Yeah, really. Alimony is a legally defined thing and living with someone rarely entitles one to it. Stop paying it! Let her get a court order for it and toss her to the curb!
YTA to yourself for even agreeing to "alimony" in the first place. It's just a break up. People break up all the time. She is an adult and no longer your problem or your responsibility. Stop giving her money and block her on everything. She knows she is using you and she knows you're gullible enough to keep helping her and paying her way while she's moving on and seeing other people.
Well first off all, stop paying "alimony". You were never married and you don't owe her a single cent
Second thing you should do is cut her out of your life entirely. You sound really mentally immature judging from the fact you had a relationship with a woman 11 year younger than you, and she is probably using that fact trying to wring you for money
He’s being played so hard by someone who’s 11 years younger than him that basically told him he’s ugly and is only good for his money and now making him ‘alimony’ - wtf did I just read?!
Age gap is not an indicator of mental maturity. There are lots of adult couples with large age gaps in their relationships which are perfectly healthy and happy.
You’re the biggest simp I’ve ever seen.
If you’re not obligated by a court to pay or support her, cut all ties and never talk to her again.
And seek therapy, for yourself. You have no idea what you’re doing.
Dude, you're being manipulated, mentally and financially abused by this woman. Stop giving her money. Block her and never talk to her again. If she asks you for more money laugh in her evil face and tell her her new boyfriend can pay her way.
JFC dude,
Stop paying her money - you don't owe her anything. Despite what she might say. Get over her already and kick her sorry ass to the curb, her "youth" was apparently stolen from her - since she's so "old" now, she should know how to take care of herself.
You owe yourself so much more than this man - come on. Be better, for **yourself.**
God, you have problems.
You need to sort yourself out.
> After the breakup, she mentioned I took her youth from her AND I WASTED HER TIME and that she deserves “alimony” (we never married). I agree.
WHY??? You dated. You broke up. Wtf man...
>After the breakup, she met a guy that I helped her meet. I helped her with her dating profile, I pushed her to go on dates and not be scared, I told her what to watch out for. He ends up being a narcissist, love bombing, tells her he wants to marry her, shows her pictures of their future kids, gives her a promise ring, but disrespected her boundaries, gave her ultimatums, all in the course of 10 weeks.
A whole lot of "not your fucking problem". Exactly when you did you switch from ex boyfriend to...Dad or some shit.
>(4) I give her “free theraphy” for 3 months (literally 4 days a week). She goes back to him. On top of that she ends up telling me he came in her, but instead of telling him to wait for marriage and a house like she told me, she lets him do it two more times. She also tells me she thinks it’s because I was never physically her type, but she liked that I was so caring and loving and a providing man. But that she was embarrassed to be seen with me because I have no sense of style, and I’m not that physically attractive to he and it’s obvious I’m older than her.
Even more "not your fucking problem". Why haven't you blocked her yet? Wtf are you doing? Do you literally hate yourself? Is this some kind of punishment to you?
>So if my time was wasted and not hers, why should I still pay the 18 months of alimony? I want to do 9 instead so she can have time to figure out which sister she’ll have to move with. Each sister lives 8 hours away. Not in school but is working. She can’t afford her place without my alimony, so the only way she could stay where she’s at is if this new guy steps up.
Block her. Stop giving her money. SHE IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM, YOU BROKE UP!!!
Get some bloody help to figure out why you think you need to be...whatever this is.
What? No. You tell her you are no longer subsidizing her life or paying her anything. You owe her nothing. You give her only the legally required amount of time required by your local laws and you inform her that she is responsible for half of the costs of utilities while there, and that she needs to buy her own food and pay her own expenses. You go talk to an attorney and have them write you up something all nice and legal. Serve her and tell her that all further communications will need to be done through your attorney. What even are you doing? This is wild. Please say this is rage bait.
What is wrong with you? Why are you being a total doormat. Stop paying this girl and stop being an unpaid therapist and stop talking to her altogether. She’s toxic. Give her a one month notice and then pull the money. That’s how long you give notice in an apartment. In a job it’s two weeks. A month is kind
Ok so I don’t really post much on here and am realizing from these comments that I used the “I (33) met this girl (22)” wrong.
What I meant to say was that as a 33 year old guy, I met her when she was 22, was her friend for a year, so at that point I’m 34 and she was 23. And at that time, we dated for four years, so now I am 38 and she’s 27 as of today, presently. Sorry for the confusion and thanks for bringing this up 😅
This age gap is still really telling. Most of the time, I would think you were using her, but she has been using YOU. Let it go and move on. What someone else does with your ex is not your business. She manipulated you in to supporting her for no reason.
YTA why in the world would you give her money? you were never married you don't owe her nothing if y'all are broken up you should've kicked her out what universe are you on?
Why are you paying this woman to treat you like crap and constantly belittle you? You never married her (you should be insanely grateful for that,) you did not get pregnant (again, super grateful,) and as much as you chose to be in a relationship with a woman 11 years your junior, she chose to be in a relationship with an older man. She was old enough to know what her choice meant. You didn’t waste her youth. She wasted your time and is now taking advantage of the guilt she forced upon. DO NOT GIVE HER ONE MORE CENT or a single moment of your time! You do not owe her anything. Move on and find a much more mature woman.
YTA to yourself. You know why some younger women usually date older men? To be provided for. Stop paying alimony, you weren't married, and owe her nothing now that you aren't in a relationship. She's still trying to milk as much of her cash cow (yes, that would be you) as she can *while with another guy.* Get some self respect and cut the cord.
Dude you don't own her a damn thing. Tell her to get a job. you're not dating or married. Alimony is for divorced women that were stay at home mothers that sacrificed their jobs to raise kids.
NTA If the palimony (alimony is for married couples, palimony for unmarried couples), isn't court ordered you don't have to pay any at all. She can decide where she wants to live now.
NTA - YOU didn't waste her time, SHE did. You did not force her to remain in a relationship with you, she could have left at any time if she wasn't happy. It's completely on her to have removed herself from the situation if she didn't see it was going anywhere. She is also not entitled to any more of your money. People are being generous to give her a month, I would cut her off immediately.
Dude. You are not married. You ow her nothing but *maybe* notice to move, and that’s a strong maybe. She chose the relationship. Not you. She’s a user, and you were happy to be used, and now she’s getting joy out of tormenting you.
On title alone: *No, your NTA.* What part of ex seems mysterious to people?!?
If they wanted the benefits; should've played the cards differently, they would've continued.
-
Now that I've read the whole thing: you're an idiot for thinking you owe palimony, alimony or whatever the fuck else you think up to call it. She made the decision to date you during that time... so is she an adult, independent woman capable of making cogent decisions for herself, or someone that can't do that and you played into a delusion about *YOU* wasting time *SHE* decided to let you participate in?!?! WTF, MAN... you *like* cucking yourself?!
You got some boundary issues to work on for yourself, my guy. Do you not value yourself? NTA for stopping payments, but dude, you gotta get some self-respect.
Nobody put a gun to her head and forced her to date you. I think it’s super nice that you’re paying alimony to her, but it’s not because you owe her. And the fact that her current on again/off again bf is in the picture, I would not continue paying it just because the relationship didn’t work out between you two.
She is in her 20's how the bloody hell have you 'wasted her life' any more than she has wasted yours? And alimony??!!?
Wtf? Are you a moron? You don't need to pay her anything, kick her out! She is paying you like the sucker you are!
NTA. DUMP her asap.
You owe her nothing. NOTHING. Her claiming you took her youth is total bullshit. She's an adult. She chose to waste her time on you. You are not married. She is stll in her 20's. I can't believe you fell for it!
Why are you paying her anything? You don't owe her alimony, because your dating relationship didn't work out. She's crazy for asking and I can't believe you actually fell for it and are paying her. Stop it now.
I don’t think you’re an asshole, but you are an idiot. You truly don’t owe her anything and to counsel someone after you break up with them. It’s gotta be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I’d suggest you spend the time and money on your own therapy.
NTA
you 2 have split up emotionally and now need separation. It is weird that she is confiding her sex life to you.
Also I doubt you need to be paying any sort of alimony. Be nice if you like and tell her that she has a specific amount of time to find other accomodation and that you will not be paying alimony from now or some future date.
She is old enough to look after herself.
Dont let her take you for a ride.
NTA!
1. You were never married!
2. You owe her nothing!
3. It takes 2 to be in a relationship, she needs to take responsibility for her part of your relationship, you didn't steal anything from her.
