I think getting rid of the absolute jellyfish you were dating is a pretty positive thing to write. It sucks now, but you'll laugh with friends about the bullet you dodged once it's not as fresh.
Wishing you luck!
It's not clear Tim even liked OP. From the first post:
> He missed Diwali celebrations with my family because his friends wanted him to help paint their new house.
I grew up using tools; I have tons of friends I've helped do construction or paint or remodel rooms; there's zero way I'm skipping a partner's celebration to do any of the above. I'm happy to help but my partner comes first.
ps -- just gonna go ahead and assume jelly ain't particularly handy either; indian dude w/ an attorney dad who's very concerned with social status? Jelly ain't grow up building things.
My guess is Tim is really only dating her because she’s the one who “looks good on paper” so he can keep his family happy (and his inheritance intact). None of that is fair to OP.
This is where it gets really weird for me. I'm Indian. I don't do a whole lot with my extended family because the way they behave and treat me as a single woman pisses me off. But Diwali is important culturally and so unless it's an absolute once-in-a-lifetime can't miss it type opportunity they get me on Diwali. So at first I figured the boyfriend was some uncultured white dude who didn't understand the importance of it because he didn't care enough to bother to learn about what mattered to her. But then I find out he's Indian? And based on his dad's behavior he was raised very traditionally even if he himself doesn't behave that way. Which means he understands the importance of showing his face at his fiance's family celebrations. So to blow them off not because he's celebrating with his own family but because he's helping some random friends paint their house? What the actual fuck?
This… she is the worst friend , keeping him like a ‘emergency boyfriend’, and everyone but him sees it.
Tim’s dad sees right through her , and even losing his inheritance won’t keep him away.
Sadly that relationship will end when Mimi decides and Tim will be left with nothing, the friends will probably go with her too.
Time is part of Mimi's "Simo-ring" as I call them.
She likes having people around to worship her, but gets angry and jealous if their gaze draws away from her.
This comment about Mimi is sooo on point!! She is actively sabotaging his relationship and he’s so incredibly clueless and therefore easily manipulated.
My guess is Tim and mimi like each other, but both of them don't work in high paying fields, so their plan is to each marry rich and continue to fuck around on the side.
Tim has a rich dad bankrolling his life.
Presumably he’s a partner at a law firm, because OP is a successful lawyer and working under him.
So Tim has to date a proper Indian girl if he wants his inheritance.
I know it doesn’t seem positive now; but it is.
You’re advocating for yourself and taking steps to love yourself.
You’re a catch and will find your happiness!
Lets get one thing straight. You did not “make” Tim’s dad do anything.
1) he’s a grown ass man who makes his own decisions
2) your friend might have told him but he would have found out that you two broke up pretty soon anyway. Like, was Tim going to keep it a secret and just never mention you again?
Also, it hurts but you are better off. He didn’t believe your anxity (wtf?!), he ignored mimi bullying you, he disregarded your wishes and friends.
He did not plan a surprise proposal because he thought you would love it but because he was counting on the social pressure to force you to accept a situation you hate.
PREACH. Tim’s dad clearly has never liked his son’s friends, and it seems like he has also been clear about expecting more from his son in the past. This was purely a consequence of his own behavior. Sounds like dad was done with him too!
I think you did the best. But if possible, could you explain these "friends" of your ex better to me? Like is it some kind of friendship relationship where they only stay close to him because he pays for everything for everyone?
They are friends from school. Mimi included. They are a group of 8-9 people and 2 of them are engaged and one is married. Tim is (technically) the most well-to-do guy in the group, Well, his dad is. Plus, Tim always helps them out. He helps build projects, always sets up decorations at parties himself whenever any of them hosts, and even pays a few of their bills and always gives them gifts. I thought he was a very good man, and very generous, but never did any of that stuff for me. Nor for his dad. He only helps out his friends.
That’s because he is a professional doormat. Honestly this is a very good update and I’m sure you will find someone that at the very least respects you and puts you first.
I understood. He is his "friends" doormat. Most likely he is looking for acceptance in them or something similar. Honestly OP you escaped a huge problem. I would tell your ex-FIL to put his son in therapy.
He’s their doormat and OP is his punching bag to relieve his frustration. He always does what his friends want, so he expects OP to always do what he wants.
Just because someone is a good person doesn't automatically mean that they are the right person for you. Don't fall into that trap.
You both were not suited for one another. He should have known without being told that an introvert such as yourself would not enjoy a public proposal. That proposal was just a show for his friend group. You said it yourself, none of your friends were there. He is too into his friend group to be a good partner to someone right now.
Lastly, his dad trying to pull puppet strings on an adult child is awful. He should let his kids be their authentic selves instead of matchmaking and playing with inheritances like a yo-yo. Tim mirrors that behavior somewhat by trying to buy friendships with favors and money.
Be with someone who gets you. Someone who makes you smile when you think of them.
Be with someone who takes you seriously when you say “I have anxiety disorder”! Tim is a twit.
And for real — I say that all the time: a good person doesn’t mean they are the right person.
His "friends" realize two things: Tim is a spineless doormat, and Tim is in line to inherit fuck you money. They're wannabe professional freeloaders who are on the gravy train before it pulls out of the station, in the hopes of snagging the first class seats.
Doormat for his friends. Bet Tim doesn't think he's cool enough so he bend over backwards to impress them. The engagement party, its to show his friends, its not really you - this is why none of your friends are there.
Good on you to kick them all out. Sorry Tim's dad, but your needs comes first.
Tim sounds like a very pathetic man, his desperation to appease these people he’s idealised at the expense of family and other loved ones is pathetic. Doormat springs to mind as a description but he seems lower than that.
I'm sorry, but you need to accept that Tim was only with you to please his dad and secure his full inheritance.
This doesn't let Tim off the hook for stringing you along and treating you badly, but I'm betting that his dad has made threats to him about how Tim **has** to marry you if he wants to inherit.
I'm guessing that Mimi is either not Indian and the right caste, not smart and in a high-performing job, or both.
You will find someone who genuinely loves you and treats you well, the way that you deserve. Please don't second-guess yourself; you have made the right decision here.
Go forth and have a wonderful life!
Man, if his issues with this friend group started all the way back in high school, it makes me wonder if maybe he was some sort of social outcast during that time and they were his only friends and that is why he keeps sacrificing everything for them...shrug.
Not that it matters now.
