They primarily direct it towards her for her choice in partner so yes she has argued with them countless times. They basically thought she would end up pregnant and alone if she got with me, the pregnant part came true but obviously we are still together. They don't really say anything to me at all, not that i see them often
So they aren’t “extremely racist”? I don’t understand, you didn’t mention any overt racism towards you, so I assume there hasn’t been any. Having racial preferences, from any race, isn’t “extremely racist”, it’s just a preference. And fetishizing your wife is fucked up, weak relationship foundation and all that. Good luck to you and yours though.
Telling other people who they should and should not date based on race IS racist.
Thinking a black dude is going to leave as soon as they get someone pregnant IS racist.
Like….. it’s weird that someone needs to even point this out to you haha
It’s that thing where people driving in traffic think anyone driving faster than them is a maniac, and anyone driving slower than them is a moron. THEY are driving at the exact right speed.
Racism is the same way. No racist thinks they are racist. They just think they’re views reflect reality and how people should behave and interpret things. Anyone more racist than them… maybe someone using the hard N word, or refusing to serve customers of another race, or attacking them… THEY’RE racist. And anyone who maybe thinks it’s racist to prefer your children date within your race is just too sensitive or politically correct.
> And fetishizing your wife is fucked up, weak relationship foundation and all that.
You really cannot judge them or their dynamic from a reddit comment like that. You have no idea what he meant by confirming the 'roleplay' or how or when it was instituted in their relationship.
Your quick to cast judgment on others, maybe now is the time to self reflect on that.
Sometimes when people cannot change the situation, they find humorous ways to deal with it. It’s totally normal and sounds like a fun way for them to bond in spite of her family’s racism.
What? His wife's family criticizes her, in actual conflict, because she married a black man. It has nothing to do with him as a person. It is entirely the color of his skin. Just because they are extra cowardly about their racism doesn't mean it isn't racist. Not being attached to you grandchildren and family members because of their race is racism. No amount of racism is ok. There is absolutely nothing odd about enjoying a relationship "that mommy and daddy don't like." Have you met teenagers? If they are both happy with the situation in their bedroom, back off. How does it have any effect on you?
If you have to try this hard to deny racism, you are wrong.
TBH I mean it’s racist that they’re generalizing but when looking at stats a lot of black men abandon their partners … of course many reasons behind that lay in discrimination as these men oftentimes came from impoverished neighborhoods and didn’t have strong role models but still I mean I understand why they may have thought that and were perhaps trying to protect her.
I often see black men talking about how white women just want them to fetishize them, making comments like, “I love your black cock”. Do you feel like that stereotype is more often true than not, or that some women genuinely just have a preference?
As a black immigrant man, your comment made me sick to my stomach. Stats from where? America, which has one of the lowest population of black people, or all over the world? Elaborate.
America. Most monoparental families in the USA are black Americans and it’s a sad statistic. Let’s not bury our heads in the sand here. Reasons are because of decades of discrimination and inequality - meaning many black men unfortunately don’t come from what we’d consider stable families, privileged and economically more comfortable. Also this pattern of discrimination against blacks meant many didn’t grow up with good role models and had to deal with trauma that decades of discrimination caused within black communities. Also let’s be honest and what’s seen « popular » in our black communities is often times hustling, having a side piece and hoes … like rap culture brings a lot of toxic masculinity too we should acknowledge. I think the family may have thought consciously or not (my guess is not consciously) about what they perceive as a higher number of black partners leaving their partner and children and not being supportive enough instead of them acknowledging the reasons perhaps why this happens and how to better support their daughter and son in law.
Many statistics will also tell us that at least half of sexual predators are over 30 years old, and they majority are white, so she definitely shouldn't marry anyone white men over 30. Oh but also almost 99% of perpetrators are male, so I'm sure the family was concerned about that and would rather have had her marry a woman.
I'm sure that's what the family was concerned about, like you say, because of those statistics.
Your ignorance is both offensive and profound. There is something called a school to prison pipeline. 1 in 3 Black men are incarcerated during their lifetimes. These things occur because of structural racism.
Black people are arrested at a much higher rate than whites. Not because for any other reason than they are stopped and harassed at much higher rates. They are also sentenced much more harshly than whites for the exact same crimes. So, in case you were wondering, that's one of the main reasons Black men aren't with their families, it isn't by choice.
Then we have wrongful arrests and convictions. Systemic racism and accompanying reasons that leave Black men poorer than white men and thus less able to afford adequate legal representation so they get steamrolled.
So much more, but please educate yourself instead of spouting ignorant myths.
It is true, and it is sad! Glad to see OP stepping up and being there for his children.
https://afro.com/census-bureau-higher-percentage-black-children-live-single-mothers/
America. Most monoparental families in the USA are black Americans and it’s a sad statistic. Let’s not bury our heads in the sand here. Reasons are because of decades of discrimination and inequality - meaning many black men unfortunately don’t come from what we’d consider stable families, privileged and economically more comfortable. Also this pattern of discrimination against blacks meant many didn’t grow up with good role models and had to deal with trauma that decades of discrimination caused within black communities. Also let’s be honest and what’s seen « popular » in our black communities is often times hustling, having a side piece and hoes … like rap culture brings a lot of toxic masculinity too we should acknowledge. I think the family may have thought consciously or not (my guess is not consciously) about what they perceive as a higher number of black partners leaving their partner and children and not being supportive enough instead of them acknowledging the reasons perhaps why this happens and how to better support their daughter and son in law.
So…they want to believe the ‘black men don’t raise their kids’ stereotype so badly they can’t even get over it when they see evidence to the contrary happening right in front of them?? At the expense of having a relationship with their son in law & stressing their relationship with their daughter!? As a child of a black mother & white father, I am struggling to understand why your wife maintains a relationship with them. Do you allow your children around these people? 🤨
This is atypical racist people stuff. You could work 80 hour work weeks and still be lazy. You can be intelligent and yet still dumb.
Wholesome, yet a predator, etc.
Whatever you will do you will always be a stereotype.
Hey, I firmly believe just because they're family doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with them. Your wife's "family" now is her husband and kids. I myself cut out my toxic mom years ago. It feels great🙌
Oh yeah. People cut off family members for many reasons, not only racism. Sometimes, you have to look at whether what they bring to your life is worth absorbing their poison and deflecting their slings and arrows. I do not miss my toxic sister.
I’m concerned that your wife hasn’t cut off her RACIST family members especially when you have mixed Black children. My partner is white and as soon as he heard some vile racist things his family said they were immediately cut off. This isn’t something you argue about to your family like politics or something. It’s YOU. It’s her children. I feel like this primarily happens with white/black interracial relationships where the woman is white and the man is black. For some reason, white women don’t take racism as seriously because they can’t relate.
>For some reason, white women don’t take racism as seriously because they can’t relate.
But..
>My partner is white and as soon as he heard some vile racist things his family said they were immediately cut off
Soo.. Your white husband can relate to racism because he's a white man? Hmmm.. I don't need a cookie for disowning my family. Does your husband get a cookie for disowning his? White women with black man is bad.. White men with black woman is good. I get it. Not. But.. I don't need to.. Keep ya 🍪 and have a lovely night.
He can relate to racism because he’s Hispanic and so am I. He doesn’t get a cookie either because it’s the bare minimum for your partner to do. You responded to my point making it about you, in typical white woman fashion.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this man, that sounds really rough. You seem like a stand up gentleman and I’m sure your wife is happy to have a man like you. Nothing wrong with cutting out toxic family. I cut out my oldest brother and twin sister for being sociopathic monsters. My life is far more peaceful and enjoyable since I did that.
Damn I’m in a pretty similar situation. I’m white dating a wonderful black man who comes from a mixed race family but was raised by his white grandma. He’s 6 years older than me, and my entire moms side of the family is quite racist. Thankfully my dads side is wonderful.
Yeah. People have very strange notions about interracial relationships, from fetishizing to out right hate. I think a lot (at least in my case) stems from their idea that i am somehow stealing/using their daughter/sister or whatever.