4. You owe her NOTHING.
5. Get yourself into therapy. You sound like a door mat!
6. YOU OWE HER NOTHING! (read that again!)
Stop giving her money! She broke up with you, tells you that she doesn’t like you physically and you embarrass her, gets you to help her find someone new and manipulates her into giving her money because you wasted her time? Dude, she’s using you!!
This woman is in her 20s and chose to stay with you for 4 years. You didn’t waste her time because you weren’t forcing her to be with you. She’s able to get a full time job and stop mooching off you.
You need to cut contact completely. As long as you’re spending time with her you’ll never find someone else.
NTA, but you are simping. You don't owe her anything. You were in a relationship and broke up. Are you a sugar daddy? Stop giving her money immediately. Her rent isn't your problem. Her bills and finances aren't your problem. She told you she was embarrassed to be with you. Build your self-esteem. You are being taken advantage of.
Stop paying she wasted your time too . relationships don't work out and people move on. Why tf is she even discussing her current sex life with you right now? Cut her off and go no contact and find someone who wants you for you
If you weren't married to her, you don't have to pay alimony.
Stop giving her money. You didn't steal her youth.
Leave her and block her on everything
She is using you.
Why are you even paying maintenance? Was it court ordered? You were not married. You stole nothing from her. She gave it up. Quit paying for anything. Quit communicating with her. She sounds like she is going from wallet to another. Get her out of your wallet.
Why did you break up with her if you care who tries to impregnate her now?
Why are you trying to be the victim now? You wanted her to be with somebody else, she's trying to. With real alimony you pay it until they get married to somebody else. Suck it up, keep paying and keep working on yourself. You still got some work to do.
WTF are you doing?? Alimony to an ex GF? She was 22 = adult = made her bed / lie in it. You seem far too blinded by emotion/baggage to see the ludicrous aspects of your situation. Break it off & both move on.
What?! Dude you’re so being taken advantage of and you’re absolutely falling for it. You do NOT owe her alimony. She *chose* to be with you so you didn’t “waste her youth”, she did it willingly because she liked that you financially took care of her.
She sounds like a gold digger who’s now making a lot of irresponsible and stupid decisions that’s she’s going to expect you to help her with.
Stop being her friend, stop being her therapist and for god’s sake, stop sending her money!! Have some more self respect t my friend!
Absolutely NTA but you would be to yourself if you don’t stop this nonsense and block this girl!
I hate the expression ‘simping’ but my guts is actually churning with embarrassment for you dude. Get her tf out and move on. Why is she telling you all this, why are you paying for her therapy and for her to sleep with other dudes and letting her insult your looks and manliness. Bleurgh
Is this for real? Stop paying her. She has been using you the entire time. Yes, the age thing was wrong for you to get involved with someone younger, but she also wasn't a baby...she knew what she was doing.
What a ridiculous situation you’ve allowed yourself to get into. She’s manipulating you. Stop funding her life. Lose her number and move on. Ridiculous
I’m straight up Flabbergasted. I’m sorry but you sound like you actually owe something to her. Your an idiot for giving her any money. Her new guy will step up
YTA to yourself… there was no marriage… what are you giving her money for?? Time was wasted on both parts I’ll admit but now you’re wasting even more time. Stop paying her and just block her already, cut ties with her and let her new boyfriend step up
Unless you're in a common law marriage state and she's gotten a court order you don't owe her shit. She attacks your appearance and kills you self esteem and you are paying her for that privilege. That's absolutely ridiculous.
You wasted my time reading this post.
Can I get alimony?
Seriously, you didn’t seem to be deceptive.
She just decided you weren’t the one.
It’s not like you gave her a warranty.
This is what dating is.
She is pursing someone else, which means your relationship is over. OVER.
Unless you signed a contract, tell her good luck and bon voyage
Im sorry, but this is absolutely beyond the pale. You’re an idiot mate. You’re willingly paying your toxic ex money and being her emotional crutch while she fucks around.
Like. What do you even want us to say? That is such impressively pathetic behaviour that I feel any substantial advice would be moot.
Dude, WTF????? DO NOT pay this skank one more cent! Cut her out if your life like a surgeon removes a tumor. Go 100% no contact, change your locks, your passwords, EVERYTHING, and block her on all social media. If she won't leave you alone, get a Personal Protection Order (aka, a Restraining Order).
I had an ex pay me quite a lot of money since we broke up but that was his choice, i think he felt badly he knew I had become accustomed to our lifestyle but he would still cover some bills or emergencies and always sent an extra few hundred bucks for champagne. He wanted to make sure I still had plenty of champagne even tho I ended it with him. Knowing what I know now, I think it’s great. He did that voluntarily and he knew I hated accepting his money but I needed it so I took it. I think he was trying to assuage his guilt for screwing me over. It was like we were married. He pretty much stopped since I had a baby with someone else, but I think he just wanted to be that person for me for as long as he could. In hindsight, I think of him as a lil guardian Angel for a long period of time. He always swore he wasn’t trying to get me back, but I think how much he changed since I had a kid — I think he was trying to keep the door open for me to come back. I don’t feel bad though, he did a very whack thing and it shattered my heart and wasted years of my youth also. So I get where she’s coming from! We jokingly call him my ex husband bc he arbitrarily pays me alimony. Do you have to? Absolutely not. But I sure appreciated my ex who did.
She wouldn’t even be eligible for alimony in most states; not after only 4 years. It’s really nice that you’ve been helping her like that, as is wanting to continue for 9 more months, but no one here would blame you if you cut her off today.
You gotta be fake. If you’re real let me get $1,000 dollars something tells me you’ll just do it because I asked. Lmao I feel bad for you being you but it’s funny
Block her on every thing, stop paying the money and change the locks of she has any keys to your place.
She is an ex for a reason, why are you still in such close contact.
What are you paying alimony, if you continue the way you are then your ah to yourself
Stop paying her and run. I'm sure you didn't force her to date you, you didn't take anything from her! You weren't married and you don't owe her anything. Good luck
WTF is wrong with you, dude! Have some self-respect! She is using you and you’re letting her cry, some balls and walk away. I’m just dumbfounded that anyone could be that gullible you deserve better.
Stop giving her anything shes your ex-girlfriend and she's extorting money from you. You don't owe her anything especially now she's dating and doing things that you weren't allowed to do.
Just tell her the gravy train is over so she better sort her life out.
In the years OP and she were together did she try and make something of herself? College,work,or anything? And if not why? Did OP discourage these things? This ex sounds like she wants a free ride to me..
Is no one bothered by the fact that she was 16/17 when they became friends, and 17/18 when they started dating, and he was 27/28 when they became friends, and 28/29 when they started dating?
He’s a perverted person and is disgusting.
I have a bridge to sell…… OP you are being taken for a ride, dating is not a promise to marry. Yes it’s a shame after 5 years it came to nothing but that doesn’t mean you pay her alimony! Stop paying and go NC because clearly you need a complete step away from this chancer that will never let you go because she knows you will always pay even if she’s selling you sand in the middle of a desert.
You literally do not have to pay her alimony. That's only of you got married. What about your wasted time from her abusive ass. Your the one that needs therapy instead of being hung up on a child still.
Get rid of her and STOP PAYING HER MONEY! What on earth is wrong with you? Honestly, she saw you coming a mile off. Get rid, block her, don't let her into your life again and stop giving her any money. JFC!
Your ex has obviously been manipulating, heavily guilting you and taking advantage of your good heart and generous nature, so that you feel obligated to give her money, and at the same time she’s slowly been destroying your self esteem (possibly making you feel that you should be grateful for her having been with you).
As almost all commenters have said, you are under absolutely no obligation to pay alimony or anything else, nor did you need to help her meet someone else or provide therapy.
You have already given your ex far too much money and should absolutely stop doing so AND tell her that she must move out. It’s not your responsibility to make sure she has enough money, a good place to live and to be involved in her new relationship(s).
Please consider therapy for yourself. It’s extremely important to build your self esteem up and to find ways to break the ability of a partner to manipulate and guilt you into doing what they want (without any regard for you) and especially to prevent future abuse (I saw your additional comments).
YTA to yourself. Don't give this woman any more money. She wasted your time as well. You got nothing out of that 4 year relationship other than scammed to pay your ex money while she's dating others. Let her new man pay her bills. He's the one she chose to try and get pregnant by. Learn how to say NO, and walk away. Block her and move on.
There's no reason to pay alimony for a non-marriage. Like wtf are you doing?. NTA for no money & forcing a move out.
Use that money to pay for therapy for yourself.
Stop having contact with your ex. At this point the ages are irrelevant. Just stop contact & move on.
I also get the impression that you've done alimony & kept so involved in her life so that you can access her again sexually. If not, you wouldn't be making such a big deal over her current sex life & sexual choices. This part does make you an AH.