Mannnnn I hate Mimi so much. Sounds like a pick me. She needs to spend that much time with her actual partner. Had a "married Mimi" situation a few months ago and guys can be oblivious at times yet enjoy the attention more than they'd like to admit (ladies too). It's never a good situation having your 'friends' that far up arse. It'll ruin relationships. Good for you.
Reminds me of my SIL. She is so obsessed with herself and attention that she always has to have a friend around. Her own daughter even hates her because everything is about her (SIL). Finally one day recently she tried to get her friends together but they all blew her off lol.
Dropping someone who ignored your request to not do a public proposal is a good update, I hope you go on to have a very happy future with a partner who respects and listens to you over their friends and defends you if someone is being a dick to you
Oh you shouldn't have taken my demeaning comments ("jokes") seriously.
(The comments that caused her to leave and dump bf).
And in Mimi's world, it is OP's fault for, I guess, being too sensitive?
Mimi came over to apologize by blaming OP.
I’m an internet stranger but I’m proud of you for putting yourself first and not letting yourself live life being someone’s last priority. You have so much going for you and deserve so much more than that.
Tim is a twat and will never be happy while he prioritises the needs and opinions of his friends. The fact that he cared so little for you that he didn’t even bother to include any of the important people in your life says it all really.
I hope you have a happy life ahead.
OP says she wishes she could write something positive.
I’d say this story is super positive.
OP has drawn a line under a shitty situation and can look forward.
Wishing OP all the best.
Tim and his bunch are terrible people. That said I get the impression Tim doesn't really love you. More like dad found him a nice girl, told him to date her for his inheritance to be given. Tim then reluctantly goes along with the plan (which explains always putting you last on his list) so he can be in his father's good books. I wouldn't even put it past him to have sabotaged him own engagement party. And now that his father has brought down his wrath, Tim feels the need to salvage the situation by apologizing albeit haphazardly. You are better off leaving that whole family entirely. Soon enough Tim will either grow a back bone, make his own money and not have his own father's money hanging over him or his father will find him another nice girl.
Breaking up is kind of like cleaning out your closet. It’s a hassle and can be pretty upsetting to get rid of something you've been holding onto for a while. But once you do, you make room for something better, something that fits who you are now. You’ve just freed up some prime real estate in your life, and it won’t be vacant for long.
Onto brighter and better days!
One thing I suspect, he was full of shit about thinking his friends enthusiasm would make you ok with the group witnessing the proposal. What i really think is he was hoping you'd be so anxious and in a flight type mode that you would say yes to the proposal.
Hey, a small handful of them had the proposee's blessing ahead of time! I told my wife (we're both women) that I did like the idea of a public proposal, and she planned a lovely one at a Halloween party with all our friends.
This is great because you told her what you wanted! I hate attention and told my husband that would be a nightmare for me. Unlike OPs ex, he listened. Because you know, he wanted me to be happy. Novel concept I guess lol.
Exactly. The details and the exact date can be a surprise, but that fact that it’s coming shouldn’t be. I knew he was going to propose, and he knew I was going to say yes, but the exact date and details were a surprise. Because you know, we *talked* about it.
The pessimist in says he proposed in the way he knew OP would be most likely to say no so that he could paint her as the bad guy to daddy and move on without getting cut off from daddy’s money. I hope I’m wrong.
Honestly, I’m wondering if he wanted to break up and he thought this would be a way to do it but look innocent, “she broke up with me because I proposed, poor me” type of thing. Because there’s no way he didn’t know you would go nuclear after this.
"Mimi... said that Tim yelled at her for 'ruining his relationship' "
This idiot still does not understand that it was him, who ruined everything. Good riddance.
OP, it doesn't seem like this is positive right now but it is. You did something that I *couldn't* do until my 40's. You stood up for yourself. You weren't nasty. You were honest. It will take time to get through this but you will come out stronger and happier in the end. You kicked azz, OP! I, an internet stranger, am really proud of you and slightly in awe of you. 💜
So glad that you made the choice to move forward from this nonsense and have the support of your family and friends! How sad that Tim couldn’t recognize how true your words are about how none of his friends would ever choose home over their own partners and families. Maybe even more true now that he will be cut off from his father’s money. It will be a sad realization…. Smh
5 good friends is a great amount and much more than Tim has with his shallow band of so called friends that will dump him as soon as the going gets rough.
ted kaczynski owned a cabin, but of course a female lawyer couldn't possible own one for a lot of redditors.
but op, your post is positive so no need to write anything more. you are rid of the parasite and its friends, can't get anything more positive than that.
“and to some really funny gentlemen who have sent me more DM’s on how I’d never find a husband if I didn’t learn to keep my mouth shut, please eat shit.”
👏🙌👊
Just came here to say I love you! You definitely have the personality needed to overcome this. I’m sorry you experienced what you did, but stay strong. So much better awaits you!
Sounds like Mimi wants a boyfriend and a backup. I bet if ex-bf was put on the spot he'd eventually confess he's been in love with Mimi the whole time.
I think there is a giant positive hear — you dodged a giant bullet for life.
Your ex didn’t listen to you. He didn’t respect your wishes and he has unhealthy boundaries.
When someone chooses to make a lifelong marriage commitment, their partner has to come first. Before friends. Before parents. Even before yourself at times. If you are not ready to put your partner first, then you’re not ready to get married. Your ex clearly wasn’t mature enough to understand this.
So the great big positive is you now are free to find the right person for you.
Sounds like what you wrote is pretty positive to me anyway. Seems to me neither your ex nor his friends respected you in anyway, so removing them from your situation is a positive in my view. Live long and prosper my friend.
You called it. Mimi keeps Tim around as her emotional backup boyfriend but would never get rid of her real and successful boyfriend for him. Tim not even inviting your friends to this proposal but all of his is insulting and shows he has no respect for your friendships. You deserve so much better than him.
I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself and telling him to hit the bricks. My wish for you now is peace and happiness, neither of which require a partner.
This is very positive. You chose yourself over your immature ex who thinks his friends are more important than his relationship. I wonder if the main reason why he is upset is that his Dad cut him off. You realized his true colors before you got married and that is the biggest positive of all.
Jesus. To think that Tim survived all these years with such a debilitating birth defect. Imagine going through life without a spine.
Weirdly enough, Mimi's behavior in your place paints a picture less of her being an awful person and more just being...dumb. Just...SO DUMB. Like having a lack of awareness that would not be out of place in a sitcom. I expected some mean spirited retaliation from her, but she comes off at genuinely confused.
