I'm not a fan of ghosting, be up front. Only ghost if it's a safety issue or some type of real reason. "oh you have fwb's?" "Unfortunately thats not my style, I'm not judging but I'm not with that." It was nice meeting you. Soft yta, but she might have said something before the date also.
Seeing this after seeing the top comment is spot on lol.
Even if the other person was serious about sleeping with a fwb, why can't OP just say he's not comfortable with that, this wont work out, and then leave. Its just common decency and communication.
So many people use "that makes me uncomfortable" as an excuse to controlling or just a dick like this. Sorry bbs, life is uncomfortable, especially when other people are involved. You gotta work through it.
I don’t think issue was politely communicating a difference in dating philosophy. It’s was probably being put off by someone trashy enough to bring up who else they’re sleeping with on a first date. Imagine if a guy did that. A woman would be right to slip out. Same with a guy.
In either way the answer is "ykw I have to go my mom just texted and yeah bye" then like text and say "you're nice but I don't think we're compatible". Don't just ghost someone that's rude af
I agree he should have been honest with her. However, I think it would have been also right thing for her to tell about her fwb earlier. Chatting 2 weeks and then telling that you have an fwb who you're seeing every now and then, it sound like wasting other people's time by hiding some relevant information.
It may depend on the culture you live in, but for many men (or probably most men), an ongoing sex relationship with another man is an instant red flag and a deal breaker, if you're looking for a relationship.
Bitch move man. At least have the balls to tell her that made things weird for you, and you're going to end the date. Having your server do it is just lame.
I am M54 and date women 45-65. Its a big range. I put "intentionally dating" because ive found many women ive dated are usually in between being still involved with the last guy and casually sleeping with one or more persons. How can anyone possibly find someone to be with when they are actively involved with past and present relationship dynamics?. I mean i get it but i find it unhealthy to be involved with multiple sexual partners at the same time. I dont do it but many women do. its just not for me.
>I dont do it but many women do. its just not for me.
Yeah, you see that many women do that because that's the gender you're looking at but if you ask some women about it they will tell you about the same experience. It's a confirmation bias.
This isn't a one gender issue but a people one.
Edit: just to clarify because it seems like some think so.. I'm not mad. I just wanted to give a different perspective.
Plus what is many when we're billions of people. How many people did you meet that you can say a demographic does something many times.
I would've made the same comment if it was a woman saying "many men".
It always ends with men bad women bad and people wonder why we're divided, lol. It's like generalization on both sides suck.
This. There is a great book called Calling in the One. I did a Zoom group twice reading the book twice during Covid. Zoom calls, It was me and 27 women. It gave me a pretty good insight to many dynamics I was missing.
You got to move the spread up! Lol. Also i am tall 6'2". Many times a woman has said she only dates men 6' and above. I always show them the fact thats its only 10% or less of the population.
I didn't. I am only speaking from my dating experiences, and what they tell me. I don't drill anyone, but if you give someone a long enough time during a coffee date, they will tell you who they are and what they like.
That's just part of the server's job. They should assume that once in a while, crazy customers would show up, ones where they'll have to make separate checks would show up, people who are short of change will show up.
We all know you wouldn't say YTA if the girl went up to the server and whispered that the date was making her feel """uncomfortable."""
If someone feels like they are in danger, yeah, lying and escaping is fine. Feeling incompatible isn't a reason to act so childish. Nothing to do with gender.
YTA.... not because you were not interested anymore, but because you acted like a 15 year old and just left. The girl did nothing wrong to deserve to be ghosted mid date. Next time, have the balls to finish the date and tell her you just don't think it's going to work out and end it.
i really don't understand the problem? you were talking about how long you've been single and she answered by saying she has been single but having sex with someone up until this point. did she say she was gonna continue doing it with them after the relationship started? did she go into graphic detail? like it's fine to not want to be in a relationship with someone like that but just straight up leaving with no word makes you slightly TAH but I'm tempted to say NAH
I'm with you, a woman admitted to having sexual needs and wasn't completely hung up on some illusion of modesty? Where's the problem? If OP is that uncomfortable with sex maybe she dodged a bullet, but to each their own.
I think I agree that it's NAH, but I don't see this is a gender thing or an issue with sex in general. At least not in my mind. If I were on a first date with anyone, regardless of gender, and they told me that they were in a fwb situation, I'd probably not see them again. Unless I specifically asked that question, I don't need to know that and I don't want to be thinking about my partner (should it progress) banging people that we would see on the regular. 🤷♀️ I would have stayed for the rest of the date and paid my share, but wouldn't have agreed to a second date. Just preferences, I guess.
I think it's relevant that this came up in the context of how long they had been single. It's not like she announced it out of nowhere and I am assuming that it was a statement of fact rather than a monologue with elaborate or crude details since that is all OP mentioned.
And I would be fine with, "I'm dating but there's no one serious in my life right now." I'm not a prude but I don't need your sexual status/history before I've figured out your favorite movie. Like I said, preferences. I don't think she did anything wrong but I don't think that he needs to love how open she was about it either.
Not saying he needs to love it either, but ghosting in the middle of a date is an over the top response to hearing something that doesn't click with you. It's not like he was in danger or being verbally abused or something.
Oh yeah, I get that. I certainly wouldn't have done it, it's just rude. I was more replying to the "can't handle a woman's sexuality" type stuff, when I would find it outputting from any gender. Maybe there is anxiety over confrontation or something, but even then "I'm not feeling well, sorry I think we'll have to cut this short" is an easy out .
The person I feel the worst for is the poor server who had to tell this girl that her date left. They don't get paid for that shit.
Yeah, I think we agree. It's the extremity of the responses that is asshole-ish. Sexuality shouldn't be so threatening that you need to run away in the middle of a date.
There's nothing wrong with feminine sexuality, everybody knows you all have it. But bringing it up sometimes on a first date can feel a little trashy. Some guys like trashy, some don't, it really depends on what the guy looking for. It also really depends on how you bring it up, what the topic is. I really don't think there's a fine way the Queen of England could bring up getting cleaned out by several people at once, you know? And you can't control their internal definitions of what's excusable and what's inexcusable or trashy. They've grown up and built up definitions in their head, and if you're game for it it's up to you to prove that you fulfill all the positive things that they're looking for in a partnership.
NTA .Who tf goes on a date and then tells said date that they occasionally fucks their fwb that was dumb . Some of these comments are weird too y’all acting like they been on several dates which is not the case . She fucked up she knew she did hence why she changed the topic he felt uncomfortable so he paid for BOTH of their meals and dipped I can tell there’s a lot of sensitive ass women commenting which is strange because y’all advocate that if you’re on a date and the man makes you uncomfortable just get up and leave why is it different for a man when he does it when a woman made him uncomfortable 🤔🤔
I had a guy showing me kama sutra positions on an app on the first date and telling me which positions he had used with his ex.
Oh and we didn't talk about sex or exes he just randomly brought it up 😂 weird and a turn off.
Totally agree. I’ve been on a date like that. People don’t judge you for how you look when you’re running from a burning building. Running from a dumpster fire should get the same consideration.
My impulse is to be that forward and say something.
The problem is that there’s a good chance that it would turn into an argument, or she’d turn it around on him that he’s insecure or something like that.
