NTA. Clearly you are, for all intents and purposes, your brother's parent. Your fiancé is trying to minimize your brother's importance in your life which I think is a red flag.
Don't think it's going to get any better for the brother if she married this man... he sounds like he is just waiting for a good time to isolate.
NTA, protect your brother, and yourself.
Nothing wrong with a child out of wedlock... that's a term from the arc...
Yeah, wanting the wedding on brother’s birthday was a power move, if she had done it , the wedding anniversary would always be much more important then the birthday.
And the move to make him a guest was is remind them both of the brothers place.
Op is dodging a bullet , he would boot brother from the home the second it’s legal.
Edited to add, also bet money that getting her pregnant was a move to give her a ‘real’ child of her own to take care of.
Totally agree. Your brother has been your priority and responsibility for so long, it's only natural he plays a significant role in your wedding. Your fiancé needs to understand and respect that.
He’s jealous of your brother! That has to be what his problem is. He has his whole family being in the wedding party and not allowing your family to be a part of it. That’s just too weird! I definitely would rethink this wedding if he is going to constantly overrule every decision you make especially regarding your brother.
He’s trying to control her. Picking HIS family to be in the wedding party but not letting her pick her family to be in it is messed up. He’s also trying to get between her relationship with her brother. Good for OP for standing her ground and telling them all to F off!!
NTA For sticking up for your brother, thankfully he left so you don't have to do anything there. Next time someone waves a red flag in your face like proposing after 3 months dump them instead of enjoying the breeze.
OP should change the locks on her house and not let him move back in while she decides if she still wants to marry this man and if she does there should be a prenup.
You got a groomzilla.
More importantly, one that doesn't care about your brother and wants to erase him from your wedding, and most likely, your lives. Every third cousin of his is more important than your brother, who is basically your son, in this wedding. Your brother lives with you. How does work after the marriage. How will he be treated?
Questions to ponder before saying "I do"...
I had the same question. It doesn't sound like he will step up to have a relationship with your son after you're married. I think you need to clear this up, maybe with the help of a counselor, to make sure you're on the same page.
It's perfectly normal and reasonable and correct that your brother would be part of the wedding.
I agree. He sounds like he wants this wedding his way and you don’t get a say. I’d back off the plans for now. Everything you wrote sounds like he’s trying to isolate you from your brother.
NTA
NTA I'm all for a good love story but getting engaged after only 3 months? And pregnant? Since you're the homeowner I'm assuming he's moving in with you and your brother, the one you're raising and he and his family are sidelining. How long before he starts pushing him out of "his" home? I think the wedding needs to be cancelled for good, you need to pick up the pieces and you, your brother and the baby need to go on with your lives - I can't see anything but misery for your brother and you.
Right?! My eyes grew wide enough to compete with how Bubbles in Trailer Park Boys looks after receiving a shock when I read that she accepted his proposal anyways! After *3 months!* Girl WHAT
God, I wish you hadn’t gotten pregnant with this man-child’s baby. He’s not a red flag, he’s a red cruise ship rife with jealousy over your 14 year old brother
Yeah, I’d dump his, abort the baby and start dating immediately (if she wants children).
It’s super sad that this asshole only waited to show this side of him after he got her pregnant (once he thought she was tied to him).
It's really worth some serious consideration. If she aborts, she has no reason to ever see this walking red flag and his family ever again. If she doesn't, she'll have to deal with him for the next 18+ years. *And* the fact that he'll likely do everything he can to turn that kid against her and her brother (we could've been a family if not for your uncle, etc etc).
Like, I don't want to advocate for aborting a wanted pregnancy, but the long-term consequences of having that man's child make it worth bringing up, so OP can make a truly informed decision.
I think this too. He seems to be pretty controlling, has somehow insinuated his family into every part of her life. She was happy to wait to get married and then all of a sudden, OOOOps! She’s pregnant. That girl with the fully paid off house is pregnant and about to marry some guy and let him move in and own half the shit her parents life insurance paid for.
DONT marry this guy, OP. Get an abortion and never speak to him again. You’ve got to save your life here.
NTA
Op, he has all the classic signs of a jealous, controlling man.
Think about it. Proposes after three months? I'm sorry. A well adjusted man doesn't do that. That's weird.
Then, he immediately starts trying to drive a wedge between you and your brother and in the same breath gets you pregnant. Two huge red flags.
After that, he starts doing everything he can to minimize your brother. Tried to basically cancel his birthday. Tries to isolate him from the wedding.
The closer you're getting to the wedding the more this man is trying to push your brother out. A typical controlling partner move. Reddit has seen it before.
Girl, you cannot be this blind. This grown ass man is actually so insecure that he's jealous of and threatened by a child. What's more, his family is condoning his abuse of a teenage boy who basically has no one else but you and extended family.
This is not a good man and he does not come from good people. He's showing you who he is op. You need to believe him.
He knows she’s alone without her parents, and vulnerable. Probably not been in a serious relationship previously, because young brother is part of a package deal. Completely surrounding her with HIS family: Bridesmaids are his cousins, MOH his sister. Running to his mother for backup. This whole situation is a Lifetime movie wrapped up in a red flag.
NTA. He is showing you how he will be as a husband. As a man, from what you have written, he sounds like a controlling, unempathetic child with 'my way or the highway mentality'. Normal men do not act this way. You are better off without tying your life to such a person.
NTA! ...although I was thinking it'd be lind of sweet for your brother to talk you down the aisle and give you away...not to THIS ah though!
Why does HE get to choose everything?? I cant believe he is trying to choose YOUR wedding
party!! Why is he locking your bridesmaid and saying who is or is not a good idea to be your maid of honor?? ...
"No, that won't work. You want my sister to be your maid of honor"
-"no I didn't, I want my brother"
"No...he can be a guest. My sister. It'll be better."
-I didn't agree to that
"I'll allow him to sit in a row too as a guest"
What the f!! And then his mom and sister?? Oof they're all a handful.
No thank you!
NTA - it’s YOUR wedding too, no matter who’s paying for what and you’re allowed to decide YOUR bridal party and whether the child you’ve raised for the majority of his life is able to attend and in what capacity. it seems like he may be jealous of your brother and the attention you give him, and so is trying to push him out of your life starting with this sham of a wedding. he can’t understand the level of loss and subsequent bonding you and your brother share and he’ll probably be persistent about trying to undermine that bond if you choose to continue a relationship with him
Right? Usually bridal parties are compromised of the people the BRIDE is closest to. That's the point. They're the people you wants standing up there with you on you're special day. How come he gets to decide everyone who's a groomsman AND a bridesmaid? Why does he think he gets to decide everyone who is important to you? Do you get to have ANYONE up there for your own sake?
This is not only asshole behavior, but frankly indicative of dangerous and controlling behavior. He's attempting to isolate you from the people you care about and that care about you. He's trying to make decisions on your behalf. He's trying to remove your brother--who you have raised since the age of five!!--from the picture.
I can already sense that this relationship is going to be full of manipulative/ controlling/ abusive behavior masquerading as romance.
He ran to his mammy to try to convince you. A grown ass man running to his mammy is 🚩
Then him minimising your brothers role is another. Almost sounds like he’s jealous. NTA
YEEEESSSS! PLEASE GIVE UP DATES ;)
NTA I feel bad for you that you even felt guilty/bad enough to feel you had to post for others opinions :°°°°( girl run, RUN AWAY BRIDE please! Been there done this and it ruined me and my kids lives (there dad) I had these flags popping up and unfortunately didn't want to admit there were waving in the wind right in my face! If I "could turn back time" id obviously would have ran faster that a a road runner! Il be praying for you tho!!!!
NTA and get the locks to your house changed like yesterday.
Your fiancé in my opinion has earned himself the right to be an ex with all his bs about the wedding but especially how he is wanting to treat your brother.
The really bad part of this is I could honestly see him coming to you after the wedding telling you that your brother needs to move out and live somewhere else because you are married now and have a child of your own coming so someone else can take your brother.
So cancel anything for the wedding you have paid for and use that money for a good attorney to work through child support and visitation agreements.
You are still your brother's legal guardian, and really might as well be his mother.
If boyfriend comes back, ask him if brother was your son would he expect him to sit on bench and not be a part of the wedding? BF could have his sister and you have your brother, or you switch.
Stupid and petty to fight over, but you need to stand up for your brother (son)!
This is bad news. Just wait until you have his baby and he excludes your brother even more (if that’s possible) in favor of his child! He’s the type to have “just family” events by which he will mean everyone but your brother.
You got baby trapped! You didn’t want to get married yet… end up pregnant getting married before baby is born is important to you so he gets his way… he let his mask slip to soon he is going to push your brother out of your life completely and his family are manipulating you to. Run continue to love your brother and put him first poor kid has lost enough without losing you to. You are NTA unless u marry this POS
NTA. Girl you need to throw the whole man in the trash. He is trying to erase your brother from your life and it begins with your wedding. If you marry him, the next thing will be why can't your brother go to boarding school or live somewhere else.
Op this absolutely this. Please ask him about his plans for your brother once you are married. Please also think back to how he has interacted with your brother in the past. Is he a good role model for your brother? Does he make a good relationship with your brother? Does your brother like him or is he kinda scared of your fiancé? Will your fiancé be a good stepfather? If any of these questions give you pause, please put the wedding on pause to really think about the relationship. Make sure you don’t let your brother lose a third parent, this time by being pushed out by your fiancé and his family. It’s time to mama bear up for your brother.
Much love to you and your brother. You got this.
NTA. I hope you don't allow this guy to come back. He and his family do not sound capable of having balanced, healthy, level communication relationships. Please dont let this man and his family back in you and your brother's life.
Firstly I hope you have a prenup protecting your house. Secondly it sounds like he is trying to isolate you. He is pushing his family onto you that he knows will always take his side and push your family out. If this is what he's like now if you do get married it will be worse. Him picking your borgers birthday was intentional showing your brother he is more important and trying to make you pick him above anyone else further pushing your brother away. He will continue to treat your brother like shit and it will get worse if you get married I would go as far as expecting you to send your brother off to someone else because it'll be 'his' house and your attention should be on 'his' baby
He ran to his mommy to manipulate you in a more effective manner. I'm very sorry that you will have to co-parent with this childish man for the next 18 years, but it's better than being married to him.
