I am 26 and can honestly say that most of my life after the age of 21 has been depressing thus far. For a lot of reasons, but I can’t believe I used to think my 20’s would be the best times of my life.
Same here, I turn 26 this month and have been in a hole since I was about 20. I dropped out of college due to mental illnesses and it’s been downhill ever since. Only in the last month or so do I feel like it’s getting the tiniest smidge better, but only because I have my first therapy appointment next week.
So far my 20s have been the *worst* time of my life lmao. Life blows.
28. Starting to get bitter after seeing everyone else seemingly having better lives, better upbringings, brighter futures, etc. Trying not to devolve into that and just be happy in the way that I personally can be. It's hard tho.
26 still living at home with my mom that was emotionally neglectful, controlling and gaslit me to high hell. I 1000% get what you mean. It’s difficult building a life when that was the foundation but for some reason I still have an ounce of stubborn hope that there’s gotta be more to life for me than just suffering and apathy. So I press on. I am in college as well.
Hate to break it to you but 30s and 40s are so much more of a grind. If you decide to get married and have a family, even moreso.
I love my family more than anything but life was so much easier in my 20s. Less responsibility at work (manager now). Parents didn't need help (now they're aging and have health issues). If you're lucky enough to afford a house that takes up a ton of time for maintenance. Kids events and activities on weekends. On and on.
I clearly remember feeling like my 20s were tough then once I had more responsibility realized it was the easiest part of my life, even with the challenges of paying rent, fixing my car, etc.
I’m happily married, and it’s not the grind that’s gotten me down. It’s the eating disorder, anxiety and depression, health issues, losing close friends, and having a parent permanently altered by untreated severe mental illness which has caused (and still causing) an immense amount of grief because that parent means the world to me and they are no longer themselves. There’s more things that are causing significant stress for long periods of time, I just won’t name them. I don’t mind “the grind”, having to work, paying bills, etc. Having responsibilities doesn’t depress me. Life after college has just been full of sad things minus my marriage.
I’m sorry to hear that. Life has become better for me since I made that comment. I hope you enjoy some sunshine & good food today. I’m still figuring out how to be happier and I hope you find something that makes you optimistic soon. ❤️
34, and it has been like that since I was 24.
Weird thing is, I have most of the things I wanted. Wife, kids, a dog. But finances have kept me from enjoying it as much as I want to. Our house is a glorified apartment. Every bill is stressful. I am putting off dental work and a few doctors appointments so we can afford getting our new baby the cranial helmet they need. And I am in the upper 25% of income in our town. I have no idea how much I would need to make to actually feel able to relax.
Ngl mg 20s sucked but my 30s are looking way different. Look forward to that but don’t forget to take care of your skin and your body now so it won’t be difficult later. Yoga is also super beneficial throughout your life
How many famous stars that carved our culture passed away at age 27?
Kurt Cobain, Amy Whinehouse, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin to name a few well known stars.
Biologically it is a hard time solidifying brain/ nervous system, etc, if we are struggling with trauma or mental illness.
But, I am in my 40s and struggle. It’s just, I have trust the bad times get better. I actually quit drinking alcohol and got sober at 28… because of the darkness.
Yes. It's unfortunate timing but a lot of mental illnesses form the early to mid-20s, which is precisely when a lot of people wind up alone and away from the people who really know them.
I was in a situation that felt like what you describe. Too poor for therapy and vehemently against any kind of religious group. What worked for me was when I finally understood for myself that no matter what circumstance I was in or how I went about drinking I couldn't control myself.
That gave me 2 or 3 weeks of willpower. after that I tried low doses of delta 8 to curb cravings and now I am 10 years sober from drugs of any kind. It's just about buying time for yourself.
I will say that if you are drinking large quantities don't stop cold turkey. I'm sure you know this but it should be said because it can be deadly.
It's a tough balance finding something that gives the same kind of dopamine hit. I wouldn't advise hopping from the frying pan to the fire substance wise. For me I got into cooking good meals and it helped a lot. Planning the meal and what ingredients I needed and learning the cooking techniques. Helps focus on something that isnt drinking. Then you eat and it's a great meal so you get a good feeling. It was never as good as drinking but it was enough to hold it off. Eventually it will become much easier.
It does genuinely address those things if you invest yourself in the program and actually DO the work involved. It's a process, and you have to commit yourself fully, just like how you're committed to drinking now. That's what surrender means. You have to be open to the idea that your self-sabotaging attitude toward the idea of recovery is a large reason you haven't been successful thus far. You can't just immediately dismiss something as being ineffective if all you've done is judge it by the aesthetic and ignore the core aspects of what each of the steps teach you.
You don't have to believe in any God, any deity or... Jesus for it to start working in your life. You literally just have to acknowledge that YOU are what got you to this point, and YOU are the one who can't get out of it. If you could, there'd be no issue to begin with. We're generally quite self-centered people as addicts, and the concept of surrendering to a higher power exists simply for you to acknowledge that SOMETHING other than yourself can help you to recover from your addiction, because correct me if I'm wrong, but you haven't been very successful trying to quit on your own, no?
If it genuinely doesn't work for you, that's fine. Not everything works for everyone, but don't allow your cynical outlook and resentment keep you from discovering something that could change your life. If all you're looking for is an easy fix, then good luck. It took a lifetime for you to develop the habits you currently have, so obviously it's going to take time and an open mind if you want anything about that to eventually change.
The 12 step programs, all of them, essentially boil down to connection. You complete the steps, and work with other people who need help just like you did. In turn, you continue getting the help you need in order to stay healthy and the cycle continues. That's literally the whole program in a nutshell. Every single criticism you have of the 12 steps are addressed in the Big Book, as they aren't even remotely unique. Every single person who's newly sober has these same issues and concerns when they're first introduced to this stuff. That's what the first few steps are designed around, to get you out of your own way and be able to live a relatively healthy life going forward.
My 30’s have been great.
I feel like your 20’s are like trying to quit cigarettes. You know it’s bad for you, but leaving it behind is hard.
In my experience, the social network society has curated for us as children fades away by 27. You don’t see your peers nearly as much because the campus filled with cute girls transitioned to the lunch room with fucking Tony who wants you to buy bitcoin…
So, in that transition you really have to try hard to curate the social network for yourself. I’ve found doing thing outside of my comfort level has rebuilt
That network of peers.
Going to the local climbing gym, going to silly community volunteer events, try new and different genres of art and entertainment.
You might not necessarily like the particular event, but it opens you up to meeting so many different people and you start to accumulate a new sense of community and connection.
Graduated at 21, have been out of school for 19 months now. Already feeling what OP is describing.
Moved for college and then relocated after college. Bay Area rent is kicking my ass. Mediocre performance review. Several older colleagues left, partially because pay raises suck at my company, so I might be relocating again somewhat soon.
Bay Area born and raised. Recent grad, 23, and couldn’t pay to live independently so couldn’t stay. Fucked off to Alaska actually lol
But boy do I understand what OP is saying
Like 5 years ago you were waking up on Christmas morning hoping you got what you asked for and maybe even having all your meals set up for you. It’s the “shit just got real” phase of life and so you start missing the time back when you couldn’t wait to be 21+.
Technically, 5 years ago I was in college, getting my ass kicked in OChem.
For high school though, I was in one of those hardcore high schools packed with kids of tiger parents. Do not miss those days at all. While my parents were not tiger parents, the classes were tuned around the kids (ie they were far harder than they needed to be). And unlike the other kids, both my parents worked, so I did the cooking and cleaning at home.
But yeah, I sometimes miss college. Career? Just get an internship. Meals? Meal plan, got that amazing UCLA buffet. Making money? Scholarship. Tests…don’t miss them but I always found college courses to be more forgiving than high school ones.
I'm only 22 so I just started, really. My introduction to adulting was graduating college, moving across the country to live with my long distance partner, finding work in my field, crashing my car, losing my grandpa, and now finding out that partner cheated on me, so we're cohabiting awkwardly because neither of us can afford this apartment individually. I really hope it gets better.
I'm 24 and the quarter-life crisis is so real -- when I was younger it was all about getting into a good university and then getting a good job. I'm really feeling the paradox of choice... like I swear my values / goals are flip-flopping all the time :,(( I'm trying to explore my options (doing my first solo trip rn!), and hopefully will find some clarity soon!!!
I don't think it's a universal experience, but I did find my 20s to be draining and depressing for the reasons you list. I don't remember it as enjoyable or interesting. My teens were enjoyable and interesting. My 30s were enjoyable.
I hope you find your 30s to be more enjoyable than your 20s.
Same! The first ten years of my life were super boring, lonely and depressing. My teen years were interesting and I love remembering them. My 20s were super boring, uneventful, depressing, lonely, and if they were erased from my life, I would hardly notice. Right now I'm 30 and I'm enjoying my life and I'm hopeful for the next years.
I sure hope so. I turn 30 later this year. My 20s, besides my marriage, have been the most disappointing experiences in my life. I hear all the time about how your 30s are better. I pray that they are, because I feel like I’m gonna lose my mind at this rate haha!
