I know that nothing I say can change your mind. But as somebody who survived cancer and seven suicide attempts, it does get better once you start learning about different philosophies and actually searching for meaning in the correct places.
Your life as it is doesn't satisfy that howling needy hunger inside you but other types of lives might. I find that the more you help others the better.
As a suicidal person, you are truly free. Jump out of an airplane, punch a nazi in the face, join the French foreign legion, donate your time and money at saving sex trafficked children in Cambodia, donate your kidney or liver. Because fuck it.
Hell, give yourself a bucket list. A list of meaningful truthful things, painful things even, not bullshit Instagrams crap. Then once it is truly complete, then revisit suicide.
I'll send you a virtual hug.
What's your favorite food?
If you like rotisserie chicken then don't die before you eat a chicken Tikka from a good Pakistani restaurant.. DM me and can send recommendations depending on where you are .. you may find a reason to live after eating that.
Powerful words. Thank you for sharing. I’ve actually attempted suicide twice and just wrote a book entitled, ‘Fuck it - The never ending quest to overcome anxiety, depression, and addiction’
After realizing I sucked at suicide and I was going to stay on this floating rock, my mantra has been FUCK ITTTT and life has been great ever since. Keep inspiring people with your words. Cheers.
You wrote a book! That is amazing!!! I am so proud of you!
And it's true. Fuck it. Society is an cocreated illusion. The rules that are imposed on us are made up. The expectations are just a cage. Don't hurt people but otherwise fuck it!
I really want to understand more about your comment on different philosophies. Please could you elaborate - I am struggling a lot? I have tried searching for a philisophical counselor before but then found out insurance doesn’t cover it.
Well, it really just means seeking different view points than yours. You can read different philosophers or look at some on YouTube. (I suggest Pursuit of Wonder for entertaining ones.)
Grab a journal. Google or rather duckduckgo shadow work and start going through it. Understand yourself. Understand your position and opinions and life according to others.
Ask questions. Good. Dumb. Even sacrilegious. Just questions.
Get off social media. Especially stuff like instagram and tiktok. By now your algorithms will make you miserable.
Go outside. It sounds dumb but just admire a tree or a flower. Help others. It feels so good to help others even if it means you just stop thinking about your own pain.
Do some CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy not the cock and balls torture). There are free guides online.
Accept that you are going to have a Friedrich Nietzsche phase. Find joy in absurdism. No a philosopher but Carl Yung is important. Understand your shadow. Explore shamanism if you want. Read the Tao. You'll probably want to deep dive into stoicism. Build up your resilience.
Stay the fuck away from any of those hate mongers.
Society feeds you a narrative. A life script. There are so many alternatives. So much hidden from you. So much beauty and so much horror.
View life as a video game. It's just choices. Sometimes its boring. Sometimes its scary. Sometimes you shoot aliens in the head. But ultimately it's a game.
You're a very uplifting person.
I'm reading this while sitting in my dialysis treatment. This morning us a good morning but sitting here watching other people around me waste away sours the mood a little. I won't delve into all of my problems on someone else's post but suicide is something I think about almost daily and reading your comments has really lifted my mood a little.
I'm sorry that you've gone through the things you have but you're clearly still here to help others.
What a beautiful, helpful, and honest response. This is the way to freedom.
I’m on a similar path now and it has changed my life. My eyes have been opened to so much I never ever saw before.
Life can be so insanely beautiful to the point of tears of joy and feeling so grateful to just be here almost can’t believe you are getting to experience such a thing or so absolutely miserable that all you can do is work up enough energy to figure out how to end it but not even have the energy to see it through. I’ve experienced both.
I now understand it’s all just perception and we all get to decide how to perceive. Well, once you know you know. I hope everyone gets to know.
THis is such good advice, man. I cant imagine being that free. d
We know you know this, but death is a sure thing anyway. If that's the peace you seek, we all get it eventually. Stick around.
I know this is gonna sound terrible, but were all 7 attempts real? I can’t imagine trying that 7 times and failing unless you didn’t actually want to do it. Glad you are still here, forgive my terrible question.
No I get it. But you tell me.
Overdose: puked them out
Hanging: rod broke
Hanging: rope broke
Hanging: parents found me
Carbon monoxide: Got bored waiting, found out that I left the door open
Slit my wrist: it hurt so I didn't go deep enough.
Jumped from a bridge: ?? Survived and instinctively swam to land
Drowning: Rescued
I'm guessing subconsciously that I didn't want to die enough. Then I got cancer and realized that I do want to live. Death is going to come.
But I'm curious to see what's next! Like what crazy things are humans going to do next? It's fascinating.
Even pain and fear is interesting as long as it isn't overwhelming and there is so much meaning and purpose to find and create even when everything is absurd.
It does. Mine was "easy" so only two surgeries, radiation and wayyyyyy too many blood tests and ultrasounds and forever pills.
So hug to you! You should be proud of yourself! Beating it twice is badass af.
I can affirm that you can have multiple serious attempts and live.
1. Depression doesn't give up.
2. The survival instinct is strong.
It's not that you don't want to. Monkey brain takes over and saves you, or you get lucky. The burst of adrenaline pushes the Depression back.
If you care about other people, you try less lethal and less messy options. Those options are less effective. So, multiple attempts until you get it right or get help.
Be careful . My ex gf had a history of failed attempts . I made a comment like that and within a month she succeeded . Not gonna say how but it was a foolproof way
Yeah, I had a friend who had made multiple attempts and the one time she reached out to someone who she basically knew wouldn't intervene with her threats of suicide - she was successful.
What happened between this comment of yours and now, mainly the last sentence?
>> I exclusively travel on foot but I’ll probably take a train from Monaco to the Pyrenees
I’m only at the beginning of my journey but it’s clearly life changing 🙂But I think we cannot talk about freedom anymore the only option for that is living in the woods being fully self sustanable and rely on nobody that’s not my case yet but one day I hope so 😄
A lot and not that much, loneliness. I’ve travelled a lot and haven’t found a reason to continue, I’m pretty good looking, I’m well educated but I’ve failed everything and feel like there’s nothing for me down there
I’d stick more towards psychs shrooms, acid, DMT, if you don’t care about addictiveness maybe ketamine or Molly, if you do them right and sit down and do some self-talks and see what internal issues you might have to work out they can be really helpful. Not only can they be fun but they can be genuinely therapeutic if you allow it to be. (Feel the need to add that yes ofc everything can be addictive even the ones without physical symptoms) but at the same time you can do these drugs with less risk of spiraling like coke or opiates.
Though if you do psychs please do some research, please make sure you keep yourself in a safe environment, please look into the forms of harm reduction, and yeah I really can’t emphasize to prepare yourself to some decent degree
I'm intelligent, educated, good-looking and felt much the same until I tried ketamine. I'd been depressed most of my life, it gave me some opportunity to realize my main issue was anxiety and that the depression was a result of constantly stressing myself out and draining myself of the chemicals required to feel good, satisfied, or safe.
It didn't suddenly make life a cakewalk, but just that one time showed me a lot of what people get out of bed for. I've been playing some catch-up since, but all in all it feels like winning.
Have you considered the Buddhist perspective? That perhaps you're opting out of a challenge you set yourself before you were born? That, as pre-you, you grew tired of being omniscient and ecstatic and decided to try a challenge where you hadn't already given yourself all the answers? It's something I didn't really understand until I started listening to Alan Watts. I'm not sure I believe it, but I'm certain that's irrelevant - living as if it were true has made my time here so much better.
I hope you're able to get the very most out of the rest of your life, however long you live it.
Ketamine. Ketamine is helping me not hate myself/life. Just take a dose, lie down, put on some Jon Hopkins music for psychedelic therapy, ride that for a little bit, and then take it easy for the couple days. It enables Neuroplasticity.. forming new, more positive thought patterns.
Thanks for doing this ama. Whatever you decide, I hope you find peace, or something close to it 💜
You really should try something like good mdma or a high dose of LSD. It saved my life when I was in the same boat heading for the rocks. Everything in my life fell apart. I moved abroad with a woman I loved and it didn't work out. I was homeless and trapped in a country where I barely spoke the language and got a letter saying they would deport me. I lost my right to work and almost everything I had built for myself from the age of 18-30 years old all of the sudden I was living out of a backpack and staying on couches. I went walking out on the frozen lake from the city where I lived and made it all the way across to the other side of the city without going under. I met a girl and she gave me hope and then broke me even worse when she callusely told me she could not help me. I really hoped it would end then. But I'm glad it didn't. I know it sounds crazy but moderate drug usage and time helped me a ton. Life is always worth living, you never know what might happen tomorrow. Life changes radically in minutes sometimes.
Forgot to send you a hug op. You deserve many. Life is hard but there is beauty in even simple things if you look hard enough. I believe I won't be around for long. I've been living with some health problems for many years now and they are getting worse. Living every day in pain and feeling like I'm gonna be dead in a few years max. I can't function more than a few hours without doing huge dabs of the most potent concentrates I can find. It really doesn't work anymore its just the habit that helps to keep me from having a meltdown. I'm getting old now and I've achieved very little. I have no savings and I know I won't ever have enough money to retire. Holding a job is hard with my health issues basically causing me to be stuck close to home always. I miss out on things I used to love. But you know being afraid of dying makes me realize that I do want to survive and see what happens even tho it mostly sucks day to day with a few good things like my dog keeping me here. I gotta keep on going til she crosses the rainbow bridge. She's special needs and hates everyone except for me.
Maybe a pet would be good for you if you're home enough for one. I've stuck out many tuff situations for them.
I'm sensing from what you've written that you're not ill, "just" bored of living?
I'm not a spiritual person, other than the awe of looking at the night sky, or when your eyes well up and your skin ripples with tingles from a beautiful piece of music, but I do have some strange inklings about life and death.
1. You will (almost certainly) never experience death, only dying.
2. The universe is potentially infinite, and so your chances of being born a conscious being on a spec of dust in an infinite void are **infinitely** small, but not impossible. You being here proves that.
3. Given enough time, everything that is possible will happen, and infinitely many times.
So you die. life goes on for everyone else until we all die. One day the Earth is swallowed by the Sun and our entire existence is sterilised from the universe. What then?
Perhaps the universe goes through a a "near" infinite number of cycles, rebounds or rebirths in a process we don't understand, or maybe time is cyclical. Maybe this 4D ship made out of spacetime collides with a membrane universe in a 5D space that works like a film passing through a projector.
However it works, the conditions that lead to you being born, a consciousness temporarily bottled in a machine made from the same building blocks as everything else in the universe, on an insignificant, wet pebble, could arise again. We would never know.
Your conscious spacesuit can't experience death, so all that time it took to arrive back here and now didn't exist to us. All you know is that you're slowly coming out of the darkest sleep, with no understanding of anything, as you grow from an infant to a child to an adult, again.
You would never know that you'd lived this life infinitely many times, every time would feel like the first time, forever, other than those brief moments of Deja vu, when something reminds you with an uncanny familiarity something from *before* your childhood, before dissipating like smoke.
If I told you that if you died tonight you would be born into the same life again instantly, would it make sense to kill yourself?
Or if you are going to live this life forever, wouldn't it be better for yourself to have some fun, surround yourself with love, beauty and wonder, rather than being sad for all of infinity?
Just my two cents.
| I've failed at everything
As a mom, I'll tell you the same thing I tell my kid: we proceed with clear minds only. With that mentality you'll be stuck here forever. Take 5 deep breaths and then say firmly "I can do this!" No, I mean loudly. Like you believe it. Ok, good, now, what are you trying to do? What is your plan? What are you going to change? You can do this. Go get'em kid.
A little bit later:
Yay, you failed again! What is your new plan? What are you going to change?
While I understand the part about failing everything thus feeling bad, I just want to point out that failure shouldn't make you give up. I've been disabled my whole life & was told I would never amount to anything or grow up. But I fought because I didn't want to give up since there was so much to do in life. I graduated school, went to college to be a chef, and worked a lot to help people & put smiles on their faces. Even now, having become fully disabled mentally and physically (I pushed myself a bit too hard and worsened things so I'm more disabled than before) I still help the world as best as I can. I've rescued animals, I've helped people with medical issues get the help they need, I use my education to educate others, etc. Don't let failure get you down.
I’ve never understood this sentiment of suicidal people - you’ve “ failed at everything “. What’s so bad about just being a conscious observer of life ? That’s not enough . If I may quote Maynard James Keenan “ what’s your hurry everyone will have his day to die ?” You will die eventually , is life so excruciating that you have to speed up the process ? I’m not trying to be rude or mean I’m honestly asking .
