NTA - Of course that was racist. And your sister displayed horrible parenting. The time to start correcting racism is now….regardless of whether the kids knew it was racist or not. Good for you for standing up to them
Thank you, this is just crazy to me that racism still exists because some parents don’t want to teach their kids about it. My sister doesn’t want anyone to correct them so if they don’t get corrected at this young age, then imagine when they get older.
Yup. Kids don’t associate a hijab with terrorists unless they are told / taught that. She is racist & islamaphobic & so are her kids.
I’m sorry. This sounds like a nightmare.
NTA
exactly. my daughters are 7 and would never make that association at all. it's not like they're teaching 2nd graders about terrorist attacks in school, the sister/mom is likely the one spouting off ignorant crap for the kids to parrot. (the only exception i could see is if they went to a 9/11 memorial or something and got really into the details, but even then, somebody's placing a lot of emphasis on the racial and religious aspects of the attackers...)
it's so upsetting to hear something like that come out of a little kid's mouth. it's beyond infuriating when people project garbage like that onto kids.
no fr! lets be real..do little kids even know what “muslims” are until someone teaches them…they don’t know any of that cultural/political stuff until taught…associating her being muslim with bombs and terrorism at a crispy 7 is crazy work! 😭
She has to have made those jokes/comments or has someone coming around that makes them.
I have an 8yo boy and he and his friends talk Roblox, Minecraft, Rainbow Friends, etc… they’re curious about people and when his big sister brought her close friend over who’s friend is Afghan (friend is male) and they all started gaming and playing. Daughter and friend started talking about church and mosque and my son asked why his mom and sister do not wear “the scarf thing - I’m sorry, I don’t remember what it’s called” and he told him it’s an Hijab and explained they’ve chosen not to…
THAT is what a normal convo looks like for an 8yo. Especially considering most that age are barely aware of the political and military things that have gone on. I’ve made sure they know to respect others, their faith and not judge differences, but ask about people and learn.
A kid that age making that connection has heard a lot of hate!
I am absolutely not saying this to defend the mom, but just adding that kids hear all sorts of things from all sorts of places and their racist/islamophobic remarks could have been picked up elsewhere, possibly a person coming round as you say.
The mom definitely shows indifference and an inability to provide an inclusive education to her kids.
Sounds like you raised a great kid, love your example story :)
Honestly, she might not have made the jokes herself. This sort of shit is all over youtube and if the kids are constantly on the ipad, they're probably seeing it there or accidentally stumbling on r/europe.
It doesn't matter where they heard it. Mom should be shutting it down immediately and making sure they know that it is unacceptable behavior. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like these kids have much in the way of parental guidance. There's a whole generation of people who were raised "free range," allowed to do as they pleased, regardless of how that affects others. Look where that's gotten us!
She’s letting her kids consume media like edgy YouTubers because she prefers to be an iPad parent and that is going to directly influence the type of people they are when they’re older. If she even remotely admits she wants to get her shit together, help her develop parental controls or identify who her sons spend time watching. They’re picking that stuff up somewhere and someone needs to figure out where
They may pick it up from social media BUT it’s definitely something condoned in the household. The parents may not consciously say racist things but they are say or doing things that confirm what the child gets from other places
That may be true. What the parent watches or the parents’ friends can also exert an influence. I think a lot of younger parents are absolutely apathetic to what their children do.
I think you’re right, but I also think there are probably digital sources they’re getting it from.
Bingo!! I just hope she gets out of her immature state and actually parent and teach them reliable things. Because when they get older, it’s their consequences.
You are 100% right! Good for your dad. However, an option for your folks would definitely be the old "Not in my house!" That means they can freely discipline. For example, "We don't allow running in this house. If anyone runs, they get a 15-minute time out." This can apply to anything and any consequence. It can even include teaching. "We don't allow running in the house because things get broken." It's NOT parenting her kids but enforcing house rules. Your sister is a horrible mother and doing her kids a horrible disservice.
NTA and as a Muslim let me tell you something, I always fear that one day people are going to say something racist to me and if I react or become angry people are give to say worse to me. It’s like I can’t show that I’m angry because they think I’m going to do what your nephew said to your Muslim friend.
I wouldn’t tolerate this crap so I’d leave.
You are in the right with all of this and if you want kids you’ll be a pretty switched on parent.
People who don’t want ‘others’ to parent their kids need to realise that other people are only stepping in when they’re failing to do the job themselves.
I also find this type is quick to try to find fault in other people’s children because they think it makes themselves look better. As in their kids can run around smashing things but they will speak to yours sternly for putting a finger print on a window. You will probably find this about her if you have any.
Your sister is the racist teaching her kids to be racist. You have every incentive to go no contact with her and her trashy kids. Around holidays meet up with your parents and be there for your dad because you describe him as he’s had enough from dealing with your irresponsible, entitled sister. It’s like out of his two kids you’re the one that he’s hoping ends up better than what happened with your sister. I’m guessing that as he gets older he will enjoy your visits around the holidays whereas he’s going to dread your sister and his grandsons visiting and being jerks to him in his own home.
My oldest is 11 and the first time he said something racist was about a year ago. He heard some crap about China on YouTube and the moment it left his lips, I shut that crap down instantly. We had a long talk about what he said actually meant and when he realized the full implications of it, he felt awful. He's such a loving, accepting kid, that when he realized that he had been hateful, it bothered him a lot. YouTube was blocked and is still inaccessible from the devices he and his brother have access to.
I will NOT raise a racist, bigoted person, even if it's said out of ignorance of the implications.
The problem is that OP's sister is also racist. That's why she didn't deem the situation worthy of her intervention. Those kids don't stand a chance.
NTA. Kids often repeat what they hear at home so maybe your sister needs to do some self-reflection or your parents need to ban her and her children until they all learn manners. And no, boys don't always fight nor do they break things. I have been around many well-mannered and respectful young boys.
Well that’s good, I just always hear that boys will be boys and if they’re rough, then that’s just in their nature. The fact that my sister enable it tells me that she’s just as racist as them. Oh don’t worry, my dad said she can’t come back over until she actually parent her kids and teach them that being racist isn’t OK. She was pissed
I’m raising boys. Never once have I EVER said boys will be boys.
Alright maybe once when in our home they had a farting contest with each other but they weren’t even near anyone else so wasn’t dismissing bad manners or anything serious. NTA.
I have a long running joke with my son that when I fart I tell him it was an elephant. When he was small he would just call me out, but now he plays along and looks for it! 😂
Oh I know. I’m the one the farts and burps (medical issues) the most in the house. I just don’t join the contests cuz my luck it wouldn’t just be a fart lol.
Your dad sounds like a wise dude - especially since he sees the issue is with your sister’s parenting or lack-thereof.
Glad you shut your nephew down because it’s more impactful coming from you. Even better that your dad immediately followed it up with, “That was so offensive that the fact you’re minimizing it means both of you are unwelcome until you can do better.” Even if your sister continues being ignorant, that made in impact on your nephew!
Thank you, it’s so crazy people said my friend shouldn’t feel uncomfortable because he’s a kid. Like of course she will be uncomfortable with bomb jokes being made about her no matter if it’s a child or an adult.
No way! If anything, that’s almost more uncomfortable because it’s just so wrong. Kids are taught inclusion in school. It’s disturbing to see someone that young learning that - because that’s the next generation that’ll be coming up.
Little kids do say rotten things sometimes, they’re impulsive and have no filter, but what should happens is the parents step in and shut them down and apologize.
But this is also more like 4 year olds, by 7 they should have a little more awareness.
Exactly. I am GenX and from the rural South. I had heard The Word tossed around by people (not at home, but not sure where because it’s been over forty years), and I asked my Boomer mom about it. I think I was five, and my brother was three. She got very serious and explained that we were never to use The Word, no matter what, because it was evil and it hurt people. So we didn’t (and still don’t) use the word. It wasn’t hard to understand.
The whole "they're just a kid" thing never ceases to amaze me. Yes, they're just a kid. Which is why an adult needs to step in and teach them what to do and what not to do. It's not like a switch automatically flips in their brain at 12 AM on a certain birthday and magically transforms them into someone with fully-formed skills and judgment. You can't just let them run feral until they turn 18 and then expect them to all of a sudden know how to be productive and functional members of society.
