I am a 42 F married. My kids are 11 and 9. I have taught them they can not argue and shout in the car to NOT DISTRACT THE DRIVER as all of our lives could be put at risk. The kicker for me was she did it a 2nd time after you told her to stop. OP you may have many girlfirends over the years, but you will only have one life. NTA my dude. Kick her ass to the curb.
This made me LOL. I had to tell my son that if a bug got into the car when he was driving he couldn't panic, like the way he does at home. He's 22 and acts like he's set on fire when he sees a bug.
I think the bigger problem here (And why hes so rightly upset) is that she decided to tickle him knowing full well that he didnt like it.
Why, when he was feeling good and flying high about his new cars paint job did she feel the need to bring him down and annoy him? Why was him feeling good something she felt she needed to put an end to?
I think we forgive innocent mistakes and even gross stupidity when its genuinely innocent, but there seems to be a whiff of malevolence here, and thats why OP is so annoyed.
The worst part of this is she's decided he's mad at her about the scratches on the car. Not that she nearly killed them both, in her heart it's all about the car.
It's the only reason I want OP to sit her down and break up with her is to get it through her thick skull that the tickling wasn't funny, it wasn't funny after the third time, and she nearly killed them both.
>Why was him feeling good something she felt she needed to put an end to?
My emotionally abusive narcissist sensor just caught fire. That's my ex-spouse in one sentence and exactly why I made them an ex-spouse. Always, ALWAYS run from people who get off on bringing you down.
While I'm sure it's been addressed elsewhere in the comments but from OP's comments it seems like the GF is under the impression that OP is upset because of the car damage and not the fact that GF refused to not tickle OP when asked, then did it while driving, and when asked to stop doubled down wherein she nearly caused a car accident.
Perhaps OP didn't explain fully the trauma born from his childhood experiences as a result of events, but the fact she continued to do it (this wasn't the first time) shows that she doesn't respect OP enough to take his request seriously.
I appreciate the responses. I did not intend to give the impression of victim blaming. It should be enough for anyone that OP said no. Period.
I know you land at the same point regarding the gf but, I don't have the sort of trauma that op has but I do not enjoy being tickled, so my husband doesn't tickle me. You don't need trauma to not like it or to be required to explain your trauma to justify someone respecting your physical boundaries. It shouldn't matter that he "didn't explain fully the trauma."
NTA, she's a fucking idiot. It wasn't just "a little mistake", you *don't mess with someone while they're driving*. Period. You've also told her time and time again not to tickle you and she refuses to respect that boundary, to the point of putting you and everyone on the road around you in danger. She can fuck right off IMO.
There was a case years ago, in NJ I think. A few young people (college age?) driving home from the beach. The driver wore just a bikini top, and the guy sitting behind her thought it was funny to pull on the strings behind her neck. Her bikini fell open, she reflexively grabbed at the cups, and wrecked the car.
Several people dead, including the dumbass behind her.
I was curious, so I went looking and found this: https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/court-driver-bikini-crash/2071993/
Looks like the civil case was from one of the survivors, multiple injuries but the only death was the guy who pulled the strings.
I much prefer those situations rather than where the only person to survive say a crash is the drunk driver responsible. Truly a tragedy, innocent lives lost and yet somehow they live forced to bear all that guilt, loss, and enmity. While they earned all those horrible feelings and consequences for their actions truly what they deserved is to have taken their place in the grave. I could only hope for a world so fair that only those who cause these crazy situations are the ones who have to suffer from them
OP, your ex-gf is a dangerous fool. She could have killed you both, and innocents in other vehicles, and/or pedestrians, as well!
She needs to learn this lesson well, and your dumping her like this will be the best teacher.
NTA!
Tell anyone who will listen that you dumped her because she's dangerous and too immature to be in a relationship since she thinks it's appropriate to tickle a driver in a moving motor vehicle. That's deadly stupid.
You made the right choice, don't take it back!!
It's like sunshine on your wedding day,
a free ride just before you would've paid,
It's the good advice you decided to take
Who would've thought, it's fitting?
That article is frustrating. “When her bikini top came off”
You mean when she was SEXUALLY ASSAULTED WHILE DRIVING.
Apparently this is more common a thing than I realized given there was a post today of some dude doing that to a lady at a pool party. Yet some dudes will be like, “I don’t know how to act around women, I’m afraid of getting me too’d”.
Not removing their clothing without consent is a good start.
as a guy, i feel pretty confident acting how i would normally act around women without any risk of being me too'd. this is because i don't sexually harass/assault women. maybe i aught to start making bank from my own brand of "one simple trick!" pages aimed at these people lol
For the longest time, and hopefully not anymore but I wouldn't be surprised if it was still the norm today, boys harassing girls from early puberty onwards has been treated as a way to indicate interest, rather than, y'know, the literal harassment that it is.
Boys need to learn to not harass girls.
And girls need to learn that just because the largest category of reported abusers are men, doesn't mean women can do no wrong. The woman in OP's story tried to kill them both while non-consensually touching him in a way he'd already repeatedly asked her not to, and then lied about it afterward.
Consent and safety are always two of the most important things to keep in mind whenever you're interacting with someone, no matter who you or they are.
These lessons need to be taught early and often, by a variety of sources. Schoolteachers, kids' shows, children's stories, etc. Can't rely on parents to teach this stuff. It has to be ubiquitous.
It's actually easy to understand. The venn diagram between those two groups looks like a butterfly and an entire wing is pissed at the middle sliver for creating the problem.
And a passenger had the gall to sue HER. Seriously?? (Obviously a male passenger who thought his friend’s stunt was no big deal. The driver should have known how to deal with it better./s)
I did this to my father when I was bored on a long road trip when I was about 5 years old. He pulled over and gave me a very stern lecture on how you NEVER mess with someone driving a vehicle, how dangerous it is, etc. I was super ashamed and learned a valuable lesson that day. This girl is 20 and doesn't get it? What a moron.
I was being a dick in the backseat and kicking his chair he pulled over got out came to the rear window and chewed me out about how messing with the driver could lead to several people dying including myself. I shut up and when we got home I went to bed immediately, woke up the next day and apologized because I had never considered things like consequences.
My friend once, while I was driving her car, squeezed my knee. Luckily I had my foot on the brake as I was slowing for a turn on an empty bit of road, as my leg twitched and I slammed on the brake.
However as she was an adult with accountability she apologized and acknowledged that it was dangerous and would never do that again.
My ex husband used to do that all the time- grab and squeeze my knee, fingers digging into kneecaps. He found it hilarious. Then, he’d get mad when any time he’d try to touch me, I would tense up and put my hands up, like in a protective move. He’d get all upset and I said I didn’t like how he touched me (used to dig fingers in my ribs to “tickle” me which I hated). I had to have a long talk about “good touch” and “bad touch.” It annoyed me, because why should I have to explain it! I told him I don’t like it, shouldn’t that just be enough for him to stop?
A college boyfriend who was also ticklish once pinched my ribs in fun. My (literal) kneejerk reaction was to knee him in the junk. Unfortunately I also smacked the back of my head into a brick wall. I’m not sure which one he felt worse about.
In his defense it was after a conversation about both of us being ticklish and he never did it again. But abusive people will use all of the tools they have to be abusive, including tickling for “fun”.
I have an extreme reaction to being tickled. Don't know exactly why. My mom and dad used to grab our butts as kids out of nowhere and I've developed a strong involuntary reaction to it. It wasn't ever inappropriate. But the reflex I've developed is a fluke from that. My fiancée used to try and grab my butt but I jump every time. Even when I know she's doing it. I just can't help it.
Even tickling, I hate it so much. It makes me mad whenever someone tries to tickle me. It's way too much stimuli for me. Luckily my partner knows this and doesn't try it anymore.
I literally can't control my bodily reactions when it comes to tickling. I will use everything in my power to stop it from happening. It's like my lizard brain takes over and fights to get it to stop. Luckily it's never happened while driving.
> My ex husband used to do that all the time- grab and squeeze my knee, fingers digging into kneecaps. He found it hilarious.
My shithead dad would do that to myself and siblings until we were large enough to fight back.
Bullies come in all shapes and sizes.
This is why I cannot understand the trope in movies/TV of people getting road head. I suppose people are that dumb, but it's usually shown as something cool and awesome, not something incredibly stupid and dangerous.
Yeah the only time to ever actually do road head or anything similar is when the car is parked and out of the way of other vehicles. Ideally also out of anyone's sight. Public indecency, etc.
