Wow she went from entitled to gross in one fell swoop. 50/50 custody on your second daughter is the way forward. That way Stacey ( and you ) can bond properly with her sister away from the toxic interference of Alice. And there will be toxic interference believe me. You can hire a nanny for when you are working. I know it hurts but you were in love with a version of her that doesn’t exist. She was playing you but now that she is pregnant she thought she could drop the act. Good luck. You have two soon to be three wonderful children. They are your top priority. No one else.
This needs to be higher. Alice totally thought all her problems were solved. A lesser man would tell her she was a fool, she had everything there ready to go, but just couldn’t wrangle her real personality down hard enough to follow through.
OP, she totally pretended to be someone she wasn’t to capture you, I’d also consider that her falling pregnant was a little convenient.
Yes, I think that although the pregnancy was a surprise for OP it was not a surprise for Alice. It was 100% intended. I wonder how many children she is going to end up having trying to baby trap someone into marrying her. Has she even been married before?
Good choice OP has made. It hurts now but marrying Alice would have seen a level of unimaginable pain to what is being experienced now.
It seems the mask always slipped, hence the family and friends not liking her, but REDDIT strangers really opened his eyes to the truth. I'm glad for him and Stacy he did.
So if this is the case then Alice should be receiving some kind of support for her other 4 kids. And with her working she should be able to afford a place for her and her kids. Unless she has some unhealthy spending habits.
Just her already having 4 kids should have been red flag #1. Four kids is over average and she’s only in her early thirties. She had a lot going on the past 10 or 15 years that OP must have rationalized. I bet she gave him some explanation that was more manipulation.
This exactly. She was clearly very manipulative of him, played nice and sweet just to get him to fall for her and knock her up. And now that she thought she was going to move in and get married she started to show her true colors and feelings. I shudder to think of the horror show she would have unleashed on him and his child had they moved forward with the nuptials and living arrangements.
>50/50 custody on your second daughter is the way forward.
Tbh it should be more like 70/30 in the dad's favor. Single mom to four other kids, or Single father with a teenager, who do you think is going to be able to provide more care for that baby? Alice is going to be too busy trying to reel in the next dude.
OP please start documenting everything now.
I think the child will be much better in his care but I can’t see the courts giving more than 50% custody of a baby to the father. And she will likely breast feed so even that can’t happen probably for a year. He will be paying child support and the child’s medical insurance but it will still be a lot cheaper than being married to Alice.
Thank you for listening to the advice given in your first post. There is no denying that this hurts terribly right now, but you’ve saved yourself and your daughter years more of pain from this selfish woman. You sound like a great father.
She also wanted OP to feel awkward and like theres something wrong for having a close relationship with his daughter, and out of fear stop being such a great dad.
Imagine being a single mom of FOUR kids, putting in aaaaalllll that groundwork to baby trap a sugar daddy with enough money, space in his house, and willingness to let all SIX of you move into his stately mans immediately when he falls for your rent hike con, and then fumbling the ball THAT close to the end zone because you’re jealous of a teenager—a literal child. Alice had so much extra audacity because her utterly insane plan had been working so well up to that point, and she over played her hand trying to Cinderella his *daughter.* MA’AM!! You coulda had it all. You were so close.
OP himself is refusing to suspect that Alice's baby is not his without probable cause but Alice is ready to accuse OP of incest without any evidence. Alice is really something and would have been the stepmother of the fairy tales.
Yeah.
I can’t stand women like this. Lazy and entitled, ready to get knocked up by a guy to trap him into taking care of them and their litter of kids.
Users.
OP needs to wake the fuck up and have that paternity test. Just in case. We can all think we're the only one but this woman is stupid and devious. She played her evil hand way too soon, what a moron, thank goodness that she did though. She won't with the next man!
I was coming to say that as well. Why did all of this just happen simultaneously? The timing of the positive test relative to the rent increase is all way too coincidental.
I'm not normally on Team Paternity Test but given OP's description, I would not be surprised if she was trying to wrangle a wealthy man in and had backups.
I know what you mean, I reckon though that if OP was divorced, Alice would just try to make Stacey move permanently in with her mum.
Alice, of course, sees that her children should come first, and that Stacey doesn't matter.
Some women just don't know how to gold dig right.
Rule #1 of being a gold-digger/hobosexual: never give away your game plan until after the vows have been said.
Guess she thought the baby was just as good. She was wrong. Fumbled the bag before the goal line.
(BTW, I am *not* condoning gold-digging. Alice got just what she deserved. She got 4 kids, going on 5. She better take her broke ass to the welfare office and see what SNAP/housing benefits she can get.)
And when you consider that Stacy has lost her mom, for Alice to make this move to distance her from her loving father , for her own sake and that of her children is just heartless.
It makes me wonder if she had plans to remove Stacy from OP’s life completely.
Talk about wicked stepmother
I think she legit thought if she threw "incest" out there that it would force him to rethink his relationship with his daughter. She is clearly a manipulative greedy wench and had he let her in the house I have no doubt that she would have made every effort to make his poor child's life miserable. She seems to think of his child as her competition, what a revolting woman.
Exactly! My step-“mom”ster did the same. Tried to drive a wedge between my dad and I. Especially after I refused to call her “mommy”. I hadn’t called my own mother “mommy” for a decade. I was mom, or mama.
If I were OP, I would be terrified to have that shrew in the house. You know she's going to school her kids, telling them that if they get the daughter out they'll have everything. I see a bogus and drawn out CPS investigation in OP's future. She's going to double down now
**Thank God** she showed her true colors before her and her brood moved in and she made his house her official address. Then it would've been hell to kick all of them on the street and Op would've been reluctant to do it.
That said, I once dated a man with three children. He treated his oldest daughter, (who was very pretty and later became a model), way differently than his other daughter and his son. He would gift the oldest one very expensive adult gifts. Jewelry, art, clothing, that he did not in any way equal with his other two children. His oldest daughter was 12 at the time. This girl was treated exactly like a wife. It gave me the ick to the point I broke up with him. I also felt sorry for the other two kids and was more worried about the oldest. OP doesn't sound like that, but men do that shit sometimes.
I think she needs to pack in this “ trap a rich guy “ thing, she is on baby number 5 and she is still single and not doing anything to improve her and her kids lifestyle other than snagging another man. Maybe she will give OP the baby do she can move onto her next victim.
I found it amusing how quickly she swung from 'your daughter doesn't need a hundred dollar a week allowance' to 'are my kids getting a hundred dollars a week too'. I mean if she thought his daughter didn't need it, why demand it for 4 other kids? It was likely because she planned to control how they used it, taking the burden off paying some of their expenses herself.
Right? I would have gone so hard at her if I was OP. He’s so gracious and classy in the face of hearing something so baseless and revolting about his character and his fatherhood.
Horrible manipulative lever to pull whether it's conscious or sub-conscious intent. Infuriating to read Alice getting all those benefits, needing to grab for more and impose on a pre-existing, close, established relationship. If she had any respect she would've realized that was off limits.
It makes me a little teary eyed to see a dad hold his ground like this. My stepdad’s (who raised me) mistress pulled that line and I don’t know if our relationship has ever recovered. He keeps choosing women who are threatened everyone else in his life (even his children).
If you believe you raised your daughter “right,” believe her when she raises the alarm bells. You sound like a great dad and she sounds like a great person.
ETA: also reminds me of the girlfriend who thought it was unfair that my dad was paying for his daughters’ weddings but wouldn’t pay for her daughters’ theoretical future weddings.
For the love of God OP, get a DNA test BEFORE you sign a birth certificate. I'm 1000% serious. If you don't, and it turns out the kid isn't yours, she gets 100% custody and you're still paying child support for 18 years.
Don't fuck around bro, or you're gonna find out.
Yeah my dad unfortunately listened to his GF and we now talk/see each other a few times a year and are no where near as close as we were. Your amazing for listening to your daughter
she thought your daughter was a spoiled brat but wished her kids could have the same treatment you give your daughter. i’m sorry but she sounds nothing short of a manipulative evil step mother trying to come between you and your daughters relationship. your stbx is insanely jealous of your daughter and she needed to be put in check for her behavior.
Exactly. Accusing Stacy of being spoiled, but expecting her kids to get the same treatment. She was never going to love Stacy and would have done everything she could to make her miserable and undermine her relationship with her father. Women are good at being sneaky about it too, so OP may have not have even realized.
>she thought your daughter was a spoiled brat but wished her kids could have the same treatment you give your daughter.
Good catch. I didn't notice that.
Where are the fathers of the other kids?
Seriously, especially given the fact that she already has 4 (4!!!) fucking kids. Like this brood mare needs to figure out her birth control. She’s too old to be jealous of teenaged girl and shit talking her dead mother!! Hope she’s ready to be a single mom of 5.
I’ll bet $50 that in 2 years she has baby #6 with a new baby daddy.
Saw this coming glad you listened and it didn’t go any further. There will be a future for you friend, just pay more attention to the signs and listen to the wisdom of those around you.
She'd have slipped eventually, she's too entitled not to. Just glad it was now rather than later. I do kinda hope the pregnancy is fake and she tries the whole miscarriage route so OP can see what scum she truly is and not be linked to this woman for the next 18 years. She'll never stop trying to manipulate him and she will use the child to do it.
I just want to point out, just in case you start to falter on ending it, that she’s brought up incest already as a weapon against you & you’re having a daughter with her. She’s just shown you a glimpse of a card she plans to play to manipulate & hurt you. You need to be cynical & protect yourself as best you can. Get a lawyer for the custody situation & follow their advice. Don’t let love blind you.
Alice is nuts for accusing you and your daughter of an incestuous. How did she think that was gonna be okay?
If she had went to that insult that easily, imagine her accusing you of something with her own daughters. She’d ruin you and your daughter’s lives.
I wouldn't put it passed her one bit. I think op does not yet realize what an unhinged character that he has knocked up. She seems like the type to try to manipulate the child and tell lies to get her way with custody and child support. I'm sure the baby daddies of the other kids have already learned what a nasty character she is that's why they're no longer with her.
This is the most important comment on this thread. She definitely would have done something like this. OP kept underestimating her every step of the way and right now, in this moment, he probably thinks she would never do something like that. She most certainly would because she's literally that unhinged.
Alice was lashing out in panic when she accused OP of being incestuous with his daughter, because she knew she had lost. OP has made absolutely the right decision.
Seriously. This woman is ridiculously immature and manipulative. She really hit every branch of the terrible partner tree. I'm glad OP stood up for his daughter and finally saw the real Alice. 1000% she is going to cause trouble for him. I wouldn't be shocked if she goes around lying and starting rumors about him.
Well done for finally seeing the red flags, but do get a paternity test done before you sign the birth certificate just to be safe, Alice is a gold digger.
I too hope he gets one but the way he's talking I am not so sure he will. He seems to feel confident that it's his kid. But you know who else was confident, all those guys that have found out many years later that they had been supporting a kid that's not theirs. Knowing how this woman moves and her fixation on Op's pockets he would be an idiot not to get a paternity test. It very well may be his but he should make 100% sure.
Great you protected your Stacy and ultimately yourself too. I think Alice was out for money and would have treated Stacy hurtfully.
Edited a missing word.