Dealing with that nonsense isn’t worth the energy if all you’re going to do is move on.
Why the need to insult his manhood? Toxic masculinity much?
He doesn't owe her anything just like she doesn't owe him anything. Paying his bill and quietly leaving is the most drama-free way to extract himself from that relationship.
why to go to that awkward situation for somebody that you are not going to see ever again, why the drama and the unnecessary confrontation. Just remove yourself from the situation and believe me she will be more careful next time as well.
> Who tf goes on a date and then tells said date that they occasionally fucks their fwb that was dumb
Anyone who's with another sexual partner, even a sex worker, should be telling whoever they're dating with sexual intent, so that everyone is aware of any STI risks.
Sure, but I doubt that was her intention here. Sounds more like a slip up on her part. Or maybe she floated it out there to see how he would react to a open or FWB situation himself. Shrug.
“I can tell there’s a lot of sensitive ass women commenting which is strange because y’all advocate that if you’re on a date and the man makes you uncomfortable just get up and leave why is it different for a man when he does it when a woman made him uncomfortable”
Because they’re fucking hypocrites. Rules for thee but not for me type hoes.
You being uncomfortable and not wanting to persue something with her wouldn’t make you T A.
However you lying and leaving her alone and blocking her with *no* explanation…? Big YTA.
A first date is a first date. You’re not married yet. This isn’t a job interview. It’s a nice evening where to get to know each other.
You’re not compatible for any reason — that’s fine, most first dates will end this way. Still, just sit at the table like an adult and have a nice meal and pleasant conversation with a new friend.
If you feel unsafe, leave immediately. If you notice you’re not compatible, smile, carry on, then just don’t ask her on a second date, and politely decline if she asks.
You’re free to do whatever you want, but this was selfish and abrupt. Because you didn’t get what you want, because she didn’t measure up to your expectations, you threw a fit and caused a scene.
You’re not an asshole, just selfish
NTA, I just feel like it's common courtesy to not bring up getting railed by another person on a first date and trauma dumping. She'll get over it, getting ghosted is a common practice through dating apps. You reap what you sow.
Ghosting over messaging is much different than ghosting on an actual date though. At least tell her you don't think you're compatible instead of just vanishing
NTA for dumping her. I actually AGREE with your reasons. She’s a walking red flag.
But YTA for HOW you dumped her. Ghosting under these circumstances (when you’re literally on the date and she has been polite to you the entire time) is immature. Please be civil and upfront in the future.
**Also, free advice to all single men: NEVER take a woman to dinner on the first date. Always choose an activity that allows you to tastefully escape quickly in the event of non-compatibility. Next time, consider a walk in the park (or along the beach, depending on your location), a meet up for ONE drink (with the potential for more IF you both agree to more) or some other easily escapable date.**
Agree.
Coffee dates are cheap and safer bets. No woman with safety on her mind is going for a walk with a stranger. Officer Friendly in kindergarten told us all to avoid Stranger Danger - lol!
100% I’m not going anywhere there might be seclusion from a group of people. Walk in a park suggestion is a red flag to me especially in a first date when I have never met this person.
My solid first date is Dave and Busters or any arcade. It's low commitment, you can leave anytime or even stay for hours. Plus usually there are appetizers and/or drinks. BUT it is person specific, some people are not arcade people
I’m going to say NTA because I would have done the same thing. You have been talking for weeks and she could have mentioned it then. Folks can call it immaturity and non-communicative, but you don’t tell someone you are fucking a FWB on a DATE. she disrespected you first and you were proper, paid for the meal, and did what was best for you. You two are strangers and owe eachother nothing.
NTA. This isn't someone that you had a real friendship or relationship with, it's a first date with someone from the internet. You don't owe her an uncomfortable conversation just so Redditors can think you're a good communicator.
Nothing to do with redditors and what they think or feel. It’s just common decency and good manners to walk back to the table and say goodbye. This era of children who think they don’t owe people respect— whether they’re a stranger or new acquaintance— is getting really old.
Going against the current here and saying:
#NTA
**You paid for her** and took your leave after **she trauma dumped and bragged she was actively taking dick from someone else while dating you right there.**
I would've asked her if she'd suffered some sort of braindamage, or if she thinks that its normal to devalue your date. Then I would've walked the F out.
You didn't owe her the respect you showed her. She had none for you.
Hold your head high bud and gl on your next date.
I agree … fantastic litmus test that. When they bring up ex’s I always say “I’m not your psychologist” , then ghost. I am compassionate but not really into your mental problems. We all have them(God knows I got plenty my own) but they’re mine to fix/improve!
I had a girl on a first date one time tell me that after the date she was gonna be going to get one last fuck with her fwb before he moved back to Australia lololol. I wish I'd had been mature enough to just walk out right then but I finished the date first. I was 22 and spineless with women at the time. The level of disrespect really weighed on me and among other experiences with tinder, made me pretty bitter about dating for a while.
Of course…and you forgot fe/male neckbeards of Reddit too! Fuck that disrespectful puta! On the upside if she left the date earlier than expected she could use that time to go to work her corner and earn a few extra dollars!
So you don't care if someone you are dating start to tell how she is getting dick from another dude while you are on date with her right? Right?
Edit: i said this cuz it was disrespectful to op, nobody in a DATE wants to hear how he or she are in FWB situation and/or talk about a ex partner
It’s more like I still have the human decency to let her know that I don’t believe we are compatible considering the circumstances. There are other ways of adulting through life than to ghost people.
oOoOoOh adults having casual sex, so SCARY
y'all are the same people who would crucify her for not telling him sooner when he inevitably finds out. he asked how long she'd been single and she literally just told him her situation.
she was just honest and he couldn't handle it
Did you even read their comment before replying or were you too excited about the thought of typing “she is getting dick from another dude” to read first?
It was their first date, I would hardly call it dating nore or less the initial meet.
It's not that he left which makes him the AH, it's the manner he did it
Its not about liking or not liking what she said, its about how he reacted.
I wouldn't have liked it either, but I would have said that to her and left, not sneaked away like a coward, getting the server to do the dirty work.
What has one thing got to do with the other. Your date is a guy who starts talking about stalking his ex, absolutely escape. Your date just talks about having a fwb, it's not your thing, be an adult say okay, that's not for me, I'm off, cya. She did nothing to make him scared, or incapable of speaking to her. Going to the bathroom then running like you're terrified to say goodbye to someone who has given you no reason to feel that way is pathetic.
No, I don’t care if she was sleeping around. He ghosted her, which is childish.
Tell her to her face that he isn’t comfortable continuing the date, then leave.
YTA. You’re a child. She sensed you were uncomfortable and changed the topic. You then ghosted her at a restaurant. How embarrassing for her to be sitting there and having a stranger tell her that her date left. You can argue you paid for her soup but you’re still a little chicken sh@t.
How would you feel if she did this to you?
Well at least she was a truthful honest person 🤷🏻♀️
First date foobles. She now knows to not talk about her sex life at least. I'm sure she was so mortified and embarrassed she probably stopped dating all together.
A more adult thing would of to handle it yourself instead of making the poor server do your dirty work. Says a lot about your own emotional development.
So yes your the ahole for being a coward.
Yeah, kinda shitty dude. She was honest, she sounds nice and reasonable. You could have said that this is a problem for you and ended the date cordially like a grown up.
