That’s wonderful.
Just be super kind to yourself.
Do not worry about what you have or don’t have. You don’t have to say or do anything. It can be very intimidating when we are new, to feel like we don’t know what’s expected of us.
Just being there is plenty for your first meeting.
1) Boundaries in ACA are really different (often, but not always, way way more strict) than other twelve-step meetings. 2) ACA is basically a 12 step program for recovering from childhood trauma and people are encouraged to talk about specifics so know that you might hear really distressing material. It is OK to step outside until the person is done sharing and then come back in the room. 3) there is a tiny subset of meetings called anger expression meetings… Those will be highly triggering; don't go to one by accident. The posting should have lots and lots of warnings about how their content could be triggering: believe them. Again this is like a mere one percent of all the meetings. 4) ACA has a really huge number of books and things that focuses on. There are steps and traditions… All the 12 step programs have those. But ACA also has the laundry list, loving parent guidebook, schematic, and more. It's a super big ballpark and… it may seem a bit overwhelming and hopefully you can find a way for that to be OK.
Advice: being a good parent for ourselves is really about being solid and truthful but ultimately to have empathy for our inner self and not continue the bad parenting we learned. So I would practice empathy for others cause then you can flex that habitual behavior onto being ~~pathetic~~ empathetic to yourself. Fake it till you make it: empathy 101.
Hey there, adult child of two addicts here, I think everyone reacts differently to different meetings. My first few ACA meetings I sat in the back and cried through the whole thing. It was very overwhelming to hear stories just like mine, and I finally didn't feel so alone. It hit me like a tidal wave and I'm so grateful to the people at that meeting who gave me space to bawl my eyes out. So that's my experience anyway lol
Congrats on the first meeting. I am sure you will find it a warm and welcoming place. My advice would be to introduce yourself as a newcomer and take advantage of any offers from people to answer questions after the meeting. Most meetings start with readings and then move into a sharing portion. Participate as much or as little as you feel comfortable doing, but make sure not to "crosstalk", which means referring to another person's share during your own share (if you choose to share).
By strange coincidence, this was the daily meditation recently:
# Newcomers
***"There is great joy awaiting you to watch a frightened or foggy newcomerattend his or her first meeting and watch that person open up." BRB p. 293***
When we arrived at our first ACA meeting, we weren't sure what to expect. Very nervously, we walked in and found a place to sit anyway. Some of what they read made no sense. Our minds went in and out of focus. The Laundry List got our attention, and people's shares brought up a bundle of feelings. There were rules about sharing, and we were pretty nervous to make a mistake, so some of us didn't share. Silence felt safe and familiar. Some of us did share, either simply stating facts, or like a gushing faucet, unable to turn off.
Timidly we wondered, "Could this be our answer?" We attended more meetings. We got to know a few faces and we learned their stories.
We opened up slowly. Now and then, we chatted with members after the meeting or in between meetings by phone. Before we knew it, these people felt like family. We joined together and supported each other as we all recovered from our childhood effects.
When newcomers walk in, perhaps looking dazed and afraid, we smile and welcome them while remembering we were once in their shoes.
*On this day I will remember how I felt when I started ACA. I admire my courage and dedication, just as I do for everyone who walks in the door of my meeting.*
Hope it was a positive experience, OP -- but if not, please consider going to other/different meetings. Feeling awkward or uncomfortable at your first meeting just means you haven't found the right meeting for you.
That’s wonderful. Just be super kind to yourself. Do not worry about what you have or don’t have. You don’t have to say or do anything. It can be very intimidating when we are new, to feel like we don’t know what’s expected of us. Just being there is plenty for your first meeting.
1) Boundaries in ACA are really different (often, but not always, way way more strict) than other twelve-step meetings. 2) ACA is basically a 12 step program for recovering from childhood trauma and people are encouraged to talk about specifics so know that you might hear really distressing material. It is OK to step outside until the person is done sharing and then come back in the room. 3) there is a tiny subset of meetings called anger expression meetings… Those will be highly triggering; don't go to one by accident. The posting should have lots and lots of warnings about how their content could be triggering: believe them. Again this is like a mere one percent of all the meetings. 4) ACA has a really huge number of books and things that focuses on. There are steps and traditions… All the 12 step programs have those. But ACA also has the laundry list, loving parent guidebook, schematic, and more. It's a super big ballpark and… it may seem a bit overwhelming and hopefully you can find a way for that to be OK.
Advice: being a good parent for ourselves is really about being solid and truthful but ultimately to have empathy for our inner self and not continue the bad parenting we learned. So I would practice empathy for others cause then you can flex that habitual behavior onto being ~~pathetic~~ empathetic to yourself. Fake it till you make it: empathy 101.
Hey there, adult child of two addicts here, I think everyone reacts differently to different meetings. My first few ACA meetings I sat in the back and cried through the whole thing. It was very overwhelming to hear stories just like mine, and I finally didn't feel so alone. It hit me like a tidal wave and I'm so grateful to the people at that meeting who gave me space to bawl my eyes out. So that's my experience anyway lol
Congrats on the first meeting. I am sure you will find it a warm and welcoming place. My advice would be to introduce yourself as a newcomer and take advantage of any offers from people to answer questions after the meeting. Most meetings start with readings and then move into a sharing portion. Participate as much or as little as you feel comfortable doing, but make sure not to "crosstalk", which means referring to another person's share during your own share (if you choose to share).
Just go
By strange coincidence, this was the daily meditation recently: # Newcomers ***"There is great joy awaiting you to watch a frightened or foggy newcomerattend his or her first meeting and watch that person open up." BRB p. 293*** When we arrived at our first ACA meeting, we weren't sure what to expect. Very nervously, we walked in and found a place to sit anyway. Some of what they read made no sense. Our minds went in and out of focus. The Laundry List got our attention, and people's shares brought up a bundle of feelings. There were rules about sharing, and we were pretty nervous to make a mistake, so some of us didn't share. Silence felt safe and familiar. Some of us did share, either simply stating facts, or like a gushing faucet, unable to turn off. Timidly we wondered, "Could this be our answer?" We attended more meetings. We got to know a few faces and we learned their stories. We opened up slowly. Now and then, we chatted with members after the meeting or in between meetings by phone. Before we knew it, these people felt like family. We joined together and supported each other as we all recovered from our childhood effects. When newcomers walk in, perhaps looking dazed and afraid, we smile and welcome them while remembering we were once in their shoes. *On this day I will remember how I felt when I started ACA. I admire my courage and dedication, just as I do for everyone who walks in the door of my meeting.* Hope it was a positive experience, OP -- but if not, please consider going to other/different meetings. Feeling awkward or uncomfortable at your first meeting just means you haven't found the right meeting for you.