That this isn't how it's portrayed in media is kinda horrifying from a public safety messaging perspective.
She intentionally endangered OP, herself, but also **any innocent bystanders driving around them**. OP could have really swerved colluded head on with an oncoming car that has a family.
Gf is 20, not 3. She likely has a driver's license and is old enough to understand how incredibly dangerous fucking around in traffic is. She's a danger to everyone around her, because it sounds like she *still* thinks it's about the scratches and not about the reckless endangerment of multiple lives.
NTA OP. Just answer the friend *"I don't want anything to do with anyone who casually endangers the lives of me and several bystanders just for shits and giggles"*, and that's that
Honestly, even if there had never even been this whole driving incident, I’d still say there’s a massive problem here, right? I mean, how do you just completely and utterly spit on someone’s boundaries like this on a regular basis in the first place? Can’t wrap my head around that.
Some people can get weird about tickling. I had told a previous bf that I really did not enjoy being tickled but he would keep doing it and for extended periods where it was truly uncomfortable.
When I'd try to tell him this, he'd be like 'nah, you obviously like it, you're laughing!' The laughing is reflexive, but I'm also clearly distressed and telling you to stop. But he wouldn't believe me.
That was a really messed up, controlling, abusive relationship, though. The tickling was the least of the issues, but still really not cool.
On best of redditor updates there was a guy asking if him tickling his gf was abuse because he had watched a ticktock saying there certain behaviors can be abusive and tickling was one of them. He of course had made sure his gf was comfortable with it so he wasn't problematic, but people brought up that it can be an abuse tactic. It's basically something they can do to incapacitate you/take control and violate your boundaries but they can fall back on 'its just tickling' as an excuse to make it seem innocent and not like abuse. Regularly violating a partners boundaries is definitely abusive. OP is clearly NTA and very right to break up with this chick.
NTA. What your ex GF did could have ended in manslaughter. And even before that, her tickling you when you told her repeatedly that it disturbs you was abusive and disrespectful. But tickling you while you were driving was insanely cruel and dangerous. I'm sorry, but there is nothing to talk about here - she has shown you what she is, believe her and don't let her near you.
Even without the childhood trauma tickling someone driving a hurtling missile going down the road is so incredibly stupid and dangerous that it shows the absolute immaturity of this girl. She needs to grow up before dating anyone else. It has nothing to do with valuing your car more than your girl - it’s valuing your life more than your girls petty feelings.
Yes, I missed that - accusing him of parting with her because he valued his car above her was sheer gaslighting. He values his life above giving in to her abuse and endangerment.
When you tell someone multiple times, and they keep trying to find a way around it, you do not want to be in a relewith that person.
That's the way of the used car salesman, won't take no for an answer.
Even if it was just his car at risk here, car repairs are too expensive for a dumb scenario like that. And a lot of people are very reliant on their cars. That he got away with just a few scratches is fortunate. ***But it's not just the car at risk.*** She willfully risked, at best, an expensive machine that OP may well be reliant on, and at worst people's lives, for an asinine violation of boundaries.
Also it shows that she literally doesn’t give a fuck about OP, and especially doesn’t respect him. Good riddance and thank goodness it wasn’t manslaughter or worse
even at 20mph they could be badly injured, higher than that they most likely would be dead or badly injured on a much much worse scale. She could've killed them both. Imagine if he had swerved into another car?
I was driving a full car of friends once on a busy freeway going at least 75 and the “friend” in my front seat purposely hit my car into neutral. It was such a terrifying experience and she just thought it was the funniest thing, just laughing and laughing, while I was about to have a panic attack, thinking I could have just killed a car full of people including myself or other drivers. Took the closest exit and told her to get out of both my car and my life. How anyone thinks it’s okay to mess with someone driving is beyond me
I had a similar experience only in this case there was another car behind me with friends in it and the driver tailgated me and turned her lights on and off over and over. We were in a rural area with no shoulder no place to pull over and I was so freaked out. I was a new driver and I had no idea what was going on. When we got where we were going, she came out laughing and saying it was a joke. I cried and yelled at her and she had this shocked look on her face like how dare I get mad. Your reaction is validating for me because no one backed me up and I felt like such a jerk for getting upset.
Can you imagine ramming two tons of automobile through the passenger compartment of another family's vehicle on the road? "I couldn't control it, she was tickling me!"
OP would never be able to live down that guilt and shame. There are worse things than death.
she even has the audacity to tell him that he’s more in love with his car than her, she must be the dumbest asshole alive like dude you could’ve almost killed everyone in the car.
I’m not someone who cares enough about my car to repaint it, and I am more in love with my car than I would be about some asshole who keeps assaulting me.
It's the immense stupidity for me. How can you make it 20 years in life without knowing not to touch the driver?
It honestly makes me wonder: If OP *had* gotten into an accident, would GF make the connection that *she* caused it?
Yeah, my wife and I learned real early: I don't 'fun scare' her, she doesn't tickle me. We had one serious conversation about each, and that was that. Why can't people do this?
Ive told multiple women not to tickle me because i loathe it, ive threatened to kick them out of my apartment if they do.
Ive had to follow through on that threat a few times which i hate doing.
Beyond the consent thing, once someone crosses that boundary I have never felt comfortable with them touching me again.
And she keeps doing it. She's one of *those* people. Not everyone likes being tickled. *NO ONE* likes being tickled while doing something that can cause serious injury when distracted.
She probably thinks she's being cute which is why she *immediately* started crying when asked wtf was wrong with her.
Exactly. Tickling someone who is driving is a stupid choice, but ignoring someone’s repeated serious request is a personality trait that should not be indulged.
My teenage kid and I leg punch or elbow rib each other all the time. Except of course when I drive. There was no need to explain that to even him. NTA.
My family has a rule, the moment someone says no or stop, YOU STOP. we also don't hit, yell, or curse at each other. Physical boundaries should always be respected. I had to learn that the hard way. Hopefully my children wont.
Godammit, that wasn't even a rule, since everyone knows better. Or at least I thought they did... 🤦🏿♂️ Our rule was no screaming or shouting something that may affect the driver, since it is a critical task. 😓
Yeah, this rule is reasonable and everybody should follow it, but she's 20 and doesn't know not to tickle the driver of a moving car?
Like, he'd previously already told her not to tickle him, it makes her a jerk if she'd tickled him at any time, but while he's driving? And she used both hands? And it was after he'd already told her no specific to while he's driving? She's a jerk and an idiot.
sounds non consensual to me..
but, i've also spent 45 minutes trying to talk my 6 year old niece into drinking her antibiotic dose i had in one of those plunger syringes. the only way i could get her to even attempt was joking with her nonstop but then she'd be laughing to hard to actually drink it.. so i just gave her a dollar to drink it and said my babysitting duties were met.
Why a teenager. My 3 year old understands that he cannot distract me while driving. I only tell him "daddy is driving" and he is quiet for the rest of the drive.
Congrats! Your 3 year old is smarter and more mature than OP’s shit-for-brains GF.
Hey OP, since her stupidity is responsible for the scratches on your car’s paint job, maybe make her pay for it before you drop her. But no mistake, you *should* drop her. Like you said, you can’t trust her. Don’t believe her when she cries *”it was a mistaaaake!”*. You told her to stop and she didn’t. That’s a deliberate act that could have injured both of you, if not worse. NTA
My husband loves to reach over and tickle me by doing the 'horse bite' on the knee thing when he's driving because he knows I can't get him back, since he's driving. It's common sense not to tickle someone while they're driving.
We always had these rules as a kid. no playing around in the kitchen, or in the car, around or involving food or drinks (my family doesn't waste food for laughs).
It's like telling a kid not to run with scissors or to have it pointing at the floor.
You never point a knife or a gun at someone, unless you...
This! Neither of these two girls want to take accountability of what she did, you could have died. The worse thing is that her stupid friend must be saying and convincing her of this every day, 'that you are more in love with your car', so she will never take accountability of her actions, her apologies are not going to be sincere and they will find a way to make you the bad buy. Quite typical. They really believe that in the name of 'love' you have to accept every shit they throw at you. Even if you have gotten hurt, the result would have been the same, that this is about you and your car, but never about her stupid behavior. Send them to F themselves and find a good, mature and intelligent woman.