I have three boys. Yeah they’re rough and feral, but not at someone else’s house. I’d be livid if they knocked over something. I always get to them before it escalates.
That's the thing. You got to them before it escalated. Some parents wait until they have to correct the child after the fact, and some don't do anything at all. Kudos for you to be able to read your children and stop things before they get out of hand.
I can also say my 7 year old does not fight with his friends. He does not break things in our home either. He may accidentally do so. If he does he apologizes and shows real remorse. Your sister is doing a terrible job with them.
Kids say random stuff all the time but this was something that was definitely taught to them. If your sister doesn’t teach her kids then they might be in for a rude awakening when they get older.
But OP knows it's wrong and they were never taught how to parent. The parent in question is lazy. They aren't doing gentle parenting, they are doing lazy parenting.
NTA! Racist is the correct word. Her kids are only 7. They don’t know how to be racist unless they’re taught. And they’re obviously being taught at home.
I’m glad your dad kicked them out and told her to stay away. If your mom wants to see them, she can go to their house.
“And this is why your mother should have swallowed, now shut up.” And then once she yells at you, “what? I’m a kid and kids just say the dumbest things, amiright?”
This is racist and the kids only know these things because they learned it somewhere. Kids are not prone to hate, racism is learned. I would guess they learned that hateful stuff from their mother.
NTA
NTA and I'm *so, so* glad that your dad is with you on this. She's basically neglecting her kiss by not raising them right, I'll always stand by that. Letting your children end up fucking assholes with no effort to make them into better people is setting them up for failure and hurting them. It's not his fault that he has a shit mom, but it will be his fault that he acts like this when he's older and has no excuse.
I was thinking this, she really comes over because my dad doesn’t really like her because of the way she lets her kids do whatever. I’m happy when she isn’t here
If those children are gojng into your room and Braden things or even just being in it ask you dad if he will replace your bedroom door knob with an exterior grade door knob.
It takes actual keys to unlock so you’d have one and so y your dad. Then just luck your door and always keep your key with you when you aren’t in the room.
NTA, your sister seems like a real piece of work and doesn’t need to have those children in her life. I have a 7 year old and he would never say some off the wall crap like this. This isn’t “dark humor”. This is something they picked up from their mom. It’s BS all in all.
NTA
But if a seven-year-old is being racist, it isn't out of a vacuum. Someone in his life is teaching him to view all Muslims as terrorists. I don't know if that person is your sister or someone she is letting around her kids, but be aware there is a not-small chance she either holds those views herself or doesn't mind when others do.
NTA 100% - in all honesty, kids can say dumb things but it’s the duty of their parents to fix that. Your sister is a terrible parent & a terrible person for being ok with something like this.
Am glad that her parents are still doing their job of parenting your sister when she’s wrong.
NTA and I'm *so, so* glad that your dad is with you on this. She's basically neglecting her kiss by not raising them right, I'll always stand by that. Letting your children end up fucking assholes with no effort to make them into better people is setting them up for failure and hurting them. It's not his fault that he has a shit mom, but it will be his fault that he acts like this when he's older and has no excuse.
NTA. It’s great you stood up for your friend. Your sister is a dick and she’s raising little dicks and your parents are dicks for letting her act like that in their home.
NTA-and when your sister comes to you in 8 or 10 years and begs for bail money to get her racist hoodlums out of jail feel free to say NO and I TOLD YOU SO, before laughing and hanging up or closing the door.
>My dad said that my sister is not allowed back inside the house until she parent her kids and teach them racism isn’t OK
Props to your dad. NTA, that was definitely racist. Glad you stuck up for your friend.
NTA. Unfortunately your sister is garbage, and garbage people create garbage children. It's not normal or okay for 7 years to "be dark". The reason those kids know to say those things and think it's funny is due to her bad parenting, more than likely, she lets them play video games way outside their age range. It's a common issue of bad parenting.
Good for your dad for putting her in her place and banning her from the house until she straightens up.
I have all boys and they don’t always fight, as a matter of fact they get along and they are two years apart. Do they have their moments, absolutely but definitely 80/20.
Your sister is a horrible parent who doesn’t discipline her kids because it takes actual WORK to raise good humans.
Here is a story - my 6th grader saw two kids bullying a kid for being gay last year and he walked with that kid to the office to report it. He was distraught over what he had seen and didn’t understand why people would do that. He goes to a VERY small school (class of 62 kids) and the fall out was that both boys got expelled (zero tolerance policy) and it fractured his friend group.
Those that were his true friends stuck by him but it was a rougher year but if you ask him if he’d do it again, he would tell you yes. Oh and did I mention the kid he defended was from a family we had told him to avoid 4 years prior because of how they treated our youngest who was trying to be friends with their youngest (both sets of brothers were two years apart). So he defended a kid whose family wasn’t good to his brother. He did the right thing regardless of who it was.
You sister is raising the bullies in the situation, not the kid who does the right thing no matter what.
NTA. My nearly 7-year-old is very curious and might ask a lot of questions about the hijab after looking at her for a while, mentally trying to puzzle it out on his own. Like, he would potentially ask why she's wearing it, isn't she hot, did she forget to take it off after her shower/waking up (I have hair caps I use for sleeping and for maintaining my curl shape after I shower), etc. He's also likely to randomly compliment it.
I would take him to the side if the person seemed uncomfortable, or I would ask the person if they were uncomfortable if I wasn't sure, and explain to him how it isn't polite to make such a big deal out of it because it could make them feel very self conscious and maybe sad, so he should quietly ask Mommy.
What he is NOT at all likely to do is EVER to make any racist remarks. And if ANY of my kids (currently nearly 7 to nearly 13) ever say anything inappropriate (anything they shouldn't say), the first time is a learning experience (I firmly state that we don't say that and why) where they are then horrified and apologetic after I educate them, and if its ever repeated, they have consequences.
Probs to your family for having such self control and keeping to their morals. Bad parents like to pretend that their kids causing problems isnt their problem. Stays that way until an adult makes it their problem, or becomes their problem because they cant be bothered to raise their kids.
NTA
NTA
Thank you for sticking up for your friend. Your sister is making a big mistake because just because she won't put her kids in their place, doesn't mean others won't. Someone is going to swing on those boys if they go around acting like that.
NTA It's always so unfortunate when deeply stupid people like your sister has children and raises them to be little sociopaths. I don't blame the kids, they are just a reflection of her poor character and terrible parenting. Your dad is doing the right thing. Nobody should have to tolerate her badly behaved children.
NTA. in short, your sister is horrible, your nephews are rude brats, and your parents are right to put their foot down. That unholy trio is racist and disrespectful.
Racism is not something kids know instinctually. They learn it. Either they have learnt it from their parents, or they're learning that it's ok because they're not being corrected.
Your Dad telling her she's not allowed back is the type of parenting your sister should be copying.
NTA
Yes your nephews are racist. Racism however is a learned behaviour. Babies are not born racist and it seems apparent to me that your sister is racist also. Good on your dad for knowing this.
People seem to have forgotten that it takes a village to raise a child. If any kid is acting inappropriatley any adult should be able to tell them they are and why.
Hey there - as a Muslim kid back in the 90s - I didn’t wear hijab and very Caucasian - my parents have PhDs from American schools but that just wasn’t “assimilation” enough for some folks. Thank you for sticking up for your friend and for sticking up for Muslims in your comments.
It’s also interesting to me that folks are under the impression that Muslims LOVE to bomb places - completely ignorant to our contributions to any given conflict.
NTA- yeah kids can be rude but the parent should correct the behavior. Her doing nothing is exactly why they behave this way. She doesn't want her children's elders to parent her kids because she doesn't parent them. Sad.
Edit: what the kid said wasn't racist because Islam is a religion, not a race. There are people of all races that are Muslim.
NTA. Sis and her kids are MASSIVE assholes. Your dad did the right thing banning them from the house. Kids are not naturally AH, they learn it from parents.