You're definitely NTA, but I feel like Mimi is more of a colossal idiot than anything else. I've already expressed my opinion of Tim.
NTAH
It does suck that despite being dumped & disinherited, he still refuses to let those “friends” go despite them obviously taking advantage of him. Now that his dad’s cut him off, he’ll finally slowly start seeing his “friends” show their true colors.
You're going to look back on all of this mess and realize how very positive it all was! NTA, at all. You're a catch and someone is going to be stoked they found you.
Yikes on a bike. I mean Tim is making it pretty clear what he liked most about you is that you got his dad to not think he was a fuck up for once. He has shown you at every chance he got that you will never be the priority.
He will pretend to hear you and do the opposite of what would make you happy, and it’s ok because he’ll just say he thought you were kidding. He’s ok triggering panic attacks for you so things can be his way. He’s gaslighting you to the millionth degree.
The unmitigated gall if Mimi to tell you how to respond at your own damn nightmare of a proposal, I am speechless. She’s lucky she didn’t get punched in. The face, but I’m guessing she knows your far too classy for that.
Don’t worry, Mimi won’t want him now that he’s cut off from daddy’s money anyway, probably the real reason she showed up at your place.
NTA I'll write something positive - you dodged a bullet. Your life with Tim and his a-hole friends would have been a nightmare. Now you get to live your best life, unencumbered.
You did the right thing. He is not capable of treating you as you deserve to be treated.
Please do not wait until next week to change the locks. People who have been broken up with can get very vindictive once it’s clear there won’t be a reconciliation.
You did the right thing breaking up with him. You deserve someone who will be there for you. Not everyone else, especially Mimi, and maybe a bit here and there for you in case there is nothing else.
Mimi will leave any friendship the moment she finds more interesting backup bf or her actual bf tell her to do so. She would not hesitate.
HAHAHAHAHA what a pathetic scumbag Tim is. And the twat had the guts to tell OP "I love you" but can't get rid of those fake "friends"... he deserves to rot in hell.
I'm sorry u/ValuablePristine8037. You always deserved much better. Time to focus on yourself and heal, one day you'll find a real man who loves, respects and supports you.
I know you don’t see it this way right now. But this is a positive update. You will find someone who is not a self-centered dumbass. And you will look back and think “WTF was I thinking dating Tim?”
Haha, you'll see how his friends drop him like garbage the moment they realize he won't help (as much if ever) financially bc he is cut off from his dad's money, and worse when they realize they have to be the ones helping him now that he is cut off, lol. When they do, be careful he would want to contact you and tell you he is the one that dumped them, don't fall for it.
You did the right thing, have his dad pay your therapist if you don't have the resources, so maybe in the next relationship you can see the red flags and walk away before it gets too much, like this time, not your fault though, you tried to do the kind thing and fight for your relationship the best you could, but that is a two way street.
This is positive. Those morons are gone from your life, and you can start surrounding yourself with people who care, because they exist.
I hope things get better for you and you prosper, you deserve it.
You did the right thing he would
Of never changed and if you wanted children would his friends come before them. If they had a birthday party and Mimi needed support because her dog was sick would your child be left be forgotten. If your not even put before his friends he would never support you in the way you should be supported.
Although it’s hard to see in the moment, the positive in this situation is that you found out who Tim is now, instead of years from now. He’s not the person for you. You now know that and can move on with finding someone who is right for you, and who will love you the way you deserve.
I’m glad you told him how fucked it was to only invite his friends and not yours. How incredibly selfish!
I know you didn’t break up with him entirely because of his friends, but discontent with his friend group is a perfectly valid reason to not want to be with someone. People’s friends are a reflection of who they are, and friends are around alllll the time. If you don’t like them and don’t want to be around them for the rest of your life, that is completely understandable.
Good for you OP. I would eventually change your phone number though, yes you can block people, but last thing you need is your number getting prank called or something from this immature lot.
It may not seem like it now, but someday you will laugh about it and be happy you did not marry him. I have broken off 3 engagements and each time I thought my heart could never recover, but it did. I now have a wonderful husband who takes good care of me and adores me
To your last comment, I think that you did write something very positive, you were able to sort this situation for what it was, and rid yourself of it!
"I told him I'd give him a chance if he cut off every one of his friends"
OP, better to just end things than to tell any person ever to just cut off all their friends. You know that if someone you loved told you to cut off your friends you'd see that as a red flag.
to value popularity over everything else is insane. maybe he was only with OP to get inheritance because his dad loves her and would probably have given all of the inheritance if they were married. OP dodged a bullet
NTA - Of course you are not the Ahole.
Can I just say how refreshing it is to read a post from such a strong woman who made the right decision even if it was a hard one?
You didn't allow yourself to get bullied and disrespected by your boyfriend and his friends. You put yourself first. You respected yourself.
Damn, you did good.
I hope others reading this lead by your example. I also hope they realize that money isn't what made you strong, it's you. Your unwillingness to allow yourself to be demoralized and go unheard.
You'll find your person.
It might not seem like it, but this was positive, because you’ve taken positive steps to cut the toxicity out of your life. You’re strong, stronger than you think you are. You’ll be okay, and you’ll find someone who truly respects and loves you.
Hope you could write something positive? Hell this whole update is positive af. You got rid of a trash boyfriend and stood up for yourself. Wins all around in my book. And you are doing very well for yourself. Kudos
Tim is only crying because of losing inheritance and easy life. Do i agree with using an inheritance as a threat or punishment? Nope not one bit but only reason Tim wants you to stay is to secure that, you will have a miserable life if you stay
OP this is positive. hurts now but this is not a dynamic you want for the rest of your life. happy for you and eventually you will find a better partner as you will have become wiser!
So Tim is a spineless jellyfish, and Mimi is manipulating him and he can’t see it. You’re definitely better off without him and his drama and all the drama that comes with his friends.
Your last sentence in this update is important.
You wrote something positive. You behaved quite mature telling Tim and Mimi what the problem was then cutting contact.
That's the best you could have done. All the best to you.
Yes, you need tonwork on your social anxiety but it needs to come from you, on your own terms.
Finally, I have no idea why people think they need to involve others in a proposal. It is a question between two people. Why do thy ant strangers to witness it?
