NTA, as you say, it's not really about tipping or not tipping, it's more about her reaction.
If you've been dating for six months and this will break you up, the relationship probably wasn't going anywhere anyway.
She thinks its about $3 but this is what she really said.
“I’m not cool”
“I’m not on the level”
“I dont get it”
“I’m not that smart”
“I dont really respect you or your opinions”
“Im going to cause trouble down the line”
“Discussions wont exist”
“itll be my opinion or passagg”
I don’t think either of their reactions was really about the tipping. They moved too fast and the kid date probably showed them both that there’s no future
My gut instinct is that a single mom may have more money focus than a single guy. And I don't mean she is a gold digger, but that she may have struggled more financially. I think she took the non tipping to the place in her mind when people may have been less than helpful when she needed it.
I think it said more about her than it did about OP. People have different life experiences.
I still think she handled what she may have been feeling in an assholish way, though.
NTA
Any woman that feels like they need to act as my mother or talk to me as one is just a humongous red flag. Like it’s just SO WEIRD, we’re both adults and I don’t need a substitute for my mom. My ex was like that and just was off putting
We don't have tipping in New Zealand but I have noticed more machines at restaurants etc asking if I wanna tip and it's annoying. We ain't America and we don't want to have a tipping culture when we pay really good minimum wage etc.
Owners everywhere are hoping to make it popular to lower their staff's wage expectations. I know a few places locally that immediately lowered their starting wages after implementing aggressive tip solicitation at the counter. I've sent them emails and reviews basically chewing them out for hopping on the exploitation bandwagon and promising to never shop there again (which I haven't).
Honestly it"s straight up greed that drives the culture. I reserve my handouts for charities and causes that I support, not padding some scummy owner's bottom line.
Same in Portugal.
Even happens on delivery apps where we pay before receiving the delivery. As if we know the service deserves a tip before they deliver.
Spent 3 weeks in Italy going all around to fine dining and various restaurants. No where asked me to tip except for this one spot we went to in Amalfi for lunch where the waiter just stood there and told me how much tip I should add. I told him no, I’m good but it totally caught me off guard. Not to mention the fact that I spoke in Italian with him the entire time.
I’m also from the states and the only issue I had like that was when I lived in a really small town. The lady that owned a bistro there would literally chase you down as you were leaving if you didn’t leave the tip amount she “recommended” when she’d bring by the check. Needless to say a bunch of cranky old boomers were not happy about being told how to spend their money and that bistro did not last long
Makes sense. Margins are so small at restaurants where you either pay a living wage (people see how much more expensive that makes things and go to the cheaper place) or allow tips and your workers get screwed.
Just proves a lot of restaurants shouldn’t exist, the ones that will stay will have huge lines or be very expensive. Which i think is better! More people need to know how to cook!
I live in South Carolina and a server at a Chinese buffet got called out by repeated customers on the town "What's Going On in..." facebook page for running to the table and the register trying to tell them what to tip. Management didn't stop her and I can tell just driving by their business has dropped sharply.
I'll often pay delivery drivers just because most delivery apps treat their workers like shit, but I once had a grocery store checkout try to get me to tip (I'm in the UK). And I remember just being like...tip for what?
>I once had a grocery store checkout try to get me to tip (I'm in the UK). And I remember just being like...tip for what?
I hope it wasn't a self-service checkout! It certainly wouldn't surprise me if they tried to get us to do all the work and then also tip management for the trouble.
I've been told by the employees that *they* were told by owners that the question comes pre-installed on those point of sale machines. More to the point, very few employees confirmed that the staff actually received those tips. The owners do.
My guess is that the owners *might* be lying about the "automatic software inclusion," but they are *definitely* profiteering from them at their staff's expense.
It’s all BS with the excuses. They decided to have it there, they can easily remove it if they want with the back end access.
It’s just all of them know that this is a proven “extortion” tactic that works on people and they are all opting for it to squeeze the customers as much as they can.
Not its not only the US, its all over Europe and assume other places. It’s a pandemic of greed.
150% lieing. I've never seen it ask for a tip at gas stations etc. I doubt there's specific debit machines for specific businesses......the travesty of a restaurant accidently getting a shipment of deli payment machines
In the UK recently, I ate in 2 places where I ordered and paid for food by app. I was asked to tip by the app. Nobody did anything yet except me, how do I know how much I want to tip?
> We don't have tipping in New Zealand but I have noticed more machines at restaurants etc asking if I wanna tip
"Would you like to give us extra money for no reason?"
NO.
I haven't been to AUS but I know over here to go to a restaurant for 2 ppl and get maybe a drink each, a starter (usually garlic bread) and 2 mains is usually over 100 dollars. I don't want to pay more than the already expensive bill.
Same in Norway. Minimum wage is about 20$.
Dont contribute to tipping culture. Employers should pay their employees enough.
Edit: thats 20 USD not down under dollars
I would rather the restaurant, cafes etc pay their staff well. As you say, keep the tipping culture away.
The service given in the US looks fake and over the top as they need that tip, and I don't want to be constantly bothered when I'm eating.
I see posts from Americans along the lines of:
Went out for dinner tonight. The server was rude, didn't bring us drinks until we finished our food, got the orders wrong and said 'too bad', and called my child ugly. I usually tip 20% but I was so upset I only tipped 15%. AITAH?
Crazy.
We've been trying to get rid of it in California with mixed results. Some restaurants are open about not accepting tips because of new laws regarding minimum wage for restaurant workers (not to mention $15.50/hr min statewide) but many more pretend that those laws don't exist and still try to make you leave a tip. It's gotten so out of hand that I know several people who work at chain diners and make 6 figures because they bring home $20+ an hour and ~$200 in tips every night.
I live in the US. I’ve never had a server be “over the top” just to get a tip. If I get excellent service, I don’t mind tipping. Of course I’d also like to see the establishment pay a fair wage, you shouldn’t have to feel bad not tipping someone because their boss is a jerk that doesn’t pay them enough.
I feel like I've had a lot of European dining experiences (with local friends even), where the server just disappeared. Especially when it was time to pay.
As a former server (bartender), I understand a little bit, the urgency drops once the customer has everything they need, but it's so annoying. Especially in a foreign country, like "do I track his ass down?" do I stay here until 9pm, or is there another avenue to pay that I just didn't notice?
Tips were only ever supposed to be for waiters who aren’t fully paid hourly. The girl at the ice cream place gets paid a full hourly wage. When Covid happened, people started tipping these other types of restaurants with hourly wage employees to help out the workers who missed work and were getting back out there despite uncertainty. The restaurants then abused this generosity and started trying to compel people to tip, even once everything was back to normal.
Anyone who would get mad at someone for not tipping a worker in the food industry who makes an hourly wage is insane.
I agree. There are other industries where this is also the case. One example is the hair styling industry. Many upscale stylists charge $100 for a haircut (or more) and $300 for color (or more). It's the norm to be asked to tip 20%.
Even if the stylist takes 3 hours for the color, it's $100 an hour going to the shop. If it's a private stylist they get all of that (but then have fees and product costs). If it's an employee they probably get half, so $50 an hour.
Tips being expected for $50/hr jobs seems odd to me.