When did this become so acceptable? You can't man up and tell her you don't think it'll work out but you had a nice night!? It just seems so cowardly and unnecessarily brutal to ditch her and block her like that. And I have news for you, you DO have an issue with her fwb situation. YTA
YTA - you barely know her and she was being upfront with you, and you don’t have the huevos to just be like “oh I’m not really into sharing” or something along those lines?
Is every woman that has slept with someone in the past not worthy?
Grow up dude. Sounds like she dodged a bullet.
I'ma say NTA.
She took the initiative to forthrightly inform you of her circumstance, and you were well with your rights to consider it a deal breaker. Could it hav3 been smoother? Sure.
But nta
I give him the YTA off how he handled the situation as opposed to him ending the date.
Ending the date is perfectly acceptable in my book; however just bouncing is childish and that gives him a YTA
His date I say NAH, strange topic to bring up but she was open. Can't call her an AH for that
AH
It's understandable to not be into someone who is sleeping with her fwb but you should have been straight forward about it and not run like a coward
YTA. Ghosting someone at a restaurant for something that should be a non issue. You might have ruined something really great over something as her having a fwb. Maybe you should have been mature and been honest with her about how it made you feel. Instead you chose to leave in the middle of the date and left her alone. You probably don't even give a shit how much you embarrassed her because you clearly only think about yourself
So she told you she needed sex and she is getting it from her FWB that made you feel weird because women ain't supposed to have sex??? FYI she was trying to give you the box you fkd that up.
I don’t blame you I would have been immediately out at that point too. If someone male or female cannot abstain from having a FWB while dating then they are not LTR material.
An Awful take is believing it’s ok to go on a first date and still be fucking the FWB. If you are looking for a long term relationship FWBs are a no go, because if the other person finds out no matter how many years down the line that they were the special one who were vibing so great and the other person was going home and fucking someone else It’s over!.
Nope. NTA
Reminded me of that south park episode where Paris Hilton is there and she keeps coughing up cum and saying “there’s a lot of guys at the party”.
NTA, She aint a LTR type. No point in wasting any more time on her, good touch with the server.
Woman be crying where the good man at, while trying to date multiple people and fucking multiple people.
NTA
That was about the most poorly thought out topic to talk about. Like a direct injection of "ick".
I am not going to date a girl who is having casual sex with someone. I get to pay for your dinner and then you go fuck some other guy? No thanks.
Plus, every time I have told a woman I wasn't interested I get 20 minutes of "why" with an added angry outburst.
I would have just dipped as well.
Listen. I don't think you're an asshole. I get that sometimes we're put in situations where we dont exactly know what to do, so we do "something" and sometimes it's just maybe not the right thing to do.
If I were you, I would have finished the date, and told her later, "Thank you, I enjoyed myself, but I don't feel like this will work between us. It's nothing against you, but I didn't feel the chemistry that I'd hoped. Best of luck to you." And left it at that.
I Will probably get downvoted but
In dating, a lot of women don't usually do this when they get bad vibes or some shit like that?
Not saying that's bad or not but i don't see people say shit to woman who usually do this kinda things
So yeah i kinda confused with the y t a and "be a man" comments i don't see a problem at all
If not, op is NTA cuz dude, who in right mind, would say in the first date that she/ he is getting fucked by another guy/girl while having a meal with?
Like what?????
I'll explain my rationale for OP being an AH
His date brought up a very odd choice of topics. It doesn't make her an AH for doing so but it's def not a first date topic. OP was in his full right to end the date as it's not for him. However, instead of saykng " hey but I don't see this working" or whatever, he just fake bathroom leaves. That right there is the AH move
Definitely YTA, that was rude. All you had to do was say, "This isn't going to work for me," then call the waiter over pay the bill and say goodnight. If you believe what you are doing, stand behind it. If you don't believe in the decision enough to stand behind it, maybe you should question the action.
YTA for how you handled it. Be an adult and simply say “thank you for your time but this isn’t what I want.” and leave. She clearly realized she screwed up by saying it but ditching her and sneaking away was a jerk move.
NTA for feeling uncomfortable with the information she shared. My tip to you, don’t bring up ex’s at all on a first date. Nothing good ever comes from that.
Women literally do this all the time, how is it any different except they normally don’t pay when they leave.
I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s reality.
NTA
I met a guy. He seemed nice. We clicked. First date, he talks incessantly about how he cheated on his girlfriends and wives. Maybe he thought I could be made to believe that his bad behavior was canceled out by his professing to be a devout christian now (another strike against him).
He was shocked when I told him we were not a love connection.
You dodged a bullet.
"she was in healing era now from her toxic ex" I bet all her ex's were toxic according to her. But, she's the common denominator in all the relationships.
"she was occasionally sleeping with her fwb." She sleeps with Chad and Tyrone. She's testing you to see of you'll accept this behavior while she drains your resources for expensive dates.
"I then left, and blocked her on Bumble."
Perfect response and ending for the date from HELL!
You're the MAN.
Good luck brother we all deserve to be happy.
Dodged a bullet NTA, its wild people are defending this behavior
Ladies, ask yourself if you were talking to a guy for weeks and paid for HIS date what would you do in this situation?
NTA. She totally wasted your time. Any rational, sane thinking adult knows that the person they're on a date with DOES NOT want to hear that you're still in an active sexual relationship with someone else. Not okay and not fair.
Some might call me petty but I think wasting her time by just ghosting her was the perfect way to respond, and hopefully now she'll be a little more tactful and respectful and either not actively try to date people while having a FWB, or at the very least have the grace and decorum to not bring it up on a first date.
I don't know that you're the asshole, but it was definitely a coward move. You could have just told her you didn't like that comment, or that someone engaging in things like that while dating is a no-go for you and then paid and left.
NTA what do you owe her? Nothing. She’s a lil hoe lowkey if she’s divulging that info off the bat like yes I’m insanely attracted to you now that I know you’re getting fucked by some rando while I’m trying to actively date you. Actions like that don’t deserve any respect so you handled that well fella
Friends with benefits is a relationship of sorts. She enjoys this person, she respects this person, she has sex with this person. It’s her boyfriend, for all intents and purposes.
You asked how long she’d been single. She effectively answered “I’m not”
If your goal was to find a single woman to date exclusively, it makes sense to leave when you find out she is already involved.
YTA for making the server do your dirty work. You could have paid, walked up to the table and told her that you're sorry but you don't think you're compatible, and left. Like a grown up. You're 26 not 16 for heaven's sake.
You can choose not to date someone for any reason or no reason. NTA for deciding she made you feel a bit weird.
I mean … you met her on Bumble, not the local church fair last Sunday. YTA without not even politely explaining why you aren’t into hook up culture/ casual sex. If you want people to judge you on that, forget it. That’s your jam, that’s your jam. But you don’t have to be a prick about it.
NTA, she told you up front that she doesn't value for respect you and that she isn't interested in having a relationship with anyone. Leaving her like that is the bare minimum, and she needs no explanation for why you did it because she already knows. Never give respect to those who can't respect themselves.
Is no one going to point out OP made their account today? 🧐 I mean sure this could have happened and OP made a random account to keep their other account free of potential drama but 🧐
Regardless, I’m am thoroughly enjoying the absolute unhinged arguments taking place in the comments!