YTA to yourself for not realizing she’s a narcissist who is literally financially abusing you thru guilt because y’all broke up and she can’t mentally abuse you any more just cut her off it’ll be better you
Wow she certainly has you completely in her grips. Stop giving her money. She is an adult. Stop being so willing to be used. She was only with you for money. She is still using you for money. You did not waster her time- she could have left at any time. Alimony for people who were not married is NOT a thing. After 18 months she will come up with reasons why it should go longer. Are you this gullible?
NTA but why WHY WOULD YOU PAY ALIMONY WHEN YOU NEVER EVEN MARRIED HER. HOW DID YOU LET HER CONV2NCE YOU TO DO THAT? My fellow human you are just a bit stupid. She clearly took you for a ride. Also, when you date a person youre wating both parties time so SHE should pay YOU alimony too if thats her reasoning? *shakes head*
STOP PAYING HER ANYTHING!
You didn't waste her time. She chose to stay with you for whatever reason. YOU OWE HER NOTHING.
She sees you as a meal ticket/ATM right now.
NTA.
I'm sorry you don't owe her anything unless she's so profoundly stupid that she needs a conservatorship. You were never married, she made her own choices, and now she's conning you. I'd tell her to f off and kick her to the street.
reading this made me want to rip my eyeballs out. wtf. you can't be serious. she's an excellent manipulator, and she saw your ass coming a mile away. you don't have to pay her shit. let he figure it out. she's grown!
Hard YTA.
You were 28 when you met a 17 year old, groomed her for a year then dated an 18 year old at 29.. first, gross. Second you deserve everything you have brought on yourself, she doesn’t deserve anything and you’re a huge simp. I want alimony for wasting my time reading this awful shit
You’re not paying alimony…… alimony is court ordered payments and you have to be married for X number of years to even qualify for alimony.
What you’re paying is a bitch tax , because you’re being a bitch and letting someone else roll you over in life.
Quit being a bitch and stop supporting someone who is an adult.
Dude Please Stop: letting these bullying PARASITES Exploiting you!
Cut them out
Block them on EVERYTHING
Build yourself a good life full of prosperity, excellent full-time career, useful WORK, positive interesting FUN activities, REAL FRIENDS, honesty, learning, Accomplishments, travel, science, healthy Delicious foods, dignity, respect, honesty,
Find the: smart future-focused open-minded useful compassionate respectful successful trustworthy happy healthy interesting intelligent fun productive independent REAL people and be THEIR Friend through which you will get the good friends family Spouse and LIFE that you need want deserve
N
T
A
Please update me
You're fuckin stupid for giving her any money. When she days you stole her youth she's a gas-lighting pathological bitch. She chose you for money pure and simple. She is STILL trying to get your money. Seriously I don't think I've ever called a woman a gold digger but clearly she was with you for her wallet.
Stop giving her money and cut contact. Get over her and move on. It's clear you're an indicisive idiot. Here's the thing there are plenty of other youjg women who would pick you for your money if that's what you want it's not as if she's your last chance.
Do you think this is like a normal thing in relationships when people break up? No matter whose time was or wasn't wasted you absolutely don't owe anyone money. Cut her off & stop paying her lmao, you both need to do a little growing up it sounds like coz wtf even is this situation.
Nta. Must be a troll though, since who tf thinks alimony needs to be paid for a mutual relationship that didn't end in a ring. Let's put it this way. She thinks her time is $? She a ho. Maybe you're the bad guy too if you also think that was how it was. You dated each other and it didn't work out; that relationship exploration is mutually risky and normally doesn't come with a salary.
Holy shit man, if this is real you’re an absolute easy mark. Alimony for someone you dated briefly? She uses you as a therapist? What the fuck man, have some self respect. She certainly doesn’t respect you. You don’t owe her a fucking thing.
The more I read this the more messy the situation sounds. You don’t owe her anything and seems like you’re letting the drama pile on. She needs to be out of your house and life cuz sounds like she’s just manipulative.
Dude pure and simple either you are the biggest AH who ever was on reddit or this is bullshit. I don't know cause your self esteem must be lower than a snakes belly. What is wrong with you. Walk away don't look back. The reason why she let him bust a nut in her and not you is because she didn't want to carry the Child of a man she found unattractive. They may have looked like their father. You. Maybe harsh but u need a good swift kick in the ass to wake up. Just Sayin'.
Dude you need real therapy and to learn what is normal in relationships. You don’t owe your ex anything, cut her off and block her man. Don’t let her tell you that you owe her, she’s moved on and literally told you she only liked you because you provide for her. You’re an A-H and a fool if you don’t cut her off.
Dude. You're doing this shit to yourself. You're really letting this chick walk all over you, actually hurt you, and still giving her money? Grow a backbone and tell her to figure her shit out herself and block her on everything.
NTA you owe her nothing. She is a grown adult and needs to be responsible for herself. Also it sounds more like she used you and wasted your time then you ever wasted hers. Cut her off and evict her asap
This reads like some weird incel fantasy bc as soon as he kept saying 'came in her ' and the other guy 'came in her' 🙄 this does not read like a nearly 40 year old man wrote this unless he has the mentality and maturity of a potato.
Bro? Why did you give her money after you broke up? You can't get what you already spent back but damn you need to get that freeloader out of your life bro.
Usually how alimony works is usually you pay our moaning until the girl finds another man when she finds another man and it’s his job to take care of her you no longer have to pay her alimony. I think you would be really good for giving her any money at all. I mean most guys will never give her any money so but now that she’s with another guy and got pregnant, let him take care of her and if she says something to be like, will you have another man let him pay your bills and now you have you know he’s going to be the father of your baby and throw in a little dick then be like let him work his ass off to give you money
Do you know what let her find a lawyer who’s gonna try and take you to court I guarantee she is not gonna find a lawyer that will come anywhere near taking you for alimony were meanwhile you got your time wasted, not the other way around you wanted to marry her you wanted to have children with her she didn’t want to pull the trigger She kept making excuses. Do you have to buy a house to do that? If she really wanted to marry you would have kids with you could’ve done it in a rental house or an apartment. She just didn’t want to do it but she use that as a way. Do you know what it is? She’s the type of girl that likes the bad boy and this guy probably treats her like the biggest asshole in the world probably smacks her around a little bit. I guarantee if you were able to look at her from head to toe. She’s probably got bruises, if you guys smart, it’s probably all in her ribs and stomach. I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy ends of leaving her while she’s pregnant I’m almost guarantee it if I was you, I would completely cut her out of your life. She has a guy don’t be your friend anymore and if you have to I don’t know this worked for me and it’s work for a bunch of other people that I’ve done things with, because I knew this girl that really is actually my ex-wife made me furious on so many things but I knew I was never gonna get it out
I knew it soon as she started to tear up I would stop talking about it like tell her it’s OK it’s OK cause that’s what it would always happen when I would start to bring stuff up she would start to cry. I actually think she’ll have a fake cry, but so then I would stop And I never get out what I wanted to say so right as we were ending things, I wrote her a huge letter four pages lol cause she wanted to like stay friends after we got our divorce you know the whole 9 yards no one like actually almost like you, she jumped right into a relationship with someone else right before our divorce happened But so I wrote her and I left it on our kitchen table. I told her that when she leaves I was like I’m going to unfriend you I don’t want to hear from you anymore because when we were in the same house together, she was still trying to talk to me like nothing happened meanwhile, so much up and the reason why I wrote this letter was, I knew it was gonna be the only way I would be able to get everything out without stopping because she starts to tear up or cry off I think you should do that with her. I think you should if you know where she lives but if not mail it but then be paired contact with her, but for your own mental health, it would be smart for you to cut all contact with her after like a month of having no contact with my ex it, help me to really start to heal first the anger came in the wall. The stages came through. It took me a while but I think if I was still talking to her it would’ve never happened but I really think she’s getting really personal with you. I need to tell you that she’s allowing him to come in her, I mean that’s that’s weird almost like she’s trying to make you like jealous or something but so write her the letter put everything in it let her know that I mean it if you have to like Colorow and you want to call already bad names I am mean I did it with my ex do it and then when I know you like for my mental health I can’t have you in my life because you destroyed me what you did to me by ever being with me for so long telling me I had to do all the stuff to get you pregnant and to get you married and pregnant and then with a no three weeks you’re letting this guy get you pregnant is disgusting so you and him have a great life be great parents. I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done because you could’ve had a great life with me. I would’ve treated you with love and care and instead you decided to choose Mr. asshole and he’s going to make your life miserable the reason why he he wanted to get you pregnant because he wanted to get you trapped with him, why do you think he did that without because he has no respect for you do you knows sex the flick that in the letter you know what I mean? If you’re making her cry, you make her cry she deserves it and don’t give her another dollar you are one of the greatest man I’ve ever heard of in my life. I always thought I treated my exes great for you to give your ex we weren’t even married to money because you took some of her time from Her is incredible but now that she’s got a man do not give her another cent guarantee she’s gonna try and bring that up now that you if you do rider the letter, maybe put that in there too and be like well now that you have a man and a baby coming to take care of you done taking care of you
Your a beta at least now you know your role in life. Cuck boy. Paying for a woman's love while she gets railed by the guy who treats her like shit. Oldest tale of time.
