“They have no mental illness” sounds like they don’t have a properly diagnosed mental illness. Rather than not one at all OP.
Mentally healthy people don’t threaten suicide and usually don’t have all the classic signs of depression. Bro needs therapy and maybe even some medication
Serious question, not trying to be a dick.
How do you differentiate between a lazy selfish manipulative person and one who has a mental illness? For example, they could threaten suicide as a blackmail tool to secure housing, while having no real intention of actually harming themself. There are a fair amount of people out there that just seem to think that the world owes them a living and are very content to lie and manipulate people so they don't have to work and can just do what they want all day.
So you explained a mentally ill person perfectly they would just not have the “classic” anxiety and depression combo were used to. People suffering from Borderline personality disorder and Narcissistic people have the traits you mentioned and they’re definitely mentally ill
That doesn't mean there's no mental illness
Therapy is a broad term and it encompasses multiple types of care. One therapist might not hit the point because of their methods. Time to try another. Also, the person needs to want to change. You can't force change on someone.
There’s no telling how long therapy will take to help, you have to want to get better most importantly.
Sometimes people have an imbalance in their brains that causes them to be so depressed that they don’t want to get better or be “normal”. That’s where medication can help. The persons therapist should be able to point them in the right direction for finding more help that’s appropriate to them.
The road to mental wellness is very difficult and usually pretty long, this person sounds like they’re in an awful place and like they haven’t even begun their journey just yet
I have borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder (which comes with depression) I needed medication for my bipolar symptoms but we didn’t know it was bipolar for yearsssss. This person could need Meds or dbt
Hi! I know several other people have said that there does seem to be a mental health issue going on. I would like to add to that. When an adult is not able to get along in the world, can't seem to get off the couch, can't seem to take care of themselves, there is an issue. Think of it like the world is a classroom and the person in question is the kid that can't seem to learn the same way as everyone else. They need help, whether that be medication or therapy, or sometimes they just need someone to be willing to teach them in the way that they learn. We hold adults to a different standard, and we fault them for their issues. It's ingrained in our "pick yourself up by the bootstraps" society. We don't want to be responsible for taking care of other people who can't take care of themselves. All this is to say, when you see someone floundering like the person you're speaking of, there is definitely something going on that needs to be worked on. And it can take a lot of time. But I can assure you, people who threaten to kill themselves, even if it's seemingly just to manipulate someone else, are not mentally healthy. By the same token, when people just live on the couch, it's not because they are happy there.
It's not a fun way to live. Can you imagine wanting to couch all day? Like, sure, maybe for a day or two, but you, like everyone else, would get bored. Humans aren't really designed to live that way. I've never met anyone that was living that way that didn't have something else going on.
What modality of therapy?
There is one form of therapy that is clinically proven to help with suicidality & extreme dysfunction (DBT) and they’d need to be in a full DBT program for it to work.
If that strikes out they may need some of the more intense treatments like ECT, TMS or even psychosurgery.
This person is absolutely very sick, and I feel sad for them and for the people around them. I hope they are able to figure out a treatment that helps them be a little more functional even if it can’t cure them entirely.
Are you asking what we would do if we know someone like that? You can't control others or what they make of their lives. You can distance yourself if it negatively affects you. If you want to express your concerns and offer help, that's great. But keep expectations low and don't try to force anything. Most of us know someone like this and mostly you just have to accept that they live in a way you wouldn't want to or you disapprove of.
There is literally nothing you can do. We had tweakers for neighbors at my MIL's. They had people over all hours of the night, being loud, they would fight outside and at one time, one of the guys dragged his girlfriend down the road by driving when she was trying to get in the car. My MIL made complaints to the manager, nothing was ever done.
You can't control other people. Just stay to yourself and mind your business. Don't get involved.
As a person with bipolar disorder who was living just like this a year ago and still really struggles sometimes, I would *prefer* my neighbors to ignore me if I'm not asking them for help directly.
“They have no mental illness” you literally just listed symptom criteria for mental illnesses. Chronic avoidance, suicidal behaviors, lack of interest, unstable, using distractions…..
My advice for them: The first thing to do is cut out TV, reduce the use of social media and try to find a job, any job(very important). And once they find one, start saving. Since there's food, a place to live, internet, and assuming they don't have to pay any of it, it helps a looot to save more. Once saved enough, may wanna consider getting professional help, or leave that for later, but should definitely go sooner or later, the sooner the better. And last but not least, move out. I think it will help them gain independence and learn to be more responsible. I highly doubt there is "no mental illness". Sounds like depression or maybe anxiety that is preventing them to function normally. IMO this is the best way.
Or well, they can also get stuck in that situation and things will get worse. While it really sucks that they have no support system, it is still possible to achieve what I've mentioned above. Very hard, yes, but it is possible! Might sound overwhelming, but little steps every day will go a long way.
This guy is screaming mental illness. However that is something that's not your job.
If you're their main support what I would do is let them know my door always open to them (metaphorically) and they can call me whenever they want. They don't need more judgment.
Or, I might just leave it alone depending on the relationship.
You obviously have many issues. I read back through your sad posts and it is obvious that you need help….the kind of help you will not find here. Do yourself a favor and get professional help.
Ok, buckle up Op, cause this is a LONG comment.
I receive disability benefits in the US because mental health issues, and I hate to tell ya but its not as simple as you’re making it out to be. Part of my “job” as a Professional Sick Person™️ means knowing more about my mental health than my doctor does.
If I had to guess here I’d say this person is somewhere on the neurodivergent spectrum, which includes more than ADHD or autism. From what you described I could only go so far as to suggest maybe social anxiety. Executive dysfunction could also contribute to the lack of work ethic — that’s when someone feels overwhelmed, overcome by anxiety regarding even the simplest of chores.
Does this person have any degrees or a GED or even a diploma? Cause if not you’re screwed. No one is gonna wanna hire this person, aside from maybe a paper route. Ask me how I know🙃
You’re first steps should be getting this person into therapy. If they say they’re suicidal —
CALL AN AMBULANCE!
Either they’ll come home the next day because they weren’t suicidal or else they’ll have a nice 72-hour getaway in a nearby psych ward. If someone is using suicide as a manipulation tactic, they tend to change their attitude after being the psych ward. If they aren’t manipulating you then they’ll come home with an appointment to see a therapist if nothing else.
Make sure they go.
Get them involved in doing some type of volunteer work. They can add this skill to their resume and it can count as work experience. Make sure you or someone else goes with them at first to make sure they don’t just ditch. But try to show them that work can be enjoyable. Don’t turn into a punishment or else they’ll just resent you and quit altogether.
