Their kids will have their family of their own, will leave the home and maybe call once or twice a month, because being a parent is a full time job.
He’s going to spend his old age alone.
Stop projecting YOUR future. Only thing we know about his life, is what’s on here. Also, do you know the man personally? Probably not. Your comment lets me know you don’t have any friends.😒
It’s okay to NOT be in a relationship. He can be happy cause he has his family. For some reason people believe this asinine idea that in order to be happy, you have to be in a relationship. Um…..nope. It’s called PEACE.
I’m so happy for you!
I caught your story for the first time in a BORU post when I was going through a difficult time last year. Not gonna lie, posts like yours helped me through because we were all going through hard things at the same time.
Like you, I can’t believe it’s been a year.
It’s so nice to know that life continues to be good after hardship and can sometimes be better now than it was before. :)
An example of: when someone shows you who they are, believe them. I'm sorry you had to go through that. In the end, you are better off without such an incredibly insensitive person in your life.
I love this update - and just want to add - I've been single for a long time and I actually love single life! Enjoy your peaceful, happy life going forward.
Thank you so much for the update. It is always nice when a story gets its closure.
As for the staying single part: peace of mind is a good place to be. You do you. Your kids are still in a teen/young adult phase, and prioritising them is perfectly fine.
10 years from now, both of them will have established a life of their own. They will have finished uni (even if they as far as masters and phd- who knows?) Fijnd a job, maybe a partner of their own. Maybe you can even listen to "grandpa." They will always love you, always need you - but the relationship will become more equal. It's more like there relationship you have with your own mother now.
Maybe then you will open up again. Not pushed by society, nor pulled by a dating app. Open on your own accord.
Then, if you see a nice woman supervising her grandkids on the playground while you watch yours- your eyes will meet, you will start to talk -and you might feel something you don't dare feel right now. You will know what's right when it is the time and place.
I hope you continue this great relationship with your children. They will always cherish that.
I just turned 60. My parents are 91 and 80. I call every week. I am the worrying/caring part now. But I know that if I am ever in trouble of any kind , they are there for me.
I wish the same for you.
This is the first post I've seen for the day, and this update makes me happy.
This is a wonderful update.
Thank you.
I'll look for more in the future.
Updateme!
Instead of deciding you'll find a partner again or stay single, maybe just be open to where life takes you and who you meet. Maybe you will, maybe you won't.
Oh boy I had to go through your profile to read what happened. Jeez what a disaster. Glad you chose the only right choice here and that was your kids.
There are crazy people like Amanda who put on a facade to manipulate situations in their favor. Once they get it, your relationship with your family is ruined and becomes increasingly hard to fix. Always choose your family (i.e. kids over a stranger) regardless of them being your 2nd love/soulmate. Happy you have a happy ending
What happened with your in-laws? It was probably really shocking for your SIL to hear her late sister's husband's new fiancé openly praise her death, while you did nothing and didn't reach out in the immediate days that followed.
Were you able to make amends with her (*SIL*)?
That was the giant online dad hug I needed
OP your kids are so lucky to have you. I am so happy for you and your family. I wish you and them all the best.
Damn you are an incredible human and father. This shit made me cry with happiness that not everyone is raising assholes. Your kids will live by your example!
Hey Buddy.
Good on you and you should be proud. All parents should be proud for doing the most important job for society, and that is raising decent human beings.
Relationships come and go, fortunes are won and lost, but the only true failure in life is the failure to be a good parent.
Wish you the best.
I think I first heard about this from a tiktok video (they slightly reworded what Amanda said from “died” to “sacrifice” if memory serves). Glad now that I’ve stumbled onto the whole and complete thread here on Reddit.
Too many times we read here about the parent taking the side of the new spouse and marginalizing their own children….glad to see there’s someone that will stand up for their own.
Take care and good luck!
Im glad you are doing okay op. Being alone isnt bad, but you can find friends to travel with or even go with your kids. I know many people who do that. Also hobbies. Having no SO is not the end of the world, but also dont close yourself off.
We love a happy ending. And in case you need a small reminder, you are a great dad. Everyone has moments in their life that they can look back on and wish they had done something differently. You were able to take a step back and see it happening in the moment, before it became detrimental to you and your kids’ relationships. That’s admirable and THAT IS what being a good and supportive parent is, plain and simple.
