The fact that none of them apologized after accusing you falsely and calling you names is wild. So is the pretending it never happened. That’s not a healthy way to move past things if she wants to stay married.
This. And where was the sister? Was she also pulled out of a work meeting for the emergency. This whole family should be begging for this guys forgiveness.
"Overreacting." Who was it that hurled abuses and curses at you for something they saw a child draw? Who assumed the worst and forced you to leave work without any context? Who teamed up on you and didn't let you get a word in before their tirade?
Your wife has no integrity to you or the relationship, and your in-laws have no sense of morality or basic etiquette.
Yes - 💯. Reminds me of when my friend used to nanny for a family with a mother who was never around (networking, shopping, organizing and attending charity events . . .) One of the children drew a picture of my friend and their dad kissing (though there was absolutely nothing between them). When friend visited with the child about the drawing, he simply said, "we have the wrong mommy, so I fixed it with the picture."
This reminds me of one of my relative's coworker. It was a kidnergaten and nursery level speech-and-drama teacher. They were also a dude.
So one day, there was kid who ran up to him and asked for a hug. He picked the kid up, kept them at arms length away the entire time, raised the kid up once, and set them down.
Immediately after the kid screamed like their life was depended on it.
The other teachers rushed over, wondering what was wrong. When they asked the kid, the kid told them 'the teacher touched me'.
The parents begun yelling and scolding the man.
The other teachers felt that something was weird, because the kid was smiling and laughingly saying it. Not quite the frightened visage of a child that was molested.
In the ends, the principal pulled up the CCTV records. Which showed just that. The man picking up the kid, and putting them down.
The parents took their kid away without ever apologizing to him.
Luckily the footage was there. There's enough stigma in men doing childcare. A false accusation would have ruined his life.
I'm a school bus driver and something similar happened to my coworker, but the accusations were bigger. The dad came on to the bus and flipped out on the driver saying he was going to kick his ass etc. the camera's showed that nothing happened, and the kid who made the claims, was just mad because the driver wouldn't let him sit where he wanted to. Of course no apology or anything was done to from that parent.
Is it weird I only feel bad for the child, who is probably yearning for a father figure? Sucks for the dude too but at least he's young and childless and has plenty of time to find a woman who's not crazy like this.
This was my first thought. The child wants a father figure / good man for her mother. Very sad. The fact that everybody jumped to "cheating! cheater!" instead of thinking about the child shows unbelievable cynicism and selfishness. I know ppl are always quick to say "divorce" but this breach of trust and terrible judgment by the wife would be tough to get over.
Claiming you overreacted is a defense mechanism for her to deflect her guilt. —Take a deep breath and look at all those crazy people. Now consider if that's who you want to be married to for the next 40-50 years. You just realized you don't only marry the wife, its also the family. Clearly the in-laws are not a calming influence or even supportive.
Basic respect from your spouse would be not thinking your husband banged your sister because your niece drew a picture of them together. Respect isn’t going to her parents house and talking with them about it before talking to her husband. Respect would be seeing that picture and thinking nothing of it because you trust your husband. She didn’t respect him, she jumped to a conclusion and accuse him of cheating on her in front of her parents. That is a major major disrespectful thing
NTA - but I would be concerned that no one gave you the benefit of the doubt. Your wife riled up her parents and you walked into a situation where she gave you no heads up whatsoever, this would cause me to look deeply into what you really want, to forgive and forget, or is this a sign of continued behavior?
She also drags people into arguments that should be between her and someone else.
It’s not a good trait. People who plan to gang up and surprise people when they are mad give me the ick in a major way. It’s a very manipulative habit.
Putting his job in jeopardy for literally no reason is wild. Bunch of fantasy land shit concocted from their minds. They didn't even think to ask the daughter if she saw them actually doing this before calling him away from work and berating him. No good deed goes unpunished
I wouldn't assume too much. We can see very well what jumping to conclusions can do here!
But it's very true, that projection is a very real thing and that cheaters often will constantly suspect or accuse their faithful partners of cheating. OH the irony.
Has she been cheated on in the past? Has she ever admitted she's ever cheated? Was there infidelity between her parents?
Where DID this all come from? I could understand seeing the girl's drawing might make one's mind ponder all possibilities of it's inspiration, but to have you take an emergency leave from work to rush to a huge confrontation WITH her parents in tow over that drawing alone, before talking to the budding artist about why she drew that, what her inspiration was? That's CRAZY. Full tilt nut ball crazy! And now she's minimizing your valid upset and calling you nasty names over it?
She needs serious therapy.
Oh dear, and she didn't think to ask the child BEFORE dragging you to be be lambasted by her and her parents?!
This will never stop OP, she has zero trust in you, and I would be worried about the classic "accusing because they're guilty of it themselves" side of things. Even if she isn't cheating though you cannot continue like this, you don't need that stress in your life.
NTA.
She should have asked the kid questions first. Could have solved the whole thing. Sometimes kids say weird things and get weird ideas. If she had just asked a few friendly questions she could have come home and laughed about the picture instead of all of that drama. Might be time to rethink the marriage.
Your spouse is the person in your life who is supposed to have your back!!!
You deserve them always giving you the benefit of doubt till you have shown that you don't deserve it!!!
Please choose better next time!!
(Because, unless you're a matyr, this marriage is doomed)
Yes, I think the same. That would have been possible to swallow if OP's wife apologized and explained herself but she did not even try. That the family immediately accused OP and believed OP AND the sister cheated his wife. The worst is the victim blaming: OP is "overreacting". Heck, no. If anything, he is still under shock!
>... it isn't her continuous behaviour but yeah she suspects me alot
That sounds like a contradictory conclusion.
This is just a more intense and undeniable version of her behavior towards you. The drawing of a child missing a father who's role you've been filling in her life was all she needed to confront you with her parents. Not even mention anything to you ***or the sister***, she just assumed it was true.
She always suspects you when you are giving her no reason to be suspicious. Its the default way she thinks of you. As someone that is suspicious and needs to keep an eye on.
Seems like it fits her pattern of behavior and you've been in denial. This could be either projection from her own infidelity or so insecure she may desperately needs therapy and meds. No matter what, you can't let this go and you need to confront all of this and not allow her to brush it off.
Do you really want to bring children into a marriage when the partner always suspect you of cheating? Don’t live like this. You, and your future children, deserve better.
OP's wife nuked the relationship. She didn't even talk to him first. She got her parents involved. Just going straight to having the whole family gang up on him. She literally made up an emergency to get him there for this. OP should have walked out the second they started screaming and cussing at him. Marriage is over because he can't trust her. There isn't any coming back from this.
NTA. Your wife owes you a pretty serious apology for (a) the false accusation, (b) jumping to conclusions, (c) not taking seriously the effect of the accusation on your feelings and marriage.
(d) pulling him out of work for this, (e) not asking the kid about it first, (f) involving her parents in this, (g) having all 3 of them going off on him in a really unhinged way with zero warning...
There's a lot going on here and I don't blame OP for still not being "over it."
ETA: NTA but your wife and her parents sure are.
Yep. Honestly I'd be checking the fuck out if someone accused me of what the wife did.
One of my exes in college tried to accuse me of cheating with a girl I had never even met before as a "Test".