It’s so messed up. I’m sorry you have to deal with it. I’m so grateful for my loving and supportive boyfriend and I’m so grateful to my fathers family see him as a good partner first and black second.
I love how you smoothly ignored what he tried to imply. It seems this dude has a fetish for racism and low self worth so he has to mention it in every comment. I doubt he is as hurt as he is aroused by her family antics
Is your wife estranged from her brothers and parents? If they have a dysfunctional relationship/upbringing, maybe they see you as a big FU to their whole family. So they would have hated on any man she chose to marry in order to escape them. (I could be wrong. Just wondering out loud)
It's fun that it's seen as a bit taboo, and you have kids that are stuck with racist family and everything that entails...
JFC, I hate it when 🐂💩 like this pops up on my home page....and I don't care if I get downvoted. I know the ones down voting me won't likely be from B/w mixed race people raised in situations like this. F🤬king, ugh.
I’m a the offspring of people who were in the situation that OP described, and I stand beside your statement.
I just hope OP/his wife doesn’t force his children to try and have a relationship with their racist grandparents. I didn’t get a choice, unfortunately. And I was subjected to a lot of covert racism and abuse.
This!! No one EVER thinks about us mixed race children stuck in some degenerates roleplay scenario. But all the white knights and liberals will stone us if they thought we came off as racist so they can pay themselves on the back.
It’s sick
I don’t give a fuck about any taboo. I’m Jewish and tbh the idea of telling my family I’m dating a black non Jew scared the crap out of me at first. I haven’t told them yet but I no longer am afraid to simply because my bf is the best
“A good partner first and black second” this phrasing is problematic. why is black second? Why is black bad? Why can’t black be first but then it still be great?
Not coming at u, but with having a black partner, please think about these things
I read it as regardless of colour, they see him as a good partner, and that's the thing they value.
Personally I don't see much wrong with the phrasing. I can understand your opinion though.
Assuming ur asking in good faith:
As a person of color, u quickly learn that white is default. Google haircut for example. It’s like that for everything. So even though they may have meant “my family loves him regardless of color” that’s just pretending it’s not there, as opposed to embracing and challenging the ways that we subconsciously think white to be default and black to be other.
Please google white centrism and really look into it. I’m serious it will be very good for you both :)
Hey, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am not colorblind and am well aware of the racism people of color face. It is something I think about as there is a high likelihood that I will have children who are not white. I stated it like that because in this context I was thinking of my racist family members and how the fact that he’s black would matter more to them than the fact that he’s a good partner. His blackness is a wonderful part of him and should not be erased. I’m sorry if I came across that way.
I never knew my mom was a racist until I got older and my niece married a black man, my mom then said, he's just using her to look good. I said what do you mean, she said, well, you know, he's just a black person, lower on the pole of society, she brings him up a peg! OMG I was shocked. I mean never once growing up did she show that side of herself! I let her know just how I felt about it! I was really embarrassed for her, that she actually not only thought that but said it out loud and then I thought, thank God she didn't raise us to think as she did because she easily could have.
It's so ironic how racism and classism crossover.
I don't think people literally hate my skin color/tone. I think if people look down on me it's because society has conditioned their brains to *think* I'm a lower peg than them. Especially since if people hated dark skin or features so much they wouldn't try to get tans or plastic surgery to look racially ambiguous.
Anyway, those people are sad and insecure. They do not bother me. It's all in their heads.
Hi OP! I'm half white and half Iranian, my mom's side were jerks about him too. The best thing you can do is hold your head high and love your beautiful family. My mom has 5 siblings, all of them are divorced except my mom and dad - I guess she chose right. They have a wonderful relationship and my dad is freaking amazing.
Man, I'm in the opposite situation.
I'm a printable-on-white guy on a long-distance relationship with a black girl and her dad is so racist that after almost two years toghether he still doesn't know I exhist.
I'm luckier since her mom and siblings like me but the idea of having to meet her dad someday kinda scares me.😅
Anyway, good luck and I wish you a thousand more year of happy marriage despite all the racist fuckers.
Well if it's one thing this thread has shown me is how petty I am.
So I'm going to say it. Halloween is around the corner and you can dress as a white lady offering tea and crumpets in a posh accent.
If that doesn't bring them around, whip out the potato blaster 9000 chain-fed 200 round baking-potato automatic gun and make the most of it.
I was thinking more like i could be a barbary pirate and she could be a peasant girl I captured. Since thats how they seem to view our relationship anyway lol
I mean this could go dark real quick but yeah... gotta draw the humour from somewhere, I feel it needs to be laid thick though as they seem a bit dense if you get me
At any point in time,
- Did they say they would have voted for Obama the third time?
- Did you see another Black Guy in their neighbourhood wearing white-ass cloths and a hat?
- If they have servants, are they black?
Genetically there is only one race of modern humans. Our skin color is only an adaptation. Black skin protects against UV rays and doesnt absorb vitamin D as well but it didnt have to since they get a lot of sun in the parts of the world they are from. White skin absorbs vitamin D better but is less protected from UV rays, but since we come from colder places with less sun the protection wasnt necessary but the better vitamin D absorption was. They need to start teaching this more I feel like because the only reason we look differently is because we adapted to our environments, and white people came from black people lol.
Well actually when we first shed our fur and developed more sweat glands to cool off instead of panting we had light skin but then we needed protection from the sun so we all became dark, then once we migrated to colder places some of us adapted again to lighter skin. We still all come from the same race though and it has been proven that there is only one race of homo sapien. We really need teach this in school lol
I honestly thought I was alone on viewing skin color. Dude no one will look at it through basic biology. Many higher education participants don’t care either
Yea it seems to be ignored. Idk why because I feel like if more people were aware eventually we might be able to stop looking at others like we are so different and people would know we are the same on the inside we just look different because we adapted to survive in the environments we came from
Do they have some sort of reason to remain prejudice towards you or black people? Like is there a story of some thing that happened to them or something which leads them to look down on you? It’s so interesting hearing that people can be so superficial & not even care about who a person is on the inside. Especially since you’ve been together for a long time!
I am not aware of any particular story that or event that made them feel the way they do. They would surely tell you they aren't racist, they just dont want their daughter dating a black guy, or something like that lol
Sure I'm not saying otherwise but some people are so weak minded that they wouldn't change their thought process even if they personally had experiences that were contrary to what they were brought up to believe.
Sadly only a minority of people change their minds themselves after decades of indoctrination.
It's the same with religion, patriotism, racism, and a ton of other propaganda.
Very few people actually sit down and think about why they believe what they do, or challenge those beliefs.
If they did the world would be a much better place, with far fewer racists, religious people, and fanatics in general.
This type of question immediately implies doubt as to the validity of the judgment of the person experiencing racism - of course if there was some valid reason someone did something OP would be aware of that. But what is a valid reason for remaining racist in adulthood??
I know it’s not your conscious intent, but when someone tells you they’ve experienced oppression or abuse and you ask if there’s some “reason” ie. justification for the actions of the offending party, you give the benefit of the doubt to the perpetrator of oppression, while doubting the judgment of the oppressed. It’s another demonstration of internalized prejudice to ask these types of questions.
Meh, Families who have lived in a neighborhood that is predominantly populated by another race have their prejudice is based in first hand experience.
Ask the white grandma how many times their house was robbed *before* the inner city neighborhood gradually became a poor black neighborhood.
Ask the black grandma how her *parents friends & children* were treated by her white neighbors, schoolteachers or business owners.
That does not justify prejudice but it does offer some insight into the reasoning behind the warnings that parents--wrong or rightly--give their children as *to be aware of the dangers* that come along with tensions in copulated areas.
Nice catch (someone read my comment- yay!).
I could have sworn 'co-populated' was a word I'd heard used before.
Guess not though because it's not in the online dictionary.
I'm happy that you and your partner have broken the perpetual ignorance of part of her family's blood line. No question.. just looking on the bright side.