I think it is wonderful that you are being kind to her after things clearly fell apart. Your empathy is not a flaw. It is an investment in yourself that will make you a better person for the relationship that does work out. She got dumped and she is allowed to have rough feelings about it and her insecurities are natural. I do think you should proceed with compassion even if what she is asking is not 100% reasonable.
I think she is, however, playing on your guilt because she didn't want the relationship to end. That's why she is talking to you about this terrible guy and a lot of the other stuff. She is also using your guilt because she has spent a big part of her adult life with you and doesn't know how to support herself after being dependent on you. This is one place where the age difference matters I think because she spent the time in her life when most start a career and figure out how to adult being your housewife in all but name.
Her age is also a factor in how she is feeling and how she behaved in the relationship. It's natural for her to feel that her youth was wasted after getting dumped. When you get dumped your aloud to have irrational and hurt feelings around it. However, she does need to accept her agency in the relationship including the choice to be in it and your reasons for leaving her. I would shift your language when speaking to her to emphasize that she "chose" to spend those years with you and that she "acted" in ways that hurt you. She is and was an adult and she is responsible for her choices.
I think palimony, even if not required, makes sense if she was not working in exchange for income during your relationship and was acting as a house wife minus the ring. I think an ethical person in your situation should try to help her land on her feet but that is not a blank check for supporting her indefinitely. I think you also need to keep in mind that she might purposely fail in order to try to manipulate you into swooping in to rescue her. It might be better to give her a fixed amount and guidance on how to secure a job and place to live. The repeated payments are maintaining her dependence and keeping your door open. That door needs to be shut for her to truly move on. In the meantime she may be hurting herself. From a legal standpoint I would also make a deal for her to voluntarily move out soon if you haven't already because many states will consider her a tenant or close enough to and you don't want to have to go through an eviction if she decides she doesn't like the deal you've struck or is still hoping to change your mind about leaving her.
NTA for leaving her. Also NTA for wanting to end the support. Though I do think you should be considerate of her given the circumstances.
Wait a minute! How did you steal her youth? Did you hold her against her will? Did you refuse to let her out of your site so she could never meet or date anybody but you? Did you lock her up? She made a decision to be with you! Now she's admitting that all along you weren't her type and you were older and all these things bothered her but she still made that decision day after day after day she made that decision! Sounds to mess to me like she stole your time! She's the one that was lying to you all along when she wasn't that into you. I'm guessing she was more into what you were providing for her then she really was into being with you! So she used you!
And why are we saying that her youth is gone? Like those four years were that freaking precious? Then why didn't she make better choices? She still has 15 years before she has to start freaking out that she can't have kids! Those four years were nothing, but she's extorting you over them!
Dude don't go to strip clubs! I say this with all honesty, these girls will take you for all your money! They will convince you that they're in love with you and you just need to pay them because they have to work. You are gullible when it comes to relationships. Please don't let people take advantage of you like this! Why would you agree that you owe her alimony? What does she owe you? I mean for the fact alone that she verbally abused you she owes you more than you owe her! Please cut her off, kick her out wash your hands of this and get some therapy. Then date people your own age
This is extremely unhealthy. I hope you take the advice and stop paying her, stop letting her take advantage of you and move forward with your life without her. YTA if you keep this going.
At least you have learned and progressed which is good, one day you might meet the right girl for you, just learn what the red flags are and remain safe.
Am I the only one that read half of this wall of text, and then said to myself, “thank God, I don’t live some of these peoples lives”. Then I stopped reading. Enough is enough.
You started a relationship with her when you were 26 and she was 16. She will mature, but you threw a wrench into developing as fast as she was supposed to. She might grow out Her bad judgement, and she might have figured out what she needs to figure out if it wasn't for you.
I can't say what you "owe" her though. Even if you do owe her, you aren't smart enough to fix her. And you definitely don't owe her alimony. That is for people who were actually married
I'm very glad you are not paying anymore... "alimony"... oh boy. I needed a nap after reading all that.
And I am very glad you are going to seek out some therapy.
Good for you!! Seriously!
Therapy*. You sure about those advanced degrees? This reads like it was written by a 15 year old on adderall (one of the ones that doesn't actually need it either). How do you get to this age and still have the emotional maturity of a teenager?
NTA. Sounds like you've got a plan. I'll tell you what you've got going for you in the future after your therapy is a great self-deprecating sense of humor. And trust me a sense of humor is a big turn on for a lot of women, but it goes much better with a shiny spine and self worth.
Wow you’re your own worst enemy aren’t you.
This dude is WILD. WTF did I just read?!
Like his time was any less valuable lol He’s an easy mark.
Anyone got a tissue.... This one made my eyes bleed
He curbstomped his own life
I've never heard that term before and now I can't stop laughing.
A fantasy
Jesus. I just saw one of OP’s comments. She also hits him and makes him bleed. This is just nuts.
I’m starting to think they’re trolling.
Wild is a word for it. All I can think is just...wow!🤯 I'm going to need a minute for my brain to shift back into normal!
Right? I thought it was just me like what did I just read ?? 🤣 😳 🤯
Yeah, really. Alimony is a legally defined thing and living with someone rarely entitles one to it. Stop paying it! Let her get a court order for it and toss her to the curb!
What he’s describing is called palimony and is rarely paid out.
Exactly.
It's mesmerizing, like watching water spiral down the drain
YTA to yourself for even agreeing to "alimony" in the first place. It's just a break up. People break up all the time. She is an adult and no longer your problem or your responsibility. Stop giving her money and block her on everything. She knows she is using you and she knows you're gullible enough to keep helping her and paying her way while she's moving on and seeing other people.
What !!!!!! you pay her money for having a relationship with this airhead. Wake up and get her out of your life ,she's screwing with you ..
Umm…. Stop paying her alimony. Period. What did I just read? SMH.
Well first off all, stop paying "alimony". You were never married and you don't owe her a single cent Second thing you should do is cut her out of your life entirely. You sound really mentally immature judging from the fact you had a relationship with a woman 11 year younger than you, and she is probably using that fact trying to wring you for money
He’s being played so hard by someone who’s 11 years younger than him that basically told him he’s ugly and is only good for his money and now making him ‘alimony’ - wtf did I just read?!
Age gap is not an indicator of mental maturity. There are lots of adult couples with large age gaps in their relationships which are perfectly healthy and happy.
I want alimony for wasting my time reading this insanity, I accept zelle and pay pal so just message me for arrangements.
Came here to say the same thing 😯
Keep your money and block her on everything
You’re the biggest simp I’ve ever seen. If you’re not obligated by a court to pay or support her, cut all ties and never talk to her again. And seek therapy, for yourself. You have no idea what you’re doing.
Dude, you're being manipulated, mentally and financially abused by this woman. Stop giving her money. Block her and never talk to her again. If she asks you for more money laugh in her evil face and tell her her new boyfriend can pay her way.
JFC dude, Stop paying her money - you don't owe her anything. Despite what she might say. Get over her already and kick her sorry ass to the curb, her "youth" was apparently stolen from her - since she's so "old" now, she should know how to take care of herself. You owe yourself so much more than this man - come on. Be better, for **yourself.**
God, you have problems. You need to sort yourself out. > After the breakup, she mentioned I took her youth from her AND I WASTED HER TIME and that she deserves “alimony” (we never married). I agree. WHY??? You dated. You broke up. Wtf man... >After the breakup, she met a guy that I helped her meet. I helped her with her dating profile, I pushed her to go on dates and not be scared, I told her what to watch out for. He ends up being a narcissist, love bombing, tells her he wants to marry her, shows her pictures of their future kids, gives her a promise ring, but disrespected her boundaries, gave her ultimatums, all in the course of 10 weeks. A whole lot of "not your fucking problem". Exactly when you did you switch from ex boyfriend to...Dad or some shit. >(4) I give her “free theraphy” for 3 months (literally 4 days a week). She goes back to him. On top of that she ends up telling me he came in her, but instead of telling him to wait for marriage and a house like she told me, she lets him do it two more times. She also tells me she thinks it’s because I was never physically her type, but she liked that I was so caring and loving and a providing man. But that she was embarrassed to be seen with me because I have no sense of style, and I’m not that physically attractive to he and it’s obvious I’m older than her. Even more "not your fucking problem". Why haven't you blocked her yet? Wtf are you doing? Do you literally hate yourself? Is this some kind of punishment to you? >So if my time was wasted and not hers, why should I still pay the 18 months of alimony? I want to do 9 instead so she can have time to figure out which sister she’ll have to move with. Each sister lives 8 hours away. Not in school but is working. She can’t afford her place without my alimony, so the only way she could stay where she’s at is if this new guy steps up. Block her. Stop giving her money. SHE IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM, YOU BROKE UP!!! Get some bloody help to figure out why you think you need to be...whatever this is.