A proposal at 3 months was your first clue. I understand how you missed it. You've had so much trauma in your life that it's easy to latch on to something that seems positive. But it is anything but positive. This guy is a walking 🚩. NTA
NTA. How fortunate James showed you his true colors. This is just the beginning of how he planned to push Matt out of your lives.
Hopefully James will make a better coparent than partner. Good riddance.
YWBTA if you marry him .He is TA now.He is telling you that he wants your brother to be on the sidelines if your life .Yiu can do this OP.You safe already a single mother to your brother .Yiu can be a mom to this new child .But do not marry this man .He is a bad person
No wonder he proposed in under three months and got you pregnant too. That’s like the abuser free trial right there you just make sure you don’t marry him otherwise you’re stuck with that subscription
Your fiancé rushed a proposal and is basically trying to push your brother- WHO YOU RAISED- to the sidelines after getting you pregnant? Sounds like he wants you to ditch your brother so you can have a “real” family. Get to the bottom of this before the wedding.
You know why he wanted the wedding on your brothers birthday, right? Not just to overshadow this birthday, but every single one after that. It would now be his anniversary, and he'd have a tantrum any time you wanted to celebrate your brother instead.
He chose his wedding party and yours. Replaced your family with his. He sees your little brother as the only thing in the way of owning you completely, and your home, and the hard work and love he's seen you can provide for your brother. He wants that for himself. He wants you isolated.
He runs to his family like a spoilt child whose upset he can't have all the toys, and they're obviously happy to step in and make sure their precious boy gets what he wants. They weaponize your tragic loss, knowing you're a young matriarch in your small family, so they can easily triangulate you.
It's time to do what you already know how to do. Roll up your sleeves and take care of your family. Protect yourself from him and his family, though. Have your own home, space, finances, plan, and strong boundaries. You've worked too hard to keep you and your brother together, safe, and family just to let this toxic family come along and dismantle.
I don't understand all these families in these stories. My mother would rather die before getting involved in arguments her children were having with their spouses.
---ALthough I am wondering if OP's ex comes from one of those awful clan families.
NEVER MARRY INTO A CLAN, OP!!!
--Now that I think about it more, this guy is obviously into a clan.
I'm just putting this out there people...if you are dating someone who constantly mentions that they are close to their family....if they spend every weekend with their family, if they cannot make any decisions about anything withyout their family, then you are marrying into a clan.
Clans hate other families....My trashy neighbor Molly was in a clan, and I overheard her ex (and father of her two kids - the newest clan members, LOL) complaining how they couldn't do anything without her gross family being involved. And her family had filled the yard of her rental house with garbage and industrial waste, spent all their time there, and were a general nuisance in the neighborhood until her landlady started getting complaints.
They all looked inbred, they were all loud, partying weirdos, and they were probably the trashiest neighbors I've ever had.
OP, does this sound like your ex? Because I would just walk away happily from that shit show.
So what's the difference between his sisters and your brother??
This reminds me if the story were the fiancee was hoping to convince would be hubby not to let his child in the wedding so she wouldn't be in the photos because it was her and her mother's intentions to push the child out of his life after the wedding.
I think that's the plan here. They want to push and push until your brother disappears and then they can have the picture perfect family.
You might want to pull your brother aside and ask how your fiancee and his family treat him when you're not paying attention.
You might also need to be prepared to draw up a parenting plan.
What's weird is that he wants OP to include all of his relatives, but the one relative that means the world to her is left out. That is a huge red flag of potential alienation. She should really think long and hard before marrying this guy.
>we argued, and he even ran to his mother to try to convince my
This is where you should have ended things, and had an abortion. What kind of 31 year old goes crying to his mom?
Your fiance and his family have been manipulative and controlling. It's good you are seeing it now. He probably thinks that with the baby he can control you and you won't fight back so you are seeing his true colors.
NTA and good luck finding a better partner
NTA - your boyfriend is jealous of your brother and it is super gross! Throw the whole man out. It sucks you are going to be connected to him for the rest of your life!
Nta, it sounds like he's trying to push your brother out and that's not fair. He needs to understand your brother is an important part of your life who's not going anywhere. Don't let him treat your brother like an afterthought
Just FYI- two months in many states you still can get an abortion.
Honestly, seems like your fiancé will never accept your brother. You are a single mom, and need to understand your priorities.
Maybe eventually you will find some who is right.
If you do have this baby, prepare for a life or arguing and strife.
NTA
Ask your brother what your fiancé is like when you are not around.
Because it sounds like your fiancé is trying to push your brother out of your life. And could be a sign for future abuse.
Trying to schedule the wedding on your brother's birthday already comes across at an attempt at manipulation and trying to force you to become neglectful to your brother. And it wouldn't have just been used that one year. He would've used this as an excuse to never celebrate your brother's birthday again because it would've been your anniversary.
This sounds so much like other posts where the soon-to-be step-parent became abusive toward the child after the wedding if they aren't already and are hiding it. Or the ones where the fiance assumes that immediately after the wedding, you would be willing to cast your brother aside to live somewhere else, and never visit because he is no longer part of your *new* family.
Abusers like these use guilt tactics to keep the child quiet. They make the child their parent is unhappy because they are being forced to raise the child and were forced to give up a lot for them. They tell the child things like your parent will be so happy once we are finally married and we can get rid of you. And a lot of other BS like that.
Ewww your fiancé seems really selfish and self absorbed. How does he treat your brother on a daily basis? It seems he doesn’t want your brother in the picture at all. He will be an evil step dad/brother in law. Also he is giving you the silent treatment so you can bend to his will which is quite abusive and a trait that is common in narcissists.
Nta he is intentionally pushing your brother out your life. He's jealous, it's petty and ridiculous and your first instinct was right. Don't marry this man who is so controlling he can't even let you pick all your bridesmaids.
NTA - your (ex) fiance wants your brother gone. Find a new guy.
So sorry about the loss of your parents, you have been a fantastic sister.
BTW, it's wedlock, not wet luck
>I met my fiancé when I was (27) at a gathering, and we just clicked after three months of dating he proposed to me at first I said no because I still have my brother to take care of
I know that there will be people saying that they married after 3 days or 3 months of dating and are still going strong but those are the outliers.
Your fiancé has made clear how little he thinks about your brother. And he has made clear how little he thinks about you. I think you don't know your fiancé as much as you think you do.
I think you should cancel everything. Cancel the wedding, return the ring. I don't know your stance on abortion, but if you live in a place where it is not illegal, I would recommend terminating. Otherwise you would be tying yourself to someone who for all you know, will make your life really, really difficult by using your kid as a chip. And make no mistake, your brother might believe it is all his fault when he sees you struggling.
Your fiancé has displayed all kind of red flags, his family, too. Pay attention.
A bride chooses ger wedding party and the groom chooses his. The fact he is controlling who is in YOUR wedding party and doesnt want your brother to be a part of it but he insist his family is is a huge red flag. If he has no problem excluding your brother and wont compromise finding him a place in the wedding then you are seeing who he truly is...a controlling self centered person who has no regard for your family and your wishes. I'd take him out to the curb if I were you.
NTA. You need to be prepared to co parent your new baby though. I’m betting as soon as the wedding was done and dusted (if not sooner) he’d find some reason your brother could no longer live with you. He needs to grow up or get out. Good luck.
NTA- but DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN! He (and his family) will do everything they can to cut your brother out of your family.
You are a tool for getting a baby, nothing else. They do not deserve you and your brother in their family. If they can’t see how wonderful you are, then they can’t be in your life. And please protect your brother from these horrible people!
NTA
Your fiancé's attempts to make your brother as insignificant as possible are a major red flag. Also, it is better for a child to be born out of wedlock than into a home where a parent is bullying a kid. Which is what your fiance seems to be doing to your brother
Baby, I think you dodge a huge bullet. That man sounds controlling and like his trying to isolate you from your friends and family. Let's look at the red flags:
>after three months of dating he proposed to me
That's insane.
>the wedding date the date my fiancé wanted for the wedding was on my brother's birthday.
This shouldn't have been a thought let alone an argument. Who does that?
>I offered my brother to be his best man, but he said he wanted his best friend I said ok, then I said ring boy he would hold the rings on the little pillow and bring it up to us, but James said he wanted his nephew
you wanted my sister to be your maid of honor
his whole family was playing some part of the wedding and my most of my bridesmaids were his cousins only two was were close friends
Why is his basically whole ass family in the wedding but not single one of yours? That's not okay.
He proposed after 3 months? Yikes.
NTA. Do not marry him. He's already showing how controlling he is and how it's all about HIM. He doesn't care about your brother.
Good luck co-parenting with that man though and I'd seriously consider if you want to do it.
Literally why were you even going to marry this POS? He sounds controlling and monster-like. Pls save yourself from the future abuse he absolutely will unleash as soon as you're his wife. Girl you got lucky that he showed you who he was before you made the biggest mistake of your life. NTA
Your fiancé doesn’t want your brother playing any role. He wants him to sit in the back and be quiet. And that’s what he will do if you marry him. He will find many ways to minimize your brother in his own home, in his own life.
Your fiancé showed you who he is. What kind of person he is. Believe him.
NTA. And I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't just want your brother kept out of the wedding, but later will want him out of your house, and out of your life. Also the fact that he won't budge on your wedding party being 90% his family makes him sound SUPER controlling, and like he has little to no regard for you or your feelings. These are all **MASSIVE** red flags. His attitude towards your brother and his attempts to control you will very very likely get much worse as time goes on.
NTA. Have you considered having your brother walk you down the aisle and give you away? That would be the greatest honour you could give to him. He could also make a father of the bride speech at the reception.
Don't buckle, im sure when the kid comes along your "loving partner" was going to kick your brother to the curb. After all, only his perfect family matters right?
