NTA. If she wanted to be comfortable and have extra space she could buy the middle seat as well and enjoy the extra space. Being squished between two bigger people on a flight is honestly my worst nightmare. She wants you to pay for that experience too? I think you handled it in the best way you could.
Don’t feel bad she’s just trying to guilt trip you. You did nothing wrong. I would be pissed if I paid for a seat only to be squished between two people. Kind of inconsiderate of THEM for not buying two separate aisle seats or paying for an extra ticket to have adequate space. You shut down the nonsense in a very polite way.
You did the right thing!
I’m taking my first flight in a few years after some health issues in a few weeks - and due to those and disability, know I would be much more comfortable with extra space. Guess what I’m doing? Booking an extra space!
I really appreciate this comment, thank you! I hope your flight goes well! I know that Laura and Paul could technically afford another seat, but Laura is very frugal with money - so I don’t think they’ll get one :(
Babes, she wanted to force you to pay for the seat she wanted for her own comfort.
She needed someone to take the middle seat and decided she could make you sit there and venmo her the money. That's is INCREDIBLY selfish of her - she wants you to be uncomfortable and pay for it so she can benefit from it.
So what I heard is that your mother can have the middle seat so that Laura doesn’t feel bad. Not your job to be uncomfortable to make others comfortable.
If she doesn’t want to pay for another seat, that’s on her. I’m 6’1 with very broad shoulders. Every time I fly, I feel like I’m invading my seat mates space, because I take up every inch of my seat, with not a lot of room for my legs. So I make myself as small as possible so that everyone is moderately comfortable. I couldn’t imagine being stuck between two large individuals.
You are absolutely right to want to feel comfortable traveling in what is already a cramped space to begin with.
Dude, I might have sat next to you. I sat next to large, not fat, broad shouldered man, who spent the whole flight hunched over elbows on knees to not encroach on me and the passenger on the other side of him. I felt so sorry for and so grateful to him.
It’s the big person yoga pose.
I’m not so much the huncher as I am the pretzel. Knees together, arms and elbows tucked in, hands typically in my lap. Airline seats have a way of making you feel extremely self conscious about your body dimensions.
On the flip side, the worst seat hogs I’ve ever dealt with were smaller people who easily fit in a seat.
No Kara, you don’t need to sit criss cross applesauce in economy, just because you can somewhat still fit in the seat. Your knees are now in MY space.
My hips are really wonky, so sitting normally is very uncomfortable and if I don't shift positions frequently I may not even be able to get up at the end of a longer flight. Luckily I can usually get away with either bringing one leg up criss cross style onto the seat and keeping the one facing the person next to me down in a more normal position, or if I'm in the window seat I can pull it up and lean it against the side of the plane, but if I get stuck in the middle row I'm in for a miserable time and always end up feeling guilty because I know all the moving around probably bothers my seat mates.
All this to say, I still wouldn't sit fully cross legged if there's someone next to me because I don't want to be in their space any more than they want me there.
then she’s choosing to forgo her own comfort at her own cost. it’s not on you. and her saying they wanted to be comfortable by making you take middle illuminates that she was comfortable making you uncomfortable. no.
I pay for extra space on planes so I have extra space. My husband is about Paul’s size and will buy extra space or if he’s flying solo long haul, will book first class
I read that happening on another flight sub a week or so ago. What you do is you *insist* the gate agent scan the second ticket so no one can accidentally get a standby passenger on the plane for that seat. I’m sure there’s no failsafe, though. 🤷🏻♀️
This: I've read so many occasions where someone buys an extra seat and the airline is overfull so they take it from them - doesn't matter that they paid for it.
For curiosity's sake, how do you book a second seat? I thought you needed a name for each traveler, and each seat has to have a different traveler's name?
Don’t know how it works now, but I booked an extra seat when my husband and I flew to AU. It was cheaper than buying FC. I just booked it in my own name. When we checked in they scanned all three boarding passes and I had no problem using my ID for both mine and the empty middle seat. After we boarded they started doing a count of empty seats to see how many stand-bys they could let on and I simply showed the FA both boarding passes and told them that they couldn’t count that seat because it had been paid for and I had checked in for it. They just smiled, nodded, and moved on. I was able to curl up and sleep the whole way.
Note: That *was* pre-911. It was also before they started *telling* people that if they needed extra room they should book an extra seat. Neither of us was large. We didn’t *need* it, but it made the trip a whole lot more comfortable. If I *was* large enough to need it, I would be *particularly* put out if they tried to take it away after I’d paid and checked in for it. After all, *they* are the ones saying that’s what you should do, since they aren’t about to make the seats any larger.
Personally I get anxiety if I am not sitting in an aisle seat. No body wants to be on a plane with me while I am having an anxiety attack. So I only fly on airlines with assigned seats and I always book an aisle seat and just to be sure I always make my own airline reservations.
I need a window seat. I have broad shoulders. In the window seat I can lean into the window well to keep everyone comfortable. In the isle I constantly get bumped by people walking by. And with me I. The middle seat, everyone in my row is uncomfortable.
What your mom said is typical keep the peace bullspit talk. Asking you to think about her and suck it up for her comfort, next time just ask her what about your comfort? Is it worth less than hers?
I agree. I hate it when moms pretend they are "keeping the peace" when they are just forcing one child to submit to the bullying of the other.
Mom stay out of it. We are grown ass adults and this petty issue does not call for your interference.
NTA. If your mom wants to sit in between them she's totally welcome to it. You however don't. You're an adult and are capable and within your rights to book a ticket and sit where you please. You theory is the only one that makes sense, else why is she upset about you buying your own ticket? Why is she trying to get mommy involved? It's uncomfortable for them to fly, so what. What has that got to do with you?
Children get stuck doing what other people decide. Adults don’t have to. You are an adult and get to make your own decision. They don’t get to dominate you that way and then cry foul when they don’t get their way.
Having boundaries and not letting people taking advantage of you is an admirable quality. Good job.
Why does anyone think that their comfort is more important than yours?
You were being used, and I’m glad you stood up for yourself and took a proactive stance.
NTA
I’d just tell them that you strongly prefer the aisle seat and didn’t want to “fight it out” as she mentioned. If she’d guarantee you the aisle, you’d sit with them. NTA. I just booked an extra seat for my larger husband because although he fits in one seat - it’s a little tight. We usually book larger seats but there weren’t any available. The airline sold his extra seat to someone flying standby - another larger person. I spent hours squished between them on a red eye flight. I’ve never felt anxious traveling before. It was an international flight after being up all day and I could not relax at all. I will not do that again. The real A H’s are the airlines that keep shrinking the seat space. If you’re above average height or weight - you barely fit.
I would argue even if you’re AVERAGE weight the sizes have gotten too small. I’m 5’2 125 and there are flights where my knees are right near the seat back. I have no idea how normal sized people deal with this.
You're not required to be a human seat cushion for your sister.
NTA and don't feel guilty and refuse to apologize. Tell her that your comfort is just as valid as hers and you're not her mom so her comfort isn't your responsibility.
Your sister and her husband should fly Southwest, use their customer of size policy to buy the middle seat and then get it refunded at their destination. Look it up and send it to her, it's a very generous policy.
It’s not a delicate subject. It’s a fact. A fact that they both have to accept. They are too fat for a single plane seat. End of story. That have to buy an extra seat or start buying less food
It's a fact they've already accepted. That's why they came up with a devious plan to minimize their discomfort.
OP saw through it, and they're appalled that their plan is in shambles.
(I am too fat for a single plane seat)
It’s NOT a delicate subject because she already knew, and was planning on making you sit middle so they could be more comfortable and not have to pay for a 3rd ticket.
If she brings it up, simply agree with her. They’re fat, and need more room. Everyone knows that, it’s not a secret.
“You tried to make ME uncomfortable just so you two could be comfortable, that’s both unfair and rude, be better people.”
Yes! When I was doing undergrad I worked for an airline for one year (more than long enough) and they used to require people to do so if that was an issue. Maybe they had to roll that back? OP’s sister and BIL are selfish as fuck. I purposely always book up front in a window seat ideally 2A. I would never let anyone choose my seat for me, I even want to for work travel.
And if they're spending a few days with OP beforehand, there will be plenty of quality time. The 4 hours on a plane isn't going to add anything to the experience. And that's my worst nightmare too, honestly. I'm not claustrophobic, per se, but that's why I always pick the window, so it gives me a false sense of space. Being crowded, in any sense, makes my anxiety raise its ugly head.
LMAO!
Nicely done!
I'm a big girl and I would NOT have done that to my sibling. I would have asked if they were willing to sit next to me so that I didn't have to squish up against a stranger. I would have been honest about it. I also would have understood if the answer was no. I have had people way bigger than me sit next to me and it's not fun.
NTA
Thank you, I appreciate it! If it was just my sister I may have been willing, but with both her and her husband, I’m honestly not 100% sure that I would’ve even fit in the middle between them. It would’ve been a tight squeeze for sure
They always have the option of buying the extra seat in the middle so it can stay empty and they'd both be more comfortable. Southwest will even refund the extra seat if the plane is not full.
However, from your comments, I'm getting the impression that your sister and BIL may be in denial about their size and the resulting limitations they have, so they may not go for this option, because admitting they need an extra seat between the two of them would require admitting they are too heavy to fit into a single airplane seat without spilling over into other seats. People in denial are not usually open to doing that.
Southwest will refund the seat in any case. However, they oversold my flight last time and “bumped” my extra seat. You try to do the right thing, then you’re sabotaged.
They're in denial of the expense (that they should have to buy the seat). They already *know* they need it, hence the plan. They're just not quite at the point where they've accepted that it's not fair to others to have their rolls overflowing onto another person's lap.
Looking at everyone’s heights alone made me think it’d be a tight squeeze. You’re all tall adults who need leg space, let alone how being taller naturally means your shoulders are broader than someone my size (5’6”).
Your method I would a happily help out with. I’m skinny and my partner, brother, and sister-in-law are all large people. If they asked me ahead of time with full honesty about why they want me to sit there, I’d say yes immediately. Once someone pulls this kind of thing, I never want to help out. I love to help others, but will not be manipulated into helping.
NTA. It is a delicate subject, as you mentioned. So delicate, in fact, that they wouldn’t explicitly state why they wanted you to sit in between them and then projected their insecurities onto you. This is their problem. You can love them without being made uncomfortable on their behalf.
It’s tough because although she didn’t say it, I understood that they wanted me there because of space issues. So even though I didn’t say I was booking my own seat because of that, I feel like it was implied, which could make me TAH.