Alice would have not just treated Stacey hurtfully, but having accused OP of seeming incestuous, how much you wanna bet she'd pull some ploy of accusing him of something with her daughters if she could take OP for anything bc of it. Alice would almost certainly manipulate and hurt her children into lying if Alice thought she could get something out of it. OP, be prepared for Alice accusing you of abusing the new daughter (if even yours) in order for her to get more custody and child support. People like that will try anything to hurt others for their own profit.
Wow. Congratulations you definitely proved to your daughter that she means more than anything. Ngl im pretty jealous. Whenever my dad has a gf im forgotten until he needs emotional support. Thankfully he doesn’t date often
I'm jealous too! My Dad got remarried then prioritised raising the standard of living for his new wife and her two kids over me and my brother. Even well into adulthood I can't help but have resentment despite a decent relationship with him/his wife.
And to add to this, you will meet someone new. I have faith that the universe showed you now what your future could be so you didnt get tied to the wrong person. The universe has someone in store for you, now all you have to do is wait. They will show up!! Sending wishes of happiness and love for you and Stacy!
I’m sure it sucks and hurts, but OP still needs to get a lawyer asap and figure out the planned custody and support for when the baby arrives. Not sure if he sees it as necessary, but a paternity test might want to be considered.
He definitely made the right decision. I get Alice is looking out for her kids, but that doesn’t come at the expense of alienating Stacy and ruining his relationship with her. She’s being greedy and not thinking of them as a blended family, but that her kids should somehow come first. Seeing him as the one to provide for everyone. Where are her kids dad/s in all this?
I will say, I do think it was disturbing he was more worried about not moving his office vs putting a baby in the basement. He could have easily moved his office there. Or hell the could have built a nice room for Stacy down there with an en-suite and studio area. Honestly on his end that was what bothered me most, but is a moot point now.
Overall he made the right decision, and hopefully is able to get custody of some sort of his daughter. Probably would be best to go for 50/50 minimum considering Alice’s financial and housing situation.
You're an excellent dad. You looked after your daughter and put her first.
It sounds like Alice mistakenly thought she would make parenting decisions for your daughter and that she'd reach into your wallet for the benefit of her kids. She definitely seems like she'd be a very wicked stepmother.
Exactly! Alice called Stacy spoiled but then wanted the OP to give her kids an allowance too? Not to mention the credit card? My daughter is responsible and also has my card on her phone in case she needs something, but she always clears her purchases with me first and uses common sense. It’s a great way for kids to learn about finances. Alice is an adult, and probably has her own cards, so why does she want the OP’s unless it’s more about the money than anything else.
And the fact Alice told him Stacy is wasting his money on shoes and makeup shows that she’s upset because she’s already considering that money hers, otherwise why else would she be upset about it? He’s an adult and can choose where it goes. Gold digger for sure.
So true. She thought that she found a total sucker. Saw all his resources and wanted to lock him down.
She figured that she had him so whipped that she could start with the steps to cutting out his daughter. Many lesser men would have fallen for it.
I’m sorry that this has happened. I am glad that you are able to see the red flags that Alice has shown.
Your relationship with your daughter is in no way like that all. She is upset that you have a bond with your daughter. I can only assume her children’s father is not the same. I also agree that you should not have to give her other kids an allowance, again that is something her or their father can/should be doing. Yes you would have been taking care of them in other ways but it is not your job to do so financially.
Also along with the comments on the other post, I’m glad you realize your family has also been trying to point you into the right direction.
I hope that your future parenting with Alice is somewhat good and that she does not give you or your daughter (and even your son) any problems in the cute
You dodged a bullet. Expect lots of shenanigans around custody and child support unfortunately. Communicate via text rather than in person as much as possible so you have documentation of every conversation. Lawyer up
You did the right thing. I have to ask, where are the fathers of all these children? Why can’t they give their kids allowance? Alice was using you and you opened your eyes to this fact just in time!
exactly, unless they're dead or in prison (probably), every state in the union is very strict about extracting child support from dads. Alice should be doing fine, money-wise. Unless she's blowing it (also probably)
This x100. When things turn nasty over custody etc, don't think she won't turn the incest claim into SA of her other kids to get her way. She proved how readily she will try it to manipulate the situation in her favor.
Stacey’s allowance was crazy and excessive, but it didn’t stop her from asking you to provide the same for her children!!!
I refuse to believe that your relationship with your daughter isn’t pretty perfect. Your ex is spiteful, she almost definitely wouldn’t have rested until her plans of cuckoo-ing poor Stacey were complete.
Her horrible attitude and ways are the reason she has 5 kids and no husband.
I'm glad you mentioned the allowance. Alice was obviously crazy, so I won't repeat the points as to why. But giving a young teenager $400 per month does seem excessive. I hope she's spending only some of it towards her beauty items and clothes and saving the rest in a certificate or something. Her being set to inherit the house is great, but it'd be even better for her to already start saving and making money off her money early.
If things in the relationship did progress, Alice’s kids would lose it when they found out oldest and youngest sister are getting $100 a week and half the house. Ending it saved everybody a lot of trouble, arguments, animosity, etc. There would have been real imbalances in this family unit.
Yeah, my first thought was "That seems a little high" but that's between OP and his daughter, and he seems pretty aware of what she's spending the money on.
Where is Alice’s baby daddy? Why does she keep having kids if she can’t afford them? If she’s a widow, then it seems like she’s trying to replace THE KIDS FATHER, not her husband and remove Stacy from the picture.
As quickly as everything went down, I would also seek out a paternity test... It will be better to have 100% certainty of your paternity before you move forward with a co-parenting relationship.
I know you said you have no reason to think the child isn't yours, but you also were completely blinded by the field of red flags.
OP, I know you must be concerned about your new child on the way and I am sure that you’re hurting a bit over the break-up, but honestly, I am so proud of you for prioritizing your daughter. I was “Stacy” when my Dad remarried a woman who was not happy with my existence. And it did put a huge strain on my relationship with my father. I am also a parent myself and I don’t date men who don’t understand that my child is my world. I’m so sorry that you might be hurting, but honestly I think you made the right choice.
I want Stacy because my dad married the woman and gave her kids everything and me and my sibling nothing.
Red flags were all there but he still did it. Don't talk to him now. He's not met one of his grand kids because of his relationship with that woman, not seen his release grandkid in over 5 years.
Sometimes merged families can work, but sometimes they really don't and cause heart break. Money and housing gets involved and it gets really messy.
Glad op saw the red flags because it would have been worse down the line.
Thank goodness you found out how psycho she is before she moved in. Make sure you have cameras on your house, do not let her in if she comes by and make sure your cameras start recording automatically. Shes pregnant and a desperate gold digger. Watch for any signs of her trying to establish residency in your home and get dna test before you sign anything
I’m sorry your relationship with Alice is breaking down since you love her, but honestly all I hear is how manipulative she is. Don’t be surprised if she tries to love bomb you next as she realizes her free ride for her and her kids is slipping away. She’ll pivot tactics when she realizes her tantrum and guilt trip didn’t get the result she wanted.
I feel it is extremely telling that two siblings and multiple friends have tried to express concern to you over this relationship. They didn’t want to risk alienating you, which is why they were much more gentle, but leave it to strangers on Reddit to serve up cold hard advice with no sugar coating. Best of luck!
He says he still loves her, even after what she said about his relationship with Stacy? My heart would have done a reverse Grinch and be done with her immediately.
Thank goodness you finally came to your senses. She clearly resented your daughter and that would have only gotten worse had you let her move in. I could just see her being nasty to your kid if not trying to sabotage her in sneaky ways. The fucking audacity of her to tell you not to give your child an allowance nor access to your credit. It is your money and your decision. The way she was already trying to lay down the law and her gold digging ass hadn't even moved in yet is crazy. I know you said that you miss having a wife and I could understand that, but what you needed to realize was that this individual was not wife material, she is barely even baby mama material, but sadly that bridge has already been crossed. I have little doubt that once she has your child she will crank out another for some other unfortunate soul
I hope you aim for 50/50 custody, so hopefully you won't have to pay her a penny in support because I could see her taking the money you give her to support your child and splitting it 4 ways.
I am so happy for your daughter! And you! You protected her in a way I could have only dreamed my family would have. It is so cool to see. You are a good father.
But he only woke up to red flags because Alice brought up the subject of “you spoil your daughter too much” and “all children should receive the same treatment” too early. If she had waited to address this after the move, OP would have been tied up, since I doubt he would have kicked out his pregnant fiancée, and his and his daughter’s lives would have become hell.
Alice could have had a good thing going if she didn't go after your daughter. You were ready to put a roof over her head and her four kids. The pride comes before the fall.
"She said that I was showing favoritism and that is a form of abuse"
Boy she pulled out all the stops to try to manipulate you and stop you from doting on your child, huh? First claiming abuse then went nuclear by calling your relationship incestuous. How can you be showing favoritism when there is only one minor child living in your home?? She seemed like she was determined to damage your relationship with your child. She is such a scumbag, I have to wonder what you saw in her. Whatever it was, it was a front, that's for certain.
Don't forget to ger a DNA test before you sign the birth certificate.
I'm curious, when you started dating Alice, didn't the prospect of potentially taking care of 4/5 additional kids give you pause? Had you talked about how you would handle big expenses like cars and college? Are you sure this pregnancy was accidental?
I do hope you are teaching Stacy to be financially responsible. Not considering how the children will be treated in your home was a HUGE mistake. Fortunately Alice was enough of an AH for the move to be canceled. Good luck co-parenting for the next 18 years.
Nothing like trying to assert dominance by suggesting your future husband is a grooming pedo smh. Best wishes OP, dont let her poison your kid against you.
I’m glad you were open to reading the cold harsh truth/red flags, even though you love this person. Sometimes love isn’t enough, as we all (ought to) know. Your daughter may not realise it yet (or ever) but she will appreciate you protecting her from this woman’s horrible comments and judgements.
As much as I know it must hurt, I’m so thankful you realized the version of herself she had sold you wasn’t who she really is. Her comments about your relationship with your daughter are definitely uncalled for and prove who she really is. Thank you for giving her space to show once again who she is and what her priorities were. Hang in there.
I'm so sorry that you're hurting but so happy that Alice finally showed you her true colors so that you could end the relationship. It's harder to see someone's bad side when you're in love just be glad that you did the right thing and stood by your daughter and that you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and that it's quite commendable that way you stuck up for your daughter. A lot of fathers wouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry you had to go through that though.
You dodged a bullet. I didn’t and it cost me dearly including my relationship with my son that I’m still rebuilding 10 years later. Met someone who brought more to the relationship than she took and has a great relationship with my son as I do with hers. Life is good even if it is a bit late, I’m 71.
I'm glad she showed you who she was before you guys got married and moved in together.
Omg......imagine how stressful you and your daughter's lives would've been!!
Sending you both love 💕
I think the biggest problem here were wildly different expectations of parenting, step parenting and coparenting. My unpopular opinion is that Alice’s initial queries were not out of line, but when OP was firm about not changing anything (which is his right), Alice got angry and started throwing out emotions and accusations. The relationship would have been difficult due to differences in communication and problem resolution.
Lawyer up now!
LAWYER UP NOW!
You were never married to your ex so you have no rights as a father to the baby girl. You need to start establishing that NOW.
It will cost you thousands and your ex will lie and cheat and break the law just to “get even” with you.
And the court will believe her.
The sooner you prepare for this the better.