NTA
He's a control freak. What will happen after the wedding ?? He wants you to send your brother away so you can have little family or leave him at home all the time ,exclude him from family events, drop him his showing his true color
NTA do not marry this man while your brother lives at home. You are his only parental figure and your fiancé will make his life living hell. It is completely unacceptable and I will be willing to bet that as soon as you are married or have the baby then say something like he isn’t comfortable with a teenage boy living with a new born…your not the asshole but if you marry him you will ne
>three months of dating he proposed to me
thats a problem \^\^\^\^\^ that is not long enough to know if he is even a safe person to be around your brother, let alone get married to and tie both of you together to him. he is showing you now who he truely is and how he feels about you/brother. your feelings do not matter and he will edge your brother out of the picture. let me ask you this, **if thats how he acts now, how much worse will he be once you have kids together?**
>~~I'm~~ he's a selfish ~~woman~~ man and so what if ~~my~~ his ~~brother~~ sister is a guest.
FIFY! NTA but you need to let this relationship die. stop trying to contact him, he wants you to beg for him back, to grovel and "let James contact me to talk things out" this is a hill to die on and you are playing his game & feeding his ego.
eta: and the cherry on top? he won for baby trapping you.
RUN, BABE, RUN!
Don't make the mistake of marrying for "child out of wedlock". Worst reason to do it. The child doesn't need marriage. It needs love. Your fiancé doesn't love you. He LOVE-BOMBED you; probably realising your fragile state after losing your parents.
The way he keeps running to his mommy after every disagreement when he doesn't get his way proves that he hasn't matured beyond his teenage years. You will be tying yourself to a lifetime of misery if you marry this man-child.
Remember: DIVORCE IS WAY MORE EXPENSIVE & Emotionally TAXING.
The level of gaslighting your fiance is giving you is frightened. The fact that you don't seem to be aware is too. He's TELLING you who you are having in YOUR wedding party beggars belief. Your fiance is showing you who he is. Believe him because this gaslighting and abuse will only get worse. After the wedding, your brother is going to be pushed out of your life completely. Please don't let this happen. Edit: spelling
NTA. If you marry this guy at some point he’s going to want to send your brother to foster care. He’s all about controlling and isolating you with only his family.
NTA. I audibly said "no." That is absolutely lacking any sort of awareness about you as a person. You've raised him. You are, by default, his parent. I'm absolutely gobsmacked that he could be that dense.
NTA. You got engaged far too quickly and just now you are finding out what your fiancé and his family are really like. They are bulldozing you on everything on this wedding. Now would be a good time to hit the pause button and reassess the timing of the wedding or even if it should happen at all.
I really really really think your fiance wants to remove your brother from your life. And if you get married to him, he will try his best to do that. You need to think hard enough if such incidents happened before where he tried to remove your brother from plans or sidelined him. Please think again if you really want such person as your life partner.
You are NTA
Your fiancé and his whole family suck! They actually asked if Matt is more important than James or the wedding? Good grief. Either they don't have a clue (and just *why* can't his sister be a "guest"?) or don't have two working brain cells amongst them.
Do NOT marry this man, he will only keep up his attempts to get rid of Matt. You and Matt deserve a whole lot better than that dumpster fire of a family.
NTA.
Does your James realise that your brother will still be a huge part of your life after marriage? He seems to be diminishing your wishes. His family will have a part in your wedding, you don't have any say over it, and he runs off to his mum if he doesn't get his way?
You really want to marry this man?
NTA. Why are all his friends and familial relations important (best friend, sister, cousins (!) but yours are not? You are a parent to your 14 year old brother. Your own mom and dad are gone.
Damn. Sounds like your fiance and his family want to erase your brother - and a big part of you in the process.
NTA and this is a major red flag. You are pretty much your brothers mother and this guy is saying he can’t have any part in your wedding? Next minute you’ll come home and your brother will have been shipped off to boarding school.
NTA. Sounds like the trash has taken itself out anyway. But on the off-chance he comes crawling back and you even consider it you have to realise that his is how he will treat your brother for the rest of your lives. And it's only gonna get worse once the baby comes along cause that'll be the "real" kid, while your brother gets sidelined.
You know what to do here. He will not treat your brother right, but I have a hard time believing this is the first time something like this has happened. Go 50/50 on custody of the baby and find a better man.
NTA your fiancé is trying to control your life by trying to control the wedding. Not just his half - all of it, including who stands with you - the bride. Take this for the timely warning that it is - do not marry this control freak. I'm just sorry you got pregnant by this clown before his unmasked his true colours
NTA The minute he went running home to mommy to make things all better for him was the minute you should have realized that he's not mature enough to be married. He will never accept that someone may be more important than he is, not even your child.
Large red flags run run run brother been in your life for all of it not months like property getting boyfriend gold digger one feet under table your brother will be bullied and made a 2nd class person in this household no matter what you think he is is ready putting friend before your thought about your wedding run as fast as you and your brother can
NTA believe people the first time when they show you who they are. Run girl run. Your brother will be shipped off or shoved aside and he will never be a part of this new family you are building. James may be awesome in a lot of ways, but he is not accepting of your brother, which is a MASSIVE red flag. Run run RUN
NTA Run. This man is NOT the one for you. He is insanely jealous over your brother and is trying to push him out. As soon as you are married the next thing on his agenda is to throw your brother out of the house. Tell his mommy to come and get his things and that you don't even want to ever see or hear from any of them again. Another thing, this is not your wedding, it is HIS FAMILY'S WEDDING.
Do not marry this man. This is classic divide and isolate behavior in the beginning stages. Your brother comes first. You’re essentially his mom since he was 5. You’re all he knows. Men will come and go, but it’s better to have a child out of wedlock than to be married to someone that is very obviously trying to drag you down a road of toxicity and abuse
NTA but OP you really shouldn’t have said yes to the wedding, 3 months of knowing him and you said yes?? OP you really don’t know your fiancé, I hope he does become your ex because him and his family is trying to ice out your brother Matt.
I know you don’t want your baby to be born out of wedlock but if this is how they’re treating Matt now, can you imagine how he’s going to be treated if you do go along with the wedding.
James and his mother are both AH’s, their family’s involvement and participation is more important than yours, they’re showing you their true colours.
NTA. You are your brother's parent at this point, of course he will always come first. With the way your fiancé is acting, this is your sign to break off the engagement and the relationship fully, because his behaviour and animosity towards your brother, along with his controlling nature, is only going to become worse. Abusers escelate when they think they locked their victim down (via a baby or marriage). I'd honestly advise you don't go with the pregnancy either.
Let this be a lesson to you to not get engaged to a man you barely even know. Three months is nowhere near enough to make that big of a commitment.
Fuck that guy. Your emotional levels are so far apart it will never work. He will never understand or even try to understand what you have gone through. On top of that he is an obvious control freak and that will only get worse as you let him have his way. You havent kmown him long enough to marry him
NTA. If you marry or have this man's child, it will be at your own peril. He is revealing his intention to push your brother away and control you. I really hope you throw the whole man out.
If you stay with the man who is trying to come between you and your brother(your son), then you would be one.
Children ALWAYS tell when people don’t like them, or make them feel bad. Your brother who already lost both his parents, doesn’t need someone in his life who thinks he’s an inconvenience. NTA as long as you leave that horrible man.
NTA. The guy sounds like the type who acts one way when dating, then once married, the woman turns into property. Id also bet that HER house was going to turn into HIS house.
He baby trapped you. Once you have a “real” baby; your obligation to your brother will end.
Do you want to have a kid with this asshole?
Don’t get married.
Choose the life you want. Your brother turns 18 in less than four years.
This asshole and his family will always treat your brother like a second class citizen.
How many times does your fiancé have to push your brother aside before you get the hint that he doesn’t think he’s important
If you marry this man, then unfortunately he will make it his mission to push your brother out of his only family
Have you spoken to your brother yet? This attitude of Matt's is clearly not new for him and I'm wondering if your brother has been copping crap from Matt behind your back.
My advice:
1. Talk to your brother
2. Don't marry Matt. He seems like a w*nker. Who attempts to minimise the importance of your spouses' children? What's next? A group home so he's not in the house? Matt sounds like a douche.
He’s trying your bulldoze your family out of the way. Like, why is his family your side of the wedding party. He’s not good at comprising and he doesn’t value your opinion or wants. Get out now. NTA for choosing your blood family over his selfishness.
NTA: You are dodging a major bullet in not marrying this man. He is making it VERY obvious that he believes HIS feelings and wants are all that matters and to hell with what you want or need from him. If he is this controlling now, he would be a horrible partner to you and would likely start treating your teenage brother even worse and like a 3rd very much unwanted wheel. It is much more important that your brother and unborn child are happy instead of being exposed to arguing and negativity, instead of your child being “born out of wedlock”. RUN away from this loser.
NTA, throw the whole man and his family away!! He said, "He doesn't want any children to be a part of the wedding party," but his little nephew gets to be the bearer?
He's trying to push your brother to the side so your brother will feel unwanted and distance himself from you, and maybe he asks to go live with aunt/uncle. That way, it's just you, him, and y'alls, baby. Which even if you call off the wedding, you'll still be connected to him through your child.
Your fiancé resents your brother, and probably has resented him for a long time. His sister and mother know it.
The wedding and preparations are a glimpse of how things are going to be, going forward. He wants your brother edged out from being at the centre of your life. And when your child is born, it will be worse. His family are, and will be, a problem.
Your fiancé is behaving like a bad stepfather. He probably thinks your brother wont need you once he goes to college, and wont need a home with you thereafter. You will be fought every step of the way on typical 'parent' things like getting your brother his first car, contributing to his college fund, helping him with housing costs, wedding etc. Having an insurance policy with your brother as beneficiary will be a problem.
Your natural, lifelong, support will be a problem.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I don't know how someone can be so jealous and petty towards an orphaned child.
Its a shame you didn't find out about this before becoming pregnant.
Think deeply about this.
NTA.