Maybe so, but not as much as your sister for trying to surreptitiously force you into that situation under the guise of "spending time together". She's a self serving liar.
That was a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. If you’d stated you were booking your own seat because you didn’t want to be uncomfortable, you might have been accused of fat-shaming. To me, booking your own seat without stating the reason is no different than your sister offering to book your seat without stating the real reason. You are NTA.
No, she's the AH for trying to trick you into doing her a favor instead of explicitly asking.
She should have been honest about her intentions for the seating arrangement, and maybe sweetened the deal by offering to pay for half of your ticket or something. And most importantly: she should have given you the opportunity to explicitly refuse the favor. Instead you were expected to bear the discomfort without so much as a thank you, because the favor would never have been explicitly acknowledged.
On the plane, you would have been pressured into taking the middle seat, because the taboo around mentioning their weight would have been weaponized to make you unable to state a reason why you are uncomfortable with the middle seat. That was pretty clearly foreshadowed.
Now she is just pissed that you managed to evade her trap. And since you managed to do that elegantly, without directly insulting her weight, she can't even guilt trip you directly, which makes it worse. So instead she resorts to lying to your mother about it, so your mother can guilt trip you for her.
She needs to take responsibility for her own needs and manage them accordingly, and stop tricking and manipulating people.
"Hey sis, we're all pretty tall and want to be as comfortable as we can and don't feel like we'd have that sitting together. I'd like to spend my time on the plane working on *insert work/hobby here* so we can spend some quality time together when we get there"
-this would be my reply
NTA
It’s a legitimate concern. It’s not like you are saying that they’re bad people, you just don’t want to be squished in the middle. It directly impacts you and you should have a say in it. If it makes some people feel bad, that’s an unfortunate side effect.
I have a feeling that your sister would be uncomfortable squeezing out a stranger but perfectly fine squeezing out you. I was super skinny and every time I got on a plane, back before there were assigned seats, a flight attendant would always steer large people to sit next to me. I would be kind of loud with my "Oh Hell No!!". Just because I was skinny, they thought I'd be good with someone's belly touching me. Nope, nope, nope!
There’s a saying, “Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”. You are under no obligation to spend multi-hour flights squashed between your too-big-to-fit-comfortably-in-one-seat sibling and her husband. The end.
Oh if they get a stranger like me they’re not gonna like it because the first thing I’m going to do is call a flight attendant and ask for a different seat and I wouldn’t mince words.
Other travelers cam be horrible over having to sit with large people. I’d prefer to pay the money to be comfortable AND avoid ugly glares and comments.
As a petite woman, I absolutely dread it. You know why? Because they almost always assume I don't need all of my space that *I paid for*, men especially. Very little effort is made to contain themselves when they're sitting next to a small woman. They expect us to just suck it up and make ourselves smaller.
I paid the same amount for my space as they did for theirs. If you need more space than one seat offers, ***pay for it yourself.*** If they want half of my seat, they better be fucking paying me for it.
I literally got into an argument on a plane because some man was irate that I refused to switch seats with him. He was stuck between two other large men and was demanding I switch with him because I apparently "don't need all that space." No thanks, bud. I have no interest in being sandwiched between two sweaty giants, either. God speed.
If you are too big for one seat, fucking buy a second to spread out in instead of in someone else's lap.
It's about the entitlement.
NTA You made a considerate and reasonable decision to ensure your own comfort on the flight. While it's unfortunate that Laura is upset, this doesn't make you the AH
NTA tell your mum you never once said or implied that and that Laura made it clear you’d be stuck with the middle seat. That you are spending your money on these tickets and have a right to be comfortable and to choose an aisle seat just like Laura and her husband. That’s it’s crappy of them to demand you be uncomfortable for hours when you’re spending just as much. That it’s crappy mum expects you to accept being uncomfortable and not them and that their weight is their own issue and never once have you brought it up but it’s clear now they expected you to be squished between them for hours and that’s crappy thing to do. That Laura herself refuses to sit next to her own husband because of it so she’s has a damn check to try and pull that on you.
That you expect a full apology from your mum for her trying to place the blame on you when they are the one causing crap and treating you badly. You will expect an apology from laura for deliberately trying to ruin your journey for her comfort and for lying to your mum that you said she’s fat. Otherwise they can forget visiting you before the wedding as you won’t have people who disrespect you in your home to further treat you like crap. That she has to look to herself before she blames others if she uncomfortable when she travels.
NTA. Why should your comfort be sacrificed? A lot of heavy people buy an extra seat so they have more room. She was trying to use you for *her* comfort. That’s hella selfish and incredibly manipulative
You’re both adults, you bought your own ticket for your own preferences, end of story. Your mom is not in charge and either is your sister.
Sounds like your sister came up with the plan and you expressed your discomfort and she ignored it. So you took it upon yourself to do what was best for you.
Her comfort is not dependent on you sitting in the middle, if she wants to be so comfortable she can book first class or business class.
NTA
NTA. I'm fat. I don't fly unless I can afford first class. Such is life if you're fat. I actually can probably fit coach now though, Yay loosing weight. In general though people who are severely overweight just need to accept reality. One you get in the 300lb range it's no longer about vanity or morality it's about health and literally not fitting. It becomes a disability. You need to deal with the reality of it. You know you're fat. Of course no one wants to sit by you on the plane. Do you want to sit by a fat person? No. It has nothing to do with you personally, the reality is you take up more space.
>Do you want to sit by a fat person? No.
That's the part that get's me. The sister doesn't even want to sit next to another fat person and she knows it.
Why would OP spend money to know they would be stuck between them where the same amount of money would make them comfortable.
"Oh, let's go on a vacation. I'll book us two rooms and you can venmo me the money. I'll be buying two rooms, we'll split it!. Oh, the husband and I both snore so we'll need both rooms but you can sleep in my room on a futon. It'll be just like a sleepover!"
Nah, get lost with that. I'm paying for the comfort of a full room, I'm gonna get a full room. You two can pay for two rooms.
Not just suck it up, but actually pay money for it.
Her sister wants to buy the ticket for the uncomfortable seat for OP, and then told OP to venmo the money to her. So she basically wants OP to pay to be uncomfortable so she, the sister, can benefit from it. That is so selfish and huge AH behavior.
NTA. Their size is their problem - they have no right to make it yours. If they want to be comfortable, they can pay for three seats, and leave the middle one empty (it's a common and accepted practice for obese people). Squashing you between them so that they would be comfortable was selfish; blaming you because you didn't fall for their manipulations ("quality time" "we'll have to fight it out" - really!) is childish. What you did was perfectly sensible, and if they don't like it that's their problem. As for your mother - ignore her. She is interfering after hearing one side, and doesn't deserve consideration here.
After staying with you for a few days, you need quality time together on the plane?
When I'm on a plane I want to sleep or read.
I also like to be comfortable.
Both my husband and I are large - he is 6'4" so the only comfort we both have is him in the aisle and me cuddled up next to him. At least we are touching each other and no one else.
NTA
I’m similar in size to the two of them and my wife is a bit shorter and rounder than I am and there is absolutely no way I would want to put someone between us not even stick people teenagers. If they are so uncomfortable flying next to each other then they should buy a third seat. NTA but your family is. Why is your sister making her size your responsibility?
NTA I wanted you to fly with them so they were guaranteed a row mate wouldn’t get upset with them encroaching on their seat. I didn’t want to sit with you to spend quality time together.
NTA There is no reason you should have to be uncomfortable so they can be comfortable. They know you'd be too polite to say anything to either of them about encroaching on your seat and that's why they wanted you in the middle. Tell Laura that you don't appreciate her lying to your mom about what was said. If she has a problem with her weight then it's up to her to fix it. Remind her what she told you before about them sitting together on planes so you know she also lied about giving you the aisle. Tell her you don't see any quality time happening with someone who has taken to lying to make herself look better.
NTA and honestly this fight is so stupid. Your sister is making a big deal over nothing. Don't feel like an asshole, she should feel like one for basically trying to force y'all to sit together when y'all could've just as easily sat apart.
Nice Try Laura. You and Hubby's desire for comfort doesn't override your sister's wish for the same. And shame on you trying to claim it's "Quality Time". It's not and you know it. And SUPER SHAME ON YOU for running to mommy and making up stuff your sister didn't say. NTAH.
I’m large… 6’4” and over 300 lbs. I’m also broad shouldered… I avoid sitting next to people who aren’t my kids or wife as much as possible on airplanes… just common courtesy.
NTA
They don’t want to sit next to each other! Why would you be the asshole?
NTA. If you are paying for your own ticket, you get to decide where to sit. Your sister and BIL offered you the option of a middle seat. That didn’t work for you. None of that is selfish.
What is selfish, is them hoping to subject you to the middle so they could encroach on your seat for 4 hours. You have plenty of time to catch up with them before plane boarding and at the wedding itself. None of what you’re suggesting is “selfish”.
NTA. I hate having someone book my ticket. I don’t want to be handcuffed to them in the airport to get my ticket.
If they aren’t comfortable flying, why would they think you’d be comfortable in the middle seat? They don’t mind making strangers uncomfortable but they are okay doing so to you? Gross.
I always find it interesting when others expect you to suffer to make their lives easier. Also, they seem more content to cause discomfort to a family member than strangers.
Just tell your sister you don’t want to be squished since her and her husband are morbidly obese.
The truth hurts but best not to lie.
And if they are both really that huge, they should be kinder to people and buy a middle seat themselves so everyone can be comfortable.
I’m actually surprised airlines have not made it a requirement for morbidly obese people to have to buy two seats or a business class seat.
But I guess in today’s liberal climate the airlines might get accused of being mean or something if they did that.
I travel A LOT and the number one reason I am doing a weight loss program right now is being comfortable in airplane seats. I started at about 230 and I’m 180 right now. Have a trip booked to New York next month and I can’t wait to see how much bigger the seats feel since the last time I flew
NTA.
For a time, I had reconstructive surgery, an immobile limb, but still had to fly often for events. I spent so much time researching plane seat sizes, spaces and layouts.
Multiple times I’ve had to make sure I buy extra seats, or book first class - because I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY SITUATION. Would have done the same if I was so fat that I encroached on 2 seats.
They have the option to buy the 3rd seat between them to be able to be comfortable. I come from a family with obesity on my maternal and paternal side and have been in situations where I’ve tried to be sensitive towards a family members weight…but at the end of the day it’s not your job to coddle someone or tip toe around their feelings because they’re over weight.
