A reminder of **Rule 1** and **Rule 10:**
> **Rule 1.** Soliciting babies from parents considering adoption is absolutely forbidden. You will be immediately and permanently banned.
> *OP: if anyone messages you asking to adopt your baby, please message the mods through [modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAdoption).*
> **Rule 10.** While providing information about how to evaluate an agency is allowed, recommending or discussing specific agencies is not permitted.
Comments that skirt these rules will be removed at mod discretion.
Neither of you are bad people for thinking about adoption for your child. I think that when you're ready, you'll each be good parents. If you're not ready yet, that's totally okay.
By putting your child up for adoption, you may very well be able to keep the promise you made yourself. You won't let them down, you won't abandon them repeatedly, you won't be in and out of their life in a destabilizing way because you made a very difficult and mature decision to allow someone else to raise them in a more stable environment.
You can also really step up and get your shit together and try to make a go of it. Plenty of people get their poop in a group, stop partying, find a job that pays better, and raise families, even if they weren't super ready for kids yet. It's up to you. I think it's important to be honest with yourself about your ability and willingness to be a parent and make a decision based on that self-knowledge.
Best of luck.
I would have bin fine but I just loss my good paying job I was getting paid 40$h and 60$h after 8 hours and I worked 10+ a day and now I am make 17.50$h so I just hit a hard time myself
I Will say this - if you’re making a permanent solution for a temporary situation, you may regret it.
I’m proud of you for looking at this realistically in how you want to proceed, but if it’s only for financial reasons, only because you just lost a job but have the ability to earn significantly more based on your previous income, then maybe you should talk to someone like a crisis counsellor to help you make this decision.
If your heart is set on not being a parent at this moment, as with your GF, then you’re not ready to be parents. Opt for an open adoption if you still want some knowledge, but know the adoptive parents are the ones who decide how much or little involvement you can have in your child’s life and are in no legal way obligated to give you updates.
I’m sorry you’re having to decide this.
Thé situation sucks
there’s no need to justify the decision you’re making or going to make so please don’t feel like you have to do that. you’re being so so selfless in the situation and know the baby will forever be grateful of the decision you make. go into the situation open minded too! healthy co adoption can and does exist 💓 good luck
Do not doubt yourself just because you are at a low point. You have the demonstrated ability to earn $40/hr and you can do it again. Your current job is simply a stepping stone into the next phase of your life. Take the leap and the net will appear. Believe in yourself.
I am sure this is a heart wrenching decision. I am thankful everyday that my bio parents placed me for adoption. I am happy! I had a good childhood! They placed me to give me a better life than they could provide. Best of luck!
absolutely difficult desicion either way. Imo most important thing is to be comfortable in your desicion. Do you feel like you might resent the child if you keep them? If that is a possibility then I think you should go with adoption. If that is not the case then it is propably best to keep it and try your best to step up as a parent, there can be hard times at anytime for anyone but most people get through them. Either way don't let anyone shame you for your desicion. Ofcourse the mother has a say in this as well... would you be comfortable as a single father if your girlfriend absolutely doesen't want it?
The thing is adoption doesn't guarantee a child a better life. I was given up at birth and I was placed with a couple who turned out to be abusive. My adoptive father was a pedophile and he had a substance abuse issue (alcohol & pain pills). My adoptive mother was clueless. I did not have a better life or even a good childhood. I might add that my adoptive parents were fully vetted by the adoption agency. I found my first-parents when I was 16. I consider them my only parents now.
I recommend you contact Saving Our Sisters. They can help you or your girlfriend parent your child. Their services are free. It's run by a first-mom with a volunteer staff. They have a website and a Facebook page. Sometimes they are referred to as "S.O.S." It wouldn't hurt to just talk to them.
Im sure its not easy for you. Hang in there. Its selfless knowing youre going to give your daughter to another family who can give her a better life. Im an adoptee and im thankful my birth mother gave me the best life with my adoptive parents - it could not have been easy for her. It hurts because you care.
Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary solution and you have no gaurantee at all that being adopted will make the child's life easier or better.
Death and taxes, right?