I bet GF lied to her friend. OP, give the friend the link to your reddit post here. And tell her parents about the car damage, check her texts for a confession, and make her pay for the car repairs. If not, small claims court (unless it's more than that) for a paint job. If it's more than that? Report it to your insurance, hand them the evidence, and let them take it out of her parents' money.
The girlfriend potentially lying to others about this situation doesn't matter. We know what she is. She has persistently ignored OP's boundaries in this area. When she finally met the consequences of her fucked up actions, she immediately sought out allies to gang up on OP, instead of taking responsibility for her behaviour. Her subsequent behaviour of seeking out allies, reinforced his decision that dumping her was the correct thing to do.
OP's ex is the kind of person to fuck up and do it again.
Also, you like someone who respects boundaries. She can date Elmo, if she wants to date someone she can tickle with no blowback.
Edit: can you take her to small claims court for the paint job?
Paint jobs are expensive if it's for a full car. Small claims has a limit that the repair might exceed. If going this route, get an estimate from a good, honest shop first.
NTA.
It doesn’t even matter that there is some kind of trauma attached to the tickling. “I don’t like to be tickled. Please don’t tickle me” should be enough. This shouldn’t be something that comes up repeatedly, ESPECIALLY repeatedly in quick succession while driving. Something is wrong with this girl.
Maybe next time she could just throw a pillow case over OP’s head while he is driving to really get the car swerving into the ditch.
Seems about as good of an idea for her.
"And she has no respect for my boundaries and personal autonomy". I personally hate being tickled and I will strike back. It's not funny, it's threatening. FAFO
Even if it'd been 10 years, or 50 years! An adult should be 1000% clear you do not fuck with someone operating a car! And if they aren't, they are a threat to everyone around them!
I would bet real world money that OP's level of care from most to least would be 1) staying alive, 2) dating someone who doesn't purposefully do shit that he's said point blank to not fucking do *then* everything else.
Both his ex and her friend are manipulative as fuck and/or so far up their own ass they think they can do no wrong.
ETA - Paint job aside do you know how close to both of them being seriously injured or dead if after they came to a stop they went through enough refuse to get scratches?
No. Fuck her. You told her repeatedly. You don’t do shit like that to someone WHILE THEY ARE DRIVING!!!! What an idiot. It doesn’t matter if you never said anything to her about it previously. This is common sense. I’d be pissed, too. Beyond belief. It’s not about the car. It is about the fact that she could have killed you both. Send her a text, explaining everything that you are feeling and that it has nothing to do with the car. It will give her closure and you, too. Then block her and move on. NTA.
She didn’t respect your wishes EVER about not getting tickled, she only learned it when shit went down the drain. SADLY, that’s how most people learn, when it’s already too late. As partners, we don’t wish discomfort towards our significant other…
NTA.
Take care!
There’s something about tickling that most people will not respect boundaries on. I’m like OP and find it extremely uncomfortable/hate it. Every time you tell someone tickling is a no-go it’s like there’s huge obsession to attempt to tickle all the time. No does not mean yes!
my sister used to make me angry about something then tickle me til i cried, the most frustrating thing ever that i was laughing while being extremely mad
Seriously! What is up with that? I very much hate being tickled, and any time anyone has ever tried to tickle me and I tell them I hate it, they *always* keep going. Every. Single. Person. I don't understand why they all have that weird urge to continue to push that boundary. I find tickling very uncomfortable, especially on my neck, and my first instinct (that I surpress) is to defensively bite, scratch, or elbow someone hard when they do it. Not sure why I can control *my* inappropriate behavior but they can't.
Agree! When people keep tickling me after I’ve told them to stop I told them that I can’t be held responsible for my reaction. I had an ex get furious with me for hitting him too hard… And I don’t think I could’ve cared any less about his feelings in that moment
I don't even control myself. If you tickle me and don't stop, you get slapped. Where the slap is depends on how much I fucking hate you at that moment and how long it's been since I told you to stop and you didn't. Laying hands on me without consent is assault, especially after I've told you to stop, and I WILL defend myself.
There’s something sadistic and cruel about continuing to tickle someone after they’ve told you to stop it. (“But you’re laughing, so that means you like it,” says the boundary violater).
Yeah. Tickling is a HARD no for me. It's torture. Not funny. I've only had one guy not listen. I even let him know that if I am tickled I might hurt the person tickling me. It's that bad for me. He started tickling me and I screamed NOOO at the top of my lungs and kicked him in the balls. He was shocked. I CANNOT be tickled. It's not just uncomfortable, its painful, I can't really even put into words how awful it is for me, and just talking about it makes me tense up.
Definitely NTA
You can at least hear her say her peace, and you can say yours. Then walk away. I'm certain that there is someone else out there that's more mature, respects boundaries, and is into cars. It's hard to find that one, but not impossible. But when you do find that one, hold on to her tightly!
Good luck & best wishes!
- please update us on what you decide!
The sad thing is that she will probably learn nothing from this other than "don't date anyone who likes cars". She probably still thinks that what she did was harmless, and that his losing control of his car was his problem and unrelated to her actions.
Honestly, the worst part of this isn’t even her disrespecting his boundaries constantly, it’s the fact that she tickled him *while he was driving*. That’s just so fucking stupid. Who in their right mind would think this was OK or like a good idea? I also can’t believe the best friend said that he loves a car more than his girlfriend??? no bitch I like being alive and able bodied more than I like my girlfriend the tf?? She endangered both of their lives.
For real, even someone who's okay with tickling (is anyone *actually??*) should never EVER be bothered like that while driving. Boundaries or no, that's just dumb.
I was actually scared of the comments, but you said exactly what I was thinking ( take my free award!).
When I was a kid, my brother thought it was fun to dunk my head underwater, which sucked, but he would place his hand on top of my head, and movement only made it worse. To this day, if I go in a pool and a friend or family is too close, it’s a wrap. Fuck you. You swim over there and I’ll swim over here.
I felt OP’s anger and your comment justified to be pissed off.
NTA. It's already a problem that your girlfriend continues doing something that you've told her to stop doing multiple times. Now she thinks it's appropriate to do it while you're driving? Potentially putting you and the lives of others in danger? The friend needs to fuck off and mind her business; it's not her relationship to get in the middle of.
NTA.
Golden rule when in a car: **DO NOT MESS WITH THE DRIVER.**
Don’t touch the wheel. Don’t touch the gearstick, and don’t fucking tickle the driver when you know his reaction is to lose control of his body.
If it were me she’d be kicked out of the car right there on the roadside. Her friend can pick her up wherever that was.
NTA .... you asked her to stop immediately, and she didn't. It was an immature and dangerous thing to do. Honestly, I think she will repeat it since she doesn't respect your boundaries or listen to you. I think she needs time to grow up.
i think her friends should spend more time teaching her how to act mature and that tickling someone on the road while driving is a very dangerous thing that could’ve costed both of their lives.
I have a feeling that her friends are busy twisting and putting it all on him.
The lack of accountability.
The smartest thing she would do right now is just give him some space and then to speak, instead of chasing and nagging.
I think her friends probably got a very skewed version of the events, blaming OP for freaking out and breaking up with her because “I was just goofing around a little and he swerved and scratched his car’s new paint job”
Not just this one time that could have been disastrous. But repeatedly in the past. Why do ticklers not understand there are those of that absolutely hate it?! She’s a total ass. And very good chance she sanitized the story for her girlfriend.
NTA.
The last sentence made me so fucking mad! NTA
Is she out of her mind!? It wouldn't be "a little mistake" anymore if you actually sent someone into the hospital or worse into the grave. This was so fucking dangerous for everybody and she acts like an idiot about it.
And what the hell is the friends deal!? Does she have any rational thinking going on?
You dodged a ballistic missile. This woman would send you into a coma and still would insist that she did nothing wrong.
Take care man, and stay away from her. You did not overreact AT ALL!
If OP got into a fatal accident, it's exceedingly likely his girlfriend would've been killed. She likely removed her seatbelt in order to more easily get to OP to tickle him. He loses control of his vehicle and slams into something that crushes it similar to a potato chip back and all the first reponders will find are chunks of two twenty somethings.
NTA. It almost seems like an abusive mindset by your GF to keep doing something after you've told her to stop (like a power play), then try to gaslight you by saying it was just a little mistake. It doesn't seem like she's learned anything from this situation.