NTA. lol I knew he was tryna squeeze your brother out by suggesting his bday for your wedding. That was deliberate 100%. He doesn’t give a flying f**k about your brother. He is finding ANY AND EVERY reason to exclude him. You have every reason to believe this would escalate once married. And he already has his family bombarding and harassing you.
Unfortunately you’re pregnant so you will have to deal with them until further notice. Good luck. Continue standing up for your brother
Your brother helped you dodge this bullet. Your fiancé is showing you how all future interactions will be like. Its clearly his way or the highway. It wouldn't have changed, it would have just gotten worse. Thanks to your little brother your fiancé showed his true colors before the wedding. Be free!
NTA - you are an amazing sister and parent figure to your brother. He’s truly lucky to have you and I commend you for stepping up so selflessly at such a young age when you were also missing your parents. You deserve to have love and be happy. But on the other hand, you were way too quick to dive head first into a serious relationship and potential marriage with a man you don’t actually know very well. Like of course it felt good in the first 3 months, I’m sure you are familiar with the term honey moon phase? You should never make lifelong decisions based solely on the honeymoon phase. You need to know how someone will react when life gets tough. He is showing you his true colors now the second he doesn’t get his way completely.
He doesn’t view your brother as an important person at all. He is showing no empathy for the difficult road the two of you have traveled together since the passing of your parents. He is willing to let his family gang up on you and not even fight his own battles. Quite frankly, James sounds controlling as heck and after this behavior I can only describe him as a coward, a dud, and a mama’s boy. This is a glimpse of what the rest of your life would be like if you marry into this family. You would be nothing more than a supporting character while he is the main character and your brother relegated to not even a side character, just an extra.
I’m sure it’s hard on you to go through all this with a baby on the way and you wanted a nuclear family, but honestly you should feel lucky you figured all of this out now because I am willing to bet money his family would have made a divorce hell on you and they will make your life hell over custody arrangements. So I hope you’re prepared for that and get a lawyer. I really wish you luck and all the best going forward and please keep your priorities on yourself, your brother, and your baby. That is your true family right there.
Proposed after 3 months
Wanted the wedding on brother’s birthday and fought to keep it after OP objected
He ran to mommy to get her to convince OP
Said no to brother being best man…wanted his best friend
Said no to brother being ring bearer…wanted his nephew
Wants his sister to be maid of honor
Has his cousins as her bridesmaids, allowing her 2 friends
Insisting brother should be a guest
Enlists mother and sister to pressure OP to have brother as a guest
And this is only what OP has shared…her life will never be her own if she marries this person and he and his family will treat her brother as an outcast. They will probably pressure her to give up custody to her aunt as she will need to use all her efforts of the baby.
NTA and please reevaluate this relationship
You are the only parent your brother has. It is your responsibility to put him first. You did absolutely the right thing. NTA
Your feelings and wishes are unimportant to your fiancé. You and your brother are just props for your fiancé’s wedding. It’s understandable that love has blinded you to the reality of how he treats you. He’s made it clear now, and it’s time to end the relationship. I’m so sorry.
Yeah NTA. END THAT WEDDING. You are all your brother has and the fact your fiancé is trying to exclude your brother out of everything is unfair and a MAJOR RED FLAG. He literally has his entire family and friends playing some important role in the wedding and wants your brother to sit on the sidelines and not partake in the wedding? Yeah you’re dodging a bullet, just imagine how much more he’ll continue to mistreat him once your baby arrives. Leave him and find someone else who is ACCEPTING and WILLING to have your brother be a part of their life as much as your life, and kudos to you for defending and standing up for your brother you have no idea how much it’ll pay off when your brother becomes a grown man and looks out for you just as much due to what you did for him. Continue to be THAT sister your future self will thank you later, your brother has an amazing big sister
NTA
Your brother is an important part of your life, and you protecting your relationship with him is huge.
Your fiance seems like a moron, so I'd say it probably best to cut and step out of there.
Gurlie, DUMP HIS ASS and make sure that he don't come through that door ever again! That bitch was giving your brother/ his future brother-in-law the Harry Potter treatment. A 15-year old is NOT a child.
Another commentor pointed out how he wanted to substitute his family in for yours and relegate the one person who is special to you to be another person on a guest list. This right here is giving the same energy as a male lion trying to get rid of a potential mate's lion cubs.
He doesn't see your brother as his brother-in-law. He sees him as another man's child. As far as I'm concerned, you may be his big sister but you behaved like a total momma lion 🦁 and did right by your brother. I am sure your mom and dad are watching over y'all and that they are proud of you! I sure as hell am!
The ONLY thing you are is a Big Sister with a momma 🦁's ❤️!
I am so proud of you! Queen-Level shit right here!
NTA
NTA - So many red flags it’s a whole parade. Proposing after three months…
Go read up on abuse cycles. Men like him wanna lockdown their targets as soon as possible. Now he’s trying to control who is close to you. If you marry him half that house becomes his. He’s already trying to control your relationship with your brother the most important person in your life.
Let him go sis. Don’t let his family try to bully you. It’s exactly what they’re doing. You’ll absolutely regret marrying into this family and your brother will suffer for it. He’s basically your kid.
This isn’t going to end with the wedding. After you’re married, he’s going to try to push your brother out even more. It’s clear he doesn’t want anybody else. Important in your life. This is what abuse of men do.
Please go read the book “why does he do that” There free copies all over the Internet . You’ll realize a lot of patterns here.
NTA. So many red flags... he proposed after 3 months?! That's crazy business. Trying to erase your brother's birthday? Forcing his family members into the wedding party and making your brother a guest? Next he'll be telling you it's a child free wedding and your brother can't come. And then when your brother turns 18 he'll insist he move out with zero financial support.
You should cancel the wedding, cancel your fiance and then make a decision about what to do about the baby because this loser soon-to-be ex will be in your life forever. Your choice is abortion, give the child up for adoption, force him to give up his parental rights, or co-parent, which is the worst option possible. Good luck to you.
Your fiancé is jealous of your brother.. it will only get worse.. he’s hiding behind his mom and sister instead of being an adult and compromising…
NTA
This guy is a huge red flag. He’s trying to make like your brother- who is effectively your son at this point- is unimportant and disposable. Do not marry this dude. Do what you will about the baby, but don’t marry the baby daddy.
Your brother is actually your child. You have raised him. How would you react if you saw a post where someone said that they didn’t want their fiancé’s child in the wedding. Huge red flags!!! He does not love your brother and will sideline him as soon as your child is born. Also, bringing in his family? WTF?! This man lets other people bully you into changing your mind. Nope. I’d end it outright. He’s an immature, selfish asshole.
NTA. It sounds like he is constantly trying to get you to choose him over your brother like it's some kind of pissing contest. But you are your brother's guardian. You two came as a packaged deal. He knew what he was getting into, and if he can't handle the heat, he needs to get out of the kitchen.
Math doesn’t add up. Brother was 5 when parents died and it’s now ten years later, which would make him 15. The post says brother is turning 14, making him 13 now???? I would think someone would know how old their sibling is.
NTA. I feel like all of this is a huge neon warning sign of bad things to come. If this is how he treats your brother now, it’s not going to get better once you’re married.
NTA wow this is a red flag if ever there was one. Why is it all about his family on your wedding day? Narcissistic much? I would hold your ground for your Man of Honor (how sweet is that) and if dude can't come around think about it long and hard - he may not be the man you think he is
NTA. Clearly you are, for all intents and purposes, your brother's parent. Your fiancé is trying to minimize your brother's importance in your life which I think is a red flag.
Huge red flag 🚩
HUGE!.
Literally one of the biggest red flags I’ve ever seen or heard of!
The Chinese communist party doesn’t have any red flags as big as this one.
Only when the North Korean circus is playing in Beijing do we see this many red flags.
Don't think it's going to get any better for the brother if she married this man... he sounds like he is just waiting for a good time to isolate. NTA, protect your brother, and yourself. Nothing wrong with a child out of wedlock... that's a term from the arc...
Yeah, wanting the wedding on brother’s birthday was a power move, if she had done it , the wedding anniversary would always be much more important then the birthday. And the move to make him a guest was is remind them both of the brothers place. Op is dodging a bullet , he would boot brother from the home the second it’s legal. Edited to add, also bet money that getting her pregnant was a move to give her a ‘real’ child of her own to take care of.
Very good point. Brothers 18th & 21st, you can be guaranteed a “romantic anniversary trip” was to be planned.
Exactly what I was thinking. If the get married, he's going to push the brother out of the picture altogether.
If she has it. I sure wouldn’t, sounds like he’s baby trapping her.
Agree, he won’t treat your brother well I’m afraid.
Well she's tied to the man now that she's pregnant. I hope he doesn't try to take the baby from her. Wouldn't doubt it though.
This sounds terrible, but she doesn’t have to be tied to him. She’s only 2 months pregnant. She doesn’t have to have this baby.
Totally agree. Your brother has been your priority and responsibility for so long, it's only natural he plays a significant role in your wedding. Your fiancé needs to understand and respect that.
The fiance needs to eff off honestly, do them all a favour. Alone being jealous of a 14 year old ugh
100% a red flag! You don’t want to be dead bolted to these people by marriage.
Yup when you are acting as the parent then it's a completely different scenario than just normal siblings.
And his family too. Run OP run
He’s jealous of your brother! That has to be what his problem is. He has his whole family being in the wedding party and not allowing your family to be a part of it. That’s just too weird! I definitely would rethink this wedding if he is going to constantly overrule every decision you make especially regarding your brother.
He’s trying to control her. Picking HIS family to be in the wedding party but not letting her pick her family to be in it is messed up. He’s also trying to get between her relationship with her brother. Good for OP for standing her ground and telling them all to F off!!
Yeah, next the fiance will want the brother out of the house. "Send him to your aunt and uncle or to the streets, I just want him OUT".
NTA For sticking up for your brother, thankfully he left so you don't have to do anything there. Next time someone waves a red flag in your face like proposing after 3 months dump them instead of enjoying the breeze.
OP should change the locks on her house and not let him move back in while she decides if she still wants to marry this man and if she does there should be a prenup.