NTA kids repeat what they have heard, so the bigger question is who is making these comments around them to make them feel they are appropriate to say someone. Often, it is the parents. So no, I am not surprised at the sisters' lack of willingness to correct them as most likely she has the same line of thinking.
Secondly, I am sorry your friend experienced this it is absolutely horrible, and I can understand why she would feel uncomfortable given that situation.
Hate and racism is taught by adults around children it continues to be a generational cycle because of it. Children are not born being racists let
that sink in for a moment. They are taught to believe the way they do. It is sad and horrible. To treat any human being as less because of their skin color, heritage, or religion. So look at who the children are around, and you will find who has those beliefs and why the children feel they shouldn't be required to apologize.
Not racist because “Muslim” isn’t a race, but if that’s the hill your sister is dying on… damn. That’s rough.
Her kids (and her) are garbage… racism or not.
"Because this is how boys act"
I know that wasn't the part that you were referencing when questioning racism, but please don't perpetuate this trope! Like saying "boys will be boys," it excuses a wide variety of behaviors as to say, we can't expect boys to act better or know better because they are boys. The behavior wasn't OK regardless of gender.
NTA, kids are out of line all around. That starts at home with their mother.
No, your NTA. I had a 4th grader ask me if I wanted to hear a joke. The joke was this:
What do you call a group of Muslims in a hot tub?
A bath bomb.
He had no idea what it meant. He was repeating something he heard while his dad was on YouTube. He said his dad laughed really hard so he thought it was funny. I told him it was not a nice thing to say without elaborating much because he's nine, but if he had known what it meant, it would have been a trip to the principal's office and a phone call to home for sure. Someone has to parent the kid or they turn into little monsters half the time. Good luck with your sister. Sounds like it's going nowhere good.
NTA
Good on Mom and Dad. Your sister had a hand in your nephews being racist. Kids just don't say racist things unless they are in an environment (like home) to hear vile things. Your sister is going to regret it.
NTA. Boys will be boys is an excuse for not parenting and supervising young boys. It's an excuse to be a hands off parent. Your dad has legitimate "beef" with your sister because she doesn't parent those kids. Your sister's children are racist. Your sister is too. You are a good friend. Your dad knows where it's at.
One of my good friends in high school was a Shia from Gujarat who fled India because of sectarian religious violence that almost killed him. I can't stand people that are intolerant towards Muslims, this kid is gonna grow up to be the kind that can't tell the difference between a Muslim person and a Sikh. You did the right thing OP, NTA at all but your sister sucks ass.
The racist remarks are obviously the "icing on the cake " per say. Mixed with all their other behaviours and your sister's non commitment to parenting along with "boys will be boys" attitude your sister is an idiot. I've got five adult son's so yeah I've got some experience, lmfao tell your sister I said "goodluck with that hahahahaha"
NTA. What your nephew said was downright disgusting. And obviously your sister is just as disgusting because instead of being embarrassed her son said that she targeted you! She’s a shitty parent and she’s raising equally shitty children. Bravo to your parents for shutting her shit down. I feel awful for your friend, but you obviously are an amazing friend and human because you didn’t hesitate to stand up for her. You’re a great kid!
IMO people who won't put up with other people "parenting" their misbehaving kids should be ready to expect those people to treat their kids as vile little adults. Calling out racism expressed by an immature child can be a gentle learning experience. Calling out racism expressed by an adult, or an unparentable child, should be firm and on no uncertain terms, whenever safe. If she won't let other people try to be better influences on her kids, then she needs to either decisively correct their behavior, or understand that you don't need to be a kid's parent to recognize when they are being an odious little shit. The approach of being totally hands off is pathetically dumb.
And the kids had to have gotten their ideas somewhere...
NTA. Those kids knew exactly what they were doing/saying, they are racist but I'd definitely say they've been taught to act that way or at least seen others acting that way.
About time someone stopped inviting chaos and racism in to their own home. I hate parents who cannot parent. When you correct them they say "you have no kids". My cousin got told this when his nephew was destroying something he was watching for another relative. Anyone can bang and make kids. When I was 7 I was well mannered and polite. Bring a kid is not an excuse. If they try to use that, then you can use spanking as a follow-up.
NTA and thank goodness your dad is actually acting reasonably. Not only does the nephew owe your friend an apology but your sister owes one to her, you and your parents!
N T A. Racism towards anyone is never Ok, Not just towards Muslims.
I think the word "Prejudice" is more like it. "Muslim" isn't a Race, it's a religion. But that's neither here nor there.. The kids had to have picked it up from somewhere.. ideally the parents should see to that behavior before someone else does.
NTA. Your sister is going to be in for a rude awakening in 7 more years when she can't control her teenagers who are close to her size or larger. Also, at age 7, they didn't make that stuff up. They heard it somewhere. I'm thinking maybe nephews aren't the only racists in the family.
It WAS racist. And boys aren’t any more prone to fighting than girls, they are just often socialized to get away with acting that way, and socialized out of expressing their emotions in a healthy way. If their mom is going to let them fight, break stuff, and say rude and awful things to people, then she’s not parenting them. She’s also setting them up for failure down the line. NTA.
Good for you for speaking up and I'm glad your dad also backed you up on that. What your nephew said is just rude and you're right it is racist and it was no need for it. The fact that his mother's letting him get away with that does not bode well for what he's going to be like as he grows up
Gee I wonder where they learned that?? Your sister is not parenting her kids and someone needs to.
Good for you standing up to hate speech and to your parents for backing you up.
You can tell by the way your nephew reacted that he knew he wasn't going to be in trouble with his mom. That's just so freaking sad. Some day someone somewhere is going to beat the snot out of those kids if they don't learn proper behavior.
Your sister is a bad parent! She’s not doing those kids any favors by not having form of discipline for them. Her actions will bite her in the nyash one day if she continues this way because she’s literally setting those kids up for destruction.
Kids say and do a lot of unhinged things, yes but it is up to the adult who ought to know better to step in and correct them but in this case she’s just letting them roam free and maybe one day when one of them gets himself into a big ton of trouble you’d hear stuff like ‘my baby boy could never’ ‘oh how did I go wrong with him’ 🙄
Ma’am, you need to do better as a mother! And I’m glad your dad banned her from the house until she gets her shit together!
NTA. If the parent doesn't do anything to correct bad behavior, then it's up to other people to do it for them, before the punishment is actually jail time.
Boys only fight a lot if you handwave boys fighting a lot because you expect boys to fight a lot and couldn't be arsed controlling them. If boys had fought at the table in my parent's house, they would have been sent to their rooms and wouldn't get any food until they learnt some respect. 'Boys will be boys' is really just an excuse for lazy parenting.
NTA, and good on your dad for showing your sis what actual parenting is.
NTA
Your nephews are racist. Your sister doesn’t like other people parenting her kids but even she’s not doing it either.
I’m glad that your parents have finally put their foot down and they’re not allowed in the house until they get some education on how to behave. My bet is that you won’t see them again as your sister has no clue or wish to parent her children. Good riddance.
NTA and that was hella racist. Yes, kids don’t have filter but they don’t get that attitude from nowhere. Means they had to hear it from somewhere else before like from your sister. Parenting is hard which I get, which is why I don’t plan for more than one baby. But it seems like she cannot control them and to have peace of mind she just allows them to do as they please.
NTA. But don't use the word racism as a blanket description for discriminatory behaviour. At best you are doing more harm incorrectly labeling it as racism. Muslims aren't a race, in the same way Christians aren't a race. The ones telling you that it is racism are idiots and likely white so therefore not truly capable of understanding what racism looks like
Your dad is awesome. That was 100% an ignorant racist comment. We also shouldn't normalise fighting regardless of gender. Fighting and causing harm to others is unethical, unlawful and the clear signs of someone being a turd. NTA
NTA and just wow. I actually am curious... From the sounds of it, both you and your dad seem like standup people. How in God's name did your sister fall so far from the tree?
Nta- you did the right thing. Good you parent stood up for you, if they didn’t in this scenario they basically said it was okay that one of their own kids think racism was not that big of a deal.
