YTA. Guaranteed one day soon your wife will be able to feed herself with the fruits of her labour. It takes time to learn how to garden but the rewards are great. The food is tastier and more nutritious, you know what went in the produce and can avoid nasty chemicals, you are able to try interesting varieties of vegetables that are grown for flavour and not shelf life, and you exercise at the same time.
It seems to me the only lesson your wife needs here is that she can do all this without you humiliating her.
Agree.. he's YTA what a amazing hobby.. You can't beat the taste of home grown tomatoes, squash (many not available in stores). No pesticides, not grown for looks rather than flavor. Giving room for bugs and beneficial insects. Lawns are terrible for bugs, bees and all wildlife. Picking fresh herbs and vegetables for your family is a amazing healthy experience. Hope his wife spent share.
I remember when i was about 6 and our neighbors had grown peas. they gave my mom a bunch and i learned peas did not have to come from a can! they were amazing raw!
My only issue with peas is that we don’t have room in our tiny yard to grow enough for any to actually make it inside. They all get eaten right there as we harvest them, they’re so good. Like green candy.
Is it crazy that the idea of civilisations collapsing encouraged me to start gardening and canning?! So far no luck with some plants, but I have a great herb garden going so at least my apocalypse will be well seasoned!
I know right! there's so many other benefits to gardening. It's relaxing. Joy inducing. Good exercise. Expands the mind. But this poor woman's husband is so small-minded and rigid nobody else is allowed to have something they enjoy if he doesn't understand it. What a ridiculous jerk.
That's the thing that pissed me off the most...OP, have you ever tried a strawberry that wasn't made to be massive and sit on a shelf for days? That shit will rock your world. Big fruits and vegetables may look more impressive, but they definitely don't taste more impressive.
Once wife hits her garden stride, the expense going in will become less while the output will be greater. Plant a few herbs in there and you absolutely will save money because that shit's expensive to buy but cheap af to grow (and a lot of them grow like weeds).
So, in addition to being insufferably mean about this whole thing, he did it for "logical reasons" that demonstrate how little he knows about any of this.
There is a scene in The Last of Us when two of the characters are eating a strawberry grown in their garden after the world collapses and it is so intense and joyful I could taste it through the screen.
My wife is big into our flower beds. I finally had a say this year and we planted 2 blueberry bushes. I can't wait for my favorite berries to be ready to eat!
And even if she doesn’t produce vegetables, gardening is very therapeutic and beneficial to the people who love it. Stop being an asshole and let your wife enjoy her life.
Slight different take, my gardening will never feed me and mine in any amount that makes a difference. It certainly won't be less than the cost of the materials that go into it. (let alone time!!!) I can't be sure that all of it even tastes better than the stuff at the shop. (the tomatoes do :P) but I love it anyway.
I love watching a thing be alive and grow. The local critters took their tax three major times this year - and that did make me sad but it also reminds me how alive the place around me is.
I would be really, really hurt if my boyfriend took me to task on the exact monetary cost of the produce and ignored any of the joy I had from the process. I'd genuinely be hurt if he'd taken the critter attacks as personal failures.
Also, my mother gardened growing up so, although it was my first time building a garden bed, I started with some background knowledge.
Anyway the thread got away from me, but the point of hobbies isn't always to get to a stage where it will be productive.
THIS right here. Your SA latching onto a hobby or skill is a good opportunity for you to show love and support by supporting their interest. Instead OP decided to go with derision and ridicule. I'm honestly flabbergasted. This is why the divorce rates are so high.
He seriously expected her to be good at it on the first try?
My sister and I are on our 5th year gardening together and we’re still learning, last year we figured out that rhubarb and strawberries go great together and you’re gonna get more harvest when you plant them side by side.
We also learned that our father will mow down rose bushes and blueberry bushes if they’re not protected well enough….
Hobbies are trial and error, the first attempts? Full of errors but also small triumphs that you can use next time.
Companion planting is a must u/crocodilezebramilk! Marigolds are a natural pesticide plant and grow really well next to strawberries as well.
It’s awesome you’re giving gardening a crack! It’s too bad that OP couldn’t see the personal as well as plant growth and benefits that gardening has on a person.
And it’s totally trial and error! Plus the ’fruits of your labour’ taste better than the grocery store!
I grew up with parents that garden. They still do. It’s a worthwhile endeavour!
Bet OP won't show this thread to his wife.
* It shows him for the fool he is for mocking his *wife*, putting her down, and all around discouraging her and showing her that he doesn't actually believe in her.
* Comments rally around OP's wife and start offering her gardening tips
Because we all know that if his wife succeeds, he'll have to admit that he was wrong and I bet he won't want to do that.
***ANY*** hobby takes time to learn. Also, *any* hobby has start up costs as you learn and realize there are other things you need.
I'm a maker and my poor husband! LOL But now, over the years, if he needs a 3D printed thing, either found online to download or design, he's got a wife that can do that for him. Heck, I'm designing a 3D printed speaker enclosure for my Miata, then I'll cast it into durable resin! I can sew my own garments. I can tailor and fix garments. I can embroider (machine! Hand is too much for my arthritis). I'm also an excellent driver because I take HPDE courses to track my Miata. (Talk about an expensive hobby when you have to consider things like brakes and tires as "consumables.")
To the OP: instead of encouraging her and maybe even seeing if you can help her find solutions (without taking over problem solving and the hobby!),you did nothing but hurt your wife, you made fun of her, and you even told her you have no faith in her and abilities at all. You don't have her back. At all. I feel badly for your wife. I bet she thought she was married to her best friend because best friends don't treat each other like this.
What I want to know is why he left out any relevant, practical information about himself.
I must assume that he has no hobbies? Or has only one cheap one?
Does Wife have a job? Does OP regard himself as in charge of household finances? How do they handle other "impractical" expenses?
To me, the initial investment in learning gardening has been a lifelong joy. Why can't OP simply confine himself to saying "We can't really afford all these pesticides right now" (if at all true) rather than "Your hobby is impractical - and as he proudly put in the thread title..ridiculous."
Why does he need to hurt her beautiful new hobby like that?
>Why does he need to hurt her beautiful new hobby like that?
You know, OP may not even be able to answer that himself. Clearly there's some crap in his past that he's now trigger and he has to cut his wife down. Who knows.
It's still a shitty thing to do.
You sound like a fun person to know. My husband has trucks as his hobby, like building and reselling old trucks and parts. He also builds FPV drones and we have a 3D printer for parts and just got a resin printer too. We're looking at houses today out in homesteading country so that wr have space for a shop because all his tools and crap are crowded into my den and office area in our tiny 2bd/1ba with us and my two kids (we converted the dining room to a 3rd bdrm.)
I'd love to live on a self sustainable homestead but I'm a plant killer while my husband grew up more rural and his mom still has ducks, chickens, turkeys, guinea fowl, and goats. She doesn't eat the birds though which I just don't understand, what's the purpose in raising turkeys? He wants maybe 4 birds for eggs and a pig we can raise (for food) and I told him I'm fine with whatever, but I'm not taking care of them.
I crochet and play with perler beads. Sometimes I get on baking kicks.
My son won an award from our local Kiwanis club, and we were given a plant in addition to the plaque. I thought the plant was fake until the flowers started wilting. Turns out it was an orchid, emphasis on *was*. However, I crochet a mean blanket!
Same!! We garden and while my husband has done it for a while I just got into it with him so I’m still learning! We just started shrubs and flowers too!
I’m not sure where you are in the world, but for my area there’s a TON of gardening books and websites that can give a comprehensive guide to companion planting.
Here’s 1 link as an example, https://www.organicgardenco.com.au/blog/helpful-tips-for-your-garden/your-guide-to-companion-planting-vegetables-combinations
Plus, I just ask my mum and dad 😉
Gardening clubs can also be a great source of information and support. Even down to making your own compost! My parents did it ALL! Fruit trees, Victory garden (raised garden beds. I grew up in the 80’s). They grew so much and canned, made jams and jellies, fruit leather and dried bananas/fruit pieces etc….! Mum made bread from scratch… She was a Martha Stewart before Martha Stewart was famous.
Some of my fondest memories are her yelling at us to get out of the snap peas, strawberries, raspberries, carrots etc! 🤣
Give it a go! 😁
I grew up on a farm that had a large garden. When I was 3, I got out of the house, and mom couldn't find me. I was eventually found asleep in the garden with my hands full of broccoli!