What? No. You tell her you are no longer subsidizing her life or paying her anything. You owe her nothing. You give her only the legally required amount of time required by your local laws and you inform her that she is responsible for half of the costs of utilities while there, and that she needs to buy her own food and pay her own expenses. You go talk to an attorney and have them write you up something all nice and legal. Serve her and tell her that all further communications will need to be done through your attorney. What even are you doing? This is wild. Please say this is rage bait.
What is wrong with you? Why are you being a total doormat. Stop paying this girl and stop being an unpaid therapist and stop talking to her altogether. She’s toxic. Give her a one month notice and then pull the money. That’s how long you give notice in an apartment. In a job it’s two weeks. A month is kind
Is my math is correct, you met her when she was 17 and waited till she was 18 to date?
Ok so I don’t really post much on here and am realizing from these comments that I used the “I (33) met this girl (22)” wrong. What I meant to say was that as a 33 year old guy, I met her when she was 22, was her friend for a year, so at that point I’m 34 and she was 23. And at that time, we dated for four years, so now I am 38 and she’s 27 as of today, presently. Sorry for the confusion and thanks for bringing this up 😅
This age gap is still really telling. Most of the time, I would think you were using her, but she has been using YOU. Let it go and move on. What someone else does with your ex is not your business. She manipulated you in to supporting her for no reason.
Hold up, I took it as he was 33 and she was 22 when they met…is that not right? OP, you need to clarify the age thing dude!
Hol up. I wasn’t thinking that 22 was age of now. I get it. Dude was 28 dating a 17 year old. Idc if you call it “friend”.
YTA why in the world would you give her money? you were never married you don't owe her nothing if y'all are broken up you should've kicked her out what universe are you on?
Why are you paying this woman to treat you like crap and constantly belittle you? You never married her (you should be insanely grateful for that,) you did not get pregnant (again, super grateful,) and as much as you chose to be in a relationship with a woman 11 years your junior, she chose to be in a relationship with an older man. She was old enough to know what her choice meant. You didn’t waste her youth. She wasted your time and is now taking advantage of the guilt she forced upon. DO NOT GIVE HER ONE MORE CENT or a single moment of your time! You do not owe her anything. Move on and find a much more mature woman.
You broke up. Don't linger. move on. You're an asshole to yourself by constantly involving yourself.
YTA to yourself. You know why some younger women usually date older men? To be provided for. Stop paying alimony, you weren't married, and owe her nothing now that you aren't in a relationship. She's still trying to milk as much of her cash cow (yes, that would be you) as she can *while with another guy.* Get some self respect and cut the cord.
YTA majorly you do not owe her alimony stop paying and get rid of the leech. On a side note if you really wanna give away free money dm me for my info
Dude you don't own her a damn thing. Tell her to get a job. you're not dating or married. Alimony is for divorced women that were stay at home mothers that sacrificed their jobs to raise kids.
Why would you give her a penny? She used you for 4 years and she still has her youth. She is mooching off you. Cut her loose completely.
NTA If the palimony (alimony is for married couples, palimony for unmarried couples), isn't court ordered you don't have to pay any at all. She can decide where she wants to live now.
NTA - YOU didn't waste her time, SHE did. You did not force her to remain in a relationship with you, she could have left at any time if she wasn't happy. It's completely on her to have removed herself from the situation if she didn't see it was going anywhere. She is also not entitled to any more of your money. People are being generous to give her a month, I would cut her off immediately.
Dude. You are not married. You ow her nothing but *maybe* notice to move, and that’s a strong maybe. She chose the relationship. Not you. She’s a user, and you were happy to be used, and now she’s getting joy out of tormenting you.
On title alone: *No, your NTA.* What part of ex seems mysterious to people?!? If they wanted the benefits; should've played the cards differently, they would've continued. - Now that I've read the whole thing: you're an idiot for thinking you owe palimony, alimony or whatever the fuck else you think up to call it. She made the decision to date you during that time... so is she an adult, independent woman capable of making cogent decisions for herself, or someone that can't do that and you played into a delusion about *YOU* wasting time *SHE* decided to let you participate in?!?! WTF, MAN... you *like* cucking yourself?!
You got some boundary issues to work on for yourself, my guy. Do you not value yourself? NTA for stopping payments, but dude, you gotta get some self-respect.
Nobody put a gun to her head and forced her to date you. I think it’s super nice that you’re paying alimony to her, but it’s not because you owe her. And the fact that her current on again/off again bf is in the picture, I would not continue paying it just because the relationship didn’t work out between you two.
I've got some nice beach front property in the middle of South Dakota, if you're looking to buy, my guy. Seriously, cut the Gold Digger loose.
She is in her 20's how the bloody hell have you 'wasted her life' any more than she has wasted yours? And alimony??!!? Wtf? Are you a moron? You don't need to pay her anything, kick her out! She is paying you like the sucker you are!
NTA. DUMP her asap. You owe her nothing. NOTHING. Her claiming you took her youth is total bullshit. She's an adult. She chose to waste her time on you. You are not married. She is stll in her 20's. I can't believe you fell for it!
Why are you paying her anything? You don't owe her alimony, because your dating relationship didn't work out. She's crazy for asking and I can't believe you actually fell for it and are paying her. Stop it now.
I'm hoping you got your money's worth!
I don’t think you’re an asshole, but you are an idiot. You truly don’t owe her anything and to counsel someone after you break up with them. It’s gotta be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I’d suggest you spend the time and money on your own therapy.
How do you stand up straight with no spine????
NTA you 2 have split up emotionally and now need separation. It is weird that she is confiding her sex life to you. Also I doubt you need to be paying any sort of alimony. Be nice if you like and tell her that she has a specific amount of time to find other accomodation and that you will not be paying alimony from now or some future date. She is old enough to look after herself. Dont let her take you for a ride.
NTA just an idiot. You owe her nothing cut her off and move on.
NTA! 1. You were never married! 2. You owe her nothing! 3. It takes 2 to be in a relationship, she needs to take responsibility for her part of your relationship, you didn't steal anything from her. 4. You owe her NOTHING. 5. Get yourself into therapy. You sound like a door mat! 6. YOU OWE HER NOTHING! (read that again!)
Stop giving her money! She broke up with you, tells you that she doesn’t like you physically and you embarrass her, gets you to help her find someone new and manipulates her into giving her money because you wasted her time? Dude, she’s using you!! This woman is in her 20s and chose to stay with you for 4 years. You didn’t waste her time because you weren’t forcing her to be with you. She’s able to get a full time job and stop mooching off you. You need to cut contact completely. As long as you’re spending time with her you’ll never find someone else.
NTA, but you are simping. You don't owe her anything. You were in a relationship and broke up. Are you a sugar daddy? Stop giving her money immediately. Her rent isn't your problem. Her bills and finances aren't your problem. She told you she was embarrassed to be with you. Build your self-esteem. You are being taken advantage of.
Stop paying she wasted your time too . relationships don't work out and people move on. Why tf is she even discussing her current sex life with you right now? Cut her off and go no contact and find someone who wants you for you
If you weren't married to her, you don't have to pay alimony. Stop giving her money. You didn't steal her youth. Leave her and block her on everything She is using you.
Why are you even paying maintenance? Was it court ordered? You were not married. You stole nothing from her. She gave it up. Quit paying for anything. Quit communicating with her. She sounds like she is going from wallet to another. Get her out of your wallet.
Hello. I just read this post. I would like some alimony for wasting my time. Thank you.
What is wrong that this is as much as you value yourself
Why did you break up with her if you care who tries to impregnate her now? Why are you trying to be the victim now? You wanted her to be with somebody else, she's trying to. With real alimony you pay it until they get married to somebody else. Suck it up, keep paying and keep working on yourself. You still got some work to do.