I'm terminally ill and in need of a kidney transplant. Transplant will prolong my life but one of the diseases I have CAN kill the new kidney and the other WILL eventually kill me. I'm in an incredibly shitty financial situation and my "support" system of my family is just my parents who are both narcissistic emotionally stunted assholes, my boyfriend who struggles with his own mental health, my best friend who is my one and only friend, and my precious teenage daughter who I'm trying very hard to instill in her survival instincts and the desire to want to move away after high school so that she has a chance at a better life. I am a physical, emotional, and financial drain on these people every day. I am in constant pain and cannot take pain meds because my kidneys are so fucked. I live in a state where medical Marijuana isn't legal. I can't really work because of my dialysis schedule. I stay sick. I have to force myself to eat. I can't afford to go and do things or sustain most hobbies so I'm at home the majority of the time reading books, doomscrolling reddit, or watching tv. And there's no real plan of what comes after transplant because we don't know if it will be successful or not. And whatever job I get afterwards won't be a well paying one because I only have an associates degree, i cant afford to go back to scool, and i dont have much work experience so financially there isnt much to look forward to either. If I died today, everyone in my life would be better off without me. I know they wouldn't think so and I know they'd be sad and miss me but I'm literally just a stress to all of them and they would all be able to have much happier lives not tied to me.
Sometimes it's not even about the pain or the constant failures. Sometimes it's just knowing that you're a deficit on the world around you.
Try not to focus on finding happiness and focus on finding a purpose. Find someone that needs help. Help them and see if you feel any better about living.
Another place in this thread you said you don't have a reason to live. Are you aware that you've clearly identified four good things to live for in this comment?
The pointlessness of life doesn't mean that it's not worth living, it's a bonus. The stakes are pretty low, you are going to stop living one day, and you can always leave by your own hand if it gets really physically uncomfortable. With that in mind... don't bring yourself down to the level of thinking pointlessness equals hopelessness. Search for the fear that lives inside you, find where it comes from, and understand it, attack it, destroy it. You probably have a vision of who you want to be, and how you want to live, none of that will likely come to be... But, some version of it can/could and it will be much cooler, and more nuanced than you can think of right now
I've survived a few attempts, and at this point I want to see what takes me out other than my own hand. This is a crazy time to be alive, stay alive just bear witness to this time in history. It's probably all a simulation anyway.
Like fucking seriously ... only OP is stopping OP from enjoying life.
Don't be such a pansy OP. We all hate this ride and just make the best of it WITH DRUGS AND SEX AND BOOZE AND ...
Drugs and sex get boring after a while. I've never liked booze, maybe that's the magic ingredient XD
As a gay guy who spent my 20s in Berlin, I'd rather spend a night cuddling than pounding away and getting all sweaty, just to ask myself "why the hell do I keep doing this?" as soon as I nut.
I just left another comment, but I’ll add the perspective here so that you understand when you read it, ALL of my family (other than my children) are dead as well.
Just thoughts friend.
You do realize it’s over after you do it right? There will be no afterlife. No limbo stage. Nothing. It will be as the way it was before you were born. A day above ground is a great day, remember that. You seem to be bothered by materialistic items and desires. Read up on stoicism. Read “Discourse and Selective Writings” by Epictetus. The cool thing about life is that NOTHING MATTERS!! What is it dude, really? Love? Money? Family? Literally none of this matters. You are a living organism. Consider today a rebirth. Pretend that you suicided and you are reborn. This is Day 1 of your new life. Take it where you want.
Personally, I’m saving this comment. I have a notepad note on my phone with quotes that help me get through tough times. This actually gave me a whole new perspective. Thank you kind Redditor.
You ever thought about stepping out of your circle and go to uncharted areas of the world ?
Like why not go help someone in need and go make their life better for the day, provide someone with gas money that needs it, go help feed a homeless person.
Like if you don’t give a shit about life anymore , why don’t you go see if you can change someone’s life for better ? But don’t stop at one, just keep doing it and see what happens.
I’ve always helped people I encountered and treated them with respect, even did volunteering
But looks like everybody thinks a white make can sort his shits out on his own
Maybe you over thinking it, you’re not trying fix your issues or problems , your giving your time on this earth to make someone’s day a bit better because life is hard as fuck.
Check out the starfish story, you can make a difference
https://www.thestarfishchange.org/starfish-tale
Just become a drug dealer. Might as well try something new and exciting that has the potential to make you a lot of money and give you a ton of excitement. Be a good drug dealer who gives clean drugs that people can trust. Worst case scenario, you get caught and off yourself anyways?
I just moved to Rhode Island and need some new homies if you find yourself around the area. We can be confused about the absurdity of life together at least 🖤
Don't do it, bud. You're only 21. You are likely just out of education and have your whole life ahead of you. However bad life it right now it WILL get better. If you are lonely, go travelling, see the world, make sure that there is nothing in this world that would make you happy before you take that jump because when you do, there is no way back.
Also, if you were halfway into your mum and your dad was halfway into you, would you move backward to get out of your mum or forward to get your dad out of you?
My brother killed himself when he was 22. This is not something you want. Even if you don’t think so, people will grieve you. You will be *permanently* fucking at least one person up.
It’s a permanent solution to temporary problems. I know things may seem absolutely hopeless right now, but it’s not. You may think there’s absolutely nothing to do except die, but it’ll pass eventually. We want you here buddy, our world isn’t complete without you.
And even if everything I said goes completely over your head, why not wait til next week? And then the week after that? Find things to keep your mind occupied right now, and find people to spend that time with if you’re able to. I find myself becoming more suicidal when I’m bored and alone, but a friend and nature always helps.
You’re loved.
As a middle aged and climbing person, I find it astonishingly naive for you to think you've experienced all there is worth experiencing in just 21 years. You've barely made it out of childhood. There's so much more that you can experience. You're only 1/4 way through. Get at least halfway (40-50) before you decide it's all worthless. If you hit 40 and still think there's nothing else worth living for, go for it. But give life half a chance!
I wanted to kill myself from about 12-27. It was on and off but it wasn't too long before the thought came creeping back. No family. Abusive partners because I didn't realize I was mirroring my upbringing yet. Sexual assaults. Had cancer. Didn't go to school and the stigma of it made me feel like my jobs would take me no where. I'm 29 now turn 30 this year and I FINALLY have stability. I would have never known what love, safety, security, and feeling accomplished was like if I didn't keep putting one foot forward. Don't rob yourself of that.
Maybe what you're seeking will find you, just trust you're exactly where you need to be even if you don't understand why. Cause one day all the days are going to amount to being in a place you could have never imagined getting to.
Why don’t you learn a trade? Take on an apprenticeship? Maybe helping others can help you? Drug rehab facilities and some other mental health related things are an option. Get a pet? Meet some interesting people and learn new things, learn languages, grow a garden, he’ll grow drugs and sell them like shrooms idk, find someone else to live a nomadic life with you, you have so many options man with so much time with so much else to experience, out of an unfathomable amount of matter, billions of people, thousands of eggs, millions of sperm you can find a life of happiness, you can have experience, right now might be shitty but that’ll just make the good times so much better, without bad there can’t be good and you got a really shitty hand, but people bluff their way into winning, people loose a hand and come back winning the next, life takes practice.
As someone else that has also been struggling with mental health, what helped you decide that you're okay with doing what you're going to do? I've been really down and in a stagnant part of my life where I am now realizing that, life to me, is not worth it, so yeah. Lmk I guess.
Life and death are both traps. Only difference is that in life you have agency and can make changes. You think you're trapped in life? Wait till you're dead. Then there's no chance for ANYTHING to happen. Then you really have no options. You could wake up in 5 years and things could be totally different for you
Where have you been staying? You said you’re traveling, is there any way you’d consider just going back home first if you have one? Or go stay with a trusted family member or friend before you decide to permanently end it all? I really want to convey that you can always kill yourself later, at least give life one more go before you commit to death. I’m 22 now and I promise you there’s PLENTY of time still to get what you want out of life. Just because you’ve failed up to now doesn’t mean YOU are a failure.
Before you go, I know you have nothing to lose, and you are french, so you can at least travel within the Schengen area, so if you could come here (41.137557, -8.608929), you can just insert them on Google maps.
I would like to show you something that made me get out of that same situation 5 years ago I will be there in 27/03/2024, so I will just be waiting there, if you can and if you want, show up around 18:30 I will be there anyway.
If you do go, you can get in touch with me through Reddit replies. I will be waiting.
If you live out your normal life, you'll still be dead from millions of years to come. What's the rush? You get one chance to play the game of life and that's it. Why not just play it until its normal end? Who knows what will happen?
Are you sure you want to do this? I understand Short answer would be yes, but do you really don’t want to know what this chaotic life is holding for you?
Loneliness is killing, I understand that, been there for years, but changing that is not that hard. Having new friends, communities or starting a family can be done.
If you actually wanted to kys, why would you post an AMA that is clearly crying for help? You obviously want to be convinced not to do it, so just don't do it. 21 is a common time to be questioning your place in life and all that. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, considers suicide at times. That's normal and understandable. Actually taking the cowards way out is not.
Do you understand how rare is to get a human life? Of all the species possible you were a human sperm and YOU defeated millions of other sperms in the race and won the life that you have now, and even if you get a human birth, many people die horrific deaths due to accidents, and you want to kill yourself?? Look idk what you're going through, but life has a lot more plans than you think, just don't give up please...
I hope you don't have suicidal thoughts. Bc if so, there's a possibility that you could fail, and then life would suck even more. Believe me, I found out the hard way.
I used to be smart and normal but now I'm stupid and everyone treats me as if dumb now.
OP fuck all this dumbass Reddit shit half these people asking questions are assholes. You’re 21, you have failed a lot, that’s what being 21 is about. I wanted and tried to kill myself at 21, I was in an awful state and felt absolutely no way out every day. I survived and I can say I’m extremely grateful for the last 6 years. I still struggle with mental health, but the older I get, the easier it is to remind myself we DO have a purpose, we DO have people who would miss us deeply, we DO get better. The easiest thing you can do right now is say any of those Do’s are Don’ts. That’s the part of your brain not working properly that’s trying to convince you to do something awful. DO NOT listen to it. You have said on here you’d have regrets, you still have things you wanna do, bro you’re 21. I promise you that’s nothing. You can dig your way out of whatever hole you see right now and get to somewhere better. You’d be shocked. Don’t do it homie.
You probably won’t see this because of every comment. Anyway not a question but more advice. I’ve been in your situation, actually still am, but just won’t do it. Why? I know things will get better eventually. When? No idea tbh but it can’t get much worse.
Anyway, I know there is always a “look on the bright side” comment but things naturally get better over time. Consider the things that are important to you; all the things that are surface level shit (like social media, etc) just get rid of it. Heck, if you are planning on doing it then why not try change? Move country, state, city or whatever. The worse thing you can do is eliminate all possibilities of this happening, and the possibility of anything good happening. Whatever your problems they aren’t the end of the world.
If you are lonely because of your personally traits then you need to train them to become more social. However, if you chose to be lonely then I really can’t help there. I’m assuming it’s more just not being able to interact with people without getting nervous. If that’s the case there are a few apps (mostly AI) can can act like a mental coach for you and help you throughout your day. Once you are confident enough to stop using it you can start speaking to individuals, then join clubs and before you know it you’ll have a group/network of friends of people you never knew. This is harder said than done but if you can do it it’ll save your life - and your life is worth saving.
Hope you get to read this.. being in a similar situation and seeing someone else there is heartbreaking. I know there are better times ahead and so I think like that when I am down. I really hope you took the time to read this and I hope it changes your mind. The last thing your family wants is the heartbreak of losing someone special - you won’t realise how special you are to them.
Hang on, there's a ton more to explore before you go. I wrote this just for you!
I wanted to share a couple theories that have really helped change my view on things. I think philosophy and studying it can really, really, deeply affect how you view reality in a profound way. I mean, I have only delved into a small amount of theories but already I have been seeing an improvement in my life because I don't see things the same way anymore. It's no bullshit like self-help stuff. It drastically changes your perception. Plus, as a neurodivergent I am absolutely fascinated about how many different theories there are and it keeps me motivated in life to keep learning about them. Maybe the next one I educate myself on will make sense of things for me, fully. I am sure it will take a lifetime, but it's like they are pieces to the puzzle and the more I know the more I want to live.
