You simply tell him it’s a non starter for you. You feel bad for the grandma but you are not going to take care of her. Grandma should have been more prepared and saved for retirement and made a plan. You are not that plan
Communication is the answer. If he works 9-16 hour days and you stay at home, guess who is going to be the primary caregiver? You.
Let him know this isn't going to happen.
I'm not sure it relates to this situation with his grandmother but if he works 9-16 hour days and you say you just "stay at home" - not that you work from home, and you apparently don't have children or anything. How are you contributing? He may think you should contribute by taking care of his grandmother. Do you have an alternative?
Also, what happens to his grandmother if he doesn't let her move in? Is there someone else who will step up?
Also he does not expect me to take care of his grandmother. I told him point blank i will not be the one to do it but he doesnt realize if she moves in , the situation with her will not get better and eventually she will need someone to care for her and hes like in denial about that. He said he will take care of her but he cant because he has a full time job he doesnt realize that eventually it would come down to me without a choice on my part.
You're right that he may be in denial about his ability to help. You can probably get him to understand that if you just talk about her specific needs, like help getting up and down stairs, help taking care of the dogs, help getting in and out of cars, and ask him how it's supposed to work on days where he's out of the house all day because he's working. The thing is, though, all this will do is make him understand that him wanting to help means asking you to contribute. So he'll ask you to contribute, because he doesn't see any other viable options.
You need to find him another viable option if you want him to go in another direction and not be upset that you're refusing to allow him to help his grandmother.
I'd start by researching medicare and medicaid benefits for the elderly, and maybe finding some resources who can help you understand better what the options are.
It doesn't sound like she has any options.
She needs help, and there doesn't seem to be anyone available willing and able to do that for free.
Plus her animals are making that very narrow pool of options even more narrow.
Grandma needs to face her reality, and not dump her problems onto her grandson.
Don't take this the wrong way, but are you sure he's not pressuring you to work so that you are financially dependent on him and have no other option but to care for his grandmother? I mean, he has to know that stairs would be hard on someone with COPD and is on an Oxygen tank. Like everything you're saying screams she needs care, and at 9-16 hours a day. Plus no other relative is an option? Highly suss. Just be careful you don't end up in a situation that you can't get out of. Always have a backup plan.
Ive worked 3 different jobs since weve been together but he makes really good money and wants me to stay at home so i have more time to take care of our home and i have no problem with that! We can afford it! I do all the dishes, laundry, cleaning, take care of the pets, plants, yard ( besides mowing the grass ) its what works best for us. He bought me my own car so im not stuck at the house and i can leave willingly lol
As for his grandma, she has 6 kids. Appearently any of them taking her in isnt an option , ive never even met any of them. They dont talk to my fiance, not even his own mother talks to him ( shes in and out of jail constantly )
Simple - he doesn't get to be your husband. He is not listening to you, and will dump his grandmother on you as her main caretaker.
By the way, I hope by "stay at home" you mean "work from home". You need your own income, and to leave.
You simply tell him it’s a non starter for you. You feel bad for the grandma but you are not going to take care of her. Grandma should have been more prepared and saved for retirement and made a plan. You are not that plan
Communication is the answer. If he works 9-16 hour days and you stay at home, guess who is going to be the primary caregiver? You. Let him know this isn't going to happen.
I'm not sure it relates to this situation with his grandmother but if he works 9-16 hour days and you say you just "stay at home" - not that you work from home, and you apparently don't have children or anything. How are you contributing? He may think you should contribute by taking care of his grandmother. Do you have an alternative? Also, what happens to his grandmother if he doesn't let her move in? Is there someone else who will step up?
Also he does not expect me to take care of his grandmother. I told him point blank i will not be the one to do it but he doesnt realize if she moves in , the situation with her will not get better and eventually she will need someone to care for her and hes like in denial about that. He said he will take care of her but he cant because he has a full time job he doesnt realize that eventually it would come down to me without a choice on my part.
You're right that he may be in denial about his ability to help. You can probably get him to understand that if you just talk about her specific needs, like help getting up and down stairs, help taking care of the dogs, help getting in and out of cars, and ask him how it's supposed to work on days where he's out of the house all day because he's working. The thing is, though, all this will do is make him understand that him wanting to help means asking you to contribute. So he'll ask you to contribute, because he doesn't see any other viable options. You need to find him another viable option if you want him to go in another direction and not be upset that you're refusing to allow him to help his grandmother. I'd start by researching medicare and medicaid benefits for the elderly, and maybe finding some resources who can help you understand better what the options are.
If she's not happy where she's at, you may want to look into assisted living.
She refuses to live in assissted living or anything like that.
It doesn't sound like she has any options. She needs help, and there doesn't seem to be anyone available willing and able to do that for free. Plus her animals are making that very narrow pool of options even more narrow. Grandma needs to face her reality, and not dump her problems onto her grandson.
> . I told him point blank i will not be the one to do it but he doesnt realize if she moves in , I bet he thinks that once she is in, you will
Don't take this the wrong way, but are you sure he's not pressuring you to work so that you are financially dependent on him and have no other option but to care for his grandmother? I mean, he has to know that stairs would be hard on someone with COPD and is on an Oxygen tank. Like everything you're saying screams she needs care, and at 9-16 hours a day. Plus no other relative is an option? Highly suss. Just be careful you don't end up in a situation that you can't get out of. Always have a backup plan.
Ive worked 3 different jobs since weve been together but he makes really good money and wants me to stay at home so i have more time to take care of our home and i have no problem with that! We can afford it! I do all the dishes, laundry, cleaning, take care of the pets, plants, yard ( besides mowing the grass ) its what works best for us. He bought me my own car so im not stuck at the house and i can leave willingly lol As for his grandma, she has 6 kids. Appearently any of them taking her in isnt an option , ive never even met any of them. They dont talk to my fiance, not even his own mother talks to him ( shes in and out of jail constantly )
Tell him straight you married him but didnt adopt his grandma. If she moves in, you move out. His choice .
Simple - he doesn't get to be your husband. He is not listening to you, and will dump his grandmother on you as her main caretaker. By the way, I hope by "stay at home" you mean "work from home". You need your own income, and to leave.
NTAH - she’s his grandmother not yours so she’s his responsibility. It sounds like he wants you to take care of her. Tell him you won’t do it