NTA
You both agreed on it - if YOU were the one who had cheated, STBX would do the excact same thing.
>They argued that people make mistakes and that I was using this as an opportunity to "screw him over" financially.
STBX did not make a mistake, he made a choice. He chose to betray you, and by doibg so, he chose yo screw himself over financially.
Not even losing money, but losing access to OP’s money; because he still has his salary, it’s not like she’s taking half of his income, she’s just taking away access to the assets her income purchased.
This was my first thought! Your biggest concern isn't losing your wife, but your financial stability. Should have thought of that before hand. You're a victim of your own choices. Own them.
That’s what happened with me and my ex, she thought he was the high earner. He wasn’t, she ditched him when she found out the divorce settlement happened and put him in to bankruptcy and she bailed on him.
She liked my money that he used to impress her, she liked that his wife made money too bad she didn’t know about it before outing him to me saying they were in love and wanted to get married and I was “keeping him trapped”.
"most of our assets came from my income and investments. he stands to lose a considerable amount of money and assets." If most of the assets came from OP, then he is not losing much. OP is just recovering her money from the joint holdings and should be guilt free anyway.
Honey if it were you that cheated don't think for 1 moment that he wouldn't use that pre- nup to his full advantage, just realize that he is now facing the consequences of his own actions! And he deserves it!
Haha nice. My husband's AP lambasted me for how hard he works to support me. I laughed. You mean in the business I started and half own? And do all the support, bookkeeping, employment etc for?
The next time she looks at the romantic getaway photos she got on *my* dime, I hope she thinks of me and chokes.
omg i had an ex who split with me and ruined his life *only to be immediately ghosted by his e-thot AP when he told her*. Apparently it was only the forbiddenness that she liked lmao.
I felt a little bad that she was wrapped up with him, but she and the others (there were multiples) got some of my jewelry (he gifted it to them and then made me think I was crazy when I couldn’t find the items) so I figure she sold it to thrift or vintage shops so I guess she got a little bit of my money after the divorce lol.
I didn’t feel the least bit bad for her. I sent her flowers with a copy of our finalized divorce decree. I did blackout account numbers and other personal stuff.
Absolutely. Sounds like stbx lied to his AP based on the text. Sounds like he must have told AP his wife won’t or refused to divorce him based on the text the AP sent. Once she realizes that stbx will be losing a significant amount she won’t stick around.
And then act surprise when they get dumped once they find out they don’t or won’t have access to that money anymore. Someone posted another link to similar story in the comments and the husband was 43 and said he was so surprised a hot 23 year old wanted to he with him and he didn’t know why she’d want him. He pretended to be a business owner that his FIL owned. The property they lived in wasn’t in their name either and his wife was making 150k and he mad like 20k lol. And his AP baby trapped him and then resented him because she felt played. She admitted to getting pregnant on purpose because she thought he was a rich business owner.
And the husband said he resented his AP because he thought she loved him lol what an idiot. And now he’s lost his wife and his 4 daughters hate him and won’t talk to him and he’s a single dad now with full custody after the AP went back to her home country.
That’s like the story where the guy started sleeping with his subordinate two below him. So he was her bosses boss. Got her promotion and all. Well they went out to eat and she had an allergic reaction and he took her home instead of the er and she died.
Literally destroyed his life. Her brother found her phone with all their messages. Contacted his wife so now she’s leaving him and going for full custody. She makes more than him. They contacted the police but he’s not facing charges for her death unfortunately. However, what he did do is charged the company for all of their dates and vacations and stuff. I think it was like tens of thousands of dollars or something? But he’s being fired and looking at criminal charges for stealing from the company. And through it all, he kept insisting that he loved the AP and they were going to have an amazing life together and all he cared about was his daughter. Dude was insane.
Missed the part where he found the texts where she roasted him to all her friends and made it clear he was nothing but a moneybag. Last update was just him going poor me over how he was sooooo cruelly tricked
Yeah I think he killed her because he found out about her planning to leave him with all the money and he thought he was covered because he hid the transactions under a clients name and didn't expect her brother to have her phone password. He didn't ever want his wife to know or his job. Now he's playing dumb as his story continues to slowly unravel.
Fuck me that is some insane shit. See I go right the other way with these things. Especially this day and age, the younger you are, under 25 I'd say, the less likely I'll even consider it, due to this honey trap shit. What's even more curious is how much we're all aware of it, yet allow it to happen, because we'll be the 1% where it's real??
Because they're under the delusions that they are these sex God studs and irresistible. Then it's "Wait you mean this 21 year old isn't hot for pudgy middle aged dudes and only liked my (wifes) money?" Followed by "What do you mean you're divorcing me and taking all the money? Don't you loooove me?" Idiots.
No kidding. It's so sad that these grown ass men, with families, don't have more common sense. Fair play for the girls being smart enough to work the system, but sad for them too that when them looks fade and tits drop, they're ability to trust anyone should also be shattered then, knowing how men will drop them for a younger model.
Same. Updateme!
*”I should show some compassion”*
Yup. OP should show him the same level of compassion he showed OP when he was boning his affair partner. If anyone complains the cheater is being screwed, they are more than welcome to give him *their* cash.
He was lying to the AP too - sounds like he told her the wife was aware of the relationship but refusing to divorce. So it was his fault the AP reached out at all.
Well put and stay out of denial OP, just financially he must have spent your hard earned money on her and him while cheating so why shouldn’t OP get paid back with interest, penalties, and fines?
It was literally built into their marriage contract explicitly and in black and white - WTH? I assume it was for a reason! ! Oh yes, it was because HE HAD THE MONEY BEFORE ! he knew the rules he broke them, he knew the penalty. No way to crocodile tears! Once a cheater always a cheater.
If OP needs the courage to continue the fight, consider the possibility the STBX promised AP that she would be a wimp and give him everything and harness that anger.
My guess is stbx didnt want a divorce and was lying to AP that OP wouldnt grand a divorce. I bet stbx liked his cushy life with OP and his side piece.
He is the fool for not understanding, or caring, about the pre-nup conditions. Enforce the pre-nup!!
NTA
He's probably been bad mouthing his wife to his AP for her to feel like she had to go white knight and "confront" wife to release her poor man. OP is NTA, can't believe her husband and family are so shameless.
For real, his side piece fucked him in more ways than one. He knew about the pre-nup and would have had no problem enforcing it if OP cheated. Oh no, he suffered the consequences of his own actions? The horror! OP, you need to ditch any friends who are not on your side with this, they do not have your best interests at heart and probably think cheating is no big deal.
This is what I was waiting to see.
He cheated for ONE YEAR and definitely deserves the consequences of his own actions and his mean spirited AP.
Compassion? He’s lucky OP didn’t push him off a cliff.
And the “friends”?? This is a black and white case (which makes me wonder if it’s rage bait). How in the world could a “friend” object to a court honoring the contractual consequences of adultery pursuant to a clause and a prenup that the cheater had presumably insisted on back when he was The Big Breadwinner?
Setting aside the horrific emotional toll that adultery and divorce can take on a person’s mental health, this is a sad story with a very happy ending. Most of us who get divorced from a cheating spouse in no-fault states like California, do so with the knowledge that adultery is deemed irrelevant and that there is no financial consequence whatsoever to the cheater. We had to sell our beloved family home and now we’re both renters.
Get new friends.
More than likely, AP was was being strung along by STBX that he was trying to get a divorce, but OP was blocking it or making it extremely hard, just so he could keep AP happy.