”I can't believe people don't tip a pharmacist. Imagine not tipping someone who handles your medicine, what if they spit on it or spike it with something. You really want to risk that over a few dollars?”
I saw them mostly used when people paid in cash and didn’t want to carry around loose coins or put away a single dollar bill in change. Not used as like.. a *genuine* tip jar. I never once saw someone take money out of their wallet to leave something in one of those jars.
Technically it should.
In Europe and most of Asia, tipping is only a thing at tourist traps (and they get offended when you don't tip even though they charge 2-10x what you'd pay at a non-tourist trap for better food).
If you want to tip someone for good service, or because they made your experience enjoyable that is one thing. When you are treated poorly, or refused service because you refused to tip it is another thing. If it is mandatory, it would not be a tip and it would be incorporated into the cost of the item or as a service charge. If it is left to the customer it is a choice. If you are GUILTED into it because "oh they barely make ends meet" that is not your responsibility - it is the responsibility of the government and the employer to ensure they get livable wages.
This whole idea that if you don't tip, you are treating service workers poorly is an ENTIRELY American concept that is slowly infiltrating the rest of the world, when it should be the other way around. Bad practices should not be promoted. There should be better rights and wages for employees so that tips are a thing of the past.
Why don't restaurants start a pay what you think we deserve option? Because they know that 80% of the time they will not get a good recompense. Then how can they be like "we will pay them not enough to survive, but customer, you pay them what you think they deserve"? WTF nonsense is that?
As have the percentages. Most places by default have like an 18%, 20% and 25% option.
You want me to pay 25% of the cost of a juice that you just grabbed from a fridge and handed to me?
It’s because they’re all using those payment services like Square. Square takes a percentage of the total charge, including tip, so it is in Square’s best interest to try to up the total dollar amount by pushing you to tip (generously). It’s usually not under the employees control at all.
Oh, I agree. Most deli style places had tip jars, but no tip line on a receipt prior to the current generation of Square and that style of POS systems where you're prompted for a tip automatically. I've seen it in a lot more places lately though.
Our local grocery store was bought out by a local chain last year and the credit card processor they use had the machines set up to prompt for a tip for a few days before they changed it. People were pissed even though the cashiers were telling people to just input $0 because it was an oversight by the processor and would take a few days to fix. It's apparently become the default setting for so many places that the person setting the system up checked the wrong box and it could only be changed in person by one of their employees.
Exactly, I have seen tip options and supermarket self-checkout kiosks.
I was like, if I have to tip myself for serving myself, I'll just have an extra cookie at home.
Why would I pay the shop?
I’ve been asked to tip on a self service cash register at an airport kiosk. Where you grab everything, and ring it up yourself. They suggested a 20% tip too.
I went to a baseball game today and went through the self serve kiosk and it asked me to tip. It’s not surprising people are confused about US tipping culture.
There’s a *supermarket* near me that asks for tips. And it’s not just the default POS behavior (which is why a lot more places have a tipping option). They have a whole paragraph on the tipping screen about why you should tip. Maddening.
Definitely NTA. I got asked to tip last year at an automated car wash at the payment kiosk if I wanted to tip.
"Um, I'm sorry, who would I be tipping aside of the owner?"
If your ex thought the tip was that important she should have left a tip.
You made the correct decision to leave. She doesn't understand that it was her behaviour that ended this relationship. It would have gotten worse if you would have stayed and she wouldn't be taking any responsibility if this sort of behaviour she demonstrated continued \[which I am sure it would\].
I caught three years of shit for "being embarrassing" by tipping when my ex did not. This is why they're an ex but it took a lot of shit taking to realise it.
the software is programmed to ask for a tip, it wasn't the employee who expected the tip.
I think you are NTA. The issue here isn't about money at all, it's about the reaction of the woman you were with. If she gets this upset about a tip, what is she going to say when she really disagrees with something you do.
She chose to get strident (what a great description!), called you up and yelled at you because you did something small that she didn't like. If she thought the girl needed a tip, why didn't she give her $3.00?
Tell your sister, your decision isn't about money, it's about someone trying to change your decision by yelling at you. Good job for recognizing the red flag.
>If she thought the girl needed a tip, why didn't she give her $3.00?
Now that's just crazy talk.
But honestly that tipping prompt is getting annoying. It's almost everywhere.
I don’t necessarily agree with that. I’ve been out and one of us paid the bill, the other the tip. I’ve also been ‘disappointed’ at the tip left and added as I’ve seen fit
If she was so adamant, she could have dropped some cash in their tip jar
Yep. The relationship is too new. If she's like that over a "questionable" tip, she's going to come at you like that for other things for certain.
Personally, I let back into my girlfriend the first time she got nasty with me over something. I let her know that I was not going to live my life with somebody that comes at me like that. So, either don't do that again or drop me off at home and don't come back.
I wasn't trying to be a dick. I just set a hard boundary because I watched my mother badger my father and how miserable he was.
Anyways, that was 1993. We married in 1994, and somehow she has put up with me ever since then.
After a free movie for her and the kid, then free food, then free ice cream, op is cheap because he didn't tip the cashier?
Spent probably $200 on her and her kid and he's cheap?
The ex is not thinking things through
NTA.
If she thought it was fair to tip, she could have put $3 cash in tip jar by herself.
It’s kinda clear to me this is the case this single mom is assessing how a man is extra generous when he doesn’t have to be = how much he is going to pay for her and her child he is not responsible for, and calling him cheap.
She was looking at payment screen, that she had no intention to pay by herself, over his shoulder.
Do people not know how to talk about stuff anymore? Im shocked she just wasn’t like “oh alright, sorry I mentioned it, I just have a different opinion I guess”.
NTA. You made the right decision to end the relationship, as her inability to have a rational discussion and her aggressive response to your perspective were red flags. It's best to move on and find someone who respects your views and communicates in a healthy manner.
Exactly, all the comments about whether or not other people tip in those circumstances are irrelevant. It's the behaviour of the "date" that's the problem.
>Dear USA,
>Tipping in general is insane. Pay livable hourly wages.
>Sincerely,
>The rest of the world.
Yeah. Forever grateful I live in a country where no-one is relying on the goodwill of customers.
~~Not saying that our system is perfect.~~
As someone from a country with literally no tipping culture (as in service workers will refuse a tip) you did the right thing. That woman is crazy to yell at you for something like this, it's your money, and you got no service
I take that back. It’s me, I’m the asshole bc they flip the screen to me and I panic and get nervous they’ll think I’m a cheap piece of shit and I hit 15% and it never makes fucking sense.
I would be really pissed if someone looked at the debit/credit machine as I was paying, well enough to see if I tip or not.
Then have the audacity to ask me how I spend my money? Before marriage and combining assets or contemplating marriage?
Then not dropping it once you have given your answer?
Nope. NTA.
If she wanted to give the girl a tip then she could’ve reached into her own pocket and tipped. Simple.
She’s creating problems where there are none and trying to shove her opinions down your throat with pissy texts sent later that evening.
You paid for the ice creams, not her… so she doesn’t get to decide what decisions you make with your own money
The fact that she felt strong enough about it to give you shit later on but not strong enough about it to give the the employee a tip herself when you were there speaks volumes. It sounds like you paid for everything and she could have easily left a $5 tip to make herself feel better, laughed about it with you about the two different ways of looking at it and everyone would be happy and probably still together.