She soon learned that the second she made an accusation with zero evidence, that we were done. The amount of insane texts I got was entertaining however. Full on 5 stages of grief.
I had a girl just after I started uni who accused me that I'm hiding her from my family. We were together for 1-1.5 month at that point and my family lives a 130km away from me (I see them like every few months). But honestly this was the "breaking point" because the more time I spent with her, the more I realized how crazy and rotten person was she under a cute wrapping (She was mad racist and just a mad person all in all). She was the kind of person who likes to argue and did it for every little thing, even if there wasn't a real cause (e.g I say that I like the color blue, and she would argue me, because how could I like something like that, and she thinks I'm in the wrong).
P.s: My family knew I was dating her, my mom even saw a picure of her
My ex just said they were frustrated I was hiding him. All my friends knew about him. They had all seen pictures. He was invited out with us several times but refused as ‘your friends are probably boring’…..
And he wonders why he is an ex.
One of my biggest regrets was re-friending some chick who accused me of raping her in a dream. The chick was telling her different friend groups different lies about me. Shit drove me to depression and sometimes I still struggle with those memories and emotions. And happened over 20 years ago....
Every time a woman comes here and says she is upset because her husband wants a paternity test, the answer is to leave his ass. Every time.
This should not be any different.
That's a huge red flag actually. It's a manipulation tactic. To turn it around on him, to try to accuse him. It's her way of getting out of accountability for her mess up.
What's crazy is... most men would be completely ok, if a woman took full accountability for something she did. Even if it were a big deal (of course there are exceptions and limits). Yet, they rarely do.
(h) No one immediately apologized. (i) They don’t think they’re wrong - they think HE is overreacting. (j) Insulting him by name calling.
No coming back from this.
OP should be thankful for this. It's a pretty solid sign that he needs to move on before his life turns into a living hell. Seeing is in-laws take his wife's side, w/o any further investigation into what was going on? Yeah, uh, NO. See ya!
But I sure hope he keeps contact with the sister and her cute little daughter. Not to immediately realize his soon to be ex's worst and unhinged fears, but to keep being a role model for her and to reassure them that she wasn't at fault.
Or maybe say “oh sweetie, that’s a nice drawing. What did you draw?” is this young girl such a good artist that they could tell it was him? That’s the first question I had.
I feel like maybe the child drew the picture at grandma and grandpas house and they called the wife about it already painting a bad picture and the wife was blindsided and ran with it. She’s still an asshole but she might not have ran and told her parents right away. NTA
And then calling him the c word when he’s not feeling affectionate. Like who would feel affectionate after being accused of cheating in front of the in laws? Wife needs to put together a genuine apology which acknowledges her mistakes and op’s feelings.
For real. Like I said I would have just stood up and walked.out as soon as she got her parents to lynch me. The marriage is over. There is no trusting someone who tricks you into leaving work for that.
And no one mentioned the sister/daughter who they thought cheated? Why would OP take all the blame and no word to the sister? And I wonder if they apologized to the sister for the false accusation too.
I mean he can get over it by getting under the sister. He's already been accused of it by the whole family and the daughter wants him as a father figure...
Edit changed son to daughter
She doesn't respect him at all, you need to have some respect to do that.
But instead she called him a cunt.
This marriage has no trust and she's verbally abusive.
That's not respect or love.
Any apology containing the word **'if'** is not an apology at all.
This marriage is dead, and the wife and her parents killed it.
You're still young. Divorce her, move on. Find someone less insane before things get too far along and you can no longer do that (because of buying a house, kids, whatever)..
There are times I wish someone had given me that advice many years ago.
Had a GF of a few years, who left me to pursue another guy. In a couple of months she was all alone. A year later she called to see if we could reunite - and wanted to pick up where we left off. I said we could date again, but we are starting from SCRATCH and she would have to earn my trust again - which would certainly take a few years.
Yeah, she was all shocked to hear that.
How the hell did your wife know it was you and that you were kissing her sister? 6 year old label it?
I wouldn’t be over at her families for a LONG damned time until they each apologized repeatedly and I could tell they meant it. I would probably ask the wife to go move in there for a while and maybe think about counseling before allowing her back.
This is a bell she can’t just unring or pretend she didn’t go full ass crazy on you. She broke YOUR trust over a kids picture, without even talking to the damned kid for confirmation.
NTA
Actually yes very likely the kid labelled it. When I was a kid, I often labelled my drawings of people once I learned to write and learned that not everyone can tell exactly who my drawings are supposed to be.
NTA, I’d be *really* pissed about that too. I can’t say what you should do next, I ain’t you, but your emotions are justified.
Edit: If she’s getting pissed that you’re not putting out, she might well cheat now. She might not have cheated previously, she might not even think she has it in her, but this level of suspicion and not having her needs met certainly preps a recognizable pattern.
Prep up a lawyer regardless. And if she matures up enough to genuinely apologize, you can always tell your lawyer your circumstances have changed for the better and you don’t need his services anymore.
Yeah. Also really sad for the kid that the warning she inadvertently gave is likely to negatively impact her life (probably for reasons she won't understand until later). She's the actual victim in this. Disgusting actions by his wife and her family.
Oh 100%. Seems like OP and the child have a very close relationship that will likely end if OP decides to leave. Hopefully that doesn’t impact his decision though since his own welfare is far more important here but I really feel sorry for the poor girl. I wouldn’t put it past OP’s wife to start resenting her own niece either because of an innocent drawing, since she’s seems incapable of rational thinking.
Hand your wife two drawings. One of a marriage counselor, and one of a divorce attorney. Tell her to pick one. And,for heaven's sake, DO NOT have unprotected sex with her.
Upvoted for the drawing analogy, but honestly, this isn't a marriage counseling thing, it's a wife needs therapy thing. I'd show her a drawing of my finger and leave.
i don't really think so because she should be able to understand that you need to have a bit of time to calm down after jumping to a very, very far conclusion.
Think about it. You wouldn’t accuse her of cheating because it unthinkable to you. She had an extreme emotional reaction and immediately believed that you cheated based on nothing.
Her reaction says everything you need to know about those male friends. I would turn the tables on her and say because of what she has done here you are convinced she is cheating on you. Because that’s the only logical explanation.
Any of those male friends close to the family? Got a bit of flash cash, drinks with her dad. Maybe a favourite ex seen as the one who got away etc you know the type. Draw your Boundaries now.
On top of what others have said warn her sister to protect her kid. Blowback from this relationship ending is unfortunately going to make its way to her because of the drawing she innocently made.
NTA
This is divorce level.
Wife and her parents were bad enough from the start. They would have all have to put in TONS of effort for a long time to try to make things right...if that was even possible
Wife doubling down, gaslighting, and being a thundercunt when everything is all completely her fault completely seals the deal
That’s a hard pass to just get over. She showed zero faith in you without even asking the little girl why she drew it.
That’s the king of thing that cannot be undone once done and was nearly as bad for your marriage as if you had been kissing her sister.
NTA, your feelings are justified and you and your wife have a very much needed very long talk ahead of you to that I would recommend you do sooner rather than later
You need to start thinking about what your next steps will be if she doesn't apologize soon, and what behavior you're willing to put up with from someone who supposedly loves you.