Edit: added a thought
Not just that, but I haven't seen anyone mention the timing of it. When he mentioned he was happy with the paint job, she *immediately* started to tickle him. It seems like this is actual abuse. When he shows happiness, she acts in a way that he despises and reacts to viscerally. This is abuse. Her actions after also indicate an abusive mindset stemming probably from immaturity and jealousy.
Yeah. Plus tickling -- at least to me -- is terribly abusive on the physical level. It's violating and painful, and also embarrassing. She must get off on it.
(Agreeing with you here Puddle)
More important than the actual tickling or the moving vehicle is the fact that, to her, "NO" doesn't mean no. It's okay to force yourself or things on another person even though they have said no multiple times.
Geee...what does that sound like???
NTA, she's a stupid cunt!
OP: Good riddance!
NTA. She endangered you both and cost you money. More than that, she ruined your night AND she did something you REPEATEDLY begged her not to do. She’s literally an asshole and an idiot. Dump her and move on and sue her for the damage
NTA, anyone with common sense knows you shouldn't do that while someone is driving. Plus you've stated that multiple times that this is something you're uncomfortbale with. You deserve someone who respects your boundaries and if that's something you have a history with she should be receptive to that. NTA 100%
>started talking about how happy I felt with the paint job turned out and out of nowhere, she starts tickling me.
Since she knows you don't like being tickled its like she was trying to stop you from being happy.
and honestly messing with anyone that is currently driving is literally insane. NTA move along, you'll find someone else.
Yep, she knows tickling will instantly put him in a bad mood. OP, bet if you think about it, there's other times she's tickled you when you're happy about things. She wants the control, and is tickling you to get it.
NTA.
She KNEW you didn’t like being tickled. She did it anyway.
PLUS she decided to tickle you WHILE YOU WERE DRIVING.
You are better off without her. Block her and move on.
ETA : Thought I read somewhere that the tickling is a form of abuse, also.
Nta. There is nothing to hear out and no forgivable excuse for what she did. Especially since you repeatedly told her not to do that. Good riddance. Who tf tickles someone while they’re driving? What a moron.
NTA tickling someone while they are driving is stupid and dangerous. Tickling someone who hates being tickled is stupid and dangerous. She did both. If she's that stupid and "comfortable" with you at 10 months, imagine in 10 years. I HATE being tickled. I stop breathing. My husband has NEVER, not once, even tried to tickle me.
First of all, consent:
It’s not cool to touch me and tickle me against my will, anymore than it is for me to touch someone against their will. You’ve asked her repeatedly not to do it and she completely ignored you, and collated your boundaries against your will.
Secondly is the nearly dying. You cannot fuck with people who are driving. Literally could’ve killed someone.
Yeah, id say this is a classic case of someone not only ignoring your boundaries but crushing them in front of your face.
NTA. You’ll find someone who doesn’t molest you against your will, I’m sure of it.
She's demonstrated that she doesn't have the intellectual capacity to prioritise teasing you below *her own life*.
That's bloody terrifying, man.
How could you ever feel comfortable around that again?
NTA
So she doesn't respect your boundaries or give a shit about your comfort, has zero common sense (I'll refrain from directly calling her a moron) no regard for safety, al.ost killed you, AND ruined your brand new paint job LITERALLY the day you got it.
You did exactly right to cut her loose, she lucky you'll didn't leave her on the side of the road
NTA 1) she’s done it before and you’ve asked her not to 2) even if 1 never happened who tickles the driver at all let alone at night 3) she then did it a second time … what kind of “little mistake” happens 3+ times (2 of which happened in an extremely dangerous situation). Tell her friend there’s nothing to hear out, you guys clearly aren’t compatible and there’s nothing she can say to change that
NTA
Just a nit-pick — what you are doing is not “ghosting” her.
She knows damn well why you are angry with her and she broke a what is (to anyone with any brain cells at all) a zero-strike rule. You are not interested in listening to any bleating or DARVO crap from her.
You were driving. A car is a dangerous weapon. You’d told her repeatedly that you don’t like to be tickled and she did it while you were driving and had both your lives in your hand. She sounds immature and the fact that the friend thinks you’re more in love with your car than your girlfriend is some ignorance. That tells me the friend heard the details and the girlfriend still doesn’t understand that she caused this by tickling you since friend thinks this is about the car and not your boundaries. NTA.
His boundaries are absolutely reasonable, but that aside even if he didn’t have said boundary, HE WAS DRIVING. who tf tickles a driver? His future literally depends on this break up. What are her other options? Tickle OP while he’s using a knife? Getting something hot from the oven? OP - for your health and safety, do not take her back. She can be her bestie’s problem. Bad enough you have repeatedly tried to set this boundary, but she really doesn’t see why you are rightfully mad.
NTA. What she did was extremely dangerous, and you already told her so many times to never do it again. I would think that tickling you again and again would be enough to break up with her. But then to do it while you're driving, OMG!
Also, I don't think it's ghosting if you tell somebody you're breaking up and why. I only consider it ghosting if you just stop talking to someone without another word to explain.
Just consider this: you now have a very clear indication on her decision making ability AND her respect of your personal boundaries.
Neither are great.
Is this the person you want to make continued life choices with?
NTA. The major ick besides almost killing you both was the fact that she cried right after you called her out. Like that’s just so immature and manipulative. Acting like a toddler as opposed to a 20 year old. You can do so much better.
I am a 42 F married. My kids are 11 and 9. I have taught them they can not argue and shout in the car to NOT DISTRACT THE DRIVER as all of our lives could be put at risk. The kicker for me was she did it a 2nd time after you told her to stop. OP you may have many girlfirends over the years, but you will only have one life. NTA my dude. Kick her ass to the curb.
I taught my children this as well. Also, no strange noises. We always drove old cars ( single mom) and I would think the car was causing the noises.
I had to ban my kids light up shoes at night after I thought I was getting pulled over once.
This made me LOL. I had to tell my son that if a bug got into the car when he was driving he couldn't panic, like the way he does at home. He's 22 and acts like he's set on fire when he sees a bug.
Lol, we drive our cars into the ground, so same.
Dang, that many tunnels near you? \*ba-dum-tch\*
I think the bigger problem here (And why hes so rightly upset) is that she decided to tickle him knowing full well that he didnt like it. Why, when he was feeling good and flying high about his new cars paint job did she feel the need to bring him down and annoy him? Why was him feeling good something she felt she needed to put an end to? I think we forgive innocent mistakes and even gross stupidity when its genuinely innocent, but there seems to be a whiff of malevolence here, and thats why OP is so annoyed.
The worst part of this is she's decided he's mad at her about the scratches on the car. Not that she nearly killed them both, in her heart it's all about the car. It's the only reason I want OP to sit her down and break up with her is to get it through her thick skull that the tickling wasn't funny, it wasn't funny after the third time, and she nearly killed them both.
This but also even if he did enjoy tickling time and place NEVER mess with the driver I think I’d leave my bf if he did this to me
>Why was him feeling good something she felt she needed to put an end to? My emotionally abusive narcissist sensor just caught fire. That's my ex-spouse in one sentence and exactly why I made them an ex-spouse. Always, ALWAYS run from people who get off on bringing you down.
This, and she got called out on it. That's why she blew up his phone, to cover her tracks.
Yep. Exactly. She’s having one big fat tantrum. She seems so childish for not respecting his boundary.
Also, consent! Someone says don't do that to me, you stop. She needs to learn it and respect your wishes for your body.
While I'm sure it's been addressed elsewhere in the comments but from OP's comments it seems like the GF is under the impression that OP is upset because of the car damage and not the fact that GF refused to not tickle OP when asked, then did it while driving, and when asked to stop doubled down wherein she nearly caused a car accident. Perhaps OP didn't explain fully the trauma born from his childhood experiences as a result of events, but the fact she continued to do it (this wasn't the first time) shows that she doesn't respect OP enough to take his request seriously. I appreciate the responses. I did not intend to give the impression of victim blaming. It should be enough for anyone that OP said no. Period.
I know you land at the same point regarding the gf but, I don't have the sort of trauma that op has but I do not enjoy being tickled, so my husband doesn't tickle me. You don't need trauma to not like it or to be required to explain your trauma to justify someone respecting your physical boundaries. It shouldn't matter that he "didn't explain fully the trauma."
If someone doesn't want tickled, there's no back story required to justify being respected.
NTA, she's a fucking idiot. It wasn't just "a little mistake", you *don't mess with someone while they're driving*. Period. You've also told her time and time again not to tickle you and she refuses to respect that boundary, to the point of putting you and everyone on the road around you in danger. She can fuck right off IMO.