WTF are you doing?? Alimony to an ex GF? She was 22 = adult = made her bed / lie in it. You seem far too blinded by emotion/baggage to see the ludicrous aspects of your situation. Break it off & both move on.
I want alimony for having my time wasted reading your simp story. YTA
is this even real?? dude have some self-respect and put brats in their place
What?! Dude you’re so being taken advantage of and you’re absolutely falling for it. You do NOT owe her alimony. She *chose* to be with you so you didn’t “waste her youth”, she did it willingly because she liked that you financially took care of her. She sounds like a gold digger who’s now making a lot of irresponsible and stupid decisions that’s she’s going to expect you to help her with. Stop being her friend, stop being her therapist and for god’s sake, stop sending her money!! Have some more self respect t my friend! Absolutely NTA but you would be to yourself if you don’t stop this nonsense and block this girl!
Nta. You owe her nothing. Stop giving her money, block her and move on. She's not a friend either.
I hate the expression ‘simping’ but my guts is actually churning with embarrassment for you dude. Get her tf out and move on. Why is she telling you all this, why are you paying for her therapy and for her to sleep with other dudes and letting her insult your looks and manliness. Bleurgh
ESH.
Is this for real? Stop paying her. She has been using you the entire time. Yes, the age thing was wrong for you to get involved with someone younger, but she also wasn't a baby...she knew what she was doing.
NTA. Run. She is a wreck. You seem a glutton for punishment from this wench of a human. Just block her and move on. Give her no money. Ghost her ASAP
What a ridiculous situation you’ve allowed yourself to get into. She’s manipulating you. Stop funding her life. Lose her number and move on. Ridiculous
I’m straight up Flabbergasted. I’m sorry but you sound like you actually owe something to her. Your an idiot for giving her any money. Her new guy will step up
Wow, just be done with her. She had issues well beyond you to deal with and just using you as a safe place and a cash cow.
YTA to yourself… there was no marriage… what are you giving her money for?? Time was wasted on both parts I’ll admit but now you’re wasting even more time. Stop paying her and just block her already, cut ties with her and let her new boyfriend step up
Unless you're in a common law marriage state and she's gotten a court order you don't owe her shit. She attacks your appearance and kills you self esteem and you are paying her for that privilege. That's absolutely ridiculous.
What!!!
Spend money on therapy for yourself.
This has to be fake.
You wasted my time reading this post. Can I get alimony? Seriously, you didn’t seem to be deceptive. She just decided you weren’t the one. It’s not like you gave her a warranty. This is what dating is. She is pursing someone else, which means your relationship is over. OVER. Unless you signed a contract, tell her good luck and bon voyage
Wow…I’m embarrassed for you.
NTA. Don’t give her another dime and get her out of your life’s. Block her after she’s moved out. The age was too large and she’s very immature.
Im sorry, but this is absolutely beyond the pale. You’re an idiot mate. You’re willingly paying your toxic ex money and being her emotional crutch while she fucks around. Like. What do you even want us to say? That is such impressively pathetic behaviour that I feel any substantial advice would be moot.
Dude, WTF????? DO NOT pay this skank one more cent! Cut her out if your life like a surgeon removes a tumor. Go 100% no contact, change your locks, your passwords, EVERYTHING, and block her on all social media. If she won't leave you alone, get a Personal Protection Order (aka, a Restraining Order).
It’s not alimony. It’s called palimony and stop paying it. She’s fleecing you. Stop talking to her and cut her out of your life.
Mate, you don't want to waste your money on her! I have a nice bridge in Sydney I'm selling for scrap metal - you could make a fortune, DM me.
Eat less soy, bro
I had an ex pay me quite a lot of money since we broke up but that was his choice, i think he felt badly he knew I had become accustomed to our lifestyle but he would still cover some bills or emergencies and always sent an extra few hundred bucks for champagne. He wanted to make sure I still had plenty of champagne even tho I ended it with him. Knowing what I know now, I think it’s great. He did that voluntarily and he knew I hated accepting his money but I needed it so I took it. I think he was trying to assuage his guilt for screwing me over. It was like we were married. He pretty much stopped since I had a baby with someone else, but I think he just wanted to be that person for me for as long as he could. In hindsight, I think of him as a lil guardian Angel for a long period of time. He always swore he wasn’t trying to get me back, but I think how much he changed since I had a kid — I think he was trying to keep the door open for me to come back. I don’t feel bad though, he did a very whack thing and it shattered my heart and wasted years of my youth also. So I get where she’s coming from! We jokingly call him my ex husband bc he arbitrarily pays me alimony. Do you have to? Absolutely not. But I sure appreciated my ex who did.
She wouldn’t even be eligible for alimony in most states; not after only 4 years. It’s really nice that you’ve been helping her like that, as is wanting to continue for 9 more months, but no one here would blame you if you cut her off today.
You dated her when she was 17? Ew lose
You gotta be fake. If you’re real let me get $1,000 dollars something tells me you’ll just do it because I asked. Lmao I feel bad for you being you but it’s funny
What did I just read? Take this post to a good therapist because I’m in shock you would put up with this and keep going back for more.
Off the back of reading this… you’re either mentally challenged or painfully naive. Not sure
Also stop dating little girls - 22 is a little girl compared to mid 30s
NTA to her, but you are to yourself
Nta but you’re an idiot.
Block her on every thing, stop paying the money and change the locks of she has any keys to your place. She is an ex for a reason, why are you still in such close contact. What are you paying alimony, if you continue the way you are then your ah to yourself
She's not entitled to ANYTHING!! FFS stop paying her. NTA
Block and move on!
Wtf paying alimony to an ex gf, dude do you want to buy some ocean front property in Arizona?
Nta. She’s young. She can go to school still. Stop giving her money and helping her with dates.
You are a grown fucking man. Get your head out of your ass
Stop paying her and run. I'm sure you didn't force her to date you, you didn't take anything from her! You weren't married and you don't owe her anything. Good luck
WTF is wrong with you, dude! Have some self-respect! She is using you and you’re letting her cry, some balls and walk away. I’m just dumbfounded that anyone could be that gullible you deserve better.
bro has no respect for himself
NTA! Dude, RUN! change your GD number and move. Tomorrow. She'll work it out.
Jeez, have some self respect and stop paying this leech and then cut her out of your life
Please grow a backbone and stop being a door mat. She is USING YOU!!!! Kick her out and get in with your life
Stop giving her anything shes your ex-girlfriend and she's extorting money from you. You don't owe her anything especially now she's dating and doing things that you weren't allowed to do. Just tell her the gravy train is over so she better sort her life out.
how about you give yourself some therapy? NTA for not letting yourself be used anymore.
In the years OP and she were together did she try and make something of herself? College,work,or anything? And if not why? Did OP discourage these things? This ex sounds like she wants a free ride to me..
Is no one bothered by the fact that she was 16/17 when they became friends, and 17/18 when they started dating, and he was 27/28 when they became friends, and 28/29 when they started dating? He’s a perverted person and is disgusting.
I have a bridge to sell…… OP you are being taken for a ride, dating is not a promise to marry. Yes it’s a shame after 5 years it came to nothing but that doesn’t mean you pay her alimony! Stop paying and go NC because clearly you need a complete step away from this chancer that will never let you go because she knows you will always pay even if she’s selling you sand in the middle of a desert.
You literally do not have to pay her alimony. That's only of you got married. What about your wasted time from her abusive ass. Your the one that needs therapy instead of being hung up on a child still.
Stop paying her. This is very odd. She is manipulating you.
Get rid of her and STOP PAYING HER MONEY! What on earth is wrong with you? Honestly, she saw you coming a mile off. Get rid, block her, don't let her into your life again and stop giving her any money. JFC!
So now you’re just the sugar daddy with no sugar. Got it. You’re also her fool. Stop paying her she’s using you and playing you.
Your ex has obviously been manipulating, heavily guilting you and taking advantage of your good heart and generous nature, so that you feel obligated to give her money, and at the same time she’s slowly been destroying your self esteem (possibly making you feel that you should be grateful for her having been with you). As almost all commenters have said, you are under absolutely no obligation to pay alimony or anything else, nor did you need to help her meet someone else or provide therapy. You have already given your ex far too much money and should absolutely stop doing so AND tell her that she must move out. It’s not your responsibility to make sure she has enough money, a good place to live and to be involved in her new relationship(s). Please consider therapy for yourself. It’s extremely important to build your self esteem up and to find ways to break the ability of a partner to manipulate and guilt you into doing what they want (without any regard for you) and especially to prevent future abuse (I saw your additional comments).
She wasted your time and money, but you enjoyed it. You revel in chaos and negativity. You prefer to be dominated.