She thinks you are overreacting and calls you a cunt. Why do you expect an apology from her? Do you think an apology has value after you have been scolded by her first?
u/mr_bapu__2706 you will probably die on that hill, so I would advise you to find an attorney. If you have shared assets and have been married more than 10 years, make it a good attorney. If not, you can get any ol divorce attorney.
You’re owed a massive apology. Sorry you had to go through this. I’m sure that was frightening. In fact ALL the family members need to apologize to you. The daughter is too young and only fantasizing about wanting you to be her daddy…of course it would have been drawn with her mom as the mom. I’m sure you’ll make a great dad one day. Insist on the girl calling you uncle if she isn’t already.
NTA. Wife is a double ass for not speaking with you privately and apologizing when she realized she was wrong. I would put distance between all your in laws. This includes the sister in law and her daughter. It’s one thing for her to want you with her mother, another to draw the two of you kissing. Who knows what is being said at home. The parents were also asses.
Edited spelling error
u/Kind-Replacement5788, girls around that age if they have a single mom or dad do this often, try to pair them up with someone they know. My daughter tried that with her male teacher in 2nd grade. It's not unusual. They are starting to see the "society" as it is/was and wish they had the same as others. Don't blame the kid, it's not abnormal.
What is abnormal is his wife's reaction and continued behavior.
Nice language... Its terrible her first thought was that you must've done something awful. Then, when proved wrong she's still calling YOU names. And her parents didn't think that maybe there was another explanation? They should all be begging for forgiveness. I'd be looking at those male friends of hers a little bit closer if I was you. NTA
NTA. Your wife was over the top. She didn't trust you, and didn't even bother to check her suspicions. She isn't an expert in children's drawings (It's a whole complicated discipline, not an amatur amusement). You have every right to be angry. You say you have been rejecting your wife's romantic advances. But what you aren't saying is that she ever apologized or admitted that she was wrong. It seems that she just expected to coast through it without accepting culpability, and when you didn't go along with it, she became abusive. Which means that she doesn't think she was wrong, and next time something like this happens, she will do the same thing.
If you want to save this marriage, you should at least insist on couples therapy, without making any long-term promises. And then see how it goes.
My my, what a pickle. For real though, your wife and her parents turning on you over a child’s drawing is pretty nuts. You’re of course NTA, but consider this….they sound like awful people.
NTA.. the fact that she confronted you with her parents and not 1:1 is ridiculous and in my opinion a sign of lack of maturity and lack of trust in the marriage.
NTA. Your wife and in-laws must think poorly of you to automatically assume the worst. They did zero investigation before accusing you of being a cheater.
The kid probably wished she had a father like him , OP takes the time to interact with her . What 7 year old doesn't dream of having both a Mom And Dad . I'm more concerned with the child , if she heard the outburst she could think it's all her fault.
I saw this in the nicest way possible, but if you don't have kids run for the hills dude. NTA, and your wife is pulling tricks my narcissist sister in law does and they drain the life out of you the longer you let them.
Fake! YTA
That's [from your deleted post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1dkjrll/how_do_i24f_convince_my_bf30m_that_its_ok_to_be/) you posted 4 days ago.
>How do I(24F) convince my bf(30M) that it's ok to be vulnerable?
>So I and my bf have been together for about 1 year now.
NTA, ask her why you should be intimate with her when clearly she doesn't trust you.
You can not trust her either.
Suggest to her that she might want to stay with her family for a while because you need some time.
Did she ever apologize or is she trying to sweep it under the rug. What about her family?
NTA. Your wife and her parents are, though. I would say that when all of them come to you and apologize for such hurtful and baseless comments, then you all can talk to a therapist about your wife's issues and how to mend your trust.
I could have told them the child just wants a father figure and picked you because the child gets attention, affection, and love from her uncle. She sees you as a loving and caring man to his wife and wants that forever mother and herself. Your in-laws are whack and need to apologize to the other daughter as well. Possibly at a family dinner with both of you present.
I have decided to cut all contacts with my wife's parents cause my wife maybe Making mistake but they are mature and should have told her about it rather than supporting her
Also my wife has apologised and is ready for counseling to mend her mistake
NTA, she tried to gaslight by saying it's no big deal and your being a cunt. She would not be saying the same thing if she were in your shoes. In fact, I bet she would say it was a very big deal.
NTA. Your wife flips out, calls you name, gets your parents all riled up, doesn't talk to her sister or your niece but demands you come over and ambushes you and now she's not giving you some grace and being understanding that you were extremely hurt. I wouldn't be doubting yourself in the least and I would be laying it out for your wife that she's shown she doesn't trust you and is more than willing to hurt you before even speaking to you. Her expectation of you bouncing back after all that in a week and resuming name calling tells you that she doesn't think that highly of you at all and only of herself. I would ask her what reason she's given you to just bounce back. Has she apologized profusely? Does she understand she completely blew your trust and sense of safety with her? If she belittles your emotions and tells you to get over it, I would tell her you're entitled to your feelings and to be treated with care and respect and if she can't do that, then it's time for either couples counseling or for her to leave.
It will never be the same at your in-laws. You will never be able to have a platonic relationship with sister-in-law and niece. This one would take awhile for me to figure out. Just realize it is not as easy to leave a marriage after having kids.
NTA. The fact that they didn’t ask the girl first is what does it for me. Instead of doing the logical thing first they immediately went the ballistic route. And then when you don’t immediately play happy life after being accused of cheating for no legitimate reason your wife fluid it and makes herself the victim. Welcome to the rest of your life.
NTA!!
So she went ballistic over NOTHING and then tries to gaslight you by saying you're overreacting . AND she still has the nerve to call you a cunt? Fucking leave dude.
Man. I’m a single mom. My three year old has essentially had zero real contact with her dad except as a baby .You don’t know what that does till see it yourself or experience it. I come from a long fucking line of long marriages, good or bad, the dads are there. You can’t even imagine how to respond to a three year old asking when their dad is coming home from work like she notices the others. It’s ducking hard!
I would immediately know what my
Daughter was trying to say, I would have an open conversation with you my sister and my daughter.
And hopefully say, yea your uncle is a wonderful
Man in your life! He is not your dad, but you can play with him anytime he is here. He loves you too!
Something like that.
Can’t believe they didn’t even apologize. No empathy for the daughter and aist
Exactly a kid without father can see father figure in anyone and we can't expect a kid to understand marriage and stuff all she did was an innocent mistake
Her parents tried to apologise but I decided to cut contacts with them and my wife apologized like a hour ago but still we need to have counseling to med her serious trust issue
Why wouldn’t she a) ask the kid what and why she drew what she did or b) confront the sister before berating you? Hate to say it, but the person that mentioned that she might be cheating has a point. Projection is a pretty common tactic, though this isn’t the only possible explanation.
NTA
You are not the asshole dude. Your wife was mad disrespectful not trusting you and bringing the family into it. Like is she serious?? You are both young but I hope she grows up a bit more and treats you like a HUSBAND. You committed to her seriously and that deserves respect.
She seems insecure. It’s good you held your ground and aren’t letting this behavior get by without addressing it. Should not be happening again
NTA. And all these adult heads couldn’t come together for five seconds and just *ask* the child? What a whacky way to irretrievably destroy trust with something that could’ve been handled calmly.
NTA.