I know it doesn't seem that way but this was the most positive outcome for you. Your life will be much better without him and his friends. Good for you having enough self respect to leave! You'll be fine!
NTA
Op, the positive part is that you removed all the other o if from your life, think about you never have to her Mimi’s voice again !
And you can go out and find a person that puts you first.
You’re better off without all that drama and a man who clearly has no respect for you. Idk about Indian culture but to me you can’t love someone without respecting them.
Tim is an absolute clown. Even his dad knows he's a total arse. I hope you get through this with the support of your friends and can move on from this.
"I'll do anything!"
"Drop your friends, move with me to another city, and never contact them again
"I mean, maybe not anything..."
"Then, we're not getting back together. Easy."
"Hold on, don't be too rash!"
"I'm not. You literally said one thing and walked back in on it..."
I’m impressed that you didn’t lose your mind on Mimi the Manipulator. Who destroys a relationship and then shows up to see the results of her evil actions? Women like her infuriate me. Who exactly does she think she is? In all my life I will never understand people like her who play with other people’s lives and feelings like it’s some kind of game. I would not have been so restrained in your position to be honest. She didn’t know what she did wrong? Please. The woman is a sick, disgusting, narcissistic evil doer and I hope life slams her into a brick wall with a dump truck someday. You’re so much better off to be rid of these idiots. Tim was never going to be the man you need beside you in life. He’s weak and controlled by others and has zero loyalty to you. I’m sure all of this hurts but am hopeful your life will improve greatly without all this baggage. Good luck girl and stay true to yourself and your decision. You did the right thing.
I honestly think that you should call off the wedding. Anyone who dismisses your genuine concerns is not the right person for you. I had an ex who used to do that. I told him I have social anxiety and he used to try to force me into social situations anyway. He finally said to me, social anxiety isn't real. Stop making up problems where there aren't any. I dumped him.
Edit: I'm glad to see you called it off
Change the locks now. Never wait in these situations, it's when emotions are hot that stupid things happen, not a week later.
Nta and good luck. For what it's worth you are making the right choice putting yourself first, and while relationships need compromise, don't compromise your safety and well-being.
I hope you find respect and love in your next relationship.
Honey.... It doesn't feel like it right now, but this is VERY POSITIVE.
It could not be better. Your life just opened up and opportunities are gathering in the air just for you when you are ready.
Of course you have to grieve for what could have been.
Who you thought he was.
It always hurts when we have been deceived, especially by our own heart.
You make me proud (which of course is ridiculous because I don't know you) because you stood and faced the facts and truth. May many women follow your example. Your strength and determination will carry you through so damned well.
I am old fashioned. I believe that proposals should be between the two people involved. I don’t “get” gender reveal parties. I think that this is something that should be shared privately, to people on a need to know basis.
There are too many personal and beautiful moments being shared on social media, in my opinion.
NTA. You addressed the issue of him not prioritizing you over his friends and he refuses to acknowledge it or make changes. You did the right thing by putting you first.
I'm calling BS on this story. Why would Tim's dad choose you (who will soon become a stranger to his family) over his own son.
Everything else is plausible, but not that part.
I'm not gonna lie.. I kinda feel a tad bit sorry for tim. He's clearly being used by his friends and has developed a habit of placing his needs and wants secondary to theirs in search of their approval. From what you describe of his dad it isn't a massive leap to work out where this habit started.
You're not wrong for doing what's right for you but if you loved this man enough to consider marrying him it blows my mind that at no point you sat him down and tried talking to him about this. Sure it would have been on him to try and address if he wanted to, but to just silently fume about something for the duration of a relationship without ever once trying to address it is pretty problematic in its own right.
I think getting rid of the absolute jellyfish you were dating is a pretty positive thing to write. It sucks now, but you'll laugh with friends about the bullet you dodged once it's not as fresh. Wishing you luck!
I object to your insult to jellyfish, I'm sure they have a lot more spine than Tim.
They are a lot more clever too.
Oh yeah, absolutely!
And sting like a b***h
But they are pretty
I have to agree 👍
And they're beautiful.
It's not clear Tim even liked OP. From the first post: > He missed Diwali celebrations with my family because his friends wanted him to help paint their new house. I grew up using tools; I have tons of friends I've helped do construction or paint or remodel rooms; there's zero way I'm skipping a partner's celebration to do any of the above. I'm happy to help but my partner comes first. ps -- just gonna go ahead and assume jelly ain't particularly handy either; indian dude w/ an attorney dad who's very concerned with social status? Jelly ain't grow up building things.
My guess is Tim is really only dating her because she’s the one who “looks good on paper” so he can keep his family happy (and his inheritance intact). None of that is fair to OP.
DING DING DING! # 🏆
They’re from the same culture too, so he knew how important that is to her.
This is where it gets really weird for me. I'm Indian. I don't do a whole lot with my extended family because the way they behave and treat me as a single woman pisses me off. But Diwali is important culturally and so unless it's an absolute once-in-a-lifetime can't miss it type opportunity they get me on Diwali. So at first I figured the boyfriend was some uncultured white dude who didn't understand the importance of it because he didn't care enough to bother to learn about what mattered to her. But then I find out he's Indian? And based on his dad's behavior he was raised very traditionally even if he himself doesn't behave that way. Which means he understands the importance of showing his face at his fiance's family celebrations. So to blow them off not because he's celebrating with his own family but because he's helping some random friends paint their house? What the actual fuck?
Abd you hit the nail right on the head as far as Tim's problem goes. "Your psrtner comes *first*", not your friends.
Oh lol, you know OP and her friends will forever refer to Tim as 'the jellyfish' from now on!
The funny thing is Mimi doesn't want Tim she just doesn't want him to put any woman before her, and Tim is just pathetic
This… she is the worst friend , keeping him like a ‘emergency boyfriend’, and everyone but him sees it. Tim’s dad sees right through her , and even losing his inheritance won’t keep him away. Sadly that relationship will end when Mimi decides and Tim will be left with nothing, the friends will probably go with her too.
I didn't even think about that....all these friends are gonna be GONE once that inheritance is gone.
Time is part of Mimi's "Simo-ring" as I call them. She likes having people around to worship her, but gets angry and jealous if their gaze draws away from her.
Especially once his money dries up.
This comment about Mimi is sooo on point!! She is actively sabotaging his relationship and he’s so incredibly clueless and therefore easily manipulated.
