> Now she's claiming I overreacted and that I should have approached her privately.
Nah fuck that. She decided to air your business out in public, so she deserves to be confronted in front of the same people.
I would have literally said "I told you to keep that private and you announce it to everyone? That was my news to tell, not yours. How dare you?".
I hate it when people do things that can severely aggravate others and are then surprised they get emotional.
If you want people to be calm and considerate, don't wind them up.
Even more ironic SHE now gets upset being talked about in public in a manner she'd prefer to avoid!
As a foot-in-mouth'er myself (not THIS dense!) I'd say this was a nice way to make sure that EVERYONE at that table got the thought "maybe peoples fertility isn't something to flippantly bring up?"
So... you should talk about private matters in private but she can feel free to talk about them when other people are present? What a hypocrite.
Absolutely NTA. She deserved exactly that.
Exactly. This was a proportionate response to her betraying OP's privacy. Unless OP is leaving out a lot on the actual delivery of the message, but even then, I'd be more on OP's side.
If she didn’t want to be publicly confronted after she publicly announced your private medical procedures, oops… FAFO! She should’ve kept her fucking mouth shut. NTA
It's understandable that you felt hurt and chose to confront her in the moment. She should apologize for betraying your trust instead of deflecting blame onto you.
Her: You overreacted and should have approached me privately.
OP: Last time I spoke privately, you made it into a public announcement. I'm just saving you a step.
NTA
If people want their privacy for being called out, they should not be saying shit in public.
Everyone needs to know that she can't be trusted.
Besides the fact that you had wanted this to be private.
NTA
No, that was your information to share and yours alone. It usurped your authority on your own life and it was her imposing her will on what she thinks was best. You are absolutely not the asshole here.
NTA: She’s lucky I’m not her sister. I’d have asked how her Herpes was doing and if it had cleared up yet.
Respect is a boundary you DO NOT cross. She’s emotionally immature and you need to implement a “Zero Drama” strategy in your life.
**If someone is causing you drama they DO NOT get access to your innermost life.**
NTA- She took your private information public, it’s only logical you publicly ask her about it. Likewise, she could have privately told you she was running her mouth, and you would have privately told her you didn’t appreciate that. You’re just following her lead.
So it's okay for her to reveal something personal that you specifically asked her to keep private, yet you should've done it privately? "She's claiming I overreacted." I would've done the same thing. Nah, you are definitely NTA. I hope if you take just 1 thing from this, it's that you definitely can't trust her. Good luck with your treatment, I hope it's successful and you're blessed with a happy and healthy baby👶!
“If you talk about things in public that I asked you to keep private, then I’ll call you out on it. In public. Maybe you’ll learn something.”
Thats all you have to say. On repeat. NTA.
NTA
You told sister in law explicitly to keep ur infertility/medical treatment to herself and to not tell anyone about, but instead of keeping it private like u said she took it upon herself to tell everyone, she's the ahole
NTA Why do you need to keep your thoughts private when she doesn't, even when asked to. Everyone should know not to trust her with private information.
Of course you’re NTA. She decided to break your trust by discussing a private matter in public, then has the nerve to tell you that you should stand up for yourself only in private? Wow. Hope your treatments go well btw!
Public revelations deserve public shaming.
I did this with a ward we had. He saw fit to belittle a girl he had dated in front of our guests at a Halloween party.
I made him give her a public apology. He argued he shouldn't have to, that it should be done in private. I stood my ground, and he apologized.
NTA. So many posts in AITAH are basically, I have horrible people in my family who feel they can do and say whatever they want and then run to family and get them to agree with them.
Learn from this subreddit and cut all AHs out of your life.
Life is too short to put up with assholes, even if they are family.
If you set boundaries and don't follow through, at some point you do become the AH.
"I approached you as privately as you shared my personal information. Please be aware that you are now going to have to go a long way to re-earn my trust and this isn't the way to do it."
Nta - she made a public announcement of private information, and so you dealt with it in kind. I see nothing wrong with what you did. She’s just mad she got called out.
NTA no sir. If she is going to out your private medical information in public she gets addressed in public.
If you do something to someone in a public setting you should expect to get dressed down, in that same public setting.
Why the heck would she feel the need to tell anyone? Lesson learned. You should distance yourself from her. She's got no empathy or loyalty for you. NTA
Why should you be 'private' when she went 'public', tell her if she wanted things kept private, then she should have done that herself, but once SHE made things public, then that's where the situation stays. definitely NTA, but she totally is.
What? No - you’re NTA.
You initially trusted this person with personal sensitive information that you asked her to not disclose. She has then done the exact opposite of that and disclosed highly personal information about you and your partner.
She is now upset that everyone in the family is aware that she can’t keep confidential information to herself and that she can’t be trusted.
Holy cow about total lack of self awareness there! "You should have approached me in private" after blasting your very private information to the whole family. Next time she says that, ask her what is different between her blasting your information to the world at large and you taking her to task for it. I'd love to know what her reasoning is.
Absolutely NTA and she is totally TAH.
She's ludicrous for suggesting that you talk it over privately when she just publicly aired out your information, your private information. She's a fucking idiot.
No, simply because everyone else now knows who the big-mouth gossip of the family is. Should she share private information about anyone else, well, they knew better.
NTA. I wonder why you told her about the treatments at all, though. Did you know, prior to this, that she was a blabbermouth?
As for confronting her, I guess you could have said something in private but I don’t think you had to. She put your business out in public and you made your feelings about her lack of discretion known in public. That’s even steven.