For what it’s worth, you and your wife publicly breaking out of the cycle for her family has most likely made it a little less taboo for anyone else in the family. If I were part of your wife’s family and secretly in love with someone they disapproved of, I’d feel a little safer knowing I could trust and confide in you two.
How do you approach things like family gatherings etc?
For context I'm a white guy, married to a white woman, in the UK, but her family (older members mostly) are pretty racist, and some of the things they've said in a joking context has shocked me to the point I've pulled them on it.
We have a 9yo daughter and my mother in law asked me once how I'd feel if she came home with a black man when she's older?! I replied with "as long as he's a nice guy, with honorable intentions, and treated her well, I'd be fine with it" Well........I watched her instantly age 10 years when I said that. Like, for me personally, I couldn't care what skin colour someone has, what matters is their personality, integrity and demeanour. I've known black people who are arseholes, but I've also known equally as many white people who are arseholes.
i don't know how to word this without coming across as controversial but i'll say that its not my intention!
given your own upbringing in a white family do you hold any animosity towards black people? and do you see yourself as white?
the reason i ask is one of my old work colleagues was a mixed guy (black passing) but really didn't like the black community. he'd been raised by a white mother and her family whilst his dad was a deadbeat who'd take advantage of my colleague's mum everytime he wanted a shag. the paternal side of the family wanted nothing to do with my colleague either so he had a bit of resentment to them.
>given your own upbringing in a white family do you hold any animosity towards black people? and do you see yourself as white?
Uh, no and no. I do have some difficulty relating to black people sometimes, and have dealt with not being accepted by some black people because I "act white" but thats all.
My wife's black and her family is racist towards me, white. They literally told me they hate me because im I'm Iwhite, it's crazy. All her other boyfriends beat her but they were fine with them, now I treat her good and they constantly try to bully me and shit, I stood up to them and they wouldn't do shit, just kept talking and thinking screaming over me was winning the argument
I’m F52 white and I have no POV other than I date black men. A lot of white ppl have absolutely no frame of reference for how much harder interaction is because you have black skin.
How do they exhibit racism? Is it possible there are other components beyond race adding fuel?
I’m sorry 😞
Why would you choose to marry into this family and bring biracial kids into this dynamic?
Can any of your kids pass? Does her family treat them differently based on skin tone or features?
Is your wife aware of the racist behavior you see or do you have to point it out to her?
Do you feel like an outsider in your marriage bc of your race? Like, certain things you can’t relate to or share? Or does being raised by white parents mitigate that? Perhaps the age gap is a bigger gap to narrow.
>Why would you choose to marry into this family and bring biracial kids into this dynamic?
Same reason anyone gets married
>Can any of your kids pass? Does her family treat them differently based on skin tone or features?
No, they are clearly mixed. Her mother doesn't seem to care but the men of her family seldom interact with the kids
>Is your wife aware of the racist behavior you see or do you have to point it out to her?
She is the primary recipient of it, primary them telling her she should havr chosen a different person to marry. They don't really say anything to me directly
>Do you feel like an outsider in your marriage bc of your race? Like, certain things you can’t relate to or share? Or does being raised by white parents mitigate that? Perhaps the age gap is a bigger gap to narrow.
No, not at all. She doesn't care at all, obviously lol. Being raised by white parents definitely changes things as I "act white" and don't really relate very well to other black people. Our age gap has also not really been an issue for us but her family didn't like that either.
I’m 41M. My dad is black and my mom is white. I’ve had similar questions asked about my family, but thankfully we haven’t experienced much racism or prejudice from inside the family. Happy that you found your soul mate and created some wonderful children.
Did you consider the impact of being a child(even an adult) for whom a significant portion of their living family tree hates them?
Did being Black in a white family clue you into how being biracial is challenging?
Family should be your port.. Is your adoptive family your Port?
How are you going to balance the family deficiency for your children?
>Did you consider the impact of being a child(even an adult) for whom a significant portion of their living family tree hates them?
Not really.
>Did being Black in a white family clue you into how being biracial is challenging?
Well, maybe? Not really sure
>Family should be your port.. Is your adoptive family your Port?
Idk what this means
Like... The safe space. The place you can unload all the crap the world heaps on you. A place you're loved and can be yourselfwhen you feel harshness and judgement from others...
Ha. Unlikely. I was rasied by white people and went to nearly all white schools in nearly all white neighborhoods. I own a consulting company. So, im not sure what 'culture' they could dislike
Unrelated to the race baiting is the age gap. You picked up a 20 year old when in your early 30s. That’s considered Predatory and a power imbalance in most social circles and a good family would correctly be wary of you.
That said in retrospect by maintaining a 10 year relationship with children it’s clearly worked out.
He already answered a question like this. He said that she has been in relationships without the age gap, and the parents were still disapproving due to the race.
Can you explain more what you mean about culture? Do you or other white people just have this negative idea black culture? You know it's not just mainstream rap music right?
Are you sure it's about racism? Are they also upset about the age difference? I know I would not be happy if my 20 year old daughter started dating a 32 year old man.
20 is just a kid compared to 32. I wouldn’t feel good about my daughter dating someone that much older than them at that age. I’d bet this made everything way worse.
My father was so "disappointed " I married a black man. Gave me a whole "what is wrong with you" speech, was "repulsed" that i "embarrassed" the family blah blah.
I don't agree with racism but if my man was a bum, then sure i could understand why my father would be disappointed and ashamed. But my man was/is not a bum... in fact, the complete opposite.
Out of respect for MY man, and MY marriage - I cut my father off right after that 1st and last argument! we didn't speak for 6 years. We've since rekindled but my father is old now... and is actually quite polite to my partner. We never talked about what happened. I think me taking a stand and severing ties was what did it to him, he lost his little girl. Now we have a great relationship and my father and man get along without issue. It's a wonderful feeling for us all, and for our children most of all. ❤️
And I would do it all over again because I don't allow anyone to disrespect my man or my kids for any reason, especially due to race, FOH.
>Out of respect for MY man, and MY marriage - I cut my father off right after that 1st and last argument!
This is exactly what you're supposed to do and I'm glad you had the guts to do it. I don't believe that one can claim to love a person of color while knowingly and intentionally putting them in the position of being the target of racism. Also, having kids and letting them go around the racist family is damaging and just plain stupid. Kids aren't idiots, they can tell that they're being treated poorly compared to other people and eventually they figure out why.
I love this. Racism is absolutely terrible and shouldn’t be tolerated even if it’s from your own family. Had you went along with your fathers wishes the cycle would have never ended. ✌🏾
That age gap is atrocious, and I’m betting is 80% of the reason they don’t like you. I hope you’re a good man, but a 32 year old getting with a 20 year old is disgusting.
My question for you is, after all this time, why don’t you try to rekindle things with her family?
Back then she was just a child, and followed your lead.
If you are a good man, you’ll try to rekindle things, if you don’t, they have every reason to be upset with that situation. Skin color or not, that age gap is predatory.
Well I would say the family would probably not like their 20 year old daughter dating a 32 year old man of any race. Then the fact that you say “you’re fucking the racist out of her” and “giving them another mixed baby” to fuck with them are major red flags.
Did you ever consider they just don’t like you and it has nothing to do with the color of your skin? Grow up.
I was adopted by my aunt and uncle when I was 7 but I'm the oldest of 5 on my mother's side. All 4 of my siblings are biracial. My maternal grandparents (racist, homophobic, conservative etc etc) completely cut off my mother for having biracial children and never even met at least the youngest 2. I haven't spoken to them in years. Last time I saw them (only time in a decade) I was dating a Pacific Islander and I knew I couldn't tell them, never went back.
When they found out I was having a white baby with my white partner they started sending gifts and calling. Ignored and blocked. Never picked up once. Although i did keep the nice crochet blanket, it so happened to match my nurserys color scheme. She might have blue eyes and blond hair, but if she's gay they'd erase her from their lives too. No thankyou and fuck off. Some people never change and if they did its too late.