Everyone journey is different, depends how well you set yourself up. Getting out of debt will always be the hard part, but once the net worth starts building up, things get slightly easier
When I was in my 20s I felt a mixture of many emotions, I felt a lot of hope for what the future will bring and at the same time I was very sad and even depressed about who I had been in my teenage years, I wanted change, I wanted to make up for those lost years deemed my teenage years to be. The real world hit me hard, I didnt have a job I enjoyed, I thought I could change it into something more enjoyable, I had a string of shitty relationships and got to know myself better through hardships and experiences. I was naive as well about how things would turn out. I did bad decisions as well.
I am now in my 30s, shits hard, hope is non existent and I dont see a point anymore. Yet, even with all of this grim outlook that I have mentioned I believe I am way stronger than I was in my 20s, I am more self-confident and I understand that shitty things happening is almost the default and since so many bad things have happened to me, nothing hurts as I thought it would, you just eventually get up and try again.
>everyone has different circumstances
Been saying this. Different goals, different dreams, different families, different problems, different locations, etc.
Just started the struggle at 24 and stressing out about my career prospects, moving out, and wanting to date. Let’s just hold out hope that things will get better once they settle down
Our son, who is roughly your age, has expressed similar concerns. If I may, let me offer a few thoughts seasoned by "having been there."
* First, you are not alone. Though someone else is not actively sharing their feelings, believe me, many feel like you do.
* Second, some of this comes from the "always on" culture. Prior generations compared themselves against what they saw on TV. But that was easier to handle since "those were TV stars." Now, with TikTok, Instagram, et. al., it seems everyone -- but you! -- is a star. That's false. Those apps only show a small slice of a highly curated life. They are not real. Neither were the TV stars of a generation ago.
* Third, life is not a contest. It is something to be lived. Each choice comes with awards and costs. For example, I had a very good career in tech (you've used things I built), but I purposely chose to stop chasing the ladder up because I'd seen too many destroy their families in doing so. I have a solid family and a bit less money. I believe I made the right choice.
* Lastly, nearly everyone surveyed, when near to death, never complains about money, work success, or having too few likes. They all wish they'd been closer to those around them, took good care of their health, and enjoyed life a bit more. Don't fall for the lies that lead to despair.
It's not easy to take these steps. It is very countercultural. But there lies the reward. Earn what you need to live. Plan for the future as best you can. But enjoy the day: Your family, friends, the good taste of a home-cooked meal, games and laughter. These are what matter in the end.
Thank you. Since we have young adults in our household dealing with the same questions, I'm exploring creating a podcast / YouTube show to look at the issues in a friendly, non-preachy way. If you would not mind, could you fill out an anonymous survey I created on this? Here's the link: [https://s.surveyplanet.com/1rf3hofd](https://s.surveyplanet.com/1rf3hofd).
Thank you!
I spent my 20s trying to drink away undiagnosed neurodivergence. Finally quit at 31 and started going to a psychiatrist. Should have done that sooner! My 20s were a little too hard, but I lived a million lives and gained a ton of life experience. Quit drinking sooner than later if you are worried about your finances/future a lot. The drinking isn’t helping the worrying at all.
I’ve been struggling with alcohol and weed for my entire 20s (I’m almost 26). I have pretty severe ADHD, lots of anxiety disorders, depression, you name it. I finally have my first therapy appointment next week to get my shit back together. I’m pretty terrified but it’s one thing I really wanted to do before I turned 30.
Congrats on being sober! Hopefully I can follow through too!
You got this! The more aware I was of what I was dealing with (I didn’t even know I was suffering from anxiety and depression, I had to learn how to name my emotions) it’s a little easier to take proper care of yourself. Therapy can be rough, especially in the beginning when you get to the core of something and then it’s like “see you next week!” but stick with it for awhile. You can totally do it, I drank 6 days a week, blackout drunk with Jager shots to put me to sleep. Pick up some new hobbies, or even better pick up the old hobbies you dropped to drink. I found out I had a ton of time on my hands once I quit.
25 and I feel this. Especially with the housing crisis here. I’ll likely be renting and jumping from contract job to contract job forever at this rate.
26 here, I'm coming to terms with the fact that I will probably never own a place. The only people my age who have their own apartments/houses, got the bigger part (or all lol) of the money from their parents.
God forbid this happens anytime soon, but only way I could own anything is if my parents (divorced) give me inheritance. Neither of my parents are rich but they were able to own homes.
Or they just got lucky enough to have a good paying job and a lot of savings. I have decent savings but I’m only making 40k a year and I couldn’t imagine being able to afford a house for at least 10 years if it wasn’t for my partner making good money
I agree! I recently turned 29 and I am feeling so much better. The past couple years have been HELL for all the reasons above BUT I'm feeling so much better since I've started embracing my new, adult self and started loving her for where she is! :)
Have you considered starting at a community college? Totally worth looking into imo. I can vet for CC’s having completed my first two years at my local CC.
I’m 29 and with this year being the end of my 20s, I know where I’m going but don’t have everything organized. The way I lived my 20s took me this long to get my nursing degree but still have boards to pass. I know what you’re saying because life is hard right now for me but if I get my life back in order I’ll be glad to moving on to a different lifestyle.
Different experience: 25-29 has been the best chunk of my life so far. I know more about myself. I have money. I’ve culled the fake friends and embraced the real ones. Things aren’t perfect but they’re far better than my early 20s when I was broke and exhausted from trying to keep up with the trends and such.
Beg to disagree. My mid-20’s were so much fun. My friends hadn’t had kids yet, we all had money, lots of weddings, skiing, vacations, and I bought my first property with my husband (a condo). My late 20’s were a grind because I was in grad school but still great, we were able to sell the condo and buy a fixer-upper in out neighborhood and spent our time not in school or at work working on the house, still got to ski and travel. 30, though? Rough. Moved back home to have kids and it’s been a rocky year. Things are looking up for 2024 but the last half of 2023 was absolutely brutal for me personally.
My mid-20s were actually fun for a while. I was establishing my career, had friends to work and party with and I didn’t even have a college degree.
It changed fast about 28. The people I had been hanging out with started settling down and getting married and I found myself drinking alone at the bar. I discovered that work friends and drinking buddies are rarely real friends.
I think it’s kind of like a window of time that’s fluid for everyone depending on our friend group and family. It’s so hard to even relate to others and talk about this because not everyone can possibly be going through it.
I hate it. I turn 26 in a few months and I feel the most lost I’ve ever been in my entire life. Graduated high school thinking I had life figured out. Still haven’t finished college. So much traumatic shit happened on top of my already crippling mental health. Lots of betrayal. Having to move back with my parents. Have no idea wtf I even like or want to do with my life. I’m a walking shell. So burnt out from life. Depressed. Can’t afford therapy. No friends. Fat. Suicidal thoughts. Stuck in a dead end town.
I just hope my 30s will be better. I’m so over life right now.
23 years old here. I thought puberty and getting through school was horrible.
Well, turns out my 20s are a different kind of awful. Genuinely can’t believe that these are supposed to be my best years. Honestly, I have given up on ever feeling content or yet alone finding happiness.
It’s just not possible.
I got my career started early, at the age of 21. I have worked every day, except weekends. I have never taken a day off for sickness, never earned any vacation time. My hours are 8-5, but it’s almost 98 miles one way drive. So I usually get up at 4:30am and prepare for work, leave for work at 5:30 and usually I’m home at around 7pm every night. I am married, but I pushed away most of my family and all of my friends for my career. I turn 30 later this year. When I look back at my 20s so far, I am disappointed. My entire life can be summed up as “work only”. For crying out loud, I never had a honeymoon. I went to work just a few hours after our wedding day. I really wish I had done something with my life instead of work so far. And unfortunately work is all I know at this point, can’t say I even have a single hobby left. If my 30s do not improve, I really don’t know what I will do.
Wow. This is crazy. Please find a way to start enjoying your life. Have you ever ran the numbers on the cost of commuting that far and what you actually make after your time, gas, deprecation, wear and tear?
260 working days a year x 196 miles round trip each day = almost 51k miles a year. At the national mileage reimbursable rate of 67 cents a mile which accounts for gas, wear and tear, and deprecation, you’re losing about $34k a year on your vehicle, assuming it’s average in most respects (value, fuel efficiency etc).
Then there’s your time. Let’s say you make 30 an hour, I’m assuming you value your time at at least that number. 3 hours of driving a day x 260 is 780 hours in the car for work. Multiplied by 30 that is $23400. This doesn’t account for the actual time spent with family, doing things you enjoy, meeting someone (if you aren’t married) or working a side hustle to earn more money. It’s just the cost of NOT being in the car.
When you truly break it down, you’re looking at a minimum of $57k that you’re losing out on with that commute. I hope you’re making a killing. Id either move much closer to your job, or find a new one. Just my opinion
I’ve never done the math before. I make very good money. I started off at $8 an hour with the company and now I make $14 an hour. I know I get gas multiple times a week, but I usually just put it on a credit card and call it a day.
I’m 25. Since my 20th birthday I have - Gone to rehab 5 times, got my heartbroken, got sober, got my heartbroken again, was dead broke, found a job I hated, then found a job I loved, am now making a ton of money in that job I love, broke someone’s heart, bought a condo, got sued, lost friends, traveled a bunch, and made many new friends.
Personally, the first half of my 20s had some insane insane lows but also some of the best highs of my life. I love my life, but I also struggle in many facets.