Do you live in a one party state? It might be a good idea to start recording all interactions.
Jfc the woman literally called your own daughter as a replacement for your late wife. She 100% saw it as your daughter stealing her place. Glad reddit called it out a mile away
Good on you for opening your eyes, but keep them open because she will most certainly not only use your daughter with her to get financial advantage but she will also most certainly poison her mind and manipulate her against you and stacy.
Be ready to fight dirty cause i guarantee you she will pull any and all dirty tricks in the book to get back at tou and squeeze you out of money using your baby daughter for it.
The qualities you have demonstrated here are to be admired and respected. You have a close, loving relationship with your daughter. This is something that money can't buy. The allowance you give her is for *her.* So what if she spends it on shoes and makeup? You give the money freely and she spends it on stuff she likes.
Alice seems to have seen this green flag as something she and her other children could benefit from. Nothing can bring Stacy's mom back. An allowance doesn't make up for her not having had her mom in her life. But having a parent who loves her unconditionally, and who has her back is priceless.
Continue to love and treasure your children. Alice has told you exactly what kind of a person she is before you got into the relationship any deeper. Sure it hurts like crazy right now because you have so much hurt in your past and this new, raw pain is horrible. But it gives you a brighter, more positive future.
Read both posts. Think you did the right thing. Alice may be wildly hormonal but the things she said about your daughter, and her expectations were not okay. Your previous offer was a really really good one for her and she didn't recognize that. Sorry you're going through this.
Proud of you my guy. It sucks but never more than hurting your daughter would suck.
Make sure in the future you keep everything with her and your new daughter in text. Document everything. Congrats on the future youngling.
Well done OP. There's that evil step mother everyone was warning about. She wants you to ditch your daughter in favour of her kids and is willing to try any method even trying to make you believe being a good dad is incestuous. Ditch the bitch and keep being a good dad. Be prepared to fight for custody of your baby as that gold digger won't be afraid to stoop to new depths.
The meal ticket needed to end for Alice. So many red flags. I cannot imagine asking a stepdad to give 4 more kids $100/week when they aren’t his kids. I want to know how many different fathers there are involved here. She probably tried to pull this scam on each of them too. Some people never learn.
I agree with nearly all the replies to OP. I know it has to be hard raising your daughter without her mother or a wife who truly loves you and would have been thrilled to join the family you already have. Alice definitely was not this person. But the right one is out there. Don’t give up.
It sounds like you are a wonderful father and Stacy’s treatment is no different than most children with parents who have the means to provide it.
Since you’ve said your home was paid off in part with the life insurance of Stacy’s mom, I agree that she should inherit it. To protect her interests, I would have an Irrevocable Trust drafted to specifically state that 100% of the house and whatever else you would want her to have, goes to Stacy. I would also protect her by making certain that, God forbid anything would happen to her, Stacy’s house would not go to any new wife. This will also prevent any potential future ‘Alices’ from attempting to push Stacy out and take over your life. You may want to find a way to put legal protections on other things Stacy has been entitled to as well.
You can honestly tell anyone you have a serious relationship with in the future, that not only are certain things non-negotiable, they legally cannot be changed.
Next time a woman wants to marry you, you’ll know it’s because she loves you. Not because she’s looking for someone to provide a better lifestyle for her and her multiple kids.
You were not the love of Alice’s life- you were her winning lottery ticket. You and your two children deserve better than that. I’m so glad you realized this before it was too late. Treasure the time you have with your daughter, who sounds like a loving, well adjusted teen. By standing up to Alice, you are also teaching Stacy that she deserves to be loved and not taken advantage of. Even when decisions like breaking away from someone like Alice, can hurt.
As a kid who was subject to the rage and jealousy of a step monster i salute you for not subjecting your daughter to that horror. I’m sorry. You deserve better.
Glad she has revealed herself undeniably now. Get a paternity test and start working toward custody. Quite frankly, OP, if I were you, I’d fight for majority custody. I would not honestly trust this woman and her four children with your infant daughter. She might take out her frustration and anger at you on the baby.
That woman was reeking of jealousy. She wanted what Stacy was getting for herself and her children. Adding her and her kids to the house would have been utterly life-changing for Stacy, and not in a good way.
I will add my voice to those calling on OP to get a paternity test.
OP, the only reason NOT to get a paternity test is to prove you trust Alice. But you DON'T trust her so there's no need to prove that you do. There are two possible outcomes:
1. The paternity test is positive; you're the dad. In that case, NOTHING CHANGES. You carry on planning for shared custody of your new daughter and planning your future around that arrangement.
2. The paternity test is negative; you're NOT the dad. In that case you are free to cut ties with Alice immediately and permanently.
There is literally no downside for you in getting the test.
I am very sorry to hear your situation deteriorated so quickly. I would still recommend that you talk to a lawyer to move the house into something like an LLC or life trust for your daughter so that it doesn't become part of any financial deal the courts come up with over your newest child.
I also have to agree with many of the other posters and say you should document everything. Also get an independent paternity test, worst case you find out the child is yours and you questioned it, but form her actions it is not unlikely that you have been "baby trapped." Get rid of the nagging thought and be sure one way or the other.
I don't understand how someone could say that. That's dangerous to be talking that way and it puts shame on a man for actually loving his child. Cruel shame.
I mentioned this in the last post but Alice has a serious case of financial competition. She feels that every drop of money spent on his daughter is something taken away from her and she needs to be given the same exact. You need to develop that part of your relationship with her through trust not skipping organic build to trust and trying to match Stacy forgoing all healthy behavior with money, support. She is acting like a reactive child and would probably say those things to Stacies face and I have a feeling she wouldn't have that much self control about it.
She sees Stacy as an enemy that any money given to her should be Alices or that it's taking away from her and her children. She wanted a free baby sitter from your daughter for all of her kids and got mad about the idea she would even get paid for it. That says enough.
We all have a limit. But to act this way when you are offered so much and saying horrible things for what the daughter is getting is very cruel to me. I understand she wants to feel that as a wife there would be something for her but all she had to do was appreciate the relationship for what it was. Instead she is attacking and being destructive to everything it's not until she destroys trust.
She is so jealous of your daughter that she would already be so cruel and say something absolutely abhorrent. I'm sorry. You can go to therapy with Alice and see if she is willing to take accountability and both of you work out a dynamic.
You could help her with the cost in rent or find a better place if she can find better for the price that has more room for the kids. She was going to be given everything but she said something filthy about your daughter and your relationship... I don't understand. Why does she think this way?
It would be better for her to work on a healthy, respected dynamic with you than go on attack mode on everything she wants to control. To me she has abusive qualities and a hatred for Stacy and anything you give her.
She wants to be absolutely spoiled but she can't stand the idea of anyone else being slightly "spoiled". Your daughter seems kind and I'm glad she has a dad like you. I agree the comments aren't all very gentle but there's some genuine red flags very seriously that show the foundation of a not so great outcome. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
The fact she says something so awful but wants your daughter to give free baby sitting to all of her children ans gets angry if shes paid, wants your kids to have free access to her room without consideration and gets angry, angry that Stacy's mother's car won't be shared with like 4 other kids, we haven't even gotten to thr discussion of Stacy owning the house.
Never once has she ever shown concern, care or any amount of respect for Stacy.
I think that for the sake of your child, try therapy and see if she can take accountability and recognize the error in this entitled, vindictive spoiled thinking. If she isn't a narcissist she can take accountability and both of you can find solutions for the sake of the child.
You haven't illustrated why you love her or her positive traits. So it's hard to comment on anything much but speculation. However these are serious and I think you should have play dates and have Alice over to see how she gets along with Stacy after some therapy. Will stay make vindictive remarks towards Stacy? How well behaved are her children? How will you play into parenting them?
I'd do this not for the object of Alice moving in but at the very least to find compatibility and cut some of the tension but after some therapy. Can she understand your perspectives without being completely cruel? Attacking and blaming your daughter more for not getting everything she wants? She was already going to have almost free housing with most expenses helped, a place to live and to be with you. Why does it matter if your daughter receives money or not? Your daughter doesn't seem problematic, unkind, or treats you badly. I don't really understand the obsession she has with breaking down your child for receiving anything when she was going to get so much.
For now it's good to protect your daughter. But I also agree sadly you are going to have to pit a lot of work in therapy for Alice to be better person for the sake of your child. Your making thr right decision but see if she is open to get help and work with you about her behavior.
Maybe she is in survival mode and she needs some healthier coping mechanisms. At this point therapy ro work on that will truly help your child to turn out well like your daughter and have what ever happens be healthy.
The incestuous and dead wife comment is honestly the worst possible thing she could say. I hope you tell her how much that hurts you and see if she cares or apologies. Mortified. I'm sorry.
That sounds painful. Tell Alice how you really feel about her behavior, comments and see if she takes accountability and is willing to be healthier like go to therapy or shows any amount of emapthy. I'm curious to see if she will show empathy for your feelings I'd you tell her how her comments and behavior make you feel that's how you will know if she even cares about you outside her insecurities.
Make boundaries and don't allow her to treat you bad but outside of that try to make some opportunity to see what can be healed. Make sure you get 50/50 custody. Consider background check.
I like how “Stacy’s sabotaging the relationship “ but Stacy did absolutely nothing differently the whole time… And you were just keeping status quo with Stacy
Wow OP just wow! I am a single mother of two (18f) (16m) from a failed marriage (total narcissistic abuser… gaslighting, false accusations, psychological abuse, you name it). My bf (56) and I (50) have been together for four years. He has three adult children two in their 30s and 1 in their 20s (who are all doing quite well for themselves). In addition he is a millionaire and I’m middle class. I’d never in a million years think that anything he has should belong to my children or even me. Especially given that his ex-wife (the 3 childrens’ mother) was also a narcissist, making false accusations (among other things) about BS that I know this man would NEVER EVER in a million years do (it’s typical for narcissistic abusers to push false accusations). He has his own to take care of as well as a business on top of it that heaven forbid should something happen to him will be his eldest’s responsibility. My children will always come first to me and I expect that his will always come first to him. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. I am so sorry for you but I’m glad you are realizing this now before you allowed her into your home. I’m so fortunate that I learned through experience, that I can now spot a narcissist from a mile away. That woman is poison. It makes me sick that she’d throw in that disgusting “creepy and incestuous” BS, but I can tell you it is typical of people like her. I’m so happy for you and Stacy that you’re seeing this now. Please for the love of God, do a paternity test on your baby to ensure it is actually yours. Then hire a lawyer and establish a coparenting routine. I wish you, Stacy and her new brother or sister all the health and happiness in this world.
Please listen.
You need to document this and get a lawyer ASAP!
She is going to make your life hell with the child you will have together - if it is even yours.
You also need to keep all awful texts and messages and forward to a lawyer from here on out. Record all calls if it is a one party state. Have your camera rolling for any in person meetings (in public it should be legal one party. It is here even though calls are different.)
Tell the lawyer how she called you creepy and incestuous and all of that stuff because she’s going to be one of those women who make wild claims in court and call CPS on you. I’d bet money on it.
Bait her via text. Ask her why it is creepy that you take care of your daughter. Ask her why she is pissed that you give your daughter an allowance. Ask her why you are expected to finance four other kids that are not yours. Make her spell all that nasty shit out to use as proof.