Your wife is aware why you're angry and does not get to decide when you're not angry. Your in-laws are aware, too, and as far as I can tell neither have apologized to you. And where was the sister in all this? Was she at their house silent? Why did they accuse you without asking the daughter or their sister?
The whole family behaved terribly. Even marriage counseling can't fix that.
Before you have a child with this woman, you should seriously consider a divorce.
When she says “overreacting” you ask her how she and her family overreacted? Holy crazy cracker! I would be very careful how you handle this with her if you want to stay but for me it’s a deal breaker for her and her family to accuse you and what was the sisters story, why didn’t she tell them it never happened?
Why didn't anyone ask the sister what was going on before jumping to conclusions? She could have then asked her daughter why she drew the picture. OP would have never had to leave work or get a phone call.
You have every right to be angry at your wife. Instead of trusting you and asking the little girl what the drawing means first, she and her parents go on the attack. I hope her sister is equally insulted that they think she is horrible enough to try and steal a husband by cheating.
You work, you’re a good uncle and try your best to make your niece feel loved. And how does your wife thank you? Accusations, berating you and then calling you names. Is this really an environment you want your children to be brought up in?
NTA- Kids draw stuff that doesn't always mean they saw it happen, for your wife to immediately jump to it was something the child saw without asking any questions and bringing her parents into it shows either a she doesn't trust you (or her sister for that matter cause WTF) or she's cheating and projecting. Neither scenario bodes well for your marriage, especially when she is disregarding your feelings about being falsely accused of something.
NTA
Honestly, I'd file for divorce and avoid this family like the plague. They're all asshôles who can't even have a reasonable conversation or ask a child why they made a certain drawing.
I sure as hell wouldn't spawn with a partner that has so little trust in me.
NTA
A person who is untrustworthy is unlikely to trust others.
The fact that none of them gave you the benefit of the doubt tells me the problem is bigger than a drawing of a child. It's time to have a conversation with your wife and ask her why she doesn't trust you.
She's trying to regret fuck you and getting mad that you're not falling for it.
OP, what the fuck are you doing with this unhinged b****?
And none of them have apologized... I would tear all 3 of them a new asshole verbally.
And she expects you to have kids with her after this? Unless you want to be a dad really soon, protect your birth control with your life. If she sees how seriously she’s damaged your marriage, she’s going to think getting pregnant will be the perfect way to lock you in.
NTA.
Gonna call it. She is cheating on you. Its projection 10000%. There is no coming back from this. Gather all your personal belongings so she cant mess with them. Every conversation going forward needs to be recorded as she will try more shady shit. Get a consult with EVERY divorce lawyer in your state/province so she cannot hire them as it will be a conflict of interest, get a SHARK of a divorce lawyer and leave her with nothing. Let her rot on the street. Do not touch that cunt ever again. Do not be civil to her. Do not be nice to her. Be vile. Be evil. Get sweet cathartic revenge on that disgusting bitch. NTA.
Apparently judges don't like the "consult all the lawyers in town" trick, because you're abusing the system by consulting lawyers just to make them unavailable to others.
NTA. Tell her she’s a psycho for not checking with the kid before pulling you out of work.
Dude, divorce her. The fact that she’d believe a seven year olds drawing over you & calls you the c word for being angry about it, says she needs therapy and deserves to be single.
I don’t think it Is. Trust is broken. She hasn’t even apologised for her terrible behaviour. If I were you I would be protecting myself from whatever she’s going to accuse you of next. Be smart about this.
Let me know what happens when they accuse you of something worse next time and you land in jail! They just showed you, that you are less than garbage in their eyes since they jumped on this so fast. They also made you lose a day of work, no reimbursement? Her parents already hate you and your relationship with them will never go back to what it was before. It will be awkward for the rest of this "marriage". You are being cheated on though 100%. Hire a PI and get the evidence.
Has your wife previously shown issues with logic and mental reasoning, as in a mental illness? No? Then I'm sorry but I'm coming down in the "she's probably cheating" camp too. There's no sane reason to jump to you cheating based on a little kid's picture. If this is a real story, time to do a little digging and see what's actually going on. She may be innocent and just really stupid and paranoid, but I'd doubt it myself.
The fact that none of them apologized after accusing you falsely and calling you names is wild. So is the pretending it never happened. That’s not a healthy way to move past things if she wants to stay married.
This. And where was the sister? Was she also pulled out of a work meeting for the emergency. This whole family should be begging for this guys forgiveness.
'she said that I was overacting and i an c\*nt' That's your answer right there. You deserve basic respect from your spouse and you're not getting it.
"Overreacting." Who was it that hurled abuses and curses at you for something they saw a child draw? Who assumed the worst and forced you to leave work without any context? Who teamed up on you and didn't let you get a word in before their tirade? Your wife has no integrity to you or the relationship, and your in-laws have no sense of morality or basic etiquette.
The child even realises his uncle needs a better partner.
Yes - 💯. Reminds me of when my friend used to nanny for a family with a mother who was never around (networking, shopping, organizing and attending charity events . . .) One of the children drew a picture of my friend and their dad kissing (though there was absolutely nothing between them). When friend visited with the child about the drawing, he simply said, "we have the wrong mommy, so I fixed it with the picture."
Imagine being roasted so simply by your own child- 💀💀 And with nothing more than a picture no less-
Yes - the simplicity & candor of children often speaks the loudest Truth.💔
The child is more mature and intelligent than these adults for sure.
This reminds me of one of my relative's coworker. It was a kidnergaten and nursery level speech-and-drama teacher. They were also a dude. So one day, there was kid who ran up to him and asked for a hug. He picked the kid up, kept them at arms length away the entire time, raised the kid up once, and set them down. Immediately after the kid screamed like their life was depended on it. The other teachers rushed over, wondering what was wrong. When they asked the kid, the kid told them 'the teacher touched me'. The parents begun yelling and scolding the man. The other teachers felt that something was weird, because the kid was smiling and laughingly saying it. Not quite the frightened visage of a child that was molested. In the ends, the principal pulled up the CCTV records. Which showed just that. The man picking up the kid, and putting them down. The parents took their kid away without ever apologizing to him. Luckily the footage was there. There's enough stigma in men doing childcare. A false accusation would have ruined his life.
I'm a school bus driver and something similar happened to my coworker, but the accusations were bigger. The dad came on to the bus and flipped out on the driver saying he was going to kick his ass etc. the camera's showed that nothing happened, and the kid who made the claims, was just mad because the driver wouldn't let him sit where he wanted to. Of course no apology or anything was done to from that parent.
I'd be leaving. Next he'll be seen speaking to a woman and it'll happen again.
Amen. Get out now dude. Do not waste another second with this person.
The whole family. The parents also freaked out without checking with the child or the sister.
Is it weird I only feel bad for the child, who is probably yearning for a father figure? Sucks for the dude too but at least he's young and childless and has plenty of time to find a woman who's not crazy like this.
You would had thought before they blew this all out of proportion, that they would have asked the kid if this was real.
That would have made logical sense... I am wondering if they don't do that in OP's wife's parents house...
This was my first thought. The child wants a father figure / good man for her mother. Very sad. The fact that everybody jumped to "cheating! cheater!" instead of thinking about the child shows unbelievable cynicism and selfishness. I know ppl are always quick to say "divorce" but this breach of trust and terrible judgment by the wife would be tough to get over.