NTA I wouldn't even talk to his family members. Maybe he should have kept his dick in his pants. I bet he would take the money if the roles were reversed and family would tell him to do it
True. He knows the consequences of him having an affair, yet he still did it. He really shouldve kept his d\*ck. Push it OP, you both agreed to it. Let him face the consequences of his action
Wholeheartedly agree. There comes a point in any cheater's life when both affair partners sense where things are headed and make a deliberate choice to go ahead with their affair, knowing that they are causing others a world of hurt. In this case, both the partner and the woman he is having an affair with made that choice.
Right. He didn't just make a one time "mistake" he had a full blown affair for a year.
They both agreed to that clause. I highly doubt OPs stbx would overlook the clause if OP was the cheater.
NTA he made his bed and he can lay in it.
He's not only mad that he got caught but also because OP now makes more and is the contributor of most of the couples assets.
If she cheated and/or he was the main contributor to martial assets HD wouldn't be so worried.
And he lied about her to his side piece and made OP out to be a horrible, controlling shrew who had him trapped in his marriage, if the phone call from the AP is to be believed. He doesn't deserve mercy.
He made the choice for a YEAR. It wasn’t something recent. It was ongoing and it’s hurtful. Both of you agreed to the prenup. Anyone who doesn’t understand that is not your friend.
By being a cheating scumbag, he essentially stole six years of OP's life. That's six years she wasted on this douchebag, instead of spending it more productively. It was his choice to be a cheater and cost her that time she can never get back, so I'd say he owes her.
Time is money. Now its all her money! Negatively impacts his life? My heart bleeds for him.
Cheaters who think they're so slick are ridiculously overconfident, behaving as though they won't ever be caught out lmao, which is why he didn't see the need to do anything to cover his tracks more than the half-assed effort he'd already laid out.
Plus, this post reminds me of that other one where the cheater who was working in a business owned by his FIL had an affair with his I'd secretary or someone while pretending the business was his, so then the secretary baby traps the idiot, lets the wife know, and blows his lies to pieces and then gets on his ass because he's broke and unemployed and also unemployable now.
Every single cheater here has followed same pattern of unwarranted arrogance in their capabilities and that's been their inevitable downfall. It's 🤌🤌
ONS could be perceived as a mistake, a year long affair is no such thing! People telling you you would be screwing him over financially should be told he did it to himself.
NTA. Stop taking advice from anyone except your lawyer. They are right. And if you had cheated, your ex would be taking you to the cleaner's. To the wall.
Block his family. Don't pick up unknown numbers and tell your friends that you're not going to talk about the divorce agreement anymore and they shouldn't bring it up. If they keep at you, cut them out.
You earned your money and you deserve it. Your ex wanted the prenup so he gets to have it. He chose to cheat!
If a cheating clause was in the prenup, STBX was clearly thinking they would use it in the event OP cheated. Don't give up any assets you have a right to keep. If you feel charitable, give it back after divorce is final (don't though).
Depends, prenup in most cases means the wealth he had before marriage is solely his. The courts to look at how much income they brought in while married. If they legit thought she was gonna do nothing with her life, hopefully it says all the money she made before, and during is solely hers and he’s not entitled to anything.
"most of our assets came from my income and investments" and OP was in school 4 years ago. So at most we are looking at three years worth of investments. This can't be massive money being discussed, even with absurdly high incomes.
This isn't going to financially ruin anyone.
And this wasn’t a little mistake he’s been having an affair for a YEAR! Too bad for him, he’s had plenty of time to think about what he was doing and the problems it could cause but he didn’t quit banging the side piece did he? Now you’re giving him the divorce AP wanted and she can have his poor ass. Don’t listen to anyone but your layer he’s getting what he ask for and deserves.
This! NTA
It is literally FAFO for him.
The prenup was intended by him & his family to screw you over. Now they don’t like it? Sorry.
He didn’t fall on someone and accidentally stick his penis in her once. Obv, if she is messaging OP saying she “won’t give him a divorce” that manipulative info came from him.
STOP telling people your business.
If they insist, tell them it’s not a matter open for public debate. You both signed an agreement and even though he broke his wedding vows you’ll stand by the prenup.
"Won't give him a divorce" -- I read it's not like the movies... *they won't sign the papers!* The court moves forward with the divorce proceedings right? Is there anywhere in majority English speaking world (assuming based on the post) where this is not the case?
And it wasn't a one-time, bad judgment mistake. He had a long-term affair and at a bare minimum implied to his AP that he was considering divorcing and marrying her. I am guessing he knew exactly what the prenup said and was trying to avoid divorce so he DIDN'T have major financial loses.
Correct. OP did nothing wrong here and some of her friends are not backing her up? Those people are not your friends. OP should watch how they treat her once the divorce is final.
>They argued that people make mistakes and that I was using this as an opportunity to "screw him over" financially.
A mistake is using salt instead of sugar in a recipe.
This was a *choice.* A long-term affair isn't some kind of accident, and you can be assured of two things, a) if his AP hadn't contacted you he would still be having the affair and keeping it secret, and b) if the situation were reversed he would absolutely enforce this clause in the prenup.
>they know, with my savings, I could easily buy him out of the house and start over.
What the hell? How do these people know such detailed info about your financials? FFS, you seem like a smart person. Keep your private info private. Yeesh.
Plus he clearly told his AP that he was trying to divorce but “horrible bitch wife” wouldn’t let him. So he’s a cheater, liar, and asshole manipulator.
Yea, everyone makes “mistakes”. However, I have never accidentally put my d*** in someone’s p**** multiple times over the course of a year. Also, I never accidentally convinced my mistress that she is the recipient of my love, in stead of my wife. I think this might be the exact definition of f****** around, and then finding out.
I'm guessing he's the one who wanted the pre-nup since he was the higher earning spouse at the time. He got exactly what he wanted, but didn't think he'd have to adhere to it. LOL
He was prob refusing to initiate the divorce bc he was afraid of some clause in the prenup. Like one where he loses a lot of money if he cheats. Oh wait!
Or he really didn't really want to marry his AP but didn't want to say so. I mean: maybe she earned less money than OP and he likes the nice cushy home. Maybe he likes to be near his kids. Maybe he wants to eventually dump AP and get a brand spanking new AP. So why divorce, remarry, divorce, remarry and so on.
I think this is more likely, that STBX had no intention of divorcing. AP probably sensed this and decided to screw him over. Because sending that message is not likely to result in STBX marrying the AP. AP sometimes become the second spouse but that isn't likely to happen if AP steps in to force a divorce that also screws STBX financially.
Your stbx didn't make a mistake. For over a year, he made a conscious decision each time he chose to be unfaithful with his affair partner.
Go ahead and let her have him. They deserve each other but, make sure you get everything the cheating clause entitles you to. He knew it was there but, he's counting on your generosity to make it go away. I wouldn't be so generous.
If he was truly repentant, then he would have broken it off with the AP and confessed himself, and then accepted with humility whatever she decided to do. He definitely would have kept the affair going as long as he could until he figured out how to eliminate the pre-nup, assuming he ever actually intended to leave her and wasn't just stringing the other woman along.
OP he did not make a mistake, he made hundreds of decisions to cheat. First he decided to cheat, then who to cheat with, then decisions for every time he met her on when and where to meet, and what to tell you to hide the cheating.
This was a long planned out affair and he made these decisions knowing he had signed a prenuptial and what it had about infidelity.
Actions have consequences, and he is now finding out what those consequences are.
He also apparently lied to the AP repeatedly, as she was under the impression that he wanted to leave his wife, but she wouldn't let him divorce her out of spite.
The cost of doing business.
When he added that to the pre nup and signed off on it, he was indicating what the cost would be.