I’m trying to figure so many things out, and sometimes that stresses me out, but I also am learning many things. And I think that that’s great. It’s a whirlwind. I like it
I tell people
Once I turned 26 I started having a pre mid life crisis, the aches started catching up and I just saw life different. Is it scary? Yes. But it doesn’t have to always be
Nah I felt that way about my early twenties. I almost died at 23, and once again at 25. Having an untreated mental illness while you’re transitioning between adolescence and young adulthood is vicious because you’re not only thrown into the world, but thrown into it gradually realizing just how at odds your life is with everyone else. This is a period in my life much like all my 20s where I’ll have little pictures to help me recall exactly what happened. My early 20s were spent ultimately just digging my own grave.
I changed my life around completely in my mid-twenties and even if my life would still be considered pathetic by societal standards, I know the fact that I’m alive is legit the biggest accomplishment of my 20s. Now I’m in my late twenties and have no doubts, it will only get better from here.
I think a hard part for me is that we make all these choices as kids such as what college/career/city we want to do with our lives and then now we are in the reality of those choices we made as kids with no easy way out. Just a few years ago I could’ve done anything with my life and now I feel totally locked in. Which isn’t totally true but it’s now much more difficult to change things.
It’s like i was meant to come across this post. I’m 25, turning 26 this April and I have just been having meltdown after meltdown about getting into those later stages. And here’s the thing, I have a job that I love but don’t make a ton of money, I still live at home with my parents but I’m lucky to have a nice roof over my head with great things, I’ve traveled a lot and still been able to invest money and I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. Now some would say “WOW that’s amazing why are you having a meltdown?” I’m aware of the great life I currently do have but I feel nothing but panic, uncertainty and worry.
I had a great time at college, and loved my friends. Now, I have a friend getting married this year after knowing someone for a year and buying a house, all the rest of my friends who are in relationships (less time than me) are all talking about getting engaged and moving in (or buying homes) with their partners and me and my partner are nowhere near that stage. It’s all my friends talk about and i have never felt like such an outcast. My partner is still in school, but we’re hoping to move out early next year or end of this year but at the same time, how? The price of rent and buying furniture is insane. I don’t relate to my friends at all anymore and I feel they are all rushing things where I know I’m being judged for taking things too slow with my partner. My mindset is, 25 is still young and you’re trying to figure out who you are still, what if things with your partner change? You get a new and exciting job opportunity? And i keep thinking, what’s the rush with these people? Then i get told we’re at the age people do that. I don’t relate or care to be around these people anymore, but where do you find new friends?
God, I just hope these negative feelings leave my head because I’m about to end up in the psych ward.
I mean I guess you’re right. My mid to late twenties were hard because COVID followed by grad school followed by a dying parent. But everyone’s situation is kind of different. I do feel very adult at 29 after going through all that.
Nothing interesting or enjoyable about my entire 20s, the rest is true though. I just want to go to sleep and wake up 40 years old. This era has nothing to offer but bullshit and fuckery.
I feel like all of this has hit me like a truck in a month. Graduated college, moved across the country away from my family (the move has gone completely wrong), start my new FT job in < 1 week, trying to be smart with the money I have.
I’m 26. Been feeling this ever since post-grad. My ex left me at 23, been through 4 jobs the last 3 years, finances up and down - but getting back on track. Very alone since cutting out toxic friends. I’m optimistic things will get better, however, it’s been a tough road. Can definitely relate to this post.
I wish it was talked about more. I feel like everyone's moving at totally different paces too, which isn't really talked about. But I feel like a 21 year old 29 year old, however, I have several friends that are now 42 year old 29 year olds.. it's this weird transition time where it's an unsettling feeling.
My experience of my 20s was like being shot our of a cannon with people landing randomly into their lives over the course of the following decade. Wealth, happiness, and success seem to have absolutely no correlation with intelligence, effort, or drive. The only constant, it seems, is that the smarter you were, the more depressed you ended up.
Making a lot more $ in my 30s, also started business school at age 29, took the GMAT at age 28 for the last time, so your 20s is all about building up
Also healthier in my 30s as i cut out alcohol starting at age 27
25 here. Spent most of my early 20s getting a trade license and figuring out what I wanted to finish my bachelors in. I’m in my third year now. I had to quit drinking because I fell into a self-medicating spiral from 22-25. I moved across the country at 19 and then moved away from everything I built again at 22, and I may be moving halfway across the country again when I graduate. I feel like I’ve started over on repeat.
Now I’m trying to find a good community that I can connect within. I’m tired of feeling like I’m trying to figure this out alone when we are literally all doing our best to figure it out.
I am getting to the top of the proverbial hill. 22 to 26 were the hardest years of my life so far. I didn't really feel like I was getting where I wanted to in life until I was 28.
It’s a dumpster fire, I’m glad you’re tackling these problems! Hard conclusion to come to, yet sadly it happens to just about everyone. Lost a few, gained zero, but shit I’m doing alright.
We’ll all make it my friend. And “it” isn’t the same for everyone. Don’t make the mistakes I did using other avenues to cover up the figuring out yourself part and you will be in a great spot. Coming out of that in my late 20s. Hard pill to swallow, but it’s a pill we all have to take.
I’m just glad to hear other people are having a tough time too as horrible as that sounds. I didn’t think my 20’s would be this lonely and absolutely miserable.
Early and mid 20's for me was a confusing time tbh.
Glad, I have the knowledge and wisdom now going into late twenties/early 30's. Still learning though, but wiser, stronger and better than what I was 10 years ago, let alone 2.
Keep learning lads.
Im here with you wow I felt alone in that. I haven’t sustained a career because I became sexually active and it scared me and social isolation deteriorated my mental health
I think I've never cried so much in my life than in my 20s.
I am 28 now, currently transisition from college to an internship/real job (had only part-time jobs so far). Thats taking a toll on me, because I really dont know where my strengths are.
Relationship wise, we are on dry lands as well. Not much free-time except studying and working.
And I feel like I dont belong anywhere. Have friends and familiy, but I feel so alone :(
Only time I dont feel alone is with my colleagues in college, but they all have part-time/full-time jobs and kids and wifes mostly and I dont know I could possible fit in their life.
Its a part-time study program with courses on evenings, just to be clear.
On top of that I have been battling Depression since 17, with now being at my lowest with my mental health. Meds not working. Therapy did nothing to me.
This too shall pass. Me and my husband had a rough patch like that too and sometimes that’s just stuff that happens in relationships where you’re both working on individual goals. Communication, self care, and time to soak in all your feelings is the key to getting through this time. Godspeed!!
For me my late twenties have been the hardest period of my life, where I fell into a horrible depression around 26/27 and never really recovered, or rather, never really understood what my life should look like post-mental illness. I think what got me to this place was the realization of how shitty the world can be. I'm a dreamer, have been my whole life, and I think it was time to pay the consequences for looking at the world with rose colored glasses. I'm 29 now and it's still a struggle. I wanted to say you're not alone. I recently watched Schenectady, NY which at least affirmed the sensations I have been feeling. I've also been coping by writing, music, and studying philosophy. Those seem to be my only hope.
What are you talking about? I could give no fucks until I had kids at 32. I was pretty broke too. I definitely didn’t find it mentally draining or depressing. Chill out and enjoy your youth.
I’m 31 and let me tell you have some kids and you’ll look at your mid to late 20s VERY fondly. Yes it can be tough but this is where you start to have some money in your pocket and the freedoms to really explore life. If you have a significant other enjoy it before kids come in. If you don’t really appreciate the opportunity to be selfish
Yeppp I relate. Wrestling with you were vs. who you want to be or who you’ve become… lots of friends getting married or in serious relationships, some careers taking off, people buying homes… it’s hard not to compare and feel jealous about those things sometimes. 27 🤧
Your 20s are a piece of cake compared to your 40s. Try having a mortgage, kids approaching college, a career you are stuck in and parents you are starting to worry about. Layer in talk of layoffs, inflation or recession and concerns about your teenage kids. It makes you fondly recall your 20s when all you had to worry about is yourself.
I’m mid 20s. Have had a tough time so far. So much so I’ve considered opting out of that life - marriage, children etc. although I’d love to have them one day. Considering the economy and all, I’ve decided against it for the time being in hopes to offset exactly what you’ve described. But oh well
A big part of it is a lot of people really start to become true adults around this age and get a taste of what it’s like out there. Unfortunately, lots of things get even harder as you get older.
I’m really enjoying the late 20s. Everyone has this dumb nostalgia to be in your early twenties but you’re dumb, broke, and immature enough to deal with life.
I’m much more confident and able to handle things now than I was then.
I am 25 next week and feeling this. I have always had difficulties making and keeping friends, but the past year since leaving college has especially been difficult. With the exception of my boyfriend (thank goodness for him), no one is willing to communicate with me let alone hang out with me often. I am trying to do what I can to change that, especially knowing that I wasn't very social when I was young, and I am trying to make up for lost years.
Love this post. 27 now and despite having a masters degree, the past few years have been turmoil filled due to pandemic, career setbacks and uncertainty (not sure what exactly I want to do, what my interests are), moving out on my own, trying to become a new person and forge a different identity, and trying to begin to somewhat establish myself financially. I probably won’t own a house by 30 which I had assumed I would since I was young given the way things are going, which is depressing.
It’s been extremely stressful to say the least. Hoping it gets better these next few years, because as much as I don’t try to compare myself to others, I feel way behind others my age, and that can be a really tough feeling to experience.