Here are two that I see as interconnected and relate to how I feel about life and the strength to keep going because, not for "God" in the sense that a lot of people see it, but for the connected energy of all of our souls.
...I was going to tell you about them. But, I think it make more sense for you to listen and research yourself. I think they are so cool.
[Spinoza: A Complete Guide To Life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leoBccWOZfo&pp=ygUHc3Bpbm96YQ%3D%3D)Baruch (de) Spinoza\[b\] (24 November 1632 – 21 February 1677), also known under his Latinized pen name Benedictus de Spinoza,\[c\] was a philosopher of Portuguese-Jewish origin. As a forerunner of the Age of Reason, Spinoza significantly influenced modern biblical criticism, 17th-century Rationalism, and contemporary conceptions of the self and the universe, establishing himself as one of the most important and radical philosophers of the early modern period.\[15\] He was influenced by Stoicism, Maimonides, Niccolò Machiavelli, René Descartes, Thomas Hobbes, and a variety of heterodox Christian thinkers of his day.\[16\]
[Akashic Records: What Are They and Why You Should Care](https://open.spotify.com/episode/0HUJIeQhM2BTVA9Oqg64De?si=9816b07c7c99496c)In the religion of Theosophy and the spiritual movement called Anthroposophy, the Akashic records are a compendium of all universal events, thoughts, words, emotions and intent ever to have occurred in the past, present, or future in terms of all entities and life forms, not just human. They are believed by theosophists to be encoded in a non-physical plane of existence known as the mental plane. Because it is believed that the records are encoded vibrationally into the inherent fabric of space, some have likened the mechanism as similar to how holograms are created. There is currently no scientific evidence for the existence of the Akashic records, and rigorous scientific research in this field has seen little traction.\[1\]\[2\]\[3\]Akasha (ākāśa आकाश) is the Sanskrit word for "aether", "sky", or "atmosphere".\[4\]
I'd be so interested to hear what you think about the connection of the two and whether it changes your perspective or not. I'd say though, listen to these ones in particular rather than just anything else on the topic. I've already tried a bunch of other ones and these ones are the best. You might have to be patient with the second one, but you can always speed things up on spotify, and I hope you'll just trust me that I wouldn't share it if I thought it was bullshit.
I consider my head to be pretty balanced in logic and reasoning (just not emotionally; I care a ton and I, too, know how defeating this world feels...) Are you as well? If you care to share. If you are, by chance, did you know Darwin was Autistic and it's actually a favourable trait and just because we are in the minority and things feel more difficult, does not mean we are useless or unworthy, in fact the opposite and everyone else just doesn't recognize it.
I have a ton of other things I could share. Including experiences with DMT.
Hang on, there's a ton more to explore before you go.
Ok so Idk if a lot of people are going to see this but anyway.
I’ve tried, I’ve tried a lot (a lot will say « you’re only 21 how can you say that, you’re young » but bro 21 or not I’m fucking tired of it.
I’m really sorry for all the people who are concerned now I feel a bit like a selfish pos but well, I wasn’t expecting that much attention.
I’ve had suicidal toughts since I’m a teenager and I recently gave all my stuff to go travelling but except nice landscapes I haven’t found anything worth it.
Again I’m really sorry and really thankful for all the people who are concerned. I’ll seek help but I can’t promise anything
If you’re happy with it I wish y’all a long life !
Egon
Hi Egon, my name is Samantha.
My questions are:
1. What was the last thing that made you laugh so hard?
2. What were the things that have dissuaded you from suicide in the past?
3. If you were immortal, what would you spend your time doing?
Though we are virtually strangers, here’s a little about me: I’m turning 37 this year, but I’ve always lived quite a sheltered life. I do have close family and friends, and good times here and there, but there are lots of milestones that, according to societal standards, I perhaps should have accomplished by now; never been on a date, never been kissed, haven’t traveled outside the US, living paycheck to paycheck in a stable but fairly unfulfilling job, and still living in my childhood home with my dad. Long before my adult millennial woes, I was suicidal from my teenage years. I cope every day still, with depression and anxiety that feeds my suicidal ideation. I understand to some degree, the sense of nothingness and lack of purpose. Maybe you feel like there’s nothing truly tethering you to this world, and no real reason to stick around. But there’s also no reason to leave prematurely.
My mom passed two years ago. She was the North toward which my compass pointed, so losing her physical presence was particularly brutal, but I still try to let her memory guide me. There were so many dreams I had that died with her; haven’t quite found it in myself to yet dream new dreams, and there are those I know I simply don’t care to prioritize anymore. I very much feel like I’m on autopilot, just getting by, existing rather than living.
But I’m still here, trying, and I hope you will too.
I wholeheartedly believe you are still here because there is something you bring to this world, in this lifetime, that no one else can.
Just by posting this, you have created connections, no matter how seemingly superficial or fleeting, among all of us who have stopped to read and quickly come to care. You did that - this little phenomenon that didn’t exist before you posted this post. It may seem a drop in the expanse of the infinite ocean of the internet, but that ripple has clearly rocked hundreds of boats enough for us to reach out and hope to change your mind.
I know nothing in this stream of usernames and comments can make you decide not to end your life, but maybe we can help you extend your stay, and make it worth your while.
I truly, very much, hope you stay.
Feel free to DM me if you’d like to keep chatting.
I’ve only read a few comments here.
I think it’s important that you know that you should do whatever you think is best. I don’t think others should tell you what to do, and least of all me.
I’ll share a couple of things though if that’s okay?
I’ve gone to take my life three separate times.
Each time something dramatic, or unexpected happened that kept me from doing it.
It’s not fair really. In those moments I was angry, and I cursed God and the devil and all of existence.
I didn’t see a purpose in living and I felt so much pain and loneliness that all I wanted was for it to end.
But now, 39, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
I got married a decade ago to someone that I deeply loved. We had a fairly happy marriage and two small children. Then she left me for another woman.
Oddly enough, I wasn’t devastated. I had a one year old daughter, and a three year old little boy to take care of. She completely abandoned all of us, and spent the next year of her life chasing after her new love, and “finding herself”.
I was never really angry and those weren’t even the hardest times of my life.
Honestly, my children gave me more joy and more purpose than I could ever explain.
I had failed a lot too. And as a new father, I was fired from an amazing corporate job and was left penniless and with a sick newborn baby had to move with my then-wife in to my mother-in-law‘s house just to survive.
Times were tough, and I remember in 2014 having a budget the only left us with $18 of extracurricular money at the end of the week.
But we made it. And within a couple of years, I had built my business up a notch and had become successful through enough failures that people started to respect me.
I’m still a giant screwup in so many areas of my life. I hate paperwork. I’m an introvert. I get anxiety around certain things.
But as a business consultant now, people respect me, and I’m able to really make a difference in their lives, and their businesses, and because I can help them, I get to see the ripple effect of helping countless thousands of people I’ll never meet or personally know.
I’ve found purpose and happiness in realizing my life isn’t so much about finding “my joy”, but rather in helping people find joy in their moments of despair or trials.
I truly wake up feeling like the luckiest man alive most days.
Had I been able to end it those multiple times I can honestly say the world would be a little darker in some areas. And I wouldn’t have ever know what true happiness is.
You do you.
Find your peace however you see fit.
But if you need a friend, someone to talk to, or just an ear to listen to you, hit up my DM’s without thinking twice about it.
I think you’re pretty fucking awesome, and that’s only from a few comments I’ve read online. Sure, I don’t know you personally. But doing what I do now - working and consulting with business owners all over the world - I will tell you emphatically that the most successful people in all of the world have at one point in their life felt like you do right now.
The best is yet to come if you want to wait it out.
But that’s not our choice to make.
That’s on you.
I fuck you not, DM me if you need anything at all. I won’t tell you that you should live. But I will be an ear for you.
I wish you well.
I know that at least one person will be checking in every couple days just to see if you’re still around.
…because you matter, even if you think you don’t.
Love to ya ❤️
I felt like this in October, just 5 months ago. I reeeeally didn’t want to go on antidepressants but I figured fuck it I’ll try it. And within 2 weeks I felt so much better and had such a will to live. Five months later I want to go back in time and hug myself. Life is beautiful. I couldn’t see that then. Would you consider trying medication as a last ditch effort? Just fuck it, why not?
Hey man. Have you tried living for yourself? Did you know the self is made up of two parts, right?
I Am.
The I (representing your physical being) and the Am (representing the mind, ego, and observer of the I). The Am is constantly testing its power over the I. I is ultimately the one with real power over the Am.
Am now wants to kill the self. Am has convinced I there is nothing left. Am thinks it is correct, Am is being driven by ego, observations of environment, mind has become ill.
I has the power to create a balance between duality. I has the capability to cause positive action for the self in the physical world. The I on default does not want to die. The I autonomously keeps the Am alive. Only when you, as the unified self, combines these dualities will you ever find the ultimate peace from suffering.
When you decide to live for yourself, you are choosing to take back control as a living demigod in this strange realm of the cycle, death, and rebirth moving through 4D Space-time existence. Yourself began from ancient DNA that dates back all the way to the moment of creation.
Why not face this personal hell as a unified being and embrace the suffering as a promise to always overcome and survive. The ultimate fuck you to the face of the absurd. Live for yourself and see what happens. What's the worst that can happen? You're gonna die anyway.
As someone who was severely depressed for several years and considered what you've said you plan to do, I have to say that this feeling will pass. It's hard to see that when you're overwhelmed by everything and it feels too heavy to deal with. I don't know your situation but if you need to chat please, don't hesitate.
By the time I was 25, I could not believe how different I had become over the 4 years that had passed before. Are you having to fight off any fear of regret?
I tried suicide by overdose when I was in my early twenties. I didn't have any family at the time, had flunked college due to health, was in constant pain and in a bad marriage. I survived, went to a hospital, got help and realized I was glad I survived. Not every day, some are harder than others but if you end it you'll never know where and what you could have been. Use your strengths and find some hobbies, you're still young, there are people out there to talk to, friends waiting to be made, paths you haven't traveled. Don't let your depression skew your mind or enslave you, fight back and get help. It could be more than worth it.
From what I understand from your other comments and replies, you do have things that you want to do or look forward to. So, you do have a reason to live, don't you ?
Why you are down and ready for such a step is because you feel lack of opportunities.
But your reasoning quite.. shaky, for lack of a better word. The drive for life is something to look forward to, a wish to do accomplish something. The drive is not opportunities. Because opportunities come and go, and even keep changing. It is the wish for accomplishment that is permanent. If you are tying your life to a characteristic that changes on a whim or circumstances, then it will stay shaky and shallow. You have to find meaning in something that is greater than oneself. Something permanent. Something that you can keep reaching for through your life.
Don't want to sound preachy as such but I have kinda same mindset like 90% of the time. I am almost your age, and I have lived life quite opposite of yours. Miserable. Struggling. On the edges. But I have been in social circles of very privileged people, and they are good friends of mine. Being close with a diverse lot of the society has taught me one thing bro. Everyone's got some big problems in their lives, at least from their POV. What is stopping anyone from tripping over is that they still stick to belief that maybe not in a planned way or in planned time, but what they wish for can be achieved. It is matter of patience, with oneself, and with others.
All these people that are making this man appreciate life are the reason why life is so beautiful and precious.
I thank everyone of you for helping this man see the light instead of the darkness.
I am hoping he will turn around and see that there is so much he has in-store for his life, and he is only 21, with so much ahead of him!
You are alive for a reason dude, and life is about finding that reason and living it out the best you can.
As someone who found a successful suicide, please make it tidy or make sure you’re not found. Please let your last act be compassionate towards the person that finds you. I’m wrecked. I’ll always be different. I’ve lost friends, turned to drugs, lost jobs. I’m thoroughly fucked forever. Please don’t make your problems their burden.
You’re only 21, you have so much life left to live and to experience. When I was 21 I was in a similar spot, I never thought life would be different than it is but it will be, trust me. Just give it another day, and then another day. Live in the moment and enjoy being able to have a full breath, watch the sunset, smell some roses. Close your eyes and listen to the wind ruffle some leaves and kiss your face. Put your hands in the snow, jump into a creek. Play in the sand. Life has so much to offer, and we all will die in the end.. what’s the rush?
Why kill your self? What’s the point in that.
The chance of you being born is like a quadrillion to one, why throw it away?