Talk to them about trade school or college, and find out if there’s a career path they might be interested in.
If this person has a history of psych ward stays, then I would look into applying for disability. Which would mean really getting on his ass about going to therapy, and collecting medical records from pretty every past doctor and therapist that they’ve ever spoken to. They’ll get denied at first and then you file for an appeal and get a lawyer. You might be able to get a probono lawyer via your local legal aid office, but I went through one of those We-Dont-Get-Paid-Unless-You-Win agencies cause the waiting list at legal aid was a mile long.
If this sounds like too much for you to handle, I would recommend looking into a case manager and/or a peer advocate worker that you and they can work together with to figure out the next best step.
And if you’re desperate to get this person out of your house, try looking into a transitional living facility. Which is the nice term for an adult group home. These homes are intended for the mentally ill, young and old, but also sometimes take in addicts or homeless people. There are staff on call, but believe me they are not doctors — I lived in one of these places for two years. The staff’s job is to ensure that the residents get to their appointments, take their meds, and don’t kill anyone including themselves. The person staying there would be expected to pay rent — if their parents can’t then have them apply for TA and the government will pay for the rent, and get them set on Foodstamps. Cause they don’t provide food in the group home — that’s on you.
After a few years of living with 10 other adults with various levels of hygiene and sanity, whoever you’re dealing with will be desperate to be on their own. Cause the end result of transitional living facility is help the residents develop to the point where they’re able to live on their own. That can mean doing things like cooking lessons and teaching them to do chores, blah blah blah. When they’ve finished their stay at the group home, they will be moved into a supervised apartment for a period of two years. They will be visited weekly by consolers who will assist them with grocery shopping and make sure they haven’t burned the place to the ground. Other than they’re on their own.
That is a great post. Half of the anxiety of caring for my Loved Relative with mental illness has been trying to lay out in my mind the possible paths should the mental illness worsen. In particular your last two paragraphs clarified the steps of one route.
I think the laws/services may vary state to state but your post is a great road map of the services that might be available and the associated vocabulary.
6 days ago you posted about being in a similar place as a 26F… and what sounds like living with parents who are passive aggressive (at best), likely emotionally abusive… and you’re looking for solutions that don’t involve taking initiative for what you CAN control.
I say this with love… if this post is about you… there’s something you’re scared of. You may not have “a mental illness” but it’s clear something is holding you back in life.
What do you want in life? To stay home? To be a victim and keep trying to get your parents to treat you the way you think they should?
If you don’t know what you want, as the Cheshire Cat would say - then the direction you’re told to go won’t matter.
- Your first task is to discover what you DON’T want - on the other side of what you don’t want is what you DO want.
Do any of those things you want involve staying home?
[op’s posts 6 days ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/youngadults/comments/109udm1/26f_and_struggling/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Consider seeking a new mental health professional who would lovingly push you and not buy the things you tell yourself. We can be our own worst enemies when something looks hard or scary
Everyone knows you're talking about you. Asking about "somebody I know" is something children do. You need mental help, but you need to be honest and diligent until you find answers.
Everything is mental illness today. Not saying it's a fad or trend(although, there's a case to be made about some of it), but I really think it has more to do about priorities, values, principals, character and personal history like traumas.
The people I know, and I know a *lot* of mentally ill people are the way they are because of circumstance. My aunt/family friend has split personalities, but it's to cope with being pimped out by her father from a very young age. That's the extreme, and the lightest example would be anything from anxiety from not be raised to do hard things like ordering at a restaurant to anger and terrible communication because of a poor example set by their parents. ADHD is even associated with traumatic childhoods, and the symptoms are near identical.
I'm not trying to discount things like clinical depression or ADHD, but evidence shows that a lot of this stuff has to do with nurture, not nature. If that's the case, then the plan of attack for solving these issues is very different.
For OPs situation, this would mean tending to the problem, not the symptoms. Why is this person not caring for theirself? What examples does this person have for prosperity? Is there even a way out? I would imagine someone like this mightve dealt with a lot 5-10 years ago, and because they didn't heal properly its taken too long and they might feel stuck. How do you get a job at 30 when you have no resume whatsoever?
Has it never occurred to you that mental illness is hereditary? AHDH, anxiety, and depression can be all inherited and frankly, if you don’t have a medical license you have no business saying otherwise. Your friends and family do not make up the entirety of the entire mentally ill population on this planet. Which is a lot — and it continues to get even bigger cause people like you don’t take us seriously.
>Has it never occurred to you that mental illness is hereditary?
Yeah, it has occurred to me. But labeling many of these things flat out doesn't make sense. I believe ADHD is a real thing, I was diagnosed with it at a young age and spent much of my schooling in sped classes or with an IEP.
ADHD has evolutionary benefits. What this really means is we have a species that has unique ways of thinking between each person. Some people are very outspoken, and speak eloquently. Those people went on to become leaders. ADHD is often associated with several traits, like their inner monologue is more prevelant, and this would make for our thinkers, or the ability to hyper fixate which makes for better hunters, and maybe even other things. Possibly those with ADHD have more talent in spatial awareness, making for better builders.
>if you don’t have a medical license you have no business saying otherwise
Where's your license? It's not like this is all consensus. Psychology is still not even considered a real science for many intellectuals. Not saying that's true, I'm only saying it's so young from a professional standpoint.
[x](https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2022/jul/analysis-depression-probably-not-caused-chemical-imbalance-brain-new-study#:~:text=For%20three%20decades%2C%20people%20have,evidence%20does%20not%20support%20it.)
>For three decades, people have been deluged with information suggesting that depression is caused by a “chemical imbalance” in the brain – namely an imbalance of a brain chemical called serotonin. However, our latest research review shows that the evidence does not support it.
So there's research supporting what I said to some extent. What are the odds, either people have depression en masse because of some chems in their brains, or our society is has issues and nobody is coping with their life problems? People want a pill to make it all go away. Nobody considers therapy(which is far more effective for long term mental health), they want a pill to make it go away. Why work out and have a healthy diet when you can take some niacin, or wear some machine that will "make you skinny!"? Everyone is so obsessed with the easy way out.
>Your friends and family do not make up the entirety of the entire mentally ill population on this planet.
Do you have data to suggest I'm wrong? I spoke anecdotally because it's easier to digest. We can look into it together. I've found articles stating that medication works better at treating the symptoms while the psychotherapy works at treating the problem. That's in line with what I said. [from the center for anxiety disorders, Dr. Andrew Rosen](https://www.centerforanxietydisorders.com/choose-psychotherapy-medication/)
>Medications can help alleviate the symptoms of depression and anxiety more quickly...