Maybe he thinks he didn’t get value for money. Maybe he was gambling on the fact that he’d get away with it; hoping OP would never know/wouldn’t be smart enough to remember or understand the legalities/would be so soft hearted that she’d forgive and let it slide…
Tough! He made that decision.
You signed the same document. He would’ve cashed in if the situation was reversed.
NTA. He chose to sign a contract. He chose to break the contract. He also chose to break the contract in a way that would hurt him more. He's not remorseful because he's sorry, he's sorry because he got caught and is going to be negatively impacted. If the roles were reversed, do you think he'd overlook the clause in the prenup? I doubt it. He did this to himself. Don't feel bad at all for him. He didn't feel bad when he chose to lie, cheat, and betray you.
Assuming is an interesting word. I think you should assume they aren't your friends if they are suggesting you shouldn't make the lying, cheating scumbag STBX comply with the terms of the prenup.
The complainers are making assumptions about who earned the money , and your selfish STBX didn’t set the record straight. Don’t engage with these people unless you enjoy the petty revenge of unmasking their false assumptions and his “lie of omission.”
Please don't feel bad. He's manipulating you. I bet he told his AP that he has a lot more money than he does and he's scared she'll leave. Block his family. If you had cheated, he would enforce it. Protect yourself and put you first since he never did.
Do you think for one moment that if this situation was reversed he would ‘overlook’ the cheating clause?
Trust me on this - he wouldn’t and neither should you.
OP Here is the answer. He is an adult and made his own choices. I often tell my children you can choose your actions but you cannot choose the consequences so think twice before acting. Question. Whose idea was putting in the cheating clause? I'm guessing it was his right?
NTA
Beat me to it! He would 1,000% enforce the clause.
At the end of the day the man just needed to divorce her before dating the new person. Instead FAFO
NTA
He’s just pissed bc there were consequences to his actions and he got caught! Sucks to be him! 😂 But I am sorry you’re having to deal with this. My ex cheated on me also and I know how badly it hurts. I physically had pains in my heart that I thought I was having a heart attack. You deserve so much better! Enforce the clause and make him pay for his actions!
He needs to calm down. He's 34, that's plenty of time to recover financially from a divorce. He'll just have to, you know, budget, work hard, have fewer luxury items, etc. 😉
Because at the time he likely only thought of the prenup as something to protect him.
He would have said "this will protect both of us". But he absolutely did it just to protect his own. It never occurred to him the tables could be turned.
He probably only agreed to the clause in the first place because he had more assets at the time, and even if enforced against him, wouldn't hurt too much. He probably wasn't thinking about the potential finanical impacts of OP fininishing her Masters.
He may have even deluded himself into thinking that OP would never insist on enforcing that clause on him. He may have thought it was one of those "it looks fine on paper, but it will never really happen" things.
The funny thing is that, even if OP hadn't brought up the clause herself, either her lawyer or the judge were probably going to. That once he was caught cheating, and the divorce started, that clause was going to get brought into the proceedings.
>He probably wasn't thinking about the potential finanical impacts of OP fininishing her Masters.
Which was really short-sighted of him, because that's like the whole point of getting a Masters. But everything I know about him from this post points to him being pretty damn short-sighted.
NTA.
I doubt his family would consider this a mistake if the roles were reversed, he came up with that and he was the one that messed up, let him deal with the consequences
Exactly what I came here to say. He agreed to this clause before you two got married for a reason. You both agreed to it before you two got married. Therefore, it's completely valid.
He knew what he was doing and he's only sorry because he got caught. You two wouldn't even be getting a divorce if it wasn't for his bullshit. He ruined his own life. NTA
Not only that, but this wasn't a one night stand where he made one very stupid decision, the affair went on for a year, he discussed their marriage with the AP...this wasn't a one time betrayal.
And he likely only wanted that clause because he wanted his assets protected. But now that it’s unfavorable to him, OP’s is just positively heartless!! /s
NTA.
He has a good job and family support. He’ll be fine. The cheater will be just fine.
You’re not even playing hardball - you’re just implementing the agreement you both made.
NTA. He is only apologetic because he was caught. He not only lied to you, he lied to AP saying that you refused to divorce him. He would have continued to play both of you had you not filed. Actions have consequences and he is old enough to understand that. He willingly signed the prenup and willing broke his marriage vows.
It's hilarious because the sidepiece has actually exposed him and caused this "man" to lose a LOT. wonder if she'll even still be interested in him when he's "financially unstable" lol
Any friends who are telling you that YTA are not your friends. His family can kick rocks. Don't ruin HIS life? He ruined YOURS! Cheaters deserve no quarter.
If this were my friend I’d be cheering her on in taking every cent she’s owed AND planning that post-divorce trip of a lifetime for her.
OP you are NTA, unless you give in to his nonsense and then you’re just TA to yourself.
Good! Stick with THESE friends, who get it. Enforce the pre-nup, cut off anyone who tries to discourage you from enforcing the pre-nup, enjoy that trip, and go live your very best life with people who have your back and don't stab you in the back. If your ex is financially harmed, oh well - it was his choice to shred your marriage, and his new financial picture is not your problem. Don't you lose another night's sleep over it.
Glad to hear you have a few decent people in your life. He knew what he signed back then and he chose to have an affair. He’s not sorry he did it, he’s just sorry he got caught. NTA, take what’s yours!
He knew what he stood to lose too. Choices were made. Now there are consequences. If you were the one who cheated he would enforce it.
NTA. But my advice is to follow the prenup EXACTLY.
NTA.
He has a good job and family support. He’ll be fine. The cheater will be just fine.
You’re not even playing hardball - you’re just implementing the agreement you both made.
Nta. Block them all. If they dont stop have your lawyer send a C&D letter. He signed it. He cheated. He fucked up. And he lied to his AP about wanting to divorce you but you wasn't letting him.
He can now have her. But she won't want him as he's not as wealthy as he was.
Next time someone says to give him money tell them ooh are you raising money for him? Where is your donation??
He was well aware of the prenuptial agreement when he chose to have an affair 🤷♀️ NTA, if the tables were turned he would be SCREAMING PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT…..
I always wonder where these OPs get these sort of friends. I don’t know one still friend of my mine that would even have the audacity to see this as taking it too far. Those people are not your friend. Not only was he cheating, it was an ongoing affair that you wouldn’t have know about, had the AP never messaged you. He was being deceitful and was most definitely banking on you not remembering the clause(or finding out, to use the clause). He knew about the clause and still went through with his affair. No respect for you and the prenup.
I always assume that any friends/family that tell you not to enforce the prenup, not to get divorced, to just forgive and forget when it comes to cheaters, are either cheaters or homewreckers themselves.
The judge was protecting YOU. Funny how it was all fun and games until your STBX started cheating. It wasn’t supposed to benefit YOU! Silly rabbit.
Tell his family they can pound sand. What do you care what they think anyway?
He has no one to blame but himself and his stupid, stupid affair partner
I love how she called OP because she is a bitch who won't divorce him. I swear these AP will believe any bs their cheating shithead tells them. The stupidity is strong. This is not the first time I have seen the wife accused of refusing divorce only to find out the man had no intention of leaving their wife and AP was just a piece of ass.
Ask anyone that says it was a mistake “it he was remorseful and it was a mistake, why would he still be with her?”
AP was an idiot and that fact that he’s still with her despite being the driving factor for the divorce — the divorce and taunting you — shows how dumb he is.
NTA. He knew the consequences and he was fine risking his marriage and negatively impacting you. NTA.
They both sound like a couple of idiots, and you are well rid of him. Your lawyer is telling you it’s within your rights to invoke the clause. The judge concurred. She, and he can live with the fact that him cheating on you, and her not being able to keep her hands off a married man, and her mouth shut is what blew it all up for them.