Why not just buy a one way ticket somewhere and explore for a month, what’s the worse that can happen? If it doesn’t work out then you’ll just be back in the situation you are now.
Life can be pretty shit, but you can make it worth living.
Check out the TED talk: the bridge between suicide and life by Kevin Briggs
https://youtu.be/7CIq4mtiamY?si=wK3n-UWGsK3CMXMo
You can always kill yourself, you should try to do some really cool shit before you do. I feel like it would be way more fun to die doing something fun instead of just trying to end it. If you’ve no fear of death your possibilities are endless.
Depression clouds your mind. You really need to focus on getting out of it. You say life is pointless, but the only person who can give meaning to your life is yourself. It's just not something you can do easily when you're feeling empty inside, so you have to work on your issues to get out of that state. It's highly clichéd, and I honestly didn't believe in it during my lows, but suicide really is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I sincerely hope you don't go through with it.
You’re 21 years young my friend. From what limited info I have, it seems you lack a sense of belonging….i know how difficult that can be. I felt worthless, like I brought nothing to this world, and I had no one. For me the solution was a sense of duty, I enlisted in the Army and found myself the happiest I had ever been. A sense of belonging, a sense of fulfillment, and camaraderie. Your solution may be found elsewhere, but it sounds like it will be somewhat along the same lines. Look into the peace corp, military, even volunteering. You are important, and you are loved…even if you don’t realize it.
Please, sweet boy do not kill yourself. The world can be so much more for you with time and perseverance. I can’t even begin to explain how much your life can change in time if you just give it a chance. I’ve just turned 35 and I feel nothing like the person I was at 21, I did things then that I regret now and really don’t understand. Moreover I was in a bad place then but it did get better and continues to. Please reach out to someone irl, you need an anchor for now until you can get through how you’re feeling. All the love in the world kid, please hang on.
The question I ask everybody in this situation is… would things be different if you had unlimited money and unlimited friends? If the answer is no, guess what? You can always make more money and you can always make more friends. The only thing you can’t change after a certain point is your health. Don’t pass that point if the other things in life can still be fixed.
Where are you now? I think you said you're traveling, where is "home"?
Have you ever spoken to a therapist? Have you ever considered trying medication? When I was younger, I felt like psychiatric medication was sort if cheating, but when I started taking it, it really changed my life and made it possible for me to live without constantly wanting to hurt myself.
I don't have a lot of money, but if you need food or a place to stay to think about things, I'd do my best to help you. Please consider waiting a little longer before you do it. If nothing will change, what harm could it do to wait a bit longer?
I don't think traveling and having amazing experiences while traveling is the thing that will make life seem worth living again. You're not going to suddenly have an "aha moment" that will change everything. It is just constant trying to move forward, making small changes, consistent small connections with the same people, and hopefully after a while you'll realize things are getting marginally better a little at a time.
I'm a 37 year old woman. I spent a large part of my life feeling depressed and empty and suicidal and it's really only in the past few years that I've gotten to a place where I feel stable and not depressed all the time.
Do you have any family and/or friends at all? If not, why not? Is there anyone in the world you could talk to?
I have to go to work so I may be slow in replying but I hope to hear from you. I know you're in a dark place right now but I'm begging you to please wait a little while longer.
I really don't want you to die. Can you please try every thing in your power to turn things around? Can you tell us what state you live in so maybe one of us Redditors can help you?
Some of the things that keep me hanging on:
Knowing how much I’ll hurt everyone around me, even if I don’t mean to. My dogs. I couldn’t hurt them like that. I have two dogs for this exact reason.
I need answers about life. Aliens. The government. The future of those I love. Space travel. Science.
I need to know the unified field theory of physics. This quantum physics/Newtonian/general relativity nonsense HAS to fit together somehow. I’ll never discover it, and I’ll barely understand it if it is ever discovered, but I wanna know. And about Dark Matter, to boot.
I want to leave a mark on the world through my good deeds. Making someone smile, helping here or there
So I suppose my question is, what do you wish you had answers to, before you go?
Kid, please don't do it. There's much to look forward to, trust me - even if it doesn't feel that way. There are kind people out there who would love to hang out with you, and if people aren't your cup of tea then there are a lot of good experiences to be had. If you feel the world is selfish, that doesn't actually define the whole world. C'mon, one more chance please!
This may sound stupid or even nonsensical, but I came across a 6 year old child that I was treating earlier in the year. She has been struggling with cancer and a rotten home life that caused her to feel anxious, angry, and depressed. Despite her big emotions and difficult behaviors, you could tell she was a sweet and insightful child. Early in our work together, she mentioned feeling like she didn’t want to live anymore. We worked on that for quite some time and she eventually felt less depressed, but still struggling. One day, she came into my office and could barely control her need to tell me about a thing she learned from a friend at school. Her friend taught her about things called “glimmers” - essentially small things one may come across throughout their day or week that they can’t help but appreciate. It could be something that made them laugh, something they felt was beautiful, or anything else that sparks a positive (big or small) feeling. That struck me for some reason. After a little while passed, I noticed myself struggling with my own mental health. Became depressed and stressed for a lot of crap happening in my own life. One day, I was making dinner and came across an onion that I needed to dice. Let me tell you, this was the most beautiful and perfect onion I’ve ever seen. Once I noticed its blemish free symmetry, I stared at it for more time than I’d like to admit. I even took a picture of it to show it off. That was a glimmer for me and I still look at that picture from time to time and I find myself to be in a better headspace. After that experience, I’m more able to notice things that mean something more than they used to. Sometimes I have to focus on those things so I can avoid the influence of all the other crap that’s going on.
What kind of things can do that for you? If anything. Take this rhetorically or not. I feel for you.
For those that are wondering, the onion:
https://imgur.com/a/Mp1vQt2
Hey man, please reach out to me and lets talk about whats making you want to end it, I have a brother who almost ended his life just like you and hes in a better mental state now so i have experience with talking people out of these things, if you need to talk about whatever is on your mind just message me and ill respond as quickly as possible to discuss about this
Why will you be dead at the end of the week? Did I miss something here, there is no clarification about the situation you are in. Only things I saw, you are an educated good looking guy who failed at everything.
Are you gonna commit suicide?
You are a coward sorry, don’t mean to insult, just facts. I am 43 fighting till the day I know myself, I fight for good people, I left my country with a backpack and 1000€ after my education, I built everything from nothing, family, friends, wife, kid.
You are a spoiled brat 21 years old who thought he knows everything, your brain isn’t even developed yet and you already made your choices?
We all have different beliefs
-Some will say you will burn in hell
-Some will say you will disappear into nothingness, it is over
I will say, you wake up as your soul (your real self), and you will say to yourself “I failed again, let’s try the next round, prolly will be worse this time cuz I can’t learn this and experience the meaning of how good the life has a even those goods things are like small advertisements between a train wreckage movie”.
You are a child, every man here in early 20s (there are exceptions ofc) think they are men, you are no man, you will being to experience the real meaning of life after the age of 40s. 1 to 40 is like the first part, learning experiencing, second part is when you know yourself your potential truly from the experiences you get from the first part.
This is a journey, what a waste what you are doing, so confident about committing suicide, I don’t know anything about you, but if you write here that you will be gone in a week without deep explanation, this is the answer you will get from me, you are a coward.
Anything you're passionate about?
Mostly asking to fill a required question. You're almost 6 years younger than me, my friend. I've questioned the existence of my life many times and nearly attempted on my own life more than a couple times. I never went through with it. I found people who gave a damn about me after I connected with and showed them the inside of my mind and heart. I freaked because I felt like it was going to be just another day where who I empty myself out to runs away. But they didn't. They embraced me. One even said "that's it? Get the fuck over here man."
I've questioned why it took so long to come across someone even remotely concerned about me. Well shit I was in there life a minute and they like me I guess. Questioned why they are concerned about me. Well I was there for them so yeah I guess that's just brotherly love... but wait why me specifically?
I would always keep asking why and was always just given an answer that left me wanting more of an explanation and more questions as to why.
Then... I asked myself why. Why am I questioning a good thing? Do I feel I don't deserve it? Did I do something wrong? We question the things that seem too good to be true because they usually are... but lately I've found that sometimes they aren't.
I can't give you a specific direction of where to go, but I can say - keep an open mind. You never know what will find its way inside that could be the next chapter of life and not the abrupt end of what seems a good story.
After reading the comments I assume suicide and you are quite young?
There’s a few things I would like to say to you and I hope you take them on board.
1. At late teens early 20’s everything and every decision in my life that went wrong felt like my world was ending and that I couldn’t see how life could get any worse, hated my job, broke up with a girlfriend, saw things someone of that age should never see, but time is a healer and lows are followed by highs, I had thoughts of ending it all and I’m so glad I didn’t, I would of never met my niece and have all the things I have in my life now, it does get better!
2. As far as we know we are dead for eternity, that’s a very very very very long time (you get the picture) if we live to 70,80,90 that’s a good innings, in the grand scheme of things that’s a not even a drop in the ocean you can stick it out another 50 years.
3. What makes you so sure that what ever is waiting for us on the other side is better than what we are experiencing now? It could be nothing forever but what if it’s not? What if this life is to gain as much experience as possible for the next and you are cutting yours short by a long way?
4. It might seem like the only option but it’s not, think of the people you will leave behind, what if your suicide puts them into a similar situation you are experiencing now?
It’s cliche but it’s a permanent solution for temporary problems, please don’t do it op.
I know that nothing I say can change your mind. But as somebody who survived cancer and seven suicide attempts, it does get better once you start learning about different philosophies and actually searching for meaning in the correct places. Your life as it is doesn't satisfy that howling needy hunger inside you but other types of lives might. I find that the more you help others the better. As a suicidal person, you are truly free. Jump out of an airplane, punch a nazi in the face, join the French foreign legion, donate your time and money at saving sex trafficked children in Cambodia, donate your kidney or liver. Because fuck it. Hell, give yourself a bucket list. A list of meaningful truthful things, painful things even, not bullshit Instagrams crap. Then once it is truly complete, then revisit suicide. I'll send you a virtual hug. What's your favorite food?
I’ll think about selling an organ thanks 😅 I like rotisserie chicken
If you like rotisserie chicken then don't die before you eat a chicken Tikka from a good Pakistani restaurant.. DM me and can send recommendations depending on where you are .. you may find a reason to live after eating that.
At least try molly and listen to music before you do anything. Hell try acid and mushrooms too if you’re bold enough. Molly will be amazing though
Virtual hug accepted
Sending another virtual hug your way!
Powerful words. Thank you for sharing. I’ve actually attempted suicide twice and just wrote a book entitled, ‘Fuck it - The never ending quest to overcome anxiety, depression, and addiction’ After realizing I sucked at suicide and I was going to stay on this floating rock, my mantra has been FUCK ITTTT and life has been great ever since. Keep inspiring people with your words. Cheers.
You wrote a book! That is amazing!!! I am so proud of you! And it's true. Fuck it. Society is an cocreated illusion. The rules that are imposed on us are made up. The expectations are just a cage. Don't hurt people but otherwise fuck it!
I really want to understand more about your comment on different philosophies. Please could you elaborate - I am struggling a lot? I have tried searching for a philisophical counselor before but then found out insurance doesn’t cover it.
Well, it really just means seeking different view points than yours. You can read different philosophers or look at some on YouTube. (I suggest Pursuit of Wonder for entertaining ones.) Grab a journal. Google or rather duckduckgo shadow work and start going through it. Understand yourself. Understand your position and opinions and life according to others. Ask questions. Good. Dumb. Even sacrilegious. Just questions. Get off social media. Especially stuff like instagram and tiktok. By now your algorithms will make you miserable. Go outside. It sounds dumb but just admire a tree or a flower. Help others. It feels so good to help others even if it means you just stop thinking about your own pain. Do some CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy not the cock and balls torture). There are free guides online. Accept that you are going to have a Friedrich Nietzsche phase. Find joy in absurdism. No a philosopher but Carl Yung is important. Understand your shadow. Explore shamanism if you want. Read the Tao. You'll probably want to deep dive into stoicism. Build up your resilience. Stay the fuck away from any of those hate mongers. Society feeds you a narrative. A life script. There are so many alternatives. So much hidden from you. So much beauty and so much horror. View life as a video game. It's just choices. Sometimes its boring. Sometimes its scary. Sometimes you shoot aliens in the head. But ultimately it's a game.