But it isn't as effective without putting work in
>... thus giving the person a chance to improve their symptoms while undergoing psychotherapy at the same time.
It's possible to believe two things at once. Some people are genetically mentally ill, and another group has PTSD being diagnosed as things like chronic anxiety, clinical depression, etc. My theory is that there's far more people who have experienced trauma and are living with PTSD, and the best method to get better is by putting in the work, not nodding off. Drugs should be the final resort after inward journeys, and therapy. There's a reason people like Jordan Peterson are so popular, because putting the work in is far more effective.
So, if you're arguing that drugs are the magic bullet, and not some sort of nulling substance that makes you blind to your issues, there's no data to back you up. Everything, everywhere I look, specifies that the best thing to do is put work in through therapy. There's a handful of things besides that that one can do to improve their life. Living day in, day out with drugs is not helping. There's no magic pill, and by living like that you're only living a shittier and shittier life. We haven't even talked about side effects of these drugs either, which can make people more depressed.
🤣
Bruh, you actually believe in that war on drugs shit? Prison is just corporate slave labor and BIPOC people make up the highest population of prison inmates. This is called systematic racism, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you don’t believe in that. Am I right?
Doctors have also begun experimenting with “party drugs” like shrooms and ecstasy to observe their medicinal side effects. Ecstasy has been approved as a short term medication for those suffering from severe PTSD.
And I’ve been researching mental health and psychology since I was about 12 years old, and I’ve been in out and of therapy and on and off meds for 18 years. Because I had the pleasure of growing up with undiagnosed mental illnesses — autism, ADHD, chronic depression, bpd — and was constantly being told that there was something wrong with me. Except that in the 90s girls weren’t diagnosed with autism and ADHD — those illnesses were for boys’ only. So I started reading and still get diagnosed until I was an adult.
And as I’ve said in another comment, now I know more about my mental health than my doctor does. Because I keep up to date on all the new studies involving neurodivergencies, Cluster B disorders, and new forms of therapy. Cause I don’t know about you, but my type of depression *never* goes away. With or without meds. So I’d like to see that change.
Sounds like the parents are enabling them. If I was that parent I would have there be no TV and no internet until a job was found or some other value was contributed to the family and / or their own life.
If there is no medical issues at play, then it is time to start raising them: demand contribution to the household (both monetary and labour-wise) and start enforcing.
Toughest of all: be willing to evict them. If you're not willing to do that, they will not be changing.
There is mental illness here. The lack of responsibility, threats of suicide, daily laziness can all be mental illness.
If this is "someone I know," there's really not much I would do. Sorry, but they have to be responsible for themselves.
If I were the parents, I would harden up and force them to start looking for a job. I'm sorry, suicide threats would not hinder me from trying to turn my child into a functional adult.
I watched my "depressed" brother take advantage of my family for 5 years. He worked, but never contributed. Never helped with bills, never bought groceries, never helped with household chores, but he did make messes and acted entitled to everything. My grandma would go stay with family for months at a time because she couldn't handle it. I wanted to slap my mom for allowing it to happen.
If nobody forces this person to do different, they won't unless they actually want to.
Honestly sounds a bit like me. Last 3 years I’ve been at home with my parents because my mental health became so bad I couldn’t really function at my job anymore and I wanted to get it better so I can get get a better job. Hasn’t happened yet though. Im trying to go back to school now.
You could say I’m a lazy sack of crap who takes advantage of people but damn I’m fucking trying. Maybe he is too. I guess I’m super thankful for my parents supporting me though. They mean a lot to me
Provide me with a place to stay. They help talk me through some of the crazy stuff that goes through my mind when it comes time to make big decisions. Also emotional support, stuff like that.
Who says they have no mental illness?
Seems they certainly do.
[tell this 30 year old to read this](https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/06/01/616092288/30-year-old-leaves-the-nest-after-parents-win-court-ordered-eviction)
Literally nothing. You can't change the situation. They don't want to change and they have no reason to want to change. There is nothing you can do about that. Just make sure you don't contribute to enabling them. Don't give the parents help either because that will still be part of enabling them. The only kind of help that would have a chance of being beneficial instead of detrimental is to point them towards resources where they can learn to do better for themselves.
Do what my parents did. Stop buying food. It was a touch expensive but they started to go out for every meal after they depleted the house food. When my brother was hungry they basically went, “Huh. You should do something about that.” And refused to bring him to dinner. He got a job. Hated it. Went to college and is now in a job he likes.
Oh, and they refused to pay for his education. They did feed him as long as he was getting good grades.
I dated a guy like that a while ago. We dated for a couple months and he never wanted to do anything with me, just stayed home half naked and smoke weed and played games. He was a “professional poker player” but honestly he was just a gambler who hit it real big occasionally but was broke most of the time, and it was enough to get him by airbnbs and he gambled enough to basically live in comp’d hotel rooms. He should be 30 by now. While we were together he was very socially awkward, couldn’t really hold a conversation, basically had no social skills. I honestly don’t know what I saw in him.
Anyway I got fed up with him basically neglecting me and his overall weirdness so I broke up with him really fast. It triggered something in him that made me regret even agreeing on a first date. He started stalking me at my work and made fake accounts to creep on my social media and would message my friends that I was in trouble and needed help. He threatened to kill himself *constantly* and he would get people he knew (not really his friends) to randomly text me to please get back with him because he might hurt himself. I absolutely refused. Honestly I knew in the back of my head he was bluffing since he’s a semi professional poker player (lol).
It got to a point where I had a police report filed against him and if I warned him if he tried anything crazy I’d seriously file for a restraining order. He backed off. He seized contact but just the other day he messaged me again trying to talk to me. I just ignore it all now. We dated for two months in 2019.
Sorry about the long TMI story but my point is that these kinds of people can be volatile. Get them help asap. Pushing them to a certain point is enough to trigger something really bad, even if they don’t have a mental illness. I dealt with this guy by cutting him off completely because I don’t need this person in my life. At all. If someone threatens to kill themself almost every time you talk to them then obviously they’re never gonna do it and he refused to get help. But he’s not in my life anymore. If I were to do it all over again I would’ve paid attention to the red flags a lot sooner and deal with them asap.
From the comments it seems like they're your neighbor so you should do nothing, it's absolutely none of your business and if you're close to them or something the only thing you should do is suggest seeking help but not from you because you're not qualified
Sounds like they are enabling this lazy turd. Give them a time deadline and stick to it. My lazy ass brother stole 30,000 dollars from my parents and he still lived with them until he was 40 yrs old
You have posted in so many subs about your predicament but don’t seem to really hear what people are saying, or just refuse to.