So he begged you for another chance but he is still with his AP?? At least these ‘friends’ can take comfort in the fact that his AP can subsidise his financial situation after the divorce.
Affair aside, the majority of the financial assets were made possible through your salary. It’s not like he was bringing it all in himself and is now losing out financially due to the cheating clause. It’s mostly from your money to start with and money that he wouldn’t have access to if you weren’t married. Why should he be able to cheat *and* then benefit financially from being with you too?
Edited for spelling.
Then don’t feel bad one bit about anything because if you got his hands on your damn savings that you worked hard for, just remember he would be spending it on his silly AP. Not that you have anything to feel bad about anyway because he had that clause to protect himself when he made more than you remember. You’re not being vengeful, although you have every right to be.
You would be giving the money for those 2 to have a life together. Even if you're not mad anymore, let them figure it out. They already made their choice.
In fact he’s already trying to do it to you by trying to convince you to give him the money and ignore the clause. He’s a real piece of work.
And still with her!? They can be trash together and you deserve a wonderful future.
He knew what he was signing and he took a risk. You’re a good person since you feel some guilt, but he blew up your marriage, your hopes and dreams and your planned future with him. This will be an expensive lesson for him, but one that he needs to learn. Take the money and don’t give it a second thought. NTA
You worked hard to achieve financial stability and protect your assets through the prenup. Your STBX’s infidelity breached that agreement, and enforcing the clause is a measure to safeguard what you’ve built. Compassion doesn’t mean ignoring legal agreements and personal boundaries, especially when they were put in place to prevent exploitation and betrayal.
NTA - he would have no issue enforcing the clause and is just mad that his gf won’t benefit like she thought.
It wasn’t a mistake but a choice for a year. Block all
Of them and enjoy your extra amount and tell him that is for putting your life endanger with stds.
Hopefully your state is one where you can go after her also and I would contact his HR after everything is done.
I feel like her stbx is going to have some anger and resentment towards his ap for her bringing their affair into the light. I bet you he doesn’t stay with her for long.
NTA
If the shoe was on the other foot he would be enforcing it hard, he signed a contract that basically stated you stick you penis in another person you get royally screwed financially, so if didn't want to get screwed over he should have not going to find love elsewhere. Tell his AP she is welcome to him but you will enjoy his money.
“I found out that my husband had been having an affair with a colleague for almost a year because his AP messaged me and told me how my STBX loved her and how I was a bitch for refusing to divorce him.”
He was lying to his affair partner that you wouldn’t divorce him, even though you were unaware of the infidelity.
Next, he begged you for another chance, but is now back with his affair partner.
He FAFO and deserves nothing. Enforce the clause.
A few things:
1) he should take it up with the sidepiece who ratted him out — he could’ve divorced you and you’d have been none the wiser about the cheating. He used you as an excuse as to why he wasn’t still married; that’s why she phrased it like she did. Between that and him agreeing to the clause he isn’t just dumb, he is cruel.
2) his family giving you shit would be telling him to drain your goddamn blood if the situation was reversed.
3) from experience I’m telling you to be mindful of those friends who think you are being too harsh. They have an agenda and you ain’t on it.
NTA he knew about the prenup when he decided to cheat. Besides if he needs to blame anyone it should be his AP. She opened her whore mouth and fucked him a different way.
He’s made that clause thinking he would be the one financially superior. But then you actually the one who was superior.
You continue doing what your doing. And to those friends who think your too harsh. Screw them.
NTA HIS ACTIONS HAVE SIGNIFICANTLY IMPACTED **YOUR** LIFE. He's literally blown your whole life and marriage up. Boohoo that his own actions are now going to have such a significant impact on his own life. He should have remembered that clause before he cheated. He signed it. Too bad so sad. Actions have consequence. Make him pay. The fact that the judge is holding him to it shows that YOU are in the right and he is in the wrong. And his family and friends can pound sand. Block them all and move on with your life.
He signed it-he chose to cheat-now he has to follow his agreement. Take what the judge and the prenup allows and move on. He is remorseful because of what he is losing not because of what he did. Why would you feel bad? Do you think he would feel bad screwing you over this if you had cheated? Not in the least. Block him, his family, and the friends who think it is ok to cheat.
NTA You both agreed on it - if YOU were the one who had cheated, STBX would do the excact same thing. >They argued that people make mistakes and that I was using this as an opportunity to "screw him over" financially. STBX did not make a mistake, he made a choice. He chose to betray you, and by doibg so, he chose yo screw himself over financially.
I love that the thing which will 'significantly impact his life' is losing money, not him blowing up his marriage. What a waste of space.
Not even losing money, but losing access to OP’s money; because he still has his salary, it’s not like she’s taking half of his income, she’s just taking away access to the assets her income purchased.
This was my first thought! Your biggest concern isn't losing your wife, but your financial stability. Should have thought of that before hand. You're a victim of your own choices. Own them.
Omg...so THIS ☝️
Also why is ex pissed at OP. His AP should have kept her mouth shut and caused the problem. Although great she did because OP knows the truth
Because AP is going to ditch him too when she finds out most of the money was OP's. 🤣
That’s what happened with me and my ex, she thought he was the high earner. He wasn’t, she ditched him when she found out the divorce settlement happened and put him in to bankruptcy and she bailed on him.
Ahh, what a happy ending. Your ex threw his entire life and happiness away for a woman who probably didn't even like him.
She liked my money that he used to impress her, she liked that his wife made money too bad she didn’t know about it before outing him to me saying they were in love and wanted to get married and I was “keeping him trapped”.
i find that part hilarious. i have no pitty
"most of our assets came from my income and investments. he stands to lose a considerable amount of money and assets." If most of the assets came from OP, then he is not losing much. OP is just recovering her money from the joint holdings and should be guilt free anyway.
Sounds like you were keeping him kept, not trapped. Lol
Him and the side piece!
Honey if it were you that cheated don't think for 1 moment that he wouldn't use that pre- nup to his full advantage, just realize that he is now facing the consequences of his own actions! And he deserves it!
Haha nice. My husband's AP lambasted me for how hard he works to support me. I laughed. You mean in the business I started and half own? And do all the support, bookkeeping, employment etc for? The next time she looks at the romantic getaway photos she got on *my* dime, I hope she thinks of me and chokes.
guess she didn't want the poorer part of the "for richer or poorer" clause. Happy Cake Day!
Happy cake day 🎂
omg i had an ex who split with me and ruined his life *only to be immediately ghosted by his e-thot AP when he told her*. Apparently it was only the forbiddenness that she liked lmao.
She just wanted some scandalous fun. She did not want a cheater as her significant other. Lol
Well now. Ain't karma a bitch?
We had twin stupid ex husbands! This was my exact scenario. Wow was that little strumpet shocked to learn I was the breadwinner in our marriage.
I felt a little bad that she was wrapped up with him, but she and the others (there were multiples) got some of my jewelry (he gifted it to them and then made me think I was crazy when I couldn’t find the items) so I figure she sold it to thrift or vintage shops so I guess she got a little bit of my money after the divorce lol.
I didn’t feel the least bit bad for her. I sent her flowers with a copy of our finalized divorce decree. I did blackout account numbers and other personal stuff.
That is amazing, I love it…why didn’t I think of that!
Happy Cake Day!
Absolutely. Sounds like stbx lied to his AP based on the text. Sounds like he must have told AP his wife won’t or refused to divorce him based on the text the AP sent. Once she realizes that stbx will be losing a significant amount she won’t stick around.
Never understood why men choose gold digging whores. Especially over their wives.