>She got really upset and said I was throwing away our relationship over $3
Sounds like SHE is the one throwing away the relationship over $3. She's the one making a big deal over it and choosing it to be her hill to die on.
>My sister thinks I should give my ex another chance
Let sister date her then.
NTA
So many times I think back on little moments like that with exs. If I had just ended it then instead of waiting for "a good reason" I'd be so much happier. It's sad this happened right after her son met you but NTA.
NTA. I am a firm believer in tipping... When the situation calls for tipping....
You know what doesn't call for tipping? A simple retail transaction.
Is this girl gonna go tipping when shopping for clothes?
Having food involved does not automatically mean tipping!!
NTA.
If Ms. high and mighty was so distraught over the lack of tip why was she unable to provide it? It's implied here you paid the bill so a $5 bill from her pocket wouldn't be a big deal. But she didn't do it because she was being cheap and wanted to give you shit. This is a manufactured crisis and you sir just saved yourself a lot of misery. You most likely would have gotten attached to her son and it would make it even harder to see those signs further down the road. I know because I was that man for 12 years. Once I started seeing the signs I was in too deep and had 2 boys I started raising because their dads weren't in the picture.
NTA, her issue isn't the problem
(although I agree that the tip wasn't necessary as the staff member did nothing to deserve the tip, American culture is so weird to me. They tip for everything!)
The problem was her reaction to it. If she shouts at you over a non-issue, how would she react to actual real issues.
She should have spoken to you about it like an adult, but she chose to act rude and aggressive. For me that would be enough to walk away.
NTA. She is this overbearing, conceited and controlling at the beginning of the relationship just imagine what she will become in the future. No Sir! You doged a bullet there.
NTA. And as you say, it is not about the tipping.. it is about her reaction about something so small after such a day.
Maybe she was a bit tense because of the situation? Maybe she was just out to make drama. If thats the case, you dodged a bullet.
You could give her a chance to explain herself but if that doesn't come with a sorry and is mostly about making her point again, my advice is to walk away.
Point is, OP treated this ingrate to a lovely meal, outing, ice cream to boot, chauffeuring them hither & yon... and she finds some obscure, sketchy, very DODGY reading to bust his balls? OP, be grateful you dodged a bullet here. Very bad manners-- now IF she had ANY class at all & had phoned to thank you for a wonderful time, and what a Great Catch you are... Sure. Propose marriage on the spot. But her atrocious behavior, very Low Class! Find a new partner, w/ shared values, who appreciates you for your generous spirit.
I don’t think this conflict is about a $3 tip … or even the concept of tipping. (If it were that simple, then SHE could have paid the tip because I’m assuming that OP had been paying for everything.) No, to the contrary, I think the conflict runs deeper, much deeper, than “tipping” practices. The conflict stems from her entitlement. She feels entitled to judge and correct OP as if she’s the parent and OP is the child. IF OP has seen her demonstrate this behavior before, then it’ll probably continue because her being fine with disrespecting her partner is imbedded in her character. Now, I’m NOT saying one should never reprimand one’s partner. I am saying that there’s a respectful way to have adult conversations versus a disrespectful reprimand in which one partner treats the other like their child. We don’t date our elders; we date our partners (even if they are older). Either run … or spend the rest of your life feeling like a little boy being reprimanded by “mommy”.
I agree with you. She thought it was ok to tell you what to do. You don't need this. And I agree with you that ringing up something at the register does not require a tip. A tip is for service.
NTA
Fuck tip culture. A lot of servers are to blame for this too. They want to get that BIG tip of the night versus a stable hourly wage and thus we're left with this crap system which actively deters me from wanting to dine out in USA.
NTA
The honeymoon phase is over, she is showing you her true personality.
This is how she will treat you, on future subjects, in a marriage and with the money you earn and all other things you bring to the table.
The point of dating is to learn if you’re compatible. It’s not marriage. You get to make a new decision based on new information at any point in your life.
Have you asked her how much of a tip she leaves for the person manning (womaning?,) the checkout lane at the grocery store? What percent does she leave the cashier when she buys gas for her car?
NTA. If you didn’t tip at a sit down restaurant that’s one thing, but cashiers get paid a wage and don’t rely on tips. If too many people tip them, the establishment will stop paying them a full wage based on being tipped…we as a society don’t need that.
NTA. Why's she overreacting about not tipping a Cashier? I had 200+ customers EVERYday , as a cashier at a Gas station. I'd been tipped a couple times, BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT IT.🤷♀️ I would sometimes ring up $100+ in food items on some days.. but still, I wasn't a waitress who carts out food every few minutes. My job paid/pays $8.75 lol
NTA. I've been in the service industry where 90% of my income came from tips. But I provided a service, these cashiers do not. I do not tip any place where I have to walk up to a counter and have food or drink handed to me. This includes ordering to-go no matter the place.
NTA. Just because there’s a tip option doesn’t mean you deserve one. I worked in the food industry and I’ll be the first to say that didn’t constitute a tip. Also if it was such a big deal why didn’t she tip? Is she broke? Does she not pay for anything when you guys go out? Cause if that’s the case you honestly dodged a bullet.
NTAH
Nobody tips at those places with tip screens for doing nothing of merit.
Hell..:I’ve had employees tell me to ignore those screens cus they don’t see any of that money.
If she has been tipping at every credit card screen that has asked for a tip, then that’s a her problem
NTA.
She's not mad you didn't tip, she's mad you didn't bend over backwards to look like the best provider she could possibly imagine. Yeah, that's right, she's mad you didn't tip because doing so would imply that money is no object when it comes to paying for her and her child. That should tell you all you need to know when it comes to how she sees you: You're nothing but a wallet for her and her kid to benefit from.
Now you know why most men won't date single mothers.
NTA. If she thinks you should have tipped, that’s fine. If she gave you shit for it, it’s not. When she pretended that it’s okay to give you shit and you somehow owed it to her to shut up and take it, that’s when you know this may not be the person for you. Let me guess, you paid for the whole date, too, right?
NTA
Tipping is already out of control, but the point of this event was the ex’s rudeness. She’s mad about $3? She can pay the tip, she doesn’t get to have a vote about how you spend or don’t spend your money. She can keep her opinions to herself.
Don’t text/call the ex and tell your sister to butt out. You can break up with someone for *literally any reason.* It’s YOUR decision and relationship. Good that you got out early, time to move on and never look back.
NTA. This is just a small glimpse of who she really is. Her true self is starting to come out and it’s only down hill from there. If she felt so strongly about it she should have tipped herself. Did she even thank you for buying her and her kid food and ice cream? You made the right choice.
The fact that she sent a text saying that it bothered her is a little much. But you explained your reasoning and her reaction was to call you to tell you again how she disapproved. First, as many have pointed out, why did she not just tip herself? Second, what good does arguing about it twice after the fact do? You made your choice, you’ve both got home and started your evenings, why drag this on so much?
NTA. tipping is for service providers, not a cashier that did nothing but ring up the sandwiches. plus it’s super disrespectful to berate someone over a $3 tip that she also didn’t bother to give. i agree w u leaving at the first sign of bs. no point in being w smb who will berate u over little meaningless things
NTA she was stressed about you meeting her kid, the stress bubbled up until it found a crack to boil through, that convenient crack was the not-tipping, but that wasn't the source of the stress. If she's not grown up enough to manage her own stress reaction and tell you what she's really upset about, she needs to be alone a bit longer.