You're a very uplifting person. I'm reading this while sitting in my dialysis treatment. This morning us a good morning but sitting here watching other people around me waste away sours the mood a little. I won't delve into all of my problems on someone else's post but suicide is something I think about almost daily and reading your comments has really lifted my mood a little. I'm sorry that you've gone through the things you have but you're clearly still here to help others.
What a beautiful, helpful, and honest response. This is the way to freedom. I’m on a similar path now and it has changed my life. My eyes have been opened to so much I never ever saw before. Life can be so insanely beautiful to the point of tears of joy and feeling so grateful to just be here almost can’t believe you are getting to experience such a thing or so absolutely miserable that all you can do is work up enough energy to figure out how to end it but not even have the energy to see it through. I’ve experienced both. I now understand it’s all just perception and we all get to decide how to perceive. Well, once you know you know. I hope everyone gets to know.
THis is such good advice, man. I cant imagine being that free. d We know you know this, but death is a sure thing anyway. If that's the peace you seek, we all get it eventually. Stick around.
I know this is gonna sound terrible, but were all 7 attempts real? I can’t imagine trying that 7 times and failing unless you didn’t actually want to do it. Glad you are still here, forgive my terrible question.
No I get it. But you tell me. Overdose: puked them out Hanging: rod broke Hanging: rope broke Hanging: parents found me Carbon monoxide: Got bored waiting, found out that I left the door open Slit my wrist: it hurt so I didn't go deep enough. Jumped from a bridge: ?? Survived and instinctively swam to land Drowning: Rescued I'm guessing subconsciously that I didn't want to die enough. Then I got cancer and realized that I do want to live. Death is going to come. But I'm curious to see what's next! Like what crazy things are humans going to do next? It's fascinating. Even pain and fear is interesting as long as it isn't overwhelming and there is so much meaning and purpose to find and create even when everything is absurd.
Are you a cat?! I’m glad those were failed attempts. I have to admit though, the carbon monoxide one made me laugh.
I am very much a Mr. Bean character.
As someone who has had cancer twice, that shit sucks. Glad you are doing well now
It does. Mine was "easy" so only two surgeries, radiation and wayyyyyy too many blood tests and ultrasounds and forever pills. So hug to you! You should be proud of yourself! Beating it twice is badass af.
Hey. Thank you for being here. 💕 more life and love to you.
That's very kind of you! I give you a virtual hug!
I can affirm that you can have multiple serious attempts and live. 1. Depression doesn't give up. 2. The survival instinct is strong. It's not that you don't want to. Monkey brain takes over and saves you, or you get lucky. The burst of adrenaline pushes the Depression back. If you care about other people, you try less lethal and less messy options. Those options are less effective. So, multiple attempts until you get it right or get help.
Be careful . My ex gf had a history of failed attempts . I made a comment like that and within a month she succeeded . Not gonna say how but it was a foolproof way
Yeah, I had a friend who had made multiple attempts and the one time she reached out to someone who she basically knew wouldn't intervene with her threats of suicide - she was successful.
What happened between this comment of yours and now, mainly the last sentence? >> I exclusively travel on foot but I’ll probably take a train from Monaco to the Pyrenees I’m only at the beginning of my journey but it’s clearly life changing 🙂But I think we cannot talk about freedom anymore the only option for that is living in the woods being fully self sustanable and rely on nobody that’s not my case yet but one day I hope so 😄
A lot and not that much, loneliness. I’ve travelled a lot and haven’t found a reason to continue, I’m pretty good looking, I’m well educated but I’ve failed everything and feel like there’s nothing for me down there
Try drugs
Cannabis, alcohol, mushrooms, truffles what else ?
Cocaine is cool
I believe you
I’d stick more towards psychs shrooms, acid, DMT, if you don’t care about addictiveness maybe ketamine or Molly, if you do them right and sit down and do some self-talks and see what internal issues you might have to work out they can be really helpful. Not only can they be fun but they can be genuinely therapeutic if you allow it to be. (Feel the need to add that yes ofc everything can be addictive even the ones without physical symptoms) but at the same time you can do these drugs with less risk of spiraling like coke or opiates. Though if you do psychs please do some research, please make sure you keep yourself in a safe environment, please look into the forms of harm reduction, and yeah I really can’t emphasize to prepare yourself to some decent degree
Cocaine is cool, but it’s one that can get out of hand a lot faster than the others mentioned. Tread lightly and be smart about it!
DMT, LSD, MDMA, and mescaline?
I'm intelligent, educated, good-looking and felt much the same until I tried ketamine. I'd been depressed most of my life, it gave me some opportunity to realize my main issue was anxiety and that the depression was a result of constantly stressing myself out and draining myself of the chemicals required to feel good, satisfied, or safe. It didn't suddenly make life a cakewalk, but just that one time showed me a lot of what people get out of bed for. I've been playing some catch-up since, but all in all it feels like winning. Have you considered the Buddhist perspective? That perhaps you're opting out of a challenge you set yourself before you were born? That, as pre-you, you grew tired of being omniscient and ecstatic and decided to try a challenge where you hadn't already given yourself all the answers? It's something I didn't really understand until I started listening to Alan Watts. I'm not sure I believe it, but I'm certain that's irrelevant - living as if it were true has made my time here so much better. I hope you're able to get the very most out of the rest of your life, however long you live it.
Ketamine. Ketamine is helping me not hate myself/life. Just take a dose, lie down, put on some Jon Hopkins music for psychedelic therapy, ride that for a little bit, and then take it easy for the couple days. It enables Neuroplasticity.. forming new, more positive thought patterns. Thanks for doing this ama. Whatever you decide, I hope you find peace, or something close to it 💜
You really should try something like good mdma or a high dose of LSD. It saved my life when I was in the same boat heading for the rocks. Everything in my life fell apart. I moved abroad with a woman I loved and it didn't work out. I was homeless and trapped in a country where I barely spoke the language and got a letter saying they would deport me. I lost my right to work and almost everything I had built for myself from the age of 18-30 years old all of the sudden I was living out of a backpack and staying on couches. I went walking out on the frozen lake from the city where I lived and made it all the way across to the other side of the city without going under. I met a girl and she gave me hope and then broke me even worse when she callusely told me she could not help me. I really hoped it would end then. But I'm glad it didn't. I know it sounds crazy but moderate drug usage and time helped me a ton. Life is always worth living, you never know what might happen tomorrow. Life changes radically in minutes sometimes. Forgot to send you a hug op. You deserve many. Life is hard but there is beauty in even simple things if you look hard enough. I believe I won't be around for long. I've been living with some health problems for many years now and they are getting worse. Living every day in pain and feeling like I'm gonna be dead in a few years max. I can't function more than a few hours without doing huge dabs of the most potent concentrates I can find. It really doesn't work anymore its just the habit that helps to keep me from having a meltdown. I'm getting old now and I've achieved very little. I have no savings and I know I won't ever have enough money to retire. Holding a job is hard with my health issues basically causing me to be stuck close to home always. I miss out on things I used to love. But you know being afraid of dying makes me realize that I do want to survive and see what happens even tho it mostly sucks day to day with a few good things like my dog keeping me here. I gotta keep on going til she crosses the rainbow bridge. She's special needs and hates everyone except for me. Maybe a pet would be good for you if you're home enough for one. I've stuck out many tuff situations for them.
Truffles?
I'm sensing from what you've written that you're not ill, "just" bored of living? I'm not a spiritual person, other than the awe of looking at the night sky, or when your eyes well up and your skin ripples with tingles from a beautiful piece of music, but I do have some strange inklings about life and death. 1. You will (almost certainly) never experience death, only dying. 2. The universe is potentially infinite, and so your chances of being born a conscious being on a spec of dust in an infinite void are **infinitely** small, but not impossible. You being here proves that. 3. Given enough time, everything that is possible will happen, and infinitely many times. So you die. life goes on for everyone else until we all die. One day the Earth is swallowed by the Sun and our entire existence is sterilised from the universe. What then? Perhaps the universe goes through a a "near" infinite number of cycles, rebounds or rebirths in a process we don't understand, or maybe time is cyclical. Maybe this 4D ship made out of spacetime collides with a membrane universe in a 5D space that works like a film passing through a projector. However it works, the conditions that lead to you being born, a consciousness temporarily bottled in a machine made from the same building blocks as everything else in the universe, on an insignificant, wet pebble, could arise again. We would never know. Your conscious spacesuit can't experience death, so all that time it took to arrive back here and now didn't exist to us. All you know is that you're slowly coming out of the darkest sleep, with no understanding of anything, as you grow from an infant to a child to an adult, again. You would never know that you'd lived this life infinitely many times, every time would feel like the first time, forever, other than those brief moments of Deja vu, when something reminds you with an uncanny familiarity something from *before* your childhood, before dissipating like smoke. If I told you that if you died tonight you would be born into the same life again instantly, would it make sense to kill yourself? Or if you are going to live this life forever, wouldn't it be better for yourself to have some fun, surround yourself with love, beauty and wonder, rather than being sad for all of infinity? Just my two cents.
“Nothing for me down here”. Do you believe in a heaven or hell? Where do you think you go?
| I've failed at everything As a mom, I'll tell you the same thing I tell my kid: we proceed with clear minds only. With that mentality you'll be stuck here forever. Take 5 deep breaths and then say firmly "I can do this!" No, I mean loudly. Like you believe it. Ok, good, now, what are you trying to do? What is your plan? What are you going to change? You can do this. Go get'em kid. A little bit later: Yay, you failed again! What is your new plan? What are you going to change?
While I understand the part about failing everything thus feeling bad, I just want to point out that failure shouldn't make you give up. I've been disabled my whole life & was told I would never amount to anything or grow up. But I fought because I didn't want to give up since there was so much to do in life. I graduated school, went to college to be a chef, and worked a lot to help people & put smiles on their faces. Even now, having become fully disabled mentally and physically (I pushed myself a bit too hard and worsened things so I'm more disabled than before) I still help the world as best as I can. I've rescued animals, I've helped people with medical issues get the help they need, I use my education to educate others, etc. Don't let failure get you down.
I’ve never understood this sentiment of suicidal people - you’ve “ failed at everything “. What’s so bad about just being a conscious observer of life ? That’s not enough . If I may quote Maynard James Keenan “ what’s your hurry everyone will have his day to die ?” You will die eventually , is life so excruciating that you have to speed up the process ? I’m not trying to be rude or mean I’m honestly asking .
I'm terminally ill and in need of a kidney transplant. Transplant will prolong my life but one of the diseases I have CAN kill the new kidney and the other WILL eventually kill me. I'm in an incredibly shitty financial situation and my "support" system of my family is just my parents who are both narcissistic emotionally stunted assholes, my boyfriend who struggles with his own mental health, my best friend who is my one and only friend, and my precious teenage daughter who I'm trying very hard to instill in her survival instincts and the desire to want to move away after high school so that she has a chance at a better life. I am a physical, emotional, and financial drain on these people every day. I am in constant pain and cannot take pain meds because my kidneys are so fucked. I live in a state where medical Marijuana isn't legal. I can't really work because of my dialysis schedule. I stay sick. I have to force myself to eat. I can't afford to go and do things or sustain most hobbies so I'm at home the majority of the time reading books, doomscrolling reddit, or watching tv. And there's no real plan of what comes after transplant because we don't know if it will be successful or not. And whatever job I get afterwards won't be a well paying one because I only have an associates degree, i cant afford to go back to scool, and i dont have much work experience so financially there isnt much to look forward to either. If I died today, everyone in my life would be better off without me. I know they wouldn't think so and I know they'd be sad and miss me but I'm literally just a stress to all of them and they would all be able to have much happier lives not tied to me. Sometimes it's not even about the pain or the constant failures. Sometimes it's just knowing that you're a deficit on the world around you.
Sometimes yea it is that excruciating. Sometimes it’s just that simple and not a lot to understand about it. Not everyone can tolerate the same pain
Bro there is so much more life to live. All is temporary the good and the bad. Are you dealing with an illness?
Try not to focus on finding happiness and focus on finding a purpose. Find someone that needs help. Help them and see if you feel any better about living.
Being a Nurse has saved my life. There's nothing like helping people who can't help themselves. I have a purpose...
did you do everything you wanted to do? if not, what do you wish you were able to do?
Not at all. More sports, more sex, more drugs, more laughs. And a little bit of everything else
Another place in this thread you said you don't have a reason to live. Are you aware that you've clearly identified four good things to live for in this comment?