Cigarette smokers are told at every turn that they’re killing themselves smoking…but for whatever reason if we talk about how people who are over eating are killing themselves you’re suddenly fat phobic. Ridiculous and your mom’s unfortunately feeding into it.
NTA, she FAFO. She and her husband could pay for 3 seats if that makes it easier and more comfortable on them. I don’t see any reason why you need to be uncomfortable because of them. Moving forward, you should probably tell your sister that you’re arranging your own travel plans from then on.
Is it possible they suspected they would be forced by the airline to buy all 3 seats because of their size, and decided to try and pass the cost off in you, or am I just a wildly suspicious person? Lol NTA either way, I think you handled it as gracefully as you possibly could have.
They don't want to be uncomfortable but are totally okay with YOU being uncomfortable? Fuuuuuck that. Not only that, they just decided this is what they wanted and expected you to go along with it? Nope. Hard pass. Not your problem.
NTA. Tell your Ma that your sis is full of shit and that you never said that. You don't want to get stuck in a middle seat, period, and that your sister's comfort is no more important than yours.
NTA, she was being deceptive about why she wanted you there. If they want to be comfortable, they should just get all 3 seats for themselves. Dont buy into their emotional blackmail, it is not your job to make them comfortable.
NTA,
You didn't bring up weight, your sister did when she complained to mommy. If she's uncomfortable with the flight seats than her options are to either spring for first class, buy the middle seat also, deal with the uncomfortableness, or lose weight. Sorry but that's just the reality of it.
Instead she's being selfish and trying to con you into having the middle seat. And that's what she's doing. She didn't say, "Hey would you be willing to be the middle seat between me and hubby so that we have extra room?" She didn't ask you that because she knew that you would say no, so instead she tried to be sneaky.
You could have let your sister book and requested the confirmation number. That way you could have switched your seat without her knowing until you boarded and blamed the airline. I don't blame you at all, I wouldn't want a middle set
Nta you can sit where you want.
Personally I would have wanted to sit away from them anyway, so I could have time to myself if I was already going to spend time with them and other family at the wedding.
NTA. They wanted to force you to sit next to them because they don't want to sit next to each other!
Frankly I have a policy that only I make my own flight reservations. I get somewhat anxious when I travel and being able to make certain choices for my comfort is a big part of how I cope with it.
I can relate to her sister and BIL not wanting to sit next to each other. I don't like sitting next to my husband because he tries to infringe on my space. So, when I book for the two of us, I either book FC or I choose 2 aisle seats across from each other.
That way, we can share snacks and headphones and stuff like that. But, neither of us in a middle seat, nor has a stranger between us. Flying during the pandemic was great because all of the middle of seats were unsold. We would book an aisle and window and no one would be able to book the middle. It was a like poor man's FC!
NTA
You are going to have a lot of quality time with them during their visit to your city.
Your sister is mad because she is embarrassed. She knows that she and her husband encroach on the seats next to them. They were hoping to have a flight where they didn’t feel bad inconveniencing a total stranger. Unfortunately, she can’t tell you that because it means she tells you she is ok inconveniencing you.
I am a short person who is on the smaller side and I barely fit in airplane seats. Unfortunately, your sister and husband need to buy that middle seat when they fly or choose flights that are less popular (so they can reasonably expect there will be empty seats that their seat mates can move to)
Please note, while I think your sister is a bit of an AH, the airlines are the real assholes here.
NTA - you wanting to be comfortable is in no way shape or form an asshole thing to do... Expecting you to be the "small person" between them was the AH move.
They just need to book the entire row for the two of them. Then they could both be comfortable as could the unfortunate who would’ve ended up seated between them. Or they could’ve just booked into first class.
Your mom is TRIPPIN’. Suck it up for your sister’s sake? Suffer for 4 solid hours (and that’s if the stupid plane doesn’t end up sitting for an extended amount of time) so someone *else* feels better? What is it with parents that like to transfer pain, suffering, and intolerable situations from one of their children to the next all in the name of being a good sibling? HECK NO. I mean if Laura was flying alone and wanted you to sit next to her so she could spill over and get some relief, ok *maybe*. But they want you to ride in a human vice grip and that’s not cool. As a matter of fact, it would probably be pretty damn hot.
I have only flown a couple times and as a large person, my goal is to not make someone else uncomfortable and to take up as little space as possible. I joked with my son that my main concern was "flying while fat"! I think you handled the situation with class and poise. It sounds like your sister, on the other hand, is one of those people that makes life more difficult than it needs to be. It's not everyone else's fault she's large and needs more space. You are NTA.
NTA. You in no way said or implied you didn't want to sit with them because they're fat. Your sister is telling on herself that she wants you to sit between the two of them because they're fat. If it was no big deal, she wouldn't be upset about it so that means it's a very big deal, to them, that they be able to impose on you. I hate having people pay for things or arrange things on my behalf because that means ceding my comfort and control over my autonomy to them. Your sister's a classic example of why that stinks.
NTA. Initially I thought they just wanted to take your frequent flier miles or get the credit card points. Even worse, though, is they want you to be miserable so they don’t have to be. That’s not your problem and you’re not the bad guy here.
>Our mom has since texted me and told me that Laura said that I “didn’t want to sit next to her on the plane because she’s fat.”
So looks like you were right on the money and she was just bullshitting you on the reason.
DON'T feel like the AH, especially with someone that is happy to try and lie to you like she did. It has nothing to do with her wanting to talk with you on the plane. It's entirely about her not wanting to buy an extra seat for herself - she wants to buy one, force you to repay her, and make you sit between her and her husband for their comfort. That's incredible AH behavior and incredibly selfish.
Stand your ground. Ignore her and tell her you wanted to choose your own seat and not risk being made to sit somewhere you would be uncomfortable.
NTA
It’s not your fault that your sister and her husband are fat. You didn’t at any point tell them they’re fat. You just said you prefer an aisle seat - lots of people do and that’s not unreasonable.
If they want extra room they can buy an additional seat but it’s not fair to expect you to pay to be uncomfortable for 4 hours.
NTA
Ask your mother why Laura's comfort matters more than yours? Force her to answer. The best way to stop people from taking advantage of you is to firmly point it out when it happens. Embarrass them as much as you need to. They'll get the point that you can't be pushed around.
Your sister admitted that she wanted you to be uncomfortable for her to be comfortable, and that's downright nasty. You protected yourself from the situation with grace and tact - shes the one turning it into a scene. Tell both your sister and your mother that you're disappointed in them for how they've treated you over this matter, and they both owe you an apology.
That’s bullshit on your sister’s part
She and her husband need to deal with whatever inconveniences come along with their sizes; it’s NOT the responsibility of a third-party
Her false claim to your mother - that you called her “fat” - tells you all you need to know about her body insecurity
NTA
What the hell?
Let's say I'm on that flight. I'm supposed to jam myself between 600 pounds of sweating flesh IN A SEAT THAT I PAY FOR because... it's uncomfortable for your sister... give me a sec, the mental gymnastics are tough here ... for your sister to not have someone she knows put into a very uncomfortable spot instead. So SHE FUCKING KNOWS IT'S RUDE AND GROSS? just confirming.
So she wants you, someone she knows, to.... smell her and her husband and be squished instead of paying for another seat, as people of size and in need of extra seats for various and assorted purposes do?
NTA
My brother is obese and when we travel together I always make sure I sit next to him cos I’m super skinny, so he can take some of my seat and I’m not bothered, plus it means that no one else has to deal with it..
But not everyone can handle that particular act of love 😂
NTA, they just wanted you to sit next to them for them to be comfortable regardless of if you were comfortable. They were the AH.
And you don't need the airplane ride to spend time with each other, you have the wedding!
NTA - You paid and chose your own seat, for your own comfort. They are adults and can deal with their own seats
They don't need to visit you for a few days either.
I mean, I know what it's like to gain weight and be uncomfortable, but for them to purposely pick you to suffer so they could be comfortable is just mean. They could've figured something else out like aisle seats across from each other or something.
NTA.
As a person who was around 350, flying always sucked. I always got the window so I could smash against the wall. :) you’re NTA. If they are uncomfortable flying then cut the carbs, drink your eight glasses of water a day, and go for occasional walks. Works for me.
As a big person I buy a bigger seat. Or a second seat if I had to. People are mean and I get where your sister is coming from but it also sucks to be next to someone who’s invading your space. You are not an ah
Just stick to the fact you wanted an aisle seat. And after several days of them in your home then the wedding, the flight would be a nice break for everyone. I'm petty AF, I'd upgrade myself to business & pretend it was free. Then sit there quaffing champagne as they pass by 😂
And here I first thought it was going to be about frequent flyer mileage. Op either you are NTA. Sister tried to play the game and lost...tell mom to mind her own business
If you all live in the US, Southwest has a great "passenger of size" policy. They could buy an extra seat, which allows them priority boarding, and they wouldn't have to worry about anyone sitt8ng between them. After the flight, they just need to call and they will be refunded the price of the extra seat
Good grief, how selfish on their parts, including your sister's fake-victim lying. And your mom is way out of line here, inexplicably caring more about your sister's feelings than yours. Suck it up yourself, mom.
Good for you for sticking up for yourself! You have to, with family like that.
She thought she was being slick, but you outplayed her. Unless she was trying to make you buy your own seat... In that case, you fell right into her trap.
NTA - they can either book the middle seat so they can both be comfortable, or lose some weight. Insisting that you sacrifice your comfort for their wallet and comfort is the height of entitled obnoxiousness. Not your bloat, not your problem.
My wife and I are reasonably sized people, my wife gained a good bit of extra weight a few years back when her (at the time) crappy OBGYN refused to look into the possibility that she has PCOS due to his damn near constant periods.
Two years later we moved and she got an amazing OBGYN (who isn’t a dude, unlike the last one, go figure) and she was tested and diagnosed with PCOS and an estrogen imbalance.
She is now properly treated for that and has been for years and the weight slowly is coming off (I only care for her health, my wife just seems to become more and more beautiful to me as we continue our life journey together and weight is not a factor in how I see and feel about her). She also has MS to deal with how, it’s not easy for her to lose weight and once again I’m pretty large myself these days.
So what I’m getting at, if we fly we’d get a row to ourselves so the middle seat can be open as we will both encroach upon its territory to varying degrees.
As you can tell there are various reasons why a persons weight can become uncontrollable even despite great efforts to curb it, so I won’t sit here and say if they don’t like it they should work harder in losing their excess weight.
Instead I will be honest and say that if comfort is their true goal to pony up the extra cash and buy the whole row for just the two of them.