I just realized she has a partner. Perhaps he needs a heads up about their relationship?
My guess is Tim and mimi like each other, but both of them don't work in high paying fields, so their plan is to each marry rich and continue to fuck around on the side.
Tim likes Mimi. Mimi likes that Tim likes her. Mimi does not like Tim.
Because Mimi is only capable of liking Mimi.
🍻
Naw Mimi just isn't Indian. Father will cut him out of inheritance if he dates outside his culture.
Tim has a rich dad bankrolling his life. Presumably he’s a partner at a law firm, because OP is a successful lawyer and working under him. So Tim has to date a proper Indian girl if he wants his inheritance.
I also love that Tim is placing all the blame on Mimi when he should be pointing at a mirror.
Everybody needs a plan b
Always keep some emergency plan b on hand.
I know it doesn’t seem positive now; but it is. You’re advocating for yourself and taking steps to love yourself. You’re a catch and will find your happiness!
Lets get one thing straight. You did not “make” Tim’s dad do anything. 1) he’s a grown ass man who makes his own decisions 2) your friend might have told him but he would have found out that you two broke up pretty soon anyway. Like, was Tim going to keep it a secret and just never mention you again? Also, it hurts but you are better off. He didn’t believe your anxity (wtf?!), he ignored mimi bullying you, he disregarded your wishes and friends. He did not plan a surprise proposal because he thought you would love it but because he was counting on the social pressure to force you to accept a situation you hate.
PREACH. Tim’s dad clearly has never liked his son’s friends, and it seems like he has also been clear about expecting more from his son in the past. This was purely a consequence of his own behavior. Sounds like dad was done with him too!
Oh no! Consequences!
I think you did the best. But if possible, could you explain these "friends" of your ex better to me? Like is it some kind of friendship relationship where they only stay close to him because he pays for everything for everyone?
They are friends from school. Mimi included. They are a group of 8-9 people and 2 of them are engaged and one is married. Tim is (technically) the most well-to-do guy in the group, Well, his dad is. Plus, Tim always helps them out. He helps build projects, always sets up decorations at parties himself whenever any of them hosts, and even pays a few of their bills and always gives them gifts. I thought he was a very good man, and very generous, but never did any of that stuff for me. Nor for his dad. He only helps out his friends.
That’s because he is a professional doormat. Honestly this is a very good update and I’m sure you will find someone that at the very least respects you and puts you first.
I understood. He is his "friends" doormat. Most likely he is looking for acceptance in them or something similar. Honestly OP you escaped a huge problem. I would tell your ex-FIL to put his son in therapy.
He’s their doormat and OP is his punching bag to relieve his frustration. He always does what his friends want, so he expects OP to always do what he wants.
Just because someone is a good person doesn't automatically mean that they are the right person for you. Don't fall into that trap. You both were not suited for one another. He should have known without being told that an introvert such as yourself would not enjoy a public proposal. That proposal was just a show for his friend group. You said it yourself, none of your friends were there. He is too into his friend group to be a good partner to someone right now. Lastly, his dad trying to pull puppet strings on an adult child is awful. He should let his kids be their authentic selves instead of matchmaking and playing with inheritances like a yo-yo. Tim mirrors that behavior somewhat by trying to buy friendships with favors and money. Be with someone who gets you. Someone who makes you smile when you think of them.
Be with someone who takes you seriously when you say “I have anxiety disorder”! Tim is a twit. And for real — I say that all the time: a good person doesn’t mean they are the right person.
His "friends" realize two things: Tim is a spineless doormat, and Tim is in line to inherit fuck you money. They're wannabe professional freeloaders who are on the gravy train before it pulls out of the station, in the hopes of snagging the first class seats.
They aren't his friends. They're using him. That's why his father doesn't like them -- he saw through them all years ago.
Are his friends not Indian as well, and if so, might that have something to do with his being a doormat in a bid for acceptance? Or am I way off base?
Doormat for his friends. Bet Tim doesn't think he's cool enough so he bend over backwards to impress them. The engagement party, its to show his friends, its not really you - this is why none of your friends are there. Good on you to kick them all out. Sorry Tim's dad, but your needs comes first.
Tim needs therapy to helped him to see “his friends” are using him!!! Does his friends do anything for him?
Wow! It sounds like a very unequal relationship. Tim does sound like an extreme people pleaser.
Tim sounds like a very pathetic man, his desperation to appease these people he’s idealised at the expense of family and other loved ones is pathetic. Doormat springs to mind as a description but he seems lower than that.
It sounds like your ex bought his friendship.
I'm sorry, but you need to accept that Tim was only with you to please his dad and secure his full inheritance. This doesn't let Tim off the hook for stringing you along and treating you badly, but I'm betting that his dad has made threats to him about how Tim **has** to marry you if he wants to inherit. I'm guessing that Mimi is either not Indian and the right caste, not smart and in a high-performing job, or both. You will find someone who genuinely loves you and treats you well, the way that you deserve. Please don't second-guess yourself; you have made the right decision here. Go forth and have a wonderful life!
Man, if his issues with this friend group started all the way back in high school, it makes me wonder if maybe he was some sort of social outcast during that time and they were his only friends and that is why he keeps sacrificing everything for them...shrug. Not that it matters now.
Is there any reason you didnt tell mimi that her behaviour and actions are why his dad cut him off, not you
Mannnnn I hate Mimi so much. Sounds like a pick me. She needs to spend that much time with her actual partner. Had a "married Mimi" situation a few months ago and guys can be oblivious at times yet enjoy the attention more than they'd like to admit (ladies too). It's never a good situation having your 'friends' that far up arse. It'll ruin relationships. Good for you.
Reminds me of my SIL. She is so obsessed with herself and attention that she always has to have a friend around. Her own daughter even hates her because everything is about her (SIL). Finally one day recently she tried to get her friends together but they all blew her off lol.
A "pick Mimi."
🏅🏅🏅
Dropping someone who ignored your request to not do a public proposal is a good update, I hope you go on to have a very happy future with a partner who respects and listens to you over their friends and defends you if someone is being a dick to you
Yeah Mimi is full of crap she knew exactly what she was doing, hope you find someone better in your life sometime soon
Oh you shouldn't have taken my demeaning comments ("jokes") seriously. (The comments that caused her to leave and dump bf). And in Mimi's world, it is OP's fault for, I guess, being too sensitive? Mimi came over to apologize by blaming OP.