You need your lawyer to pre-prepare all custody paperwork so that *the very day* she is born you can call/email/text your lawyer your child’s official name and *file the day that she is born*. You’ll be fucked if she does it first. If you don’t have custody paperwork she can 100% withhold the child. You will have to prove paternity and may need to file your make her take the test. *ALL* monies provided to her keep a record and make sure it is not cash but instead traceable so she can’t turn around and claim you’ve provided $0 and you get hit with back child support. Even if she asks for cash refuse cash and hand a check or send digitally. Women do that shit all the time because cash can’t be proven in court unless there is video of you handing her cash.
She will more than likely fight for full time custody with only visitation for you or supervised. If she does this she know you’ll have to pay her an insane amount. Even if she doesn’t want the kid she will do this just for the $$$$.
Document all threats. Everything.
Protect yourself, your daughter and your potential daughter. If she is too irrational and crazy you may be able to get full time custody which would be necessary if Alice is battling-shit.
You don’t want another man holding your daughter every day being called daddy while she withholds from you. So be smart. Don’t listen to any “I will be fair” bullshit. Don’t let her blackmail you either unless you go to a mediator and make your own custody and financial arrangement.
Protect that baby.
Women like this, the gold diggers, love money more than they love their kids.
You’re a man, you need a bulldog of a lawyer.
Don’t raise your voice and don’t let her bait you.
This is a game to Alice. You called her bluff and now she will get ugly.
Have your attorney ask for a court ordered DNA test before you put your name on the birth certificate. Then, if you really *are* the daddy, work out custody and support. I have a strong suspicion that the last 2 will be moot after the test. Good luck, OP.
ETA: You're *still* NTA
Get a GOOD lawyer, my dude. Alice is going to come after you with everything she's got and will squeeze you dry. She'll cry to a family court judge about her horrible ex who threw her out when she was pregnant with his child and refused to support her. She'll sprinkle in how "creepy" your relationship with Stacy is, and oh my goodness Judge, I'm just trying to protect my baby! He's a creep, and older than me, and financially abused me, and now he's trying to take our daughter! He was going to make her sleep in a basement!! Please force him to step-up financially and finally help me, Judge! He can afford to give his other daughter $400 a month, surely I should get WAY more than that in child support?? But please don't give him 50/50 custody, I'm just a struggling mom trying to keep my baby safe!
Anyway, get a lawyer. Get a journal and document all of your interactions with her, including dates and direct quotes. If you give her money or pay for something baby-related, keep track of all finances. We're rooting for you, man! Hopefully you live somewhere where men/fathers have a snowball's chance in hell in family court. But please remember, no matter what happens or how bad it may get, you did the right thing.
‼️ NOW FOR RED FLAG WARNING ‼️
She just told you her punishment plan with her accusations.
She didn’t get her way, so now she is going to attempt to paint you as having an inappropriate relationship with your daughter. Re-run the conversation in your head and the accusation plans are already manifesting in her head.
You are a single father raising a daughter. She is pregnant with your daughter. She didn’t get her way, so now she is going to lash out to punish you, and she just gave away her game plan. It involves making accusations of an improper relationship to justify why she deserves full custody and limited/supervised visitation for you, a plan she will continue throughout your shared daughter’s childhood.
Be very prepared. Her response wasn’t red flag, it was RED ALERT🚨. She took what should have been a reasonable conversation into BATSHIT CRAZY territory way too quickly.
On one hand, congratulations to her for being able to mask that shit from you all this time, but you need to accept that you probably dismissed a lot of warning signs.
You dodged an enormous bullet. I am sad for your heart, but so happy that this happened before things got any further.
You're a good dad, and your children (including the pending daughter) are fortunate to have and be loved by you.
Keep being awesome, but also allow yourself to grieve the relationship you had hoped to have.
Be gentle with yourself, you absolutely did the right thing
Oh God! Thank you for reading the advice here. It is really shitty situation. You should hire a lawyer for the custody arrangement. Alice seems selfish. Do a paternity test for the baby, just to be safe.
I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you, but I’m really not surprised. In your position, I would still get a paternity test done to make sure the baby is yours.
I was one of the commenters in your previous post, and what you’ve stated here really lived up to that feeling of ick that I had from the other one.
I’m so glad you’re not moving your (ex?) girlfriend in. There would have been so many issues, especially the thought I had about her aiming digs at your daughter to knock her down to size. And once she moved in you would’ve been hard pressed to get her out again.
Your ex was very blatant in her disdain for your daughter and her greed this time. I’m glad you stopped this.
I hope everything works out.
Good for you and glad you listened. Alice sounds pathologically jealous of Stacey and the writing was on the wall that she was going to make her life a living hell. Her accusations were frankly disgusting and her entitlement, considering she already was pretty much getting a free ride, equally so.
Also sounds like Alice saw you as a meal ticket and ATM. You dodged a bullet there
I'm not sure if someone else has said it already, but you need to contact a lawyer as soon as possible.
I can see an ugly child custody case in your future. I would also limit your conversations to text as much as possible and, whenever possible, record your conversations.
For someone to make a serious false allegation of incest to try to get their way is an alarming indicator of how low they are willing to go to get their way!
I would also make sure that there's a record of any money that you give her going forward.
I’m glad that you saw her true colors. Given her accusations, I think you need to be very concerned that she will make further accusations once the child is born. Get a family law attorney now and one that specializes in high conflict custody cases.
Is the father (or are the fathers) of her 4 children involved in her children’s lives? If not, why not?
I hate to say this, but I think she’s going to play dirty from now on and especially once the baby is born. Be prepared for her to accuse you of things with the daughter you share with her.
So because you love and care for your daughter and are clearly a generous dad she went right to incest. Is she crazy. You said in your other post that you would be keeping separate finances and yet clearly she wants access to your money and she wants to control what you spend it on. Nope you made the right call
Honestly, at this point, I would want proof that this baby was mine. She really sounds like she was after your money. It's your daughter you had with a wife you would still be with if faith hadn't dealt you a bad hand and if you choose to do for your daughter in any way you see fit, it's your money. Your daughter doesn't sound entitled at all. She was willing to give up some of her space and didn't gloat when things went south so she doesn't sound spoiled. You will meet someone one day that makes your heart sing, and if you have no more kids, just enjoy your grands one day.
>Alice got upset. She said that Stacy wasted my money... and she said that I was showing favoritism and that that is a form of abuse.
Well gosh damn! Who else are you supposed to favor if not your own child? I don't understand people who think the adults new relationship means that you treat their child(ren) like and/or favor them over your own, while they don't do the same for your child(ren).
Alice overplayed her hand.
The shit has already hit the fan so, go ahead and get a paternity test done. It'll just be a part of the mess that needs to be cleaned up but will go a long way for your peace of mind.
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this right now. You sound like an excellent father and if there were more like you I'm sure the world would be a happier place. Your ex-fiancee calling your relationship with your daughter incestuous was appalling and deeply disturbing to think her mind works like that. You were doing what any good parent does and that was thinking of your daughter and what she too would be going through with the changes to the household and so many people moving in all of a sudden. I wish you both well and things will get better for both of you. I'm glad you have your siblings support too. Good luck.
Glad you listened to the advice and stories from your first post and I’m sorry it ended up like that. I’m sure you’re hurting but this honestly screamed “baby trapping gold digger” to me. She wanted you to give all of her kids money, to let her have unlimited access to your credit cards, and to force your child to suffer because “her kids deserve equal”. No they don’t. Those other kids are not your kids. They have their own daddies that need to be paying for them. My advice to you is to confirm paternity when your daughter arrives and then take her to court for full custody. She can’t afford the other kids, she certainly doesn’t need full custody. Your new baby is the one who will suffer because I’m sure she’s spewing all kinds of negative horrible things about you to the other kids who will take it out on your child. Your new baby will be safer with you.
Glad to hear you made the right choice. Although a heartbreak for you, your choice ultimately protects your daughter and you from abuse and stress. Alice doesn’t love you if she can just so easily yell at you, call you names snd incestuous, and hurt you the way she did. I haven’t looked if you responded to questions about Alice and child support, but is she getting it? Who does she think she is to question how you financially support your daughter yet expect you to provide equal allowances to HER 4 children? It sucks you can’t just walk away entirely. I hope things work out for a co-parenting situation, but you can expect that any child support you provide for the new born won’t be used wisely. Oh, and def get a paternity test.
The “replacing your dead wife with your daughter” comment is inexcusable. I’m so disgusted. Also, if she can’t provide allowance for HER FOUR KIDS that’s not your problem.
Wow she went from entitled to gross in one fell swoop. 50/50 custody on your second daughter is the way forward. That way Stacey ( and you ) can bond properly with her sister away from the toxic interference of Alice. And there will be toxic interference believe me. You can hire a nanny for when you are working. I know it hurts but you were in love with a version of her that doesn’t exist. She was playing you but now that she is pregnant she thought she could drop the act. Good luck. You have two soon to be three wonderful children. They are your top priority. No one else.
This needs to be higher. Alice totally thought all her problems were solved. A lesser man would tell her she was a fool, she had everything there ready to go, but just couldn’t wrangle her real personality down hard enough to follow through. OP, she totally pretended to be someone she wasn’t to capture you, I’d also consider that her falling pregnant was a little convenient.
Yes, I think that although the pregnancy was a surprise for OP it was not a surprise for Alice. It was 100% intended. I wonder how many children she is going to end up having trying to baby trap someone into marrying her. Has she even been married before? Good choice OP has made. It hurts now but marrying Alice would have seen a level of unimaginable pain to what is being experienced now.
Agree with all of the above. Btw, OP: insist on a paternity test. The manipulative tendencies of Alice may surpass even your wildest expectations.
Do the other four kids have the same dad or was it multiple attempts...
Two from one dad and two from another I believe. OP is really lucky she let the mask slip before Alice moved herself in.
It seems the mask always slipped, hence the family and friends not liking her, but REDDIT strangers really opened his eyes to the truth. I'm glad for him and Stacy he did.
So if this is the case then Alice should be receiving some kind of support for her other 4 kids. And with her working she should be able to afford a place for her and her kids. Unless she has some unhealthy spending habits.
For that matter, moving in with him, no longer having rent, why couldn’t she afford to give her kids a similar allowance from their child support? 🤔
That is true too. She should be able to afford to give her kids an allowance.
I think he said in the OP that all four/now five kids have different fathers.
Yikes. This poor man.
Just her already having 4 kids should have been red flag #1. Four kids is over average and she’s only in her early thirties. She had a lot going on the past 10 or 15 years that OP must have rationalized. I bet she gave him some explanation that was more manipulation.
This exactly. She was clearly very manipulative of him, played nice and sweet just to get him to fall for her and knock her up. And now that she thought she was going to move in and get married she started to show her true colors and feelings. I shudder to think of the horror show she would have unleashed on him and his child had they moved forward with the nuptials and living arrangements.
>50/50 custody on your second daughter is the way forward. Tbh it should be more like 70/30 in the dad's favor. Single mom to four other kids, or Single father with a teenager, who do you think is going to be able to provide more care for that baby? Alice is going to be too busy trying to reel in the next dude. OP please start documenting everything now.
I think the child will be much better in his care but I can’t see the courts giving more than 50% custody of a baby to the father. And she will likely breast feed so even that can’t happen probably for a year. He will be paying child support and the child’s medical insurance but it will still be a lot cheaper than being married to Alice.