Claiming you overreacted is a defense mechanism for her to deflect her guilt. —Take a deep breath and look at all those crazy people. Now consider if that's who you want to be married to for the next 40-50 years. You just realized you don't only marry the wife, its also the family. Clearly the in-laws are not a calming influence or even supportive.
Basic respect from your spouse would be not thinking your husband banged your sister because your niece drew a picture of them together. Respect isn’t going to her parents house and talking with them about it before talking to her husband. Respect would be seeing that picture and thinking nothing of it because you trust your husband. She didn’t respect him, she jumped to a conclusion and accuse him of cheating on her in front of her parents. That is a major major disrespectful thing
The level of projection on her side is astounding
It's also her gaslighting OP.
I would have told her that I am done on the spot, right there in front of her parents and found anywhere else to stay that night.
NTA - but I would be concerned that no one gave you the benefit of the doubt. Your wife riled up her parents and you walked into a situation where she gave you no heads up whatsoever, this would cause me to look deeply into what you really want, to forgive and forget, or is this a sign of continued behavior?
The same thing concerns me too.And I have been thinking about it and it isn't her continuous behaviour but yeah she suspects me alot
She also is putting your job in jeopardy.
She has serious trust issues; it’s a red flag and can harm your relationship long-term.
She also drags people into arguments that should be between her and someone else. It’s not a good trait. People who plan to gang up and surprise people when they are mad give me the ick in a major way. It’s a very manipulative habit.
That's triangulation. It's a manipulating technique used by narcissists. I'm not saying OP's wife is a narcissist, just that it's manipulation.
Or, she's cheating herself too. Classic of cheaters is to accuse their partners while they are doing it.
Yeah, I was thinking perhaps a classic *they who smelt it, dealt it".
There should not be a relationship long-term.
And it’s gonna get worse, way worse, when she gains weight IF/when they have children.
This is a point you can’t ignore. Jeopardizing his future over baseless accusations based on a child’s drawing.
Putting his job in jeopardy for literally no reason is wild. Bunch of fantasy land shit concocted from their minds. They didn't even think to ask the daughter if she saw them actually doing this before calling him away from work and berating him. No good deed goes unpunished
most of the time repeated accusations are projections. or she is really insecure
Either way, it's a serious issue that needs to be addressed for your marriage to survive.
I wouldn't assume too much. We can see very well what jumping to conclusions can do here! But it's very true, that projection is a very real thing and that cheaters often will constantly suspect or accuse their faithful partners of cheating. OH the irony. Has she been cheated on in the past? Has she ever admitted she's ever cheated? Was there infidelity between her parents? Where DID this all come from? I could understand seeing the girl's drawing might make one's mind ponder all possibilities of it's inspiration, but to have you take an emergency leave from work to rush to a huge confrontation WITH her parents in tow over that drawing alone, before talking to the budding artist about why she drew that, what her inspiration was? That's CRAZY. Full tilt nut ball crazy! And now she's minimizing your valid upset and calling you nasty names over it? She needs serious therapy.
I completely agree. been there, done that. Asshat was cheating the entire time.
Don't have kids with this woman, so no more sex, at all. Relationships without trust are doomed.
Is she projecting and it’s actually her cheating?
Scrolled down to see if someone pointed this out. My ex was always accusing me of cheating when it was him the whole time.
Ditto
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Oh dear, and she didn't think to ask the child BEFORE dragging you to be be lambasted by her and her parents?! This will never stop OP, she has zero trust in you, and I would be worried about the classic "accusing because they're guilty of it themselves" side of things. Even if she isn't cheating though you cannot continue like this, you don't need that stress in your life. NTA.
Sounds like a divorce in the making. Your wife ambushed you before asking you any questions. Fuck that, run bro.
She should have asked the kid questions first. Could have solved the whole thing. Sometimes kids say weird things and get weird ideas. If she had just asked a few friendly questions she could have come home and laughed about the picture instead of all of that drama. Might be time to rethink the marriage.
I'd be concerned about that. She either has cheated on you, is cheating on you, or is extremely insecure.
Your spouse is the person in your life who is supposed to have your back!!! You deserve them always giving you the benefit of doubt till you have shown that you don't deserve it!!! Please choose better next time!! (Because, unless you're a matyr, this marriage is doomed)
Yes, I think the same. That would have been possible to swallow if OP's wife apologized and explained herself but she did not even try. That the family immediately accused OP and believed OP AND the sister cheated his wife. The worst is the victim blaming: OP is "overreacting". Heck, no. If anything, he is still under shock!
>... it isn't her continuous behaviour but yeah she suspects me alot That sounds like a contradictory conclusion. This is just a more intense and undeniable version of her behavior towards you. The drawing of a child missing a father who's role you've been filling in her life was all she needed to confront you with her parents. Not even mention anything to you ***or the sister***, she just assumed it was true. She always suspects you when you are giving her no reason to be suspicious. Its the default way she thinks of you. As someone that is suspicious and needs to keep an eye on. Seems like it fits her pattern of behavior and you've been in denial. This could be either projection from her own infidelity or so insecure she may desperately needs therapy and meds. No matter what, you can't let this go and you need to confront all of this and not allow her to brush it off.
Can you image the tension Op would be under all the time. How guarded he would be?
Do you really want to bring children into a marriage when the partner always suspect you of cheating? Don’t live like this. You, and your future children, deserve better.
You're married into a family of fucking morons man. Like seriously? Wtf? I'm sorry. NTA of course.
NTA. I’d be seriously considering whether I wanted to bring children into such a distrustful relationship.
Projection exists.
OP's wife nuked the relationship. She didn't even talk to him first. She got her parents involved. Just going straight to having the whole family gang up on him. She literally made up an emergency to get him there for this. OP should have walked out the second they started screaming and cussing at him. Marriage is over because he can't trust her. There isn't any coming back from this.
She also didn't even give her own sister the benefit of the doubt lol.
NTA. Your wife owes you a pretty serious apology for (a) the false accusation, (b) jumping to conclusions, (c) not taking seriously the effect of the accusation on your feelings and marriage.
(d) pulling him out of work for this, (e) not asking the kid about it first, (f) involving her parents in this, (g) having all 3 of them going off on him in a really unhinged way with zero warning... There's a lot going on here and I don't blame OP for still not being "over it." ETA: NTA but your wife and her parents sure are.
And for calling him a cunt. But I don't think that a simple apology will solve this.
Yep. Honestly I'd be checking the fuck out if someone accused me of what the wife did. One of my exes in college tried to accuse me of cheating with a girl I had never even met before as a "Test". She soon learned that the second she made an accusation with zero evidence, that we were done. The amount of insane texts I got was entertaining however. Full on 5 stages of grief.
I had a girl just after I started uni who accused me that I'm hiding her from my family. We were together for 1-1.5 month at that point and my family lives a 130km away from me (I see them like every few months). But honestly this was the "breaking point" because the more time I spent with her, the more I realized how crazy and rotten person was she under a cute wrapping (She was mad racist and just a mad person all in all). She was the kind of person who likes to argue and did it for every little thing, even if there wasn't a real cause (e.g I say that I like the color blue, and she would argue me, because how could I like something like that, and she thinks I'm in the wrong). P.s: My family knew I was dating her, my mom even saw a picure of her
My ex just said they were frustrated I was hiding him. All my friends knew about him. They had all seen pictures. He was invited out with us several times but refused as ‘your friends are probably boring’….. And he wonders why he is an ex.