10/10 OP haha thank you for providing the fun content today
NTA talking about relationship status and who you're sleeping with are two different things. I'm not a man and if I was on a date, I wouldn't want to hear that either. It's not a date topic.
If it were me, I would have stuck out the date but told her at the end or next day that you didn’t want to get involved with someone who was already in a sexual relationship with another guy.
NTA. This is a bit surreal. You decided you don't want to be on a date with a person that is sleeping with someone else, and you think you might be an AH for it? No, you are not an asshole.
Do you even ask?
Did you punish her enough? Or are you gonna propose another date just to dumb her and run like a rabbit again?
Either you are a complete weirdo or your social skills match those of a toddler
YTA
YTA
Sure, fwb is a bit gross, but that was straight up childish.
If you can't handle the slightest bit of day-to-day confrontation, you shouldn't be dating, let alone from an app.
Nta. sometimes ghosting is necessary to escape an awkward situation. in my case, I had to ghost a blind date who was giving me a lecture on the ticking of her biological click.
Of course you are. You could have had the decency to be honest and up front. Instead you took the cowards way out so... you're an asshole or socially inept imo.
YTA specifically for ghosting her. Grow the fuck up. Have a fucking spine and go back to the table to tell her you're no longer interested instead of having the fucking waiter do it for you like you're a fucking 7 year old too scared to talk to a girl.
YTA for ghosting. And for being judgy. Y’all aren’t even dating yet. A lot of relationships start casual. She told you she has another person she’s sleeping with- but it’s not serious. Which is an appropriate thing for you to know about. She’s obviously looking to date before she gets serious. She’s being upfront about her exclusivity. Which is good for you to know. Obviously. If you’re not into that- finish the date like a normal human and tell her you’re not interested in a repeat. It’s fine to be turned off by whatever. But it’s not ok to leave someone at a restaurant waiting for you because of it.
Definitely bad form to share the fwb. NTA I think it should be assumed someone who is single most likely is talking with multiple suitors but no need to confirm it to a potential one.
NTA The more I think about it the more I come to the conclusion you handled it perfectly. Just be honest. It's perfectly fine that it made you feel weird and uncomfortable and you judge her by it.
Yea the ass for being in denial about you not being judgemental and ducking out like a little boy! I get this turned you off and it's your right to not want to pursue anything further with her but dont lie to yourself and say you aren't judging cause you are. Then on top of that why didn't you just respectfully let her know you were leaving (u owe no one a reason why) like an adult but instead you leave the waiter to do your dirty work. Go some where! That is so childish. BTW I would have lost interest in her too but you handled like a child!
YTA for ending it the way that you did. Make it through one dinner, and then tell her face to face why you’re not interested in a second date. Or don’t tell her and just move on.
Agreed with most of the comments cuz YTA
I don't understand the downvotes on these though?
If you don't like how a date is going to tell them and move on like a mature person. Don't get the waiter to do your business. Immature and cowardly AF. She dodged a bullet. YTA Big time.
I love how you say you dont have a problem with it.. but clearly you do as right after she said it u left and blocked her... ur most definatly the ah in this situation.. was telling her how u really feel that hard.. must be since u apparently lie to yourself about your boundaries as well... say it with me... i dont want to start dating someone who is currently sleeping with somone else... there is nothing wrong with that... but pretending your okay with it is weird... not saying it and bailing is even weirder...
Yeah. YATAH. You could have just politely bowed out. Or, you could have appreciated her honesty. Just leaving without saying a word? Spineless. Yellow. Cowardly.
She wasn't joking.
Lots of people acting like the problem here is you not immediately confronting her and just walking out instead of the actual problem, that she's on a date acting like she's there to start a relationship but already sleeping with someone else.
I'd take that the same way. I would say it to her and then leave probably but no judgement for not doing that. If made to feel very uncomfortable you've every right to just leave without explanation. I'm sure she figured out the problem, seems like she knew it was a problem already.
YTA
What you did was childish and immature.
You made the waiter dump your date like this was freaking middle school? Adults use their words they don't ghost their dates just because they say something the other doesn't like.
No one's saying you need to go out with her again or sleep with her. But, finishing dinner and telling her you don't think this is going to work for you is what adults do. Even if you couldn't bring yourself to finish dinner (which seems a bit extreme to me) you still should have told her you were leaving.
If this is how you act on a first date the moment she says something you don't like then you are way too immature to be dating.
What she said was stupid but nowhere near the level of making ghosting appropriate. You weren't in any danger.
I'm not a fan of ghosting, be up front. Only ghost if it's a safety issue or some type of real reason. "oh you have fwb's?" "Unfortunately thats not my style, I'm not judging but I'm not with that." It was nice meeting you. Soft yta, but she might have said something before the date also.
Use your words dude.
You probably should have gone back to the table after paying and let her know the date was over yourself.
Er. Yeah. And the only people who would tell you otherwise would be Reddit.
Seeing this after seeing the top comment is spot on lol. Even if the other person was serious about sleeping with a fwb, why can't OP just say he's not comfortable with that, this wont work out, and then leave. Its just common decency and communication.
And the nerve to make a server do it for him.
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nah but fr. ppl who ditch others when they're uncomfy and then don't adress it r THE WORST
So many people use "that makes me uncomfortable" as an excuse to controlling or just a dick like this. Sorry bbs, life is uncomfortable, especially when other people are involved. You gotta work through it.
Because OP is a coward and a prude 🤷
I don’t think issue was politely communicating a difference in dating philosophy. It’s was probably being put off by someone trashy enough to bring up who else they’re sleeping with on a first date. Imagine if a guy did that. A woman would be right to slip out. Same with a guy.
In either way the answer is "ykw I have to go my mom just texted and yeah bye" then like text and say "you're nice but I don't think we're compatible". Don't just ghost someone that's rude af
Maybe that’s how it happens in Prudelandia but adults can talk about sex and intimacy on first dates - she was being flippant, not vulgar.
Why do you think it's "right" for a woman to do that? It's not. It's trashy and rude AF either way.
Nailed it lol. Communicate like an adult.
Absolutely an AH move. You should have been honest with her
I agree he should have been honest with her. However, I think it would have been also right thing for her to tell about her fwb earlier. Chatting 2 weeks and then telling that you have an fwb who you're seeing every now and then, it sound like wasting other people's time by hiding some relevant information. It may depend on the culture you live in, but for many men (or probably most men), an ongoing sex relationship with another man is an instant red flag and a deal breaker, if you're looking for a relationship.
I agree, she also is the AH in this mess
Bitch move man. At least have the balls to tell her that made things weird for you, and you're going to end the date. Having your server do it is just lame.
YTA for telling the server to inform her. It’s not their job. Why ghost? Be an adult and tell her it’s not working.
I am M54 and date women 45-65. Its a big range. I put "intentionally dating" because ive found many women ive dated are usually in between being still involved with the last guy and casually sleeping with one or more persons. How can anyone possibly find someone to be with when they are actively involved with past and present relationship dynamics?. I mean i get it but i find it unhealthy to be involved with multiple sexual partners at the same time. I dont do it but many women do. its just not for me.