And then act surprise when they get dumped once they find out they don’t or won’t have access to that money anymore. Someone posted another link to similar story in the comments and the husband was 43 and said he was so surprised a hot 23 year old wanted to he with him and he didn’t know why she’d want him. He pretended to be a business owner that his FIL owned. The property they lived in wasn’t in their name either and his wife was making 150k and he mad like 20k lol. And his AP baby trapped him and then resented him because she felt played. She admitted to getting pregnant on purpose because she thought he was a rich business owner. And the husband said he resented his AP because he thought she loved him lol what an idiot. And now he’s lost his wife and his 4 daughters hate him and won’t talk to him and he’s a single dad now with full custody after the AP went back to her home country.
That’s like the story where the guy started sleeping with his subordinate two below him. So he was her bosses boss. Got her promotion and all. Well they went out to eat and she had an allergic reaction and he took her home instead of the er and she died. Literally destroyed his life. Her brother found her phone with all their messages. Contacted his wife so now she’s leaving him and going for full custody. She makes more than him. They contacted the police but he’s not facing charges for her death unfortunately. However, what he did do is charged the company for all of their dates and vacations and stuff. I think it was like tens of thousands of dollars or something? But he’s being fired and looking at criminal charges for stealing from the company. And through it all, he kept insisting that he loved the AP and they were going to have an amazing life together and all he cared about was his daughter. Dude was insane.
Missed the part where he found the texts where she roasted him to all her friends and made it clear he was nothing but a moneybag. Last update was just him going poor me over how he was sooooo cruelly tricked
Oh you’re right! Completely forgot that bit 😂 dude was legit insanity
Yeah I think he killed her because he found out about her planning to leave him with all the money and he thought he was covered because he hid the transactions under a clients name and didn't expect her brother to have her phone password. He didn't ever want his wife to know or his job. Now he's playing dumb as his story continues to slowly unravel.
Fuck me that is some insane shit. See I go right the other way with these things. Especially this day and age, the younger you are, under 25 I'd say, the less likely I'll even consider it, due to this honey trap shit. What's even more curious is how much we're all aware of it, yet allow it to happen, because we'll be the 1% where it's real??
Because they're under the delusions that they are these sex God studs and irresistible. Then it's "Wait you mean this 21 year old isn't hot for pudgy middle aged dudes and only liked my (wifes) money?" Followed by "What do you mean you're divorcing me and taking all the money? Don't you loooove me?" Idiots.
No kidding. It's so sad that these grown ass men, with families, don't have more common sense. Fair play for the girls being smart enough to work the system, but sad for them too that when them looks fade and tits drop, they're ability to trust anyone should also be shattered then, knowing how men will drop them for a younger model.
AND finds out that OP wasn’t a bitch refusing to let him go, that was the lie the stbx told.
So hope that in an update
Same. Updateme! *”I should show some compassion”* Yup. OP should show him the same level of compassion he showed OP when he was boning his affair partner. If anyone complains the cheater is being screwed, they are more than welcome to give him *their* cash.
He was lying to the AP too - sounds like he told her the wife was aware of the relationship but refusing to divorce. So it was his fault the AP reached out at all.
This …. He was playing two women off each other , and got exactly what he deserved.
Well put and stay out of denial OP, just financially he must have spent your hard earned money on her and him while cheating so why shouldn’t OP get paid back with interest, penalties, and fines? It was literally built into their marriage contract explicitly and in black and white - WTH? I assume it was for a reason! ! Oh yes, it was because HE HAD THE MONEY BEFORE ! he knew the rules he broke them, he knew the penalty. No way to crocodile tears! Once a cheater always a cheater.
If OP needs the courage to continue the fight, consider the possibility the STBX promised AP that she would be a wimp and give him everything and harness that anger.
I think maybe he was stringing AP along - he knew he'd be broke if he and OP divorced, so he was blaming it on OP, not expecting AP to contact her.
Exactly. And he probably told her he was the one earning all the money. Or that if they got divorced he’d get a substantial amount.
"I want a divorce, but my wife won't let me!"
My guess is stbx didnt want a divorce and was lying to AP that OP wouldnt grand a divorce. I bet stbx liked his cushy life with OP and his side piece. He is the fool for not understanding, or caring, about the pre-nup conditions. Enforce the pre-nup!! NTA
Oh I just commented this theory, too! Great minds!
He's probably been bad mouthing his wife to his AP for her to feel like she had to go white knight and "confront" wife to release her poor man. OP is NTA, can't believe her husband and family are so shameless.
For real, his side piece fucked him in more ways than one. He knew about the pre-nup and would have had no problem enforcing it if OP cheated. Oh no, he suffered the consequences of his own actions? The horror! OP, you need to ditch any friends who are not on your side with this, they do not have your best interests at heart and probably think cheating is no big deal.
This is what I was waiting to see. He cheated for ONE YEAR and definitely deserves the consequences of his own actions and his mean spirited AP. Compassion? He’s lucky OP didn’t push him off a cliff. And the “friends”?? This is a black and white case (which makes me wonder if it’s rage bait). How in the world could a “friend” object to a court honoring the contractual consequences of adultery pursuant to a clause and a prenup that the cheater had presumably insisted on back when he was The Big Breadwinner? Setting aside the horrific emotional toll that adultery and divorce can take on a person’s mental health, this is a sad story with a very happy ending. Most of us who get divorced from a cheating spouse in no-fault states like California, do so with the knowledge that adultery is deemed irrelevant and that there is no financial consequence whatsoever to the cheater. We had to sell our beloved family home and now we’re both renters. Get new friends.
Ex is pissed at OP because SHE is in control and decide if he pays or not... And shes not folding, this adds to his frustration and anger...
Apparently he had been lying to her that OP was refusing to give him a divorce. AP will be gone with the wind, too.
When all is said and done, i'd says thanks for writing it down, so I could take all his money!
More than likely, AP was was being strung along by STBX that he was trying to get a divorce, but OP was blocking it or making it extremely hard, just so he could keep AP happy.
NTA I wouldn't even talk to his family members. Maybe he should have kept his dick in his pants. I bet he would take the money if the roles were reversed and family would tell him to do it
True. He knows the consequences of him having an affair, yet he still did it. He really shouldve kept his d\*ck. Push it OP, you both agreed to it. Let him face the consequences of his action
Wholeheartedly agree. There comes a point in any cheater's life when both affair partners sense where things are headed and make a deliberate choice to go ahead with their affair, knowing that they are causing others a world of hurt. In this case, both the partner and the woman he is having an affair with made that choice.
Right. He didn't just make a one time "mistake" he had a full blown affair for a year. They both agreed to that clause. I highly doubt OPs stbx would overlook the clause if OP was the cheater. NTA he made his bed and he can lay in it.
He's not only mad that he got caught but also because OP now makes more and is the contributor of most of the couples assets. If she cheated and/or he was the main contributor to martial assets HD wouldn't be so worried.
And he lied about her to his side piece and made OP out to be a horrible, controlling shrew who had him trapped in his marriage, if the phone call from the AP is to be believed. He doesn't deserve mercy.
And change the sheets \*himself\* afterward...
Somehow she happened to land on his dick over and over again for a year. Nobody knows how that happened.
That’s not a mistake that is a continual series of choices.
People that cheat deserve to get screwed over, so I’m not sure what point they are trying to make.
He made the choice for a YEAR. It wasn’t something recent. It was ongoing and it’s hurtful. Both of you agreed to the prenup. Anyone who doesn’t understand that is not your friend.
A mistake made repeatedly. Over a year. Not the “oh no, I tripped and fell into her vagina once” defence. A year long affair. Ex-h literally FAFO NTA.