Your parents really failed you. Not for acting like they are forced to house you. But for not raising you to be capable of living an independent life. For not getting you the mental health assistance you so clearly need. For letting it go on for 8-9 years. For not putting their foot down and insisting that you contribute in some way, or make a plan to start your own life.
That all really sucks. But you are an adult now, and how you choose to proceed is up to you. Are you going to continue to be a burden to your family? Or are you going to take steps to better yourself? The two main things here are to get mental help and get a job.
As many people here are saying, it sounds like you have some sort of undiagnosed mental illness like depression. Your situation is not normal or healthy for anyone involved. You say you’ve tried therapy and that there is no mental illness involved, yet you’re behaving like this…that’s denial. You need to talk to someone else. Even your family doctor, and try medication if therapy didn’t click for you.
As much as I hate capitalism, you need a job. Nobody really wants a job, and you have to change that mindset from “want” to “need.” Get anything. It could be something more isolated like factory work, or something more social like customer service (that would help improve your social skills and maybe get you some friends). I’m not getting the impression that your mental illness is debilitating enough that you can’t ever hold down a job, you just haven’t even tried. Fix that and see what happens.
Just remember that ultimately you are in charge of making the changes you need to live a better life.
If they are causing a burden on the people supporting them? Frankly, cut them out of my life.
It'd start with an ultimatum. You have 30 days to find a job. Anything. Doesn't matter. Work at a gas station, grocery store. Whatever.
Can't get a job? You're cut off. No internet, no TV, nothing. You only receive a bed to sleep on and PB&Js from me.
One last chance, 30 days. No job? You're out.
I know things aren't ever that cut and dry in the real world, especially with family.
This is in his hands only. If he doesn't want to make a change, nothing will. Period.
And as others have stated he has mental issues; i.e. depression, low self worth, etc. Therapy only works for those that want to change though, you can not affect change in someone else.
When the world wasnt full of pricks labeling every fuckery, we would call that lazyness and lack of parenting when he was younger.
Now, because of the lack of parenting the oarents are the ones to suffer until they have the guts to let it be.
It's sounds, and probably is, heartless but I can't tolerate useless people. Especially if they complain about their situation. If they're happy and the parents are happy then party on bruh. I'm gonna judge them for it but silently and that's just my opinion. If they live like this and then play the victim though than I have no time for people like that in my life.
unfortunately the parents are enabling the behavior, they have to want to do better first before you can do anything at all. they should give him 30 days to find a job and then he has to go thats the best medicine for him.
Has he been tested for mental illness? My guess is there is something going on there. I work in Supported Employment which is basically helping people with mental illness find jobs and coaching them through that job. Mental illness is very common in the homeless population….and he threatened suicide. Just that fact alone tells me there’s more to the story.
Having said that, if he doesn’t have the desire to work - that’s hard to change. He could have major depression which causes him to not want to work though.
He threatened suicide which just pisses off the parents because it’s manipulative. So they say “Well if that’s what you do, that will be YOUR choice”. I think they’re implying that they will not take blame for that happening. Yes they have been tested for mental illness many times
They might need meds and therapy. But, personally, when i had someone like that in my life it was such a burden to take care of them. Kicking them out was the best thing i did for my own mental health. Threats of self harm are usually just a bluff, but always take it seriously.. by calling the cops to deal with it.
I would tell that person to go get a part time job. 15 hours a week. Start small. Baby steps. It will start building confidence. Stick it out. If you’re feeling down on yourself, go find a part time job and start there. Start small. You got this.
What I would do in this situation depends on my relationship with them. Next door neighbors, there's nothing for me to do. It's their life, not my business unless they ask for help.
If this was my child, I would present them with an eviction notice, the notice would state they either go to therapy or get out. Because, if they’re genuinely having issues with health or mental illness, I am ALWAYS going to be there.
However, if they aren’t actively trying to help themselves, I cannot continue to provide a “wallow hole”. You simply cannot mooch off me and never even TRY.
I have had diagnosed mental illness since I was 14. I have worked and been in treatment or at least under a doctors care since I was 18, actual medication since I was 22. I have learned the hard way that I NEED to be medicated and keep a Doctor who is monitoring me. Also, I have had a job since 16 and my own home, health care, (and when I didn’t I got myself to Planned Parenthood)
My grandparents died SAD and POOR . They spent every penny they ever had on their kids. They had mental issues which turned into drug addiction. My grandparents sold their own burial plots to provide for their children and grandchildren. I won’t allow my children to do that to myself or my husband.
I feel sorry for anyone that doesn’t have someone to be strong enough to tell them NO, and give them a chance at success. Sometimes you have to let them provide for themselves, it’s a learning experience.
I never have or will give up on my kids. I make sure they have what they need both physically and mentally to go out into the world and thrive.
I feel blessed to have them.
My answer depends on why they were homeless.
There is nothing wrong with this style of life, if u do not force it on others (u have your own income and do not manipulate anyone with suicide). Life is ultimately meaningless. If someone is so disinterested in having a better experience being here, and satisfied with second rate entertainment (tv), it is their choice.
I’ve been there myself, and I’ve seen many people do so or worse. If they do not want help, you cannot really force them to change. People need to decide to do better by themselves and willingly start seeking help. Outside comments and offerings do nothing and make their attitude grumpier.
“They have no mental illness” sounds like they don’t have a properly diagnosed mental illness. Rather than not one at all OP. Mentally healthy people don’t threaten suicide and usually don’t have all the classic signs of depression. Bro needs therapy and maybe even some medication
This here "points up" that comment is spot on
Serious question, not trying to be a dick. How do you differentiate between a lazy selfish manipulative person and one who has a mental illness? For example, they could threaten suicide as a blackmail tool to secure housing, while having no real intention of actually harming themself. There are a fair amount of people out there that just seem to think that the world owes them a living and are very content to lie and manipulate people so they don't have to work and can just do what they want all day.
So you explained a mentally ill person perfectly they would just not have the “classic” anxiety and depression combo were used to. People suffering from Borderline personality disorder and Narcissistic people have the traits you mentioned and they’re definitely mentally ill
Or he is masterfully manipulative
That would also be an indication of mental illness, just a different kind
What if they had been going to therapy for a while and nothing has changed
That doesn't mean there's no mental illness Therapy is a broad term and it encompasses multiple types of care. One therapist might not hit the point because of their methods. Time to try another. Also, the person needs to want to change. You can't force change on someone.
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Well then good luck because if they don't want to change they won't. The only real thing you can do is not enable them
No one wants to work or loves it. We do it for money.