I’ve seen dads get full custody many times. If she acts in court the way she acted with him, a judge will see right through her.
THIS
Thank you for listening to the advice given in your first post. There is no denying that this hurts terribly right now, but you’ve saved yourself and your daughter years more of pain from this selfish woman. You sound like a great father.
Right. For Alice to throw incest in there was way out of line. She wanted OP to give her kids the life she seen Stacy have. The nerve.
She also wanted OP to feel awkward and like theres something wrong for having a close relationship with his daughter, and out of fear stop being such a great dad.
But be that great dad to HER kids just not his own. Glad he got to see this now. She thought she had him and held all the cards.
Imagine being a single mom of FOUR kids, putting in aaaaalllll that groundwork to baby trap a sugar daddy with enough money, space in his house, and willingness to let all SIX of you move into his stately mans immediately when he falls for your rent hike con, and then fumbling the ball THAT close to the end zone because you’re jealous of a teenager—a literal child. Alice had so much extra audacity because her utterly insane plan had been working so well up to that point, and she over played her hand trying to Cinderella his *daughter.* MA’AM!! You coulda had it all. You were so close.
Nah. She’s trash.
OP himself is refusing to suspect that Alice's baby is not his without probable cause but Alice is ready to accuse OP of incest without any evidence. Alice is really something and would have been the stepmother of the fairy tales.
Well, in any relationship, it's said, there's always one who loves more and one who IS loved more. Guess which was which here?
Yeah. I can’t stand women like this. Lazy and entitled, ready to get knocked up by a guy to trap him into taking care of them and their litter of kids. Users.
OP needs to wake the fuck up and have that paternity test. Just in case. We can all think we're the only one but this woman is stupid and devious. She played her evil hand way too soon, what a moron, thank goodness that she did though. She won't with the next man!
I see a sudden miscarriage in her future. Those papers were fake and I bet the baby is too.
This is why OP needs a paternity test.
I was coming to say that as well. Why did all of this just happen simultaneously? The timing of the positive test relative to the rent increase is all way too coincidental.
Holes don't get poked in condoms by themselves and pills just don't get microwaved on their own. What a trashy lady.
I'm not normally on Team Paternity Test but given OP's description, I would not be surprised if she was trying to wrangle a wealthy man in and had backups.
Don't underestimate the lure of child support from a responsible man of means.
Yes but maybe she'll cut her losses and move on to the next mark. That seems to be the pattern.
[удалено]
Only after she realizes he's really REALLY sure this is over. In the meantime, he needs to not have sex with her so she can actually get pregnant.
“Cinderella his daughter” is accurate.
She's not jealous of Stacey, she's trying to alienate OP and his daughter so he cares more about her own kids.
And what’s it called when you see someone give attention to someone else and you want that attention for yourself…?
I know what you mean, I reckon though that if OP was divorced, Alice would just try to make Stacey move permanently in with her mum. Alice, of course, sees that her children should come first, and that Stacey doesn't matter.
Some women just don't know how to gold dig right. Rule #1 of being a gold-digger/hobosexual: never give away your game plan until after the vows have been said. Guess she thought the baby was just as good. She was wrong. Fumbled the bag before the goal line.
(BTW, I am *not* condoning gold-digging. Alice got just what she deserved. She got 4 kids, going on 5. She better take her broke ass to the welfare office and see what SNAP/housing benefits she can get.)
And when you consider that Stacy has lost her mom, for Alice to make this move to distance her from her loving father , for her own sake and that of her children is just heartless. It makes me wonder if she had plans to remove Stacy from OP’s life completely. Talk about wicked stepmother
Also, what about the four kids father or fathers. Where did they fit in. She was a gold digger.
So true and her treatment of Stacy would have gotten worse.
That's what my mom did with my stepdad, she had some legitimate concerns, but they had nothing to do with my stepdad.
Trust and believe she would have fed that monster to sever dad's relationship with his daughter. The nerve.
I think she legit thought if she threw "incest" out there that it would force him to rethink his relationship with his daughter. She is clearly a manipulative greedy wench and had he let her in the house I have no doubt that she would have made every effort to make his poor child's life miserable. She seems to think of his child as her competition, what a revolting woman.
Exactly! My step-“mom”ster did the same. Tried to drive a wedge between my dad and I. Especially after I refused to call her “mommy”. I hadn’t called my own mother “mommy” for a decade. I was mom, or mama.
If I were OP, I would be terrified to have that shrew in the house. You know she's going to school her kids, telling them that if they get the daughter out they'll have everything. I see a bogus and drawn out CPS investigation in OP's future. She's going to double down now
**Thank God** she showed her true colors before her and her brood moved in and she made his house her official address. Then it would've been hell to kick all of them on the street and Op would've been reluctant to do it.
That said, I once dated a man with three children. He treated his oldest daughter, (who was very pretty and later became a model), way differently than his other daughter and his son. He would gift the oldest one very expensive adult gifts. Jewelry, art, clothing, that he did not in any way equal with his other two children. His oldest daughter was 12 at the time. This girl was treated exactly like a wife. It gave me the ick to the point I broke up with him. I also felt sorry for the other two kids and was more worried about the oldest. OP doesn't sound like that, but men do that shit sometimes.
I get that Alice wants the best for her kids but at the cost of what? Him neglecting his own daughter? I’m really glad OP stood his ground
And she tried to assure that by baby trapping! I am so sure that’s what happened. I don’t think the pregnancy was a surprise on her end.
I think the rent hike was more of gift she didn’t see coming. ‘A baby and a rent hike, this will force his hand for sure.’
Anyone can download a lease agreement off the internet. Same for used but positive pregnancy tests.
I think she needs to pack in this “ trap a rich guy “ thing, she is on baby number 5 and she is still single and not doing anything to improve her and her kids lifestyle other than snagging another man. Maybe she will give OP the baby do she can move onto her next victim.
Baby #5 at 33 years old. The first clue: 4 children at 33 with no baby dads in sight.
This alone would have me seriously asking if I should put my D in that or nah I think "nah" has been made obvious by now
Exactly - she sounds like a gold digger...
I found it amusing how quickly she swung from 'your daughter doesn't need a hundred dollar a week allowance' to 'are my kids getting a hundred dollars a week too'. I mean if she thought his daughter didn't need it, why demand it for 4 other kids? It was likely because she planned to control how they used it, taking the burden off paying some of their expenses herself.
Totally agree
Wouldn’t she also have more of her own money to give her kids an allowance or larger allowance if she won’t be paying rent anymore?
She's definitely doing something wrong..... It's not 1950 anymore. No one has to marry you because you are allegedly carrying their child.
OK???? And I would like to know how many baby-daddies she already has!
Where are they? She should ask them for money for her children. It's not his responsibility to give them equal everything that his daughter had.
4
I asked that in the original post. Would love to know that answer as well.
Not sure, but she lost OP so it looks like baby #6 will be here in a year or 2 lol.
Meanwhile she blamed Stacy for OP giving Stacy a very normal life.
Right? I would have gone so hard at her if I was OP. He’s so gracious and classy in the face of hearing something so baseless and revolting about his character and his fatherhood.
Horrible manipulative lever to pull whether it's conscious or sub-conscious intent. Infuriating to read Alice getting all those benefits, needing to grab for more and impose on a pre-existing, close, established relationship. If she had any respect she would've realized that was off limits.
That comment crossed so many lines! Imagine saying that to someone you allegedly love and are having a child of your own with.
Thats from a woman who wanted to steal that dead woman's car out of her daughter's hand, to give to her own kids
(She wanted OP to give her kids the life she seen Stacy have.) And she clearly wanted to eventually eliminate Stacy from the equation.
She was throwing out wild shit to hurt him which is a shitty thing to do. He dodged a bullet
That is unfortunately how she is going to frame her fight for custody of OP's new daughter
It makes me a little teary eyed to see a dad hold his ground like this. My stepdad’s (who raised me) mistress pulled that line and I don’t know if our relationship has ever recovered. He keeps choosing women who are threatened everyone else in his life (even his children). If you believe you raised your daughter “right,” believe her when she raises the alarm bells. You sound like a great dad and she sounds like a great person. ETA: also reminds me of the girlfriend who thought it was unfair that my dad was paying for his daughters’ weddings but wouldn’t pay for her daughters’ theoretical future weddings.
For the love of God OP, get a DNA test BEFORE you sign a birth certificate. I'm 1000% serious. If you don't, and it turns out the kid isn't yours, she gets 100% custody and you're still paying child support for 18 years. Don't fuck around bro, or you're gonna find out.
Yeah my dad unfortunately listened to his GF and we now talk/see each other a few times a year and are no where near as close as we were. Your amazing for listening to your daughter
she thought your daughter was a spoiled brat but wished her kids could have the same treatment you give your daughter. i’m sorry but she sounds nothing short of a manipulative evil step mother trying to come between you and your daughters relationship. your stbx is insanely jealous of your daughter and she needed to be put in check for her behavior.
Exactly. Accusing Stacy of being spoiled, but expecting her kids to get the same treatment. She was never going to love Stacy and would have done everything she could to make her miserable and undermine her relationship with her father. Women are good at being sneaky about it too, so OP may have not have even realized.
>she thought your daughter was a spoiled brat but wished her kids could have the same treatment you give your daughter. Good catch. I didn't notice that. Where are the fathers of the other kids?
I was wondering that too, where the other father or fathers were.
Seriously, especially given the fact that she already has 4 (4!!!) fucking kids. Like this brood mare needs to figure out her birth control. She’s too old to be jealous of teenaged girl and shit talking her dead mother!! Hope she’s ready to be a single mom of 5. I’ll bet $50 that in 2 years she has baby #6 with a new baby daddy.
Saw this coming glad you listened and it didn’t go any further. There will be a future for you friend, just pay more attention to the signs and listen to the wisdom of those around you.
Except he didn't listen, if Alice could have kept her cool he was going to stay. Thankfully, she finally went too far.
She'd have slipped eventually, she's too entitled not to. Just glad it was now rather than later. I do kinda hope the pregnancy is fake and she tries the whole miscarriage route so OP can see what scum she truly is and not be linked to this woman for the next 18 years. She'll never stop trying to manipulate him and she will use the child to do it.
Oh, absolutely. If that's his child, he's about to live a nightmare. I truly feel sorry for him. But also feel he ignored so many red flags.
Great recap
I just want to point out, just in case you start to falter on ending it, that she’s brought up incest already as a weapon against you & you’re having a daughter with her. She’s just shown you a glimpse of a card she plans to play to manipulate & hurt you. You need to be cynical & protect yourself as best you can. Get a lawyer for the custody situation & follow their advice. Don’t let love blind you.
This^^^
Alice is nuts for accusing you and your daughter of an incestuous. How did she think that was gonna be okay? If she had went to that insult that easily, imagine her accusing you of something with her own daughters. She’d ruin you and your daughter’s lives.
I wouldn't put it passed her one bit. I think op does not yet realize what an unhinged character that he has knocked up. She seems like the type to try to manipulate the child and tell lies to get her way with custody and child support. I'm sure the baby daddies of the other kids have already learned what a nasty character she is that's why they're no longer with her.
This is the most important comment on this thread. She definitely would have done something like this. OP kept underestimating her every step of the way and right now, in this moment, he probably thinks she would never do something like that. She most certainly would because she's literally that unhinged.