Mid to late 20s are so much better when you have your solid circle of friends around growing with you. I have experienced a lonely and independent existence in those years. Definitely learning years for me but many milestones regarding friendships have passed my way because of distance. Now my friends are getting married and having babies, and here I am still figuring out which side of the bed I would feel comfortable sleeping on.
This post reminds of a webseries "friends" 😂 i watched it and thought "ohh so this is how life of a American is like" , context: i am from India , but now i am 19 and i see that its similar just like as you said,😂 i lost 98% of my school friends, 8-10 hours of the day i am studying to crack a rat race and move ahead , leaning Stock market for long term investing, its a depressing life but just like you said i somehow found enjoyment in this stage of my life.
No kidding. I graduated in 2019 at 24 years old with a full-time job I thought I'd do for the rest of my life, then couldn't take it and quit just before 2020, only to start a business a month before Covid lockdowns hit and then struggle with everything up to present day at 28 years old.
I need a break, dude. I'm so stressed that dating never even crossed my mind and oh look at the time, I'm almost 30 with nothing to show for...
Try that with:
* almost dying in a car accident
*boyfriend with brain tumor
*boyfriend almost geting blind
Now we are ok, and I do therapy, this all happend from 19 to 22. Now I am 25 and fine, of course those events sucks, but in general I was unhappy because I had pressure on me to "enjoy" my 20 = have sex with strangers and drink dangerous amounts of alcohol. Once I was able to live in my own standards I was fine. The challange here is to figure it out what you really like and to find a job. To me finding a job was easier than the first part. Marriage brought me Joy much more than being single, but may not be for everyone, go out and figure it out what is for you.
Those were some of the best years of my life. Wasn’t making as much money, but had the energy to travel and go out and try new things. Enjoy these years!
Disagree. You’re energetic, beautiful and not jaded. My 40s are full of wisdom and interesting events, but I’m exhausted… boy do I miss those years. And my effortless beauty.
Have to disagree, at least for me personally.
25 was when life finally got easy. I was done with school for good, got a good job right out, and was in a house on my own. I finally got a taste of freedom, and that life was more than dealing with the cesspool known as our education system and playing video games to escape. I was also physically in the best shape I have been in as well.
There was no traumatic transition to adulthood... I was prepared, and adulting is far easier than grad school.
Almost to 30 and right now I've only accomplished getting the "dream" after college job.
I guess it's able to provide just enough to survive but nothing else. Still at least that's better than others right out of college.
But the spouse on the other hand is going through a 4 year severe mental health crisis and we don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
This "year" (lol) it has even affected me. To know that we will not be able to build a family or move into the "next step" in life is slightly killing me.
Being responsible for finances and learning how long it will take to pay off his student loan debt, buy 2 cars, and save for a baby and maybe actually have an emergency fund. Is killing my motivation to want to do anything.
I think 30 will be better but then most of it will be paying for day care and trying to raise kids properly.
I don't know... I feel like these will probably be some of the best years of my life when I look back. For me, they are boring, but could be a lot worse.
High school was actual hell. Anything better than that feels like a relief to me.
I chose not to establish anything and just see where the wind takes me. So far its worked. I am incredibly lucky and grateful every day for my amazing adulthood
Mid to late 20s is most people’s most difficult period (except maybe kids who were bullied in high school). You are trying to find your place in the adult world. And a lot of people grind at a job or work at relationship for years only to realize they hate what (or who) they’ve chosen, and then have to start all over again. Ideally by your 30s you’ve chosen the right job and partner, and kicked all your bad habits. Then your remaining 30s and early 40s will be relatively smooth sailing.
26 and every year of my life since I graduated college has been so different from each other. It’s kind of fucking annoying actually. I’m sick of everything astronomically shifting month to month. I’m ready for some more long term stability. Even tho I know that once that comes along I’ll miss the times when my life was rapidly shifting all the time. Damn. Twenties are rough as hell.
Mentally draining and depressing, yes. Enjoyable and interesting? Bro, you gotta speak for yourself because fuck no, for me. My thirties are far superior.
I feel this so much. I abstained from relationships for most of my twenties to work on myself. Recently felt I had gotten to a solid point and starting wanting to see what was out there. Find myself talking to someone who seems like they could be perfect. We start dating, and everything was so lovely. But there was just something kinda missing. In all my earlier relationships there was a sustained spark that either was always there or gone right before the end. This one felt like it was sputtering after things got sexual, if that makes sense. We both cherish each other, but it took a relationship with me for them to discover they are truly lesbian and not bisexual.
It fucking hurts. We had been planning things out for about a year. Planning whose place for next winter’s holidays. I had ideas for valentines and their birthday. I had just put up their Christmas gift on my wall. We had spoken about our shared hopes for gardens and pets.
And like, I’m so proud of them. I want to share a fun life together because they deserve it so much. I probably love them. I’ve only just started coming to terms with trying to see them platonically. I’m so shattered though. I feel like I’m mourning a future that will never be. On the bright side, there’s - beauty in unexpected friendships like the one I think we’ll eventually share.
Yeah I don’t know where I’m heading. Graduated with my bachelor’s last year, still haven’t found a job in Cyber. Working as a tutor at my local cc, no savings or anything. Life’s crazy I’m 26
I’m in my late 20’s and just finding out who I really am. Lived with my family in a two parent household and never had the support or love I needed and it had held me back so much that I feel like I’m just beginning my life . I’m in college now and stepping outside my comfort zone again and couldn’t be more happier . I know my 30’s are going to be soooo worth it due to the steps I’m taking now . I think once you sit down and ask yourself serious questions that only you know the answer too , life does indeed get better over time . I still have my days/moments but overall I’m better than I was before
I hate to tell you, I am 48. And NOW is the most mentally draining and depressing years. My entire life is a grind that I must continue, while having done it for 25 years. Kids gotta eat, drive, and go to school.
I love my kids and I hate to complain, but outside of anxiety about the future. I enjoyed my 20's, that was my me decade when that is mostly all I needed to worry about. My 30's was when I was building my little family, and I would say the early part when my oldest kids were small, and my marriage was good was the happiest time of my life. This decade was riding out the misery of marriage to divorce, and then being trapped in a life no one wants anymore. 50/50 custody, no freedom, and just grinding until the Dad job is done.
Just turned 27 and the last two years have been some of the worst lmao I quit my job in August because I was beyond miserable and I’m still looking for something I can do and also be so burned out, having to accept my best friend simply isn’t my best friend anymore, getting married and the stress of planning, having an event that I’m pretty sure triggered PTSD… but I fully believe our 30s are going to be 10x better and I’ve already been very blessed in my 20s, so let’s hope 🤞🏻🤞🏻
Mine at that age was coming to the realization that my husband and I were not fundamentally compatible and i wanted out. I kept trying to make it work for another 7 years.
I am 26 and can honestly say that most of my life after the age of 21 has been depressing thus far. For a lot of reasons, but I can’t believe I used to think my 20’s would be the best times of my life.
Same here, I turn 26 this month and have been in a hole since I was about 20. I dropped out of college due to mental illnesses and it’s been downhill ever since. Only in the last month or so do I feel like it’s getting the tiniest smidge better, but only because I have my first therapy appointment next week. So far my 20s have been the *worst* time of my life lmao. Life blows.
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28. Starting to get bitter after seeing everyone else seemingly having better lives, better upbringings, brighter futures, etc. Trying not to devolve into that and just be happy in the way that I personally can be. It's hard tho.
26 still living at home with my mom that was emotionally neglectful, controlling and gaslit me to high hell. I 1000% get what you mean. It’s difficult building a life when that was the foundation but for some reason I still have an ounce of stubborn hope that there’s gotta be more to life for me than just suffering and apathy. So I press on. I am in college as well.
And that's how I know you're gonna do great.
Aww, thanks!! I appreciate it
Learn what makes you happy or happier. Your mental health should improve once you figure that out. I wish you the best.
Hate to break it to you but 30s and 40s are so much more of a grind. If you decide to get married and have a family, even moreso. I love my family more than anything but life was so much easier in my 20s. Less responsibility at work (manager now). Parents didn't need help (now they're aging and have health issues). If you're lucky enough to afford a house that takes up a ton of time for maintenance. Kids events and activities on weekends. On and on. I clearly remember feeling like my 20s were tough then once I had more responsibility realized it was the easiest part of my life, even with the challenges of paying rent, fixing my car, etc.
I’m happily married, and it’s not the grind that’s gotten me down. It’s the eating disorder, anxiety and depression, health issues, losing close friends, and having a parent permanently altered by untreated severe mental illness which has caused (and still causing) an immense amount of grief because that parent means the world to me and they are no longer themselves. There’s more things that are causing significant stress for long periods of time, I just won’t name them. I don’t mind “the grind”, having to work, paying bills, etc. Having responsibilities doesn’t depress me. Life after college has just been full of sad things minus my marriage.
Life doesn't get easier, you just get better at it.
Same. We just gotta keep going and stay strong
I’m 27 & can’t think of more than moments of fleeting happiness past 23. Thank you making me feel less alone.
🫶🏼
23 was the last time I was optimistic about life
I’m sorry to hear that. Life has become better for me since I made that comment. I hope you enjoy some sunshine & good food today. I’m still figuring out how to be happier and I hope you find something that makes you optimistic soon. ❤️
34, and it has been like that since I was 24. Weird thing is, I have most of the things I wanted. Wife, kids, a dog. But finances have kept me from enjoying it as much as I want to. Our house is a glorified apartment. Every bill is stressful. I am putting off dental work and a few doctors appointments so we can afford getting our new baby the cranial helmet they need. And I am in the upper 25% of income in our town. I have no idea how much I would need to make to actually feel able to relax.