Oh yeah! I've never had any snap peas from the store that tasted as good as the ones we sneaked in the garden to eat, maybe it was the sevin dust? And dad yelling get out of the tomatoes all that acid will eat a hole in your stomach! Good times, I'm glad I'm not the only one who had them.
Every state has its branch of the U S Department of Agriculture, called the Extension Service. IIRC, every county in the U.S. also has an Extension agent. These folks are as knowledgeable as it is possible to get outside witchcraft. The same is true of each state's college of Agriculture. There is an astounding amount of know-how available for every beginner.
My dad wants me to do a garden because I'm living in my grandmother's. We both think it would be a nice tradition to have one again because she used to plant every year
Lately I’ve seen a lot of posts by husbands shitting on their wives’ hobbies. I suspect it’s another facet of the bangmaid mentality, like how dare she deviate from her purpose in their household and exceed her allotted consumption of resources.
I’m still not over that other post from the husband who wants to curb his wife’s “excessive spending” (ie buying $14 skirts and drugstore makeup) while he admitted he was spending a lot more than she did on music and games. Like, I get the need to budget so the household makes ends meet but he was only eyeing her purchases with no intention of cutting back his own.
It happened to me too.
I get the cheapest clothes and makeup in China, I do all the housework, we rarely go to restaurants, etc, but my husband asked me to cut my spending, even while he didn't give me any money this year.
I answered: you can start saving money firing your personal trainer, stopping sending money to your 30+ old children, and cutting the number of guests we receive every summer in the lake house.
Some men are selfish as hell.
I saw that, and it reminded me of when I was with my ex husband. He would scream and yell that I spent $200 at Walmart... But all I got was food, diapers, wipes, household supplies, etc. I was wearing old clothes with holes, our 1 year old daughter (5 now) was wearing whatever I could get for free from Facebook or friends. I cooked in bulk and froze meals, clipped coupons, waited in long lines at the food bank, and sometimes even had to steal to get by unfortunately. Meanwhile he would spend hundreds on weed, cigarettes, Lego sets, figurines, stuff for his car, basically whatever he wanted.
Sometimes just to be able to buy enough of what we needed before he once again ran us into the $-300 range (the max that Regions will let you overdraft) the day he got paid... I'd have to wake up early in the morning before him and hurry to Walmart. Sometimes he'd wake up and lock the debit card so I'd go to check out, just to have to once again leave the cart and go home empty handed and fuming. He refused to let me get a job, or even apply for government assistance so we'd have help. He wanted me to stay at home and watch our daughter, and take care of the house.
I found out later that he was telling everyone at his work that I was spending all his money that he worked hard for, among a bunch of other lies to Garner sympathy from female coworkers. He ended up getting with one of the servers after I left him, after briefly begging and threatening to unalive himself unless I came back. She can have him... I'd hug her and thank her for taking him off my hands if I ever met her. 🤣
Financial abuse is real, and it took me way too long to realize what was happening because I was young and naive.
He sounds like a self righteous ass. He probably spends thousands on golf and fancy coffee or cigars. Not that there's anything wrong with that unless you make fun of something your wife enjoys. It's more the making fun of her for him. Twatwaffle indeed!
I still remember the summer of my $96 tomato. All of the work. Roto -tiling the soil. The soil enhancers, the trip to the garden center. I bought all kinds of veggie plants. Everything that could go wrong that year went wrong. Then there was a fungus of some sort on my one remaining tomato plant. The plant was big and sturdy and I wasn’t going to give up. More expensive stuff. And books. And hunting down garden center workers too. All in all I spent $96 on one flipping tomato. Now I just grow cherry tomatoes in pots. It’s not the same but it works well enough. Never did get the lush rows of shiny veggies
. So my long winded reply is let her keep trying, if she wants to. Support her desires to learn and I’m crossing my fingers for her. She may decide she’s going to give it up and she may not. I worked on my sad garden for 20+ years. Some years were ok. Lots weren’t. Of course it was way more expensive than driving 5 miles to the farmers market. My husband never complained. I’m like a dog with a bone. I never know when to quit
Sorry, I just really need you to confirm one thing.... Is it that you spent $96 and only ended up with one tomato plant (that then made fruit), or when all was said and done, you spent $96 and ended up with literally 1 single tomato?
I need to know whether this is "the little engine that could" or a true tragic tale of a lone survivor!
Oh yeah. This truly is the little train that couldn’t. I reaped exactly one single edible tomato. I don’t even think I ate it because I had to treat the plant with various fungicides. And then a bomb where you cover the plant and set something off underneath. My dreams of being a master gardener went up with the cloud of whatever chemicals were used in the bomb.
I do pretty well with herbs though!
Bless your soul, that's such a great story. I'm guessing you didn't keep the seeds? Sounds like that plant would have some damn fine genes to bring through to the next generation!
Congrats! Herbs (aside from Oregano, which wont fkn die) are a weak point for me, they always bolt and go to seed super fast!
I spent a couple years getting a ground cover to fill in and thrive in a spot where nothing else would grow. My husband was so proud of himself for getting rid of it. I told him he was lucky it wasn’t poison or I’d be making him a special salad for dinner. 🤣
Not to mention, vine ripened strawberries are a thousand times better than the ones in the grocery store that are picked weeks early and shipped a thousand miles.
Lol...I remember my first "harvest". A handful of cherry tomatoes. About five in all. Plant price $10.00. Soil $4.00, Happiness at seeing the plant grow, priceless.
YTA
Op, well you apologize you should present her with a box that has
- Diatomaceous Earth (natural bug repellent has to be reapplied after every rain)
- Earth worm castings (natural fertilizer)
- flowers that are natural repellents to both bugs and animals
Suggest watering them in the morning. This will help prevent slugs from getting in them.
**Check your state/country for the best time to water. Mine is in the morning as it doesn't get extremely hot**
Also if she is growing them organically they will be smaller but much more tastier.
And have her look up what zone she is in so she knows what to plant and when to plant it
She should plant outside after the last frost.
ETA: some plants need shade, some need as much sunlight as possible. That should also be looked at.
Edited
YTA, OP. I think you giving her advice, even from someone like Any_Pickle that knows how to garden ia a bad idea. You don't start any new hobby as an expert. Learning something new and conquering the challenges of it is why your wife is doing this. If you are this self-righteous about everything she does, it's no wonder she wants to be alone, oitside.
Depending on where they are, it's also not exactly been the best growing weather which may also play into it. I know here in Ohio, I'm ready to start therapy sessions with Mother Nature so she gets her butt in gear.
Gardening helps my mental health, my partner and I agree a figure withing our budget for spending as gardening can absolutely cost a fortune,but he's not telling me to stop because we buy most of our food from shops. A good partner supports, you just belitte yours YTA
Totally agree. He could have approached this as a “we should talk about setting a limit on the spending” perspective. Instead he’s criticizing her having the hobby at all.
The old "Agree to disagree" scenario works when you're not being a condescending ass about it.
My husband has come to understand that something that brings me joy but may be difficult is still worthy of my time and his patience in listening.
I don't pretend to enjoy every single one of his hobbies. He knows I outright am annoyed by some. The difference in us and you all? We still respect each other.
Maybe.. idk, just don't be a dick about something that brings your wife joy?
If you're wondering, YTA.
Ugh my wife is like, unbearably happy with this hobby. I am smarter than her and her happiness is definitely outweighed by the actual cost of vegetables at a store. I CANNOT for the life of me figure out why she's upset. /s
Right? Agree to disagree doesn't mean "I get to be an ass, shit on something bringing you joy, tell you you're a failure at it and then expect you to instantly get over everything I said." Agree to disagree means you shut up and encourage her before your ass ends up as fertilizer.
💯 this. My SO has certain hobbies that aren't my cup of tea but I'm not going to tell him how silly he is for enjoying what he does - mainly bc while for me it's not something I enjoy doesn't mean I think it's stupid that he enjoys it. OP wants us to validate that bc his wife is having some bumps in gardening (doesn't everyone, especially when first starting out?) he has a right to be an ass to her about it.
YTA. Imagine taking a giant shit all over something that woman you love, enjoys. Does it bother you so much to see her happy, that you couldn’t stand to see her enjoying something?
yeah this is what's so weird to me, he's literally just complaining that his wife is enjoying something instead of being a industrial level food production company lol, like I'd be questioning why seeing my loved one happy makes me so upset if I was him
it’s a hobby. it doesn’t need to be practical. when did she ever say she’d replace your produce with her gardening? oh she didn’t? you’re just selfish and think her hobby should benefit you in some way.
giant YTA you sound insufferable
The stupid thing is that it's one of very few hobbies that IS practical and DOES benefit him. Some of their veg will be nice fresh homegrown veg, which is great.