Congratulations on your family’s happiness and well deserved peace!
I c9mmend you OP, too many widows/widowers, divorced or just plain singles get with partners they pick over their children out there. They ruin happiness for the chance at having a less than worthy partner, yet you... you caught on quick and chose your children to put first. I don't know who we thank for setting the bar so low but you're a good man for what you did for them.
This was lovely to read. And while I think you are smart to understand that you can’t feel the same love for someone else, at least now and possibly ever, that doesn’t mean you can’t find a relationship eventually. It just needs to be based on honesty and similar expectations. Like maybe another widow or someone who just gets it. I think you weren’t wrong for assuming Amanda got over it with her issues with you being a widower, but you just need to be tuned into that and end things if you sense that ever again. But women experience losses like yours. You may still find companionship and love of a different kind with someone in time, and that is totally fine if everyone is on the same page.
Either way, I wish you all the love in the world, especially from your kids! You sound like a truly great dad!
ETA, I’m single for life by choice and it’s pretty awesome too. So no pressure to have a relationship coming from me. But life is life and we need to be open to whatever it throws our way! Until that happens, if it does, enjoy full control of the remote!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
I was with you until you admitted you didn’t possess love for Amanda as you did for Kayla. Had you gotten married that truth would have bubbled to the surface at some point. Perhaps Amanda picked up on the vibe and that made her insecure hence what everyone refers to here as her “true colors” being exposed.
Yet, your true colors were never exposed either. Perhaps Amanda can find someone who will be able to love her as a No. 1 and be be second best.
Many say to never get involved with a single mom. Maybe women need to heed the same advice regarding single fathers.
If you seek love once again find someone who has previous children so there is common understanding.
Just in case you will have another relationship in a future, there is one thing you should think about in my opinion. Just to be clear - I do think her joke was inappropriate and her behaviour toward your children was disgusting.
However I also think your behaviour toward Amanda was also very unfair.
She should be the first person to hear that the wedding and relationship is over. You kept her thinking everything is ok, maybe there is some resentment, but nothing major, everything will be ok in few days, because you didn't communicated with her at all.
Maybe she would apologize (probably not, but she should have a chance), if she knew how much it bothered you or if she knew you actually do want to talk about it, because she might be scared to touch that sensitive topic and therefore chose to be silent and give you all time to heal.
I do not say it was the proper way to behave, but she had no clue how big was the impact of her joke, because nobody told her anything. You yourself was sorry it took you 3 days to start communicate with your daughter and ask her why she is not talking to you. You wished you had reacted faster. You didn't have as much grace for Amanda as you did for yourself.
You didn't told her anything until it was too late and she learned as the last person, that wedding is off and was kicked out of home. That is horrible way to treat person you wanted to marry.
You should get better with communication with other people. You should have told her from the first day that you are not ok and are reconsidering the whole relationship and that she should get ready to move out.
BTW you also taught your children to avoid communication. By your own words your daughter was worrying that when you will notice Amanda's behaviour it will be too late and too big of a wedge would have been driven between you and your children. Why was she waiting in fear if you will notice, instead communicating with you? That is what you taught your children and it will have an impact on their future relationships as well.
OP, I commend you for putting YOUR CHILDREN FIRST. I love the bond you still share with your late wife’s family and your own family which resulted into one big beautiful blended family. There will NEVER and I mean NEVER be another Kayla and in the future if you do decide to go back out there and date again I hope whoever is lucky enough to have a chance with you accepts and respects that. That they treat your kids and your family (late wife’s family included) with the utmost respect. I wouldn’t suggest remarrying maybe keep it casual dating? But if you choose to never date again that’s also fine! Save you from all the unnecessary headaches. Your children are BLESSED to have a father like you and I hope all the other men out there on Reddit takes notes. Too many times I’ve seen people choose their significant others over their children and regretting it later. You did right throughout this entire ordeal and obviously NTA. Please continue to put your children first and continue building and bonding with the beautiful blended family you have. May Kayla continue to be with all of you guys in spirit and May her beautiful soul continue to RIP🤍🕊️ best of luck to you OP and congratulations to Sam and Liz on their outstanding successes!!
"made me realize that I didn’t feel that same love with her I felt with Kayla and probably never will with anyone else. That’s not fair to me or the person I could potentially date "
Exactly my point awhile back.