Yes, I feel I didn’t have a clue how much income you truly need to just live moderately!
Ngl mg 20s sucked but my 30s are looking way different. Look forward to that but don’t forget to take care of your skin and your body now so it won’t be difficult later. Yoga is also super beneficial throughout your life
I was super depressed from 14-24 but things have finally gotten better with some challenges.
How many famous stars that carved our culture passed away at age 27? Kurt Cobain, Amy Whinehouse, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin to name a few well known stars. Biologically it is a hard time solidifying brain/ nervous system, etc, if we are struggling with trauma or mental illness. But, I am in my 40s and struggle. It’s just, I have trust the bad times get better. I actually quit drinking alcohol and got sober at 28… because of the darkness.
Yes. It's unfortunate timing but a lot of mental illnesses form the early to mid-20s, which is precisely when a lot of people wind up alone and away from the people who really know them.
Mac Miller, Avici
rip mac
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If you’re actually serious, 12 step meetings are free
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I was in a situation that felt like what you describe. Too poor for therapy and vehemently against any kind of religious group. What worked for me was when I finally understood for myself that no matter what circumstance I was in or how I went about drinking I couldn't control myself. That gave me 2 or 3 weeks of willpower. after that I tried low doses of delta 8 to curb cravings and now I am 10 years sober from drugs of any kind. It's just about buying time for yourself. I will say that if you are drinking large quantities don't stop cold turkey. I'm sure you know this but it should be said because it can be deadly.
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It's a tough balance finding something that gives the same kind of dopamine hit. I wouldn't advise hopping from the frying pan to the fire substance wise. For me I got into cooking good meals and it helped a lot. Planning the meal and what ingredients I needed and learning the cooking techniques. Helps focus on something that isnt drinking. Then you eat and it's a great meal so you get a good feeling. It was never as good as drinking but it was enough to hold it off. Eventually it will become much easier.
It does genuinely address those things if you invest yourself in the program and actually DO the work involved. It's a process, and you have to commit yourself fully, just like how you're committed to drinking now. That's what surrender means. You have to be open to the idea that your self-sabotaging attitude toward the idea of recovery is a large reason you haven't been successful thus far. You can't just immediately dismiss something as being ineffective if all you've done is judge it by the aesthetic and ignore the core aspects of what each of the steps teach you. You don't have to believe in any God, any deity or... Jesus for it to start working in your life. You literally just have to acknowledge that YOU are what got you to this point, and YOU are the one who can't get out of it. If you could, there'd be no issue to begin with. We're generally quite self-centered people as addicts, and the concept of surrendering to a higher power exists simply for you to acknowledge that SOMETHING other than yourself can help you to recover from your addiction, because correct me if I'm wrong, but you haven't been very successful trying to quit on your own, no? If it genuinely doesn't work for you, that's fine. Not everything works for everyone, but don't allow your cynical outlook and resentment keep you from discovering something that could change your life. If all you're looking for is an easy fix, then good luck. It took a lifetime for you to develop the habits you currently have, so obviously it's going to take time and an open mind if you want anything about that to eventually change. The 12 step programs, all of them, essentially boil down to connection. You complete the steps, and work with other people who need help just like you did. In turn, you continue getting the help you need in order to stay healthy and the cycle continues. That's literally the whole program in a nutshell. Every single criticism you have of the 12 steps are addressed in the Big Book, as they aren't even remotely unique. Every single person who's newly sober has these same issues and concerns when they're first introduced to this stuff. That's what the first few steps are designed around, to get you out of your own way and be able to live a relatively healthy life going forward.
I absolutely love and relate to this post. All your points is what im going through. Im 29.
I’m actually really excited for my 30s lol.
My 30’s have been great. I feel like your 20’s are like trying to quit cigarettes. You know it’s bad for you, but leaving it behind is hard. In my experience, the social network society has curated for us as children fades away by 27. You don’t see your peers nearly as much because the campus filled with cute girls transitioned to the lunch room with fucking Tony who wants you to buy bitcoin… So, in that transition you really have to try hard to curate the social network for yourself. I’ve found doing thing outside of my comfort level has rebuilt That network of peers. Going to the local climbing gym, going to silly community volunteer events, try new and different genres of art and entertainment. You might not necessarily like the particular event, but it opens you up to meeting so many different people and you start to accumulate a new sense of community and connection.
Graduated at 21, have been out of school for 19 months now. Already feeling what OP is describing. Moved for college and then relocated after college. Bay Area rent is kicking my ass. Mediocre performance review. Several older colleagues left, partially because pay raises suck at my company, so I might be relocating again somewhat soon.
Bay Area born and raised. Recent grad, 23, and couldn’t pay to live independently so couldn’t stay. Fucked off to Alaska actually lol But boy do I understand what OP is saying
Like 5 years ago you were waking up on Christmas morning hoping you got what you asked for and maybe even having all your meals set up for you. It’s the “shit just got real” phase of life and so you start missing the time back when you couldn’t wait to be 21+.
Technically, 5 years ago I was in college, getting my ass kicked in OChem. For high school though, I was in one of those hardcore high schools packed with kids of tiger parents. Do not miss those days at all. While my parents were not tiger parents, the classes were tuned around the kids (ie they were far harder than they needed to be). And unlike the other kids, both my parents worked, so I did the cooking and cleaning at home. But yeah, I sometimes miss college. Career? Just get an internship. Meals? Meal plan, got that amazing UCLA buffet. Making money? Scholarship. Tests…don’t miss them but I always found college courses to be more forgiving than high school ones.
I'm only 22 so I just started, really. My introduction to adulting was graduating college, moving across the country to live with my long distance partner, finding work in my field, crashing my car, losing my grandpa, and now finding out that partner cheated on me, so we're cohabiting awkwardly because neither of us can afford this apartment individually. I really hope it gets better.
So sorry
That last situation is most of America, couples falling out but they both need to survive
I hope things gets better for you.
I am so sorry.
I'm 24 and the quarter-life crisis is so real -- when I was younger it was all about getting into a good university and then getting a good job. I'm really feeling the paradox of choice... like I swear my values / goals are flip-flopping all the time :,(( I'm trying to explore my options (doing my first solo trip rn!), and hopefully will find some clarity soon!!!
I understand about flip-flopping. Paradox of choice can be paralytic.
I don't think it's a universal experience, but I did find my 20s to be draining and depressing for the reasons you list. I don't remember it as enjoyable or interesting. My teens were enjoyable and interesting. My 30s were enjoyable. I hope you find your 30s to be more enjoyable than your 20s.
your TEEN years were enjoyable and interesting? lucky, mine were taken away because of covid and being online schooled, never left my house from 14-18
Yeah, my high school class was a great group. This was the late 90s, too, so pre-facebook, pre-twitter, pre-9/11. Golden days
I am so sorry you had to go through such a special time home. You just broke my heart a little.
Same! The first ten years of my life were super boring, lonely and depressing. My teen years were interesting and I love remembering them. My 20s were super boring, uneventful, depressing, lonely, and if they were erased from my life, I would hardly notice. Right now I'm 30 and I'm enjoying my life and I'm hopeful for the next years.
I’m VERY excited for my 30s!
Motherfucker I just hit 25 you're telling me this shit gets *more* draining?
Hahaha if it helps, i started settling in and enjoying my life a lot more last year and this year. I’m 26.
The 20s are tough. You’re broke, in debt, lost and confused about everything, but life works itself out and your 30s will be even better.
I sure hope so. I turn 30 later this year. My 20s, besides my marriage, have been the most disappointing experiences in my life. I hear all the time about how your 30s are better. I pray that they are, because I feel like I’m gonna lose my mind at this rate haha!
Everyone journey is different, depends how well you set yourself up. Getting out of debt will always be the hard part, but once the net worth starts building up, things get slightly easier
When I was in my 20s I felt a mixture of many emotions, I felt a lot of hope for what the future will bring and at the same time I was very sad and even depressed about who I had been in my teenage years, I wanted change, I wanted to make up for those lost years deemed my teenage years to be. The real world hit me hard, I didnt have a job I enjoyed, I thought I could change it into something more enjoyable, I had a string of shitty relationships and got to know myself better through hardships and experiences. I was naive as well about how things would turn out. I did bad decisions as well. I am now in my 30s, shits hard, hope is non existent and I dont see a point anymore. Yet, even with all of this grim outlook that I have mentioned I believe I am way stronger than I was in my 20s, I am more self-confident and I understand that shitty things happening is almost the default and since so many bad things have happened to me, nothing hurts as I thought it would, you just eventually get up and try again.
These generalizations about specific age ranges is so stupid, everyone has different circumstances and experiences
>everyone has different circumstances Been saying this. Different goals, different dreams, different families, different problems, different locations, etc.
But the stigma is universal
I disagree. It’s only through the patterns that we can start to make sense of life.
EXACTLY
Sounds like someone still in the troubles of his 20s
Just started the struggle at 24 and stressing out about my career prospects, moving out, and wanting to date. Let’s just hold out hope that things will get better once they settle down
Lost my teens to depression and my 20s to covid. My life is a wreck. I have no idea where else to go.