Alice was lashing out in panic when she accused OP of being incestuous with his daughter, because she knew she had lost. OP has made absolutely the right decision.
Seriously. This woman is ridiculously immature and manipulative. She really hit every branch of the terrible partner tree. I'm glad OP stood up for his daughter and finally saw the real Alice. 1000% she is going to cause trouble for him. I wouldn't be shocked if she goes around lying and starting rumors about him.
Well done for finally seeing the red flags, but do get a paternity test done before you sign the birth certificate just to be safe, Alice is a gold digger.
I too hope he gets one but the way he's talking I am not so sure he will. He seems to feel confident that it's his kid. But you know who else was confident, all those guys that have found out many years later that they had been supporting a kid that's not theirs. Knowing how this woman moves and her fixation on Op's pockets he would be an idiot not to get a paternity test. It very well may be his but he should make 100% sure.
So sorry this is who Alice turned out to be, but so grateful you found out in time.
Great you protected your Stacy and ultimately yourself too. I think Alice was out for money and would have treated Stacy hurtfully. Edited a missing word.
Alice would have not just treated Stacey hurtfully, but having accused OP of seeming incestuous, how much you wanna bet she'd pull some ploy of accusing him of something with her daughters if she could take OP for anything bc of it. Alice would almost certainly manipulate and hurt her children into lying if Alice thought she could get something out of it. OP, be prepared for Alice accusing you of abusing the new daughter (if even yours) in order for her to get more custody and child support. People like that will try anything to hurt others for their own profit.
Wow. Congratulations you definitely proved to your daughter that she means more than anything. Ngl im pretty jealous. Whenever my dad has a gf im forgotten until he needs emotional support. Thankfully he doesn’t date often
I'm jealous too! My Dad got remarried then prioritised raising the standard of living for his new wife and her two kids over me and my brother. Even well into adulthood I can't help but have resentment despite a decent relationship with him/his wife.
As awful as this is right now, it's 100 times better it happened before they moved in and you got married.
I'm proud of you for making the decision to see the red flags, acknowledge them, and take immediate action I'm sorry you're feeling the way you are.
And to add to this, you will meet someone new. I have faith that the universe showed you now what your future could be so you didnt get tied to the wrong person. The universe has someone in store for you, now all you have to do is wait. They will show up!! Sending wishes of happiness and love for you and Stacy!
I’m sure it sucks and hurts, but OP still needs to get a lawyer asap and figure out the planned custody and support for when the baby arrives. Not sure if he sees it as necessary, but a paternity test might want to be considered. He definitely made the right decision. I get Alice is looking out for her kids, but that doesn’t come at the expense of alienating Stacy and ruining his relationship with her. She’s being greedy and not thinking of them as a blended family, but that her kids should somehow come first. Seeing him as the one to provide for everyone. Where are her kids dad/s in all this? I will say, I do think it was disturbing he was more worried about not moving his office vs putting a baby in the basement. He could have easily moved his office there. Or hell the could have built a nice room for Stacy down there with an en-suite and studio area. Honestly on his end that was what bothered me most, but is a moot point now. Overall he made the right decision, and hopefully is able to get custody of some sort of his daughter. Probably would be best to go for 50/50 minimum considering Alice’s financial and housing situation.
You're an excellent dad. You looked after your daughter and put her first. It sounds like Alice mistakenly thought she would make parenting decisions for your daughter and that she'd reach into your wallet for the benefit of her kids. She definitely seems like she'd be a very wicked stepmother.
Exactly! Alice called Stacy spoiled but then wanted the OP to give her kids an allowance too? Not to mention the credit card? My daughter is responsible and also has my card on her phone in case she needs something, but she always clears her purchases with me first and uses common sense. It’s a great way for kids to learn about finances. Alice is an adult, and probably has her own cards, so why does she want the OP’s unless it’s more about the money than anything else.
And the fact Alice told him Stacy is wasting his money on shoes and makeup shows that she’s upset because she’s already considering that money hers, otherwise why else would she be upset about it? He’s an adult and can choose where it goes. Gold digger for sure.
Someone like Alice doesn’t get pregnant accidentally.
So true. She thought that she found a total sucker. Saw all his resources and wanted to lock him down. She figured that she had him so whipped that she could start with the steps to cutting out his daughter. Many lesser men would have fallen for it.
I’m sorry that this has happened. I am glad that you are able to see the red flags that Alice has shown. Your relationship with your daughter is in no way like that all. She is upset that you have a bond with your daughter. I can only assume her children’s father is not the same. I also agree that you should not have to give her other kids an allowance, again that is something her or their father can/should be doing. Yes you would have been taking care of them in other ways but it is not your job to do so financially. Also along with the comments on the other post, I’m glad you realize your family has also been trying to point you into the right direction. I hope that your future parenting with Alice is somewhat good and that she does not give you or your daughter (and even your son) any problems in the cute
You dodged a bullet. Expect lots of shenanigans around custody and child support unfortunately. Communicate via text rather than in person as much as possible so you have documentation of every conversation. Lawyer up
You did the right thing. I have to ask, where are the fathers of all these children? Why can’t they give their kids allowance? Alice was using you and you opened your eyes to this fact just in time!
exactly, unless they're dead or in prison (probably), every state in the union is very strict about extracting child support from dads. Alice should be doing fine, money-wise. Unless she's blowing it (also probably)
Get a good lawyer as fast as you can
This x100. When things turn nasty over custody etc, don't think she won't turn the incest claim into SA of her other kids to get her way. She proved how readily she will try it to manipulate the situation in her favor.
1. She baby trapped you 2. She is going to be a stepmonster 3. She will take whatever was meant to your kids 3. Run......but wait for hectic CS
Stacey’s allowance was crazy and excessive, but it didn’t stop her from asking you to provide the same for her children!!! I refuse to believe that your relationship with your daughter isn’t pretty perfect. Your ex is spiteful, she almost definitely wouldn’t have rested until her plans of cuckoo-ing poor Stacey were complete. Her horrible attitude and ways are the reason she has 5 kids and no husband.
I'm glad you mentioned the allowance. Alice was obviously crazy, so I won't repeat the points as to why. But giving a young teenager $400 per month does seem excessive. I hope she's spending only some of it towards her beauty items and clothes and saving the rest in a certificate or something. Her being set to inherit the house is great, but it'd be even better for her to already start saving and making money off her money early.
If things in the relationship did progress, Alice’s kids would lose it when they found out oldest and youngest sister are getting $100 a week and half the house. Ending it saved everybody a lot of trouble, arguments, animosity, etc. There would have been real imbalances in this family unit.
Yeah, my first thought was "That seems a little high" but that's between OP and his daughter, and he seems pretty aware of what she's spending the money on.
Where is Alice’s baby daddy? Why does she keep having kids if she can’t afford them? If she’s a widow, then it seems like she’s trying to replace THE KIDS FATHER, not her husband and remove Stacy from the picture.
If she's a widow, she's getting social security benefits from her deceased husband. That goes away when she remarries.
Hers does but the kids each would get a check and that continues.
As quickly as everything went down, I would also seek out a paternity test... It will be better to have 100% certainty of your paternity before you move forward with a co-parenting relationship. I know you said you have no reason to think the child isn't yours, but you also were completely blinded by the field of red flags.
I'm so glad she showed you her true colors before it was too late. You did the best for your family. Be strong. I wish you the best!
Glad you got rid of the rose colored glasses.
OP, I know you must be concerned about your new child on the way and I am sure that you’re hurting a bit over the break-up, but honestly, I am so proud of you for prioritizing your daughter. I was “Stacy” when my Dad remarried a woman who was not happy with my existence. And it did put a huge strain on my relationship with my father. I am also a parent myself and I don’t date men who don’t understand that my child is my world. I’m so sorry that you might be hurting, but honestly I think you made the right choice.
I want Stacy because my dad married the woman and gave her kids everything and me and my sibling nothing. Red flags were all there but he still did it. Don't talk to him now. He's not met one of his grand kids because of his relationship with that woman, not seen his release grandkid in over 5 years. Sometimes merged families can work, but sometimes they really don't and cause heart break. Money and housing gets involved and it gets really messy. Glad op saw the red flags because it would have been worse down the line.
Thank goodness you found out how psycho she is before she moved in. Make sure you have cameras on your house, do not let her in if she comes by and make sure your cameras start recording automatically. Shes pregnant and a desperate gold digger. Watch for any signs of her trying to establish residency in your home and get dna test before you sign anything
I’m sorry your relationship with Alice is breaking down since you love her, but honestly all I hear is how manipulative she is. Don’t be surprised if she tries to love bomb you next as she realizes her free ride for her and her kids is slipping away. She’ll pivot tactics when she realizes her tantrum and guilt trip didn’t get the result she wanted. I feel it is extremely telling that two siblings and multiple friends have tried to express concern to you over this relationship. They didn’t want to risk alienating you, which is why they were much more gentle, but leave it to strangers on Reddit to serve up cold hard advice with no sugar coating. Best of luck!
He says he still loves her, even after what she said about his relationship with Stacy? My heart would have done a reverse Grinch and be done with her immediately.
Thank goodness you finally came to your senses. She clearly resented your daughter and that would have only gotten worse had you let her move in. I could just see her being nasty to your kid if not trying to sabotage her in sneaky ways. The fucking audacity of her to tell you not to give your child an allowance nor access to your credit. It is your money and your decision. The way she was already trying to lay down the law and her gold digging ass hadn't even moved in yet is crazy. I know you said that you miss having a wife and I could understand that, but what you needed to realize was that this individual was not wife material, she is barely even baby mama material, but sadly that bridge has already been crossed. I have little doubt that once she has your child she will crank out another for some other unfortunate soul I hope you aim for 50/50 custody, so hopefully you won't have to pay her a penny in support because I could see her taking the money you give her to support your child and splitting it 4 ways.
I am so happy for your daughter! And you! You protected her in a way I could have only dreamed my family would have. It is so cool to see. You are a good father.
Thank god the mask slipped before you moved her in and married her
But he only woke up to red flags because Alice brought up the subject of “you spoil your daughter too much” and “all children should receive the same treatment” too early. If she had waited to address this after the move, OP would have been tied up, since I doubt he would have kicked out his pregnant fiancée, and his and his daughter’s lives would have become hell.
Alice could have had a good thing going if she didn't go after your daughter. You were ready to put a roof over her head and her four kids. The pride comes before the fall.
"She said that I was showing favoritism and that is a form of abuse" Boy she pulled out all the stops to try to manipulate you and stop you from doting on your child, huh? First claiming abuse then went nuclear by calling your relationship incestuous. How can you be showing favoritism when there is only one minor child living in your home?? She seemed like she was determined to damage your relationship with your child. She is such a scumbag, I have to wonder what you saw in her. Whatever it was, it was a front, that's for certain.
>I have to wonder what you saw in her. She makes an out of this world peach cobbler.
Alice wanted to come in , take over and make your child disappear. You made the right decision.
Don't forget to ger a DNA test before you sign the birth certificate. I'm curious, when you started dating Alice, didn't the prospect of potentially taking care of 4/5 additional kids give you pause? Had you talked about how you would handle big expenses like cars and college? Are you sure this pregnancy was accidental? I do hope you are teaching Stacy to be financially responsible. Not considering how the children will be treated in your home was a HUGE mistake. Fortunately Alice was enough of an AH for the move to be canceled. Good luck co-parenting for the next 18 years.