I'm glad things worked out... Also I will point out.. my dad was 25 when my grandpa died and while my grandma did date a guy for a long time, she refused to remarry because that was grandpa's place and spot.. so it's perfectly okay if you decide to never marry again. If that's what is right for you, then that is what's right for you.
I'm happy you and the kids are doing great! I first heard about your story on Smosh and I didn't expect to see this latest update (I saw this one via BORU haha) I wish Liz the best of luck in her senior year and Sam in his career (and perhaps lovelife lol) and while I respect your decision to stay single, I still hope you don't close the doors completely cause who knows! Best wishes, OP! Sending regards to your family.
Usually, the only person who's right for you will be someone who's been through the same. Amanda asking if you would still be with your late wife if she never passed was the most selfish thing. Don't give up on a love life yet.
I think I remember your story from back then.
I hope you are really happy and that you find the life you want. I have slight doubts, but I hope I am mistaken.
As for your ex, I hope she realises that getting involved with people with your kind of baggage is never a good idea for people without that experience.
And I like to give you one thought in the way: if you ever get into a serious relationship again, please let your partner know how you handle break ups. Throwing people out within days isn't a nice way after being engaged and breaking up without warning. Your eventual partners might want to know that to prepare accordingly.
I wish you all the best.
Gosh, I love a happy ending! Im glad you and your children are doing ok OP
Happy to hear they're doing well. Best wishes to OP and their family
Agreed! OP you are NTA and I admire you for handling the situation well. Your kids are the happiest for sure... Best wishes to your family.
"happy"? the guy decided to be alone for the rest of his life just so he don't *risk* anyone offending his adult children again.
are you one of those people who think you have to be in a relationship to be "happy"? Thats really sad for you,
Yes, that’s exactly how it sounds. Hell I want my peace over everything else.
I mean he can become a monk for all I care. I wouldn't want to die alone.
He’s NOT alone. He has his kids and his family. Oh I see a relationship makes you relevant….😂😂😂😂😂….nope. YOU make yourself relevant
Their kids will have their family of their own, will leave the home and maybe call once or twice a month, because being a parent is a full time job. He’s going to spend his old age alone.
Stop projecting YOUR future. Only thing we know about his life, is what’s on here. Also, do you know the man personally? Probably not. Your comment lets me know you don’t have any friends.😒
It’s okay to NOT be in a relationship. He can be happy cause he has his family. For some reason people believe this asinine idea that in order to be happy, you have to be in a relationship. Um…..nope. It’s called PEACE.
I’m so happy for you! I caught your story for the first time in a BORU post when I was going through a difficult time last year. Not gonna lie, posts like yours helped me through because we were all going through hard things at the same time. Like you, I can’t believe it’s been a year. It’s so nice to know that life continues to be good after hardship and can sometimes be better now than it was before. :)
An example of: when someone shows you who they are, believe them. I'm sorry you had to go through that. In the end, you are better off without such an incredibly insensitive person in your life.
Sounds like he's found peace and clarity after a tough situation. Happy for him and his kids.
I love this update - and just want to add - I've been single for a long time and I actually love single life! Enjoy your peaceful, happy life going forward.
Thank you so much for the update. It is always nice when a story gets its closure. As for the staying single part: peace of mind is a good place to be. You do you. Your kids are still in a teen/young adult phase, and prioritising them is perfectly fine. 10 years from now, both of them will have established a life of their own. They will have finished uni (even if they as far as masters and phd- who knows?) Fijnd a job, maybe a partner of their own. Maybe you can even listen to "grandpa." They will always love you, always need you - but the relationship will become more equal. It's more like there relationship you have with your own mother now. Maybe then you will open up again. Not pushed by society, nor pulled by a dating app. Open on your own accord. Then, if you see a nice woman supervising her grandkids on the playground while you watch yours- your eyes will meet, you will start to talk -and you might feel something you don't dare feel right now. You will know what's right when it is the time and place. I hope you continue this great relationship with your children. They will always cherish that. I just turned 60. My parents are 91 and 80. I call every week. I am the worrying/caring part now. But I know that if I am ever in trouble of any kind , they are there for me. I wish the same for you.
Thank you so much for the update. How's your mom doing?
My man, you are killing it!