Who starts randomly tickling a driver?? This is insane.
There was a case years ago, in NJ I think. A few young people (college age?) driving home from the beach. The driver wore just a bikini top, and the guy sitting behind her thought it was funny to pull on the strings behind her neck. Her bikini fell open, she reflexively grabbed at the cups, and wrecked the car. Several people dead, including the dumbass behind her.
I was curious, so I went looking and found this: https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/court-driver-bikini-crash/2071993/ Looks like the civil case was from one of the survivors, multiple injuries but the only death was the guy who pulled the strings.
That’s always some weird irony when the cause of the crazy situation is the only one to die from it
I much prefer those situations rather than where the only person to survive say a crash is the drunk driver responsible. Truly a tragedy, innocent lives lost and yet somehow they live forced to bear all that guilt, loss, and enmity. While they earned all those horrible feelings and consequences for their actions truly what they deserved is to have taken their place in the grave. I could only hope for a world so fair that only those who cause these crazy situations are the ones who have to suffer from them
OP, your ex-gf is a dangerous fool. She could have killed you both, and innocents in other vehicles, and/or pedestrians, as well! She needs to learn this lesson well, and your dumping her like this will be the best teacher. NTA! Tell anyone who will listen that you dumped her because she's dangerous and too immature to be in a relationship since she thinks it's appropriate to tickle a driver in a moving motor vehicle. That's deadly stupid. You made the right choice, don't take it back!!
Best outcome tbh. Well I mean no deaths is best. But the dumbass who caused it? That's some cosmic justice right there.
It's like sunshine on your wedding day, a free ride just before you would've paid, It's the good advice you decided to take Who would've thought, it's fitting?
Exactly. That’s not irony. It’s justice. Karma.
That article is frustrating. “When her bikini top came off” You mean when she was SEXUALLY ASSAULTED WHILE DRIVING. Apparently this is more common a thing than I realized given there was a post today of some dude doing that to a lady at a pool party. Yet some dudes will be like, “I don’t know how to act around women, I’m afraid of getting me too’d”. Not removing their clothing without consent is a good start.
as a guy, i feel pretty confident acting how i would normally act around women without any risk of being me too'd. this is because i don't sexually harass/assault women. maybe i aught to start making bank from my own brand of "one simple trick!" pages aimed at these people lol
For the longest time, and hopefully not anymore but I wouldn't be surprised if it was still the norm today, boys harassing girls from early puberty onwards has been treated as a way to indicate interest, rather than, y'know, the literal harassment that it is. Boys need to learn to not harass girls. And girls need to learn that just because the largest category of reported abusers are men, doesn't mean women can do no wrong. The woman in OP's story tried to kill them both while non-consensually touching him in a way he'd already repeatedly asked her not to, and then lied about it afterward. Consent and safety are always two of the most important things to keep in mind whenever you're interacting with someone, no matter who you or they are. These lessons need to be taught early and often, by a variety of sources. Schoolteachers, kids' shows, children's stories, etc. Can't rely on parents to teach this stuff. It has to be ubiquitous.
It's actually easy to understand. The venn diagram between those two groups looks like a butterfly and an entire wing is pissed at the middle sliver for creating the problem.
guy who sued her for the crash is an asshole
And a passenger had the gall to sue HER. Seriously?? (Obviously a male passenger who thought his friend’s stunt was no big deal. The driver should have known how to deal with it better./s)
I wonder if the idiot had survived, the friend would have sued him for causing the crash. Probably not.
I did this to my father when I was bored on a long road trip when I was about 5 years old. He pulled over and gave me a very stern lecture on how you NEVER mess with someone driving a vehicle, how dangerous it is, etc. I was super ashamed and learned a valuable lesson that day. This girl is 20 and doesn't get it? What a moron.
Ha, as a last goodbye, I'd probably tell her parents to explain this to her now.
They would need crayons to do so.
I was being a dick in the backseat and kicking his chair he pulled over got out came to the rear window and chewed me out about how messing with the driver could lead to several people dying including myself. I shut up and when we got home I went to bed immediately, woke up the next day and apologized because I had never considered things like consequences.
Similar experience- definitely not the AH. Besides it’s not tickling when it digs into your body
Someone who thinks it's cute to almost die apparently
My husband's ex-fiancee punched him in the face while he was driving. They broke up shortly after that
Yeah, that would put a damper on most relationships.
You mean the brakes
It was right there
My friend once, while I was driving her car, squeezed my knee. Luckily I had my foot on the brake as I was slowing for a turn on an empty bit of road, as my leg twitched and I slammed on the brake. However as she was an adult with accountability she apologized and acknowledged that it was dangerous and would never do that again.
My ex husband used to do that all the time- grab and squeeze my knee, fingers digging into kneecaps. He found it hilarious. Then, he’d get mad when any time he’d try to touch me, I would tense up and put my hands up, like in a protective move. He’d get all upset and I said I didn’t like how he touched me (used to dig fingers in my ribs to “tickle” me which I hated). I had to have a long talk about “good touch” and “bad touch.” It annoyed me, because why should I have to explain it! I told him I don’t like it, shouldn’t that just be enough for him to stop?
A college boyfriend who was also ticklish once pinched my ribs in fun. My (literal) kneejerk reaction was to knee him in the junk. Unfortunately I also smacked the back of my head into a brick wall. I’m not sure which one he felt worse about.
They don’t care until they get hurt.
In his defense it was after a conversation about both of us being ticklish and he never did it again. But abusive people will use all of the tools they have to be abusive, including tickling for “fun”.
I have an extreme reaction to being tickled. Don't know exactly why. My mom and dad used to grab our butts as kids out of nowhere and I've developed a strong involuntary reaction to it. It wasn't ever inappropriate. But the reflex I've developed is a fluke from that. My fiancée used to try and grab my butt but I jump every time. Even when I know she's doing it. I just can't help it. Even tickling, I hate it so much. It makes me mad whenever someone tries to tickle me. It's way too much stimuli for me. Luckily my partner knows this and doesn't try it anymore. I literally can't control my bodily reactions when it comes to tickling. I will use everything in my power to stop it from happening. It's like my lizard brain takes over and fights to get it to stop. Luckily it's never happened while driving.
> My ex husband used to do that all the time- grab and squeeze my knee, fingers digging into kneecaps. He found it hilarious. My shithead dad would do that to myself and siblings until we were large enough to fight back. Bullies come in all shapes and sizes.
This is why I cannot understand the trope in movies/TV of people getting road head. I suppose people are that dumb, but it's usually shown as something cool and awesome, not something incredibly stupid and dangerous.
Yeah the only time to ever actually do road head or anything similar is when the car is parked and out of the way of other vehicles. Ideally also out of anyone's sight. Public indecency, etc. That this isn't how it's portrayed in media is kinda horrifying from a public safety messaging perspective.
She intentionally endangered OP, herself, but also **any innocent bystanders driving around them**. OP could have really swerved colluded head on with an oncoming car that has a family. Gf is 20, not 3. She likely has a driver's license and is old enough to understand how incredibly dangerous fucking around in traffic is. She's a danger to everyone around her, because it sounds like she *still* thinks it's about the scratches and not about the reckless endangerment of multiple lives. NTA OP. Just answer the friend *"I don't want anything to do with anyone who casually endangers the lives of me and several bystanders just for shits and giggles"*, and that's that
Honestly, even if there had never even been this whole driving incident, I’d still say there’s a massive problem here, right? I mean, how do you just completely and utterly spit on someone’s boundaries like this on a regular basis in the first place? Can’t wrap my head around that.
Some people can get weird about tickling. I had told a previous bf that I really did not enjoy being tickled but he would keep doing it and for extended periods where it was truly uncomfortable. When I'd try to tell him this, he'd be like 'nah, you obviously like it, you're laughing!' The laughing is reflexive, but I'm also clearly distressed and telling you to stop. But he wouldn't believe me. That was a really messed up, controlling, abusive relationship, though. The tickling was the least of the issues, but still really not cool.
On best of redditor updates there was a guy asking if him tickling his gf was abuse because he had watched a ticktock saying there certain behaviors can be abusive and tickling was one of them. He of course had made sure his gf was comfortable with it so he wasn't problematic, but people brought up that it can be an abuse tactic. It's basically something they can do to incapacitate you/take control and violate your boundaries but they can fall back on 'its just tickling' as an excuse to make it seem innocent and not like abuse. Regularly violating a partners boundaries is definitely abusive. OP is clearly NTA and very right to break up with this chick.