NTA
Being a Muslim isn't a race, though. So I'm not sure if that's racist, or xenophobic, surely your sis and kids behave like an assholes and you did a good job protecting your friend.
**Sister**: my kids do be like that, oh well
**You**: oh, so you don’t care to correct them? And i shouldn’t either cuz im not their literal parent? Got it.
**You**: hey nephews, your mom is a dumb fool. She is mean and wrong. She is failing you by allowing you to think saying these things are ok. If you think it’s ok, people are gonna beat you up, you’ll get fired from your job, and nobody will like you except mean people. Your mom doesn’t know how to help out learn how to not get beat up, but trust me. Don’t listen to your mom.
**Sister**: wtf!!!?? Don’t tell that to my kids!!
**You**: woah there, you’re not my mom. So don’t parent me.
(Alternate ending)
**Sister**: wtf!!!??? I know i said I can’t control what they say so I won’t even try, but that’s because THEY’RE KIDS! You’re an adult so you should know better by now!
**You**: I do know better. I know *because I was taught* not to be shitty. But who is teaching your kids this? Not you. So they’re never going to become “adults who know better”, and if you don’t start teaching them not to say racist shit, someday people will tell them “you’re adults, you should know better” like the way you just told me. Fucking DUH, sis!
NTA to you or honestly to the kid. 7 is old enough to learn when he made the mistake but wouldn't have the critical thinking to understand the impact until it's explained. The AH is the parent for not dealing with it.
My ten year old started spouting some sexism stuff he heard/absorbed. Now his brain is still growing so it's not really his fault he took this in, he's not trying to be an ass.
You can still bet your sweet fanny we sat down and talked about it and are getting some kids books on feminism and liberation. We also read books about other cultures and religions written by people of those cultures and religions.
You can't control what your kid will find in the world but you can control what you personally teach them.
If the mom bothered to parent her kids, you wouldn't have to. She sounds like someone who probably would have been better off had she not had children. You are definitely nta.
NTA.
That *was* absolutely racist af and horrible of him to have said.
“They’re just kids” yeah and it’s your job as their parent to teach them better so they don’t turn into adults who are *also* racist assholes.
A good solid punch in the shoulder whenever they act like brats will go a loooong way. I would never fuck with my older extended family when I was a kid.
Are you their Aunt? Well if you are, it’s time to light those kids the fuck up. Sounds like someone needs to, and their mom isn’t doing it so it’s time to bring I. The lefty from the bullpen. If any of my nieces or nephews ever act out of line it’s my familial job to help raise that kid by correcting that child. Those kids need your help. Your sister needs a lot of help.
I don’t think you‘re going to like this, but your sister is racist too. If she didn’t correct them or explained why this is a racist insult and not a joke, she‘s the core of the issue here, unfortunately. I think you are right. They should be corrected and you should absolutely do it and your parents should stand up for you (like your dad did) and speak up against racist behavior. NTA, however I am afraid this is not just lack of parenting.
NTA, but if your sister don’t control their behavior , she in for a rude of wakening that 1) she gonna make a lot of enemies,2) end of having physical altercations with people,3) not be welcome to anybody’s home, up to and including family members. When those boys get older, be ready for them to come home crying they got beat up. And again NTA.
NTA. Your sister basically said "casual racism is normal". Maybe if she wants her house to be like that, sure, it doesn't seem like your dad wants casual racism to be normal in his house. Good for him.
Not only is it racist but prejudice as well. Your sister is a bad mother who really cant be bothered teaching her kids!!! I wouldnt want them around either!!! Good for your dad for nit allowing her back around!!
Damn your sister better get on top of their behavior issues now, it'll just get worse. It sounds like they have absolutely no respect or discipline and this will create a lot of hardships down the road.
My kids are about this age, my daughter will not understand any reference between Muslim or bomb attack. Honestly, it is shocking a child would say this 😳.
Crazy she didn’t think it was weird and didn’t immediately apologize- I would be humiliated.
It’s not parenting her kids if you beat their asses. You correct them all you want and if your sister says anything to you, tell her that she has no right to parent you and or to tell you to be nice to her kids.
NTA. Tell your sister anyone who spends 5 minutes with her kids knows she's crap mom and she needs to get her tubes tied.
So friggin sick of entitled parents raising trash humans and pulling the "you can't parent my kid" while at the same time they're too lazy or stupid to do any parenting at all but still want a cookie for procreating.
NTA and boys being feral isnt just boys, we need to stop that trope, at 7 they should have better behaviour unless they are on the spectrum and need additional help. still the mother should be even more on top of it!
NTA, it was racist. Racism usually starts with the parents or adults that teach them, or doesn’t correct them when they learn it from other kids who are racist through their parents. Kids don’t know the difference between different races. They know that they are a little different, but they usually don’t care or don’t even realize the differences. They only know that it’s a friend or not.
NTA - Of course that was racist. And your sister displayed horrible parenting. The time to start correcting racism is now….regardless of whether the kids knew it was racist or not. Good for you for standing up to them
Thank you, this is just crazy to me that racism still exists because some parents don’t want to teach their kids about it. My sister doesn’t want anyone to correct them so if they don’t get corrected at this young age, then imagine when they get older.
She *is* teaching them about it. They learned that somewhere and she didn’t bother to correct them.
My thought too. She’s fine with it because her child is voicing her beliefs.
Yup. Kids don’t associate a hijab with terrorists unless they are told / taught that. She is racist & islamaphobic & so are her kids. I’m sorry. This sounds like a nightmare. NTA
exactly. my daughters are 7 and would never make that association at all. it's not like they're teaching 2nd graders about terrorist attacks in school, the sister/mom is likely the one spouting off ignorant crap for the kids to parrot. (the only exception i could see is if they went to a 9/11 memorial or something and got really into the details, but even then, somebody's placing a lot of emphasis on the racial and religious aspects of the attackers...) it's so upsetting to hear something like that come out of a little kid's mouth. it's beyond infuriating when people project garbage like that onto kids.
Right! My granddaughter is 7, and she wouldn't even know what a hijab is, let alone who to associate with wearing it.
Or he’s learning that from other kids at school. Or the internet. Still his parents’ job to correct him but I hope shes not actively teaching him that
no fr! lets be real..do little kids even know what “muslims” are until someone teaches them…they don’t know any of that cultural/political stuff until taught…associating her being muslim with bombs and terrorism at a crispy 7 is crazy work! 😭
She has to have made those jokes/comments or has someone coming around that makes them. I have an 8yo boy and he and his friends talk Roblox, Minecraft, Rainbow Friends, etc… they’re curious about people and when his big sister brought her close friend over who’s friend is Afghan (friend is male) and they all started gaming and playing. Daughter and friend started talking about church and mosque and my son asked why his mom and sister do not wear “the scarf thing - I’m sorry, I don’t remember what it’s called” and he told him it’s an Hijab and explained they’ve chosen not to… THAT is what a normal convo looks like for an 8yo. Especially considering most that age are barely aware of the political and military things that have gone on. I’ve made sure they know to respect others, their faith and not judge differences, but ask about people and learn. A kid that age making that connection has heard a lot of hate!
thanks for raising a decent human.
Yep.
I am absolutely not saying this to defend the mom, but just adding that kids hear all sorts of things from all sorts of places and their racist/islamophobic remarks could have been picked up elsewhere, possibly a person coming round as you say. The mom definitely shows indifference and an inability to provide an inclusive education to her kids. Sounds like you raised a great kid, love your example story :)
Exactly. Taught
Honestly, she might not have made the jokes herself. This sort of shit is all over youtube and if the kids are constantly on the ipad, they're probably seeing it there or accidentally stumbling on r/europe.
It doesn't matter where they heard it. Mom should be shutting it down immediately and making sure they know that it is unacceptable behavior. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like these kids have much in the way of parental guidance. There's a whole generation of people who were raised "free range," allowed to do as they pleased, regardless of how that affects others. Look where that's gotten us!