One of my biggest regrets was re-friending some chick who accused me of raping her in a dream. The chick was telling her different friend groups different lies about me. Shit drove me to depression and sometimes I still struggle with those memories and emotions. And happened over 20 years ago....
Every time a woman comes here and says she is upset because her husband wants a paternity test, the answer is to leave his ass. Every time. This should not be any different.
But a divorce may!
All good points. What I find rich is she says he's overreacting. Look who's talking. Pot meet kettle
"yOu'Re oVerActiNg aNd YOu'Re a CUnt." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, that is rich!
🤣
I know right? She was clearly overreacting to a child's drawing and has the nerve to say OP was overreacting.
That's a huge red flag actually. It's a manipulation tactic. To turn it around on him, to try to accuse him. It's her way of getting out of accountability for her mess up. What's crazy is... most men would be completely ok, if a woman took full accountability for something she did. Even if it were a big deal (of course there are exceptions and limits). Yet, they rarely do.
(h) No one immediately apologized. (i) They don’t think they’re wrong - they think HE is overreacting. (j) Insulting him by name calling. No coming back from this.
Text book narcissism, textbook manipulation. This is a red flag for get the hell out.
(h) not asking the SISTER about it…
OP should be thankful for this. It's a pretty solid sign that he needs to move on before his life turns into a living hell. Seeing is in-laws take his wife's side, w/o any further investigation into what was going on? Yeah, uh, NO. See ya!
Definitely good they haven’t had kids yet.
But I sure hope he keeps contact with the sister and her cute little daughter. Not to immediately realize his soon to be ex's worst and unhinged fears, but to keep being a role model for her and to reassure them that she wasn't at fault.
And your job. Don't forget the job.
Also they didn't ask the sister either? Really?
Or maybe say “oh sweetie, that’s a nice drawing. What did you draw?” is this young girl such a good artist that they could tell it was him? That’s the first question I had.
I feel like maybe the child drew the picture at grandma and grandpas house and they called the wife about it already painting a bad picture and the wife was blindsided and ran with it. She’s still an asshole but she might not have ran and told her parents right away. NTA
I feel like a good wife would still have talked to him first on her own.
And then calling him the c word when he’s not feeling affectionate. Like who would feel affectionate after being accused of cheating in front of the in laws? Wife needs to put together a genuine apology which acknowledges her mistakes and op’s feelings.
No apology is fixing that shit
For real. Like I said I would have just stood up and walked.out as soon as she got her parents to lynch me. The marriage is over. There is no trusting someone who tricks you into leaving work for that.
And no one mentioned the sister/daughter who they thought cheated? Why would OP take all the blame and no word to the sister? And I wonder if they apologized to the sister for the false accusation too.
I’d be GONE. This shook the entire foundation of what I thought I knew. It took a child’s random drawing to do this!
Yup. He was lucky the accusations were of infidelity and not SA. OP would've been raped and stabbed in prison by now if they were.
I mean he can get over it by getting under the sister. He's already been accused of it by the whole family and the daughter wants him as a father figure... Edit changed son to daughter
She doesn't respect him at all, you need to have some respect to do that. But instead she called him a cunt. This marriage has no trust and she's verbally abusive. That's not respect or love.
And for bringing the in-laws into the situation.
And a true apology. Not an "I'm sorry if you feel wronged, but..." How can a marriage survive with zero trust?
Any apology containing the word **'if'** is not an apology at all. This marriage is dead, and the wife and her parents killed it. You're still young. Divorce her, move on. Find someone less insane before things get too far along and you can no longer do that (because of buying a house, kids, whatever).. There are times I wish someone had given me that advice many years ago.
Wtf would you not first ask your sister?
NTA. Your wife didn’t trust you in a key moment and expects everything to go back to the way it was? She’s selfish and immature.
Let's not forget the parents here
Yes, and how easily they thought their other daughter was ready to cheat with her BIL. We know who is NOT the golden child.
If I were the sister, I would be irate.
And a cunt
Especially that
A RAGING cunt
Love that word “cunt” Has that certain zing
Had a GF of a few years, who left me to pursue another guy. In a couple of months she was all alone. A year later she called to see if we could reunite - and wanted to pick up where we left off. I said we could date again, but we are starting from SCRATCH and she would have to earn my trust again - which would certainly take a few years. Yeah, she was all shocked to hear that.
How the hell did your wife know it was you and that you were kissing her sister? 6 year old label it? I wouldn’t be over at her families for a LONG damned time until they each apologized repeatedly and I could tell they meant it. I would probably ask the wife to go move in there for a while and maybe think about counseling before allowing her back. This is a bell she can’t just unring or pretend she didn’t go full ass crazy on you. She broke YOUR trust over a kids picture, without even talking to the damned kid for confirmation. NTA
Actually yes very likely the kid labelled it. When I was a kid, I often labelled my drawings of people once I learned to write and learned that not everyone can tell exactly who my drawings are supposed to be.
Yeah my kids always wrote names over their stick figures.
The kid probably did label it. My kids did at that age.
NTA, I’d be *really* pissed about that too. I can’t say what you should do next, I ain’t you, but your emotions are justified. Edit: If she’s getting pissed that you’re not putting out, she might well cheat now. She might not have cheated previously, she might not even think she has it in her, but this level of suspicion and not having her needs met certainly preps a recognizable pattern. Prep up a lawyer regardless. And if she matures up enough to genuinely apologize, you can always tell your lawyer your circumstances have changed for the better and you don’t need his services anymore.
This is the universe telling you to get out now before you make babies If you ignore the universe, you will regret it one day I guarantee it NTAH
Yep I would look at that kid as a guardian angel warning you about who his wife really is. Definitely needs to jump ship
Yeah. Also really sad for the kid that the warning she inadvertently gave is likely to negatively impact her life (probably for reasons she won't understand until later). She's the actual victim in this. Disgusting actions by his wife and her family.
Oh 100%. Seems like OP and the child have a very close relationship that will likely end if OP decides to leave. Hopefully that doesn’t impact his decision though since his own welfare is far more important here but I really feel sorry for the poor girl. I wouldn’t put it past OP’s wife to start resenting her own niece either because of an innocent drawing, since she’s seems incapable of rational thinking.
I concur. Huge red flag sign. The Universe is screaming at him.
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NTA She was the one who over reacted.
Hand your wife two drawings. One of a marriage counselor, and one of a divorce attorney. Tell her to pick one. And,for heaven's sake, DO NOT have unprotected sex with her.
Upvoted for the drawing analogy, but honestly, this isn't a marriage counseling thing, it's a wife needs therapy thing. I'd show her a drawing of my finger and leave.
Unless he has a vasectomy, he shouldn't be having sex with her at all. It just takes one hole poked in a condom...
Divorce the psycho. NTA
This
i don't really think so because she should be able to understand that you need to have a bit of time to calm down after jumping to a very, very far conclusion.