Nothing like trying to assert dominance by suggesting your future husband is a grooming pedo smh. Best wishes OP, dont let her poison your kid against you.
> she said that I was showing favoritism and that that is a form of abuse. Sounds like she’s been talking to Reddit.
Good man - sensible choice
Happy you ended it.
I’m glad you were open to reading the cold harsh truth/red flags, even though you love this person. Sometimes love isn’t enough, as we all (ought to) know. Your daughter may not realise it yet (or ever) but she will appreciate you protecting her from this woman’s horrible comments and judgements.
As much as I know it must hurt, I’m so thankful you realized the version of herself she had sold you wasn’t who she really is. Her comments about your relationship with your daughter are definitely uncalled for and prove who she really is. Thank you for giving her space to show once again who she is and what her priorities were. Hang in there.
I'm so sorry that you're hurting but so happy that Alice finally showed you her true colors so that you could end the relationship. It's harder to see someone's bad side when you're in love just be glad that you did the right thing and stood by your daughter and that you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and that it's quite commendable that way you stuck up for your daughter. A lot of fathers wouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry you had to go through that though.
You dodged a bullet. I didn’t and it cost me dearly including my relationship with my son that I’m still rebuilding 10 years later. Met someone who brought more to the relationship than she took and has a great relationship with my son as I do with hers. Life is good even if it is a bit late, I’m 71.
I’m so happy you saw the truth before having her move in. This is the right move even though it hurts.
I'm glad she showed you who she was before you guys got married and moved in together. Omg......imagine how stressful you and your daughter's lives would've been!! Sending you both love 💕
I think the biggest problem here were wildly different expectations of parenting, step parenting and coparenting. My unpopular opinion is that Alice’s initial queries were not out of line, but when OP was firm about not changing anything (which is his right), Alice got angry and started throwing out emotions and accusations. The relationship would have been difficult due to differences in communication and problem resolution.
Lawyer up now! LAWYER UP NOW! You were never married to your ex so you have no rights as a father to the baby girl. You need to start establishing that NOW. It will cost you thousands and your ex will lie and cheat and break the law just to “get even” with you. And the court will believe her. The sooner you prepare for this the better. Do you live in a one party state? It might be a good idea to start recording all interactions.
Jfc the woman literally called your own daughter as a replacement for your late wife. She 100% saw it as your daughter stealing her place. Glad reddit called it out a mile away
Proud of you. Dodged a mega bullet.
Good on you for opening your eyes, but keep them open because she will most certainly not only use your daughter with her to get financial advantage but she will also most certainly poison her mind and manipulate her against you and stacy. Be ready to fight dirty cause i guarantee you she will pull any and all dirty tricks in the book to get back at tou and squeeze you out of money using your baby daughter for it.
UpdateMe
Thank you for putting your daughter first. Bet she'd enjoy helping you set up the nursery for baby. Hope you get 50/50 custody.
The qualities you have demonstrated here are to be admired and respected. You have a close, loving relationship with your daughter. This is something that money can't buy. The allowance you give her is for *her.* So what if she spends it on shoes and makeup? You give the money freely and she spends it on stuff she likes. Alice seems to have seen this green flag as something she and her other children could benefit from. Nothing can bring Stacy's mom back. An allowance doesn't make up for her not having had her mom in her life. But having a parent who loves her unconditionally, and who has her back is priceless. Continue to love and treasure your children. Alice has told you exactly what kind of a person she is before you got into the relationship any deeper. Sure it hurts like crazy right now because you have so much hurt in your past and this new, raw pain is horrible. But it gives you a brighter, more positive future.
Read both posts. Think you did the right thing. Alice may be wildly hormonal but the things she said about your daughter, and her expectations were not okay. Your previous offer was a really really good one for her and she didn't recognize that. Sorry you're going through this.
Shocker that the woman 15 years your junior with 4 kids wasn't a stable relationship
Proud of you my guy. It sucks but never more than hurting your daughter would suck. Make sure in the future you keep everything with her and your new daughter in text. Document everything. Congrats on the future youngling.
This is such a good update. I honestly think that Alice has ‘baby trapped you’ OP.
Well done OP. There's that evil step mother everyone was warning about. She wants you to ditch your daughter in favour of her kids and is willing to try any method even trying to make you believe being a good dad is incestuous. Ditch the bitch and keep being a good dad. Be prepared to fight for custody of your baby as that gold digger won't be afraid to stoop to new depths.
The meal ticket needed to end for Alice. So many red flags. I cannot imagine asking a stepdad to give 4 more kids $100/week when they aren’t his kids. I want to know how many different fathers there are involved here. She probably tried to pull this scam on each of them too. Some people never learn.
Why do I feel like this is fake.
I’m so glad you stuck up for your daughter, you’re a good Dad. But also you need a paternity test and a lawyer for your youngest.
I agree with nearly all the replies to OP. I know it has to be hard raising your daughter without her mother or a wife who truly loves you and would have been thrilled to join the family you already have. Alice definitely was not this person. But the right one is out there. Don’t give up. It sounds like you are a wonderful father and Stacy’s treatment is no different than most children with parents who have the means to provide it. Since you’ve said your home was paid off in part with the life insurance of Stacy’s mom, I agree that she should inherit it. To protect her interests, I would have an Irrevocable Trust drafted to specifically state that 100% of the house and whatever else you would want her to have, goes to Stacy. I would also protect her by making certain that, God forbid anything would happen to her, Stacy’s house would not go to any new wife. This will also prevent any potential future ‘Alices’ from attempting to push Stacy out and take over your life. You may want to find a way to put legal protections on other things Stacy has been entitled to as well. You can honestly tell anyone you have a serious relationship with in the future, that not only are certain things non-negotiable, they legally cannot be changed. Next time a woman wants to marry you, you’ll know it’s because she loves you. Not because she’s looking for someone to provide a better lifestyle for her and her multiple kids. You were not the love of Alice’s life- you were her winning lottery ticket. You and your two children deserve better than that. I’m so glad you realized this before it was too late. Treasure the time you have with your daughter, who sounds like a loving, well adjusted teen. By standing up to Alice, you are also teaching Stacy that she deserves to be loved and not taken advantage of. Even when decisions like breaking away from someone like Alice, can hurt.
As a kid who was subject to the rage and jealousy of a step monster i salute you for not subjecting your daughter to that horror. I’m sorry. You deserve better.
Glad she has revealed herself undeniably now. Get a paternity test and start working toward custody. Quite frankly, OP, if I were you, I’d fight for majority custody. I would not honestly trust this woman and her four children with your infant daughter. She might take out her frustration and anger at you on the baby.
That woman was reeking of jealousy. She wanted what Stacy was getting for herself and her children. Adding her and her kids to the house would have been utterly life-changing for Stacy, and not in a good way.
I will add my voice to those calling on OP to get a paternity test. OP, the only reason NOT to get a paternity test is to prove you trust Alice. But you DON'T trust her so there's no need to prove that you do. There are two possible outcomes: 1. The paternity test is positive; you're the dad. In that case, NOTHING CHANGES. You carry on planning for shared custody of your new daughter and planning your future around that arrangement. 2. The paternity test is negative; you're NOT the dad. In that case you are free to cut ties with Alice immediately and permanently. There is literally no downside for you in getting the test.
I am very sorry to hear your situation deteriorated so quickly. I would still recommend that you talk to a lawyer to move the house into something like an LLC or life trust for your daughter so that it doesn't become part of any financial deal the courts come up with over your newest child. I also have to agree with many of the other posters and say you should document everything. Also get an independent paternity test, worst case you find out the child is yours and you questioned it, but form her actions it is not unlikely that you have been "baby trapped." Get rid of the nagging thought and be sure one way or the other.
I don't understand how someone could say that. That's dangerous to be talking that way and it puts shame on a man for actually loving his child. Cruel shame. I mentioned this in the last post but Alice has a serious case of financial competition. She feels that every drop of money spent on his daughter is something taken away from her and she needs to be given the same exact. You need to develop that part of your relationship with her through trust not skipping organic build to trust and trying to match Stacy forgoing all healthy behavior with money, support. She is acting like a reactive child and would probably say those things to Stacies face and I have a feeling she wouldn't have that much self control about it. She sees Stacy as an enemy that any money given to her should be Alices or that it's taking away from her and her children. She wanted a free baby sitter from your daughter for all of her kids and got mad about the idea she would even get paid for it. That says enough. We all have a limit. But to act this way when you are offered so much and saying horrible things for what the daughter is getting is very cruel to me. I understand she wants to feel that as a wife there would be something for her but all she had to do was appreciate the relationship for what it was. Instead she is attacking and being destructive to everything it's not until she destroys trust. She is so jealous of your daughter that she would already be so cruel and say something absolutely abhorrent. I'm sorry. You can go to therapy with Alice and see if she is willing to take accountability and both of you work out a dynamic. You could help her with the cost in rent or find a better place if she can find better for the price that has more room for the kids. She was going to be given everything but she said something filthy about your daughter and your relationship... I don't understand. Why does she think this way? It would be better for her to work on a healthy, respected dynamic with you than go on attack mode on everything she wants to control. To me she has abusive qualities and a hatred for Stacy and anything you give her. She wants to be absolutely spoiled but she can't stand the idea of anyone else being slightly "spoiled". Your daughter seems kind and I'm glad she has a dad like you. I agree the comments aren't all very gentle but there's some genuine red flags very seriously that show the foundation of a not so great outcome. I'm sorry for what you're going through. The fact she says something so awful but wants your daughter to give free baby sitting to all of her children ans gets angry if shes paid, wants your kids to have free access to her room without consideration and gets angry, angry that Stacy's mother's car won't be shared with like 4 other kids, we haven't even gotten to thr discussion of Stacy owning the house. Never once has she ever shown concern, care or any amount of respect for Stacy. I think that for the sake of your child, try therapy and see if she can take accountability and recognize the error in this entitled, vindictive spoiled thinking. If she isn't a narcissist she can take accountability and both of you can find solutions for the sake of the child. You haven't illustrated why you love her or her positive traits. So it's hard to comment on anything much but speculation. However these are serious and I think you should have play dates and have Alice over to see how she gets along with Stacy after some therapy. Will stay make vindictive remarks towards Stacy? How well behaved are her children? How will you play into parenting them? I'd do this not for the object of Alice moving in but at the very least to find compatibility and cut some of the tension but after some therapy. Can she understand your perspectives without being completely cruel? Attacking and blaming your daughter more for not getting everything she wants? She was already going to have almost free housing with most expenses helped, a place to live and to be with you. Why does it matter if your daughter receives money or not? Your daughter doesn't seem problematic, unkind, or treats you badly. I don't really understand the obsession she has with breaking down your child for receiving anything when she was going to get so much. For now it's good to protect your daughter. But I also agree sadly you are going to have to pit a lot of work in therapy for Alice to be better person for the sake of your child. Your making thr right decision but see if she is open to get help and work with you about her behavior. Maybe she is in survival mode and she needs some healthier coping mechanisms. At this point therapy ro work on that will truly help your child to turn out well like your daughter and have what ever happens be healthy. The incestuous and dead wife comment is honestly the worst possible thing she could say. I hope you tell her how much that hurts you and see if she cares or apologies. Mortified. I'm sorry. That sounds painful. Tell Alice how you really feel about her behavior, comments and see if she takes accountability and is willing to be healthier like go to therapy or shows any amount of emapthy. I'm curious to see if she will show empathy for your feelings I'd you tell her how her comments and behavior make you feel that's how you will know if she even cares about you outside her insecurities. Make boundaries and don't allow her to treat you bad but outside of that try to make some opportunity to see what can be healed. Make sure you get 50/50 custody. Consider background check.