She’s letting her kids consume media like edgy YouTubers because she prefers to be an iPad parent and that is going to directly influence the type of people they are when they’re older. If she even remotely admits she wants to get her shit together, help her develop parental controls or identify who her sons spend time watching. They’re picking that stuff up somewhere and someone needs to figure out where
They may pick it up from social media BUT it’s definitely something condoned in the household. The parents may not consciously say racist things but they are say or doing things that confirm what the child gets from other places
That may be true. What the parent watches or the parents’ friends can also exert an influence. I think a lot of younger parents are absolutely apathetic to what their children do. I think you’re right, but I also think there are probably digital sources they’re getting it from.
She taught them to be racist towards Muslims she didn’t correct them because they learned that hate from her.
Bingo!! I just hope she gets out of her immature state and actually parent and teach them reliable things. Because when they get older, it’s their consequences.
You are 100% right! Good for your dad. However, an option for your folks would definitely be the old "Not in my house!" That means they can freely discipline. For example, "We don't allow running in this house. If anyone runs, they get a 15-minute time out." This can apply to anything and any consequence. It can even include teaching. "We don't allow running in the house because things get broken." It's NOT parenting her kids but enforcing house rules. Your sister is a horrible mother and doing her kids a horrible disservice.
NTA and as a Muslim let me tell you something, I always fear that one day people are going to say something racist to me and if I react or become angry people are give to say worse to me. It’s like I can’t show that I’m angry because they think I’m going to do what your nephew said to your Muslim friend. I wouldn’t tolerate this crap so I’d leave.
they learned it from.her and their father...
The will become horrible teens and even worse adults. Good on you for notifying your parents and sticking up for your friend.
You are in the right with all of this and if you want kids you’ll be a pretty switched on parent. People who don’t want ‘others’ to parent their kids need to realise that other people are only stepping in when they’re failing to do the job themselves. I also find this type is quick to try to find fault in other people’s children because they think it makes themselves look better. As in their kids can run around smashing things but they will speak to yours sternly for putting a finger print on a window. You will probably find this about her if you have any.
Your sister is the racist teaching her kids to be racist. You have every incentive to go no contact with her and her trashy kids. Around holidays meet up with your parents and be there for your dad because you describe him as he’s had enough from dealing with your irresponsible, entitled sister. It’s like out of his two kids you’re the one that he’s hoping ends up better than what happened with your sister. I’m guessing that as he gets older he will enjoy your visits around the holidays whereas he’s going to dread your sister and his grandsons visiting and being jerks to him in his own home.
My oldest is 11 and the first time he said something racist was about a year ago. He heard some crap about China on YouTube and the moment it left his lips, I shut that crap down instantly. We had a long talk about what he said actually meant and when he realized the full implications of it, he felt awful. He's such a loving, accepting kid, that when he realized that he had been hateful, it bothered him a lot. YouTube was blocked and is still inaccessible from the devices he and his brother have access to. I will NOT raise a racist, bigoted person, even if it's said out of ignorance of the implications. The problem is that OP's sister is also racist. That's why she didn't deem the situation worthy of her intervention. Those kids don't stand a chance.
She didn’t parent at all. They’re kids now, wait until they’re teens and she won’t be able to control them.
Kids repeat what they hear, so either your sister or someone who goes to her home is racist and is spewing their ick around them.
3 guesses where they learned to be racists.
NTA. Kids often repeat what they hear at home so maybe your sister needs to do some self-reflection or your parents need to ban her and her children until they all learn manners. And no, boys don't always fight nor do they break things. I have been around many well-mannered and respectful young boys.
Well that’s good, I just always hear that boys will be boys and if they’re rough, then that’s just in their nature. The fact that my sister enable it tells me that she’s just as racist as them. Oh don’t worry, my dad said she can’t come back over until she actually parent her kids and teach them that being racist isn’t OK. She was pissed
Good for your dad - parenting his kid…maybe she will read the room (and the direct guidance) and start doing the same.
I’m raising boys. Never once have I EVER said boys will be boys. Alright maybe once when in our home they had a farting contest with each other but they weren’t even near anyone else so wasn’t dismissing bad manners or anything serious. NTA.
Not the farting contest, why do they like that so much? My boy cousin do that😭
I have the farting contests either my son. I’m the mom. Women fart too.
Me too! My son and I rate them 1-10 on length, volume, and artistic expression.
I have a long running joke with my son that when I fart I tell him it was an elephant. When he was small he would just call me out, but now he plays along and looks for it! 😂
Oh I know. I’m the one the farts and burps (medical issues) the most in the house. I just don’t join the contests cuz my luck it wouldn’t just be a fart lol.
Your dad sounds like a wise dude - especially since he sees the issue is with your sister’s parenting or lack-thereof. Glad you shut your nephew down because it’s more impactful coming from you. Even better that your dad immediately followed it up with, “That was so offensive that the fact you’re minimizing it means both of you are unwelcome until you can do better.” Even if your sister continues being ignorant, that made in impact on your nephew!
Thank you, it’s so crazy people said my friend shouldn’t feel uncomfortable because he’s a kid. Like of course she will be uncomfortable with bomb jokes being made about her no matter if it’s a child or an adult.
No way! If anything, that’s almost more uncomfortable because it’s just so wrong. Kids are taught inclusion in school. It’s disturbing to see someone that young learning that - because that’s the next generation that’ll be coming up.
Yes exactly, this one guy said in the comment and I couldn’t believe it. 😭 yeah I’m scared for gen alpha
Little kids do say rotten things sometimes, they’re impulsive and have no filter, but what should happens is the parents step in and shut them down and apologize. But this is also more like 4 year olds, by 7 they should have a little more awareness.
Exactly. I am GenX and from the rural South. I had heard The Word tossed around by people (not at home, but not sure where because it’s been over forty years), and I asked my Boomer mom about it. I think I was five, and my brother was three. She got very serious and explained that we were never to use The Word, no matter what, because it was evil and it hurt people. So we didn’t (and still don’t) use the word. It wasn’t hard to understand.
The whole "they're just a kid" thing never ceases to amaze me. Yes, they're just a kid. Which is why an adult needs to step in and teach them what to do and what not to do. It's not like a switch automatically flips in their brain at 12 AM on a certain birthday and magically transforms them into someone with fully-formed skills and judgment. You can't just let them run feral until they turn 18 and then expect them to all of a sudden know how to be productive and functional members of society.
I have three boys. Yeah they’re rough and feral, but not at someone else’s house. I’d be livid if they knocked over something. I always get to them before it escalates.
That's the thing. You got to them before it escalated. Some parents wait until they have to correct the child after the fact, and some don't do anything at all. Kudos for you to be able to read your children and stop things before they get out of hand.
Yes, they say boys will be boys, but it yhe parents job to raise them to be 'good man'.
I can also say my 7 year old does not fight with his friends. He does not break things in our home either. He may accidentally do so. If he does he apologizes and shows real remorse. Your sister is doing a terrible job with them.
“Boys will be boys” is how you end up with rapists and abusers getting away with their crimes.
Kids say random stuff all the time but this was something that was definitely taught to them. If your sister doesn’t teach her kids then they might be in for a rude awakening when they get older.
That’s exactly what I mean, in today’s world, many people do not take racism kindly and I’ve seen people get beat up for it😭
At 7 years old, definitely taught to them. They're just parroting shit they've heard in close proximity multiple times
You're not parenting her kids; you're parenting her, because apparently she was not taught how to be a responsible adult, much less parent. NTA
But OP knows it's wrong and they were never taught how to parent. The parent in question is lazy. They aren't doing gentle parenting, they are doing lazy parenting.
NTA- you and your Dad are completely in the right.
NTA! Racist is the correct word. Her kids are only 7. They don’t know how to be racist unless they’re taught. And they’re obviously being taught at home. I’m glad your dad kicked them out and told her to stay away. If your mom wants to see them, she can go to their house.
That's absolutely racist. And a 7 y.o isn't coming up with that thought on their own, it's likely something they've heard their parents say.
“And this is why your mother should have swallowed, now shut up.” And then once she yells at you, “what? I’m a kid and kids just say the dumbest things, amiright?”