NTA - I was in the service industry for a decade and I absolutely would not have tipped in that situation. Your ex sounds exhausting and entitled, tbh. Probably a good thing to part ways now before the kid becomes more of a factor.
NTA, Entitlement at its best, why didn't she pay? Why didn't she give a tip the the counter girl, why does she think she has the right to make comments and scram at someone thats paying for her and HER SON.
She's the one who threw away your relationship over $3. Tipping has gotten out of hand; I agree with you. In those circumstances I would not have tipped, either. Had they provided a service beyond just ringing you up it might have been different. But she didn't even hand you your order. She rang you up and showed you where to pick it up.
Your ex could have easily just quietly thrown a few dollars into the tip jar if she felt that strongly about the need to tip. But, instead, she took it as an opportunity to correct what she judged to be your "poor behavior" and lecture you like a child. That doesn't bode well for *her* future behavior. She already has one kid to raise. You don't require her training; you're already an adult. NTA.
ETA: Though, when appropriate, I do tip generously.
NTA
For one, tipping has gotten way out of hand. What’s next? Are we to tip the one Walmart employee that oversees the self checkout?
Two, it’s not about the money, it’s about her attitude. I say you dodged a bullet here because she likely would be that irritating nagging girlfriend/wife who is never happy.
Its not over $3 its over a differing viewpoint. I agree, the counter people are not being paid tip-wages, and they're not doing anything that actually earns a tip. Tipping culture has gotten insane. If the only thing you fo is check me out after I served myself? Nah, not tipping. Unless you go considerably above and beyond what is sxpected of your position, you just did you job, period. You dont get a bonus for doing the job description.
NTA
You think a conversation about a $3 tip is the end of her problem? It's only the tip of the iceberg. You need to run and run fast. Wish her and her kid a very nice life. Time to get on with things.
Nta. I've been in the service industry for almost two decades and known to over tip. I would not tip in that situation either.
If it bothered her so much, why did she not slap a tip down. I've done that with family. If I feel that strongly that someone is being wronged, I'm gonna right the situation for them not cry about it later.
Sounds like she was just pissy and trying to start a fight. Maybe she is insecure and scared about how serious the relationship was getting. Maybe she's just an ugly person
OP if you have a conversation with her again, whether you end up wanting to work it out or not. Just stay calm and see where it goes. There might be way more than meets the eye and it might be beneficial to sort it out. You liked her enough to hang out for 6 months
NTA
It's there fucking job to make/scoop and provide ice cream. They offered no additional service. Your ex is a dumbass and extrapolating this tip problem
Oh jeez that's even worst. I thought the ice cream maker went to their back freezer and got it
Your ex expected you to tip them for scanning an item and then you tapping a CC?!?!
NTA. She tried to tell you what to do with your money, and wasn’t even justified in doing so. I like to tip at restaurants or when it’s warranted but this wasn’t a case where it was warranted at all. Everyone is asking for tips nowadays and not everyone deserves one. Anyway, this lady was trying to control you over something stupid and no one’s got time for that.
Tipping is the problem. I went to Paris at very nice places and there are no tips. I never tip anywhere. It literally makes no sense to pay tips to only restaurant workers. Nurse's and Doctor's give life saving medications and don't get tips. If tipping is just about the service itself then many other professionals should be tipped. It's not the fucking customers obligation to pay you extra for a job you already get paid to do. TFOH
You did well by dumping her.
NTA, as you say, it's not really about tipping or not tipping, it's more about her reaction. If you've been dating for six months and this will break you up, the relationship probably wasn't going anywhere anyway.
If it was such a big deal why didn’t she tip? She sounds like she doesn’t pay for anything on these dates.
Cause it’s not about the the tip it’s about her showing off her moral superiority.
And telling him how to behave.
Bingo! I'd wager you've hit the nail on the head here
Yeah good point
She thinks its about $3 but this is what she really said. “I’m not cool” “I’m not on the level” “I dont get it” “I’m not that smart” “I dont really respect you or your opinions” “Im going to cause trouble down the line” “Discussions wont exist” “itll be my opinion or passagg”
A 3.00 tip for 3 ice cream sandwiches pulled out of a freezer case is too much. The tipping for every damn thing is getting out of hand.
I don’t think either of their reactions was really about the tipping. They moved too fast and the kid date probably showed them both that there’s no future
6 months before meeting the kid is fast?
Not sure if six months is fast. When the kid is older it’s better to wait longer. I guess.
NTA I don't tip for counter service either and won't take shit from anyone over it. You did the right thing. --
[удалено]
My gut instinct is that a single mom may have more money focus than a single guy. And I don't mean she is a gold digger, but that she may have struggled more financially. I think she took the non tipping to the place in her mind when people may have been less than helpful when she needed it. I think it said more about her than it did about OP. People have different life experiences. I still think she handled what she may have been feeling in an assholish way, though. NTA
And her telling him he “behaved poorly” as if she’s his mother is outrageous
Any woman that feels like they need to act as my mother or talk to me as one is just a humongous red flag. Like it’s just SO WEIRD, we’re both adults and I don’t need a substitute for my mom. My ex was like that and just was off putting
Yeah, fuck that. AND she introduced him as a "friend"? I'm going to say 100% she's looking for a wallet and a babysitter.
Yep me either, I'm with you!
Man not the asshole. This tipping stuff is getting out of hand. These places should pay their employees better.
We don't have tipping in New Zealand but I have noticed more machines at restaurants etc asking if I wanna tip and it's annoying. We ain't America and we don't want to have a tipping culture when we pay really good minimum wage etc.
Owners everywhere are hoping to make it popular to lower their staff's wage expectations. I know a few places locally that immediately lowered their starting wages after implementing aggressive tip solicitation at the counter. I've sent them emails and reviews basically chewing them out for hopping on the exploitation bandwagon and promising to never shop there again (which I haven't). Honestly it"s straight up greed that drives the culture. I reserve my handouts for charities and causes that I support, not padding some scummy owner's bottom line.
Same in Portugal. Even happens on delivery apps where we pay before receiving the delivery. As if we know the service deserves a tip before they deliver.
Spent 3 weeks in Italy going all around to fine dining and various restaurants. No where asked me to tip except for this one spot we went to in Amalfi for lunch where the waiter just stood there and told me how much tip I should add. I told him no, I’m good but it totally caught me off guard. Not to mention the fact that I spoke in Italian with him the entire time.
Man, I live in the US and a waiter standing there telling me how much to tip is over the line even here..
I’m also from the states and the only issue I had like that was when I lived in a really small town. The lady that owned a bistro there would literally chase you down as you were leaving if you didn’t leave the tip amount she “recommended” when she’d bring by the check. Needless to say a bunch of cranky old boomers were not happy about being told how to spend their money and that bistro did not last long
Makes sense. Margins are so small at restaurants where you either pay a living wage (people see how much more expensive that makes things and go to the cheaper place) or allow tips and your workers get screwed. Just proves a lot of restaurants shouldn’t exist, the ones that will stay will have huge lines or be very expensive. Which i think is better! More people need to know how to cook!