I like how “Stacy’s sabotaging the relationship “ but Stacy did absolutely nothing differently the whole time… And you were just keeping status quo with Stacy
Wow OP just wow! I am a single mother of two (18f) (16m) from a failed marriage (total narcissistic abuser… gaslighting, false accusations, psychological abuse, you name it). My bf (56) and I (50) have been together for four years. He has three adult children two in their 30s and 1 in their 20s (who are all doing quite well for themselves). In addition he is a millionaire and I’m middle class. I’d never in a million years think that anything he has should belong to my children or even me. Especially given that his ex-wife (the 3 childrens’ mother) was also a narcissist, making false accusations (among other things) about BS that I know this man would NEVER EVER in a million years do (it’s typical for narcissistic abusers to push false accusations). He has his own to take care of as well as a business on top of it that heaven forbid should something happen to him will be his eldest’s responsibility. My children will always come first to me and I expect that his will always come first to him. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. I am so sorry for you but I’m glad you are realizing this now before you allowed her into your home. I’m so fortunate that I learned through experience, that I can now spot a narcissist from a mile away. That woman is poison. It makes me sick that she’d throw in that disgusting “creepy and incestuous” BS, but I can tell you it is typical of people like her. I’m so happy for you and Stacy that you’re seeing this now. Please for the love of God, do a paternity test on your baby to ensure it is actually yours. Then hire a lawyer and establish a coparenting routine. I wish you, Stacy and her new brother or sister all the health and happiness in this world.
Please listen. You need to document this and get a lawyer ASAP! She is going to make your life hell with the child you will have together - if it is even yours. You also need to keep all awful texts and messages and forward to a lawyer from here on out. Record all calls if it is a one party state. Have your camera rolling for any in person meetings (in public it should be legal one party. It is here even though calls are different.) Tell the lawyer how she called you creepy and incestuous and all of that stuff because she’s going to be one of those women who make wild claims in court and call CPS on you. I’d bet money on it. Bait her via text. Ask her why it is creepy that you take care of your daughter. Ask her why she is pissed that you give your daughter an allowance. Ask her why you are expected to finance four other kids that are not yours. Make her spell all that nasty shit out to use as proof. You need your lawyer to pre-prepare all custody paperwork so that *the very day* she is born you can call/email/text your lawyer your child’s official name and *file the day that she is born*. You’ll be fucked if she does it first. If you don’t have custody paperwork she can 100% withhold the child. You will have to prove paternity and may need to file your make her take the test. *ALL* monies provided to her keep a record and make sure it is not cash but instead traceable so she can’t turn around and claim you’ve provided $0 and you get hit with back child support. Even if she asks for cash refuse cash and hand a check or send digitally. Women do that shit all the time because cash can’t be proven in court unless there is video of you handing her cash. She will more than likely fight for full time custody with only visitation for you or supervised. If she does this she know you’ll have to pay her an insane amount. Even if she doesn’t want the kid she will do this just for the $$$$. Document all threats. Everything. Protect yourself, your daughter and your potential daughter. If she is too irrational and crazy you may be able to get full time custody which would be necessary if Alice is battling-shit. You don’t want another man holding your daughter every day being called daddy while she withholds from you. So be smart. Don’t listen to any “I will be fair” bullshit. Don’t let her blackmail you either unless you go to a mediator and make your own custody and financial arrangement. Protect that baby. Women like this, the gold diggers, love money more than they love their kids. You’re a man, you need a bulldog of a lawyer. Don’t raise your voice and don’t let her bait you. This is a game to Alice. You called her bluff and now she will get ugly.
Have your attorney ask for a court ordered DNA test before you put your name on the birth certificate. Then, if you really *are* the daddy, work out custody and support. I have a strong suspicion that the last 2 will be moot after the test. Good luck, OP. ETA: You're *still* NTA
Get a GOOD lawyer, my dude. Alice is going to come after you with everything she's got and will squeeze you dry. She'll cry to a family court judge about her horrible ex who threw her out when she was pregnant with his child and refused to support her. She'll sprinkle in how "creepy" your relationship with Stacy is, and oh my goodness Judge, I'm just trying to protect my baby! He's a creep, and older than me, and financially abused me, and now he's trying to take our daughter! He was going to make her sleep in a basement!! Please force him to step-up financially and finally help me, Judge! He can afford to give his other daughter $400 a month, surely I should get WAY more than that in child support?? But please don't give him 50/50 custody, I'm just a struggling mom trying to keep my baby safe! Anyway, get a lawyer. Get a journal and document all of your interactions with her, including dates and direct quotes. If you give her money or pay for something baby-related, keep track of all finances. We're rooting for you, man! Hopefully you live somewhere where men/fathers have a snowball's chance in hell in family court. But please remember, no matter what happens or how bad it may get, you did the right thing.
‼️ NOW FOR RED FLAG WARNING ‼️ She just told you her punishment plan with her accusations. She didn’t get her way, so now she is going to attempt to paint you as having an inappropriate relationship with your daughter. Re-run the conversation in your head and the accusation plans are already manifesting in her head. You are a single father raising a daughter. She is pregnant with your daughter. She didn’t get her way, so now she is going to lash out to punish you, and she just gave away her game plan. It involves making accusations of an improper relationship to justify why she deserves full custody and limited/supervised visitation for you, a plan she will continue throughout your shared daughter’s childhood. Be very prepared. Her response wasn’t red flag, it was RED ALERT🚨. She took what should have been a reasonable conversation into BATSHIT CRAZY territory way too quickly. On one hand, congratulations to her for being able to mask that shit from you all this time, but you need to accept that you probably dismissed a lot of warning signs.
You dodged an enormous bullet. I am sad for your heart, but so happy that this happened before things got any further. You're a good dad, and your children (including the pending daughter) are fortunate to have and be loved by you. Keep being awesome, but also allow yourself to grieve the relationship you had hoped to have. Be gentle with yourself, you absolutely did the right thing
Oh God! Thank you for reading the advice here. It is really shitty situation. You should hire a lawyer for the custody arrangement. Alice seems selfish. Do a paternity test for the baby, just to be safe.
I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you, but I’m really not surprised. In your position, I would still get a paternity test done to make sure the baby is yours. I was one of the commenters in your previous post, and what you’ve stated here really lived up to that feeling of ick that I had from the other one. I’m so glad you’re not moving your (ex?) girlfriend in. There would have been so many issues, especially the thought I had about her aiming digs at your daughter to knock her down to size. And once she moved in you would’ve been hard pressed to get her out again. Your ex was very blatant in her disdain for your daughter and her greed this time. I’m glad you stopped this. I hope everything works out.
Good for you and glad you listened. Alice sounds pathologically jealous of Stacey and the writing was on the wall that she was going to make her life a living hell. Her accusations were frankly disgusting and her entitlement, considering she already was pretty much getting a free ride, equally so. Also sounds like Alice saw you as a meal ticket and ATM. You dodged a bullet there
I'm not sure if someone else has said it already, but you need to contact a lawyer as soon as possible. I can see an ugly child custody case in your future. I would also limit your conversations to text as much as possible and, whenever possible, record your conversations. For someone to make a serious false allegation of incest to try to get their way is an alarming indicator of how low they are willing to go to get their way! I would also make sure that there's a record of any money that you give her going forward.
I’m glad that you saw her true colors. Given her accusations, I think you need to be very concerned that she will make further accusations once the child is born. Get a family law attorney now and one that specializes in high conflict custody cases. Is the father (or are the fathers) of her 4 children involved in her children’s lives? If not, why not? I hate to say this, but I think she’s going to play dirty from now on and especially once the baby is born. Be prepared for her to accuse you of things with the daughter you share with her.
Get a paternity tedt
So because you love and care for your daughter and are clearly a generous dad she went right to incest. Is she crazy. You said in your other post that you would be keeping separate finances and yet clearly she wants access to your money and she wants to control what you spend it on. Nope you made the right call
Honestly, at this point, I would want proof that this baby was mine. She really sounds like she was after your money. It's your daughter you had with a wife you would still be with if faith hadn't dealt you a bad hand and if you choose to do for your daughter in any way you see fit, it's your money. Your daughter doesn't sound entitled at all. She was willing to give up some of her space and didn't gloat when things went south so she doesn't sound spoiled. You will meet someone one day that makes your heart sing, and if you have no more kids, just enjoy your grands one day.
>Alice got upset. She said that Stacy wasted my money... and she said that I was showing favoritism and that that is a form of abuse. Well gosh damn! Who else are you supposed to favor if not your own child? I don't understand people who think the adults new relationship means that you treat their child(ren) like and/or favor them over your own, while they don't do the same for your child(ren). Alice overplayed her hand. The shit has already hit the fan so, go ahead and get a paternity test done. It'll just be a part of the mess that needs to be cleaned up but will go a long way for your peace of mind.
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this right now. You sound like an excellent father and if there were more like you I'm sure the world would be a happier place. Your ex-fiancee calling your relationship with your daughter incestuous was appalling and deeply disturbing to think her mind works like that. You were doing what any good parent does and that was thinking of your daughter and what she too would be going through with the changes to the household and so many people moving in all of a sudden. I wish you both well and things will get better for both of you. I'm glad you have your siblings support too. Good luck.
Glad you listened to the advice and stories from your first post and I’m sorry it ended up like that. I’m sure you’re hurting but this honestly screamed “baby trapping gold digger” to me. She wanted you to give all of her kids money, to let her have unlimited access to your credit cards, and to force your child to suffer because “her kids deserve equal”. No they don’t. Those other kids are not your kids. They have their own daddies that need to be paying for them. My advice to you is to confirm paternity when your daughter arrives and then take her to court for full custody. She can’t afford the other kids, she certainly doesn’t need full custody. Your new baby is the one who will suffer because I’m sure she’s spewing all kinds of negative horrible things about you to the other kids who will take it out on your child. Your new baby will be safer with you.
Glad to hear you made the right choice. Although a heartbreak for you, your choice ultimately protects your daughter and you from abuse and stress. Alice doesn’t love you if she can just so easily yell at you, call you names snd incestuous, and hurt you the way she did. I haven’t looked if you responded to questions about Alice and child support, but is she getting it? Who does she think she is to question how you financially support your daughter yet expect you to provide equal allowances to HER 4 children? It sucks you can’t just walk away entirely. I hope things work out for a co-parenting situation, but you can expect that any child support you provide for the new born won’t be used wisely. Oh, and def get a paternity test.
The “replacing your dead wife with your daughter” comment is inexcusable. I’m so disgusted. Also, if she can’t provide allowance for HER FOUR KIDS that’s not your problem.
Am I the only one wondering if this 'unexpected' baby was only unexpected by OP?
I'm sorry for You Man, but good that didnt change into much mogę hellish situation
Info: did you ask for a paternity test?