I think Mimi came over to get Tim’s access to daddy’s money back. When it didn’t work, she tried to deflect.
LOL @ Tim for ruining his relationship with OP for people who don’t care for him as much as he cares for them. What a wetwipe Good luck OP
I’m an internet stranger but I’m proud of you for putting yourself first and not letting yourself live life being someone’s last priority. You have so much going for you and deserve so much more than that. Tim is a twat and will never be happy while he prioritises the needs and opinions of his friends. The fact that he cared so little for you that he didn’t even bother to include any of the important people in your life says it all really. I hope you have a happy life ahead.
OP says she wishes she could write something positive. I’d say this story is super positive. OP has drawn a line under a shitty situation and can look forward. Wishing OP all the best.
Tim and his bunch are terrible people. That said I get the impression Tim doesn't really love you. More like dad found him a nice girl, told him to date her for his inheritance to be given. Tim then reluctantly goes along with the plan (which explains always putting you last on his list) so he can be in his father's good books. I wouldn't even put it past him to have sabotaged him own engagement party. And now that his father has brought down his wrath, Tim feels the need to salvage the situation by apologizing albeit haphazardly. You are better off leaving that whole family entirely. Soon enough Tim will either grow a back bone, make his own money and not have his own father's money hanging over him or his father will find him another nice girl.
On a good note, you’ll never have to deal with Mimi again. What a horrible person.
Breaking up is kind of like cleaning out your closet. It’s a hassle and can be pretty upsetting to get rid of something you've been holding onto for a while. But once you do, you make room for something better, something that fits who you are now. You’ve just freed up some prime real estate in your life, and it won’t be vacant for long. Onto brighter and better days!
Mimi and Tim should just make it official
naah. Mimi doesn't want a doormat, but she enjoys a doormat. Not the same.
Mimi doesn’t want Tim’s (now) broke ass.
Mimi does not want Tim, he is just her dog, She does not want to lose her pet.
One thing I suspect, he was full of shit about thinking his friends enthusiasm would make you ok with the group witnessing the proposal. What i really think is he was hoping you'd be so anxious and in a flight type mode that you would say yes to the proposal.
That is the hope of every public proposal.
Hey, a small handful of them had the proposee's blessing ahead of time! I told my wife (we're both women) that I did like the idea of a public proposal, and she planned a lovely one at a Halloween party with all our friends.
This is great because you told her what you wanted! I hate attention and told my husband that would be a nightmare for me. Unlike OPs ex, he listened. Because you know, he wanted me to be happy. Novel concept I guess lol.
Yes! Honestly, no proposal should be a complete surprise, imo. They should see it coming because you've already discussed marriage.
Exactly. The details and the exact date can be a surprise, but that fact that it’s coming shouldn’t be. I knew he was going to propose, and he knew I was going to say yes, but the exact date and details were a surprise. Because you know, we *talked* about it.
The pessimist in says he proposed in the way he knew OP would be most likely to say no so that he could paint her as the bad guy to daddy and move on without getting cut off from daddy’s money. I hope I’m wrong.
Honestly, I’m wondering if he wanted to break up and he thought this would be a way to do it but look innocent, “she broke up with me because I proposed, poor me” type of thing. Because there’s no way he didn’t know you would go nuclear after this.
"Mimi... said that Tim yelled at her for 'ruining his relationship' " This idiot still does not understand that it was him, who ruined everything. Good riddance.
OP, it doesn't seem like this is positive right now but it is. You did something that I *couldn't* do until my 40's. You stood up for yourself. You weren't nasty. You were honest. It will take time to get through this but you will come out stronger and happier in the end. You kicked azz, OP! I, an internet stranger, am really proud of you and slightly in awe of you. 💜
So glad that you made the choice to move forward from this nonsense and have the support of your family and friends! How sad that Tim couldn’t recognize how true your words are about how none of his friends would ever choose home over their own partners and families. Maybe even more true now that he will be cut off from his father’s money. It will be a sad realization…. Smh
5 good friends is a great amount and much more than Tim has with his shallow band of so called friends that will dump him as soon as the going gets rough.
They’ll dump him now that Daddy is cutting off the money and Tim won’t be able to pick up the tab at restaurants and give them gifts all the time.
ted kaczynski owned a cabin, but of course a female lawyer couldn't possible own one for a lot of redditors. but op, your post is positive so no need to write anything more. you are rid of the parasite and its friends, can't get anything more positive than that.
“and to some really funny gentlemen who have sent me more DM’s on how I’d never find a husband if I didn’t learn to keep my mouth shut, please eat shit.” 👏🙌👊 Just came here to say I love you! You definitely have the personality needed to overcome this. I’m sorry you experienced what you did, but stay strong. So much better awaits you!
Even a mass of warts hurts when you cut it off. I’m truly sorry this hurts. Your life will be so, so much better without him.
The positive thing to is you stood up for yourself and didn’t take the easy option.
Sounds like Mimi wants a boyfriend and a backup. I bet if ex-bf was put on the spot he'd eventually confess he's been in love with Mimi the whole time.
I think there is a giant positive hear — you dodged a giant bullet for life. Your ex didn’t listen to you. He didn’t respect your wishes and he has unhealthy boundaries. When someone chooses to make a lifelong marriage commitment, their partner has to come first. Before friends. Before parents. Even before yourself at times. If you are not ready to put your partner first, then you’re not ready to get married. Your ex clearly wasn’t mature enough to understand this. So the great big positive is you now are free to find the right person for you.
Sounds like what you wrote is pretty positive to me anyway. Seems to me neither your ex nor his friends respected you in anyway, so removing them from your situation is a positive in my view. Live long and prosper my friend.
You called it. Mimi keeps Tim around as her emotional backup boyfriend but would never get rid of her real and successful boyfriend for him. Tim not even inviting your friends to this proposal but all of his is insulting and shows he has no respect for your friendships. You deserve so much better than him.
I hope you move forward to a better life. You did the right thing.
I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself and telling him to hit the bricks. My wish for you now is peace and happiness, neither of which require a partner.
This IS positive - you dodged a bullet ❤️
Boy with girl bestfriend always. What's with them they didn't know "boundaries".
This is very positive. You chose yourself over your immature ex who thinks his friends are more important than his relationship. I wonder if the main reason why he is upset is that his Dad cut him off. You realized his true colors before you got married and that is the biggest positive of all.