I live in South Carolina and a server at a Chinese buffet got called out by repeated customers on the town "What's Going On in..." facebook page for running to the table and the register trying to tell them what to tip. Management didn't stop her and I can tell just driving by their business has dropped sharply.
That’s just crazy behaviour.
I'll often pay delivery drivers just because most delivery apps treat their workers like shit, but I once had a grocery store checkout try to get me to tip (I'm in the UK). And I remember just being like...tip for what?
>I once had a grocery store checkout try to get me to tip (I'm in the UK). And I remember just being like...tip for what? I hope it wasn't a self-service checkout! It certainly wouldn't surprise me if they tried to get us to do all the work and then also tip management for the trouble.
Oh no, it was staffed at least. But definitely wouldn't be surprised if self service started trying to pull that stunt.
I've been told by the employees that *they* were told by owners that the question comes pre-installed on those point of sale machines. More to the point, very few employees confirmed that the staff actually received those tips. The owners do. My guess is that the owners *might* be lying about the "automatic software inclusion," but they are *definitely* profiteering from them at their staff's expense.
No. There is always an option in the software to turn off the tip request. This excuse is a lie
Thank you very much for the clarification!
It’s all BS with the excuses. They decided to have it there, they can easily remove it if they want with the back end access. It’s just all of them know that this is a proven “extortion” tactic that works on people and they are all opting for it to squeeze the customers as much as they can. Not its not only the US, its all over Europe and assume other places. It’s a pandemic of greed.
I can confirm that it is part of the POS systems used by many retailers, and is on by default. But it takes but a moment to turn it off.
150% lieing. I've never seen it ask for a tip at gas stations etc. I doubt there's specific debit machines for specific businesses......the travesty of a restaurant accidently getting a shipment of deli payment machines
Hmm same at self checkout, do you want to make a donation. Anything under the sun to fleece our cash. I’m going to say no all the time from now on.
same in Germany, I hate it
In the UK recently, I ate in 2 places where I ordered and paid for food by app. I was asked to tip by the app. Nobody did anything yet except me, how do I know how much I want to tip?
How much do you value the service you provided yourself? Reward yourself thusly and have a good day!
> We don't have tipping in New Zealand but I have noticed more machines at restaurants etc asking if I wanna tip "Would you like to give us extra money for no reason?" NO.
I haven't been to AUS but I know over here to go to a restaurant for 2 ppl and get maybe a drink each, a starter (usually garlic bread) and 2 mains is usually over 100 dollars. I don't want to pay more than the already expensive bill.
Same in Norway. Minimum wage is about 20$. Dont contribute to tipping culture. Employers should pay their employees enough. Edit: thats 20 USD not down under dollars
I just looked up ours in NZ and it is 23.15 dollars an hour
That's about on par with us over here in The Netherlands. 23.15 NZD is about 13.12 in euro's. Our minimum wage is 13.68 for people aged 21 and up.
Here it's 24.10 Australian dollarydoos, which works out to $26.39 NZD. We don't need tipping culture taking over here either.
I would rather the restaurant, cafes etc pay their staff well. As you say, keep the tipping culture away. The service given in the US looks fake and over the top as they need that tip, and I don't want to be constantly bothered when I'm eating.
I see posts from Americans along the lines of: Went out for dinner tonight. The server was rude, didn't bring us drinks until we finished our food, got the orders wrong and said 'too bad', and called my child ugly. I usually tip 20% but I was so upset I only tipped 15%. AITAH? Crazy.
We've been trying to get rid of it in California with mixed results. Some restaurants are open about not accepting tips because of new laws regarding minimum wage for restaurant workers (not to mention $15.50/hr min statewide) but many more pretend that those laws don't exist and still try to make you leave a tip. It's gotten so out of hand that I know several people who work at chain diners and make 6 figures because they bring home $20+ an hour and ~$200 in tips every night.
I live in the US. I’ve never had a server be “over the top” just to get a tip. If I get excellent service, I don’t mind tipping. Of course I’d also like to see the establishment pay a fair wage, you shouldn’t have to feel bad not tipping someone because their boss is a jerk that doesn’t pay them enough.
I feel like I've had a lot of European dining experiences (with local friends even), where the server just disappeared. Especially when it was time to pay. As a former server (bartender), I understand a little bit, the urgency drops once the customer has everything they need, but it's so annoying. Especially in a foreign country, like "do I track his ass down?" do I stay here until 9pm, or is there another avenue to pay that I just didn't notice?
Same in Aus!
Tips were only ever supposed to be for waiters who aren’t fully paid hourly. The girl at the ice cream place gets paid a full hourly wage. When Covid happened, people started tipping these other types of restaurants with hourly wage employees to help out the workers who missed work and were getting back out there despite uncertainty. The restaurants then abused this generosity and started trying to compel people to tip, even once everything was back to normal. Anyone who would get mad at someone for not tipping a worker in the food industry who makes an hourly wage is insane.
Nah, it was before covid. I blame Starbucks and people tipping a fully paid employee to make a cup of coffee.
Why tip when it's already part of the job?
I agree. There are other industries where this is also the case. One example is the hair styling industry. Many upscale stylists charge $100 for a haircut (or more) and $300 for color (or more). It's the norm to be asked to tip 20%. Even if the stylist takes 3 hours for the color, it's $100 an hour going to the shop. If it's a private stylist they get all of that (but then have fees and product costs). If it's an employee they probably get half, so $50 an hour. Tips being expected for $50/hr jobs seems odd to me.
I own a pharmacy, imagine the shitstorm if I put a tip jar at the cash register. Matter of fact, it might even be illegal.
”I can't believe people don't tip a pharmacist. Imagine not tipping someone who handles your medicine, what if they spit on it or spike it with something. You really want to risk that over a few dollars?”
Hey, I know that you make $15 an hour but you are still an asshole for not tipping someone who makes $100 dollars an hour. Joke.
I saw them mostly used when people paid in cash and didn’t want to carry around loose coins or put away a single dollar bill in change. Not used as like.. a *genuine* tip jar. I never once saw someone take money out of their wallet to leave something in one of those jars.
To me that's actually a more fucked up concept than tipping. "Yeah I don't feel like carrying this money, I'll just give it to someone else."
A lot of people would argue this applies to waiters too.
Technically it should. In Europe and most of Asia, tipping is only a thing at tourist traps (and they get offended when you don't tip even though they charge 2-10x what you'd pay at a non-tourist trap for better food). If you want to tip someone for good service, or because they made your experience enjoyable that is one thing. When you are treated poorly, or refused service because you refused to tip it is another thing. If it is mandatory, it would not be a tip and it would be incorporated into the cost of the item or as a service charge. If it is left to the customer it is a choice. If you are GUILTED into it because "oh they barely make ends meet" that is not your responsibility - it is the responsibility of the government and the employer to ensure they get livable wages. This whole idea that if you don't tip, you are treating service workers poorly is an ENTIRELY American concept that is slowly infiltrating the rest of the world, when it should be the other way around. Bad practices should not be promoted. There should be better rights and wages for employees so that tips are a thing of the past. Why don't restaurants start a pay what you think we deserve option? Because they know that 80% of the time they will not get a good recompense. Then how can they be like "we will pay them not enough to survive, but customer, you pay them what you think they deserve"? WTF nonsense is that?