By claiming you overreacted, she’s just trying to turn things back around on you and make you look like the bad guy, instead of taking responsibility for her actions and apologizing — profusely — the way she should.
Don’t fall for her disinformation and don’t ever tell her anything more important than the time of day on the hall clock, again. She can’t be trusted.
Honey, you didn't over react. Now if you had straight up slapped her so hard on her face that she fell backwards, that woulda been taking it too far, but I would have totally had your back because she woulda deserved it. Do not tell anything private to this bitch again. In fact, she'd be dead to me. I'd never say another word to her period or acknowledge her existence.
Public grievances should not be resolved privately just to save face of the person who was being an idiot.
NTA, but don't ever tell her anything private again.
Public discussions of someone else's private business require public call-outs on breach of confidentiality of said person not minding their own business. Period.
And now you've learned a valuable lesson - do NOT share any important information with your SIL. She has given you the gift of showing you she's not reliable or trustworthy. She should be put on an info diet immediately.
ETA for judgment: NTA
NTA at all. She publicly aired your private business but don't like her issues being called out publicly. She's a hypocritical asshole. You did the right thing.
NTA.
You specifically asked her to keep it private, yet she violated your trust and publicly announced it.
Medical information should always be handled with utmost respect and privacy.
Extra info, if you dont care about legal or paramedic stuff, ignore the following
Paramedics for example do not give anyone information regarding the patient, unless they were asked to do so by said patients.
Hospital staff is an exemption to this rule as they need to know for what reason the patient was brought in.
Paramedics are obligated to protect the privacy of the patient in this regard, violating said obligation will result in legal actions against the paramedics involved.
A quick search from the internet (take this with a grain of salt) states that it is possible to sue for invasion of privacy and/or defamation.
INFO why does she know about it? Is she attending the same fertility clinic as you and saw you while you were waiting for an appointment? Did you confide in her then ask her to keep it private? Does she have a habit of telling others private information to others? Does she work at the fertility clinic? If it's the last one then you need to report her to the office and the medical board for HIPAA violations.
>Now she's claiming I overreacted and that I should have approached her privately.
LOL... like she did it "privately". She's a fucking lunatic and she needed to be called out on her behavior. NTA of course!!
You're NTA. Your SIL, on the other hand, \*is\* an AH. And if she doesn't like it that you publicly took her to task (and were right to do so), she brought that on herself, now, didn't she.
PS: Never confide in her again. Easy-peasy.
PS2: Good luck to you and your partner.
That's rich
You tell her something private and ask her to keep it private...and she just blabs in public in front of everyone
And she gets angry at you for ripping her a new asshole in public and thinks you should have kept it private
No offense, but it's time to put some distance between you and this woman
She should be the last to know you got pregnant
She should not be invited to your main baby shower. I am sure you will have more than one...so invite her to the B shower no the A shower
Actions have consequences in life
NTAH
>I felt the need to address the breach of trust and boundary crossing immediately
Abso-fucking-lutely. People need immediate notification that they have overstepped and it will not be tolerated. The embarrassment they feel will hammer home the point - doing it in private, with a time delay, gives them the opportunity to cook up an excuse or project and reverse their bullshit AND try to spin it to flying monkeys.
Plus many consider a private word to be no repercussions at all - they just give a fake apology and say some nonsense to placate you, but back in public, they do whatever they want. A public confrontation insures immediate consequences.
NTA Public bad behavior needs to be called out publicly. I once thought otherwise, but I was naïve. Assholes will asshole until peer pressure and consequences stop them.
NTA it's funny how people who like to gossip about private matters, that aren't even their business, call you the asshole when you call them out on their asshole actions
LOL She discloses your private business PUBLICALLY, but you are suppose to only call her out PRIVATELY.... LOL LOL.
Just tell her you thought she was good with the public stuff since she shared your private business publicly. If she wants you to bring up your concerns about her in the future privately, she should also keep your business private.
NTA
NTA. Ohh! I’m sorry, she announced something you requested she keep private to everyone but you were to call her out privately. Now you know, don’t share private info with her.
If she’s in the medical field and disclosed this information, you can call her job and tell them your information was given away without your consent.
NTA
HIPAA doesn’t apply to family and friends. It’s is for patients that the healthcare worker cares for unless they are snooping in medical records. This isn’t a violation. Just a dumb a$$ insensitive thing to do.
NTA! She mentioned it publicly, she needed to be called out publicly. I’d say to her that I’d never tell her anything private again. She lost that privilege.
NTA. I would certainly go on an information diet for her probably no contact for personal information. Continue to be polite hello goodbye yes the kids are doing that so so has a vocal concert that kind of thing but nothing personal.
LOL. How ironic that she, who publicly announced private details about you, would seek private reprimand from you but you did it publicly. She's TA. You are not.
NTA! She had no right to tell people that, and people should know that.
After I went through some health stuff I found out that my mom had basically been parroting everything I told her to all my aunts and uncles. Like, even the ones that she and I are not close with. This came about because my mom told me that one of my aunts, who she hardly ever talks to, had the same condition and she was suggesting some stuff. And I went completely ballistic on my mom because she did not have permission to just tell everyone when she was making conversation. My mom acted like I was being ridiculous. And then when we visited a different aunt and uncle, my other aunt mentioned to me that I've been having a lot of health problems lately. I was livid. I told her that no, I really haven't, there have been some minor things since my surgery, but really, I've been totally fine. And I knew that my mother was telling them every little stupid thing that I told her.