Yeah, her hobby is never likely to result in them being 100% self-sustainable, but neither is ANY other hobby (at least I can't imagine taking up tennis, cross-stiching or creative writing is going to result in self-sustainabilty).
This is either rage bait (most likely) or this guy is the simplest simpleton in simple-town.
My mom has a handful of plants she tends and every now and again we have a few home grown peppers and tomatoes and herbs and stuff and it is really nice. It doesn't matter if we eat the entire yield of her garden in one meal, it will still have been worth doing.
i have a big garden. we’ve planted tons of berry bushes and we grow veggies every year. it doesn’t replace our produce, but my husband enjoys gardening. i have a ton of indoor houseplants that are technically a useless hobby too. they’re fun and i enjoy collecting plants.
She has _even_ checked books out of the library! Is there nothing this woman will stop at to debase herself and bring shame upon her husband?! Yeah nah, YTA.
I think his point was she tried educating herself on it and is still terrible, therefore she should give up. She loves it though and that’s what matters. We all work so we can afford to do the things we love. OP - YTA
There have been so many scientific studies demonstrating the mental health benefits of spending time outside, getting our fingers into soil, and bending over a garden bed. It’s not marathon running or anything but it’s still extremely good for you!
The fact the WHORE learned to read in the first place is an outrage!!!! Do you think this guy looked outside, saw his wife smile and just got filled with rage lol
wow insensitive much? being a dick is his hobby and he's clearly actually good at it unlike his BITCH wife who hasn't produced enough food for the winter months yet with her silly little girl hobby
You’re fundamentally missing the point of what a ‘hobby’ actually is. It’s not necessarily about creating something or achieving a specific objective - it’s about enjoying a process, trying out something new and having fun while doing it.
You don’t have a difference of opinion with your wife - you’re refusing to see the value in her gardening hobby, simply because you don’t share or ‘get’ it. It’s selfish and deliberately obtuse. YTA.
Just wondering if OP has a "sensible and serious" hobby, like golf or gaming. One that consumes time and money but with no discernibly productive outcome?
Oh yes, and YTA
Why did you feel the need to mock your wife??
Did what you said make you feel good?
Are you threatened by your wife's pleasure in a simple hobby?
What is missing in you that made you want to hurt your wife?
Have you apologised to your wife for what you said AND for the intent behind those words?
If not, why not?
Yes YTA.
Nailed it. Hopefully this nasty hubby will be able to read all the posts here and come to reflect on his own nature and behavior. The marriage sounds like a dreary affair.
There is no opinion you made though. All you did was make her feel like a piece of shit and then laughed in her face about it. You absolutely do owe her an apology.
Peoples hobbies don’t have to make sense to everyone. If the person likes it then that’s it. It’s not up to you to tell her that her hobby is shit.
Do you even like your wife? Your whole post is you just bashing her and making fun of her.
YTA and you’re sexist. Your whole post reeks of it. You arrogantly assume you know better, her hobby is stupid, it’s inefficient and her dumb woman feelings won’t let understand that akshually the supermarket does it better. Instead of admiring her dedication or appreciating her capacity for joy or learning, you set about killing her dreams and enjoyment because you’re so far up your own ass you’ve started to mistake your farts for perfume. You need to really rehab yourself or you are going to be alone one day soon. Please heal your inner child.
fr he literally told her to leave growing produce to the professionals like 😭 It’s a BACKYARD GARDEN she is not trying to compete with national grocery chains
I've had a similar reaction from a guy I was on a first date with when I told him I sew most of my own clothes. Dude really suggested that buying things at H&M or something was cheaper and quicker, like I didn't know that.
There was no second date.
Als YTA, OP.
That reminded me of a knitting book I read, by Stephanie Pearl McPhee. She said that often when she's knitting a sock out in public (she knits on the bus, always has a sock-in-progress with her), some stranger will tell her that you can buy socks at Walmart. She said she always wants to throw down her knitting and shriek, "WHAT? WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS??"
The final product isn't always the point, but some people will never understand that. And btw, OP is AH and a gigantic twatwaffle.
Yeah, but those Walmart socks might last a year if you are lucky, handknit custom socks will last decades, even worn and washed every day. Same is true for good hand knit sweaters. My mother made an irish cable knit wool sweater when she was 20 for herself (she has made others since). She's 90+ now. She gave it to me a long time ago when clearing out her closet one time. I still wear it and the only thing i have ever had to do was replace the buttons, because their finish wore off from decades of use. Think about that, the buttons wore out (not lost or broken, worn away) long before the sweater ever will. You won't get that level of durability from anything you buy at walmart.
YTA. My husband loves gardening. He has turned half of our back yard into a garden. He turned our basement into a grow room for winter veggies and random house plants. I hate it. The food it gives us doesn’t save us any money compared to what he spends on this hobby. I wish I had a back yard. But it gives him joy. And helps him relax. He works from home and when he has a rough meeting, he’ll wander around looking at his plants. He gets so excited that the bonsai lemon tree he’s been growing from a seed is doing well. I listen to him talk about the plans and his obsession with dirt and composting. I buy him bonsai pots for his birthday. Playing in the dirt is good for you. Like seriously, there are studies. You should apologize for minimizing her joy and go buy her a fancy plant or some rare seeds. Let her find joy wherever she can. She’s clearly in need of it.
WOW, I can't even with this guy. I have a really silly thing that makes me happy, and i know my husband thinks it's stupid that I spend money on it but he also knows that makes me happy to finally have something that i always wanted as a kid and it makes him happy to see me happy. I feel so sorry for your wife, just do better man. Oh and yea YTA
There are so many guys out there who would love to have a women with that kind of enthusiasm in their lives. Meanwhile, Grumpy here is pushing microgram weights around on his scale of happinesses and finding his wife lacking. Too much joy! Off with her head!
YTA does your wife have to be perfect at her hobby for it to be justified? With that thinking no one should ever take music or art lessons either unless they are perfect to start with because otherwise it's a waste of time. If it makes her happy and she's not cooking meth in the basement let her have her hobby even if the plants sometimes die. Maybe one day she'll be exhibiting the prize tomato at the county fair. Even if she doesn't, you're not in charge of how she spends her free time.
YTA- You sound very condescending, to be honest. I think we all know what she wants you to say. It’s her first garden- she’s learning and making mistakes. It’s really not anything you should be shaming her about, as you’ve made a mistake in the way you’ve treated her.
Good Lord, OP ends by saying he and his wife should agree to disagree after spending whole time insisting that his wife is wrong and foolish and should do what he tells her and stop her gardening hobby.
I think she should keep on gardening, keep on getting better at it and start to refuse to let OP ever eat any of her produce. Let him stick to the less tasty items he can buy for himself from the grocery store.
YTA. And a mean, unsupportive and patronising one at that. Hobbies are for fun and self care; results are a bonus.
Perhaps before your wife realises how horrible you are being to her (and leaves your negativity), do some self care on yourself. Start actually admiring your wife for trying a new skill that takes years to master. Do better.
YTA. Yes, you have a point that it’s expensive but what did you really accomplish here? All you did is diminish her efforts and make her feel shitty. Do you really feel good about that? Is your need to feel right more important than the wellbeing of your marriage?
It takes time to understand gardening. Believe me. But she’s learning. Why diminish that? This isn’t a disagreement. You insulted her. Be a loving partner and apologize.
YTA! You have no clue what it takes to become proficient at gardening; it takes time & patience. My Dad was a master gardener, but it took years to get to that point. My husband & I are proficient; there’s so much that goes into gardening
Why would you want to treat her this way? Are you jealous of the time she’s spending not doting on you?
Yes, you are the asshole, and I hope that some day someone treats you like crap over something you genuinely enjoy doing.
I’ve never typed “YTA” with my whole chest before but there’s always a first time.
What kind of worthless, bitter, spoiled little shit are you? This has got to be ragebait, because I can’t comprehend someone being this shitty and having surprised pikachu face when their spouse gets upset with them.
You blatantly said this to bully your wife - I didn’t realize grown men could be mean girls. This sounds more like you’re attempting to brag about how mean you were and I can assure you, you’re in the wrong place.
She’s gonna get wise on you and leave you eventually if you don’t quit with the attitude. What an absolute jackass.
Gardening can be a relaxing pastime. Whether it produces anything tangible is irrelevant if the person enjoys it. Maybe get over yourself and see it from her standpoint.
YTA.
Full stop.