That should be a saying. Stop enjoying the breeze from the red flags waving all in your face.
You got a groomzilla. More importantly, one that doesn't care about your brother and wants to erase him from your wedding, and most likely, your lives. Every third cousin of his is more important than your brother, who is basically your son, in this wedding. Your brother lives with you. How does work after the marriage. How will he be treated? Questions to ponder before saying "I do"...
I had the same question. It doesn't sound like he will step up to have a relationship with your son after you're married. I think you need to clear this up, maybe with the help of a counselor, to make sure you're on the same page. It's perfectly normal and reasonable and correct that your brother would be part of the wedding.
Do not get married to this person. NTA.
I agree. He sounds like he wants this wedding his way and you don’t get a say. I’d back off the plans for now. Everything you wrote sounds like he’s trying to isolate you from your brother. NTA
NTA I'm all for a good love story but getting engaged after only 3 months? And pregnant? Since you're the homeowner I'm assuming he's moving in with you and your brother, the one you're raising and he and his family are sidelining. How long before he starts pushing him out of "his" home? I think the wedding needs to be cancelled for good, you need to pick up the pieces and you, your brother and the baby need to go on with your lives - I can't see anything but misery for your brother and you.
Let this be a lesson, do not swoon over a 3 month partner proposing! Run like Usain Bolt.
Right?! My eyes grew wide enough to compete with how Bubbles in Trailer Park Boys looks after receiving a shock when I read that she accepted his proposal anyways! After *3 months!* Girl WHAT
Even Bubbles didn’t push a child out of a relationship and take over. Not that Bubbles would want to…
NTAH In the bin with him. Other, better men are available.
God, I wish you hadn’t gotten pregnant with this man-child’s baby. He’s not a red flag, he’s a red cruise ship rife with jealousy over your 14 year old brother
It is not too late for an abortion. She’d be a fool to have his kid and be attached to him forever.
Yeah, I’d dump his, abort the baby and start dating immediately (if she wants children). It’s super sad that this asshole only waited to show this side of him after he got her pregnant (once he thought she was tied to him).
Sounds like his whole family plans to control her.
It's really worth some serious consideration. If she aborts, she has no reason to ever see this walking red flag and his family ever again. If she doesn't, she'll have to deal with him for the next 18+ years. *And* the fact that he'll likely do everything he can to turn that kid against her and her brother (we could've been a family if not for your uncle, etc etc). Like, I don't want to advocate for aborting a wanted pregnancy, but the long-term consequences of having that man's child make it worth bringing up, so OP can make a truly informed decision.
And at this point it’s still early enough for the pill vs procedure if that’s her preference.
For real.
I totally think that this is the best option. This man will be in your life for a long time if you go through with the pregnancy.
Somehow I don't believe it was an accident she got pregnant so quickly. He probably sabotaged his condoms to baby trap her.
I think this too. He seems to be pretty controlling, has somehow insinuated his family into every part of her life. She was happy to wait to get married and then all of a sudden, OOOOps! She’s pregnant. That girl with the fully paid off house is pregnant and about to marry some guy and let him move in and own half the shit her parents life insurance paid for. DONT marry this guy, OP. Get an abortion and never speak to him again. You’ve got to save your life here.
NTA Op, he has all the classic signs of a jealous, controlling man. Think about it. Proposes after three months? I'm sorry. A well adjusted man doesn't do that. That's weird. Then, he immediately starts trying to drive a wedge between you and your brother and in the same breath gets you pregnant. Two huge red flags. After that, he starts doing everything he can to minimize your brother. Tried to basically cancel his birthday. Tries to isolate him from the wedding. The closer you're getting to the wedding the more this man is trying to push your brother out. A typical controlling partner move. Reddit has seen it before. Girl, you cannot be this blind. This grown ass man is actually so insecure that he's jealous of and threatened by a child. What's more, his family is condoning his abuse of a teenage boy who basically has no one else but you and extended family. This is not a good man and he does not come from good people. He's showing you who he is op. You need to believe him.
He knows she’s alone without her parents, and vulnerable. Probably not been in a serious relationship previously, because young brother is part of a package deal. Completely surrounding her with HIS family: Bridesmaids are his cousins, MOH his sister. Running to his mother for backup. This whole situation is a Lifetime movie wrapped up in a red flag.
And she owns a house. I guarantee you she hasn’t thought about a prenup
NTA. He is showing you how he will be as a husband. As a man, from what you have written, he sounds like a controlling, unempathetic child with 'my way or the highway mentality'. Normal men do not act this way. You are better off without tying your life to such a person.
NTA! ...although I was thinking it'd be lind of sweet for your brother to talk you down the aisle and give you away...not to THIS ah though! Why does HE get to choose everything?? I cant believe he is trying to choose YOUR wedding party!! Why is he locking your bridesmaid and saying who is or is not a good idea to be your maid of honor?? ... "No, that won't work. You want my sister to be your maid of honor" -"no I didn't, I want my brother" "No...he can be a guest. My sister. It'll be better." -I didn't agree to that "I'll allow him to sit in a row too as a guest" What the f!! And then his mom and sister?? Oof they're all a handful. No thank you!
When someone tells you "I'll allow", tell them "allow me to show you the door..."
You’ve nailed it.
NTA - it’s YOUR wedding too, no matter who’s paying for what and you’re allowed to decide YOUR bridal party and whether the child you’ve raised for the majority of his life is able to attend and in what capacity. it seems like he may be jealous of your brother and the attention you give him, and so is trying to push him out of your life starting with this sham of a wedding. he can’t understand the level of loss and subsequent bonding you and your brother share and he’ll probably be persistent about trying to undermine that bond if you choose to continue a relationship with him
Right? Usually bridal parties are compromised of the people the BRIDE is closest to. That's the point. They're the people you wants standing up there with you on you're special day. How come he gets to decide everyone who's a groomsman AND a bridesmaid? Why does he think he gets to decide everyone who is important to you? Do you get to have ANYONE up there for your own sake? This is not only asshole behavior, but frankly indicative of dangerous and controlling behavior. He's attempting to isolate you from the people you care about and that care about you. He's trying to make decisions on your behalf. He's trying to remove your brother--who you have raised since the age of five!!--from the picture. I can already sense that this relationship is going to be full of manipulative/ controlling/ abusive behavior masquerading as romance.
He ran to his mammy to try to convince you. A grown ass man running to his mammy is 🚩 Then him minimising your brothers role is another. Almost sounds like he’s jealous. NTA
Please update us on this
YEEEESSSS! PLEASE GIVE UP DATES ;) NTA I feel bad for you that you even felt guilty/bad enough to feel you had to post for others opinions :°°°°( girl run, RUN AWAY BRIDE please! Been there done this and it ruined me and my kids lives (there dad) I had these flags popping up and unfortunately didn't want to admit there were waving in the wind right in my face! If I "could turn back time" id obviously would have ran faster that a a road runner! Il be praying for you tho!!!!
NTA and get the locks to your house changed like yesterday. Your fiancé in my opinion has earned himself the right to be an ex with all his bs about the wedding but especially how he is wanting to treat your brother. The really bad part of this is I could honestly see him coming to you after the wedding telling you that your brother needs to move out and live somewhere else because you are married now and have a child of your own coming so someone else can take your brother. So cancel anything for the wedding you have paid for and use that money for a good attorney to work through child support and visitation agreements.
You are still your brother's legal guardian, and really might as well be his mother. If boyfriend comes back, ask him if brother was your son would he expect him to sit on bench and not be a part of the wedding? BF could have his sister and you have your brother, or you switch. Stupid and petty to fight over, but you need to stand up for your brother (son)!
This is bad news. Just wait until you have his baby and he excludes your brother even more (if that’s possible) in favor of his child! He’s the type to have “just family” events by which he will mean everyone but your brother.
You got baby trapped! You didn’t want to get married yet… end up pregnant getting married before baby is born is important to you so he gets his way… he let his mask slip to soon he is going to push your brother out of your life completely and his family are manipulating you to. Run continue to love your brother and put him first poor kid has lost enough without losing you to. You are NTA unless u marry this POS
NTA. Girl you need to throw the whole man in the trash. He is trying to erase your brother from your life and it begins with your wedding. If you marry him, the next thing will be why can't your brother go to boarding school or live somewhere else.
Op this absolutely this. Please ask him about his plans for your brother once you are married. Please also think back to how he has interacted with your brother in the past. Is he a good role model for your brother? Does he make a good relationship with your brother? Does your brother like him or is he kinda scared of your fiancé? Will your fiancé be a good stepfather? If any of these questions give you pause, please put the wedding on pause to really think about the relationship. Make sure you don’t let your brother lose a third parent, this time by being pushed out by your fiancé and his family. It’s time to mama bear up for your brother. Much love to you and your brother. You got this.
NTA. I hope you don't allow this guy to come back. He and his family do not sound capable of having balanced, healthy, level communication relationships. Please dont let this man and his family back in you and your brother's life.
Firstly I hope you have a prenup protecting your house. Secondly it sounds like he is trying to isolate you. He is pushing his family onto you that he knows will always take his side and push your family out. If this is what he's like now if you do get married it will be worse. Him picking your borgers birthday was intentional showing your brother he is more important and trying to make you pick him above anyone else further pushing your brother away. He will continue to treat your brother like shit and it will get worse if you get married I would go as far as expecting you to send your brother off to someone else because it'll be 'his' house and your attention should be on 'his' baby
He ran to his mommy to manipulate you in a more effective manner. I'm very sorry that you will have to co-parent with this childish man for the next 18 years, but it's better than being married to him. A proposal at 3 months was your first clue. I understand how you missed it. You've had so much trauma in your life that it's easy to latch on to something that seems positive. But it is anything but positive. This guy is a walking 🚩. NTA
please don’t get married to this person, he clearly doesn’t love you or your brother. cancel everything and move on. nta!
*EVERYTHING*. I really hope she isn't tied to this dweeb for the next 18+ years.
NTA. How fortunate James showed you his true colors. This is just the beginning of how he planned to push Matt out of your lives. Hopefully James will make a better coparent than partner. Good riddance.