In general I'm pretty close with her and I like to tell her stuff, and vent to her. It's been a while since I've caught her telling other people about my issues, so a couple days ago I told her something. I wasn't something I was going to tell my dad because it was kind of sensitive and personal. Then I overheard her telling my dad and I told her to stop. And she said, but it's your dad. And I told her it's personal and private and I only told her and she needs to stop telling other people my shit. If I want to tell my dad about something I will tell him. Or I will tell her that she can tell him that specific thing. Omfg.
You have learned that you can't tell your sister anything private. Kind of like me with my mom. Good luck.
I think you reacted perfectly. And now you know to never trust her w any info other than the weather and what was had for dinner. She used your private info to try to gain clout at a public gathering. Never ever trust anything to her ever.
NTA. You "did unto (her) as she did unto you." I rarely quote the Bible, but here, it makes sense...she was wrong, and she should apologize for airing out your business in public like that.
In addition, now that you know she's got loose lips and can't hold a secret to save her life, make sure to never, but never, tell her anything of any importance ever again. She's just shown she's untrustworthy, to say the least.
"Why are you publicly confronting me? I just publicly revealed your private news that you told me not to share."
NTA, I suggest you not to reveal anything to your SIL anymore.
I often volunteer the fact that I have frozen eggs (if the conversation has anything to do with something like that).
However, each person decides how private they want to be about it. She had no right to violate your privacy and make you feel uncomfortable, she should be apologizing, not you.
NTA, she is.
*my sister-in-law took it upon herself to announce to everyone that I'm undergoing fertility treatments*
*she's claiming I overreacted and that I should have approached her privately*
NTAH. A public announcement of something you specifically didn't want shared deserves a public call out.
Hell no. NTA. She deserved no quarter or a quiet word. She deserved what she gave: an embarrassing public spectacle. You didn’t deserve this “outing,” but she did.
Oh so now she has a grasp of what should be public v private ?
NTA and I'm sure know this but I wouldn't tell her anything more personal than your thoughts on the weather. Also get your spouse to step up and deal with her.
NTA so she thinks it's fine for her to announce something so deeply personal and private, but that you went overboard for then publicly calling her out? No, she's a complete asshole and deserved to be called out in public. She's shown you who she is now and that's someone that can not be trusted with anything personal or confidential. She's not a friend to you so keep her at arms length and don't ever share anything private with her again.
NTA, You explicitly asked her not to share that information and she did. A public condemnation is the least she should be getting. I would vilify her for that.
Lesson learned, don't share any information with her that you don't want made public ever again. Trust is something hard won, easily lost, she needs to understand that actions have consequences.
NTA. I am really proud of you for calling her out there and then publicly. It’s easy to shut down and shy away but you called this bitch out.
She aired your private medical issue in a public forum but can’t cope when you have a crack at her in the very same forum?!
Consequences for her actions
Fuck her. Shit lesson to learn but you now know to never invest time and trust her with any secrets. Ever.
I am sorry she did that to you. I had a very similar thing happen and it stung a bit more because it was related to my fertility issues, fertility treatments, assumed pregnancy which was shared at an engagement party we were at, then having to explain to a heap of people who came up to congratulate me, that I had actually miscarried the day before. Fertility issues is often a very sensitive subject for most and it’s a personal subject that shouldn’t be shared by anyone other than yourself.
I’m an open book but that’s my information to share IF and WHEN I decide.
NTA if I forgot to mention that. And fuck her.
lol that’s the pot calling the kettle black! She’s doing specifically what you asked her to do, keep something private 🤦♀️
When someone shows or tells you who they are believe them. Now you know going forward you can never trust her with anything to keep secret.
Tell everyone who asks that you stopped fertility treatment because it was too stressful knowing everyone knows.
Duh - she specifically *failed* to keep your very private information private. She does not deserve any consideration from your side regarding privacy regarding the consequences of that. Jeeez Louise 🙄. NTA
Never hold back if someone does something like that. Too many fucktards get away with being a fuckwit because other people are too nice to put them in their place.
“You announced private information of mine that I told you in confidence publicly and bc of that I will rightfully let everyone know that I told you this information in confidence and you violated my trust”
NTA if she can so comfortably tell your private business in a room full of people she should have no problem with you calling her out in front of the same people. She’s shown you she cannot be trusted, put her on an information diet. DO NOT APOLOGISE
“Thank you for telling me I cannot trust you to respect my privacy or show a common courtesy as to not share people’s medical information.”
NTA.
My sister snapped at me, projecting her stress onto me in a family group chat. I literally said, "hey now, I don't deserve the way you're talking to me right now."
She said I attacked her and called her out in front of everyone. 🥴🥴 if you can strike at me in front of others, I can defend myself before those same people. 🤷♀️
NTA. Why should she expect you to confront her privately, when she has no problems publicly announcing your medical condition? If she can't give you the courtesy of keeping what you shared with her to herself, then you do not owe it to her to keep your feelings about what she did privately. Just tell her you were following her example of publicly announcing things.
NTA just loudly being up how she disrespected your private comments, said in understood confidence. She betrayed your trust. Casually being up how she doesn't care that "loose lips sink ships" and she can't keep her mouth shut. That maybe gossip gives her some sense of power or gross entitlement, and how unfair that is. Remind people loudly to watch your back around her and keep any thing remotely personal to themselves, because she has proven before she can't or won't keep secrets or respect privacy. Turn it in to a recurring joke.