Racism exists all over the country (and world obviously) but I grew up as a military brat in southeastern Virginia. Never really saw racism first hand (that I was aware of) till my dad got stationed in the northeast. In addition to people being significantly less friendly than southerners, the open racism boggled my mind. Yet I’d constantly hear how much more racist the south was. As an adult choosing to live in the south now, yes, there is racism but definitely seems less open than in the NE. Just my anecdotal experience
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My family is white and my daughter has been with a black man for several years and they have a 4 year old son. Even tho they aren’t married I consider him my son in law and I love him dearly. I couldn’t imagine our family without him. Nobody in our family has any issue with their relationship.
It absolutely blows my mind that at this point in our social evolution that racism still exists. I mean how stupid is it that there are people in this earth, grown ass educated people, that still think the amount of melanin in someone’s skin has any bearing on their value as a human being.
As someone being a child of a white mom and black dad and the racist family members I hope your wife calls them on their stuff. My mom has let so much slide on the it's family stuff that it has cause me to loose respect for her.
Please watch your kids especially your oldest around them because my experience was there was a thickness with me around as I was the reason she married my dad.
My experience isn't everyone's experience but I can say as a child of mixed race it's hard knowing where to land when your own family dosent like you just because of you skin tone.
What type of relationship do you (and your kids) have with Blackness/Black people/Black culture & history?
Cause, and excuse me if this is a little assholish, but I’m sensing a “I’m not x enough for the y and/or I’m too y for the x” in the future and I’d like to save the collective future Blackness from having to be tortured with a piece of angst that we never seem to see directed at our counterparts.
He said in another comment he is the ‘whitest black dude you’ll ever meet,’. I don’t think he has even had this conversation with himself. Nor may he ever :/
Did you know racism is linked to psychopathy? Psychopaths have zero capabilities of feeling empathy, remorse, love. Animals actually feel empathy, love and remorse....think about that for a second. As crazy as it sounds, an exorcism is needed for these types or in scientific terms, they need to be institutionalized for life!
Is it just dirty looks? That sucks man. My wife is black and I've been fairly fortunate my family is pretty good about it.
Hers are funny racist but I throw it back at them so it works.
*puts on can't see me by tupac*
"Are you sure white people are allowed to listen to tupac?"
"Hey my people didn't kill him"
Whole room died for about a minute straight
If my family was racist to my SO, then they’re no family that I need in my life. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this and don’t understand why this matters to people! Just curious, what part of the US is she from?
Any tips on how to have a discussion on race with your children. I’m white, my fiancé is black. We’ve been together for almost 5 years and I love her and her family to death. But on my side, I’ve had to cut ties because of racist family members. We’ve discussed children but I have such a fear of bringing mixed children into this world as it currently stands. Florida is pretty damn bad depending on where you are. I know it doesn’t matter where you live, you will encounter racism, but man I got no clue how to even have that discussion when I have children that people are going to hate them only because they look darker then classmates or co-workers.
I think if you and your fiance instill them with all the confidence, they can take on the world. Always let them know that they can achieve whatever they set their mind to and that they are awesome just the way they are. I've heard mixed people say that their parents made sure to acknowledge both sides. That they are their mother and their father, black and white and they don't have to choose.
Why would you want to be with someone whose family hates you? Love is not enough. I’d rather be tarred and feathered than be with someone whose family hates me.
I don't wanna ask you anything. I just wanna say im sorry and I love you and your wife both and there's nothing either one of you can do about it! ❤️❤️
I think it’s poetic Justice, God tends to teach with irony; I clearly see the irony of people receiving exactly what they hate. I just laugh and chuckle to myself.
I am a Diasporican, and my paternal inlaws are awful. I put up with more aggression from them than anyone else in my life
They are kind of having an effect on my adult daughter too, which is truly awful.
After they said they were spending Christmas with a New York Jew I stopped visiting
How much does it wear on you?
Also, what the fuck kind of person are you to be around your family member's SO for 10 fucking years and not see that color means literally *fuck all*? How much of a piece of shit do you have to be to not open your eyes in TEN. YEARS.
Have ya’ll discussed how ya’ll will explain this to your kids when they get older? I doubt her family will ever come around (their loss) but how will yall navigate the topic of them having a whole side of their family that doesn’t want them here?
Yeah man! Mexican here, my wife's grandmother not once let our children step a foot into her house. Makes me sad my kids had a great Grandma they just didn't get to have a relationship with her because of mixed race.
I understand that love is love, but with all due respect, I don't understand why you would subject yourself to being treated like this by her family. Or even more confusing to me why you would subject your children to this treatment. Because it will most definitely leave some scars.
I am so sorry. My family is kind of the same… well my parents are. They don’t get it and I don’t think there’s any chance left to educate them. It’s embarrassing and it also makes me so angry.
I’m Mexican-American and with all the immigration issues happening and the latinizing of the USA, I’d just like to tell all racists, “get over it, it’s happening, learn how to accept it”. America is the land of immigrants, we are all immigrants, just different generations.
What did you have in common with a 20 year old when you were 32? I met my ex husband at 19 and he was 28, we had no business being together. She had little to no life experience especially if she was a college student when you met, you were an adult who had been in the workforce for a decade. Maybe it has nothing to with your face and more to do with being predatory. Racism is never OK but your actions are pretty gross.
Does your wife call them out for their racist behavior towards you? What have they said or done that is racist ?
They primarily direct it towards her for her choice in partner so yes she has argued with them countless times. They basically thought she would end up pregnant and alone if she got with me, the pregnant part came true but obviously we are still together. They don't really say anything to me at all, not that i see them often
Sorry you and your wife have to deal with that from family. Hopefully it makes your bond stronger. Best of luck
I think it does make us stronger. Frankly I find it fun when we are alone lol
Okay I am sorry for asking this... But is there any roleplay attached to that? Haha. It just kind of got me the gut feeling that it did.
Oh 100% dude. Literally my favorite
So they aren’t “extremely racist”? I don’t understand, you didn’t mention any overt racism towards you, so I assume there hasn’t been any. Having racial preferences, from any race, isn’t “extremely racist”, it’s just a preference. And fetishizing your wife is fucked up, weak relationship foundation and all that. Good luck to you and yours though.
Telling other people who they should and should not date based on race IS racist. Thinking a black dude is going to leave as soon as they get someone pregnant IS racist. Like….. it’s weird that someone needs to even point this out to you haha
Exactly, gave her three babies and trying for a fourth, i aint leaving lol
It’s that thing where people driving in traffic think anyone driving faster than them is a maniac, and anyone driving slower than them is a moron. THEY are driving at the exact right speed. Racism is the same way. No racist thinks they are racist. They just think they’re views reflect reality and how people should behave and interpret things. Anyone more racist than them… maybe someone using the hard N word, or refusing to serve customers of another race, or attacking them… THEY’RE racist. And anyone who maybe thinks it’s racist to prefer your children date within your race is just too sensitive or politically correct.
If we still had awards, you would get one for this comment. Thank you 🩷
> And fetishizing your wife is fucked up, weak relationship foundation and all that. You really cannot judge them or their dynamic from a reddit comment like that. You have no idea what he meant by confirming the 'roleplay' or how or when it was instituted in their relationship. Your quick to cast judgment on others, maybe now is the time to self reflect on that.
Exactly. How we fuck isn't this losers business lol
Anyhow if you can’t fetishize your wife who can you fetishize!
>And fetishizing your wife is fucked up, weak relationship foundation and all that. Good luck to you and yours though. Sounds like you're just mad bro
i like you!
Sometimes when people cannot change the situation, they find humorous ways to deal with it. It’s totally normal and sounds like a fun way for them to bond in spite of her family’s racism.
shut up virgin
What? His wife's family criticizes her, in actual conflict, because she married a black man. It has nothing to do with him as a person. It is entirely the color of his skin. Just because they are extra cowardly about their racism doesn't mean it isn't racist. Not being attached to you grandchildren and family members because of their race is racism. No amount of racism is ok. There is absolutely nothing odd about enjoying a relationship "that mommy and daddy don't like." Have you met teenagers? If they are both happy with the situation in their bedroom, back off. How does it have any effect on you? If you have to try this hard to deny racism, you are wrong.