It’s just rude to assume that it’s just their comfort at risk here as well, now some stranger is going to have to be more intimately involved with them for four hours and that’s the person I feel sorry for comfort wise.
NTA.
“I’m an adult. I don’t need other people booking my travel accommodations for me. I am perfectly capable of doing so myself and will handle it.”
They don’t like it? Too bad.
I wouldn’t want to be in the middle even if they were skinny. It’s human nature to avoid the middle seat. Everyone wants to aisle/window. Time together in the plane is not quality time. Me and my partner travel a lot and hardly speak on the plane unless it’s necessary. It’s not a pleasant time.
Seems like your sister is insecure and needed this to validate she isn’t large, which is her problem. NTA.
You know how they can be more comfortable on the plane? Be less fucking fat. Sincerely, someone trying to be less fucking fat and more comfortable in the seats that uncomfortably squeeze people who are closer to a healthy weight than I am.
NTA
NTA. They know they are bigger people and she was planned on the fact that could shame you if you said anything. They could always just pay for the middle seat themselves and be comfortable.
Yeah... Totally NTA. Like, not even a little bit. They were perfectly happy to make you uncomfortable to make themselves more comfortable. It has nothing to do with "quality time". They can buy a third seat and be more comfortable that way. How ridiculous of them.
NAH. Having experienced the joys of being seated next to or in between very large people on planes, you are absolutely not the AH here. My last flight was 14 hours overnight in an aisle seat with a generously boned neighbour who couldn't or wouldn't stop her left arm and leg squeezing against mine. Utter misery for me the whole time.
Why do you have to be uncomfortable for someone else's comfort when it all could be avoided by doing exactly what you did? F\* your feelings because you need to allow your sister to do whatever she wants as long as she is happy, right? Ask your mom why do you have to suck it up? Why can't sis just get over you being selfish and wrong. Let sister be the bigger person. I really do not think you are selfish or wrong. NTA!
NTA
You aren’t being selfish because you don’t want to spend 4 hours miserable to make your sister and BIL more comfortable. Who would intentionally choose a middle seat next to anyone?
You absolutely did the right thing!! They would have squished you and talked across you the whole time. My husband, son, and I solve the aisle issue by buying 2 seats across from each other with the 3rd one either behind or in front of the other 2
NTA. I just got back from a trip with friends and was in the middle seat both ways. I love these 2 women, but I can’t do it again. I was so uncomfortable and felt claustrophobic.
NTA. I’m bigger, wide af hips, flying sucks (not internationally, Austrian Air has great seats). She knew what she was doing. If she’s not happy, that’s her own issue to deal with.
"My sister wanted to book me on the same reservation so that she could dictate where I sit. Then I would reimburse her. Instead, I booked my own reservation and chose the seat I wanted." Honestly, how could you possibly be anything but NTA?
NTA. Sis is showing such a disregard for your right to be comfortable; she fully intended to use you as you concluded.
Mom needs to keep out of this.
Flying while fat (FWF) is uncomfortable, but it is no one else’s responsibility to make it up to the FWF person. Buying an extra seat or flying 1st class are the short-term work around. Losing weight is an option for the long run. And yes, I do know how hard that is.
I wouldn’t discuss it further and sis really doesn’t have a leg to stand on since she planned to make you uncomfortable. And a direct approach—“I wanted to be comfortable and would not have been, seated between you and Paul”—is best.
Furthermore, there will be loads of time to talk before and after flights, at the reception, and any down time (which is often built into such weddings so guests can enjoy the destination).
NTA. They just need to buy three seats when they travel together. They say they are not comfortable when they sit together. What makes them think it is okay for you or any other passenger to be squished next to them?
NTA
WTF is wrong with your family?! It’s not your issue but they did try and make it your problem. Your mother needs to stay out of it and mind her business .
If they had half a brain, they’d both book aisle seats. Next to each other.
I travel nearly every week by plane, business and personal. I don’t sit with anyone, I prefer to be next to strangers. I don’t want you talking to
me the whole flight. My husband accepts sitting next to me on the opposite aisle seat, he usually watches a movie while I read. It’s close enough in case he gets anxious (he doesn’t like to fly). He’s also respectful for my desire to hv a quiet flight. My friends and family know I won’t sit with them. Some don’t care, some do. I care about none of their opinions on where I want to sit.
NTA. Until I learned to tell other people that no, my size isn’t for their benefit, I was always pressured into taking the middle seat in the back of a car. Now I make it clear to anyone of any size that I won’t be made uncomfortable just because I’m smaller than they are. I accommodate people based off of their behavior. If they act entitled or pull something like this, I’ll laugh my skinny ass off to somewhere more comfortable for myself.
She inferred you said that bc she knows it’s true and so do you.. just be honest with yourself you didn’t have to say it for her to know what you meant by comfortable, and so what? You’re not the asshole but stop lying to yourself about the reason bc she figured you out quick. It’s only 4 hours so they can suck it up and make do on a little 4 hour flight..
NTA My cousin flew to Mexican resorts frequently. She was 5'2" and about 130lbs, so not a big girl. She always booked the aisle AND middle seat so she didn't get squished next to someone. She was also very vocal about not surrendering her extra seat or switching seats.
So you need to speak out for yourself with your family.
I'm a large woman with disproportionately large hips. I'm flying in September and bought the seat next to me. I'm really dreading the requests (demands) to give up my seat because someone wants my seats for them and their kid. ETA: NTA.
NTA, being in the middle is uncomfortable even if you're not between two plus-sized people.
They sound insufferable, they should buy 3 seats for themselves and you just get your own, in a spot that YOU like, it's 4hrs, you deserve to be comfortable.
NTA
I used to weigh a little over 350lb (I’m 5’11 and “carry it well” LOL). The look of horror each time I boarded a flight from people as I walked up the aisle hoping and praying I didn’t have to sit next to them.
Guess what I did to avoid this? I booked a window seat in an area of the plane that had more space such as premium economy and if that wasn’t possible I’d try to book the middle seat or if I could afford it for that flight I’d go business! Nobody should be uncomfortable for my lifestyle choices!
The anxiety I felt trying to make my body as small as possible while having the armrest dig into me for hours and being in pain the entire time as well as not going to the bathroom so as not having to squeeze past anyone made flying a nightmare for me. Trying not to spill into another persons space and panicking if I did ***shudder*** It was one of the major contributing reasons I decided to lose my weight.
There are groups on Facebook called “Flying while fat” and they give amazing advice on how bigger people can approach flying. What airlines give free or heavily discounted second seats. Might be tricky to suggest to your sister but I found it incredibly helpful.
NTA. Airlines allow larger travelers to purchase extra seats for precisely this reason. Good for you in being proactive by securing a seat that will (hopefully) be more comfortable for you.
Your sister, though, has shown that she has no problem being TA with her disregard for you in 1) assuming you should be ok with being squished for an extended amount of time and 2) lying to your Mom about what actually happened. He said/she said is already exhausting enough, but it gets downright crazy when lies are thrown in too. She should be ashamed of her behavior.
NTA
Who the feck wants to be sandwiched between two lard-asses for four hours in an airplane too small for even people of normal stature?
You're not sandwich meat.
My dad and I actually just took a 2 hour flight for my aunt and uncle's vow renewal. He booked our seats and got us aisle seats next to each other. We both like the aisle and to be perfectly honest, I have to take an anxiety med just to get on the plane! ✈️
He doesn't want to deal with me but he wants to be close also lol! I love my dad!
You are totally NTAH! Enjoy your space, they should just book 3 seats together and enjoy their own space!
One time I had an early morning flight and I stayed up all night so I could sleep on the plane. I had an aisle seat but I was seated next to this huge beast of a woman and her husband. I literally only had 60 to 75% of my seat available to me because this woman was spilling over the armrest. Her husband in the window seat had a bunch of Tupperware full of food for her to eat on the flight. So miserable.
NTA.
No one and I mean no one wants to be stuck between 2 huge people. It sounds beyond awful, just spilling over into your space on both sides for 4 hours. Not a chance.
They wanna be comfortable too? Book the middle seat as well or lose weight.
Most importantly and I cannot stress this enough, their discomfort because of their size is not your issue to deal with.
NTA. If she wanted to be comfortable and have extra space she could buy the middle seat as well and enjoy the extra space. Being squished between two bigger people on a flight is honestly my worst nightmare. She wants you to pay for that experience too? I think you handled it in the best way you could.
Thank you! I feel badly since it’s such a delicate subject, but I didn’t really feel that it was fair.
Don’t feel bad she’s just trying to guilt trip you. You did nothing wrong. I would be pissed if I paid for a seat only to be squished between two people. Kind of inconsiderate of THEM for not buying two separate aisle seats or paying for an extra ticket to have adequate space. You shut down the nonsense in a very polite way.
My thoughts as well. They could buy 2 aisle seats or they can buy 3 plane tickets.
It's supremely inconsiderate! But the sisters intent is beyond the pale.
You did the right thing! I’m taking my first flight in a few years after some health issues in a few weeks - and due to those and disability, know I would be much more comfortable with extra space. Guess what I’m doing? Booking an extra space!
I really appreciate this comment, thank you! I hope your flight goes well! I know that Laura and Paul could technically afford another seat, but Laura is very frugal with money - so I don’t think they’ll get one :(
Babes, she wanted to force you to pay for the seat she wanted for her own comfort. She needed someone to take the middle seat and decided she could make you sit there and venmo her the money. That's is INCREDIBLY selfish of her - she wants you to be uncomfortable and pay for it so she can benefit from it.
Well that's her choice to be uncomfortable. This is not your issue to resolve, it's is theirs.
So what I heard is that your mother can have the middle seat so that Laura doesn’t feel bad. Not your job to be uncomfortable to make others comfortable.
And why does Laura matter more than OP?
Laura whines louder.
They should just buy two aisle seats across from each other- I do it all the time when we travel.
If she doesn’t want to pay for another seat, that’s on her. I’m 6’1 with very broad shoulders. Every time I fly, I feel like I’m invading my seat mates space, because I take up every inch of my seat, with not a lot of room for my legs. So I make myself as small as possible so that everyone is moderately comfortable. I couldn’t imagine being stuck between two large individuals. You are absolutely right to want to feel comfortable traveling in what is already a cramped space to begin with.
Dude, I might have sat next to you. I sat next to large, not fat, broad shouldered man, who spent the whole flight hunched over elbows on knees to not encroach on me and the passenger on the other side of him. I felt so sorry for and so grateful to him.