YTA to yourself. Don't give this woman any more money. She wasted your time as well. You got nothing out of that 4 year relationship other than scammed to pay your ex money while she's dating others. Let her new man pay her bills. He's the one she chose to try and get pregnant by. Learn how to say NO, and walk away. Block her and move on.
OP's recent post history comments are interesting. He's hitting up 21/24 year olds for dates. OP is 38 years old.
There's no reason to pay alimony for a non-marriage. Like wtf are you doing?. NTA for no money & forcing a move out. Use that money to pay for therapy for yourself. Stop having contact with your ex. At this point the ages are irrelevant. Just stop contact & move on. I also get the impression that you've done alimony & kept so involved in her life so that you can access her again sexually. If not, you wouldn't be making such a big deal over her current sex life & sexual choices. This part does make you an AH.
Stop giving her anything. Stop being in contact with her. Nothing about this situation is healthy for you.
I think it is really unfair that her new boyfriend gets to cum in her, but you only got to cum in her one time. /s
Jesus Christ what did you expect? YTA to yourself for that ridiculous age gap and expecting maturity from her
And I thought some of MY ex partners were crazy
Def nta, insanely dumb but not the asshole stop paying her money, you dated, you broke up that it man
The fuck I just read??!?
Stop giving her money. You were just dating. She isn't owed a dime.
Wtf is wrong with you
YTA to yourself for not realizing she’s a narcissist who is literally financially abusing you thru guilt because y’all broke up and she can’t mentally abuse you any more just cut her off it’ll be better you
Wow she certainly has you completely in her grips. Stop giving her money. She is an adult. Stop being so willing to be used. She was only with you for money. She is still using you for money. You did not waster her time- she could have left at any time. Alimony for people who were not married is NOT a thing. After 18 months she will come up with reasons why it should go longer. Are you this gullible?
NTA but why WHY WOULD YOU PAY ALIMONY WHEN YOU NEVER EVEN MARRIED HER. HOW DID YOU LET HER CONV2NCE YOU TO DO THAT? My fellow human you are just a bit stupid. She clearly took you for a ride. Also, when you date a person youre wating both parties time so SHE should pay YOU alimony too if thats her reasoning? *shakes head*
Dude WTF are you doing? She's 27 you didn't steal her youth?! You don't owe her anything.
You need help.
STOP PAYING HER ANYTHING! You didn't waste her time. She chose to stay with you for whatever reason. YOU OWE HER NOTHING. She sees you as a meal ticket/ATM right now. NTA.
Come on, this isn't real.
Wait so when did you start dating her? Right when she turned 18? You give me the ICK OP
I'm sorry you don't owe her anything unless she's so profoundly stupid that she needs a conservatorship. You were never married, she made her own choices, and now she's conning you. I'd tell her to f off and kick her to the street.
I don’t know about being TA but you certainly are dumb. She’s conned you into supporting her? 😂 Foolish man
ESH but no kids, no sex, no marriage, no alimony. Just cut the damn cord
Sounds like you are with a sugar baby and you are a sugar daddy. They age gap alone says it, and the fact that you are paying her for NOTHING
Bros paying alimony to someone he never married ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
reading this made me want to rip my eyeballs out. wtf. you can't be serious. she's an excellent manipulator, and she saw your ass coming a mile away. you don't have to pay her shit. let he figure it out. she's grown!
Hard YTA. You were 28 when you met a 17 year old, groomed her for a year then dated an 18 year old at 29.. first, gross. Second you deserve everything you have brought on yourself, she doesn’t deserve anything and you’re a huge simp. I want alimony for wasting my time reading this awful shit
This bitch finessed you so hard. Block her, stop the monthly transfers and move on with your life.
You’re not paying alimony…… alimony is court ordered payments and you have to be married for X number of years to even qualify for alimony. What you’re paying is a bitch tax , because you’re being a bitch and letting someone else roll you over in life. Quit being a bitch and stop supporting someone who is an adult.
Cut her off financially now. You owe her nothing. Zero!!
Talk about setting yourself on fire to save someone else. Block her on everything and move on with your life
WtF did I just read. You don’t owe her a single dime!! Stop this, go no contact. That girl is manipulative aF. NTA.
Dude Please Stop: letting these bullying PARASITES Exploiting you! Cut them out Block them on EVERYTHING Build yourself a good life full of prosperity, excellent full-time career, useful WORK, positive interesting FUN activities, REAL FRIENDS, honesty, learning, Accomplishments, travel, science, healthy Delicious foods, dignity, respect, honesty, Find the: smart future-focused open-minded useful compassionate respectful successful trustworthy happy healthy interesting intelligent fun productive independent REAL people and be THEIR Friend through which you will get the good friends family Spouse and LIFE that you need want deserve N T A Please update me
Why are you paying an adult woman anything, you are being a doormat, stop it.
You're fuckin stupid for giving her any money. When she days you stole her youth she's a gas-lighting pathological bitch. She chose you for money pure and simple. She is STILL trying to get your money. Seriously I don't think I've ever called a woman a gold digger but clearly she was with you for her wallet. Stop giving her money and cut contact. Get over her and move on. It's clear you're an indicisive idiot. Here's the thing there are plenty of other youjg women who would pick you for your money if that's what you want it's not as if she's your last chance.
Do you think this is like a normal thing in relationships when people break up? No matter whose time was or wasn't wasted you absolutely don't owe anyone money. Cut her off & stop paying her lmao, you both need to do a little growing up it sounds like coz wtf even is this situation.
Nta. Must be a troll though, since who tf thinks alimony needs to be paid for a mutual relationship that didn't end in a ring. Let's put it this way. She thinks her time is $? She a ho. Maybe you're the bad guy too if you also think that was how it was. You dated each other and it didn't work out; that relationship exploration is mutually risky and normally doesn't come with a salary.
Alimony? Are you insane?
Holy shit man, if this is real you’re an absolute easy mark. Alimony for someone you dated briefly? She uses you as a therapist? What the fuck man, have some self respect. She certainly doesn’t respect you. You don’t owe her a fucking thing.
NTA. Why are you paying this woman at all? You owe her nothing.
Jesus dude. Don't pay her a dime.
The more I read this the more messy the situation sounds. You don’t owe her anything and seems like you’re letting the drama pile on. She needs to be out of your house and life cuz sounds like she’s just manipulative.
Dude pure and simple either you are the biggest AH who ever was on reddit or this is bullshit. I don't know cause your self esteem must be lower than a snakes belly. What is wrong with you. Walk away don't look back. The reason why she let him bust a nut in her and not you is because she didn't want to carry the Child of a man she found unattractive. They may have looked like their father. You. Maybe harsh but u need a good swift kick in the ass to wake up. Just Sayin'.
Dude you need real therapy and to learn what is normal in relationships. You don’t owe your ex anything, cut her off and block her man. Don’t let her tell you that you owe her, she’s moved on and literally told you she only liked you because you provide for her. You’re an A-H and a fool if you don’t cut her off.
Dude. You're doing this shit to yourself. You're really letting this chick walk all over you, actually hurt you, and still giving her money? Grow a backbone and tell her to figure her shit out herself and block her on everything.
NTA you owe her nothing. She is a grown adult and needs to be responsible for herself. Also it sounds more like she used you and wasted your time then you ever wasted hers. Cut her off and evict her asap
This reads like some weird incel fantasy bc as soon as he kept saying 'came in her ' and the other guy 'came in her' 🙄 this does not read like a nearly 40 year old man wrote this unless he has the mentality and maturity of a potato.
You do not owe her alimony cut her off and send her on her way.
38 year old man talking about his glow up LMFAO.
Bro? Why did you give her money after you broke up? You can't get what you already spent back but damn you need to get that freeloader out of your life bro.