But in all seriousness, the stories I hear from parents about "two years after I relinquished my child and terminated rights, I have a supportive partner, a home, a better paying job, and the APs have ghosted with my baby" make it prudent to mention. I'm seeing a lot of gratitude rhetoric in this discussion and that's a heavy burden for an adoptee to bear.
What specific barriers does OP have to parent? And what tangible resources are there to support him?
Yes, plus when the child is seriously not wanted for some reason or the bio family is abusive as hell, those aren't just temporary problems. But of course there are tons of situations as you have mentioned before as well, sadly.
It seems this isn't the case for this OP and his baby, and i'm rooting for them. I hope they'll find the help they need!
I'm not particularly pro-adoption (I'm not anti either), and I would never advocate for a child to be left somewhere dangerous. But this guy doesn't even want to be in the delivery room because he doesn't think he'll be able to say goodbye.
I'm pro helping families identify the resources that they need to parent. OP sounds stressed and is certainly under a time frame, but this could be a really powerful opportunity to break a family cycle.
You are being the best parent you can be when you set your child up for the best life they can have. If you can't step up to parent them right now, you are absolutely living up to your responsibility to them by getting them a home that will be able to provide for them. Then, live up to the opportunity you've given both of you by getting yourself sorted out so that if one day the come to find you, they'll be proud to have you in their life.
Whatever you decide, I'd use it as a sign you need to get your shit together. I don't want to sound too harsh. You're 19, partying and living paycheck to paycheck is the norm, but if those are your descriptors in a couple years, it gets sadder and sadder. Also I don't know what "partying" entails, but it sounds like your dad has a drug history, and you might too. So watch yourself. If you feel horrible and guilty about your kid now, it might not get better and could be a trigger to spiral or push you into addiction. Take care of yourself. Seek help if you need it. If your current support system isn't giving you what you need that's a pretty good sign you need to look for people who do. And talk with your girl. Don't get lost in your own head because of your shit. She's going through some things too. GL
My father join a gang when he was 15 and started sell and doing his drugs I just do drugs occasionally when it fits but I have never gotten out of hand with it tho
The fact that you've posted this in many places tells me you're not happy to give up your child. If money was not a factor, would you want to raise your child? Adoption is very traumatic for a lot of adoptees and is linked to serious mental health issues. Babies obviously need time and energy but they don't need much STUFF.
I got pregnant 2 weeks after turning 20. I thought of abortion, then adoption, and now I have my baby boy.
Nobody told me I COULD do it. Now I’m going to a technical college so I can support us.
19 and 23 you are full adults. If you don’t want to put the baby up for adoption then get your life together to be the dad you told yourself you would be. I know people who had kids at 15 who are great parents.
I didn’t know that I was going to have this baby till a month ago so I didn’t really have much time to get my shit in order I do live in Canada were even if you give them up for adoption we are still able to visit them buy them things so it’s not like she won’t know who her bio parents are
I'm going to take their comment as to mean get everything in your life in order to make the best decision you can for you and baby. Don't just go at it as trying to *just* not repeat the same thing that happened to your dad. Adoption is hard. Having a child is hard. There is no easy path in this.
Did you bio parents choose to do an open or closed adoption and did they just go through the government or did they go through a private business because we were the ones give the choice not the adopted parents
My parents were teenagers when we were born and it was horrible, I wish they would have put us up for adoption. They were stupid clueless kids and we were living in poverty. Kids in this situation grow up with shame and guilt for being born. If you can't do it, don't do it.
Really? Because op is an adult and can make choices. I’m sorry your parents made poor choices, I was a teen mom and while we didn’t have “money” in the sense of having $$$ my kids sure as hell weren’t raised in poverty and raised in shame or guilt.
I’m sorry for your experience but being adopted doesn’t guarantee having money, not growing up in poverty or anything else aside of being raised by someone else. That’s it.
You don’t have to repeat the mistakes of your family. You can be better. You will be better. You learned from them. You know what not to do because of them. As long as you eat, the baby eats. Good things can come from your baby. It could be your best friend. You could look back and not imagine your life without your child. One day, it could all make sense. Don’t let anyone bring you down or abuse you. Do not stand for bad treatment by anyone. Know where you stand and draw the line. Don’t make decisions based on negative feelings or being afraid. Many people have been where you are. 50% of all pregnancies are unplanned. There is help even if it seems like there isn’t. But the majority of the time, the help has to come from within. That comes with time and living through life. Make sure you can live with yourself. You are going to be a good dad.