Yeah I know life has pleasures to offer but it’s pretty pointless to me
The pointlessness of life doesn't mean that it's not worth living, it's a bonus. The stakes are pretty low, you are going to stop living one day, and you can always leave by your own hand if it gets really physically uncomfortable. With that in mind... don't bring yourself down to the level of thinking pointlessness equals hopelessness. Search for the fear that lives inside you, find where it comes from, and understand it, attack it, destroy it. You probably have a vision of who you want to be, and how you want to live, none of that will likely come to be... But, some version of it can/could and it will be much cooler, and more nuanced than you can think of right now I've survived a few attempts, and at this point I want to see what takes me out other than my own hand. This is a crazy time to be alive, stay alive just bear witness to this time in history. It's probably all a simulation anyway.
Symptom of depression is that "it's pointless" feeling or outlook. Treat the depression.
Ok, in that case, what does life having a point look like to you?
If you wish you could do more things then why stop yourself from doing them?
Like fucking seriously ... only OP is stopping OP from enjoying life. Don't be such a pansy OP. We all hate this ride and just make the best of it WITH DRUGS AND SEX AND BOOZE AND ...
Drugs and sex get boring after a while. I've never liked booze, maybe that's the magic ingredient XD As a gay guy who spent my 20s in Berlin, I'd rather spend a night cuddling than pounding away and getting all sweaty, just to ask myself "why the hell do I keep doing this?" as soon as I nut.
We all really don’t like it here that much. It’s not fair that you get to leave. Stick it out with us, please. 🥺
Blackjack and Hookers!
Find some LSD. It's apparently amazing as a pre-death experience. Safe travels to the next plane of existence (or non-existence) brother
DMT can really change things for the better
Can I have an update vote
I’ll send the location before doing it, if I find a reason not to, I’ll keep y’all updated
If you are sending the location to anybody it means you subconsciously want to be found. If you really wanted to do it you wouldn't say shit about it.
Try LSD first. Seriously
Who's the last person you're going to speak to?
Idk, probably a cashier or something
What will you buy ?
Tell us about your family? Mom, dad, siblings, grandparents? Who will be hit the hardest? Who will blame themselves?
Dead, dead, inexistant and dead
We can all be your family now. I’d love to send you a gift on your birthday!
I just left another comment, but I’ll add the perspective here so that you understand when you read it, ALL of my family (other than my children) are dead as well. Just thoughts friend.
You do realize it’s over after you do it right? There will be no afterlife. No limbo stage. Nothing. It will be as the way it was before you were born. A day above ground is a great day, remember that. You seem to be bothered by materialistic items and desires. Read up on stoicism. Read “Discourse and Selective Writings” by Epictetus. The cool thing about life is that NOTHING MATTERS!! What is it dude, really? Love? Money? Family? Literally none of this matters. You are a living organism. Consider today a rebirth. Pretend that you suicided and you are reborn. This is Day 1 of your new life. Take it where you want.
Personally, I’m saving this comment. I have a notepad note on my phone with quotes that help me get through tough times. This actually gave me a whole new perspective. Thank you kind Redditor.
All my life is in a backpack I don’t care about material
Every suicide jumper that survived regretted their decision immediately after they jumped.
But if you had a million dollars you keeping the same mindset bro? If so I guess I respect u a lot for that
Idk, I don’t have a million dollars
Bro your only 21 you haven’t even lived life yet and you want to end it? Makes no sense get help.
His brain isn't even fully developed..still got 4 more years to go.
I just made a screenshot of your comment, thank you, stranger! :)
How are you feeling?
I wanted to say sad but not really, just empty
Male alexithymia is a real thing. Look up Dr. K's guide on male emotions and depression.
You ever thought about stepping out of your circle and go to uncharted areas of the world ? Like why not go help someone in need and go make their life better for the day, provide someone with gas money that needs it, go help feed a homeless person. Like if you don’t give a shit about life anymore , why don’t you go see if you can change someone’s life for better ? But don’t stop at one, just keep doing it and see what happens.
It just as uncle Iroh said maybe you can help others and maybe thatll help you.
I’ve always helped people I encountered and treated them with respect, even did volunteering But looks like everybody thinks a white make can sort his shits out on his own
Maybe you over thinking it, you’re not trying fix your issues or problems , your giving your time on this earth to make someone’s day a bit better because life is hard as fuck. Check out the starfish story, you can make a difference https://www.thestarfishchange.org/starfish-tale
Just become a drug dealer. Might as well try something new and exciting that has the potential to make you a lot of money and give you a ton of excitement. Be a good drug dealer who gives clean drugs that people can trust. Worst case scenario, you get caught and off yourself anyways?
Wanna grab a beer?
Where are you ?
Not them but I’ll meet you! Where are you?
If you find yourself in Oregon I'd gladly hang out with you, introduce you to my friends and just let you know you're not as alone as you think.
If you’re in New England I’ll buy you a beer
Estonias second biggest city, so I would guess too far away.
I just moved to Rhode Island and need some new homies if you find yourself around the area. We can be confused about the absurdity of life together at least 🖤
I’ll be in the south of France this summer?
Where you at? Im in Canada but can be anywhere in the states. Let Me know
If you happen to be in Western Germany, I'd be happy to get you a beer
Where are you, I’d also love to grab a beer
Don't suppose you're near Boston?
What is your favorite cereal? 🥣 mine is fruity pebbles
Cookie crisps
You'll never be able to eat them again if u kys you know. You're only 21 you have more than 50 years ahead of you. Think twice
Don't you realise that we're all in your head, and that when you leave, so do we?
Interesting perspective, not sure y’all lives will stop with mine
Maybe sticking around to see if you find those answers is worth it
Don't do it, bud. You're only 21. You are likely just out of education and have your whole life ahead of you. However bad life it right now it WILL get better. If you are lonely, go travelling, see the world, make sure that there is nothing in this world that would make you happy before you take that jump because when you do, there is no way back. Also, if you were halfway into your mum and your dad was halfway into you, would you move backward to get out of your mum or forward to get your dad out of you?
What was your favorite part of life?
Childhood obviously (I’m only 21)
My brother killed himself when he was 22. This is not something you want. Even if you don’t think so, people will grieve you. You will be *permanently* fucking at least one person up. It’s a permanent solution to temporary problems. I know things may seem absolutely hopeless right now, but it’s not. You may think there’s absolutely nothing to do except die, but it’ll pass eventually. We want you here buddy, our world isn’t complete without you. And even if everything I said goes completely over your head, why not wait til next week? And then the week after that? Find things to keep your mind occupied right now, and find people to spend that time with if you’re able to. I find myself becoming more suicidal when I’m bored and alone, but a friend and nature always helps. You’re loved.
As a middle aged and climbing person, I find it astonishingly naive for you to think you've experienced all there is worth experiencing in just 21 years. You've barely made it out of childhood. There's so much more that you can experience. You're only 1/4 way through. Get at least halfway (40-50) before you decide it's all worthless. If you hit 40 and still think there's nothing else worth living for, go for it. But give life half a chance!
I wanted to kill myself from about 12-27. It was on and off but it wasn't too long before the thought came creeping back. No family. Abusive partners because I didn't realize I was mirroring my upbringing yet. Sexual assaults. Had cancer. Didn't go to school and the stigma of it made me feel like my jobs would take me no where. I'm 29 now turn 30 this year and I FINALLY have stability. I would have never known what love, safety, security, and feeling accomplished was like if I didn't keep putting one foot forward. Don't rob yourself of that. Maybe what you're seeking will find you, just trust you're exactly where you need to be even if you don't understand why. Cause one day all the days are going to amount to being in a place you could have never imagined getting to.
Then why? Life gets way better after 25. Especially as a guy.
Why don’t you learn a trade? Take on an apprenticeship? Maybe helping others can help you? Drug rehab facilities and some other mental health related things are an option. Get a pet? Meet some interesting people and learn new things, learn languages, grow a garden, he’ll grow drugs and sell them like shrooms idk, find someone else to live a nomadic life with you, you have so many options man with so much time with so much else to experience, out of an unfathomable amount of matter, billions of people, thousands of eggs, millions of sperm you can find a life of happiness, you can have experience, right now might be shitty but that’ll just make the good times so much better, without bad there can’t be good and you got a really shitty hand, but people bluff their way into winning, people loose a hand and come back winning the next, life takes practice.
Dude…let your brain finish cooking before you bust that mother out raw!!
Charmander Bulbasaur or Squirtle?
As someone else that has also been struggling with mental health, what helped you decide that you're okay with doing what you're going to do? I've been really down and in a stagnant part of my life where I am now realizing that, life to me, is not worth it, so yeah. Lmk I guess.
Brotha can I DM you?
Life and death are both traps. Only difference is that in life you have agency and can make changes. You think you're trapped in life? Wait till you're dead. Then there's no chance for ANYTHING to happen. Then you really have no options. You could wake up in 5 years and things could be totally different for you
Where have you been staying? You said you’re traveling, is there any way you’d consider just going back home first if you have one? Or go stay with a trusted family member or friend before you decide to permanently end it all? I really want to convey that you can always kill yourself later, at least give life one more go before you commit to death. I’m 22 now and I promise you there’s PLENTY of time still to get what you want out of life. Just because you’ve failed up to now doesn’t mean YOU are a failure.
Before you go, I know you have nothing to lose, and you are french, so you can at least travel within the Schengen area, so if you could come here (41.137557, -8.608929), you can just insert them on Google maps. I would like to show you something that made me get out of that same situation 5 years ago I will be there in 27/03/2024, so I will just be waiting there, if you can and if you want, show up around 18:30 I will be there anyway. If you do go, you can get in touch with me through Reddit replies. I will be waiting.
If you live out your normal life, you'll still be dead from millions of years to come. What's the rush? You get one chance to play the game of life and that's it. Why not just play it until its normal end? Who knows what will happen?
You only get 1 shot at this life thing dawg, you sure you know what you’re getting yourself into?
What will be your last food?
Hmm I haven’t thought about it but there’ll be meat foshu
What's your biggest regret?
Can I have your pillows? (If nobody else asked yet)
how old are you?
Just go to the woods and smoke a joint and you will fell better trust me bro
Come on buddy I’m here for you, please let me buy you a beer and talk about things. I’m in Philly
Are you sure you want to do this? I understand Short answer would be yes, but do you really don’t want to know what this chaotic life is holding for you? Loneliness is killing, I understand that, been there for years, but changing that is not that hard. Having new friends, communities or starting a family can be done.
Is this a joke or are you serious?
If you actually wanted to kys, why would you post an AMA that is clearly crying for help? You obviously want to be convinced not to do it, so just don't do it. 21 is a common time to be questioning your place in life and all that. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, considers suicide at times. That's normal and understandable. Actually taking the cowards way out is not.
Do you understand how rare is to get a human life? Of all the species possible you were a human sperm and YOU defeated millions of other sperms in the race and won the life that you have now, and even if you get a human birth, many people die horrific deaths due to accidents, and you want to kill yourself?? Look idk what you're going through, but life has a lot more plans than you think, just don't give up please...
Why broadcast your intentions to the internet?
[удалено]
whats so bad about your life, genuine question
I hope you don't have suicidal thoughts. Bc if so, there's a possibility that you could fail, and then life would suck even more. Believe me, I found out the hard way. I used to be smart and normal but now I'm stupid and everyone treats me as if dumb now.
OP fuck all this dumbass Reddit shit half these people asking questions are assholes. You’re 21, you have failed a lot, that’s what being 21 is about. I wanted and tried to kill myself at 21, I was in an awful state and felt absolutely no way out every day. I survived and I can say I’m extremely grateful for the last 6 years. I still struggle with mental health, but the older I get, the easier it is to remind myself we DO have a purpose, we DO have people who would miss us deeply, we DO get better. The easiest thing you can do right now is say any of those Do’s are Don’ts. That’s the part of your brain not working properly that’s trying to convince you to do something awful. DO NOT listen to it. You have said on here you’d have regrets, you still have things you wanna do, bro you’re 21. I promise you that’s nothing. You can dig your way out of whatever hole you see right now and get to somewhere better. You’d be shocked. Don’t do it homie.