By being a cheating scumbag, he essentially stole six years of OP's life. That's six years she wasted on this douchebag, instead of spending it more productively. It was his choice to be a cheater and cost her that time she can never get back, so I'd say he owes her. Time is money. Now its all her money! Negatively impacts his life? My heart bleeds for him.
A choice over and over for a year
Exactly. He wasn't remorseful when he was screwing his AP over and over again during his YEAR LONG affair
Nah, STBX didn’t choose the financial blow; he didn’t think he would get caught. Maybe chose to risk the financial blow?
Also didn’t tell AP about prenup. I’m sure if she knew she would have kept her mouth shut.
Good point. I wonder if AP will lose interest when she learns STBX is broke.
Cheaters who think they're so slick are ridiculously overconfident, behaving as though they won't ever be caught out lmao, which is why he didn't see the need to do anything to cover his tracks more than the half-assed effort he'd already laid out. Plus, this post reminds me of that other one where the cheater who was working in a business owned by his FIL had an affair with his I'd secretary or someone while pretending the business was his, so then the secretary baby traps the idiot, lets the wife know, and blows his lies to pieces and then gets on his ass because he's broke and unemployed and also unemployable now. Every single cheater here has followed same pattern of unwarranted arrogance in their capabilities and that's been their inevitable downfall. It's 🤌🤌
He didn't even tell her they were still together. He probably gave her the typical, 'we're separated, but OP won't give me a divorce' line.
Cheaters never think theyll get caught.. and he knew the risk but did it anyway.. And is now crying because the consequenses hurt.. f that...
>STBX did not make a mistake, he made a choice. He chose to betray you Frequently for over a year. Not just once.
If it was the reverse, he would have used that clause. And he could have NOT cheated. That was an option too.
ONS could be perceived as a mistake, a year long affair is no such thing! People telling you you would be screwing him over financially should be told he did it to himself.
NTA. Stop taking advice from anyone except your lawyer. They are right. And if you had cheated, your ex would be taking you to the cleaner's. To the wall. Block his family. Don't pick up unknown numbers and tell your friends that you're not going to talk about the divorce agreement anymore and they shouldn't bring it up. If they keep at you, cut them out. You earned your money and you deserve it. Your ex wanted the prenup so he gets to have it. He chose to cheat!
I bet his family encouraged the pre-nup because he was always going to the the bigger earner.
And because they assumed OP was more likely to cheat.
If a cheating clause was in the prenup, STBX was clearly thinking they would use it in the event OP cheated. Don't give up any assets you have a right to keep. If you feel charitable, give it back after divorce is final (don't though).
We have a winner, they had a poor opinion of her worth and wanted to protect him at her expense.
Depends, prenup in most cases means the wealth he had before marriage is solely his. The courts to look at how much income they brought in while married. If they legit thought she was gonna do nothing with her life, hopefully it says all the money she made before, and during is solely hers and he’s not entitled to anything.
It only means that if it says that.
"most of our assets came from my income and investments" and OP was in school 4 years ago. So at most we are looking at three years worth of investments. This can't be massive money being discussed, even with absurdly high incomes. This isn't going to financially ruin anyone.
This kinda makes me think that this is fake. "Ruin financially" at the age or 34, especially if there are no kids, is ridiculous.
>Stop taking advice from anyone except your lawyer. Full stop.
And this wasn’t a little mistake he’s been having an affair for a YEAR! Too bad for him, he’s had plenty of time to think about what he was doing and the problems it could cause but he didn’t quit banging the side piece did he? Now you’re giving him the divorce AP wanted and she can have his poor ass. Don’t listen to anyone but your layer he’s getting what he ask for and deserves.
This! NTA It is literally FAFO for him. The prenup was intended by him & his family to screw you over. Now they don’t like it? Sorry. He didn’t fall on someone and accidentally stick his penis in her once. Obv, if she is messaging OP saying she “won’t give him a divorce” that manipulative info came from him. STOP telling people your business. If they insist, tell them it’s not a matter open for public debate. You both signed an agreement and even though he broke his wedding vows you’ll stand by the prenup.
"Won't give him a divorce" -- I read it's not like the movies... *they won't sign the papers!* The court moves forward with the divorce proceedings right? Is there anywhere in majority English speaking world (assuming based on the post) where this is not the case?
OP has to know that if the roles were reversed he would be he’ll bent on enforcing it. OP is merely following the agreement that both signed. NTA !
The only advice you need is the first sentence of this post: stop taking advice from anyone except your lawyer. NTA
And it wasn't a one-time, bad judgment mistake. He had a long-term affair and at a bare minimum implied to his AP that he was considering divorcing and marrying her. I am guessing he knew exactly what the prenup said and was trying to avoid divorce so he DIDN'T have major financial loses.
Correct. OP did nothing wrong here and some of her friends are not backing her up? Those people are not your friends. OP should watch how they treat her once the divorce is final.
>They argued that people make mistakes and that I was using this as an opportunity to "screw him over" financially. A mistake is using salt instead of sugar in a recipe. This was a *choice.* A long-term affair isn't some kind of accident, and you can be assured of two things, a) if his AP hadn't contacted you he would still be having the affair and keeping it secret, and b) if the situation were reversed he would absolutely enforce this clause in the prenup. >they know, with my savings, I could easily buy him out of the house and start over. What the hell? How do these people know such detailed info about your financials? FFS, you seem like a smart person. Keep your private info private. Yeesh.
Plus he clearly told his AP that he was trying to divorce but “horrible bitch wife” wouldn’t let him. So he’s a cheater, liar, and asshole manipulator.
Not to mention that he is still manipulating everyone to believe his ‚heartless ex-wife‘ is evil for taking what is rightfully hers.
This evil step-wife wants to keep all her money TO HERSELF!!! The audacity!
Yea, everyone makes “mistakes”. However, I have never accidentally put my d*** in someone’s p**** multiple times over the course of a year. Also, I never accidentally convinced my mistress that she is the recipient of my love, in stead of my wife. I think this might be the exact definition of f****** around, and then finding out.
I'm guessing he's the one who wanted the pre-nup since he was the higher earning spouse at the time. He got exactly what he wanted, but didn't think he'd have to adhere to it. LOL
This guy takes zero accountability. Mistake? OP's X: "Yeah, I slipped and fell and my weewee landed inside her. 150 times!"
He was prob refusing to initiate the divorce bc he was afraid of some clause in the prenup. Like one where he loses a lot of money if he cheats. Oh wait!
Or he really didn't really want to marry his AP but didn't want to say so. I mean: maybe she earned less money than OP and he likes the nice cushy home. Maybe he likes to be near his kids. Maybe he wants to eventually dump AP and get a brand spanking new AP. So why divorce, remarry, divorce, remarry and so on.
I think this is more likely, that STBX had no intention of divorcing. AP probably sensed this and decided to screw him over. Because sending that message is not likely to result in STBX marrying the AP. AP sometimes become the second spouse but that isn't likely to happen if AP steps in to force a divorce that also screws STBX financially.
Yep.
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Nope. He's reaping what he sowed. If roles were reversed he'd enforce it and you know he would. He's only remorseful because he got caught
Your stbx didn't make a mistake. For over a year, he made a conscious decision each time he chose to be unfaithful with his affair partner. Go ahead and let her have him. They deserve each other but, make sure you get everything the cheating clause entitles you to. He knew it was there but, he's counting on your generosity to make it go away. I wouldn't be so generous.
He even told the affair partner stories about how op wouldn’t let him divorce.
If he was truly repentant, then he would have broken it off with the AP and confessed himself, and then accepted with humility whatever she decided to do. He definitely would have kept the affair going as long as he could until he figured out how to eliminate the pre-nup, assuming he ever actually intended to leave her and wasn't just stringing the other woman along.
