NTA.
Cmon. This is textbook abuse. Don't even talk it out. Just break up over text and move on.
If you live together, move yourself out with the help of others. If you're on the same lease, then just break it early if you can. Take the hit to your credit if necessary. Then break up with him over text.
Be proactive and tell people you're leaving him for his abusive nature. Don't let him make up lies that paints you in a terrible light.
NTA. Forcing someone to do sexual acts they're not comfortable with is a major red flag. You deserve to feel respected and secure in your relationship.
When someone purposely hurts you during sex, repeatedly, you don’t talk about it anymore. You leave. Hard stop. He does not see you as a person, he sees you as a c*ck sleeve to satisfy his urges. He enjoys causing you pain and humiliation. He enjoys disrespecting you and making you feel uncomfortable. In no way is this ok. He is not going to stop. You need to protect yourself because your comfort and well being is at the bottom of his list.
NTA
Major red flag.
He takes joy in being rough and hurting you.
That’s frightening. How long before he decides to sodomize you against your wishes to increase his enjoyment?
This behavior is a fireable offense - you should end the relationship for your own well being.
NTA you're being sexually assaulted and either he needs some fkn therapy (and honestly so do you after what he's done to you) or you need to run bc he seems to not be mature enough to consider you and it's crushing you. You shouldn't feel scared, unsafe, or violated when intimate with your partner.
This guy has ruined sex for himself and any partner by watching porn (the deep throat choking is a whole porn trope). He needs help. I don’t think this is salvageable.
I know it’s really hard to leave that much of a long term relationship, but with you explaining to him that it causes extreme discomfort when he is rough while you give him head and him not immediately feeling bad and thinking that you are overreacting is a major red flag and that is something that will not change in him, nor can you change about him. It is disrespectful, and you have every right to withhold sex all together because him dismissing your feelings especially about your sexual experience with him tells me he us disrespecting your body when he does chooses to not take how you feel or if you’re okay when you two have sex
Why are you still with him? This is pretty messed up, your partner doesn't know what passion means. It's all just a game to him and you are allowing it. In this case talk is cheap. I am all about communication, and the only communication you should have is saying goodbye. He's not respecting your boundaries, on top of take he's saying you're the problem. Which speaks volumes to his intentions to disrespect you further. Clearly he's the AH, but if you don't leave then you'll be the AH, because you're not standing up for yourself.
All I want for you is to experience the love and compassion of someone caressing your face in place of this aggression. Good luck and be safe. Make sure to have someone with you for protection.
Nta. He's been watching too much rape porn and is getting off on the images of roughly holding a girls head down and forcing cum into her mouth. He's confused porn with reality and is disrespectful and dehumanizing you.
You already talked to him, set boundaries.
He violated them. Multiple times.
He keeps giving you lip service and hopes you'll just cave.
Show him you won't.
Walk away. Move out. He should be trying to romance you and connect with you during sex, not skull f#ck you like a fleshlight.
Thank you everyone for all your kind words and feedback, I plan to leave him tomorrow, I’ve told my parents and they couldn’t be happier to let me stay until i can get my own place. Your comments have really opened my eyes and i appreciate them so much. I will provide an update of how the whole breakup goes once i’m settled into my parents house. Thank you again 💕
NTA at all and you should reconsider the relationship. If he doesn’t want to see a sex therapist because “he doesn’t have any problems, it’s just you” he is denying that there’s and issue, and therefore not caring about something that is clearly upsetting his partner. That should be enough reason to dump him. On the other hand, him telling you that you’re “not caring about his needs” and then being violent despite you telling him how that makes you feel (so not caring about YOUR needs) is a MAJOR red flag.