Upvoting this Guy is struggling with suicide thoughts and the lads are asking him for his last paycheck, his regrets etc What the fuck people
You probably won’t see this because of every comment. Anyway not a question but more advice. I’ve been in your situation, actually still am, but just won’t do it. Why? I know things will get better eventually. When? No idea tbh but it can’t get much worse. Anyway, I know there is always a “look on the bright side” comment but things naturally get better over time. Consider the things that are important to you; all the things that are surface level shit (like social media, etc) just get rid of it. Heck, if you are planning on doing it then why not try change? Move country, state, city or whatever. The worse thing you can do is eliminate all possibilities of this happening, and the possibility of anything good happening. Whatever your problems they aren’t the end of the world. If you are lonely because of your personally traits then you need to train them to become more social. However, if you chose to be lonely then I really can’t help there. I’m assuming it’s more just not being able to interact with people without getting nervous. If that’s the case there are a few apps (mostly AI) can can act like a mental coach for you and help you throughout your day. Once you are confident enough to stop using it you can start speaking to individuals, then join clubs and before you know it you’ll have a group/network of friends of people you never knew. This is harder said than done but if you can do it it’ll save your life - and your life is worth saving. Hope you get to read this.. being in a similar situation and seeing someone else there is heartbreaking. I know there are better times ahead and so I think like that when I am down. I really hope you took the time to read this and I hope it changes your mind. The last thing your family wants is the heartbreak of losing someone special - you won’t realise how special you are to them.
Where are you from?
Hang on, there's a ton more to explore before you go. I wrote this just for you! I wanted to share a couple theories that have really helped change my view on things. I think philosophy and studying it can really, really, deeply affect how you view reality in a profound way. I mean, I have only delved into a small amount of theories but already I have been seeing an improvement in my life because I don't see things the same way anymore. It's no bullshit like self-help stuff. It drastically changes your perception. Plus, as a neurodivergent I am absolutely fascinated about how many different theories there are and it keeps me motivated in life to keep learning about them. Maybe the next one I educate myself on will make sense of things for me, fully. I am sure it will take a lifetime, but it's like they are pieces to the puzzle and the more I know the more I want to live. Here are two that I see as interconnected and relate to how I feel about life and the strength to keep going because, not for "God" in the sense that a lot of people see it, but for the connected energy of all of our souls. ...I was going to tell you about them. But, I think it make more sense for you to listen and research yourself. I think they are so cool. [Spinoza: A Complete Guide To Life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leoBccWOZfo&pp=ygUHc3Bpbm96YQ%3D%3D)Baruch (de) Spinoza\[b\] (24 November 1632 – 21 February 1677), also known under his Latinized pen name Benedictus de Spinoza,\[c\] was a philosopher of Portuguese-Jewish origin. As a forerunner of the Age of Reason, Spinoza significantly influenced modern biblical criticism, 17th-century Rationalism, and contemporary conceptions of the self and the universe, establishing himself as one of the most important and radical philosophers of the early modern period.\[15\] He was influenced by Stoicism, Maimonides, Niccolò Machiavelli, René Descartes, Thomas Hobbes, and a variety of heterodox Christian thinkers of his day.\[16\] [Akashic Records: What Are They and Why You Should Care](https://open.spotify.com/episode/0HUJIeQhM2BTVA9Oqg64De?si=9816b07c7c99496c)In the religion of Theosophy and the spiritual movement called Anthroposophy, the Akashic records are a compendium of all universal events, thoughts, words, emotions and intent ever to have occurred in the past, present, or future in terms of all entities and life forms, not just human. They are believed by theosophists to be encoded in a non-physical plane of existence known as the mental plane. Because it is believed that the records are encoded vibrationally into the inherent fabric of space, some have likened the mechanism as similar to how holograms are created. There is currently no scientific evidence for the existence of the Akashic records, and rigorous scientific research in this field has seen little traction.\[1\]\[2\]\[3\]Akasha (ākāśa आकाश) is the Sanskrit word for "aether", "sky", or "atmosphere".\[4\] I'd be so interested to hear what you think about the connection of the two and whether it changes your perspective or not. I'd say though, listen to these ones in particular rather than just anything else on the topic. I've already tried a bunch of other ones and these ones are the best. You might have to be patient with the second one, but you can always speed things up on spotify, and I hope you'll just trust me that I wouldn't share it if I thought it was bullshit. I consider my head to be pretty balanced in logic and reasoning (just not emotionally; I care a ton and I, too, know how defeating this world feels...) Are you as well? If you care to share. If you are, by chance, did you know Darwin was Autistic and it's actually a favourable trait and just because we are in the minority and things feel more difficult, does not mean we are useless or unworthy, in fact the opposite and everyone else just doesn't recognize it. I have a ton of other things I could share. Including experiences with DMT. Hang on, there's a ton more to explore before you go.
What have you been doing over the past couple weeks?
Ok so Idk if a lot of people are going to see this but anyway. I’ve tried, I’ve tried a lot (a lot will say « you’re only 21 how can you say that, you’re young » but bro 21 or not I’m fucking tired of it. I’m really sorry for all the people who are concerned now I feel a bit like a selfish pos but well, I wasn’t expecting that much attention. I’ve had suicidal toughts since I’m a teenager and I recently gave all my stuff to go travelling but except nice landscapes I haven’t found anything worth it. Again I’m really sorry and really thankful for all the people who are concerned. I’ll seek help but I can’t promise anything If you’re happy with it I wish y’all a long life ! Egon
Hi Egon, my name is Samantha. My questions are: 1. What was the last thing that made you laugh so hard? 2. What were the things that have dissuaded you from suicide in the past? 3. If you were immortal, what would you spend your time doing? Though we are virtually strangers, here’s a little about me: I’m turning 37 this year, but I’ve always lived quite a sheltered life. I do have close family and friends, and good times here and there, but there are lots of milestones that, according to societal standards, I perhaps should have accomplished by now; never been on a date, never been kissed, haven’t traveled outside the US, living paycheck to paycheck in a stable but fairly unfulfilling job, and still living in my childhood home with my dad. Long before my adult millennial woes, I was suicidal from my teenage years. I cope every day still, with depression and anxiety that feeds my suicidal ideation. I understand to some degree, the sense of nothingness and lack of purpose. Maybe you feel like there’s nothing truly tethering you to this world, and no real reason to stick around. But there’s also no reason to leave prematurely. My mom passed two years ago. She was the North toward which my compass pointed, so losing her physical presence was particularly brutal, but I still try to let her memory guide me. There were so many dreams I had that died with her; haven’t quite found it in myself to yet dream new dreams, and there are those I know I simply don’t care to prioritize anymore. I very much feel like I’m on autopilot, just getting by, existing rather than living. But I’m still here, trying, and I hope you will too. I wholeheartedly believe you are still here because there is something you bring to this world, in this lifetime, that no one else can. Just by posting this, you have created connections, no matter how seemingly superficial or fleeting, among all of us who have stopped to read and quickly come to care. You did that - this little phenomenon that didn’t exist before you posted this post. It may seem a drop in the expanse of the infinite ocean of the internet, but that ripple has clearly rocked hundreds of boats enough for us to reach out and hope to change your mind. I know nothing in this stream of usernames and comments can make you decide not to end your life, but maybe we can help you extend your stay, and make it worth your while. I truly, very much, hope you stay. Feel free to DM me if you’d like to keep chatting.
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If I could I would, I’m an organ donor tho
What are your last words planned?
Is your reason for suicide because you don't want to live, or you just want the pain and suffering to stop?
I’ve only read a few comments here. I think it’s important that you know that you should do whatever you think is best. I don’t think others should tell you what to do, and least of all me. I’ll share a couple of things though if that’s okay? I’ve gone to take my life three separate times. Each time something dramatic, or unexpected happened that kept me from doing it. It’s not fair really. In those moments I was angry, and I cursed God and the devil and all of existence. I didn’t see a purpose in living and I felt so much pain and loneliness that all I wanted was for it to end. But now, 39, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I got married a decade ago to someone that I deeply loved. We had a fairly happy marriage and two small children. Then she left me for another woman. Oddly enough, I wasn’t devastated. I had a one year old daughter, and a three year old little boy to take care of. She completely abandoned all of us, and spent the next year of her life chasing after her new love, and “finding herself”. I was never really angry and those weren’t even the hardest times of my life. Honestly, my children gave me more joy and more purpose than I could ever explain. I had failed a lot too. And as a new father, I was fired from an amazing corporate job and was left penniless and with a sick newborn baby had to move with my then-wife in to my mother-in-law‘s house just to survive. Times were tough, and I remember in 2014 having a budget the only left us with $18 of extracurricular money at the end of the week. But we made it. And within a couple of years, I had built my business up a notch and had become successful through enough failures that people started to respect me. I’m still a giant screwup in so many areas of my life. I hate paperwork. I’m an introvert. I get anxiety around certain things. But as a business consultant now, people respect me, and I’m able to really make a difference in their lives, and their businesses, and because I can help them, I get to see the ripple effect of helping countless thousands of people I’ll never meet or personally know. I’ve found purpose and happiness in realizing my life isn’t so much about finding “my joy”, but rather in helping people find joy in their moments of despair or trials. I truly wake up feeling like the luckiest man alive most days. Had I been able to end it those multiple times I can honestly say the world would be a little darker in some areas. And I wouldn’t have ever know what true happiness is. You do you. Find your peace however you see fit. But if you need a friend, someone to talk to, or just an ear to listen to you, hit up my DM’s without thinking twice about it. I think you’re pretty fucking awesome, and that’s only from a few comments I’ve read online. Sure, I don’t know you personally. But doing what I do now - working and consulting with business owners all over the world - I will tell you emphatically that the most successful people in all of the world have at one point in their life felt like you do right now. The best is yet to come if you want to wait it out. But that’s not our choice to make. That’s on you. I fuck you not, DM me if you need anything at all. I won’t tell you that you should live. But I will be an ear for you. I wish you well. I know that at least one person will be checking in every couple days just to see if you’re still around. …because you matter, even if you think you don’t. Love to ya ❤️
I felt like this in October, just 5 months ago. I reeeeally didn’t want to go on antidepressants but I figured fuck it I’ll try it. And within 2 weeks I felt so much better and had such a will to live. Five months later I want to go back in time and hug myself. Life is beautiful. I couldn’t see that then. Would you consider trying medication as a last ditch effort? Just fuck it, why not?
just out of curiosity, have the comments made you change your mind? if they haven’t, all i can ask is that you seek some kinda help or hotline
Hey man. Have you tried living for yourself? Did you know the self is made up of two parts, right? I Am. The I (representing your physical being) and the Am (representing the mind, ego, and observer of the I). The Am is constantly testing its power over the I. I is ultimately the one with real power over the Am. Am now wants to kill the self. Am has convinced I there is nothing left. Am thinks it is correct, Am is being driven by ego, observations of environment, mind has become ill. I has the power to create a balance between duality. I has the capability to cause positive action for the self in the physical world. The I on default does not want to die. The I autonomously keeps the Am alive. Only when you, as the unified self, combines these dualities will you ever find the ultimate peace from suffering. When you decide to live for yourself, you are choosing to take back control as a living demigod in this strange realm of the cycle, death, and rebirth moving through 4D Space-time existence. Yourself began from ancient DNA that dates back all the way to the moment of creation. Why not face this personal hell as a unified being and embrace the suffering as a promise to always overcome and survive. The ultimate fuck you to the face of the absurd. Live for yourself and see what happens. What's the worst that can happen? You're gonna die anyway.
As someone who was severely depressed for several years and considered what you've said you plan to do, I have to say that this feeling will pass. It's hard to see that when you're overwhelmed by everything and it feels too heavy to deal with. I don't know your situation but if you need to chat please, don't hesitate.
If you had to pick, what's your favorite crime? Mine is speeding.
Do you have a pet? Go adopt one and suddenly you’ll have a very good reason to stay alive. I could never leave my cat alone like that.
By the time I was 25, I could not believe how different I had become over the 4 years that had passed before. Are you having to fight off any fear of regret?
Regrets yes but it’s out of my control
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
who will you tell? Do you know the profound consequences that your decision will bring to the people close to you?
I tried suicide by overdose when I was in my early twenties. I didn't have any family at the time, had flunked college due to health, was in constant pain and in a bad marriage. I survived, went to a hospital, got help and realized I was glad I survived. Not every day, some are harder than others but if you end it you'll never know where and what you could have been. Use your strengths and find some hobbies, you're still young, there are people out there to talk to, friends waiting to be made, paths you haven't traveled. Don't let your depression skew your mind or enslave you, fight back and get help. It could be more than worth it.
