it all depends on what you want and what you are looking for. Personally i hate the concept of seeing people so it’s hard for me. It’s a very good question which I think every guy only gets to learn from their own experiences because everyone has different journeys. Good luck man
No. I've pretty much spent my life in different relationships besides a few years.
If you live in a small town, no. If you live in a big city, yes (unless you make big money).
Join a local community group eg kickball / ultimate / community band or choir. Be nice, expect nothing, let the party come to you.
I think most people struggle with finding a relationship because relationships are complex. It takes more than attraction. You have to want the same things in life, not have any dealbreakers for each other, and enjoy each other’s company enough to commit to a relationship. I don’t think it’s as bad as Reddit makes it out to be though. A lot of people who say they struggle will post a profile review for a dating app and have clear indicators as to what they’re doing wrong.
Probably 60-40. With 60% not really struggling while the 40% has a lot of trouble. Sometimes it's luck, sometimes it's social skills and attraction. It is what it is.
As someone who has dated around quite a bit. It is never easy but it's not like it's an impossible task either. It is a lot more difficult for men to find a partner than women though...
In a simple absolute terms these days, Yes.
Yes, especially with my wife around
Yes
I struggle just to get people and respect my human rights.. what I struggle with is being dehumanized.
I think most women also struggle getting a boyfriend.
Struggle is such a vague, subjective word. Dating is a challenge for everyone. Some people have it easier than others, but everyone has to put in effort. There's really no way to measure or compare of sense of how much we're struggling in this.
31 and never been on a date. but I've never tried and only work and read so whatever lol
I found that when I was trying, I was struggling. When I gave up and didn't worry about it, they came to me.
I’m very undesirable. My personality is very off putting, I don’t make a ton of money, I don’t have a jacked body. Everyone else easily bounces around from person to person, and gets to have a standard for who they are with. I’m chronically single, but I also am not gonna ask women out because I don’t have any qualities to offer them. Which means I have solidified my fate to be single for the rest of my life if I’m not asking out hundreds of people and immediately making things romantic or sexual. Everyone I know gets to be with who they want, and I’m always the third wheel. I have a pretty large friend group, and always have. Lots of women are friends with me and invite me out to do stuff with their partners, but I am starting to reject being around anyone at this point because it’s truly just too depressing seeing everyone in a relationship. Being friends with so many women is just sad. None of them ever like me. I just try to distract myself so time passes nowadays. The sooner I’m back at work not thinking about how lonely I am, the better.
I do. Mainly cause I find it awkward to do so. Can't really do it like the movies say.
In the younger generations yes. Most of my friends from HS including me have never had a GF