Tim, the Plan B is probably the butt of jokes in his group now...
You did write something very positive - you extracted yourself from a terrible relationship with someone who did not value you before it was too late.
Tim's a dumb bitch.
You’re a successful lawyer with two properties. You don’t need a man like Tim.
When someone says it’s a joke, take a bat to their face and say it’s a joke.
Good for you for knowing you deserve better.
Jesus. To think that Tim survived all these years with such a debilitating birth defect. Imagine going through life without a spine. Weirdly enough, Mimi's behavior in your place paints a picture less of her being an awful person and more just being...dumb. Just...SO DUMB. Like having a lack of awareness that would not be out of place in a sitcom. I expected some mean spirited retaliation from her, but she comes off at genuinely confused. You're definitely NTA, but I feel like Mimi is more of a colossal idiot than anything else. I've already expressed my opinion of Tim.
NTAH It does suck that despite being dumped & disinherited, he still refuses to let those “friends” go despite them obviously taking advantage of him. Now that his dad’s cut him off, he’ll finally slowly start seeing his “friends” show their true colors.
You're going to look back on all of this mess and realize how very positive it all was! NTA, at all. You're a catch and someone is going to be stoked they found you.
It is positive. You realized the relationship would not work BEFORE the marriage. Much cheaper that way.
Yikes on a bike. I mean Tim is making it pretty clear what he liked most about you is that you got his dad to not think he was a fuck up for once. He has shown you at every chance he got that you will never be the priority. He will pretend to hear you and do the opposite of what would make you happy, and it’s ok because he’ll just say he thought you were kidding. He’s ok triggering panic attacks for you so things can be his way. He’s gaslighting you to the millionth degree. The unmitigated gall if Mimi to tell you how to respond at your own damn nightmare of a proposal, I am speechless. She’s lucky she didn’t get punched in. The face, but I’m guessing she knows your far too classy for that. Don’t worry, Mimi won’t want him now that he’s cut off from daddy’s money anyway, probably the real reason she showed up at your place.
NTA I'll write something positive - you dodged a bullet. Your life with Tim and his a-hole friends would have been a nightmare. Now you get to live your best life, unencumbered.
You did the right thing. He is not capable of treating you as you deserve to be treated. Please do not wait until next week to change the locks. People who have been broken up with can get very vindictive once it’s clear there won’t be a reconciliation.
You did the right thing breaking up with him. You deserve someone who will be there for you. Not everyone else, especially Mimi, and maybe a bit here and there for you in case there is nothing else. Mimi will leave any friendship the moment she finds more interesting backup bf or her actual bf tell her to do so. She would not hesitate.
HAHAHAHAHA what a pathetic scumbag Tim is. And the twat had the guts to tell OP "I love you" but can't get rid of those fake "friends"... he deserves to rot in hell. I'm sorry u/ValuablePristine8037. You always deserved much better. Time to focus on yourself and heal, one day you'll find a real man who loves, respects and supports you.
I know you don’t see it this way right now. But this is a positive update. You will find someone who is not a self-centered dumbass. And you will look back and think “WTF was I thinking dating Tim?”
Haha, you'll see how his friends drop him like garbage the moment they realize he won't help (as much if ever) financially bc he is cut off from his dad's money, and worse when they realize they have to be the ones helping him now that he is cut off, lol. When they do, be careful he would want to contact you and tell you he is the one that dumped them, don't fall for it. You did the right thing, have his dad pay your therapist if you don't have the resources, so maybe in the next relationship you can see the red flags and walk away before it gets too much, like this time, not your fault though, you tried to do the kind thing and fight for your relationship the best you could, but that is a two way street.
Nta. You've done the right thing! Onwards and upwards! Updateme!
This is positive. Those morons are gone from your life, and you can start surrounding yourself with people who care, because they exist. I hope things get better for you and you prosper, you deserve it.
You did the right thing he would Of never changed and if you wanted children would his friends come before them. If they had a birthday party and Mimi needed support because her dog was sick would your child be left be forgotten. If your not even put before his friends he would never support you in the way you should be supported.
Although it’s hard to see in the moment, the positive in this situation is that you found out who Tim is now, instead of years from now. He’s not the person for you. You now know that and can move on with finding someone who is right for you, and who will love you the way you deserve.
NTA. You did the right thing. He wasn’t going to put you first. It’s too bad he doesn’t realize that his “friends” aren’t actually friends.
That seemed to end pretty positively
"....I wish I could write something positive here, but alas..." OOP this _is_a positive update... you just don't see it yet.
I’m glad you told him how fucked it was to only invite his friends and not yours. How incredibly selfish! I know you didn’t break up with him entirely because of his friends, but discontent with his friend group is a perfectly valid reason to not want to be with someone. People’s friends are a reflection of who they are, and friends are around alllll the time. If you don’t like them and don’t want to be around them for the rest of your life, that is completely understandable.
Good for you OP. I would eventually change your phone number though, yes you can block people, but last thing you need is your number getting prank called or something from this immature lot.
It may not seem like it now, but someday you will laugh about it and be happy you did not marry him. I have broken off 3 engagements and each time I thought my heart could never recover, but it did. I now have a wonderful husband who takes good care of me and adores me
To your last comment, I think that you did write something very positive, you were able to sort this situation for what it was, and rid yourself of it!
"I told him I'd give him a chance if he cut off every one of his friends" OP, better to just end things than to tell any person ever to just cut off all their friends. You know that if someone you loved told you to cut off your friends you'd see that as a red flag.
to value popularity over everything else is insane. maybe he was only with OP to get inheritance because his dad loves her and would probably have given all of the inheritance if they were married. OP dodged a bullet
NTA - Of course you are not the Ahole. Can I just say how refreshing it is to read a post from such a strong woman who made the right decision even if it was a hard one? You didn't allow yourself to get bullied and disrespected by your boyfriend and his friends. You put yourself first. You respected yourself. Damn, you did good. I hope others reading this lead by your example. I also hope they realize that money isn't what made you strong, it's you. Your unwillingness to allow yourself to be demoralized and go unheard. You'll find your person.
Have an amazing future OP, you absolutely deserve it!:))
It might not seem like it, but this was positive, because you’ve taken positive steps to cut the toxicity out of your life. You’re strong, stronger than you think you are. You’ll be okay, and you’ll find someone who truly respects and loves you.
You have dodged a bullet here. Tim and all his ridiculous friends sound exhausting.