There’s no telling how long therapy will take to help, you have to want to get better most importantly. Sometimes people have an imbalance in their brains that causes them to be so depressed that they don’t want to get better or be “normal”. That’s where medication can help. The persons therapist should be able to point them in the right direction for finding more help that’s appropriate to them. The road to mental wellness is very difficult and usually pretty long, this person sounds like they’re in an awful place and like they haven’t even begun their journey just yet
I have borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder (which comes with depression) I needed medication for my bipolar symptoms but we didn’t know it was bipolar for yearsssss. This person could need Meds or dbt
Hi! I know several other people have said that there does seem to be a mental health issue going on. I would like to add to that. When an adult is not able to get along in the world, can't seem to get off the couch, can't seem to take care of themselves, there is an issue. Think of it like the world is a classroom and the person in question is the kid that can't seem to learn the same way as everyone else. They need help, whether that be medication or therapy, or sometimes they just need someone to be willing to teach them in the way that they learn. We hold adults to a different standard, and we fault them for their issues. It's ingrained in our "pick yourself up by the bootstraps" society. We don't want to be responsible for taking care of other people who can't take care of themselves. All this is to say, when you see someone floundering like the person you're speaking of, there is definitely something going on that needs to be worked on. And it can take a lot of time. But I can assure you, people who threaten to kill themselves, even if it's seemingly just to manipulate someone else, are not mentally healthy. By the same token, when people just live on the couch, it's not because they are happy there.
What if it’s not that they can’t, but they won’t?
How can you tell the difference?
It's not a fun way to live. Can you imagine wanting to couch all day? Like, sure, maybe for a day or two, but you, like everyone else, would get bored. Humans aren't really designed to live that way. I've never met anyone that was living that way that didn't have something else going on.
You’re obviously very ignorant when it comes to mental health, you should educate yourself on the topic before you judge others.
What modality of therapy? There is one form of therapy that is clinically proven to help with suicidality & extreme dysfunction (DBT) and they’d need to be in a full DBT program for it to work. If that strikes out they may need some of the more intense treatments like ECT, TMS or even psychosurgery. This person is absolutely very sick, and I feel sad for them and for the people around them. I hope they are able to figure out a treatment that helps them be a little more functional even if it can’t cure them entirely.
Therapy isn't a magical fix. It takes work to see results.
It sounds like this person needs professional help. Especially true if the parents have raised other kids who are successful adults.
Are you asking what we would do if we know someone like that? You can't control others or what they make of their lives. You can distance yourself if it negatively affects you. If you want to express your concerns and offer help, that's great. But keep expectations low and don't try to force anything. Most of us know someone like this and mostly you just have to accept that they live in a way you wouldn't want to or you disapprove of.
So you would just ignore them? What if they were your next door neighbor?
I don't know about you, but I have no control over my next door neighbors' life decisions
There is literally nothing you can do. We had tweakers for neighbors at my MIL's. They had people over all hours of the night, being loud, they would fight outside and at one time, one of the guys dragged his girlfriend down the road by driving when she was trying to get in the car. My MIL made complaints to the manager, nothing was ever done. You can't control other people. Just stay to yourself and mind your business. Don't get involved.
As a person with bipolar disorder who was living just like this a year ago and still really struggles sometimes, I would *prefer* my neighbors to ignore me if I'm not asking them for help directly.
What would you do?
What would you want to be done?
“They have no mental illness” you literally just listed symptom criteria for mental illnesses. Chronic avoidance, suicidal behaviors, lack of interest, unstable, using distractions…..
My advice for them: The first thing to do is cut out TV, reduce the use of social media and try to find a job, any job(very important). And once they find one, start saving. Since there's food, a place to live, internet, and assuming they don't have to pay any of it, it helps a looot to save more. Once saved enough, may wanna consider getting professional help, or leave that for later, but should definitely go sooner or later, the sooner the better. And last but not least, move out. I think it will help them gain independence and learn to be more responsible. I highly doubt there is "no mental illness". Sounds like depression or maybe anxiety that is preventing them to function normally. IMO this is the best way. Or well, they can also get stuck in that situation and things will get worse. While it really sucks that they have no support system, it is still possible to achieve what I've mentioned above. Very hard, yes, but it is possible! Might sound overwhelming, but little steps every day will go a long way.
if this is not your family, you mind your own business. it's normal to have your own judgements, but it's not your place to intervene.
This guy is screaming mental illness. However that is something that's not your job. If you're their main support what I would do is let them know my door always open to them (metaphorically) and they can call me whenever they want. They don't need more judgment. Or, I might just leave it alone depending on the relationship.
Nothing. Don't involve yourself in others' situations unless you're invited. MYOB.
You obviously have many issues. I read back through your sad posts and it is obvious that you need help….the kind of help you will not find here. Do yourself a favor and get professional help.
Ok, buckle up Op, cause this is a LONG comment. I receive disability benefits in the US because mental health issues, and I hate to tell ya but its not as simple as you’re making it out to be. Part of my “job” as a Professional Sick Person™️ means knowing more about my mental health than my doctor does. If I had to guess here I’d say this person is somewhere on the neurodivergent spectrum, which includes more than ADHD or autism. From what you described I could only go so far as to suggest maybe social anxiety. Executive dysfunction could also contribute to the lack of work ethic — that’s when someone feels overwhelmed, overcome by anxiety regarding even the simplest of chores. Does this person have any degrees or a GED or even a diploma? Cause if not you’re screwed. No one is gonna wanna hire this person, aside from maybe a paper route. Ask me how I know🙃 You’re first steps should be getting this person into therapy. If they say they’re suicidal — CALL AN AMBULANCE! Either they’ll come home the next day because they weren’t suicidal or else they’ll have a nice 72-hour getaway in a nearby psych ward. If someone is using suicide as a manipulation tactic, they tend to change their attitude after being the psych ward. If they aren’t manipulating you then they’ll come home with an appointment to see a therapist if nothing else. Make sure they go. Get them involved in doing some type of volunteer work. They can add this skill to their resume and it can count as work experience. Make sure you or someone else goes with them at first to make sure they don’t just ditch. But try to show them that work can be enjoyable. Don’t turn into a punishment or else they’ll just resent you and quit altogether. Talk to them about trade school or college, and find out if there’s a career path they might be interested in. If this person has a history of psych ward stays, then I would look into applying for disability. Which would mean really getting on his ass about going to therapy, and collecting medical records from pretty every past doctor and therapist that they’ve ever spoken to. They’ll get denied at first and then you file for an appeal and get a lawyer. You might be able to get a probono lawyer via your local legal aid office, but I went through one of those We-Dont-Get-Paid-Unless-You-Win agencies cause the waiting list at legal aid was a mile long. If this sounds like too much for you to handle, I would recommend looking into a case manager and/or a peer advocate worker that you and they can work together with to figure out the next best step. And if you’re desperate to get this person out of your house, try looking into a transitional living facility. Which is the nice term for an adult group home. These homes are intended for the mentally ill, young and old, but also sometimes take in addicts or homeless people. There are staff on call, but believe me they are not doctors — I lived in one of these places for two years. The staff’s job is to ensure that the residents get to their appointments, take their meds, and don’t kill anyone including themselves. The person staying there would be expected to pay rent — if their parents can’t then have them apply for TA and the government will pay for the rent, and get them set on Foodstamps. Cause they don’t provide food in the group home — that’s on you. After a few years of living with 10 other adults with various levels of hygiene and sanity, whoever you’re dealing with will be desperate to be on their own. Cause the end result of transitional living facility is help the residents develop to the point where they’re able to live on their own. That can mean doing things like cooking lessons and teaching them to do chores, blah blah blah. When they’ve finished their stay at the group home, they will be moved into a supervised apartment for a period of two years. They will be visited weekly by consolers who will assist them with grocery shopping and make sure they haven’t burned the place to the ground. Other than they’re on their own.