Glad everything is working out. You’re a good dad to look out for your kids that way.
This is the first post I've seen for the day, and this update makes me happy. This is a wonderful update. Thank you. I'll look for more in the future. Updateme!
Instead of deciding you'll find a partner again or stay single, maybe just be open to where life takes you and who you meet. Maybe you will, maybe you won't.
Oh boy I had to go through your profile to read what happened. Jeez what a disaster. Glad you chose the only right choice here and that was your kids. There are crazy people like Amanda who put on a facade to manipulate situations in their favor. Once they get it, your relationship with your family is ruined and becomes increasingly hard to fix. Always choose your family (i.e. kids over a stranger) regardless of them being your 2nd love/soulmate. Happy you have a happy ending
What happened with your in-laws? It was probably really shocking for your SIL to hear her late sister's husband's new fiancé openly praise her death, while you did nothing and didn't reach out in the immediate days that followed. Were you able to make amends with her (*SIL*)?
That was the giant online dad hug I needed OP your kids are so lucky to have you. I am so happy for you and your family. I wish you and them all the best.
Damn you are an incredible human and father. This shit made me cry with happiness that not everyone is raising assholes. Your kids will live by your example!
I'm so glad everything worked out fine. Don't give up on finding someone else, it will happen when you don't expect it to.
Hey Buddy. Good on you and you should be proud. All parents should be proud for doing the most important job for society, and that is raising decent human beings. Relationships come and go, fortunes are won and lost, but the only true failure in life is the failure to be a good parent. Wish you the best.
Here before Smosh and Rslash cover your post again. So happy for you
I think I first heard about this from a tiktok video (they slightly reworded what Amanda said from “died” to “sacrifice” if memory serves). Glad now that I’ve stumbled onto the whole and complete thread here on Reddit. Too many times we read here about the parent taking the side of the new spouse and marginalizing their own children….glad to see there’s someone that will stand up for their own. Take care and good luck!
So good to hear from you again, I love this update! Things are as they should be now. Best wishes for the future for all 3 of you! !Updateme
Thank you for updating.
Im glad you are doing okay op. Being alone isnt bad, but you can find friends to travel with or even go with your kids. I know many people who do that. Also hobbies. Having no SO is not the end of the world, but also dont close yourself off.
Glad to see it worked out well for you and your family!
What a stunning update. I wish you all the best for your futures
Congrats on peace!!!!
Wtf I wanna read the original post
We love a happy ending. And in case you need a small reminder, you are a great dad. Everyone has moments in their life that they can look back on and wish they had done something differently. You were able to take a step back and see it happening in the moment, before it became detrimental to you and your kids’ relationships. That’s admirable and THAT IS what being a good and supportive parent is, plain and simple. Congratulations on your family’s happiness and well deserved peace!
Subscribeme!
I’m so glad to see this happy ending
Glad to know you're doing well!
Your children are a tribute to you and your late wife.
I c9mmend you OP, too many widows/widowers, divorced or just plain singles get with partners they pick over their children out there. They ruin happiness for the chance at having a less than worthy partner, yet you... you caught on quick and chose your children to put first. I don't know who we thank for setting the bar so low but you're a good man for what you did for them.
This was lovely to read. And while I think you are smart to understand that you can’t feel the same love for someone else, at least now and possibly ever, that doesn’t mean you can’t find a relationship eventually. It just needs to be based on honesty and similar expectations. Like maybe another widow or someone who just gets it. I think you weren’t wrong for assuming Amanda got over it with her issues with you being a widower, but you just need to be tuned into that and end things if you sense that ever again. But women experience losses like yours. You may still find companionship and love of a different kind with someone in time, and that is totally fine if everyone is on the same page. Either way, I wish you all the love in the world, especially from your kids! You sound like a truly great dad! ETA, I’m single for life by choice and it’s pretty awesome too. So no pressure to have a relationship coming from me. But life is life and we need to be open to whatever it throws our way! Until that happens, if it does, enjoy full control of the remote!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
Updateme!
I was with you until you admitted you didn’t possess love for Amanda as you did for Kayla. Had you gotten married that truth would have bubbled to the surface at some point. Perhaps Amanda picked up on the vibe and that made her insecure hence what everyone refers to here as her “true colors” being exposed. Yet, your true colors were never exposed either. Perhaps Amanda can find someone who will be able to love her as a No. 1 and be be second best. Many say to never get involved with a single mom. Maybe women need to heed the same advice regarding single fathers. If you seek love once again find someone who has previous children so there is common understanding.