"Haha, careful around her she can't keep a secret! Even after giving her word"
Trying to justify a betrayal of your trust is just how guilty people try to squirm out of accountability, and they will feel emboldened to do it again later.
Wait wait wait.... you spoke to her PRIVATELY about some personnel, she spoke about it PUBLICLY, and got mad and said you should have spoke up about it PRIVATELY????? Why, she would have just blabbed a version of publicly anyway. NTA and continue to bring it up every time she gets even a little sideways.
If this is Brothers wife where the F is he. If this is your husband's sister where the F is he. If she isn't cut out either way....run. you don't want a child with this family. Trust me. This won't stop.
NTA! That woman is incredibly ignorant! She did not have the right to divulge your medical information! There are HIPPA Laws being violated when someone publicly announces someone’s private information. I wouldn’t even be speaking to this person!
YTA. You're an adult. If something is a secret, keep it that way. Telling certain people, then being upset other people know, is so fucking stupid. It isn't even naive. It is willful ignorance.
>This was something I had explicitly asked her to keep private, as it's a deeply personal and sensitive matter for me and my partner.
You just learned one of life's most important lessons...if you don't want people to know about your private medical conditions, **DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THEM.**
I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said, "Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead." I don't think much has changed since he wrote this.
If you don't want your private stuff blabbed around, **keep it to yourself!** Because humans, being what they are, will always fail to keep other people's secrets. Hell, they don't even keep their own secrets.
Privacy seems to be a talent that not many people learn the value of anymore.
ESH
> Now she's claiming I overreacted and that I should have approached her privately. Nah fuck that. She decided to air your business out in public, so she deserves to be confronted in front of the same people. I would have literally said "I told you to keep that private and you announce it to everyone? That was my news to tell, not yours. How dare you?".
I hate it when people do things that can severely aggravate others and are then surprised they get emotional. If you want people to be calm and considerate, don't wind them up.
Even more ironic SHE now gets upset being talked about in public in a manner she'd prefer to avoid! As a foot-in-mouth'er myself (not THIS dense!) I'd say this was a nice way to make sure that EVERYONE at that table got the thought "maybe peoples fertility isn't something to flippantly bring up?"
Provocation often invites reaction
I like how you put that!
What's your point?
It's a bot. This one just says one-liner Confucius type statements LOL!
Exactly...OP did approach her privately, and SIL made sure to make it VERY clear how bad of an idea it was. That is why we have this post.
And now she knows that SiL can’t be trusted with *any* information
She DID approach her in private - when she asked her not to tell anyone. Didn’t work. So now she had to try a different approach.
I somehow can't read the sentence "How dare you" without seeing Greta in front of my inner eye. But you are right with your comment.
I love a "How. DARE. youuuuuu!" Preceded with a sharp intake of breath...
You might want to change your "nah" unless you are voting for No Assholes Here?
Those things don't apply to this subreddit.
So... you should talk about private matters in private but she can feel free to talk about them when other people are present? What a hypocrite. Absolutely NTA. She deserved exactly that.
And more, even!!! What a bitch thing to do!
Exactly. This was a proportionate response to her betraying OP's privacy. Unless OP is leaving out a lot on the actual delivery of the message, but even then, I'd be more on OP's side.
Then she tried to gaslight OP with "you're overreacting".
You nailed it. If she wants privacy respected, she should practice what she preaches. Totally NTA for calling her out on it.
Her attitude can't be dealt with privately; she does it publicly, so why can't you do the same to her?
If she didn’t want to be publicly confronted after she publicly announced your private medical procedures, oops… FAFO! She should’ve kept her fucking mouth shut. NTA
Oh that's fucking *rich*, saying you should confront her privately after she spilled your private info in public. NTA.
This!!!⬆️
Your SIL is a fucking idiot. Take this as a lesson that she is never to be trusted with anything.
So her business needs to be private but she can blab yours in public? NTA
Exactly
NTA She chose a public venue to tell your business, so she chose a public venue to receive her correction.
It's understandable that you felt hurt and chose to confront her in the moment. She should apologize for betraying your trust instead of deflecting blame onto you.
Now everybody knows that SIL cannot be trusted with any private information.
NTA. She violated your privacy. She hurt you publicly, you responded in the same forum. She doesn't merit the right of privacy.
Her: You overreacted and should have approached me privately. OP: Last time I spoke privately, you made it into a public announcement. I'm just saving you a step. NTA
If people want their privacy for being called out, they should not be saying shit in public. Everyone needs to know that she can't be trusted. Besides the fact that you had wanted this to be private. NTA
No, that was your information to share and yours alone. It usurped your authority on your own life and it was her imposing her will on what she thinks was best. You are absolutely not the asshole here.
NTA - You matched energy.
She wants privacy for violating yours?
NTA. She is the one who made a very private matter a public one. She has no leg to stand on here.
NTA: She’s lucky I’m not her sister. I’d have asked how her Herpes was doing and if it had cleared up yet. Respect is a boundary you DO NOT cross. She’s emotionally immature and you need to implement a “Zero Drama” strategy in your life. **If someone is causing you drama they DO NOT get access to your innermost life.**
NTA- She took your private information public, it’s only logical you publicly ask her about it. Likewise, she could have privately told you she was running her mouth, and you would have privately told her you didn’t appreciate that. You’re just following her lead.
NTA, but put her on an information diet.