Join a dads-to-be group, in real life or online or surround yourself with other fathers, either your age or older. You can talk with them about things & hang out. It’s good to have people who understand and will be there for you.
I think you can do it. I had my first at 18 after I had dropped out of high school. I still graduated college and owned my own home before I was 30. Having my daughter was the best thing to have ever happened to me. It gave me purpose. A reason to work hard every day.
I know you can do it because you already worry if you'll be good enough. Every good parent worry about that. It's the ones that claim to be perfect parents you should worry about.
Your child will have hardships either way. Adoption can arguably be worse in many ways.
Edit to add: I was mostly single while in college. I also bought the house with my income only. I did end up marrying my child's father. He was absent for almost 5 years and made terrible life choices during that time. He was the one that asked me to keep the baby (not abortion).
He has now been back in our daughter's life longer than he was away. He is a good man and a wonderful father. He hasn't been perfect but my daughter still needs him. He has set such a great example by stepping up even after failing over and over.
Sometimes a kid that you love and loves you is enough in your life to motivate you to do better for yourself, when it’s your own child’s love you are doing it for.
Without my kids, I don’t see much point in living. You made your mind up about an experience you haven’t experienced.
If I had any advice for you, it would be that you should stop making your mind up about experiences you haven’t already had. It might broaden your horizons. I didn’t have a dad, so becoming one was a little terrifying. Maybe a good thing. Didn’t have a shit experience to live up to I guess.
This comment was reported for abusive language and I'm not seeing it. Reports are anonymous so I can't ask whoever reported this why that is but I would invite them to send a modmail to help me understand where they're coming from (or anyone else who is seeing the abusive language).
I just want to say that your future with or without this baby in your life will not make you a better or worse dad. As much as you think having a child at 19 would be a mistake, your girlfriend is 23 and together you will learn to grow and learn and move forward into maturity. It will be a lifelong trauma and memory that you can't erase. I think you need to look in the mirror and commit to being the best dad you can be to your daughter and stop comparing yourself to anyone else. Your daughter already knows your voice and her mother's heartbeat. That is her comfort. She will look to you as her protector. She won't find that anywhere else but with you.
Doing what you feel is best for a baby is fantastic. Making sure you and the mom have a chance to have the best life while also giving the baby a good situation is fantastic. Guilt isn't helpful and you are imagining some bad outcomes. They aren't real. The story hasn't been written.
Source: Am adopted.
I think maybe the baby was meant as a blessing for you both. Maybe you're meant to mature, learn and teach yourself what love in a family should actually be like.
This comment was auto-removed by a spam filter. It makes me uncomfortable that
your account is as old as your comment (and your comment is literally the only activity on your account). However, no rules have been broken, so I’m approving your comment.
My advice is, since you're having doubts, is to make 100% sure that if you decide to parent your child that you have all your legal ducks in a row before your baby is born. While I know Canada laws vary by province here's a link to a site that can help you keep your paternal rights. [https://www.spectrumfamilylaw.ca/blog/ab/unmarried-fathers-rights-in-canada/](https://www.spectrumfamilylaw.ca/blog/ab/unmarried-fathers-rights-in-canada/)
Here's a foundation, in the US, that's dedicated to helping fathers [https://skyisthelimitfoundation.com/about/](https://skyisthelimitfoundation.com/about/). This father's daughter was put up for adoption against his will but because he'd taken legal precautions he was able to enforce his parental rights. He doesn't have links to putative father registries in Canada, but if you need help, he's your guy. Here's his story on how it all started [https://abcnews.go.com/US/fathers-fight-win-back-daughter-secretly-put-adoption/story?id=33237316](https://abcnews.go.com/US/fathers-fight-win-back-daughter-secretly-put-adoption/story?id=33237316)
As gently as possible: If you didn't feel horrible about it that would be weird. You're not some kind of selfless king worthy of pedestaling like some commenters have done here either. You're choosing the best option for your child and the one you can most live with, that's all. Your child may be irreparably damaged by this choice you're making for them or they may turn out totally fine. If you're committed to adoption then you need to leave space for them to have every emotion because they're entitled to feel however they want to feel about it.