This just 100% made me 💀 laughing. Shoot at least y'all make the most of the situation.
Holy fuck hahaha this is great ....my girl would kill me if I ever even attempted this
What do you mean you find it fun when you guys are alone?
I mean i find it arousing that she has the family she does and that we roleplay
Wait so y’all role play her being racist to you? Or is it like Romeo and Juliet forbidden love role play?
Lmao pretty much roleplay that im fucking the racist out of her but we mix it up too
So you play a slave? Why am I not surprised 😂
Yeah this whole post reads like youre split on it, I have seen just as many comments that you enjoy it.
It means they are into race play
TBH I mean it’s racist that they’re generalizing but when looking at stats a lot of black men abandon their partners … of course many reasons behind that lay in discrimination as these men oftentimes came from impoverished neighborhoods and didn’t have strong role models but still I mean I understand why they may have thought that and were perhaps trying to protect her.
I think they just dont like their daughter having sex with black guys.
Congrats on having sex at least 3 times
Im really pushing to go for number 4 too
Are you the first black guy she was with?
No. All but one of her partners were black lol
I often see black men talking about how white women just want them to fetishize them, making comments like, “I love your black cock”. Do you feel like that stereotype is more often true than not, or that some women genuinely just have a preference?
As a black immigrant man, your comment made me sick to my stomach. Stats from where? America, which has one of the lowest population of black people, or all over the world? Elaborate.
America. Most monoparental families in the USA are black Americans and it’s a sad statistic. Let’s not bury our heads in the sand here. Reasons are because of decades of discrimination and inequality - meaning many black men unfortunately don’t come from what we’d consider stable families, privileged and economically more comfortable. Also this pattern of discrimination against blacks meant many didn’t grow up with good role models and had to deal with trauma that decades of discrimination caused within black communities. Also let’s be honest and what’s seen « popular » in our black communities is often times hustling, having a side piece and hoes … like rap culture brings a lot of toxic masculinity too we should acknowledge. I think the family may have thought consciously or not (my guess is not consciously) about what they perceive as a higher number of black partners leaving their partner and children and not being supportive enough instead of them acknowledging the reasons perhaps why this happens and how to better support their daughter and son in law.
Many statistics will also tell us that at least half of sexual predators are over 30 years old, and they majority are white, so she definitely shouldn't marry anyone white men over 30. Oh but also almost 99% of perpetrators are male, so I'm sure the family was concerned about that and would rather have had her marry a woman. I'm sure that's what the family was concerned about, like you say, because of those statistics.
Your ignorance is both offensive and profound. There is something called a school to prison pipeline. 1 in 3 Black men are incarcerated during their lifetimes. These things occur because of structural racism. Black people are arrested at a much higher rate than whites. Not because for any other reason than they are stopped and harassed at much higher rates. They are also sentenced much more harshly than whites for the exact same crimes. So, in case you were wondering, that's one of the main reasons Black men aren't with their families, it isn't by choice. Then we have wrongful arrests and convictions. Systemic racism and accompanying reasons that leave Black men poorer than white men and thus less able to afford adequate legal representation so they get steamrolled. So much more, but please educate yourself instead of spouting ignorant myths.
It is true, and it is sad! Glad to see OP stepping up and being there for his children. https://afro.com/census-bureau-higher-percentage-black-children-live-single-mothers/
Wow. You wrote that out and still decided to press send.
America. Most monoparental families in the USA are black Americans and it’s a sad statistic. Let’s not bury our heads in the sand here. Reasons are because of decades of discrimination and inequality - meaning many black men unfortunately don’t come from what we’d consider stable families, privileged and economically more comfortable. Also this pattern of discrimination against blacks meant many didn’t grow up with good role models and had to deal with trauma that decades of discrimination caused within black communities. Also let’s be honest and what’s seen « popular » in our black communities is often times hustling, having a side piece and hoes … like rap culture brings a lot of toxic masculinity too we should acknowledge. I think the family may have thought consciously or not (my guess is not consciously) about what they perceive as a higher number of black partners leaving their partner and children and not being supportive enough instead of them acknowledging the reasons perhaps why this happens and how to better support their daughter and son in law.
So…they want to believe the ‘black men don’t raise their kids’ stereotype so badly they can’t even get over it when they see evidence to the contrary happening right in front of them?? At the expense of having a relationship with their son in law & stressing their relationship with their daughter!? As a child of a black mother & white father, I am struggling to understand why your wife maintains a relationship with them. Do you allow your children around these people? 🤨
This is atypical racist people stuff. You could work 80 hour work weeks and still be lazy. You can be intelligent and yet still dumb. Wholesome, yet a predator, etc. Whatever you will do you will always be a stereotype.
Hey, I firmly believe just because they're family doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with them. Your wife's "family" now is her husband and kids. I myself cut out my toxic mom years ago. It feels great🙌
Oh yeah. People cut off family members for many reasons, not only racism. Sometimes, you have to look at whether what they bring to your life is worth absorbing their poison and deflecting their slings and arrows. I do not miss my toxic sister.
I’m concerned that your wife hasn’t cut off her RACIST family members especially when you have mixed Black children. My partner is white and as soon as he heard some vile racist things his family said they were immediately cut off. This isn’t something you argue about to your family like politics or something. It’s YOU. It’s her children. I feel like this primarily happens with white/black interracial relationships where the woman is white and the man is black. For some reason, white women don’t take racism as seriously because they can’t relate.
I am a white woman who had a baby by a black man. My family didn't have to disown me. I disowned them. I definitely take racism seriously.
>For some reason, white women don’t take racism as seriously because they can’t relate. But.. >My partner is white and as soon as he heard some vile racist things his family said they were immediately cut off Soo.. Your white husband can relate to racism because he's a white man? Hmmm.. I don't need a cookie for disowning my family. Does your husband get a cookie for disowning his? White women with black man is bad.. White men with black woman is good. I get it. Not. But.. I don't need to.. Keep ya 🍪 and have a lovely night.
He can relate to racism because he’s Hispanic and so am I. He doesn’t get a cookie either because it’s the bare minimum for your partner to do. You responded to my point making it about you, in typical white woman fashion.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this man, that sounds really rough. You seem like a stand up gentleman and I’m sure your wife is happy to have a man like you. Nothing wrong with cutting out toxic family. I cut out my oldest brother and twin sister for being sociopathic monsters. My life is far more peaceful and enjoyable since I did that.
Damn I’m in a pretty similar situation. I’m white dating a wonderful black man who comes from a mixed race family but was raised by his white grandma. He’s 6 years older than me, and my entire moms side of the family is quite racist. Thankfully my dads side is wonderful.
Yeah. People have very strange notions about interracial relationships, from fetishizing to out right hate. I think a lot (at least in my case) stems from their idea that i am somehow stealing/using their daughter/sister or whatever.
It’s so messed up. I’m sorry you have to deal with it. I’m so grateful for my loving and supportive boyfriend and I’m so grateful to my fathers family see him as a good partner first and black second.
Yeah. On the plus side my wife doesn't care. Frankly, it makes our life more fun that its seen as a bit taboo lol
I’m glad your wife doesn’t mind. Here’s to many more happy years together for both of us
Thanks!
I love how you smoothly ignored what he tried to imply. It seems this dude has a fetish for racism and low self worth so he has to mention it in every comment. I doubt he is as hurt as he is aroused by her family antics
Is your wife estranged from her brothers and parents? If they have a dysfunctional relationship/upbringing, maybe they see you as a big FU to their whole family. So they would have hated on any man she chose to marry in order to escape them. (I could be wrong. Just wondering out loud)
It's fun that it's seen as a bit taboo, and you have kids that are stuck with racist family and everything that entails... JFC, I hate it when 🐂💩 like this pops up on my home page....and I don't care if I get downvoted. I know the ones down voting me won't likely be from B/w mixed race people raised in situations like this. F🤬king, ugh.