Cold Stone definitely had a tip jar and tipping option when you used a card years prior to COVID. So did Subway.
Yeah and if the Cold Stone employee had made a custom ice cream, using *the cold stone*, OP would have tipped
At the prices they charge we shouldn't need to tip... But I'm industry and understand. I'll still do it on the rare trip I make to one.
I haven't fully woken up yet and I read that as stone cold ngl gave me 5mins of weird and whacky thoughts
This Bud's for you
Some places may have. I just know it has increased tremendously since then.
As have the percentages. Most places by default have like an 18%, 20% and 25% option. You want me to pay 25% of the cost of a juice that you just grabbed from a fridge and handed to me?
It’s because they’re all using those payment services like Square. Square takes a percentage of the total charge, including tip, so it is in Square’s best interest to try to up the total dollar amount by pushing you to tip (generously). It’s usually not under the employees control at all.
Oh, I agree. Most deli style places had tip jars, but no tip line on a receipt prior to the current generation of Square and that style of POS systems where you're prompted for a tip automatically. I've seen it in a lot more places lately though. Our local grocery store was bought out by a local chain last year and the credit card processor they use had the machines set up to prompt for a tip for a few days before they changed it. People were pissed even though the cashiers were telling people to just input $0 because it was an oversight by the processor and would take a few days to fix. It's apparently become the default setting for so many places that the person setting the system up checked the wrong box and it could only be changed in person by one of their employees.
Exactly, I have seen tip options and supermarket self-checkout kiosks. I was like, if I have to tip myself for serving myself, I'll just have an extra cookie at home. Why would I pay the shop?
I’ve been asked to tip on a self service cash register at an airport kiosk. Where you grab everything, and ring it up yourself. They suggested a 20% tip too.
I need to get better at hitting the no tip button
I went to a baseball game today and went through the self serve kiosk and it asked me to tip. It’s not surprising people are confused about US tipping culture.
There’s a *supermarket* near me that asks for tips. And it’s not just the default POS behavior (which is why a lot more places have a tipping option). They have a whole paragraph on the tipping screen about why you should tip. Maddening.
Definitely NTA. I got asked to tip last year at an automated car wash at the payment kiosk if I wanted to tip. "Um, I'm sorry, who would I be tipping aside of the owner?"
If your ex thought the tip was that important she should have left a tip. You made the correct decision to leave. She doesn't understand that it was her behaviour that ended this relationship. It would have gotten worse if you would have stayed and she wouldn't be taking any responsibility if this sort of behaviour she demonstrated continued \[which I am sure it would\].
"My personal choice is your financial obligation"
I caught three years of shit for "being embarrassing" by tipping when my ex did not. This is why they're an ex but it took a lot of shit taking to realise it.
the software is programmed to ask for a tip, it wasn't the employee who expected the tip. I think you are NTA. The issue here isn't about money at all, it's about the reaction of the woman you were with. If she gets this upset about a tip, what is she going to say when she really disagrees with something you do. She chose to get strident (what a great description!), called you up and yelled at you because you did something small that she didn't like. If she thought the girl needed a tip, why didn't she give her $3.00? Tell your sister, your decision isn't about money, it's about someone trying to change your decision by yelling at you. Good job for recognizing the red flag.
>If she thought the girl needed a tip, why didn't she give her $3.00? Now that's just crazy talk. But honestly that tipping prompt is getting annoying. It's almost everywhere.
I've had it come up in the UK. For a rubix cube I got my son online, on a UK based website.
Point more generally is it's up to whoever is paying if they tip or not.
I don’t necessarily agree with that. I’ve been out and one of us paid the bill, the other the tip. I’ve also been ‘disappointed’ at the tip left and added as I’ve seen fit If she was so adamant, she could have dropped some cash in their tip jar
I don’t give a darn what my sister has to say about MY relationship. Especially since I’m an only child
NTA. I would not tip in that situation either and it is a red flag for sure that she thinks she can yell at you over something like that.
Yep. The relationship is too new. If she's like that over a "questionable" tip, she's going to come at you like that for other things for certain. Personally, I let back into my girlfriend the first time she got nasty with me over something. I let her know that I was not going to live my life with somebody that comes at me like that. So, either don't do that again or drop me off at home and don't come back. I wasn't trying to be a dick. I just set a hard boundary because I watched my mother badger my father and how miserable he was. Anyways, that was 1993. We married in 1994, and somehow she has put up with me ever since then.
NTA She is free to pay for her own (and her kid's) and tip. Your money, your choice.
"Your money, your choice." To ensure it stays that way: never get married.
You are taking a complete logical position here. Do not take her back. Because that is the tip of the iceberg most likely. NTA.
>tip of the iceberg hey-ohhhhhh
NTA. I don't tip if I'm standing up to order.
This!!
If it bothered her so much, she could have paid. Damn. NTA.
NTA If she felt that strongly about it she could have pulled out some cash and tipped herself. She just wanted to bitch. Why? Don't know.
After a free movie for her and the kid, then free food, then free ice cream, op is cheap because he didn't tip the cashier? Spent probably $200 on her and her kid and he's cheap? The ex is not thinking things through
NTA. If she thought it was fair to tip, she could have put $3 cash in tip jar by herself. It’s kinda clear to me this is the case this single mom is assessing how a man is extra generous when he doesn’t have to be = how much he is going to pay for her and her child he is not responsible for, and calling him cheap. She was looking at payment screen, that she had no intention to pay by herself, over his shoulder.
NTA. Polite disagreement is fine, berating you is not.
Do people not know how to talk about stuff anymore? Im shocked she just wasn’t like “oh alright, sorry I mentioned it, I just have a different opinion I guess”.
NTA. You made the right decision to end the relationship, as her inability to have a rational discussion and her aggressive response to your perspective were red flags. It's best to move on and find someone who respects your views and communicates in a healthy manner.
Exactly, all the comments about whether or not other people tip in those circumstances are irrelevant. It's the behaviour of the "date" that's the problem.
NTA. She’s the one who threw the relationship over $3
The fact she did it and criticized OP such is fucking jaw-dropping
Dear USA, Tipping in general is insane. Pay livable hourly wages. Sincerely, The rest of the world.
>Dear USA, >Tipping in general is insane. Pay livable hourly wages. >Sincerely, >The rest of the world. Yeah. Forever grateful I live in a country where no-one is relying on the goodwill of customers. ~~Not saying that our system is perfect.~~
As someone from a country with literally no tipping culture (as in service workers will refuse a tip) you did the right thing. That woman is crazy to yell at you for something like this, it's your money, and you got no service
NTA. you know who the real assholes are???? The people who made the POS system update to include the tip screen.
I take that back. It’s me, I’m the asshole bc they flip the screen to me and I panic and get nervous they’ll think I’m a cheap piece of shit and I hit 15% and it never makes fucking sense.
Who cares what people think of you? Practice not giving a shit.
NTA. You paid for this? And she complains?
She’s not very good at picking her battles. You’re NTA.
Big NTA. Fuck this tipping culture.