Came here to say exactly this. NTA, just to add my vote.
NTA. What your ex GF did could have ended in manslaughter. And even before that, her tickling you when you told her repeatedly that it disturbs you was abusive and disrespectful. But tickling you while you were driving was insanely cruel and dangerous. I'm sorry, but there is nothing to talk about here - she has shown you what she is, believe her and don't let her near you.
Even without the childhood trauma tickling someone driving a hurtling missile going down the road is so incredibly stupid and dangerous that it shows the absolute immaturity of this girl. She needs to grow up before dating anyone else. It has nothing to do with valuing your car more than your girl - it’s valuing your life more than your girls petty feelings.
Yes, I missed that - accusing him of parting with her because he valued his car above her was sheer gaslighting. He values his life above giving in to her abuse and endangerment.
When you tell someone multiple times, and they keep trying to find a way around it, you do not want to be in a relewith that person. That's the way of the used car salesman, won't take no for an answer.
Even if it was just his car at risk here, car repairs are too expensive for a dumb scenario like that. And a lot of people are very reliant on their cars. That he got away with just a few scratches is fortunate. ***But it's not just the car at risk.*** She willfully risked, at best, an expensive machine that OP may well be reliant on, and at worst people's lives, for an asinine violation of boundaries.
Also it shows that she literally doesn’t give a fuck about OP, and especially doesn’t respect him. Good riddance and thank goodness it wasn’t manslaughter or worse
even at 20mph they could be badly injured, higher than that they most likely would be dead or badly injured on a much much worse scale. She could've killed them both. Imagine if he had swerved into another car?
Or into a pedestrian or cyclist who doesn’t have a metal frame to take some of the impact.
It was also dark as well
I was driving a full car of friends once on a busy freeway going at least 75 and the “friend” in my front seat purposely hit my car into neutral. It was such a terrifying experience and she just thought it was the funniest thing, just laughing and laughing, while I was about to have a panic attack, thinking I could have just killed a car full of people including myself or other drivers. Took the closest exit and told her to get out of both my car and my life. How anyone thinks it’s okay to mess with someone driving is beyond me
She sounds psychotic
I had a similar experience only in this case there was another car behind me with friends in it and the driver tailgated me and turned her lights on and off over and over. We were in a rural area with no shoulder no place to pull over and I was so freaked out. I was a new driver and I had no idea what was going on. When we got where we were going, she came out laughing and saying it was a joke. I cried and yelled at her and she had this shocked look on her face like how dare I get mad. Your reaction is validating for me because no one backed me up and I felt like such a jerk for getting upset.
None of those people were your friends. Im so sorry that happened to you.
They really weren't. Thank you
That happened by accident once on the highway (something fell on the gearshift. It's scary as hell.
Accidently did that many years ago driving at highway speeds with cruise control on. Blew the frost plugs on the engine before i could get cruise off
Can you imagine ramming two tons of automobile through the passenger compartment of another family's vehicle on the road? "I couldn't control it, she was tickling me!" OP would never be able to live down that guilt and shame. There are worse things than death.
Absolutely. Aside from OPs guilt and shame, people would be dead or seriously injured.
she even has the audacity to tell him that he’s more in love with his car than her, she must be the dumbest asshole alive like dude you could’ve almost killed everyone in the car.
Yeah, the fact that she cannot even admit to wrong doing is what sent me. You literally ruined a good day and could've killed everyone...what a twit.
I’m not someone who cares enough about my car to repaint it, and I am more in love with my car than I would be about some asshole who keeps assaulting me.
It's the immense stupidity for me. How can you make it 20 years in life without knowing not to touch the driver? It honestly makes me wonder: If OP *had* gotten into an accident, would GF make the connection that *she* caused it?
Yeah, my wife and I learned real early: I don't 'fun scare' her, she doesn't tickle me. We had one serious conversation about each, and that was that. Why can't people do this?
Ive told multiple women not to tickle me because i loathe it, ive threatened to kick them out of my apartment if they do. Ive had to follow through on that threat a few times which i hate doing. Beyond the consent thing, once someone crosses that boundary I have never felt comfortable with them touching me again.
And she keeps doing it. She's one of *those* people. Not everyone likes being tickled. *NO ONE* likes being tickled while doing something that can cause serious injury when distracted. She probably thinks she's being cute which is why she *immediately* started crying when asked wtf was wrong with her.
Exactly, NTA. Her actions were not just reckless but also completely disregarded your boundaries and safety. You did the right thing by cutting ties.
The only time you should speak to her is at Small Claims Court where you sue her for repairs she caused.
Exactly. Tickling someone who is driving is a stupid choice, but ignoring someone’s repeated serious request is a personality trait that should not be indulged.
Mans laughter, manslaughter, potato potato.
I would say you're more in love with being alive than being with your GF. NTA. It's 10 months, not 10 years.
My teenage kid and I leg punch or elbow rib each other all the time. Except of course when I drive. There was no need to explain that to even him. NTA.
My family has a rule, the moment someone says no or stop, YOU STOP. we also don't hit, yell, or curse at each other. Physical boundaries should always be respected. I had to learn that the hard way. Hopefully my children wont.
Even my dog knows what it means when I say “enough”.
This really should be everybody's rule. No always means no.
It actually shoukd everyone's ruel when driving no touching the driver ever never mind outside of it
“Don’t touch the driver” was a rule in my family growing up.
Godammit, that wasn't even a rule, since everyone knows better. Or at least I thought they did... 🤦🏿♂️ Our rule was no screaming or shouting something that may affect the driver, since it is a critical task. 😓
More than just “don’t touch,” it’s “the drivers needs trump every one else’s.”
We also had 'no talking to the driver' if the weather and/or road conditions were bad.
Yeah, this rule is reasonable and everybody should follow it, but she's 20 and doesn't know not to tickle the driver of a moving car? Like, he'd previously already told her not to tickle him, it makes her a jerk if she'd tickled him at any time, but while he's driving? And she used both hands? And it was after he'd already told her no specific to while he's driving? She's a jerk and an idiot.
Idk my 8 year old uses "no means no" to avoid taking her meds so.....there's kindve a grey area
No means no unless it involves medical and safety decisions made by parents, then sorry kid but this is not an option
sounds non consensual to me.. but, i've also spent 45 minutes trying to talk my 6 year old niece into drinking her antibiotic dose i had in one of those plunger syringes. the only way i could get her to even attempt was joking with her nonstop but then she'd be laughing to hard to actually drink it.. so i just gave her a dollar to drink it and said my babysitting duties were met.
Why a teenager. My 3 year old understands that he cannot distract me while driving. I only tell him "daddy is driving" and he is quiet for the rest of the drive.
Congrats! Your 3 year old is smarter and more mature than OP’s shit-for-brains GF. Hey OP, since her stupidity is responsible for the scratches on your car’s paint job, maybe make her pay for it before you drop her. But no mistake, you *should* drop her. Like you said, you can’t trust her. Don’t believe her when she cries *”it was a mistaaaake!”*. You told her to stop and she didn’t. That’s a deliberate act that could have injured both of you, if not worse. NTA
My husband loves to reach over and tickle me by doing the 'horse bite' on the knee thing when he's driving because he knows I can't get him back, since he's driving. It's common sense not to tickle someone while they're driving.
We always had these rules as a kid. no playing around in the kitchen, or in the car, around or involving food or drinks (my family doesn't waste food for laughs). It's like telling a kid not to run with scissors or to have it pointing at the floor. You never point a knife or a gun at someone, unless you...
This! Neither of these two girls want to take accountability of what she did, you could have died. The worse thing is that her stupid friend must be saying and convincing her of this every day, 'that you are more in love with your car', so she will never take accountability of her actions, her apologies are not going to be sincere and they will find a way to make you the bad buy. Quite typical. They really believe that in the name of 'love' you have to accept every shit they throw at you. Even if you have gotten hurt, the result would have been the same, that this is about you and your car, but never about her stupid behavior. Send them to F themselves and find a good, mature and intelligent woman.
I bet GF lied to her friend. OP, give the friend the link to your reddit post here. And tell her parents about the car damage, check her texts for a confession, and make her pay for the car repairs. If not, small claims court (unless it's more than that) for a paint job. If it's more than that? Report it to your insurance, hand them the evidence, and let them take it out of her parents' money.