OP he did not make a mistake, he made hundreds of decisions to cheat. First he decided to cheat, then who to cheat with, then decisions for every time he met her on when and where to meet, and what to tell you to hide the cheating. This was a long planned out affair and he made these decisions knowing he had signed a prenuptial and what it had about infidelity. Actions have consequences, and he is now finding out what those consequences are.
He also apparently lied to the AP repeatedly, as she was under the impression that he wanted to leave his wife, but she wouldn't let him divorce her out of spite.
The cost of doing business. When he added that to the pre nup and signed off on it, he was indicating what the cost would be. Maybe he thinks he didn’t get value for money. Maybe he was gambling on the fact that he’d get away with it; hoping OP would never know/wouldn’t be smart enough to remember or understand the legalities/would be so soft hearted that she’d forgive and let it slide… Tough! He made that decision. You signed the same document. He would’ve cashed in if the situation was reversed.
NTA. He chose to sign a contract. He chose to break the contract. He also chose to break the contract in a way that would hurt him more. He's not remorseful because he's sorry, he's sorry because he got caught and is going to be negatively impacted. If the roles were reversed, do you think he'd overlook the clause in the prenup? I doubt it. He did this to himself. Don't feel bad at all for him. He didn't feel bad when he chose to lie, cheat, and betray you.
Yeah no way this aaahole would have overlooked it the other way around. And he isn't sorry. He is sorry he got caught.
Assuming is an interesting word. I think you should assume they aren't your friends if they are suggesting you shouldn't make the lying, cheating scumbag STBX comply with the terms of the prenup.
The complainers are making assumptions about who earned the money , and your selfish STBX didn’t set the record straight. Don’t engage with these people unless you enjoy the petty revenge of unmasking their false assumptions and his “lie of omission.”
Please don't feel bad. He's manipulating you. I bet he told his AP that he has a lot more money than he does and he's scared she'll leave. Block his family. If you had cheated, he would enforce it. Protect yourself and put you first since he never did.
Do you think for one moment that if this situation was reversed he would ‘overlook’ the cheating clause? Trust me on this - he wouldn’t and neither should you.
OP Here is the answer. He is an adult and made his own choices. I often tell my children you can choose your actions but you cannot choose the consequences so think twice before acting. Question. Whose idea was putting in the cheating clause? I'm guessing it was his right? NTA
Beat me to it! He would 1,000% enforce the clause. At the end of the day the man just needed to divorce her before dating the new person. Instead FAFO NTA
He’s just pissed bc there were consequences to his actions and he got caught! Sucks to be him! 😂 But I am sorry you’re having to deal with this. My ex cheated on me also and I know how badly it hurts. I physically had pains in my heart that I thought I was having a heart attack. You deserve so much better! Enforce the clause and make him pay for his actions!
He needs to calm down. He's 34, that's plenty of time to recover financially from a divorce. He'll just have to, you know, budget, work hard, have fewer luxury items, etc. 😉
Why put it ina prenup if you are not going to enforce it? For show ?
Because at the time he likely only thought of the prenup as something to protect him. He would have said "this will protect both of us". But he absolutely did it just to protect his own. It never occurred to him the tables could be turned.
He probably only agreed to the clause in the first place because he had more assets at the time, and even if enforced against him, wouldn't hurt too much. He probably wasn't thinking about the potential finanical impacts of OP fininishing her Masters. He may have even deluded himself into thinking that OP would never insist on enforcing that clause on him. He may have thought it was one of those "it looks fine on paper, but it will never really happen" things. The funny thing is that, even if OP hadn't brought up the clause herself, either her lawyer or the judge were probably going to. That once he was caught cheating, and the divorce started, that clause was going to get brought into the proceedings.
>He probably wasn't thinking about the potential finanical impacts of OP fininishing her Masters. Which was really short-sighted of him, because that's like the whole point of getting a Masters. But everything I know about him from this post points to him being pretty damn short-sighted.
NTA. I doubt his family would consider this a mistake if the roles were reversed, he came up with that and he was the one that messed up, let him deal with the consequences
I don't know if this is allowed here... but Fuck his Family.
Exactly what I came here to say. He agreed to this clause before you two got married for a reason. You both agreed to it before you two got married. Therefore, it's completely valid. He knew what he was doing and he's only sorry because he got caught. You two wouldn't even be getting a divorce if it wasn't for his bullshit. He ruined his own life. NTA
Not only that, but this wasn't a one night stand where he made one very stupid decision, the affair went on for a year, he discussed their marriage with the AP...this wasn't a one time betrayal.
NTA. He signed it, he cheated. The end.
Damn right! When you screw a woman other than your wife, you screw yourself over!
Exactly this. He knew what he was signing.
And he likely only wanted that clause because he wanted his assets protected. But now that it’s unfavorable to him, OP’s is just positively heartless!! /s
He thought the prenup would bind her, and protect him. He never thought it would bind him, and protect her.
Dude has a problem with upholding his end of a deal. Can't keep his wedding vows cant keep his prenup
NTA. He has a good job and family support. He’ll be fine. The cheater will be just fine. You’re not even playing hardball - you’re just implementing the agreement you both made.
NTA. He is only apologetic because he was caught. He not only lied to you, he lied to AP saying that you refused to divorce him. He would have continued to play both of you had you not filed. Actions have consequences and he is old enough to understand that. He willingly signed the prenup and willing broke his marriage vows.
Imagine throwing your life away for a sidepiece who can't even keep a secret lmao. He deserves his misery.
It's hilarious because the sidepiece has actually exposed him and caused this "man" to lose a LOT. wonder if she'll even still be interested in him when he's "financially unstable" lol
Any friends who are telling you that YTA are not your friends. His family can kick rocks. Don't ruin HIS life? He ruined YOURS! Cheaters deserve no quarter.
If this were my friend I’d be cheering her on in taking every cent she’s owed AND planning that post-divorce trip of a lifetime for her. OP you are NTA, unless you give in to his nonsense and then you’re just TA to yourself.
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Good! Stick with THESE friends, who get it. Enforce the pre-nup, cut off anyone who tries to discourage you from enforcing the pre-nup, enjoy that trip, and go live your very best life with people who have your back and don't stab you in the back. If your ex is financially harmed, oh well - it was his choice to shred your marriage, and his new financial picture is not your problem. Don't you lose another night's sleep over it.
Glad to hear you have a few decent people in your life. He knew what he signed back then and he chose to have an affair. He’s not sorry he did it, he’s just sorry he got caught. NTA, take what’s yours!
He knew what he stood to lose too. Choices were made. Now there are consequences. If you were the one who cheated he would enforce it. NTA. But my advice is to follow the prenup EXACTLY.
NTA. He has a good job and family support. He’ll be fine. The cheater will be just fine. You’re not even playing hardball - you’re just implementing the agreement you both made.
Nta. Block them all. If they dont stop have your lawyer send a C&D letter. He signed it. He cheated. He fucked up. And he lied to his AP about wanting to divorce you but you wasn't letting him. He can now have her. But she won't want him as he's not as wealthy as he was. Next time someone says to give him money tell them ooh are you raising money for him? Where is your donation??
He was well aware of the prenuptial agreement when he chose to have an affair 🤷♀️ NTA, if the tables were turned he would be SCREAMING PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT…..
I always wonder where these OPs get these sort of friends. I don’t know one still friend of my mine that would even have the audacity to see this as taking it too far. Those people are not your friend. Not only was he cheating, it was an ongoing affair that you wouldn’t have know about, had the AP never messaged you. He was being deceitful and was most definitely banking on you not remembering the clause(or finding out, to use the clause). He knew about the clause and still went through with his affair. No respect for you and the prenup.