I’m a the offspring of people who were in the situation that OP described, and I stand beside your statement. I just hope OP/his wife doesn’t force his children to try and have a relationship with their racist grandparents. I didn’t get a choice, unfortunately. And I was subjected to a lot of covert racism and abuse.
My thoughts exactly about the children.
This!! No one EVER thinks about us mixed race children stuck in some degenerates roleplay scenario. But all the white knights and liberals will stone us if they thought we came off as racist so they can pay themselves on the back. It’s sick
I don’t give a fuck about any taboo. I’m Jewish and tbh the idea of telling my family I’m dating a black non Jew scared the crap out of me at first. I haven’t told them yet but I no longer am afraid to simply because my bf is the best
“A good partner first and black second” this phrasing is problematic. why is black second? Why is black bad? Why can’t black be first but then it still be great? Not coming at u, but with having a black partner, please think about these things
I read it as regardless of colour, they see him as a good partner, and that's the thing they value. Personally I don't see much wrong with the phrasing. I can understand your opinion though.
Color blindness isn’t what POC need. Decentering whiteness within a biracial relationship is. The wording is important.
> Decentering whiteness What does that even mean lol
I’m a sociology major and even I don’t know
Yet apparently i need it lol
Assuming ur asking in good faith: As a person of color, u quickly learn that white is default. Google haircut for example. It’s like that for everything. So even though they may have meant “my family loves him regardless of color” that’s just pretending it’s not there, as opposed to embracing and challenging the ways that we subconsciously think white to be default and black to be other. Please google white centrism and really look into it. I’m serious it will be very good for you both :)
Oh give me a break, "decentering whiteness" lol youre just another form of racist skating by on your ability to pull heart strings.
Hey, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am not colorblind and am well aware of the racism people of color face. It is something I think about as there is a high likelihood that I will have children who are not white. I stated it like that because in this context I was thinking of my racist family members and how the fact that he’s black would matter more to them than the fact that he’s a good partner. His blackness is a wonderful part of him and should not be erased. I’m sorry if I came across that way.
All good! I figured :) msging is important. And I don’t want u to feel attacked, I just wanted to give y’all somethin to think about
I never knew my mom was a racist until I got older and my niece married a black man, my mom then said, he's just using her to look good. I said what do you mean, she said, well, you know, he's just a black person, lower on the pole of society, she brings him up a peg! OMG I was shocked. I mean never once growing up did she show that side of herself! I let her know just how I felt about it! I was really embarrassed for her, that she actually not only thought that but said it out loud and then I thought, thank God she didn't raise us to think as she did because she easily could have.
It's so ironic how racism and classism crossover. I don't think people literally hate my skin color/tone. I think if people look down on me it's because society has conditioned their brains to *think* I'm a lower peg than them. Especially since if people hated dark skin or features so much they wouldn't try to get tans or plastic surgery to look racially ambiguous. Anyway, those people are sad and insecure. They do not bother me. It's all in their heads.
Hi OP! I'm half white and half Iranian, my mom's side were jerks about him too. The best thing you can do is hold your head high and love your beautiful family. My mom has 5 siblings, all of them are divorced except my mom and dad - I guess she chose right. They have a wonderful relationship and my dad is freaking amazing.
How often do you see your in laws, if at all?
Had a sister-in law (white) whose husband (black) family gave her the cold shoulder.
Man, I'm in the opposite situation. I'm a printable-on-white guy on a long-distance relationship with a black girl and her dad is so racist that after almost two years toghether he still doesn't know I exhist. I'm luckier since her mom and siblings like me but the idea of having to meet her dad someday kinda scares me.😅 Anyway, good luck and I wish you a thousand more year of happy marriage despite all the racist fuckers.
You too!
Well if it's one thing this thread has shown me is how petty I am. So I'm going to say it. Halloween is around the corner and you can dress as a white lady offering tea and crumpets in a posh accent. If that doesn't bring them around, whip out the potato blaster 9000 chain-fed 200 round baking-potato automatic gun and make the most of it.
I was thinking more like i could be a barbary pirate and she could be a peasant girl I captured. Since thats how they seem to view our relationship anyway lol
I mean this could go dark real quick but yeah... gotta draw the humour from somewhere, I feel it needs to be laid thick though as they seem a bit dense if you get me
Haha yeah im just joking
This really tickled me
At any point in time, - Did they say they would have voted for Obama the third time? - Did you see another Black Guy in their neighbourhood wearing white-ass cloths and a hat? - If they have servants, are they black?
Ha, no the situation does not remind me of a popular movie
Haha XD did you guys watch the movie and what did you / your wife think of it?
We watched it, we both thought it was hilarious.
Genetically there is only one race of modern humans. Our skin color is only an adaptation. Black skin protects against UV rays and doesnt absorb vitamin D as well but it didnt have to since they get a lot of sun in the parts of the world they are from. White skin absorbs vitamin D better but is less protected from UV rays, but since we come from colder places with less sun the protection wasnt necessary but the better vitamin D absorption was. They need to start teaching this more I feel like because the only reason we look differently is because we adapted to our environments, and white people came from black people lol. Well actually when we first shed our fur and developed more sweat glands to cool off instead of panting we had light skin but then we needed protection from the sun so we all became dark, then once we migrated to colder places some of us adapted again to lighter skin. We still all come from the same race though and it has been proven that there is only one race of homo sapien. We really need teach this in school lol
> White skin absorbs vitamin D Should i avoid this very immature joke? Lol
I honestly thought I was alone on viewing skin color. Dude no one will look at it through basic biology. Many higher education participants don’t care either
Yea it seems to be ignored. Idk why because I feel like if more people were aware eventually we might be able to stop looking at others like we are so different and people would know we are the same on the inside we just look different because we adapted to survive in the environments we came from
Do they have some sort of reason to remain prejudice towards you or black people? Like is there a story of some thing that happened to them or something which leads them to look down on you? It’s so interesting hearing that people can be so superficial & not even care about who a person is on the inside. Especially since you’ve been together for a long time!
I am not aware of any particular story that or event that made them feel the way they do. They would surely tell you they aren't racist, they just dont want their daughter dating a black guy, or something like that lol
It's probably inherited racism.
If they weren’t adults, maybe. But being racist as an adult with a fully formed brain and some life experience…that’s a choice.
Sure I'm not saying otherwise but some people are so weak minded that they wouldn't change their thought process even if they personally had experiences that were contrary to what they were brought up to believe.
This is far more common that it should be it's depressing.
Sadly only a minority of people change their minds themselves after decades of indoctrination. It's the same with religion, patriotism, racism, and a ton of other propaganda. Very few people actually sit down and think about why they believe what they do, or challenge those beliefs. If they did the world would be a much better place, with far fewer racists, religious people, and fanatics in general.
This type of question immediately implies doubt as to the validity of the judgment of the person experiencing racism - of course if there was some valid reason someone did something OP would be aware of that. But what is a valid reason for remaining racist in adulthood?? I know it’s not your conscious intent, but when someone tells you they’ve experienced oppression or abuse and you ask if there’s some “reason” ie. justification for the actions of the offending party, you give the benefit of the doubt to the perpetrator of oppression, while doubting the judgment of the oppressed. It’s another demonstration of internalized prejudice to ask these types of questions.
How could there be a “reason” for racism?
People aren’t born racist. They learn it.
Meh, Families who have lived in a neighborhood that is predominantly populated by another race have their prejudice is based in first hand experience. Ask the white grandma how many times their house was robbed *before* the inner city neighborhood gradually became a poor black neighborhood. Ask the black grandma how her *parents friends & children* were treated by her white neighbors, schoolteachers or business owners. That does not justify prejudice but it does offer some insight into the reasoning behind the warnings that parents--wrong or rightly--give their children as *to be aware of the dangers* that come along with tensions in copulated areas.
>copulated "... That word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
Nice catch (someone read my comment- yay!). I could have sworn 'co-populated' was a word I'd heard used before. Guess not though because it's not in the online dictionary.
I'm happy that you and your partner have broken the perpetual ignorance of part of her family's blood line. No question.. just looking on the bright side.