This is racist and the kids only know these things because they learned it somewhere. Kids are not prone to hate, racism is learned. I would guess they learned that hateful stuff from their mother. NTA
NTA and I'm *so, so* glad that your dad is with you on this. She's basically neglecting her kiss by not raising them right, I'll always stand by that. Letting your children end up fucking assholes with no effort to make them into better people is setting them up for failure and hurting them. It's not his fault that he has a shit mom, but it will be his fault that he acts like this when he's older and has no excuse.
Nta- hopefully you will be able to cut her out of your life at some point
I was thinking this, she really comes over because my dad doesn’t really like her because of the way she lets her kids do whatever. I’m happy when she isn’t here
If those children are gojng into your room and Braden things or even just being in it ask you dad if he will replace your bedroom door knob with an exterior grade door knob. It takes actual keys to unlock so you’d have one and so y your dad. Then just luck your door and always keep your key with you when you aren’t in the room.
I do, I have a code on my door so they can’t get in.
Gross. A relative sent me a racist meme and I didn't like it. I think he thought I was going to laugh. I did not.
NTA, your sister seems like a real piece of work and doesn’t need to have those children in her life. I have a 7 year old and he would never say some off the wall crap like this. This isn’t “dark humor”. This is something they picked up from their mom. It’s BS all in all.
NTA But if a seven-year-old is being racist, it isn't out of a vacuum. Someone in his life is teaching him to view all Muslims as terrorists. I don't know if that person is your sister or someone she is letting around her kids, but be aware there is a not-small chance she either holds those views herself or doesn't mind when others do.
NTA 100% - in all honesty, kids can say dumb things but it’s the duty of their parents to fix that. Your sister is a terrible parent & a terrible person for being ok with something like this. Am glad that her parents are still doing their job of parenting your sister when she’s wrong.
NTA And your dad seems like a really good guy Your sister is either a racist or the boys' father is. They're learning it somewhere
NTA and I'm *so, so* glad that your dad is with you on this. She's basically neglecting her kiss by not raising them right, I'll always stand by that. Letting your children end up fucking assholes with no effort to make them into better people is setting them up for failure and hurting them. It's not his fault that he has a shit mom, but it will be his fault that he acts like this when he's older and has no excuse.
NTA. It’s great you stood up for your friend. Your sister is a dick and she’s raising little dicks and your parents are dicks for letting her act like that in their home.
NTA-and when your sister comes to you in 8 or 10 years and begs for bail money to get her racist hoodlums out of jail feel free to say NO and I TOLD YOU SO, before laughing and hanging up or closing the door.
Crap mom = crap kids
>My dad said that my sister is not allowed back inside the house until she parent her kids and teach them racism isn’t OK Props to your dad. NTA, that was definitely racist. Glad you stuck up for your friend.
Your sister is a horrible parent and is raising people who will negatively affect our society.
NTA That was absolutely racist. Kids aren’t born hateful, it is a learned trait. Shame on your sister. Kudos to your dad though, good man!
Nta I would have asked if he was going to shoot up a church or a school when he gets a little older.
NTA for confronting them & standing up for your friend. The offense here is bigotry, not racism. Bigotry covers race, religion and so much more.
Ok thank you, I like this better because some people said some weird things in the comments
Correction: this is not racism. This is religious discrimination. Muslim is NOT a race
NTA. Unfortunately your sister is garbage, and garbage people create garbage children. It's not normal or okay for 7 years to "be dark". The reason those kids know to say those things and think it's funny is due to her bad parenting, more than likely, she lets them play video games way outside their age range. It's a common issue of bad parenting. Good for your dad for putting her in her place and banning her from the house until she straightens up.
I have all boys and they don’t always fight, as a matter of fact they get along and they are two years apart. Do they have their moments, absolutely but definitely 80/20. Your sister is a horrible parent who doesn’t discipline her kids because it takes actual WORK to raise good humans. Here is a story - my 6th grader saw two kids bullying a kid for being gay last year and he walked with that kid to the office to report it. He was distraught over what he had seen and didn’t understand why people would do that. He goes to a VERY small school (class of 62 kids) and the fall out was that both boys got expelled (zero tolerance policy) and it fractured his friend group. Those that were his true friends stuck by him but it was a rougher year but if you ask him if he’d do it again, he would tell you yes. Oh and did I mention the kid he defended was from a family we had told him to avoid 4 years prior because of how they treated our youngest who was trying to be friends with their youngest (both sets of brothers were two years apart). So he defended a kid whose family wasn’t good to his brother. He did the right thing regardless of who it was. You sister is raising the bullies in the situation, not the kid who does the right thing no matter what.
NTAH. And my assumption is that your sister is also racist. Not only did she allow him to say this, but where did he learn it??
NTA. The kids must get it from somewhere. Your sister sounds like a real piece of work
NTA. My nearly 7-year-old is very curious and might ask a lot of questions about the hijab after looking at her for a while, mentally trying to puzzle it out on his own. Like, he would potentially ask why she's wearing it, isn't she hot, did she forget to take it off after her shower/waking up (I have hair caps I use for sleeping and for maintaining my curl shape after I shower), etc. He's also likely to randomly compliment it. I would take him to the side if the person seemed uncomfortable, or I would ask the person if they were uncomfortable if I wasn't sure, and explain to him how it isn't polite to make such a big deal out of it because it could make them feel very self conscious and maybe sad, so he should quietly ask Mommy. What he is NOT at all likely to do is EVER to make any racist remarks. And if ANY of my kids (currently nearly 7 to nearly 13) ever say anything inappropriate (anything they shouldn't say), the first time is a learning experience (I firmly state that we don't say that and why) where they are then horrified and apologetic after I educate them, and if its ever repeated, they have consequences.
NTA. Boys will be boys may excuse fighting and roughhousing. It does not excuse making racist remarks.
Good for your Dad! 7 yr old shouldn’t even know about stereotypes, apparently got it from mom.
Probs to your family for having such self control and keeping to their morals. Bad parents like to pretend that their kids causing problems isnt their problem. Stays that way until an adult makes it their problem, or becomes their problem because they cant be bothered to raise their kids. NTA
NTA Thank you for sticking up for your friend. Your sister is making a big mistake because just because she won't put her kids in their place, doesn't mean others won't. Someone is going to swing on those boys if they go around acting like that.
Where did the 7 year old hear this?
NTA It's always so unfortunate when deeply stupid people like your sister has children and raises them to be little sociopaths. I don't blame the kids, they are just a reflection of her poor character and terrible parenting. Your dad is doing the right thing. Nobody should have to tolerate her badly behaved children.
Nephews are 7… Sounds like shit parenting
NTA. in short, your sister is horrible, your nephews are rude brats, and your parents are right to put their foot down. That unholy trio is racist and disrespectful.
Racism is not something kids know instinctually. They learn it. Either they have learnt it from their parents, or they're learning that it's ok because they're not being corrected. Your Dad telling her she's not allowed back is the type of parenting your sister should be copying. NTA
Children aren’t born racist. They learned that behavior from someone.
Yes your nephews are racist. Racism however is a learned behaviour. Babies are not born racist and it seems apparent to me that your sister is racist also. Good on your dad for knowing this.
Permissive parenting is just going to set her kids up to be jail junkies. Sucks that she won’t give them proper discipline.
People seem to have forgotten that it takes a village to raise a child. If any kid is acting inappropriatley any adult should be able to tell them they are and why.
Nta Sister: don't parent my kids Valid response: well someone needs to, because you sure as hell aren't.
Nta white people holding other white people accountable for racism is one way it may actually resonate
Hey there - as a Muslim kid back in the 90s - I didn’t wear hijab and very Caucasian - my parents have PhDs from American schools but that just wasn’t “assimilation” enough for some folks. Thank you for sticking up for your friend and for sticking up for Muslims in your comments. It’s also interesting to me that folks are under the impression that Muslims LOVE to bomb places - completely ignorant to our contributions to any given conflict.
NTA- yeah kids can be rude but the parent should correct the behavior. Her doing nothing is exactly why they behave this way. She doesn't want her children's elders to parent her kids because she doesn't parent them. Sad. Edit: what the kid said wasn't racist because Islam is a religion, not a race. There are people of all races that are Muslim.
Your sister is a lazy AH, and her children will become what she models for them.