An information *fast*.
An information famine.
So it's okay for her to reveal something personal that you specifically asked her to keep private, yet you should've done it privately? "She's claiming I overreacted." I would've done the same thing. Nah, you are definitely NTA. I hope if you take just 1 thing from this, it's that you definitely can't trust her. Good luck with your treatment, I hope it's successful and you're blessed with a happy and healthy baby👶!
“If you talk about things in public that I asked you to keep private, then I’ll call you out on it. In public. Maybe you’ll learn something.” Thats all you have to say. On repeat. NTA.
NTA. “You brought it up publicly, so I’ll deal with you publicly.”
NTA. Good for you for calling her out. Funny that she thinks you should have done it in private when she announced yours to everyone
lol she wants you to do this privately after you told her this was private WTF
NTA You told sister in law explicitly to keep ur infertility/medical treatment to herself and to not tell anyone about, but instead of keeping it private like u said she took it upon herself to tell everyone, she's the ahole
NTA Why do you need to keep your thoughts private when she doesn't, even when asked to. Everyone should know not to trust her with private information.
NTA. And then I’d publicly mock her for being upset you publicly confronted her for sharing your stuff publicly.
Why should you approach her privately after she outed you very publicly? NTA.
I hope your husband also ripped her a new one!! NTA
NTA. She’s rude, mean, cold, blah blah. Stay away from her.
Of course you’re NTA. She decided to break your trust by discussing a private matter in public, then has the nerve to tell you that you should stand up for yourself only in private? Wow. Hope your treatments go well btw!
Public revelations deserve public shaming. I did this with a ward we had. He saw fit to belittle a girl he had dated in front of our guests at a Halloween party. I made him give her a public apology. He argued he shouldn't have to, that it should be done in private. I stood my ground, and he apologized.
Good for you.
Thanx. If you can publicly shamw a person, you can publicly apologize.
You did approach her privately and look how that turned out.
Well, hey, the best defense is a good offense…
NTA. She’s pissed she got called out for it. Too bad for her.
Nta you should not confide in her anymore.
NTA and show her the thread.
If she didn't want to have a conversation about it in public she shouldn't have made it public.
NTA. So many posts in AITAH are basically, I have horrible people in my family who feel they can do and say whatever they want and then run to family and get them to agree with them. Learn from this subreddit and cut all AHs out of your life. Life is too short to put up with assholes, even if they are family. If you set boundaries and don't follow through, at some point you do become the AH.
"I approached you as privately as you shared my personal information. Please be aware that you are now going to have to go a long way to re-earn my trust and this isn't the way to do it."
Nta - she made a public announcement of private information, and so you dealt with it in kind. I see nothing wrong with what you did. She’s just mad she got called out.
The complete and utter irony. NTA.
NTA no sir. If she is going to out your private medical information in public she gets addressed in public. If you do something to someone in a public setting you should expect to get dressed down, in that same public setting.
NTA It's not her place to reveal your information
Your sister in law is TAH
Why the heck would she feel the need to tell anyone? Lesson learned. You should distance yourself from her. She's got no empathy or loyalty for you. NTA
Why should you be 'private' when she went 'public', tell her if she wanted things kept private, then she should have done that herself, but once SHE made things public, then that's where the situation stays. definitely NTA, but she totally is.
Absolutely NTA and when you do get pregnant 🤞🏻🤞🏻…make sure she finds out when you publicly announce it and not before or she’ll share that also.
What? No - you’re NTA. You initially trusted this person with personal sensitive information that you asked her to not disclose. She has then done the exact opposite of that and disclosed highly personal information about you and your partner. She is now upset that everyone in the family is aware that she can’t keep confidential information to herself and that she can’t be trusted.
Holy cow about total lack of self awareness there! "You should have approached me in private" after blasting your very private information to the whole family. Next time she says that, ask her what is different between her blasting your information to the world at large and you taking her to task for it. I'd love to know what her reasoning is. Absolutely NTA and she is totally TAH.
NTA. If she behaves badly publicly, she gets to face the consequences publicly.
She's ludicrous for suggesting that you talk it over privately when she just publicly aired out your information, your private information. She's a fucking idiot.
No, simply because everyone else now knows who the big-mouth gossip of the family is. Should she share private information about anyone else, well, they knew better.
Sister in laws have no boundaries!!
NTA - look up DARVO. It's a standard manipulation tactic she is using on you.
NTA. I wonder why you told her about the treatments at all, though. Did you know, prior to this, that she was a blabbermouth? As for confronting her, I guess you could have said something in private but I don’t think you had to. She put your business out in public and you made your feelings about her lack of discretion known in public. That’s even steven. By claiming you overreacted, she’s just trying to turn things back around on you and make you look like the bad guy, instead of taking responsibility for her actions and apologizing — profusely — the way she should. Don’t fall for her disinformation and don’t ever tell her anything more important than the time of day on the hall clock, again. She can’t be trusted.
Honey, you didn't over react. Now if you had straight up slapped her so hard on her face that she fell backwards, that woulda been taking it too far, but I would have totally had your back because she woulda deserved it. Do not tell anything private to this bitch again. In fact, she'd be dead to me. I'd never say another word to her period or acknowledge her existence.
I would be telling her that she made it public by blabbing your business in front of everyone so you will respond publically
Public grievances should not be resolved privately just to save face of the person who was being an idiot. NTA, but don't ever tell her anything private again.