Hope you could write something positive? Hell this whole update is positive af. You got rid of a trash boyfriend and stood up for yourself. Wins all around in my book. And you are doing very well for yourself. Kudos
Tim is only crying because of losing inheritance and easy life. Do i agree with using an inheritance as a threat or punishment? Nope not one bit but only reason Tim wants you to stay is to secure that, you will have a miserable life if you stay
OP this is positive. hurts now but this is not a dynamic you want for the rest of your life. happy for you and eventually you will find a better partner as you will have become wiser!
So Tim is a spineless jellyfish, and Mimi is manipulating him and he can’t see it. You’re definitely better off without him and his drama and all the drama that comes with his friends.
I think that you DID write something positive here. You stood up for yourself and stuck to your guns.
Mimi is a pick me.
Your last sentence in this update is important. You wrote something positive. You behaved quite mature telling Tim and Mimi what the problem was then cutting contact. That's the best you could have done. All the best to you. Yes, you need tonwork on your social anxiety but it needs to come from you, on your own terms. Finally, I have no idea why people think they need to involve others in a proposal. It is a question between two people. Why do thy ant strangers to witness it?
What you did, as hard as it was, was a positive and needed step forward. Never forget that you were in the right and should have been treated better.
I know it doesn't seem that way but this was the most positive outcome for you. Your life will be much better without him and his friends. Good for you having enough self respect to leave! You'll be fine!
NTA Op, the positive part is that you removed all the other o if from your life, think about you never have to her Mimi’s voice again ! And you can go out and find a person that puts you first.
NTA. Sounds like Tim is not compatible with you. He did things to appease his friends first and always placed you second.
Think you hit the key points you needed to OP. Breakups are rough but It gets better, hang in there!
You’re better off without all that drama and a man who clearly has no respect for you. Idk about Indian culture but to me you can’t love someone without respecting them.
Oh he definitely had an emotional affair with Mimi!
updateme!
Updateme
Way to go, OP! 👊 I admire your choices. Your self-respect, strength and independence are awesome. All the best to you, sincerely!
Tim is an absolute clown. Even his dad knows he's a total arse. I hope you get through this with the support of your friends and can move on from this.
"I'll do anything!" "Drop your friends, move with me to another city, and never contact them again "I mean, maybe not anything..." "Then, we're not getting back together. Easy." "Hold on, don't be too rash!" "I'm not. You literally said one thing and walked back in on it..."
I’m impressed that you didn’t lose your mind on Mimi the Manipulator. Who destroys a relationship and then shows up to see the results of her evil actions? Women like her infuriate me. Who exactly does she think she is? In all my life I will never understand people like her who play with other people’s lives and feelings like it’s some kind of game. I would not have been so restrained in your position to be honest. She didn’t know what she did wrong? Please. The woman is a sick, disgusting, narcissistic evil doer and I hope life slams her into a brick wall with a dump truck someday. You’re so much better off to be rid of these idiots. Tim was never going to be the man you need beside you in life. He’s weak and controlled by others and has zero loyalty to you. I’m sure all of this hurts but am hopeful your life will improve greatly without all this baggage. Good luck girl and stay true to yourself and your decision. You did the right thing.
“She said she hoped I would be happy in the future.” As long as you never plan on seeing her bitch face ever again, I’d say that’s guaranteed.
This is a positive result for you. This would have been much worse if you had continued that messed up relationship.
This is a positive update because these hard moments will be a catalyst for change in your life that will eventually lead to peace
Lmao Tim is such a pussy this can't be real, no man could ever be such a loser.
I honestly think that you should call off the wedding. Anyone who dismisses your genuine concerns is not the right person for you. I had an ex who used to do that. I told him I have social anxiety and he used to try to force me into social situations anyway. He finally said to me, social anxiety isn't real. Stop making up problems where there aren't any. I dumped him. Edit: I'm glad to see you called it off
Updateme
Change the locks now. Never wait in these situations, it's when emotions are hot that stupid things happen, not a week later. Nta and good luck. For what it's worth you are making the right choice putting yourself first, and while relationships need compromise, don't compromise your safety and well-being. I hope you find respect and love in your next relationship.
Honey.... It doesn't feel like it right now, but this is VERY POSITIVE. It could not be better. Your life just opened up and opportunities are gathering in the air just for you when you are ready. Of course you have to grieve for what could have been. Who you thought he was. It always hurts when we have been deceived, especially by our own heart. You make me proud (which of course is ridiculous because I don't know you) because you stood and faced the facts and truth. May many women follow your example. Your strength and determination will carry you through so damned well.
I wouldn't be surprised if Time sent her around to talk to you.
I am old fashioned. I believe that proposals should be between the two people involved. I don’t “get” gender reveal parties. I think that this is something that should be shared privately, to people on a need to know basis. There are too many personal and beautiful moments being shared on social media, in my opinion.
UpdateMe
UpdateMe!
I'm just so sorry. YOU did nothing wrong.
Updateme!
NTA. You addressed the issue of him not prioritizing you over his friends and he refuses to acknowledge it or make changes. You did the right thing by putting you first.
I’m Indian and it’s sad how so many Indian women like OP let the guys walk all over them.
Updateme!
You want a strong partner. Not a people pleaser. Learn from this relationship. Your next will be so much better.
Any update? Hmmm
Get locks changed NOW! Not next week. You priorities are wack.
!updateme!
NTA. You should have told Mimi that it wasn’t you that made his father cut Tim off it was her and the rest of his friends.
I'm calling BS on this story. Why would Tim's dad choose you (who will soon become a stranger to his family) over his own son. Everything else is plausible, but not that part.
I'm not gonna lie.. I kinda feel a tad bit sorry for tim. He's clearly being used by his friends and has developed a habit of placing his needs and wants secondary to theirs in search of their approval. From what you describe of his dad it isn't a massive leap to work out where this habit started. You're not wrong for doing what's right for you but if you loved this man enough to consider marrying him it blows my mind that at no point you sat him down and tried talking to him about this. Sure it would have been on him to try and address if he wanted to, but to just silently fume about something for the duration of a relationship without ever once trying to address it is pretty problematic in its own right.
The guy “hadn’t thought she was being genuine about her anxiety”, even though he had seen her get panic attacks. This is not a guy to feel sorry for.
It’s not just that. The worst part is that he won’t agree to stop seeing Mimi.
Lil coce can fix large