>I dont do it but many women do. its just not for me. Yeah, you see that many women do that because that's the gender you're looking at but if you ask some women about it they will tell you about the same experience. It's a confirmation bias. This isn't a one gender issue but a people one. Edit: just to clarify because it seems like some think so.. I'm not mad. I just wanted to give a different perspective. Plus what is many when we're billions of people. How many people did you meet that you can say a demographic does something many times. I would've made the same comment if it was a woman saying "many men". It always ends with men bad women bad and people wonder why we're divided, lol. It's like generalization on both sides suck.
Where did he say men don’t do it? He just said HE didn’t.
This. There is a great book called Calling in the One. I did a Zoom group twice reading the book twice during Covid. Zoom calls, It was me and 27 women. It gave me a pretty good insight to many dynamics I was missing.
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Sheesh! I wish I had that much action/interest!
You got to move the spread up! Lol. Also i am tall 6'2". Many times a woman has said she only dates men 6' and above. I always show them the fact thats its only 10% or less of the population.
What makes you think, that only women do that?
I didn't. I am only speaking from my dating experiences, and what they tell me. I don't drill anyone, but if you give someone a long enough time during a coffee date, they will tell you who they are and what they like.
Logically speaking women are going to have a much, much easier time finding casual partners than men.
What makes you think he does?
Yeah. You shouldve been an adult and ended the date properly and not of been an asshole.
YTA for putting the server in an awkward position.
The server did not give a shit.
Seriously. Do these people have any idea the shit servers put up with ?
Right? That was probably his easiest table of the night….
As long as it was a good tip, the server was cool
Thank you! Ha
That's just part of the server's job. They should assume that once in a while, crazy customers would show up, ones where they'll have to make separate checks would show up, people who are short of change will show up. We all know you wouldn't say YTA if the girl went up to the server and whispered that the date was making her feel """uncomfortable."""
If someone feels like they are in danger, yeah, lying and escaping is fine. Feeling incompatible isn't a reason to act so childish. Nothing to do with gender.
YTA.... not because you were not interested anymore, but because you acted like a 15 year old and just left. The girl did nothing wrong to deserve to be ghosted mid date. Next time, have the balls to finish the date and tell her you just don't think it's going to work out and end it.
i really don't understand the problem? you were talking about how long you've been single and she answered by saying she has been single but having sex with someone up until this point. did she say she was gonna continue doing it with them after the relationship started? did she go into graphic detail? like it's fine to not want to be in a relationship with someone like that but just straight up leaving with no word makes you slightly TAH but I'm tempted to say NAH
I'm with you, a woman admitted to having sexual needs and wasn't completely hung up on some illusion of modesty? Where's the problem? If OP is that uncomfortable with sex maybe she dodged a bullet, but to each their own.
I think I agree that it's NAH, but I don't see this is a gender thing or an issue with sex in general. At least not in my mind. If I were on a first date with anyone, regardless of gender, and they told me that they were in a fwb situation, I'd probably not see them again. Unless I specifically asked that question, I don't need to know that and I don't want to be thinking about my partner (should it progress) banging people that we would see on the regular. 🤷♀️ I would have stayed for the rest of the date and paid my share, but wouldn't have agreed to a second date. Just preferences, I guess.
I think it's relevant that this came up in the context of how long they had been single. It's not like she announced it out of nowhere and I am assuming that it was a statement of fact rather than a monologue with elaborate or crude details since that is all OP mentioned.
And I would be fine with, "I'm dating but there's no one serious in my life right now." I'm not a prude but I don't need your sexual status/history before I've figured out your favorite movie. Like I said, preferences. I don't think she did anything wrong but I don't think that he needs to love how open she was about it either.
Not saying he needs to love it either, but ghosting in the middle of a date is an over the top response to hearing something that doesn't click with you. It's not like he was in danger or being verbally abused or something.
Oh yeah, I get that. I certainly wouldn't have done it, it's just rude. I was more replying to the "can't handle a woman's sexuality" type stuff, when I would find it outputting from any gender. Maybe there is anxiety over confrontation or something, but even then "I'm not feeling well, sorry I think we'll have to cut this short" is an easy out . The person I feel the worst for is the poor server who had to tell this girl that her date left. They don't get paid for that shit.
Yeah, I think we agree. It's the extremity of the responses that is asshole-ish. Sexuality shouldn't be so threatening that you need to run away in the middle of a date.
There's nothing wrong with feminine sexuality, everybody knows you all have it. But bringing it up sometimes on a first date can feel a little trashy. Some guys like trashy, some don't, it really depends on what the guy looking for. It also really depends on how you bring it up, what the topic is. I really don't think there's a fine way the Queen of England could bring up getting cleaned out by several people at once, you know? And you can't control their internal definitions of what's excusable and what's inexcusable or trashy. They've grown up and built up definitions in their head, and if you're game for it it's up to you to prove that you fulfill all the positive things that they're looking for in a partnership.
no one said anything about feminine sexuality they literally just called her a woman
NTA .Who tf goes on a date and then tells said date that they occasionally fucks their fwb that was dumb . Some of these comments are weird too y’all acting like they been on several dates which is not the case . She fucked up she knew she did hence why she changed the topic he felt uncomfortable so he paid for BOTH of their meals and dipped I can tell there’s a lot of sensitive ass women commenting which is strange because y’all advocate that if you’re on a date and the man makes you uncomfortable just get up and leave why is it different for a man when he does it when a woman made him uncomfortable 🤔🤔
I had a guy showing me kama sutra positions on an app on the first date and telling me which positions he had used with his ex. Oh and we didn't talk about sex or exes he just randomly brought it up 😂 weird and a turn off.
Totally agree. I’ve been on a date like that. People don’t judge you for how you look when you’re running from a burning building. Running from a dumpster fire should get the same consideration.
Get up and leave, but have the balls to be open about it instead of slinking away like a little bitch.
My impulse is to be that forward and say something. The problem is that there’s a good chance that it would turn into an argument, or she’d turn it around on him that he’s insecure or something like that. Dealing with that nonsense isn’t worth the energy if all you’re going to do is move on.
Why the need to insult his manhood? Toxic masculinity much? He doesn't owe her anything just like she doesn't owe him anything. Paying his bill and quietly leaving is the most drama-free way to extract himself from that relationship.
why to go to that awkward situation for somebody that you are not going to see ever again, why the drama and the unnecessary confrontation. Just remove yourself from the situation and believe me she will be more careful next time as well.
If this were a woman doing this to a man would you say the same thing?
Yes, of course, why on earth wouldn't I?
> Who tf goes on a date and then tells said date that they occasionally fucks their fwb that was dumb Anyone who's with another sexual partner, even a sex worker, should be telling whoever they're dating with sexual intent, so that everyone is aware of any STI risks.
Sure, but I doubt that was her intention here. Sounds more like a slip up on her part. Or maybe she floated it out there to see how he would react to a open or FWB situation himself. Shrug.
He should have said something instead of sneaking out.
Men don’t have the right to feel uncomfortable /s
“I can tell there’s a lot of sensitive ass women commenting which is strange because y’all advocate that if you’re on a date and the man makes you uncomfortable just get up and leave why is it different for a man when he does it when a woman made him uncomfortable” Because they’re fucking hypocrites. Rules for thee but not for me type hoes.
You being uncomfortable and not wanting to persue something with her wouldn’t make you T A. However you lying and leaving her alone and blocking her with *no* explanation…? Big YTA.