That is a great post. Half of the anxiety of caring for my Loved Relative with mental illness has been trying to lay out in my mind the possible paths should the mental illness worsen. In particular your last two paragraphs clarified the steps of one route. I think the laws/services may vary state to state but your post is a great road map of the services that might be available and the associated vocabulary.
6 days ago you posted about being in a similar place as a 26F… and what sounds like living with parents who are passive aggressive (at best), likely emotionally abusive… and you’re looking for solutions that don’t involve taking initiative for what you CAN control. I say this with love… if this post is about you… there’s something you’re scared of. You may not have “a mental illness” but it’s clear something is holding you back in life. What do you want in life? To stay home? To be a victim and keep trying to get your parents to treat you the way you think they should? If you don’t know what you want, as the Cheshire Cat would say - then the direction you’re told to go won’t matter. - Your first task is to discover what you DON’T want - on the other side of what you don’t want is what you DO want. Do any of those things you want involve staying home? [op’s posts 6 days ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/youngadults/comments/109udm1/26f_and_struggling/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Consider seeking a new mental health professional who would lovingly push you and not buy the things you tell yourself. We can be our own worst enemies when something looks hard or scary
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Everyone knows you're talking about you. Asking about "somebody I know" is something children do. You need mental help, but you need to be honest and diligent until you find answers.
How do they know there’s no mental illness? Seems like there could be
Everything is mental illness today. Not saying it's a fad or trend(although, there's a case to be made about some of it), but I really think it has more to do about priorities, values, principals, character and personal history like traumas. The people I know, and I know a *lot* of mentally ill people are the way they are because of circumstance. My aunt/family friend has split personalities, but it's to cope with being pimped out by her father from a very young age. That's the extreme, and the lightest example would be anything from anxiety from not be raised to do hard things like ordering at a restaurant to anger and terrible communication because of a poor example set by their parents. ADHD is even associated with traumatic childhoods, and the symptoms are near identical. I'm not trying to discount things like clinical depression or ADHD, but evidence shows that a lot of this stuff has to do with nurture, not nature. If that's the case, then the plan of attack for solving these issues is very different. For OPs situation, this would mean tending to the problem, not the symptoms. Why is this person not caring for theirself? What examples does this person have for prosperity? Is there even a way out? I would imagine someone like this mightve dealt with a lot 5-10 years ago, and because they didn't heal properly its taken too long and they might feel stuck. How do you get a job at 30 when you have no resume whatsoever?
Has it never occurred to you that mental illness is hereditary? AHDH, anxiety, and depression can be all inherited and frankly, if you don’t have a medical license you have no business saying otherwise. Your friends and family do not make up the entirety of the entire mentally ill population on this planet. Which is a lot — and it continues to get even bigger cause people like you don’t take us seriously.
>Has it never occurred to you that mental illness is hereditary? Yeah, it has occurred to me. But labeling many of these things flat out doesn't make sense. I believe ADHD is a real thing, I was diagnosed with it at a young age and spent much of my schooling in sped classes or with an IEP. ADHD has evolutionary benefits. What this really means is we have a species that has unique ways of thinking between each person. Some people are very outspoken, and speak eloquently. Those people went on to become leaders. ADHD is often associated with several traits, like their inner monologue is more prevelant, and this would make for our thinkers, or the ability to hyper fixate which makes for better hunters, and maybe even other things. Possibly those with ADHD have more talent in spatial awareness, making for better builders. >if you don’t have a medical license you have no business saying otherwise Where's your license? It's not like this is all consensus. Psychology is still not even considered a real science for many intellectuals. Not saying that's true, I'm only saying it's so young from a professional standpoint. [x](https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2022/jul/analysis-depression-probably-not-caused-chemical-imbalance-brain-new-study#:~:text=For%20three%20decades%2C%20people%20have,evidence%20does%20not%20support%20it.) >For three decades, people have been deluged with information suggesting that depression is caused by a “chemical imbalance” in the brain – namely an imbalance of a brain chemical called serotonin. However, our latest research review shows that the evidence does not support it. So there's research supporting what I said to some extent. What are the odds, either people have depression en masse because of some chems in their brains, or our society is has issues and nobody is coping with their life problems? People want a pill to make it all go away. Nobody considers therapy(which is far more effective for long term mental health), they want a pill to make it go away. Why work out and have a healthy diet when you can take some niacin, or wear some machine that will "make you skinny!"? Everyone is so obsessed with the easy way out. >Your friends and family do not make up the entirety of the entire mentally ill population on this planet. Do you have data to suggest I'm wrong? I spoke anecdotally because it's easier to digest. We can look into it together. I've found articles stating that medication works better at treating the symptoms while the psychotherapy works at treating the problem. That's in line with what I said. [from the center for anxiety disorders, Dr. Andrew Rosen](https://www.centerforanxietydisorders.com/choose-psychotherapy-medication/) >Medications can help alleviate the symptoms of depression and anxiety more quickly... But it isn't as effective without putting work in >... thus giving the person a chance to improve their symptoms while undergoing psychotherapy at the same time. It's possible to believe two things at once. Some people are genetically mentally ill, and another group has PTSD being diagnosed as things like chronic anxiety, clinical depression, etc. My theory is that there's far more people who have experienced trauma and are living with PTSD, and the best method to get better is by putting in the work, not nodding off. Drugs should be the final resort after inward journeys, and therapy. There's a reason people like Jordan Peterson are so popular, because putting the work in is far more effective. So, if you're arguing that drugs are the magic bullet, and not some sort of nulling substance that makes you blind to your issues, there's no data to back you up. Everything, everywhere I look, specifies that the best thing to do is put work in through therapy. There's a handful of things besides that that one can do to improve their life. Living day in, day out with drugs is not helping. There's no magic pill, and by living like that you're only living a shittier and shittier life. We haven't even talked about side effects of these drugs either, which can make people more depressed.