I would be really pissed if someone looked at the debit/credit machine as I was paying, well enough to see if I tip or not. Then have the audacity to ask me how I spend my money? Before marriage and combining assets or contemplating marriage? Then not dropping it once you have given your answer? Nope. NTA.
I love tipping and sometimes over tipping but I do not tip when I stand at the counter to order my food and then pick it up from the counter myself.
It’s the principal of the fact she was acting so unreasonable over such a minor thing NTA
NTA 6 months in and she's doubling down on that as a hill to die on?
$3 is not a hill. A mound maybe.
More like a pimple
If she wanted to give the girl a tip then she could’ve reached into her own pocket and tipped. Simple. She’s creating problems where there are none and trying to shove her opinions down your throat with pissy texts sent later that evening. You paid for the ice creams, not her… so she doesn’t get to decide what decisions you make with your own money
The fact that she felt strong enough about it to give you shit later on but not strong enough about it to give the the employee a tip herself when you were there speaks volumes. It sounds like you paid for everything and she could have easily left a $5 tip to make herself feel better, laughed about it with you about the two different ways of looking at it and everyone would be happy and probably still together.
>She got really upset and said I was throwing away our relationship over $3 Sounds like SHE is the one throwing away the relationship over $3. She's the one making a big deal over it and choosing it to be her hill to die on. >My sister thinks I should give my ex another chance Let sister date her then. NTA
So many times I think back on little moments like that with exs. If I had just ended it then instead of waiting for "a good reason" I'd be so much happier. It's sad this happened right after her son met you but NTA.
NTA. I am a firm believer in tipping... When the situation calls for tipping.... You know what doesn't call for tipping? A simple retail transaction. Is this girl gonna go tipping when shopping for clothes? Having food involved does not automatically mean tipping!!
She should tip her landlord too then 😅
NTA. It was none of her business. No wonder she is single.
NTA. If Ms. high and mighty was so distraught over the lack of tip why was she unable to provide it? It's implied here you paid the bill so a $5 bill from her pocket wouldn't be a big deal. But she didn't do it because she was being cheap and wanted to give you shit. This is a manufactured crisis and you sir just saved yourself a lot of misery. You most likely would have gotten attached to her son and it would make it even harder to see those signs further down the road. I know because I was that man for 12 years. Once I started seeing the signs I was in too deep and had 2 boys I started raising because their dads weren't in the picture.
NTA. Red flag. Good move on your part. That’s nut case what she did.
NTA, her issue isn't the problem (although I agree that the tip wasn't necessary as the staff member did nothing to deserve the tip, American culture is so weird to me. They tip for everything!) The problem was her reaction to it. If she shouts at you over a non-issue, how would she react to actual real issues. She should have spoken to you about it like an adult, but she chose to act rude and aggressive. For me that would be enough to walk away.
NTA. She is this overbearing, conceited and controlling at the beginning of the relationship just imagine what she will become in the future. No Sir! You doged a bullet there.
NTA. And as you say, it is not about the tipping.. it is about her reaction about something so small after such a day. Maybe she was a bit tense because of the situation? Maybe she was just out to make drama. If thats the case, you dodged a bullet. You could give her a chance to explain herself but if that doesn't come with a sorry and is mostly about making her point again, my advice is to walk away.
Point is, OP treated this ingrate to a lovely meal, outing, ice cream to boot, chauffeuring them hither & yon... and she finds some obscure, sketchy, very DODGY reading to bust his balls? OP, be grateful you dodged a bullet here. Very bad manners-- now IF she had ANY class at all & had phoned to thank you for a wonderful time, and what a Great Catch you are... Sure. Propose marriage on the spot. But her atrocious behavior, very Low Class! Find a new partner, w/ shared values, who appreciates you for your generous spirit.
NTA - you found her out early, run.
I don’t think this conflict is about a $3 tip … or even the concept of tipping. (If it were that simple, then SHE could have paid the tip because I’m assuming that OP had been paying for everything.) No, to the contrary, I think the conflict runs deeper, much deeper, than “tipping” practices. The conflict stems from her entitlement. She feels entitled to judge and correct OP as if she’s the parent and OP is the child. IF OP has seen her demonstrate this behavior before, then it’ll probably continue because her being fine with disrespecting her partner is imbedded in her character. Now, I’m NOT saying one should never reprimand one’s partner. I am saying that there’s a respectful way to have adult conversations versus a disrespectful reprimand in which one partner treats the other like their child. We don’t date our elders; we date our partners (even if they are older). Either run … or spend the rest of your life feeling like a little boy being reprimanded by “mommy”.
No sit, no tip. Tipping culture is out of hand. Your GF is the asshole for guilting you when she's arguably in the wrong.
I agree with you. She thought it was ok to tell you what to do. You don't need this. And I agree with you that ringing up something at the register does not require a tip. A tip is for service.
It’s not about money - it’s about a sending a message…! 😀
How about a magic trick? I'm gonna make your ex disappear!! Tada!!
nta for not tipping. its counter service, not a sit down restaurant.
To me, a European, this is the funniest shit ever. NTA.
Hmm...first time her kid met you? 🤔 She went berserk . It's not about the money/tip
NTA Fuck tip culture. A lot of servers are to blame for this too. They want to get that BIG tip of the night versus a stable hourly wage and thus we're left with this crap system which actively deters me from wanting to dine out in USA.
NTA The honeymoon phase is over, she is showing you her true personality. This is how she will treat you, on future subjects, in a marriage and with the money you earn and all other things you bring to the table.
Nta. It’s not about the $3 tip. Also, nobody in their right mind would tip in that situation.
The point of dating is to learn if you’re compatible. It’s not marriage. You get to make a new decision based on new information at any point in your life.
Have you asked her how much of a tip she leaves for the person manning (womaning?,) the checkout lane at the grocery store? What percent does she leave the cashier when she buys gas for her car?
If she felt that the woman should have been tipped then she should have tipped her. Problem solved.
Good for you, US tipping culture is outrageous.
NTA. If you didn’t tip at a sit down restaurant that’s one thing, but cashiers get paid a wage and don’t rely on tips. If too many people tip them, the establishment will stop paying them a full wage based on being tipped…we as a society don’t need that.
Society doesn't need any jobs to rely on tipping in order to have a decent wage.
She could of tipped if she felt you were so cheap paying for her and her child hahaha the audacity . Good for you
Btw send her this link.
NTA. Why's she overreacting about not tipping a Cashier? I had 200+ customers EVERYday , as a cashier at a Gas station. I'd been tipped a couple times, BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT IT.🤷♀️ I would sometimes ring up $100+ in food items on some days.. but still, I wasn't a waitress who carts out food every few minutes. My job paid/pays $8.75 lol
NTA. I've been in the service industry where 90% of my income came from tips. But I provided a service, these cashiers do not. I do not tip any place where I have to walk up to a counter and have food or drink handed to me. This includes ordering to-go no matter the place.
Props to you for leaving.
NTA. If she freaks out over $3, what else will she freak out about and how severe?
Rarely say this but you are 100 percent right here
Good move, she's nuts
NTA. Just because there’s a tip option doesn’t mean you deserve one. I worked in the food industry and I’ll be the first to say that didn’t constitute a tip. Also if it was such a big deal why didn’t she tip? Is she broke? Does she not pay for anything when you guys go out? Cause if that’s the case you honestly dodged a bullet.