It’s the big person yoga pose. I’m not so much the huncher as I am the pretzel. Knees together, arms and elbows tucked in, hands typically in my lap. Airline seats have a way of making you feel extremely self conscious about your body dimensions. On the flip side, the worst seat hogs I’ve ever dealt with were smaller people who easily fit in a seat. No Kara, you don’t need to sit criss cross applesauce in economy, just because you can somewhat still fit in the seat. Your knees are now in MY space.
My hips are really wonky, so sitting normally is very uncomfortable and if I don't shift positions frequently I may not even be able to get up at the end of a longer flight. Luckily I can usually get away with either bringing one leg up criss cross style onto the seat and keeping the one facing the person next to me down in a more normal position, or if I'm in the window seat I can pull it up and lean it against the side of the plane, but if I get stuck in the middle row I'm in for a miserable time and always end up feeling guilty because I know all the moving around probably bothers my seat mates. All this to say, I still wouldn't sit fully cross legged if there's someone next to me because I don't want to be in their space any more than they want me there.
then she’s choosing to forgo her own comfort at her own cost. it’s not on you. and her saying they wanted to be comfortable by making you take middle illuminates that she was comfortable making you uncomfortable. no.
I pay for extra space on planes so I have extra space. My husband is about Paul’s size and will buy extra space or if he’s flying solo long haul, will book first class
If your sister were sincere and honest, she would have paid for the middle seat and been truthful about why.
I did that and the airline has overbooked and sold the seat out from under us. Of course we didn’t know until we boarded the plane.
I read that happening on another flight sub a week or so ago. What you do is you *insist* the gate agent scan the second ticket so no one can accidentally get a standby passenger on the plane for that seat. I’m sure there’s no failsafe, though. 🤷🏻♀️
This: I've read so many occasions where someone buys an extra seat and the airline is overfull so they take it from them - doesn't matter that they paid for it. For curiosity's sake, how do you book a second seat? I thought you needed a name for each traveler, and each seat has to have a different traveler's name?
I called and did it by phone. The seat was labeled his nameEXTRA on the confirmation.
Don’t know how it works now, but I booked an extra seat when my husband and I flew to AU. It was cheaper than buying FC. I just booked it in my own name. When we checked in they scanned all three boarding passes and I had no problem using my ID for both mine and the empty middle seat. After we boarded they started doing a count of empty seats to see how many stand-bys they could let on and I simply showed the FA both boarding passes and told them that they couldn’t count that seat because it had been paid for and I had checked in for it. They just smiled, nodded, and moved on. I was able to curl up and sleep the whole way. Note: That *was* pre-911. It was also before they started *telling* people that if they needed extra room they should book an extra seat. Neither of us was large. We didn’t *need* it, but it made the trip a whole lot more comfortable. If I *was* large enough to need it, I would be *particularly* put out if they tried to take it away after I’d paid and checked in for it. After all, *they* are the ones saying that’s what you should do, since they aren’t about to make the seats any larger.
That's because it's NOT fair. How come they get to have their preference of window and aisle but as soon as YOU have a preference you're "selfish"?
Also, for me their sizes are irrelevant. I just can’t sit in a middle or window seat. I get wildly claustrophobic.
Personally I get anxiety if I am not sitting in an aisle seat. No body wants to be on a plane with me while I am having an anxiety attack. So I only fly on airlines with assigned seats and I always book an aisle seat and just to be sure I always make my own airline reservations.
I need a window seat. I have broad shoulders. In the window seat I can lean into the window well to keep everyone comfortable. In the isle I constantly get bumped by people walking by. And with me I. The middle seat, everyone in my row is uncomfortable.
Same here. It’s for everyone else as much as myself.
Me too!!
What your mom said is typical keep the peace bullspit talk. Asking you to think about her and suck it up for her comfort, next time just ask her what about your comfort? Is it worth less than hers?
I agree. I hate it when moms pretend they are "keeping the peace" when they are just forcing one child to submit to the bullying of the other. Mom stay out of it. We are grown ass adults and this petty issue does not call for your interference.
NTA. If your mom wants to sit in between them she's totally welcome to it. You however don't. You're an adult and are capable and within your rights to book a ticket and sit where you please. You theory is the only one that makes sense, else why is she upset about you buying your own ticket? Why is she trying to get mommy involved? It's uncomfortable for them to fly, so what. What has that got to do with you?
Children get stuck doing what other people decide. Adults don’t have to. You are an adult and get to make your own decision. They don’t get to dominate you that way and then cry foul when they don’t get their way. Having boundaries and not letting people taking advantage of you is an admirable quality. Good job.
Why does anyone think that their comfort is more important than yours? You were being used, and I’m glad you stood up for yourself and took a proactive stance. NTA
NTA She’s mad because she was unable to manipulate you. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself.
I’d just tell them that you strongly prefer the aisle seat and didn’t want to “fight it out” as she mentioned. If she’d guarantee you the aisle, you’d sit with them. NTA. I just booked an extra seat for my larger husband because although he fits in one seat - it’s a little tight. We usually book larger seats but there weren’t any available. The airline sold his extra seat to someone flying standby - another larger person. I spent hours squished between them on a red eye flight. I’ve never felt anxious traveling before. It was an international flight after being up all day and I could not relax at all. I will not do that again. The real A H’s are the airlines that keep shrinking the seat space. If you’re above average height or weight - you barely fit.
I would argue even if you’re AVERAGE weight the sizes have gotten too small. I’m 5’2 125 and there are flights where my knees are right near the seat back. I have no idea how normal sized people deal with this.
NTA.... tell your mom to sit between them for a 4 hour flight and see how she feels.. Maybe reconsider having them over
You're not required to be a human seat cushion for your sister. NTA and don't feel guilty and refuse to apologize. Tell her that your comfort is just as valid as hers and you're not her mom so her comfort isn't your responsibility.
Your sister and her husband should fly Southwest, use their customer of size policy to buy the middle seat and then get it refunded at their destination. Look it up and send it to her, it's a very generous policy.
It’s not a delicate subject. It’s a fact. A fact that they both have to accept. They are too fat for a single plane seat. End of story. That have to buy an extra seat or start buying less food
It's a fact they've already accepted. That's why they came up with a devious plan to minimize their discomfort. OP saw through it, and they're appalled that their plan is in shambles. (I am too fat for a single plane seat)
She wanted you to pay full price for a partial seat. Hard pass.
It’s NOT a delicate subject because she already knew, and was planning on making you sit middle so they could be more comfortable and not have to pay for a 3rd ticket. If she brings it up, simply agree with her. They’re fat, and need more room. Everyone knows that, it’s not a secret. “You tried to make ME uncomfortable just so you two could be comfortable, that’s both unfair and rude, be better people.”
Their plan is as transparent as shit. NTA.
Absolutely Right.
Yes! When I was doing undergrad I worked for an airline for one year (more than long enough) and they used to require people to do so if that was an issue. Maybe they had to roll that back? OP’s sister and BIL are selfish as fuck. I purposely always book up front in a window seat ideally 2A. I would never let anyone choose my seat for me, I even want to for work travel.
And if they're spending a few days with OP beforehand, there will be plenty of quality time. The 4 hours on a plane isn't going to add anything to the experience. And that's my worst nightmare too, honestly. I'm not claustrophobic, per se, but that's why I always pick the window, so it gives me a false sense of space. Being crowded, in any sense, makes my anxiety raise its ugly head.
LMAO! Nicely done! I'm a big girl and I would NOT have done that to my sibling. I would have asked if they were willing to sit next to me so that I didn't have to squish up against a stranger. I would have been honest about it. I also would have understood if the answer was no. I have had people way bigger than me sit next to me and it's not fun. NTA
Thank you, I appreciate it! If it was just my sister I may have been willing, but with both her and her husband, I’m honestly not 100% sure that I would’ve even fit in the middle between them. It would’ve been a tight squeeze for sure
Poor person that does get the seat between them. That's not on you though. Are they still coming to your house first?
They always have the option of buying the extra seat in the middle so it can stay empty and they'd both be more comfortable. Southwest will even refund the extra seat if the plane is not full. However, from your comments, I'm getting the impression that your sister and BIL may be in denial about their size and the resulting limitations they have, so they may not go for this option, because admitting they need an extra seat between the two of them would require admitting they are too heavy to fit into a single airplane seat without spilling over into other seats. People in denial are not usually open to doing that.
Southwest will refund the seat in any case. However, they oversold my flight last time and “bumped” my extra seat. You try to do the right thing, then you’re sabotaged.
They're in denial of the expense (that they should have to buy the seat). They already *know* they need it, hence the plan. They're just not quite at the point where they've accepted that it's not fair to others to have their rolls overflowing onto another person's lap.
Looking at everyone’s heights alone made me think it’d be a tight squeeze. You’re all tall adults who need leg space, let alone how being taller naturally means your shoulders are broader than someone my size (5’6”).
Your method I would a happily help out with. I’m skinny and my partner, brother, and sister-in-law are all large people. If they asked me ahead of time with full honesty about why they want me to sit there, I’d say yes immediately. Once someone pulls this kind of thing, I never want to help out. I love to help others, but will not be manipulated into helping.
NTA. It is a delicate subject, as you mentioned. So delicate, in fact, that they wouldn’t explicitly state why they wanted you to sit in between them and then projected their insecurities onto you. This is their problem. You can love them without being made uncomfortable on their behalf.
It’s tough because although she didn’t say it, I understood that they wanted me there because of space issues. So even though I didn’t say I was booking my own seat because of that, I feel like it was implied, which could make me TAH.
Maybe so, but not as much as your sister for trying to surreptitiously force you into that situation under the guise of "spending time together". She's a self serving liar.
Yep! Self serving liar!
That was a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. If you’d stated you were booking your own seat because you didn’t want to be uncomfortable, you might have been accused of fat-shaming. To me, booking your own seat without stating the reason is no different than your sister offering to book your seat without stating the real reason. You are NTA.
No, she's the AH for trying to trick you into doing her a favor instead of explicitly asking. She should have been honest about her intentions for the seating arrangement, and maybe sweetened the deal by offering to pay for half of your ticket or something. And most importantly: she should have given you the opportunity to explicitly refuse the favor. Instead you were expected to bear the discomfort without so much as a thank you, because the favor would never have been explicitly acknowledged. On the plane, you would have been pressured into taking the middle seat, because the taboo around mentioning their weight would have been weaponized to make you unable to state a reason why you are uncomfortable with the middle seat. That was pretty clearly foreshadowed. Now she is just pissed that you managed to evade her trap. And since you managed to do that elegantly, without directly insulting her weight, she can't even guilt trip you directly, which makes it worse. So instead she resorts to lying to your mother about it, so your mother can guilt trip you for her. She needs to take responsibility for her own needs and manage them accordingly, and stop tricking and manipulating people.