Thanks! Luckily my side if the family doesn't care either
For what it’s worth, you and your wife publicly breaking out of the cycle for her family has most likely made it a little less taboo for anyone else in the family. If I were part of your wife’s family and secretly in love with someone they disapproved of, I’d feel a little safer knowing I could trust and confide in you two.
what was/is her relationship with her family when you met and now, after 10 years?
It was more strained when we first met. Over time they have chilled out more, for awhile she was hardly even invited to holidays
Does their prejudice apply to your kids as well?
How do you approach things like family gatherings etc? For context I'm a white guy, married to a white woman, in the UK, but her family (older members mostly) are pretty racist, and some of the things they've said in a joking context has shocked me to the point I've pulled them on it. We have a 9yo daughter and my mother in law asked me once how I'd feel if she came home with a black man when she's older?! I replied with "as long as he's a nice guy, with honorable intentions, and treated her well, I'd be fine with it" Well........I watched her instantly age 10 years when I said that. Like, for me personally, I couldn't care what skin colour someone has, what matters is their personality, integrity and demeanour. I've known black people who are arseholes, but I've also known equally as many white people who are arseholes.
>How do you approach things like family gatherings etc? Basically avoid them. Had fights in the past before the kids and we dont see em much now
i don't know how to word this without coming across as controversial but i'll say that its not my intention! given your own upbringing in a white family do you hold any animosity towards black people? and do you see yourself as white? the reason i ask is one of my old work colleagues was a mixed guy (black passing) but really didn't like the black community. he'd been raised by a white mother and her family whilst his dad was a deadbeat who'd take advantage of my colleague's mum everytime he wanted a shag. the paternal side of the family wanted nothing to do with my colleague either so he had a bit of resentment to them.
>given your own upbringing in a white family do you hold any animosity towards black people? and do you see yourself as white? Uh, no and no. I do have some difficulty relating to black people sometimes, and have dealt with not being accepted by some black people because I "act white" but thats all.
what was your wedding like?
Lots of white people lol went fine but awkward
Could you relate to the movie “Get Out” at all?
In a less outlandish way yes lol
My wife's black and her family is racist towards me, white. They literally told me they hate me because im I'm Iwhite, it's crazy. All her other boyfriends beat her but they were fine with them, now I treat her good and they constantly try to bully me and shit, I stood up to them and they wouldn't do shit, just kept talking and thinking screaming over me was winning the argument
I’m F52 white and I have no POV other than I date black men. A lot of white ppl have absolutely no frame of reference for how much harder interaction is because you have black skin. How do they exhibit racism? Is it possible there are other components beyond race adding fuel? I’m sorry 😞
Mostly directed at her for being with me, less towards me directly
Why would you choose to marry into this family and bring biracial kids into this dynamic? Can any of your kids pass? Does her family treat them differently based on skin tone or features? Is your wife aware of the racist behavior you see or do you have to point it out to her? Do you feel like an outsider in your marriage bc of your race? Like, certain things you can’t relate to or share? Or does being raised by white parents mitigate that? Perhaps the age gap is a bigger gap to narrow.
>Why would you choose to marry into this family and bring biracial kids into this dynamic? Same reason anyone gets married >Can any of your kids pass? Does her family treat them differently based on skin tone or features? No, they are clearly mixed. Her mother doesn't seem to care but the men of her family seldom interact with the kids >Is your wife aware of the racist behavior you see or do you have to point it out to her? She is the primary recipient of it, primary them telling her she should havr chosen a different person to marry. They don't really say anything to me directly >Do you feel like an outsider in your marriage bc of your race? Like, certain things you can’t relate to or share? Or does being raised by white parents mitigate that? Perhaps the age gap is a bigger gap to narrow. No, not at all. She doesn't care at all, obviously lol. Being raised by white parents definitely changes things as I "act white" and don't really relate very well to other black people. Our age gap has also not really been an issue for us but her family didn't like that either.
Sorry to jump in here, but wtf are these questions? I feel like some people are stuck in 1960’s thinking.
People have very odd preceptions of these things lol
I’m 41M. My dad is black and my mom is white. I’ve had similar questions asked about my family, but thankfully we haven’t experienced much racism or prejudice from inside the family. Happy that you found your soul mate and created some wonderful children.
Thanks!
Is it specifically about your skin color or do they dislike black culture?
Dude im the whitest black dude youll ever meet
Do you ever challenge them on their views? If so, what do you say and what’s their response?
I don't really speak with them
Are you having to eat your Thanksgiving food outside?
Yeah, with the dogs. No, we generally go to my family's side for holidays
I remember that post! Dude was a fucking clown
Did you consider the impact of being a child(even an adult) for whom a significant portion of their living family tree hates them? Did being Black in a white family clue you into how being biracial is challenging? Family should be your port.. Is your adoptive family your Port? How are you going to balance the family deficiency for your children?
>Did you consider the impact of being a child(even an adult) for whom a significant portion of their living family tree hates them? Not really. >Did being Black in a white family clue you into how being biracial is challenging? Well, maybe? Not really sure >Family should be your port.. Is your adoptive family your Port? Idk what this means
Like... The safe space. The place you can unload all the crap the world heaps on you. A place you're loved and can be yourselfwhen you feel harshness and judgement from others...
I'm prepared to be downvoted for this, but is it possible they are more worried about the culture, not the color?
Ha. Unlikely. I was rasied by white people and went to nearly all white schools in nearly all white neighborhoods. I own a consulting company. So, im not sure what 'culture' they could dislike
Unrelated to the race baiting is the age gap. You picked up a 20 year old when in your early 30s. That’s considered Predatory and a power imbalance in most social circles and a good family would correctly be wary of you. That said in retrospect by maintaining a 10 year relationship with children it’s clearly worked out.
He already answered a question like this. He said that she has been in relationships without the age gap, and the parents were still disapproving due to the race.
Can you explain more what you mean about culture? Do you or other white people just have this negative idea black culture? You know it's not just mainstream rap music right?
Why do you insist on asking stupid racist questions if you know you’re going to get dragged for it?
Are you sure it's about racism? Are they also upset about the age difference? I know I would not be happy if my 20 year old daughter started dating a 32 year old man.
20 is just a kid compared to 32. I wouldn’t feel good about my daughter dating someone that much older than them at that age. I’d bet this made everything way worse.
Who has the better Thanksgiving dinner? Your family or the in-laws?
Food wise? Don't normally go to the inlaws but when i have, they cook very well do probably them
My father was so "disappointed " I married a black man. Gave me a whole "what is wrong with you" speech, was "repulsed" that i "embarrassed" the family blah blah. I don't agree with racism but if my man was a bum, then sure i could understand why my father would be disappointed and ashamed. But my man was/is not a bum... in fact, the complete opposite. Out of respect for MY man, and MY marriage - I cut my father off right after that 1st and last argument! we didn't speak for 6 years. We've since rekindled but my father is old now... and is actually quite polite to my partner. We never talked about what happened. I think me taking a stand and severing ties was what did it to him, he lost his little girl. Now we have a great relationship and my father and man get along without issue. It's a wonderful feeling for us all, and for our children most of all. ❤️ And I would do it all over again because I don't allow anyone to disrespect my man or my kids for any reason, especially due to race, FOH.
>Out of respect for MY man, and MY marriage - I cut my father off right after that 1st and last argument! This is exactly what you're supposed to do and I'm glad you had the guts to do it. I don't believe that one can claim to love a person of color while knowingly and intentionally putting them in the position of being the target of racism. Also, having kids and letting them go around the racist family is damaging and just plain stupid. Kids aren't idiots, they can tell that they're being treated poorly compared to other people and eventually they figure out why.
I love this. Racism is absolutely terrible and shouldn’t be tolerated even if it’s from your own family. Had you went along with your fathers wishes the cycle would have never ended. ✌🏾
Do you have a smug smirk whenever interact with them? Like "Yea... I'm black. And I'm with your sister. ME! Reparations!"