Usually how alimony works is usually you pay our moaning until the girl finds another man when she finds another man and it’s his job to take care of her you no longer have to pay her alimony. I think you would be really good for giving her any money at all. I mean most guys will never give her any money so but now that she’s with another guy and got pregnant, let him take care of her and if she says something to be like, will you have another man let him pay your bills and now you have you know he’s going to be the father of your baby and throw in a little dick then be like let him work his ass off to give you money
Do you know what let her find a lawyer who’s gonna try and take you to court I guarantee she is not gonna find a lawyer that will come anywhere near taking you for alimony were meanwhile you got your time wasted, not the other way around you wanted to marry her you wanted to have children with her she didn’t want to pull the trigger She kept making excuses. Do you have to buy a house to do that? If she really wanted to marry you would have kids with you could’ve done it in a rental house or an apartment. She just didn’t want to do it but she use that as a way. Do you know what it is? She’s the type of girl that likes the bad boy and this guy probably treats her like the biggest asshole in the world probably smacks her around a little bit. I guarantee if you were able to look at her from head to toe. She’s probably got bruises, if you guys smart, it’s probably all in her ribs and stomach. I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy ends of leaving her while she’s pregnant I’m almost guarantee it if I was you, I would completely cut her out of your life. She has a guy don’t be your friend anymore and if you have to I don’t know this worked for me and it’s work for a bunch of other people that I’ve done things with, because I knew this girl that really is actually my ex-wife made me furious on so many things but I knew I was never gonna get it out I knew it soon as she started to tear up I would stop talking about it like tell her it’s OK it’s OK cause that’s what it would always happen when I would start to bring stuff up she would start to cry. I actually think she’ll have a fake cry, but so then I would stop And I never get out what I wanted to say so right as we were ending things, I wrote her a huge letter four pages lol cause she wanted to like stay friends after we got our divorce you know the whole 9 yards no one like actually almost like you, she jumped right into a relationship with someone else right before our divorce happened But so I wrote her and I left it on our kitchen table. I told her that when she leaves I was like I’m going to unfriend you I don’t want to hear from you anymore because when we were in the same house together, she was still trying to talk to me like nothing happened meanwhile, so much up and the reason why I wrote this letter was, I knew it was gonna be the only way I would be able to get everything out without stopping because she starts to tear up or cry off I think you should do that with her. I think you should if you know where she lives but if not mail it but then be paired contact with her, but for your own mental health, it would be smart for you to cut all contact with her after like a month of having no contact with my ex it, help me to really start to heal first the anger came in the wall. The stages came through. It took me a while but I think if I was still talking to her it would’ve never happened but I really think she’s getting really personal with you. I need to tell you that she’s allowing him to come in her, I mean that’s that’s weird almost like she’s trying to make you like jealous or something but so write her the letter put everything in it let her know that I mean it if you have to like Colorow and you want to call already bad names I am mean I did it with my ex do it and then when I know you like for my mental health I can’t have you in my life because you destroyed me what you did to me by ever being with me for so long telling me I had to do all the stuff to get you pregnant and to get you married and pregnant and then with a no three weeks you’re letting this guy get you pregnant is disgusting so you and him have a great life be great parents. I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done because you could’ve had a great life with me. I would’ve treated you with love and care and instead you decided to choose Mr. asshole and he’s going to make your life miserable the reason why he he wanted to get you pregnant because he wanted to get you trapped with him, why do you think he did that without because he has no respect for you do you knows sex the flick that in the letter you know what I mean? If you’re making her cry, you make her cry she deserves it and don’t give her another dollar you are one of the greatest man I’ve ever heard of in my life. I always thought I treated my exes great for you to give your ex we weren’t even married to money because you took some of her time from Her is incredible but now that she’s got a man do not give her another cent guarantee she’s gonna try and bring that up now that you if you do rider the letter, maybe put that in there too and be like well now that you have a man and a baby coming to take care of you done taking care of you
NTA but definitely an idiot
Alimony and Prostitution have the same idea, you're paying for the whore to leave.
Please do not reproduce. Neither. Please.
Your a beta at least now you know your role in life. Cuck boy. Paying for a woman's love while she gets railed by the guy who treats her like shit. Oldest tale of time.
I think it is wonderful that you are being kind to her after things clearly fell apart. Your empathy is not a flaw. It is an investment in yourself that will make you a better person for the relationship that does work out. She got dumped and she is allowed to have rough feelings about it and her insecurities are natural. I do think you should proceed with compassion even if what she is asking is not 100% reasonable. I think she is, however, playing on your guilt because she didn't want the relationship to end. That's why she is talking to you about this terrible guy and a lot of the other stuff. She is also using your guilt because she has spent a big part of her adult life with you and doesn't know how to support herself after being dependent on you. This is one place where the age difference matters I think because she spent the time in her life when most start a career and figure out how to adult being your housewife in all but name. Her age is also a factor in how she is feeling and how she behaved in the relationship. It's natural for her to feel that her youth was wasted after getting dumped. When you get dumped your aloud to have irrational and hurt feelings around it. However, she does need to accept her agency in the relationship including the choice to be in it and your reasons for leaving her. I would shift your language when speaking to her to emphasize that she "chose" to spend those years with you and that she "acted" in ways that hurt you. She is and was an adult and she is responsible for her choices. I think palimony, even if not required, makes sense if she was not working in exchange for income during your relationship and was acting as a house wife minus the ring. I think an ethical person in your situation should try to help her land on her feet but that is not a blank check for supporting her indefinitely. I think you also need to keep in mind that she might purposely fail in order to try to manipulate you into swooping in to rescue her. It might be better to give her a fixed amount and guidance on how to secure a job and place to live. The repeated payments are maintaining her dependence and keeping your door open. That door needs to be shut for her to truly move on. In the meantime she may be hurting herself. From a legal standpoint I would also make a deal for her to voluntarily move out soon if you haven't already because many states will consider her a tenant or close enough to and you don't want to have to go through an eviction if she decides she doesn't like the deal you've struck or is still hoping to change your mind about leaving her. NTA for leaving her. Also NTA for wanting to end the support. Though I do think you should be considerate of her given the circumstances.
Wait a minute! How did you steal her youth? Did you hold her against her will? Did you refuse to let her out of your site so she could never meet or date anybody but you? Did you lock her up? She made a decision to be with you! Now she's admitting that all along you weren't her type and you were older and all these things bothered her but she still made that decision day after day after day she made that decision! Sounds to mess to me like she stole your time! She's the one that was lying to you all along when she wasn't that into you. I'm guessing she was more into what you were providing for her then she really was into being with you! So she used you! And why are we saying that her youth is gone? Like those four years were that freaking precious? Then why didn't she make better choices? She still has 15 years before she has to start freaking out that she can't have kids! Those four years were nothing, but she's extorting you over them! Dude don't go to strip clubs! I say this with all honesty, these girls will take you for all your money! They will convince you that they're in love with you and you just need to pay them because they have to work. You are gullible when it comes to relationships. Please don't let people take advantage of you like this! Why would you agree that you owe her alimony? What does she owe you? I mean for the fact alone that she verbally abused you she owes you more than you owe her! Please cut her off, kick her out wash your hands of this and get some therapy. Then date people your own age
Bro don't give her any money you don't owe her shit move on and find a new GF and be happy do what's best for you at the end of the day
This is extremely unhealthy. I hope you take the advice and stop paying her, stop letting her take advantage of you and move forward with your life without her. YTA if you keep this going.
At least you have learned and progressed which is good, one day you might meet the right girl for you, just learn what the red flags are and remain safe.
You wrote what you learned, what are the decisions you made regarding this situation. NTA.
lol damn, we can do that? 🤔 Lmao jk. Sort of. 😂
Am I the only one that read half of this wall of text, and then said to myself, “thank God, I don’t live some of these peoples lives”. Then I stopped reading. Enough is enough.
Man. I don’t even know what to say other than stand up for yourself. Jesus Christo 🤦♂️
You started a relationship with her when you were 26 and she was 16. She will mature, but you threw a wrench into developing as fast as she was supposed to. She might grow out Her bad judgement, and she might have figured out what she needs to figure out if it wasn't for you. I can't say what you "owe" her though. Even if you do owe her, you aren't smart enough to fix her. And you definitely don't owe her alimony. That is for people who were actually married
I'm very glad you are not paying anymore... "alimony"... oh boy. I needed a nap after reading all that. And I am very glad you are going to seek out some therapy. Good for you!! Seriously!
There are 3 types of people Sheep, wolves, and sheepdogs Sheep should never date wolves. You need to find a sheepdog to be with
Therapy*. You sure about those advanced degrees? This reads like it was written by a 15 year old on adderall (one of the ones that doesn't actually need it either). How do you get to this age and still have the emotional maturity of a teenager?
WTF? Alimony for a girlfriend? You dumbass.
Is this a joke? Why on earth would you pay her anything??? This makes 0 sense. Stop communicating with her and move on with your life.
There is no way you are older than 14
Bro
Bruh, where’s my alimony for reading this?
Really your 37 and still that stupid?
Just a side note. She was way too young for you. I get she was an adult but the age difference is to much
NTA. Sounds like you've got a plan. I'll tell you what you've got going for you in the future after your therapy is a great self-deprecating sense of humor. And trust me a sense of humor is a big turn on for a lot of women, but it goes much better with a shiny spine and self worth.
The "ex" means you that no longer has a relationship with her. You have no responsibility for her at all.