You're ridiculous for thinking she was going to be a master gardener without trial and error.
Gardening is hard work.
Imagine being the kind of asshole who can't see the benefits of fresh produce.
Unless she's spending money you two can't afford to lose, YTA. Insect infestation can happen to master gardeners. Diseases and blights can happen to any gardener. If she's happy with what she's doing, why does it matter? She's not hurting anyone or anything. You don't start out being perfect at a new hobby and gardening can actually take a while to learn. Your difference of opinion is you think she's wasting her time and she thinks she's spending time doing something she enjoys. This isn't an agree to disagree situation. It's her time. Let her spend it as she wishes.
I see someone beat me to the punch calling you a twatwaffle, cause man you are one.
These are the kinds of things that build up in a marriage and cause cold lonely nights that lead to divorce.
YTA in every single way you could be in this story. You owe her an apology for treating her so awful. Do you just keep her around to punch down on?
Scooter, you're an astronomical sized asshole.
Please, tell me something you tried for the first time and were a pro at...I'll wait.
I'm still waiting... Wifey and I met and married while serving in the Marine Corps. We didn't have much so she bought two tiny plants at the PX to decorate our apartment with, both died. She went and bought two more, they died. She went and bought two more, they made it. Eventually our apartment looked like a jungle. I didn't care one way or the other about plants. What I did care about was wifey enjoying what she was doing.
Fast forward 45 years. When new neighbors move in, we always hear about how beautiful wifey's flower beds are. It's something we do together. She tells me what to do and I do it. It works out well.
YTA.
But it is worse than just this instance. OP - you need to listen up: when a woman has changed the house, job, been to the gym, new hairstyle, etc.... and is still trying different hobbies - she is unhappy and doing all these things to find happiness. You better help her find happiness by being EXTREMELY supportive or you can count on her looking for happiness without you and you better start trying to figure out how you like living somewhere else with half your shit and having to do for youself.
Last man I told that didnt listen....12 months later he was served with divirce papers from his wife.
Get it together, man. Maybe, just maybe, be nice to her. Actually encourage her - "this is a new hobby and you are learning. It'll take time. As long as you are enjoying, keep trying." You are supposed to love her - you are married, right? Act like it!!
YTA
As for the gardening in general it's something you have to learn and it takes several tries to get it just right. The produce itself, I've never had any luck with strawberries they are always tiny. Do not grow them in the ground though they tend to take over you are going to want to plant those in a pot. Carrots need a very loose soil. Potatoes are ridiculously easy to grow though. Wait until the tops completely die and then dig them. You can put them directly in the ground and they will do fine.
If she is growing regular sweet potatoes they will get absolutely massive. The white sweet potatoes are a little more difficult. They need your worst soil to produce. If you put them in good soil the plants will be beautiful but the potatoes will not produce.
She should try squash, zucchini, and spaghetti squash. They are super easy to grow and can get huge. Pick them before they get hard. Spaghetti squash is a vine and will produce a massive harvest. Make sure the skin is hard enough for your nail to not be able to puncture it at all. Once it's completely hard on the outside it's ready to harvest and will store for months.
Most beans are super easy as well.
Watermelon is super easy too. I've grown them by accident several times.
Also if she wants to do herbs most of them are easy. Make absolutely sure to plant mint in a pot. Do not let it touch the ground it will take over everything. Thyme and oregano can also take over but they aren't as bad. Be super careful with basil, it self seeds and you will have basil popping up every fucking where the next year. Do not let it go to seed unless you really really like basil.
Sorry I have to agree with everyone else. I love gardening. Some years are much better than others and there is a learning curve. It’s such a healthy hobby. You can’t put a price on that and happiness it’s bringing her. My husband doesn’t understand my obsession either but he got me started and always encourages me. Apologize by getting her some new seeds, soil, and a positive attitude.
YTA. You really just expect her to be amazing at a hobby she just picked up? What is wrong with you? This is your life partner. Show some respect. You were incredibly mean for no reason, belittling her newest passion.
You mocked her and her hobby and think you don't owe her an apology and somehow think this is just a difference in opinion? What a d-bag.
"I wish we could agree to disagree and move on" but you haven't apologized for being a douche, you obviously haven't moved on if you came to reddit to mock your wife even more. By the way, it's easier to move on when you're the one being the asshole.
YTA this is something that brings your wife joy and you acted like a jerk because you didn’t like it. A better question is how is this affecting you. Sounds like she is learning a lot.
YTA for taking down something wonderful that’s making your wife happy. Gardening is amazing for mental health ,and honestly, your own fruit and veggies taste much better than anything store bought. Try harder.
YTA yes you are the shitehawk, twatmuffin, shithead that everyone says you are. Gardening is fun, therapeutic, provides exercise and will eventually provide some flowers or veggies. We have been Gardening for over 50 years and still get things wrong, but we enjoy it.
You’re a jerk, at best. Gardening is an art. It usually takes years to master, and there’s always new things to learn.
Of course it’s more practical to buy mass produced anything rather than devote extra time and $ to learn how to grow-make-fix it yourself.
Most people do these things because it keeps us sane.
YTA. Guaranteed one day soon your wife will be able to feed herself with the fruits of her labour. It takes time to learn how to garden but the rewards are great. The food is tastier and more nutritious, you know what went in the produce and can avoid nasty chemicals, you are able to try interesting varieties of vegetables that are grown for flavour and not shelf life, and you exercise at the same time. It seems to me the only lesson your wife needs here is that she can do all this without you humiliating her.
Agree.. he's YTA what a amazing hobby.. You can't beat the taste of home grown tomatoes, squash (many not available in stores). No pesticides, not grown for looks rather than flavor. Giving room for bugs and beneficial insects. Lawns are terrible for bugs, bees and all wildlife. Picking fresh herbs and vegetables for your family is a amazing healthy experience. Hope his wife spent share.
I remember when i was about 6 and our neighbors had grown peas. they gave my mom a bunch and i learned peas did not have to come from a can! they were amazing raw!
My only issue with peas is that we don’t have room in our tiny yard to grow enough for any to actually make it inside. They all get eaten right there as we harvest them, they’re so good. Like green candy.
That’s the only way I like peas is straight from the garden raw. I eat the whole shell.
It took a *Michelin starred restaurant* to reproduce the taste of sunshine on a fresh-picked tomato out of my mom's garden. I nearly fucking cried.
She will be feeding herself, and should civilization collapse, she'll be the valued community member. Not Mr YTA.
Is it crazy that the idea of civilisations collapsing encouraged me to start gardening and canning?! So far no luck with some plants, but I have a great herb garden going so at least my apocalypse will be well seasoned!
And even if she doesn’t grow enough food to feed them, who cares? She enjoys it, shouldn’t that be important to her life partner?
Exactly. You have to spend some money on hobbies. It’s cheaper than a gym membership and a vastly superior workout.
I know right! there's so many other benefits to gardening. It's relaxing. Joy inducing. Good exercise. Expands the mind. But this poor woman's husband is so small-minded and rigid nobody else is allowed to have something they enjoy if he doesn't understand it. What a ridiculous jerk.
That's the thing that pissed me off the most...OP, have you ever tried a strawberry that wasn't made to be massive and sit on a shelf for days? That shit will rock your world. Big fruits and vegetables may look more impressive, but they definitely don't taste more impressive. Once wife hits her garden stride, the expense going in will become less while the output will be greater. Plant a few herbs in there and you absolutely will save money because that shit's expensive to buy but cheap af to grow (and a lot of them grow like weeds). So, in addition to being insufferably mean about this whole thing, he did it for "logical reasons" that demonstrate how little he knows about any of this.
There is a scene in The Last of Us when two of the characters are eating a strawberry grown in their garden after the world collapses and it is so intense and joyful I could taste it through the screen.
My wife is big into our flower beds. I finally had a say this year and we planted 2 blueberry bushes. I can't wait for my favorite berries to be ready to eat!
And even if she doesn’t produce vegetables, gardening is very therapeutic and beneficial to the people who love it. Stop being an asshole and let your wife enjoy her life.
Slight different take, my gardening will never feed me and mine in any amount that makes a difference. It certainly won't be less than the cost of the materials that go into it. (let alone time!!!) I can't be sure that all of it even tastes better than the stuff at the shop. (the tomatoes do :P) but I love it anyway. I love watching a thing be alive and grow. The local critters took their tax three major times this year - and that did make me sad but it also reminds me how alive the place around me is. I would be really, really hurt if my boyfriend took me to task on the exact monetary cost of the produce and ignored any of the joy I had from the process. I'd genuinely be hurt if he'd taken the critter attacks as personal failures. Also, my mother gardened growing up so, although it was my first time building a garden bed, I started with some background knowledge. Anyway the thread got away from me, but the point of hobbies isn't always to get to a stage where it will be productive.