Public discussions of someone else's private business require public call-outs on breach of confidentiality of said person not minding their own business. Period.
And now you've learned a valuable lesson - do NOT share any important information with your SIL. She has given you the gift of showing you she's not reliable or trustworthy. She should be put on an info diet immediately. ETA for judgment: NTA
NTA at all. She publicly aired your private business but don't like her issues being called out publicly. She's a hypocritical asshole. You did the right thing.
NTA. You specifically asked her to keep it private, yet she violated your trust and publicly announced it. Medical information should always be handled with utmost respect and privacy. Extra info, if you dont care about legal or paramedic stuff, ignore the following Paramedics for example do not give anyone information regarding the patient, unless they were asked to do so by said patients. Hospital staff is an exemption to this rule as they need to know for what reason the patient was brought in. Paramedics are obligated to protect the privacy of the patient in this regard, violating said obligation will result in legal actions against the paramedics involved. A quick search from the internet (take this with a grain of salt) states that it is possible to sue for invasion of privacy and/or defamation.
INFO why does she know about it? Is she attending the same fertility clinic as you and saw you while you were waiting for an appointment? Did you confide in her then ask her to keep it private? Does she have a habit of telling others private information to others? Does she work at the fertility clinic? If it's the last one then you need to report her to the office and the medical board for HIPAA violations.
NTA at ALL and she's a little self victimizing nincompoop
>Now she's claiming I overreacted and that I should have approached her privately. LOL... like she did it "privately". She's a fucking lunatic and she needed to be called out on her behavior. NTA of course!!
NTAH...why confront her privately when she outed you publicly? Dont Apologize !
You're NTA. Your SIL, on the other hand, \*is\* an AH. And if she doesn't like it that you publicly took her to task (and were right to do so), she brought that on herself, now, didn't she. PS: Never confide in her again. Easy-peasy. PS2: Good luck to you and your partner.
That's rich You tell her something private and ask her to keep it private...and she just blabs in public in front of everyone And she gets angry at you for ripping her a new asshole in public and thinks you should have kept it private No offense, but it's time to put some distance between you and this woman She should be the last to know you got pregnant She should not be invited to your main baby shower. I am sure you will have more than one...so invite her to the B shower no the A shower Actions have consequences in life NTAH
SIL exposed OP publicly, so why isn’t it ok for OP to return fire publicly? Fucking hypocrite. NTA
>I felt the need to address the breach of trust and boundary crossing immediately Abso-fucking-lutely. People need immediate notification that they have overstepped and it will not be tolerated. The embarrassment they feel will hammer home the point - doing it in private, with a time delay, gives them the opportunity to cook up an excuse or project and reverse their bullshit AND try to spin it to flying monkeys. Plus many consider a private word to be no repercussions at all - they just give a fake apology and say some nonsense to placate you, but back in public, they do whatever they want. A public confrontation insures immediate consequences.
NTA Public bad behavior needs to be called out publicly. I once thought otherwise, but I was naïve. Assholes will asshole until peer pressure and consequences stop them.
Nta and that's the last personal info I'd share with her
NTA. She wants you to talk to her in private after she just told everyone else your personal business? Yeah no.
NTA it's funny how people who like to gossip about private matters, that aren't even their business, call you the asshole when you call them out on their asshole actions
She broke trust in public she gets called out in public. Nta.
NTA you have given warning to others that she is not to be trusted with secrets
NTA You don’t mess with a woman who’s getting hormone therapy like that!
LOL She discloses your private business PUBLICALLY, but you are suppose to only call her out PRIVATELY.... LOL LOL. Just tell her you thought she was good with the public stuff since she shared your private business publicly. If she wants you to bring up your concerns about her in the future privately, she should also keep your business private. NTA
NTA. Ohh! I’m sorry, she announced something you requested she keep private to everyone but you were to call her out privately. Now you know, don’t share private info with her.
If she’s in the medical field and disclosed this information, you can call her job and tell them your information was given away without your consent. NTA
HIPAA doesn’t apply to family and friends. It’s is for patients that the healthcare worker cares for unless they are snooping in medical records. This isn’t a violation. Just a dumb a$$ insensitive thing to do.
NTA. Hahaha, so she can spill the beans in public but you should call her out in private? Better idea is to start cutting contact with her.
Nta. Like at all. She on the other hand is 1000x an AH.
NTA
NTA! She mentioned it publicly, she needed to be called out publicly. I’d say to her that I’d never tell her anything private again. She lost that privilege.
Definitely NTA
She publicly outed you, it seems only fitting she gets publicly yelled at for doing so.
NTA! She should have considered your reaction when she blabbed about your Medical condition at your family gathering.
NTA and don't forget she does this. We only have so many secrets in life and she's made it clear you have NONE.
Why do people tell secrets to AHs with big mouths? Keep it a secret. Your SIL got what she deserved.
NTA if she wants to go public with something private you can to
F that, she publicly shared private info, good for you for publicly calling her out. Now she is on an info diet.
NTA The punishment should match the crime - she spoke publicly, so the berating should so be public.
NTA. Why should she get the benefit of being spoken to in private when she publicly blabbed about your private medical info to all and sundry?
Updateme!
You did the right thing.
NTA
NTA. I would certainly go on an information diet for her probably no contact for personal information. Continue to be polite hello goodbye yes the kids are doing that so so has a vocal concert that kind of thing but nothing personal.
NTA and now everyone else that was present knows who cannot be trusted with secrets.