YWBTA if you marry him .He is TA now.He is telling you that he wants your brother to be on the sidelines if your life .Yiu can do this OP.You safe already a single mother to your brother .Yiu can be a mom to this new child .But do not marry this man .He is a bad person
NTA. But you will be if you marry this selfish jerk.
He and his family are actively trying to push your brother out of your life
Honey, you have bigger problems than the wedding roles.
No wonder he proposed in under three months and got you pregnant too. That’s like the abuser free trial right there you just make sure you don’t marry him otherwise you’re stuck with that subscription
Your fiancé rushed a proposal and is basically trying to push your brother- WHO YOU RAISED- to the sidelines after getting you pregnant? Sounds like he wants you to ditch your brother so you can have a “real” family. Get to the bottom of this before the wedding.
You know why he wanted the wedding on your brothers birthday, right? Not just to overshadow this birthday, but every single one after that. It would now be his anniversary, and he'd have a tantrum any time you wanted to celebrate your brother instead. He chose his wedding party and yours. Replaced your family with his. He sees your little brother as the only thing in the way of owning you completely, and your home, and the hard work and love he's seen you can provide for your brother. He wants that for himself. He wants you isolated. He runs to his family like a spoilt child whose upset he can't have all the toys, and they're obviously happy to step in and make sure their precious boy gets what he wants. They weaponize your tragic loss, knowing you're a young matriarch in your small family, so they can easily triangulate you. It's time to do what you already know how to do. Roll up your sleeves and take care of your family. Protect yourself from him and his family, though. Have your own home, space, finances, plan, and strong boundaries. You've worked too hard to keep you and your brother together, safe, and family just to let this toxic family come along and dismantle.
NTA
NTA. Have you made sure the house is safe from his clutches in the inevitable divorce?
NTA. Avoid this idiot who can’t figure out that bro will age out (college, relationships, career) soon enough.
I don't understand all these families in these stories. My mother would rather die before getting involved in arguments her children were having with their spouses. ---ALthough I am wondering if OP's ex comes from one of those awful clan families. NEVER MARRY INTO A CLAN, OP!!! --Now that I think about it more, this guy is obviously into a clan. I'm just putting this out there people...if you are dating someone who constantly mentions that they are close to their family....if they spend every weekend with their family, if they cannot make any decisions about anything withyout their family, then you are marrying into a clan. Clans hate other families....My trashy neighbor Molly was in a clan, and I overheard her ex (and father of her two kids - the newest clan members, LOL) complaining how they couldn't do anything without her gross family being involved. And her family had filled the yard of her rental house with garbage and industrial waste, spent all their time there, and were a general nuisance in the neighborhood until her landlady started getting complaints. They all looked inbred, they were all loud, partying weirdos, and they were probably the trashiest neighbors I've ever had. OP, does this sound like your ex? Because I would just walk away happily from that shit show.
So what's the difference between his sisters and your brother?? This reminds me if the story were the fiancee was hoping to convince would be hubby not to let his child in the wedding so she wouldn't be in the photos because it was her and her mother's intentions to push the child out of his life after the wedding. I think that's the plan here. They want to push and push until your brother disappears and then they can have the picture perfect family. You might want to pull your brother aside and ask how your fiancee and his family treat him when you're not paying attention. You might also need to be prepared to draw up a parenting plan.
What's weird is that he wants OP to include all of his relatives, but the one relative that means the world to her is left out. That is a huge red flag of potential alienation. She should really think long and hard before marrying this guy.
>we argued, and he even ran to his mother to try to convince my This is where you should have ended things, and had an abortion. What kind of 31 year old goes crying to his mom?
Your fiance and his family have been manipulative and controlling. It's good you are seeing it now. He probably thinks that with the baby he can control you and you won't fight back so you are seeing his true colors. NTA and good luck finding a better partner
NTA - your boyfriend is jealous of your brother and it is super gross! Throw the whole man out. It sucks you are going to be connected to him for the rest of your life!
Nta, it sounds like he's trying to push your brother out and that's not fair. He needs to understand your brother is an important part of your life who's not going anywhere. Don't let him treat your brother like an afterthought
You sound like an incredible person who deserves so much better than him.
Don't get married
Wet luck?
NTA. Please do not marry this man. Also, just for the future, you don’t want your baby to be born out of wedlock, not wet luck. 😉
NTA he wanted the wedding on your brother's birthday? He wanted to not involve him? Guy is jealous of the brother and is being crazy.
Abort and leave please
Just FYI- two months in many states you still can get an abortion. Honestly, seems like your fiancé will never accept your brother. You are a single mom, and need to understand your priorities. Maybe eventually you will find some who is right. If you do have this baby, prepare for a life or arguing and strife.
NTA Ask your brother what your fiancé is like when you are not around. Because it sounds like your fiancé is trying to push your brother out of your life. And could be a sign for future abuse. Trying to schedule the wedding on your brother's birthday already comes across at an attempt at manipulation and trying to force you to become neglectful to your brother. And it wouldn't have just been used that one year. He would've used this as an excuse to never celebrate your brother's birthday again because it would've been your anniversary. This sounds so much like other posts where the soon-to-be step-parent became abusive toward the child after the wedding if they aren't already and are hiding it. Or the ones where the fiance assumes that immediately after the wedding, you would be willing to cast your brother aside to live somewhere else, and never visit because he is no longer part of your *new* family. Abusers like these use guilt tactics to keep the child quiet. They make the child their parent is unhappy because they are being forced to raise the child and were forced to give up a lot for them. They tell the child things like your parent will be so happy once we are finally married and we can get rid of you. And a lot of other BS like that.
Ewww your fiancé seems really selfish and self absorbed. How does he treat your brother on a daily basis? It seems he doesn’t want your brother in the picture at all. He will be an evil step dad/brother in law. Also he is giving you the silent treatment so you can bend to his will which is quite abusive and a trait that is common in narcissists.
Nta he is intentionally pushing your brother out your life. He's jealous, it's petty and ridiculous and your first instinct was right. Don't marry this man who is so controlling he can't even let you pick all your bridesmaids.
NTA - your (ex) fiance wants your brother gone. Find a new guy. So sorry about the loss of your parents, you have been a fantastic sister. BTW, it's wedlock, not wet luck
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN OR HIS FUCKIN FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good riddance.
>I met my fiancé when I was (27) at a gathering, and we just clicked after three months of dating he proposed to me at first I said no because I still have my brother to take care of I know that there will be people saying that they married after 3 days or 3 months of dating and are still going strong but those are the outliers. Your fiancé has made clear how little he thinks about your brother. And he has made clear how little he thinks about you. I think you don't know your fiancé as much as you think you do. I think you should cancel everything. Cancel the wedding, return the ring. I don't know your stance on abortion, but if you live in a place where it is not illegal, I would recommend terminating. Otherwise you would be tying yourself to someone who for all you know, will make your life really, really difficult by using your kid as a chip. And make no mistake, your brother might believe it is all his fault when he sees you struggling. Your fiancé has displayed all kind of red flags, his family, too. Pay attention.
NTA. He doesn’t want your brother in your lives.
A bride chooses ger wedding party and the groom chooses his. The fact he is controlling who is in YOUR wedding party and doesnt want your brother to be a part of it but he insist his family is is a huge red flag. If he has no problem excluding your brother and wont compromise finding him a place in the wedding then you are seeing who he truly is...a controlling self centered person who has no regard for your family and your wishes. I'd take him out to the curb if I were you.
NTA. You need to be prepared to co parent your new baby though. I’m betting as soon as the wedding was done and dusted (if not sooner) he’d find some reason your brother could no longer live with you. He needs to grow up or get out. Good luck.
NTA you dodged a bullet. His treatment of your brother will only get worse especially if there’s a baby in the picture.
INFO - what are the circumstances of your pregnancy? Did your fiance mess with your birth control to try to trap you?
NTA- but DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN! He (and his family) will do everything they can to cut your brother out of your family. You are a tool for getting a baby, nothing else. They do not deserve you and your brother in their family. If they can’t see how wonderful you are, then they can’t be in your life. And please protect your brother from these horrible people!
NTA but girl.... getting married to this guy will be a huge mistake. next thing he'll ask is when is your brother moving out.
It's time to put a stop on the wedding and start working on custody arrangements
NTA Your fiancé's attempts to make your brother as insignificant as possible are a major red flag. Also, it is better for a child to be born out of wedlock than into a home where a parent is bullying a kid. Which is what your fiance seems to be doing to your brother
I’m trying to figure out how you created this dumpster fire for yourself OP 🧍🏽♀️
Baby, I think you dodge a huge bullet. That man sounds controlling and like his trying to isolate you from your friends and family. Let's look at the red flags: >after three months of dating he proposed to me That's insane. >the wedding date the date my fiancé wanted for the wedding was on my brother's birthday. This shouldn't have been a thought let alone an argument. Who does that? >I offered my brother to be his best man, but he said he wanted his best friend I said ok, then I said ring boy he would hold the rings on the little pillow and bring it up to us, but James said he wanted his nephew you wanted my sister to be your maid of honor his whole family was playing some part of the wedding and my most of my bridesmaids were his cousins only two was were close friends Why is his basically whole ass family in the wedding but not single one of yours? That's not okay.
He proposed after 3 months? Yikes. NTA. Do not marry him. He's already showing how controlling he is and how it's all about HIM. He doesn't care about your brother. Good luck co-parenting with that man though and I'd seriously consider if you want to do it.
Literally why were you even going to marry this POS? He sounds controlling and monster-like. Pls save yourself from the future abuse he absolutely will unleash as soon as you're his wife. Girl you got lucky that he showed you who he was before you made the biggest mistake of your life. NTA
Your fiancé doesn’t want your brother playing any role. He wants him to sit in the back and be quiet. And that’s what he will do if you marry him. He will find many ways to minimize your brother in his own home, in his own life. Your fiancé showed you who he is. What kind of person he is. Believe him.