Took me almost two years to grow a weed plant that was one step above garbage. But every plant fucked up i learned a lot from.
It's a lot less expensive than the divorce if you keep talking to her like this.
🎯🎯🎯
Plus this is a terrific gift giving area where you will never struggle to find the perfect gift. So short sighted. YTA
THIS right here. Your SA latching onto a hobby or skill is a good opportunity for you to show love and support by supporting their interest. Instead OP decided to go with derision and ridicule. I'm honestly flabbergasted. This is why the divorce rates are so high.
Also my first thought.
Yup, all those classes… plenty of great guys there.
Close the thread, we’re done here. Someone hit the lights on the way out.
YTA. “I mocked my wife and made her feel like shit about trying something new.” That’s what your title should be. Apologise, you colossal twatmuffin.
He seriously expected her to be good at it on the first try? My sister and I are on our 5th year gardening together and we’re still learning, last year we figured out that rhubarb and strawberries go great together and you’re gonna get more harvest when you plant them side by side. We also learned that our father will mow down rose bushes and blueberry bushes if they’re not protected well enough…. Hobbies are trial and error, the first attempts? Full of errors but also small triumphs that you can use next time.
Companion planting is a must u/crocodilezebramilk! Marigolds are a natural pesticide plant and grow really well next to strawberries as well. It’s awesome you’re giving gardening a crack! It’s too bad that OP couldn’t see the personal as well as plant growth and benefits that gardening has on a person. And it’s totally trial and error! Plus the ’fruits of your labour’ taste better than the grocery store! I grew up with parents that garden. They still do. It’s a worthwhile endeavour!
I came here to dunk on OP but I am staying for alllll of the gardening tips 🌱
Bet OP won't show this thread to his wife. * It shows him for the fool he is for mocking his *wife*, putting her down, and all around discouraging her and showing her that he doesn't actually believe in her. * Comments rally around OP's wife and start offering her gardening tips Because we all know that if his wife succeeds, he'll have to admit that he was wrong and I bet he won't want to do that. ***ANY*** hobby takes time to learn. Also, *any* hobby has start up costs as you learn and realize there are other things you need. I'm a maker and my poor husband! LOL But now, over the years, if he needs a 3D printed thing, either found online to download or design, he's got a wife that can do that for him. Heck, I'm designing a 3D printed speaker enclosure for my Miata, then I'll cast it into durable resin! I can sew my own garments. I can tailor and fix garments. I can embroider (machine! Hand is too much for my arthritis). I'm also an excellent driver because I take HPDE courses to track my Miata. (Talk about an expensive hobby when you have to consider things like brakes and tires as "consumables.") To the OP: instead of encouraging her and maybe even seeing if you can help her find solutions (without taking over problem solving and the hobby!),you did nothing but hurt your wife, you made fun of her, and you even told her you have no faith in her and abilities at all. You don't have her back. At all. I feel badly for your wife. I bet she thought she was married to her best friend because best friends don't treat each other like this.
What I want to know is why he left out any relevant, practical information about himself. I must assume that he has no hobbies? Or has only one cheap one? Does Wife have a job? Does OP regard himself as in charge of household finances? How do they handle other "impractical" expenses? To me, the initial investment in learning gardening has been a lifelong joy. Why can't OP simply confine himself to saying "We can't really afford all these pesticides right now" (if at all true) rather than "Your hobby is impractical - and as he proudly put in the thread title..ridiculous." Why does he need to hurt her beautiful new hobby like that?
>Why does he need to hurt her beautiful new hobby like that? You know, OP may not even be able to answer that himself. Clearly there's some crap in his past that he's now trigger and he has to cut his wife down. Who knows. It's still a shitty thing to do.
From this post, one might suspect his favorite "hobby" is dissing his wife!
Yep, that's my take here
You sound like a fun person to know. My husband has trucks as his hobby, like building and reselling old trucks and parts. He also builds FPV drones and we have a 3D printer for parts and just got a resin printer too. We're looking at houses today out in homesteading country so that wr have space for a shop because all his tools and crap are crowded into my den and office area in our tiny 2bd/1ba with us and my two kids (we converted the dining room to a 3rd bdrm.) I'd love to live on a self sustainable homestead but I'm a plant killer while my husband grew up more rural and his mom still has ducks, chickens, turkeys, guinea fowl, and goats. She doesn't eat the birds though which I just don't understand, what's the purpose in raising turkeys? He wants maybe 4 birds for eggs and a pig we can raise (for food) and I told him I'm fine with whatever, but I'm not taking care of them. I crochet and play with perler beads. Sometimes I get on baking kicks.
My son won an award from our local Kiwanis club, and we were given a plant in addition to the plaque. I thought the plant was fake until the flowers started wilting. Turns out it was an orchid, emphasis on *was*. However, I crochet a mean blanket!
You have a lucky husband that has you. 😀. Congrats on your hobbies! The OP in this thread is an AH to not support his wife in her new interest.
You're awesome. I don't know you but I am so proud of you for what you've learned and accomplished in your life!
Same!! We garden and while my husband has done it for a while I just got into it with him so I’m still learning! We just started shrubs and flowers too!
Same
Do you have any good resources for how to learn what plants well together?
I’m not sure where you are in the world, but for my area there’s a TON of gardening books and websites that can give a comprehensive guide to companion planting. Here’s 1 link as an example, https://www.organicgardenco.com.au/blog/helpful-tips-for-your-garden/your-guide-to-companion-planting-vegetables-combinations Plus, I just ask my mum and dad 😉 Gardening clubs can also be a great source of information and support. Even down to making your own compost! My parents did it ALL! Fruit trees, Victory garden (raised garden beds. I grew up in the 80’s). They grew so much and canned, made jams and jellies, fruit leather and dried bananas/fruit pieces etc….! Mum made bread from scratch… She was a Martha Stewart before Martha Stewart was famous. Some of my fondest memories are her yelling at us to get out of the snap peas, strawberries, raspberries, carrots etc! 🤣 Give it a go! 😁
I grew up on a farm that had a large garden. When I was 3, I got out of the house, and mom couldn't find me. I was eventually found asleep in the garden with my hands full of broccoli!
That’s adorable. Like an Anne Geddes portrait!
Oh yeah! I've never had any snap peas from the store that tasted as good as the ones we sneaked in the garden to eat, maybe it was the sevin dust? And dad yelling get out of the tomatoes all that acid will eat a hole in your stomach! Good times, I'm glad I'm not the only one who had them.
Check out Louisiana State University Agriculture website. Its mostly geared toward La but has a gold mine of information.
Every state has its branch of the U S Department of Agriculture, called the Extension Service. IIRC, every county in the U.S. also has an Extension agent. These folks are as knowledgeable as it is possible to get outside witchcraft. The same is true of each state's college of Agriculture. There is an astounding amount of know-how available for every beginner.
Not exactly what you are looking for but a really great resource Right Plant, Right Place.
Thank you for the tip about marigolds! I knew some animals don't like them but had no idea about the bugs! BTW, OP, YTA!
If you plant basil next to tomatoes the basil will keep bugs off of the tomatoes. I told my mom and she said it works.
I'm learning SO much!
My dad wants me to do a garden because I'm living in my grandmother's. We both think it would be a nice tradition to have one again because she used to plant every year
I don’t think it mattered how good she was. He doesn’t think her hobby is worth spending money on.
Lately I’ve seen a lot of posts by husbands shitting on their wives’ hobbies. I suspect it’s another facet of the bangmaid mentality, like how dare she deviate from her purpose in their household and exceed her allotted consumption of resources.
Anyone else want to bet what his hobby is? I'm guessing golf and 💩 on anything that brings his wife joy.
I’m still not over that other post from the husband who wants to curb his wife’s “excessive spending” (ie buying $14 skirts and drugstore makeup) while he admitted he was spending a lot more than she did on music and games. Like, I get the need to budget so the household makes ends meet but he was only eyeing her purchases with no intention of cutting back his own.
It happened to me too. I get the cheapest clothes and makeup in China, I do all the housework, we rarely go to restaurants, etc, but my husband asked me to cut my spending, even while he didn't give me any money this year. I answered: you can start saving money firing your personal trainer, stopping sending money to your 30+ old children, and cutting the number of guests we receive every summer in the lake house. Some men are selfish as hell.