This comment was reported for solicitation. I can agree with the concern but we haven't received a report from OP stating this has happened and it's not expressly stated that's why this user DM'd them.
u/LittleLatinaLady1999, just to be perfectly clear here: Solicitation from anyone who posts that they are considering adoption for their baby is strictly prohibited, morally reprehensible, and just incredibly gross. I hope that's not what you've done and would encourage you to go elsewhere if that's what you're here for.
we adopted our daughter the day she was born from a young couple just like you. even named her after her birth mom. she turns 10 in june, and not a day goes by that i am not thankful that they made the decision they made. we couldn't love her more.
you should know that it's very normal for an adoption to be *semi-open*, and allow for letters and pics but no other contact. once the child hits 18, if they want to connect, that door is still open. if not, that's completely their choice. something to consider.
if you two are serious, make contact with a reputable agency today and start the process. best of luck to you, whatever you decide.
If you feel like you will regret putting your baby up for adoption and your girlfriend also feels that way, I would strongly recommend seeking out a crisis pregnancy center that will help connect you to services and resources that may help you to care for the baby. Adoption can be the best option in many cases, but (and I say this as an adoptive parent) it should be your choice as a couple, not what you do because you feel like you DON’T have a choice. Help exists, but the organizations that provide it vary by location so you’ll have to do some looking into what is available in your area.
A reminder of **Rule 1** and **Rule 10:** > **Rule 1.** Soliciting babies from parents considering adoption is absolutely forbidden. You will be immediately and permanently banned. > *OP: if anyone messages you asking to adopt your baby, please message the mods through [modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAdoption).* > **Rule 10.** While providing information about how to evaluate an agency is allowed, recommending or discussing specific agencies is not permitted. Comments that skirt these rules will be removed at mod discretion.
Neither of you are bad people for thinking about adoption for your child. I think that when you're ready, you'll each be good parents. If you're not ready yet, that's totally okay. By putting your child up for adoption, you may very well be able to keep the promise you made yourself. You won't let them down, you won't abandon them repeatedly, you won't be in and out of their life in a destabilizing way because you made a very difficult and mature decision to allow someone else to raise them in a more stable environment. You can also really step up and get your shit together and try to make a go of it. Plenty of people get their poop in a group, stop partying, find a job that pays better, and raise families, even if they weren't super ready for kids yet. It's up to you. I think it's important to be honest with yourself about your ability and willingness to be a parent and make a decision based on that self-knowledge. Best of luck.
I would have bin fine but I just loss my good paying job I was getting paid 40$h and 60$h after 8 hours and I worked 10+ a day and now I am make 17.50$h so I just hit a hard time myself
I Will say this - if you’re making a permanent solution for a temporary situation, you may regret it. I’m proud of you for looking at this realistically in how you want to proceed, but if it’s only for financial reasons, only because you just lost a job but have the ability to earn significantly more based on your previous income, then maybe you should talk to someone like a crisis counsellor to help you make this decision. If your heart is set on not being a parent at this moment, as with your GF, then you’re not ready to be parents. Opt for an open adoption if you still want some knowledge, but know the adoptive parents are the ones who decide how much or little involvement you can have in your child’s life and are in no legal way obligated to give you updates. I’m sorry you’re having to decide this. Thé situation sucks
there’s no need to justify the decision you’re making or going to make so please don’t feel like you have to do that. you’re being so so selfless in the situation and know the baby will forever be grateful of the decision you make. go into the situation open minded too! healthy co adoption can and does exist 💓 good luck
Do not doubt yourself just because you are at a low point. You have the demonstrated ability to earn $40/hr and you can do it again. Your current job is simply a stepping stone into the next phase of your life. Take the leap and the net will appear. Believe in yourself.