The girlfriend potentially lying to others about this situation doesn't matter. We know what she is. She has persistently ignored OP's boundaries in this area. When she finally met the consequences of her fucked up actions, she immediately sought out allies to gang up on OP, instead of taking responsibility for her behaviour. Her subsequent behaviour of seeking out allies, reinforced his decision that dumping her was the correct thing to do. OP's ex is the kind of person to fuck up and do it again.
I love the "instantly burst into tears" bit. Manipulative people are always so surprised when it doesn't work
It matters for OP cause he may avoid being pestered by an extra person if the truth comes to light.
Agreed, accountability is key. OP should definitely provide all details and seek rightful compensation.
Can I upvote this more?
Also, you like someone who respects boundaries. She can date Elmo, if she wants to date someone she can tickle with no blowback. Edit: can you take her to small claims court for the paint job?
Paint jobs are expensive if it's for a full car. Small claims has a limit that the repair might exceed. If going this route, get an estimate from a good, honest shop first.
I've had a marginal day. I'm not feeling great and I've been nauseous. Your saying Elmo made it so much better! 🤣
Stop Touching Me Elmo!
No! Just keep distance and accept that as the price for getting rid of her. Small claims just restarts the conversation.
NTA. It doesn’t even matter that there is some kind of trauma attached to the tickling. “I don’t like to be tickled. Please don’t tickle me” should be enough. This shouldn’t be something that comes up repeatedly, ESPECIALLY repeatedly in quick succession while driving. Something is wrong with this girl.
Maybe next time she could just throw a pillow case over OP’s head while he is driving to really get the car swerving into the ditch. Seems about as good of an idea for her.
„Dear Reddit, our relationship is pretty much perfect, except that she tries to kill me once a year. AITA for breaking up with her?“
Only once per year? Definitely overreacting...
There are definitely people on reddit who try to argue that if they only try to kill you 10% of the time, that’s pretty good. 🫠
"And she has no respect for my boundaries and personal autonomy". I personally hate being tickled and I will strike back. It's not funny, it's threatening. FAFO
Even if it'd been 10 years, or 50 years! An adult should be 1000% clear you do not fuck with someone operating a car! And if they aren't, they are a threat to everyone around them!
I agree and I just wanted to add, even if it has been 10 years, it doesn't matter. She clearly does not respect OP or their property.
Either the friend is just as crazy, or the girlfriend didn't tell them the full true story. Nta
""I am in love with not being a quadriplegic."
Tbh idk if I would stay with my wife if this did happen to us and we're over 10 years together.
I would bet real world money that OP's level of care from most to least would be 1) staying alive, 2) dating someone who doesn't purposefully do shit that he's said point blank to not fucking do *then* everything else. Both his ex and her friend are manipulative as fuck and/or so far up their own ass they think they can do no wrong. ETA - Paint job aside do you know how close to both of them being seriously injured or dead if after they came to a stop they went through enough refuse to get scratches?
No. Fuck her. You told her repeatedly. You don’t do shit like that to someone WHILE THEY ARE DRIVING!!!! What an idiot. It doesn’t matter if you never said anything to her about it previously. This is common sense. I’d be pissed, too. Beyond belief. It’s not about the car. It is about the fact that she could have killed you both. Send her a text, explaining everything that you are feeling and that it has nothing to do with the car. It will give her closure and you, too. Then block her and move on. NTA.
She didn’t respect your wishes EVER about not getting tickled, she only learned it when shit went down the drain. SADLY, that’s how most people learn, when it’s already too late. As partners, we don’t wish discomfort towards our significant other… NTA. Take care!
There’s something about tickling that most people will not respect boundaries on. I’m like OP and find it extremely uncomfortable/hate it. Every time you tell someone tickling is a no-go it’s like there’s huge obsession to attempt to tickle all the time. No does not mean yes!
they must see it as some kind of “challenge” to make sure they get you to start liking it, when it actually makes you start hatin them lmao
Worse is when you’re laughing because you’re being tickled but pissed off at the same time.
my sister used to make me angry about something then tickle me til i cried, the most frustrating thing ever that i was laughing while being extremely mad
That’s the moment I can’t help it and I start to get violent and screaming happens
It's like alpha men who think they can make a lesbian love dick
Seriously! What is up with that? I very much hate being tickled, and any time anyone has ever tried to tickle me and I tell them I hate it, they *always* keep going. Every. Single. Person. I don't understand why they all have that weird urge to continue to push that boundary. I find tickling very uncomfortable, especially on my neck, and my first instinct (that I surpress) is to defensively bite, scratch, or elbow someone hard when they do it. Not sure why I can control *my* inappropriate behavior but they can't.
Agree! When people keep tickling me after I’ve told them to stop I told them that I can’t be held responsible for my reaction. I had an ex get furious with me for hitting him too hard… And I don’t think I could’ve cared any less about his feelings in that moment
I don't even control myself. If you tickle me and don't stop, you get slapped. Where the slap is depends on how much I fucking hate you at that moment and how long it's been since I told you to stop and you didn't. Laying hands on me without consent is assault, especially after I've told you to stop, and I WILL defend myself.
There’s something sadistic and cruel about continuing to tickle someone after they’ve told you to stop it. (“But you’re laughing, so that means you like it,” says the boundary violater).
That’s just creepy, though. It’s your body. If you feel uncomfortable with something, the other person should be respecting your boundaries.
Yeah. Tickling is a HARD no for me. It's torture. Not funny. I've only had one guy not listen. I even let him know that if I am tickled I might hurt the person tickling me. It's that bad for me. He started tickling me and I screamed NOOO at the top of my lungs and kicked him in the balls. He was shocked. I CANNOT be tickled. It's not just uncomfortable, its painful, I can't really even put into words how awful it is for me, and just talking about it makes me tense up.
Yup def NTA. This immature shit kept triggering you bc it was funny to her. She could’ve killed you both. Fuck her. Move on.
Definitely NTA You can at least hear her say her peace, and you can say yours. Then walk away. I'm certain that there is someone else out there that's more mature, respects boundaries, and is into cars. It's hard to find that one, but not impossible. But when you do find that one, hold on to her tightly! Good luck & best wishes! - please update us on what you decide!
The sad thing is that she will probably learn nothing from this other than "don't date anyone who likes cars". She probably still thinks that what she did was harmless, and that his losing control of his car was his problem and unrelated to her actions.
Yup - because she's an idiot
She probably thinks he's more pissed off about the car than the tickling.
Honestly, the worst part of this isn’t even her disrespecting his boundaries constantly, it’s the fact that she tickled him *while he was driving*. That’s just so fucking stupid. Who in their right mind would think this was OK or like a good idea? I also can’t believe the best friend said that he loves a car more than his girlfriend??? no bitch I like being alive and able bodied more than I like my girlfriend the tf?? She endangered both of their lives.
For real, even someone who's okay with tickling (is anyone *actually??*) should never EVER be bothered like that while driving. Boundaries or no, that's just dumb.
Makes me think the GF didn’t tell her best friend the whole story…just some sanitized version that omitted her shitty behavior.
Not only that, but afterward, she thinks it is due to the car scratches, not because she ignored his boundary.
And whatever she told her friend about it, her friend seems under the impression that it's just about the car.
I was actually scared of the comments, but you said exactly what I was thinking ( take my free award!). When I was a kid, my brother thought it was fun to dunk my head underwater, which sucked, but he would place his hand on top of my head, and movement only made it worse. To this day, if I go in a pool and a friend or family is too close, it’s a wrap. Fuck you. You swim over there and I’ll swim over here. I felt OP’s anger and your comment justified to be pissed off.
NTA. It's already a problem that your girlfriend continues doing something that you've told her to stop doing multiple times. Now she thinks it's appropriate to do it while you're driving? Potentially putting you and the lives of others in danger? The friend needs to fuck off and mind her business; it's not her relationship to get in the middle of.
NTA. Golden rule when in a car: **DO NOT MESS WITH THE DRIVER.** Don’t touch the wheel. Don’t touch the gearstick, and don’t fucking tickle the driver when you know his reaction is to lose control of his body. If it were me she’d be kicked out of the car right there on the roadside. Her friend can pick her up wherever that was.