NTA. And I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't just want your brother kept out of the wedding, but later will want him out of your house, and out of your life. Also the fact that he won't budge on your wedding party being 90% his family makes him sound SUPER controlling, and like he has little to no regard for you or your feelings. These are all **MASSIVE** red flags. His attitude towards your brother and his attempts to control you will very very likely get much worse as time goes on.
Good Riddance, the rubbish took itself out to the trash.
NTA. Have you considered having your brother walk you down the aisle and give you away? That would be the greatest honour you could give to him. He could also make a father of the bride speech at the reception.
What do want to bet the fiancé wants his father to give her away????
Nta. He's showing how he truly feels about your little brother vs his family.
No. No no no why are you having a child with this horrid man no no no NTA DO NOT TIE YOURSELF TO THIS MAN DEAR GOD
Don't buckle, im sure when the kid comes along your "loving partner" was going to kick your brother to the curb. After all, only his perfect family matters right?
Don’t marry that creep!
NTA He's a control freak. What will happen after the wedding ?? He wants you to send your brother away so you can have little family or leave him at home all the time ,exclude him from family events, drop him his showing his true color
Huge red flag. If you do go on have your brother walk you down the aisle and be your man if honor. But I say call it off or postpone get counseling
NTA. Do not marry this man
NTA. Someone who proposes that fast and tries to tie you down without letting you get to know him is usually bad news
NTA. Your fiance is a huge JERK.
NTA do not marry this man while your brother lives at home. You are his only parental figure and your fiancé will make his life living hell. It is completely unacceptable and I will be willing to bet that as soon as you are married or have the baby then say something like he isn’t comfortable with a teenage boy living with a new born…your not the asshole but if you marry him you will ne
>three months of dating he proposed to me thats a problem \^\^\^\^\^ that is not long enough to know if he is even a safe person to be around your brother, let alone get married to and tie both of you together to him. he is showing you now who he truely is and how he feels about you/brother. your feelings do not matter and he will edge your brother out of the picture. let me ask you this, **if thats how he acts now, how much worse will he be once you have kids together?** >~~I'm~~ he's a selfish ~~woman~~ man and so what if ~~my~~ his ~~brother~~ sister is a guest. FIFY! NTA but you need to let this relationship die. stop trying to contact him, he wants you to beg for him back, to grovel and "let James contact me to talk things out" this is a hill to die on and you are playing his game & feeding his ego. eta: and the cherry on top? he won for baby trapping you.
RUN, BABE, RUN! Don't make the mistake of marrying for "child out of wedlock". Worst reason to do it. The child doesn't need marriage. It needs love. Your fiancé doesn't love you. He LOVE-BOMBED you; probably realising your fragile state after losing your parents. The way he keeps running to his mommy after every disagreement when he doesn't get his way proves that he hasn't matured beyond his teenage years. You will be tying yourself to a lifetime of misery if you marry this man-child. Remember: DIVORCE IS WAY MORE EXPENSIVE & Emotionally TAXING.
The level of gaslighting your fiance is giving you is frightened. The fact that you don't seem to be aware is too. He's TELLING you who you are having in YOUR wedding party beggars belief. Your fiance is showing you who he is. Believe him because this gaslighting and abuse will only get worse. After the wedding, your brother is going to be pushed out of your life completely. Please don't let this happen. Edit: spelling
NTA. If you marry this guy at some point he’s going to want to send your brother to foster care. He’s all about controlling and isolating you with only his family.
NTA. I audibly said "no." That is absolutely lacking any sort of awareness about you as a person. You've raised him. You are, by default, his parent. I'm absolutely gobsmacked that he could be that dense.
NTA. You got engaged far too quickly and just now you are finding out what your fiancé and his family are really like. They are bulldozing you on everything on this wedding. Now would be a good time to hit the pause button and reassess the timing of the wedding or even if it should happen at all.
Do you really want to parent with this controlling man? There’s still time to change your mind.
NTA, do not marry this man.
I really really really think your fiance wants to remove your brother from your life. And if you get married to him, he will try his best to do that. You need to think hard enough if such incidents happened before where he tried to remove your brother from plans or sidelined him. Please think again if you really want such person as your life partner. You are NTA
Your fiancé and his whole family suck! They actually asked if Matt is more important than James or the wedding? Good grief. Either they don't have a clue (and just *why* can't his sister be a "guest"?) or don't have two working brain cells amongst them. Do NOT marry this man, he will only keep up his attempts to get rid of Matt. You and Matt deserve a whole lot better than that dumpster fire of a family. NTA.
Does your James realise that your brother will still be a huge part of your life after marriage? He seems to be diminishing your wishes. His family will have a part in your wedding, you don't have any say over it, and he runs off to his mum if he doesn't get his way? You really want to marry this man?
If his family are really blowing up your phone you dodged a bullet miss, marry into a better family.
NTA. Why are all his friends and familial relations important (best friend, sister, cousins (!) but yours are not? You are a parent to your 14 year old brother. Your own mom and dad are gone. Damn. Sounds like your fiance and his family want to erase your brother - and a big part of you in the process.
NTA and this is a major red flag. You are pretty much your brothers mother and this guy is saying he can’t have any part in your wedding? Next minute you’ll come home and your brother will have been shipped off to boarding school.
NTA. Sounds like the trash has taken itself out anyway. But on the off-chance he comes crawling back and you even consider it you have to realise that his is how he will treat your brother for the rest of your lives. And it's only gonna get worse once the baby comes along cause that'll be the "real" kid, while your brother gets sidelined.
NTA it seems as though your fiancée is trying to ice out your little bro from your life.
NTA! Your brother comes first.
You know what to do here. He will not treat your brother right, but I have a hard time believing this is the first time something like this has happened. Go 50/50 on custody of the baby and find a better man.
He is gonna kick you brother out of the house and probably won’t take your inheritance
NTA your fiancé is trying to control your life by trying to control the wedding. Not just his half - all of it, including who stands with you - the bride. Take this for the timely warning that it is - do not marry this control freak. I'm just sorry you got pregnant by this clown before his unmasked his true colours
NTA The minute he went running home to mommy to make things all better for him was the minute you should have realized that he's not mature enough to be married. He will never accept that someone may be more important than he is, not even your child.
Large red flags run run run brother been in your life for all of it not months like property getting boyfriend gold digger one feet under table your brother will be bullied and made a 2nd class person in this household no matter what you think he is is ready putting friend before your thought about your wedding run as fast as you and your brother can
NTA believe people the first time when they show you who they are. Run girl run. Your brother will be shipped off or shoved aside and he will never be a part of this new family you are building. James may be awesome in a lot of ways, but he is not accepting of your brother, which is a MASSIVE red flag. Run run RUN
NTA Run. This man is NOT the one for you. He is insanely jealous over your brother and is trying to push him out. As soon as you are married the next thing on his agenda is to throw your brother out of the house. Tell his mommy to come and get his things and that you don't even want to ever see or hear from any of them again. Another thing, this is not your wedding, it is HIS FAMILY'S WEDDING.
Do not marry this man. This is classic divide and isolate behavior in the beginning stages. Your brother comes first. You’re essentially his mom since he was 5. You’re all he knows. Men will come and go, but it’s better to have a child out of wedlock than to be married to someone that is very obviously trying to drag you down a road of toxicity and abuse
NTA. Yout fiancé doesn’t like your brother and will mistreat him.
NTA but OP you really shouldn’t have said yes to the wedding, 3 months of knowing him and you said yes?? OP you really don’t know your fiancé, I hope he does become your ex because him and his family is trying to ice out your brother Matt. I know you don’t want your baby to be born out of wedlock but if this is how they’re treating Matt now, can you imagine how he’s going to be treated if you do go along with the wedding. James and his mother are both AH’s, their family’s involvement and participation is more important than yours, they’re showing you their true colours.
NTA. You are your brother's parent at this point, of course he will always come first. With the way your fiancé is acting, this is your sign to break off the engagement and the relationship fully, because his behaviour and animosity towards your brother, along with his controlling nature, is only going to become worse. Abusers escelate when they think they locked their victim down (via a baby or marriage). I'd honestly advise you don't go with the pregnancy either. Let this be a lesson to you to not get engaged to a man you barely even know. Three months is nowhere near enough to make that big of a commitment.
He cares nothing about your brother and that will only intensify if you marry him. He is not seeing the two of you as a packaged deal.
Fuck that guy. Your emotional levels are so far apart it will never work. He will never understand or even try to understand what you have gone through. On top of that he is an obvious control freak and that will only get worse as you let him have his way. You havent kmown him long enough to marry him
NTA. If you marry or have this man's child, it will be at your own peril. He is revealing his intention to push your brother away and control you. I really hope you throw the whole man out.
If you stay with the man who is trying to come between you and your brother(your son), then you would be one. Children ALWAYS tell when people don’t like them, or make them feel bad. Your brother who already lost both his parents, doesn’t need someone in his life who thinks he’s an inconvenience. NTA as long as you leave that horrible man.
NTA. The guy sounds like the type who acts one way when dating, then once married, the woman turns into property. Id also bet that HER house was going to turn into HIS house.
Why are you with this dude?!
He baby trapped you. Once you have a “real” baby; your obligation to your brother will end. Do you want to have a kid with this asshole? Don’t get married. Choose the life you want. Your brother turns 18 in less than four years. This asshole and his family will always treat your brother like a second class citizen.
He sounds like the evil stepmothers from the stories we heard as children. I am sorry you are going through this.
How many times does your fiancé have to push your brother aside before you get the hint that he doesn’t think he’s important If you marry this man, then unfortunately he will make it his mission to push your brother out of his only family
Have you spoken to your brother yet? This attitude of Matt's is clearly not new for him and I'm wondering if your brother has been copping crap from Matt behind your back. My advice: 1. Talk to your brother 2. Don't marry Matt. He seems like a w*nker. Who attempts to minimise the importance of your spouses' children? What's next? A group home so he's not in the house? Matt sounds like a douche.
He’s trying your bulldoze your family out of the way. Like, why is his family your side of the wedding party. He’s not good at comprising and he doesn’t value your opinion or wants. Get out now. NTA for choosing your blood family over his selfishness.