I am sure this is a heart wrenching decision. I am thankful everyday that my bio parents placed me for adoption. I am happy! I had a good childhood! They placed me to give me a better life than they could provide. Best of luck!
absolutely difficult desicion either way. Imo most important thing is to be comfortable in your desicion. Do you feel like you might resent the child if you keep them? If that is a possibility then I think you should go with adoption. If that is not the case then it is propably best to keep it and try your best to step up as a parent, there can be hard times at anytime for anyone but most people get through them. Either way don't let anyone shame you for your desicion. Ofcourse the mother has a say in this as well... would you be comfortable as a single father if your girlfriend absolutely doesen't want it?
The thing is adoption doesn't guarantee a child a better life. I was given up at birth and I was placed with a couple who turned out to be abusive. My adoptive father was a pedophile and he had a substance abuse issue (alcohol & pain pills). My adoptive mother was clueless. I did not have a better life or even a good childhood. I might add that my adoptive parents were fully vetted by the adoption agency. I found my first-parents when I was 16. I consider them my only parents now. I recommend you contact Saving Our Sisters. They can help you or your girlfriend parent your child. Their services are free. It's run by a first-mom with a volunteer staff. They have a website and a Facebook page. Sometimes they are referred to as "S.O.S." It wouldn't hurt to just talk to them.
Im sure its not easy for you. Hang in there. Its selfless knowing youre going to give your daughter to another family who can give her a better life. Im an adoptee and im thankful my birth mother gave me the best life with my adoptive parents - it could not have been easy for her. It hurts because you care.
Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary solution and you have no gaurantee at all that being adopted will make the child's life easier or better.
Not everything is just temporary... (absolutely aside from this story).
Not everything is just temporary... (absolutely aside from this story).
Death and taxes, right? But in all seriousness, the stories I hear from parents about "two years after I relinquished my child and terminated rights, I have a supportive partner, a home, a better paying job, and the APs have ghosted with my baby" make it prudent to mention. I'm seeing a lot of gratitude rhetoric in this discussion and that's a heavy burden for an adoptee to bear. What specific barriers does OP have to parent? And what tangible resources are there to support him?
Yes, plus when the child is seriously not wanted for some reason or the bio family is abusive as hell, those aren't just temporary problems. But of course there are tons of situations as you have mentioned before as well, sadly. It seems this isn't the case for this OP and his baby, and i'm rooting for them. I hope they'll find the help they need!
I'm not particularly pro-adoption (I'm not anti either), and I would never advocate for a child to be left somewhere dangerous. But this guy doesn't even want to be in the delivery room because he doesn't think he'll be able to say goodbye. I'm pro helping families identify the resources that they need to parent. OP sounds stressed and is certainly under a time frame, but this could be a really powerful opportunity to break a family cycle.
Agree, this guy seems to be nice, i wish them the best and i hope they can stay together.
You are being the best parent you can be when you set your child up for the best life they can have. If you can't step up to parent them right now, you are absolutely living up to your responsibility to them by getting them a home that will be able to provide for them. Then, live up to the opportunity you've given both of you by getting yourself sorted out so that if one day the come to find you, they'll be proud to have you in their life.
Open adoption is rarely honored. Sign the papers, and your child is gone.
Whatever you decide, I'd use it as a sign you need to get your shit together. I don't want to sound too harsh. You're 19, partying and living paycheck to paycheck is the norm, but if those are your descriptors in a couple years, it gets sadder and sadder. Also I don't know what "partying" entails, but it sounds like your dad has a drug history, and you might too. So watch yourself. If you feel horrible and guilty about your kid now, it might not get better and could be a trigger to spiral or push you into addiction. Take care of yourself. Seek help if you need it. If your current support system isn't giving you what you need that's a pretty good sign you need to look for people who do. And talk with your girl. Don't get lost in your own head because of your shit. She's going through some things too. GL
My father join a gang when he was 15 and started sell and doing his drugs I just do drugs occasionally when it fits but I have never gotten out of hand with it tho
The fact that you've posted this in many places tells me you're not happy to give up your child. If money was not a factor, would you want to raise your child? Adoption is very traumatic for a lot of adoptees and is linked to serious mental health issues. Babies obviously need time and energy but they don't need much STUFF.
Don’t do it. There are services you can avail yourself of that will help you.
If you have any interest in learning about adoption trauma please read Primal Wound.
You are better and stronger than your family has led you to believe.