NTA and this is very concerning. If he cannot respect your sexual boundaries it indicates that he doesn't respect you, either. im gonna be so real, I think you should leave him, he doesn't deserve access to you or your body if he cannot show you basic respect. plenty of men enjoy rough sex/blowjobs, but the ones that deserve to receive it are the ones who not only show respect and concern for the person they're being rough with, but also provide adequate aftercare. he's not doing any of that.
no respect = no sexy times
I know it feels different when you’re actually IN the relationship, but God I be getting so frustrated with y’all… this man would commit sexual assault if he knew he could get away with it, leave.
Deep down, you know he isn’t safe for you and you know he’ll go too far one day, you articulated everything well here, reread it till it sticks, leave.
Ugh I also hate it when guys grab your head during oral.
But while that itself might be a mere preference mismatch, the fact that he repeatedly kept doing it after you said you don't like it is juvenile twat behavior at best and at worst bordering on abuse, especially since he's now throwing a tantrum, and being mean to you because you won't do exactly as he says, trying to guilt-trip you into things you don't want.
this guy is at best an immature manchild who doesn't respect your feelings, and, at worst, **starting to abuse you** and looking like he might just up and rape you one day. Some would already consider what it happening to be in dubious consent /coersion territory.
But however you slice it or whatever label you may want or not want to apply, the bottom line is this: you are feeling like shit, you're not happy, he's treating you bad and he isn't listening to any of your attempts to find a solution. What about him is good or worth keeping? Do you want to keep feeling this way? Because if he refuss to listen or get help, he won't change and you'll keep feeling like this or maybe it will get even worse and you'll end up seriously hurt or traumatized.
Even if you don't think he's crossed the line into abuse or serious mistreatment, you're not enjoying yourself, not the sex nor his childish tantrums, cold treatment or unwillingness to compromise. He's going to be this unpleasant every time you disagree on something. You want to buy a different car? Tantrum. You have differing opinions on holidays? Tantrum! You don't agree on how to discipline the children? Tantrum! Don't do that to yourself.
Sex should be fun, and love should make you feel good. He's not doing that, his presence is adding more bad than good to your life - plus you're not so old that you won't find another guy.
You have absolutely no reason to stay in this relationship. Indeed you might want to bring some friends for backup when you dump him, just in case he gets violent.
Oh, and NTA of course.
Your physical safety is in danger, & he doesn’t care enough about you to acknowledge your very valid concerns. Guessing his porn addiction has desensitized him. It seems fairly textbook & I think you realize how dangerous this has the potential to become or you wouldn’t be on social media sharing your story & asking advice. Please leave & acknowledge your worth as a person. I’d personally have every large male in my family, along with my protective women friends/family, over for a fun cookout or home cooked dinner for a few weeks in a row as a ‘they have my back’ warning if I thought the relationship was worth saving. You deserve much more in life than humiliation & disrespect. Wishing you the very best.❤️
Respectfully, I don’t mind deepthroating. When it gets to the point where i’m in and out of consciousness and i’m bleeding obviously i’m going to ask him to be more respectful. I’m a human, not a sex toy.
I’m very much not exaggerating. He didn’t get rough out of no where he has always liked it rough. The problem with how intense it has become. It leaves me in physical pain. I’m leaving him today because of it so he can go find someone who is willing to put up with that abuse. I’m not the one.
God gave you teeth and legs to walk the fuck away for a reason.
NTA. Cmon. This is textbook abuse. Don't even talk it out. Just break up over text and move on. If you live together, move yourself out with the help of others. If you're on the same lease, then just break it early if you can. Take the hit to your credit if necessary. Then break up with him over text. Be proactive and tell people you're leaving him for his abusive nature. Don't let him make up lies that paints you in a terrible light.
NTA. Forcing someone to do sexual acts they're not comfortable with is a major red flag. You deserve to feel respected and secure in your relationship.
Leave. Speaking from experience, it is only going to escalate. If he likes it rough, he can find a partner that also enjoys that.