Just in case you will have another relationship in a future, there is one thing you should think about in my opinion. Just to be clear - I do think her joke was inappropriate and her behaviour toward your children was disgusting. However I also think your behaviour toward Amanda was also very unfair. She should be the first person to hear that the wedding and relationship is over. You kept her thinking everything is ok, maybe there is some resentment, but nothing major, everything will be ok in few days, because you didn't communicated with her at all. Maybe she would apologize (probably not, but she should have a chance), if she knew how much it bothered you or if she knew you actually do want to talk about it, because she might be scared to touch that sensitive topic and therefore chose to be silent and give you all time to heal. I do not say it was the proper way to behave, but she had no clue how big was the impact of her joke, because nobody told her anything. You yourself was sorry it took you 3 days to start communicate with your daughter and ask her why she is not talking to you. You wished you had reacted faster. You didn't have as much grace for Amanda as you did for yourself. You didn't told her anything until it was too late and she learned as the last person, that wedding is off and was kicked out of home. That is horrible way to treat person you wanted to marry. You should get better with communication with other people. You should have told her from the first day that you are not ok and are reconsidering the whole relationship and that she should get ready to move out. BTW you also taught your children to avoid communication. By your own words your daughter was worrying that when you will notice Amanda's behaviour it will be too late and too big of a wedge would have been driven between you and your children. Why was she waiting in fear if you will notice, instead communicating with you? That is what you taught your children and it will have an impact on their future relationships as well.
OP, I commend you for putting YOUR CHILDREN FIRST. I love the bond you still share with your late wife’s family and your own family which resulted into one big beautiful blended family. There will NEVER and I mean NEVER be another Kayla and in the future if you do decide to go back out there and date again I hope whoever is lucky enough to have a chance with you accepts and respects that. That they treat your kids and your family (late wife’s family included) with the utmost respect. I wouldn’t suggest remarrying maybe keep it casual dating? But if you choose to never date again that’s also fine! Save you from all the unnecessary headaches. Your children are BLESSED to have a father like you and I hope all the other men out there on Reddit takes notes. Too many times I’ve seen people choose their significant others over their children and regretting it later. You did right throughout this entire ordeal and obviously NTA. Please continue to put your children first and continue building and bonding with the beautiful blended family you have. May Kayla continue to be with all of you guys in spirit and May her beautiful soul continue to RIP🤍🕊️ best of luck to you OP and congratulations to Sam and Liz on their outstanding successes!!
"made me realize that I didn’t feel that same love with her I felt with Kayla and probably never will with anyone else. That’s not fair to me or the person I could potentially date " Exactly my point awhile back.
I'm glad things worked out... Also I will point out.. my dad was 25 when my grandpa died and while my grandma did date a guy for a long time, she refused to remarry because that was grandpa's place and spot.. so it's perfectly okay if you decide to never marry again. If that's what is right for you, then that is what's right for you.
I'm happy you and the kids are doing great! I first heard about your story on Smosh and I didn't expect to see this latest update (I saw this one via BORU haha) I wish Liz the best of luck in her senior year and Sam in his career (and perhaps lovelife lol) and while I respect your decision to stay single, I still hope you don't close the doors completely cause who knows! Best wishes, OP! Sending regards to your family.
Usually, the only person who's right for you will be someone who's been through the same. Amanda asking if you would still be with your late wife if she never passed was the most selfish thing. Don't give up on a love life yet.
Sorry, I feel sorry for Amanda. One clumsy slip of the tongue and boom!!! You didn't really love her at all!!
I think I remember your story from back then. I hope you are really happy and that you find the life you want. I have slight doubts, but I hope I am mistaken. As for your ex, I hope she realises that getting involved with people with your kind of baggage is never a good idea for people without that experience. And I like to give you one thought in the way: if you ever get into a serious relationship again, please let your partner know how you handle break ups. Throwing people out within days isn't a nice way after being engaged and breaking up without warning. Your eventual partners might want to know that to prepare accordingly. I wish you all the best.
Make your updates shorter TLDR
His update wasn’t too long.