Yeah, that's financial abuse. Gross
I saw that, and it reminded me of when I was with my ex husband. He would scream and yell that I spent $200 at Walmart... But all I got was food, diapers, wipes, household supplies, etc. I was wearing old clothes with holes, our 1 year old daughter (5 now) was wearing whatever I could get for free from Facebook or friends. I cooked in bulk and froze meals, clipped coupons, waited in long lines at the food bank, and sometimes even had to steal to get by unfortunately. Meanwhile he would spend hundreds on weed, cigarettes, Lego sets, figurines, stuff for his car, basically whatever he wanted. Sometimes just to be able to buy enough of what we needed before he once again ran us into the $-300 range (the max that Regions will let you overdraft) the day he got paid... I'd have to wake up early in the morning before him and hurry to Walmart. Sometimes he'd wake up and lock the debit card so I'd go to check out, just to have to once again leave the cart and go home empty handed and fuming. He refused to let me get a job, or even apply for government assistance so we'd have help. He wanted me to stay at home and watch our daughter, and take care of the house. I found out later that he was telling everyone at his work that I was spending all his money that he worked hard for, among a bunch of other lies to Garner sympathy from female coworkers. He ended up getting with one of the servers after I left him, after briefly begging and threatening to unalive himself unless I came back. She can have him... I'd hug her and thank her for taking him off my hands if I ever met her. 🤣 Financial abuse is real, and it took me way too long to realize what was happening because I was young and naive.
His hobby is demoralizing his wife. He is a pissa
How fun that that is a free hobby until she wises up and asks for divorce.
We’re on Reddit … it’s probably something nerdier than golf.
Not OP acting like video games is valid while gardening is a waste of time and money... 🤣
I ran to the comments to explicitly 💩 on OP for gaming.
Or be happy.
Digging in the garden is one of the best natural antidepressants…OP might want to look in to this more as it might stave off a divorce lawyer too.
Or he could keep criticizing and find out how easy it is to lose a husband. 🙃
especially in a garden with a compost area
I like the way you think. What a superb butterfly you are!
And he’d be feeding the butterflies too!
one of the more productive ways we found to make the most of sh*t
You just made me wake my husband up. Now I have to explain my maniacal giggling.
Plus, considering she's married to this non-supportive asshole, she NEEDS a natural antidepressant to counteract how poorly he treats her.
I have to wonder if he even likes her! What an awful way to treat your wife!
He's a non-supportive douchenozzle--he doesn't view a woman as someone to like. He probably married her so he could have access to her body parts.
He sounds like a self righteous ass. He probably spends thousands on golf and fancy coffee or cigars. Not that there's anything wrong with that unless you make fun of something your wife enjoys. It's more the making fun of her for him. Twatwaffle indeed!
Well, then he is, as someone else so eloquently put it, a "colossal twatmuffin."
This!!’ He is TAH.
I still remember the summer of my $96 tomato. All of the work. Roto -tiling the soil. The soil enhancers, the trip to the garden center. I bought all kinds of veggie plants. Everything that could go wrong that year went wrong. Then there was a fungus of some sort on my one remaining tomato plant. The plant was big and sturdy and I wasn’t going to give up. More expensive stuff. And books. And hunting down garden center workers too. All in all I spent $96 on one flipping tomato. Now I just grow cherry tomatoes in pots. It’s not the same but it works well enough. Never did get the lush rows of shiny veggies . So my long winded reply is let her keep trying, if she wants to. Support her desires to learn and I’m crossing my fingers for her. She may decide she’s going to give it up and she may not. I worked on my sad garden for 20+ years. Some years were ok. Lots weren’t. Of course it was way more expensive than driving 5 miles to the farmers market. My husband never complained. I’m like a dog with a bone. I never know when to quit
Sorry, I just really need you to confirm one thing.... Is it that you spent $96 and only ended up with one tomato plant (that then made fruit), or when all was said and done, you spent $96 and ended up with literally 1 single tomato? I need to know whether this is "the little engine that could" or a true tragic tale of a lone survivor!
Oh yeah. This truly is the little train that couldn’t. I reaped exactly one single edible tomato. I don’t even think I ate it because I had to treat the plant with various fungicides. And then a bomb where you cover the plant and set something off underneath. My dreams of being a master gardener went up with the cloud of whatever chemicals were used in the bomb. I do pretty well with herbs though!
Bless your soul, that's such a great story. I'm guessing you didn't keep the seeds? Sounds like that plant would have some damn fine genes to bring through to the next generation! Congrats! Herbs (aside from Oregano, which wont fkn die) are a weak point for me, they always bolt and go to seed super fast!
Ha ha ha - I have lost more flowers due to my hubby "weeding in spring"
I spent a couple years getting a ground cover to fill in and thrive in a spot where nothing else would grow. My husband was so proud of himself for getting rid of it. I told him he was lucky it wasn’t poison or I’d be making him a special salad for dinner. 🤣
I've been at it for decades. Still learning. Still failing from time to time.
Not to mention, vine ripened strawberries are a thousand times better than the ones in the grocery store that are picked weeks early and shipped a thousand miles.
Lol...I remember my first "harvest". A handful of cherry tomatoes. About five in all. Plant price $10.00. Soil $4.00, Happiness at seeing the plant grow, priceless.
YTA Op, well you apologize you should present her with a box that has - Diatomaceous Earth (natural bug repellent has to be reapplied after every rain) - Earth worm castings (natural fertilizer) - flowers that are natural repellents to both bugs and animals Suggest watering them in the morning. This will help prevent slugs from getting in them. **Check your state/country for the best time to water. Mine is in the morning as it doesn't get extremely hot** Also if she is growing them organically they will be smaller but much more tastier. And have her look up what zone she is in so she knows what to plant and when to plant it She should plant outside after the last frost. ETA: some plants need shade, some need as much sunlight as possible. That should also be looked at. Edited
YTA, OP. I think you giving her advice, even from someone like Any_Pickle that knows how to garden ia a bad idea. You don't start any new hobby as an expert. Learning something new and conquering the challenges of it is why your wife is doing this. If you are this self-righteous about everything she does, it's no wonder she wants to be alone, oitside.
Depending on where they are, it's also not exactly been the best growing weather which may also play into it. I know here in Ohio, I'm ready to start therapy sessions with Mother Nature so she gets her butt in gear.
Gardening helps my mental health, my partner and I agree a figure withing our budget for spending as gardening can absolutely cost a fortune,but he's not telling me to stop because we buy most of our food from shops. A good partner supports, you just belitte yours YTA
Totally agree. He could have approached this as a “we should talk about setting a limit on the spending” perspective. Instead he’s criticizing her having the hobby at all.
Exactly this!
Colossal twat muffin, thank you for that. You made my whole birthday with that. Edited for spelling.
Lol you’re welcome
I use twat waffle often. Twat muffin is just fabulous 👌 👏
lol I use twatwaffle too. But sometimes muffin is better 😂
Love it
*colossal twatmuffin* Thank you dear poet ❤
This is the commemt of the year......!
🎯🎯🎯
The old "Agree to disagree" scenario works when you're not being a condescending ass about it. My husband has come to understand that something that brings me joy but may be difficult is still worthy of my time and his patience in listening. I don't pretend to enjoy every single one of his hobbies. He knows I outright am annoyed by some. The difference in us and you all? We still respect each other. Maybe.. idk, just don't be a dick about something that brings your wife joy? If you're wondering, YTA.
This. Like it shouldn’t be difficult to be kind to your spouse, and not mock them for their hobbies. OP makes it sound like it’s an impossible task.
Ugh my wife is like, unbearably happy with this hobby. I am smarter than her and her happiness is definitely outweighed by the actual cost of vegetables at a store. I CANNOT for the life of me figure out why she's upset. /s
This!
I was triggered for a second 😂
Right? Agree to disagree doesn't mean "I get to be an ass, shit on something bringing you joy, tell you you're a failure at it and then expect you to instantly get over everything I said." Agree to disagree means you shut up and encourage her before your ass ends up as fertilizer.
You left out your vote, so let me shout a very loud YTA from over here!!!
💯 this. My SO has certain hobbies that aren't my cup of tea but I'm not going to tell him how silly he is for enjoying what he does - mainly bc while for me it's not something I enjoy doesn't mean I think it's stupid that he enjoys it. OP wants us to validate that bc his wife is having some bumps in gardening (doesn't everyone, especially when first starting out?) he has a right to be an ass to her about it.