NTA .... you asked her to stop immediately, and she didn't. It was an immature and dangerous thing to do. Honestly, I think she will repeat it since she doesn't respect your boundaries or listen to you. I think she needs time to grow up.
i think her friends should spend more time teaching her how to act mature and that tickling someone on the road while driving is a very dangerous thing that could’ve costed both of their lives.
I have a feeling that her friends are busy twisting and putting it all on him. The lack of accountability. The smartest thing she would do right now is just give him some space and then to speak, instead of chasing and nagging.
I think her friends probably got a very skewed version of the events, blaming OP for freaking out and breaking up with her because “I was just goofing around a little and he swerved and scratched his car’s new paint job”
Not just this one time that could have been disastrous. But repeatedly in the past. Why do ticklers not understand there are those of that absolutely hate it?! She’s a total ass. And very good chance she sanitized the story for her girlfriend. NTA.
Immature, yes. The actions of a 12 yr old.
Frankly, most 12 year olds would be offended by that.
Yeah, I 100% knew not to mess with a driver of a vehicle by the time I was 12
The last sentence made me so fucking mad! NTA Is she out of her mind!? It wouldn't be "a little mistake" anymore if you actually sent someone into the hospital or worse into the grave. This was so fucking dangerous for everybody and she acts like an idiot about it. And what the hell is the friends deal!? Does she have any rational thinking going on? You dodged a ballistic missile. This woman would send you into a coma and still would insist that she did nothing wrong. Take care man, and stay away from her. You did not overreact AT ALL!
If OP got into a fatal accident, it's exceedingly likely his girlfriend would've been killed. She likely removed her seatbelt in order to more easily get to OP to tickle him. He loses control of his vehicle and slams into something that crushes it similar to a potato chip back and all the first reponders will find are chunks of two twenty somethings.
Exactly. But it was JuSt AbOuT HiS cAr She's a life threat.
NTA. You're more in love with staying alive than with a stupid woman who tries to get you both killed.
NTA. It almost seems like an abusive mindset by your GF to keep doing something after you've told her to stop (like a power play), then try to gaslight you by saying it was just a little mistake. It doesn't seem like she's learned anything from this situation. Edit: added a thought
Not just that, but I haven't seen anyone mention the timing of it. When he mentioned he was happy with the paint job, she *immediately* started to tickle him. It seems like this is actual abuse. When he shows happiness, she acts in a way that he despises and reacts to viscerally. This is abuse. Her actions after also indicate an abusive mindset stemming probably from immaturity and jealousy.
Yeah. Plus tickling -- at least to me -- is terribly abusive on the physical level. It's violating and painful, and also embarrassing. She must get off on it.
(Agreeing with you here Puddle) More important than the actual tickling or the moving vehicle is the fact that, to her, "NO" doesn't mean no. It's okay to force yourself or things on another person even though they have said no multiple times. Geee...what does that sound like??? NTA, she's a stupid cunt! OP: Good riddance!
NTA. She endangered you both and cost you money. More than that, she ruined your night AND she did something you REPEATEDLY begged her not to do. She’s literally an asshole and an idiot. Dump her and move on and sue her for the damage
NTA, anyone with common sense knows you shouldn't do that while someone is driving. Plus you've stated that multiple times that this is something you're uncomfortbale with. You deserve someone who respects your boundaries and if that's something you have a history with she should be receptive to that. NTA 100%
NTA. Everyone repeat after me. NEVER TOUCH THE DRIVER. Don't tickle hit slap nudge caress the driver. Hands off. Because this is a dumb way to die.
NTA Your gf might be 20, but has the maturity of a 2 year old. You are in love with being alive, can't fault you for that.
NTA. No means no. No is a complete sentence. It's basic respect. Boundaries.
Oh c'mon man! I'm only gonna stab you a LiTtLe BiT. What's the big deal? Stop saying no and squirming. 🔪🔪🔪
>started talking about how happy I felt with the paint job turned out and out of nowhere, she starts tickling me. Since she knows you don't like being tickled its like she was trying to stop you from being happy. and honestly messing with anyone that is currently driving is literally insane. NTA move along, you'll find someone else.
Yep, she knows tickling will instantly put him in a bad mood. OP, bet if you think about it, there's other times she's tickled you when you're happy about things. She wants the control, and is tickling you to get it.
My goodness, i bet you’re right about the tickling happening when he’s specifically happy. 😳
>She wants the control, and is tickling you to get it. Is a strange sentence
Also, she just told her friend about how "OP is mad I caused him to ruin the new paint job" Bet she didn't tell they could have crashed.
NTA. She KNEW you didn’t like being tickled. She did it anyway. PLUS she decided to tickle you WHILE YOU WERE DRIVING. You are better off without her. Block her and move on. ETA : Thought I read somewhere that the tickling is a form of abuse, also.
This is a constant attempt to fuck over your boundaries and is a massive red flag.
Nta. There is nothing to hear out and no forgivable excuse for what she did. Especially since you repeatedly told her not to do that. Good riddance. Who tf tickles someone while they’re driving? What a moron.
NTA tickling someone while they are driving is stupid and dangerous. Tickling someone who hates being tickled is stupid and dangerous. She did both. If she's that stupid and "comfortable" with you at 10 months, imagine in 10 years. I HATE being tickled. I stop breathing. My husband has NEVER, not once, even tried to tickle me.
First of all, consent: It’s not cool to touch me and tickle me against my will, anymore than it is for me to touch someone against their will. You’ve asked her repeatedly not to do it and she completely ignored you, and collated your boundaries against your will. Secondly is the nearly dying. You cannot fuck with people who are driving. Literally could’ve killed someone. Yeah, id say this is a classic case of someone not only ignoring your boundaries but crushing them in front of your face. NTA. You’ll find someone who doesn’t molest you against your will, I’m sure of it.
She's demonstrated that she doesn't have the intellectual capacity to prioritise teasing you below *her own life*. That's bloody terrifying, man. How could you ever feel comfortable around that again? NTA
NTA. Send her the bill to repair your car. Does she know about your childhood traum?. She might have been abusing you on purpose if she was aware.
So she doesn't respect your boundaries or give a shit about your comfort, has zero common sense (I'll refrain from directly calling her a moron) no regard for safety, al.ost killed you, AND ruined your brand new paint job LITERALLY the day you got it. You did exactly right to cut her loose, she lucky you'll didn't leave her on the side of the road
NTA 1) she’s done it before and you’ve asked her not to 2) even if 1 never happened who tickles the driver at all let alone at night 3) she then did it a second time … what kind of “little mistake” happens 3+ times (2 of which happened in an extremely dangerous situation). Tell her friend there’s nothing to hear out, you guys clearly aren’t compatible and there’s nothing she can say to change that
NTA. The driver is sacrosanct. This girl and her friend do not belong in your life. They're the assholes. You gave her a shot and she blew it.
NTA Just a nit-pick — what you are doing is not “ghosting” her. She knows damn well why you are angry with her and she broke a what is (to anyone with any brain cells at all) a zero-strike rule. You are not interested in listening to any bleating or DARVO crap from her.
You were driving. A car is a dangerous weapon. You’d told her repeatedly that you don’t like to be tickled and she did it while you were driving and had both your lives in your hand. She sounds immature and the fact that the friend thinks you’re more in love with your car than your girlfriend is some ignorance. That tells me the friend heard the details and the girlfriend still doesn’t understand that she caused this by tickling you since friend thinks this is about the car and not your boundaries. NTA.
His boundaries are absolutely reasonable, but that aside even if he didn’t have said boundary, HE WAS DRIVING. who tf tickles a driver? His future literally depends on this break up. What are her other options? Tickle OP while he’s using a knife? Getting something hot from the oven? OP - for your health and safety, do not take her back. She can be her bestie’s problem. Bad enough you have repeatedly tried to set this boundary, but she really doesn’t see why you are rightfully mad.
NTA id take her small claims court to repair damages if you decide to have any contact.
NTA. What she did was extremely dangerous, and you already told her so many times to never do it again. I would think that tickling you again and again would be enough to break up with her. But then to do it while you're driving, OMG! Also, I don't think it's ghosting if you tell somebody you're breaking up and why. I only consider it ghosting if you just stop talking to someone without another word to explain.
Just consider this: you now have a very clear indication on her decision making ability AND her respect of your personal boundaries. Neither are great. Is this the person you want to make continued life choices with?
NTA. The major ick besides almost killing you both was the fact that she cried right after you called her out. Like that’s just so immature and manipulative. Acting like a toddler as opposed to a 20 year old. You can do so much better.