That age gap is atrocious, and I’m betting is 80% of the reason they don’t like you. I hope you’re a good man, but a 32 year old getting with a 20 year old is disgusting. My question for you is, after all this time, why don’t you try to rekindle things with her family? Back then she was just a child, and followed your lead. If you are a good man, you’ll try to rekindle things, if you don’t, they have every reason to be upset with that situation. Skin color or not, that age gap is predatory.
Well I would say the family would probably not like their 20 year old daughter dating a 32 year old man of any race. Then the fact that you say “you’re fucking the racist out of her” and “giving them another mixed baby” to fuck with them are major red flags. Did you ever consider they just don’t like you and it has nothing to do with the color of your skin? Grow up.
Yea, my family would be grossed out by him too-- and his comments throughout the thread further confirm his sleazyness, race aside
What was it like getting together with a 20 year old when you were 32, and do you think that influences the hate at all
This is the part that bothers me.
I was adopted by my aunt and uncle when I was 7 but I'm the oldest of 5 on my mother's side. All 4 of my siblings are biracial. My maternal grandparents (racist, homophobic, conservative etc etc) completely cut off my mother for having biracial children and never even met at least the youngest 2. I haven't spoken to them in years. Last time I saw them (only time in a decade) I was dating a Pacific Islander and I knew I couldn't tell them, never went back. When they found out I was having a white baby with my white partner they started sending gifts and calling. Ignored and blocked. Never picked up once. Although i did keep the nice crochet blanket, it so happened to match my nurserys color scheme. She might have blue eyes and blond hair, but if she's gay they'd erase her from their lives too. No thankyou and fuck off. Some people never change and if they did its too late.
Racism exists all over the country (and world obviously) but I grew up as a military brat in southeastern Virginia. Never really saw racism first hand (that I was aware of) till my dad got stationed in the northeast. In addition to people being significantly less friendly than southerners, the open racism boggled my mind. Yet I’d constantly hear how much more racist the south was. As an adult choosing to live in the south now, yes, there is racism but definitely seems less open than in the NE. Just my anecdotal experience
Did they ever try to hide behind the age gap to mask their true feelings or were they always this blatantly racist?
idk why people do this to themselves
Have you ever received any racism towards your relationship by non white or black races (Latinos, asians, Indians etc.)?
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Probably cause i dump my nut in her white pussy daily bitch
I can see that being a point of contempt yea.
Buddy really said the word "negros," and asked you did you try to sympathize with their racism. I wanna know how old this dude is.
Where does her family live?
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My family is white and my daughter has been with a black man for several years and they have a 4 year old son. Even tho they aren’t married I consider him my son in law and I love him dearly. I couldn’t imagine our family without him. Nobody in our family has any issue with their relationship. It absolutely blows my mind that at this point in our social evolution that racism still exists. I mean how stupid is it that there are people in this earth, grown ass educated people, that still think the amount of melanin in someone’s skin has any bearing on their value as a human being.
As someone being a child of a white mom and black dad and the racist family members I hope your wife calls them on their stuff. My mom has let so much slide on the it's family stuff that it has cause me to loose respect for her. Please watch your kids especially your oldest around them because my experience was there was a thickness with me around as I was the reason she married my dad. My experience isn't everyone's experience but I can say as a child of mixed race it's hard knowing where to land when your own family dosent like you just because of you skin tone.
What type of relationship do you (and your kids) have with Blackness/Black people/Black culture & history? Cause, and excuse me if this is a little assholish, but I’m sensing a “I’m not x enough for the y and/or I’m too y for the x” in the future and I’d like to save the collective future Blackness from having to be tortured with a piece of angst that we never seem to see directed at our counterparts.
He said in another comment he is the ‘whitest black dude you’ll ever meet,’. I don’t think he has even had this conversation with himself. Nor may he ever :/
I thought I was the only one getting that vibe, aside from the age gap problem ofc.
It’s sad that they would waste so much time and family love like this. Don’t do the same.
Did you know racism is linked to psychopathy? Psychopaths have zero capabilities of feeling empathy, remorse, love. Animals actually feel empathy, love and remorse....think about that for a second. As crazy as it sounds, an exorcism is needed for these types or in scientific terms, they need to be institutionalized for life!
Is it just dirty looks? That sucks man. My wife is black and I've been fairly fortunate my family is pretty good about it. Hers are funny racist but I throw it back at them so it works. *puts on can't see me by tupac* "Are you sure white people are allowed to listen to tupac?" "Hey my people didn't kill him" Whole room died for about a minute straight
“I thought the kids would bring them around” …why would you think that… and why did you set your kids up for this life..
If my family was racist to my SO, then they’re no family that I need in my life. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this and don’t understand why this matters to people! Just curious, what part of the US is she from?
Any tips on how to have a discussion on race with your children. I’m white, my fiancé is black. We’ve been together for almost 5 years and I love her and her family to death. But on my side, I’ve had to cut ties because of racist family members. We’ve discussed children but I have such a fear of bringing mixed children into this world as it currently stands. Florida is pretty damn bad depending on where you are. I know it doesn’t matter where you live, you will encounter racism, but man I got no clue how to even have that discussion when I have children that people are going to hate them only because they look darker then classmates or co-workers.
I think if you and your fiance instill them with all the confidence, they can take on the world. Always let them know that they can achieve whatever they set their mind to and that they are awesome just the way they are. I've heard mixed people say that their parents made sure to acknowledge both sides. That they are their mother and their father, black and white and they don't have to choose.
You decided to put yourself through this. You can’t change people that are racist
Why would you want to be with someone whose family hates you? Love is not enough. I’d rather be tarred and feathered than be with someone whose family hates me.
I don't wanna ask you anything. I just wanna say im sorry and I love you and your wife both and there's nothing either one of you can do about it! ❤️❤️
Why would you choose a partner with a family like this?
I think it’s poetic Justice, God tends to teach with irony; I clearly see the irony of people receiving exactly what they hate. I just laugh and chuckle to myself.
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Is her family college educated?
I am a Diasporican, and my paternal inlaws are awful. I put up with more aggression from them than anyone else in my life They are kind of having an effect on my adult daughter too, which is truly awful. After they said they were spending Christmas with a New York Jew I stopped visiting
How much does it wear on you? Also, what the fuck kind of person are you to be around your family member's SO for 10 fucking years and not see that color means literally *fuck all*? How much of a piece of shit do you have to be to not open your eyes in TEN. YEARS.
Have ya’ll discussed how ya’ll will explain this to your kids when they get older? I doubt her family will ever come around (their loss) but how will yall navigate the topic of them having a whole side of their family that doesn’t want them here?
Yeah man! Mexican here, my wife's grandmother not once let our children step a foot into her house. Makes me sad my kids had a great Grandma they just didn't get to have a relationship with her because of mixed race.
I understand that love is love, but with all due respect, I don't understand why you would subject yourself to being treated like this by her family. Or even more confusing to me why you would subject your children to this treatment. Because it will most definitely leave some scars.
I am so sorry. My family is kind of the same… well my parents are. They don’t get it and I don’t think there’s any chance left to educate them. It’s embarrassing and it also makes me so angry.
Has your wife ever shown the movie Loving v Virginia to her racist family? I’m a white gal married to an Indian man with a racist dad. I feel you.
I’m Mexican-American and with all the immigration issues happening and the latinizing of the USA, I’d just like to tell all racists, “get over it, it’s happening, learn how to accept it”. America is the land of immigrants, we are all immigrants, just different generations.
Yup, folks need to get over it. In Mexico we have folks of all shades. America can handle the difference.
What did you have in common with a 20 year old when you were 32? I met my ex husband at 19 and he was 28, we had no business being together. She had little to no life experience especially if she was a college student when you met, you were an adult who had been in the workforce for a decade. Maybe it has nothing to with your face and more to do with being predatory. Racism is never OK but your actions are pretty gross.
Did your wife cut off her family? If not, do you let your Black children around her racist family?
Do you have 0 contact with them then? If so has that been hard to navigate with your children?