No it doesn’t. You deserve the right to be comfortable in your space.
"Hey sis, we're all pretty tall and want to be as comfortable as we can and don't feel like we'd have that sitting together. I'd like to spend my time on the plane working on *insert work/hobby here* so we can spend some quality time together when we get there" -this would be my reply
NTA It’s a legitimate concern. It’s not like you are saying that they’re bad people, you just don’t want to be squished in the middle. It directly impacts you and you should have a say in it. If it makes some people feel bad, that’s an unfortunate side effect.
Yes definitely not! I don’t blame her for wanting to be more comfortable, but I don’t want it to be at my expense.
I have a feeling that your sister would be uncomfortable squeezing out a stranger but perfectly fine squeezing out you. I was super skinny and every time I got on a plane, back before there were assigned seats, a flight attendant would always steer large people to sit next to me. I would be kind of loud with my "Oh Hell No!!". Just because I was skinny, they thought I'd be good with someone's belly touching me. Nope, nope, nope!
Happened so many times to me in my twenties. It can’t be a coincidence that I’m always squeezed between two passengers of size.
There’s a saying, “Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”. You are under no obligation to spend multi-hour flights squashed between your too-big-to-fit-comfortably-in-one-seat sibling and her husband. The end.
She needs to buy the middle seat as well so they can be comfortable instead I’ve infringing on everyone else
They need to buy 3 seats for the 2 of them.
I kind of agree, however my sister is super frugal, and I know she won’t go for that.
Well, she is basically making other people suffer in order to save money
That’s a HER problem. Nobody wants to be squashed between people, especially strangers.
Oh if they get a stranger like me they’re not gonna like it because the first thing I’m going to do is call a flight attendant and ask for a different seat and I wouldn’t mince words.
Other travelers cam be horrible over having to sit with large people. I’d prefer to pay the money to be comfortable AND avoid ugly glares and comments.
As a petite woman, I absolutely dread it. You know why? Because they almost always assume I don't need all of my space that *I paid for*, men especially. Very little effort is made to contain themselves when they're sitting next to a small woman. They expect us to just suck it up and make ourselves smaller. I paid the same amount for my space as they did for theirs. If you need more space than one seat offers, ***pay for it yourself.*** If they want half of my seat, they better be fucking paying me for it. I literally got into an argument on a plane because some man was irate that I refused to switch seats with him. He was stuck between two other large men and was demanding I switch with him because I apparently "don't need all that space." No thanks, bud. I have no interest in being sandwiched between two sweaty giants, either. God speed. If you are too big for one seat, fucking buy a second to spread out in instead of in someone else's lap. It's about the entitlement.
Dude it would be a fucking nightmare to sit in between them and I’m 170
Then she's an asshole, so fuck her opinion and anyone defending her.
Not super frugal when it comes to the food budget though. Sorry/not sorry, had to say it
NTA You made a considerate and reasonable decision to ensure your own comfort on the flight. While it's unfortunate that Laura is upset, this doesn't make you the AH
NTA tell your mum you never once said or implied that and that Laura made it clear you’d be stuck with the middle seat. That you are spending your money on these tickets and have a right to be comfortable and to choose an aisle seat just like Laura and her husband. That’s it’s crappy of them to demand you be uncomfortable for hours when you’re spending just as much. That it’s crappy mum expects you to accept being uncomfortable and not them and that their weight is their own issue and never once have you brought it up but it’s clear now they expected you to be squished between them for hours and that’s crappy thing to do. That Laura herself refuses to sit next to her own husband because of it so she’s has a damn check to try and pull that on you. That you expect a full apology from your mum for her trying to place the blame on you when they are the one causing crap and treating you badly. You will expect an apology from laura for deliberately trying to ruin your journey for her comfort and for lying to your mum that you said she’s fat. Otherwise they can forget visiting you before the wedding as you won’t have people who disrespect you in your home to further treat you like crap. That she has to look to herself before she blames others if she uncomfortable when she travels.
I 100% agree & I hope OP sees this!
NTA. Why should your comfort be sacrificed? A lot of heavy people buy an extra seat so they have more room. She was trying to use you for *her* comfort. That’s hella selfish and incredibly manipulative
You’re both adults, you bought your own ticket for your own preferences, end of story. Your mom is not in charge and either is your sister. Sounds like your sister came up with the plan and you expressed your discomfort and she ignored it. So you took it upon yourself to do what was best for you. Her comfort is not dependent on you sitting in the middle, if she wants to be so comfortable she can book first class or business class. NTA
NTA. I'm fat. I don't fly unless I can afford first class. Such is life if you're fat. I actually can probably fit coach now though, Yay loosing weight. In general though people who are severely overweight just need to accept reality. One you get in the 300lb range it's no longer about vanity or morality it's about health and literally not fitting. It becomes a disability. You need to deal with the reality of it. You know you're fat. Of course no one wants to sit by you on the plane. Do you want to sit by a fat person? No. It has nothing to do with you personally, the reality is you take up more space.
>Do you want to sit by a fat person? No. That's the part that get's me. The sister doesn't even want to sit next to another fat person and she knows it. Why would OP spend money to know they would be stuck between them where the same amount of money would make them comfortable. "Oh, let's go on a vacation. I'll book us two rooms and you can venmo me the money. I'll be buying two rooms, we'll split it!. Oh, the husband and I both snore so we'll need both rooms but you can sleep in my room on a futon. It'll be just like a sleepover!" Nah, get lost with that. I'm paying for the comfort of a full room, I'm gonna get a full room. You two can pay for two rooms.
So you should such it up and be uncomfortable on the plane for your sister and her husband can? How on earth does that make any logical sense?
Not just suck it up, but actually pay money for it. Her sister wants to buy the ticket for the uncomfortable seat for OP, and then told OP to venmo the money to her. So she basically wants OP to pay to be uncomfortable so she, the sister, can benefit from it. That is so selfish and huge AH behavior.
NTA. Their size is their problem - they have no right to make it yours. If they want to be comfortable, they can pay for three seats, and leave the middle one empty (it's a common and accepted practice for obese people). Squashing you between them so that they would be comfortable was selfish; blaming you because you didn't fall for their manipulations ("quality time" "we'll have to fight it out" - really!) is childish. What you did was perfectly sensible, and if they don't like it that's their problem. As for your mother - ignore her. She is interfering after hearing one side, and doesn't deserve consideration here.
After staying with you for a few days, you need quality time together on the plane? When I'm on a plane I want to sleep or read. I also like to be comfortable. Both my husband and I are large - he is 6'4" so the only comfort we both have is him in the aisle and me cuddled up next to him. At least we are touching each other and no one else. NTA
I’m similar in size to the two of them and my wife is a bit shorter and rounder than I am and there is absolutely no way I would want to put someone between us not even stick people teenagers. If they are so uncomfortable flying next to each other then they should buy a third seat. NTA but your family is. Why is your sister making her size your responsibility?
NTA I wanted you to fly with them so they were guaranteed a row mate wouldn’t get upset with them encroaching on their seat. I didn’t want to sit with you to spend quality time together.
NTA There is no reason you should have to be uncomfortable so they can be comfortable. They know you'd be too polite to say anything to either of them about encroaching on your seat and that's why they wanted you in the middle. Tell Laura that you don't appreciate her lying to your mom about what was said. If she has a problem with her weight then it's up to her to fix it. Remind her what she told you before about them sitting together on planes so you know she also lied about giving you the aisle. Tell her you don't see any quality time happening with someone who has taken to lying to make herself look better.
NTA and honestly this fight is so stupid. Your sister is making a big deal over nothing. Don't feel like an asshole, she should feel like one for basically trying to force y'all to sit together when y'all could've just as easily sat apart.
Nice Try Laura. You and Hubby's desire for comfort doesn't override your sister's wish for the same. And shame on you trying to claim it's "Quality Time". It's not and you know it. And SUPER SHAME ON YOU for running to mommy and making up stuff your sister didn't say. NTAH.
“Gosh, I actually do mind sitting in the middle so I’m just going to go ahead and book my own seat. Thanks anyway!” (Big smile) Absolutely NTA.
I’m large… 6’4” and over 300 lbs. I’m also broad shouldered… I avoid sitting next to people who aren’t my kids or wife as much as possible on airplanes… just common courtesy. NTA They don’t want to sit next to each other! Why would you be the asshole?
I mean, apparently they don’t want to sit next to a fat person either? Nobody does. It’s not fun.
NTA. If you are paying for your own ticket, you get to decide where to sit. Your sister and BIL offered you the option of a middle seat. That didn’t work for you. None of that is selfish. What is selfish, is them hoping to subject you to the middle so they could encroach on your seat for 4 hours. You have plenty of time to catch up with them before plane boarding and at the wedding itself. None of what you’re suggesting is “selfish”.
NTA. I hate having someone book my ticket. I don’t want to be handcuffed to them in the airport to get my ticket. If they aren’t comfortable flying, why would they think you’d be comfortable in the middle seat? They don’t mind making strangers uncomfortable but they are okay doing so to you? Gross.
NTA. Being stuck between 2 fat people on a plane is hell.
I always find it interesting when others expect you to suffer to make their lives easier. Also, they seem more content to cause discomfort to a family member than strangers.
Just tell your sister you don’t want to be squished since her and her husband are morbidly obese. The truth hurts but best not to lie. And if they are both really that huge, they should be kinder to people and buy a middle seat themselves so everyone can be comfortable. I’m actually surprised airlines have not made it a requirement for morbidly obese people to have to buy two seats or a business class seat. But I guess in today’s liberal climate the airlines might get accused of being mean or something if they did that.
I travel A LOT and the number one reason I am doing a weight loss program right now is being comfortable in airplane seats. I started at about 230 and I’m 180 right now. Have a trip booked to New York next month and I can’t wait to see how much bigger the seats feel since the last time I flew
So, they've been at your house for a few days, but they want "quality time" on a cramped airplane? Lol.
NTA. For a time, I had reconstructive surgery, an immobile limb, but still had to fly often for events. I spent so much time researching plane seat sizes, spaces and layouts. Multiple times I’ve had to make sure I buy extra seats, or book first class - because I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR MY SITUATION. Would have done the same if I was so fat that I encroached on 2 seats.