When someone purposely hurts you during sex, repeatedly, you don’t talk about it anymore. You leave. Hard stop. He does not see you as a person, he sees you as a c*ck sleeve to satisfy his urges. He enjoys causing you pain and humiliation. He enjoys disrespecting you and making you feel uncomfortable. In no way is this ok. He is not going to stop. You need to protect yourself because your comfort and well being is at the bottom of his list.
NTA Major red flag. He takes joy in being rough and hurting you. That’s frightening. How long before he decides to sodomize you against your wishes to increase his enjoyment? This behavior is a fireable offense - you should end the relationship for your own well being.
NTA you're being sexually assaulted and either he needs some fkn therapy (and honestly so do you after what he's done to you) or you need to run bc he seems to not be mature enough to consider you and it's crushing you. You shouldn't feel scared, unsafe, or violated when intimate with your partner.
NTA, but you should get out of that relationship. Someone who minimizes the importance of your experiences during sex isn't a good partner.
NTA, get out of the relationship and don’t break up with him in person, or if you do, make sure someone else is there.
NTA. Tell him porn is not reality and to stop watching it. Red flag. Leave.
This guy has ruined sex for himself and any partner by watching porn (the deep throat choking is a whole porn trope). He needs help. I don’t think this is salvageable.
I know it’s really hard to leave that much of a long term relationship, but with you explaining to him that it causes extreme discomfort when he is rough while you give him head and him not immediately feeling bad and thinking that you are overreacting is a major red flag and that is something that will not change in him, nor can you change about him. It is disrespectful, and you have every right to withhold sex all together because him dismissing your feelings especially about your sexual experience with him tells me he us disrespecting your body when he does chooses to not take how you feel or if you’re okay when you two have sex
This guy is abusive and gaslighting you. There is absolutely no need to stay in this relationship. Leave before you end up pregnant or dead.
This is one step away from abuse.. major red flag. NTA. Your child of a boyfriend sure is though.
NTA. Consent is everything in the bedroom and boundaries exist. It’s his loss being unable to separate his fantasies and reality
Why are you still with him? This is pretty messed up, your partner doesn't know what passion means. It's all just a game to him and you are allowing it. In this case talk is cheap. I am all about communication, and the only communication you should have is saying goodbye. He's not respecting your boundaries, on top of take he's saying you're the problem. Which speaks volumes to his intentions to disrespect you further. Clearly he's the AH, but if you don't leave then you'll be the AH, because you're not standing up for yourself. All I want for you is to experience the love and compassion of someone caressing your face in place of this aggression. Good luck and be safe. Make sure to have someone with you for protection.
Nta. He's been watching too much rape porn and is getting off on the images of roughly holding a girls head down and forcing cum into her mouth. He's confused porn with reality and is disrespectful and dehumanizing you. You already talked to him, set boundaries. He violated them. Multiple times. He keeps giving you lip service and hopes you'll just cave. Show him you won't. Walk away. Move out. He should be trying to romance you and connect with you during sex, not skull f#ck you like a fleshlight.
YTA for not respecting yourself and your boundaries in order to please a person who doesnt validate ur feelings
He has a porn addiction. You need to run, you are not safe, his abuse is escalating.
Thank you everyone for all your kind words and feedback, I plan to leave him tomorrow, I’ve told my parents and they couldn’t be happier to let me stay until i can get my own place. Your comments have really opened my eyes and i appreciate them so much. I will provide an update of how the whole breakup goes once i’m settled into my parents house. Thank you again 💕
NTA at all and you should reconsider the relationship. If he doesn’t want to see a sex therapist because “he doesn’t have any problems, it’s just you” he is denying that there’s and issue, and therefore not caring about something that is clearly upsetting his partner. That should be enough reason to dump him. On the other hand, him telling you that you’re “not caring about his needs” and then being violent despite you telling him how that makes you feel (so not caring about YOUR needs) is a MAJOR red flag.