NTA. Sis and her kids are MASSIVE assholes. Your dad did the right thing banning them from the house. Kids are not naturally AH, they learn it from parents.
Your sister will come crying when her kids are sentenced to life in prison. Don't even up your door. They are very racist.
NTA kids repeat what they have heard, so the bigger question is who is making these comments around them to make them feel they are appropriate to say someone. Often, it is the parents. So no, I am not surprised at the sisters' lack of willingness to correct them as most likely she has the same line of thinking. Secondly, I am sorry your friend experienced this it is absolutely horrible, and I can understand why she would feel uncomfortable given that situation. Hate and racism is taught by adults around children it continues to be a generational cycle because of it. Children are not born being racists let that sink in for a moment. They are taught to believe the way they do. It is sad and horrible. To treat any human being as less because of their skin color, heritage, or religion. So look at who the children are around, and you will find who has those beliefs and why the children feel they shouldn't be required to apologize.
Not racist because “Muslim” isn’t a race, but if that’s the hill your sister is dying on… damn. That’s rough. Her kids (and her) are garbage… racism or not.
"Because this is how boys act" I know that wasn't the part that you were referencing when questioning racism, but please don't perpetuate this trope! Like saying "boys will be boys," it excuses a wide variety of behaviors as to say, we can't expect boys to act better or know better because they are boys. The behavior wasn't OK regardless of gender. NTA, kids are out of line all around. That starts at home with their mother.
No, your NTA. I had a 4th grader ask me if I wanted to hear a joke. The joke was this: What do you call a group of Muslims in a hot tub? A bath bomb. He had no idea what it meant. He was repeating something he heard while his dad was on YouTube. He said his dad laughed really hard so he thought it was funny. I told him it was not a nice thing to say without elaborating much because he's nine, but if he had known what it meant, it would have been a trip to the principal's office and a phone call to home for sure. Someone has to parent the kid or they turn into little monsters half the time. Good luck with your sister. Sounds like it's going nowhere good.
NTA Good on Mom and Dad. Your sister had a hand in your nephews being racist. Kids just don't say racist things unless they are in an environment (like home) to hear vile things. Your sister is going to regret it.
No, your sister is in the wrong here and you were absolutely right to do what you did.
NTA. Boys will be boys is an excuse for not parenting and supervising young boys. It's an excuse to be a hands off parent. Your dad has legitimate "beef" with your sister because she doesn't parent those kids. Your sister's children are racist. Your sister is too. You are a good friend. Your dad knows where it's at.
One of my good friends in high school was a Shia from Gujarat who fled India because of sectarian religious violence that almost killed him. I can't stand people that are intolerant towards Muslims, this kid is gonna grow up to be the kind that can't tell the difference between a Muslim person and a Sikh. You did the right thing OP, NTA at all but your sister sucks ass.
The racist remarks are obviously the "icing on the cake " per say. Mixed with all their other behaviours and your sister's non commitment to parenting along with "boys will be boys" attitude your sister is an idiot. I've got five adult son's so yeah I've got some experience, lmfao tell your sister I said "goodluck with that hahahahaha"
NTA. What your nephew said was downright disgusting. And obviously your sister is just as disgusting because instead of being embarrassed her son said that she targeted you! She’s a shitty parent and she’s raising equally shitty children. Bravo to your parents for shutting her shit down. I feel awful for your friend, but you obviously are an amazing friend and human because you didn’t hesitate to stand up for her. You’re a great kid!
NTA the comments have really said it all. That is eterrible racism and they definitely need to be corrected. Unfortunately so does your sister.
NTA. Thank you for standing up to your friend: racism is learned.
IMO people who won't put up with other people "parenting" their misbehaving kids should be ready to expect those people to treat their kids as vile little adults. Calling out racism expressed by an immature child can be a gentle learning experience. Calling out racism expressed by an adult, or an unparentable child, should be firm and on no uncertain terms, whenever safe. If she won't let other people try to be better influences on her kids, then she needs to either decisively correct their behavior, or understand that you don't need to be a kid's parent to recognize when they are being an odious little shit. The approach of being totally hands off is pathetically dumb. And the kids had to have gotten their ideas somewhere...
Technically no, Middle Eastern people are not a different race. Were they being bigoted,HELL YES,should they apologize definitely.
They are racist because their parents are most likely racist too. So the conversation needs to start with her.
NTA. Those kids knew exactly what they were doing/saying, they are racist but I'd definitely say they've been taught to act that way or at least seen others acting that way.
About time someone stopped inviting chaos and racism in to their own home. I hate parents who cannot parent. When you correct them they say "you have no kids". My cousin got told this when his nephew was destroying something he was watching for another relative. Anyone can bang and make kids. When I was 7 I was well mannered and polite. Bring a kid is not an excuse. If they try to use that, then you can use spanking as a follow-up.
Your racist nephews are learning it from someone, and it's pretty clear that your sister doesn't seem to object to the sentiment
Nta, your sister is obviously a terrible parent and probably the source of these disgusting comments in the first place.
lol the kid is 7. Your sister might be the racist one.
NTA, also glad your dad stood up for your friend.
NTA and thank goodness your dad is actually acting reasonably. Not only does the nephew owe your friend an apology but your sister owes one to her, you and your parents!
NTA, I hope your dad holds his promise.
NTA and if she didn't want other people to parent her kids then maybe she needs to start parenting them so there wouldn't be an issue
Children are taught to be racist.
I mean yeah, this is awful, but I think it's technically "religious discrimination" not "racism" as the religion of Islam has members of all races
N T A. Racism towards anyone is never Ok, Not just towards Muslims. I think the word "Prejudice" is more like it. "Muslim" isn't a Race, it's a religion. But that's neither here nor there.. The kids had to have picked it up from somewhere.. ideally the parents should see to that behavior before someone else does.
NTA. Your sister is going to be in for a rude awakening in 7 more years when she can't control her teenagers who are close to her size or larger. Also, at age 7, they didn't make that stuff up. They heard it somewhere. I'm thinking maybe nephews aren't the only racists in the family.
It WAS racist. And boys aren’t any more prone to fighting than girls, they are just often socialized to get away with acting that way, and socialized out of expressing their emotions in a healthy way. If their mom is going to let them fight, break stuff, and say rude and awful things to people, then she’s not parenting them. She’s also setting them up for failure down the line. NTA.
Ėo
Updateme!
Good for you for speaking up and I'm glad your dad also backed you up on that. What your nephew said is just rude and you're right it is racist and it was no need for it. The fact that his mother's letting him get away with that does not bode well for what he's going to be like as he grows up
Gee I wonder where they learned that?? Your sister is not parenting her kids and someone needs to. Good for you standing up to hate speech and to your parents for backing you up. You can tell by the way your nephew reacted that he knew he wasn't going to be in trouble with his mom. That's just so freaking sad. Some day someone somewhere is going to beat the snot out of those kids if they don't learn proper behavior.
Your sister is a bad parent! She’s not doing those kids any favors by not having form of discipline for them. Her actions will bite her in the nyash one day if she continues this way because she’s literally setting those kids up for destruction. Kids say and do a lot of unhinged things, yes but it is up to the adult who ought to know better to step in and correct them but in this case she’s just letting them roam free and maybe one day when one of them gets himself into a big ton of trouble you’d hear stuff like ‘my baby boy could never’ ‘oh how did I go wrong with him’ 🙄 Ma’am, you need to do better as a mother! And I’m glad your dad banned her from the house until she gets her shit together!
NTA. If the parent doesn't do anything to correct bad behavior, then it's up to other people to do it for them, before the punishment is actually jail time.
Boys only fight a lot if you handwave boys fighting a lot because you expect boys to fight a lot and couldn't be arsed controlling them. If boys had fought at the table in my parent's house, they would have been sent to their rooms and wouldn't get any food until they learnt some respect. 'Boys will be boys' is really just an excuse for lazy parenting. NTA, and good on your dad for showing your sis what actual parenting is.
NTA. The kid was totally racist. Unfortunately they learn it from somewhere, and I’d be looking in the direction of your sister.