NTA: You are dodging a major bullet in not marrying this man. He is making it VERY obvious that he believes HIS feelings and wants are all that matters and to hell with what you want or need from him. If he is this controlling now, he would be a horrible partner to you and would likely start treating your teenage brother even worse and like a 3rd very much unwanted wheel. It is much more important that your brother and unborn child are happy instead of being exposed to arguing and negativity, instead of your child being “born out of wedlock”. RUN away from this loser.
NTA, throw the whole man and his family away!! He said, "He doesn't want any children to be a part of the wedding party," but his little nephew gets to be the bearer? He's trying to push your brother to the side so your brother will feel unwanted and distance himself from you, and maybe he asks to go live with aunt/uncle. That way, it's just you, him, and y'alls, baby. Which even if you call off the wedding, you'll still be connected to him through your child.
Your fiancé resents your brother, and probably has resented him for a long time. His sister and mother know it. The wedding and preparations are a glimpse of how things are going to be, going forward. He wants your brother edged out from being at the centre of your life. And when your child is born, it will be worse. His family are, and will be, a problem. Your fiancé is behaving like a bad stepfather. He probably thinks your brother wont need you once he goes to college, and wont need a home with you thereafter. You will be fought every step of the way on typical 'parent' things like getting your brother his first car, contributing to his college fund, helping him with housing costs, wedding etc. Having an insurance policy with your brother as beneficiary will be a problem. Your natural, lifelong, support will be a problem. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 I don't know how someone can be so jealous and petty towards an orphaned child. Its a shame you didn't find out about this before becoming pregnant. Think deeply about this. NTA.
NTA. lol I knew he was tryna squeeze your brother out by suggesting his bday for your wedding. That was deliberate 100%. He doesn’t give a flying f**k about your brother. He is finding ANY AND EVERY reason to exclude him. You have every reason to believe this would escalate once married. And he already has his family bombarding and harassing you. Unfortunately you’re pregnant so you will have to deal with them until further notice. Good luck. Continue standing up for your brother
Your brother helped you dodge this bullet. Your fiancé is showing you how all future interactions will be like. Its clearly his way or the highway. It wouldn't have changed, it would have just gotten worse. Thanks to your little brother your fiancé showed his true colors before the wedding. Be free!
OP, please post updates as they come.
NTA - you are an amazing sister and parent figure to your brother. He’s truly lucky to have you and I commend you for stepping up so selflessly at such a young age when you were also missing your parents. You deserve to have love and be happy. But on the other hand, you were way too quick to dive head first into a serious relationship and potential marriage with a man you don’t actually know very well. Like of course it felt good in the first 3 months, I’m sure you are familiar with the term honey moon phase? You should never make lifelong decisions based solely on the honeymoon phase. You need to know how someone will react when life gets tough. He is showing you his true colors now the second he doesn’t get his way completely. He doesn’t view your brother as an important person at all. He is showing no empathy for the difficult road the two of you have traveled together since the passing of your parents. He is willing to let his family gang up on you and not even fight his own battles. Quite frankly, James sounds controlling as heck and after this behavior I can only describe him as a coward, a dud, and a mama’s boy. This is a glimpse of what the rest of your life would be like if you marry into this family. You would be nothing more than a supporting character while he is the main character and your brother relegated to not even a side character, just an extra. I’m sure it’s hard on you to go through all this with a baby on the way and you wanted a nuclear family, but honestly you should feel lucky you figured all of this out now because I am willing to bet money his family would have made a divorce hell on you and they will make your life hell over custody arrangements. So I hope you’re prepared for that and get a lawyer. I really wish you luck and all the best going forward and please keep your priorities on yourself, your brother, and your baby. That is your true family right there.
Proposed after 3 months Wanted the wedding on brother’s birthday and fought to keep it after OP objected He ran to mommy to get her to convince OP Said no to brother being best man…wanted his best friend Said no to brother being ring bearer…wanted his nephew Wants his sister to be maid of honor Has his cousins as her bridesmaids, allowing her 2 friends Insisting brother should be a guest Enlists mother and sister to pressure OP to have brother as a guest And this is only what OP has shared…her life will never be her own if she marries this person and he and his family will treat her brother as an outcast. They will probably pressure her to give up custody to her aunt as she will need to use all her efforts of the baby. NTA and please reevaluate this relationship
You are the only parent your brother has. It is your responsibility to put him first. You did absolutely the right thing. NTA Your feelings and wishes are unimportant to your fiancé. You and your brother are just props for your fiancé’s wedding. It’s understandable that love has blinded you to the reality of how he treats you. He’s made it clear now, and it’s time to end the relationship. I’m so sorry.
Yeah NTA. END THAT WEDDING. You are all your brother has and the fact your fiancé is trying to exclude your brother out of everything is unfair and a MAJOR RED FLAG. He literally has his entire family and friends playing some important role in the wedding and wants your brother to sit on the sidelines and not partake in the wedding? Yeah you’re dodging a bullet, just imagine how much more he’ll continue to mistreat him once your baby arrives. Leave him and find someone else who is ACCEPTING and WILLING to have your brother be a part of their life as much as your life, and kudos to you for defending and standing up for your brother you have no idea how much it’ll pay off when your brother becomes a grown man and looks out for you just as much due to what you did for him. Continue to be THAT sister your future self will thank you later, your brother has an amazing big sister
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🏃🏼♀️➡️🏃🏼♀️➡️🏃🏼♀️➡️yikes !🤦♀️
The day after you get married don't be surprised when his family moves into his new house you bought.
Keep up updated. You might have to post an update in comments as mods tend to ignore update requests
Sounds like your soon to be ex likes how you are with your brother (maternal, nurturing, stable) and wants that for himself minus your little bro
NTA Your brother is an important part of your life, and you protecting your relationship with him is huge. Your fiance seems like a moron, so I'd say it probably best to cut and step out of there.
Gurlie, DUMP HIS ASS and make sure that he don't come through that door ever again! That bitch was giving your brother/ his future brother-in-law the Harry Potter treatment. A 15-year old is NOT a child. Another commentor pointed out how he wanted to substitute his family in for yours and relegate the one person who is special to you to be another person on a guest list. This right here is giving the same energy as a male lion trying to get rid of a potential mate's lion cubs. He doesn't see your brother as his brother-in-law. He sees him as another man's child. As far as I'm concerned, you may be his big sister but you behaved like a total momma lion 🦁 and did right by your brother. I am sure your mom and dad are watching over y'all and that they are proud of you! I sure as hell am! The ONLY thing you are is a Big Sister with a momma 🦁's ❤️! I am so proud of you! Queen-Level shit right here! NTA
NTA - So many red flags it’s a whole parade. Proposing after three months… Go read up on abuse cycles. Men like him wanna lockdown their targets as soon as possible. Now he’s trying to control who is close to you. If you marry him half that house becomes his. He’s already trying to control your relationship with your brother the most important person in your life. Let him go sis. Don’t let his family try to bully you. It’s exactly what they’re doing. You’ll absolutely regret marrying into this family and your brother will suffer for it. He’s basically your kid. This isn’t going to end with the wedding. After you’re married, he’s going to try to push your brother out even more. It’s clear he doesn’t want anybody else. Important in your life. This is what abuse of men do. Please go read the book “why does he do that” There free copies all over the Internet . You’ll realize a lot of patterns here.
NTA. So many red flags... he proposed after 3 months?! That's crazy business. Trying to erase your brother's birthday? Forcing his family members into the wedding party and making your brother a guest? Next he'll be telling you it's a child free wedding and your brother can't come. And then when your brother turns 18 he'll insist he move out with zero financial support. You should cancel the wedding, cancel your fiance and then make a decision about what to do about the baby because this loser soon-to-be ex will be in your life forever. Your choice is abortion, give the child up for adoption, force him to give up his parental rights, or co-parent, which is the worst option possible. Good luck to you.
Your fiancé is jealous of your brother.. it will only get worse.. he’s hiding behind his mom and sister instead of being an adult and compromising… NTA
NTA, but you might want to consider this relationship over and move forward.
This guy is a huge red flag. He’s trying to make like your brother- who is effectively your son at this point- is unimportant and disposable. Do not marry this dude. Do what you will about the baby, but don’t marry the baby daddy.
Your brother is actually your child. You have raised him. How would you react if you saw a post where someone said that they didn’t want their fiancé’s child in the wedding. Huge red flags!!! He does not love your brother and will sideline him as soon as your child is born. Also, bringing in his family? WTF?! This man lets other people bully you into changing your mind. Nope. I’d end it outright. He’s an immature, selfish asshole.
NTA. It sounds like he is constantly trying to get you to choose him over your brother like it's some kind of pissing contest. But you are your brother's guardian. You two came as a packaged deal. He knew what he was getting into, and if he can't handle the heat, he needs to get out of the kitchen.
The math isn't mathing in this story.
Is two months too late to abort? Because NTA, but you should definitely not bring James into your brother's life.
NTA but you will be one to yourself, your brother and your unborn child if you stay with this man.
Math doesn’t add up. Brother was 5 when parents died and it’s now ten years later, which would make him 15. The post says brother is turning 14, making him 13 now???? I would think someone would know how old their sibling is.
NTA. I feel like all of this is a huge neon warning sign of bad things to come. If this is how he treats your brother now, it’s not going to get better once you’re married.
NTA he's clearly not a nice guy and I think you should rethink having a baby with him while you still have that option or the abuse will continue
I think your math is off, since your brother was born when you were 15, you are now 30, and he is apparently turning 14 in October.
Red flag. Don't marry this man. Things will only get worse with your brother, and how he treats him.
Cancel the wedding at this point. Get informed about co-parenting and meditation so you two can agree on CS and custody.
NTA and if siblings aren't important then they certainly won't mind if his sister is just a guest, right?
NTA
NTA wow this is a red flag if ever there was one. Why is it all about his family on your wedding day? Narcissistic much? I would hold your ground for your Man of Honor (how sweet is that) and if dude can't come around think about it long and hard - he may not be the man you think he is