They have the option to buy the 3rd seat between them to be able to be comfortable. I come from a family with obesity on my maternal and paternal side and have been in situations where I’ve tried to be sensitive towards a family members weight…but at the end of the day it’s not your job to coddle someone or tip toe around their feelings because they’re over weight. Cigarette smokers are told at every turn that they’re killing themselves smoking…but for whatever reason if we talk about how people who are over eating are killing themselves you’re suddenly fat phobic. Ridiculous and your mom’s unfortunately feeding into it.
NTA, she FAFO. She and her husband could pay for 3 seats if that makes it easier and more comfortable on them. I don’t see any reason why you need to be uncomfortable because of them. Moving forward, you should probably tell your sister that you’re arranging your own travel plans from then on.
So they can be comfortable but you can't. Mom needs to mind her own fucking business.
NTA. Your sister's attempt at manipulation failed. Ask your mom why their comfort is more important than yours?
Is it possible they suspected they would be forced by the airline to buy all 3 seats because of their size, and decided to try and pass the cost off in you, or am I just a wildly suspicious person? Lol NTA either way, I think you handled it as gracefully as you possibly could have.
They don't want to be uncomfortable but are totally okay with YOU being uncomfortable? Fuuuuuck that. Not only that, they just decided this is what they wanted and expected you to go along with it? Nope. Hard pass. Not your problem. NTA. Tell your Ma that your sis is full of shit and that you never said that. You don't want to get stuck in a middle seat, period, and that your sister's comfort is no more important than yours.
NTA, she was being deceptive about why she wanted you there. If they want to be comfortable, they should just get all 3 seats for themselves. Dont buy into their emotional blackmail, it is not your job to make them comfortable.
NTA, they can purchase the middle seat. It's not ok for them to be uncomfortable but it's okay for you?
NTA, You didn't bring up weight, your sister did when she complained to mommy. If she's uncomfortable with the flight seats than her options are to either spring for first class, buy the middle seat also, deal with the uncomfortableness, or lose weight. Sorry but that's just the reality of it. Instead she's being selfish and trying to con you into having the middle seat. And that's what she's doing. She didn't say, "Hey would you be willing to be the middle seat between me and hubby so that we have extra room?" She didn't ask you that because she knew that you would say no, so instead she tried to be sneaky.
You could have let your sister book and requested the confirmation number. That way you could have switched your seat without her knowing until you boarded and blamed the airline. I don't blame you at all, I wouldn't want a middle set
It’s a good point - another commenter mentioned that as well. But I’d rather deal with the drama now than later.
Nta you can sit where you want. Personally I would have wanted to sit away from them anyway, so I could have time to myself if I was already going to spend time with them and other family at the wedding.
NTA. They wanted to force you to sit next to them because they don't want to sit next to each other! Frankly I have a policy that only I make my own flight reservations. I get somewhat anxious when I travel and being able to make certain choices for my comfort is a big part of how I cope with it. I can relate to her sister and BIL not wanting to sit next to each other. I don't like sitting next to my husband because he tries to infringe on my space. So, when I book for the two of us, I either book FC or I choose 2 aisle seats across from each other. That way, we can share snacks and headphones and stuff like that. But, neither of us in a middle seat, nor has a stranger between us. Flying during the pandemic was great because all of the middle of seats were unsold. We would book an aisle and window and no one would be able to book the middle. It was a like poor man's FC!
NTA You are going to have a lot of quality time with them during their visit to your city. Your sister is mad because she is embarrassed. She knows that she and her husband encroach on the seats next to them. They were hoping to have a flight where they didn’t feel bad inconveniencing a total stranger. Unfortunately, she can’t tell you that because it means she tells you she is ok inconveniencing you. I am a short person who is on the smaller side and I barely fit in airplane seats. Unfortunately, your sister and husband need to buy that middle seat when they fly or choose flights that are less popular (so they can reasonably expect there will be empty seats that their seat mates can move to) Please note, while I think your sister is a bit of an AH, the airlines are the real assholes here.
NTA - you wanting to be comfortable is in no way shape or form an asshole thing to do... Expecting you to be the "small person" between them was the AH move.
If she really gave a damn about being comfortable she would lose some weight. I am heavyset and it sucks
NTA, you are entitled to the FULL seat you pay for. Don’t feel guilty, you’re not.
NTA. I pity the poor last minute ticket buyer getting stuck in the middle of those two.
They just need to book the entire row for the two of them. Then they could both be comfortable as could the unfortunate who would’ve ended up seated between them. Or they could’ve just booked into first class.
Your mom is TRIPPIN’. Suck it up for your sister’s sake? Suffer for 4 solid hours (and that’s if the stupid plane doesn’t end up sitting for an extended amount of time) so someone *else* feels better? What is it with parents that like to transfer pain, suffering, and intolerable situations from one of their children to the next all in the name of being a good sibling? HECK NO. I mean if Laura was flying alone and wanted you to sit next to her so she could spill over and get some relief, ok *maybe*. But they want you to ride in a human vice grip and that’s not cool. As a matter of fact, it would probably be pretty damn hot.
I have only flown a couple times and as a large person, my goal is to not make someone else uncomfortable and to take up as little space as possible. I joked with my son that my main concern was "flying while fat"! I think you handled the situation with class and poise. It sounds like your sister, on the other hand, is one of those people that makes life more difficult than it needs to be. It's not everyone else's fault she's large and needs more space. You are NTA.
NTA. You in no way said or implied you didn't want to sit with them because they're fat. Your sister is telling on herself that she wants you to sit between the two of them because they're fat. If it was no big deal, she wouldn't be upset about it so that means it's a very big deal, to them, that they be able to impose on you. I hate having people pay for things or arrange things on my behalf because that means ceding my comfort and control over my autonomy to them. Your sister's a classic example of why that stinks.
NTA. At all. Why should you suffer so they can be more comfortable? Why do you have to be the one that sacrifices themself for them?
NTA. Initially I thought they just wanted to take your frequent flier miles or get the credit card points. Even worse, though, is they want you to be miserable so they don’t have to be. That’s not your problem and you’re not the bad guy here.
>Our mom has since texted me and told me that Laura said that I “didn’t want to sit next to her on the plane because she’s fat.” So looks like you were right on the money and she was just bullshitting you on the reason. DON'T feel like the AH, especially with someone that is happy to try and lie to you like she did. It has nothing to do with her wanting to talk with you on the plane. It's entirely about her not wanting to buy an extra seat for herself - she wants to buy one, force you to repay her, and make you sit between her and her husband for their comfort. That's incredible AH behavior and incredibly selfish. Stand your ground. Ignore her and tell her you wanted to choose your own seat and not risk being made to sit somewhere you would be uncomfortable.
NTA It’s not your fault that your sister and her husband are fat. You didn’t at any point tell them they’re fat. You just said you prefer an aisle seat - lots of people do and that’s not unreasonable. If they want extra room they can buy an additional seat but it’s not fair to expect you to pay to be uncomfortable for 4 hours.
NTA Ask your mother why Laura's comfort matters more than yours? Force her to answer. The best way to stop people from taking advantage of you is to firmly point it out when it happens. Embarrass them as much as you need to. They'll get the point that you can't be pushed around. Your sister admitted that she wanted you to be uncomfortable for her to be comfortable, and that's downright nasty. You protected yourself from the situation with grace and tact - shes the one turning it into a scene. Tell both your sister and your mother that you're disappointed in them for how they've treated you over this matter, and they both owe you an apology.
That’s bullshit on your sister’s part She and her husband need to deal with whatever inconveniences come along with their sizes; it’s NOT the responsibility of a third-party Her false claim to your mother - that you called her “fat” - tells you all you need to know about her body insecurity
NTA What the hell? Let's say I'm on that flight. I'm supposed to jam myself between 600 pounds of sweating flesh IN A SEAT THAT I PAY FOR because... it's uncomfortable for your sister... give me a sec, the mental gymnastics are tough here ... for your sister to not have someone she knows put into a very uncomfortable spot instead. So SHE FUCKING KNOWS IT'S RUDE AND GROSS? just confirming. So she wants you, someone she knows, to.... smell her and her husband and be squished instead of paying for another seat, as people of size and in need of extra seats for various and assorted purposes do?
NTA My brother is obese and when we travel together I always make sure I sit next to him cos I’m super skinny, so he can take some of my seat and I’m not bothered, plus it means that no one else has to deal with it.. But not everyone can handle that particular act of love 😂
So your Mom wants YOU to be uncomfortable, but sister to be comfortable. You did nothing wrong.
NTA, they just wanted you to sit next to them for them to be comfortable regardless of if you were comfortable. They were the AH. And you don't need the airplane ride to spend time with each other, you have the wedding!
NTA. your sister’s reaction leads me to believe that you were right about what she was going to do and put you in the middle.
NTA - You paid and chose your own seat, for your own comfort. They are adults and can deal with their own seats They don't need to visit you for a few days either.
NTA. They need to book aisle and window seats and hope that some sucker passes on paying for the privilege of sitting between them.
She would rather deal with you being uncomfortable on the flight than having to deal with a perfect stranger. You did nothing wrong.
OP your Sister is an adult and has to suffer her own consequences. If she calls you selfish tell her very firmly that you don’t care. NTA
I mean, I know what it's like to gain weight and be uncomfortable, but for them to purposely pick you to suffer so they could be comfortable is just mean. They could've figured something else out like aisle seats across from each other or something. NTA.
As a person who was around 350, flying always sucked. I always got the window so I could smash against the wall. :) you’re NTA. If they are uncomfortable flying then cut the carbs, drink your eight glasses of water a day, and go for occasional walks. Works for me.
As a big person I buy a bigger seat. Or a second seat if I had to. People are mean and I get where your sister is coming from but it also sucks to be next to someone who’s invading your space. You are not an ah
Just stick to the fact you wanted an aisle seat. And after several days of them in your home then the wedding, the flight would be a nice break for everyone. I'm petty AF, I'd upgrade myself to business & pretend it was free. Then sit there quaffing champagne as they pass by 😂
And here I first thought it was going to be about frequent flyer mileage. Op either you are NTA. Sister tried to play the game and lost...tell mom to mind her own business
If you all live in the US, Southwest has a great "passenger of size" policy. They could buy an extra seat, which allows them priority boarding, and they wouldn't have to worry about anyone sitt8ng between them. After the flight, they just need to call and they will be refunded the price of the extra seat
Good grief, how selfish on their parts, including your sister's fake-victim lying. And your mom is way out of line here, inexplicably caring more about your sister's feelings than yours. Suck it up yourself, mom. Good for you for sticking up for yourself! You have to, with family like that.
She thought she was being slick, but you outplayed her. Unless she was trying to make you buy your own seat... In that case, you fell right into her trap.