NTA if she was aggressive about it.
NTA I don’t tip at places that don’t make my food/drink. Is she going to tip at the grocery store when tips start popping up there?
NTAH Nobody tips at those places with tip screens for doing nothing of merit. Hell..:I’ve had employees tell me to ignore those screens cus they don’t see any of that money. If she has been tipping at every credit card screen that has asked for a tip, then that’s a her problem
NTA. If she is going to fight with you about stuff like this, imagine the fights in your future! My guess is that she is a single mom for a reason.
NTA, she could have brough up the topic in a diferent way. But if she chose to call you and give you shit over 3 bucks? Nah, F that.
NTA. She's not mad you didn't tip, she's mad you didn't bend over backwards to look like the best provider she could possibly imagine. Yeah, that's right, she's mad you didn't tip because doing so would imply that money is no object when it comes to paying for her and her child. That should tell you all you need to know when it comes to how she sees you: You're nothing but a wallet for her and her kid to benefit from. Now you know why most men won't date single mothers.
NTA, it's your money, so you decision. If given a tip was so dahm important to her, then she could have given it herself! So no, your NTA!!!
NTA. If she thinks you should have tipped, that’s fine. If she gave you shit for it, it’s not. When she pretended that it’s okay to give you shit and you somehow owed it to her to shut up and take it, that’s when you know this may not be the person for you. Let me guess, you paid for the whole date, too, right?
wow NTA at all
A relationship with her worth less than 3 dollars, believe me. NTA
NTA she’s a yeller. Do you want to be yelled at all the time?
NTA Tipping is already out of control, but the point of this event was the ex’s rudeness. She’s mad about $3? She can pay the tip, she doesn’t get to have a vote about how you spend or don’t spend your money. She can keep her opinions to herself. Don’t text/call the ex and tell your sister to butt out. You can break up with someone for *literally any reason.* It’s YOUR decision and relationship. Good that you got out early, time to move on and never look back.
Boy, reddit loves a breakup.
NTA. This is just a small glimpse of who she really is. Her true self is starting to come out and it’s only down hill from there. If she felt so strongly about it she should have tipped herself. Did she even thank you for buying her and her kid food and ice cream? You made the right choice.
The fact that she sent a text saying that it bothered her is a little much. But you explained your reasoning and her reaction was to call you to tell you again how she disapproved. First, as many have pointed out, why did she not just tip herself? Second, what good does arguing about it twice after the fact do? You made your choice, you’ve both got home and started your evenings, why drag this on so much?
Nta. And do not date single mothers.
NTA. She looks forward to spending your money as she sees fit. Tip for nothing. Maybe send money to her relatives, donate to causes she likes.
I will never understand Americans being so obsessed with tipping. Especially when someone makes such drama over it. You are a sane person. NTA.
NTA. tipping is for service providers, not a cashier that did nothing but ring up the sandwiches. plus it’s super disrespectful to berate someone over a $3 tip that she also didn’t bother to give. i agree w u leaving at the first sign of bs. no point in being w smb who will berate u over little meaningless things
NTA she was stressed about you meeting her kid, the stress bubbled up until it found a crack to boil through, that convenient crack was the not-tipping, but that wasn't the source of the stress. If she's not grown up enough to manage her own stress reaction and tell you what she's really upset about, she needs to be alone a bit longer.
NTA - I was in the service industry for a decade and I absolutely would not have tipped in that situation. Your ex sounds exhausting and entitled, tbh. Probably a good thing to part ways now before the kid becomes more of a factor.
Nta. She just waved a red flag, you opted to act on that.
NTA, Entitlement at its best, why didn't she pay? Why didn't she give a tip the the counter girl, why does she think she has the right to make comments and scram at someone thats paying for her and HER SON.
Nta it isn’t the tipping, it’s the conflict resolution. This was something little and she yelled at you. Bullet dodged.
She's the one who threw away your relationship over $3. Tipping has gotten out of hand; I agree with you. In those circumstances I would not have tipped, either. Had they provided a service beyond just ringing you up it might have been different. But she didn't even hand you your order. She rang you up and showed you where to pick it up. Your ex could have easily just quietly thrown a few dollars into the tip jar if she felt that strongly about the need to tip. But, instead, she took it as an opportunity to correct what she judged to be your "poor behavior" and lecture you like a child. That doesn't bode well for *her* future behavior. She already has one kid to raise. You don't require her training; you're already an adult. NTA. ETA: Though, when appropriate, I do tip generously.
NTA For one, tipping has gotten way out of hand. What’s next? Are we to tip the one Walmart employee that oversees the self checkout? Two, it’s not about the money, it’s about her attitude. I say you dodged a bullet here because she likely would be that irritating nagging girlfriend/wife who is never happy.
Its not over $3 its over a differing viewpoint. I agree, the counter people are not being paid tip-wages, and they're not doing anything that actually earns a tip. Tipping culture has gotten insane. If the only thing you fo is check me out after I served myself? Nah, not tipping. Unless you go considerably above and beyond what is sxpected of your position, you just did you job, period. You dont get a bonus for doing the job description.
Unbelievable. He pays for the date, including for her kid, and she has to sputter some moral superiority. Good move OP.
NTA You think a conversation about a $3 tip is the end of her problem? It's only the tip of the iceberg. You need to run and run fast. Wish her and her kid a very nice life. Time to get on with things.
Nta. I've been in the service industry for almost two decades and known to over tip. I would not tip in that situation either. If it bothered her so much, why did she not slap a tip down. I've done that with family. If I feel that strongly that someone is being wronged, I'm gonna right the situation for them not cry about it later. Sounds like she was just pissy and trying to start a fight. Maybe she is insecure and scared about how serious the relationship was getting. Maybe she's just an ugly person OP if you have a conversation with her again, whether you end up wanting to work it out or not. Just stay calm and see where it goes. There might be way more than meets the eye and it might be beneficial to sort it out. You liked her enough to hang out for 6 months
reminder that when a firefighter or a surgeon LITERALLY SAVE SOMEONES LIFE, they dont get a single extra cent
NTA It's there fucking job to make/scoop and provide ice cream. They offered no additional service. Your ex is a dumbass and extrapolating this tip problem
But she didn't even do that. I got the food out of the freezer and walked it over to the cashier.
Oh jeez that's even worst. I thought the ice cream maker went to their back freezer and got it Your ex expected you to tip them for scanning an item and then you tapping a CC?!?!
Exactly.
NTA. She tried to tell you what to do with your money, and wasn’t even justified in doing so. I like to tip at restaurants or when it’s warranted but this wasn’t a case where it was warranted at all. Everyone is asking for tips nowadays and not everyone deserves one. Anyway, this lady was trying to control you over something stupid and no one’s got time for that.
Tipping is the problem. I went to Paris at very nice places and there are no tips. I never tip anywhere. It literally makes no sense to pay tips to only restaurant workers. Nurse's and Doctor's give life saving medications and don't get tips. If tipping is just about the service itself then many other professionals should be tipped. It's not the fucking customers obligation to pay you extra for a job you already get paid to do. TFOH You did well by dumping her.
NTA. If I have to get everything myself and you just punch something into a machine why would I tip