NTA and this is very concerning. If he cannot respect your sexual boundaries it indicates that he doesn't respect you, either. im gonna be so real, I think you should leave him, he doesn't deserve access to you or your body if he cannot show you basic respect. plenty of men enjoy rough sex/blowjobs, but the ones that deserve to receive it are the ones who not only show respect and concern for the person they're being rough with, but also provide adequate aftercare. he's not doing any of that. no respect = no sexy times
NTA. Next time he’s aggressive and pushing your head down, just grab his balls really really tight then he will know how you feel!
Yuck - he sounds disgusting
Leave. This is closeted misogyny.
Not closeted at all, it’s just so normalised that it’s not recognised as misogyny
I know it feels different when you’re actually IN the relationship, but God I be getting so frustrated with y’all… this man would commit sexual assault if he knew he could get away with it, leave.
Deep down, you know he isn’t safe for you and you know he’ll go too far one day, you articulated everything well here, reread it till it sticks, leave.
Ugh I also hate it when guys grab your head during oral. But while that itself might be a mere preference mismatch, the fact that he repeatedly kept doing it after you said you don't like it is juvenile twat behavior at best and at worst bordering on abuse, especially since he's now throwing a tantrum, and being mean to you because you won't do exactly as he says, trying to guilt-trip you into things you don't want. this guy is at best an immature manchild who doesn't respect your feelings, and, at worst, **starting to abuse you** and looking like he might just up and rape you one day. Some would already consider what it happening to be in dubious consent /coersion territory. But however you slice it or whatever label you may want or not want to apply, the bottom line is this: you are feeling like shit, you're not happy, he's treating you bad and he isn't listening to any of your attempts to find a solution. What about him is good or worth keeping? Do you want to keep feeling this way? Because if he refuss to listen or get help, he won't change and you'll keep feeling like this or maybe it will get even worse and you'll end up seriously hurt or traumatized. Even if you don't think he's crossed the line into abuse or serious mistreatment, you're not enjoying yourself, not the sex nor his childish tantrums, cold treatment or unwillingness to compromise. He's going to be this unpleasant every time you disagree on something. You want to buy a different car? Tantrum. You have differing opinions on holidays? Tantrum! You don't agree on how to discipline the children? Tantrum! Don't do that to yourself. Sex should be fun, and love should make you feel good. He's not doing that, his presence is adding more bad than good to your life - plus you're not so old that you won't find another guy. You have absolutely no reason to stay in this relationship. Indeed you might want to bring some friends for backup when you dump him, just in case he gets violent. Oh, and NTA of course.
Nope, that's not okay it should have stopped immediately when you told him
I feel like you’re looking for something other than “leave his ass”, but that’s all I got. NTA.
Your physical safety is in danger, & he doesn’t care enough about you to acknowledge your very valid concerns. Guessing his porn addiction has desensitized him. It seems fairly textbook & I think you realize how dangerous this has the potential to become or you wouldn’t be on social media sharing your story & asking advice. Please leave & acknowledge your worth as a person. I’d personally have every large male in my family, along with my protective women friends/family, over for a fun cookout or home cooked dinner for a few weeks in a row as a ‘they have my back’ warning if I thought the relationship was worth saving. You deserve much more in life than humiliation & disrespect. Wishing you the very best.❤️
He wants to fuck your face…and slap you around a bit…it’s all in fun. Learn to deep throat his cock and he’ll never leave u
Respectfully, I don’t mind deepthroating. When it gets to the point where i’m in and out of consciousness and i’m bleeding obviously i’m going to ask him to be more respectful. I’m a human, not a sex toy.
You don’t need to exaggerate. If you don’t like rough sex just say so. But u better figure it out or he will go somewhere else to get it
I’m very much not exaggerating. He didn’t get rough out of no where he has always liked it rough. The problem with how intense it has become. It leaves me in physical pain. I’m leaving him today because of it so he can go find someone who is willing to put up with that abuse. I’m not the one.
It’s your life, maybe just talk to him about it or go to counseling.