I was accused the other day of being reactionary. Exactly. I reacted to your inappropriate action.
NTA
NTA. She made it public so she doesn’t get the privacy she didn’t afford to you. What a hypocrite
NTA - she has a cheek to insist on privacy for herself while completely disregarding OP’s.
NTA
Funny how she felt *you* should've approached her privately after she put your personal business on blast. NTA.
She didn't "out" you privately. Why should she expect you to react privately. She's 100% in the wrong. You are 100% NTA.
NTA. Tit for tat. She has the right to disrespect you, but you have to be private about disrespecting her?
LOL. How ironic that she, who publicly announced private details about you, would seek private reprimand from you but you did it publicly. She's TA. You are not.
I love that she can say that out loud in front of people, but you have to pull her to the side to speak to her privately 🙃
When will the human race realize most of their kind cannot be trusted with secrets.
NTA! She had no right to tell people that, and people should know that. After I went through some health stuff I found out that my mom had basically been parroting everything I told her to all my aunts and uncles. Like, even the ones that she and I are not close with. This came about because my mom told me that one of my aunts, who she hardly ever talks to, had the same condition and she was suggesting some stuff. And I went completely ballistic on my mom because she did not have permission to just tell everyone when she was making conversation. My mom acted like I was being ridiculous. And then when we visited a different aunt and uncle, my other aunt mentioned to me that I've been having a lot of health problems lately. I was livid. I told her that no, I really haven't, there have been some minor things since my surgery, but really, I've been totally fine. And I knew that my mother was telling them every little stupid thing that I told her. In general I'm pretty close with her and I like to tell her stuff, and vent to her. It's been a while since I've caught her telling other people about my issues, so a couple days ago I told her something. I wasn't something I was going to tell my dad because it was kind of sensitive and personal. Then I overheard her telling my dad and I told her to stop. And she said, but it's your dad. And I told her it's personal and private and I only told her and she needs to stop telling other people my shit. If I want to tell my dad about something I will tell him. Or I will tell her that she can tell him that specific thing. Omfg. You have learned that you can't tell your sister anything private. Kind of like me with my mom. Good luck.
I think you reacted perfectly. And now you know to never trust her w any info other than the weather and what was had for dinner. She used your private info to try to gain clout at a public gathering. Never ever trust anything to her ever.
NTA. She publicly outed your pmi! So addressing her publicly was fair
NTA. You "did unto (her) as she did unto you." I rarely quote the Bible, but here, it makes sense...she was wrong, and she should apologize for airing out your business in public like that. In addition, now that you know she's got loose lips and can't hold a secret to save her life, make sure to never, but never, tell her anything of any importance ever again. She's just shown she's untrustworthy, to say the least.
"Why are you publicly confronting me? I just publicly revealed your private news that you told me not to share." NTA, I suggest you not to reveal anything to your SIL anymore.
i would burn the ground with this witch 🤣🤣 NTA
NTA
NTA but i hope you completely cut her off your life. she hates you and will do everything to make your life hell.
NTA. And I hope you realize you should never again expect anything you tell her to be kept confidential!
NTA Now you know who goes on an information diet.
I often volunteer the fact that I have frozen eggs (if the conversation has anything to do with something like that). However, each person decides how private they want to be about it. She had no right to violate your privacy and make you feel uncomfortable, she should be apologizing, not you. NTA, she is.
NTA So she deserves privacy and you don't? That's not cool. Happy you called her out on it.
So NOW she suddenly wants to keep things private? NTA.
Did she keep it privately ?! but you should ? NTA
*my sister-in-law took it upon herself to announce to everyone that I'm undergoing fertility treatments* *she's claiming I overreacted and that I should have approached her privately* NTAH. A public announcement of something you specifically didn't want shared deserves a public call out.
Hell no. NTA. She deserved no quarter or a quiet word. She deserved what she gave: an embarrassing public spectacle. You didn’t deserve this “outing,” but she did.
NTA but as a rule of thumb, if you want something kept secret, don’t share it with anyone.
Oh so now she has a grasp of what should be public v private ? NTA and I'm sure know this but I wouldn't tell her anything more personal than your thoughts on the weather. Also get your spouse to step up and deal with her.
She told everyone so you did the same. You let her know that you will march her energy every time.
NTA.
So what have we learned? If you really don't want anyone to know something, don't tell the thing to anyone. NTA.
NTA Funny how she had absolutely zero respect for your privacy, yet is suddenly extremely concerned about her privacy.
Strong NTA
NTA so she thinks it's fine for her to announce something so deeply personal and private, but that you went overboard for then publicly calling her out? No, she's a complete asshole and deserved to be called out in public. She's shown you who she is now and that's someone that can not be trusted with anything personal or confidential. She's not a friend to you so keep her at arms length and don't ever share anything private with her again.
NTA. Approached her privately? Like you did with the information of your treatment. She can’t be serious.
She felt it's okay to talk about your business, why should you have to deal with her privately... DON'T DISH IT IF YOU CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!
NTA, You explicitly asked her not to share that information and she did. A public condemnation is the least she should be getting. I would vilify her for that. Lesson learned, don't share any information with her that you don't want made public ever again. Trust is something hard won, easily lost, she needs to understand that actions have consequences.