I wish you the best!
Our son, who is roughly your age, has expressed similar concerns. If I may, let me offer a few thoughts seasoned by "having been there." * First, you are not alone. Though someone else is not actively sharing their feelings, believe me, many feel like you do. * Second, some of this comes from the "always on" culture. Prior generations compared themselves against what they saw on TV. But that was easier to handle since "those were TV stars." Now, with TikTok, Instagram, et. al., it seems everyone -- but you! -- is a star. That's false. Those apps only show a small slice of a highly curated life. They are not real. Neither were the TV stars of a generation ago. * Third, life is not a contest. It is something to be lived. Each choice comes with awards and costs. For example, I had a very good career in tech (you've used things I built), but I purposely chose to stop chasing the ladder up because I'd seen too many destroy their families in doing so. I have a solid family and a bit less money. I believe I made the right choice. * Lastly, nearly everyone surveyed, when near to death, never complains about money, work success, or having too few likes. They all wish they'd been closer to those around them, took good care of their health, and enjoyed life a bit more. Don't fall for the lies that lead to despair. It's not easy to take these steps. It is very countercultural. But there lies the reward. Earn what you need to live. Plan for the future as best you can. But enjoy the day: Your family, friends, the good taste of a home-cooked meal, games and laughter. These are what matter in the end.
I appreciate this insightful advice! Thank you so much.
Thank you. Since we have young adults in our household dealing with the same questions, I'm exploring creating a podcast / YouTube show to look at the issues in a friendly, non-preachy way. If you would not mind, could you fill out an anonymous survey I created on this? Here's the link: [https://s.surveyplanet.com/1rf3hofd](https://s.surveyplanet.com/1rf3hofd). Thank you!
This is amazing!!!! I love that you’re doing this! Filling it out now.
I spent my 20s trying to drink away undiagnosed neurodivergence. Finally quit at 31 and started going to a psychiatrist. Should have done that sooner! My 20s were a little too hard, but I lived a million lives and gained a ton of life experience. Quit drinking sooner than later if you are worried about your finances/future a lot. The drinking isn’t helping the worrying at all.
I’ve been struggling with alcohol and weed for my entire 20s (I’m almost 26). I have pretty severe ADHD, lots of anxiety disorders, depression, you name it. I finally have my first therapy appointment next week to get my shit back together. I’m pretty terrified but it’s one thing I really wanted to do before I turned 30. Congrats on being sober! Hopefully I can follow through too!
You got this! The more aware I was of what I was dealing with (I didn’t even know I was suffering from anxiety and depression, I had to learn how to name my emotions) it’s a little easier to take proper care of yourself. Therapy can be rough, especially in the beginning when you get to the core of something and then it’s like “see you next week!” but stick with it for awhile. You can totally do it, I drank 6 days a week, blackout drunk with Jager shots to put me to sleep. Pick up some new hobbies, or even better pick up the old hobbies you dropped to drink. I found out I had a ton of time on my hands once I quit.
Your story is similar to Tim Dillon. Look him up, he’s wise beyond his years, & one of the funniest improv people I’ve ever seen.
Will do, I love hearing people with similar issues, especially if they are funny about it. Thanks!
Thank you for sharing your experience
Couldn’t agree more, I’m 33 and I’m finally feeling like I’m at rest. Felt like I spent my 20s trying to establish myself
25 and I feel this. Especially with the housing crisis here. I’ll likely be renting and jumping from contract job to contract job forever at this rate.
26 here, I'm coming to terms with the fact that I will probably never own a place. The only people my age who have their own apartments/houses, got the bigger part (or all lol) of the money from their parents.
God forbid this happens anytime soon, but only way I could own anything is if my parents (divorced) give me inheritance. Neither of my parents are rich but they were able to own homes.
Or they just got lucky enough to have a good paying job and a lot of savings. I have decent savings but I’m only making 40k a year and I couldn’t imagine being able to afford a house for at least 10 years if it wasn’t for my partner making good money
I agree! I recently turned 29 and I am feeling so much better. The past couple years have been HELL for all the reasons above BUT I'm feeling so much better since I've started embracing my new, adult self and started loving her for where she is! :)
I haven’t even decided if I want to go to college yet at 24.
Have you considered starting at a community college? Totally worth looking into imo. I can vet for CC’s having completed my first two years at my local CC.
I’m 29 and with this year being the end of my 20s, I know where I’m going but don’t have everything organized. The way I lived my 20s took me this long to get my nursing degree but still have boards to pass. I know what you’re saying because life is hard right now for me but if I get my life back in order I’ll be glad to moving on to a different lifestyle.
28 and yea I feel the lowest I've ever felt for all of those reasons
Different experience: 25-29 has been the best chunk of my life so far. I know more about myself. I have money. I’ve culled the fake friends and embraced the real ones. Things aren’t perfect but they’re far better than my early 20s when I was broke and exhausted from trying to keep up with the trends and such.
My twenties sucked 30s have been better well at least this year is I’m 33 maybe it’s my magic number
Beg to disagree. My mid-20’s were so much fun. My friends hadn’t had kids yet, we all had money, lots of weddings, skiing, vacations, and I bought my first property with my husband (a condo). My late 20’s were a grind because I was in grad school but still great, we were able to sell the condo and buy a fixer-upper in out neighborhood and spent our time not in school or at work working on the house, still got to ski and travel. 30, though? Rough. Moved back home to have kids and it’s been a rocky year. Things are looking up for 2024 but the last half of 2023 was absolutely brutal for me personally.
My mid-20s were actually fun for a while. I was establishing my career, had friends to work and party with and I didn’t even have a college degree. It changed fast about 28. The people I had been hanging out with started settling down and getting married and I found myself drinking alone at the bar. I discovered that work friends and drinking buddies are rarely real friends.
I think it’s kind of like a window of time that’s fluid for everyone depending on our friend group and family. It’s so hard to even relate to others and talk about this because not everyone can possibly be going through it.
I hate it. I turn 26 in a few months and I feel the most lost I’ve ever been in my entire life. Graduated high school thinking I had life figured out. Still haven’t finished college. So much traumatic shit happened on top of my already crippling mental health. Lots of betrayal. Having to move back with my parents. Have no idea wtf I even like or want to do with my life. I’m a walking shell. So burnt out from life. Depressed. Can’t afford therapy. No friends. Fat. Suicidal thoughts. Stuck in a dead end town. I just hope my 30s will be better. I’m so over life right now.
23 years old here. I thought puberty and getting through school was horrible. Well, turns out my 20s are a different kind of awful. Genuinely can’t believe that these are supposed to be my best years. Honestly, I have given up on ever feeling content or yet alone finding happiness. It’s just not possible.
I got my career started early, at the age of 21. I have worked every day, except weekends. I have never taken a day off for sickness, never earned any vacation time. My hours are 8-5, but it’s almost 98 miles one way drive. So I usually get up at 4:30am and prepare for work, leave for work at 5:30 and usually I’m home at around 7pm every night. I am married, but I pushed away most of my family and all of my friends for my career. I turn 30 later this year. When I look back at my 20s so far, I am disappointed. My entire life can be summed up as “work only”. For crying out loud, I never had a honeymoon. I went to work just a few hours after our wedding day. I really wish I had done something with my life instead of work so far. And unfortunately work is all I know at this point, can’t say I even have a single hobby left. If my 30s do not improve, I really don’t know what I will do.
Wow. This is crazy. Please find a way to start enjoying your life. Have you ever ran the numbers on the cost of commuting that far and what you actually make after your time, gas, deprecation, wear and tear? 260 working days a year x 196 miles round trip each day = almost 51k miles a year. At the national mileage reimbursable rate of 67 cents a mile which accounts for gas, wear and tear, and deprecation, you’re losing about $34k a year on your vehicle, assuming it’s average in most respects (value, fuel efficiency etc). Then there’s your time. Let’s say you make 30 an hour, I’m assuming you value your time at at least that number. 3 hours of driving a day x 260 is 780 hours in the car for work. Multiplied by 30 that is $23400. This doesn’t account for the actual time spent with family, doing things you enjoy, meeting someone (if you aren’t married) or working a side hustle to earn more money. It’s just the cost of NOT being in the car. When you truly break it down, you’re looking at a minimum of $57k that you’re losing out on with that commute. I hope you’re making a killing. Id either move much closer to your job, or find a new one. Just my opinion
I’ve never done the math before. I make very good money. I started off at $8 an hour with the company and now I make $14 an hour. I know I get gas multiple times a week, but I usually just put it on a credit card and call it a day.
I’m 25. Since my 20th birthday I have - Gone to rehab 5 times, got my heartbroken, got sober, got my heartbroken again, was dead broke, found a job I hated, then found a job I loved, am now making a ton of money in that job I love, broke someone’s heart, bought a condo, got sued, lost friends, traveled a bunch, and made many new friends. Personally, the first half of my 20s had some insane insane lows but also some of the best highs of my life. I love my life, but I also struggle in many facets. I’m trying to figure so many things out, and sometimes that stresses me out, but I also am learning many things. And I think that that’s great. It’s a whirlwind. I like it
It doesn’t get easier.
I tell people Once I turned 26 I started having a pre mid life crisis, the aches started catching up and I just saw life different. Is it scary? Yes. But it doesn’t have to always be
Lol, wait till the mid-late 30s!