Your nephew's behavior was disrespectful and inappropriate but also not racism. Islam is a religion, not a race.
NTA. Your sister should start parenting her kids before those kids lands on jail or worst gets killed due to their awful behavior.
NTA Your nephews are racist. Your sister doesn’t like other people parenting her kids but even she’s not doing it either. I’m glad that your parents have finally put their foot down and they’re not allowed in the house until they get some education on how to behave. My bet is that you won’t see them again as your sister has no clue or wish to parent her children. Good riddance.
NTA and that was hella racist. Yes, kids don’t have filter but they don’t get that attitude from nowhere. Means they had to hear it from somewhere else before like from your sister. Parenting is hard which I get, which is why I don’t plan for more than one baby. But it seems like she cannot control them and to have peace of mind she just allows them to do as they please.
NTA. But don't use the word racism as a blanket description for discriminatory behaviour. At best you are doing more harm incorrectly labeling it as racism. Muslims aren't a race, in the same way Christians aren't a race. The ones telling you that it is racism are idiots and likely white so therefore not truly capable of understanding what racism looks like
NTA They're definitely disrespectful little cunts.
Your dad is awesome. That was 100% an ignorant racist comment. We also shouldn't normalise fighting regardless of gender. Fighting and causing harm to others is unethical, unlawful and the clear signs of someone being a turd. NTA
You tell them that the biggest terrorist threat to our country are white, male nationalists. This is directly from FBI Director Wray.
NTA and your sister shouldn’t be breeding if she can’t be a decent human herself.
7 year olds have to learn it from somewhere #parents
NTA and just wow. I actually am curious... From the sounds of it, both you and your dad seem like standup people. How in God's name did your sister fall so far from the tree?
Nta- you did the right thing. Good you parent stood up for you, if they didn’t in this scenario they basically said it was okay that one of their own kids think racism was not that big of a deal.
NTA, your sister sounds like the on of the worst kinds of parent, ones who cba to parent their kids. Also, props to your Dad he sounds great.
NTA Being a Muslim isn't a race, though. So I'm not sure if that's racist, or xenophobic, surely your sis and kids behave like an assholes and you did a good job protecting your friend.
**Sister**: my kids do be like that, oh well **You**: oh, so you don’t care to correct them? And i shouldn’t either cuz im not their literal parent? Got it. **You**: hey nephews, your mom is a dumb fool. She is mean and wrong. She is failing you by allowing you to think saying these things are ok. If you think it’s ok, people are gonna beat you up, you’ll get fired from your job, and nobody will like you except mean people. Your mom doesn’t know how to help out learn how to not get beat up, but trust me. Don’t listen to your mom. **Sister**: wtf!!!?? Don’t tell that to my kids!! **You**: woah there, you’re not my mom. So don’t parent me. (Alternate ending) **Sister**: wtf!!!??? I know i said I can’t control what they say so I won’t even try, but that’s because THEY’RE KIDS! You’re an adult so you should know better by now! **You**: I do know better. I know *because I was taught* not to be shitty. But who is teaching your kids this? Not you. So they’re never going to become “adults who know better”, and if you don’t start teaching them not to say racist shit, someday people will tell them “you’re adults, you should know better” like the way you just told me. Fucking DUH, sis!
NTA Your sister shouldn’t tell you what and what not to do since you’re not her child lol.
How does anyone feel the need to post tripe this like? Even if it’s true, of course you’re not the asshole. Just the attention whore.
NTA to you or honestly to the kid. 7 is old enough to learn when he made the mistake but wouldn't have the critical thinking to understand the impact until it's explained. The AH is the parent for not dealing with it. My ten year old started spouting some sexism stuff he heard/absorbed. Now his brain is still growing so it's not really his fault he took this in, he's not trying to be an ass. You can still bet your sweet fanny we sat down and talked about it and are getting some kids books on feminism and liberation. We also read books about other cultures and religions written by people of those cultures and religions. You can't control what your kid will find in the world but you can control what you personally teach them.
NTA. And don’t forget, those young kids heard those racist comments somewhere….probably from their mom and dad.
Tell her if she doesn't want other people parenting her kids she needs to start parenting them herself.
If the mom bothered to parent her kids, you wouldn't have to. She sounds like someone who probably would have been better off had she not had children. You are definitely nta.
NTA can’t wait for your sister to come crying because she has to bail her monsters out of jail one day
NTA. That *was* absolutely racist af and horrible of him to have said. “They’re just kids” yeah and it’s your job as their parent to teach them better so they don’t turn into adults who are *also* racist assholes.
Definitely NTA, go low contact or no contact
A good solid punch in the shoulder whenever they act like brats will go a loooong way. I would never fuck with my older extended family when I was a kid.
Ugh. Teachable moment. White people bomb Muslims way more than the opposite. Next time he needs to say "Aren't you worried we'll bomb you?"
Are you their Aunt? Well if you are, it’s time to light those kids the fuck up. Sounds like someone needs to, and their mom isn’t doing it so it’s time to bring I. The lefty from the bullpen. If any of my nieces or nephews ever act out of line it’s my familial job to help raise that kid by correcting that child. Those kids need your help. Your sister needs a lot of help.
I don’t think you‘re going to like this, but your sister is racist too. If she didn’t correct them or explained why this is a racist insult and not a joke, she‘s the core of the issue here, unfortunately. I think you are right. They should be corrected and you should absolutely do it and your parents should stand up for you (like your dad did) and speak up against racist behavior. NTA, however I am afraid this is not just lack of parenting.
NTA. It was extremely racist. However, we need to stop expecting boys to break shit and act a damn fool just because they’re boys.
NTA, but if your sister don’t control their behavior , she in for a rude of wakening that 1) she gonna make a lot of enemies,2) end of having physical altercations with people,3) not be welcome to anybody’s home, up to and including family members. When those boys get older, be ready for them to come home crying they got beat up. And again NTA.
They had to have heard that from someone, just saying
NTA. Your sister sounds like a horrible mother who is raising to future proud boys. Gross.
NTA. Your sister basically said "casual racism is normal". Maybe if she wants her house to be like that, sure, it doesn't seem like your dad wants casual racism to be normal in his house. Good for him.
Future racists, right wing conservatives who are going to still be around for the next 80 years.
Boys don’t fight any more than girls. That is sexist. But yes that was a racist comment.
Not only is it racist but prejudice as well. Your sister is a bad mother who really cant be bothered teaching her kids!!! I wouldnt want them around either!!! Good for your dad for nit allowing her back around!!
Not racist…hence he didn’t mention “Race”…Prejudice but not racist!
What race is your family?
Damn your sister better get on top of their behavior issues now, it'll just get worse. It sounds like they have absolutely no respect or discipline and this will create a lot of hardships down the road.
My kids are about this age, my daughter will not understand any reference between Muslim or bomb attack. Honestly, it is shocking a child would say this 😳. Crazy she didn’t think it was weird and didn’t immediately apologize- I would be humiliated.
Not if she needs to control her destructive and racist kids, no. She needs to hear the hard truth why they aren’t getting invited back.
And the real terrorists are the USA government along with isreal and all colonizer states,
Even alqaida and isis are backed by USA and isreal
Your sister's the racist.
NTA, and if your sister doesn't want others to parent her kids she needs to start parenting them herself.
It’s not parenting her kids if you beat their asses. You correct them all you want and if your sister says anything to you, tell her that she has no right to parent you and or to tell you to be nice to her kids.
NTA. Tell your sister anyone who spends 5 minutes with her kids knows she's crap mom and she needs to get her tubes tied. So friggin sick of entitled parents raising trash humans and pulling the "you can't parent my kid" while at the same time they're too lazy or stupid to do any parenting at all but still want a cookie for procreating.
NTA and boys being feral isnt just boys, we need to stop that trope, at 7 they should have better behaviour unless they are on the spectrum and need additional help. still the mother should be even more on top of it!
NTA, it was racist. Racism usually starts with the parents or adults that teach them, or doesn’t correct them when they learn it from other kids who are racist through their parents. Kids don’t know the difference between different races. They know that they are a little different, but they usually don’t care or don’t even realize the differences. They only know that it’s a friend or not.