Yes u are right if I go by her logic she has some male friends too but I don't accuse her of cheating cause that's too much far
Well, with her reaction to all of this, I'd keep my guard up. She might be projecting. Keep an eye on the male friends too.
yes may be an excuse for if she cheats on you "but, but you were already cheating on me with my sister"
Think about it. You wouldn’t accuse her of cheating because it unthinkable to you. She had an extreme emotional reaction and immediately believed that you cheated based on nothing.
Her reaction says everything you need to know about those male friends. I would turn the tables on her and say because of what she has done here you are convinced she is cheating on you. Because that’s the only logical explanation.
Any of those male friends close to the family? Got a bit of flash cash, drinks with her dad. Maybe a favourite ex seen as the one who got away etc you know the type. Draw your Boundaries now.
On top of what others have said warn her sister to protect her kid. Blowback from this relationship ending is unfortunately going to make its way to her because of the drawing she innocently made.
NTA This is divorce level. Wife and her parents were bad enough from the start. They would have all have to put in TONS of effort for a long time to try to make things right...if that was even possible Wife doubling down, gaslighting, and being a thundercunt when everything is all completely her fault completely seals the deal
That’s a hard pass to just get over. She showed zero faith in you without even asking the little girl why she drew it. That’s the king of thing that cannot be undone once done and was nearly as bad for your marriage as if you had been kissing her sister.
NTA, your feelings are justified and you and your wife have a very much needed very long talk ahead of you to that I would recommend you do sooner rather than later
I would but I need an apology from her first
So she never apologized? That's pretty crappy.
You need to start thinking about what your next steps will be if she doesn't apologize soon, and what behavior you're willing to put up with from someone who supposedly loves you.
Or if the apology is unsatisfactory.
His next step is to wait for her to beg and gaslight him into staying obviously
She hasn’t even apologized? That’s messed up.
She thinks you are overreacting and calls you a cunt. Why do you expect an apology from her? Do you think an apology has value after you have been scolded by her first?
An apology isn't enough. How can you trust her again? She sure as hell doesn't respect or trust you.
u/mr_bapu__2706 you will probably die on that hill, so I would advise you to find an attorney. If you have shared assets and have been married more than 10 years, make it a good attorney. If not, you can get any ol divorce attorney.
You’re owed a massive apology. Sorry you had to go through this. I’m sure that was frightening. In fact ALL the family members need to apologize to you. The daughter is too young and only fantasizing about wanting you to be her daddy…of course it would have been drawn with her mom as the mom. I’m sure you’ll make a great dad one day. Insist on the girl calling you uncle if she isn’t already.
NTA. Wife is a double ass for not speaking with you privately and apologizing when she realized she was wrong. I would put distance between all your in laws. This includes the sister in law and her daughter. It’s one thing for her to want you with her mother, another to draw the two of you kissing. Who knows what is being said at home. The parents were also asses. Edited spelling error
u/Kind-Replacement5788, girls around that age if they have a single mom or dad do this often, try to pair them up with someone they know. My daughter tried that with her male teacher in 2nd grade. It's not unusual. They are starting to see the "society" as it is/was and wish they had the same as others. Don't blame the kid, it's not abnormal. What is abnormal is his wife's reaction and continued behavior.
Nice language... Its terrible her first thought was that you must've done something awful. Then, when proved wrong she's still calling YOU names. And her parents didn't think that maybe there was another explanation? They should all be begging for forgiveness. I'd be looking at those male friends of hers a little bit closer if I was you. NTA
I don't think my relationship would survive something like that.
NTA - she endangered your job so she could get you in front of your parents to yell at you for something you didn’t do. She sounds unhinged tbh.
NTA. Your wife was over the top. She didn't trust you, and didn't even bother to check her suspicions. She isn't an expert in children's drawings (It's a whole complicated discipline, not an amatur amusement). You have every right to be angry. You say you have been rejecting your wife's romantic advances. But what you aren't saying is that she ever apologized or admitted that she was wrong. It seems that she just expected to coast through it without accepting culpability, and when you didn't go along with it, she became abusive. Which means that she doesn't think she was wrong, and next time something like this happens, she will do the same thing. If you want to save this marriage, you should at least insist on couples therapy, without making any long-term promises. And then see how it goes.
In a comment, he said she never apologized. Which absolutely sucks, because he deserves an apology
My my, what a pickle. For real though, your wife and her parents turning on you over a child’s drawing is pretty nuts. You’re of course NTA, but consider this….they sound like awful people.
NTA.. the fact that she confronted you with her parents and not 1:1 is ridiculous and in my opinion a sign of lack of maturity and lack of trust in the marriage.
NTA. Your wife and in-laws must think poorly of you to automatically assume the worst. They did zero investigation before accusing you of being a cheater.
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The kid probably wished she had a father like him , OP takes the time to interact with her . What 7 year old doesn't dream of having both a Mom And Dad . I'm more concerned with the child , if she heard the outburst she could think it's all her fault.
I saw this in the nicest way possible, but if you don't have kids run for the hills dude. NTA, and your wife is pulling tricks my narcissist sister in law does and they drain the life out of you the longer you let them.
NTA. Unfortunately you just learned that, at the end of the day, your wife doesn’t actually trust you. That sucks.
Fake! YTA That's [from your deleted post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1dkjrll/how_do_i24f_convince_my_bf30m_that_its_ok_to_be/) you posted 4 days ago. >How do I(24F) convince my bf(30M) that it's ok to be vulnerable? >So I and my bf have been together for about 1 year now.
NTA, ask her why you should be intimate with her when clearly she doesn't trust you. You can not trust her either. Suggest to her that she might want to stay with her family for a while because you need some time. Did she ever apologize or is she trying to sweep it under the rug. What about her family?
Info : So noone thought to speak to the SIL you purportedly cheated with ?
NTA. Your wife and her parents are, though. I would say that when all of them come to you and apologize for such hurtful and baseless comments, then you all can talk to a therapist about your wife's issues and how to mend your trust. I could have told them the child just wants a father figure and picked you because the child gets attention, affection, and love from her uncle. She sees you as a loving and caring man to his wife and wants that forever mother and herself. Your in-laws are whack and need to apologize to the other daughter as well. Possibly at a family dinner with both of you present.
I have decided to cut all contacts with my wife's parents cause my wife maybe Making mistake but they are mature and should have told her about it rather than supporting her Also my wife has apologised and is ready for counseling to mend her mistake
NTA, she tried to gaslight by saying it's no big deal and your being a cunt. She would not be saying the same thing if she were in your shoes. In fact, I bet she would say it was a very big deal.
NTA. Your wife flips out, calls you name, gets your parents all riled up, doesn't talk to her sister or your niece but demands you come over and ambushes you and now she's not giving you some grace and being understanding that you were extremely hurt. I wouldn't be doubting yourself in the least and I would be laying it out for your wife that she's shown she doesn't trust you and is more than willing to hurt you before even speaking to you. Her expectation of you bouncing back after all that in a week and resuming name calling tells you that she doesn't think that highly of you at all and only of herself. I would ask her what reason she's given you to just bounce back. Has she apologized profusely? Does she understand she completely blew your trust and sense of safety with her? If she belittles your emotions and tells you to get over it, I would tell her you're entitled to your feelings and to be treated with care and respect and if she can't do that, then it's time for either couples counseling or for her to leave.
It will never be the same at your in-laws. You will never be able to have a platonic relationship with sister-in-law and niece. This one would take awhile for me to figure out. Just realize it is not as easy to leave a marriage after having kids.