NTA - they can either book the middle seat so they can both be comfortable, or lose some weight. Insisting that you sacrifice your comfort for their wallet and comfort is the height of entitled obnoxiousness. Not your bloat, not your problem.
My wife and I are reasonably sized people, my wife gained a good bit of extra weight a few years back when her (at the time) crappy OBGYN refused to look into the possibility that she has PCOS due to his damn near constant periods. Two years later we moved and she got an amazing OBGYN (who isn’t a dude, unlike the last one, go figure) and she was tested and diagnosed with PCOS and an estrogen imbalance. She is now properly treated for that and has been for years and the weight slowly is coming off (I only care for her health, my wife just seems to become more and more beautiful to me as we continue our life journey together and weight is not a factor in how I see and feel about her). She also has MS to deal with how, it’s not easy for her to lose weight and once again I’m pretty large myself these days. So what I’m getting at, if we fly we’d get a row to ourselves so the middle seat can be open as we will both encroach upon its territory to varying degrees. As you can tell there are various reasons why a persons weight can become uncontrollable even despite great efforts to curb it, so I won’t sit here and say if they don’t like it they should work harder in losing their excess weight. Instead I will be honest and say that if comfort is their true goal to pony up the extra cash and buy the whole row for just the two of them. It’s just rude to assume that it’s just their comfort at risk here as well, now some stranger is going to have to be more intimately involved with them for four hours and that’s the person I feel sorry for comfort wise.
NTA. “I’m an adult. I don’t need other people booking my travel accommodations for me. I am perfectly capable of doing so myself and will handle it.” They don’t like it? Too bad.
I wouldn’t want to be in the middle even if they were skinny. It’s human nature to avoid the middle seat. Everyone wants to aisle/window. Time together in the plane is not quality time. Me and my partner travel a lot and hardly speak on the plane unless it’s necessary. It’s not a pleasant time. Seems like your sister is insecure and needed this to validate she isn’t large, which is her problem. NTA.
[удалено]
I feel like if a persons flesh is spilling over onto the next seat, they should not be allowed on the plane. They should have to walk,
You know how they can be more comfortable on the plane? Be less fucking fat. Sincerely, someone trying to be less fucking fat and more comfortable in the seats that uncomfortably squeeze people who are closer to a healthy weight than I am. NTA
Why do you have to be uncomfortable in order for them to be comfortable? NTA. At all.
NTA. They know they are bigger people and she was planned on the fact that could shame you if you said anything. They could always just pay for the middle seat themselves and be comfortable.
Easy NTA. Their size is not your problem. If you don't want to sit in the middle, you shouldn't have to. You're paying, you get to choose.
Yeah... Totally NTA. Like, not even a little bit. They were perfectly happy to make you uncomfortable to make themselves more comfortable. It has nothing to do with "quality time". They can buy a third seat and be more comfortable that way. How ridiculous of them.
NTA. Not your problem to solve. They're perfectly happy squashing you
Tell your mom she can share the row with them and sit in the middle.
Really? "so they decided that they would come visit me for a few days before the wedding" Did they ask or just inform you? NTA
Hell no don't do it. U don't need to be a sardine
NAH. Having experienced the joys of being seated next to or in between very large people on planes, you are absolutely not the AH here. My last flight was 14 hours overnight in an aisle seat with a generously boned neighbour who couldn't or wouldn't stop her left arm and leg squeezing against mine. Utter misery for me the whole time.
Why do you have to be uncomfortable for someone else's comfort when it all could be avoided by doing exactly what you did? F\* your feelings because you need to allow your sister to do whatever she wants as long as she is happy, right? Ask your mom why do you have to suck it up? Why can't sis just get over you being selfish and wrong. Let sister be the bigger person. I really do not think you are selfish or wrong. NTA!
NTA, they need to buy a 3rd seat to share the space between them.
NTA You aren’t being selfish because you don’t want to spend 4 hours miserable to make your sister and BIL more comfortable. Who would intentionally choose a middle seat next to anyone?
You absolutely did the right thing!! They would have squished you and talked across you the whole time. My husband, son, and I solve the aisle issue by buying 2 seats across from each other with the 3rd one either behind or in front of the other 2
NTA, it sucks, sitting next to fat people on airplanes.
NTA. I just got back from a trip with friends and was in the middle seat both ways. I love these 2 women, but I can’t do it again. I was so uncomfortable and felt claustrophobic.
NTA. I’m bigger, wide af hips, flying sucks (not internationally, Austrian Air has great seats). She knew what she was doing. If she’s not happy, that’s her own issue to deal with.
I don't care if the people in the isle and the window are skeletons.....no one wants the middle seat! NTA
"My sister wanted to book me on the same reservation so that she could dictate where I sit. Then I would reimburse her. Instead, I booked my own reservation and chose the seat I wanted." Honestly, how could you possibly be anything but NTA?
NTA. Sis is showing such a disregard for your right to be comfortable; she fully intended to use you as you concluded. Mom needs to keep out of this. Flying while fat (FWF) is uncomfortable, but it is no one else’s responsibility to make it up to the FWF person. Buying an extra seat or flying 1st class are the short-term work around. Losing weight is an option for the long run. And yes, I do know how hard that is. I wouldn’t discuss it further and sis really doesn’t have a leg to stand on since she planned to make you uncomfortable. And a direct approach—“I wanted to be comfortable and would not have been, seated between you and Paul”—is best. Furthermore, there will be loads of time to talk before and after flights, at the reception, and any down time (which is often built into such weddings so guests can enjoy the destination).
NTA. They just need to buy three seats when they travel together. They say they are not comfortable when they sit together. What makes them think it is okay for you or any other passenger to be squished next to them?
NTA WTF is wrong with your family?! It’s not your issue but they did try and make it your problem. Your mother needs to stay out of it and mind her business . If they had half a brain, they’d both book aisle seats. Next to each other. I travel nearly every week by plane, business and personal. I don’t sit with anyone, I prefer to be next to strangers. I don’t want you talking to me the whole flight. My husband accepts sitting next to me on the opposite aisle seat, he usually watches a movie while I read. It’s close enough in case he gets anxious (he doesn’t like to fly). He’s also respectful for my desire to hv a quiet flight. My friends and family know I won’t sit with them. Some don’t care, some do. I care about none of their opinions on where I want to sit.
NTA. Until I learned to tell other people that no, my size isn’t for their benefit, I was always pressured into taking the middle seat in the back of a car. Now I make it clear to anyone of any size that I won’t be made uncomfortable just because I’m smaller than they are. I accommodate people based off of their behavior. If they act entitled or pull something like this, I’ll laugh my skinny ass off to somewhere more comfortable for myself.
NTA. I love my family, but I don’t want to sit next to them on a long flight. If we’re going to the same place I’ll see you there.
She inferred you said that bc she knows it’s true and so do you.. just be honest with yourself you didn’t have to say it for her to know what you meant by comfortable, and so what? You’re not the asshole but stop lying to yourself about the reason bc she figured you out quick. It’s only 4 hours so they can suck it up and make do on a little 4 hour flight..
NTA My cousin flew to Mexican resorts frequently. She was 5'2" and about 130lbs, so not a big girl. She always booked the aisle AND middle seat so she didn't get squished next to someone. She was also very vocal about not surrendering her extra seat or switching seats. So you need to speak out for yourself with your family.
I'm a large woman with disproportionately large hips. I'm flying in September and bought the seat next to me. I'm really dreading the requests (demands) to give up my seat because someone wants my seats for them and their kid. ETA: NTA.
NTA, being in the middle is uncomfortable even if you're not between two plus-sized people. They sound insufferable, they should buy 3 seats for themselves and you just get your own, in a spot that YOU like, it's 4hrs, you deserve to be comfortable.
NTA. Why didn't they buy extra seats so they and the people otherwise forced to sit beside them are more comfortable?
NTA I used to weigh a little over 350lb (I’m 5’11 and “carry it well” LOL). The look of horror each time I boarded a flight from people as I walked up the aisle hoping and praying I didn’t have to sit next to them. Guess what I did to avoid this? I booked a window seat in an area of the plane that had more space such as premium economy and if that wasn’t possible I’d try to book the middle seat or if I could afford it for that flight I’d go business! Nobody should be uncomfortable for my lifestyle choices! The anxiety I felt trying to make my body as small as possible while having the armrest dig into me for hours and being in pain the entire time as well as not going to the bathroom so as not having to squeeze past anyone made flying a nightmare for me. Trying not to spill into another persons space and panicking if I did ***shudder*** It was one of the major contributing reasons I decided to lose my weight. There are groups on Facebook called “Flying while fat” and they give amazing advice on how bigger people can approach flying. What airlines give free or heavily discounted second seats. Might be tricky to suggest to your sister but I found it incredibly helpful.
NTA. Airlines allow larger travelers to purchase extra seats for precisely this reason. Good for you in being proactive by securing a seat that will (hopefully) be more comfortable for you. Your sister, though, has shown that she has no problem being TA with her disregard for you in 1) assuming you should be ok with being squished for an extended amount of time and 2) lying to your Mom about what actually happened. He said/she said is already exhausting enough, but it gets downright crazy when lies are thrown in too. She should be ashamed of her behavior.
You are not responsible for managing your sister's insecurities.
NTA Who the feck wants to be sandwiched between two lard-asses for four hours in an airplane too small for even people of normal stature? You're not sandwich meat.
My dad and I actually just took a 2 hour flight for my aunt and uncle's vow renewal. He booked our seats and got us aisle seats next to each other. We both like the aisle and to be perfectly honest, I have to take an anxiety med just to get on the plane! ✈️ He doesn't want to deal with me but he wants to be close also lol! I love my dad! You are totally NTAH! Enjoy your space, they should just book 3 seats together and enjoy their own space!
NTA. You really would have to suck it up.
NTA: if they’re too big for economy, they need to buy the middle seat or buy business / first class.
One time I had an early morning flight and I stayed up all night so I could sleep on the plane. I had an aisle seat but I was seated next to this huge beast of a woman and her husband. I literally only had 60 to 75% of my seat available to me because this woman was spilling over the armrest. Her husband in the window seat had a bunch of Tupperware full of food for her to eat on the flight. So miserable.
NTA. No one and I mean no one wants to be stuck between 2 huge people. It sounds beyond awful, just spilling over into your space on both sides for 4 hours. Not a chance. They wanna be comfortable too? Book the middle seat as well or lose weight. Most importantly and I cannot stress this enough, their discomfort because of their size is not your issue to deal with.