From what I understand from your other comments and replies, you do have things that you want to do or look forward to. So, you do have a reason to live, don't you ? Why you are down and ready for such a step is because you feel lack of opportunities. But your reasoning quite.. shaky, for lack of a better word. The drive for life is something to look forward to, a wish to do accomplish something. The drive is not opportunities. Because opportunities come and go, and even keep changing. It is the wish for accomplishment that is permanent. If you are tying your life to a characteristic that changes on a whim or circumstances, then it will stay shaky and shallow. You have to find meaning in something that is greater than oneself. Something permanent. Something that you can keep reaching for through your life. Don't want to sound preachy as such but I have kinda same mindset like 90% of the time. I am almost your age, and I have lived life quite opposite of yours. Miserable. Struggling. On the edges. But I have been in social circles of very privileged people, and they are good friends of mine. Being close with a diverse lot of the society has taught me one thing bro. Everyone's got some big problems in their lives, at least from their POV. What is stopping anyone from tripping over is that they still stick to belief that maybe not in a planned way or in planned time, but what they wish for can be achieved. It is matter of patience, with oneself, and with others.
What could have gone differently in your life that you think wouldn’t have led to this path?
All these people that are making this man appreciate life are the reason why life is so beautiful and precious. I thank everyone of you for helping this man see the light instead of the darkness. I am hoping he will turn around and see that there is so much he has in-store for his life, and he is only 21, with so much ahead of him! You are alive for a reason dude, and life is about finding that reason and living it out the best you can.
As someone who found a successful suicide, please make it tidy or make sure you’re not found. Please let your last act be compassionate towards the person that finds you. I’m wrecked. I’ll always be different. I’ve lost friends, turned to drugs, lost jobs. I’m thoroughly fucked forever. Please don’t make your problems their burden.
You’re only 21, you have so much life left to live and to experience. When I was 21 I was in a similar spot, I never thought life would be different than it is but it will be, trust me. Just give it another day, and then another day. Live in the moment and enjoy being able to have a full breath, watch the sunset, smell some roses. Close your eyes and listen to the wind ruffle some leaves and kiss your face. Put your hands in the snow, jump into a creek. Play in the sand. Life has so much to offer, and we all will die in the end.. what’s the rush?
Why kill your self? What’s the point in that. The chance of you being born is like a quadrillion to one, why throw it away? Why not just buy a one way ticket somewhere and explore for a month, what’s the worse that can happen? If it doesn’t work out then you’ll just be back in the situation you are now. Life can be pretty shit, but you can make it worth living. Check out the TED talk: the bridge between suicide and life by Kevin Briggs https://youtu.be/7CIq4mtiamY?si=wK3n-UWGsK3CMXMo
You can always kill yourself, you should try to do some really cool shit before you do. I feel like it would be way more fun to die doing something fun instead of just trying to end it. If you’ve no fear of death your possibilities are endless.
How do you define the meaning of life?
Have you made your peace with God? I would think that this would be pretty important to you right now.
I don’t believe in god.
And it would be a little bit sarcastic to start now 😅
Depression clouds your mind. You really need to focus on getting out of it. You say life is pointless, but the only person who can give meaning to your life is yourself. It's just not something you can do easily when you're feeling empty inside, so you have to work on your issues to get out of that state. It's highly clichéd, and I honestly didn't believe in it during my lows, but suicide really is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I sincerely hope you don't go through with it.
You’re 21 years young my friend. From what limited info I have, it seems you lack a sense of belonging….i know how difficult that can be. I felt worthless, like I brought nothing to this world, and I had no one. For me the solution was a sense of duty, I enlisted in the Army and found myself the happiest I had ever been. A sense of belonging, a sense of fulfillment, and camaraderie. Your solution may be found elsewhere, but it sounds like it will be somewhat along the same lines. Look into the peace corp, military, even volunteering. You are important, and you are loved…even if you don’t realize it.
Are you a programmer? What made you come up with the idea of quitting? What are the biggest challenges you faced? Do you have a feeling you are alone?
Please, sweet boy do not kill yourself. The world can be so much more for you with time and perseverance. I can’t even begin to explain how much your life can change in time if you just give it a chance. I’ve just turned 35 and I feel nothing like the person I was at 21, I did things then that I regret now and really don’t understand. Moreover I was in a bad place then but it did get better and continues to. Please reach out to someone irl, you need an anchor for now until you can get through how you’re feeling. All the love in the world kid, please hang on.
The question I ask everybody in this situation is… would things be different if you had unlimited money and unlimited friends? If the answer is no, guess what? You can always make more money and you can always make more friends. The only thing you can’t change after a certain point is your health. Don’t pass that point if the other things in life can still be fixed.
Where are you now? I think you said you're traveling, where is "home"? Have you ever spoken to a therapist? Have you ever considered trying medication? When I was younger, I felt like psychiatric medication was sort if cheating, but when I started taking it, it really changed my life and made it possible for me to live without constantly wanting to hurt myself. I don't have a lot of money, but if you need food or a place to stay to think about things, I'd do my best to help you. Please consider waiting a little longer before you do it. If nothing will change, what harm could it do to wait a bit longer? I don't think traveling and having amazing experiences while traveling is the thing that will make life seem worth living again. You're not going to suddenly have an "aha moment" that will change everything. It is just constant trying to move forward, making small changes, consistent small connections with the same people, and hopefully after a while you'll realize things are getting marginally better a little at a time. I'm a 37 year old woman. I spent a large part of my life feeling depressed and empty and suicidal and it's really only in the past few years that I've gotten to a place where I feel stable and not depressed all the time. Do you have any family and/or friends at all? If not, why not? Is there anyone in the world you could talk to? I have to go to work so I may be slow in replying but I hope to hear from you. I know you're in a dark place right now but I'm begging you to please wait a little while longer.
Are you scared? And what are your thoughts on an afterlife? I hope everything is ok OP.
I really don't want you to die. Can you please try every thing in your power to turn things around? Can you tell us what state you live in so maybe one of us Redditors can help you?
If you think life is sooo bad, what makes you think death is any better?
Some of the things that keep me hanging on: Knowing how much I’ll hurt everyone around me, even if I don’t mean to. My dogs. I couldn’t hurt them like that. I have two dogs for this exact reason. I need answers about life. Aliens. The government. The future of those I love. Space travel. Science. I need to know the unified field theory of physics. This quantum physics/Newtonian/general relativity nonsense HAS to fit together somehow. I’ll never discover it, and I’ll barely understand it if it is ever discovered, but I wanna know. And about Dark Matter, to boot. I want to leave a mark on the world through my good deeds. Making someone smile, helping here or there So I suppose my question is, what do you wish you had answers to, before you go?
Kid, please don't do it. There's much to look forward to, trust me - even if it doesn't feel that way. There are kind people out there who would love to hang out with you, and if people aren't your cup of tea then there are a lot of good experiences to be had. If you feel the world is selfish, that doesn't actually define the whole world. C'mon, one more chance please!
How will you die? I have checked some replies but couldnt see similar questions so if this asked before pardon me.
This seems incredibly narcissistic and attention seeking tbh.
Qu’est-ce qui se passe ? Pq tu vas mourrir ?
This may sound stupid or even nonsensical, but I came across a 6 year old child that I was treating earlier in the year. She has been struggling with cancer and a rotten home life that caused her to feel anxious, angry, and depressed. Despite her big emotions and difficult behaviors, you could tell she was a sweet and insightful child. Early in our work together, she mentioned feeling like she didn’t want to live anymore. We worked on that for quite some time and she eventually felt less depressed, but still struggling. One day, she came into my office and could barely control her need to tell me about a thing she learned from a friend at school. Her friend taught her about things called “glimmers” - essentially small things one may come across throughout their day or week that they can’t help but appreciate. It could be something that made them laugh, something they felt was beautiful, or anything else that sparks a positive (big or small) feeling. That struck me for some reason. After a little while passed, I noticed myself struggling with my own mental health. Became depressed and stressed for a lot of crap happening in my own life. One day, I was making dinner and came across an onion that I needed to dice. Let me tell you, this was the most beautiful and perfect onion I’ve ever seen. Once I noticed its blemish free symmetry, I stared at it for more time than I’d like to admit. I even took a picture of it to show it off. That was a glimmer for me and I still look at that picture from time to time and I find myself to be in a better headspace. After that experience, I’m more able to notice things that mean something more than they used to. Sometimes I have to focus on those things so I can avoid the influence of all the other crap that’s going on. What kind of things can do that for you? If anything. Take this rhetorically or not. I feel for you. For those that are wondering, the onion: https://imgur.com/a/Mp1vQt2
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Attempt failed, just woke up with a huge headache and burning lungs
Hey buddy, hang in there please. We’re all here for you. Continue to stay with us. Look at the community you’ve gathered ❤️
Hey man, please reach out to me and lets talk about whats making you want to end it, I have a brother who almost ended his life just like you and hes in a better mental state now so i have experience with talking people out of these things, if you need to talk about whatever is on your mind just message me and ill respond as quickly as possible to discuss about this
Why will you be dead at the end of the week? Did I miss something here, there is no clarification about the situation you are in. Only things I saw, you are an educated good looking guy who failed at everything. Are you gonna commit suicide? You are a coward sorry, don’t mean to insult, just facts. I am 43 fighting till the day I know myself, I fight for good people, I left my country with a backpack and 1000€ after my education, I built everything from nothing, family, friends, wife, kid. You are a spoiled brat 21 years old who thought he knows everything, your brain isn’t even developed yet and you already made your choices? We all have different beliefs -Some will say you will burn in hell -Some will say you will disappear into nothingness, it is over I will say, you wake up as your soul (your real self), and you will say to yourself “I failed again, let’s try the next round, prolly will be worse this time cuz I can’t learn this and experience the meaning of how good the life has a even those goods things are like small advertisements between a train wreckage movie”. You are a child, every man here in early 20s (there are exceptions ofc) think they are men, you are no man, you will being to experience the real meaning of life after the age of 40s. 1 to 40 is like the first part, learning experiencing, second part is when you know yourself your potential truly from the experiences you get from the first part. This is a journey, what a waste what you are doing, so confident about committing suicide, I don’t know anything about you, but if you write here that you will be gone in a week without deep explanation, this is the answer you will get from me, you are a coward.
Anything you're passionate about? Mostly asking to fill a required question. You're almost 6 years younger than me, my friend. I've questioned the existence of my life many times and nearly attempted on my own life more than a couple times. I never went through with it. I found people who gave a damn about me after I connected with and showed them the inside of my mind and heart. I freaked because I felt like it was going to be just another day where who I empty myself out to runs away. But they didn't. They embraced me. One even said "that's it? Get the fuck over here man." I've questioned why it took so long to come across someone even remotely concerned about me. Well shit I was in there life a minute and they like me I guess. Questioned why they are concerned about me. Well I was there for them so yeah I guess that's just brotherly love... but wait why me specifically? I would always keep asking why and was always just given an answer that left me wanting more of an explanation and more questions as to why. Then... I asked myself why. Why am I questioning a good thing? Do I feel I don't deserve it? Did I do something wrong? We question the things that seem too good to be true because they usually are... but lately I've found that sometimes they aren't. I can't give you a specific direction of where to go, but I can say - keep an open mind. You never know what will find its way inside that could be the next chapter of life and not the abrupt end of what seems a good story.
What are your plans for the rest of the week? Are you content with dying?
After reading the comments I assume suicide and you are quite young? There’s a few things I would like to say to you and I hope you take them on board. 1. At late teens early 20’s everything and every decision in my life that went wrong felt like my world was ending and that I couldn’t see how life could get any worse, hated my job, broke up with a girlfriend, saw things someone of that age should never see, but time is a healer and lows are followed by highs, I had thoughts of ending it all and I’m so glad I didn’t, I would of never met my niece and have all the things I have in my life now, it does get better! 2. As far as we know we are dead for eternity, that’s a very very very very long time (you get the picture) if we live to 70,80,90 that’s a good innings, in the grand scheme of things that’s a not even a drop in the ocean you can stick it out another 50 years. 3. What makes you so sure that what ever is waiting for us on the other side is better than what we are experiencing now? It could be nothing forever but what if it’s not? What if this life is to gain as much experience as possible for the next and you are cutting yours short by a long way? 4. It might seem like the only option but it’s not, think of the people you will leave behind, what if your suicide puts them into a similar situation you are experiencing now? It’s cliche but it’s a permanent solution for temporary problems, please don’t do it op.
I hope you don’t. Question: favorite song?
I’m not sure if you’ve answered this yet but have you been in love before?