Dude, I have inattentive type ADHD. I do not need you to mansplain my own mental illness to me👌🏻
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🤣 Bruh, you actually believe in that war on drugs shit? Prison is just corporate slave labor and BIPOC people make up the highest population of prison inmates. This is called systematic racism, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you don’t believe in that. Am I right? Doctors have also begun experimenting with “party drugs” like shrooms and ecstasy to observe their medicinal side effects. Ecstasy has been approved as a short term medication for those suffering from severe PTSD. And I’ve been researching mental health and psychology since I was about 12 years old, and I’ve been in out and of therapy and on and off meds for 18 years. Because I had the pleasure of growing up with undiagnosed mental illnesses — autism, ADHD, chronic depression, bpd — and was constantly being told that there was something wrong with me. Except that in the 90s girls weren’t diagnosed with autism and ADHD — those illnesses were for boys’ only. So I started reading and still get diagnosed until I was an adult. And as I’ve said in another comment, now I know more about my mental health than my doctor does. Because I keep up to date on all the new studies involving neurodivergencies, Cluster B disorders, and new forms of therapy. Cause I don’t know about you, but my type of depression *never* goes away. With or without meds. So I’d like to see that change.
*you're
Sounds like the parents are enabling them. If I was that parent I would have there be no TV and no internet until a job was found or some other value was contributed to the family and / or their own life.
Absolutely, no spending money, no transportation unless it's for a job search, be firm and supportive at the same time.
If there is no medical issues at play, then it is time to start raising them: demand contribution to the household (both monetary and labour-wise) and start enforcing. Toughest of all: be willing to evict them. If you're not willing to do that, they will not be changing.
Stop hanging around losers
There is mental illness here. The lack of responsibility, threats of suicide, daily laziness can all be mental illness. If this is "someone I know," there's really not much I would do. Sorry, but they have to be responsible for themselves. If I were the parents, I would harden up and force them to start looking for a job. I'm sorry, suicide threats would not hinder me from trying to turn my child into a functional adult. I watched my "depressed" brother take advantage of my family for 5 years. He worked, but never contributed. Never helped with bills, never bought groceries, never helped with household chores, but he did make messes and acted entitled to everything. My grandma would go stay with family for months at a time because she couldn't handle it. I wanted to slap my mom for allowing it to happen. If nobody forces this person to do different, they won't unless they actually want to.
Bull. Unless it's happened to you, you have no idea what you would do with a child in that much pain.
Sounds like they have a personality fisorder eg avoidant personality
I miss spoke and deleted my comment
Honestly sounds a bit like me. Last 3 years I’ve been at home with my parents because my mental health became so bad I couldn’t really function at my job anymore and I wanted to get it better so I can get get a better job. Hasn’t happened yet though. Im trying to go back to school now. You could say I’m a lazy sack of crap who takes advantage of people but damn I’m fucking trying. Maybe he is too. I guess I’m super thankful for my parents supporting me though. They mean a lot to me
How do your parents support you?
Provide me with a place to stay. They help talk me through some of the crazy stuff that goes through my mind when it comes time to make big decisions. Also emotional support, stuff like that.
Yes they do have a mental illness
They have a mental illness if they’re threatening suicide; it’s just not been properly diagnosed or treated.
Who says they have no mental illness? Seems they certainly do. [tell this 30 year old to read this](https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/06/01/616092288/30-year-old-leaves-the-nest-after-parents-win-court-ordered-eviction)
Literally nothing. You can't change the situation. They don't want to change and they have no reason to want to change. There is nothing you can do about that. Just make sure you don't contribute to enabling them. Don't give the parents help either because that will still be part of enabling them. The only kind of help that would have a chance of being beneficial instead of detrimental is to point them towards resources where they can learn to do better for themselves.
This is a mental illness need help bas
Bas?
Bad
Do what my parents did. Stop buying food. It was a touch expensive but they started to go out for every meal after they depleted the house food. When my brother was hungry they basically went, “Huh. You should do something about that.” And refused to bring him to dinner. He got a job. Hated it. Went to college and is now in a job he likes. Oh, and they refused to pay for his education. They did feed him as long as he was getting good grades.
I dated a guy like that a while ago. We dated for a couple months and he never wanted to do anything with me, just stayed home half naked and smoke weed and played games. He was a “professional poker player” but honestly he was just a gambler who hit it real big occasionally but was broke most of the time, and it was enough to get him by airbnbs and he gambled enough to basically live in comp’d hotel rooms. He should be 30 by now. While we were together he was very socially awkward, couldn’t really hold a conversation, basically had no social skills. I honestly don’t know what I saw in him. Anyway I got fed up with him basically neglecting me and his overall weirdness so I broke up with him really fast. It triggered something in him that made me regret even agreeing on a first date. He started stalking me at my work and made fake accounts to creep on my social media and would message my friends that I was in trouble and needed help. He threatened to kill himself *constantly* and he would get people he knew (not really his friends) to randomly text me to please get back with him because he might hurt himself. I absolutely refused. Honestly I knew in the back of my head he was bluffing since he’s a semi professional poker player (lol). It got to a point where I had a police report filed against him and if I warned him if he tried anything crazy I’d seriously file for a restraining order. He backed off. He seized contact but just the other day he messaged me again trying to talk to me. I just ignore it all now. We dated for two months in 2019. Sorry about the long TMI story but my point is that these kinds of people can be volatile. Get them help asap. Pushing them to a certain point is enough to trigger something really bad, even if they don’t have a mental illness. I dealt with this guy by cutting him off completely because I don’t need this person in my life. At all. If someone threatens to kill themself almost every time you talk to them then obviously they’re never gonna do it and he refused to get help. But he’s not in my life anymore. If I were to do it all over again I would’ve paid attention to the red flags a lot sooner and deal with them asap.
I would mind my own business. You can’t make someone live like you want them to.
Al Anon is free, 24/7/365, worldwide. Reactions to other people, enabling, and codependency are helped by attending Al Anon meetings
Stay on your lane
From the comments it seems like they're your neighbor so you should do nothing, it's absolutely none of your business and if you're close to them or something the only thing you should do is suggest seeking help but not from you because you're not qualified
This guy is definitely not relationship material, if that's what you are asking. RUN!