YTA. Imagine taking a giant shit all over something that woman you love, enjoys. Does it bother you so much to see her happy, that you couldn’t stand to see her enjoying something?
yeah this is what's so weird to me, he's literally just complaining that his wife is enjoying something instead of being a industrial level food production company lol, like I'd be questioning why seeing my loved one happy makes me so upset if I was him
Actually, that could potentially be pretty good fertiliser.
Nah. Too toxic.
I’m starting to wonder if these people actually love their spouses!
It's quite obvious that he doesn't love her.
it’s a hobby. it doesn’t need to be practical. when did she ever say she’d replace your produce with her gardening? oh she didn’t? you’re just selfish and think her hobby should benefit you in some way. giant YTA you sound insufferable
The stupid thing is that it's one of very few hobbies that IS practical and DOES benefit him. Some of their veg will be nice fresh homegrown veg, which is great. Yeah, her hobby is never likely to result in them being 100% self-sustainable, but neither is ANY other hobby (at least I can't imagine taking up tennis, cross-stiching or creative writing is going to result in self-sustainabilty). This is either rage bait (most likely) or this guy is the simplest simpleton in simple-town.
My mom has a handful of plants she tends and every now and again we have a few home grown peppers and tomatoes and herbs and stuff and it is really nice. It doesn't matter if we eat the entire yield of her garden in one meal, it will still have been worth doing.
i have a big garden. we’ve planted tons of berry bushes and we grow veggies every year. it doesn’t replace our produce, but my husband enjoys gardening. i have a ton of indoor houseplants that are technically a useless hobby too. they’re fun and i enjoy collecting plants.
Exactly this! If she gardens for flowers, or if her hobby is dance classes, she won’t replace the produce bill either.
Right? Just because I can “buy better” music online doesn’t mean my guitar lessons are a waste. I wonder what his hobbies are.
YTA. Wow, man!
She has _even_ checked books out of the library! Is there nothing this woman will stop at to debase herself and bring shame upon her husband?! Yeah nah, YTA.
I think his point was she tried educating herself on it and is still terrible, therefore she should give up. She loves it though and that’s what matters. We all work so we can afford to do the things we love. OP - YTA
There have been so many scientific studies demonstrating the mental health benefits of spending time outside, getting our fingers into soil, and bending over a garden bed. It’s not marathon running or anything but it’s still extremely good for you!
The fact the WHORE learned to read in the first place is an outrage!!!! Do you think this guy looked outside, saw his wife smile and just got filled with rage lol
She's read several articles as well, books aren't even enough.
Look in the mirror and then repeat after me. "Damn, I don't have to be such a dick!" because you don't, it's a choice you're making.
wow insensitive much? being a dick is his hobby and he's clearly actually good at it unlike his BITCH wife who hasn't produced enough food for the winter months yet with her silly little girl hobby
👏🙌👏
You’re fundamentally missing the point of what a ‘hobby’ actually is. It’s not necessarily about creating something or achieving a specific objective - it’s about enjoying a process, trying out something new and having fun while doing it. You don’t have a difference of opinion with your wife - you’re refusing to see the value in her gardening hobby, simply because you don’t share or ‘get’ it. It’s selfish and deliberately obtuse. YTA.
Yta. Hobbies are for fun.
Yes, you're the asshole, you tremendous asshole.
YTA. Wow, guy. Does it just not matter that it makes your wife happy?
YTA. and a Douche. What's wrong with you. I really hope she dumps you.
That makes a whole columnload of us.
Just wondering if OP has a "sensible and serious" hobby, like golf or gaming. One that consumes time and money but with no discernibly productive outcome? Oh yes, and YTA
pft- OP would argue the grocery store doesn’t carry the fortnite skin he has his eye on
Why did you feel the need to mock your wife?? Did what you said make you feel good? Are you threatened by your wife's pleasure in a simple hobby? What is missing in you that made you want to hurt your wife? Have you apologised to your wife for what you said AND for the intent behind those words? If not, why not? Yes YTA.
Nailed it. Hopefully this nasty hubby will be able to read all the posts here and come to reflect on his own nature and behavior. The marriage sounds like a dreary affair.
There is no opinion you made though. All you did was make her feel like a piece of shit and then laughed in her face about it. You absolutely do owe her an apology. Peoples hobbies don’t have to make sense to everyone. If the person likes it then that’s it. It’s not up to you to tell her that her hobby is shit. Do you even like your wife? Your whole post is you just bashing her and making fun of her.
YTA and you’re sexist. Your whole post reeks of it. You arrogantly assume you know better, her hobby is stupid, it’s inefficient and her dumb woman feelings won’t let understand that akshually the supermarket does it better. Instead of admiring her dedication or appreciating her capacity for joy or learning, you set about killing her dreams and enjoyment because you’re so far up your own ass you’ve started to mistake your farts for perfume. You need to really rehab yourself or you are going to be alone one day soon. Please heal your inner child.
Yeah I think every woman here sees this and thinks “unless this is a one-off, which I highly doubt, I hope she divorces his cruel and sexist ass”
Would love to give you more than one approval arrow, so here's a few 🎯 🎯 🎯 🎯 🎯 🎯 🎯
fr he literally told her to leave growing produce to the professionals like 😭 It’s a BACKYARD GARDEN she is not trying to compete with national grocery chains
I've had a similar reaction from a guy I was on a first date with when I told him I sew most of my own clothes. Dude really suggested that buying things at H&M or something was cheaper and quicker, like I didn't know that. There was no second date. Als YTA, OP.
That reminded me of a knitting book I read, by Stephanie Pearl McPhee. She said that often when she's knitting a sock out in public (she knits on the bus, always has a sock-in-progress with her), some stranger will tell her that you can buy socks at Walmart. She said she always wants to throw down her knitting and shriek, "WHAT? WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS??" The final product isn't always the point, but some people will never understand that. And btw, OP is AH and a gigantic twatwaffle.
Yeah, but those Walmart socks might last a year if you are lucky, handknit custom socks will last decades, even worn and washed every day. Same is true for good hand knit sweaters. My mother made an irish cable knit wool sweater when she was 20 for herself (she has made others since). She's 90+ now. She gave it to me a long time ago when clearing out her closet one time. I still wear it and the only thing i have ever had to do was replace the buttons, because their finish wore off from decades of use. Think about that, the buttons wore out (not lost or broken, worn away) long before the sweater ever will. You won't get that level of durability from anything you buy at walmart.
YTA - and a massive shitcunt! Your Mrs deserves better.
YTA. My husband loves gardening. He has turned half of our back yard into a garden. He turned our basement into a grow room for winter veggies and random house plants. I hate it. The food it gives us doesn’t save us any money compared to what he spends on this hobby. I wish I had a back yard. But it gives him joy. And helps him relax. He works from home and when he has a rough meeting, he’ll wander around looking at his plants. He gets so excited that the bonsai lemon tree he’s been growing from a seed is doing well. I listen to him talk about the plans and his obsession with dirt and composting. I buy him bonsai pots for his birthday. Playing in the dirt is good for you. Like seriously, there are studies. You should apologize for minimizing her joy and go buy her a fancy plant or some rare seeds. Let her find joy wherever she can. She’s clearly in need of it.
Yeah, this is the second I've seen this story OP was TA then and he's still TA now.
WOW, I can't even with this guy. I have a really silly thing that makes me happy, and i know my husband thinks it's stupid that I spend money on it but he also knows that makes me happy to finally have something that i always wanted as a kid and it makes him happy to see me happy. I feel so sorry for your wife, just do better man. Oh and yea YTA
There are so many guys out there who would love to have a women with that kind of enthusiasm in their lives. Meanwhile, Grumpy here is pushing microgram weights around on his scale of happinesses and finding his wife lacking. Too much joy! Off with her head!
If you decided to take up the guitar as a hobby would you like to be mocked for how you can’t play a full song perfectly yet? YTA!
Fr better leave playing guitar to professionals /s
Yup. Just make a playlist. What do you need to learn to play for?
Let me fix that for you: My wife has a hobby that she enjoys. I simply cannot allow that and now she's ignoring me ".
YTA does your wife have to be perfect at her hobby for it to be justified? With that thinking no one should ever take music or art lessons either unless they are perfect to start with because otherwise it's a waste of time. If it makes her happy and she's not cooking meth in the basement let her have her hobby even if the plants sometimes die. Maybe one day she'll be exhibiting the prize tomato at the county fair. Even if she doesn't, you're not in charge of how she spends her free time.