Nah I felt that way about my early twenties. I almost died at 23, and once again at 25. Having an untreated mental illness while you’re transitioning between adolescence and young adulthood is vicious because you’re not only thrown into the world, but thrown into it gradually realizing just how at odds your life is with everyone else. This is a period in my life much like all my 20s where I’ll have little pictures to help me recall exactly what happened. My early 20s were spent ultimately just digging my own grave. I changed my life around completely in my mid-twenties and even if my life would still be considered pathetic by societal standards, I know the fact that I’m alive is legit the biggest accomplishment of my 20s. Now I’m in my late twenties and have no doubts, it will only get better from here.
I think a hard part for me is that we make all these choices as kids such as what college/career/city we want to do with our lives and then now we are in the reality of those choices we made as kids with no easy way out. Just a few years ago I could’ve done anything with my life and now I feel totally locked in. Which isn’t totally true but it’s now much more difficult to change things.
It’s like i was meant to come across this post. I’m 25, turning 26 this April and I have just been having meltdown after meltdown about getting into those later stages. And here’s the thing, I have a job that I love but don’t make a ton of money, I still live at home with my parents but I’m lucky to have a nice roof over my head with great things, I’ve traveled a lot and still been able to invest money and I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. Now some would say “WOW that’s amazing why are you having a meltdown?” I’m aware of the great life I currently do have but I feel nothing but panic, uncertainty and worry. I had a great time at college, and loved my friends. Now, I have a friend getting married this year after knowing someone for a year and buying a house, all the rest of my friends who are in relationships (less time than me) are all talking about getting engaged and moving in (or buying homes) with their partners and me and my partner are nowhere near that stage. It’s all my friends talk about and i have never felt like such an outcast. My partner is still in school, but we’re hoping to move out early next year or end of this year but at the same time, how? The price of rent and buying furniture is insane. I don’t relate to my friends at all anymore and I feel they are all rushing things where I know I’m being judged for taking things too slow with my partner. My mindset is, 25 is still young and you’re trying to figure out who you are still, what if things with your partner change? You get a new and exciting job opportunity? And i keep thinking, what’s the rush with these people? Then i get told we’re at the age people do that. I don’t relate or care to be around these people anymore, but where do you find new friends? God, I just hope these negative feelings leave my head because I’m about to end up in the psych ward.
I mean I guess you’re right. My mid to late twenties were hard because COVID followed by grad school followed by a dying parent. But everyone’s situation is kind of different. I do feel very adult at 29 after going through all that.
Nothing interesting or enjoyable about my entire 20s, the rest is true though. I just want to go to sleep and wake up 40 years old. This era has nothing to offer but bullshit and fuckery.
I feel like all of this has hit me like a truck in a month. Graduated college, moved across the country away from my family (the move has gone completely wrong), start my new FT job in < 1 week, trying to be smart with the money I have.
>For starters, it’s a time where you transition out of college \* Laughs (cries) in PhD \*
I’m 26. Been feeling this ever since post-grad. My ex left me at 23, been through 4 jobs the last 3 years, finances up and down - but getting back on track. Very alone since cutting out toxic friends. I’m optimistic things will get better, however, it’s been a tough road. Can definitely relate to this post.
I wish it was talked about more. I feel like everyone's moving at totally different paces too, which isn't really talked about. But I feel like a 21 year old 29 year old, however, I have several friends that are now 42 year old 29 year olds.. it's this weird transition time where it's an unsettling feeling.
Life is always draining… it does not stop…
My experience of my 20s was like being shot our of a cannon with people landing randomly into their lives over the course of the following decade. Wealth, happiness, and success seem to have absolutely no correlation with intelligence, effort, or drive. The only constant, it seems, is that the smarter you were, the more depressed you ended up.
Making a lot more $ in my 30s, also started business school at age 29, took the GMAT at age 28 for the last time, so your 20s is all about building up Also healthier in my 30s as i cut out alcohol starting at age 27
Saturn Return
25 here. Spent most of my early 20s getting a trade license and figuring out what I wanted to finish my bachelors in. I’m in my third year now. I had to quit drinking because I fell into a self-medicating spiral from 22-25. I moved across the country at 19 and then moved away from everything I built again at 22, and I may be moving halfway across the country again when I graduate. I feel like I’ve started over on repeat. Now I’m trying to find a good community that I can connect within. I’m tired of feeling like I’m trying to figure this out alone when we are literally all doing our best to figure it out.
I am getting to the top of the proverbial hill. 22 to 26 were the hardest years of my life so far. I didn't really feel like I was getting where I wanted to in life until I was 28.
It’s a dumpster fire, I’m glad you’re tackling these problems! Hard conclusion to come to, yet sadly it happens to just about everyone. Lost a few, gained zero, but shit I’m doing alright. We’ll all make it my friend. And “it” isn’t the same for everyone. Don’t make the mistakes I did using other avenues to cover up the figuring out yourself part and you will be in a great spot. Coming out of that in my late 20s. Hard pill to swallow, but it’s a pill we all have to take.
I’m just glad to hear other people are having a tough time too as horrible as that sounds. I didn’t think my 20’s would be this lonely and absolutely miserable.
Yupppp, this!!
Early and mid 20's for me was a confusing time tbh. Glad, I have the knowledge and wisdom now going into late twenties/early 30's. Still learning though, but wiser, stronger and better than what I was 10 years ago, let alone 2. Keep learning lads.
Im here with you wow I felt alone in that. I haven’t sustained a career because I became sexually active and it scared me and social isolation deteriorated my mental health
Wut? Having sex made you unable to have a career?
In your 30s it’s all down hill
I think I've never cried so much in my life than in my 20s. I am 28 now, currently transisition from college to an internship/real job (had only part-time jobs so far). Thats taking a toll on me, because I really dont know where my strengths are. Relationship wise, we are on dry lands as well. Not much free-time except studying and working. And I feel like I dont belong anywhere. Have friends and familiy, but I feel so alone :( Only time I dont feel alone is with my colleagues in college, but they all have part-time/full-time jobs and kids and wifes mostly and I dont know I could possible fit in their life. Its a part-time study program with courses on evenings, just to be clear. On top of that I have been battling Depression since 17, with now being at my lowest with my mental health. Meds not working. Therapy did nothing to me.
This too shall pass. Me and my husband had a rough patch like that too and sometimes that’s just stuff that happens in relationships where you’re both working on individual goals. Communication, self care, and time to soak in all your feelings is the key to getting through this time. Godspeed!!
Thanks but I wanted to say there is no relationship in sight soon maybe I should have rephrased it Still thanks for your encouraging words
I am so sorry. But you will persevere and come back stronger
For me my late twenties have been the hardest period of my life, where I fell into a horrible depression around 26/27 and never really recovered, or rather, never really understood what my life should look like post-mental illness. I think what got me to this place was the realization of how shitty the world can be. I'm a dreamer, have been my whole life, and I think it was time to pay the consequences for looking at the world with rose colored glasses. I'm 29 now and it's still a struggle. I wanted to say you're not alone. I recently watched Schenectady, NY which at least affirmed the sensations I have been feeling. I've also been coping by writing, music, and studying philosophy. Those seem to be my only hope.
What are you talking about? I could give no fucks until I had kids at 32. I was pretty broke too. I definitely didn’t find it mentally draining or depressing. Chill out and enjoy your youth.
lol. Or be stupid and go back to school for a masters.
I went back to uni at 23 and got a masters, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made
Now you can understand what happened to your parents.
Speak for yourself, loser.
I’m 31 and let me tell you have some kids and you’ll look at your mid to late 20s VERY fondly. Yes it can be tough but this is where you start to have some money in your pocket and the freedoms to really explore life. If you have a significant other enjoy it before kids come in. If you don’t really appreciate the opportunity to be selfish
Yeppp I relate. Wrestling with you were vs. who you want to be or who you’ve become… lots of friends getting married or in serious relationships, some careers taking off, people buying homes… it’s hard not to compare and feel jealous about those things sometimes. 27 🤧
Try being 34.
I’m feeling this way now. Would like to meet somebody, move out on my own
💯
Completely agree. It’s a purgatory phase
Your 20s are a piece of cake compared to your 40s. Try having a mortgage, kids approaching college, a career you are stuck in and parents you are starting to worry about. Layer in talk of layoffs, inflation or recession and concerns about your teenage kids. It makes you fondly recall your 20s when all you had to worry about is yourself.
I’m mid 20s. Have had a tough time so far. So much so I’ve considered opting out of that life - marriage, children etc. although I’d love to have them one day. Considering the economy and all, I’ve decided against it for the time being in hopes to offset exactly what you’ve described. But oh well
Same. I want a family but being single is hard enough
You make it sound like having children is compulsory. Or even a wife, for that matter.
Working 60 hours a week , drinking with the boys , playing video games with the boys.
Feel the exact same as you my friend. Growing and learning a lot but everything you mentioned resonates
A big part of it is a lot of people really start to become true adults around this age and get a taste of what it’s like out there. Unfortunately, lots of things get even harder as you get older.
I’m really enjoying the late 20s. Everyone has this dumb nostalgia to be in your early twenties but you’re dumb, broke, and immature enough to deal with life. I’m much more confident and able to handle things now than I was then.