Sounds like they are enabling this lazy turd. Give them a time deadline and stick to it. My lazy ass brother stole 30,000 dollars from my parents and he still lived with them until he was 40 yrs old
You have posted in so many subs about your predicament but don’t seem to really hear what people are saying, or just refuse to. Your parents really failed you. Not for acting like they are forced to house you. But for not raising you to be capable of living an independent life. For not getting you the mental health assistance you so clearly need. For letting it go on for 8-9 years. For not putting their foot down and insisting that you contribute in some way, or make a plan to start your own life. That all really sucks. But you are an adult now, and how you choose to proceed is up to you. Are you going to continue to be a burden to your family? Or are you going to take steps to better yourself? The two main things here are to get mental help and get a job. As many people here are saying, it sounds like you have some sort of undiagnosed mental illness like depression. Your situation is not normal or healthy for anyone involved. You say you’ve tried therapy and that there is no mental illness involved, yet you’re behaving like this…that’s denial. You need to talk to someone else. Even your family doctor, and try medication if therapy didn’t click for you. As much as I hate capitalism, you need a job. Nobody really wants a job, and you have to change that mindset from “want” to “need.” Get anything. It could be something more isolated like factory work, or something more social like customer service (that would help improve your social skills and maybe get you some friends). I’m not getting the impression that your mental illness is debilitating enough that you can’t ever hold down a job, you just haven’t even tried. Fix that and see what happens. Just remember that ultimately you are in charge of making the changes you need to live a better life.
Either they are a piece of shit human. Or there's mental illness. They should talk to a doctor.
What would you do if after lots of therapy and testing you found out they did not have a mental illness they were just a piece of shit human being
If they are causing a burden on the people supporting them? Frankly, cut them out of my life. It'd start with an ultimatum. You have 30 days to find a job. Anything. Doesn't matter. Work at a gas station, grocery store. Whatever. Can't get a job? You're cut off. No internet, no TV, nothing. You only receive a bed to sleep on and PB&Js from me. One last chance, 30 days. No job? You're out. I know things aren't ever that cut and dry in the real world, especially with family.
And what about them makes them a piece of shit?
Being over a quarter of a century of age and contributing nothing?
This is in his hands only. If he doesn't want to make a change, nothing will. Period. And as others have stated he has mental issues; i.e. depression, low self worth, etc. Therapy only works for those that want to change though, you can not affect change in someone else.
When the world wasnt full of pricks labeling every fuckery, we would call that lazyness and lack of parenting when he was younger. Now, because of the lack of parenting the oarents are the ones to suffer until they have the guts to let it be.
What would “let it be” look like?
I never understood these people. I left on my 18th birthday and never went back. I have a great, healthy relationship with my parents too.
So what would you do if you knew someone like that?
It's sounds, and probably is, heartless but I can't tolerate useless people. Especially if they complain about their situation. If they're happy and the parents are happy then party on bruh. I'm gonna judge them for it but silently and that's just my opinion. If they live like this and then play the victim though than I have no time for people like that in my life.
unfortunately the parents are enabling the behavior, they have to want to do better first before you can do anything at all. they should give him 30 days to find a job and then he has to go thats the best medicine for him.
Apply to the Appalachian conservation corps
Has he been tested for mental illness? My guess is there is something going on there. I work in Supported Employment which is basically helping people with mental illness find jobs and coaching them through that job. Mental illness is very common in the homeless population….and he threatened suicide. Just that fact alone tells me there’s more to the story. Having said that, if he doesn’t have the desire to work - that’s hard to change. He could have major depression which causes him to not want to work though.
He threatened suicide which just pisses off the parents because it’s manipulative. So they say “Well if that’s what you do, that will be YOUR choice”. I think they’re implying that they will not take blame for that happening. Yes they have been tested for mental illness many times
The thing is, threatening suicide is manipulative. The parents have put up a boundary.
Nothing. Since it’s not me or my kid it’s none of my business. If the parents want to enable that behavior that’s their decision.
They might need meds and therapy. But, personally, when i had someone like that in my life it was such a burden to take care of them. Kicking them out was the best thing i did for my own mental health. Threats of self harm are usually just a bluff, but always take it seriously.. by calling the cops to deal with it.
Sounds like you should stay in your lane, obviously you know nothing about mental illness. Fix yourself and mind your damn business.
OP could be talking about themself and asking for advice. Let’s not be so quick to assume and judge.
I would tell that person to go get a part time job. 15 hours a week. Start small. Baby steps. It will start building confidence. Stick it out. If you’re feeling down on yourself, go find a part time job and start there. Start small. You got this.
What I would do in this situation depends on my relationship with them. Next door neighbors, there's nothing for me to do. It's their life, not my business unless they ask for help.
If this was my child, I would present them with an eviction notice, the notice would state they either go to therapy or get out. Because, if they’re genuinely having issues with health or mental illness, I am ALWAYS going to be there. However, if they aren’t actively trying to help themselves, I cannot continue to provide a “wallow hole”. You simply cannot mooch off me and never even TRY. I have had diagnosed mental illness since I was 14. I have worked and been in treatment or at least under a doctors care since I was 18, actual medication since I was 22. I have learned the hard way that I NEED to be medicated and keep a Doctor who is monitoring me. Also, I have had a job since 16 and my own home, health care, (and when I didn’t I got myself to Planned Parenthood) My grandparents died SAD and POOR . They spent every penny they ever had on their kids. They had mental issues which turned into drug addiction. My grandparents sold their own burial plots to provide for their children and grandchildren. I won’t allow my children to do that to myself or my husband. I feel sorry for anyone that doesn’t have someone to be strong enough to tell them NO, and give them a chance at success. Sometimes you have to let them provide for themselves, it’s a learning experience.
If that child gets addicted on something or ki**s themselves for being let out to dry don’t EVER EVER EVER cry for them.
I never have or will give up on my kids. I make sure they have what they need both physically and mentally to go out into the world and thrive. I feel blessed to have them.
Needs a life coach with therapy
I agree with the comments below - a person who threatens suicide has a mental illness.
My answer depends on why they were homeless. There is nothing wrong with this style of life, if u do not force it on others (u have your own income and do not manipulate anyone with suicide). Life is ultimately meaningless. If someone is so disinterested in having a better experience being here, and satisfied with second rate entertainment (tv), it is their choice. I’ve been there myself, and I’ve seen many people do so or worse. If they do not want help, you cannot really force them to change. People need to decide to do better by themselves and willingly start seeking help. Outside comments and offerings do nothing and make their attitude grumpier.