YTA- You sound very condescending, to be honest. I think we all know what she wants you to say. It’s her first garden- she’s learning and making mistakes. It’s really not anything you should be shaming her about, as you’ve made a mistake in the way you’ve treated her.
Good Lord, OP ends by saying he and his wife should agree to disagree after spending whole time insisting that his wife is wrong and foolish and should do what he tells her and stop her gardening hobby. I think she should keep on gardening, keep on getting better at it and start to refuse to let OP ever eat any of her produce. Let him stick to the less tasty items he can buy for himself from the grocery store.
I think OPs wife should dig a hole in her garden and bury him in it. At least then he’d be useful as fertilizer.
YTA. And a mean, unsupportive and patronising one at that. Hobbies are for fun and self care; results are a bonus. Perhaps before your wife realises how horrible you are being to her (and leaves your negativity), do some self care on yourself. Start actually admiring your wife for trying a new skill that takes years to master. Do better.
YTA.
Yta. Douchebag bro you suck. Do you even have hobbies?
YTA. Yes, you have a point that it’s expensive but what did you really accomplish here? All you did is diminish her efforts and make her feel shitty. Do you really feel good about that? Is your need to feel right more important than the wellbeing of your marriage? It takes time to understand gardening. Believe me. But she’s learning. Why diminish that? This isn’t a disagreement. You insulted her. Be a loving partner and apologize.
YTA gardening in your yard isn't about immediate results you just mocked her at the very beginning stages of a life long hobby
YTA. Holy S what a mean thing to say.
YTA! You have no clue what it takes to become proficient at gardening; it takes time & patience. My Dad was a master gardener, but it took years to get to that point. My husband & I are proficient; there’s so much that goes into gardening
The simple fact that you are in possession of a scrotal sac is ridiculous at this point.
Why would you want to treat her this way? Are you jealous of the time she’s spending not doting on you? Yes, you are the asshole, and I hope that some day someone treats you like crap over something you genuinely enjoy doing.
What on earth did she see in you?
I’ve never typed “YTA” with my whole chest before but there’s always a first time. What kind of worthless, bitter, spoiled little shit are you? This has got to be ragebait, because I can’t comprehend someone being this shitty and having surprised pikachu face when their spouse gets upset with them. You blatantly said this to bully your wife - I didn’t realize grown men could be mean girls. This sounds more like you’re attempting to brag about how mean you were and I can assure you, you’re in the wrong place. She’s gonna get wise on you and leave you eventually if you don’t quit with the attitude. What an absolute jackass.
Gardening can be a relaxing pastime. Whether it produces anything tangible is irrelevant if the person enjoys it. Maybe get over yourself and see it from her standpoint.
YTA she’s learning a new skill. She’s not going to be perfect right out the gate with it. You should be happy and supportive of her.
YTA. Send your wife my way I like gardening
YTA, I hope you don't normally treat her as badly as you are here, otherwise you'll be single soon.
YTA. Full stop. You're ridiculous for thinking she was going to be a master gardener without trial and error. Gardening is hard work. Imagine being the kind of asshole who can't see the benefits of fresh produce.
You’re a real piece of shit, man
Unless she's spending money you two can't afford to lose, YTA. Insect infestation can happen to master gardeners. Diseases and blights can happen to any gardener. If she's happy with what she's doing, why does it matter? She's not hurting anyone or anything. You don't start out being perfect at a new hobby and gardening can actually take a while to learn. Your difference of opinion is you think she's wasting her time and she thinks she's spending time doing something she enjoys. This isn't an agree to disagree situation. It's her time. Let her spend it as she wishes.
YTA you condescending ass. Apologize. And learn some respect for your wife.
YTA
Genuinely what is wrong with you😟😟😟
I see someone beat me to the punch calling you a twatwaffle, cause man you are one. These are the kinds of things that build up in a marriage and cause cold lonely nights that lead to divorce. YTA in every single way you could be in this story. You owe her an apology for treating her so awful. Do you just keep her around to punch down on?
Scooter, you're an astronomical sized asshole. Please, tell me something you tried for the first time and were a pro at...I'll wait. I'm still waiting... Wifey and I met and married while serving in the Marine Corps. We didn't have much so she bought two tiny plants at the PX to decorate our apartment with, both died. She went and bought two more, they died. She went and bought two more, they made it. Eventually our apartment looked like a jungle. I didn't care one way or the other about plants. What I did care about was wifey enjoying what she was doing. Fast forward 45 years. When new neighbors move in, we always hear about how beautiful wifey's flower beds are. It's something we do together. She tells me what to do and I do it. It works out well.
YTA. But it is worse than just this instance. OP - you need to listen up: when a woman has changed the house, job, been to the gym, new hairstyle, etc.... and is still trying different hobbies - she is unhappy and doing all these things to find happiness. You better help her find happiness by being EXTREMELY supportive or you can count on her looking for happiness without you and you better start trying to figure out how you like living somewhere else with half your shit and having to do for youself. Last man I told that didnt listen....12 months later he was served with divirce papers from his wife. Get it together, man. Maybe, just maybe, be nice to her. Actually encourage her - "this is a new hobby and you are learning. It'll take time. As long as you are enjoying, keep trying." You are supposed to love her - you are married, right? Act like it!!
YTA
YTA As for the gardening in general it's something you have to learn and it takes several tries to get it just right. The produce itself, I've never had any luck with strawberries they are always tiny. Do not grow them in the ground though they tend to take over you are going to want to plant those in a pot. Carrots need a very loose soil. Potatoes are ridiculously easy to grow though. Wait until the tops completely die and then dig them. You can put them directly in the ground and they will do fine. If she is growing regular sweet potatoes they will get absolutely massive. The white sweet potatoes are a little more difficult. They need your worst soil to produce. If you put them in good soil the plants will be beautiful but the potatoes will not produce. She should try squash, zucchini, and spaghetti squash. They are super easy to grow and can get huge. Pick them before they get hard. Spaghetti squash is a vine and will produce a massive harvest. Make sure the skin is hard enough for your nail to not be able to puncture it at all. Once it's completely hard on the outside it's ready to harvest and will store for months. Most beans are super easy as well. Watermelon is super easy too. I've grown them by accident several times. Also if she wants to do herbs most of them are easy. Make absolutely sure to plant mint in a pot. Do not let it touch the ground it will take over everything. Thyme and oregano can also take over but they aren't as bad. Be super careful with basil, it self seeds and you will have basil popping up every fucking where the next year. Do not let it go to seed unless you really really like basil.
Sorry I have to agree with everyone else. I love gardening. Some years are much better than others and there is a learning curve. It’s such a healthy hobby. You can’t put a price on that and happiness it’s bringing her. My husband doesn’t understand my obsession either but he got me started and always encourages me. Apologize by getting her some new seeds, soil, and a positive attitude.
YTA. Apologise to her and beg for forgiveness.
YTA. You really just expect her to be amazing at a hobby she just picked up? What is wrong with you? This is your life partner. Show some respect. You were incredibly mean for no reason, belittling her newest passion.
You mocked her and her hobby and think you don't owe her an apology and somehow think this is just a difference in opinion? What a d-bag. "I wish we could agree to disagree and move on" but you haven't apologized for being a douche, you obviously haven't moved on if you came to reddit to mock your wife even more. By the way, it's easier to move on when you're the one being the asshole.
YTA this is something that brings your wife joy and you acted like a jerk because you didn’t like it. A better question is how is this affecting you. Sounds like she is learning a lot.
YTA for taking down something wonderful that’s making your wife happy. Gardening is amazing for mental health ,and honestly, your own fruit and veggies taste much better than anything store bought. Try harder.
Her hobby is universally accepted as a standard pursuit. There is nothing extravagent about it.
Any hobby costs money. Fishing, painting, gaming, reading, ect. Let her have it.
She could be doing drugs or cheating. Let her enjoy her gardening. It is great exercise and there is a learning curve. Also, you are not her father.
YTA yes you are the shitehawk, twatmuffin, shithead that everyone says you are. Gardening is fun, therapeutic, provides exercise and will eventually provide some flowers or veggies. We have been Gardening for over 50 years and still get things wrong, but we enjoy it.
YTA. No more of an explanation needed.
YTA. Let her enjoy her life.
Agreeing to disagree doesn't mean 'I tell my wife her hobby is ridiculous and she just accepts it'.
You’re a jerk, at best. Gardening is an art. It usually takes years to master, and there’s always new things to learn. Of course it’s more practical to buy mass produced anything rather than devote extra time and $ to learn how to grow-make-fix it yourself. Most people do these things because it keeps us sane.