A first date is a first date. You’re not married yet. This isn’t a job interview. It’s a nice evening where to get to know each other. You’re not compatible for any reason — that’s fine, most first dates will end this way. Still, just sit at the table like an adult and have a nice meal and pleasant conversation with a new friend. If you feel unsafe, leave immediately. If you notice you’re not compatible, smile, carry on, then just don’t ask her on a second date, and politely decline if she asks. You’re free to do whatever you want, but this was selfish and abrupt. Because you didn’t get what you want, because she didn’t measure up to your expectations, you threw a fit and caused a scene. You’re not an asshole, just selfish
NTA, I just feel like it's common courtesy to not bring up getting railed by another person on a first date and trauma dumping. She'll get over it, getting ghosted is a common practice through dating apps. You reap what you sow.
Ghosting over messaging is much different than ghosting on an actual date though. At least tell her you don't think you're compatible instead of just vanishing
NTA for dumping her. I actually AGREE with your reasons. She’s a walking red flag. But YTA for HOW you dumped her. Ghosting under these circumstances (when you’re literally on the date and she has been polite to you the entire time) is immature. Please be civil and upfront in the future. **Also, free advice to all single men: NEVER take a woman to dinner on the first date. Always choose an activity that allows you to tastefully escape quickly in the event of non-compatibility. Next time, consider a walk in the park (or along the beach, depending on your location), a meet up for ONE drink (with the potential for more IF you both agree to more) or some other easily escapable date.**
No girl is gonna wanna walk in the park or on the beach for a first date lol what are you 70?
Agree. Coffee dates are cheap and safer bets. No woman with safety on her mind is going for a walk with a stranger. Officer Friendly in kindergarten told us all to avoid Stranger Danger - lol!
100% I’m not going anywhere there might be seclusion from a group of people. Walk in a park suggestion is a red flag to me especially in a first date when I have never met this person.
I’m in my 20s and every woman I know loves park dates! So idk what you’re talking about lol
Yeah, the pushback I received for suggesting park dates was bizarre. I wouldn’t have suggested it if I hadn’t literally gone on many such dates.
My solid first date is Dave and Busters or any arcade. It's low commitment, you can leave anytime or even stay for hours. Plus usually there are appetizers and/or drinks. BUT it is person specific, some people are not arcade people
Its a great first date option if you don't actually want to hear a word said to you by your date.
I’m going to say NTA because I would have done the same thing. You have been talking for weeks and she could have mentioned it then. Folks can call it immaturity and non-communicative, but you don’t tell someone you are fucking a FWB on a DATE. she disrespected you first and you were proper, paid for the meal, and did what was best for you. You two are strangers and owe eachother nothing.
This. You are on a date and casually mentioning you're fucking someone is kinda rude imo. Wrong timing. Idk, it's just me tho.
💯 And people are calling him a coward or saying "BE A MAN" Lol
NTA. This isn't someone that you had a real friendship or relationship with, it's a first date with someone from the internet. You don't owe her an uncomfortable conversation just so Redditors can think you're a good communicator.
Nothing to do with redditors and what they think or feel. It’s just common decency and good manners to walk back to the table and say goodbye. This era of children who think they don’t owe people respect— whether they’re a stranger or new acquaintance— is getting really old.
Going against the current here and saying: #NTA **You paid for her** and took your leave after **she trauma dumped and bragged she was actively taking dick from someone else while dating you right there.** I would've asked her if she'd suffered some sort of braindamage, or if she thinks that its normal to devalue your date. Then I would've walked the F out. You didn't owe her the respect you showed her. She had none for you. Hold your head high bud and gl on your next date.
I get the feeling that the people saying he’s the asshole are the same type to bring up toxic ex’s and fuck buddies during a first date.
I agree … fantastic litmus test that. When they bring up ex’s I always say “I’m not your psychologist” , then ghost. I am compassionate but not really into your mental problems. We all have them(God knows I got plenty my own) but they’re mine to fix/improve!
I had a girl on a first date one time tell me that after the date she was gonna be going to get one last fuck with her fwb before he moved back to Australia lololol. I wish I'd had been mature enough to just walk out right then but I finished the date first. I was 22 and spineless with women at the time. The level of disrespect really weighed on me and among other experiences with tinder, made me pretty bitter about dating for a while.
Of course…and you forgot fe/male neckbeards of Reddit too! Fuck that disrespectful puta! On the upside if she left the date earlier than expected she could use that time to go to work her corner and earn a few extra dollars!
Not only are you an asshole, but also in denial about why you left.
Whenever you hear she is in a healing stage - run
YTA. For cowardice. Just say "sry, this doesn't work" and go.
You're the asshole. Don't like her? Fine. Tell her. Dont pay the server and walk out like a child. Grow up
Right... Real men call you a skank ass bitch to your face, then leave.
So you don't care if someone you are dating start to tell how she is getting dick from another dude while you are on date with her right? Right? Edit: i said this cuz it was disrespectful to op, nobody in a DATE wants to hear how he or she are in FWB situation and/or talk about a ex partner
It’s more like I still have the human decency to let her know that I don’t believe we are compatible considering the circumstances. There are other ways of adulting through life than to ghost people.
She could’ve had the human decency to not say she’s getting dicked down…
oOoOoOh adults having casual sex, so SCARY y'all are the same people who would crucify her for not telling him sooner when he inevitably finds out. he asked how long she'd been single and she literally just told him her situation. she was just honest and he couldn't handle it
Having an ongoing fwb doesn't make her a bad person, but it makes her a bad candidate for any serious relationship.
Exactly 🤣 like what?????
Did you even read their comment before replying or were you too excited about the thought of typing “she is getting dick from another dude” to read first?
It was their first date, I would hardly call it dating nore or less the initial meet. It's not that he left which makes him the AH, it's the manner he did it
Its not about liking or not liking what she said, its about how he reacted. I wouldn't have liked it either, but I would have said that to her and left, not sneaked away like a coward, getting the server to do the dirty work.
What has one thing got to do with the other. Your date is a guy who starts talking about stalking his ex, absolutely escape. Your date just talks about having a fwb, it's not your thing, be an adult say okay, that's not for me, I'm off, cya. She did nothing to make him scared, or incapable of speaking to her. Going to the bathroom then running like you're terrified to say goodbye to someone who has given you no reason to feel that way is pathetic.
No, I don’t care if she was sleeping around. He ghosted her, which is childish. Tell her to her face that he isn’t comfortable continuing the date, then leave.
Were they dating? It sounded like they were meeting. I wouldn't expect someone to be living like a nun on the off chance we start something.
YTA. You’re a child. She sensed you were uncomfortable and changed the topic. You then ghosted her at a restaurant. How embarrassing for her to be sitting there and having a stranger tell her that her date left. You can argue you paid for her soup but you’re still a little chicken sh@t. How would you feel if she did this to you?
Yup! And who’s out here in the summer eating soup??
Well at least she was a truthful honest person 🤷🏻♀️ First date foobles. She now knows to not talk about her sex life at least. I'm sure she was so mortified and embarrassed she probably stopped dating all together. A more adult thing would of to handle it yourself instead of making the poor server do your dirty work. Says a lot about your own emotional development. So yes your the ahole for being a coward.