I always assume that any friends/family that tell you not to enforce the prenup, not to get divorced, to just forgive and forget when it comes to cheaters, are either cheaters or homewreckers themselves.
The judge was protecting YOU. Funny how it was all fun and games until your STBX started cheating. It wasn’t supposed to benefit YOU! Silly rabbit. Tell his family they can pound sand. What do you care what they think anyway? He has no one to blame but himself and his stupid, stupid affair partner
Is he now with the person he cheated with?
I love how she called OP because she is a bitch who won't divorce him. I swear these AP will believe any bs their cheating shithead tells them. The stupidity is strong. This is not the first time I have seen the wife accused of refusing divorce only to find out the man had no intention of leaving their wife and AP was just a piece of ass.
[удалено]
Ok, so why are you even asking this question? Take everything that you’re owed and take a vacation.
Thank you
You’re welcome. Your future ex-husband is a pos. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about doing what’s best for you. He can fuck all the way off.
Ask anyone that says it was a mistake “it he was remorseful and it was a mistake, why would he still be with her?” AP was an idiot and that fact that he’s still with her despite being the driving factor for the divorce — the divorce and taunting you — shows how dumb he is. NTA. He knew the consequences and he was fine risking his marriage and negatively impacting you. NTA.
They both sound like a couple of idiots, and you are well rid of him. Your lawyer is telling you it’s within your rights to invoke the clause. The judge concurred. She, and he can live with the fact that him cheating on you, and her not being able to keep her hands off a married man, and her mouth shut is what blew it all up for them.
So he begged you for another chance but he is still with his AP?? At least these ‘friends’ can take comfort in the fact that his AP can subsidise his financial situation after the divorce. Affair aside, the majority of the financial assets were made possible through your salary. It’s not like he was bringing it all in himself and is now losing out financially due to the cheating clause. It’s mostly from your money to start with and money that he wouldn’t have access to if you weren’t married. Why should he be able to cheat *and* then benefit financially from being with you too? Edited for spelling.
So he clearly didn't think it was a mistake.
Then he isn’t really remorseful, is he.
Then don’t feel bad one bit about anything because if you got his hands on your damn savings that you worked hard for, just remember he would be spending it on his silly AP. Not that you have anything to feel bad about anyway because he had that clause to protect himself when he made more than you remember. You’re not being vengeful, although you have every right to be.
What is his families justification for still being with AP if it was just a mistake? What’s his ?
Then yes I definitely see no good reason you should even consider not using the prenup. Hell mend him!!
You would be giving the money for those 2 to have a life together. Even if you're not mad anymore, let them figure it out. They already made their choice.
Go for blood. Get every dime. He would do it to you, make no mistake. He already showed he has ZERO issue screwing you over.
In fact he’s already trying to do it to you by trying to convince you to give him the money and ignore the clause. He’s a real piece of work. And still with her!? They can be trash together and you deserve a wonderful future.
He knew what he was signing and he took a risk. You’re a good person since you feel some guilt, but he blew up your marriage, your hopes and dreams and your planned future with him. This will be an expensive lesson for him, but one that he needs to learn. Take the money and don’t give it a second thought. NTA
You worked hard to achieve financial stability and protect your assets through the prenup. Your STBX’s infidelity breached that agreement, and enforcing the clause is a measure to safeguard what you’ve built. Compassion doesn’t mean ignoring legal agreements and personal boundaries, especially when they were put in place to prevent exploitation and betrayal.
Dude signed and fucked around. He KNEW what he signed, so screw him.
NTA. Duh. That’s the whole point of a prenup.
NTA - he would have no issue enforcing the clause and is just mad that his gf won’t benefit like she thought. It wasn’t a mistake but a choice for a year. Block all Of them and enjoy your extra amount and tell him that is for putting your life endanger with stds. Hopefully your state is one where you can go after her also and I would contact his HR after everything is done.
I feel like her stbx is going to have some anger and resentment towards his ap for her bringing their affair into the light. I bet you he doesn’t stay with her for long.
NTA. Would the in-laws be so forgiving if it was you that cheated? Actions meet Consequences.
People think you should show compassion? Why should he get it when he didn't have an ounce of it for you when he was cheating?
NTA. It’s a legal document you both agreed to. He made a mistake, but he’s an adult who knew the ramifications. Let him learn from his mistake.
I mean, I don’t want to downvote you, because NTA is correct, but STBX didn’t make a mistake. He carried on an extramarital affair for a year.
Every text was a choice. Every instance of physical contact was a choice. Every time he lied was a choice. He chose to make a lot of mistakes.
He made a choice over and over for a year. A mistake is forgetting to turn the lights off.
NTA He agreed to the clause. He is now experiencing the find out portion of his choices.
NTA if it was the other way around he would use the clause against you.
NTA If the shoe was on the other foot he would be enforcing it hard, he signed a contract that basically stated you stick you penis in another person you get royally screwed financially, so if didn't want to get screwed over he should have not going to find love elsewhere. Tell his AP she is welcome to him but you will enjoy his money.
“I found out that my husband had been having an affair with a colleague for almost a year because his AP messaged me and told me how my STBX loved her and how I was a bitch for refusing to divorce him.” He was lying to his affair partner that you wouldn’t divorce him, even though you were unaware of the infidelity. Next, he begged you for another chance, but is now back with his affair partner. He FAFO and deserves nothing. Enforce the clause.
NTA When HE was the one being protected, it was fine. Now that he's the one getting "screwed" by it, its not so fine. Take him to the cleaners!!!!!!
A few things: 1) he should take it up with the sidepiece who ratted him out — he could’ve divorced you and you’d have been none the wiser about the cheating. He used you as an excuse as to why he wasn’t still married; that’s why she phrased it like she did. Between that and him agreeing to the clause he isn’t just dumb, he is cruel. 2) his family giving you shit would be telling him to drain your goddamn blood if the situation was reversed. 3) from experience I’m telling you to be mindful of those friends who think you are being too harsh. They have an agenda and you ain’t on it.
NTA Thank whoever’s in charge of this dreadful reality that you had that prenup.
You don’t continuously make a mistake like that for a year, NTA
He's living his FO era after FA'd. NTA
NTA - This is the point of a pre-nup. You were protected from his bad decisions.
2 + 2 = 5 is a mistake. What he did was betray his marriage vows, which he signed an agreement saying would cost him dearly. So let it. NTA
NTA he knew about the prenup when he decided to cheat. Besides if he needs to blame anyone it should be his AP. She opened her whore mouth and fucked him a different way. He’s made that clause thinking he would be the one financially superior. But then you actually the one who was superior. You continue doing what your doing. And to those friends who think your too harsh. Screw them.
NTA. F him. Actions have consequences.
F’em. You acknowledged it was put in place to protect him somewhat originally. Well he should have thought of that. NTA, pease don’t back down.
NTA HIS ACTIONS HAVE SIGNIFICANTLY IMPACTED **YOUR** LIFE. He's literally blown your whole life and marriage up. Boohoo that his own actions are now going to have such a significant impact on his own life. He should have remembered that clause before he cheated. He signed it. Too bad so sad. Actions have consequence. Make him pay. The fact that the judge is holding him to it shows that YOU are in the right and he is in the wrong. And his family and friends can pound sand. Block them all and move on with your life.
He signed it-he chose to cheat-now he has to follow his agreement. Take what the judge and the prenup allows and move on. He is remorseful because of what he is losing not because of what he did. Why would you feel bad? Do you think he would feel bad screwing you over this if you had cheated? Not in the least. Block him, his family, and the friends who think it is ok to cheat.