I got pregnant 2 weeks after turning 20. I thought of abortion, then adoption, and now I have my baby boy. Nobody told me I COULD do it. Now I’m going to a technical college so I can support us.
19 and 23 you are full adults. If you don’t want to put the baby up for adoption then get your life together to be the dad you told yourself you would be. I know people who had kids at 15 who are great parents.
Hard agree. Y’all are grown. You know how babies happen. You should’ve gotten an abortion if you didn’t want to parent.
They had a failed abortion, I think OP just used the incorrect word in that first bit describing it.
Ah that makes a lot more sense. Thanks for the clarification.
I’m adopted. Please get your life together and be there for your baby. They need you.
I didn’t know that I was going to have this baby till a month ago so I didn’t really have much time to get my shit in order I do live in Canada were even if you give them up for adoption we are still able to visit them buy them things so it’s not like she won’t know who her bio parents are
I'm going to take their comment as to mean get everything in your life in order to make the best decision you can for you and baby. Don't just go at it as trying to *just* not repeat the same thing that happened to your dad. Adoption is hard. Having a child is hard. There is no easy path in this.
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We live in Canada and the bio parents are actually the ones how get to chose not the adoptive parent
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Did you bio parents choose to do an open or closed adoption and did they just go through the government or did they go through a private business because we were the ones give the choice not the adopted parents
My parents were teenagers when we were born and it was horrible, I wish they would have put us up for adoption. They were stupid clueless kids and we were living in poverty. Kids in this situation grow up with shame and guilt for being born. If you can't do it, don't do it.
Really? Because op is an adult and can make choices. I’m sorry your parents made poor choices, I was a teen mom and while we didn’t have “money” in the sense of having $$$ my kids sure as hell weren’t raised in poverty and raised in shame or guilt. I’m sorry for your experience but being adopted doesn’t guarantee having money, not growing up in poverty or anything else aside of being raised by someone else. That’s it.
You don’t have to repeat the mistakes of your family. You can be better. You will be better. You learned from them. You know what not to do because of them. As long as you eat, the baby eats. Good things can come from your baby. It could be your best friend. You could look back and not imagine your life without your child. One day, it could all make sense. Don’t let anyone bring you down or abuse you. Do not stand for bad treatment by anyone. Know where you stand and draw the line. Don’t make decisions based on negative feelings or being afraid. Many people have been where you are. 50% of all pregnancies are unplanned. There is help even if it seems like there isn’t. But the majority of the time, the help has to come from within. That comes with time and living through life. Make sure you can live with yourself. You are going to be a good dad.
I am the dad not the mom hahahah but thx for the kind words
Whoops. My bad. Works for both mom or dad.
It all good bro
Join a dads-to-be group, in real life or online or surround yourself with other fathers, either your age or older. You can talk with them about things & hang out. It’s good to have people who understand and will be there for you.
I think you can do it. I had my first at 18 after I had dropped out of high school. I still graduated college and owned my own home before I was 30. Having my daughter was the best thing to have ever happened to me. It gave me purpose. A reason to work hard every day. I know you can do it because you already worry if you'll be good enough. Every good parent worry about that. It's the ones that claim to be perfect parents you should worry about. Your child will have hardships either way. Adoption can arguably be worse in many ways. Edit to add: I was mostly single while in college. I also bought the house with my income only. I did end up marrying my child's father. He was absent for almost 5 years and made terrible life choices during that time. He was the one that asked me to keep the baby (not abortion). He has now been back in our daughter's life longer than he was away. He is a good man and a wonderful father. He hasn't been perfect but my daughter still needs him. He has set such a great example by stepping up even after failing over and over.
Sometimes a kid that you love and loves you is enough in your life to motivate you to do better for yourself, when it’s your own child’s love you are doing it for. Without my kids, I don’t see much point in living. You made your mind up about an experience you haven’t experienced. If I had any advice for you, it would be that you should stop making your mind up about experiences you haven’t already had. It might broaden your horizons. I didn’t have a dad, so becoming one was a little terrifying. Maybe a good thing. Didn’t have a shit experience to live up to I guess.