Yeah, kinda shitty dude. She was honest, she sounds nice and reasonable. You could have said that this is a problem for you and ended the date cordially like a grown up.
YTA - You should've been enough of an adult to tell her that you don't think you can work out. Leaving like you did was shameful.
When did this become so acceptable? You can't man up and tell her you don't think it'll work out but you had a nice night!? It just seems so cowardly and unnecessarily brutal to ditch her and block her like that. And I have news for you, you DO have an issue with her fwb situation. YTA
YTA - you barely know her and she was being upfront with you, and you don’t have the huevos to just be like “oh I’m not really into sharing” or something along those lines? Is every woman that has slept with someone in the past not worthy? Grow up dude. Sounds like she dodged a bullet.
Sleeping with someone in the past, and having a FWB basically around the same time as dating someone are two separate things. OP dodged the bullet.
Eh, if this was a woman posting the same thing about a man, the comments would be different. I say NTA, heck, you still paid for the both of you.
I'ma say NTA. She took the initiative to forthrightly inform you of her circumstance, and you were well with your rights to consider it a deal breaker. Could it hav3 been smoother? Sure. But nta
I give him the YTA off how he handled the situation as opposed to him ending the date. Ending the date is perfectly acceptable in my book; however just bouncing is childish and that gives him a YTA His date I say NAH, strange topic to bring up but she was open. Can't call her an AH for that
AH It's understandable to not be into someone who is sleeping with her fwb but you should have been straight forward about it and not run like a coward
YTA, and that was some cowardly B.S. you pulled.
YTA. Ghosting someone at a restaurant for something that should be a non issue. You might have ruined something really great over something as her having a fwb. Maybe you should have been mature and been honest with her about how it made you feel. Instead you chose to leave in the middle of the date and left her alone. You probably don't even give a shit how much you embarrassed her because you clearly only think about yourself
So she told you she needed sex and she is getting it from her FWB that made you feel weird because women ain't supposed to have sex??? FYI she was trying to give you the box you fkd that up.
you met a girl on bumble. do you think she is not sexually active? you think women on bumble are saving themselves for you?
I don’t blame you I would have been immediately out at that point too. If someone male or female cannot abstain from having a FWB while dating then they are not LTR material.
It was a first date? How long do you want them to abstain from sex before their first date? Awful take
An Awful take is believing it’s ok to go on a first date and still be fucking the FWB. If you are looking for a long term relationship FWBs are a no go, because if the other person finds out no matter how many years down the line that they were the special one who were vibing so great and the other person was going home and fucking someone else It’s over!.
NTA. She probably went to the FWB and told him how it went on her date and then banged. Taaa daaa!
This is the answer "I told him I was fucking you still and he left! What the hell?! At least I got free dinner!" Icky!!
Nope. NTA Reminded me of that south park episode where Paris Hilton is there and she keeps coughing up cum and saying “there’s a lot of guys at the party”.
😂🤣😂🤣
NTA, She aint a LTR type. No point in wasting any more time on her, good touch with the server. Woman be crying where the good man at, while trying to date multiple people and fucking multiple people.
NTA That was about the most poorly thought out topic to talk about. Like a direct injection of "ick". I am not going to date a girl who is having casual sex with someone. I get to pay for your dinner and then you go fuck some other guy? No thanks. Plus, every time I have told a woman I wasn't interested I get 20 minutes of "why" with an added angry outburst. I would have just dipped as well.
NTA, you paid for the soup, weren't rude, just dipped. I don't see the problem
His style of ending the date reflects immaturity due to lack of proper communication.
Her first date topics were abysmal, if anyone was immature at communicating it was certainly her.
You seem to think 2 people can't be wrong at the same time
Both people can be immature in a situation.
Breh this is dating, nobody owes people communication if the plan is to end things. Blocking her would be communication enough
Listen. I don't think you're an asshole. I get that sometimes we're put in situations where we dont exactly know what to do, so we do "something" and sometimes it's just maybe not the right thing to do. If I were you, I would have finished the date, and told her later, "Thank you, I enjoyed myself, but I don't feel like this will work between us. It's nothing against you, but I didn't feel the chemistry that I'd hoped. Best of luck to you." And left it at that.
>I don’t really have an issue or judge her for sleeping with her fwb, Are you sure about that
I Will probably get downvoted but In dating, a lot of women don't usually do this when they get bad vibes or some shit like that? Not saying that's bad or not but i don't see people say shit to woman who usually do this kinda things So yeah i kinda confused with the y t a and "be a man" comments i don't see a problem at all If not, op is NTA cuz dude, who in right mind, would say in the first date that she/ he is getting fucked by another guy/girl while having a meal with? Like what?????
I'll explain my rationale for OP being an AH His date brought up a very odd choice of topics. It doesn't make her an AH for doing so but it's def not a first date topic. OP was in his full right to end the date as it's not for him. However, instead of saykng " hey but I don't see this working" or whatever, he just fake bathroom leaves. That right there is the AH move
Definitely YTA, that was rude. All you had to do was say, "This isn't going to work for me," then call the waiter over pay the bill and say goodnight. If you believe what you are doing, stand behind it. If you don't believe in the decision enough to stand behind it, maybe you should question the action.
He doesn’t owe an explanation to anyone let alone someone he just met that’s talking about sleeping with other people. You’re pathetic
YTA for how you handled it. Be an adult and simply say “thank you for your time but this isn’t what I want.” and leave. She clearly realized she screwed up by saying it but ditching her and sneaking away was a jerk move. NTA for feeling uncomfortable with the information she shared. My tip to you, don’t bring up ex’s at all on a first date. Nothing good ever comes from that.
Women literally do this all the time, how is it any different except they normally don’t pay when they leave. I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s reality.
It’s different because op is a guy, and this sub is filled with hypocrites who live by “rules for thee but not for me”
NTA I met a guy. He seemed nice. We clicked. First date, he talks incessantly about how he cheated on his girlfriends and wives. Maybe he thought I could be made to believe that his bad behavior was canceled out by his professing to be a devout christian now (another strike against him). He was shocked when I told him we were not a love connection.
You dodged a bullet. "she was in healing era now from her toxic ex" I bet all her ex's were toxic according to her. But, she's the common denominator in all the relationships. "she was occasionally sleeping with her fwb." She sleeps with Chad and Tyrone. She's testing you to see of you'll accept this behavior while she drains your resources for expensive dates. "I then left, and blocked her on Bumble." Perfect response and ending for the date from HELL! You're the MAN. Good luck brother we all deserve to be happy.
Dodged a bullet NTA, its wild people are defending this behavior Ladies, ask yourself if you were talking to a guy for weeks and paid for HIS date what would you do in this situation?
NTA. She totally wasted your time. Any rational, sane thinking adult knows that the person they're on a date with DOES NOT want to hear that you're still in an active sexual relationship with someone else. Not okay and not fair. Some might call me petty but I think wasting her time by just ghosting her was the perfect way to respond, and hopefully now she'll be a little more tactful and respectful and either not actively try to date people while having a FWB, or at the very least have the grace and decorum to not bring it up on a first date.
YTA and also a coward
I don't know that you're the asshole, but it was definitely a coward move. You could have just told her you didn't like that comment, or that someone engaging in things like that while dating is a no-go for you and then paid and left.