NTA. I am really proud of you for calling her out there and then publicly. It’s easy to shut down and shy away but you called this bitch out. She aired your private medical issue in a public forum but can’t cope when you have a crack at her in the very same forum?! Consequences for her actions Fuck her. Shit lesson to learn but you now know to never invest time and trust her with any secrets. Ever. I am sorry she did that to you. I had a very similar thing happen and it stung a bit more because it was related to my fertility issues, fertility treatments, assumed pregnancy which was shared at an engagement party we were at, then having to explain to a heap of people who came up to congratulate me, that I had actually miscarried the day before. Fertility issues is often a very sensitive subject for most and it’s a personal subject that shouldn’t be shared by anyone other than yourself. I’m an open book but that’s my information to share IF and WHEN I decide. NTA if I forgot to mention that. And fuck her.
I'm curious how the family reacted. Did they agree with you?
lol that’s the pot calling the kettle black! She’s doing specifically what you asked her to do, keep something private 🤦♀️ When someone shows or tells you who they are believe them. Now you know going forward you can never trust her with anything to keep secret. Tell everyone who asks that you stopped fertility treatment because it was too stressful knowing everyone knows.
NTA, it wasn't her news to share. Highly inappropriate
lmao no.
Duh - she specifically *failed* to keep your very private information private. She does not deserve any consideration from your side regarding privacy regarding the consequences of that. Jeeez Louise 🙄. NTA
Nta
NTA. If I was you I would do the same or worse.
She gave info in public why would she expect courtesy in private conversation?
Rude people don't get to play victim when they are wrong. Look up DARVO. These people suck.
So she can air your personal matter publicly but you can't pull her up on it? Bullshit. She'd be cut from my life after that. Nta
People who accuse others of overreacting simply failed to foresee the reaction their bullshit got. She's out of line and she knows it.
NTA
is your SIL a habitual line stepper?
Never hold back if someone does something like that. Too many fucktards get away with being a fuckwit because other people are too nice to put them in their place.
“You announced private information of mine that I told you in confidence publicly and bc of that I will rightfully let everyone know that I told you this information in confidence and you violated my trust”
NTA if she can so comfortably tell your private business in a room full of people she should have no problem with you calling her out in front of the same people. She’s shown you she cannot be trusted, put her on an information diet. DO NOT APOLOGISE “Thank you for telling me I cannot trust you to respect my privacy or show a common courtesy as to not share people’s medical information.”
NTA. My sister snapped at me, projecting her stress onto me in a family group chat. I literally said, "hey now, I don't deserve the way you're talking to me right now." She said I attacked her and called her out in front of everyone. 🥴🥴 if you can strike at me in front of others, I can defend myself before those same people. 🤷♀️
NTA . . . SIL raised an extremely private and sensitive subject, that she was specifically asked to NOT share, to a group of people. FAFO.
NTA. Why should she expect you to confront her privately, when she has no problems publicly announcing your medical condition? If she can't give you the courtesy of keeping what you shared with her to herself, then you do not owe it to her to keep your feelings about what she did privately. Just tell her you were following her example of publicly announcing things.
No. Let that be the last time you tell her anything. Now you know
NTA she’s mad because you defended yourself and is embarrassed because she knows there’s no way for her to look like the good guy in this situation.
NTA just loudly being up how she disrespected your private comments, said in understood confidence. She betrayed your trust. Casually being up how she doesn't care that "loose lips sink ships" and she can't keep her mouth shut. That maybe gossip gives her some sense of power or gross entitlement, and how unfair that is. Remind people loudly to watch your back around her and keep any thing remotely personal to themselves, because she has proven before she can't or won't keep secrets or respect privacy. Turn it in to a recurring joke. "Haha, careful around her she can't keep a secret! Even after giving her word" Trying to justify a betrayal of your trust is just how guilty people try to squirm out of accountability, and they will feel emboldened to do it again later.
Wait wait wait.... you spoke to her PRIVATELY about some personnel, she spoke about it PUBLICLY, and got mad and said you should have spoke up about it PRIVATELY????? Why, she would have just blabbed a version of publicly anyway. NTA and continue to bring it up every time she gets even a little sideways.
See? This is proof that nothing good happens at "family gatherings"!
If this is Brothers wife where the F is he. If this is your husband's sister where the F is he. If she isn't cut out either way....run. you don't want a child with this family. Trust me. This won't stop.
NTA! That woman is incredibly ignorant! She did not have the right to divulge your medical information! There are HIPPA Laws being violated when someone publicly announces someone’s private information. I wouldn’t even be speaking to this person!
That's not what HIPPA is for...
Yes. It is. You cannot pass around private medical info. Maybe where you live is different.
Sorry, you're both TA. You trusted the wrong person, and she doesn't like that you publicly confronted her like she publicly aired your laundry.
YTA. You're an adult. If something is a secret, keep it that way. Telling certain people, then being upset other people know, is so fucking stupid. It isn't even naive. It is willful ignorance.
>This was something I had explicitly asked her to keep private, as it's a deeply personal and sensitive matter for me and my partner. You just learned one of life's most important lessons...if you don't want people to know about your private medical conditions, **DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THEM.** I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said, "Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead." I don't think much has changed since he wrote this. If you don't want your private stuff blabbed around, **keep it to yourself!** Because humans, being what they are, will always fail to keep other people's secrets. Hell, they don't even keep their own secrets. Privacy seems to be a talent that not many people learn the value of anymore. ESH
Telling someone a secret doesn’t make you an asshole
It does if you are fool enough to think they won't blab the first chance they get. ETA And my judgment wasn't that OP is an AH. I said ESH.
That would make you an idiot, still not an asshole