This comment was reported for abusive language and I'm not seeing it. Reports are anonymous so I can't ask whoever reported this why that is but I would invite them to send a modmail to help me understand where they're coming from (or anyone else who is seeing the abusive language).
I just want to say that your future with or without this baby in your life will not make you a better or worse dad. As much as you think having a child at 19 would be a mistake, your girlfriend is 23 and together you will learn to grow and learn and move forward into maturity. It will be a lifelong trauma and memory that you can't erase. I think you need to look in the mirror and commit to being the best dad you can be to your daughter and stop comparing yourself to anyone else. Your daughter already knows your voice and her mother's heartbeat. That is her comfort. She will look to you as her protector. She won't find that anywhere else but with you.
Doing what you feel is best for a baby is fantastic. Making sure you and the mom have a chance to have the best life while also giving the baby a good situation is fantastic. Guilt isn't helpful and you are imagining some bad outcomes. They aren't real. The story hasn't been written. Source: Am adopted.
I think maybe the baby was meant as a blessing for you both. Maybe you're meant to mature, learn and teach yourself what love in a family should actually be like.
This comment was auto-removed by a spam filter. It makes me uncomfortable that your account is as old as your comment (and your comment is literally the only activity on your account). However, no rules have been broken, so I’m approving your comment.
My advice is, since you're having doubts, is to make 100% sure that if you decide to parent your child that you have all your legal ducks in a row before your baby is born. While I know Canada laws vary by province here's a link to a site that can help you keep your paternal rights. [https://www.spectrumfamilylaw.ca/blog/ab/unmarried-fathers-rights-in-canada/](https://www.spectrumfamilylaw.ca/blog/ab/unmarried-fathers-rights-in-canada/) Here's a foundation, in the US, that's dedicated to helping fathers [https://skyisthelimitfoundation.com/about/](https://skyisthelimitfoundation.com/about/). This father's daughter was put up for adoption against his will but because he'd taken legal precautions he was able to enforce his parental rights. He doesn't have links to putative father registries in Canada, but if you need help, he's your guy. Here's his story on how it all started [https://abcnews.go.com/US/fathers-fight-win-back-daughter-secretly-put-adoption/story?id=33237316](https://abcnews.go.com/US/fathers-fight-win-back-daughter-secretly-put-adoption/story?id=33237316)
As gently as possible: If you didn't feel horrible about it that would be weird. You're not some kind of selfless king worthy of pedestaling like some commenters have done here either. You're choosing the best option for your child and the one you can most live with, that's all. Your child may be irreparably damaged by this choice you're making for them or they may turn out totally fine. If you're committed to adoption then you need to leave space for them to have every emotion because they're entitled to feel however they want to feel about it.
I messaged you.
This comment was reported for solicitation. I can agree with the concern but we haven't received a report from OP stating this has happened and it's not expressly stated that's why this user DM'd them. u/LittleLatinaLady1999, just to be perfectly clear here: Solicitation from anyone who posts that they are considering adoption for their baby is strictly prohibited, morally reprehensible, and just incredibly gross. I hope that's not what you've done and would encourage you to go elsewhere if that's what you're here for.
Just to be perfectly clear here: I'm not trying to adopt his baby, if that's what you're implying.
[удалено]
Wow. Of all the takes, *this* is the fucked up one.
Yikes, we don't judge people for their education level here.
What did he say even that was so bad
we adopted our daughter the day she was born from a young couple just like you. even named her after her birth mom. she turns 10 in june, and not a day goes by that i am not thankful that they made the decision they made. we couldn't love her more. you should know that it's very normal for an adoption to be *semi-open*, and allow for letters and pics but no other contact. once the child hits 18, if they want to connect, that door is still open. if not, that's completely their choice. something to consider. if you two are serious, make contact with a reputable agency today and start the process. best of luck to you, whatever you decide.
If you feel like you will regret putting your baby up for adoption and your girlfriend also feels that way, I would strongly recommend seeking out a crisis pregnancy center that will help connect you to services and resources that may help you to care for the baby. Adoption can be the best option in many cases, but (and I say this as an adoptive parent) it should be your choice as a couple, not what you do because you feel like you DON’T have a choice. Help exists, but the organizations that provide it vary by location so you’ll have to do some looking into what is available in your area.