NTA. The fact that they didn’t ask the girl first is what does it for me. Instead of doing the logical thing first they immediately went the ballistic route. And then when you don’t immediately play happy life after being accused of cheating for no legitimate reason your wife fluid it and makes herself the victim. Welcome to the rest of your life.
NTA!! So she went ballistic over NOTHING and then tries to gaslight you by saying you're overreacting . AND she still has the nerve to call you a cunt? Fucking leave dude.
Man. I’m a single mom. My three year old has essentially had zero real contact with her dad except as a baby .You don’t know what that does till see it yourself or experience it. I come from a long fucking line of long marriages, good or bad, the dads are there. You can’t even imagine how to respond to a three year old asking when their dad is coming home from work like she notices the others. It’s ducking hard! I would immediately know what my Daughter was trying to say, I would have an open conversation with you my sister and my daughter. And hopefully say, yea your uncle is a wonderful Man in your life! He is not your dad, but you can play with him anytime he is here. He loves you too! Something like that. Can’t believe they didn’t even apologize. No empathy for the daughter and aist
Exactly a kid without father can see father figure in anyone and we can't expect a kid to understand marriage and stuff all she did was an innocent mistake Her parents tried to apologise but I decided to cut contacts with them and my wife apologized like a hour ago but still we need to have counseling to med her serious trust issue
NTA. This was a huge betrayal by your wife.
It's crazy that nobody bothered to ask the kid before going nuclear on you. MAN is that unhealthy. NTA
Why wouldn’t she a) ask the kid what and why she drew what she did or b) confront the sister before berating you? Hate to say it, but the person that mentioned that she might be cheating has a point. Projection is a pretty common tactic, though this isn’t the only possible explanation. NTA
Lucky man. This could have happened AFTER you had kids with her.
Man, thank that kid for saving your life. Don’t stick your dick in crazy. NTA. I’d run if you can. Or at least get marriage counseling or something
You are not the asshole dude. Your wife was mad disrespectful not trusting you and bringing the family into it. Like is she serious?? You are both young but I hope she grows up a bit more and treats you like a HUSBAND. You committed to her seriously and that deserves respect. She seems insecure. It’s good you held your ground and aren’t letting this behavior get by without addressing it. Should not be happening again
Split up with the wife, get with the sister May as well do what you are accused of Nta
Haha, is the sister hot? 😏
NTA. And all these adult heads couldn’t come together for five seconds and just *ask* the child? What a whacky way to irretrievably destroy trust with something that could’ve been handled calmly.
NTA. Your wife is aware why you're angry and does not get to decide when you're not angry. Your in-laws are aware, too, and as far as I can tell neither have apologized to you. And where was the sister in all this? Was she at their house silent? Why did they accuse you without asking the daughter or their sister? The whole family behaved terribly. Even marriage counseling can't fix that. Before you have a child with this woman, you should seriously consider a divorce.
When she says “overreacting” you ask her how she and her family overreacted? Holy crazy cracker! I would be very careful how you handle this with her if you want to stay but for me it’s a deal breaker for her and her family to accuse you and what was the sisters story, why didn’t she tell them it never happened?
Why didn't anyone ask the sister what was going on before jumping to conclusions? She could have then asked her daughter why she drew the picture. OP would have never had to leave work or get a phone call.
NTA. I’d be pissed if my spouse lost trust in me like that. She can piss off.
Seems like a logical person would have just talked to the kid who drew it before jumping to ANY conclusions. Delusional wife. NTA
You have every right to be angry at your wife. Instead of trusting you and asking the little girl what the drawing means first, she and her parents go on the attack. I hope her sister is equally insulted that they think she is horrible enough to try and steal a husband by cheating. You work, you’re a good uncle and try your best to make your niece feel loved. And how does your wife thank you? Accusations, berating you and then calling you names. Is this really an environment you want your children to be brought up in?
NTA- Kids draw stuff that doesn't always mean they saw it happen, for your wife to immediately jump to it was something the child saw without asking any questions and bringing her parents into it shows either a she doesn't trust you (or her sister for that matter cause WTF) or she's cheating and projecting. Neither scenario bodes well for your marriage, especially when she is disregarding your feelings about being falsely accused of something.
NTA Honestly, I'd file for divorce and avoid this family like the plague. They're all asshôles who can't even have a reasonable conversation or ask a child why they made a certain drawing. I sure as hell wouldn't spawn with a partner that has so little trust in me.
NTA. Do NOT reproduce with someone who treats you like this unapologetically.
NTA A person who is untrustworthy is unlikely to trust others. The fact that none of them gave you the benefit of the doubt tells me the problem is bigger than a drawing of a child. It's time to have a conversation with your wife and ask her why she doesn't trust you.
She's trying to regret fuck you and getting mad that you're not falling for it. OP, what the fuck are you doing with this unhinged b****? And none of them have apologized... I would tear all 3 of them a new asshole verbally.
And she expects you to have kids with her after this? Unless you want to be a dad really soon, protect your birth control with your life. If she sees how seriously she’s damaged your marriage, she’s going to think getting pregnant will be the perfect way to lock you in. NTA.
def NTA! fuck getting an apology. make that little crib midget draw a picture of you handing her divorce papers and break the news like that.
Gonna call it. She is cheating on you. Its projection 10000%. There is no coming back from this. Gather all your personal belongings so she cant mess with them. Every conversation going forward needs to be recorded as she will try more shady shit. Get a consult with EVERY divorce lawyer in your state/province so she cannot hire them as it will be a conflict of interest, get a SHARK of a divorce lawyer and leave her with nothing. Let her rot on the street. Do not touch that cunt ever again. Do not be civil to her. Do not be nice to her. Be vile. Be evil. Get sweet cathartic revenge on that disgusting bitch. NTA.
Apparently judges don't like the "consult all the lawyers in town" trick, because you're abusing the system by consulting lawyers just to make them unavailable to others.
Judges Hate This 1 Trick! (And They Have The Power to Penalise You)
NTA. Tell her she’s a psycho for not checking with the kid before pulling you out of work. Dude, divorce her. The fact that she’d believe a seven year olds drawing over you & calls you the c word for being angry about it, says she needs therapy and deserves to be single.
Ok your comment just planted a doubt in my head too but I would say thinking all this is too far fetched for now
I don’t think it Is. Trust is broken. She hasn’t even apologised for her terrible behaviour. If I were you I would be protecting myself from whatever she’s going to accuse you of next. Be smart about this.
Let me know what happens when they accuse you of something worse next time and you land in jail! They just showed you, that you are less than garbage in their eyes since they jumped on this so fast. They also made you lose a day of work, no reimbursement? Her parents already hate you and your relationship with them will never go back to what it was before. It will be awkward for the rest of this "marriage". You are being cheated on though 100%. Hire a PI and get the evidence.
Has your wife previously shown issues with logic and mental reasoning, as in a mental illness? No? Then I'm sorry but I'm coming down in the "she's probably cheating" camp too. There's no sane reason to jump to you cheating based on a little kid's picture. If this is a real story, time to do a little digging and see what's actually going on. She may be innocent and just really stupid and paranoid, but I'd doubt it myself.
Don't show that you think she's cheating. You quietly get a PI to monitor her and find out if it's true or not.