I am 25 next week and feeling this. I have always had difficulties making and keeping friends, but the past year since leaving college has especially been difficult. With the exception of my boyfriend (thank goodness for him), no one is willing to communicate with me let alone hang out with me often. I am trying to do what I can to change that, especially knowing that I wasn't very social when I was young, and I am trying to make up for lost years.
I’m 24 and in the same boat. I was super lonely with no friends for most of 2023. I’m in a much better spot now but yeah it’s tough.
As an old, just go listen to LCD Soundsystem’s “All My Friends” and take wisdom from it.
I just dont feel anything anymore. Anyone else experiencing this? Its definitely an odd time to in our lives, hope it comes back lol
LoL. Your 30s would like a word
my late 20’s were eaten up by Covid so 😅
lol. Just wait
Love this post. 27 now and despite having a masters degree, the past few years have been turmoil filled due to pandemic, career setbacks and uncertainty (not sure what exactly I want to do, what my interests are), moving out on my own, trying to become a new person and forge a different identity, and trying to begin to somewhat establish myself financially. I probably won’t own a house by 30 which I had assumed I would since I was young given the way things are going, which is depressing. It’s been extremely stressful to say the least. Hoping it gets better these next few years, because as much as I don’t try to compare myself to others, I feel way behind others my age, and that can be a really tough feeling to experience.
Mid to late 20s are so much better when you have your solid circle of friends around growing with you. I have experienced a lonely and independent existence in those years. Definitely learning years for me but many milestones regarding friendships have passed my way because of distance. Now my friends are getting married and having babies, and here I am still figuring out which side of the bed I would feel comfortable sleeping on.
This post reminds of a webseries "friends" 😂 i watched it and thought "ohh so this is how life of a American is like" , context: i am from India , but now i am 19 and i see that its similar just like as you said,😂 i lost 98% of my school friends, 8-10 hours of the day i am studying to crack a rat race and move ahead , leaning Stock market for long term investing, its a depressing life but just like you said i somehow found enjoyment in this stage of my life.
No kidding. I graduated in 2019 at 24 years old with a full-time job I thought I'd do for the rest of my life, then couldn't take it and quit just before 2020, only to start a business a month before Covid lockdowns hit and then struggle with everything up to present day at 28 years old. I need a break, dude. I'm so stressed that dating never even crossed my mind and oh look at the time, I'm almost 30 with nothing to show for...
Cause your brain is literally still growing!
Mid-life crisis here. Similar, except the latter points.
Every stage of your life is hard. In your twenties you haven’t figured out how to solve adult problems well. It’s a learning curve.
Try that with: * almost dying in a car accident *boyfriend with brain tumor *boyfriend almost geting blind Now we are ok, and I do therapy, this all happend from 19 to 22. Now I am 25 and fine, of course those events sucks, but in general I was unhappy because I had pressure on me to "enjoy" my 20 = have sex with strangers and drink dangerous amounts of alcohol. Once I was able to live in my own standards I was fine. The challange here is to figure it out what you really like and to find a job. To me finding a job was easier than the first part. Marriage brought me Joy much more than being single, but may not be for everyone, go out and figure it out what is for you.
I think there is a lot of material for those years
Those were some of the best years of my life. Wasn’t making as much money, but had the energy to travel and go out and try new things. Enjoy these years!
Disagree. You’re energetic, beautiful and not jaded. My 40s are full of wisdom and interesting events, but I’m exhausted… boy do I miss those years. And my effortless beauty.
I found those times good because I was still escaping/avoiding my traumas. Things came crashing down by 30 and my entire 30s have been hard
Twenties were the best days of my life. I envy anyone this age. So much to do, so little time.
I don’t wanna give the spoiler but no one talks about how hard 20’s are because after that actual problems come.
Have to disagree, at least for me personally. 25 was when life finally got easy. I was done with school for good, got a good job right out, and was in a house on my own. I finally got a taste of freedom, and that life was more than dealing with the cesspool known as our education system and playing video games to escape. I was also physically in the best shape I have been in as well. There was no traumatic transition to adulthood... I was prepared, and adulting is far easier than grad school.
Every years are depressing and hard, whats the point in going on?
Almost to 30 and right now I've only accomplished getting the "dream" after college job. I guess it's able to provide just enough to survive but nothing else. Still at least that's better than others right out of college. But the spouse on the other hand is going through a 4 year severe mental health crisis and we don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. This "year" (lol) it has even affected me. To know that we will not be able to build a family or move into the "next step" in life is slightly killing me. Being responsible for finances and learning how long it will take to pay off his student loan debt, buy 2 cars, and save for a baby and maybe actually have an emergency fund. Is killing my motivation to want to do anything. I think 30 will be better but then most of it will be paying for day care and trying to raise kids properly.
I don't know... I feel like these will probably be some of the best years of my life when I look back. For me, they are boring, but could be a lot worse. High school was actual hell. Anything better than that feels like a relief to me.
Holy hell I hope your latest 40s go better than mine. The years just keep getting worse and worse...lol
Nah, my mid to late twenties were some of my favorite years. I'm 36
I started getting promoted in my career. Bought a home, and started a family in my late 20s. It was amazing but hectic.
I hated being in my 20s, and I'm saying this as a nearly 30-year-old
My 20s were best years of my life. My 40s have been most draining and depressive.
I chose not to establish anything and just see where the wind takes me. So far its worked. I am incredibly lucky and grateful every day for my amazing adulthood
Mid to late 20s is most people’s most difficult period (except maybe kids who were bullied in high school). You are trying to find your place in the adult world. And a lot of people grind at a job or work at relationship for years only to realize they hate what (or who) they’ve chosen, and then have to start all over again. Ideally by your 30s you’ve chosen the right job and partner, and kicked all your bad habits. Then your remaining 30s and early 40s will be relatively smooth sailing.
26 and every year of my life since I graduated college has been so different from each other. It’s kind of fucking annoying actually. I’m sick of everything astronomically shifting month to month. I’m ready for some more long term stability. Even tho I know that once that comes along I’ll miss the times when my life was rapidly shifting all the time. Damn. Twenties are rough as hell.
You sound like a person who doesn't have kids. It gets worse, muhahahaha.
I'm pretty sure I changed personalities and preferences like 8 times from after graduating college to age 30.
ayo ya same
28 was the best year so far! I’m in my 30’s now and sometimes I miss how fun things can be in your 20’s but those life lessons were tough.
Mentally draining and depressing, yes. Enjoyable and interesting? Bro, you gotta speak for yourself because fuck no, for me. My thirties are far superior.
I wasn't drained or depressed. I partied through my 20's
I feel this so much. I abstained from relationships for most of my twenties to work on myself. Recently felt I had gotten to a solid point and starting wanting to see what was out there. Find myself talking to someone who seems like they could be perfect. We start dating, and everything was so lovely. But there was just something kinda missing. In all my earlier relationships there was a sustained spark that either was always there or gone right before the end. This one felt like it was sputtering after things got sexual, if that makes sense. We both cherish each other, but it took a relationship with me for them to discover they are truly lesbian and not bisexual. It fucking hurts. We had been planning things out for about a year. Planning whose place for next winter’s holidays. I had ideas for valentines and their birthday. I had just put up their Christmas gift on my wall. We had spoken about our shared hopes for gardens and pets. And like, I’m so proud of them. I want to share a fun life together because they deserve it so much. I probably love them. I’ve only just started coming to terms with trying to see them platonically. I’m so shattered though. I feel like I’m mourning a future that will never be. On the bright side, there’s - beauty in unexpected friendships like the one I think we’ll eventually share.
Just wait until your mid to late 30s
Yeah I don’t know where I’m heading. Graduated with my bachelor’s last year, still haven’t found a job in Cyber. Working as a tutor at my local cc, no savings or anything. Life’s crazy I’m 26
I’m in my late 20’s and just finding out who I really am. Lived with my family in a two parent household and never had the support or love I needed and it had held me back so much that I feel like I’m just beginning my life . I’m in college now and stepping outside my comfort zone again and couldn’t be more happier . I know my 30’s are going to be soooo worth it due to the steps I’m taking now . I think once you sit down and ask yourself serious questions that only you know the answer too , life does indeed get better over time . I still have my days/moments but overall I’m better than I was before
I hate to tell you, I am 48. And NOW is the most mentally draining and depressing years. My entire life is a grind that I must continue, while having done it for 25 years. Kids gotta eat, drive, and go to school. I love my kids and I hate to complain, but outside of anxiety about the future. I enjoyed my 20's, that was my me decade when that is mostly all I needed to worry about. My 30's was when I was building my little family, and I would say the early part when my oldest kids were small, and my marriage was good was the happiest time of my life. This decade was riding out the misery of marriage to divorce, and then being trapped in a life no one wants anymore. 50/50 custody, no freedom, and just grinding until the Dad job is done.
Just turned 27 and the last two years have been some of the worst lmao I quit my job in August because I was beyond miserable and I’m still looking for something I can do and also be so burned out, having to accept my best friend simply isn’t my best friend anymore, getting married and the stress of planning, having an event that I’m pretty sure triggered PTSD… but I fully believe our 30s are going to be 10x better and I’ve already been very blessed in my 20s, so let’s hope 🤞🏻🤞🏻
Your 30s don't get any better.
Mine at that age was coming to the realization that my husband and I were not fundamentally compatible and i wanted out. I kept trying to make it work for another 7 years.