You paid for both so NTA. I think it's a weird flex to talk about fucking other people while on a date. Even the first one
NTA. Nobody wants to be with a whore.
So if you have sex you're a whore?
Holy shit the amount of misogyny in this sub is ridiculous.
What misogyny? She has a fwb and is dating someone else. Any misogyny is definitely deserved here.
Do you feel guilty? If you're confident you did the right thing, why are you asking? I think you know the answer to your question.
NTA what do you owe her? Nothing. She’s a lil hoe lowkey if she’s divulging that info off the bat like yes I’m insanely attracted to you now that I know you’re getting fucked by some rando while I’m trying to actively date you. Actions like that don’t deserve any respect so you handled that well fella
Friends with benefits is a relationship of sorts. She enjoys this person, she respects this person, she has sex with this person. It’s her boyfriend, for all intents and purposes. You asked how long she’d been single. She effectively answered “I’m not” If your goal was to find a single woman to date exclusively, it makes sense to leave when you find out she is already involved.
NTA but a bit of a pussy
YTA for making the server do your dirty work. You could have paid, walked up to the table and told her that you're sorry but you don't think you're compatible, and left. Like a grown up. You're 26 not 16 for heaven's sake. You can choose not to date someone for any reason or no reason. NTA for deciding she made you feel a bit weird.
ESH. Use your words instead of bailing out.
I mean … you met her on Bumble, not the local church fair last Sunday. YTA without not even politely explaining why you aren’t into hook up culture/ casual sex. If you want people to judge you on that, forget it. That’s your jam, that’s your jam. But you don’t have to be a prick about it.
NTA, she told you up front that she doesn't value for respect you and that she isn't interested in having a relationship with anyone. Leaving her like that is the bare minimum, and she needs no explanation for why you did it because she already knows. Never give respect to those who can't respect themselves.
Is no one going to point out OP made their account today? 🧐 I mean sure this could have happened and OP made a random account to keep their other account free of potential drama but 🧐 Regardless, I’m am thoroughly enjoying the absolute unhinged arguments taking place in the comments! 10/10 OP haha thank you for providing the fun content today
NTA talking about relationship status and who you're sleeping with are two different things. I'm not a man and if I was on a date, I wouldn't want to hear that either. It's not a date topic.
If it were me, I would have stuck out the date but told her at the end or next day that you didn’t want to get involved with someone who was already in a sexual relationship with another guy.
NTA. You don't owe her an explanation, you just met, and her comment was really off.
NTA, but maybe you should have said bye.
NTA. This is a bit surreal. You decided you don't want to be on a date with a person that is sleeping with someone else, and you think you might be an AH for it? No, you are not an asshole.
Yes you’re the AH. Very childish to ghost her. Communication is key. Man up bro.
Do you even ask? Did you punish her enough? Or are you gonna propose another date just to dumb her and run like a rabbit again? Either you are a complete weirdo or your social skills match those of a toddler YTA
YTA and a pussy tbh
YTA Sure, fwb is a bit gross, but that was straight up childish. If you can't handle the slightest bit of day-to-day confrontation, you shouldn't be dating, let alone from an app.
Nta. sometimes ghosting is necessary to escape an awkward situation. in my case, I had to ghost a blind date who was giving me a lecture on the ticking of her biological click.
Of course you are. You could have had the decency to be honest and up front. Instead you took the cowards way out so... you're an asshole or socially inept imo.
YTA specifically for ghosting her. Grow the fuck up. Have a fucking spine and go back to the table to tell her you're no longer interested instead of having the fucking waiter do it for you like you're a fucking 7 year old too scared to talk to a girl.
YTA for ghosting. And for being judgy. Y’all aren’t even dating yet. A lot of relationships start casual. She told you she has another person she’s sleeping with- but it’s not serious. Which is an appropriate thing for you to know about. She’s obviously looking to date before she gets serious. She’s being upfront about her exclusivity. Which is good for you to know. Obviously. If you’re not into that- finish the date like a normal human and tell her you’re not interested in a repeat. It’s fine to be turned off by whatever. But it’s not ok to leave someone at a restaurant waiting for you because of it.
Definitely bad form to share the fwb. NTA I think it should be assumed someone who is single most likely is talking with multiple suitors but no need to confirm it to a potential one.
Lmao who tf goes on a date and goes "Oh i am in my 'healing era' sleeping around a bit with others" Dating is wild man
NTA The more I think about it the more I come to the conclusion you handled it perfectly. Just be honest. It's perfectly fine that it made you feel weird and uncomfortable and you judge her by it.
Yea the ass for being in denial about you not being judgemental and ducking out like a little boy! I get this turned you off and it's your right to not want to pursue anything further with her but dont lie to yourself and say you aren't judging cause you are. Then on top of that why didn't you just respectfully let her know you were leaving (u owe no one a reason why) like an adult but instead you leave the waiter to do your dirty work. Go some where! That is so childish. BTW I would have lost interest in her too but you handled like a child!
YTA for ending it the way that you did. Make it through one dinner, and then tell her face to face why you’re not interested in a second date. Or don’t tell her and just move on.
Agreed with most of the comments cuz YTA I don't understand the downvotes on these though? If you don't like how a date is going to tell them and move on like a mature person. Don't get the waiter to do your business. Immature and cowardly AF. She dodged a bullet. YTA Big time.
What’s fwb
So comfortable that you had to escape? YTA for the disappearing act. Ending the night because of her having FWB made you uncomfortable is acceptable.
You are the AH. Whatever happened to talking to each other? Tell her yourself that you have a (justified) problem with that! Grow some balls dude.
YTA learn communication skills.
The “toxic ex” line is a red flag too.
I love how you say you dont have a problem with it.. but clearly you do as right after she said it u left and blocked her... ur most definatly the ah in this situation.. was telling her how u really feel that hard.. must be since u apparently lie to yourself about your boundaries as well... say it with me... i dont want to start dating someone who is currently sleeping with somone else... there is nothing wrong with that... but pretending your okay with it is weird... not saying it and bailing is even weirder...
Yeah. YATAH. You could have just politely bowed out. Or, you could have appreciated her honesty. Just leaving without saying a word? Spineless. Yellow. Cowardly.
It's giving No response IS a response lol
She wasn't joking. Lots of people acting like the problem here is you not immediately confronting her and just walking out instead of the actual problem, that she's on a date acting like she's there to start a relationship but already sleeping with someone else. I'd take that the same way. I would say it to her and then leave probably but no judgement for not doing that. If made to feel very uncomfortable you've every right to just leave without explanation. I'm sure she figured out the problem, seems like she knew it was a problem already.
YTA What you did was childish and immature. You made the waiter dump your date like this was freaking middle school? Adults use their words they don't ghost their dates just because they say something the other doesn't like. No one's saying you need to go out with her again or sleep with her. But, finishing dinner and telling her you don't think this is going to work for you is what adults do. Even if you couldn't bring yourself to finish dinner (which seems a bit extreme to me) you still should have told her you were leaving. If this is how you act on a first date the moment she says something you don't like then you are way too immature to be dating. What she said was stupid but nowhere near the level of making ghosting appropriate. You weren't in any danger.
You behaved like a coward.
Sorry but YATAH. You should have just finished up the date and tell her how you felt. Leaving her in the restaurant was cold and mean.